#and it can be very harmful

[timelessbibliophile]

i hate it when shows or movies have unapologetically wholesome male friendships and everyone online calls them gay. worst of all is that the same people advocating for a healthy male friendship in media are the ones that call two boys gay when it's actually portrayed as a healthy friendship.

i thought we were trying to break the stereotype that men can't have ohter male friends and hug, and come through for each other every time, while simultaneously being 100% straight.

you can have gay relationships AND good male friendships. Not every guy x guy friendship/interaction has to be gay.

#idek what to tag this #i've seen this phenomenon in so many of my fav shows and movies #dead poets society and boy meets world mainly #off the top of my head #sometimes the show makes jokes about their friendship BECAUSE everyone is secure in their masculinity #and it's funny to think they could be gay when they're just amazing friends #like that's the point susan #that they're straight #shipping characters is one thing #making a statement that they're 'so clearly fay for each other' is another #*gay #and it can be very harmful #bc irl guys are afraid to show they care for their male friends bc they're afraid ppl will think they're gay #and we're contributing to it smh

[veliseraptor]

sometimes fandom seems to struggle with the concept that...people can be kind/"good people" in some situations and very very not kind/not "good people" in others.

I feel like there's this urge to either write off the positive behavior as "fake" or to find a way to ignore/explain away/write out the negative behavior. and I personally find this really really irritating in both directions, actually

#the really bitchy addition to this post i'm leaving in the tags: it kinda makes me wonder if they've ever met real people #this isn't just about villain police stuff either #but it's not not about that either #mostly it's just. characters can be more than one thing depending on the situation #just because a character kills somebody doesn't mean every time they're nice it's totally fake #and conversely: just because somebody does good things doesn't mean they can't also have taken very harmful actions #anyway. irritable early morning post i might regret later #lise's aggressively bitchy opinions about irrelevant and unimportant matters

[menlove]

exciting post from james menlove ur local beatles rpf mutual but i'm sooo curious on where this tide has shifted over the last few years bc i remember 2016 when it was world-ending discourse

#i'm somewhere between yes but only if neither has expressed discomfort and i don't care if it's ethical fasdfasdf #like it CAN be very harmful (see like dan and phil) esp w smaller time creators and stuff #but when it comes to 81 year old billionaries....... man. i dont care #but i think in cases where people are specifically like hey this makes me mega uncomfortable #continuing on is just sadfasfd rude as hell honestly #(also re dan and phil i dont mean the current fandom) #(i mean like 2012 era that sent dan into a spiral rip)

[cemeterything]

a common theme in a lot of media is a character insisting "i'm not crazy" and eventually being proven right. but to be honest? i wish we had more characters who are canonically "crazy" without it being a bad thing or condemnation. characters who struggle with psychotic symptoms like delusions and hallucinations. characters who are unreliable narrators because they're not always sure what's real and what's in their head. characters who need help and support from their friends and loved ones to maintain their grip on reality and stay safe sometimes. psychotic characters who aren't just one-dimensional caricatures or harmful stereotypes but fully fleshed out, developed people with satisfying arcs and meaningful relationships. just more well written canon psychotic characters.

#🐉 #like there are a few good ones out there (jinx arcane my beloved) but #the majority of canon psychotic characters arent very well written and #there just arent many. i have to headcanon most of them. #and i know that people whove never experienced psychosis can struggle to write psychotic characters who arent harmful representation #but if nobody ever tries nobody ever will. id rather people tried their best than didnt bother at all. #ALSO HARROWHARK NONAGESIMUS I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT YOU BABYGIRL

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

D'Arce S Ending: "As soon as I can revive him from the dead, the wedding is BACK ON!"

#fear and hunger #d'arce cataliss #le'garde #fear and hunger spoilers #blood #self harm #Quote from Piosplayhouse #And he would go on to slay. Many millions of people infact. #D'arce Cataliss more like D'arce Catalyst For The Near Destruction Of Humanity. #D'arce has such a noble and pure heart but it is presented as her greatest flaw and I think that's brilliant. #Girl I don't think you can love the flaws out of this man. Yes is he very beautiful. No you can't fix him. #There are some people you can sacrifice everything for and they still will not care for you the way you care for them. #Learning dark magic to bring him back from the dead is NOT a good first date idea D'arce! #(I'm not very good at drawing blood and flesh. Yet. This series is going to push my limits)

[sleepsucks]

#22.01.23 #3239 #ok here's a real bummer one i'm sorry that this is so fast after i resume posting. bad timing #just very lousy day etc i'm fine. finer than that #its all just implied but i'll try to add tags warnings just in case if i can do it right i never the right format hang on #self harm #cw self harm #negativity

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird

[countess-of-edessa]

weird how people think nowadays there’s like…a very specific personality type you have to be to be a mother instead of capacity for motherhood being a default trait almost all of the female population possesses. should having a child just be a thing that someone does by default without considering it? no. but also having children is not something your personality makes you fundamentally unsuited for 9/10 times, mothers have all types of personalities, the most important traits for childraising are unselfishness and kindness and everyone should cultivate those in themselves no matter what anyway regardless of whether or not they have children.

this also applies to men but ive never seen anyone say "it’s okay for men not to be fathers because it wouldn’t make any sense to their personality".

#“Some women just aren’t the type to have children” i mean yeah sure #but that number is way smaller than people think #women who are mothers can also have literally any kind of personality and as long as it’s not harmful to their kids that’s fine #and ‘motherly' is not really a personality trait anyway #this is in a response to a post i saw because i think it’s stupid as hell to imply that only a very small fraction of the population is #capable of having children. Untrue and evolution wise impossible. having children is the default setting #and anyone who is a halfway successful capable adult is capable of it #and also capable of messing it up really badly #as with any important and risky endeavour in life

[macksartblock]

Normal take my hand we’re going to therapy

#dndads #dndads spoilers #normal we have walked similar roads I am putting you in therapy post canon you will get through this #while his relationship with sparrow may not improve I’d like to think he eventually finds peace with that. it’s hard but it can be done #I did like a speed run through the stages of grief lol I think I was mainly upset bc a part of me wishes I could reconcile with my parent #but that’s just not a reality that can be pursued after being so deeply hurt at least not without harming myself further #and I think that’s very similar to Normal’s scenario #I don’t think I’ll get too deep here lol but meh #I am content and now just vibing #god I can’t wait for the CoC mini series though give me sweet horrors

[artilite]

if this is their dynamic for s3 i will truly die happy

#i was debating hard on whether to post this or not #THE BRAINROT IS REAL IF NOT EMBARASSING #i like them A Lot #villian duo who share one braincell #they've both been spoiled rotten #LX can speak french but can he drive a car? #LTC's love language is honesty #he can speak his mind to LX without fear of harm #that was the idea for bottom doodle anyway #very ooc and delulu i know HAHAHA #link click #link click s2 #shiguang daili ren #link click fanart #link click season 2 #liu xiao #li tianchen #shiguang dailiren #sgdlr #link click spoilers #artilite #artilite doodle

[rachedurst]

anyways i love you people that are both gay and straight, in whatever way that presents. being nonbinary often can mean a complicated relationship to sexuality and how one perceives it within the societal restrictions of homo and heterosexual, and i think bridging those definitions and having "contradictory" labels like lesboy or whatever is really cool. i support and stan he/him lesbians or butch lesbians or she/her gay men or femme gays or she/he pronoun users and whatever else, be it cis or trans or both. if you feel like youre both cis and trans that also rocks. dont let people force you back into a binary within the queer community, stay strong!

#queer #nonbinary #genderqueer #cis / trans as opposites is a false dichotomy and only harms nonbinary people. #same with straight/gay. these things can and will overlap if one for example feels like both a man and a woman #and of course beyond self identification alone #the way society treats you will also influence that #anyways op is a binary trans man. im very much a hundert precent a man and dont want people blurring the lines there. but that doesnt apply #for everyone! what makes me hapyp will be misery for someone else. so the reverse applies too. #peace and love on planet earth #fuck up with that gender everyone #gender nonconforming #bigender #im not vaguing the person i responded to btw im just gonna state my support again while its on my mind #multigender

[lgbtlunaverse]

Life as a JGY stan is so hard because sometimes I want to make posts about the ways his very justified paranoia turns against him sometimes, rare moments where I think being more trusting or vulnerable would have helped but he felt like it couldnt, or talk about how his brutal survival instinct intersects with society's existing bigotries in a such a way that most of his violence is actually aimed at people lower on the ladder than him, with people like Jin Guangshan being the exception not the rule. Because he's a fascinating character and these parts of him are interesting!

But when I do that I have to live in perpetual fear of the moment that it escapes its target audience and someone takes it to go "Yeah he's a monster who fucked over everyone and is incapable of love! I wish he was killed earlier and his death was a thousand times more painful 🤪"

I mean, take my last example. Due to existing hierarchies it is, at any point, easier and safer for jgy to harm people less powerful than him instead of more powerful than him, even if the more powerful are the ones threatening his safety in the first place. Even knowing how it harms him and while working against it, Jin Guangyao is not immune to internalizing the mindset of the world he lives in. Even when killing Jin Guangshan- one man- it ends up costing the lives of 20 sex workers. You think I can bring up the sex workers in this fucking fandom? You think that will go over peacefully? The well has been so thoroughly poisoned here it feels like any conversation around morality automatically turns into a courtroom to determine a sentence for this fictional fucking character who's already dead.

#mdzs #meng yao #jin guangyao #complaining and whining about fandom #does fandom even know you can talk about morality in a way that's not adding up good person vs bad person tally points? #i think it's really fucking interesting how jgy is the person who's saved the most common people in the setting with the watchtowers #a politically unpopular move! this was a passion project he made becuase he wanted to help people! #and yet he's not afraid to take advantage of every bit of social capital he painstakingly gains to harm those below him either #i wish! that i could talk about that! #i also haaaate the 'incapable of love' thing on principle #morality is a choice! people don't need to FEEL love or empathy to not harm others #to use it as shorthand for 'evil' is reductive and fucking annoying #people hurt people they love all the time! #fandom does this in a similar way to nmj also. 'oh he can't empathise with other people' NOT THE PROBLEM. HE HAS A VERY DIFFERENT PROBLEM #what characters feel is very important to me from a 'studying blorbo' perspective but not in a debate about whether they're a good person

[sandinmybed]

can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.

most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.

#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn #its just a pattern ive observed online #im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words #but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help #youre a fucking idiot lol #people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online #how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders #of those spaces have been telling them #you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause. #text #like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim #and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh #like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation #some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore #and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time! #unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them #very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you #have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?

[shaykai]

//BG3 SPOILERS

Something about Gortash getting Orin to sign the “don’t stab me contracts” by lying and telling her that Durge also had to sign them- and for just a moment Orin latching onto that belief.

Gortash got to live because they literally couldn’t end him, not because there was some sick sort of affection there. Her bloodkin, stupid as they were, would never sink so low as to actually care about anyone, not to mention Bane’s Chosen of all people.

And then promptly finding out/realizing that Gortash is a liar and probably trying to stab him about it

#something very fun about Durge not only NOT having to make a binding contract to not harm Gortash #but also Gortash not feeling a need to make them sign one (this continues into the main game where the most binding thing you do is say you #won’t actively harm him- and it’s just orally- you can absolutley be lying about that) #IF you even choose to tel him that #also also Orin having a weird affection for her sibling and wanting to believe that they fell so low in her eyes because they were #literally bound to it #and then finding out that no they just got along with this guy and now you can’t murder him about it #bg3 spoilers #Durge #the dark urge #Orin the red #enver gortash

[57sfinest]

calling harry a “can opener” was SUCH a good play for so many reasons i think about it every day.

in the context of his work, it makes him a tool. as many people have pointed out, including martin luiga, part of the hdb tragedy is that he simply cannot leave the force, and his superiors know that and are using it to their advantage. no matter what happens, even if harry hated every nanosecond of every bit of the work and wanted to leave, he can’t and won’t leave. they can leverage anything they want against him and then reel him back in with a facade of kindness when they “allow” him to keep his job, as long as he does what they want him to. the 41st knows he has this inexplicable talent with people and they use him for it. he’s a cop: that talent can be used in so many awful ways, to push so many different agendas. and they won’t even be his own. a can opener has no particular desire to open a can, aside from maybe the satisfaction of fulfilling a purpose. a can opener has no agency, it’s just a tool for someone else to use to get what they want. and he’s learned to be okay with being used as long as it means he gets to stay. his complacency with this system makes him guilty even if he’s also being harmed by it.

but in the context of his personal life you kind of... flip it. the people around him are going to be opened up whether they want to be or not, and it’s terrible for his relationships. it’s shown that the questions, the prying- the can-opening- it’s become inextricable from who he is as a person. it’s like he doesn’t know how else to communicate, except it’s hardly communication when you’re just ripping people open. he’s invasive as all hell, although whether he means to be is debatable. he’s the kind of person that wants to take things apart to see what makes them tick. he dissects people, but really that’s too delicate of a word for what he does; if he doesn’t get what he wants right up front, he’ll abandon all subtlety and go for brute force. if he can’t get your screws loose he’ll just smash you on the ground and pick through your pieces until he’s satisfied, and if what he did to you isn’t fixable? oh well, there are other cans to open. 

and he’ll use it for personal gain: we already know he is (was?) manipulative. once he knows how you operate, he knows how to make you keep him. he can yell or he can cry; he can threaten you or he can threaten himself; he can be completely suffocating or he can withdraw completely; he can be an incorrigible liar or brutally honest; he can present himself as a threat or a joke or a talent. he’s a chimera- that’s why he’s got this inexplicable magnetism, even when people know they shouldn’t like or trust him. fidelity of character means nothing to him. he’ll be whatever he needs to be as long as it gets him what he wants. the can-opening is just his way in.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #and it works on us the audience as well! #look at how many different versions of harry there are out there. each tailored to our individual preferences #we exaggerate and minimize his traits according to what we want to see. he's can-opening us too! #it's just like. of course his job will frame the can opening as a positive thing #but it's honestly one of his worst traits. or at least it is when he doesn't keep it in check #there's nothing wrong with wanting to understand people but the way he goes about it is harmful to everyone including himself #he's doing it because he has ulterior motives like 99.999998% of the time #this is mostly about pre-martinaise harry but i have no doubts that post-martinaise harry can go right back to this btw #a lot of us prefer to think of harry as drastically improving after martinaise which is great and i'd like to hope he does but. #it's also good to consider the overwhelming possibility that he will go right back to being a total shithead #and that may be completely unintentionally! which almost makes it worse! #ALSO. this is part of why kim makes a very good foil #for the most part kim will stonewall anything he doesn't feel like sharing #harry needs to respect boundaries and by god does kim have a lot of those (affectionate) #HOWEVER kim is definitely susceptible to the can opening as well #wait okay i have another post idea. #anyway thanks for reading. as always feel free to add and share thoughts! #kiwipost #hdb meta

[musubiki]

magic breaker

#the cat witchs guild #tcwg #tmaomal #the misc adventures of mochi and lime #lime #the m34th #art #ocs #original #in recent developments: lime has a shield activator on his left forearm #sure you can tank magic but why do that when you can also just block it? #resistance to interuption mechanic #where magic doesnt harm you but it DOES knock you back #the sheild prevents the knockback so you can continue fighting #not a big deal in a fight in terms of damage you take but easier to fight when youre not like link botw rolling around and have to get up #also trying to work on visualizing magic attacks #i like the hmc style where its very starry and pretty and colorful #oooooo hes so sexy oooooo