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lamortexiii · 3 years

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Cryptic Mystic: Kindred Spirits

Do you believe that living beings have souls? If you believe in souls, chances are that you also possess the ability to feel strong emotions. On the opposite side of that coin, there are people who feel no emotion at all. What causes such a huge difference in the capability of our brains and the way that we process information? What do souls have to do with this anyway? Are we born this way or simply molded through our environment and experiences? Maybe it’s a little of both…

I’ll start by saying the words “soul” and “spirit” are often used interchangeably - just so there is no confusion with the title versus the term I am choosing to use within the text. Now onto the good stuff.

The term “soul” as we know it today in America was originally derived from the Old English word sáwol first quoted in the 8th Century poem Beowulf. However, this term and its meaning has been seen in other countries including East German Gothic (saiwala), Old High German (sêula), Old Saxon (sêola), Old Low Franconian (sêla), Old Norse (sála) and Lithuanian (siela). The Germanic definition of “soul” is said to mean “coming from/belonging to the sea (or lake)”, because of the Germanic and pre-Celtic belief in souls emerging from and returning to sacred lakes.

Various religions use the term “soul” within many forms of context. All share an abundance of differences within what the term means and how they choose to use it, but all define their beliefs/experiences within a similar concept. For example, ancient Egyptians believed that people were made up of a combination of both physical and spiritual elements that are of the soul/spirit. Shamanism posits that people are composed of two or more souls (termed soul dualism) often called the “body soul” and the “free soul.” The body soul is the vessel in which you live day to day while you are consciously aware of your surroundings, while the free soul wanders when you are sleeping, meditating, or in a trance-like state. While even different yet, Scientology doesn’t believe that people have souls, but that people are souls. Within this religion, people are viewed as being immortal and can choose to become reincarnated if they would like once their life is over within their current physical body. Lastly, Wiccans tend to believe in the eternal nature of the soul; that the soul is immortal and can never die. Most Wiccans believe in reincarnation and view physical death as part of the natural cycle of life/birth/death; that while the physical body may die, the soul can never die.

As you can tell, there are definitely mixed views on what constitutes a “soul.” Most beliefs in the soul are tied to various religions. These are just a few examples, however, there are MANY more religions that believe in the soul and just as many more definitions and viewpoints! For those who believe in the soul, strong emotional ties are present within their respective religions. Remember earlier when I suggested that if you believe in the soul you probably possess the ability to feel emotions on a strong level? Makes sense now doesn’t it? It’s all tied together and comes full circle when explained. Now, I will say there are just as many people who do not believe in the soul, and I do not discredit them in any way. It’s like I always say, you choose what you believe - all are respected here. Learning more about one another gives us all a better understanding of the differences we possess; what makes us unique. I encourage you to do your research on other cultures/religions/etc., but I also feel like that is part of my purpose here - to expand your mind. So... you can just keep reading my blogs to get that monthly dose of information if you’d like. Your choice.

I’ve always found this particular conversation interesting due to the many possibilities that surround us. There is so much that is truly unknown. We take the influences around us: environment, culture, religion, social influences, etc. and we form opinions. We form beliefs. It would be foolish to believe that we know everything, for we do not. However, we can imagine, dream, research, have a conversation about it - we can strive to learn.

The Shamanistic belief in the two souls is quite interesting to me in particular due to my own personal experiences with dreams and meditation. I am sure many of you have had those dreams that felt so real that whenever you woke up you weren’t sure where you were for a moment. I have experienced this several times. My dreams are always so vivid. When I am meditating I find that I experience almost the same intensity that I feel whenever I am sleeping. I have jokingly wondered to myself if the people we see in our dreams are actually there with us because they are sleeping too. Maybe we are all in another dimension together in our dreams or when we meditate? I don’t have the answers to why these instances occur, but I enjoy speculating over them. I have also wondered if the people in your dreams don’t remember being with you, maybe you were in the part of their dream that they didn’t remember. Have you ever awoke from a dream and for the life of you, couldn’t remember it at all? Or maybe you remembered bits and pieces, but were unable to put them all together because of the fragments that you had forgotten? Another thought - maybe the people that you don’t know that you see in your dreams/during meditation are people that you have unknowingly met or will meet in the near future? There are so many unanswered questions. Sure, we have labels that we throw onto these phenomena as we do with everything else, but do we actually know? I don’t believe so. As a matter of fact, I think we are further off than we even begin to realize because the human mind is not capable of understanding these things that we do not know or understand. Again, you be your own judge - that’s just my opinion.

The premonitions that I have had (as mentioned in one of my earlier blogs - go check it out for the backstory/context), have frightened me to my core. The pure emotion and accuracy in my dreams have baffled me for several years. I have learned to accept that I apparently possess some sort of gift and move forward with my life. When I have a premonition it is always random, but due to the repetitiveness of this phenomena, they don’t really come as much of a surprise anymore. There have been times I awoke and I was screaming, crying, and one time I even swung my fists at someone (yeah… whoops). I feel silly using the terms “soul” or “spirit” so I personally stay away from them. However, I do believe that we are composed of something magical that we have labeled and viewed in different ways. For me, to know the human anatomy inside and out, to know how the body functions, to specialize within my career in brain functioning, and knowing the complexities within both neuro, mental, and physical health; it completely blows my mind that we are just these living, walking, breathing, beings that are so powerful - and that there is nothing behind that. That’s it? It just is? We just are? I think not. There are things we don’t understand and may never understand. I believe that we all possess something special inside of us. Call it what you want: a soul, spirit, or any other combination of terms - we are more powerful that we give ourselves credit for. Whatever you believe in, just know that you are a strong being that can overcome any challenge in life. You possess the power to change your life and could possibly go on to change the lives of others if you so choose. Embrace yourself for who you are and what you believe, because regardless of anything I respect the hell out of each and every one of you for simply being your badass selves!

Now, let’s talk about something that lies on the opposite end of the mushy gushy emotional spectrum. The absence of emotion can technically happen to anybody at any given time. For me, I have had 2 memorable points in my life where I went through a several-month period where I felt nothing. There was an absence of emotion. I felt hardened. I couldn’t cry and I most certainly did not feel happiness.

The first time this emotional numbness happened was during/after my divorce. For about a year after that train wreck was over I couldn’t emotionally feel anything. I tried to date (ew) and I couldn’t feel love or pleasure. I remember telling a very nice man that was absolutely wonderful to me in every way that I wanted to end things because I couldn’t feel - I didn’t love him. I didn’t want to lead him on, and after a month of dating and not feeling anything I couldn’t bear to see him so attached while I felt absolutely nothing. It was horrible, and I felt a sense of helplessness because I couldn’t just turn my emotions back on like a light switch. It took well over a year for me to bounce back and actually start to feel emotions again, but eventually, I was able to regain them. However, I do feel like I was forever changed in a way. I still carry that hardened exterior, I don’t trust easily, I have a permanent resting bitch face, in conversations, I am way too logical/realistic and cynical for people to even begin to handle, and I struggle with allowing myself to open up to others. Nobody is perfect, and I am sure at least a few of you can relate.

The second time this happened to me was recently. The emotional numbness lasted for a few months, beginning in September of last year to January of this year. For the first time in my life I decided to see a therapist. I didn’t want to, but a couple of people in my life who care about me said that I needed to seek help from someone other than myself (haha). I feel like it may have helped a bit, but I attribute my ability to bounce back to myself and work to change the way I was thinking. I also needed to engage in more self-care because I was extremely lacking in that department last year. So I began doing things on a daily basis that served myself, even if it was for only 15 minutes. Amidst my busy schedule, I needed to make that time for me and so I did. Both instances revolved around heavy stress times in my life - the heaviest I have experienced as an adult. For me, I think that in order to protect itself my the body just shut down and shut off everyone and everything around me. I couldn’t feel anything because feeling and experiencing emotion became seen as a threat. Funny - I still see it that way at times.

Similar to what I have experienced in my life, but much more severe, prominent, and chronic, is psychopathy. Psychopathy is defined as a mental (antisocial) personality disorder in which an individual may appear to hold no morals and exhibit antisocial behavior. These individuals also show a lack of ability to love, empathize, experience emotions, or establish meaningful personal relationships. Psychopaths are sometimes egocentric in their behavior and possess an inability to learn from experience and other behaviors associated with the condition. Take for example Ted Bundy: a calm, collected, calculated, suave serial killer. He appeared to be just like anyone else if you were to see him on the street. He engaged in relationships but did not possess the ability to truly love the individuals he was with (sound familiar?) Even in court he failed to empathize with the families of his victims and appeared to be unbothered - because he was. However, as one of the most well-known serial killers of the modern day, Bundy also had a fascination with murder and necrophelia - which, and I want to reiterate this very clearly, is NOT a common thread with those diagnosed with psychopathy. A lot of people use the term psychopath incorrectly and do not actually understand what constitutes psychopathy. Does being a psychopath mean that you’ll be a murderer? No. Does it mean you can never have a meaningful relationship? While questionable, the answer is no - there is no obsolete here. Does being a psychopath mean you are crazy? Hell no - and I don’t like to use the “C” word in a mental health context because (shocker) it’s fucking offensive. Interestingly enough, there is no written formal diagnosis in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Health Disorders-Version 5) specifically for psychopathy. Instead, the formal diagnosis for someone who meets the criteria of antisocial personality disorder is said to mimic what most characterize as psychopathy. However, some mental health conditions may have a specifier such as psychopathic features. For example: in the DSM-5, under "Alternative DSM-5 Model for Personality Disorders", Antisocial Personality Disorder with psychopathic features is described as characterized by "a lack of anxiety or fear and by a bold interpersonal style that may mask maladaptive behaviors (e.g., fraudulence)."

While there is an ongoing argument on whether a psychopath is born or made, I say it is a little bit of both - and researchers agree. Children that show a lack of empathy, lack of guilt, and have shallow emotions, defined as callous-unemotional traits, are at increased risk of developing psychopathy in adulthood. These children are more likely to display antisocial behavior, such as bullying and aggression. Will every aggressive child develop psychopathy? No. Will every child who experiences some antisocial behavior develop psychopathy? No. There is a combination of factors that “when the stars align” create a predisposition for psychopathy to develop. It is truly a combination of individual genetics and the environment. So while the genetic factors are what is born within the individual, the environment further aids in shaping how this individual will develop. For example, a child who is aggressive, antisocial, and comes from a home where they are constantly physically and sexually abused is more likely to develop psychopathy, but may or may not depending on their specific genetic makeup. There are literally millions of combinations of neurons and other items that must connect and fail to connect to shape and form a psychopath. As time goes on these traits may become more dominant (indicating psychopathy) or may taper off and fall away (indicating that the person is likely not developing psychopathy and likely has just gone through “a phase”).

It is important to note that psychopathy can also be present and comorbid with other mental health conditions in any individual. The combinations here are endless. I have found that some individuals who experience psychopathy also experience delusions and hallucinations, while others who experience psychopathy have never had a delusion or hallucination in their life. The prognosis relies heavily on a special combination of genetics and environment. Genetics are a predisposition, while environment consists of direct exposures that can predispose but may also be manipulated. Each individual who experiences psychopathy experiences it in a different way and comes from their own unique background, therefore it is hard to pinpoint exactly what “type” of person truly defines a psychopath. Just like anything or anyone else - there are all kinds. We are all alike and the same but yet so very different. We are “kindred spirits” you might say. Whether or not you believe in souls, an afterlife, how we came to be, or what constitutes psychopathy - your opinion is still valid and you believe whatever you choose to believe. Open your mind before you open my blog. Sending you nothing but positivity and love. Until next time, creep it real ghouls and gals.

Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch

www.LaMorteXiii.com

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lethendralis-paints · 4 years

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Artist Meme

Was tagged to answer this set of interesting questions by @kourvo

(original post is here: https://kourvo.tumblr.com/post/621355098110640128/artist-meme

Thank you so much for that!

Let’s see....

1) What is the character you've drawn the most (Can be original or fanart)

This precious boy. I can never get enough of him. One of the most compelling characters I have ever come across. Love everything about Fenris and can relate to him on so many levels!

2. What colour do you often use?

Gray and brown are my faves. And all other colours have the same chance of appearing in my artwork :D

3. Any colour you are bad at using?

I don’t think so...I love them all, even the pinks and yellows people usually find hard to incorporate into a colour palette. Tell me in the comments if I’m wrong :)

4. When drawing people, where do you start?

Funnily enough - either with the front of the hairline or with the left eyebrow. Don’t ask me, why - I don’t know myself.

5. What is a character only your eraser will love?

Hmmmm...any sort of villainous character. I can’t draw evil people convincingly. I’m a huge softy at heart.

6. Which of your works took the longest time?

Big scale commission I did for @pikapeppa, featuring all the Inquisition companions, along with Fenris, Rynne and Carver Hawke. That one took almost 3 weeks, due to its sheer scope and my relative lack of experience in such large works. Pika was extremely patient with me though, for that I am eternally thankful!

7. What techniques do you use when you want to improve in drawing?

Classical art studies. Varying my technique, themes I choose and software I use. I try to experiment and go outside my comfort zone often.

8. What do you think of the art of the person who gave you this ask meme?

I adore Lillymon’s technical skill, refined style and limited colours! She is a huge inspiration for me!

9. What art tools/media are you good with?

DrawPile, Photoshop, graphite pencils and liners. That’s about it :)

10. Art tools/media you are bad at?

Traditional paints. I have no formal artistic education and my lack of knowledge comes to the forefront whenever I have to paint on a real canvas. It’s so much trial and error, you can’t even imagine....

11. What do you think about your own art?

Lately it’s one of the last few things that were bringing me joy. I hope I won’t lose the passion for it. Because at this point I’m not sure I’ll be able to find some occupation I will be genuinely interested in and good at it. I don’t know if me gravitating towards moody fantasy art speaks about my fear of facing reality. If so, idk what to do with that. I do hope to develop my skills and being able to support myself financially as an artist.

12. Do you consult references for your drawings?

Yes. A lot of them. Anatomical atlases, schemes for both academic and manga art, photographs found online and taken on my own, copying colour palettes from classical art - anything goes. I think it’s essential to develop your technical skill.

13. What do you like about your art?

Lately - consistency, both in terms of produced results and in sticking to the timelines I set to myself. I hope this lasts. I would also like to branch out to other themes and not confine myself to quirky fantasy characters, so I’m working on developing my own story behind the scenes (spoilers) :P

14. What habits do you have while drawing?

Only the bad ones, lol. Hunching forward in front of the screen, forgetting to eat, drink and letting my eyes rest. Tilting my head to the side instead of rotating the canvas....I’m an idiot XD

15. Are you good at drawing faces facing right?

I think that’s the thing I’m good at!

16. How frequently do you draw?

For the last 1,5 years - almost every day without fail, for good or ill.

17. What do you do when you have artist's block?

Change occupation and work myself into a depressed state. I changed work places in the last few years a lot, working as an interior designer, draftsman, textile designer, a cook, a bartender to name a few.

18. What must you have when you draw?

No commotion around me and a cup of some hot beverage.

19. Do you have a lot of stray lines (messy lineart)?

In the starting stage of my work process - yes, like you wouldn’t believe! If it’s a personal doodle, I sometimes just leave in as am under layer and draw clean lines on top of that mess. It looks cool in a way.

20. What is drawing to you?

An essential part of what helped me to retain my sanity in the last year and a half. Hopefully a lasting profession that will help me pay bills and survive on my own, if my life falls apart entirely later.

21. Your art goal from now on?

Broaden the themes I depict, improve my technical skill, work on personal creative project and not only fan arts. And most of all - not giving up on it this time.

22. Artists you've had influence from?

To name a few: @kallielef @kourvo @shayafury @fairsparrow who I met here on Tumblr, and many others who I follow and zealously study their works for clues on how to improve my own work.

23. Artists you like?

I am following them all either here or on Instagram, I also do my best to share their works on my side blog!

24. Which is easier to draw, humans or animals?

It was animals earlier. But now that I started to diligently study human anatomy, I would say it evened out! I’m quite confident drawing humans/humanoids now!

25. Show us an old drawing

My first digital drawing from 2010 when I first bought my tablet!

26. What is the charm-point of your art?

I ummm....I don’t really get the question? Is that like the the strongest suit of me as an artist? Intense expressions maybe? Idk. Let me know in the comments :D

27. What is the first thing you would draw if we're talking about fantasy?

Broody warriors, he-he

28. Please draw your most beloved character:

Here’s a sneak-peek of me drawing him right now! :D

29. When thinking of characters is it mostly female? male? or androgynous/no sex?

I usually gravitate towards depicting strong-willed, caring, passionate, brave, honest men and women.

30. What did you draw yesterday?

Started cleaning up that sketch from the last question, actually!

31. What is the funnest part to draw?

A circle. Mostly because you’d die laughing seeing my struggle to draw a believable one XD

32. What part of other people's drawings do you notice first?

colours, mood, eyes, hands.

33. Regarding backgrounds, what is your method of making it easier to draw?

pick your favourite textured brush, find a good reference for mood and colour scheme, zoom out, squint your eyes and start slapping colours like mad. You’d be amazed at how much you’ll be able to achieve in 30 minutes with this approach. Bare white background is the enemy - destroy it! >:)

34. What colour coordinations do you like?

Gray or brown as a main colour and then deep, earthy, saturated colours to complement the main one. Pink and orange is the combination I strangely enjoy using lately too.

35. What character did you last draw? Fenris and Eris :)

36. Does your style change easily?

I don’t think so. More like it’s evolving slowly into something more serious and deliberate.

37. What part of drawing do you pay most attention to?

Facial expression, body movement, mood and light effects. Not so much the composition and framing, he he.

38. How do you feel about drawing adult art?

Tbh, I don’t consider straight up porn to be ‘adult’ exactly. To me adult art means aiming towards serious topics, exploring complex emotions and ideas, being honest with your viewer. I did doodle a few more steamy sketches of my OTP just to see if I could, but it was definitely a tongue-in-cheek kind of a artwork that I don’t take seriously.

39. Do you like criticism from others?

If it’s friendly and in done in private - I welcome it always.

40. How many people do you normally draw per artwork?

1 or 2. Rarely more. Crowded battle scenes are definitely not my thing :D

This was fun! Tagging forward to @shayafury @schoute @stella-minerva @nug-juggler @kallielef and anyone else wishing to go through such a long questionnaire!

#artist meme #art questions #art style #lethendralis rambles #my art

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crappycrafts-blog · 7 years

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Session 2: The most important chapter

Beginnings are always the hardest.

Continuing from the last session, I am approaching the most important chapter in the book. Of course, when I started drawing this isn’t the first thing I bothered with. Drawing has always been a part of me ever since I was a kid. I started drawing through imitating other drawings from books, anime, merchandise and etc. I never thought that there would be such technicalities in drawing.

I was very happy and confident with my skills and myself growing up knowing how to draw even without the knowledge of anatomy, composition, color harmony, and stuffs like that. I grew up with people giving me compliments just because I can make an exact copy of another drawing or character. However, after going to college and taking drawing seriously, I knew that my skills weren’t as good as anyone has told me before and so I lost my confidence and believed that I really have no skill. All I did was to copy other people’s work and what’s good about that, right? I did nothing creative at all.

That is why I am starting all over again and I want to make things right. Although I believe that art is free for anyone to use as a way of expression even with or without the knowledge about the technical stuffs BUT since my case is different, I am pursuing this as a career so I had to learn these stuffs to add value to my works. I totally get it and it’s never easy to think that I need to step back and go back to the start and begin all over again.

What’s even worse is whenever I think that “Hey, I am more than 20 years old now. Isn’t it a bit too late to start all over again?” but you know what? It’s just me. It’s mind over matter. It’s never too late to start anew.

Anyway, enough drama and let’s get to the point here. So before the actual start of the drawing part, Loomis have 5 pages of introduction to this chapter explaining the importance of this chapter and all that it contains.

I won’t point out the things I highlighted and summarize them instead. I just had to emphasize these questions because they seem to be very helpful in my case.

· “What is arrogance in terms of light and shadow, form, and color?”

· “What lines give frustration and forlorn hope to people?”

· “What is the gesture in relation to the emotion?”

· “Why is a certain childish face adorable, a certain adult face suspicious and untrustworthy?”

(Figure Drawing For All Its Worth by Andrew Loomis, pg. 21)

As I’ve said already quite a few times, I was once a copycat and not an artist. I thought that by copying another I could excel and get ahead of others. However, it wasn’t that easy and I wasn’t doing it right either. When I realized this, I thought it was over. Loomis also pointed out that improving can’t happen either just by watching another man paint in which another misconception I’m trying to brainwash myself just to skip the necessary step of practicing again and again. Improvement can only be attained by combining hard work, effort, and a great deal of passion. Of course, it is easy to say that. I am not yet a master and I am saying such things even though I find it hard to keep up with this responsibility.

Being an artist isn’t just about technical skills. Anyone can be good at drawing and can draw all kinds of things with great detail but would it matter if that piece did not convey the message it needs to deliver? Most artists I know can deliver messages using only a few lines but it’s powerful enough. Some even have less knowledge on these technical skills but can also convey messages. Hmm then does that mean fundamentals aren’t that important as long as one can deliver a message. Well, not quite. As I’ve said earlier, in my case as someone pursuing this as a career, it is a must for me to know these fundamentals. This gives me a leeway on producing any kind of art by being creative with the fundamentals.

Line is one of the basic elements of a drawing. Pretty much if you think about it, a drawing consists of a lot of lines connected to each other and overlap each other to create a form, dimension, and even depth. Line is also the most powerful tool in drawing. With only a few lines creating 2 circles and one curved or straight line, one already has a face. What more if line was used in detail?

Study the nude. At first this is such an embarrassment to deal with. To be able to study this, one would need to look for a live model or nude pictures somewhere as reference. It’s even harder when one’s workplace is placed where anyone would see the screen of a computer or the table top which, if it isn’t obvious enough, is my situation. I don’t have a room of my own and generally everyone in our family shares everything so there’s really not enough privacy to begin with. I got used to isolating myself for the sake of privacy that I became such an extreme introvert.

There’s nothing to be embarrassed about the nude though. Generally, we all have a body of our own and it’s not even a mystery for us to know the body parts since we study that since elementary, kindergarten even.. right? Anyway, the point is, studying the body is essential for an artist since it’s the most common element we use in an artwork unless one specializes in landscapes and sceneries.

So from what Loomis have stated about lines and the nude, practicing these will greatly help an artist in the most basic way. Practice your strokes and try to create variations with line weight. Also, how one handles the pencil would affect this greatly. I normally have a tight grip with pencils and I usually draw my sketches with dark strokes so whenever I need to erase, things get messy. Being able to draw

sketches with light strokes would really help keeping the artwork clean. It’s not a problem in digital though since one can just layer the sketch and the main linework on another layer.

In the next session, I’ll be doing some line practices and will proceed with the body proportions.

#crappysessions

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