#and its like im fine i am but also sometimes im just reminded of how fucking massive i am and im always gonna get bigger and ugh ugh ugh

[ganondoodle]

so i sort of half accidentally did the end of totk on monday, i had over 130 hours and slightly over 50% of the game done and did the second to last fight with 3 hearts left and no way to heal but fairies after i gave up multiple times thinking the game might be trying to force me to fight a certain way xD

so im still playing it and am aiming for the 100% but i dont think theres gonna be much more to discover story wise the game is really fun and has a lot of detail and love put into it that you can really see, the music is fantastic as well, some of the characters get more love which is great but the story is … well disappointing but not surprising, especially in its treatment of ganondorf, who still feels incredibly flat as a character, which was to be expected but also … you cant fault people (including me) for faintly hoping theyd do something more interesting tho i will say the end fight is really well done and i cant think of a way to top that in terms of epicness xD

anyway, some unfiltered thoughts and opinions in no particular order (keep in mind i know its viddy game logic uwu but still some things can really destroy the immersion; and also i like to think too hard about the stuff i care about so take this with a grain of salt, i never expected the story to be world changing but i want to remind you that i am criticizing it bc i love this franchise)

--what the hell happened to all the sheikah tech?? botws story gets mentioned a few times but never is it mentioned what happened to all the tons of tech lying around everywhere? if they dismantled the towers for purah to build her new ones around i guess thats fine, but all the srhines? the titans ??? THE SHRINE OF LIFE??? its all gone, esepcially the shrine of life irks me bc the cave is still there and its still called by its bame but its nothing but a cave in a vague shape of how the buidling was it absolutely drives me crazy bc its so dumb?? even if it all stopped working for some reason why would you dismantled it all and even then where did the material go?? why would you dismanlted an neitre building like that anyway?? if you want to have a cave there just have it be half collapsed, if all sheikah tech has gotten useless just leave it there but overgrown?? and why is all of purahs tech still working then? zelda doesnt seem to care about it anymore either even tho shes been so obsessed with it for so long? the titans how would you even MOVE them?? you CANNOT tell me that all this tech that survived tens of thousands of years just went poof within a few years; and sometimes it even feels .. insulting? like you know how much robelo cared for cherry and now shes tiny and just serves as a way to buy fotos for your collection? the fact that the shrine of life is fully gone but the cave is vaguely shaped like its interior and where the bed used to be is a healing pool of water too? like idk if im just insane but it feels like 'haha lol remember what used to be here? get it? the water heals you like the bed in the shrine of life and lol there was the stairs HAHA remember? its gone now for no reason.lmao.' to be clear i like having some mysteries and all but that is just …. so weird? when i discovered the shrine of life i was so taken aback i didnt know what to do, it really broke my immersion, by alot even, it just makes it feel even more like all sheikah tech was replaced by much cooler (tm) sonau tech

--what happend to the sonau people? we only know that rauru and mineru are the last two remaining ones back then but … what made them die out like that? this is by far not as important to me as the issue with the sheikah tech but still feels like a point that could have been mentioned

--as much as i like the open world and how free you are to do things your own way but, regardign the dragon tears i think they should have been locked more behind story progression, i got all of them rather early on and it made it a lil frustrating to play through the other story parts bc you know the truth but you cant tell anyone and everyone around you is acting like a dumbass running after fake zelda while the real one is floating around above you, and i know thats partly my fault for getting them all so early but it still felt like some could have been more well hidden or locked or something since theres no hint to when it would fit to do which one; i expecpted impa to travel to each one but it seemed like she appeared on only a few here and there- additionally i fully expected her to be more important, that she would have an actual involment trying to help zelda undragonfy but that turned out to be very wrong lmao

--why are the enemies in the underground mining sonanium? ganondorf didnt seem itnerested at all in any of their tech, only in the mystery stones (only one too, he didnt seem to want any more of them either) they dont use it for anything? at least the ones on the surface collected stuff they could eat or use for fighting?

--did mineru really build herself a robot body just to fight ganondorf for a bit and then leave? as the last of the sonau, even tho long dead too, why wouldnt she tell their history and knowledge or something and instead if just helping a lil in the fight and then go poof (i half expected purah to be a surprise sage since the spirit one would have fit her i think)

--the zelda being the white dragon plot point lost alot of weight to me when it was just .. resolved like that in the end, i know she spent thousands of years like that and all but it seemed like a much heavier decision that later on felt a little less flat after fidning mineru even tho i felt like i didnt care at all at first bc of the way i found out ,and i half expected there to be an extra mission to try and find her soul again since that apparently gets lost when you do the whole dragon thing, but in the end that wasnt a problem at all, two ghosts and link (somehow naked again) blasting her with some magic(tm) and boom shes back and well and fine woohoo it was a non problem after all i didnt expect her to stay dragon since that would mean the end of the legend of zelda basically, but still it took away alot of the weight of her decision to me? like i get undragonfying her before the end would be difficult since you can get material off of her but still i hoped for something other than boom it resolved itself and i thoguht and worried about it for nothing honestly a post game or even another title where the main focus wouldnt be desstroying yet anyother one note evilest guy of them all and isntead the goal is to bring zeldas soul back and undragon her or something would have been a cool idea tbh tho i know its unrealistic

--did ganondorf think turning himself into a dragon would end the world somehow? did he mean the lil evil goo clouds he spit at you in the last fight to end the world? and how come that he was vunerable to fight? none of the other dragons could be hurt and for an 'immortal' dragon he sure went down fast also how did the stone get back on his forehead? you need to eat it to dragonfy yourself and zelda doesnt have her stone out either (i know viddy games logic but still) (on another note, gan shoving half his arm in his own mouth felt really cursed to watch)

--into WHAT exactly wanted gan to reshape the world into?? only destroying it is such a non reason if you want to rule it? theres nothing left to rule if you kill everything in it?? he just gonna play cards with some bokblins or what -i really wanted to fight ganondorf on the surface, not in his lil miasma incubation cave again :(

--so …. why he evil? are we really doing the and WHOOP suddendnly theres the eviliest guy of the world and he hates your guts for some reason thing again? no tension with the gerudo that seemed to follow him in the lil cutscene we see and the ones that went on raurus side? no actual origin? does he have ANYONE to talk to normally or did he just surround himself by monsters all the time or abadon everyone that once followed him once he got his power up?? you can make any design or fight as good as it can possibly be but in the end its still gonna feel hollow if the character has no character besides evil even the fake zelda wasnt actually him and just a lil puppet made of miasma so even him fucking with people is a little less interesting when he was actually just marinading in his lil goop cave, and the lil hand wink he gives you at phase two can only do so much lmao

--ganondorf is cool and all, but tbh he feels more like the evil miasma goop guy than anything else --why are the old sonau ruins in hyrule so different from the rest? like we know now that they arent actually a civilization from the sky alone but were even in the underground too, and all of their ruins have that blocky white style to it, the supposedly sonau ruins in phirone for example, albeit they share the dragon theme the style on the outside is very much different? and the ancient ruins from the other races dont match it either --are the sheikah descendants of the mixing of sonau and hylians? the white hair and third eye theme would fit to the only alive sonaus we see having white hair (fur?), the literal third eye and their affinity to techonology similar to the sheikah, and zelda having both light and time powers would make sense if its yet another descendant thing, but that would mean zelda was at least part sheikah .. (ngl white haired zelda might look pretty neat actually) but also … it didnt seem like sonia and rauru have been together all that long and no mention or even hint to them having children … which given that both of them die would be an important thing to mention no?

--why cant you do anything with the dongos but feed them????????? i wanna ride them :(

--where is kashiwa????????????????? they talk about him like hes a lost legend

--putting in all the amiibo stuff is cool and annoying at the same time, i spent 5 hours fighting my way throguh the underground to follow treasure maps and found 3 nigh identcal link hats from past games in a row, then two other parts of similar, then two aiimbo weapons and then jsut yesterday another one from a bigger quest that i expected more of; getting the armor sets of past games is cool if you want them but if i did i would have just gotten the amiibos back in botw, my inevntory already feels super bloated with all the new and old armor sets and now the amiibo stuff as well even tho i have like .. half of it all atm (and dont go and argue 'oh so complaining about more content for free???' yes. yes i am.)

--whats with this game and making link almost naked? rauru saving you from death? naked. (annoying) survival shrines? naked. weird teleport to alternate ghost dimension to blast zelda with magic power tm to solve all problems? naked.

--(added in edit) im glad dorephan didnt die!! i fully expected him to have died offscreen or something to make way for everyones favorite fish

--(added in edit) so are definitely other lands besides hyrule if yona came from there, also lol

--the story feels, espeically once you see the last cutscene, very …. uncomfortable to me if dare to think about it more than just taking everythign as its said to you, like … the oh so perfect descednants of the gods(what) marry a normal hylian lady and sourround themselves with perfetly obedient faceless servants of the other races so the perfect and good kingdom tm is born and oh suddendly theres an evil brown man (makign him grey doesnt change the implications, if anything, it makes it worse bc they wont even stand for it and instead are trying to hide it behind uuuuh no no its fine hes blue actally kinda way) from the desert that attacks the perfect good kingdom and king, then he swears alliance to them only to betray and murder da queen right away to get his hands on a super power the perfect and good king held and would have never never used it in a bad way nono and now they need to defend it by all means and at the end woohoo zelda has now again the perfect kingdom with no opposition except the yiga who are (as much as i love them) mostly played for laughs or .. well, evil(tm) as epic and cool the dragon fight was, zelda being the slim tiny white/gold/blue dragon and ganondorf being the evil spiky big black and red dragon and them literally being called white/black dragon feels like wow they arent even trying to hide the black and white storytelling huh (i know its a design trope to the bad be black(color) and the good anything else and spiky vs round and soft blah blah but that doesnt make it any better .. maybe even worse? idk)

the way nintendy was keeping stuff a secret and hinting around so much made me feel like it would finally be a little more nuanced and then it turned out to be even flatter than before and all that secrecy(?) was only to keep dragon zelda plotpoint a secret, something that was resolved no problem in the end anyway (i didnt need zelda to stay dragon but .. it all just lost so much weight the way it was done at the end)

-- (added in edit) master koga is the best character and no one can beat him, the most joy i felt was seeing him again and i am not joking, i wish i could talk to him normally tho without him being able to see through my yiga disguise :( im so glad he didnt die tho bc if he actually went to gan he would 100% be dead within seconds

--(added in edit2) i forgot to mention but was just reminded that link getting his arm back felt super weird too, so really everything that meant major changes got reversed basically ... coool ...back to status quo i guess, couldnt he if he wasnt missing it at least have it be discolored somehow? or scarred? any reminder? zelda too even, could she also have some sort of scar or similar due to her transformation ??

--(added in edit2) so where did the mystery stones even come from? gans and zeldas are gone after dragonfying i guess so ...what?

so in summary, im not eloquent enough to properly analyse all the problematic/questionable stuff and put it into the right words, but these are my random thoughts just spilled out, theres gonna be things i missed, forgot, or gonna think about later, maybe ill add it maybe not

again take it with a grain of salt, the game is still one of the most fun games i have ever played, my problems with it lie majorly in the story, its still very much worth playing!

#ganondoodles talks #long post #totk spoilers #totk spoiler #totkspoilers #at least i havent seen the botw gerudo outfit yet #maybe one evil was defeated after all #to be clear i havent seen all of it yet #i have 72 shrine atm and am missing alot of colletibles still #but i wanted to write out my thoughts so maybe they will stop bothering me this much #but all this being said #i am now more then ever confused about being told that something about my hylia design was -correct- before totk released #bc all i can think of is sonia being mistaken for hylia? #and even then what .... is their similarity?? #man was i anxious about the game when it was just like referenceing stuff #like gan being called the demon king and all and the war being called the sealing war #i feel so dumb about everything now lmao

[justallihere]

i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.” 

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.” 

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

#storm in the quiet

[firstdivisiongirl]

HELLOOO I JUST FOUND YOUR FICS DUDE IM IN LOOOVE WITH YOUR WRITING!!!! i recently got into op and your fics have been a really nice start for op fan content :]]

id like to make a request! short fic or scenarios is fine, whichever you prefer! im preparing for college, and im gonna be living on campus but one of the things im really scared of is losing my culture cause its difficult to go out of my way and cook or search for food that reminds me of my mexican background when at that point it's basically just trying to survive on anything yk??

if it wouldnt be much trouble, could I ask for a gn!reader x sanji, something along the lines of reader feeling homesick and sanji making them a comfort meal from their culture? (it doesn't have to be mexican you can really do whatever!!)

SORRY IF THIS IS A LOT I DONT REALLY REQ A LOT AND IM IN A MOOD TAKE YOUR TIME IF YOU DO DECIDE TO DO IT!!!!! HAVE A NCIE DAY/NIGHT !!!

Hi! Thank you for the compliments. I really loved this. I feel the same way as you. While I am not Mexican, I do try to stay close to my German and Irish roots, even though no one else in my family does. I did a good amount of research on food that are authentic l Mexican cuisine. I got a lot of new recipes to try! I remember college, the only thing was I lived at home and drove. I really hope you enjoy this fic and I also wish you luck at college.

How to Cure Homesickness

Everyone misses home sometimes.  You were no exception to that rule.  You recently joined the Strawhats as their cultural expert.  They need that because Luffy and Zoro had a tendency to offend people.  Sanji noticed you weren’t your happy self.  You weren’t playing with Chopper, Luffy and Usopp.  You weren’t sunbathing with Robin and Nami.  You just sat there at the railing of the Sunny, watching the sea as the waves crashed into the sides.  Sanji understood how you felt.  He got homesick all the time.  He would miss Zeff and the rest of the guys at the Baratie.  When he missed them, he would make his favorite foods from the Baratie.  The seafood risotto, the fruit parfait and his famous soup.  Then it hit him like Nami did to Luffy when he was being dumb, make the foods that remind you of home.  He walked up to Robin, who was reading on deck, “Robin darling, do you have any cookbooks in your library that I can borrow,” he asked, smiling like a fool.

A few hours later, Sanji called everyone in for dinner.  He had been in the kitchen all day, reading and cooking.  When you walked into the kitchen a familiar scent hit your nose.  It wasn’t the usual scent of tangerines, saltwater, or even meat.  It was different.  It smelt like…home?  You looked at the table and saw all of your favorites: carne asada, mole, huachinango a la veracruzana, arroz con leche, you name it.  You looked at Sanji.  He was smiling at you, “I thought you could use some cheering up dear.  I know you miss home, so I thought I’d bring home to the Sunny,” he said as he took another drag of his cigarette.  Everyone was so amazed by the food to notice you and Sanji.  “Thank you Sanji,” you told him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.  He started to blush, before he grabbed his nose, so he didn’t bleed all over you.  “Anything for you dear,” he said, “HEY LUFFY DON’T EAT ALL OF IT!  THIS IS FOR Y/N NOT YOU!!!”  The good news was that he made extra and saved it in the locked fridge for you.  Looks like besides knowing you and your habits well, he knew his captain’s habits all too well as well.

Please do not copy, modify, translate, or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!

#one piece #trafalgar d vivi #request #one piece sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji x y/n #vinsmoke sanji #sanji x you #sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x reader #black leg sanji x reader

[whiskersz]

Hi there! I know you said matchups were closed but if you dont mind, Id like to send this in, just so I dont forget haha. If you dont wanna, its fine, feel free to delete my ask, or save it until you do reopen them, I just wanted to send one now because im forgetful and heard nothing but good things from my friend. <:) sorry to be a bother, once again, feel free to delete if I am bothering you

Im Ace, I go by she/they pronouns, Im bi, and stand at a height of 5'3.

I'm an introvert with anxiety and depression, but I am SUPER energetic and silly when you get to know me. I can be playfully mean, but i'm always there to help a friend in need. I get riled up pretty easy but Ive been told im very sweet and helpful and fun to be around.

Im chaotic and kinda delusional, and I can be flirty at times. I can also get a bit violent.

I think it says a lot about me seeing as I see Angel Dust as a big brother figure. I can be very sly at times and definitely impulsive.

Im creative and both really smart and really dumb, and Im mostly a coward unless it comes to friends and/or family

Im very sarcastic, playful, and affectionate, and I have no trouble saying I love you to people, but I do have trouble saying im sorry. Im also a people pleaser. I definitely dont make enemies but I do hold grudges. Im also super emotional and clingy. Daddy issues go BRRRRR

Thank you! Sorry again, hope im not being a bother.

Hello Ace!! Don’t worry, I don’t mind the occasional additional matchup! Do thank your friend from me for speaking well of my stuff, I appreciate that lots :3

Now, you seem to have quite the explosive personality, if you will >:3 So I match you with...

Cherri Bomb!!

To start off, Cherri is surely an individual who can take jokes, so you’re never going to have to be afraid to be a bother for her with your sarcastic and playful remarks as she will actually find this part of your personality hilarious, and will always play along and joke back.

She will definitely take advantage of your cluelessness sometimes – don’t call yourself dumb! – and tease you for it, though if she goes too far it’s not a problem for her to remind you that she was just joking and that she actually finds it really cute.

Cherri loves hanging out with fun people, so you being fun to be around is certainly a vantage point here. She’s not afraid of admitting when a person is boring and not of her liking, but I have the feeling that she would think the exact opposite of you. in fact, it’s not uncommon for her to invite you along whenever she hangs out with Angel.

You’re creative? She loves that about you. I imagine her house as one of those houses full of pop art paintings, handmade things and such. No matter how you express your creativeness, she will appreciate it and place something you made in plain sight somewhere around the house.

She also adores how expressive you are in a relationship; there’s many gestures that she finds attractive, but none goes above being proud of a partner and constantly reminding them that you love them, so when you do this with her she will waste no time and kiss you.

She doesn’t mind you being clingy at all, also. She actually finds it very cute and she loves receiving physical affection, so who is she to say no to a hug or a cuddle? If you’re into PDA just as she is, she’ll be thrilled to show each other affection in public, also to show others how lucky she is that she gets to date you.

Despite being quite chaotic herself, Cherri is also a very good friend and partner when it comes to comforting you; as seen in the “Addicted” music video, she’s willing to help Angel with his struggles, so why wouldn’t she do so with you as well? She understands that everyone has moments where anxiety overwhelms them too much, and that people who struggle with depression like you don’t have it easy every day, so in these times she will offer you all the support that you need. Mainly through physical contact, but also in other ways if you prefer being shown love through actions or words, for example.

You two might come across a bit of a problem if you ever end up arguing; she’s also not easy to get a ‘sorry’ out of, but one of you will have to apologize to the other sooner or later. I feel that if the relationship has been going on for a while, this will be easier, but at the start you two might have to take a bit of time alone before ultimately coming to the conclusion that yes, you do love each other and yes, apologizing if you’re in the wrong is the better option if you desire a happy relationship.

Overall, you and Cherri make quite the chaotic and fun couple! The rest of the Hotel loves having you two around when you visit, you definitely bring an air of fun and excitement.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin x reader #hazbin hotel matchups #hazbin hotel matchup #cherri bomb #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel cherri bomb #matchup #matchups #hazbin matchup #hazbin matchups

[rust-is-a-car-disease]

Vtk hc(s) ✨

Cassian and water things to do with how he died (water, awareness, miscellaneous, falling)

All of this is from memory so im not sure if its accurate. Either way its fun to think about! If i remember correctly he fell/got thrown off (idr remember) a cliff into the ocean.

*water may also refer to relevent liquids in general

Cassian is afraid of being submerged in water. He may be uncomfortable depending on the amount of water hes in and how deep it is and stuff like that but being fully submerged is immediate panic. On bad days he tries to avoid water all together. (This becomes a problem to stay hydrated) A lot of the times, not being able to easily touch the bottom with his head still sticking out also causes panic. The exception is very good days and even then he struggles a lot. Baths are a no. He spends minimal time if hes in a place that could hold water, depending on how much it could hold and his mood. Ex. If hes having a shower on a bad day in a bathtub like in a hotel or smtg, he wouldnt spend a lot of time other then absolute nessecary to make sure hes clean. (This might just be me projecting how easy it is for me to overthink things.) If hes say, in a place that could flood like a flood prone basement and its raining, he would get the heck out immediately if theres nothing urgent to do there.

Oh! And other aspects other than just bodies of water. He wont drink salty drinks. The ocean and wave sounds make him antsy. He hates the smell and taste of super salty stuff, esp ones that remind him of the ocean. He stays away from edges near water. He gets extra cautious near cliffs. He tends to keep an eye out for possible vantage points for snipers. Hes overall more paranoid and vigilant.

Another thing is falling. Its an iffy thing where sometimes it doesnt affect him, sometimes he can barely stand losing his balance. Its quite random but for the most part hes fine. Like he could fall down the stairs and feel mentally completely fine but sometimes he'd stumble a bit and feel out of breath from a moment of panic/expecting something to go wrong. The first time it happened he just stood there shocked for a bit.

Alternatively: he would subconsciously pick and choose certain things he'd still do above, but he would unknowingly for a while ignore the rest even if he feels like he should do it. Ex. He might still feel breathless from tripping or avoid salty drinks, one bc its unnavoidable and another bc its a more obvious point of memory (subconscious things are also unavoidable mostly), but ignore any discomfort from edges and stuff and so not being as careful as he would if he acknowledged the discomfort. He doesnt even realise he does it at all for a while, it just sorta happens. (I am probably projecting here)

Ehm before i forget, suffocation is kinda similar to drowning right? (Not really but i think it works) so he positions himself in a way where nothing would be covering his breathing on bad days. (This is more like a 'dont forget this!!!' For me... i think itll be interesting to think about how certain habits and actions would change after and comparing suffocation to drowning, overall i think it might not have as big an impact as other lasting effects)

I want to talk about how like the attacks and seeing jeff die and other stuff may affect him but i havent even fully formed those thoughts yet.

Ugh i also want to talk about temperature and other stuff but i am tired now. So this is more like a to think about list!

#vtk #villain to kill #it wasnt supposr to have this much text #but then i got thinking #so uhm aha #vtk headcanons #cassian lee #i probably have more to say but its pass 4.30am #HOLY SHIT I CAN MOVE PARAGRAPHS NOW?? #vtk cassian

[violottie]

I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

#asks #lesbophobia #lgbtq #anti bi lesbian #lesbian #lesbian community #lesbianism #internalised lesbophobia #lesbian pride #lesbian positivity #proud lesbian #lesbian safe #lesbian blog #butch lesbian #femme lesbian #stud lesbian #stone lesbian #trans lesbian #transmasc lesbian #transfem lesbian #nonbinary lesbian #black lesbian #brown lesbian #lesbian woc #lesbian poc #aro lesbian #ace lesbian #aroace lesbian #polyamourous lesbian #non partnering lesbian

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I don’t remember if I or anyone else has given this song yet… but Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives is so Alex

I love this song, but i usually relate it to Desert Duo (from third life and double life, idk if you know what that is but it's a cool minecraft series and its amazing so you should lol) so I'd never even thought about it in the context of Sorry, It's Locked.

But oh my god?

You're so right?

It's so Alex?

Anyway, uh, Too long and very armature analysis incoming. As usual lol. I have far too many thoughts, as always, about my babies, and I've been writing sorry its locked Jam for the last couple days so I need to remind myself of the dumpster fire of a relationship the fic started with :D (I'm kidding, i love Jaylex in this fic and wish I hadn't done them so dirty, they could have been amazing. but also i love angst)

This whole song feel's like Alex kinda, like, reminiscing over his and Jay's relationship? Or, like, how it ended, but like, reminiscing in the moment? Do you know what I mean? Or is reminiscing over something while it's still happening just a me thing lol. Anyway, super long thing incoming (I'm so sorry, it's so long. This song has me in a chokehold).

I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel It's all that I can give to you, my dear And when you come in quick to steal a kiss My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear

As far as Alex is concerned, his relationship with Jay didn't start out bad. Back in college, when they started their fwb situation it was pretty healthy (though that did go downhill relatively quickly) It started out fine, but tension grew as soon as Alex realized that Jay actually liked him and that he couldn't bring himself to like Jay back, or to allow himself to like Jay back. That started the friction between them, but they kept fucking because it was fun, they both enjoyed themselves, and Jay didn't call it off yet. Alex definitely liked Jay, but he didn't necessarily know he liked Jay back. And didn't know how to express it, so he just didn't.

Then obviously the stuff with the Operator started, and that changed Alex's personality a lot, making him irritable and unpleasant to be around, even for the people he'd been friends with the longest. His mouth grew sharp and cruel, but he didn't break off his thing with Jay because it was the one place where he actually felt in control of his life. Jay did what Alex told him to, and Alex didn't have to wrestle with himself to not be unkind to him, because that was what Jay wanted (as far as he'd made Alex aware, that was what he wanted out of their dynamic)

If Jay tried to initiate anything softer, or more romantic with Alex back in college (or even just mentioned it, sometimes) Alex would shut him down. His teeth cut Jay's lips when Jay went in to steal a kiss, because Alex couldn't let himself get attached, and if he let Jay kiss him without it being used as something to spur them on to acts where Alex was definitively in control, he wouldn't be able to cope with it.

(jesus this is already so long. im so sorry if you decide to read all of this dude)

And I know that you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent

Jay trying to help Alex after they meet up again is pretty much the last thing Alex actually wants. He asked Jay for help to find Amy while his thoughts were being edited and glitched out by the Operator, so when he first got in contact with Jay again, he did it so he could try and kill Jay. Then he regained his senses a little and realized that the absolute worst thing Jay could do was stick around. Like, obviously Jay meant well in trying to help Alex, but Alex hadn't meant well when he'd asked for help.

Jay wants to help, and he want's to rebuild the friendship he once had with Alex. He wants to help find Amy, despite Alex leaving him for her. He wants to help figure out what happened to Alex back in college. He wants to help figure out how to save Alex from what he's figured out happened. But Alex isn't the person Jay's well intentioned helpfulness should be aimed towards.

Alex doesn't really think he needs saving, he's convinced he has to save everyone else. But he has a twisted understanding of what it means to save people, and his idea of saving people often directly lines up with the things the Operator edits his thoughts to make him do. He doesn't (can't) realize that the things he does to save people (killing them) and the things the Operator edits his thoughts to make him think it's okay to do (killing those same people) are the same thing.

When he has a bit more sense about him, he realises that killing because it's what the Operator put in his head is awful and not something he wants to do. But he doesn't see killing people to 'save them' as the same thing. He barely even sees it as killing half the time, and even when he does, it's for the greater good.

So he doesn't think he needs help and he doesn't think he needs saving. And even if he did realise he needs help, Alex doesn't believe himself worthy of being helped or saved, not when he knows what he really intended to do when he first asked Jay for help.

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything And if you're fine with that You can be mine like that

SO i have two lines of thinking about what this verse could mean

Post College:

Alex doesn't break pretty items that Jay owns (he doesn't have any that Alex could break, really) but he does break Jay in a way. After they argue in the parking lot, he realizes that Jay isn't going to stop trying to help him, no matter what, so he'll have to force him to, by breaking Jay's heart and making him hate him.

Jay's heart is a pretty thing: It was loving even when Alex was giving it nothing but a good fuck in return. It made Jay help Alex with his student film even as Alex became more and more unbearable to work with. It made Jay come back to help Alex all over again when his girlfriend 'disappeared'.

Alex had to save Jay, and his own (deeply buried) feelings for Jay stopped him from just killing him like he had to save Amy, and Seth, and Sarah, and all the others. He had to find another way, and the only way he could think of was to wring Jay dry of every ounce of care he still held for Alex.

OR

During College:

Alex wasn't trying to hurt Jay and break his heart, if anything he felt constantly like he was doing nothing but breaking his own heart over and over again by denying himself the chance to actually date Jay. So he kept up the fwb situation with Jay because it 'suited' both of them (aka neither of them voiced the issues they had with it to the other) until he'd wrung Jay dry and an opportunity to escape having to deal with his own sexuality (Amy) came along.

But, if Amy hadn't come along and offered Alex the perfect way out, he would have kept the fwb going for as long as he could, not willing to give up having Jay in the only way he felt he could until he absolutely had to. If Jay could be fine with that, he could be Alex's like that, with their relationship never progressing and only ever wearing the two of them down until they resented each other and couldn't take it anymore.

They were never not going to go down in flames, but they could light the fire with wet wood and suffocate slowly on the smoke until the fire finally took and burned them up quickly and painfully.

Abandon all your stupid dreams About the girl I could have been, my dear 'Cause in the night I know you burn with feelings I cannot return, my dear Oh, my dear

In college, Alex was silently begging Jay to give up his hopes of ever actually dating him, of them being together officially. He knew what Jay wanted him to be to him, but he also knew that he couldn't be that. He wanted to, somewhere squashed deep down, he really really wanted to be the soft, loving, romantic partner that Jay was waiting and hoping he'd turn into, but he knew it wouldn't happen. Maybe he didn't realize all of that consciously. Consciously he probably just thought he didn't like Jay like that at all, that he was just a good lay and that was the end of it. But he had one too many dreams about taking Jay on quiet, gentle dates for him to really only see Jay as a good fuck.

The thing is though, that he knows what Jay wants them to be to each other. He knows from the way that Jay looked at him whenever he messes up and starts treating him a little nicer, a little gentler, a little softer, when they fuck.

He knows that during those moments where they still together and catch their breaths, and Jay looks up at him like he's hung the stars just because he's brushing his sweaty hair out of his face, that Jay has those feelings and those hopes. And he knows he can't return those feelings. He can't return the love that Jay lavishes on him by not telling him to fuck off and going and finding someone who is willing to treat him the way he really wants to be treated. It kills him, but there's nothing he can do about it.

(Also good news, you're about half way through :D whoooooo, the torment isn't eternal!)

You gotta know that this won't last Desperation will erase the fact I'm keeping all Of the answers in my cigarette box Yeah, the answer's in the second before the other shoe drops And if you're blind to that I am fine with that

Back in college, Alex needed Jay to know that their arrangement couldn't last, that as much as Jay wanted it to work and wanted Alex to magically sort out the shit in his head that left him too scared to even properly date Jay in secret rather than just being fwb, it wouldn't. Alex needed Jay to know that it wouldn't change unless it was to break the whole thing off entirely, which is what happened, it was what was always going to happen. But if Alex could have made Jay realize that that was what he should have expected, and that nothing he could do would 'fix' that, maybe the not-breakup wouldn't have hurt Jay so badly.

Alex didn't want to hurt him, he wasn't trying to hurt him back in college, he was just trying to stop himself from hurting by continuing their fwb relationship. Alex's life was spiraling out of control, his own thoughts were spiraling out of his control, as were his actions sometimes, and the only time he felt secure in his control over himself and his life, was when he was controlling Jay in scenes.

The answers he always gave Jay when Jay got up the courage to try to talk about their relationship, and what he hoped it could become, weren't the truthful answers. Alex told him he didn't like him back, told him he was just a good fuck, when the real answer was that he was terrified out of his mind, and the idea of changing their relationship even a little felt dangerous. Because their fwb relationship worked and it gave Alex the control he needed, if they started dating that would bring in a huge amount of unknown variables, and if it ended up not working? That would leave Alex with nothing. Not to mention the general internalized homophobia, and the homophobia all around them meaning that it could be genuinely dangerous for both of them if the wrong people found out.

So he keeps all the real answers hidden away in a place Jay won't look for them, in a 'cigarette box' (behind the lies he tells instead) because it's something easily hidden, its something that wouldn't look out out of place, just like the lies he tells don't look out of place. Jay has no real reason to question the answers Alex gives him, they make sense and Alex's behavior seems to back up the idea that he doesn't like Jay the same way Jay likes him.

And Jay's desperation to have a relationship with Alex blinds him to the fact that it could actually be possible if only Alex would stop lying to him. Any time Jay sees a crack in Alex's facade he second guesses himself, insisting that it's just wishful thinking and that little glimpse behind the walls Alex has built was just something his hopeful, lovesick mind made up. It's always a split second, something so tiny and easy to miss that Jay automatically dismisses it.

Oh, I will ruin you Oh, I will ruin you It's a habit, I can't help it I know that you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent

After college, when Jay and Alex meet up again and everything that happens after the argument in the parking lot happens, Alex knows that it's a terrible idea. He knows that all it'll do is reopen old, half healed, half festering wounds and rub salt in them, but Jay wants it, and he wants Jay so he doesn't stop them. He's lost all of his friends (whether to death or just distance), he's lost Amy, and the only thing he has left is an old, already failing not-relationship with Jay. So to tries to make himself feel better by rekindling that.

He and Jay fuck in the parking lot and Alex realizes that this is most likely going to be the last chance he ever gets to have Jay back, even just for one night. And if this is the last chance, he doesn't want it to be exactly the same as it was in college, so he takes Jay back to his house and does all the things he'd been too scared to back in college. Because who would find out? And if anyone did? Why would it matter, Alex's life had already fallen apart and become controlled by fear and a monster, what was getting beaten up for being queer in comparison to that?

This was his last chance to have Jay back, and Alex knew he had to make sure of that. He couldn't drag Jay into all of this, so he had to ruin everything in the worst way possible, and having taken Jay back to his house and treated him so nicely was (instead of coming back to bite him in the ass) going to work in his favor. Even in being nice, he was going to be hurting Jay, but that was what he had to do. Hurting Jay is a habit he can't kick, it's woven into his dna at this point and there's nothing he can do about that other than try to twist it into being something that's for Jay's own sake.

If he can just make Jay hate him enough, he can save him, he can drive him away and Jay won't be a target of the man in the black suit.

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything But if you're fine with that If you're fine with that

Same as earlier :]

I will poison all your happy thoughts I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box And if you're fine with that You can be mine If you're fine with that You can be mine, oh

Jay's 'happy thoughts' that Alex is poisoning are the memories of how nicely Alex treated him when they got back to his house. In the moment of it all, he wasn't thinking of anything other than showing Jay how much he actually cared about him and how he should have been being treated all along. In the moment he just wanted to be good to Jay. It was only afterwards that he realized what he'd have to do, and he took the next morning to spit poison into their breakfast, which could have been a turning point in their relationship if only they weren't doomed by the damn narrative.

So Alex ruins the night before for Jay by telling him he hadn't even wanted to remember that it was him he was fucking. He poisons those memories forever, as well as poisoning the idea of being treated well in general for Jay.

Alex loves all those truthful answers that he kept hidden away behind lies back in college. Those truths are what he was trying to finally finally let out when he and Jay spent the night together at his house.

He loves Jay like he loves those truthful answers that he never got to give him back in college, bitterly. Those truths were things he never thought he'd get to, never wanted to get to tell Jay, they sat rotting behind the lies he told, and now he can only look at them with a painful sort of nostalgia because it's too little too late.

#marble hornets #jay merrick #alex kralie #jaylex #marble hornets fanfic #MH sorry its locked

[that-bitch-kat3]

kats initial ttpd thoughts

fortnight:

stand out lines: i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary

i like this one. i don’t think it’s my favorite (or i hope it won’t be) but i think the production does do it for me. i was honestly hoping that “i love you it’s ruining my life” would have been in a… better (?) song. this will undoubtedly grow on me but not a great start.

ttpd:

standout lyric: “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show”

okay “who uses typewriters anyways” is objectively a really funny line. “i’ve seen this episode and still loved the show” im screaming crying and throwing up how dare you put that lyric in a song i have to listen to.

on a different note who tf are dylan thomas and patti smith? am i meant to know these people?

oh my god. the way charlie puth is about to have his career explode. this poor man. i hope he was warned.

CYCLONE!! CONEY ISLAND!!!

oh i like this bridge. also lucy as in lucy dacus?

i’m trying not to be a hater but taylor “now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon” couldn’t have come up with a more poetic way to say you put my ring on the finger where people put wedding rings? fr? is this about marty healy? i hope to god it’s not.

mbobhft:

stand out lyrics: “once i fix me he’s gonna miss me” and “there was forever in the heat of my touch, he say forever so he smashed it up”

i was ready to not like this one but im kinda into it. the line “i’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me” is… not something i am ready to unpack. this is a really good song and i will probs have it on repeat for a while but i stg if i don’t hear a song about joe soon im gonna be pissed

down bad:

standout lyric: jury’s still out

this song was not written by a 33 year old. jesus christ. taylor please. STAND UP. THIS IS BAD FOR THE BRAND!! however as a 19 year old: real af.

you loved his indecent exposures? interesting.

this is once again giving situationship. which is insane because JOE WAS HERE FOR 6 YEARS?!? WE DONT GET TO HEAR ABOUT THAT?!? i mean like she is entitled to her privacy but never in my life did i want to hear this much about marty healy

so long london:

stand out lyric: “i didn’t opt in to be your odd man out. i founded the club she’s heard great things about” “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

not the production i was expecting from a track 5 but ill keep and open mind.

fairy lights mentioned!! ttpd bingo moment

i like this bridge tbh. it kinda fucks. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues” taylor wtf?

two graves one gun?!? oh wow! very melodramatic and i love it

this song is good. very sad so great job! killed it! i’m not crying yet tho

but daddy i love him:

stand out lyrics: Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

HEYY RELIGOUS TRAUMA VIBES?!? FUCK YEAH!! FINALLY SOME GOOD RELATEBLE CONTENT!!

this is so champagne problems vibes

“im having his baby! no im not but you should see your face” BAHHAHA taylor wtf

i was hoping for more religious trauma energy than what i got. i had high hopes with that first verse

OMG WHAT?!? MAAM?!? “ID RATHER BURN MY WHOLE LIFE DOWN THAN LISTEN TO ONE MORE SECOND OF ALL THIS BITCHIN AND MOANIN” GIRLY YOUR “BABY” IS ANTISEMEIC?

okay this song is now just funny to me. deeply i would’ve kept this one in the vault but it’ll grow on me

fresh out the slammer:

stand out lyric: n/a

we are starting with the lowest of standards for the record. i do not have a good vibe from this song

its fine. liek it’s not revolutionary to me. like its okay but… why does this beat change like that and did the long prison metaphor help? i think not.

however yeah bring up that he didn’t propose again. love that for you

florida!!!

stand out lyric: well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time

!! what!! “they said i was a cheat so i guess i must be” ARENT YOU THE ONE WHO WRITE IVY AND HIGH INFEDELITY?!? WHAT?!? i am giggling so hard. taylor what are you saying?!?

this song reminded how much i love florence! i mean that woman can really sing

nbnc reference! that was not on my bingo card!

texas mentioned!! slay!!

i love this song. like i fr really like this one. the drums are a bit much but i love how their voices work together! delicious

guilty as sin?

standout lyric: “there no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk” “i keep recalling things we never did”

i like how this one sounds

this song is really good! and bestie i get it! yikes!

this song is really for the girlies who make up fake scenarios to hurt their own feelings and i feel seen

false god references(?)

well terrible job everyone that was a bit too relatable! thanks! i’m going to throw up! or scream! or cry!

who’s afraid of little old me?

standout lyric: “you don’t get to tell me about sad” “is it a wonder i broke let’s hear one more joke” “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me”

yay!! she’s doing witchcraft again!! thank god!! levitate queen!!

you should be afraid of little old me was not what i was expecting from this song! but i like it! also i am enjoying this production

“so tell me everything isnt about me but what if it is?” HAHAHH TAYLOR WHAT IS THIS?!?

no taylro they say that you’ll sue them they prublish public information about your plane! so close tho!

jokes aside i like this! this one’s gonna be in my tops i think! it reminds me of tlgad which is one love

i can fix him (no really i can)

standout lyric: “he had a halo of the highest grade, he just hasn’t met me yet”

texas mentioned again!! a win is a win

another song about matty healy?!? must we?!? are we sure? this is proof that any relationship pain is overshadowed by a 3 month situationship

loml: “better safe than starry eyed”

mmm im liking this one!

damn marriage is brought up a lot in the album for someone who wrote lavendar haze

i like that there is the love of my life to loss of my life switch! i was worried she abrievated that for no reason

still alive, killing time at the cemetery is a great line!!

!!! oh!! i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all! i didn’t think i would like that lyric!! i in fact do.

icdiwabh:

standout lyric: “babe you gotta fake it till you make it and you did”

THIS SONG IS SO GOOD!! OH SHIT

okay now this is my shit. i like how she’s taking about her success and shit

i cry a lot but i am so productive it’s an art is so real

“try and come for my job” yikes.

the smallest man who every lived

standout lyric: “i would’ve died for your sins but i died inside”

this one isn’t doing it for me so far. i’m sure it’ll grow on me but idk it’s not killing it for me.

DID SHE JUST CALL HIS DICK SMALL?!? HELLO?!? good lord i hope that’s what that meant

“you kicked out the stage lights but your still preforming?!?” GOOD LORD TAYLOR! it’s so jover

The alchemy:

standout lyric: “he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an E”

i had to listen to this song twice cause i could just not lay attention

AYO ITS TRAVIS!! god the next album is gonna have so many football metaphors that i will not understand

this is really cute! i’m on team trayvis

clara bow:

standout lyric: promise to be dazzling

cool! now i’m sad!

as a girl who tries to be something exciting but feels like she never gets there this is very yikes! greta job gang

DID SHE JUST SAY HER OWN NAME?!? SHE NEVER DONE THAT

OH MY GOD

YOUVE GOT EDGE SHE NEVER DID

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

the black dog:

standout lyric:

i am scared!

oh shit! who cheated on taylor?!?

oh wait. maybe that’s not true

i love old habits die screaming! tahts a funky line. i know we already had it but im a fan

!! hoax reference!!

!!daylight reference!!

oh joe. that poor man. they’re gonna kill him.

this is putting a sad spin on some of my fav songs so that’s cool

imgonnagetyouback:

standout lyric: “pick your poison babe, i’m poison either way”

did we need to do this in one word

OH MY GOD

SHE MAKING THE SAME THING AS GET HIM BACK BY OLIVIA RODRGIO

now i personally would’ve rewritten this one or picked a different song but this is a choice

this is a worse versions of get him back! imo

eras fading to gray is a crazy line!

the albatross:

standout lyric: “the devil you know now looks more like and angel”

this is kinda giving cowboy like me vibes but with more unnecessary vocal effects but that does in fact mean that i like it

peace reference?!

idk im into this one i think

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus:

standout lyric: all of them <3

my god this is a long title

oh my god. did she just out joe alywn? what? that can’t be what just happened

“you needed me but you needed drugs more” IM THROWING UP HOW DARE YOU

nobody touch me

“if you want to break my cold cold heart, just say i loved you. the way that you were” okay so now i am crying! hey! tahts cool! in other news put me on watch

this is one of my tops

you can tell cause i’m depressed now

maroon reference!!

okay so i will never recover congrats everyone!

how did it end?

standout lyric: “we learned the right steps to different dances”

i feel invasive listening to this. i didn’t want to hear about matty anymore but this is a lot.

this song is good but sweet lord. this is really sad. which i should’ve guessed but this is not what i was expecting

“D-Y-I-N-G” that was not how i thought that line was gonna end

so high school:

standout lyric: idk man they’re all cute

is this another one about travis?!? yay!!

awww she want to marry him! that’s so exciting!! and also maybe kill him but we do what we can

this is really cute

i’m glad she got this back! cause this is giving very fearless vibes which is perfect! i love that! i love that she’s having the sweet love again! and i’m so glad im not listening about matty! cause that man if the gift that won’t stop giving. no matter what i do. he just won’t.

i hate it here:

standout lyric: “No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears” “when they found a better planet only the gentle survive”

second time bringing up being a precocious child! not something i thought we would get twice!

this song feels like it’s right off folklore

GIRL WHAT!?! “I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid” this is why no one wanted to play with you as a little kid

oh yikes now i’m relating

“i get lost on purpose. this place made me feel worthless” crying in the club once again

she really had to fight not to call him a finance bro

thank you aimee

stand out lyric: “Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead”

go to jail just for the capitalization

i feel like im missing something

is amiee real? is she a metaphor? is it someone from the rep era? i’m lost

if this is 15 year old beef that is amazing.

“there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you” oh lol that’s so funny.

thank god taylor changed the name! cause otherwise they would kill her!

“and one day your kid comes home singing a song that only us two is gonna know so about you” oh that’s so good. you see i like taylor better when she’s being petty over decade old shit. it makes her more relatable

i look in peoples windows

stand out lyric: “i’m afflicted by the not knowing” “im addicted to the if only”

i love this.

is this the new shortest song in her discography? it’s gotta be. it’s like 2 minutes long

anyways. relatable. killin it

the prophecy:

stand out lyric: “Don't want money just someone who wants my company”

finally a song i can relate to! you know cause im psychic?

“I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope a greater woman wouldn't beg” yikes

oh no. i’m gonna cry. you see now im reminded of why i feel like im never enough. so cool 🤙

witchcraft again!! yay!!

what is gray-ge? gray/beige? was that already a word?

cassandra:

standout lyric: “what does kill you makes you aware. what happens if it becomes who you are”

bffr taylor does not patch cracks in her house

sorry i know tahts a metaphor, allow me to start by being less of a hater

oh i love a call back to the 2016 era. yikes

“BLOODS THICK BUT NOTHING LIKE A PAYROLL” HOLY FUCK WHAT?!?

“when its burn the bitch they’re shrieking, when the truth comes out they’re quiet” lol relatable

peter:

standout lyric: “we both did the best we could do underneath the name moon in different galaxies”

who is peter? very excting!

oh it’s peter pan! that’s cute!

is this about joe? i’m confused? i have no idea who this is about

i liek the piano! i like this more stripped back version

great bridge!

“cause love's never lost when perspective is earned” HEY BRO WHAT

the bolter: “she was leaving it felt like breathing”

standout lyric:

omg hey she wrote a song about me! jk it just started idk what this is

oh no

i cant do this right now

okay so no comment but yeah very relatable! cool! (except i’m not really a bolter now that i think about it. i just think i am. i’m actually not a quitter. im a stick with it person even when maybe i should bolt.)

robin:

stand out lyric: “you have no room in your head for regrets”

i like these a lot better than the first part of this album. i actually can’t tell if it’s a double release or not but i just like these more emotional songs more.

is she singing to her child self?!? is that what happening?!?

crying again.

the manuscript:

stand out lyric: looking backward might be the only way to move forward

my god this is a lot of songs! not complaining but i’m tired

okay i like the piano

“He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon they’d be pushing strollers” FUCKING HELLo?!? well now i’m in pain slay

this was not what i was expecting at all but let it be known i am crying and im not okay

this song really fucked me up guys

#this is really long #i’m warning you before you open it #honestly idk if you should read this #i’ll make content about it when i wake up #taylor swift #ts ttpd #the tortured poets department #ttpd #ttpd reactions #taylor swift ttpd #ttpd era #kat talks

[smute]

the ios app is such a disaster honestly. idk how many posts ive made on here complaining about the performance and overheating issues but i do know that ive tried to tell @staff about them multiple times, both through apple's report an issue thingy in the app store and directly via the tumblr support page. ive been through every troubleshooting step. i cant even tell you how often i reinstalled the app. i have tested it on wifi and cellular, with 5g on and 5g off. its always the same thing. the app draws insane amounts of power whenever it is active/open, even when im not scrolling, and my phone gets warmer and warmer until it eventually shuts down with a temperature warning or gets too hot to hold in my hand

a couple weeks ago i actually upgraded to a new phone (for context: my previous one was only 2 years old, not some ancient underpowered thing, and apart from tumblr i NEVER noticed any performance/temperature issues so i wasn't really looking for an upgrade, i just got a really good offer from my carrier). the tumblr app also makes my (older) ipad overheat, so i already knew that the problem here wasn't a particular device, but given the chance i was ofc curious to see if things would improve with a newer one. they didn't 🤪

anyway i conducted a little informal experiment with the new phone to figure out exactly how bad the problem is. didn't even install the tumblr app when i first set it up, just to see how the phone would perform without buggy software (the answer is really well)

under normal usage the battery lasts for at least two fucking days. texting, playing music, surfing, fucking reading ebooks, watching youtube videos, we're talking like close to 30 hours of screen time on a single charge. SCREEN time, not standby.

on saturday morning, while using the tumblr app (and only the tumblr app), i went from 90% to 50% in TWO AND A HALF HOURS. that is insane.

like not only is it super uncomfortable to hold a piping hot thing made of glass and metal in your hands, im also genuinely concerned about the health of my battery lmao

until a few months ago i had NEVER encountered this problem, not even on my old iphone 8 that sometimes struggled with other apps as well. tumblr always worked fine. idk what they changed or which weird new feature that nobody asked for is responsible for this but something is drawing power like CRAZY and literally FRYING MY HARDWARE.

honestly its like the world's shittiest screen time reminder lmao. after 30 minutes the temperature starts to get uncomfortable and after an hour i literally have to take a break, close the app for 5 minutes and let my phone cool off. WHICH IT DOES BTW. like almost INSTANTLY. idk what else to say except that this seems to be a feature not a bug. in the sense that it happens no matter what i do

lmao sorry this turned into such a long rant. like i said, i already messaged tumblr support about it but this has been going on for months at this point and i am P I S S E D

#&

[thegoober010]

OK OK YIPPEE

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

sooooo could you write like father figure Sans with reader who has an eating disorder?

Like he begins noticing that theyre eating less and less and theyre losing a bunch of weight and he confronts them about it?

IF NOT THATS FINE, ITS A VERY TRIGGERING TOPIC!!!

Make sure to get food and drink water!!! Take breaks!!!! TAKE CARE OF URSELF!!!!! <333

-🐾

Oh!! QUITE A REQUEST BUT OFC I CAN!! I understand that fictional characters can be parental figures to some and requests like this can be helpful/comforting to some in different circumstances so I am willing to write this dearie dw!! plus father figure sans is so real. also right now im suffering a bit from burn-out due to my school cause right now I'm in a club that requires a lot of my time so im kinda suffering from a bit of burn out ig- so Im not gonna write a full nose-shot but I will write kinda like a headcanon type one-shot!

gender neutral reader as usual :)!!

TW/CW -> eating disorder (anorexia), self-esteem issues, body dysmorphia

remember if you're dealing with any eating disorder please try to talk to someone you're close with, a friend, family member, or trusted adult about this and I recommend trying to find professional help or trying to talk to someone about this, it is incredibly important to find support during such times <3

"I care for you more than you think"

Sans was always a father-figure for you, ever since you fell to the underground and left Toriel's home he allowed you to stay with him and his brother, he took care of you in his own way by taking you to places, meeting other monsters and allowing you your freedom but also protecting you and making sure you were safe by being near you often since you were just a kid to him.

Sans took quick notice of you using oversized clothing more than usual, and mostly long-sleeve shirts or hoodies (which he assumed you did to try and hide your body whether that be because you thought you were fat or something of that sort, it concerned him greatly) he would often touch your arm and pretend as if he were just patting near your arm/back/shoulder and would notice you were losing weight faster than he would expect someone to normally do.

After he took notice of such things he would often try taking you to a few more places like Grilby's or Muffet's, of course he never forced you to eat but he would always suggest it. Sometimes he would make hot dogs/cat dogs or make some waffles for you, if you refused he would just give a quick nod and let you be but he would leave the food near you or tell you that you should eat it later if you're really not that hungry right now.

At one point though it became a huge cause for concern as he noticed you started to distance yourself more from him and your friends, he decided enough was enough and fully confront you about it.

You broke down crying as he started to speak to you in a concerned tone of voice and started to confront you about your behavior. He didn't want you to feel bad but he was extremely worried and did not want you slowly killing yourself because of how you perceived your body.

He's a very good listener, maybe not the best at giving physical comfort but he's good at listening and giving advice. Ever since that day he would not force you to eat full on meals, no, he understood that people recover differently, and that it takes time. He made sure to take it slow and one step at a time. He would make small snacks at first, perhaps with some fruit or lower calorie foods so that you wouldn't feel too guilty about eating them and slowly making their way up to more higher calorie foods to fix your relationship with food and what you considered 'bad' and 'good' food.

He always reminds you about how you're much more than just your body but that you should also take care of it, and by taking care of your body you are not restricting yourself so much that it's slowly killing you.

He helps you out with eating, if you feel like you're going to get sick while eating he doesn't force you to continue, he always tells you how proud he is of you for eating just a little bit and that maybe next time you two can try something a bit more filling for not just the body but soul!

He's a great help in recovery, not only in helping you eat but also in your emotional support and physical support, whenever you feel too weak he takes care of you, whenever you feel down he listens. He may not know much on how to help but he makes sure to get different opinions from everyone and different ideas to help you out.

idk if this was good or not as I said before im suffering from burn out but ima try my best to continue writing a lot!!

#undertale #undertale fanfiction #undertale fanfic #toby fox #undertale sans #dad sans #comfort

[milkteatrait]

OK UPDATE TIME

tldr at the end of the post if ur curious u know

so because this is literally my diary WAIT u know what this reminds me of.... so one of my coworkers from my old job added me on Facebook ??? and like I accepted it because she's really sweet ?? and like idk I don't use Facebook so I was like ok its fine we're on Facebook together because its Facebook but ANYWAY

she literally posts like stuff about feeling alone all the time or about how no one likes her etc AND LIKE MINDYOU!!!!! THIS IS A FORTY YEAR OLD WOMAN LMFAOOOOOOO and like idk what to say, I feel bad and like I reach out and check in with her and hear her out but oh my god ???! and then she'll shade her boyfriend on there too like idk good for her tho

BUT GOING BACK TO MY DIARY!!!! I might as well overshare right....... so I had a really bad day like....... things have not gone in my favour...... like I reversed back into my mom's new car....... kinda day. exactly what I did. im so sorry mom.

BUT THEN BACK TO WHAT I ACTUALLY WANTED TO SAY

u know what would be fun........ something valentines edition........ that I can make........... u know......... like im kinda like...... I should make something about love like..... I literally LOVEEEEEE valentines day omg but like ive always been single and like..... up until this year, ive always been in school so I didn't really care like ??? idk I was always too busy studying and then my friends were busy studying??? and idk i would just love a lil galentines moment

but also I feel like im shadow banned ORLASKDFJALFKDJ OR OR OR my content isn't relevant LMFAOOO I feel like I get little interaction and low-key its a little disappointing u know like I KNOW NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT NUMBERS DUH but like.......... idk im just happy when I get my mutuals to interact with me or like

ok im literally starting to give what my coworker gives on Facebook BUT NOT MY INTENTION LMFAOOOO im just trying to figure out like..... idk sometimes I want to post what I want to post but like..... its a little sad u know when u get like 7 notes LMFAOOOO NO BUT I APPRECIATE THE 7 PEOPLE WHO LIKE MY POST YKWIM??? so maybe im shadow banned or my content's irrelevant OR BOTH?!! idk

TL;DR

we talk about my coworker who talks about how lonely she is all the time on facebook

possible valentines day collection ??!!

I want to celebrate valentines day but idk how and im broke

am I serving what my coworker serves on Facebook?? do I look desperate????!

am I shadow banned or is my content just bad ? discussion

#no like I touch grass #but idk this is #like a lot #I just want to have connections with people #but its just been so hard #like idk how to meet people #but without like going to a bar or something LMFAO #also idk maybe valentines + New York winter is usually like #kinda depressing idk #im in my feelings

[clonesome]

I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL ASK BC ITS LIKE 4AM WHEN IM TYPING THIS AND I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON A C K sorry @kapuchino357 BUT I AM ANSWERING YOUR ASK <3

(AS OF WRITING THIS BIT IN PARANTHESIS I HAVE TRIED WRITING THIS 13 TIMES its not you its me lolol i hust have so much to saaaaay and I feel like it's about damn time I finished it skdkkf)

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SCREAM ABOUT MY OCS !!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Also a thank you to all of my friends who play around with our OCs like it's pretend on the playground <3 thank you for helping me get a few of my OCs out of my head and out where they can be enjoyed.

I think we should start with Leandro, since he takes up most of my brain meats:

♡ Leandro Placido, he is in his late 20s. 1930s-40s eh ish time period wise aesthetic in a somewhat fantasy world i guess lol, he loves to dress in both men's and women's fashions (Loretta being the name he teases others with when he dresses up in typical womens fashion and goes out. But not always, sometimes he really does just want to feel pretty as Leandro and thats fine too <3). "Cleaner", he cleans up the crime scenes and disposes of bodies for his Boss and he's the best one in their Family. Which is so fitting bc his Boss found his sorry ass in a dumpster of all things. He had unintentionally been helping the guys he ran into dispose of a body he thought was regular trash and long story short after helping them they threw him in the dumpster too to get rid of him and that is when the Big Boss was told of him and well.. there he was.

Loud and rowdy, he never really knows when to keep his mouth shut with most things. He also has a quick temper, especially if he's drunk but not always. He's a bumbling idiot with a heart of gold. He plays the trombone terribly on purpose to annoy people, though he is actually a really skilled player. He uses sex, and other things, as a weapon against himself but learns that he doesn't need to do that as he grows in his story. Unfortunately he's also a rat, secretly having infiltrated his Family by the very enemy who wants nothing more than to get rid of them once and for all. Too bad he's fallen in love with the head maid of the House, and when he falls, he falls incredibly h a r d. Only having ever been in one other full relationship with a girl he went to high school with, which he ended in one of the worst ways possible (smh poor Annity), he wasn't sure how to explain his feelings for her. And then he accidentally catches her and one of his best friends in bed together, so after that he doesn't want to get in between two of some of the most important people in the world to him. So he just.. flirts, and really why would she think any different?

He always flirts. With everyone. So they do this tired song and dance of him shamelessly flirting with her, and her being annoyed (and flustered) by it because she thinks he's just teasing her relentlessly. And it goes on.. for a long time. Until... after like A Lot. For instance: him bedding a different high power Underworld Boss while black out drunk and also not even knowing who he was, getting kidnapped (almost four times) and getting most of his tongue cut out on a successful kidnapping to remind him of who he really works for (and if there is one thing he hates is a traitor, boy look in the damn mirror who do you think you are), being sent off to work at the docks for three months after getting into a heated argument with his Boss (over the Boss's relationship bc GASP Leandro has a bit of a lusty crush on him too! Messyyyyy), him having a crush on a dance hall owner (Bruce) bc he taught him how to love the side of him that he calls Loretta (which in turn has him accepting his whole self), Annity showing back up in his life with their son William (double gasp!), his abusive parents showing back up after he gets arrested for the 43rd (to which he is owed 43 phone calls dammit! Lol!), among... other happenings. . . They finally get their happy ending. But, not in the way they expected. And that fits them just fine.

He's messy, in all senses of the word, but cleans up nice. It takes him too long to get his shit together. He's the dumpster fire that lives in my heart lol. Very 'sun coded' or whatever it's called in the ways that he burns himself too bright in a way that will destroy him. he's viciously angry while having so much love for others but almost none for himself. More than willing to take a bullet for anyone, but will also put a bullet in whoever his Boss feels like.

He's also so dense. No book smarts, only street smarts. If anyone he truly loves flirts back with him, like the Head Maid or Bruce, it is seriously like they are talking to a brick/concrete wall. Also the trope of 'love me so much it undooms me' but only after it's too late.

He dies, of course only after realizing just how much he wants to live. And how much he now has to let go because death has always been coming for him. He had so desperately wished for it so many times, except now he wishes for anything but. And that's when his time is up.

He then appears on a beach, which he has dreamed about- so much like the one back home. A home he hasn't seen since he was a child running around wild. And who does he see a little ways down the shore? The love of his life and the promised spirits of their two children that they are lucky enough to have in their next lives. He runs over and embraces her, twiling her around and bringing a trail of waves around them in the air as he does so all while crying into her hair as she clings just as tightly. After he sets her down and kisses her, the children tackled him into the ever on coming surf. And he gets a taste of what his after life is supposed to be- until all of a sudden, after a small talk with his beloved, they all disappear. He can't see or hear them, but they can see and hear him as he calls out helplessly for them. And he thinks, this is it. This is the hell that he had always known he would end up in. He just wasn't prepared for it. He also was not prepared for the heart shaped lock that magically appeared and locked itself unbearably tightly through his chest and into the space where his heart was. Then the beach is gone, where his loving family are just as confused to his disappearance.

He's back to the place where he died, held back by someone who has unfinished business with him. A girlfriend who had never been able to let him go, Annity. Who.. isn't all bad she's just... complicated.

Cursingly haunting the person who is keeping him from moving on, becoming almost nothing more than a twisted rage filled demon. He dooms the person holding his spirit hostage for years until the love of his life (who had died before him, in his arms. Tragic.) uses almost the last of her own spirit energy to save him, oh yeah, and to stop the ghost marriage Annity had been so close to achieving!

With help of course!

From a medium- who turns out to be his Boss' younger sister who he would have done anything for while living (and who after most of his tongue was cut out she taught him sign language). And his own son, who all this time hadn't been able see him, but had sensed.. something was off for the past few years with his mother. He never would have guessed it was something like this.

And only then, when all of his and others wrongs are in some way set to right, are they allowed to live their after life in happiness and love. Because after all of this... he gets his revenge- in a way, he forgives those he feels deserves it... but also he forgives himself for his past mistakes that he didn't even know he learned from.

I just have so many feelings about him and all of the scenarios he could get himself into when he isn't confined to the limits of the story he is doomed by and haunts himself.

Next is Graskogr of Strilgahl and Isabeau, they are a couple of destiny do NOT separate them. let's start with Gras:

♡Graskogr of Strilgahl, 874 years old give or take a few years, 12'9", fantasyyyy so anything I say goes yay =], they speak with two voices (i imagine it to sound like a duet, in the beginning I thought of something like the duet between Ashley Barrett and Daniel Korb from the Hades soundtrack bc their voices together are absolutely beautiful. But not im thinking its something like whatever those two characters from this game my friend plays. One voice is gruff and animalistic while the other is light and serene.) sometimes one voice leads while the other has an overlaying whisper it just depends. Ruler of a kingdom that they had lived in their centuries long life, having overthrown the previous ruler and brought peace and prosperity to their kingdom. Though they are now hated by every other surrounding kingdom, either for how long they've been in power or just becuase of how powerful they themselves are. Having been granted great magical ability from their godlike parentage, they have a fully golden akorhraca (bullshit fantasy metal I made up lol) arm that can transform into any weapon they wish. Though more of a curse than blessing, they need magical energy to survive. And a lot of it. And if they call upon their weapons too often or use too much power the ichor spreads. They have fissures of the stuff all over their body like lightning scars almost. Something akin to a big dark blue broken plate fixed with gold.

They've had so many marriages over their life, most ending with the partner leaving. As a product of whoever not wanting to be with them or being to afraid of them or for whatever reason once the political side of things was secured the partner would end the marriage. And they would let them, gladly. Not really caring here nor there abiut a relationship, until one. Karya, a human, far smaller and fragile than them. It was the first time in their life they had felt something like love. Though that wasn't necessarily what they would have called it, not having the words to describe how they felt. (And honestly neither do I lol) The two lived happily for many years, Gras allowing themselves to dote on this tiny woman and also allowing her to do the things she could for them as well.

But then she got sick. Gras tried everything they could to heal her, but for some reason... nothing they did worked. So unfortunately the beloved queen passed. And they went into a deep grieving, a depression so deep they shut everyone and everything out for a few centuries. At one point in the beginning even closing off the kingdom to anything and everyone other than those who greatly needed their help. Refusing to speak anything more than a grunt or one word answer whenever a steward would ask something of importance to the kingdom.

They even gained a new pronoun during this time, they start using It to refer to themselves as well lol.

Though after their initial grieving, they went into a rage. So terrifying and powerful that it woukd be spoken of for centuries after, and it is also a reason as to why they are so hated. Taking their seemingly unending anger out whatever they felt like. But thankfully it didn't last too long. But it would scar their public perception from other kingdoms forever. Oh they also sort of become an assassin for hire as well during this time. Not even seeing the need to disguise themselves either so everyone knew it was them who was coming for their targets lol. Though instead of being paid in money they would be paid in things that would help their kingdom, that admittedly would struggle due to their absence.

Most of their time, however, after their rage would be spent in the chambers that they had dedicated to Karya.

Okay enough doom and gloom, well not really but whatever, now onto Isabeau!

♡Isabeau, a harpy woman who has lived with her flock in the mountains her entire life. Until she is accidentally cursed by some novice magic user to be a tiny little bird. Unable to speak or transform back, the magic user feels absolutely awful for the wrong they have caused her. Vowing to help return her to her glorious self, the two set out to undo this curse. Eventually being separated by a strong wind that blows Isabeau's tiny form aaaaaaaaaaallllll the way to Strilgahl.

Where the first interaction she gets with Graskogr is they try to shoot her with an arrow from their fantasy metal arm.

Off to a great start.

So she retaliates by trying to use her small but sharp talons to scratch them. But it doesn't do anything, not even leave a mark.

And something stirs inside Graskogr, a light feeling he hasn't felt for many years. Seeing the tenacity of this little tiny thing to live. To not die by their hand. It causes them to laugh, truly for the first time since their beloved passed. Though it was nothing more single chuckle. But still.

It confused Isabeau, who just moments before this hulk of a figure was just trying to kill her. And now it was... laughing. Or almost laughing? She wasn't sure. . . Just as long as death wasn't staring her in the face. And at this point she is so exhausted she just passes out.

So Gras takes care of this little bird, a thing that it's beloved loved so much..

Aaaaand unfortunately that's kind of all I have for sure for them. But there is also some dream stuff, where Gras sees Isabeau's true form in their dreams but all they really see is a person made of light so they think st first that it is Karya guiding them. And maybe in some way it is. Karya may be watching over these two idiots and be pushing them together so that they can be happy.

They teach each other how to love and trust and l i v e again. Despite the harships and curses. Despite everything. The live and they love. And for them, that is enough.

( and also for this Fantasy land Leandro also has a form here where he is a fallen star turned Mortal and Human. Or he thinks he's Human. He has amnesia from the fall and transformation. Lol but other than that and some more magical powers he's basically the same character. )

Aaaaaand that's all I have time for folks. If these characters of mine are interesting for you and you read this far. I love yooouuuuuuu lolol ask me more stuff about them and I may have answers to give.

#clonesome #kapuchino357

[noisytenant]

rambling personal/introspection i guess, positive-ish

while im not doing "well" in general ive been starting to feel a sense of peace and unburdening with some things.

i think that given the pain of living in certain conditions, it can feel unbearable to imagine going another day with things as they are. i spent so much of my life "waiting it out" that i felt like it would be a crime against myself to not respect my feelings and emotional needs as they came.

but when you set yourself on addressing these things, sometimes you get buried in a cacophony of calls to action, an endless stream of internal requests that often contradict each other. i thought that perhaps i could chart an efficient course to meeting the most needs with the least actions, but strategizing takes time away from action too.

so i'm trying to loosen up and not set a strict dogma for how and when things happen, so long as they comply with external needs (eg there is a ticking clock on how long i can go without income before major and bad life changes activate; i need to eat and sleep a certain amount every day). i'm trying not to be too hard on myself for not living up to expectations and to accept certain patterns of behavior, to be more curious and to not immediately problematize them.

for example i'm watching wordgirl a lot and it's somewhat avoidant, but it's also something that lubricates the meeting of other needs and makes me happy, so it's not a "bad" or even fully "maladaptive" strategy. just a complicated one.

in the time shortly before my breakup, something i feel like i have still only fractionally processed (and that's okay according to my hip new state of mind), i felt like there would be disastrous consequences for less-than-ideal behavior. knowing the relationship and my mental health were both on the ropes, i wanted really badly to do things the best way i knew how. but i think it kind of would have been okay if i did it any other way too. it would have sucked but been fine if we screamed at each other, it would have sucked but been fine if we stayed together, i think anything would have been okay because you have no choice but to live with your actions and keep acting forever

something i struggle a lot with is in committing to decisions vs. being flexible. big questions in the fight for agency. i can't prescribe a heuristic for deciding whether you stick to a principle or change your mind, but in the moment i'm basically going back to the strategy of, "i'm going to do things however i'm doing them until something gives way and makes me need to change paths". and i think that's a freeing sentiment, one i'm able to access because i'm no longer in a relationship--i don't need to worry for two. i hope in my future relationships, platonic and romantic, i can maintain a greater sense of security that is resilient to these shifting tides.

a big thing also is that i'm temporarily electing not to dig into introspection, something i've seen suggested but hadn't really understood and kind of resented. in practice i'm using it to mean, "the most dire parts of my inner world will communicate with me if they are relevant. given my immediate needs, it might be better to wait until i have more breathing room before consciously exploring things." so i'm trying not to worry about, for example, being a person who forgets parts of its own life and experience because those parts will come back to me in due time.

ultimately i'm trying to give in to spontaneity. a feeling is only intolerable if i cannot tolerate it; if i'm finding that i'm avoiding or dreading something, it might really be intolerable, but i am constantly reminded how easy it is to actually survive and persist throughout the pain (this is only my personal experience)

it's hard and hurts to know you're carrying these burdens that ache for release and you're unable to address them completely. i hope to be able to give myself the care i deserve sooner rather than later. but maintaining stability and progress is a kind of care too!

and that's the nature of living, isn't it? ultimately, i want to be honest with myself and others. it's evidently the case that i can't solve every problem of mine overnight just because it would be nice if i could. i think all of me (or most of me, let me not speak for everyone) can appreciate an honest "no i can't solve your ass indefinitely" over "sure honey just a minute [doesn't do anything]". so for the moment i'm happy to be here and hoping i will be in better circumstances soon.

#unrelatedly got the vivid sensory image of the smell of a Disney water ride #Was thinking specifically about waiting in line at pirates of the caribbean but okay #indexed post #long post / #Sorry im like half asleep at this point just have some last minute body stuff #to take careof

[the-bonnie39]

newer intro and dni page ig

heyo! im Bon (please note that i will let like a handful of people call me Bonnie so if you see anyone referring to me as that, its just a friend :]) my pronouns are he/him/they/them and maybe even it/its (im a lil unsure so in a sort of trail stage-) i should add that i am autistic so sometimes it can be hard for me to learn some shit or understand it (i didnt know what moots- or mutual where for years and have embarrassed myself so many times bc of it) i do struggle to make the first move of talking to people so-

account are @bonnie39-reblogs (i post mainly art here when i make it)

fandoms im in! :D -

-dsaf-fnaf-madcom-bugbo-ace attorney-furry community-regretavator-amazing digital circus-good omens-slime rancher-sally face-monster prom-little nightmares-spirit fare-dialtown!!!!-weird core-undertail-batim-the stanley parable-mandela catalouge-walten files-ena-spooky month

im just gonna get a dni out the way very quickly as i have tried to use cards and such- no clue how to use em ._.

proshippers, pedo/maps, nazis, homophobes/transphobes, people i have blocked for a reason (you know who you are, if you're stalking my page, its fucking desperate, fuck off) people who are aware someone is super controversial and still supports them, nsfw accounts (i can not stress this enough. you will be blocked on the spot, i am still a minor) Alfred playhouse fans (i do not care what excuse you have for watching and enjoying it, you're not welcome here) anti furrys/therians (reminder that the "animals" you threaten to kill are infact real fucking humans.) kink accounts (you guys are on the biggest no no list) might add more later but for now thats it.

i would like to say this is a safe place for anyone else unless you're just a outright piece of shit or asshole, also should note that please for the love of god just- dont be outright creepy- like im fine with sex jokes and all that, including dark humour but as long as it doesn't get ablest or overall creepy you're more then welcome to just come chill :]

another thing- if i am supporting someone controversial TELL ME i supported and defended someone who had allegations and others saying they have seen god awful art from a person and no one told me for ages- which lead to many- many angry rants from me because i was upset that i was being harassed.

oh also i am infact aroace :D and this is a safe place for any lgbtqia+ members as long as you dont exclude others in our community :^

#blog intro

[lesbianmelkor]

THE WHORE SLEEPS BADLY: a playlist for Emilio Sandoz

notes on songs under the cut!! emilio art credit to @ferretteeth

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

this is the road to ruin and we´re starting at the end!!! emilio deserves to have some angsty music and also. this song is about being alone without being alone and being trapped and being loved for the worst things about yourself. i don´t know where i´m going but i dont think i´m coming home!!

2. Be Afraid - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

this is a song about feeling like g-d is ignoring you and feeling like you´re not living up to your potential and also the lyric "we´ve been testing you and you failed to see how long that you could hold it in before you screamed, but you only exhaled" g-ddddddd.

3. Bite the Hand - Boygenius

another song about emilio´s relationship with g-d. "i can´t love you how you want me to"?? he comes home and he can´t do it anymore!! it´s gone!! he´ll bite the hand that feeds him!!! also. "i can´t hear you, you´re too far away" cause he left g-d behind him on rakhat.

4. Butchered Tongue - Hozier

This is actually a pre-priesthood linguistics song for emilio!! minority culture always having to speak in another language than your own, especially for taino emilio... and then speaking these languages that literally nobody else on the planet speaks!! crazy

5. Colorblind - Counting Crows

literally just listen to this song and tell me this isn´t how emilio feels. "i am covered in skin, no one gets to come in" and then the repetition of "i am ready i am fine"?? im pulling my hair out.

6. Cringe - Matt Maeson

so this is actually the stripped version which makes me crazy in its own right but. "oh i make you cringe now. don´t i make you cringe now?" matt said this song is about leading a lifestyle that the people around you don´t approve of and it just. this one. just trust me.

7. Cry for Judas - the Mountain Goats

you get it. you get it. "mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get." "i´m still here but all is lost". it was ruined!! all was lost!! he thinks he is judas betraying g-d!!! you know what i mean.

8. Floating in the Forth - Frightened Rabbit

so the lead singer of frightened rabbit committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into the firth of forth and he wrote this song about doing that before he did that and it just. just. it´s so important also remember this it comes up three songs later.

9. Graceless - The National

"G-D LOVES EVERYBODY, DON´T REMIND ME". this is a song about being in the world without being fully present and it kills me.

10. Leave My Body - Florence + the Machine

from the first line: "i´m gonna be released from behind these lines, and i don´t care whether i live or die" to the last: "moving up to higher ground, your history keeps pulling me down", this is a song about emilio trying to move forward as everyone keeps forcing him to relive what happened over and over.

11. The Modern Leper - Julien Baker

hey remember when i said remember the frightened rabbit trivia! this is from the cover album they released after their lead singer killed himself and it is sooooooo. this is a song about being fundamentally broken and diseased and the rest of the world ignores it but you know you´re unlovable. "i am ill but im not dead and i don´t know which of those i´d prefer"!!!

12. Never Quite Free - the Mountain Goats

this is a song about knowing that the trauma still hangs over you and you´ll never be able to escape it and it makes me cry. anyway. "it gets okay to praise the day, believe in sheltering skies and stable earth, but hear his breath come through his teeth". emilio is trying so hard to build a better life and sometime it just won´t happen!!

13. Prayer in Open D - Emmylou Harris

again from the first lyric to the last, this is a song about emilio sandoz. "there´s a valley of sorrow in my soul, where every night i hear the thunder roll like the sound of a distant gun over all the damage i have done" and it Gets Worse From There!!

14. Relative Fiction - Julien Baker

"cause i don´t need a savior i need you to take me home"!!! the religious trauma HITS when you´re trying so hard to be good for a g-d you no longer believe in!!!

15. Spent Gladiator 2 - the Mountain Goats

"stay alive. maybe spit some blood at the camera. just stay alive" what if your life and your pain was a spectacle and you dont know how to escape and you don´t even know what escape would look like. anyway.

16. Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

hey girls. hey girls. did you know g-d loves you but not enough to save you!! anyway religious trauma and having fallen in the eyes of g-d and not being able to fix it and just wanting to be safe and go home. "if it´s meant to be then it will be. i forgive it all as it comes back to me"!!! praying to go back to a home you know you can never return to. i am unwell.

17. Televangelist - Julien Baker

i hear you saying "jordan this is the third julien baker song on here" and all i can say is gay ppl with religious trauma understand emilio sandoz better than anyone else. anyway. "am i a masochist screaming televangelist clutching my crucifix of white noise and static. all my prayers are just apologies." you know what i mean.

18. 24 Frames - Jason Isbell

this is once again a song about g-d abandoning you!! "you thought g-d was an architect now you know he´s something like a pipe bomb ready to blow". it´s soooo good.

in conclusion: i am mentally unwell please appreciate the fruits of my insanity.

#the sparrow #emilio sandoz #mine #Spotify

[sachhett]

why can't I stop thinking about you

why you have to occupy my whole attention right now?

my brain bleeds with thoughts of us

I sometimes forget

how often I think of you

every song I play ends up calling your name

every funny thing I do reminds me of how much you laugh at my jokes

Im always ending up with you

every time I'm laying down

I remember all the nights I stayed with you

and how cold your feet were

so much that you would rub them with mine

and I thought that was sweet

you seeking warm

I know im not perfect

even tho you say i am

todavia me falta mucho

y no me quiero apurar

but sometimes, when I'm alone and without you

I want to give up

while you still love me

I'm gonna fuck this up

eventually

and I'd prefer for you to not get caught

in the middle of it

I wanna text you

and tell you that I fell for you

But also I wanna be stronger

and get ready for impact

You don't want me

You don't desire me

and thats fine

we all have our likes and dislikes

but its confusing

You want me to be a puppy

and follow you around telling you how pretty you are

but im no puppy, and i know better than to put myself in that position

only to get hurt

I'm a little frog

that likes to share

I want to hear you

But also wanna be heard

I don't think this can work(you sure?)

We'll just be friends(nah)

you better go get a puppy...

#poem #art #feelings #love #heartbreak