#and ive met a lot of therapists who are not suited for someone like me. like my therapist i got free at college was a student still and like
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15 questions tag game
tagged by @chillingtae to do this fun game. thank you so much bright angel!! <3 i dont think ive ever seen questions like these around here so this is fun <3
placing this under a cut because it is long !
1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?
uhm...im an old bean, and ive found that over time ive stopped asking for things necessarily and request more experiences. time spent with people matters more to me than items - i can pretty much buy things on my own if i want them. if im asking for anything id ask for money to put towards bills or savings or trips. this year i asked my parents for some money to convert to yen before i went to japan, which they gave me. of my friends, i asked if we could go for dinner and drinks which was a lovely evening <3
2. What was the last song or album you listened to?
song = Kvrt in Space by Fraunhofer Diffraction
album = 1 Billion Views by EXO-SC
3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?
depends on my energy level. usually chips and veggies with hummus because i dont have to make anything. my ultimate snack is popcorn so i have to be careful about how often i have it because i could eat an entire trucks worth and not feel the least bit guilty.
4. What is your morning routine?
check emails. text parents. catch up on group chats. roll out of bed and wash up. feed the cat. start the day!
5. What mythical/cryptic creature would you be?
god probably some bog witch or oracle on a mountain
6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?
i dont. if they are interacting with me i will be polite but the conversation will be curt and brief.
7. How do you define a toxic person?
=> habits of dishonesty, manipulation, gaslighting, deflection of blame for wrong doings
=> reacting to criticism or conflict rather than responding
=> engaging or meddling or perpetuating drama simply for the attention, thrill/endorphins of it
=> someone who drains your energy in their company rather than heals it
=> inability to admit they were wrong or let situations go
8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?
ive been to a significant amount of concerts in my life. i love love love concert going and, before quarantine, i would list this activity as one of my favorite hobbies. while not a fan meet event, ive wound up meeting and becoming acquainted with a number of musicians - either by running into them on the street, working with them in some capacity, waiting in the queue before doors, waiting after a show, etc. i once was able to attend an after party of a show with @queenoftheimpala because i knew what a tubulum was after a band member jokingly posted about it on twitter and we started talking. one of my all time favourite bands provides ticket packages which are both a ticket to the show and an earlier event in which there are panels with therapists discussing the importance of mental health etc etc.
regarding kpop, i have not attended a fanmeet and tbh i dont think i would. the set up feels unnatural, and it is not that i want to spend hours talking with an artist but it feels very rushed and not entirely personal enough for me to express what id truly want to say. this is just my opinion. i know many fans have attended these events and have had a wonderful time. i just dont think this would suit my energy as im quite introverted and feeling rushed would make me anxious.
9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
oh for sure i do. when you research charts, planets, alignments, etc etc it can be quite revealing when it comes to personality traits, needs, expectations. while i dont believe it accounts for every single thing about a person (upbringing and societal/cultural influence matter too) it can account for the fundamentals. astrology, tarot, and light work have seen me through some extremely difficult situations in my life and reading tarot/charts has helped me understand why i feel what i feel on certain days.
10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?
i rely so heavily on all my senses that i just...dont even know how to pick this. i think id go with touch. taste is a sense omg you mean i cant taste food anymore? oh god. ok uh yeah im still gonna go with touch. touch helps you feel the connection with other people - hugs, hand holding. sounds have waves which you can feel on the body. the earth has texture. touch is how the body relates spatially to other and to itself so yeah i would go with touch.
11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?
non kpop = prince, david bowie, chris corner, maynard james keenan....mostly its women. rihanna or sabrina claudio or rosalia. women in the root of their power and sensuality. they are unforgiving in their bodied expressions and i respect them so much. they are unforgiving in their femininity.
kpop = chanyeol lmao like....unfailingly so
12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?
for the non kpop celebrities = im usually just really supportive of women in the entertainment/arts industries so id love to just hear their stories. in this instance i dont think me saying anything is beneficial, more that its important we listen to their journies and their path to success. they have a lot to teach us. chris corner ive met several times and have had many amazing conversations with so in this instance, id just ask if hes doing well, how california is, how his dogs are, give him the update on my tattoo plans etc. for maynard...idk just cry because hes the celebrity ive loved since i was like 4 years old.
kpop = if i had the chance to talk to chanyeol i think like...id just like to talk about his music, thank him for having women as his video editors/videographers, ask his genre tastes, talk about the sheer amount of retro/nostalgia modes on the recent sc album. maybe talk about astronomy. thank him for his power and remind him to eat and that he doesnt need to master everything. achieving perfection is a pursuit of pain, all he has to achieve is happiness within himself. again, remind him to eat.
13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?
oooo lets go to an arcade and for dinner. theres some really great barcades in lower manhattan and on LES we can get some amazing dumplings for really cheap and just have a night of talking, playing games, drinking. then maybe walk along the river before we catch the trains home
14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?
my sweet tooth has a limit so while i do like sweet im more into savory
15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?
i have a lot of band tees, signed posters, albums of theirs theyve signed for me. i have some drum sticks given to me by a few bands, signed set lists. one band gave me a turntable slip cover. i have a few first press or numbered records that ive framed. i have some lightsticks from when i attended some kpop shows. ive got lots of stuff!
tagging: @yehet-me-up @queenoftheimpala @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @yoonia @jamaisjoons @ditzymax @jiminiethot @blackberrykai @hkynm @ninibears-erigom @readyplayerhobi @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if youre comfortable <3
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list, tw
I saw this on someone else’s blog (im not saying names cause idk if its okay to share that info? it was public but still) and it uh
It looked like a good way to kinda, like, have a bit less doubt? or a way to remind myself of whats happening and why i think i have this? idk
Might be triggering so like probs scroll past or something
‘the moods’ existed before i knew about did/osdd
I used to describe them as “it feels like half me, but also half somebody else”
I argue and talk with my own thoughts
Sometimes I talk/argue /aloud/ with my own thoughts
I have to actively fight to /convince/ Fae to talk to people, else he wont. and even when he does, its not how i want it to sound
I cant remember most of my childhood
The /bad/ middle school was when i was either 9 or 10
I knew too much about sex when i was much too young (7, 8)
I get ages wrong (i was 6 in cali, not 8. why do i think it was 8?)
I had a dream about getting raped when I was in elementary school. I didnt fight back. I didnt feel anything at all
I used to hide under desks
I hated my therapist. Its now fear. I dont remember what it was back then
I forget memories I recall, and if I force them back, everything hurts, even if theyre not traumatic
I often forget that I used to forget bad things that happened to me.
Other sex dreams from elementary school
The csa I /do/ remember (freshman). Why did i seek that out. Why did it seem like a good plan
I used to forget conversations daily
I drew myself (sebastian, older brother, nicer) before I knew i was trans. I dont have many memories from before I came out/knew i was trans. (am i an alter?)
Used to daydream for hours due to nerves. Disocciating?
The bathroom incident (middle school. 9 - 10)
How old are you? “16″ i reply this randomly when i am 23. when i was 21. Even when I know I am not
The HS trauma that happened right
I don’t have triggers for my trauma, except sometimes i /do/
Hypersexual, but only /sometimes/
I’m an adult! Except sometimes when my body is much too big and I am much too tall and I only want to curl up and be left /alone/. Except when i am small and fragile and want to have stuffed animals around me and play animal crossing. Except then.
Opinions keep changing, but to set differing ones. (Fashion sense, humor, hobbies, aesthetics)
Scared of dad! Not scared of dad. Pity dad. Could kill dad. Scared of dad! Not s-
Handwriting/Art/Writing style changes a lot (fluctuates between set stops)
Randomly gains accents and loses them. Only happens with two accents even though I know many
Stims change depending on Mood
Cant recognize myself in the mirror, but ideal keeps changing in set patterns (soft lumberjack, fae prince, cutesy, fashionable andro, suited devil)
Fave colors, songs, movies change in set patterns
Numb sensations to VERY INTENSE sensations. Cannot predict
Edible food changes depending on mood, even including safe foods (mac n cheese vs mussels vs ramen, etc)
What is this emotion? idk
Who am i? idk
I know I was bullied. Don’t remember why I know
Trying to think about my childhood makes me panic or get a headache
Super depressed after mental break ; Suddenly snapped out of it emotionally
That one time I slept for 3 days straight
Posture and walk cycle keeps changing
Gets songs stuck in my head that I’m not thinking about
Gets songs stuck in my head that i can’t even hear
Remembers things with no context given (the movie. “which movie” i dont know. “what was it about? who was in it? what was the title? what did it look like?” i dont know)
Bad sense of time, but like, days/hours can = months/years
“so mature for my age”
The Moods can be triggered into appearing, but not always by things I relate to them (ie; Kos and Fae)
Personality test results keep changing. All of them
False memories (the cliff, talking to the old woman about marriage, who knows what else)
Caught off guard by my own thoughts and even words I say (”sehb is gonna be mad at me for this, lol” “ACRRRRRYLICS”)
Most of my childhood memories are actually photos or stories ive heard
That dissociative test where I scored in the middle, but closer to DID than OSDD
Opinion on myself and my own looks varies
Opinion on my past varies
I dont recognize my own voice sometimes (is it changing? or is it my perception?)
Numb regarding pain, but then hypersensitive to it later
Numb regarding loss, skips straight to acceptance
Cant shiver normally, but sometimes can even when its not cold
Cant feel hunger normally, but sometimes can?
Favorite season and holidays change (summer, beach! autumn, cool air! halloween! no, valentines day!)
I dont feel connected to my family except my mum and maybe my youngest sister. These were /choices/ I made
Empathy? Dont know her. Except when I randomly start crying when others are sad, which always comes at different times but similar Moods
Cares about appearance one day, couldnt care less the next
Fave jacket: Green denim! Nope, today fave jacket: Grey hoodie! Nope, today f-
Headaches. So many headaches
More headaches when dealing with trauma
I doubt myself and worry I’m lying. Liars wouldnt do that, right?
Known to dissociate
Forget things mid sentence
Used ‘we’ when talking about myself at random before considering OSDD
Cant dream, except when I can and they dont feel like /mine/
Used to speak aloud with myself practicing words. Was I alone? idk
Loves animals. One of the Moods doesnt care at all about animals, even Wander
Loves video games. One of the moods detests video games
Loves horror games. Randomly feels intense fear from horror games
I know i was bullied, i know dad didnt come home on xmas, i know i moved a lot, i know i was in dc during 9/11, the ocean incident, the doctor incidents, I vaguely recall M(on base friend with older brother) and how she treated me (broke my glasses), i know i had a horrible time during that one year of middle school even though I only remember Two Moments (bathrooms, trailer) but I don’t necessarily have the memories of all of the things I know I dealt with
Memories are like snapshots or still moments, and dont continue
Memories I know effected me emotionally, I feel detached from now, except when i’m randomly Not (the koi, the caterpillar, not punching dad, etc)
Didn’t have friends until second year of middle school, those friends were bad, so were the hs friends
Ignored most things that happened but would randomly become enraged at smaller things that happened to me
The time on base I thought all adults driving by were pedophiles (i was 7. 8. why did i think that. why did i want to goad them? what was wrong with me??)
Keep forgetting memories like 81, but when I remember them theyre hard to get out of my head
“you acted so differently as a kid, what happened”
The Tics in response to stress
Was good at the doctors and then suddenly wasnt at all. Now am afraid
Was fine with bugs and then suddenly wasnt. Now am afraid
The fact that I dont remember typing ‘at all’ on 85
Lost old friend. Didnt mourn, still get a queasy feeling when I think about her/am reminded of her, but not upset or sad usually
Can connect most of the Moods to triggers, traumas, or coping methods, including myself
Reaction to trauma changed literally overnight
Used to love being tickled, now makes me panic (fight/flight)
Can feel when the Moods take something they see into themselves (was told this is normal. i am not faking this, at the very least)
I dont like lying. Fae doesnt/cant lie. Luci /enjoys/ lying.
Used to think solely in images. Now think solely in words.
Can sometimes hear thoughts before i think them, but only my own
Randomly gets worse coordination in turns with moods, and then gains it back after
Too trusting, but then gets in a mood and doubts even my closest friends
People keep telling me what im describing sounds like osdd, even friends who have met some of the Moods
I have an easier time remembering some things when I’m in different Moods
Used to have more amnesia before I started recognizing the Moods (was that me switching out?)
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all the things that could’ve been
For context, there’s a theory roaming around that the hivemind could travel through time and change events before they happened. here’s my idea of how that could have went. Mentions of kissing, so if you aren’t comfortable with that, don’t read or skip that part. Also mention of a panic attack. That’s the most graphic it’ll get.
I recommend listing to “if i’m being honest” by dodie for the first half of the story and “shrike” by hozier for the second half of this for the full experience.
______
It had been about four years or so since Paul had taken that new job Mr. Davidson had offered. Well, it would have been four years. But Paul remembers those years so vividly, it came as a surprise when he woke up one morning and everything was different.
The year prior had been the worse one he had ever experienced. One mental breakdown over job layoffs, a car crash, and his mother’s funeral led to a mental hospital and caffeine addiction. He didn’t want to sleep (the nightmares were to real), so he drank to stay awake. He’d stay awake, and he’d feel more worn out, so he’d drink more to stay up. The caffeine crash happened, and he needed more to stay away from dreams- the cycle kept going until he collapsed on the subway. Next thing he knew, he had an IV in his arm recovering from extreme sleep deprivation. Of course, once he was out of the ER, his father drove him to the mental unit. He didn’t want to go, but Paul understood why- he needed help. Badly. So, if the next two months had to be spent in a bland white-walled prison, so be it. It wasn’t as bad as he’d thought, most of the people he met were so sweet and gentle. The only thing that really scared him was the amount of minors in the ward. Those poor children.
Once he’d been released, he started to take better care of himself. Got a therapist, moved to a different part of Hatchetfeild, looked for a new job. His old math tutor, Mr. Davidson, offered him a job to help Paul get back on his feet. All he asked for in return was a monthly meeting to check up on his mental health. Seemingly fair enough, so Paul accepted.
Paul tried his best to deal with other parts of his life. He’d even tried dating again- something he hadn’t done since high school prom. He’d always felt horrible about himself, about his face, his hair, his body, just a whole mess really. But he needed to get out there sooner or later, right? He started with a girl named Mary (sweet lady, just a bit too narcissistic), but by the god-knows-what-number date, he’d just given up altogether. He liked most of the women, he even flirted with some! But he just couldn’t get over the fact that a month ago he was in a mental hospital. It shouldn’t define him, but it just seemed to loom over everything he did. The only good thing about that place besides the kids were the routines. So, he spoke to his therapist about it, and she said that having a constant thing in life would be extremely helpful. While he was still addicted to caffeine, he felt that he could try and ease his way off it. So, coffee shop it was.
He had started off with Starbucks.First, it was an espresso. Next, a simple iced coffee. Then he moved to Iced coffee with creamer. Than to hot coffee. Than a simple black coffee. Soon, he would be off coffee and down to the weird cappuccino things.
He was driving to Starbucks to get his morning coffee when he noticed a sign. Beanie’s. Huh, He’d never heard or seen the place before- must’ve been new. He pulled into their lot, parked, and walked in. He was hit with the smell of muffins and coffee beans. Only, it smelled slightly worse than Starbucks. But honestly, who was he to judge? He walked up to the counter, ready to order. A woman peered from outside a room, and yelled.
“EMMA! Costumer!”
Paul felt bad. God, if this ‘Emma’ girl was going to get yelled at, maybe he’d go back to Starbucks. Of course, that idea was thrown out the window when he saw her.
Paul wasn’t big on beauty. He could appreciate someone’s attractiveness, but he never really seemed to fall for anyone based on that. He had to know them, you know? But when Emma walked out, god he felt his cheeks heat up. She wasn’t supermodel pretty, but she was still breath-taking nonetheless. Sure, her hair was in a messy bun (that wasn’t done to be stylish, if he may have added), bags under her eyes, and looking like she wanted to punch a guy, but she was beautiful.
“Welcome to Beanie’s, what can I get you?” Emma asked. Gosh, her voice. Like velvet. Sad, tired velvet, but velvet.
“Uh, one black coffee, please,”
____________
Paul would be lying if he said that he put up with Beanie’s mediocre coffee for Emma. But what can he say? She was one of the first purely good things to happen to him in a while. Sure, she never recognized him and he always talked super quietly and watched from afar, but it was enough for him. He told his therapist about her, and she said to just ask if she wanted to maybe hang out sometime. Of course, that was insane. He’d have to talk to her about things other than his coffee, and he just wasn’t ready for that. But it had been almost two months, and if Paul didn’t do something now, when would he?
So, that faithful day came. He walked into Beanie’s on morning, and paced to the counter. Look normal, Paul. This doesn’t have to be weird.
“Welcome to Beanie’s, can I help you?”
“One black coffee,” He smiled. God he hoped he didn’t look as awkward as he felt. While she made the coffee, he noticed a small tip jar in the corner. He placed a $5 into it; Emma must’ve had superhuman hearing, because she groaned.
“Okay, okay! I’ve been brewing up your coffee-”
Paul stopped her from singing as soon as the first note hit. She may be attractive, but her singing voice was far from it. “No, no, it’s okay,”
“Oh, thank you! You know, Nora came back from Coldstone Creamery last weekend and took up the whole singing thing. It’s annoying as hell,”
“Sounds like it,” Paul gave a breathy laugh.
“I’ve seen you around before, what’s your name?”
“Paul,” He extended his hand for a shake.
“I’m Emma-” she finishes her sentence while handing Paul his coffee. “-but I’m sure you know that by Nora’s yelling,”
At this point, Paul was 100% positive he had a crush on Emma. Okay, crush sounded childish. He had a thing...a fascination...no, no, it was a crush. And god damn it felt nice. To have something positive in his life after so long.
“Would you want to get lunch with me sometime?” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. But to his luck, Emma smiled.
“Yeah, actually, but it has to be dinner- my lunch break is only 30 minutes. What about next Friday, 7?”
A costumer behind Paul started to curse him out- Paul had forgotten other people existed. Oops. “Yeah, that works. See you then,”
“See you then,”
When Paul got home that evening, he was ecstatic. He had a date! Maybe it would even be a good one! But he didn’t want to get his hopes up- she looked excited when he asked, but she could be doing it out of pity. After all, he did stare helplessly at her. And if she knew he was there a lot, than maybe she hoped going out with him would just get rid of him. No, stop it, he told himself. If she didn’t want to go out with him, she would’ve said no. He’d just go on the date and see what happens.
The next morning as he drove to Beanie’s, it occurred to him that he didn’t know where to pick her up. Or how. God, he was stupid. She was probably already on shift, so he decided on asking the moment he got into the shop.
Of course, this had to be the day Emma was off shift. It was Wednesday, so she was off until 2pm. Of course. Paul sighed as he walked into the coffee shop. The last thing he expected was to bump into the one and only while she walked out.
“Sorry, I- oh hey! You’re Paul, right?”
It took a second for Paul to get his footing and voice back, but he smiled awkwardly. “Hey, Emma. Yeah it’s me. I’m actually really glad I ran into you, I have a question,” He and Emma walked over to the ordering counter.
Finger guns. “Knock yourself out,”
Paul chuckled before replying. “Can I get your number? I just want to know where to pick you up Friday,” a barista coughed, and he looked over. “One black coffee,”
“Yeah, of course! Here, lemme just-“ she snatched Paul’s phone right out of his hands, and put in her number. “There you go! I’ll send you a photo you can use for my picture so you know it’s me,”
“Okay. Okay, uh, cool,” He smiled. The barista handed him his coffee, and he put a 10 on the table. “Keep the change,” he looked back at Emma. “Now, I’m going to go to my job,”
“Why don’t you go over to Starbucks, huh? Coffee here’s shit,”
Paul looked around the shop, and smiled. It just reminded him of her. “Because, some things are worth it. Like-“ he took a sip of the cup.”-Damn good coffee. And you,”
She blushed. She fucking blushed. God she was adorable. “Well, thank you,”
_____________
So came Friday night, and Paul was getting anxious. Emma had said to meet him outside of Beanie’s (’I’m working until 5 Friday’, she said), but it had been then thirty minutes and there was no sign of her. It’s not like he was hiding or anything- he was sitting in his car, smack in front of Beanie’s doors, clear as day. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she blew him off. No, Emma was a nice person, she wouldn’t do that. Would she? But, just as Paul was starting to have a freak out, Emma pushed open the front doors and looked around. Thank god. She saw Paul and waved, walking to his car; he rolled down a window.
“I was starting to think you’d ditched me,” He laughed.
“Me, leaving you? Never,” She laughed back and got into the passenger seat. “So, where to, posh boy?”
“Posh boy?”
“I dunno, you just look posh,”
Paul looked at himself; he was just wearing a nice polo and jeans. It’s not like he was wearing a suit or anything. “Oh, well thank you. You’re looking nice yourself,” That was true- she was wearing a nice pair of jeans with a blouse.
“Why thank you,” She imitated a British accent and failed horribly.
“You’re welcome, m’dam,” Paul replied with an equally bad accent. She giggled. “We’re just heading to a Mexican place. You like Mexican, right?” He returned to his normal voice.
“Of course! Who doesn’t?”
“Alright, let’s go then!”
The ride to the restaurant was much more scenic than Paul expected. The highway was way to backed up to even move, so Emma suggested they take a back route. Paul didn’t know the way, so they ended up switching spots. Emma typed in the restaurant's name into the GPS, and off they went. Paul looked out the passenger window to find they were driving next to an apple orchard- god was it pretty. The budding flowers and ripe looking apples that hung from the trees made Paul practically taste the apples in his mouth, The smell of apple cider in the distance made him swoon. If there was one thing that could always remind him of childhood, it was the smell of apple cider- how his grandmother used to pick him up from school in the fall and make him apple pie and apple cider, and feed it to hi until he was stuffed. Those were the days.
“What are you smilin’ so hard about?” Emma asked.
“Nothing really, just it smells amazing,”
“Alright,” He could feel her gaze on his face every now and again for the rest of the ride.
Once they arrived back at the restaurant, Emma pulled into the parking lot, and jumped out of the car. Paul soon followed, and when they both got the doors of the restaurant, Emma smirked and opened the door for Paul. “Ladies first,”
“Very funny,” Paul said sarcastically, but smiled.
The restaurant wasn’t fancy, but it was on of those places that you probably shouldn’t wear a t-shirt to. The lighting was dim enough to eat in but still feel like you were eating at some five-star place. The food smelled amazing as they both walked past the kitchen, following the host to their table. They sat down, and took a good look at their menus before Emma cleared her throat to speak up. “You know, I saw you staring at me the past two months,”
Paul was taken aback. Shit. “What?”
“Yeah, you kept staring at me. You’d stay in Beanie’s and drink your coffee. It’s not hard to tell when someone's eyeballing you, just so you know.” She saw Paul’s face, and laughed. He must’ve looked stupid. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. I mean, I found it creepy at first, but you were always so flustered when you ordered, so I knew it wasn’t like you were stalking me,”
Paul rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you’d even notice me,”
“With a face like yours? It’s hard not to!” She gave a breathy laugh before continuing. “But then you asked me out and honestly, I was super exited. You seemed...sweet.”
“Well? Am I what you expected?”
“No,” Paul was about to frown, but then he smiled. “You’re so much more,”
The food was fantastic. Emma had gotten the chicken taquitos, and Paul ordered the beef tacos. Safe to say, it took a while to make, but they passed the time by staking the salt and pepper shakers from the tables around them (Paul noted later that taking them while people were eating wasn’t the best idea, but honestly it was so much fun that he didn’t care). Then their food came, and they laughed because they had so many shakers. Eventually they put them back. While they ate, they talked about family, their jobs, and then their pasts eventually came into the discussion.
“So, what’s your trauma?” Emma asked after a mouthful of taquito.
“Hm?”
“Come on, we’ve all got something. Spill,”
God, was she ready for that so quickly? Was he even ready for that? He’d never told anyone at the office (minus Bill, but Bill was his best friend) about his past, so how was he to tell a woman he doesn’t even know? “Uh, I just went through a rough patch,”
Emma seemed to catch on that he didn’t want to talk about, and didn’t push. “Ah- I get that.” It sounded like she wanted to say something, but she stopped herself. She probably realized it was a bit early for trauma talk. Thank god.
By the time they’d finished eating, the sun was just about done setting. Paul drove her home this time, and the winding back roads and stoplight gave him time to think. He was starting to fall for Emma. He knew his heart was moving too fast, that it was all too much, but he didn’t care. She was everything he’d ever wanted and more. He couldn’t risk loosing her. Paul looked over at her- her head leaning against the glass, eyes closed, but he knew she wasn’t asleep. She really looked like an angel. Paul didn’t believe in God all that much- he’d grown up in church, but he never believed God made time for everyone. Now, he was starting to believe it.
When the GPS told him he’d arrived at Emma’s place, he parked and shook her gently. “Emma, we’re here,”
She groaned. “Okay, okay,” She opened her eyes. “I wasn’t sleeping, but god I wish I was,”
Paul pretended to be offended. “ Am I that boring?”
She gave a small laugh. Paul got out of the car, and opened her door for her. She gave a thank you. “You can come up with me for a bit, if you want.” Was Paul going to say no? Of course not. He followed her up the complex until they reached her floor. She dug the front door’s key from her pocket, and unlocked it. The place was nice for an apartment. A small couch, with a tall lamp in the corner. The kitchen was decent enough, and it looked like it had been recently cleaned. The smell of lavender took over his senses, and he exhaled sharply. “Come ‘ere,” Emma motioned with her hand, to which Paul followed- he hadn’t realized she’d starting walking ahead of him. He followed her into her bedroom. It was a nice light shade of gray with a purple accent wall. Quilts everywhere, her bed looked more like a giant pillow than a mattress with a headboard. A small table that acted as a dresser sat in the corner, along with a small bookshelf. While he was looking around the room, Emma had put on a record because of course she had a record player on her nightstand. He recognized the artist- Hozier. His voice acted as an anchor to the real world when Emma walked up to Paul and kissed him.
The kiss was soft- not to hard, more like she was testing the waters. Her lips tasted like coconut. Must’ve been chap-stick; or who knows, maybe she really just tasted that sweet. He’d been so lost in her, he didn’t notice he was kissing back. He didn’t notice his arms wrapping around her waist, her hands in his short hair. He didn’t notice that she turned them around, and that they were moving backward. It wasn’t until his back hit her bed, with her kissing him more deeply on top of him did he snap out of his trance. He didn’t want this. Well, he did, but not this quick. Not on the first date. He felt like.. he didn’t know why, but it just didn’t feel right.
“Emma?” He whispered, doing his best to pull away from the kiss.
“Yeah?” She asked, her voice breathy. Paul looked away; he felt so fucking stupid. He’s a guy- he’s supposed to want to fuck her on the first date. But he didn’t want to fuck her- not yet. And that seemed like such a degrading term- fucking someone. He wanted to love her, make her feel like she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. But not yet. Not this early. His thoughts must’ve been planting themselves on his face, because she pulled back. “Paul, what’s wrong?” Her voice sounded like honey, and Paul hated to do this to her.
“I’m...I’m not ready. I do want to, you know..just, not now,” He did his best to explain. She nodded.
“Of course. i don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to. Do you just want to lay here? We can keep going without the sex, if that’s what you want,”
Paul wondered how he managed to find a woman like Emma. “Yeah, that’s fine,”
They curled up together on Emma’s bed, sharing a couple of kisses her and there until they both fell asleep to the distant sounds of traffic and Hozier.
The next morning, Paul woke up to the sunlight hitting his face. He didn’t even want to open his eyes at first- the sun and the warmth wrapped around him made him feel like a cat. A lazy cat that didn’t want to move, even though the day had started long beforehand; even though the cat knew it needed to eat, that it needed to get some fresh air, it wouldn’t move for the world, as it was right where it needed to be- Paul was just like that cat. But, he couldn’t get his way, could he? He opened his eyes, and smiled. He was in Emma’s room. She was tangled up with him; their legs intertwined, her head leaning on his chest, his head leaning on top of hers. She looked at peace.
Paul’s back pocket started to buzz, and Paul gave a quiet groan. God, he couldn’t get one morning of silence, could he? He gently moved one of his hands off of Emma’s back. and slowly reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Mr. Davidson, it read. He picked up.
“Hello?” He whispered.
There was chatter behind Mr. Davidson’s voice. Was he at the office? No, it was Saturday- he was probably at Starbucks or something. “Paul, where are you? You missed our monthly meeting,”
Fuck. “What time is it?”
“About 11,”
“I’m so sorry, sir. I, um..I had a date, and-”
Paul could practically see the smile on Mr. Davidson’s face. “No worries, Paul. And you don’t need to call me sir, remember? You know me. I’ll move the meeting until Monday,”
“Than you, Nathan,”
“Paul, I’m glad you’re back on your feet. You deserve it after the year you’ve had,”
“Thanks,” Paul bid a quick goodbye, and ended the call. By the time he’d turned his phone off, Emma was starting to stir.
“Morning,” She muttered. Her hair was a mess, and it was so adorable.
“Good morning,”
This is perfect, she’s perfect, Paul thought. I’m going to marry her.
_______________
It had been three and a half years, and Paul had never been more happy. He and Emma had been in a relationship since the first date. Emma had moved into Paul’s larger apartment. They got a cat together, and then things settled down. Paul had gotten to know everyone at the office to be one first name basis with everyone. He, Ted, and Bill went out of guys night every month. Emma kept up her job at Beanie’s while she got through community college. She given Paul her pot farm proposal, and Paul laughed. When he found out she wasn’t kidding, he helped her get a medical marijuana selling license. They worked on logos together, and honestly Paul did his best to support Emma no matter what.
Not that their relationship was perfect. When Paul’s department faced possible layoffs, it sent him into a frenzy. He couldn’t be unemployed again, living like that was hell. When Mr. Davidson called Paul into his office, Paul snapped. He started having a horrible panic attack, and the office ended up calling for an ambulance in fear of his safety. Emma, of course, was Paul’s emergency contact (along with his father), and they both ended up at the office in under a half an hour. They both talked while the first respondents calmed Paul down- Emma and his father weren’t allowed near him while he was still on edge. To this day, Paul regrets that was the way Emma met his dad. After that whole ordeal, Emma made him talk about his past. She said she needed to know, because if she needed to help on moments notice, it was important to know those things. So, Paul told her about how when they’d gone on their first date, he’d been out of a mental hospital for two months. How he’d had a mental breakdown when he lost his first job, and even thought about suicide at one point. He explained that’s why he freaked out when Mr. Davidson called him into his office. Emma understood completely- she told him about her sister’s death, and how her parents never really talked to her that much after the death, because in their grief-stricken state, they blamed her for her sister’s death. That night, both of them cried, holding one another until they wore themselves out to sleep.
But through all their ups and downs, they never lost sight of what they loved about each other. And now that three and a half years had past, Paul knew. He wanted to marry Emma Perkins. He wanted to share her last name, or for her to have his. He wanted to be with her until he died. They both already wanted this- marriage would just make it official to everyone else.
“I’m going to propose to Emma,” Paul blurted at Guy’s Night.
“What?” Bill asked.
“About time,” Ted scoffed.
“I have a ring picked out and everything. i just don’t know when,”
“You know, I proposed to Vanessa when we were having sex,” Bill commented awkwardly. “But she said yes,”
“Look where that got you,” Ted pointed out.
“Not what I meant, Ted,” Bill shot back. “Look, Paul, all I’m saying is whenever feels like the best time, even if it’s weird, go for it,”
“Just not during sex, that’s just stupid,” Ted laughed. Bill glared at him, and Ted nudged him. “All in good tidings, Bill,”
“Thanks guys,” Paul smiled.
Turns out, the right time was on a Saturday night, while they watched Dateline on their couch. She was wearing his sweater, and the cat was on her lap, and she was so perfect. Paul couldn’t think of a better time to ask the woman he loved to marry him.
“Emma?”
“Yeah, Paul?”
Here goes nothing, he thought. “Em, I love you. And honestly, you supported me at my best, and helped me up through my worst; and I like to think I’ve done the same for you. You helped me become the man I am today, and..and everything you do reminds me every day why I’m so thankful God led me to you,”
“Paul, what are you doing?” Emma asked. She gasped when he got up from the couch and onto once knee.
“This is a little bit awkward because I don’t have the ring with me,” Paul laughed, “But Emma Lauren Perkins, would you marry me?”
Emma put her hands over her mouth, and started to laugh. She let go, and she was smiling so wide. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes!” She jumped of the couch (the cat hissing and running away) and into Paul’s arms. “Of course!”
Paul kissed her, and she kissed back. They were getting married.
_______________
Paul’s been waiting for three and a half years for this day, but even in his dreams did he picture hoe beautiful Emma would be walking down the aisle.
They couldn’t afford much- they worked minimal wage jobs, and even with help from Paul’s father, they couldn’t afford a big venue. So, they decided on a small reception on the beach in Rhode Island. The boat ride and drive from Hatchetfeild to the beach was about 2 hours. Once they got there, they unpacked their stuff at the hotel room. They didn’t plan on having much of a honeymoon, just at the same beach they were to marry in for a week or so. But that was enough for them.
When the day finally came, Paul was a bubble of nerves. The wedding would take place in a small park, with the first dance and after party actually being on the beach (no one wanted to see Emma trip on her face because of sand on their wedding day (as funny has Paul and Emma seemed to think it would be, they decided against it).
So, there stood Paul, waiting at the end of the aisle. Emma’s friends and relatives on one side, Paul’s father and coworkers on the other. Bill offered to marry them, since Emma was atheist and priests were fucking expensive. The bridesmaids and Paul’s mates walked hand in hand down the aisle. Mr. Davidson and his wife walked down next, and Nathan winked at Paul as he passed. Finally, Paul saw Emma walk down the aisle with his father, and he lost his breath. The white dress complimented the rose flower crown that she and him were proud to say she made herself, and with her hair in a loose bun, she looked more like an angel than he’d ever seen her. When she got to the from of the alter, Paul nearly broke tradition and kissed her right then and there- but he had to hold back. The both smiled at each other while Bill went through the motions.
“Paul Matthews, you may now recite your vows,” Bill said.
Paul took a deep breath. “Can I just say how nervous I am?” The crowd laughed. “No, really!” He looked over at her. “Emma, when i met you, i was a mess. I didn’t think I was going to get better, that nothing in life mattered You came to me at the hardest point in my life, and you embraced it. You were always so gentle and patient with me, and that really meant the world to me. When I met you, the world just got so much brighter. The smells, the brightness, the colors, everything just just better. And times got hard for us, but I’m so thankful that you stuck through it all. You mean the world to me. I love you so much,”
Emma laughed an wiped away a couple of tears as Bill spoke up again. “Emma Perkins, you may recite you vows,”
“God damn, Paul, you’re a sap,” She muttered, laughing again. “Paul, I didn’t think I was worthy of love before I met you. I used to think that I’d always have to change myself for love, because that’s all I grew up knowing what love was. And frankly, I didn’t want that. The you stumbled into my life, and I realized I didn’t have to change a thing to love someone wholeheartedly. You taught me to love myself, and I hope I’ve done the same for you. Paul, I love you more than words can describe, and I hope you’ll be right there next to me for whatever the hell life wants to throw at us,”
“Paul and Emma Matthews, by the power rested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife,”
Emma beat Paul do it, dipping him and kissing like there was no tomorrow.
The rest of the reception was on the beach, and everyone had a wonderful time. Emma and Paul’s first dance was to Hozier’s Shrike, in honor of their first date. After that, a playlist of random 80s music and rave music blasted from the speakers, and everyone jumped and danced like there was no tomorrow. Even Emma’s biology teacher, Dr. Hidgens, was dancing. It went on for another three hours of so, until midnight hit, and everyone bid goodbye to the wedding. Now, all that was left was leftover cake, Emma and Paul, and the crashing waves.
“Emma Mathews?” Paul asked as he sat next to her.
“Yes, Paul Matthews?”
“Can we just fall asleep here? I want to remember this moment,”
“Of course,” Emma smiled, and they both laid down. Emma head on Paul chest, Paul holding Emma’s hand. “I love you, Em,”
“I love you too,”
They both drifted off to the sound of the waves and seagull cries.
____________
Beep, beep, beep.
The alarm clock woke Paul up. Which was strange, because unless he suddenly remembered to set an alarm, his alarm clock shouldn’t be ringing. He rolled himself out of bed, looking out the window. That was a hell of a storm last night- the power transformer almost blew out. Thank god he still had running water, because he hadn’t showered all weekend (not getting out of bed does that to a person). He walked over to the bathroom, and doused some water on his face. that’s when he noticed the ring. It was a wedding ring. The hell, Paul thought. He’d not married, he doesn’t even have a girlfriend. He took it off, and threw it into the trashcan.
He could hear his next door neighbor singing in the shower. He never sang. Odd. Who knows, maybe it was a good day for him- for what it was worth, Paul thought his voice was lovely. He turned on the radio to listen to while he made some toast. Today is March 24, 2018, Donna said.
Paul had a pang of deja vu. He felt like he was supposed to do something important today. He looked around his room, then shrugged. Everything seemed normal. Expect the wedding ring. After a moment of thought, he brushed the thought of. He was drunk last night, maybe he just got married it Bill by mistake.
Paul finished up his morning routine, and locked his apartment up. Maybe he’d stop but Beanie’s again- there was a cute barista there, and who knows, maybe he would ask her out.
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Against the Odds - Chapter VII
Love you, Wifey,
MASTERLIST (mobile) AO3
Warnings: pure smut (right at the end), lil’ ass play, fluff, alcohol, drinking, honestly the smut scene it like two pages long
After 3 hours in the make-up chair, I was 100% positive my hair was going to fall out within the next week. Since I was blonde now, I had agreed to have it dyed to Wanda’s hair colour instead of using a wig. We were filming mostly in Atlanta and it’s May, so I just didn’t want another layer of silicone on me. Instead, I had to go through hair-dying two times, because they didn’t get to colour right the first time.
Dodger was sleeping on the couch in the corner of my trailer with a fan running directly on him, like a true diva. Chris has been shooting since early in the morning and he was already gone when I woke up, so the dog spent pretty much all the time with me.
I haven’t been feeling very well for the last few days. It was my first shooting day, but I came here with Chris a couple of days ago, because he started shooting earlier and I had some screen tests. I’ve been having some mild headaches during the day, which could turn into nearly unbearable ones in the evening. I’ve also been experiencing some sickness and was barely able to keep anything down, unless it was something very light.
They didn’t want to blow-dry my hair, because it makes it fuzzy, so I got to have a lunch break. Dodger followed me out and we went to Downey’s trailer. Robert had invited me for lunch earlier and I couldn’t say no, because he always has the nicest food on set and it doesn’t make me sick as much.
“Oh, hello, my brown-haired beauty!” he exclaimed when I was nearing his village. “I thought you’d never come.”
I approached him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry, Rob. They messed up my hair and had to do it all over again.”
“It’s fine, nobody shows up on time anyway,” he said and laid out a water bowl for Dodger. Dodger is now the official set pet. “Help yourself, honey. We have everything you like.”
I grabbed a chicken salad and sat at the table with Robert. “Who’s coming today?” I asked, stuffing the delicious food into my mouth.
“Well, Mackie should be here soon, Evans and Scarlett when they finish their scenes, Emily, as in VanCamp,” he saw my face, when he mentioned the last person. “I know you don’t love her, but...”
“It’s not that I don’t love her, I just don’t like being around people who say that I stole their role, because I slept with someone.” I said and took a sip of my smoothie.
“You’ve gotten feistier since I last saw you.” Rob chucked. “Is everything alright?”
I scratched Dodger’s head and sighed. “You’re not only our main feeder, but also a therapist,” I smiled. “Chris and I are having a bit of a rough time, I think. We, um, we bought that house together, then went on the Age of Ultron press tour together, now we’re filming this and we also agreed to do another movie together... It just started to seem like we are just trapped together. Well, he says that.”
“How is that a problem? Evans can’t stop talking about you when you’re not around and suddenly he feels like he’s in a trap?” Rob asked. “Honestly, I’ve known the guy for a few years now and you���re his longest relationship, so maybe it’s just his odd way of getting used to commitment or something.”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I try not to think about it, to be honest. He was talking about engagement like 3 months ago, so I figured it’s not commitment he’s uncomfortable with. Anyway, he’s been taking care of me now that I’m sick.”
“Give him a break, love. He’s a Gemini.” Robert nodded and turned around to see Anthony walk in, still wearing his suit.
“I hate this city, I hate this city,” he kept repeating under his breath. “Do ya’ll have any ice I can eat?” He sat back on a chair and sighed loudly.
“Have any one of you had any scenes today?” he asked. “Because it’s fucking hot out in the sun and I wouldn’t let my worst enemy work in that heat.”
While Mackie was complaining, Emily joined us and sat on the other side of the table. Our relations have been very, very tense, since I found out what he has been talking about me. She was stupid enough to spread those things amongst people who knew me.
So. I oncereceived a text from Aaron. “I didn’t know you were already dating Chris at that party at his place in February”
It was just a casual text, he basically wanted to express his shock, when he found out we were appearently already a couple at that time.
“We weren’t. We met that night. Who told you that?” I replied.
“Emily VanCamp is working on a movie with Sam and she told her, and I quote ‘I actually almost got to work on a movie with your husband too, but Emilia Dawson started to magically date Chris Evans right when the auditions started and suddenly I lost the job.’”
What a fucking bitch, I thought. To be honest, I had no idea she auditioned for my role. I got an invitation to audition, but the process was incredibly fast and I figured they considered me to be the only candidate.
“Looks like she’s just mad I got “her" role. I hope she hasn’t been spreading those rumours around too much.”
That’s why we are not on speaking terms, but that’s alright, because her contract expires after Civil War. I’ve never been mean to anyone on set and, to be honest, I’m not mean towards her either, I just don’t speak to her. Chris was trying to talk me into solving this issue with her, but that’s not my thing to do. She should’ve just shut her mouth and thought this through.
I felt my headache kick in again, so I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. “I really hate this city.” I mumbled.
“Hey, maybe you want me to get you to an air-conditioned room?” Anthony asked. “I mean, the heat must be just making it much worse.”
“No, I’m fine. I just didn’t have to time to adjust here It’s probably just a late jet lag. I’ve never reacted well to heat.” I explained. “I already filmed one scene with Scarlett and I only have a few more takes to do today.”
Both Anthony and Robert sighed. “You’re just too stubborn.”
Because of the temperature, my hair dried out quickly, so the make-up team notified Joe and Anthony that I’m ready to work. They put me into a jacket and leather pants, which didn’t help my condition. I left Dodger with Robert, even though he didn’t really want to stay there without me. Probably because he was getting bad vibes from Emily.
Chris was waiting for me on the set. He had been doing some shots with Mackie, who was supposed to join us soon.
“Hi,” Chris wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m alright,” I lied. “I’ll probably get used to the temperature in a few days and I’ll be completely fine.” I explained, pulling away from him.
“Em, you got up in the middle of the night to throw up and were covered in cold sweat when I woke up today,” he whispered. “I’m not saying it’s something serious, but you’re obviously not comfortable…”
I rolled my eyes at him and watched Joe walk up to us for instructions. We were supposed to do a few simple sequences of Wanda and Steve fighting together against Crossbones. I mainly had to do gestures with my hands and fingers, so it wasn’t very tiring. Sometimes I had to do some running and that was all. Chris kept checking on me, making sure I’m not about to faint. I wasn’t. We had a few retakes, but I was as fine as I could possibly be.
At some point, I had to wait for my turn to show up at the end of Steve and Crossbones’ fight. At first, I had to contain energy from a made up explosion with Chris and Frank in the shot. Then they left and I had a few single takes. I had been practicing my choreography a lot and my headache was helping a lot with showing actual struggle on my face.
“Okay, cut!” Anthony yelled and I felt my legs turn into jelly. I started to feel a little bit dizzy and weak. I fell down and that was the last thing I remembered.
I regained my consciousness feeling very cold air around my body. I still had a knot in my stomach and felt I could throw up any minute, but at least my head wasn’t exploding anymore. I was laying on a bed with something under my legs to keep them up.
I felt someone’s hand on my bare calf, one finger brushing over my skin. I opened my eyes slowly to see Chris sitting right next to me, doing something on his phone. There were I’ve bags around my head and stomach and I was only wearing my underwear.
“Chris?” I mumbled and he reacted instantly and came to my side along with a paramedic.
“Dawson, I’m going to kill you for ignoring your health later.” He said and I could hear concern in his voice and saw it on his face.
“Ms. Dawson, we figured it’s be better for you to rest in our medical area rather than transfer you to the hospital right away. We have some tests to run and we’ll probably hook you up to IV, but I do need to ask some questions.” The paramedic said, taking out a form.
I tried to lift myself up on my elbows, but they stopped me. “I wouldn’t do that, you’re still very weak, Miss.” She said, trying to hold me down on the bed.
She asked me a few questions about my allergies, medical history and symptoms. “How long have you been feeling unwell?”
“About 3 or 4 days probably.” I answered. “But I get a few days of headaches every year when it starts to get hot, it’s normal for me.”
“She also has been throwing up.” Chris interrupted. The woman glared at him, because he probably wasn’t supposed to get involved.
“Is that true, Ms. Dawson?” she asked me.
“Yes,” I nodded. “It happens during the night or in the morning.”
She raised her eyebrow and moved her gaze from me to Chris and to me again. “Are you on any kind of birth control?”
“Yes, I’m on pills.” I said, looking at Chris who seemed to be looking at the wall above me, because of the topic we were stepping into.
She reached to her bag and took out a pregnancy test. Why does she even have those? How often do actresses find out they’re pregnant on set?
“I need to be sure you’re not pregnant, if I’m going to put you on IV or other medication,” she explained. “Drink some water now, wait 30 minutes and then take the test.”
She left the room, leaving Chris and I silently staring at the box. He finally moved and brought me a glass of water. “It’s not possible, is it?” he asked quietly. I knew it wasn’t possible. I knew I wasn’t pregnant. I took my pills every day, 11 o’clock on the dot.
“I barely eat or drink during the day, so when I have a snack in the evening…”
“You what?” he raised his voice. “Emilia, I carried you here and I realised that you lost weight, but I didn’t know you haven’t been eating. I assumed it was because you couldn’t keep anything down.”
“Well, I couldn’t keep anything down, so I only are maybe one meal a day,” I explained. “And I know it sounds fucking stupid, but…”
“No buts!” Chris snapped “I know we haven’t been talking much lately, but I can’t believe you had to lose consciousness for almost an hour to realise that you might need a doctor. I thought that, if you never said anything maybe it wasn’t that bad.”
I sat up slowly and reached out for Chris’ hand. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “We’ve been busy here and I genuinely thought it was just heat and some bad food combined.”
He looked down at me and pulled me against him. “Don’t ever do that again, alright?” he whispered against my head. “Em, I was so scared when you collapsed. This last hour…”
“I’m better now.” I said. “I’ll take the test and she’ll give me some meds. Tomorrow we start filming indoors, so I’ll be ok.”
Chris’ eyes wandered off to look at the test. “About the test…”
“Chris, I’m not pregnant.” I stated quickly, making sure he doesn’t get his hopes up.
He chuckled. “I know, I’m not going to bring up kids until you say you’re ready.” He clarified. “I just meant to ask if it was even possible, because the morning sicknesses checked out.”
We waited a little bit more and I went to the bathroom to take the test. I set it on the sink and went back to Chris, who was texting again. “I called your mom, by the way.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I sighed. “I’m surprised she hasn’t called me yet.”
“Well, your phone’s not here, so I’ll just text her that everything’s alright and you’ll call her later.” Chris said. “By the way, I was supposed to yell at you for ignoring your health issues.”
“I get it, I’m stupid.” I snuggled into his side. “Why haven’t you been talking to me, Chris?”
Chris sighed and, even though I couldn’t see his face, I knew his mouth was slightly open and he was thinking of things to say. “You know how we signed up for over a year of working together, right?” he started and I nodded. “Well, I always thought that people in a relationship should, you know, have their own things and I thought that we would get tired of each other while living and working together.”
Looking at the fact, that not so long ago he was talking about engagement, I was really surprised by what he was worried about. “Chris, how far have you gone with your previous girlfriends? Because, if moving in together is overwhelming for you, then I can’t imagine what a wedding would feel like.”
Luckily for Chris, the paramedic came back with a doctor and he didn’t have to respond right now. They checked the test, and because it came out negative, they put me on IV for a while. It turned out that I was dehydrated (not surprising) and suffered from a light heat stroke and had a food poisoning.
I got some meds to help tone down my symptoms and then I was released. Chris and I drove back to our rented house. He then left to walk Dodger out and I sat on the sofa and phoned my Mum.
“Chris told me that you’ve been unwell for some time and did nothing about it, Emilia.” She complained. “He’s such a good guy.”
My mum talking about how she feels when she can’t be with me in moments like that and how dad reacted when she told him. I was mad about that, because I didn’t see it as such a huge thing.
Chris came back and my mum heard that, because she was on speaker. “Hello, Christopher! Thank you so much for letting me know! I would’ve have to find out from the press, if it wasn’t for you.”
I rolled my eyes at her words as Chris approached me and sat on the edge of the sofa where I was lying. “It’s alright, Mrs. Dawson. I just wish Em would take care of herself more.” He said, which made my jaw drop.
“Says the guy who smells like an ashtray.” I mumbled. “Anyway, Mum, did dad also start swooning at the mention of Chris when you told him how he took care of me today?” I asked sarcastically, pushing Chris away from me.
“No, I think he still remembers that thing he said on the late night show,” Mum said and I started to laugh so hard my stomach started to hurt again. “I mean, you guys do your own thing, but I don’t think you had to say it on television, Chris.”
I couldn’t contain my laughter, especially because he didn’t know what Mum was talking about. “I love fucking girls in the butt.” I choked out and Chris suddenly became very embarrassed.
“I didn’t know he watched my appearances on the TV,” Chris said. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have drank alcohol before the recording.”
At some point my mum had to go and we were left alone with our unfinished conversation. “So… do you want tea?”
I rolled my eyes again. “Someone’s having commitment issues…” I sang. He wrapped his arms around me and laid us down together on the sofa.
“Alright, girlfriend,” he murmured. “I have never in my life proposed to anyone, if that’s what you want to know. I’ve only once officialy bought a place with a girlfriend, the rest were just sleeping at mine from time to time.”
I raised my eyebrow and reached under his shirt to pull on his dog tag. “So I don’t get it. First you demand commitment and now you're like ‘let's spend as much time apart as we can'.”
“Well,” he sighed. “In fairness, you’re the more mentally mature one and you shouldn’t listen to the shit I say. I’ve only ever worked with one of my girlfriends and we broke up before the movie premiered. That was my only long term relationship, so thought it’s just something i shouldn't do.”
“Age of Ultron has been out for some time and doing fine, so...” I shrugged and snuggled into his chest. “I think we do have our own things anyway, so you shouldn’t be worried about that. You’re the reason I sold my flat in NY and we moved in together, so suck it up Mister. Anyway, you’re the one who’s doing only one movie after Civil War. I’m also filming a TV series in September and another movie in March, so we’ll get our dose of alone time.”
Chris chuckled and kissed my forehead. “Alright, let’s just not get on each other's nerves and we're golden.”
“Now go make me a sandwich, I’m getting hungry.” I mumbled into his chest.
“You mean a grinder?” he corrected me, pronouncing it more as ‘grindah’.
“Not this again.”
I started to take my meds regularly for a few days and I got much better. To make sure the situation doesn’t happen again, the Russos decided to film all of my indoors scenes first, so could get on with work, but also avoid a similar situation.
Chris had started to treat me more like a baby than usual. He was present while I was filming all of my scenes, also the ones he wasn’t involved with. I was very uncomfortable with giving Paul Bettany romantic looks when my boyfriend was right next to me. I mean, I didn’t insist on being there when he shoot that uncalled for kiss between Steve and Sharon.
Around mid-June we got a week off from filming, so Chris and flew back to LA. It was the first time we were staying at the new house, since the renovating team had finished it while we were gone.
Dodger had no problems getting used to his new home. Chris also seemed to love it, even though it wasn’t his first choice. And I was utterly in love with this house. Every day, when I woke up, I had a sunrise in front of me, sneaking through the windows. I looked at Chris, who’s still asleep peacefully and snuggled into him. Even in his sleep, he pulls me closer to him and kisses my shoulder. It’s heaven.
On Friday the 12th, Chris’ friends visited him from Boston to celebrate his birthday. They had an all-boys night with snooker, beers, whisky, American football and stakes, so I let them be and left to run some errands and for a meeting with Jeremy. I had agreed to do an independent movie next year and after reading the script, I thought that the other lead role would be perfect for Jeremy, so I asked him for a meeting.
I walked around a few shops, not really knowing what I wanted to buy, but ended up buying a cute set of pyjamas, jeans and a pair of high heeled shoes.
“Hi, Jer!” I greeted him as he stood up from the table. “How are you?”
“You saw me a few days ago, not much has changed,” he smiled and pulled out the chair for me. “Anyway, you got me interested in that movie.”
I handed him my script. Taylor had asked me not to make any copies, so Jeremy had to read at least a part of it here. We ordered our food and discussed some parts of the movie. “Have they told you where you’d film this?” he asked.
“They’re thinking of Utah in spring,” I answered. “It’s about 5 weeks of filming, but I looked up the locations and they’re incredible, Jer.”
Jeremy seemed very interested in doing the movie. “I’m just a bit worried, you know. I barely got joint custody for my daughter, because my ex tried to prove I don’t have enough time to properly raise a child, so I was actually thinking of having some time off.”
“I mean, I’m not trying to persuade you or anything,” I clarified. “Taylor only mentioned that they still need a male lead, so I asked him for characteristics and thought of you. I’m gonna give you Taylor’s number so you can discuss some matters with him, if you have any other questions.”
Jeremy nodded, putting the script aside. “Anyway, where’s Evans?
“His birthday is tomorrow and his mates from Boston are visiting, so I have house full of Bostonians,” I said. “They’re spending the night, too.”
“You’re in for a loud night,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, but I actually have an invitation to a club for a few of my friends, so I might just do that.” I shrugged. “Seems a bit odd to leave Chris the night before his birthday, but I wouldn’t want to crash their evening either.”
“Good call, guys get super mad when their buddies girlfriends join,” Jeremy said. “How are you two? I gotta be honest, I was pretty sceptical about your relationship at first. Not that I didn’t like you, Em, everyone fucking adores you, but on set relationships have ruined a lot of fun on set.”
I took a bite out of my chicken and said, “We have our ups and downs, but it’s great. So, unless we have a fight, we won’t be ruining the atmosphere.”
“Evans is a great guy, but he’s still lucky to have you,” He grinned. “Honestly, when I met him, I just couldn’t imagine him in an actual, serious relationship and now he responds to the snap of your fingers.”
I laughed out loud, knowing exactly that it’s not true. “Well, that’s a bit of an overstatement.”
We joked a bit more about Chris and talked the Wanda and Hawkeye relationship in the comics, which is sort of a father-daughter thing. It was really fun, especially when be realised that he could, in fact, be my father.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stay longer, but I left Ava with a sitter.”
“Yeah, of course,” I said. “Anyway, I really hope we get to work together again soon, not only for Marvel.”
“And I’m waiting for a housewarming party invitation.”
Jeremy walked me back to my car and we said our goodbyes. I had already noticed a photographer while we were inside, so I was positive that there would be a story about me cheating on my boyfriend with Jer.
It was still early and I knew that Chris hasn’t even started the proper party yet, so I decided to actually go to the club. I got invited by some friends I made on the set of Tudors, who have now also moved to LA.
I didn’t drink, since I had my car with me, but we mainly sat at out table and talked. It’s been too long since we had previously spoken, so it was nice to catch up. At some point we started to dance and I lost track of time.
It’s been too long since I went clubbing and it felt so good to just to close my eyes and not think about anything. I need to take Chris out to a club sometime soon. We’d have a lot of fun.
I think it was around 2 am when I decided it was about time to go back home. I could barely stand on my feet from all this dancing and had to take my shoes off to drive normally.
When I arrived home, the lights were still on. I was hoping to get inside quietly and go to the bedroom, but as soon as I walked in, Dodger started to bark. I bet he wasn’t a fan of the noise.
“Shhh, buddy. Come on, don’t be like that.” I scratched him behind the ear.
Chris came downstairs to greet me at the door and I saw that it took a lot for him not to fall down the stairs. “Hey, babe,” he blurted out. He wasn’t overly drunk, but I would say that he should've stopped drinking about 3 shots ago. “Where ‘ave you been?” His Boston accent was back from spending half the day with his childhood friends. I was kind of loving it.
“I met up with Jeremy and then went out with some friends,” I said and kissed him quickly. “Happy birthday.”
“Oh, God, don’t mention it,” He mumbled and connected out lips in a kiss again. He tasted like alcohol and cigars, which is exactly how I imagine their party would look like. “I hate gettin' old.”
“Old or not, I love you, Evans.” I whispered and made him grin.
“You’re an angel, you know that?” I could see how much he had to focus to say those things out loud properly. “Come on, let me show ya off to the guys a little.”
I rolled my eyes and climbed the stairs with his arm wrapped around me, probably for balance. “Fellas, this is my girl, Emilia,” he said, presenting me almost like Will Smith did with Jada in that one photo. “Some of you have met her, some haven’t been blessed yet.”
“Hey,” I waved at them almost awkwardly. “Don’t worry, I’ll just get something to drink and I’m running upstairs.”
“Why? You should stay with us.” Adam pointed at a spot next to him. “You’re all Chris talks about, anyway.”
“Yeah, I may have never met you, but literally know everything about you,” said the guy that introduced himself as Sam. “Ain’t your fault though, he’s obsessed.”
“I’m sorry, I have no idea what’s gotten into him.” I shrugged. “Anyway, I’m getting myself some wine and I’m gone. Chris, try to change the subject, alright?”
Chris pouted and let me go. I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass of wine and a small bowl of strawberries. I rushed upstairs, taking Dodger with me, grabbed my laptop from the study and set it all on the bedside table. I took a quick shower and changed into my newly bought pyjamas, which I knew Chris will love once he sees it.
I buried myself under the sheets and played a random episode of The Office. Dodger laid down next to my legs, setting his head on my lap for him to scratch. This is the thing he’s takes after his owner. “You’re such an attention seeker, buddy.” He just sighed, signalling that he couldn’t care less, he just wants his petting time.”
I downed my glass very fast and didn’t get a refill, even though I wanted to. At some point I feel asleep with the show still on, Dodger laying down high enough to reach my shoulders and half the bowl of strawberries set on the keyboard.
I woke up to the sound Chris stumbling on the floor. He took the laptop and the bowl off the bed and tried to climb on to the bed without waking me up, but failed.
“You’re such a clumsy drunk, love,” I mumbled against my pillow. “What time is it?”
“It’s, uh, half past 4.” He said, taking off his trousers.
I shifted on my elbows to look at him struggle with the famous red belt which obviously was too complicated to figure out now. “Here, let me help you, old man.” I laughed and sat up on the bed to help him undress.
He gave up and laid back on the bed, before noticing my clothes. “Are these NASA PJs?” He asked.
I smiled and nodded. “You forbid me from buying you any presents so I decided to buy one for myself.”
Suddenly, he wasn’t so helpless anymore and wrestled me down to lay under him. “You’re sadly mistaken, if you think that it’s only a gift for you, fool.”
I turned on the bed to give him a good view of the booty shorts covered with NASA logos. Chris hissed and bent down to leave a few kisses on my thigh and butt. “Fucking amazing.” He whispered to himself, before biting down on my soft flesh.
“Chris!” I squealed, because he wasn’t gentle. Dodger woke up and barked at us.
He sat back and looked at me. “Honestly, I’m so drunk, full and tired that even the sight of this sweet ass isn’t keeping me alive.” He said in such a sad voice that I felt kind of bad for him.
Chris just sighed and threw himself on the bed next to me and brought me as close to him as possible. “Goodnight, Angel.” He whispered and kissed my ear.
“Goodnight, love.” I chuckled and feel asleep.
I woke up a little bit over 5 hours later, again because of Chris, who started to snore unbearably. He was sprawled out on the bed, barely leaving space for me. And that was impressive, because our bedroom bed was huge. Dodger spent the night in his bed on the floor, because once Chris came back, he didn’t leave much space for his rommies.
I got up and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and rushed downstairs with Dodger, who demanded a breakfast right away. I gave him his food and found some leftover pasta for myself. I ate it, made myself some lemon and lime water to go and took Dodger on a walk. First, we went up the hill so he could run around and have some fun. I threw him some sticks and tried to teach him how to fetch, but he was being too playful. I wanted to jog a little bit, but it was too hot and I didn’t want to tire myself out again.
We walked back home, but I let Dodger in to the car and we drove to the shops. I wanted to buy some ingredients for the breakfast I was planning. Chris’ friends were leaving today, late in the afternoon, so we still had to find some entertainment until 7pm.
Having used up a lot of his energy, Dodger was politely walking around by me, not caring around other people or dogs. I bought everything I needed, including more water and Coke and drove back home.
As I suspected, it was almost 11am and none of them have woken up. I went up to the kitchen and placed everything in the fridge, before preparing crust for my breakfast pizza.
“You’re always hungry, aren’t you?” I grinned at Dodger who wouldn’t let me out of his sight, hoping to get some of the smoked chicken I was slicing, which he loves so much he tries to nick it off the counter. At some point he got tired of standing, so he laid down and kept checking on me once in a while.
I made 8 doughs, chopped some meat and vegetables and made a sauce, so everything was ready for me to pop into the oven.
“Am I in hell?” I heard Chris’ low, hoarse voice on the stairs. He was only wearing black jogging pants and no shirt. He had just taken a shower and, I hope, brushed his teeth. “Because it fucking feels like it.”
I giggled at him, but also felt bad for the state he was in. “Do you want some water? It’s ice cold.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He mumbled and sat on the stool at the kitchen counter. I brought him the glass and kissed him on the head. “God, you're too good to me.”
I walked around the kitchen island and put one pizza in the oven. It shouldn’t be long until it’s done. “Do you want some painkillers?” I asked.
“Do we have any?” he lifted his head rapidly, too rapidly apparently. He groaned in pain. “Fucking alcohol.”
I found the pills and refilled his glass. “My poor baby,” I stoked his wet hair, pulling him in for a hug. “At least you had fun.”
He nodded and set his head on my shoulder. “I’m dying...” He whispered and I barely could hold my laughter. “I regret the fun.”
“I mean, you’re 34 today, so...” I chuckled.
“Fuck you,” he muttered. “God, I wish I had the strength to actually fuck you.”
I tilted my head to the side, smiling sweetly at him. “Take the pills. You go upstairs and I’ll wait for the pizza to be done, then I’ll come to the bedroom, feed you and then fuck you.”
Chris groaned and stood up. “Love you, wifey,” I raised my eyebrow at the nickname. “Too much?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I like it, it’s alright.”
Even though he was still a wreck, Chris smiled at me and went up the stairs. “We’re so fucking cheesy.”
I waited a few more minutes for the pizza to be done, sliced it and went upstairs. At this point, I was really hoping Chris' friends wouldn't wake up for at least another hour.
Chris was laying on the bed, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. I shut the door and he turned his gaze to me. “I got way too drunk to be treated this good today.” He said.
I climbed on to the bed and handed my boyfriend a glass of Coke. „Drink this,” I said, rubbing his bare chest. He didn’t have a shirtless scene in Civil War, so they didn’t make him wax his chest, and as much as I never like hairy chests, he had the right amount of hair. The only scene that allowed him to show the incredible shape he got into, was the helicopter scene, which as I told him “could literally replace our foreplay”.
“I really hope these will help, ‘cause I’m guessing you’re not into necrophilia.” He chuckled dryly, referring to the pills he took.
“I can’t believe it’s the first time I’m seeing you hangover.” I said.
“Well, I had to show you my better side, so you wouldn’t want to leave me in the beginning,” he answered. “What do you mean ‘you can’t believe it’s the first time’?”
“Brits and Bostonians have a lot in common,” I shrugged. “As in, both like to drink until we throw up. Did you throw up today?”
Chris looked at me and grinned. “None of your business,” He sat up on the bed, leaning on the headboard. “Now give me my food, woman.”
He ate his pizza while talking about what they did while I was away or asleep. I couldn’t understand how grown up men could entertain themselves in the exact same way I did with my friends 5 years ago, when I was first allowed to drink. “In all honesty, you’re all just a bunch of immature boys.”
“I know,” he shrugged, his mouth full. “Half of them uses Tinder for one-night stands and haven’t been in a serious relationship for a while.”
“Do they have a problem with that?”
“Not really, but they do have a weird look on serious relationships,” he answered, taking sip of Coke. “They thought that as soon as you come back, the party would be over.
I raised my eyebrow. “And as we can clearly see by the state of my boyfriend, the fun continued for a long time after I came back.”
Chris smiled sweetly and grabbed my hand. “Yeah, because your boyfriend’s more into long term relationships, I guess.”
“Oh, I know that, I’ve known that for a long time, “ I said. “That’s why it took me less than a month to know he was worthy of taking my virginity.”
Chris tilted his head to the side. “Less than a month? We did it after 5 weeks.”
“When I was already halfway through my first month of birth control,” I explained, moving my hand from his chest down to his abdomen. “Anyway, Cap might not we worthy of wielding Thor’s hammer, but he’s definitely worthy of hammering into me anytime he wishes.”
Chris choked on the food and started to laugh so loudly, I was sure he would take everyone up. “Holy, hell,” he choked out. “I want that on a shirt and I want you to wear it all the time.” That comment seemed to energize him a little bit, so I decided it was time. Also, I was super horny. I moved to sit on Chris’ thighs and removed my shirt to reveal a thin, white bra. “Oh, Cap’s gettin’ laid.”
I smirked and moved down to hover over his calves, so my head was right above his abdomen. “Let me suck you off, daddy.” I whispered, before lowering my lips to leave wet kisses on his lower stomach, my fingers toying with the strings at the waistband of his pants. It’s been a long time since I‘d gone down on Chris and I didn’t even have enough will power to make him wait. I pulled down his pants and boxers, revealing his half erect length. I looked deep into Chris’ eyes and felt my mouth start to water. I sat back for a second and tied my hair into a ponytail.
“Oh, it’s gonna be good.” Chris mumbled as he saw me do that. I smirked and sunk back down to attach my lips to the base of his cock and lick all the way up to the tip. I rested my hands on his hips and locked my lips around the tip, swirling my tongue around it, tasting his pre-cum. I released him and smiled at Chris who was watching me with his mouth open and eyes half-shut.
I wrapped my hand around him and sunk down to the base of his cock again, but this time moved lower to play with his balls. I’d suck on few spots and give it small licks, toying with his balls, as my hand was stroking up and down his shaft, tugging at it, its movements moisturized by the leaking pre-cum. I hear Chris’ light moans as my lips became more forceful in toying with his sensitive area. I moved away to take a breath and sank down to wrap my mouth around Chris’ throbbing cock. I hollowed my cheeks around him, reaching as far as I can go and covering the rest with my palm. Chris jerked his hips forward, making me take him even further. I moved my hands to fondle his balls, as my lips reached the base. I moaned as he hit the back of my throat and Chris immediately responded to the vibrations caused by it. “Fuck yes, babygirl,” He groaned and grabbed my ponytail and gently guided me to work my mouth up and down his shaft. “You’re so good to me.” he mumbled between heavy breaths.
I kept up the pace, feeling Chris’ dick twitch inside my mouth. My boyfriend was squirming a lot under me, as his orgasm approached. I sucked on the side of his shaft, moving up and down, along the visible veins. Seeing Chris throw his head back, I took his whole length into my mouth again, bobbing my head up and down and waiting for him to reach his orgasm. “Fuck, I’m going to come, baby,” he whined. “Stop, I don’t want to come yet.”
“I’ll get you hard again,” I breathed out, giving myself a very quick break to catch a breath. I sunk down again, trying to finish Chris off. He always lasts very long, but that’s really the opposite of a problem. As Chris groaned loudly, I felt him twitch inside my mouth as he released is load. I swallowed every last drop and licked his cock clean, looking him straight in his eyes.
Chris was panting heavily and shifted on his elbows. “Emily,” he sighed, barely able to say anything. “I could barely stop myself from proposing to you in the middle of a blowjob.”
He sat up leaning on the head board again. I smiled and straddled his thighs, gently tracing veins on his shaft, which was a bit softer now. “I know, I know,” I whispered. “I enjoyed that too.”
Chris moved his hands up and down my hips. He reached behind me to unhook my bra and pulled it off my chest. “Mm, yeah,” He placed his palms on my breasts and started to fondle them. “Come ‘ere.” he mumbled and pulled my chest against his face to attach his lips to my nipple. I gasped as he bit down lightly. I started to gently grind on his dick, rubbing my wet pussy against him. Without his mouth leaving my skin, he reached his hand to my butt and slapped it, before grabbing one cheek firmly. I put my hands on the back of his neck, supporting myself as I rubbed against his length, waiting for him to be hard again. “Babygirl, you’re so good to me.” He breathed on my wet nipple, giving me a tingly sensation. He grabbed both of my cheeks and started massaging them with the same pace I was rubbing against him.
I reached down with my hand and grabbed his semi-hard cock, guiding it against my entrance. I rubbed the tip against my folds, causing both of us to moan loudly. “We probably should be a little bit more quiet.” I breathed out.
“Fuck it, these losers should know you’re the best thing that even happened to me,” He mumbled as I sank down onto his cock. We kept the eye contact as I moved down until he was completely buried inside me. “We should stay like this all day.” Chris said quietly, taking a deep breath.
I started to move up and down, as he started thrusting up. I was already very turned on, after going down on Chris, so I was very close to my first orgasm. I was breathing heavily with my forehead against Chris’ and the know in my stomach tightened. “You feel so good inside me,.” I muttered. “Faster, daddy.”
I came for the first time, gripping Chris’ bicep tightly, trying not to wake up the whole house. It sped up my heart rate, I couldn’t stop letting out little moans, releasing tension from my body. Chris wrapped his arm around my waist to bring me closer to him and thrust faster into my pussy. His other hand was still roaming on my ass cheeks. I felt my walls tighten and a smirk appeared on Chris’ face. He was panting at the same rate as I was. “Since it’s my birthday,” he hummed against my lips. “can we try something new?”
A smile formed on my lips, because I knew what he was asking for. “I guess you weren’t joking about loving fucking girls in the butt.”
“I’m not gonna fuck you in the butt now,” He said, giving me a little, soft kiss on the lips. “I just wanna play a lil’.”
Chris brought his forefinger to my mouth. “Suck it, baby.” I wrapped my lips around his finger, twirling my tongue around it, using extra saliva. Chris slowed down the pace and I swayed my hips to the sides and around, trying to reach different spots. He moved his finger to my butthole, circling around it. I opened my mouth, experiencing something I never have. His finger started to enter my hole and it gave me a weird, but pleasurable sensation. He was very gentle and slow, trying not to cause me any pain.
“I’m so close,” I mumbled and connected our lips. I moved my tongue with his, twirling around it. I felt the knot again, everything in front of me became blurry and I couldn’t speak property. While Chris’ finger was fingering me, the other hand reached my clit to rub it and speed up my orgasm. I was barely able to control my muscles and not collapse onto Chris. I felt overstimulated and helpless.
“You like daddy fingering your tight little hole, huh?” Chris whispered. “Who’s doing that to you, huh?”
I wasn’t able to speak, because of the speed Chris was pounding into me at an incredibly fast speed. I came hard on his dick, as he removed his finger from my hole, stopped rubbing my clit and just brought my body tightly against his.
Chris came right after me, with a last, hard thrust, staying inside me and shooting his load into me. He turned us to lay on our sides, out bodies still intertwined. We were both panting heavily, unable to stabilize our breaths and heart rates. Chris took a few loose strands of hair from my wet forehead and tucked them behind my ear. He then kissed my nose.
“Let’s take a nap, princess,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”
@daybreak96 @coffeebooksandfandom @smilexcaptainx @betinalunardi @rollinsuh @lily2089@stella2445@hy-pocrite @l0rd-disick @beholdoritou @klaussstilinski@achishisha@givenchymercury @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @henry-cavill-gossip-girl @rock-titties @bombsandsparkles @marvel-fan23 @cap-just-said-language @blackaestheticislife @justsomemarvelspam @nerdchester17 @shyofaspark @cssrogersse@crispyearthquakezombie@ultragalaxy @bit-of-a-timelord @kingofallthingsz@morguleth@calicokitkat @areelphony@gemgemswift @donut-crazs@dontchawishyouknewhowtosalsa@kandomeresbitch @deafeningpsychicpandahands @severely-theoretic@chmedic @patzammit@winterssoliderss @metalarmlover @saturnki @coolkimchijoy16 @sammyjammy92@coolkimchijoy16 @peruvian-bae @avngersx
#chris evans#chris evans smut#chris evans fanfic#chris evans fic#chris evans x reader#chris evans blurb#chris evans imagine#fanfic
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50 questions tag
tagged by @rysiowate thank u darling!
1. What takes up too much of your time?
my hyperfixations and constantly updating all my online accounts and personas
2. What makes your day better?
when i feel like ive accomplished something in a day; also, getting to go to bed after a long day
3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?
i made really good tofu fried rice
4. What fictional place would you like to go to?
the shire. just wanna live in a tiny hobbit house and eat and read
5. Are you good at giving advice?
depends what it is about. and also, im better at getting my points across via text, so im useless at advice irl
6. Do you have any mental illness?
anxiety and depression, im pretty i have some kind of executive dysfunction and maybe dependent personality disorder, but these two are just my assumptions. who knows really im broke and too anxious to go a therapist to get diagnosed lmao
7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?
no thank god it sounds terrifying
8. What musician inspired you the most?
even though i’m not an active stan anymore i’m gonna say bts because they’re the artists i’ve stanned the longest for and grew most attached to. i think they helped me develop as a person and they’ve been there for me in tough times. but also queen, because in freddie mercury i found a queer icon and role model which is very important for me
9. Have you ever fallen in love?
i thought i was in love once but looking back, maybe not
10. What’s your dream date?
i think this dream date business is bullshit. as long as im with the person i like, we could be doing literally anything and id still be like yeah this is a good day. like running errands or going grocery shopping or just lying in bed.
11. What do others notice about you?
idk probably my self-deprecating humour. also i if im wearing makeup that almost always gets commented on so i guess that
12. What is an annoying habit you have?
just one? lmao uhhh when im super anxious about something i just shut off and like i cant function until that thing is resolved. my brain is just like ok anxiety time lets lay in bed and cry and nap for the rest of the day. also when im not in the mood to reply to someone’s text i will literally go days without replying not bc i forgot but bc i just.. yeah
13. Do you still talk to your first love?
sometimes i check up on her (on her social media) but no we havent talked for almost a year since it ended. but then, was she really my first love. idk.
14. How many exes do you have?
one
15. How many songs are in your playlist?
i have multiple playlists and i also follow a lot of playlists; all together there must be at least 1k
16. What instruments can you play?
acoustic guitar
17. What do you have the most pictures of?
travelling, i have folders of pictures since last year that i havent edited yet
18. Where would you like to go before you die?
hm. everywhere i havent been yet. id really like to go to canada, also like everywhere in asia
19. What is your zodiac?
scorpio
20. Do you relate to it?
idk i dont really read horoscopes and idk the like scorpio personality traits or whatever
21. What is happiness to you?
being content with myself and what im doing.
22. Are you going through anything right now?
final assignments of the semester :)
23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?
getting too attached to some people.
24. What’s your favorite store?
record stores are so cool. also there’s this store in brighton that sells prints of stuff like ghibli on tshirts and tote bags. not my favourite, but i like it. i dont think i have a favourite.
25. What’s your opinion on abortion?
im pro-choice. i dont think it should be a debate.
26. Do you keep a bucket list?
no
27. Do you have a favorite album?
sheer heart attack by queen, that shit slaps
28. What do you want for your birthday?
honestly not to be shallow but some coins so i can buy myself some stuff ive been wanting to buy but didnt wanna spend money on
29. What are most people’s first impression of you?
idk probably that im a bitch or that im intimidating. before i open my mouth to talk. one of my best friends told me they were scared of me when we first met.
30. What age do you seem according to most people?
idk i mean no one really questions my age tbh. when i was younger people thought i was older lmao cause i seemed mature or whatever
31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?
usually on my bed bc i sleep with earphones
32. What word do you say the most?
uuuh……. like. when i talk i say like after every 3rd words its annoying
33. What’s the oldest age you would date?
5-6 years probably
34. What’s the youngest age you would date?
½ years max
35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?
i dont talk about my career ambitions with anyone lmao it makes me anxious. my mom says i could do personal couching or psychotherapy or whatever.
36. What’s your favorite music genre?
classic rock
37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?
sweden sounds really nice. hong kong or singapore also
38. What is your current favorite song?
hm. the iron man 3 credits soundtrack. slaps. suffragette city by culture club also
39. How long have you had this blog for?
uuh i remade very recently
40. What are you excited for?
goin home for the summer. also rocketman and spiderman far from home. also!!! i might be going to the rocketman red carpet so
41. Are you a better talker or listener?
listener. i dont really like talking about deep stuff
42. What is the last productive thing you did?
did some uni work today. actually, did a lot of uni work today
43. What do you want for christmas?
go to budapest with my mom weve been planning that
44. What class do you get the best grades in?
my best subject in high school was english and in college it was probably psychology
45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?
idk 5/6
46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?
dude i dont even know what ill be doing next year after my ba course ok
47. When did you get your first heartbreak?
i dont think i really had one. when i broke up w my gf, its been shit for a while and i just accepted that it wasnt gonna work so it didnt really like hurt
48. What age do you want to get married?
marriage is overrated and expensive next
49. What career did you want to have as a child?
i wanted to be a vet also but so much med school. ew.
50. What do you crave right now?
to dye my hair bc im stressed insert this is fine meme
i also tag @hamkis also @crownedbabes also @funkysapphic, @milmercurios, @freddie-jupiter, @piscesyub, @cactustattoo, @tonyrights
#anyone else can do this to just say i tagged u!#and those i tagged u dont gotta do it#eli.txt#tag game#long post
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whom are your st ocs!!! tell me stuff
ive got!!!! a lot!!! because i have no self control! 2.5 crews n a bonus OC i made for my sibling’s oc crew. im going to ramble about All Of Them given this opportunity here they are under the cut.
My first (all OC) crew is the USS August AKA The USS Rejects. Basically starfleet’s former ‘best’ got shoveled onto one ship after they outlived their use.
Captain Hyrel, a gender-neutral Axanar, is like the parent of the whole crew and refuses to court martial any of them even though they beg them to. Used to be really good at winning battles during various wars, but then gave up and said they would only take peaceful scientific missions from there on out. They’ve got a lil human son (Hyrel Jr.) they rescued when he was a baby.
Commander Petrov ‘J’ Jorge is their first officer, human dude. He was a model officer on his way to being Captain when a first contact mission went horribly wrong and he was left permanently disfigured with a head injury that completely altered his personality. Has anger management issues and wants to quit, but Hyrel won’t let him. In love with a Romulan centurion he met in neutral space.
Lt. Commander T’kae, vulcan lady. She hates J and really wants to be the first officer, but Hyrel won’t promote her. Impatient with her 2 superiors and is usually fed up with the crew, though she’d die for any of them.
Ensign Saurvin, my disaster vulcan boy!! He’s been promoted and demoted a lot, and has completely rejected logic and embraced emotion. Gets into fights a lot but cares a LOT about his friends, starts a little club on board for crewmembers who are too different from the rest of their species. He’s engaged to a Ferengi and plans to quit starfleet as soon as his bf becomes a Daimon so they can travel the galaxy together and have a blast.
Doctor Stovek, not the CMO, human/vulcan hybrid dude who resents his human heritage and hasn’t spoken to his human dad since his mother died a decade ago. Close friends with T’kae and they both try to follow the path of logic together. Refuses to join Saurvin’s club.
Counselor Fer Xeandi, betazoid guy who can’t help but read everybody’s thoughts. Really friendly and outgoing, and has a crush on J.
Ensign Kaya, betazoid/ullian hybrid girl. Fresh out of the academy and is very shy and quiet. Has a lot of family issues (her betazoid dad is really sick, she doesn’t talk to her mother, and her twin brother hates her and convinces the rest of their betazoid family to disown her) due to her not having any telepathic ability at all. She’s Saurvin’s best friend and a member of his club.
Chief of Security Arcus Nyo, a caitian dude who has a LOT of fur and is big. He hates Ensign Saurvin because Saurvin makes tons of cat jokes around him to make Kaya laugh. Has a massive crush on the chief engineer, Aaraa, and everyone knows it though he insists it’s not true. Loves arachnids a lot, owns some tarantulas & stuff in his quarters.
Chief Engineer Aaraa, an Aaamazzarite guy. Kind of quiet but firm when giving orders. His quarters are absolutely coated in his webbing which is disgusting to almost everyone but Arcus. Has no idea what a spider is, but boy does he love them when he finds out. His eventual dream is to retire, get married to Arcus, and live out the rest of their days happily on a tarantula farm.
CMO Sokaa Eri, a human woman raised by a human and vulcan couple. She’s really sweet but also terrifying when she wants to be. Deals with so much all the time, she needs a vacation but refuses to take shore leave out of fear that someone will die on board without her there.
Nurse Kive Idor, a mostly Bajoran man. His grandfather was a Cardassian, he assumes. He was raised by a Cardassian woman named Ricana Idor in Federation space after his parents died in a transport shuttle accident. Really doesn’t like being called by his first name, and doesn’t care for Bajoran culture, even though his mother made sure to teach him all about it and encouraged him to follow it if he wanted to.
SECOND CREW i made after watching ds9, the USS Akira ! A bunch of useless gays are gathered onto one ship by a captain who actually listens to his first officer when told not to go on an away mission, every time.
Captain Niko, human dude. Literally says “Oh, if I wasn’t such a nice person I wouldn’t have picked up so many strays.” and surprisingly no one around him wants to kill him for saying that because he is just a nice person. Joined starfleet to get away from his physically abusive father to try and find a faraway planet he could start a new life on, was accidentally really good at being an officer and before he knew it he was being promoted to Captain and being sent on a long exploration mission. Found and adopted a Vulcan boy, Sarin. Won’t go on dangerous missions because he doesn’t want to leave Sarin without a father.
First Officer Commander Onarog, ferengi dude. Very smart and hardworking, but not very good with social skills. Very perceptive and can always tell when someone is upset. Niko likes joking he should have been a counselor.
Second Officer Lt. Commander Qihata Xirad, a Bolian girl. She’s very friendly and loves gossip. Likes surprising people but doesn’t always realize when someone isn’t in the mood. Excitable and has a big crush on one of the nurses, Kezrell.
CMO, Meneha Adado, betazoid. Quiet lady who keeps to herself and uses her telepathy to figure out how her patients feel. Has a wife and kids on Betazed that she visits sometimes, misses. Niko’s oldest friend, but respects his wishes for her not to read his thoughts and find out about his past.
Chief Engineer Taiggok. Orion male, very nervous and doesn’t like talking to anyone but his team and the bridge crew (when he has to). Very strong, and his favorite thing is to go back to his quarters every day to take care of his pet salamander.
Chief of security, Lt. Zac Ramirez. Human/orion hybrid guy, but hides the fact that he’s half orion. Kind of withdrawn, but is best friends with his second in command and really wants to befriend Taiggok.
Security officer, Lt. jr. Vimio Zh’raqass. Andorian, they’re always by Zac’s side and are very excited. Don’t realize that they’re in love with Zac, just think they really want to be his best friend. Worries about their friends a lot, has no clue that Zac isn’t fully human.
Nurse Kezrell, an unjoined Trill girl. Is absolutely terrified of the thought of being joined. She actively avoids other Trill and falls in love with every pretty girl she sees.
Science officer, Lt. Terim. He’s a Xindi-Reptilian, and is handsome, since i was using a character generator and it said a xindi-reptilian that everyone thinks is very handsome. Thoughful/kind dude who will gladly try to cheer up anyone. Loves a friendly tussle, is very handsy with people he’s friends with, and is close friends with Onarog.
Ensign Genna, a Xindi-Arboreal. She’s always tired and is very forgetful and often confused, though she tries her best. Is friends with Terim, and tries to be friends with the rest of the crew. Is too tired to notice that her fellow ensign is in love with her.
Ensign Zura Jejo, a Bajoran girl. Pretty fearful and depressed, misses Bajor a lot. She’s really scared of Yeoman Loket, since he’s mean to her because her station is right next to his. Gets really flustered around Genna, and prays to the prophets that one day Genna will notice.
Yeoman Loket Arlat. A Cardassian man exiled after being framed for murder. Niko saved his life and he feels he owes the Captain a debt in return. Says that he’ll leave after he returns the favor, but Niko refuses to put himself in harm’s way so he’s been there for years. Pretty much like Niko’s second son. Is pretty mean to everyone but Niko and Sarin.
Bonus non crew member: Commander Rutora, an exiled Romulan who failed a huge mission. Stole a warbird and after meeting Niko and falling in love with him he follows their ship around and acts like a nuisance. Ashamed of being in love with a human and keeps promising to kill Niko, but can’t bring himself to.
The OC members of my ‘next generation’ style ship, the USS Nobility, where i gather up all the canon kids and stick them on one ship and fill in the blanks with OCs:
My life and love, my baby boy and darling Bug Man, CMO’s Assistant Doctor Yek. He’s an original species I made up called a Parasitoid, based on parasitoid wasps. Big bug boi who wears a life support suit because he comes from a class Y planet he can’t reveal the location of. Is married to Mekor Dukat and has a small lizard/bug hybrid baby with him, Saint. He would do anything for his family and doesn’t follow his people’s tradition of killing their chosen hosts and returning home. Wants to find a nice planet far away from Cardassia to raise his family.
Acting Ensign ‘Checkers.’ A two-spirit teen who comes from an alternate universe after the ship hits an anomaly. Is the fusion duplicate of Janeway & Chakotay after a transporter accident, but won’t tell anyone because they don’t want to interefere with the timeline. The entire crew adopts them.
Ensign Hoji Andu, nervous Bajoran man who joined starfleet to explore, but feels guilty about leaving Bajor and his two older siblings, who are the Cardassian/Bajoran hybrid twins (named Irza Miyo & Moha) his mother had during the Occupation. He and his father weren’t the best to them, and he regrets it and believes they hate him. He promised his mother he would look after them before she died.
Lt. T’rea, vulcan woman who is an engineer, but also acts as an unprofessional therapist for the rest of the crew when she has spare time. Very much misses her wife who lives on Vulcan, though she’d never admit it.
BONUS OC for my sibling’s crew of beautiful women who could annihilate me, a kind Vulcan man, and my nonbinary goblin who deserves an ass kicking
Ensign Alek Ch’zei, a Cardassian/Andorian hybrid who loves flirting and has yet to find a temperature they find comfortable. No one likes them because they’re rude, keep fighting people, and won’t shut up. The vulcan lieutenant (a dude named Stafuck) dates them on and off to explore emotion and a lack of Logic. When Stafuck reaches his pon farr and the Captain starts worrying because they’re too far from Vulcan, Alex unzips their shirt and goes ‘don’t worry. i’ve got this’.
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still swimming.
i thought the first year of law school was suppose to be the toughest.
that was not the case for me.
this past semester, the first of my 2L year was the most trying experience of my life. and sheesh, i have dealt with a lot of experiences.
before we go any further, i think its important to tell you a little about myself and warn you of some contents that this post will contain.
i am brutally honest. i dont believe in sugar coating the truth, and so i wont.
this post may be triggering to anyone who has every experienced sexual assault and/or sexual harassment. this post is my truth. and if you havent noticed by now, i do not like capital letters or formal punctuation. and i also cant spell.
anyway, back to the story.
the beginning of the semester started off rocky. i worked for my school and assisted with many task including orientation for the first year students and the title ix policy updates (thanks betsy *eyeroll*).
unfortunately, i had to use that title ix policy.
at the end of july, my key card to get in and out of my school’s parking deck was not working properly. i expressed my concern to a security officer. instead of walking to the gate, he walked with me to the parking deck and followed me to my car. we were the only two in the parking deck.
while at my car, he asked me on a date. i was not interested in the slightest. but hey, im a girl all alone in the parking deck with a security guard. i had just heard about a woman getting killed for rejecting a man. and i sure tf have no lived enough to die. so i told him that school was starting soon and i did not have time. smooth escape i thought. and i also thought that would be it, i was wrong.
the next week, i left the second floor (where i worked) to go downstairs and get a snack from the vending machines. he saw me and ran to try and pay for my snack, thoughtful gesture, but i refused as i did not want to lead him on. he then followed me to the elevators and handed me a note with his number on it.
i had to cross paths with him to get to work, and he would make comments to me. once in particular troubled me.“you dont work on wednesdays, we could go out on a wednesday.” and that is when a red flag went off for me.
why do you know my work schedule? ive already said i wasnt interest, why are you still actively pursing me? so i told my friend/co-worker about the interactions and asked her to walk me to my car.
while working late one evening, he came to the suite and started talking and staring. it was after hours and he was no longer on the clock. the other security officer on duty was probably home with his feet kicked up by this hour. instead of doing the same... he came to “see what was going on.” being aware of the situation and that i was uncomfortable, my friend engaged in the conversation so i didnt have to. bless her.
during orientation, we had leftover food. my boss at the time asked me to take some to the security officers. my friend and i locked eyes knowing i sure tf was not about to lead this man on by any means. so, that is when i told my boss at the time that i was good off doing that. if you know who my boss was, you know she will get the truth out of you.
one thing lead to another and boom, the incidents were reported to HR. who i was required to meet with. during the first week of classes, i met both HR and my boss to reassure them that i was not looking to get a black man fired, i just wanted to be left alone.
time went by, nothing happened. i still was uncomfortable passing the security desk. i would have friends walk with me to the car so i wouldnt be alone bc guess who did rounds in the parking deck, yeah. you guessed it, him.
unfortunately, my request was not fulfilled. he did not leave me alone. i was required to do a tabling event for work. guess where that tabling event was? right across from the security desk. gr8!!! he looked at me and loudly started saying "i shouldn't have to come to work and be uncomfortable.” he said this several times, causing others in the area to look and see what was going on.
again, the tabling event was for work (different job btw). i was sitting next to my boss who was unaware of the previous interactions. she too asked “why is he screaming like that?”
i sat there in shock. in silence. and on the clock, so i couldnt leave.
why. should. he. have. to. come. to. work. and. feel. uncomfortable.
that was it, my breaking point. i felt unsafe. i expressed my concerns to the appropriate parties. eventually time went on and he was transferred.
shortly after, repressed memories of my childhood rape surfaced during a therapy session. along with many thoughts: was i over exaggerating? did i lead him on in anyway? could i have done more to let him know i wasnt interested before reporting the incidents? was this my fault?
guilt.
i lost track of what was happening in real life because i was so distracted by the thoughts in my head. but as soon as i gained back some control, real life hit me again. my legal writing assignment had been posted. and guess what the topic was? sexual harassment in the work place.
you mean to tell me, i have to do research, write a brief, and have an oral argument about sexual harassment? shit, someone call my therapist.
i wrote some shit on some paper. and that was that.
what was happening in my classes? no clue.
what was happening in my life? no clue.
what was going on in the world? no clue.
i got lost again.
i just wanted to float and let the current carry me for awhile. i wanted to watch the clouds chase each other into different corners of the sky like freed kites who never worry about the meaning of away. i wanted to float. ive been swimming so long.
but my thoughts eventually had an off switch and i was good again. then guess what?
kavanaugh.
here we fucking go again.
the student body president signed an aba petition to conduct an impartial hearing on kav. and for some reason, some students were pissed. so they took it upon themselves to write a petition to have the sba president remove his name from the aba petition and issue an apology.
i need you to pay very close attention for this part.
i sat in class triggered. surrounded by people signing this petition while tears poured down my face. how fucking disgusting are you people.
now the only reason i know what the petition actual was is because i am in sba. otherwise, i would have no clue it ever existed. want to know why? because the students who wrote the petition never asked me to sign it. trust me, i am not offended. in fact, im honored that they knew better than to bring some bullshit like that to me. but what was upsetting, when another student asked what was going on (why everyone was gathered looking at the petition), the authors of it said “we’re just looking at some stuff about aba accreditation.”
baby, if you gonna talk about it. be about it. smh.
the petition surfaced. and the names on it, wow. people i looked up to. people i considered role models. women who are allegedly advocates for women. women in general. even a few self-proclaimed feminist.
wow. the names.
so many people who have reached out to me when i told my story about being raped as a child. so many people i believed would be there for me if i asked for help dealing with the recent sexual harassment. so many frauds.
their names, they were on it. big and bold.
i didnt want to float anymore. i wanted to drown.
i was suffering. isolating myself from everyone. i did the absolute bare minimum. i distanced myself from my family, my friends, from everyone around me.
i didnt read for any of my classes.
i stopped caring.
i had thoughts about dropping out of school.
i still have the withdrawal email in my draft.
i want to give someone credit for helping me through this, but i cant.
this ocean, its so big. but hell, i havent drowned yet.
meanwhile, im still swimming.
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Because insomnia has beset me yet again, I present a recap (strictly from memory) of (mostly) busted theories and speculation I remember from before the first two episodes aired (and a couple of things people got right), in no particular order. (Oh, and feel free to toss things on that I may have missed!)
Someone dies!
Unfortunately anyone who guessed “Mary” and “because of canon” was right.
DI Stella Hopkins is “obviously” a love interest for Sherlock (or Molly). Or possibly a mirror for Sherlock because of the way she dresses.
Welp, we only got a coupe of scenes with her in TST and she interacted more with Gavin Greg than anyone else so any “love interest” possibilities will have to be strictly fanon. As for the way she was dressed...gosh, a woman DI dressing in a professional manner shouldn’t really be such a surprise to people. (Yes, I’m rolling my eyes on the “yet another woman claimed to be a mirror for one of the male leads” theory.)
Oh, and “Mary is ���obviously’ a mirror for Sherlock because she has curly hair and is wearing a suit in the promo pics.”
I just put this in here to roll my eyes at it, to be honest. Sorry not sorry if that offends anyone.(That holds true for ANY ‘insert female character name here’ is a mirror for John or Sherlock BS.)
““What’s the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends? Tell them your darkest secret.” Culverton Smith is talking to Sherlock (or possibly John).
Seriously, how could ANYONE have guessed he wasn’t talking to any of the regular cast, but was instead about to reveal his own dark secret to a bunch of his friends (and his daughter) while they were being drugged with an amnesiac?
The scenes with the Black Ops team is a memory/flashback from Mary’s past!
Also one folks got right. Go Mary, you badass!
Sherlock in the morgue looking stricken/distraught is because he’s seeing the dead body of John/Molly/Mycroct/someone who died because it was his (Sherlock’s fault)
It’s because he never met Smith’s actual daughter and he was freaking out about it
The line of nurses is a memory/mind palace scene/flashback to Sherlock being in some sort of institution. Bonus: One of the nurses is Mary (after TST: Mary isn’t really dead!)
The nurses were real, no, Mary wasn’t one of them, it had nothing (directly) to do with Sherlock at all.
The scene with the people with the IVs in the middle of the street was a mind palace scene/memory/flashback, and they were patients of some kind and it was connected to the nurses.
It was a mental reconstruction of something Sherlock had been told and related to a case, and it was connected to the nurses, but who could have possibly guessed it was Culverton Smith’s friends and daughter being given a drug to wipe their memories?
Sherlock is eating chips with a woman! She must be his love interest! No, she’s a client! She’s Victor Trevor! She’s Harry Watson AND possibly Sherlock’s love interest (he’s been romantically linked to another self-declared lesbian, after all)! It’s not a real scene, it’s a mind palace scene!
Kudos to all who insisted it must be a client, but of course no one guessed it was Culverton Smith’s daughter.
They’re filming in a church, it must be John and Sherlock’s wedding! No, it’s a christening!
Well, we all know which of those two theories was true.
The sillhouetted figure in a hospital room is John and the person in the bed is Sherlock.
Yup, that one was true. Of course some folks thought it was Smith and some folks thought the person in the bed was Mary, even after she’d been killed (in that case it was “because she didn’t really die” and MAN do I wish that guess had been true!)
John is slamming Sherlock up against the wall in the morgue scene because it’s his fault Mary died.
Sadly this one was true as well.
“Thatcher. Sherrinford. Smith.” Thatcher will have to do with Margaret Thatcher, Sherrinford has something to do with “The Oher One” and “Smith” means “Culverton Smith” from “The Dying Detective”
Yes on all three counts. This was actually the easiest of the one-word clues they’ve given us, at least in my opinion.
This doesn’t technically belong on this list because it’s not based on trailers or setlock, but what the heck: The baby will be named fill-in-the-blank (my personal favorite was Isabelle).
Seriously, I don’t think I saw Rosamund or Rose as a name for the Watson baby in any of the fics I read, but I do recall at teast on Sherlolly baby with that name. My crack theory on that is that Moftiss had an intern scour a bunch of fics and make a list of names people guessed so they could eliminate them from contention.
Also, I don’t think anyone guessed that “Mary” was actually part of Mary’s real name. Or that she named the baby after herself! I love that she did because hey, men name their sons after themselves all the time, why shouldn’t women do the same?
The burning house in one of the trailers is Sherlock’s parents’ house.
That one was quickly debunked and has been replaced by speculation that it’s Sherrinford, the place where Eurus was being held, which remains to be seen.
The third Holmes ‘brother’ is actually a sister.
Awesome job on that one, everyone who guessed it!
And last but not least on this rambling list... “The Kiss will happen in this season.”
Well, so far it’s two strikes on THAT theory.
The women will have larger roles this season because of Sherlock’s speech at the end of TAB (and Mycroft’s assertion that “this is a war we have to lose because we are wrong”).
Mary had a lot to do both before and after she died. Molly so far has been shown to be important in John and Sherlock’s lives by being named one of baby Rose’s godmothers, and by being the one Sherlock asks to bring an ambulance to John’s therapist’s house. And come ON, who could have possibly guessed it was Hudders behind the wheel of the Aston Martin? Or that she’d have Sherlock handcuffed in the trunk? That bit was bloody BRILLIANT! And the Big Bad is not only a woman but also a Holmes, what’s not to love about that?
On the other hand...Molly’s only had one scene per episode so far (well, two very small ones in TST and one longer one in TLD). Not nearly enough, in my opinion!
Sherlock is faking his illness/drug use in TLD because he did so in “The Dying Detective”.
Alas, he was actually using, albeit under Wiggins’ supervision.
Sherlock gets some kind of conditional/temporary pardon because of the Moriarty broadcast (yes, this wasn’t a setlock/triailer speculation, but it’s something we all feverishly theorized about), and we’ll see a lot of detail on it because it’s so important considering how HLV and TAB ended.
LOL LOL LOL Nope, Mycroft fakes some footage so it looks like Sherlock didn’t actually shoot Magnussen and instead a trigger-happy anonymous Spec Ops soldier did. Sherlock gets a free pass and goes his merry way.
And related to that...the Moriarty case will be front and center from the very start!
Yeah, about that...and seriously, did Sherlock actually mean it when he said “And I know what he’s going to do next” at the end of TAB? Because unless the answer is “absolutely nothing for a long-ass time” he was full of crap.
OK, that’s it for now. If I think of others I’ll revise this post. And again, if you have your own “no one called it/we totally called it” moments, please feel free to add them to this!
Sherlock looking all wild-eyed and pointing a gun at someone/something in his flat is actually him in his mind palace. (Hell, ANY guess of “mind palace” since virtually every scene was labeled “possible mind palace” at one point or another).
Nope, it was real. And it was him shooting at his case wall out of drug-fueled frustration. And who the HELL could have guessed he’d be quoting Shakespeare whilst doing so? Dayum!!
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1-50
u trying to kill me ma man. ill just leave out the ones i already answered k
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
i honestly dont know…i never hold hands
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
shy with strangers, outgoing w my friends
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
my friend rosalynn who i met on here and has turned out to be one of my best friends, who has been dealt a bad deal of cards and also @ice-kookie because she is a saint
4. Are you easy to get along with?
i hope so
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
i dont drink and i dont plan to so…
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
fuck fuck fuck dont make me go into this…
someone who is nice to their friends and doesn’t treat them like shit, considerate and knows how to flirt hella well, gets good grades and actually cares about their future, doesn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs (i joke but that is nasty as fuck sorry if u smoke and ur offended soz man its my opinion and i practically choke whenever i pass by someone smoking oop), messy hair but NOT greasy u know what i mean, morning voices, why are shirts a thing???,
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
i hope so but no
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
this guy in my history class i need to get over him that little shit
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my friend ashleigh
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
“goodnight” lmao im so typical
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
changes on the daily but (not in order)
caroline- aminé
dive- salvatore ganacci
oui- jeremih
sweet child o’ mine- guns and roses
money for nothing- dire straits, sting
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
only if theyre attractive r my best friend and they dont mess it up too much
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
hell yeah
15. What good thing happened this summer?
a lot of good things i cant pick :)
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
fuck no
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
we cant really be that self-centered to think they is no one but us in the world
19. Do you like bubble baths?
bring on the bubbles i say
20. Do you like your neighbors?
dont really know them…they are interesting i guess
22. Where would you like to travel?
everywhere!!!! i really want to go to the bahamas, bora bora, uganda, austria, argentina, el salvador, japan, canada, spain, etc.
i have been to ireland, england, italy, france, germany, mexico, ecuador, australia (just got back a few days ago!!!), cayman islands, galapagos island :)
23. Do you have trust issues?
is that even a question
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
going to bed hA
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
my boobs tbh literally theyre so small whenever i wear a bathing suit it just doesnt fit right jiniew
26. What do you do when you wake up?
go back to bed HAHAHHA
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
wish i was a little tanner but im good
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
my friend ash and rosalynn
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
nope
30. Do you ever want to get married?
yes :) i want a big white wedding
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
my hair is soooooo long its insane
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
no
33. Spell your name with your chin.
sikderfrfzzza = sierra
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
horseback riding, skiing, basketball, volleyball, track and field, etc i love sports man. is scuba diving a sport?? bc
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
tv. i could not live without music
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
HAHAH STORY OF MY FUCKING LIFE
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
i just tap my fingers tbh unless its my friend then i do something embarrassing because why not
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
plays volleyball and runs track, is sweet with words, considerate, loyal, doesnt have to be popular but confident, knows what they want to do with their life, cares about their grades, doesnt do drugs, smoke, drink, whatever, knows how to party, respects my morals…okay lets get into the good stuff hehhee….pleasant to see without a shirt ;), great kisser, knows how to treat me, can afford my expensive sport- horseback riding, horses are expensive as shit-, has hair i can run my fingers through, fuck i love people just give me someone
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
brandy melville, topshop, BP in nordstrom, express, target!!!
40. What do you want to do after high school?
it changes everyday tbhhhh.
i want to a large animal veterinary surgeon, plastic surgeon, dermatologist who specializes in cosmetic surgery, physical therapist, I DONT KNOW THSI SI TOO STRESSFUL
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
it depends on the situation tbh
42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?
im super nervous and dont know what to say…thats what it means… or i like you… or i hate you
43. Do you smile at strangers?
of course
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
ive been to bottom of the ocean many times so outer space hehe
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
my mom yelling at me :)
46. What are you paranoid about?
the question should be what am i NOT paranoid about
47. Have you ever been high?
no
48. Have you ever been drunk?
no
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
not really im p good
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
pink
ill post the rest tomorrow im so tired
ask away
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