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#and it's like. what if we just. let it go without either the weird performative jingoistic bullshit OR being fucking dicks.
aeide-thea · 2 years
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the thing about 9/11 is that it got used post facto to justify all sorts of hideous jingoistic shit but also it was a genuine devastating human tragedy and i really pretty deeply resent people's deciding that the—absolutely gross, don't get me wrong—way it's been culturally positioned justifies their making jokes about the event itself.
#like. my mother worked basically next door and watched people fall to horrific deaths and had to make her way home thru the horror#and was quite frankly never the same again#and like. the idea that people can look at that and dehumanize all those who died enough to be comfortable making jokes—#i personally think is deeply fucked up and not in fact any kind of ~social justice~#like roll yr eyes at the overblown commemorative pomp and circumstance all you want but like. real people died absolutely horrific deaths#and being flippant about it—sucks‚ actually‚ even if they WERE ~complacent americans who supported capitalism~ or whatever#(not to mention like. it was a really wide slice of humanity actually. but god forbid we consider the actual people as people)#anyway i deeply resent that i feel the need to make this post at all#bc quite frankly i would be more than glad to let the event fade out of active memory and think that's probably the best way to move forward#but unfortunately fucking br*nd*nicus is apparently out here making posts abt how the ~anniversary is worthy of derision~#and it's like. what if we just. let it go without either the weird performative jingoistic bullshit OR being fucking dicks.#anyway whatever i guess i'm not like. appropriately leftist or something#but personally i don't think real people's horrifying deaths are cool to make cracks about. sorry if that makes me a conservative buzzkill.#like i get that it was different outside of new york or washington but like. some of us were IN new york actually.#and yeah to be clear people in the middle east subsequently died similarly horrific deaths because of the way 9/11 got leveraged#and we ought to respect and remember those too#doing THAT on 9/11 would imo be a lot more meaningful than sneering at dead americans but also it would actually take work and sincerity#neither of which most tumblr users are up for
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sugrhigh · 3 months
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BOY NEXT DOOR 2 - ( c.s )
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part one
summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.
warnings- swearing, kissing, that’s it i think
neighbor/hockey!chris x fem!reader
a/n: PART TWOOOOO!!!! i hope u guys like this series i’m having a lot of fun with it (and s/o to my girl @cutenote for letting me use her name). self-indulged this chapter and made the reader a flyers fan so SRY but anyways, enjoy! next thing im putting out is a matt request and then i’ll be working on this series and the tattooartist!reader x matt series. if you have other reqs, questions, confessions, etc, my inbox is open 🫶🏻
@cutenote @mattsmunch @mattybsbitch @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss
your stomach flips as you stare in the mirror, twisting and turning every which way to make sure you look alright. you’re in one of chris’s jerseys, repping the crimson and gold colors of boston university, complete with the little ‘C’ emblem for captain.
he left it in your mailbox earlier on his way to the arena, demanding that you wear it instead of the BU sweatshirt you had planned on going in. so you listened to him, even though you’re not really sure why.
your hair and makeup are all done, contrary to the last time chris saw you, when you were in his house threatening to call the cops. it feels performative, getting all dressed up for something you don’t even want to go to.
but what the hell, you hadn’t seen the team play at all this year, and if you look your best you’ll feel your best. at least, that’s what you convinced yourself would happen.
“are you done up there? we need to leave, games gonna start soon!” one of your roommates calls from the living room.
you sigh and turn away from your own reflection so you can head for the stairs. cassidy and ramona are both waiting for you on the couch as you round the corner, also decked out in BU merch.
you’re just lucky you had been able to convince them both to come with you, so you don’t have to stand by yourself.
“took you long enough.” cassidy mumbles under her breath as she stretches her legs and stands up.
mona mimicks her movements, but not without shooting her a glare. “be nice, she’s obviously nervous.”
“no i’m not!” you protest, and now they both give you an eye roll as they pass you to get their coats from the closet.
“your voice just went up ten octaves.” cass snarks.
you are anxious, but it’s just because of the unknown. you still haven’t figured out what chris is angling at, besides maybe sleeping with you, which isn’t gonna happen. well, probably not at least.
no, not ever. oh my god.
“i’m not nervous. i just wish i could back out.” you double down, turning to see them both pulling on their big winter jackets.
“you used to love hockey, you just don’t like chris. one game won’t kill you.” ramona replies.
“and you also didn’t have to agree.”
this accusation makes your face flush, in embarrassment and in denial. “he wouldn’t have stopped that party if i didn’t. and you know i could never actually call the cops.”
ramona stays silent as cass laces up her shoes. “whatever you say babe. you look cute in his jersey either way.”
“cassidy!” you whine in exasperation.
“i’m honestly not sorry.”
the entire walk to the get to the game is spent harassing you, which is a solid twenty minutes because you live off campus. ramona does try to keep it to a minimum, though you can’t really blame them for the questions. you have them too.
it’s always been weird with you and chris. you hate his attitude, how people fall to his feet like he’s some sort of god. you can’t stand the way he talks to you like he can read your mind, or how you always catch him staring at your lips just so he can pretend like he wasn’t.
he does it to every girl, and you don’t know why he’s taking all of these extra steps to try and get you into bed.
maybe because you see through it, and you don’t want any part of him. he said it himself, he doesn’t want a relationship, and you’re not looking to get an STD, so you don’t know why he’s bothering.
you finally arrive at the facility, and your stomach flips. tons of people are out tonight, of course. the sun is long gone with it being winter and all, so the lights are extra overwhelming as you step inside.
you head through security and scan your passes, ones that are specifically right beside the student section in the very front. chris gifted them to you for free since you didn’t get season tickets, right by the glass so he knows where you are.
even when you were a pain in the ass and insisted you needed two more for your roommates, he made it work. it was a little impressive.
you find your seats, and the boys are already on the ice warming up. you spot chris from the jersey number, 3, and you can see his long hair poking out from underneath his helmet.
he’s focused on taking a practice shot, but as he skates by the glass afterwards you see him looking, like he isn’t sure if you showed up. but then he finds you, and you can actually see his stupid smile.
he waves, just a tiny one, before he goes right back to drills. you’re thankful he didn’t make it dramatic, because you know there’s plenty of girls in the stands who want him, and have probably already been with him.
you each take your coats off and hang them on your chairs. you know the fact that you having his last name plastered across your back doesn’t help the attention, but people can think what they want.
you don’t give a fuck. cassidy was right, it’s cuter on you anyways.
they head into the locker room quickly after your arrival, and even more people fill in to watch the show. the student section is loud as the facility finally goes dark, and the team skates back onto the ice moments later.
spotlights flood the stadium, highlighting different players as both teams line up along the neutral zone. you cheer extra loud when they announce the starting lineup and call chris’s name, even despite your vendetta against him.
no use being a shitty fan if you’re already here.
they get ready for the face off after the national anthem, and BU gets the puck. it’s back and forth for a while, and you find yourself groaning and cheering with the rest of the crowd during every play.
the first goal of the game is scored within fifteen minutes, by one of his other roommates ben, of all people. you and your friends are jumping around like maniacs, and you can see him laughing at you guys after they’re all done celebrating on the ice.
it makes you wonder if chris told them you’d be here, but you force yourself to eat the popcorn cass bought and stop thinking about it.
the second period begins and BU keeps possession for most of it, pretty much dominating their opponent. in the final thirty seconds, chris drives down the rink to score another goal.
you throw your hands up without thinking, and you let the excitement take over. “fuck yeah!”
cassidy and ramona are screaming too, shaking you by the shoulders wildly.
he comes skating over, pointing right at you as he does a lap near the student section. heads turn, and you can literally feel people staring at you now, even despite the noise and the chaos.
but you’re alive, and you can’t get enough of this environment, so you keep cheering for him regardless of the burning feeling of eyes on you.
“that was cute.” ramona nudges you with a genuine smile, and you’re fighting your own grin as you shake your head.
“whatever.”
the rest of the game is swift. your goalie makes a couple great saves, and a guy named dylan, who you’ve met before at parties, scores the final point of the night.
it just twists the knife further, because it’s a total shutout. the fans go wild as the final buzzer sounds, and you’re right there with them. you relish in the lights, the feeling.
you really did miss watching hockey in person. and you can’t even say you necessarily hate watching chris anymore. there’s just something about the way he skates, so locked in on the game.
he’s a threat, to be completely honest, and you kind of love it.
“that was fucking crazy.” cassidy is beaming happily as you guys gather your things ten minutes post-game, and ramona nods along.
“we’re gonna have to do this more often.” she glances at you with hope.
“hey, don’t look at me. i’m in it for the free tickets, and i’m not sure how long that’ll last.” you’re lying through your teeth, because you enjoyed it just as much.
but again. who knows what he’s really trying to do here.
“you could give him the benefit of the doubt.” mona suggests dryly.
“does he really deserve it? he’s going to think he’s the shit either way.” you point out, and she goes quiet.
“maybe that’s true, but i’ve never heard of him doing whatever that celebration was with other girls.” cassidy takes over, and she’s honestly check-mated you.
it is strange, because when you watched games last season, before you had chris as your neighbor, before you even really knew of him, you hadn’t ever seen that. and from current knowledge, you’re pretty sure he had a short term girlfriend during one of those months.
“touché, i guess.” you grumble, and as if right on que your phone vibrates in your pocket.
chris
wait for me, 15 mins max
ramona and cassidy take the bus home, leaving you on your lonesome as the crowd clears out slowly but surely.
you can hear girls whispering about you as they walk by, but it’s not even worth it. you’re not scared of what they have to say. maybe when you were younger, you would have reacted, but it’s just displaced jealousy anyways.
they don’t even know the truth.
finally, after what feels like a painful amount of time, you get a text from chris with directions toward the locker rooms.
it’s far more quiet now as you make your way to the ground level of the arena, headed to the section of the rink you know is closed off to pretty much everyone else. there’s a guy standing there, dressed in his black shirt with the facility logo on it.
he goes to stop you, but chris comes strutting through the hall, out of uniform now. his brown hair is all messy, and he’s dressed down in a matching black sweat set.
“she’s cool, i have a pass for her.”
he walks right up to you, looping a red lanyard over your head. his fingertips brush the skin of your neck as he collects your hair with his hands, flipping it out from underneath the string for you.
it’s a small thing. his touch is barely there, and yet it still burns.
the security guy smiles at you as you follow chris down the hall. you’ve never been back here before, and you have to admit it’s kind of cool.
you can see where the arena workers go on and off the ice, and the large garage type doors that let the zambonis in and out.
“so.” he breaks the silence, and you almost jump at the sound of his voice.
you were in your own world, and you kind of forgot what was actually going on here.
“so.” you parrot, waiting for him to continue as he leads you around a corner.
“looked like you actually had fun for once.” chris jokes, and you shove his shoulder half-heartedly.
“shut up, i’ve always liked hockey. you though? i’m not so sure.” you give him a look and he opens his mouth like he’s shocked.
“come on, i pointed you out after my goal and everything. you’re telling me you didn’t like it even a little?”
you liked it more than you care to admit, so you don’t. “it’s gonna take more than that to impress me, christopher, but i will say it was a good game.”
“you might just be our lucky charm.” chris glances at you out of the corner of the corner of his eye as he slows to a stop in front of the locker room.
you cross your arms over your chest. “now you're just patronizing me.”
“always assuming the worst.”
“well, you make it easy.” you tease.
he pauses to look down at your defensive stance, at his jersey all scrunched up around your body, and you can tell by his smirk that he’s loving it a little too much.
you clear your throat to try and alleviate some of the tension and chris snaps out of it, turning to head through the little entryway.
“i’m gonna grab my bag, don’t go anywhere.”
“you’re my ride, dumbass.” you remind him, and you hear his chuckle reverberate against the walls as he disappears.
a few players head out as you wait, ones you don’t recognize, and they nod at you politely as they chat amongst themselves. it actually takes you by surprise, but you try not to show it.
chris comes back into the hall a minute later, bag slung around his shoulder. he’s got a black bruins beanie on now, and you raise an eyebrow instinctively.
“why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, waving his hand so you follow him further down the wide corridor.
“your hat.” you point, and he looks offended.
“what’s your problem with it?”
“not everyone who goes to school here is actually from boston, genius. i’m a flyers fan.” you smile at him sweetly, and he literally groans.
“how did i not know this?” he asks as you guys reach the door that leads to the team parking lot.
“because you don’t know me.” you reply swiftly.
chris pushes the door open and holds it for you, another move you don’t expect. “i know more than you think.”
you shiver slightly as you step past him into the cold, wrapping your coat around yourself a bit tighter.
“if it helps you sleep at night.” you chirp over your shoulder.
you know his car, a black jeep grand cherokee that you’ve always been a little jealous of, and it’s sitting in the middle of the lot. not many others are still here, and you can hear both of your feet kicking up gravel as you walk.
chris picks up his pace so he can beat you there, swinging the passenger door open before you can do it yourself.
“wow, chivalry’s not dead.” you say blankly, sliding into the seat so he can close you in.
“what can i say, i’m a real gentleman.”
the interior smells like a pine air freshener, which actually isn’t a bad touch. chris walks around so he can toss his bag in the back and get behind the wheel, starting the engine and peeling out of the spot.
it’s quiet for a moment, aside from the music, and you can’t help but peek over at him sitting across from you. the shadows accentuate his striking features as he mumbles lyrics under his breath, nodding his head along ever so slightly.
he looks pretty, and you don’t like it one bit.
“i can feel you staring at me, you know.” chris turns to glance at you for a brief moment before he puts his eyes back on the road.
it makes your palms sweat, because he caught you in the act and now there’s no shying away.
deny, deny, deny.
“just wondering why your face looks like that.”
“what, devilishly handsome?” he smirks.
“i was thinking gremlin-esque, but sure.” you deadpan, and he just shakes his head and laughs lowly.
“so scared of your own feelings. it’s cute.”
it’s a major call-out, and it normally doesn’t phase you. but tonight it’s different. he’s being so fucking strange, and it’s clearly been messing with your head.
“i’m not scared of shit, because the only thing i feel is sorry for all the girls who have actually fallen for this.” you retort, and the frustration is clear in your voice.
“other girls don’t get the princess treatment like you do.” his self-satisfied demeanor doesn’t falter for a second, even despite your low blow.
“yeah, right. i’m sure i’m really special.”
chris grips the wheel tighter as he turns onto your street, and you have to rip your eyes away from his long fingers.
“well you’re the only one who’s ever worn my jersey, so that’s something.” he admits, scratching his neck absentmindedly.
you’re not sure whether you believe it, but this time he actually does sound genuinely nervous. well, nervous for chris.
“and i wear it best too.” you brush some imaginary dust off of your shoulder as he pulls up into his driveway and puts the car in park.
“won’t argue on that one.” he shrugs, shooting you an easy grin.
“that’s surprising.”
you step back out into the crisp night air, slamming the door shut behind you. you meet chris at the front of the car and try to move around him, headed for your own place.
he takes a step to block you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “where are you going?”
you put some distance between your bodies, because he’s once again too close for comfort, and it’s hard to focus on your words when he’s inches from your face.
“home, obviously.”
“why? i thought we were going to hang out.” he frowns.
“nothing good ever happens in your house past nine p.m.”
this makes him smirk. “very good things happen in that house past nine p.m.”
“your charm is irresistible, truly.” you bite back sarcastically, maneuvering around him as you try to ignore the fire burning in your stomach.
you’ve only taken two steps before chris grabs your arm, pulling you back into his chest quickly. his other hand goes to hold the side of your face, tangling in your hair as he leans in close.
his lips ghost over yours, just barely. you can smell the cologne he must have put on after the game, can feel his slight stubble scratching your face, and it’s all too much.
you haven’t been kissed in so long, and right now it doesn’t matter that it’s chris, and that it goes against everything you stand for. your eyes flutter closed and you fill the gap, pressing your mouth against his hard.
it shocks him, so much so that he almost forgets how to do this properly. chris can taste your berry chapstick, and your lips are so much fucking softer than he even imagined.
his tongue slides against yours skillfully, deepening the kiss as he presses his body flush against yours. you can feel his thumb brushing your cheek as your mouths clash together continuously. its passionate and angry and intense, and you can’t believe it’s happening.
why is this happening?
the thought snaps you out of it, and you put your hand on his chest to force him away roughly. chris is surprised, and you’re both slack-jawed and breathing heavily as your body tries to catch up with your brain.
“i…i’m gonna go.” you mumble quietly, because you have no idea what else to say.
“or you could stay.”
“i don’t want to.”
“you’re a terrible liar.” he counters, and you can see how raw and red his lips are even in the moonlight.
you shake your head and turn toward your own front porch. it’s too hard to continue meeting his fiery gaze, because he’s looking at you like he actually needs you.
“goodnight, chris.”
“this isn’t over, you know. one day you’ll finally admit it.” he calls after you, and you don’t gratify him with a response.
there’s nothing that’ll change his mind, especially after you had actually caved in during that moment of weakness. it was so unwarranted, and you’re angry that kissing him didn’t feel as wrong as it should have.
you take the steps two at a time and hurry through the door, closing it behind you and pressing your back to the wood.
your fingers dance across your lips, and you swear you can still feel his mouth on yours.
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won4ver · 2 months
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words left unsaid
- Nishimura Riki’s voicemail
pairing : idol!riki x idol!reader
warnings + genre : angst. mentions of crying. brief mention of choking. mentions of you having fem members, but no pronouns used.
w/c : 556
series masterlist
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Hi ynnie, today was the award show that we’ve been looking forward to. Our first award show after making our relationship public. I’ve been hurting a lot more this week knowing today was coming up, it didn’t feel very good.
It was weird walking into the venue and seeing your members without you, they looked empty. Everyone could tell that they weren’t well, there was this evident wall between them all. 
You guys were always praised as being extremely close, labeled as a found family. It hurt knowing they were missing you just as much as me, how much your departure hurt everyone.
They all sat there in silence, avoiding eye contact with everyone and just fiddling with themselves. The fans weren’t the same either, but what they created for you was beautiful.
During your group's performance the entire room was lit up. I think every person in the crowd had your guys’ light sticks, it made me really happy to see that even after life you’re still so loved.
I saw a lot of artists crying during your groups performance, crying even harder when your members didn’t sing your parts. I wish I could say I did good today, but I don’t think I did.
I cried a lot, the cameras seemed to be glued to me after our relationship was revealed, even more after you left. I wish you were here to see all the support that everyone left for us, many people were extremely happy for our relationship, or what it was.
I’m really tired lately, it’s been harder to keep going without you. I try to call you as much as I can, it’s always the first and last thing I do while I’m awake.
The hyungs found out about our calls this morning. For some reason I felt like they were going to judge me, to tell me to let you go and move on. But they did the opposite. 
They asked me if they could talk with you, if they could tell you about how their lives have been going. They all miss you so much, we have your photo picture framed on the living room wall. 
I even saw Jungwon hyung wearing your sweater, the second he saw me he came over and hugged me. We cried together, I think we both needed it. Instead of going out for dinner to celebrate we came back to our dorm, we even invited your members.
We all came together and ate your favourite food, obviously prepared by Jay and Asa noona. I genuinely felt happy, I think we all did. For the first time in a while we didn’t spend dinner in silence, and there weren't any tears this time! Well sad tears, I think Jaerin cried while she was laughing at Jia for choking on a piece of rice.
I thought it was funny until the deja vu came tumbling in, my mind blanked as a memory popped up. It was our first date, you remember don’t you? When you choked on a piece of rice?
I see you in everything, even in little things. Anyways I can hear Sunghoon hyung yelling at me to let him have a turn with you, he’s so annoying.
We miss you so much, I miss you so much. I love you, my star.
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jealousy, jealousy || Hyunjin x f!Reader
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Summary: A guy hitting on you leads to an argument with Hyunjin, which leaves you completely confused, because nothing about that conversation made sense to you. And it takes you a little while, but the two of you eventually manage to work it out.
Word count: 5.2k
Genres: college AU, established relationship, smut
Warnings & Tags: hurt/comfort, jealousy, implied past toxic relationships, smut (vaginal sex), smut with feelings, lowkey sub!hyunjin but it's not super explicit
series masterlist
A/N: this is the same couple as in you're so gorgeous it makes me so mad, but both works can be read independently. Enjoy!
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It’s sometimes hard to fathom how different you and Hyunjin are. You’re night and day, really. He’s famous on campus, loved and admired by the people around him, and you’re anonymous and unnoticed in any crowd you’re a part of. He’s light, joyful, an artistic soul; you’re cynical, a bit of a downer, and you live and breathe numbers. He’s also a people-pleaser, and a bit of an actor, a performer if you will, where you’re honest to a fault and what you see is exactly what you’ll get. He’s the softest soul you’ve ever met, and you’re all sharp edges.
And, well, when you want to support him, you go to see him dance and dazzle a fascinated crowd. When he wants to support you, he comes to see you logic the shit out of someone else at a mathematics olympiad.
Yeah, you’d told him not to come. He had insisted though, and he’d been in the audience, getting his fair share of looks, which you didn’t blame people for. How could you.
You hadn’t gotten much of a chance to speak with him, since your team had been busy from start to finish — which had earned you first place, by the way — and you could only hope that he hadn’t been deathly bored, though that seemed unrealistic. You appreciated the moral support, but you still couldn’t figure out why on earth he would have wanted to come in the first place.
It’s as you’re looking for him in the lobby that you’re approached by a guy that you recognize at first glance. Hyunwoo, if you’re not mistaken, one of your rivals in the competition. He’s smiling wide as he makes his way to you, revealing slightly crooked teeth.
“You were really impressive in there,” he comments, speaking a little too fast — shy, maybe?
“Thanks,” you say, “you weren’t bad either.” And it’s true, he’d been a worthy opponent.
No match for you and your team, sure, but good enough.
His smile widens and he shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other.
“So, uh, which university do you go to again?”
You answer, but the question has you raising an eyebrow. That's been announced over and over again throughout the competition, so it’s a weird way of making small-talk. Unless he’s stalling for—
“Oh, that’s cool, I’m not that far from there, maybe we could s-see each other at some point?”
Aw, yeah, he’s hitting on you. That sentence came out all in one breath, and he seems very relieved to be done with it. Which, honestly, you find kinda sweet, cute even. You don’t really date within that crowd, didn’t even before Hyunjin — your experiences with men from that field have been… questionable —, so you’re definitely not interested, but you’ll—
“She’s taken,” an icy voice announces from behind you.
Ah, Hyunjin’s found you. You feel him against your back as he wraps you up in a hug in an unusual display of possessiveness. It throws you off a little bit, actually. Not that you mind, you very much don't care, but he tends to avoid being affectionate in public. He likes to keep things private, with much of his life being subject to gossip around your college even without any of that. You crane your neck to look at him. You were just about to tell Hyunwoo that you were taken, and based on the way he’s flushing, cheeks and ears and neck turning bright red, he’s already horribly embarrassed by the situation.
You’re opening your mouth, intent on letting him down gently, when Hyunjin’s eyes flicker over him, taking in his appearance — he’s not exactly looking stylish, but hey, you guys were here to be smart, not look good —, and then he sneers “What makes you think she’d be interested anyway?” with such a disdainful tone that you almost flinch.
Hyunwoo splutters an apology and flees the scene, but you tear yourself from Hyunjin, staring at him in disbelief. You know that he can get agressive when he’s angry, words coming out before he’s truly thought them through, but he’s not cruel. And that was— that felt completely uncalled for to you.
“You were great,” he starts telling you, just as you go “What the hell?”
Confusion flickers on his face. It’s like he doesn't even remember what just happened, and you’re at least as confused as he is.
“He was flirting with you,” he says. In other circumstances, you might have noticed the softness to his voice as he spoke, but you’re not really paying attention to that right now, searching his eyes instead for any discomfort, guilt, whatever — which you're not finding.
“Well that’s not a crime,” you reply, shaking your head. And what you mean by that is that flirting with you is not really deserving of getting your self-esteem crushed by someone who’s as attractive as Hyunjin is. You know all too well what it can do to you to finally gather up the courage to go talk to someone, only to be humiliatingly rejected. It does shit to you that you don’t think Hyunjin would understand.
He takes a step back like you’ve slapped him, folds his arms defensively against his chest.
“So I should be fine with someone flirting with you?” His voice is at a higher pitch than usual, and you don’t know what to make of it. You— What the fuck is happening to this conversation, exactly?
“I was going to tell him I wasn’t interested, and it’s not like he knew I was taken,” you say. You don’t know why you need to point that out. Obviously you weren’t going to entertain that.
“Well I told him first,” Hyunjin says, clearly growing more defensive by the second, and again, you don’t know why.
“Yeah, Hyunjin, but that was completely unnecessary. I mean, it was just—” you search for the right word for a second, don’t find it, “—overkill.”
He’s staring at you, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
“Sorry if I don’t stand by while dudes hit on you,” he finally says, anger — you think? — seeping through in his tone.
“That’s not what this is about,” you say, because it isn’t. What are you doing wrong? What part of what you’re saying isn’t coming across the way you want it to? “My point is that you didn’t have to be so—” Again, you try to pick your words carefully. ‘You didn’t have to be such a dick about it’ is the formulation that comes to mind first, but that’s not something you would call Hyunjin, ever. That’s a line that you refuse to cross. “—mean about it.”
It comes out sounding weirdly insincere, maybe because it’s not as strong as what you’re trying to say, maybe because your sentence has lost its momentum by the time you finish it. Either way, it seems not to reach Hyunjin at all. His jaw’s set, his shoulders tense, and again, you have no clue where this went wrong.
“Fine,” he quips, lips now a straight line. “I guess I’ll just be mean elsewhere.”
And then he turns around and walks away, and okay, the two of you rarely argue, but this is such an unusual way for one of your conflicts to resolve, an almost childish one, and again, what the fuck?
“What happened there?” Seungmin asks, appearing next to you.
Boy, would you like to know.
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“So,” Minho says in the middle of lunch, “what’s the deal with you and Hyunjin?”
You groan. A few days have passed since Seungmin asked you that very same question, and you’re still clueless.
“If I murder him because he’s too depressing to be around, I’ll make you help me hide the body,” Minho adds nonchalantly. He’s also a dance major, which means he’s been around Hyunjin way more than you have these past few days.
“Please stop threatening to kill my boyfriend,” you sigh.
Still, you don’t know what to answer. You and Hyunjin have been texting, you’ve seen each other around campus, but things have been… stiff. Awkward. Things are never awkward between the two of you. You know you’ll have to talk about it but it’s— You just wish you understood what was going on, so you could prepare yourself. As long as you don't, you want to avoid the talk, but without the talk you don’t know what’s going on and—
“I have no fucking clue,” you finally mutter. Seungmin glances up from his food. Usually he doesn’t care much for interpersonal drama, but he seems a little concerned this time.
“Explain,” he says.
Yeah. Maybe laying the facts on the table and trying to figure out a course of action is the best thing to do.
“A guy hit on me at the Maths Olympiad,” you say, “from one of the rival teams. Asked if I’d want to see him around but, you know, he was interested. And then Hyunjin arrived and was all ‘she’s taken’, which is fine, but then he said,” and the words are still clear in your mind, “’what makes you think she’d be interested’. And he looked at the guy like— You know.” Just one glance at Seungmin tells you that he does. You don’t look at Minho, because you doubt he has a clue. “Like he was repulsive or something.”
“So?” Minho says, and you sigh while Seungmin rolls his eyes.
“So it was shitty. The guy didn’t know I had a boyfriend, and having someone like Hyunjin tell him that probably made him feel like shit. It’s not easy for people like us to make the first move. No offense,” you add, nodding at Seungmin, and he grimaces in response. You know he agrees with you, because, well, he made no move whatsoever to get in his current relationship. It’s just this delightful mix of lack of self-confidence, social anxiety, and awkwardness that makes the process so fucking complicated.
You’ve dated more than Seungmin has, but you’d figured out early that people outside your branch of interest found you weird, too passionate about your niche interests, and then that the men within your field were pretty misogynistic for guys complaining about never getting girls, and then you’d stopped dating. So it hasn’t been great on your front either.
Seungmin’s nodding his head. He clearly sees your side of the argument. Minho, on the other hand, has leaned back in his chair, and he goes “Hm.”. So he’s about to tear you apart.
“It sounds like he just got jealous,” Minho says, and you almost laugh.
“Jealous of what?” Outside of the looks, this was a less than five minutes conversation with a guy, during which he made eye contact maybe once. There was no agressive flirting, barely any flirting actually, and certainly no physical contact. You’ve dealt with far worse — actually, you deal with far worse at almost every event you go to with Hyunjin.
Minho shrugs. He clearly has an idea, and he’s clearly not going to tell you.
“Think about it from his perspective. A guy hit on you, and you got annoyed at him for intervening.”
“I don’t care that he intervened,” you snap, “the issue was the way that he—”
“He might not know that,” Minho shrugs. Both you and Seungmin exchange a doubtful look, but it dawns on you that this might not be something Hyunjin would know about. You doubt it would happen to him in that way. You’re well-aware that he’s had shitty dating experiences, but this, that specific way of making someone feel completely undesirable, isn’t one of them as far as you’re aware.
So, as Minho stares at you intently, you sigh.
“Fine. I’ll clear things up.”
He nods, and you can feel his relief immediately. For someone who’s constantly threatening to kill Hyunjin, it’s kinda sweet, how much he cares for his well-being.
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You're still trying to figure out how you're going to broach the subject with Hyunjin when, at eleven that night, there’s a knock on your door. You make your way there cautiously and pick-up the base-ball bat that you keep there — because this could be a psycho, ‘cause who shows up unannounced at 11 pm in the middle of the week —, but one look through the peephole has you putting it back down immediately.
Because when you unlock the door, you’re met with the sight of your shivering boyfriend. It’s pouring outside, so he looks like a drenched cat, soaking wet but still handsome.
“I-I wanted to—”
“Hyunjin, come in, don’t stay out in the cold” you interrupt him, hoping your voice comes off soft instead of demanding. “I’ll get you a change and a towel,” you add once he’s hesitantly made his way inside.
It doesn’t take you long to find a t-shirt and sweat pants he’d left at your place, while he stands awkwardly next to your kitchen counter. When you hand them to him, he thanks you, hesitates a second, then gets into your room to change. It feels a little weird, to see him do that, a weirdness you’re sure he’s felt too, but you suppose it would be just as strange if he didn’t do it, because things have just been— different, these past few days.
You’re waiting for him with the towel when he comes out.
“Come here,” you say gently, reaching for his hair.
You put the towel over his head, rubbing it gently against his scalp. Small droplets of water run down your arms, but you’re not really paying attention. Hyunjin bends to give you an easier access, face coming just inches of yours. His eyes are looking at you almost pleadingly, and you can’t help but notice that they’re slightly puffy, possibly from crying. That’s confusing to you, too — this was one argument, not a particularly intense one either, and in no way relationship-threatening, as far as you’re concerned. You know kissing him won’t fix anything, but you’re not trying to fix things, you’re trying to let him know how much you love him, how much you care about him, how much you’ve missed him.
So you do kiss him. He gasps into you, inhales like a drowned man finally coming to the surface. It’s his turn to get closer, body pressing against yours, and oh, he feels like coming home. Your fingers card through wet hair, pulling on it slightly, and this time it’s another sound he lets out. As tempting as it is to jump him right now, you know you have to put a stop to this if you want to have a productive conversation first — which would be the reasonable thing to do.
Still you can’t resist prolonging the kiss, pulling his lower lip between your teeth in a way that has him whimpering. His hands grab onto your waist with a bruising grip, and you feel his tongue brush against yours, hesitantly at first, like he’s not sure he should, then more daringly, pushing it into your mouth.
You — thankfully? unfortunately? — still have the presence of mind to interrupt the kiss before it gets any more out of hand.
“I’ve missed you,” you tell him softly. You see his eyes go wide. Like he's surprised. Shit, someone must have really done a number on him, huh?
“I’ve missed you too.”
Taking his hand in yours, you gently pull him towards the couch, where the two of you sit, though you don’t break physical contact. Instead, you sling your legs onto his lap and put your chin on his shoulder, not letting go of his hand. Hopefully he knows, that way, hopefully he feels safe, hopefully he can tell how much he means to you and that this— disagreement, or whatever this is, means far less to you than he does.
For a few seconds, he just stays there, unmoving, almost frozen, long black hair still dripping a little onto his shoulders and sticking to his neck, while you rub soothing circles on his skin.
“I’m sorry,” he finally blurts out. He’s not looking at you, instead staring at his hands on his lap.
“About what?” you ask gently, not moving an inch. The two of you had been mad at each other, but you don’t think it warranted this kind of reaction.
“I’m— I didn’t mean to be controlling,” he mumbles. “You can talk to whoever you want to, and it’s— I-I mean, there’s nothing harmful in flirting, and I trust you, and—”
“Hyunjin,” you interrupt him, and this time you take his face in your hands, cradling it. “I don’t care about that.” His eyebrows knit in confusion. “I don’t— I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you being upset if someone’s hitting on me, but more importantly—” You press a kiss to his lips, chaste and brief, then another, then another. “You’re the most important person to me. You know that, right?”
He nods, though the motion is hesitant. You’re well aware, by now, of how sensitive he is to any action that he perceives as a rejection or a form of disinterest. You’ve gotten past a lot of his previous issues, when even you saying you couldn’t make it to one of his shows could make him question things, but some things he remains fragile on.
“I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. Of course I would shut down someone hitting on me, babe, I just didn’t have the time to do that.”
It seems to soothe him for a few seconds, and a deep sigh leaves him, body briefly relaxing, before he tenses again.
“Then what—” Now there’s a hint of fear in his eyes. “What did I do wrong?”
Okay. You need to handle this carefully. You lean back slightly, going back to holding his hands. The last thing you want is to make him feel like this is a battlefield, which is how you know some of his exes treated their relationship. You want him to feel safe with you, even when you have a disagreement.
“You know, people are constantly saying that you’re out of my league,” you say. His eyes widen, mouth opening to protest it, but you shake your head. You don’t lack self-confidence, but you know no one’s jaw’s dropping when you walk into a room. It doesn’t make you ugly, it just makes you, well, not Hyunjin. You're fine with it. There’s more to you than your looks, and you wouldn’t want people to be interested in you just for that anyway. You’re all too aware that a good half of Hyunjin’s issues in relationships come from that. “I don't care, but I got that before we were together, or—” Hm, this is getting into memories that sting a bit more. “Well, before I met you.”
Hyunjin swallows. It’s his turn to squeeze your hand, and the gentle attempt at comfort makes you smile. It encourages you to keep going, knowing that he’ll probably get it, and if he doesn’t, he’ll definitely try his best.
“Some guys I was, uh, interested in turned out to already be dating.” You shrug one shoulder. It’s not a big deal in and of itself, it’s something that definitely happens, especially if they’re people you run into at college parties. “So, some of their partners felt that had to make it clear to me that I was delusional to think I even had a chance with them. And it wasn’t just to let me know that the dudes were taken, it was to just— humiliate me.”
And it worked, too, at the time. Makes you want to give a hug to your former self, just thinking about it.
“So what I don’t get is why you’d want to do that,” you say, finally looking at Hyunjin again. “I know you, you’re never cruel to people. I wish you were less nice to some of the people around you. So why— why would you do that to a guy who, clearly, wasn’t a threat to you whatsoever?”
You find him staring at you, but he immediately looks away from you, cheeks and ears turning red.
“I’m sorry,” he says for the second time.
“I’m not mad,” you reply patiently. “I’m just trying to understand.”
He clears his throat, and runs a hand through his hair, which have started to dry by now. He opens his mouth, like he's ready to talk. And then he closes it again.
You tilt your head to the side. Okay. This is unexpected.
“It’s not like he wasn’t a threat,” he finally says under his breath.
Wait. Minho had a point? Hyunjin was jealous?
“What are you talking about,” you say more than you ask, trying not to sound like you’re in total disbelief — though you very much are.
“It’s—” He turns his head in the other direction, very much, very clearly blushing now. “He would get what you talk about, you know? What you do in class, your projects, your contests. He’s—” and he lowers his voice even more, muttering the last word like it’s personally offended him “smart.”
You can only stare. You almost want to laugh at what is, to you, an utterly absurd conclusion, but you, thankfully, manage to hold yourself back.
“Hyunjin, babe, do you think I don’t find you smart?”
There’s the hand in the hair again, as he lets out a frustrated sigh.
“No, it’s just— I don’t get it. When you talk about it with Seungmin, or— or when you try to tell me what you’ve been doing, or— you didn’t even want me to come to the Olympiads.”
“Because I thought you’d be deathly bored.”
Somehow, most of the previous tension has evaporated now that the issue's out in the open. You feel impossibly relieved, and you realize how much this had all been weighing you down. Hyunjin seemed to be the same, his hand now coming to casually rest on your thigh. The two of you finally feel like you again.
“Because I wouldn’t understand,” he mumbles.
Ah, precious, dearest darling.
“So, what, do you think I would dump you for a dude who can integrate without a calculator?”
The blank stare Hyunjin gives you almost makes you crack.
“Hyunjin, darling, apple of my eye, light of my life, you might be the best person I know.” You shift on the couch, and it only takes one quick movement for you to be on top of him, legs on either side of his and arms around his neck. His breath hitches, and it makes you grin. “You’re a incredibly talented artist, you see things about the world that I don’t even notice exist, you’re capable of moving in a way that I can't even dream of, you’re kind, you’re loving, and yes, even if you're not the greatest mathematical mind to walk this earth, you’re smart.”
He looks up at you, lips parted, staring like you’re the only person in the world. You’re not the type to say these things much, usually trying to convey it with physical touch and other shows of affection. Right now, though, it seems like he definitely needed to hear them.
“Hyunjin,” you say, again, never getting tired of how his name rolls off your tongue, “I love you. There’s nothing about you that would make me doubt that.” Nor is there anything that should make him doubt that.
You’re not sure if you kiss him or if he kisses you, but you know that the kiss that follows is harsh, urgent, desperate. His hands grab onto your hips, dig into your skin, his mouth bites at yours feverishly, pushing himself up to meet you. Your hands are in his hair, pulling his head back to give yourself better access to his mouth, and you let him take charge of the pace, his tongue dancing with yours tantalizingly.
It makes it even more delightful when you roll your hips against him and feel him suddenly losing control. He grows hard under you in just seconds, and when you pull away his eyes are wide with need.
“Oh, you did miss me,” you can’t help but tease, though your voice is still soft. You feel lighter after the conversation, but it might still not be the time to get too intense.
Hyunjin whines in response, pushing himself up to kiss you again. Fuck, he’s hot.
“I’m gonna take good care of you, baby,” you whisper with a very intentional shift or your hips, straight onto his hard-on.
You get up to get rid of your short and panties, and during that time, Hyunjin pushes his own pants down, cock standing to attention, precum already forming at the tip. Usually, you’d take the occasion to tease him, play with him a little bit, but you know that he’s not going to last long, and you want to give him everything tonight.
So you climb back onto his lap, kiss him again, and your hand makes its way down your body. You’re wet, too, but Hyunjin’s big, and you want to prepare yourself a little. Just as you’re about to insert a finger, a pleased shiver already running down your back, Hyunjin stops you, and you bite your lip to hold back a whimper when he presses his palm against your clit.
“Let me,” he whispers.
“Anything for you, baby,” you reply, though this is for you too, because when Hyunjin’s long finger push inside of you, spreading you open, you throw your head back and a moan escapes you.
Hyunjin works diligently, slowly pumping in and out of you. His thumb comes to brush against your clit, rubs against it with gentle movements, sending pleasure through every fiber of your body. His hands gets coated in your juices as he pushes a second finger inside, then a third. He’s quiet as he does so, but his other hand keeps tightening on your waist, and his cock is growing redder, leaking more and more precum by the second.
You finally wrap your hand around it, returning the favor, and immediately he loses his rhythm, letting out a whimper. He hunches forward, his head coming to rest in the crook of your neck.
“I can’t— I can’t keep going if you do that,” he mumbles, beautiful eyes staring pleadingly at you. Again, there’s that urge to tease him, and again, you resist it.
“Just wanna make you feel good, baby,” you whisper as you give a slow pump around him, only providing light pressure because you don’t want it to be too much just yet. “And you’re already doing so, so good for me, it’s okay to stop now.”
You’re pretty sure you can take him already, but you keep him just there, fingers moving erratically inside you, as you set a slow pace around his cock. Moans and whines keep spilling past his lips as he buries his face in your shoulder, music to your ears, and you start pressing kisses against his neck, teeth grazing against the skin. Hyunjin gets louder — his neck’s always been sensitive, and when your tongue brushes against him just right, his hips jump up into your hand, which seems like the perfect signal.
You grab his wrist to stop his movements, and he takes it out of you, eyes meeting yours once more in expectation.
Hand around his cock to guide it, you let yourself sink onto him with a pleased moan. He always fills you so well, makes you feel so full— Fuck, either he’s a sex god or you’re really fucking whipped, because sex with him always makes you feel so good.
Hyunjin’s head rolls back onto your couch, hair spilling all over it, eyes closing as his mouth falls open. The sight’s perfect, but it’s also lewd, like the sound of your bodies together wasn’t enough for that.
“Mind if I move, babe?”
Okay, yeah, you’re teasing, but he just makes it so tempting for you.
“Yeah, hm, please— please do.”
A brief laughter escapes you at his broken plea and you push up in order to kiss him again, delicious, delicious friction forming between your legs at the movement.
“You’re perfect,” you purr against his mouth.
Then you start moving, hips rocking gently at first, and Hyunjin’s letting out high pitched whimpers. After a few seconds he manages to push himself from his position, head falling between your breasts. He lifts your shirt, which you hadn’t bothered taking off, and his hands come up to cup them, massaging them softly and carefully. A moan you’d been careful to hold back leaves your mouth then, but it’s only when he wraps his mouth around one of your nipples, that they start falling uncontrollably. He glances up at you, and with one look at the sinful sight that is him with one of your breasts in his mouth, you’re gone.
Things get more frantic after that. You start moving quicker, chasing your own release as much as trying to give him his, and Hyunjin wraps both arms around your waist, no longer kissing your breasts. Instead, he buries his head in your neck again, erratic whimpers music to your ears. You hold tightly onto his shoulders, and though you don’t do it on purpose, you suspect you’re going to leave a mark there.
You come before he does, back arching with a loud cry as you do, but you don’t stop moving. You ride your orgasm with him still inside you, rubbing just right against him, then keep going though slower as your legs start shaking under you, but Hyunjin’s mostly too far gone to notice. You go back to kissing his neck, knowing with absolute certainty that if you flick your tongue against him just so—
Hyunjin comes without a warning, surprisingly quiet, mouth opened wide against your shoulder. You feel him spilling inside of you, whole body shaking underneath you. You keep kissing his neck, whispering soft words against him. How good you find him, how perfect, how much you love him.
You collapse onto each other. You rest your head on his chest; his fingers start absent-mindedly tracing patterns on the small of your back. You should move, should clean up, but fuck, you’ve missed him, you’ve missed this, you’ve missed the way his body feels against yours. You’re so lost in the post-orgasm bliss that you almost miss Hyunjin calling your name.
“Hm?” you reply lazily, glancing up at him. He’s purposefully not looking at you.
“I love you too,” he says. You tilt your head. He’s blushing again, like after all that’s just happened, that was the harder thing to admit. “I didn’t say it earlier. I love you.”
You know that. All the same, flowers bloom in your chest and despite feeling tired, your heart finds it in you to start beating faster. You love him. You love him so much you fear it will consume you sometimes.
“I love you more, babe.”
You believe it whole-heartedly when you say it, too. Hyunjin shakes his head, playful pout forming on his lips, and it hits you that he probably feels just the same.
And in that moment, everything in the world is perfect.
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i think this is one of my favorite pieces i've written for this series, so hopefully you liked it too! exploring complex emotions is one of my favorite things to do in writing. i know i've said this in every piece, but please reblog this if you enjoyed it! it boosts my motivation a ton to see people liking my stuff, and so if you like my writing, commenting/reblogging is the best way of making me write more. i'll see you all soon for changbin's piece!
Skz taglist: @lethallyprotected
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espercognitive · 1 month
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She was a Seamstress, He was an Actor.
Timothée Chalamet x Fem!reader Pt2
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hello everyone! this is part 2 of this series! I'll probably have part 3 either out tomorrow or Thursday! Also this series may or may not include a full smut? I think I might release a smut-shot before I release a smut for this series, but when I do, please remember that adult content is not intended for minors!
TW: Sexual tension, Kissing, Swearing
Word count: 1.29k
From running back and forth from the costume room to the workshop to grab keys to the top of the theater back to the workshop, you had about 45 minutes left to make sure his outfits worked.
"Ok Timothée we have 45 minutes to get this done, so these pants go with this shirt, and if you can't get anything on, don’t force it on, i don't want anything to break ok?"
"Yea yea thats fine. Uhm so do i just strip here or-?"
"Uh yea let me just turn around. If you need anything, uh just call me over and I'll see if i can help."
You turn around to let him try on the first outfit. After a couple minutes you hear a,
“Uh Y/N I'm finished with this one."
You turn around and see him in a crisp suit. ‘Good on you for picking up those slacks perfectly.’ you think to yourself.
"Awesome! Those work out perfectly. Ok, you don't have to try on the rest then cause those are the backups in case something didn’t fit."
"Ok so i just take them off and give them to you now?"
"Yes and then you can go back and do whatever."
You turn back around to give him more privacy when he begins small talk,
"So do we just have a bunch identical suits or?"
"Oh the suits? No, they're used for the orchestra pit performers when they come in. but we have so many extra after each show, that I just figured I should steal a couple sets to see if they'd work."
"Oh cool. Hey um I might need a little help. The zipper on my slacks is stuck on my underwear."
He said mumbling the last part.
"Really? Um, do you mind if I come take a look?"
"Yea no that's fine, I just don’t wanna break the zipper."
You turn around to see Timothée with his button down open and his zipper stuck on his black boxers. You gulp looking at his helpless face in front of you as you walk over to him. ‘Keep this professional Y/N. He's just your hot coworker’ you thought to yourself. As annoying as he was, you couldn't deny that he was attractive, especially now with that dopey look on his face with his chest open. You began to mess with the zipper, but it seemed like no matter what you did to it, it was stuck to his boxers. The more and more you tried the more and more you were afraid to ask for him to remove his boxers in order to detach them. 
"Uh, it's really stuck. I mean I can try a little more? I'm trying not to touch you."
He looks at you and says, 
"I don’t care if you touch me."
Your face began to heat up as you shot your head down to try and get the zipper. After failing again and again, you looked up and asked 
"Can you take your boxers off?”
He laughs and responds 
"Wow. You must really wanna see me naked. All you would’ve had to do is ask apple."
"Timothée that's not what i meant it just might be easier to-"
He laughs again and says,
“I know apple, I'm just playing. I can take them off and hand them to you ok? I'll face away from the door, and you face towards the door, when I'm done, I'll hand them to you, just grab them without looking over here or else I'll have to charge you for what you see.”
"Ok yea that’ll work."
You turn around as you can hear Timothée shimmy out of his boxers as he takes off his pants. There you feel him tap on your shoulder 
"Here. Um please hurry though, its kinda cold."
"Yea yea hold on."
Finally you were able to slip the fabric from the zipper saving the two of you the weird walk of shame back to the costume shop. 
"Ok Timothée here!"
He grabs his boxers, and gets dressed again. He grabs your shoulder and turns around looking at you and kissing your cheek, he leaves the room. There you sit staring at the collection of couches as your phone rings telling you it's time to go. 
You grab your phone, clothes and of course your apple juice as you stumble back into the costume shop. 
You get into your car, and just sit. 
This was going to be a weird show, but as we all know, Anything goes! 
A long week passes by.
The week had gone by very fast. With so many costumes to finish and baseline done, you finally got to work on Timothée’s sailor uniform, which meant lots and lots of fittings. Grabbing 6 yards of white fabric you began working on his shirt first. It needed to be long enough to go past his hips, and then the sleeves needed to be about an inch smaller than his wrist. You took the pattern, adjusting it to his size and you began cutting and marking each piece which you lazily attached together to begin his fitting. You grabbed your phone and texted him using his contact info left in the costume bible
“Hey Timothée, it’s Y/N, can you come over to the costume shop? I know its late, but I finished your shirt and I need to see how it looks before I surge it. Thank you!” 
After about 30 minutes of silence, you get a text back 
“Yes. ill be over in about 15 minutes.”
You smiled, setting your phone down. His antics had begun to slow down over the past couple of weeks. I guess the trick was him always bringing you apple juice. Or maybe it was the fact that his eyes would linger longer than they used to, or how he’d try and make you laugh all the time. Even how he started showing up on time. You didn’t know what it had been, but instead of being annoyed, you felt excited knowing he was coming. 
When he walked in, he of course had the same bottle of apple juice he always got for you. He walked in with the same goofy smile and he came up with his arms stretched out. But of course, you didn’t get the memo right away just taking the apple juice and smiling, leaving him hanging. He laughs before he asks about the shirt
"So where is this wonderful creation your about to have me put on?"
You laugh as you grabbed the poorly stitched shirt
"Uh this is it."
Timothée laughs as he takes the shirt, but instead of getting changed in a dressing room, he takes off his shirt in front of you and then puts on the white shirt. You stare at him as he dresses himself, watching as he struggles to button the front portion. 
"Can you help me button these?" He laughs.
You put yourself back in reality and walk over beginning to button the shirt for him as he looks down at you. As you finish, you look up and see him looking at you with a soft smile. Staring into his eyes, he grabs your face and gives you a soft kiss. Nothing forceful or sloppy like you had seen him do to other women. It was comforting and warm. He ran his hand through the back of your hair as you two deepened the kiss. You two separate looking at each other again, going quiet for a moment, before he says
"Do you want to go get dinner with me tonight? You can come back to my place after and we can just hangout or?"
You nod wondering what exactly you’ve gotten yourself into.
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i think Helaena can be autistic but also a happy and joyful girl , autism ≠ depression. the way the portrayed the only neurodivergent character on screen as unstable, shunned depressed, and with no importance to the plot feel very ableist and weird , but then they're the ones who made the guy with a foot disability a feet fetishist 🫠
Hi OP, finally answering this because the trailer dropped and still the only Helaena shots we have are from her Jaehaerys' funeral. There is also one still photo of her. If you haven't seen it, here she is, apparently sewing the funeral shroud for her little boy:
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So it seems like season 2 is going to continue on this trajectory for Helaena as a character who exists in order to suffer beautifully.
Don't get me wrong. I am glad that the show is going to wring the full emotional effect from Blood and Cheese, not just shock value. The audience will feel the real horror of a six year old child brutally murdered in his own home and the psychological torment of Helaena. It should be terrible, it should be devastating, and I hope they do not pull any punches.
What's disappointing about how the show has handled Helaena is that they didn't really put any effort into building up her character before her tragedy. It's all well and good that she likes bugs and she's touch averse, but what are her opinions? Who is she closest to? How did she react to becoming a mother so young? To what extent does she understand her visions? What does she value? She can be happy and cheerful, or she can be frustrated and angry, and hell, she can be depressed too, but I need to know why. It's telling that I can describe the basic internal motivations for each of the male children, including Luke who was a glorified plot device, but I cannot for Helaena. Aegon wants to feel loved, Jace wants to prove he's as worthy as any trueborn heir, Aemond wants what his brother has, Luke wants to be free from his family's expectations. Helaena? Fuck if I know. I guess she wants not to die horribly.
The ableism is an issue. F&B is full of women who were deemed "simple" -- Gael, Daella, Jaehaera-- without being given much else to define them, and HotD adds another (there's something, I think, to the way the "simple" Targaryens are always women and how disability kind of used as a way to remove them from the narrative and shunt them aside, often tragically). And while it's great to see an autistic person represented on screen, the show consistently has an issue with treating representation as characterization. "Autistic girl who likes bugs" is not a personality. Autistic people, (even those with horrifying prophesies I assume), do have hopes and dreams and feelings about things. The one peek we get into Helaena's life is at the in episode 8 when she roasts Aegon and even that scene is open to interpretation (and gets taken wildly out of context). Now, I can read a lot into the actor performances, but ultimately, lines that could have given a glimpse Helaena personality were cut. It's as if they're afraid that if they give her an opinion on anything she would lose that (frankly kind of infantilizing) "pure cinnamon roll too good for this world" "i would die for her" sympathy from people who are not inclined to be sympathetic for her family as a whole.
(And anon, you're right about Larys. And let me say, turning Larys' clubfoot into the punchline of an OnlyFeet joke also does not inspire confidence that they'll handle Aegon II's eventual disability with any sensitivity either, especially when Mushroom's accounts of his last few months are incredibly mean spirited. We need to start that discourse now so they get the memo).
Sadly, I don't think the show really has any intention of course correcting with Helaena in season 2. I imagine at most we'll have her try to warn Aegon and/or Aemond about Blood & Cheese but they won't understand her warning, and then this will be a vehicle to further their guilt and grief. And while we do need to see Aegon's guilt and his grief, I also want to know if Helaena blames herself, if she wishes they'd run away when they had the chance, if she thinks Aegon could have done something, if she is angry at Aemond for killing Luke, if she wants revenge. I do think, with the public funeral for Jaehaerys, they are going to show that the smallfolk are fond of Helaena, and hopefully that will be expanded upon this season and in season 3 because her death is the catalyst for the revolt that sees Rhaenyra driven from the city, and we should understand why her death has such an impact before she actually dies.
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schmergo · 2 years
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I’m so glad Dracula Daily is a thing because when I was in college, I had an absolute BLAST reading Dracula for my Gothic & Sentimental Literature class and the whole class experience felt a lot like this. For our final project for that class, we could either write a traditional paper OR do a “creative response.” I ended up writing a whole Weird Al-style parody musical about Dracula in which each song is a spoof of a song from a real musical. It was definitely my favorite college assignment I did. 
When I submitted it, my professor sent me an email with the subject matter “I take it back,” and wrote, “ In this case, I DO give A plusses.  Megan, I would have given  you an A for the "Dracula" song you performed in class. But you wrote a WHOLE F'ING OPERA! “ 
This is the track listing for anyone who’s interested (perhaps mild spoilers):
1. JOURNEY ON (Parody of the song of the same name from Ragtime): Jonathan, Dracula, Mina
2. THOUSANDS OF BUGS (Parody of “Seasons of Love” from Rent): Renfield
3. MY EYES ARE FULLY OPENED (Parody of song from Gilbert & Sullivan’s Ruddigore/ Sometimes Pirates of Penzance): Dracula, Jonathan, Renfield
4. DRACULA! (Parody of “Popular” from Wicked): Dracula
5. BUT VAN HELSING (Parody of “But Mr. Adams” from 1776), Van Helsing, Arthur, Seward, Lucy, Quincey 
6. GOOD EVENING, DRACULA! (Parody of “Good Morning Baltimore” from Hairspray): Lucy 
7. KEEPING DEATH AT BAY (Parody of “Colors of the Wind” from Pocahontas): Van Helsing
8. IT TAKES SIX (Parody of “It Takes Two” from Into the Woods): Jonathan, Mina, Van Helsing, Seward, Arthur, Quincey
9. KILL ME! (Parody of “Show Me” from My Fair Lady): Mina 
10. ONE STAKE MORE (Parody of “One Day More” from Les Miserables): Entire company 
11. DON’T CRY FOR ME MIDNIGHT’S CHILDREN (Parody of “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” from Evita): Dracula 
And, if you want to read Dracula’s big villain song, here it is:
(To the tune of “Popular”)
Dracula:
Whenever I see someone less powerful than I
And—let’s face it—who isn’t
Less powerful than I? Their mortal blood tends to start to spill.
So I’m giving you a makeover
Lie back and let me take over
Before I go in for the kill.
For even in your case
A girl so sweet and pure, demure and chaste
I’ll sway you, with each gallon that you bleed
On which I feed
Then, yes, indeed
You will join...
 Dracula! The dreadful Count Dracula!
You’ll glide without making noise
Kidnap little boys
In the shadows, swoop and pounce! Oh!
I’ll put you into a trance
So you’ll stand no chance
Drain you down to your last ounce
Cause I’m Dracula…
The horrid Count Dracula
You’ll hang out inside a crypt
Sticking to my script
From centuries ago
Now I’m here, so darkness will fall and blood will flow.
 I’m not afraid of sun or running water
I think of them as speedbumps on my road to slaughter
And garlic blossoms can’t protect your daughter
Your rear-view mirror
Does no good, I fear, for
It can’t reflect Count Dracula, immortal Count Dracula
Immortal’s just what you’ll be
When you stand by me
So say goodbye to who you are—ta-ta!
There’s no escape, I’ll track you
You can’t hide from Dracular… la…
MWAAAAHAAAAA HAAAAAHAHAHAA
You’re gonna be like Dracula!
 Being ancient hell-spawned creatures
Comes with several special features
Strength, shape-shifting, immortality, to name three.
Celebrated heads of state
Quite soon will be decapitated
Your scientific knowledge
Cannot stop me.
 Cause I’m Dracula! Please! You don’t mess with Dracula
If I see you wield a stake
Oh boy, big mistake
And next time you wake, you’ll be
A vampire slave for all eternity!
 And though you protest
Just like all the rest
You’ll be possessed by me
My dear, once I have got you
You’ll be all Nosferatu-y!
Mwaaaaahaaaa, haaaa-haaha—
Like Count Dracula
Just not half as fabulous as me!
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absolutebl · 1 year
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Kpop end of 2022 shows
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In which I mostly slam 4th gen boy groups, so if you’re a stan skip this post or go in prepared to be offended. I am aware that this is off brand for this blog. But I’m also aware that I have a number of followers who are as deeply into Kpop as me, and...
who probably will unfollow me after reading this. Oh well, I’m gonna do it anyway. This is my tiny corner of the internet. MINE I tell you!  
Look, there was no Between Us airing today, and so nothing for me to get my watch-along snark out on except for the 2 Kpop shows that Viki popped into my feed. So skip this post if that’s not your thing. 
2022 Gayo Daejeon (stadium event) 
OMG! Either mic them properly or don’t mic them at all! This is a music concert, right? Why can’t Korea ever fucking get the sound right in these goddamn bonanza shows? I had this problem with Kingdom (arguably more of an issue since that was supposedly made for TV) but it’s 100 times worse with this show. It’s so frustrating. 
For example, with NCT, why is Johnny’s the only hot mic in the group? Sound tech on stuff out of Korea is mind numbingly confusing and ear wrenchingly annoying. I am reminded why I never watch the live shows and never go to Kpop concerts.
And now, here’s some offensive thoughts and unpopular opinions:
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Yeonjun of TXT is one of the best 4th gen dancers ever fielded, and one of the better all rounders. But Kpop stylists gotta learn how to dress a dancer so that they can be properly watched, ya know, WHEN THEY ARE DANCING. No puffer vests, you brainless fashionista numb-nuts. Poor thing kept having to do wardrobe adjustments. Honestly, this plus their red carpet looks this year? 
TXT desperately needs a new stylist.
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Stray Kids
As a group? They really can’t sing very well or consistently, their strength is in their performance and rapping. And their rappers MUST to be micced hot for live - just KILL 3racha's backup recording, okay? They can handle it. Otherwise please just let them all lip-synch so we can watch them perform. It’s a much better experience.
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NCT
Yuta has more charisma in his little finger than Taeyong has in his whole entire body. Doyoung is an incredibly underrated vocalist. Their’s was some of the worst miccing and sound of the night (which is saying a lot considering how terrible it was the whole time). Fantastic use of the stage tho. One the best stadium performance I’ve seen since GOT7. Also, 2 Baddies is an objectively terrible song - which is probably why it’s so popular.
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The Boyz
Definitely the prettiest, how are they consistently so glorious on their visuals? Sunwoo keeps getting hotter, it’s patently unfair. But, oh my god, if you are going to have a group sing ballads, then bring 2nd (Highlight) or 3rd (BTOB) gens up there don’t use The Boyz (or SK for that matter). No one wants to hear unstable vocals, even if it’s a CNBLUE cover. Is it weird that The Boyz make me miss Seventeen? Same vibe... better syncopation. 17 is not as pretty tho.
Who is? 
Well, UNIQ of course. But I don’t wanna talk about that. 
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Ateez
Jongho is the only 4th gen idol in existence who doesn’t need a mic even in a goddamn stadium. He is insane. But there is a reason the boy likes a handheld mic, because he takes his vocals seriously. And still the sound tech didn’t trust him enough to leave that mic hot? Frankly, it’s a crime that Jongho’s voice is wasted on a performance group. (Yes, I said it.) But Ateez did give the best stage of the night. They really are one of the industry’s hardest working groups at the moment. I’m a little worried they’re being pushed too much.
Enhyphen
Actually singing for a change *gasp* what will they do without auto tune? Ooof, I’m hella mean tonight. And... they seem to have been practicing their vocals since last time. Honestly? They lack the stage presence of some of the more experienced 4th gens. NCT fucking EATS up a stadium. Enhyphen looked a little sad up there by comparison.
MBC 2022 (New Year's showcase) 
Much better sound (mostly lip-synching) and most groups handle a showcase stage better than a stadium. 
The MC team was better on this one. 
Any time the Boyz and Ateez would like to dance together, I will be happy to watch it happen.
I’m not particularly interested in either of them, but Tempest and Kepler covering Pretty U was pretty damn cute. But younger boy groups + younger girl groups intermixing on stage always comes off as awkward. Dancers should be dancing together when they share a stage together. It’s weird when they are clearly afraid to touch each other. 
Hanbin is such sunshine, so pleased to see a Vietnamese idol at last.
As expected the bands doing live Krock had the best music performances. Well and the opera singers, of course. 
NCT’s Jungwoo is Taemin’s little brother, they look too much alike, you cannot persuade me otherwise. 
It’s a sin that Jeahyun hasn’t has a break away acting role yet. No babies, he really isn’t going to do us a BL. 
It’s always great when the surfeit of music shows at the end of the year forces a group like NCT to divide and conquer, because we get to see some of the lesser publicized members do some killer performing. 
NCT’s choreographer is phenomenal. Best in the biz? 
A sexy cover of Love Killa is fine but if you can’t go hard on Monsta X’s raps then why bother? This only made me want to go watch the original. Which I did. 
I’d like to see SK cover Monsta X but that’s about it. Maybe P1H.
Speaking of MX. Why did they cover a song where Kihyun (one of the most consistent voices in Kpop) mostly has to sing falsetto? What a damn waste. 
Fun to see IM getting more confident in his vocals but I’d still rather see the MX maknae line rap. 
And… thank you for doing an end of year stage Monsta X! Holding onto my beloved 3rd gens by the skin of my teeth here. Look I just love them, okay? Even down 2 members Monsta X goes harder than other groups, but effortlessly. They gave the best performance of my whole night, both shows, 6 hours of content and I’m just left wanting to watch MX comeback stages.  
Am I 3rd gen biased? 
Probably. 
Bite me. But only if you can do it as hard as Monsta X would. 
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himbeereule · 3 months
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(I'd call this a hot take if it weren't so lukewarm that it crosses the treshold into slightly cold)
"nowadays, everyone is suddenly getting diagnosed with autism or adhd or whatever"
no, people just used to not get diagnosed no matter how obvious it was
like, throughout my whole childhood people - including professionals - were like "huh, she's seriously strange, wonder what that's about", but nobody ever had the brilliant idea to just check
I mean, there was the assumption that I probably have adhd, but I was never tested nor did they do anything to help (except scolding me for not really participating in class, forgetting to bring things (sometimes my whole schoolbag) every single day, etc; I've never done homework in my entire life)
they did send me to speech therapy because I was really quiet unless talking about some special interest, then I wouldn't shut up until told to (my dearest adults always made sure to let me know how much they suffered from me talking to them <3); it was a semi-success - the therapist found that she couldn't do any exercises with me, but that I was happy and able to hold a normal conversation about the goals and methods of speech therapy (she ended up explaining her study books to me, and we just chatted about those for the whole therapy)
they also sent me to occupational therapy, but I spent the whole time rotating (literally just spinning in circles every session), so that didn't really help with anything either
so I had to suffer through many years of school (I skipped a grade, but changed schools a lot (I attended almost all school types in Germany lol), so I've been in school way longer than normal) always listening to teachers saying I had "the potential to always get perfect grades if she just... uuuh..." without ever managing to think of an actual solution, or even just suggesting we could maybe look for what's wrong with me
literally all my various schools ever did in that regard was sending me to take IQ tests, which led to one of the stupidest sentences I've ever heard (keep in mind it was an actual psychologist specialized in schoolchildren and responsible for the entire school who said this): "she's just so intelligent, we normal people will never understand her" - which was then used as justification to do absolutely nothing despite me having glaring problems in every single sector of (school) life
this whole thing also seriously set me back later - when I first learned about autism, I was like "no, everyone always told me how extremely weird I am, this would be way too easy of an explanation"; in the end, it took me three whole years of people learning about autism going "hey, that sounds like you!" (one school I was at specialized in social professions, so we learned about things like that as part of the curriculum), and people who lived with autists and autists themselves constantly assuming I was autistic and being really bewildered when I told them I wasn't, before I decided to go to diagnosis (surprise: the peer-reviewed status was officially confirmed)
but at that point, it didn't really help anymore - yes, getting closure was kinda nice, but when you're an adult, the little help that is available is only available if you take care of getting it yourself - which I absolutely can't, that's part of the problem in the first place.
so, in conclusion, I spent my entire life getting told how much potential I have by the very people who made sure to do nothing to actually help me achieve it (or just, you know, have a somewhat stable average performance, like everyone else)
tl;dr: I'm a massive disappointment to myself and everyone else, but at least I know it's not my fault. yay.
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duhragonball · 12 days
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Neon Genesis Evangelion 22
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Are we...? Are we live? Can anyone read this?
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Uh....... huh.
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I think there's something wrong with the DVD player. Maybe if I take the disc out and put it back in again. Hold on.
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Shoot. No good.
Uh, folks, I'm not sure what to say here. Might have to call this off until I can figure out what the trouble is.
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"I was strangled to death in this building once."
"Shut your stupid robot mouth, you ugly little psycho!"
Oh, okay, there we go.
So uh, let me do some housekeeping first. An S2 is apparently some kind of organ in an Angel's anatomy, and the S2 Engine was NERV's attempt to duplicate this organ. They only managed to make one of these, which was supposed to be installed in Eva Unit 04 before it vanished along with NERV's Nevada Branch.
However, Eva Unit 01 scored a free S2 when it simply ate and absorbed the S2 organ from the 14th Angel. SEELE is concerned about this, becuase whatever playbook they're operating from didn't say anything about Evas running wild and getting upgrades without prior authorization. I believe this is one reason Eva Unit 01 is benched during this episode.
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Also, the Eva series is named because it was created from Adam, the First Angel. "Eva", as in the Biblical Eve, who was created from one of Adam's ribs. So that's what that's about. So they're not the same as copies of Angels, or Angels themselves. I guess they're more like genetically engineered Angeloids or something?
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NERV is still trying to get back to normal, more than a month after the battle with the 14th Angel. Repairs to Units 00 and 02 are still ongoing, but Asuka's synch scores have gone way down, probably due to the trauma of getting defeated so badly in the last battle. No one's really sure what to do about it, but if her performance keeps deteriorating, she'll get booted out of the program and replaced. With whom? Big Rigg Mahoney? The Dummy Plug? Maybe Suzuhara's ready to check out of the hospital.
Sorry, these goofs act like good pilots grow on trees, but Asuka's a college graduate or something and she's already on the brink of washing out. If she's cracking under the strain, maybe they should whip up some more Rei clones.
We get a few glimpses into Asuka's backstory, but it's kind of tough to make sense of it all. I think the upshot here is that her mother was a scientist who was eventually driven insane. She may have tried to kill Asuka? I guess she and Rei could bond over that........... forget I said anything.
Uh, she receives a phone call from her mother one night and talks to her in German, which is kind of weird because there's no subtitles, so for all I know the voice actress just kind of faked the whole thing. That might be appropriate since Asuka admits to Shinji that she just sort of goes through the motions on these routine calls, since it's not her real mother anyway.
Anyway, this would be a really bad time for another Angel to attack OH SHIT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS
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This is the one from the title logo, so you know it means business. The 15th Angel's special power is to stay way the hell up in space, where the Evas can't attack it.
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Misato's plan is for Rei to fire a big-ass cannon at the Angel while Asuka serves as backup, but Asuka insists on taking the shot. Misato allows this, figuring that she might as well play into Asuka's boldness. Either she'll rise to the occasion and get back in her groove, or she'll fail miserably, and they'll never let her pilot an Eva again. Asuka herself seems to have figured that out on her own, so maybe she only asked for this chance just to get this settled once and for all. But before she can take her shot...
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Oh, I'm sorry, the 15th Angel's special power is actually long-range telepathic assault. Yeah, this is pretty bad.
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I thought this might resemble the sort of telepathic visions Shinji was having during the battle with the 12th Angel, or when he was absorbed by Eva Unit 01, but this seems much more intense and violent, and much less theraputic. I think it's reasonable to conclude that the 12th Angel was not trying to make telepathic contact with Shinji, or otherwise the 15th Angel would have a little more finesse to its attempt here.
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Under different circumstances, I might consider that this might not be an attack at all, and the Angel is trying to communicate and just isn't doing a very good job because human minds are so alien to it. But Asuka screams bloody murder the entire time this is happening, and she repeatedly cries out that it's "raping" her mind. It's pretty difficult to sit through.
Rei tries to shoot down the Angel, but it's still too far away for their weapons to do any good, and Asuka's charts are...
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I mean, I'm no doctor, but that can't be good.
Shinji begs his dad to let him go out in Unit 01, but what good would that do? I mean, what can he do that Rei isn't already trying in Unit 00? Besides, Gendo refuses to risk Unit 01 getting hit with this telepathic attack. Instead, he orders Rei to go downstairs to the room with Adam's corpse, and fetch the Lance of Longius.
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Admiral Clownshoes tries to talk Gendo out of this, apparently because the Lance will be necessary later on, but Gendo sees no alternative. Misato points out that if Rei's Eva gets too close to Adam's corpse, it could set off Third Impact. That's what everyone was worried about a few episodes ago, but now it's treated like it's no big deal. So Misato realizes this was more NERV bullshit.
But it's worse than that. If Angels and Evas going near Adam can't trigger Third Impact, then that means Second Impact couldn't have been caused by Angels exploding. So that must have been a lie, just like the other lie about it being a meteor strike. So what the fuck caused Second Impact, then?
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In any event, we've seen Rei carrying this big fork before, so apparently she just sticks it in Adam's body when she's not practicing with it. So Unit 00 can go down here and horse around with Adam all day and not trigger Third Impact.
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As Rei prepares to strike, Clownshoes and Gendo continue to argue the merits of using the Lance. Gendo acts like the situation justifies using it early, and Clownshoes accuses him of looking for an excuse. Anyway, Rei chucks this thing into space like a javelin...
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... And it kills the Angel in one hit. Goes right through it's AT shields, smooth as butter. The only downside is that now the Lance is stuck in orbit, and they have no practical means of retrieving it. I guess Rei put a little too much pepper on that throw.
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Asuka is safe, but she's far from okay. For all the mental trauma she just endured, she seems far more upset about her wounded pride. Bad enough that Shinji had to save her last time, but now Rei had to bail her out, and that's apparently a new low as far as Asuka's concerned.
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So yeah, things are going pretty bad for the NERV gang these days. At least Kaji's still dead. I mean, that's a win for me, at least.
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Oh, look, in the next episode Rei's Eva gets possessed and corrupted by an Eva, and she wishes herself dead. So cheer up, Asuka. You can Rei can commiserate over this.
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You know what, I'm just gonna see myself out...
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agendratum · 1 year
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here's a little thing i wrote on subway rides after my night shifts inspired by the tags on this post and by this post.
"did you ever..." porsche trailed off without finishing his words.
pete looked up at him, confused. they were taking a break together after one of the jobs went less than smoothly. smoking quietly, resemblance of comfort in each other's presence. that wasn't the kind of comfort, if that could be an applicable word here, pete got around vegas in these situations, but it was still nice. besides, today vegas wasn't with them. pete thought it might have been a part of the problem.
porsche exhaled a puff of smoke.
"i mean you and vegas are kinda alike in these ways, right? but it must have started before him. remember that first job i followed you to? you were really calm about the whole thing back then. it was different, right? i mean, he was just some guy after all.. and i know kinn doesn't stomach these things quite like that too so-"
pete was desperately trying to follow porsche's extremely awkward train of thought. the straight-forward guy that he usually was, sometimes he really could not get to the point. coincidentally most of these times were related to "the ways pete and vegas were kinda alike".
"porsche, what the fuck are you talking about?"
pete tapped the ash off his cigarette. pete wasn't sure he wanted to answer whatever porsche was trying to ask.
"sorry, you know how i get when we have to do this shit. feels weird."
"still not used to it."
that pete could understand. porsche was porsche, and porsche wasn't of this world and sometimes pete wished back then, before everything had gone too far, given the chance, porsche would have agreed to leave. it would have been better for porsche, he knew. but pete tried not to linger too long on all the could have beens.
"yeah..." porsche laughed awkwardly. "just one more reason for vegas to hate me even more for taking this place."
pete frowned, pursing his lips.
"are you trying to tell me you care about vegas' approval in any of this?"
porsche huffed.
"no, no, that's not what i mean. it's just- it's not like he didn't know what he was doing. pete, you also- i think you also knew what you were doing."
pete was getting more confused and concerned by the second.
"what i'm trying to say is - did you ever got answers out of anyone in that way. not the brutal kind of way, the methodical one."
ah. here it is.
"like the way vegas did it?" he prompted, as calm as ever. took another long drag.
he knew porsche was uncomfortable. pete? wasn't really feeling either way. he could feel the skin tight around his body. he blinked, he knew how to do that.
"not quite like vegas."
he knew how his fingers were supposed to hold the cigarette so it looked natural. so no one could tell he had to move them manually. how to take another drag like other people did it. let the smoke out of the body, aware of how it moves inside of it. the body was a simple thing to control.
"and you're right, kinn didn't really stomach it that well."
pete really didn't feel much about the whole thing. he just had to move his eyelids cause his eyes, just like every other person's eyes, needed moisture. shift his legs, cause people get tired sitting in the same position. natural. like every other human did. pete just really didn't want to make porsche upset.
he wished vegas was with them tonight. if he was there, they wouldn't have been having this conversation. if he was there, pete wouldn't have to hold his skin so tightly around himself. they would have already been home by this time probably. taking it off.
he indeed wasn't quite like vegas when it came down to it. vegas in his futile attempts to make himself feel better about his miserable existence tried turning torture into an art form. everything was a performance, so was taking apart someone's body till they didn't have it in them to refuse him any longer. and then he would go on for some more. everything he did had to be perfect, so the art had to be complete. pete in his futile attempts to not care about turning his existence into less than human wrote everything off as his job description. which meant minimum effort for maximum results. where he just had to be efficient, vegas, if he had to he honest, and he tried to be when it came to everything vegas, was elegant. watching him pete could almost hear music.
he of course was not going to tell porsche about the music. after all, he didn't want to make porsche upset.
"a couple of times."
not like he actually counted.
"shit..."
porsche was honest in his reactions. pete envied him sometimes.
his skin was getting a bit too tight for the bones now. he wanted to drop his cigarette, but couldn't. wouldn't know where to put his hands then, what to do with fingers.
easier when the fingers are somebody else's. don't have to think too much. minimum efforts - maximum results.
not what porsche wanted to hear.
"it was just work, porsche. don't overthink it."
that was what made porsche look at him finally, with one of these stares of his that made pete want to crawl away. the side of porsche that he was not letting pete see glancing at the side of pete he was not letting porsche see. not recognition, but something just a bit too knowing. a reminder that pete willingly let porsche see a bit too much and there was no going back from it.
not that he wanted to go back. it was nice, the familiar feeling porsche gave him. it was nicer on the better days. still, for a second, pete imagined the world in which porsche never showed up in the doorway of his room. would have been pretty fucking lonely, he thought.
so pete held porsche's gaze. smiled with one corner of his mouth.
"i'm serious. i never did more than i had to. as simple as that."
porsche nodded, glancing intently at pete for a moment longer before throwing his head back and taking another drag.
actually there was one time pete did more than he had to. only once. but that was before theerapanyakuls entered his life. porsche didn't need to know about that time.
"sorry. feels kinda stupid worrying about this shit when i'm already so far in."
pete chuckled. his skin was tingling. stupid.
"you aren't stupid. well, sometimes you're, but-"
"pete!"
porsche kicked his leg, putting on a highly offended look. pete smiled, this time the smile reaching his eyes.
if porsche asked, pete would probably help him with it. he would do the dirtier of work for him, if only cause porsche wouldn't be good at it, not as good as pete would be anyway.
and maybe to not mess any further with already pretty muddy waters that was the section of pete's brain responsible for this kind of dirty work. he didn't want to add porsche to the mix. there was only one person pete wanted to keep in close proximity of the idea of cutting someone's flesh open. carving something hidden away, tucked deep inside. he would help porsche gladly, if only for the sake of keeping it that way.
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richkidcityfriends · 7 months
Note
your opinion on 2022 winter Olympics
okay so im assuming this is only about figure skating and i mean oml there was so much going on. below the cut bc i think this is gonna be long.
okay so FIRST OF ALL the kamila valieva situation. where to begin. (as a note: none of this is a statement on her except in relation to the 2022 olys)
the positive test being from rusnats and only being found out in february is weird. idk if we ever found out exactly why that happened? but i can only assume it was meddling from the russian end.
i think the media response was cruel, and i think part of that was a lot of people were trying to talk about it without knowing the full situation, but the amount of vicious hate and blame kamila received was unjustified. she was fifteen years old and in an abusive situation, to what extent she knew about the doping is irrelevant in my mind, the blame falls on the adults in power (mainly her coaches). eteri tutberidze is notoriously controlling and abusive, and there is no way any of that was happening without her being responsible. she controls the amount of WATER her skaters can drink. skating at that level, especially in russia, your coach is practically your primary guardian; if eteri told her to dope then there was pretty much nothing she could do. only eteri girls were ever going to go to the olympics, if she switched coaches that would have ended her life's goal (and the way they train is so all-consuming that to not get to the olympics at all would have felt life shattering).
should she have been been allowed to skate? i dont think so. at least partially bc it essentially proves to coaches that you can "get away with" doping as long as the people you are drugging are children. obviously having an athlete who has taken performance enhancing drugs is unfair to everyone else, but that goes without saying. HOWEVER i do understand the worry that the test could have been wrong or she might not have known, either way it would have been unfair to her. (the "irreparable harm" quote is always taken out of context - they meant that if she skated and was found guilty they could strip her of the medal, but if she was banned and found innocent there was no fixing it). ultimately though i think letting her skate was the wrong decision (especially since the case STILL hasnt been settled).
i dont think eteri told her to throw the free to make sure the others got their medals, because she looked so traumatised afterwards and eteri reacted so badly (ive never understood this theory tbh)
that was the first scandal from the olys but oml it was definitely not the last. there was so much going on. olympics from hell. lets talk about the womens podium.
(but first a note on ultra c elements: do i think the sport is suffering because of the increased value placed on jumps? yes. do i think artistry is important? absolutely. do i think there is a conversation to be had about the morals of training young children (especially girls) to do dangerous jumps that cause permanent damage to their bodies? one hundred fucking percent. things need to change in this sport. however. i will make repeated references to whether or not someone is jumping ultra c when discussing the podium, because that is how its scored atm, and i do think that they aren’t irrelevant (it is a sport, athletic feats are also important) just please please know that i am also taking artistry into account its just harder to objectively phrase in a short paragraph and this is already long enough). okay caveat over. please no one attack me. lets go.
look i KNOW the most pressing question is do i think anna deserved gold HOWEVER. have you considered. did anna deserve to be sent to the olympics at all. and this makes me insane because like?? skating like she did at the olys?? yeah she probably deserved to be there!! so it kinda seems mean to talk about this but ALSO i feel like we definitely have to not forget it so. the russian olympic team was pretty much based off of the podium for rusnats, which that year was kamila, sasha, anna. but anna in third place was veryyy controversial bc like. she had no ultra c elements at all (and her tech is DODGY so without them it gets even harder to justify her high scores) but elizaveta had a triple axel (and better tech) so a LOT of people thought that she should have come third, but rusfed just wanted to send anna to the olys instead (which i pretty much agree with).
but okay whether you like it or not she DID make the olympic team so. womens olympic podium. a grenade of a question. everyone is allowed their own opinions on it im not saying anyone is wrong if they think differently!!!!! also im only going to talk about the top five bc this is already wayyy too long.
i know on tiktok a while back the popular opinion was that wakaba should’ve been gold, which i don’t really agree with, however she absolutely should not have been fifth. no doubt in my mind she should have been at LEAST fourth, if not third. kamila should have been behind her i don’t care how many quads she was attempting, she fell like five times. she got through on reputation and the eteri bonus alone. kaori did skate cleanly, but with no triple c, and her tech isn’t great on some of her jumps, so wakaba (who fell on a jump, but had a triple axel, and generally better tech and artistry imo) could have come third and i would have been happy. anna i go back and forth on, because her artistry is alright, and technically she does jump quads, but her tech skills are SO questionable (her quad lutz is neither a quad nor a lutz). the tech bar for quads is lower than for triples, and i do kinda think that makes sense, but her quad tech is worse than most of the other quad jumping girls so it’s a fair comparison. i don’t think she deserved gold, but im never fully sure about silver either. honestly her, wakaba, and kaori can fight it out for second/third/fourth. in terms of actual skaters i like wakaba best, in terms of who performed best on the day i think you could make a compelling argument for any order.
that of course leaves sasha in first place. i know she fell on her triple axel in the short, but the only people who didn’t fall at all were anna (i’ll talk about her last) and kaori, and while triple c elements aren’t the only important thing, the skater who fell on one and landed five kind of has to be above the skater who attempted none at all, imo, so that puts kaori out of the running. wakaba fell once as well, and she definitely has the edge on artistry, but i don’t think sashas artistry was as bad as a lot of people say, especially in her short, so i don’t think thats quite enough to put wakaba ahead of sasha overall. sasha’s tech skills were so much higher than the rest of the skaters that i think it would be almost impossible to bridge that gap with artistry alone. lastly theres anna, who ofc actually won the ogm. two clean skates, slightly better artistry, much worse tech (i know sasha’s tech isn’t perfect either, but she’s definitely better – id say thanks to plushenko). annas tech should have been called, if not her edges then at least for prerotation. sasha fell on a triple axel and anna landed a double in the short, sasha landed five quads and anna landed two in the free. taking into account how poor her quad tech is, i don’t think that her artisty is enough to pass sasha.
however!!!! again i want to reiterate!!!!! everyone is allowed their own opinions on this!!! i do not give a damn if you think that anastasiia shabotova should have come first!!!! go you!!! to each their own <3
now for something that i do think you can wrong about. the reaction to sashas reaction to the scores was appalling. she was seventeen years old (a CHILD) in an extremely high stress situation and had been told by her (abusive, manipulative) coaches that if she landed all five quads she would win, and when this turned out to be untrue she got upset and had what was clearly a panic attack, asked not to be filmed and was ignored by every cameraman in the area, had to immediately go in front of millions of people while still being a mess, and was then attacked from all angles for being “ungrateful” and “showing bad sportsmanship.” show some empathy. (especially ppl who are still giving out about it now “on behalf of anna” when they seemed to be at least friendly again as soon as the very next day)
OKAY WE’RE ALMOST DONE i mostly only follow women’s so the rest of this is going to be brief
sui/han deserved ogm, my sister and i were rooting for miura/kihara to do well but we knew there was no chance for a medal. loving seeing them do so well rn.
nathan chen’s costume was ridiculous. last time i said my nathan chen take i got eaten alive on tiktok so im not gonna say much about him. he did deserve gold tho.
scoring felt harsh on yuzuru. wish he’d gotten another ogm but it wasn’t meant to be. im glad he got to attempt the quadruple axel at the olympics at least.
papadakis/cizeron ogm deserved.
oh MY god i forgot about the team event. pls someone save me. im so sorry i know no one wants this much. this isn’t even the worst i can do. i have talked at my friends for hours straight before about figure skating. i cant help it i have no control. we are going to ignore the team event okay. Just give them their medals. pls. i beg. they still don’t have their medals. i know it sucks for the rest of the russian team if they lose the gold bc kamila was stripped but you have to give the rest of them their medals.
anyway if you made it until the end here is a gold star ⭐ i don’t know how you did it.
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I have a HC that brozone had like stage parents like the kind of parents that only had kids so that they’re kids could do the child star thing and they could live vicariously through their kids success. and also so those kids could make a ton of money that the parents could live off of. Like the parents of the kids on toddlers in tiaras.
We know that JD took on the role of raising his younger brothers and that he saw himself as their main caretaker, but this is contrasted by the fact that his brothers don’t seem to see him as a parental figure and at least in the third movie seem to get annoyed and angry when JD tries to act like an authority figure in there lives. I interpret this as JD raised these kids but the parents were still around they were generally just uninvolved in their kids lives beyond the surface level bare minimum and shirked most of their responsibilities onto JD. In a JD did all the work but the parents took all the credit kind of way that led to JD simultaneously raising Bruce, Floyd and Clay without being a legitimate authority figure to them.
I also think that JD would not get baby branch involved in the band that young if he had a choice in that decision, both as someone who grew up in fame as a child star and knows how stressful and toxic that environment is and as a perfectionist who is very concerned with the bands performances going flawlessly. toddlers are messy and make mistakes and generally I don’t think JD would trust a toddler to perform to his standards and listen to him as a band leader during the performance. JD was stressed about the idea of baby branch being nervous and messing up the performance in the flashback I don’t think he would let him do it at all if it was his choice.
However I think that if brozone had toxic stage parents who decided to make baby branch join the band simply because he’s cute and marketable and would make them money then left all the actual logistics behind that move to JD to figure out that would fit with teenager JDs controlling, protective, and perfectionist character traits. Because people who feel like they truly have control over their lives and actually have the authority to make decisions in their life usually don’t micromanage everything and everyone they delegate. JDs controlling behavior fits more with a teenager who is desperately trying to cling to what little control he has in his life, which is the logistics of managing the band.
Essay over sorry for rambling
No worries! I love a good ramble.
It's not a bad headcanon either. It would make sense.
I don't think I have a specific headcanon for canon Brozone and their parents, probably because I have shifted to aus but it would make sense. Especially with all the dark turns we see when it comes to children stars/actors/singers and their parents.
Kids... don't often see their older siblings as authority figures, even when they are. They don't always recognize that. Don't get me wrong, sometimes they do but often times they don't really. So I can absolutely see John taking on that role and the others never really seeing it, even when they get older. Absolutely I could see that. Their parents doing what they could to keep appearances but all the real stuff landed on him. It is a tough spot to be in when your siblings don't see you as an authority figure that you are trying to be/need to be.
I could see that too. Even though troll aging/maturing seems wildly unpredictable, strange and weird in comparison to human toddlers, I could see, if this concept was the case, John not wanting him to be involved. Not only because of their parents exploiting them but also the perfectionism thing. It's not that he doesn't love Branch, but well, who trusts a toddler for this type of thing?
If there was toxic stage parents (which I think if they had stage parents they would have to be toxic, there is no way that family ended up the way they did without that if this was the case) I think you would be onto something with Branch being involved. We all know that Rosiepuff said Branch's voice was like an angel's so if she thought that, chances were their parents did too.
JD's whole thing when he left was his frustration and that his brothers were a lot of responsibility and considering he can't be that old, I can understand that. Coupling with the fact that he's probably not seen much as an authority figure in this case, as well as the pressure and strain he was under with that set of types of parents... yikes. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Losing control for someone who struggles with perfectionism and even just being overwhelmed with reasonability is a nightmare. If this was the case, my only surprise is that there wasn't a blowup sooner. Which in that case, the reason it probably went on for so long is because John is protective. He always has been (I will die on this hill cause there is no way after 20 years of radio silence JD picks himself up and hightails it to try and save his brother that he isn't wildly protective)
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helipackjack · 1 year
Text
In honor of autism acceptance week, let's go over some canonically shown signs of Jack being autistic.
Special interest- robotics. He also has bursts of shorter term hyperfixations, such as his movie. He also fixates on Chase Young like a celebrity special interest.
Certain tasks considered complicated by many are easy for him, yet some tasks most others do with ease are hard for him. His way of thinking and logic deviates from the standard too.
He has trouble talking to people and expressing himself. He often fumbles over his words and has things come out the opposite of what he was trying to say. This often earns him a scolding or weird look.
Jack is canonically implied to practice his facial expressions and lines, almost like he has to manually do his expressions and perform for others, though rather than masking, he just puts on his evil persona. He also has stress induced facial tics
His monologing. He does this often, speaking to himself. It's a result of his loneliness, but I think this would have happened either way, just at a lesser scale.
He treats objects like they have feelings. Heck, he gave them feelings.
This is extrapolating a bit, but how easily he gets riled up, to the point of even having certain words set him off without fail. When Ashley says his parents and the party guests were calling him a weirdo, he has a violent reaction, shouting "What's so weird about me!?" I believe it's a result of repressed emotions regarding his earlier childhood, before he turned evil. Even if it was never said, he was definitely severely bullied at school, in part due to his autism, and he was called weird for just being himself and exhibiting autism symptoms, exhibiting behavior that to him, is normal and natural, just trying to go through life and maybe make friends. This being attacked just for existing caused being called weird to be sensitive topic to him, and convinced him that he'll never be good enough no matter how hard he tries to be good, so he turned to evil.
Now to more lighthearted stuff
Yippee!
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The little small sounds he makes sometimes just because. Just his vocal stims in general.
This.
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Season 3 made a brainless joke of him but this scene was so good. He was stimming here. Stimming for the sake of it cause it makes him happy. I relate to this so much.
The scene where Jack had the monkey staff for the first time and jumped around his lab, we all wanted to do that, bounce off the walls.
He loves charts and spreadsheets, to the point he went to update it first thing after seeing Mala Mala Jong.
Him sitting like this
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And last, the pangolin collection
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askbloatedbellyblog · 8 months
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Could you do caelus (hsr) burp headcanon pretty please🛐🛐
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with a few other asks (maybe from the same person) over time.
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As I put on this list, I think that Caelus is actually a fairly big burper , especially when he wants to be. In fact, I think he'd be pretty close to S tier but he has a few things working against him.
I'll get the few things working against him that puts him at a disadvantage first. First, is that he's newly born or without much memory (depending on how you want to interpret the beginning of the game). This puts him at a severe disadvantage with lack of experience. Second, those around him most, such as Welt and Dan Heng (though I'll get to his burp canon later since I think he is one just, he's complicated) are more polite and try to be refined so it's not like he has experience with witnessing it either so must be taught. Third, because of all of that together, I don't think he has much opportunity to burp as some of the others.
However, that being said, I don't think he wouldn't learn. He's also a gamer as we've seen from his idle and he's definitely learning as things go along and his friends will definitely rub off on him. Plus I also think that Caelus would experiment on himself especially when he can see what others are doing. He's stubborn that way. If others around him are burping and showing off, he's not one to be left behind. He's going to force some out and be able to let out some monsters. Because rules are meant to be broken!
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There is another counter thought working in his favor. Because of his lack of memory, he doesn't necessarily know all the manners of others and so learned behaviors from others slobbier than him will rub off quick or he may do it because it's natural and not realize it's rudeness. There in the bonus of if March 7th says that it's rude, he's definitely going to burp again just to mess with her. Though this also makes me laugh at her then saying Caelus' epic burps are part of his secret strength.
Caelus also comes off as less mannered as everyone and able to slip easily into a more relaxed state. We already know he can be a master at eating contests (even if it takes several tries to do so) so I'm sure his appetite is there and even during these contests when he's about to black out or he eats something weird (which seems to happen a lot), that he just lets belches fly so that he can try to settle his stomach or make more room. If he's eaten something weird, I'm sure he'd rub his belly and let them out or even try to cover them by burping into his fist (depending on who he is with).
Because he's kind of baby at having a body, I think he doesn't have much control over his belches so he's not really suppressing them. His belches will be loud and resonant, even if he's burping into his own fist. If he's casually eating too much then, I do think he'd pat his belly and show off and belch loudly with a smirk, satisfied in belly and his performance. I think someone like Luka or Sampo and their belches would definitely rub off on Caelus and he wouldn't want to not be able to be at their level and even try to emulate them.
I imagine that he'd also be one to just chug soda and be surprised when he lets out a huge belch. Speaking of, there is the thought of that Caelus likes to stop at all the vending machines on the various worlds so he's trying all kinds of foods and drink, with many of them fizzy. So he's bound to just burp up a storm, and even have some unintentional ones that go up his nose and burn a little.
What would be hilarious is if one of the Aeons (even if it was in simulated universe) and his stellaron power was infused with the power of his belches and one such very epic belches ended up attracting the notice of an Aeon and he's granted a blessing (probably something like from AHA since pretty sure Sampo is already in that club.)
So overall, I think that Caelus could be a pretty epic belcher, almost unintentionally, and them would be deep and bassy, but with almost no control and not ready to force out monster belches like some of the others.
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promptling · 1 month
Text
STAR TREK ( 2009 ) change pronouns as needed.
we have visual.
are you seeing this?
there is no help for us out here.
get off this ship.
do you know the location of ________?
where are you from?
do exactly as i say.
just keep breathing, you'll be fine.
i can't do this without you.
hey, are you out of your mind?
is there a problem, officer?
i presume you've prepared new insults for today.
they called you a traitor.
logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience.
come here, let me see you.
there's no need to be anxious.
fine has various applications, fine is unacceptable.
you have surpassed the expectations of your instructors.
it was logical to cultivate multiple options.
it's truly remarkable that you have achieved so much despite your disadvantage.
that's a lot of drinks for one woman.
don't you at least want to know my name before you completely reject one?
this townie isn't bothering you, right?
relax, cupcake.
it was a joke.
you all right?
you can whistle really loud.
i don't need a doctor, damn it, i am a doctor!
i may throw up on you.
one tiny crack in the hull and our blood will boil in 13 seconds.
i got nowhere else to go.
you've been requested on the bridge.
why are you so happy?
i think i love you.
that is so weird.
i'm doing you a favor.
i couldn't just leave you there looking all pathetic.
a little suffering's good for the soul.
i wish i didn't know you.
don't be such an infant.
may i have your attention, please?
how do you feel?
we're flying into a trap!
i think you've had enough attention for today.
i do not believe that you and i are acquainted.
your survival is unlikely.
the complexities of human pranks escape me.
i guess you have to come and get me.
how long do they have?
are you nuts?
we must evacuate.
what do you need?
tell me.
i need everyone to continue performing admirably.
you must have a lot of questions for me.
we have nothing left to discuss.
are you actually suggesting they're from the future?
the logical thing is to be unpredictable.
don't do that.
you gotta be kidding me.
how did you find me?
how do you know my name?
you hate me.
you are not the captain?
it will be easier.
so you do feel.
you could at least act like it was a hard decision.
you realize how unacceptable this is?
you don't eat anything!
how do you think i wound up here?
i do feel guilty about that.
do they still have sandwiches there?
you're coming with us, right?
under no circumstances can he be made aware of my existence.
i am emotionally compromised.
let's get this over with.
a trick i learned from an old friend.
i'm not telling.
i'd rather not take sides.
i will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.
you feel nothing!
you never loved her.
i am no longer fit for duty.
i like this ship!
thanks for the support.
i sure hope you know what you're doing.
either we're going down, or they are.
what is necessary is never unwise.
i am as conflicted as i once was as a child.
i would cite regulation, but i know you will simply ignore it.
i'll be monitoring your frequency.
i have no comment on the matter.
i'lll cover you.
do you know where it is?
wow, that's weird.
it appears that you have been keeping important information from me.
i knew i should have killed you when i had the chance.
your species is even weaker than i expected.
you can't even speak.
i got your gun.
what are you doing here?
just following orders.
i would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.
we cannot afford to ignore each other.
do yourself a favor.
put aside logic, do what feels right.
it is my honor to award you with this commendation.
your father would be proud.
i can provide character references.
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