#and its like this weird thing of like ghosts have feeling and memories and emotions but

[bluerosefox]

Across My Memories

......

.....

-hums Once Upon a December-

Ghost Prince!Jason.

..... ghost prince!Jason where when Jason died instead of waking up in his own door room (headcanon doors are private rooms all ghosts gain once dead, its their safe spot, rooms can expand into lairs if the ghost gets strong enough) he wakes up in the Ghost King gardens.

He's found and taken to (older) King Danny who takes one look at the newborn baby ghost, (verbally) rips into his guards for manhandling a baby, and offers Jason a place to stay while they try to locate his room so he can recover and stable his core. (That's why ghosts stay in their rooms upon being made until they're strong enough to leave and venture out, Jason is advised not to run off since they have no idea where his room is and Danny being King of the Realm can basically substitute the ectoplasm needed to stable him just by being around Jason)

Over time and Jason slowly learning to trust Danny, Danny starts treating Jason unknowingly like a son and Jason slowly sees Danny as another dad (only less emotionally constipated (Bruce) or abusive (Willis))

Everyone in the Kingdom knows it too, but since Danny hasn't made it official they don't call Jason 'Prince' or 'Young Master' instead they call him 'Favored Star' and 'Starlight' since Danny adores space and stars and the Ghosts honor Jason with those title's.

They realize that they've been treating each other as family when Jazz comes to visit and points it out. Danny freaks out for a moment before going to talk to Jason, whose been hoarding himself in the royal library. They talk, Jason freaks a bit (maybe runs off trying to figure out his own emotions over it. Doesn't want to get hurt again by a 'father figure' again, maybe gets in trouble? Or runs into Jazz and talks about it to her)

Eventually Danny decides to make it official and Jason becomes Prince Jason of the Infinite Realms. Everyone is excited, and a huge ball is thrown in Jason’s honor. Its a night Jason keeps close to his core because once the ball is over, Danny and Jason go sneaking into the kitchens to get some hot coco and goes into Danny’s study where Jason reads his favorite book out loud next to the fireplace while Danny works on some paperwork but is listening to the story.

Anyways since time in the Realms is weird that despite being dead for a small few years in the living Realm, Jason feels like many more years have passed in the Infinite Realm and because he’s been around Danny (and is Prince of the Realms) he has grown older (its why when he’s brought back he looked like the way he did when he died but was comatose, his ghost/soul didn’t match the body anymore and it isn’t until he’s tossed in the Pits that it corrects his body to match who he was now, its also why the Pit Madness stays with him for so long) Jason has grown into his role as a Prince and he’s happy with his (after)life (and has come to terms with many things in his life, thanks Auntie Jazz)

So when one day the Prince goes completely missing, to the point he can no longer be felt in its Realms, the Infinite Realm ‘awakens’ to the rage and worry of their King.

Meanwhile, Jason awakens underground in his coffin, dazed, confused, scared and crawls out of the ground, his soul/ghost despite being in its body isn’t attached correctly and thus his mind is blank, he’s alive but not really there. It isn’t until later when he’s tossed in the Pits and rage overtakes him that his soul/ghost is connected again, wrongly put together but connected at least. It isn’t until later when his core slowly tries fixing the rage/Pit Madness when he starts getting fuzzy and hazy memories of someplace he can no longer remember but wants to go back to, wants to find.

A sky of shifting shades of green, a castle with knights, a ball and dancing figures, the sound of a fireplace crackling and a pen scrawling across paper as the taste of hot coco phantoms its way in his memories.      

#Danny Phantom #ghost king danny #danny fenton #Jason Todd #Ghost!Jason #Ghost Prince Jason #Danny adopts Jason #Jason became Prince of the Infinite Realms #Batman #dp x dc #vaguely inspired by Once Upon a December #blue rambles #writing ideas #Jason white piece of hair comes from his ghost side #.the Pit madness stayed longer in him cause he's deeply connected to the Infinite Realm #due to being its Prince #Maybe Jason is slowly becoming a Halfa now since he was brought back to life #but his ghost side is busy trying to filter out the corrupted ectoplasm but the Pits he isn't one #yet #EVERYTHING gets crazy when a cult summons a ghost and the bats are there to stop them #the ghost takes one look at Jason and freaks out cause 'THE STARLIGHT PRINCE!' #Jason doesn't get to ask anything cause one of the other bats mess up the summoning circle and they get sent back to the Realms #A rumor in the Infinite Realms is born that day #and maybe the King will pay a royal sum for the return of the Prince #See what I did there #CUE Ghosts trying to figure a way into the Mortal Realms #Danny doesn't hear the rumor until like way later #He was busy and away from the Kingdom for a bit when the rumors started #He's excited and hopeful when he finds out #Only to groan in annoyance and dread when he finds out some ghosts have been trying to KIDNAP Jason a few times to get him home

[kimerawrt]

DP x DC: Reincarnation

(this idea keeps bothering me so I'm launching it into the void of tumblr)

Danny is the ghost king, has been for a hundred or so years, and had been working non stop to fix the mess pariah dark made. He did but he keeps working almost like an obsession (its not thankfully)

Cause working with no pause is not healthy even if one is dead, CW and other ancients decide to give their king a forced reincarnation vacation. Their king gets a rest of his duties by living a human life while they manage the zone, cause a human life is nothing to ghosts that have existed for millennia, they can wait for their king to return.

The high king of the ghost zone is born again with a new name. His name is Bruce Wayne.

(more under the cut)

Bruce is a happy child, and a very smart one. He understand machines in some strange way and is incredible good with physics (specially astrophysics). His parents are aware of how smart he is and encourage him to learn more things, Bruce learns a lot of how to manage a business from his dad and his mom teaches his about lots of things but mostly on how to think logically and deduct the truth

For some strange reason animals seem to like him, specially cats, dogs, crows and bats. When Bruce falls into the well he is scared by the bats but calms down enough to know the bats are also scared

Bruce is a happy child, until his parents are murdered in front of him.

Bruce feels like something in him breaks at that. his emotions are so painful that its almost physical. Alfred is the only one he has left and he becomes very protective of his butler

Bruce grows up with grief in his heart. He graduates high school with the biggest honors and goes to college. He tries engineering and leaves it. He tries medicine and leaves it too. He cant move past his parents murder and he cant unseen how his beloved city seems to get worse and worse.

Bruce decides to do something to fix all of that. He now has a mission. He drops out of college, makes a well thought plan and leaves to train leaving a letter behind to Alfred cause he knows if he sees the butler he wouldnt be able to leave. He needs the training.

For a year, Bruce looks for the best experts in a lot of fighting styles, offensive and defensive, things happen and he stars training with the League of Assassins. Bruce is good and learns fast but there is something in there that makes him extremely wary and make him work very hard to not get hurt

The Lazarus Pit

Those glowing green boiling waters gave him a bad feeling. Sometimes Bruce could swear the were whispering at him, calling to him to let them give him something he ought to have. Bruce was smart and knew that would be nothing good and he didnt ask the others if they too could hear the weird waters. He was sure Ra's would kill him for it. The guy was obsessed with the thing.

Unfortunately for him, in the final test to be an assassin, Bruce got hurt enough to need to be put in the waters to not die. Ra's saw potential in him and he was not going to lose someone that good in fighting.

In the waters, Bruce was being healed but something else was going on. The Lazarus Pit was made of a mix of ectoplasm, purified waters from long lost oceans and death magic. That combination made the waters heal all organic organisms in exchange for something, for sentient beings was their sanity and for non sentients was their will

Its a good thing that the ectoplasm in it recognized their king soul and the death magic was not able to take, but it could give as well.

That day Bruce Wayne remembered his last life and knew what awaited him after he died. That night, Bruce escapes from the League and returns to Gotham.

Once home, Bruce pass some time with Alfred telling little things about his travels. Alfred gives him a look that told Bruce that the butler knew he was not telling him everything. It doesnt takes long for Bruce to tell Alfred everything, the hidden parts of his travels, the League and his memories from a previous life. He could never hide things from Alfred for long.

Alfred believes him and declares that Bruce is his guard no matter what he had been or done. Bruce is happy to have Alfred with him.

Bruce had not forgotten his mission to fix Gotham and after searching for a place to train and build things he finds the Cave under his house. For some reason it feels nostalgic, as if one could build a portal to the realm of the dead in there. Of course Bruce has no plan of doing that.

While building his gadgets to fight crime in Gotham, Bruce also builds something he saw the Fentons do before the portal. It was a machine to gather ectoplasm in a passive way. He had a suspicion that the city was not only contaminated by smog but there was also something supernatural in it.

When the first drops of glowing green ectoplasm filled the vial he had left under the machine Bruce knew he was right. As it only took some days to gather it, it was clear that there was an unusual high concentration of ecto in the city. It would be too easy to open a portal in here.

Bruce then used the gathered ecto to power up his supercomputer and many more tools. He was also working on making a car powered up with it. Of course he was not going to let the bright glowing green be seen in whatever he is making.

Alfred had a slight suspicion that besides being the ghost king, his guard might be also a mad scientist

Bruce might have also kinda tamed the colony of bats living in the cave. Making sure all of them were healthy and vaccinated was a nightmare he was not willing to repeat.

Because of working with ectoplasm, Batman always gives an uncanny feeling to the criminals and makes most of them give up in fear. Batman becomes a cryptid very soon, though the police still tries to arrest him, Bruce gets a odd nostalgic feeling at being chased with guns shooting at him

it only takes a year after Batman is out fighting crime for a ghost to show up. Luckily that ghost is just Cujo. Now Bruce has a very good guard dog to protect his house and Alfred

Thanks to Cujo Bruce discovers the city has an spirit and its kinda cursed. Its too bad he had no knowledge of what kind of magic is affecting the city. And because his current human body is not magical he can do little to help. Having Cujo chase away maligns shades seems to help some.

When the rogues appear they remind Bruce of the ghosts he fought when he was a half ghost. Though, he knows they are alive and can change for the better unlike the dead that are stuck and need something too drastic to change. Although Arkham is so corrupt that Bruce has to fight another type of fight to fix that, one that unfortunately he cant punch away

When Bruce sees how the child in the circus is left alone after witnessing his parents death, or course he would want to help. He didnt expect that Robin would join him in his night job

Then another child tries to steal his wheels and ends up adopting him, he also didnt expect the new Robin and by know he would seen the pattern

When Jason is killed by the Joker, Bruce is devastated and seeks vengeance. Batman cant kill, thats a rule he imposed to his vigilante persona. But he didnt need to be Batman to get revenge and the teachings of the League of Assassins come in handy. He knew that if he killed the Joker his soul would belong to him and he would get a better revenge when he becomes the ghost king once more.

An unknown assassin kills the Joker

Twice

There is something strange in Gotham. Something that makes the Joker come back to life a little bit more unhinged every time. Something that made Jason Todd crawl out of his grave some months after burying him

Time passes, Bruce gets more children and gets in more fights. Then Jason comes back to Gotham filled with the Pit madness. But when he tries to confront Batman, the Pit calms down in the presence of its king.

Jason is happy to not having to fight the Pit all the time, he still becomes the crime lord/anti-hero Red Hood, though his relationship with his dad is not bad after they had a talk, mostly of Bruce killing the Joker more than once already (they probably go to kill the Joker again as a bonding activity or something)

-There would be other shenanigans in between all this like:

+the kids discovering you can bring food back to like with ectoplasm and making a mess in the kitchen, everyone but Jason gets a life ban from Alfred domain

+the other heroes of the League thinking Batman has a meta power to make him appear intimidating, tho it wouldnt explain where he gets the strange technology or why some could swear a green see through puppy follows the dark night even in the watchtower

+Batman and Deadman make a strange friendship in the eyes of the other, Deadman knows the bat has the soul of his king but as he is not king now its fine to be casual, the ghost adores Cujo and pets it all the time

#danny phantom #dp x dc #fic i will prob not write #danny is batman #danny is bruce wayne #reincarnation #he gets his memories back causing canon to differ #batman is detective and mad scientist #dp au

[runespoor7]

Jiang Cheng brings back WWX to LP after his resurrection because LWJ wasn't around

Five Fun Facts About The Fic I Might Write About It, This Is A Slowburn(?) Version, For Other Versions Ask Again:

WWX insists that he's not himself far past the point of it being sensible. The thing is, it's not the first time JC decided some random demonic cultivator was WWX and dragged him home to demande apologies and play house? Last time was over half a decade ago, so not everyone in the sect knows, but those who remember are pretty wary about it, especially because of what it means about JC's mental state. Is Sect Leader getting worse again? They're also very wary of WWX, some of them openly contemptuous - WWX has the feeling that if it weren't for JC's protection he would be dead - and some of them almost pitying. I think he overhears them talk and that's how he pieces together the backstory, and also learns that the demonic cultivator whom JC is convinced are WWX and that he treats as such don't... end well. Sect Leader takes the "betrayal" badly.

WWX realizes that YMJ doesn't have a second in command. the sect has a person who performs the tasks associated with the job, but JC doesn't have a "second-in-command", never did. it just stuck that way. it sure doesn't mean anything. probably. how weird of JC though.

the Ghost General intrudes on Lotus Pier. There's a fight, JC tries to take down WN, WWX orders WN away from JC, JC freaks out. WWX keeps swearing up and down he's not WWX, honest!!! but... on the other hand... the Ghost General recognizes him as its his master... this is what breaks JC's hopes, finally, and also WWX's heart. You get JC crying as he asks WWX "are you really not him?" and WWX doing the equivalent of Cyrano's "No, my sweet love, I never loved you!" but for who he is, with less clear-cut emotional consequences than in the play (this is because WWX is not dying and thus more invested in keeping the lie up and JC is way less certain that WWX cares about him than Roxane did about Cyrano). They sort of compromise on the understanding that "MXY" is kinda-sorta WWX, but without most of WWX's memories. (WWX is telling himself that's not what he wanted but in fact he's much more comfortable/confident with himself and being in YMJ afterwards!) this is probably when WWX realizes that while his room may not exist anymore, his things are in JC's room.

JC struggles with this WWX being an innocent lamb who has no memory of doing anything wrong in his life ever. He should've expected it. How convenient. But, y'know, a WWX is a WWX, and this also extremely conveniently lets JC off the hook of this pesky "remember how he orphaned your nephew?" thing! It's mostly JC's own guilt now. Mostly. He's not going to do anything against WWX even if it wasn't anyway. Also it's. terrifying. Because WWX has no memory of him, but WWX is around, and also there isn't anyone to judge JC for wanting-- ANYWAY.

They end up having to leave Lotus Pier and catch up with the main plot when WWX gets a spider sense that WN is in trouble. There are no words to explain how little JC likes 1)that the Ghost General is still a thing, 2)that the Ghost General is still a thing when it comes to WWX, 3)that WWX is planning on leaving LP to help WN, so he comes with. WWX tries to convince him not to, but surprises himself by accepting JC's help when JC insists in a clipped tone. The trouble that WN got in also involves JL being in danger. This is my fic so it would turn out that WN tried to protect JL before WWX and JC caught up. Possibly JL and WN have been getting in plot-relevant shenanigans offscreen for a while now, and there's definitely a fic there, what with WN thinking A-Yuan is dead and projecting on JL and JL getting conflicted feelings about the person/thing that killed his father, but that's not the focus in this story. At some point - because by now he's pretty certain JC will not either kill him or reject him - WWX "admits" that his memory has been returning. Not all of it, but enough. If we're all very very lucky JL has been in sufficient danger that JC can lose his head a little and kiss WWX for saving JL's life, or something along these lines. If we're not lucky that part happens beyond the scope of these five things.

#chengxian #this might in fact be all pre-slash ☠️ #ask answered

[infinitebrians]

Favorite Games of 2023 Part 2: Super Mario Wonder

What a weird thing to say but this really is the best Super Mario has been as a 2D platforming game since the Super Nintendo! An overall creatively fresh look on that guy Mario and what he can do when he’s only got two directions to run around in. Just a true delight all the way through, I never had a bad time playing it. The new features like the badges and wonder seeds all gave the game a fun amount of variety and character to the game always keeping a sense of surprise in each area that at their very worst was easily ignored. Also a very lovely game visually that gave character to its characters and a fun new set of weird critters to appreciate.

A unique aspect for my playthrough of Mario Wonder was I insisted on playing through the whole game using my new snackbox leverless controller (arcade stick controller sans the stick). I’ve been wanting to try that controller with a side scrolling game because I kept hearing people play other side scrollers with it and it sounded like a fun perfect test case for that idea. I had a blast playing through the whole game with it. Using it’s button based directions felt entirely natural to play through the entire game with it and I’m absolutely going to be using it for any further similarly structured games in the future. The only time the unique button controls did not feel natural was when I was in situations involving four way direction like the water levels or those surprisingly frequent times where you turn into slime. That controller rules and I always feel bad I don’t like using it too much since I don’t always want to just get absolutely destroyed at fighting games all the time.

The thing though that I will always remember Mario Wonder is surprisingly enough it’s online feature. When this online aspect of the game was announced, a feature while you’ll see and be able to lightly interact with live ghosts of other players who are also playing the same level as you, I joked about Mario Wonder being the second ever strand game. Now having played the game 100%, I am absolutely standing by that statement. I’ve had numerous tiny but memorable experiences with other players with that feature either dancing around, spamming the simple emotes, or even helping each other out through tricky parts of the level. One experience of that in particular, the one this post’s drawing is referencing, happened during the final final challenge level where a Japanese Nabbit player and I were helping (them more to me than me to them) each other through a series of areas in that level. We would emote chirp at each other, cheering us on, and more importantly, wait at the room exits so when we left the room at the same time we’d maintain our online instance together. It happened for a whole checkpoint’s worth of that final level and it would’ve been longer if I didn’t screw up immediately with the infinite sprint badge room LIKE A FOOL. That player was a huge help to me with the few of the toughest rooms of that whole challenge and a very appreciated companion.

These little stories and memories I gathered from such a silly little feature gave me such a warm feeling toward everyone I was playing with in the game, we were all here to help push each other forward. A mechanic that gave people the encouragement to help each other out and feel good in the process of doing it, a fun look at what can be done with online semi anonmyous interaction. I’ll always appreciate that Nabbit player, I hope they’re having a happy new year.

#drawdogs #art #pixel art #writing #favorite games of 2023 #super mario wonder #toadette #nabbit

[cyberdragoninfinity]

have been putting together Iliaster Pokemon Teams off and on fooooor the last couple months or so... I always like to put way too much thought into teams so under the cut I have all my reasonings for these choices. I like Pokemon and I like these characters a Perfectly Normal Amount <3

BRUNO/ANTINOMY:

Lucario: feels just very much like a good partner Pokemon for him...same shade of blue, very noble and loyal, EXTREME SPEED!! something something Lucario's innate aura reading and ability to sense emotions and thoughts vs. Bruno's complicated quest to figure out who he is. I think they would be friends!!! It gets amnesia too in whatever funny Pokemon AU Bruno's situation happens in

Skitty: obligatory Bruno kitty cat pokemon <3

Armarouge: T.G. Halberd Cannon/Blade Blaster type vibes, its pauldrons literally turn into a cannon, fire type echoing the sun in the Antinomy/Yusei duel, also a very loyal Pokemon. Plus bonus counterpart to Primo's Ceruledge >:3c

Rotom: silly little guy who likes motors and electronics and machinery!! Also Bruno having a ghost type and being. yknow. a robotic copy of a dead man. I think it suits him.

Yanmega: T.G. Recipro Dragonfly, it literally has eyes covered with a red visor, it's super fast and its design echoes a vehicle (aircraft rather than motorcycle, but still.)

Registeel/Regieleki: in Tag Force 6 Bruno uses and seems to really like Machina Fortress, so I wanted to give him a big 'ol bulky Steel Type. Antinomy gets Regieleki as a counterpart because it's literally The Fastest Pokemon, probably great for Delta Accel Synchro <3 Also Modern Age/electricity/android type invocations...

Porygon/Porygon2: Bruno needs a boxy little computer friend!! Antinomy gettin the evolved form since a big part of Porygon2's lore is that it was made for space travel...thinkin bout that duel again. The Porygon line, Porygon2 especially, also has a really similar color palette to Bruno's various forms!

Miraidon: ok ive seen people give Jack Miraidon and i get it, it's his color palette, BUT LIKE. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST BRUNO POKEMON EVER. literal robot motorcycle from the future who washes up on the beach with limited memories!!! it has a silly goofy friendly form and a badass powered up fighter form!!! it can be the perfect counterpart to Yusei having a Koraidon!!! LISTEN.

LESTER:

Skarmory: Meklord Emperor Skiel of course!!! Violent metal bird moment!!

Wingull: in the Tag Force games Lester really likes the Stuffed Seagull Plush item and I think that's just so cute

Zorua: Little red-haired mischief-maker that can create illusions and false appearances?? IT'S PERFECT FOR HIM.

Klang: From the episode when he infiltrated the twins' school, he used Gear Golem the Moving Fortress....gotta give him some gears.

Durant: Skiel Guard! Little weird metal bugaboo :]

Iron Bundle: challenging myself to give all the Iliaster members (aside from Z-one) Future Paradox Pokemon...Lester of course gets the Bird one. It even shoots a laser like Skiel does!!

PRIMO:

Bisharp: god his whole team is just Mean Blade Guys but like. Look at Him. That's Primo. the way Bisharp commands an army of Pawniard the way Primo commands the Diablo also relevant.

Ceruledge: This is kind of the Primo Pokemon of All Time For Me--haunted grudge-powered knight that "cuts its enemies to pieces without mercy" with sword arms infused with "the lingering resentment of a sword wielder who fell before accomplishing their goal"--like... COME ON. DUDE.

Mega Beedrill: gotta shout out the iconic bee commentary of course, and also it's Another Violent Pokemon With Sharp Dangerous Blade-like Arms.

Melmetal: MEKLORD EMPEROR WISEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scizor: Metal-clad evolution of a blade-armed beast, also violent and merciless. And it does the thing where it uses its pincers to look like it has three heads--funny for one of Aporia's components~

Iron Valiant: ANOTHER PRIMO POKEMON OF ALL TIME FROM GEN 9. LIKE!!! White robot with a big dangerous sword, created by a mad science supposedly, "said to be cruel enough to take its brilliantly shining blade and cut down anyone confronting it without hesitation"... THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

JAKOB:

Mega Aggron: Granel <3 Big fuckoff metal monster. I also thought it would be fun to try and give the Three Nobles each a pure Steel type Pokemon for the Robot Funsies.

Barraskewda: For Granel's bizarrely fish-like canons and components--Barraskewda also being based on a projectile weapon a bonus, too.

Skeledirge: GOTTA give one of the Nobles something that ties into their sub opera singer namesakes, plus Skeledirge's Spanish influence is perfect for Jakob/Jose. And its an aquatic-based animal like all of Granel's components, too :^)

Alolan Golem: For Jakob's big old beard and eyebrow, PLUS it's a grumpy stubborn beast that launches electric rock blasts. Just suits him imo.

Ursaring: gave myself the added challenge of giving The Three Nobles each an unevolved Pokemon that Aporia has the fully evolved form of.... Jakob gets Ursaring for their matching surly expression and eye(s) plus the Guts ability boosting Attack when inflicted with a status effect is perfect for the Gaining Power Through Suffering motif of these guys <3

Iron Hands: Freakishly powerful big bulky electric robot monster!!! Yellow color motif like Granel!!! probably one of the most Meklord-y Paradox Pokemon, to me.

PARADOX sidenote it's so fucked up he just doesnt have a tag force sprite. sad!

Origin Dialga: Since his whole deal in BBT is having a deck of stolen Legendary Iconic Dragon Cards, i GOTTA indulge and give Paradox a bunch of Legendary Dragon Pokemon!!! Origin Dialga is for the time travel and also it's just a bizarre creature that feels on par with Malefic Paradox and Truth Dragon tbh. Plus it was created by Arceus, and Pdox was created by Z-one <3

Zekrom: GEE PARADOX WHY DOES YOUR MOM LET YOU HAVE TWO UNOVA DRAGONS... he's got that whole black and white color motif with his mask/the Malefic dragon armor. And Zekrom's got an engine...like a motorcycle...

Reshiram: Beautiful long haired bishie of a dragon plus the aforementioned black and white motifs. Also the concept of wanting to make a true AND ideal new future is really fun and kind of Very at play with Paradox~

Espathra: A.) im a Psychic Duelist Paradox truther, I rly wanted to give him a Psychic type, B.) Espathra is a violent weirdo that literally has his hair color palette/style. In my mind's eye this was his partner Pokemon originally ....Paradox with a Flittle is so funny to me.

Roaring Moon: if anyone deserves an Ancient AND Future Paradox Pokemon it's... WELL. THIS GUY. Malefics are almost all Dark Dragons so give him the freakish vicious Dragon/Dark that's like a twisted version of an existing monster (much like how Malefics are twisted versions of existing cards ;])

Iron Treads: Successfully continuing to give all the Iliaster guys Future pdox 'mons...Iron Treads is a big robot tire effectively which works great for a guy who motorcycles through time!!!

SHERRY:

Lunala: For that freaky Soul Binding Gate skeleton door, also a Pokemon that is brought under Necrozma's (Z-one's) power. Sherry having Lunala and Aporia having Solgaleo also just makes me a little insane.

Florges: FRENCH. FLOWER LADY. EASY PICK.

Rapidash: For Horse of the Floral Knights/Sherry's horse shaped duel runner...i love that she's a horse girl 🥴

Teddiursa: For that TEDDY BEAR!!! And also, again, her having a Pokemon from the same line as Pokemon Aporia has is just a fun detail for me.

Tsareena: 100% female. Floral Knights/Chevalier le Fleur. Kicks and fights triumphantly.

Iron Leaves: in general Virizion is already a perfect Sherry 'mon (grass horse, based on French literature, etc.) and I imagine she originally had one before it somehow Became an Iron Leaves when she joined Iliaster :^)

APORIA:

Solgaleo: i mean. He Just Looks Exactly Like One!!!! Also Steel/Psychic is a really good type for this big miserable monster lion angel robot. Plus it can be controlled by Necrozma.

Kingambit: Evolved form of Primo's Bisharp, a powerful and intense leader that fights primarily with brute strength. It's also got an ability that boosts its power the more of its allies fall (die <3) Power through suffering!!!

Silvally: Synthetic chimera of mishmashed fused parts created in a lab :) Can only evolve and reach its true potential through friendship :))) also giving him Silvally and Z-one Arceus just to make myself a little sick in the head.

Klingklang: Evolved form of Lester's Klang, mechanical 'mon that echoes the Ark Cradle's Sun Gear(s) that Aporia protects

Ursaluna: Evolve form of Jakob's Ursaring, hulking powerful bear with big claws and a back sail that looks exactly like Aporia's big metal halo.

Iron Jugulis: MEKLORD ASTRO DRAGON TRISKELION!!!! also a hydra like Aporia's duel runner >:D

Z-ONE:

Necrozma: first of all it kind of looks like Z-one's freaky life support+huge claws contraption second of all something something Infinite Light vs. Necrozma being a light consuming monster third of all the way it can dominate and lord over Solgaleo and Lunala. pounds my fists on the pavement.

Celebi: HE'S THE BIG BAD HE GETS AS MANY LEGENDARIES AS HE WANTS and he needs Celebi of course. Time Angel :)

Omastar: Freaky ancient Pokemon that resembles the nautilus shape of Z-one's contraption...also there's something about fossils being kept alive in there somewhere I'm sure.

Mimikyu: this is like. perfect for him tbh HDHGSDFG Wears the guise of another Pokemon and pretends to be it (and I would definitely give Yusei a Pikachu,) reacts with violence and panic when pushed into a corner, Fairy type (like all the Timelords are), competitively can fill the niche of being Difficult and full of underhanded status effects and tactics and I think that's just lovely for Z-one <3 In my mind's eye I like to think this was his partner Pokemon from even before The Yusei Factkinning Event.

Bloodmoon Ursaluna: Well it's literally got the odd 'device' clamped over one of its (weird glowing) eyes and also. For Aporia <3 That's Aporia <33 Z-one's giant time-displaced apex predator with a big weird circle on its forehead <3333

Arceus: THAT'S GOD BABEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#yugioh 5ds #iliaster #ygo posting #WHEEEEE POKEMON AU MACHINE GO BANANAS WHEEEEEE #i would like to make t5ds teams too but its been hard to figure them out so far...will ponder further.... #iliasterliker9000 #get your pokemon

[maya--4]

Regrets

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Ghost!Gn!Reader

Summary: Ghost finds an actual ghost.

Words: 2053

Warnings: Gore, Reader expresses great distress finding out they died and wants to sleep forever. That's all I can think about but if you run into more tell me. I plan for the other chapters to get much darker so look out for that.

A/N: Part one of my Simon 'Ghost' Riley x actual ghost!reader. I was originally going to write as one big fic but decided chopping it up into pieces would be better. This is not my first fanfic but it is the first one on Tumblr I've ever posted. :)

Also inspired by this fic made by @ceilidho

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  It's your room. The little concrete box you've spent the last 6 months in. An ache creeps in from... somewhere you're not sure. Like your body has been fused, all your nerves tangled and rewired. When your hand rests on the wall you feel the sensation of touch throughout your entire body. The room has changed slightly, the bunks are still there but your bed sheets have changed. You have no memory of how you got here.

It takes a minute for everything to return bit by bit, each memory hits you like a brick, all the years of loneliness trying to make friends and trying to win your parent's approval, all the time spent just for a fraction of affection. Then the army, you joined thinking this... this would be the thing that gets your parent's praise. The hollow feeling in your chest feels almost debilitating, the lump in your throat borderline choking. You made a friend, thinking of his name makes your head throb. Remembering anything about him makes you feel ill. Your body trembles, chest heaving frantically but air doesn't fill your lungs. You're not choking like you think you would... It's a dream. It has to be a dream, it would explain the weird sensations. That's a rational explanation for this.

'Just a dream, only a dream.'

The door opens and a man in uniform walks in, he's of a low rank, you don't recognize him as one of your roommates.

'Must have the wrong room.'

Your mouth opens to speak but nothing comes out but you can see him jolt, his head whips around to look at you.

  He's completely silent while looking at you. He looks afraid, not the kind of fear you get when someone hides around the corner and jumps out. It's like he's seen a ghost. You try to speak again but you have no breath to speak. He backs out of the room quickly slamming the door on his way out.

  You would have flinched at the sound but your attention is focused on something else. The mirror he was standing in front of... You didn't see it before, and when he walked in his frame blocked it.

  The face in the mirror is torn, teeth and muscles exposed on one side. The collar of the uniform drenched in blood. Another false inhale and the figure in the mirror moves its hand to its face. You see your hand in your peripheral vision. It's your face, but that can't be real, you're not dead. You were just in the gym. Confusion and denial cloud your thoughts until everything suddenly clicks.

'I died.'

Your hand drops, suddenly to weak to hold it up. The silent scream that is torn out of your throat does little to help all the sudden emotions. The realization makes you want to vomit bile but there is none. This is what you get, after years of neglect and sadness, all the years being forgotten, and the only thing in return that you get is death? The lightbulb flickers before shattering leaving you in the void.

  You feel nothing when you knell to the ground and coil up in a ball, sobs wrecking your body. What did you do to deserve an eternity of solitude?

'Why couldn't I just sleep forever? who's sick fucking idea was it to bring me back!?'

Your begs and sobs fall on deaf ears. You come to find out that time moves differently when your dead, not even sure how long you were dead before becoming a ghost. You try to seem non-threatening at first, but part of you dies with every interaction with the living, their fear only furthering your spiral into madness. You hold on to your humanity as long as you can but the passage of time takes everything eventually. Grief and longing morph into animosity, you find yourself lashing out more and more until they abandon the room completely. Turning it into a storage closet, installing an almost blindingly bright light to make you disappear. They rarely come in leaving you in total darkness, the shelves gather dust and cobwebs. It's almost peaceful if not for your thoughts hanging over you, the what-ifs, the jealousy, the regret.

  But curling up on the floor and being alone just feels better. Those moments you can forget reality and slip into daydreams are the only things you look forward to.

You can't do that when people are looking.

--------------------------

"You can't be serious Price." Cold seeps into his skin through his jacket where he leans against the wall.

  "You're not the only one, they're checking the rooms adjacent to yours too."

  'As if that changes anything.'

"Why do I have to pack up and leave? Can't they just do their jobs faster?" His eyes scan the forest just outside the base fencing. The sun has set past the tree line leaving a golden halo over the the tops of them.

"It's only two days Ghost." Price says before taking a drag of his cigar.

"What could they possibly be doing that would take two whole days?" Asking seems futile now, he knows they are checking the walls for structural damage, pipes that run through the walls, and the bathroom making sure everything is still up to code. But does that really take that long?

The captain breathes out, smoke pouring out, amusement written on his face.

"Maintenance."

It's not that he harbors any attachment to his room at the barracks, or anywhere else for that matter. He likes the convenient placement. It's the perfect distance to most of the base amenities and facilities while also not having too much traffic in the hallway. The room he's given temporarily is a different story. It's a long distance from everything, tucked into an old corner of the base. Roughly the same size as his own room but without the bathroom addition. He takes note of the single bed in the middle of the room, the scratches in the floor from moving bunks around, dusty cobwebs clinging to the ceiling, and stains on the walls and floor leave him wondering what soldiers could be doing in here that stains concrete. The metal frame creaks when he sets his bag on top.

"You've got to be fucking joking." He pinches the bridge of his nose, reminding himself he's slept in worse places.

He falls asleep easily when he needs to, so why can't he? Why does he feel on edge? There's no furniture for someone to hide behind, no windows for someone to look through, even the door is locked, but he can still feel someone watching him.

  He can't see you, not with the lights off. It should stay that way, just until he leaves. It's odd, they stopped putting people in here since they turned it into a storage room. This guy must be important for them to clear it out and give it to him. You just hope it's not permanent.

He doesn't remember the exact time he falls asleep but it had to be late because he wakes up strained. His hand paws around on the ground for his phone, unplugging it from the wall. Hitting the power button proves to be useless.

'It's dead.'

  He plugged it in last night, saw it charging before he layed down. He groans and goes in the general direction of the door to find the light switch in the dark. The light burns shapes into his vision, his eyes screw shut at the sudden blinding light.

'Who thought it was a good idea to put the brightest lightbulb in such a small room?'

The day doesn't get any easier, seems everything decided to go to hell and blow up in his face. A small fire in the kitchen, although not doing much damage means a mountain of paperwork for him later... on top of the paperwork he still has yet to do. He spends his entire day sitting behind a desk. The feeling of being watched doesn't return until he goes back to the room for the second night. The small light of a lamp illuminates the space, made sure to grab it on his way back so he can see in the morning without essentially flashbanging himself.

But it reveals a different problem, the far left corner of the room is darker than the rest. No matter how he moves the lamp closer does it dissipate. It remains a void. He's heard stories, distortions found on security footage, soldiers walking down the hallway in retired uniforms and disappearing around corners, soldiers bleeding out on the ground calling for help, and when medics arrive they've vanished without a trace. Given his name, he's familiar with the concept of 'Ghosts'. If this is one of those cases this one is not corporeal. It has no form, no mouth, most likely the reason he was on edge the night before. Or he's finally lost his mind.

Sleep envelopes him quicker tonight, knowing what had him on edge.

'Just a little shadow.'

He saw you, no doubt about it he stood in front of you, just staring. You can't tell what the hell he's thinking with that fucking mask on.

   'Please just leave me alone, I can't handle it...'

   The words echo through your head over and over. You truly can't tell that time passes when you are alone. Days, even weeks can pass by in what only feels like a few hours but when people come you can feel every second that passes only brings you closer to hysteria.

   Your peace returns when he leaves in the morning. No other furniture has been brought in, which hopefully means that he's not staying permanently. That fucking mask irritates you beyond reason. It could be that you've been left by yourself for so long.

   The groan that leaves his throat holds no amusement as he reads the screen of his phone. Price just delivered the news that a pipe in the wall is corroding and needs to be fixed. This means he's stuck with the shadow and creaky bed for another night at least until a qualified repair crew can come to base.

   "Should just throw the mattress on the floor." He mutters, pocketing his phone and changing directions, his original plan being thrown out the window as he carries a bundle of unfinished paperwork with him.

   He opens the door and flicks the light on, the overhead light illuminating every nook and cranny of the room like a flood light. It's unnecessary in such a small room but the lamp he grabbed is too dim for him to see what he's reading. Almost forgets about the shadow in the corner of the room as he sits down on the bed. The only reminder is a buzzing of his nerves that won't go away. He can feel the begining of a headache starting to form. His eyes trail to the corner involuntarily, like a moth to a flame. It's not visible, but he can still feel it. He manages to pry his eyes away and focus back on his work. Time passes and his headache has doubled. He gives up, choosing to do the work tomorrow and try to sleep off whatever has come over him so quickly.

'That's enough for today.'

He puts the folder down and does one more check to see that his phone is charging and that the handheld lamp is on before standing to turn the main light off. The lamp gives a small glow to the room.

He's not expecting the eyes in the dark, the lamp on the ground highlights the silhouette of the shadow. No longer just a corner devoid of light, the head, shoulders, arms, and legs can be seen albeit blurry. The malicious intent behind its eyes isn't lost on him though. He can feel the pure hate in its eyes, but realistically what can it do, stare him to death? His lip twitches upward into a grin.

   He doesn't spare another second thinking about it, checks the lock on the door, and makes his way to the bed. He takes a glance at the shadow. Their head has turned to look down at him. Still pressed into the corner like it was trying to stay as far away from him as possible.

   "You don't seem very happy that I'm here, Are you scared of me little shadow?" He regrets speaking. Whatever it is begins to shake violently, still firmly planted in the corner. A low growl turns to a sharp shrill before the lamp light bulb shatters plunging the room into darkness. His ears ring at the sudden shriek.

   'Probably shouldn't provoke the shadow.'

#Simon 'Ghost' Riley x reader #ghost x reader #mw2 x reader #Maya's fics

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

leave a trail of burnt things in my wake (every single place I go)

For @bloodgulchblog - this work is also on ao3

Smell can trigger memories and tap into long buried emotions. John is an expert at burying emotions, but he hit his limits months ago. An introspective piece inspired by discussion of the smell of cigar smoke and old friends long gone.

It's late when John heads back to Blue Team's quarters. Briefings, reports, responsibilities; all the things Team Leader is used to shouldering seem to weigh a little heavier these days. Bad news pours in from all sides and allies seem fewer and far between these days. There are new lines on everyone’s faces. Tightness in the way they move, smiles that don’t reach the eyes. It feels like the whole ship is holding its breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for things to get worse, the next tragedy in the domino line of tragedies that humanity has been fighting for three decades.

Moving helps, he knows hypervigilance will be a drain in the long term, but thinking long term is new. It’s strange for aches to fade, scars to heal, joints to be sore and not in ignored agony. Living is a new kind of pain John is fighting to tolerate. It’s not something he’s sure he’ll get used to.

Restlessness is not a luxury he can usually afford, but aboard the Infinity is the closest he's felt to safe in a long time. The strange feeling coming from being surrounded by Spartans again. It still means he'll patrol if possible. It might garner him some extra looks from his team or even the captain when the man is able to corner him while they’re all aboard. The back to back missions dwindled only because John was overruled. He’s being watched - he knows it - spooks, Spartans, the brass, and anyone and everyone who recognizes the armor. His existence is an example, a beacon, and a warning.  

Yet they don’t stop his nighttime haunts. An olive branch perhaps, or maybe letting him have space - letting him walk through the nights with his ghosts. Even among his team, John doesn't want to spend any extra time in small rooms, and there's always work to be done.

He's not alone as he travels silently down gunmetal gray halls, but by this time most of the crew is changing shifts or used to Spartans moving. John's aware of how they look at him; the IIs move differently than the IVs but to the techs on their way to the hangars he's just another 7ft tall, 350 lbs of muscle to stay out of the way of.

Funny how being out of the armor helps him stay invisible.

There's movement down an auxiliary hallway that catches his eye, but he dismisses it when he sees troopers huddled together. It’s a familiar scene, one he’s witnessed time and again over his career in troop bays and shadowy corners, the handing off of contraband and the like. John pauses and notes the cameras, the vents, and the blindspots. Not amateurs then, though it's hard to tell these days. 

They all look so young.

John stills in the shadows and watches. There’s talking in low voices with some sporadic good natured bickering that gets shushed quickly. One of them shoves another off-balance; arms pinwheeling before they push back with a grin. His eyes catch flashes of packaging before it's shoved into pockets or down shirts and the group disperses. Tobacco gum, self-lighting cigarettes, and other nicotine sources disappear along with nondescript datachips and small flasks. They don't notice him - he would have lost his touch if they had - and the group splits off, nonchalance a little too forced. 

He'd make a comment, spook em a bit while he's this nameless Spartan who caught them. Pale as a ghost, mangled worse than some corpses. The old model, patched up over and over again. Some old, ugly sonuvabitch with weird eyes, too many scars popping out of the shadows wasn't a fun encounter, or so he'd been told.

At least he would have, if he didn't freeze in place as someone lit up and the too familiar smell of a Sweet William cigar hit his nose for the first time in over five years. 

The pungent odor - old boot-sock smoked over a dung-fire - hit him full force even if the marine smoking it was down the hall. The odor sat in his sinuses, and the scar on his chest hurt as he jerked away. It never felt like the skin grew back right, but then again it had never gotten the chance to fully heal; the Ark, the Dawn, and then everything after. 

It was like no time had passed. 

The squeak of the light cover flipping back, their thumb on the wheel. The ancient knowledge passed down to him that matches preserved the flavor more, but were hard to find and keep. Lighters were common - ceremonial - passed between brothers in arms or from father to son. John could still see Johnson’s engraved lighter in his mind’s eye.

He had known several people to have smoked those cigars - most of them were dead now. And with his luck, he was there when it happened.

There were a lot of memories tied up with that scent. Johnson, of course. He had always seemed to have them on him, always smoking so much John often considered commenting about him giving away their position with the stink of tobacco. He would have liked that; Johnson always liked when John pushed back. He’d smile around the cigar and raise his eyebrows, hum his approval, then return fire with a comment of his own. 

It was a scent that was tied to the man's presence, be it in a dropship, on the ground, or stopping by to drop off a tank. The first time John himself had tried one of the cigars, he had been 15 years old and ended up coughing so hard from the first draw that he reopened his neck wound. Butterfly bandages breaking under the strain as John wheezed and Avery laughed and took the cigar back, holding it away from his own oxygen cannula.

Johnson had shown him how to be a leader then - had backed him up and nodded when he got it right. John had carried those lessons with him for the rest of his life.

The smell of tobacco and dried flower was burned into his memory. Sweet William cigars had popped up throughout John’s service. Mendez had smoked them too, and Captain Keyes. 

Mendez had them in his desk drawer in his office on Reach. Halsey hadn't liked them, and like with most things, she would make her opinions clear. But that had been a lifetime ago. John didn't like to dwell on how he became what he was today. It was necessary, but the reminders of the human elements, the smoke drawing up old memories, made him uncomfortable.

He'd lived his whole life around foul-mouthed, paranoid, contraband-using marines and ODSTs. He had been honored to serve with those men and women. Tobacco was passed around as often as MREs no matter the campaign. It was familiar even after all this time.

Even Captain Keyes had his pipe, the lingering scent of tobacco on the bridge of the Autumn. Cigars weren't his main staple, but John had come to associate him among the men who smoked them.

It had been forever and only a few short months since he had been in the presence of a lit Sweet William.

His chest burns, something more than regrown skin over the burn scar. He leaves - as silently as he arrived.

The crewman continues to enjoy his contraband, smoke rising into the vent above, going to be scrubbed and recycled back.

#Halo fanfic #my writing #Master Chief #John 117 #Avery Johnson #yes i did the all lowercase title (with parentheses) #as a treat #bonus points for anyone who goes and listens to the song

[newnevermind-sanity]

been slowly putting together in my head some important points about my interpretation of Ghost. Ramble under the cut.

They were the one to lead the other vessels that survived death through the crack in the wall. (See my previous post about the Original Lord of Shades) Their goal was not only freedom from that dark, quiet place; it was also to find the sibling that the Pale King beckoned. At the time, Ghost heard the Pale King's voice calling their sibling, and thought it as some sort of trick to lure the sibling away from the rest because the door slammed shut right afterwards.

After they gained their freedom, they went out into the wastes with their siblings, all in search of adventure and freedom. Some do die out there, but Ghost makes a name for themselves as a Courier. Unfortunately, the wastes eat at their first memories, especially the traumatizing ones, and they begin to forget the reason they left that place, or even what it was. They don't have a name, and so just went with whatever peopled called them. (Most of the time it was The Knight because of what they looked like. They take up the name Ghost after Hornet calls them that a few times as they liked the name more.)

When THK calls out, every living sibling hears it. They might have forgotten where they came from, but that call jostles their memory. They have forgotten something very important and have to answer that call. When they come to the Black Egg Temple, more of the memory resurfaces. They don't know why, but they have to save whoever's inside.

Ghost is the last living vessel to make it back to Hallownest. Some die on the way there, and as we know, many die within its borders. Ghost just so happened to get there last due to sheer distance travelled. They experience the same thing when they arrive at the Black Egg Temple, but they can also almost hear their sibling crying in pain at this point. Ghost still doesn't really know who they are, but they want to save them. They feel like they have to do something and very soon to save them.

Ghost's in a weird place in terms of development. They have lots of knowledge of the wastes and some of the people that live out there, and someone kindly taught them how to read and write. They were taught very basic socialization skills and some signs, but for the most part they wandered place to place, absorbing as much information as they could by watching people. They never did eat or really gain much soul, so they never grew and are stuck in that tiny body. Hell, they don't even know if they can grow (They find out they can much later after ascending.) Emotionally, they are very much a child. They don't know how to handle strong emotions and will lash out in anger, and jump for joy. These emotions aren't really that strong either until Ghost suddenly had something to lose and the memories start to come back. Later Ghost describes it as being stuck somewhere between a child and adult, with many skills underdeveloped.

Ghost is also a fucking moron when it comes to self preservation. I'm sure they've given everyone a heart attack at some point because they just pick the most straightforward way to get any job done or go somewhere, and usually it's the most dangerous way. This is not helped at all when they ascend, as since they're a god and can just come back whenever, (they can only be truly killed by a powerful light) they'll happily take the plunge off of anything or take hits for people. That's not to say they don't feel pain, they absolutely do. They just either ignore it or play it off until they can't anymore.

Ghost was just blindly exploring until they met Hornet. Until that point, they were just looking around for some way to maybe break into the egg or to help people or to try and find useful things. It's the first Hornet encounter where they start to feel that something is amiss. They see the dead vessel and take the cloak off, as you always do when you find a dead bug with something useful in the wastes, but this time they feel... sad. They don't know why yet, but they feel a twist in their guts seeing them, something they never felt outside. You don't have time to feel bad. It's a part of life out there. This one however was somehow different. They realize later what it is.

As they explore, bits and pieces start to come back to them. They fight to earn the Mantis Lord's respect, something common in the wastes, and make their way into the city. It's there that sense of grief started to grow and grow, until they find Hornet once more. Looking up at the statue of The Hollow Knight: there's a flicker of memory. Something about the horns, something about the way they stand, their general shape... They know this knight. They somehow know them, but why? It's about now Ghost really slows down and starts to look in every nook and cranny to find an answer.

They were scared as hell when the Dreamers locked them in, but is grateful the Seer got them out. As the Seer granted more clarity, Ghost revisited anywhere and everywhere they could to try and put the pieces together as to who they are. It comes to a head in Kingdom's Edge, and they proved just how determined they are when they beat Hornet and claim the King's Brand.

This fuels them all the way to the end. The more they find, the more they dig up, the more they remember, the more they want to try and save their lost sibling by any means. The more people they meet, and the more they lose, the more they want to kill the Radiance for the horrible fate she's wrought upon the world. Raw determination and willpower propels them forward, until they find a certain Troupe.

Ghost is more than happy to take the child into their care. When they find out the purpose, that just makes them more determined to see it through, as Grimm proved to be a friend and Ghost would help him continue with his mortal part of life. In this version, Grimm also gives more insight into the Radiance, as she's his sister, and tells Ghost that he did hear rumor of the Godseekers making their way here.

Thus begins the pantheons. With Grimm's words and their own knowledge, they piece together that they could battle the Radiance here, instead of having to go through their weakened sibling first and almost certainly killing them in the process. They climb and climb, and refuse to give up until she's dead.

Once ascended, they are a swirl of rage and hatred, as killing the Radiance wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the need for revenge their heart. They kill the Godseekers, and any who manage to flee the dream are hunted down all the way to Dirtmouth. The temper tantrum nearly killed everyone, but Hollow's presence manages to calm the new Lord of Shades and stops a catastrophe.

As the Lord of Shades, Ghost has a lot to learn. They still act like a kid, don't tend to speak formally and is stiff when they do, but they're going to do their best to help. They admit often that they're not a ruler, they just want a place to call home. They want a place where they could all heal and be together.

As for how they see their birth parents: nothing but hatred and scorn for them both, being honest. The White Lady called them just 'her spawn' and insinuated that Ghost take Holly's place. (Something they knew was a bad idea already.) And they loathe the line No Cost Too Great with all of their being. They will never be like him, that much they swore to themselves.

They love their siblings with all of their heart, and do their best to show it every day. They form good bonds throughout their journey, and they only get better the more Ghost learns, grows, and matures. Even still, they're still the mischievous scamp that ran all over Hallownest, turned it upside down, and became god just to save someone. They're definitely the most animated and happy out of the three, and is definitely the one that gets into the most trouble, much to the dismay of both Hollow and Hornet.

#sanity shut up #headcanons #hollow knight #little ghost #lord of shades #they are doing their absolute best

[monstersinthecosmos]

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

also!!

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

(writing asks!)

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I feel silly answering this because I tend to notice these things when they're bad habits and now I don't want to point them out because I'm trying to get better at not doing it and I don't want to draw attention to it in case no one else notices. =P I do often play with timelines and dreams and visions!!!! It's fun in VC for obvious reasons but my Sheith fics feature it a lot too due to cosmic mind fuckery. I had a weird experience on shrooms once that makes its way into everything I write so if I ever reference physically feeling a thought or use visions & dreams to say something please know it's the shrooms. I'm also super inspired by movies & shows so like there's certain pieces of media that sneak their way into everything I write because I'm constantly using it as an emotional reference. Like the show Banshee shows up in my fics constantly because it's so hedonistic and violent and lush and there's such a beautiful spectrum of emotion. Like when I wonder what complex emotion looks like on a human face I'm constantly reference Antony Starr on Banshee lol. There's also frequent T2 and Six Feet Under references.

AND MUSIC REFERENCES LOL listen I can't stop and I'm not going to; if I have an opportunity to name drop a real song I'll take it. Even if I don't mention the song itself I always leave Easter eggs, like a line of lyrics, or like, my fic where Armand is wearing an Alcest hoodie even though I didn't say it was an Alcest hoodie. All one needs to do is Google it. :) 65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project dagsdkjasgd okay my next few months look like this

Finish Vamptember fic SORRY !!!!!!!!! I had a really bad autumn. I haven't written in like 2 months I hate myself lol.

Update my big Sheith fic!!!!!!!!

I do try to alternate VC & Sheith so like, sandwich Sheith fic in between the VC projects but. AFTER THAT.

A fic probably called Justice for St. Mary about Armand & Nicki with MEMORIES & VISIONS OF LESTAT & NICKI HAHA wow I'm predictable. I really want to write this fic, I started it in like 2017 and I got a little overwhelmed because the idea was too big at the time, but I've had a few years of practice and I want to try again. Basically it involves Armand & Nicki's relationship but also like, the way Lestat is sort of always present between them like a ghost, but I want to include some Lestat/Nicki content in there too probably in the form of memories & Armand mind-gift spying because he's nosy and obsessed with Lestat.

MARIUS/MAEL CAPTIVITY FIC god I cannot stop thinking about it for the last 2 months, I've written so many notes for myself. I really just wanna write about the year of captivity and what went down and like, all the grieving and suffering and sexual tension. :D

[did-system-did]

Long Thoughts

I feel like a ghost of who I used to be.

I thought the more effort I put into healing, processing, accepting, and integrating the less I would have to deal with the symptoms of DiD. The less I would have to worry about being different.

Somehow with age, its gotten harder. I thought it would be the opposite. I idealized a future where I could just be one, have a better memory, and retain information better. I wanted that future so badly. Maybe its still possible and I'm just prematurely discouraged, but it was so much easier B.D (before discovery).

Yeah, it was chaotic and embarrassing and all the things you can imagine from an unknowingly traumatized little girl. It was easier back then to just write off my behavior as being weird. I was just the weird, rambunctious, unpredictable little girl, pre-teen, teenager, young woman. And truthfully, I found comfort in the idea that everyone lived that way.

Leaving the emotional distress aspect out of it, I thought everyone had multiple voices and memory gaps and drastic identity changes and internal conflict with identity. So I just lived my life. I was more unstable, but I was significantly happier even through the manic/depressive episodes. It was easier to write it off as "this is just part of life!". My system worked for me.

Finding out that I'm separate from the internal family that raised me was terrifying, embarrassing, yet liberating. Terrifying because the voices I came to be familiar with weren't a norm like i thought, embarrassing because i realized the horrible, mean, weird, chaotic things i've done around people wasnt a dream but actually real life; and liberating because i spent years trying to understand the complex experience i was having and finally cracked the surface.

It was an intense discovery.

Months and a couple years later i was extremely motivated to get to the bottom of my disorder, come to terms with what happened to me, and grow as an individual. Being aware of switches was harder than being unaware, because the latter meant that those days or memories were processed as dreams or separate from reality so i have nothing to worry about. Now knowing that I'm being ripped out of my mind and body made me more erratic when it came to time and how i spent it. I wanted to prevent switches so i could live my life more.

Almost 4 years A.D, i feel... defeated. I have lived my life a certain way since childhood filled with switching, beautiful chaos, and recklessness. It was full of rambunctious people taking care of me, laughing with me, helping me with tests, saying jokes only we can hear, talking to me out loud while i wear headphones walking home from school, protecting me, and just making me feel like someone was there for me. Although it was a confusing time, i was happy. My system made me happy.

That's something i have never admit to anyone, not even my husband who is in full support and knowledge of my disorder. But growing up and until discovery, my system was one whom i, for the most part, could trust.

It's just harder now. When you're a kid theres more freedom for weird behavior, but at 24 years old i would be called crazy.

I'm not crazy, im traumatized. I'm severely torn apart and my brain led the otherwise impossible task of gluing me back together. I spent time in psych wards and crisis houses. I lived in my car and got fired from jobs. I struggle heavily because the way my brain formed itself to live isnt one that fits where i am anymore. And yet, I still need them to feel like myself.

Its painful to accept that because for so long I just wanted to be me. But I'm seeing now that its already been done. This is my brain. This isnt the type of disorder you can medicate away. My brain put itself together in this way to survive and the more i try to make my days quiet and free from my system, the sadder I've become.

This is my sign to take a different approach and be more accepting of the system who helped save my life.

It'll be hard, but i want to be happy.

#host #hostxtommy #rant #long thoughts #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #endos dni

[crazy-pages]

The Friendly Necromancer is yours right? What would happen if a Shuppet who had a trainer evolved? Would they abandon their trainer to seek vengeance? Also I love the fic, it’s amazing. (If the fic isn’t yours or you just don’t feel like it feel free to ignore this ask)

It is mine! And thanks for the compliment.

I think that's a complicated question that depends heavily on the pokemon-trainer relationship. There's no one answer to what might happen, so it's interesting to think about!

First of all, it would depend on what knowledge the Shuppet has about Banette evolutions. Shuppets in the wild don't typically get to inherit learned experiences from wild Banettes, which burn bright and fast and typically only have short temporary encounters with Shuppets. So a Shuppet which has seen memories of peaceful Banettes or gleaned some awareness of the possibility from its trainer's education is going to have a big leg up when it comes to making decisions which look beyond the immediate sense of loss and abandonment that fuels their evolution.

A trainer who simply went through pokecenter conditioning with their Shuppet and nothing more will probably lose the Shuppet, because the standard conditioning isn't going to cover this scenario. Stuff like "don't run off if you see something tasty", "this person is important, follow them", and "obey stay, go, attack, protect commands", just aren't going to do much about a sudden burning never-before-felt urge to fix the terrible emotional void abandonment leaves in a discarded thing. That said, conditioning meant to protect humans from pokemon attacks would probably still affect the Banette to at least some degree and would complicate their vengeance.

But a trainer who has a close bond with their Shuppet-turned-Banette is going to be someone the Banette goes to for help with this. Maybe to understand their drive, maybe for help executing it, maybe just as a source of comfort in the face of extreme emotions and distress. And at that point what happens is going to be dependent on how well the trainer understands what's going on, how well they can communicate with their Banette, and what they care to do about it.

Then this gets even more complicated when you think about who is likely to have a Ghost pokemon. Most pokeballs are ineffective on them and it's difficult to communicate with them without a mental bond (and Psychics are weak to Ghost moves, so that's not always an advantage for training Ghosts). So you're dealing with a very small and weird subset of the trainer population, who are likely to have niche and unusual interactions with their pokemon.

There's also the context of the evolution! Is this a formerly loved and abandoned object the Shuppet stumbled upon? Or is this something precious which had to be gotten rid of (maybe the owner developed an allergy to a stuffed toy's materials, or had a traumatic experience associated with the toy), which is being passed on to the Shuppet with reverence? An unexpected evolution is obviously going to be intense and disorienting for all involved, but there's also the possibility of deliberating triggering an evolution under kinder and more thought out circumstances.

TL;DR: Basically, this is pretty similar to the question, "What happens if a Charmeleon evolves into a Charizard and suddenly realizes, a) it's hungry, and b) it's much bigger and strong than its trainer now?" The answer: "It depends! Follow up question, how would you rate your relationship with your pokemon?"

#the friendly necromancer #pokemon fanfiction #shuppet #banette

[fyodorloveclub]

Okay hello again i just remembered i made this concept :((

Osamu with a a ghost reader he meets at the cemetery Odasaku's at.

Like one day there just happens to be a new grave and poof, suddenly this ghost wont leave him alone. Like they will CLING onto dazai, even if their body is like really fucking cold and uncomfortable. And dazai, kinda enjoys.

Like cmon we know much dazai has a hard time connecting with people emotional hecantreallydoitoften..

So like imagine ghost!reader sitting on his lap while they rant about whatever topic they have a slight interest in, and they're like talking as if Oda is there with him and like,"people are so reckless i hate how some people just release bunnies and chicks they buy as "gifts" for easter into the wild, its just irresponsible, right Oda?" And theyd be nodding and continuing, and jt just warms Dazais heart.

I imagine ghost!reader to be very optimistic qnd childesh to make the pain of spending all of eternity as a being cursed to roam death.

But one day they just break, and Dazai'a there to catch them.

Dazai comforts them and does whatever they can to help ghost!reader feel a lottle better.

Also it can he totally platonic too??? Or a little like dazai sort kf feels like a guardian to them..? Okay sorry the daddy issues cane out.

I love how my irl coping mechanism is hyperindependence and as soon as bsd men come im like "mmm princess treatment give"

Anway, i really need a hug from the zaza 😔

🪴

this is so cute and unique i love this concept 🥺🥺🥺 the sitting on his lap while they talk to oda im gonna cry fkjdskdjkdsl dazai trying to join in the coversation that he can obvi only hear one side of and reader just rolling their eyes and laughing with oda because dazai "just doesn't get it." i like to imagine dazai comes by and tells reader all these stories from the agency and just his general life bc they basically just live vicariously through him and they love to hear and remember what it's like to be alive. he'll also tell them all about what oda was like in the past and lots of memories they share, and reader being like "oh yeah oda already told me that one. he said you'd end up lying abt that" or something dflkkjdfkjl they're sooo clingy to him even tho like you said it's probably cold and an uncomfortable feeling for dazai and he would wear extra layers but reader has complained they don't feel as close to him that way, and they really miss human contact. and dazai is too endeared to say no to them, so he just holds them and kisses their cheek. i think this would be really cute as a platonic thing 🥺 it probably starts out at first as just a way for him to have a connection with oda, but he starts forming a genuine individual connection with reader. dazai is a pretty nihilistic/pessimistic guy so he probably would have a weird approach of comforting them, but it works well. he'll joke about how he's jealous of them for being dead, and promises that he'll make sure he's buried next to the two of them so they'll be together even in his death. and who knows maybe it does turn into something a little romantic, but idk how that would work askdjjfdk storytime: my lover is a ghost

#voices in my head #🪴 demon #sorry it took me a bit to get to this 🥺 #{ musings; dazai }

[sublimeflowoftime]

“Sothis,” Sitri greets the ghostly girl, as soft as anything. “I am Lilian. Here is your gift — or the prelude to it.” The creaseless, rectangular card addressed to Sothis is unencumbered by any envelope. Its cream-colored face has been penned with an imitation of Fodlan's native script written by foreign hand, letters unevenly spaced and slanted in odd places. “When I asked around, no one had heard of you. It was almost as though you didn't exist. In this age, there are still people that question whether a tree makes a sound if its fall isn't heard. Do you really exist if you are not known to the world? I believe so. My gift to you cannot be contained in a letter. Tonight, I implore you to look upon the endless expanse of the night sky and revel in being an infinitesimal part of the wider universe." Following the instructions will grant view of a staging of colorful explosions overhead that spell the name Sothis for all the monastery to see, immortalizing a memory once nearly lost to time. Sitri does not leave, but watches the display beside the ghost of the Goddess in silence.

“Oh. Hello.” Sothis hardly notices the card for a moment, startled once again by someone saying her name. She’s not sure if she’ll ever become fully accustomed to being acknowledged.

Peering down at the letter, (and silently thanking this ‘Lilian’ for holding it for her, many don’t tend to have the courtesy to do that), her expression shifts through many different emotions, the most prominent being different forms of confusion.

She had entirely forgotten that she was to get something as well as a part of this. She didn’t particularly bother with specifying what she would want to end up with when she signed up anyway, so that part was certainly the last thing on her mind. Truthfully, it could’ve been a rock for all she cared. She signed up more for the intent of getting something for someone else, not for whatever she would get in return. That wasn’t what mattered to her at all.

Even so, this gift met her only requirements perfectly. She didn’t have to touch anything, and it wasn’t something like food so it wouldn’t be a waste of resources. But beyond that, it was… thoughtful? She had believed gifts were to serve a practical purpose, something to help later on down the line, or in the moment should the case may be, but this…

She can only stare up at the colors above, announcing an existence that even she herself was beginning to doubt not so long ago. She can’t tear her gaze away, can’t blink even long after it stops, just staring at the night sky. Something equally beautiful in its own way. Perhaps that may also be part of the gift.

She feels weird.

She brings a hand up to her face, slightly tapping beneath her eyes. Why does it feel as if her eyes are… leaking, slightly? Is this… ‘crying’?

No. No, that wouldn’t make sense. ‘Crying’ is something humans do in response to sadness. She doesn’t know what she feels, but she certainly doesn’t think it can be described as that. But…

She pulls her hand back and stares at it for a moment, then back up at the sky where the gift once was. She’s silent for a long, long moment. She doesn’t even know how long. Ironic, that someone so intricately intertwined with the flow of time itself can so easily lose track of it.

She glances to the side, flinching and jumping back as she suddenly remembers Lilian’s presence. She turns her face away as quickly as possible, covering it with her hand. “Ah! Uhm. You… did not… um…” She already knows it’s too late, she probably saw. She only hopes this moment of weakness isn’t spread throughout the monastery. That would be embarrassing.

She clears her throat, still hiding her less-than-ideal state with her hand as she fights to make her voice sound normal. “…Should your paths cross with the sender of this gift, do give them thanks on my behalf. I…” She trails off. No, something like this deserves direct thanks. Not one delivered by someone else. “…No. Never mind that. I shall do so myself. Please, do tell me; where might I find them?”

#{You may call me Sothis. But I am also known as… “The Beginning”. — IC} #{I’ll lend my strength! — Ask} #toaseasonsgreetings #//I SWEAR WHOEVER SENT THIS #//BITES YOU /pos #//I AM LOSING MY MARBLES ITS SO GOOD??? #//what if I cried #divinecrest

[changethecircumstances]

Some more thoughts on my supernatural AU with fae!frenchie x vampire!izzy because I still want to write it but I want to finish my series first:

One reason Izzy starts going back even though he swears he doesn't like the fae is because he reminds him of the sun which he hasn't seen in nearly 300 years

Frenchie is fascinated interacting with something 'undead' because there isn't a connection like with other living things and knowing the vampire's name doesn't hold any power over him because he's not living

Frenchie still hates witches but he accepts one witch: Buttons, but only because his familiar is a seagull (Karl) rather than a cat

Izzy says he hates werewolves but its really only stupid fucking Stede Bonnet he hates; he honestly doesn't mind Oluwande, and Fang has been with their group for ages

Izzy and Frenchie meet in the 80s and neither has interacted with the other's kind before

Frenchie knows werewolves because he met Wee John and became utterly fascinated by his propensity to want to set everything on fire but hasn't met many other supernatural folks outside of werewolves and his occasional interactions with Buttons

Izzy tries to kill Frenchie because he catches him while feeding and when he bites him that's when he knows he's not human: Frenchie just giggles cause it kind of tickles

Izzy's been going it solo for a while because of Stede being around Ed constantly so suddenly having Frenchie deciding to never leave him alone is extra off putting

Izzy was changed by Ed in the early 1700s when he got shot aboard a ship (Blackbeard was even more of a ghost story because he only ever appeared and attacked in the dead of night)

One day Frenchie didn't exist and then the next day he did. At least, that's what he thinks until interacting with Izzy causes weird fog like memories to stir up

Frenchie eventually remembers being a child centuries ago being taken by the fae and the flood of memories make him feel sadness and anger and he doesn't know how to handle it because he doesn't remember how those emotions even feel and Izzy finds himself being the one having to calm him down and it goes about as well as u think

Jim and the Swede are selkies (Swede is a seal and Jim a panther and no they are not a God damn werepanther Stede don't be racist)

Lucius and Black Pete are actually 100% human and run a gay bar in the 80s and think that Izzy, Stede, all of them, are just a really weird eccentric queer group of friends (they also wrongly assume Izzy is the token straight until they see him always going off with the occasional jerks and assholes and then just think he's a glutton for punishment, which he kind of is but no, its easier to kill and eat pieces of shit because no one cares if suddenly piece of shit Richard never shows up again)

Also Ivan is a vampire like Izzy and Ed, forgot to mention that lol

#izzy x frenchie #our flag means death #izzy hands #frenchie ofmd #ofmd #frenchizzy #i will write this one day i swear

[boy-bug-ghoul]

Things in take me back to eden that make me go feral

so it's my first time listening to tmbte fully after putting it off bc i knew i would be so excited i wouldn't be able to regulate my emotions HDSKSHD

and my ttrpg discord server had to witness me have very very live thoughts and reviews about the album and vessel's voice and vessel's new mask (which i plan on making!)

so here's some of those under the cut!! (i might continue to edit this as i listen again and again)

(i hope this is how you make a cut this is my first post)

Chokehold:

I was listening to per aspera ad inferi by ghost and plugged my ears so that the music was like fully reverberating around my skull and it was. such a good experience.

my hands over my ears, like rattling my eardrums

i did that with chokehold. fucking incredible bro it was. insane. so good.

the light piano noises?? juxtaposed with the SUDDEN HARDNESS AND THEN THE VOCALS AND AHSKDJHFS

The Summoning:

i don't have much to say about the summoning /pos. it's a classic. i think the first song i listened to from sleep token.

I've been listening to it a little more recently. the whole thing is so good especially like the middle bit where it goes so hard and the guitar goes "bleep bloop" (i read from somewhere,, the blog name evades my memory), THEN transitions into the ethereal flowy bit before iii starts bassing the house down

OH AND MY LOVE, DID I MISTAKE YOU FOR A SIGN FROM GOD

i love listening to the drums in ST songs as well. this is one of those crispy delicious drum songs

Granite:

i sing this pretty angrily. "if you had a problem then you should have told me" etc etc yk?

after that part it's sooooo easy to vibe to because of that underlying melody, its so satisfying i listen to it over and over again

"abstract toxicity" ben says

has been in my on repeat playlist for a while now haha

Aqua Regia:

i'm such a nerd about aqua regia. the first verse goes hard. the second verse goes hard. it all goes hard without having to go musically hard.

BECAUSE THE LYRICISM IS SO GOOD. "between teeth on a broken jaw, following a blood trail, frothing at the maw" "putting down the roses, picking up the sword" "oxytocin running in the ether" JUST TO NAME A FEW

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE. THE ALARM BELLS LYRIC. yeah.

also on my on repeat

Vore:

it's like the "gods" of tmbte yk? (it's because he starts out screaming. and i love it.)

but after that like, "will we remain stuck in the throat of gods" onwards,, it has something to it that makes me want to cry.

"there is always something in the way, i wanna have you to myself for once" there's so much yearning

so good. i feel bad for ignoring vore for a while before tmbte came out bc it really is. so good

Ascensionism:

i like the "oh woahs" at the start of vessel rapping

"half of a rhythm, half deity, glitches in the cold or gaps in a strange dream" HIT ME IMMEDIATELY. I HAD TO PAUSE IT BECAUSE IT WENT SO HARD. because it is basically what vessel is. oh my

"make it real" he sounds so good singing this fml!!!

"lipstick, chemtrails" onwards is SO VIBEY like all the lyrics as well!! the blood references interest me!!

vessel whispering "diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky" gave me chills. in a gay way? yeah probably

I DO APPRECIATE HOW THE SONG IS 7 MINUTES!! LONG SONGS CHEF'S KISS

Are You Really Okay?:

i had many. many feelings about this one. it's still hard to put it into words right now

i said to my server, "im gonna start violently sobbing actually. bc its SO VERY CLEAR what it. hrgh"

it was a lot. cried, definitely. i bet it hits close to home for a lot of people.

also weird music moment i was like. noticing shdfkd i was like "damn they did this song in C major and I'm still crying" (or at least i think it's C major, it was so odd bc that's one of the brightest key signatures yk)

The Apparition:

gave me twinges of high water in emotion, but it's because i am projecting too heavily onto the first verse sdhfd

the instrumental after the first verse fucks.

the chorus as well!! the lyrics i keep talking about THE LYRICS on this one "let's make trouble in the dream world, hijack heaven with another memory"

i love the instrumental the whole time, again with that underlying melody

DYWTYLM:

THIS SONG MAKES ME SAD GO AWAY HDFSHDF

i read this descriptor on fake out by fall out boy, but i feel like this song is so "grit your teeth and smile"

"can you ever forgive yourself?" comes for my kneecaps.

"i cannot hope to give you what i cannot give myself" wrrrr shut up bro shut up D:

"smile back at me, please" SEE THIS SONG DOESNT GO TOO HARD MUSICALLY BUT THE LYRICS GO SOOOOOOO HARD

Rain:

the first song i listened to off the album! it is. not because it shares a title with a ghost member... i swear...

THE ENTIRE POST-CHORUS. "refracted in light, reflected in sound" really hit me the first time!!

i love how it gets INCREASINGLY HARDER

ben, to his discord server: "darling will you saturate?" 1. CALLBACK TO AQUA REGIA 2. saturate my [redacted] vessel

i listened to rain for an hour on repeat. it slaps so hard.

Take Me Back To Eden:

right off the bat, 8 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS. AND ALL OF THEM ARE SO GOOD.

the first take me back to eden refrain when vessel does that high note. ascending.

i love the chorus so so much. i had so many feelings relating to the chorus. and the harmonies ohhhh my god.

"THE CHORUS KEY CHANGE MAKES ME LIKE SHAKE" "theres so many key changes im freaking out right now im going insane right now" "THE CHORUS IS SUNG 3 TIMES AND EVERY TIME ITS A DIFFERENT KEY IM GONNA LIKE CRY IM GONNA FUCKING CRY"

i had many feelings related to the key changes. the first time i experienced all three choruses i had to pause. hyperventilate for a bit.

"and i don't know what's got its teeth in me but I'm about to bite back in anger" very high water!!!! the mouth of infinity fr

WHEN I REALISED THAT NOT ONLY WAS THERE A LYRICAL CALLBACK TO CHOKEHOLD BUT THE INSTRUMENTAL AS WELL.

and the ending goes so hard i love it when vessel just starts screaming

clearly. my favourite. there's a lot of thoughts abt this.

Euclid:

the lyrics again. all so good. the night terrors. the yearning and reverence. this is my shit

the "call me when you get the chance" etc. initially i was like "this sounds so much like the night does not belong to god AND OH BOY! WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE

"euclid is fucking insane,,, and they call back to their first ever ep AND their first ever lp and imlike hrgndnksfnrhsn" this was me before the ending right

when i heard "the whites of your eyes" my jaw dropped. i was overcome with emotion.

"THEY CALL BACK TO THE NIGHT DOES NOT BELONG TO GOD AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING. THEIR FIRST ALBUM!!!!! oh god oh jesus"

every time i listen to it i feel like crying. I'm like gonna cry. it's so good. what a perfect ending.

good lord. what a trip this album was. thank you for reading i still have to recover from this hahahaha

#take me back to eden #sleep token #bento talks #this is my first original post man i had so many feelings i had to SHARE #i love sleep token so much they deserve the world #edit: that was not how you make a cut i had to edit it on my phone HDKDHDK

[milascenta]

28th April 2:50pm

I'm back at my parents house now, fully moved back. I have my cat and she's doing well, she's always quick to adjust she just doesn't like too haha. Same with me to be fair. My childhood cat doesn't like her at all, but she doesn't like any other cat lol. You would love my cat, she's big and fluffy and has lil legs. She's been a big light in my life since I got her. She knows where ever she is, as long as it with me then she's ok. And I try and show her that too. She likes to collect toy fish and bring them too me, meowing to tell me that she did it. So try to hide them around so she can go and find them and bring them to me again.

I'm trying to think of things to do that coincide with my values and directions I want to take. I have a couple ideas that are very creative and will get me doing things out of my comfort zone as well. I've been studying again and that has been making me feel mixed feelings, its what I want to do but I feel torn by it not being an instant money maker that will help me move out, like I feel some of the people around me want me to do. It feels weird being back here, all the memories and feelings. Its hard to process things and try to be a functioning adult. I'm just trying not to be hard on myself.

There are things I want to do and accomplish and feel like I really can, I've gotten some good advice from one of my best friends (he's doing something similar too) and he thinks I should go for it, there really isn't a downside you know if it works it works if it doesn't then I can still do it but not have it be a major focus. I want to create more things, music, maybe videos and live streaming and I might draw again. I've set up my room with cool lights, and a corner with a big desk that can fit my monitors. And I understand how it sounds, I'm not saying I'll start making videos and become mega famous, all I want to do is make things and have fun and it sounds fun and creative you know.

I thank you for you kind words and support. I'm glad you like TVD, its one of my favourites. But don't worry too much about it, it doesn't last long and I've been making steps to more recognise it. Because you're right processing emotions and situations is what humans do, and I have to remind myself that I am human and not some unfeeling ghost. I feel like small steps to build my foundations again is something I can do now. I know you would look after me if you were close, but really thats ok. You do more from afar than some people do really close. I really hope to start living for myself, and not constantly thinking if this is what someone else wants me to do, or even getting "permission" from other people that it is something I can do. Don't worry you make sense, you always do. I understand writing like this can seem word vomity but it isn't, its just us talking.

I'm sorry to here your old job wasn't great. I completely understand what you mean with you manager. I had one exactly the same last year. He didn't seem to understand the high turnover rate for the jobs was because of him, even when people told it to him to his face. I guess some people are like that, given a small amount of power and they completely run with it. I'm glad you go you got out though and hope your next job is a lot more comfortable and towards your values because you deserve that. You deserve so much, always will. Don't worry if you need to take time too, going through something like that at your last job is no joke so I hope you can spend this time to process it and move on peacefully too. And I'm here for you too. I'm glad you had fun in london and got to meet that actor, and I'm more glad that they turned out to be cool and remembered you a little too. I love that description too. I bet they are really nice photos. I love that you have someone so into more obscure and underground music there too. It makes me smile to know you have people around you that you can have fun with and properly connect with. Please get back into bass and more musicy things, I love your singing voice and I know you would love bass again, that is sooo nice of them to refurbish a bass for you too. I know you wouldn't stop writing even with not equipment its just apart of you, N. Your red hair looks beautiful, normally it looks amazing but I know you love red so it just looks more you.

I hope to be able to post better things in the future, more positive things. I'll start with a gig we played last weekend. It was in Canberra again, and was probably one of the best gigs we've played, not only did we play really well but we also played to pretty much all new people and we even poached people from the other gig happening next door. I think I did my best talking to people too, even one of my bandmates said so. Someone even came up to me and said they aspire to play bass like me. I just kinda froze and was like "I mean I wouldn't if I was you but you know to each their own" lol it was fun. I've never gotten compliments like that so it was weird haha. It was just a fun night with good bands and good vibes.

I hope you're doing good, and I hope this finds you well. I hope it gives you more insight into how I'm feeling and what I'm doing and I will try to not disappear for long again. You really do help, I want you to know that, your words bring me peace and they have a certain presence with them too.

"We were washed in stormy waters of red and gold We were held in stormy skies above the road We were meant to let ourselves into, let it go Never wanted to be here"

#her