#and my dms i'm so fucking sorry

[buglaur]

#ts4 #sims 4 #hi #daithí lore drop #this is felicity's mom #i have another cute post queued up for tomorrow #abt this guy getting ready to fly off to komorebi #can't wait to catch up on all the dan bc stuff i missed while i was away!!!!< #i wanna get back into posting again #i've been so up the walls these past few weeks #but i'm off rn! #gonna try play some of the legacy soon #i'm really really sorry to my eighty odd asks just sitting there #and my dms i'm so fucking sorry #tomorrow is the day i answer everyone i promise #i've really clammed up recently i need to break that habit #/daithí

[avephelis]

every time someone mischaracterises jay ferin as the therapist friend a fairy loses its wings btw. put some respect on her emotionally-constipated ass.

#there's a whole ongoing bit where she either a. forces chip to do feelings talks for her or b. says the most awkward shit ever #like someone opens up to her she's like “wow that was a lot. anyway.” #jay “well i'm just a girl so” ferin. jay the answer is gun ferin. #i get this is a common issue with fandom treatment of female characters but COME THE FUCK ON. IT'S A CANON CHARACTER TRAIT. #and it adds so much depth to the times she DOES try to help or comfort people like in 81/82 where she goes up to chip about gill like #“i'm kind of shit at this emotional stuff but i'm going to do my best for you damnit”. AND SHE FUCKING TRIES. BECAUSE SHE LOVES THEM. #also her getting tipsy and spewing the most insane shit and going teehee ^_^ was that awkward sorry ^_^ and falling over. so fucking funny. #jay ferin #jrwi #im so normal about these fictional characters <- lie #i talk about this all the time in my dms im finally making a post about it I CANT STAND IT ANYMOREE

[ahollowgrave]

Hey! I love your screenshots so much! Do you have a guide on how you take them? Which mods, if any, do you use? How do you get the camera parallel to the ground at different heights etc? Any help would be amazing. Thank you!

Hey! Thank you! I love them, as well, and it’s always lovely to hear when others do!

Unfortunately, I am not much of a technical writer so I don’t have any guides.The reality is I spend hours and hours taking screenshots and I often feel like I luck into things looking nice.

But I can give you the same tips I give to my friends who have said it’s helpful advice:

Vanilla gpose is very good! You can do a lot in it without the need for 3rd party tools and I’ve found having a good, solid understanding of how gpose works is what really rockets shots into ‘oh wow’ territory. You really just have to touch all the buttons and see what they do and how they interact with each other.

The main thing is, for re/g-shade users: If it doesn’t look good in vanilla lighting, the preset isn’t going to make it suddenly stunning.

The second thing, for everyone, is: Play. Play is very important. If you’re not having fun you’re probably not gonna love the final result. If it feels like a chore, come back to it later! Play a different game!

The third thing, for everyone, is: These are not rules, these are not laws. Just because I do something a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the ‘right’ way to do it. Your eye is what makes your art beautiful.

I'm putting the rest under a cut because this wound up being three pages without the pictures because I ramble.

The parts of vanilla gpose I touch with every shot:

Camera Position: The first slider is your field of view. For portraits I set it to 200, but I tend to fiddle with it in all other shots until I get something I like. The second slider is rotation, very helpful to get to exactly 45 degrees or 90 degrees for shots. But you should also be able to use Q and E to rotate and this is fun to get neat angles on shots! Play with it!!

Depth of Field: I’ll be honest, I turn this sucker off because Reshade has ADOF which I think is better! But, I still suggest playing with this a little bit.

Lighting settings: You have three lights, each with three levels and each able to be a unique color. USE THEM. Find lighting objects in your setting that you can use to base the colors and directions off of. Is the moon full and above? Use a pale blue light as a rim light. 3a. Also, highly recommend looking at RL photography lighting set ups. This has been the most helpful. You can do a lot with three lights!!!!! 3b. Typically, I am mostly using two lights at type 1 or type 2. Sometimes I’ll use a third light, or that type 3 lighting, but it depends heavily upon the vibes. 3c. On this page there is ‘Character Lighting’ this makes your character brighter. I don’t use this at all because it tends to wash out shadows and shadows are an important part of lighting. I DO suggest that YOU use this to see how it works! A little is a lot, you know? 3d. THE MAIN THING IS TO PLAY WITH IT. Get weird with the lighting. Do really intense close up lights! Do funky colors! Cover them in bi lighting!!!!

Lighting Round Two: The one thing that my friends have said is the most helpful is telling them to use the Manual Birghtness Adjustment. This is on the general tab, not with your other lighting settings (circled in red). This controls the light of the WHOLE setting, including the brightness of your three lights. This is what really makes me go OH WOW. Turn it on, wiggle it around, be amazed. (Say it with me: Play with it!)

ADJUST YOUR LIGHTING.

Vanilla Gpose has a Motion Settings tab. This is what I use for my expressions but also a lot of ‘poses’ are just well captured emotes. A lot of this tab should be self explanatory.

The Eyes: The first eye has your subject turn to face the camera. You can have them look in a direction, turn it off, and freely move your camera around. The second eye is eye tracking. This is your friend! The head will stay stationary and the eyes will follow the camera.

Movement: Walk, run, sprint. Forward, left, right, back. Pause, play, reset.

Lip Movements: This, in junction with expression emotes, is very handy! Type 1 is minimal, type 3 is a lot more head movement. Pause, play, reset buttons.

Emotes: You already know what I’m gonna say. PLAY WITH THIS. Almost every emote can have an expression emote overlaid it and have lip movement added.

A personal favorite is /aback, /beam, lip movement 2, eye tracking.

Now. When you enter Gpose your subject is gonna be doing the animation they were last doing. To stop this, ground sit and stand before you enter gpose to start with a clean slate. However, this is also how you can get cool action shots. Using a dummy you can use an attack, reset the dummy, and enter gpose and your subject will be flailing wildly.

Some of the emotes and actions can move very quickly! To move things frame by frame we’re going to use the Disable/Enable Motion buttons. You have two of these at the top of the gpose settings.

Disable/Enable All Motion - This will pause or start all the motion of all the targets in your gpose! My Keybinding for this is 1 and I think this is the default for PC users. Disable/Enable Target Motion - This will pause or start the motion of your current target. (Tab cycles through the characters caught in your gpose.) My Keybinding for this is 2 and I think this is the default for PC users.

To go frame by frame by frame through an emote or action you’re going to freeze the character (1) and then, rapidly, you’re going to hit 1 then 2. (1 2 1 2 1 2 1 2) this unfreezes your subject and then refreezes them. Be mindful of your eye tracking and camera! One last thing: Take a LOT of shots. From all sorts of angles, with all sorts of lighting, with different expression. For every 1 screenshot I post there are about a 100 others that I didn't like as much.

Whew, okay, I think that covers the stuff I tell my friends. Sorry this got kinda long and it might be confusing because, again, I am no technical writer!

Now, I do use 3rd party tools but I’m only comfortable talking about those off anon! Other than Reshade. I understand social anxiety might keep folks from asking directly but I am a nervous person myself and just do not feel comfy talking about that stuff so publicly. But I try to be helpful where and when I can!

Apologies, anon, if this isn’t what you were hoping for in a reply but if anyone else reads this maybe they’ll learn a new trick or idea of idk something!!!

If you read the all thing that's fucking WILD and the only reward I have for you is my love !!

#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #I'm just posting it sorry if this isn't what you wanted anon!!! #the camera thing I don't think i fully understood but!!! #feel free to DM me sometimes I'm slow to respond but !!! I don't mind helping! #idk what to tag this as so like idk idk idk #guide #every time a friend asks me for tips these are usually what I give them btw #play with things #take your time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #The other secret is that I am usually zooted out of my fucking mind and I take 5 hours to do a single gpose

[liberationwasboundtohappen]

Heka -- Fragileshipping

CW: Suggestive, references to magick and witchcraft Atem was told that paradise was in the Reeds. It was when his soul was finally at rest, sitting among those he loved with the living world far behind him. They were wrong.

Paradise was Ryou's body spread out under him on soft sheets, long hair fanning out under him like a halo of white and soft skin all open for his mouth and hands. Ryou casts a beautiful spell with his voice and Atem is gleefully helpless to respond: he casts spells of his own with his mouth and lips, tracing symbols into his partner that Ryou will never understand and Atem can never read. Gods above, protect this man. Give his soul the strength that I lacked and allow him to power through all that ails him. Gods above, let me love this man. Give me time and time and time and time to love him until I lose my breath.

Gods above, let this man join me in the Reeds when I return. Weigh my heart with his so that no matter where he goes, I will follow. Ryou never understands, but his eyes weave heka like he breathes. Like the circles he casts in his living room to protect them from harm and herbs he sanctifies and puts in their food to keep them healthy, he keeps Atem in the moment. He keeps him from losing himself to the magic that they weave together and always allows him to go back to what's most important: Each other. "I love you," Ryou breathes. "I know." Atem chuckles. "Kiss me," Ryou whispers. "Anything for you," Atem murmurs. Heka blooms around them as their bodies come together, and it will happen again tomorrow. And the next night. And the next. And the next. Until the Reeds call them both home.

#fragileshipping #my writing #holy shit this was fucking soft #I kinda woke up out of sleep and then wrote this #I'm so sorry please forgive my sappiness #I may put this on AO3 with some edits idk #I love this ship so much I AM WEAK #Ryou Bakura #Pharaoh Atem #Yami Yugi #Bakura Ryou #yugioh dm #yugioh

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#another day another vent post #i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think #but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited #so.... tumblr it goes i guess #helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic. #isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die #and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters #is it my meds doing this? who knows..... #any number of things could have caused this #i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what #i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help #well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too. #start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me. #sigh... #...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again #i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just #fall asleep instead. #sorry to keep doing this shit #one day it'll be better #maybe. #Hopefully.

[thatsparadise]

might make a pizza tower discord server cuz yet again i wanna talk to more pt fans but i'm too shy to join other ppl's servers so my solution is making my own

#ik i keep making posts like this but i really need to get over my nervousness when talking to new ppl #it's pretty bad. if i'm the first person to dm someone i Will worry they think i'm annoying as fuck #so i gotta make posts saying i wanna talk to ppl and hope i actually get talked to #WHY DOES TUMBLR MOBILE NOT LET ME TYPE QUOTATION MARKS IN TAGS #sorry i feel like i'm just complaining atp i'll end these tags here

[feylived]

someone: hey shelley, is there a reason you dislike the n.everland o.uat arc so much, or is it just because it's so fucking dark

me: welllllllll, if the shoe fits

#ooc. #no fr though it's one of my least favorite arcs in the whole damn series but as an rper who makes and uses icons? #fucking awful #anyway i meant to do more today but my car's going to get an oil change in the am so i'll work on things again tmr <3 #along with finally replying to dms i'm so sorry if i've left you hanging truly i am

[sunnykeysmash]

thinking about this discussion I had before FVR even came out, thinking about blends, thinking about "give me dong or give me death", about how it's both. thinking about both mac and dennis getting exactly what they want (mac's fantasy in saves the day, for mac to go away from dennis) but with a TWIST (for mac to realize there's nothing on the other side, for dennis to realize he needs mac). thinking about the pulse checking, thinking about the flatline.

thinking about my meta that I wrote before s15 even came out, about how we've been witnessing an impossible choice that's splitting dennis in two, thinking about "<3 or die" being the name of the salon in chop (and off with the head / just start over meta...), thinking about new beginnings, and meet cutes. thinking about rebirth, and baptisms.

#iasip #s16 spoilers #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #macdennis #analysis #meta #do you all see where I'm heading? #thinking about dennis crying because mac FUCKING DIED. only for mac to come back and see him like that and. offering him a tissue! #the jesus christ parallel would be insane. literally dying for their sins? and resurrecting? bro im just SAYING. this is all SPECULATION #but to me it fits so well lol. #plus mac stopping believing in god because he died and there was nothing? bro thats like. very ripe ground. but also #picture this. DENNIS now believing. because he just witnessed a fucking miracle. maybe he even prayed. who knows #it would balance them..... it would certainly do something... #''we're merging the ideas'' oh you mean love and death? that what we are merging? beautiful. called that in s14 #sorry angrymac for leaking our dms 😭 in my defense this is just stuff *i* said so ur good dw

[automatonknight]

OH I WILL ! CHECK OUT THE VIDS WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCE.. [the horrors of having no free time nowadays] and. looks at you with my big autistic eyes. tell me more about benny? :0

YAHOO!! I HOPE YOU'LL HAVE FREE TIME SOON ALSO YOU DESERVE A GOOD LONG BREAK!!! STAY STRONG OUT THERE BOSS YOU GOT THIS!!! ok ok so benny AAUGH benny. AGAIN SPOILERS ahead. i guess it's convinient, he has like. probably the most fletched-out story out of all the characters since he's the one you control, even when rodriguez, who is normally the leader, joins your party. although in the rodriguez route benny doesn't reflect all that much on his life from what i remember. speaking of reflecting on his old life! if rod dies and the story kind of, goes how it usually goes, at certain points you get flashbacks to benny's life before the flash. he worked at a burger place with his friends (clyde and liam) where rod was their manager. besides the two guys he was also friends with a girl named amy (at least i'm pretty sure that's her name, based on the fact that a joy mutant called the same thing uses the move "familiar cry" which implies that you knew that person, but also in the hopeless (an in-the-works sequel to the hopeful) it seems like that childhood friend is alive?? idk i'll keep calling her amy it's shorter). she's stated to have friendzoned him and (as i interpret it and i might be a little biased as someone aroace) if im being honest he doesn't really look like he cares that much? if anything clyde and liam (the latter actually called her out for "leading benny on" once) seem to care way, way more.

^i like this dialogue (it goes clyde, benny, clyde btw) i think it's funny but it also serves as an example. he doesn't even get what they're talking about, i think he just doesn't give a shit about "getting their relationship to another level", thruthfully. ok benny aroace icon headcanons to the side, coming back on the tracks um. so benny's like, well he's trying his best as a leader if rod dies, he's pretty much the sole party member to try and support his friends and cheer them on. he tries to help lanks after what happened to him when they got captured by the lovelies at the beginning of the game, even though he doesn't exactly know how to do that. in, geez i think clyde's route? he gets shot through the eye, which either turns him into a joy mutant or eventually kills him later on. i can't for the love of me remember what happens in liam's route but he for sure dies, since it's not his route. in rod's route they just all die at the end. NOW. in benny's route at the sportsdome, he gets shot in the knee, lanks gets taken and clyde gets set on fire but survives (if he isn't joyed). they fight on a little more but both of his friends eventually end up dead, so he tracks the lovelies down and kills them. the final boss is in every route, a guy named hart, the leader of the lovelies. beltboy's run actually has one of the more difficult versions of this fight BUT what is interesting is that for the first part (before hart turns into a joy mutant, beginning a phase 2 of sort) liam and clyde actually ARE THERE TO HELP!!! like. in benny's spirit. this doesn't happen for liam or clyde, they're stronger because of their anger and grief, especially liam, but i think what allows benny to win is his kind attitude and frienship, which is really cheesy but idk what other way i could interpret that. THIS also. allows him to survive in the end! as five is relieved that he's approached her like a normal person and gets him patched up. idk idk he makes me feel so many things. kind of unrelated and again, i'm probably biased cuz i love projecting, but i think reading him as an aroace man like. makes sense. i see a lot of how i think in him. he does make comments about "getting the girl", yes, but i think that's more to like, please his friends and keep their spirits up or whatever. other than that he seems disinterested in a romantic relationship with amy, it doesn't bother him at all it's not sexual or anything, he tells five that "he needs a friend" when he stumbles into her hideout half-dead after the fight with hart. aroace guy TO ME!!

^me right now as we speak btw. more dialogue propaganda also

and he loves his friends!! ok i think that's all i can recall

#ask #i'm sorry this is more like. a ramble i have troubles with not trailing off and shit #i have a few additional notes about the game i typed out to kind of organize my thoughts about it but i think they're a tad #too personal for me to share them here. i'd be happy to dm them to you on discord or tumblr though if you wanna!!! #AND ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! benny's my darling sweet boy i want to lift him up and spin him #long post #he's like. so silly but so fucked up. i hope the hopeless actually comes out i want to see how he deals with that crushing grief. i mean wh #said that

[essektheylyss]

I will admit, my cosmological knowledge is honestly muddy at best, because I read every planar manual in existence in rapid succession roughly four years ago, have made up a lot of cosmological bits and bobs as needed for fic purposes, and also recently got an intensive crash course on a totally different conceptualization of the Feywild for my own D&D game, before we even touch on other non-D&D-based fictional worlds including my own that I know to varying extents and also the absolute bare minimum knowledge of parallel universe theories in real world physics and some decent exposure to philosophical theories of time, so like... as you might imagine, it is the absolute weirdest of soups in that part of my brain.

#basically sorry in advance for when i inevitably fuck up a piece of lore i feel like I'm sifting for information like a gold miner here #i REALLY had to drill my DM on that cosmology because it's like. aggressively intrinsic to my character's existence and goals so #that one is actually the MOST organized in my head. unfortunately it is also the least similar to the others. #anyway. can you all tell ive been slogging through a book titled 'derrida on time' all week. #cuz it really fucking shows. #i am peak 'i have approximate knowledge of many things' but like EMPHASIS ON THE APPROXIMATE

[troublcmakcrs]

//i respect literally no one on tumblr except my mutuals on this blog specifically i'm so serious

#misc :: ( ooc ) #//I LOVE YOU ALL YOU MAKE THIS DASH SO COZY #//I NEVER GET SICK OF HANGING OUT HERE #//you know those people who are like. ''you can't write with my male canons if you don't write with my female ocs'' #//never understood them until now. so tempted to do that with this blog LMAO #//sorry you don't follow the south park blog so you get NO onceler and NO arcane! #//whenever i follow someone from all my blogs and they follow back every one but this one it immediately deletes my trust in them #//LIKE I HATE YOU I HAAAAATE YOU #//jk hate is maybe a strong word BUT I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU A LOT #//i'm having a moment dw abt it #//half tempted to go on another blocking spree on the rest of my blogs DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT #//me @ my mutuals on other blogs: you can come back / get unblocked when you follow craig & tweek like you're supposed to #//jk (mostly) LMAO #//I JUST LOVE THESE LITTLE GUYS SM... ;; #//sometimes i doubt whether or not i'm actually autistic and then somebody refuses to engage with one of my special interests #//and i have such big intense violent emotions about it like okayyyy bitch calm down 😭 #//if you ghost me when i bring up my special interest or don't follow my special interest blog #//or tell me to my face (DMs) that you ~don't fuck with it~ then i don't like youuuu!! I DON'T LIKE YOU!! #//which is why everybody on this blog is safe and i am giving you the biggest gesture of affection you are personally comfortable with #//on the scale of respectful fist bump to tongue full in mouth you get to decide 🥰

[eoinmcgonigal]

it's really upsetting me so to get it off my chest i'm gonna confess that the positivity posts i saw yesterday really hurt. i didn't realise that was a thing in this fandom, and i wish it wasn't because those things inevitably leave people feeling left out and like their presence isn't worth anything to the fandom (plus readers, rebloggers and commenters are integral to fandom community but don't usually get a shoutout). i'm already struggling because of this horrible trend towards using threads in discord which renders most of the servers inaccessible to me, i feel extremely isolated and alone and unwanted, but i was doing okay muddling along churning out fic and a few silly polls and posts now and then until yesterday. the fic i posted today just made me feel so sad after i posted it. it was a lovely fic :( but like what is the point. if i'm worth so little i might as well not be here. why put the effort into making things if no one notices. i already feel so lonely it's like i'm being torn in two, posting things now and then brought me comfort but idk what i have now

#i'm in a deleting everything kinda mood #no one remembered me? oh. okay :( #fuckin hurts so much #i want to finish the johnny stuff but i feel so unbearably miserable now and i don't want to spend hogmanay like that #but i also can't bear to leave it unfinished #i wish i'd never scrolled my dash yesterday then i'd never have known about those posts #it brought me so much joy to write and share those fic #absolutely crushing to discover i don't inspire the same joy in the fandom #i was kinda impressed with having written so much i thought it was kinda cool #maybe it's just really fucking annoying idk #sorry just so lonely and upset and the places i find sanctuary are falling to pieces and i'd actually like to die now thanks #so much shit is going on irl you have no idea and i don't have a support network it's terrifying #nothing i do is worth anything #no one wants me #did u no my mother discarded all the photos that had me in them? kid me just. discarded. she took everyone else and threw me out #shit like that hurts i wish i had a new family or friends to chat to as a distraction when shit gets bad #i mean i get discord dm notifications (not server mentions) if anyone dms me but lol guess how often that happens #i get tumblr dm notifications it's been the only place i've talked to anyone for ages so shoutout to those two wonderful people #god i just. want to be included? #i tried #i failed #fuck. #maybe this is goodbye idk i had stuff to finish up/share #and a million more fics i wanted to write #i don't even know if i can face doing tomorrow's johnny fic #i wanted to do the 12 days of christmas too :( #but the fact now exists that i just... wasn't good enough for this fandom :'( #also i can't face the notifications tab #if it's not a Direct Message i won't see it #god there was SO MUCH i wanted to share! there were gifs i was gonna make to share the suffering and gift fic and silly posts

[original-cat-showdown]

ROUND 2 MATCH-UPS EVERYBODY

Tabby (@cure-icy-writes) vs Elle Chihiro (@cure-icy-writes)

Ni'iri (@sillysorcerer) vs Spirit (@spirits-of-kin)

Gull (@featherfrond) vs Paxel (@cat-skull)

Kitty Heels (@esmaelj) vs Ginger (@esmaelj)

Jade (@dragontoonss) vs Caitrionia (@kjmellow)

Vivi (@rainewintersnow) vs Apotheosis (@horizontalnobelcat)

Nico (@crownne-prince) vs Narciso (@crownne-prince)

Briarfang (@plaguedbutch) vs Leafcloud (@plaguedbutch)

Bobsyfella (@thunderwhenhepurrs) vs Jinna (@teknoctarkamacska)

Tumbledown (@sugarsprinkles) vs Caro (@sugarsprinkles)

Frozen Teeth (@element-kitten-klaws) vs Pawtree Purrety (@kdm13)

Mason Spectrespeaker (@2bu) vs Kat (@laceghost / @laceghost-art)

Mina (@spacedragonstar) vs Lara and Rio Coddsworth (@acromafireair)

Cherry Lipstick (@hyephyep) vs Lane (@hyephyep)

Round 1 brackets

Round 1 results

Polls will run for a week, and I should manage to set them up in a few days!

#I FEEL SO BAD NOW BECAUSE I HAVE APPARENTLY MISSED SOME PROPAGANDA POSTS FOR ROUND 1 AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED 😭😭 #If you see that I haven't posted or reblogged the relevant propaganda within 24h of you posting it - absolutely feel free to nag me about i #Tag me. Send me asks. DM me. You can and should do everything in your power to make sure I see and share it. #the missed posts (for different characters!) were also apparently shared at more or less the same time #now that I look back at it! #So I just missed them in fucking bulk oh my god I'm so sorryyyy 😭😭 #I will also now be checking the interactions for each specific poll and not just notifications #which STILL doesn't 100% mean I can't miss something because tumblr betumblr #AHEM ANYWAY ONCE AGAIN I'M SO SO SORRY FOR NOT REBLOGGING SOME THINGS #JUST WANT TO CLARIFY THAT IT DEFINITELY WAS NOT ON PURPOSE I PROBABLY JUST MISSED IT which is still my fault anyway #original cat showdown

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[regularshcw]

i need to work on the bios soon buuuuuut

margaret is trans ( trans woman )

benson is trans ( trans man )

em is trans ( trans man )

fanny is trans ( trans woman )

penny is nonbinary ( genderfluid )

neu is nonbinary ( unlabeled )

rigby is trans ( trans man )

and pops' gender is ?????

#🐦 margaret // about / i'm not seeing anyone right now ; guys are jerks #📋 benson // about / no ; i can only write the truth and the truth is i don't appreciate you #🐾 em // about / but it's really quite alarming 'cause i'm such an awful fuck #🍽️fanny // about / let me wrap my teeth around the world #🦠penny // about / blood on her skin ; dripping with sin ; do it again #❄️ neu // about / dominated by all you hated ; this will make you ultranumb #🦝 rigby // about / my pepperonis are roasting up here #🍭 pops // about / surely i'm invited to my own birthday party #long post / #someone in the past thought it wld be appropriate to dm me just to tell me they didnt like when ppl headcanoned most / all of the cast of a #-show being trans. so now most of my characters are trans <3 #tbf most of them were trans anyways #dean is a demiboy but im not sure if that counts? im not demi myself so #of course anyone is free to label themselves whatever a label is just a label -- smth that you can use to help things make sense but isnt- #-necessary. i like labels bc it helps me to explain things better #this got long and rambley im sorry #im sleepy from work but

[sensitivegoblin]

Damn I need to get teased within an inch of my life so that the stress can leak out of me please

#ramble #vent #gimmetag #I'm very very tense and stressed and need a hug #I'll try answering dms and anons I've missed I'm truly sorry that I suck so bad at that #I'm just tired but I'm too afraid to sleep #I'm being melodramatic but the statement stems from truth #I feel like such a loser but tickling/sex and Fortnite are literally the only things that make me feel better #I'm too depressed to do anjghing else my dad sucks all of my energy #I need to fall into a hug and sleep pls hmu volunteers😭 #I like sleeping around awake people that's when I sleep my best #YouTube videos used to fill that hole but now I just can't stop thinking of myself as such a loser #mt dad turned 60 and hes depressed and he thinks out loud so I'm hearing really depressing stuff #and nothing I do helps so I just have to soak up his pain and somehow wanna live to see 60???? #if you heard the carousal of stuff he repeats every breath that im with him you'd go crazy too #anyway im trying to get out of my frozen state so o can take pills and masturbate and cry lmao #FUCK I NEED A REAL HUG😭