#fuckin hurts so much

[eoinmcgonigal]

it's really upsetting me so to get it off my chest i'm gonna confess that the positivity posts i saw yesterday really hurt. i didn't realise that was a thing in this fandom, and i wish it wasn't because those things inevitably leave people feeling left out and like their presence isn't worth anything to the fandom (plus readers, rebloggers and commenters are integral to fandom community but don't usually get a shoutout). i'm already struggling because of this horrible trend towards using threads in discord which renders most of the servers inaccessible to me, i feel extremely isolated and alone and unwanted, but i was doing okay muddling along churning out fic and a few silly polls and posts now and then until yesterday. the fic i posted today just made me feel so sad after i posted it. it was a lovely fic :( but like what is the point. if i'm worth so little i might as well not be here. why put the effort into making things if no one notices. i already feel so lonely it's like i'm being torn in two, posting things now and then brought me comfort but idk what i have now

#i'm in a deleting everything kinda mood #no one remembered me? oh. okay :( #fuckin hurts so much #i want to finish the johnny stuff but i feel so unbearably miserable now and i don't want to spend hogmanay like that #but i also can't bear to leave it unfinished #i wish i'd never scrolled my dash yesterday then i'd never have known about those posts #it brought me so much joy to write and share those fic #absolutely crushing to discover i don't inspire the same joy in the fandom #i was kinda impressed with having written so much i thought it was kinda cool #maybe it's just really fucking annoying idk #sorry just so lonely and upset and the places i find sanctuary are falling to pieces and i'd actually like to die now thanks #so much shit is going on irl you have no idea and i don't have a support network it's terrifying #nothing i do is worth anything #no one wants me #did u no my mother discarded all the photos that had me in them? kid me just. discarded. she took everyone else and threw me out #shit like that hurts i wish i had a new family or friends to chat to as a distraction when shit gets bad #i mean i get discord dm notifications (not server mentions) if anyone dms me but lol guess how often that happens #i get tumblr dm notifications it's been the only place i've talked to anyone for ages so shoutout to those two wonderful people #god i just. want to be included? #i tried #i failed #fuck. #maybe this is goodbye idk i had stuff to finish up/share #and a million more fics i wanted to write #i don't even know if i can face doing tomorrow's johnny fic #i wanted to do the 12 days of christmas too :( #but the fact now exists that i just... wasn't good enough for this fandom :'( #also i can't face the notifications tab #if it's not a Direct Message i won't see it #god there was SO MUCH i wanted to share! there were gifs i was gonna make to share the suffering and gift fic and silly posts

[reds-skull]

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 6

If you're curious, Soap and Ghost's final score is 28-3

Only one part left! (unless it turns out too long again lol). Honestly can't believe this is almost finished...

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #cod fanart #cod ghost #cod soap #cod gaz #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #cod mwii #modern warfare 2 #mw2 #i spent literally all day today finishing this up #like... actually around 10 hours #my wrist fuckin hurts but its worth it lmao #the difference between soap's face at the start of this series and the end is insane he looks so much better now lol #ghostsoap #ghoap #angst #2 hours later i realized i forgot some tags lmao

[chrisbangs]

#chan #bang chan #stray kids #skz #createskz #cb97net #*gifs #*m #flashing tw #ik its so much flashing but #I COULDNT CONTROL MYSELF :(((((((((((( #LOOK AT BABU.. #LOOK AT HIM??? #LOOK AT HOW PERFECT AND CUTE AND WONDERFUL #my heart is his #ive literally come to the conclusion that my heart just belongs to him #im so sad #i love him so fuckin g much #it hurts oh my god im gonna cry

[icyheart-and-friends]

Please, for the love of gods, allow yourself to consume content/media uncritically

You can be aware of issues a show/game/movie/etc has but you don't need to be aware of it *all* the time, you shouldn't have to justify yourself liking it every time you go to talk about it.

You shouldn't have to feel like you're the worst person in the world just because you like something that happens to have problematic stuff in it.

And you're setting yourself up for failure if you go into something immediately looking for all of the bad in it, you're setting yourself up to be unable to enjoy it! And if you do manage to enjoy it it'll likely just feel wrong because of that!

I'm begging y'all not to consume *everything* critically and to sometimes enjoy things uncritically.

#its so fucking easy to end up demonizing yourself just because you like media thst isnt deemed “good” #i only just recently realized how fucking guilty id feel admitting i like watching helluva boss to other people outside of my circle. or #feeling thr need to warn people about the heavy racism in baldur's gate 3 for the fear of being seen as an awful person for praising the #game despite thst in it. fuck i even feel bad admitting i like watching law and order special victims unit bc of its content and how often #it just goes- *wrong* but like- i realized a lot of that is bc my brain and my ocd are constantly trying to take content in critically. #trying to always shame it bc its “bad” either bc of its content or its creators and thus my ocd has a field day of turning thst around to #meam that *im* bad because i enjoy it. which isnt fucking true. i enjoy iy #which isnt true. i can know stuff is not good/great for various reasons but i can still enjoy it without that inherently make me bad #anyway bc this is tumblr im already expecting people to try to twist my words and intents to make this seem like s horrible thing #idc atm bc my head hurts from trying to just exist and relearn how to enjoy stuff without fucking purity culture and my ocd shame watching #me lile a fuckin hawk #cant wait to see how freeing it feels tho once i stop giving as much of a fuck/worry

[mishapen-dear]

something about qbad mentioning how much horror he put red team thru every time purgatory gets brought up... something about how proud dapper was of him.

like this is just my late-night read but- it feels like guilt qbad is trying to twist into pride. he keeps needling away at it. “i killed them all, over and over and over again.” “they were hunted by a monster.”

it’s like- reassurance. like a nail he’s trying o beat into his head. he’s had SO much trouble with legitimately hurting his friends, despite making that vow all the way back when the eggs first went missing, despite all the tree talk and the promises to save the kids no matter what. He never faltered with elq, and that protected them. He keeps faltering now. Sometimes he doesnt remember the code, or cucurucho, or skeppy. But that doesnt matter, right? Because he’ll protect the eggs. He’ll be the monster. he is the monster. he can and he will protect them even as his seams start ripping and he keeps breaking further and further apart. even at his worst, he’ll do whatever he needs to protect the eggs.

he’ll be the monster. wont he?

#qsmp #he loves his friends and he wants to hurt them #he loves his friends and he doesnt want to hurt them #qsmp badboyhalo #ita like. He was torturing himself with the soul vultures because he kidnapped ron and threw down some scary magma mobs #and then forever changwd rhe whole fuckin narrative with that appreciation room and bad remembered the joy of community #and then cellbit. Where bad was like ‘i see him destroying himself to get the eggs back and i know where that road goes’ #’his loved ones dont want that to happen to him. i dont want that to happen to him’ #and then purgatory gave him the first actal legitimate lead for finding their kids and he just had to get worse #and so he fucking swandived into self destructive violence (and the cc was purposefully playing qbad more recklessly violent) #(bbgirl couldve been lured into a trap so so easily) #ive lost my point somewhere now im just rotating qbbh in my brain and all the parallels #ah yes. But now theyre out of purgatory. And he refuses to regret what he did because he *had* to do what he could to save dapper #and the other eggs #because he has a huge complex about being the ‘only one who can protect the eggs’ because of a thousand little cuts and his mental health #issues. Like he’s Wrong bur its such a fascinating little direction for his character. Yes king burn thyself on the pure of protection #and then burn in a nuclear blast too because your self sufficiency left you to care for your egg alone #you can take care of the eggs. you can hurt your friends. look at how much you hurt your friends #look st the monster you are . your teeth are sharp and your claws are large #never mind that time you sent tina into a panic attack because you tried to recreate safety #never mind that your friends and family are worried about you #you are falling apart. but so many monsters survive the killing blow

[jeysuso]

Seth Rollins pays touching tribute to his late friend Windham Rotunda on Monday Night Raw 28th August 2023

#seth rollins #sethrollinsedit #bray wyatt #braywyattedit #wweedit #windham rotunda #wwe raw #monday night raw #mygifs* #jeysuso #wrestling tag #* #not gonna lie this one hurt lads. #i'm gonna miss this fuckin goofball so much #i just really appreciated seth's approach to paying tribute #on the episode after the tribute episode #because he couldn't be there for the smackdown so he did it in his own way #and i think windham would've appreciated it #in the same way he would've appreciated la knight's. #class act seth rollins. love him.

[spitblaze]

Cannot overstated how gutting it feels to know how much of my life and charity has, in fact, gone to destroying the lives and personhood and ecosystem of Palestine while being told all my life that it was for the sake of MY people, that it was good, that Israel needs to exist. No it doesn't. It never did. Jerusalem is a holy site but it's not our site alone. For millenia 'israel' wasn’t supposed to be a place, it was supposed to be the people. I knew the Israeli government was held hostage by fascist ghouls, but I feel betrayed not knowing just how deep that bile runs.

But, well. Sitting here and being depressed about it won't help anything. I have no reason to support a country that does so many of the things to its native population that the US did to ours, that recreates so many of the actions that we promised would be 'never again', a country that was only ever an apartheid state at best. Healing the world is a core tenet and I intend to abide by it.

#spitblaze says things #i fuckin. sure hope i can anyway #its easy to be paralyzed and be all talk and no action #i. hope ive been uplifting voices and spreading the word enough #idk. theres always more i can do #im not writing this to be self aggrandizing or for glory or clout or w/e im just expressjng how i feel #knowing. every single fucking organization i have ever contributed to that claimed to help israel was only hurting palestine #idk man it kinda sucks knowing so much of what you were told was built on a foundation of fascist lies to start #but like i said! being said wont do shit #palestine

[emelinstriker]

mmmnnother idea too

#sneak peek #hyperfixation says esau cast in dnd style- but i don't think i'll do em the way i did nezha's doodle cuz that was a horrible way of shading #at least for me personally KEKW- #emelin rambles #to bed i go #i wanna try sleepin early for once #also i find it funny how as a dental tech i know why my jaw is hurting rn #muscle stress would be my guess cuz it's just the side of my jaw around the area of my left mandibular condyle #so i'm currently tryna force myself to physically relax more to try get rid of it quicker cuz it's annoying when tryna eat at times #also i was at an info meeting about a study some university students wanna do with autists regarding noise cancelling headphones #was hilarious considering i immediately began to critique the way the meeting went by telling my psychologist about #how they had the audacity to give a full group of diagnosed autists the OPTION to pick between showing up on a monday or tuesday #cuz we were all fuckin confused and one girl even had to ask like 2-3 times about how tf this would work and when we're supposed to come in #like how dare you tell us we can pick a day- that sparked so much lowkey panic and i could tell by the confusion of all- including myself #just give us a solid day DHFNDFHNDHFGNHDGH

[choctalksalot]

gotta ask bout jakehal just gotta ahdjjf

oooh oh you've stepped on the Words Button right there

boutta infodump the shit outta this one buckle up mothers and fuckers

love jakehal. top 10 ships that would obliterate dirk strider. concept of them makes me want to stick my head in a microwave. in a good way!! in canon, it's an Oh Man This Will Not End Well to me; jake spends a lot of the plot seeing hal as an annoyance, something dirk uses to blow people off, then as an emotional crutch, and like man that post you made about them? im not sure if i reblogged it yet but i screamed. because yeah. id go fucking apeshit too if i got treated like that. even if hal loves jake, it's kinda fucking hard to just forgive and forget 3 years of belittlement y'know. i think the worst part is he just might.

also a cup and a half of crack is mandatory. i cannot explain why. you cannot take them completely seriously. ever. it's part of what makes them work

if jake for some reason ever pursued hal, a lot of the time it hits me as being a bad attempt at coping. or a rebound situation, which is even worse because haha used like a tool. hah. they need Specific Circumstances to make them end in anything but a pile of burning scrap, the kind that forces them to confront their treatment of each other, and that's 1) hard 2) the first of many, many steps, for both of them. it's not a pretty sight. but it's one i love to see, in either direction [:

and then, turnabout jakehal. now that changes the fucking game.

i needed to make a bingo specifically for them because hoooh man turnabout jakehal. ho man. y'know there just something about being stuck on a ship for 3 years with the autoresponder of your best friend who you've recently been forced to acknowledge is a person that originated from said best friend, one that you may have been treating pretty shittily. and you can't run away from that. im aware im mostly focusing on jake's pov here but that's because i genuinely sobbed the last time i tried to think too hard about hal and im trying to stay coherent here

i keep a very specific scene of them in my head: sitting on top of the ship, looking at the infinite timelines whizzing by, and just. talking. about this. about hal being dirk's autoresponder. about whether jake just sees him as a shittier, less real version of dirk. about what hal's deal with jake is in the first place. i think about them. awkward kids working it out. they drive me nuts. i love this au, i love them :DD

#choc talks #ask game #jakehal #homestuck #canon jake and hal have a History that complicates them. even though they have good chemistry and banter #and i can see many sweet silly scenarios with it #there's so much there man that's gonna hurt. fuckin great ship #importantly: tb hal gets a (somewhat) humanoid form. it takes away a big part of what made jake disregard him so much #by making it much more obvious that he's a person. fucking unfair that getting a body's what it took for jake to fully notice it but #hell #it's what he got and it worked #actually really fucking nervous posting this why did i rb an ask game that relies on my personal evaluations of things oh god

[finncakes]

if i project on her hard enough i'll get a cane :]

#critical role #cr3 #laudna #laudna cr #cr laudna #i NEED to go to a doctor #cause if my pain can be helped with physical therapy that would be nice... #idk. i'm figuring out this chronic pain stuff -_- #never realized i had it cause i was raised to just not ever talk abt my pain ever so #and i still have that guilt of feeling like i'm faking it eugh #anyway in good news i used my knee brace today and it helped ! nothing fancy but my leg wasn't throbbing in pain by the end of the day ! #like it still hurt but WOW. who fuckin knew. #i really want to try and get a cane. it'd make my walk to work so much easier #and it'd mean i can go on walks with my friend TwT #but i don't think my mom would ever get me a cane if i ask or would get mad if i got one wah... #ok i shut up now :)

[spotsupstuff]

Okay, I was going to explain a possible path for a worm of the string au with Sparrow complaining one day that the puppet can't leave the chamber to relive the fever of being in one place and that her thesis being rejected and then Caper reading the thesis and iterating that idea and then he somehow manages to get off the string.

But getting off the umbilical without reason or explanation is more funny!

Imagine if that starts happening to the others iterators?

Pls tell me his face is priceless! More so if it is a red lizard (do train lizard exist in your au?)

Also, how would Notos and Haboob react to Sparrow?

Now, you mentioned that when Sparrow killed the red centipede she was not in the respawning cycle. What is the age that the Ancients enter the cycle?

staring like a deer caught in headlights GSDLKMCLK this man should either have internal bleeding from a Red Liz bite or bad damage in the coconut and Yet he's 👌 how puzzling n yah! train/hurricane lizards Are real in the Serotonin Take!

as for Notos n Haboob, assuming it's in the off string post-ascension thing too:

they'd like each other! :D

and the respawn cycle is entered once the etheric body is finished growing which is around like.... 20-23 years old

#Spot says stuff #rain world #rw #oc tag #// gun // #oc: boreas' blessing #oc: three sparrows #oc: biting notos #oc: inhale in haboob #for lil added context the idea is that BB saved Sparru from the green liz actually. and then went on a tirade bout how she should go Die #oh boreas you are so sensible and know exactly what you want from people </3 #post-mass ascension off string with sparrows is fun cuz. shes fuckin Alone in the whole world. n the iterators have been hurt by the- #-ancients leaving so its a whole mish mash.. on one hand boreas recognizes her as his lil sister. on the other hes too angry n bitter to- #-face that familial tie rn. yea he was glad when the ancients left cuz no more vemon injections! but everythin became so much harder #not to mention other not self-sufficient iterators are on thin ice from then on. he also doesnt want euros to see her again cuz like... #what if the poor kid will have to go through the pain of losing her to old age again thats horrible. so the worry n protectiveness is back

[synthshenanigans]

How dare he release a banger cover of one of my favorite songs ever at 4am where I cant yell, I hate him so much why

#im laughing so insanely rn i love this so much #i am actually losing my mind but like in the best way possible #also he's speaking/singing Japanese again & bros still p good it since haiku #don't have an official translation & im gettin it from discord but its a more worded version of “hurt people. hurt people” basically #i don't wanna fully state it cos i do not know the language & someone who's smarter than me can do that #but still cool to know #anyways I'm exploding now goodbye #hey hey did i ever mention i love saxophones #cos guess what i love saxophones #these songs are gonna have a LOTTA saxophone in it #also the screaming tho?????? fuckin losing my mind rn dude #my Spotify will never recover from this #chonny jash #moss post

[osoreruna]

here it is, the post nobody's been waiting for:

+ the MHA WATCHPARTY INFO !!

for this first session, we'll be watching the first of three movies: My Hero Academia: TWO HEROES ! dates for the other two will be determined at a later date, but will most likely take place the same time as this one, as determined by poll last week. here's the important bits !!

date: SUNDAY, 2/11

time: 6:00 pm, EST

to keep things accessible, we'll be watching the english dub with english subtitles.

the movie will be hosted on WATCHPARTY. the link to the room will be posted the day of. you do not need an account to use watchparty, but perhaps changing your chat name to your url or screen name would be helpful in identifying you.

everyone's invited ! feel free to reblog this if you're into that i guess — and invite your friends !!

that being said, i have no idea how many people will actually join in. it very well may be just me lmao but i know big watchparties can get out of hand sometimes. let's keep things safe and enjoyable for everyone, yeah ? blatant disregard of this statement will earn you a swift kick and potential ban from future watchparties hosted by me.

#𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 + [ OOC ] #𝗠𝗛𝗔 𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗬 + [ AD ] #⬅ tag to blacklist if you want nothing to do with this — #don't come at me about the dub thing — #my dyslexia will kick your fuckin ass. #i hid a little time zone converter thing in the post for you guys that are just as bad at math and / or just as lazy as me. #but yeah anyway #i know i've been like #NOT HERE but i've been lurkin #when i'm not sleepin'. i get it where i can. #sleep is still exhausting atm tho. cardio appt on the 9th. heart's been doing an excited little dancy dance i think but i wish it would STO #dancing — i mean...i ran out of characters. #not actually stop. #but !! it also took me so long to type this ! #because i decided to DESTROY my shoulder carrying an 85" tv up three flights of stairs today and it HURTS. #so i'm gonna try to do things tonight #but no promises. #uughhg i've got so much to catch up on i'm sorry y'all #but THREE DAY WEEKENDS STARTING NEXT WEEK !!! AHHH #i can't wait to cry about david w u guys —

[theokusgallery]

The voices again

HAHAHHFLDGHDSLJGHL

#HOLY SHIT DUDE I LAUGHED SO HARD MY THROAT HURTS #THIS IS PERFECT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH #im in love with your art it's so fucking good it's so GOOD #ask #tosteur-gluteal #arsenic #fanart #THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. LOOK AT THE FUCKIN SOMETHING AND DKJFHKSJ #sunny is so fuckin done #fav

[carrymelikeimcute]

There are really people who looked at Con O'Neill's performance in ofmd and went 'this is a one-note evil man (tm) with nothing else going on'.

Who read his interviews about what he specifically intended to show in certain scenes and went 'nah, actually he was just thinking 'I'm an abuser and I kick puppies'.

And I don't know how to begin to express how much I don't understand it.

#my dude has layers #look at his fuckin' face #there's so much going on #is it a frame rate issue?? #are you not seeing the EXPRESSIONS? #how can you wax lyrical about taika's ability to have eyes and then just blank on conathon ononathon and his fucking ability to have face?? #he really said 'izzy loves ed' and people heard 'izzy loves...being controlling and mean and evil and hurting people for no reason'. #the izcourse #con o’neill

[scary-lasagna]

I can understand lol. I'm turning 25 this year. I feel like an old lady. My back always hurts.

My back has been hurting for like a straight week now and it’s so awesome

#ask #i almost bought a massage today but i’ve decided to try a hot bath first #my backs hurts so fuckin much bro #lots of driving and lifting and bending over AARURUAGAHh #someone walk on my back