#and now im wondering why i stopped

[shrineofdolls]

next year (when the weather permits it) I'd like to explore "feminine" fashion without shaving my legs. i used to be comfortable with this as a teenager, but since high school i haven't felt confident enough.

i guess i started feeling like i needed to conform more lol... but now there's no need to conform. I'm visibly trans no matter what i do so i may as well lean into gender nonconformity that isn't "pretty" or w/e. also who says hairy legs + a floral midi skirt isn't pretty. sounds pretty awesome to me tbqh,

#melloof #I've been finding myself rediscovering my teen self's ideal identity #and now im wondering why i stopped #i know why but the reasons matter not #I'm just excited I've found that path again and can finally walk it #there's joy in feminity and i don't have to completely reject it to be taken seriously #hate how i felt like i had to abandon it in order to transition u_u but inside i didn't want to.

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso

#half asleep making these istg #yayyyy p9? idk ig i expected him to do better #old man asleep at the wheel whats new 😴 #he was very quick w this interview i wonder if he was eager to get to bed #i certainly am rn #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #2023 las vegas gp #(i wish i could atop feeling insecure abt my gifs. i do it for fun.) #(of course i want them to look somewhat good but i get a bit ill over it) #(there was somw drama on here at some point that made me want to completely stop posting then ngl) #(cause like what is the point if im not as good as others ig :/ this is kinda vague posting but it made me so uncomfortable) #(as i said. i do it for fun in quick time bcs yay jsut wanna post smth i found cute) #(but ever sincce that thing happened its just made me extremely self critical and insecure abt posting) #(idk why im saying this. kinda repressing the urge tk be like 'SRY THESE ARE TERRIBLE. YEAH.') #(i need to sleep. but i often feel like this literally every time i post now bcs some people get on their high horse and ruin people's fun) #(iykyk ig. its smth bothering me lately. but i hate to act so morose. but i still feel bad abt the quality sometimes. i guess.) #we do a little bit of f1

[todayisafridaynight]

they were out of line for this. by the way.

#snap chats #LIIIIIIIIKKKKKEEEE STOP YOU BETTER STOP #reminded myself to make this post after that other ask..... heh... #i feel like i did call attention to this before. 🧍‍♂️ idk i think about it a lot.. #too late lamers im doing it again because it still makes me scream and want to eat metal #this family is disgustingly intertwined with each other im going to throw up #like the more obvious parallel with ichi and the arakawas is him going out for new years dinner with arakawa. or attempting to #buuuuuttt this one is almost shot-for-shot the same bit and its OUGH. STOP. im GOING insane #theyre fam whether they like it or not </3 #wahh...... lad8 come soon i wanna see these two's relationship progress. or whatever weird situation it'll be in #i wonder why jo even points ichi to akane... is it to REALLY close that chapter of their lives for good ? #is it some feeling of responsibility for what happens to ichi now that arakawa's gone ? #is it guilt for keeping ichi from the truth of his birth parents for this long ? wowzers... #ok bye im gonna go be sick elsewhere

[desire-mona]

i really cannot keep having kissing men thoughts it doesnt fit my brand

#desire mona #fun fact most ppl ive ever been friends with have thought i was a lesbian #i also wonder if im a lesbian every now and then #probably not? #see this is why my bisexuality is just for simplicity reasons bc i never stop questioning #thoughtsing

[silenthillbunni]

.

#1st ​my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner #so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively #nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way #but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop #i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together #nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done #then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth #when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?' #'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting' #i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room #but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive #so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner #she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to #but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything #she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of #idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone #and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao #i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden #nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd #like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library #i wnna show my mom what books i got #it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality #why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks #anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to

[starrierknight]

like/reblog ratio goes crazy. literally what

#hhhhhh okay before i get anyone in my imbox saying im acting entitled and selfish: #i know that I'm not “owed” interaction #i know that!!!! we all know that!!!! #but when you spend hours creating smth and you sit there nervously having just posted it #and the notes slowly trickle in #sometimes you just wonder why you even bother sharing it #now let me just say: i WRITE for MYSELF #i SHARE for OTHERS #i will never stop writing #but jesus fucking christ I'm collecting more reasons to stop sharing #what is it about hitting “reblog” that soany of you are afraid of? that someone will see and give a shit? this is TUMBLR #literally who gives a shit on TUMBLR #are you afraid that someone will (God forbid!) see that you have interests? hobbies? likes? #i don't know #i just can't believe that a large chunk of you really do so very little to support creators you enjoy #it costs zero money to reblog #but not reblogging may cost you that content you so enjoy #im gonna say it: as creators; we are motivated by interaction #that silly little serotonin boost we get from a comment or reblog is what motivates us to share #just wow #[ ❀ ] — reece's rambling #delete later

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[theloveinc]

Gojo is so deep into his bachelor era shit that when you get together he doesn't realize it actually means... sitting down together at dinner and potentially eating home cooked meals.... and he's honestly kinda confused when u serve him real vegetables

#gojo #im always scared when i write jjk stuff that im maybe forgetting something canon #but anyway gojo being one of those guys who hasn't eaten anything homemade in like three years is so funny to me #LMFAO this was partially inspired by the fact that i made stuffed cabbage and am now sitting here staring at it #wondering why the h*ll i made some healthy grandma sh*t #thats how gojo stares at ur food when u stop him from getting takeout again #and he has to force himself to be like 'it's... nice. thank you.' #LMFAOOO #but he does enjoy the time together #lmao #shii posts #caitie things #gen

[edwardbonnets]

okay so. Baldurs Gate 3 has completely consumed my soul 💀

and of course it's this bitch that's got me giggling and kicking my feet. i hate him but also he is so babygirl im losing my mind

#hahaha if anyone was wondering why ive been inactive this is why #cant.....stop......playing........baldurs gate #im very unemployed so i can literally just sit in my room all day playing baldurs gate and that is exactly what ive been doing #my sleep schedule is so fucked help sdjfhsk #i havent even finished the first act yet rip #going to moonrise towers now though so act 2 is coming up #ive been trying to get the energy to do literally anything else......but it all comes back to this game #goty methinks #baldurs gate 3 #emily.txt

[hella1975]

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! #like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me #and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse #even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it #yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal #so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya #i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him #like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded #he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross #he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp #why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things #like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet #touya todoroki #the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc #but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for #like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together #which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager? #like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude #and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself #and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING #no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty #so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together #and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage #like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning #I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE #I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS #PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS #I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME

[lewishamil10n]

my brain is so full of fuck tonight

#sth sth feeling unfulfilled. i know its only middle of the night thoughts but ive been so low lately. im not where i wanted to be #and i regret my career choices n i regret not standing up for myself but also i dont blame myself bc younger me was v much a people pleaser #and i just didn't wanna upset n disappoint my parents in any way . they're so proud of me when they tell ppl what i do and on the inside #im just cringing bc there's no joy in it anymore n im not even 30 n wont be for a few yrs yet im not SUPPOSED to feel this way #my job situation isnt good n all i can do is hope n pray im able to go abroad because if i cant im literally afraid i will give up #n also i regret not standing up for myself to my mum n stopping sertraline . i wonder who i would be today if i had continued meds #n now there's a v good chance im gonna need more medications for what seems like undiagnosed n severe adhd #n i am just. so fucking burnt out n no one around me gets it !!! 'why arent u happy' im just not! im not! and idk what to do about it !!! #ugh sorry im just venting #tbd #remy.txt

[hearties-circus]

Oh g-d I've been withdrawing

#gamer txt. #i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that #theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them #because i want attention #and that scares tge hell out of me #how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me #why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me #even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different #hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother #since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned #are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them? #g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues' #that is insulting #and whats worse is that its a lie #6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time #i dont do it. ever #and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst #i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those #i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt #also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point #i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less #im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok #bevause i would i think i would really just give up #i dont know what gl do #ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before #ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why #i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest #im gonna try to sleep

[bratthewurst]

Hnnnnng

#my mom is sick and shes walking around the house coughing uncovered and not washing her hands before being in common spaces #and she keeps coming into my room #these are all things she obsessively asks me if im doing when im sick #i asked her to do a covid test an hour ago so i could be on time for work but its the last thing on her list #sometimes i wonder why i bother #between this and my dads positive #aaaaaaaaaa #im not gonna stop bothering but im annoyed and want to vent #like i have shit to do #i need to go get the spare i have on my car replaced and i was gonna be an hour late to work and now its looking like 2 🙃🙃🙃🙃

[todayisafridaynight]

youre so right omg literally barely see anybody talking abt mine and Daigos special bottle of sake like that’s so ???? tragic????? it’s so sad and gut wrenching in a way i can’t explain like it’s probably still there in shellac collecting dust on the shelf……. they make me feel SICK

i cant stress how special Kirin's Dream is to me, like genuinely it's probably my favorite rggo story bar mine and daigo's goofy bar date gone wrong because it makes me so indescribably emo after reading it

#snap chats #every day i think about how daigo was adamant on not drinking from it because mine didnt want to drink without him #like daigo i cant speak for your romantic capabilities but that was the most romantic shit i ever read in my life #at the very least definitely something id read in a romance/tragedy or some shit no wonder kashiwagi yoinked that for his sob story #IN ANY CASE NO LIKE ...... the fact even the bartender thought mine and daigo's memories were special enough to keep going #im gonna be sick thinking of that bottle collecting dust for decades with no intention of ever opening it #this is why i love minedai though its a tragedy. theres no stopping it. daigos distraught and no one can help him #ACTUALLY goodbye i cant have anyone look at me #every time i think of daigo calling mine an idiot at the end of the story i do think of bakamitai im so sorry #i know the singer's calling themselves an idiot but nevertheless.... daigo bakamitai when so i can throw up #im allowed to think daigo blames himself or feels guilty about doubting if mine loved him (romantically or platonically) #i have to post this now before i just ramble for twelve years

[shivasdarknight]

banging my head on the table

why do people have this urge to come onto other peoples' posts and make it about themselves.

the number of times ive talked about My Own Lore publicly and someones come onto My post to talk about their stuff while completely ignoring everything i said.

like do you not realize how shitty that feels. wouldnt you not want it to happen to you.

then why the FUCK do you do it to others.

#yes this is about xiv twt. #original #a recent SERIES of incidents of this nature reminded me of one that had me delete my own damn thread #i was just spitballing echo ideas and someone came in to take my ideas and start talking about their ideas and how to apply my stuff to #their character and everything witHOUT AT ALL acknowledging ANYTHING i said #(this is also the same person who i dm'd when trying to decide between two voice claims for surkie #and instead of giving feedback they just took one of them for their own character #''hey im thinking kaine or jackass'' ''oh i hadnt considered jackass for my character im gonna use that now! :)'' End Me.) #theres a common excuse that comes with a lot of these and i just. theres a point where you need to Stop using that excuse #because its such a widespread problem of people whove never been in collaborative writing spaces that dont know how to Take Turns Talking #or asking into the other person's stuff. like if you ever wonder why i stop talking to you #think for a second and maybe look back at the conversations to see how equal they are in terms of attention and consideration #at some point i just start ghosting bcuz im too exhausted to deal with people who just come onto my posts where im talking about My story #just to redirect to them and their shit and what they do its just #i already deeply feel like shit about what i write and i know the majority of the people who i talk to dont read my shit #i know of maybe 3 people who have out of How many people who've said they would but never have? #who say they like my writing but never actually touch it? #you dont need to add onto it by turning attention back to yourself when im talking to myself on my twt or tumblr. #what i decide to post about my writing is not a launching pad for you to go on about your wol and i s2g y'all need to stop #it's such assholish behavior

[twilightarcade]

I loooove when people respond to you being mad by being mean to you. Like yeah thanks that's really improving my mood

#wordstag #IM NOT EVEN DOING SHIT TO THEM I AM DOING THE BARE MINIMUM TO MAKE THIS A FUNCTIONAL INTERACTION #I am not yelling at you. I'm not saying anything mean to you. Why do you keep bothering me about being mad #THEN THEY KEEP GETTING ALL OFFENDED !!!!! LIKE YOURE GOING TO POINT OUT HOW I SEEM TO WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE #THEN MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. OUHHH WHY DONT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU? WHY AM I GIVING YOU THE COLD SHOULDER ? ☹️ #like. Cod. Maybe stop being mean to me and I'll want to be with you again. But it's literally not ABOUT you #but for real I announced my intention on making a cake because like. I do that for fun. It brings me joy. Gives me stuff to do #and they would NOT stop bullying me over it yesterdat for some reason ????????? #because I was supposed to make it yesterday. Then didn't. And it turned into a game of #'Ohhhhh I wonder when Neptune's gonna make the cake ☹️☹️☹️ when are you gonna make the cake neptune? ☹️☹️ #you know I would have cake right now if neptune had made the cake but she didn't isn't she so terrible and lazy ☹️☹️☹️☹️' #like bro. You're lucky I like baking and cant eat a whole cake myself or I would personally ensure that you never saw a cake again. #vent #I guess. Hate to put a personal post in a commonly used tag but don't have a vent tag over here because I DONT !!!! #like cod whatever. I think we just need to sit in the dark for an hour or whatever. #eat some grapes.