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gatheringbones · 10 months

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i have a question that I've been trying to puzzle out the answer for -- I've noticed that some speculative fiction takes a queer is normal approach because "in the future or since there's aliens! and werewolves! who has the time to question gender?" kind of mindset. as much as I treasure the thought of a future where different phobias aren't a thing, and I don't want to be someone who take too much pride and ego in the suffering (perhaps not the right word) I've been through and survived, it also makes me feel strange in that kind of mindset that, of course there's lesbians and trans people in space! without any homophobia whatsoever. my question is, do you think queernorm is possible in a good way in speculative fiction in a setting where it's so far in the future where idk. teleportation or cloning or body modification or cyborgs exist? regency/historical/fantasy novels tend to be set "in the past" and erasing the colonialism, the racism/xenophobia, not questioning why it's ok to murder orcs/an acceptable group of people, and then suddenly having Gays Are Perfectly Fine and Acceptable is definitely weird, considering all these other biases. But what of scifi? Sorry I'm not as concise and cohesive as I wish I was. I'm in a spot where I do read these and I do think it's fun, but it bothers me as someone whose race/transgender/homosexuality/background as an immigrant has informed so much of me that reading these things has been a war of "I should be happy for others that they imagine this future for themselves and it's all just fun imagination anyways!" vs. "this is not the future I'm sure that I want but I'm worried that I'm too attached to my identity and that's why I'm not considering this other possibility of what science fiction or speculative fiction could imagine for me"

that’s it exactly isn’t it— what’s “normal” when we’re in a speculative world where we’ve supposedly transcended all forms of normal? what’s normal in a future we haven’t seen yet?

answering that would mean looking at the quality of the relationships and the dynamics between the people inside of them and seeing how they connect to present day conceptions of normative behavior. You would have to look at how this comforting speculative world arranges power and the relationships between people with various forms of power.

in assimilationist fiction, queer people assume very specific positions in the story. Their existence summons and soothes specific anxieties crucial to the assimilationist mind— will my straight parents accept me? will my straight friends and acquaintances accept me? am I normal? is the way I love valid? Do I have to change anything about myself just because I’m (cringe) queer? can I go on about my life as a normal person who just happens to be (cringe) queer? will I be able to achieve the standard and normal markers of success for a white, upper-to-middle class, able-bodied person even though I’m (cringe) queer?

the assimilationist story will take these anxieties in hand and address them with the goal of seamlessly incorporating queerness into a heteronormative story structure with functionally no difference between queer and straight (which has the effect of making everyone seem incredibly straight).

I hear you on the taking too much pride and ego in suffering, but I want to poke at that as well— is queer difference really rooted in suffering? are our identities nothing more than wound sites? what IS queer difference and how and why must it be assimilated into heteronormativity and its stranglehold on culture? how does heteronormativity manifest in queer works and what needs does it fill for the queer creator manifesting it? what is it about heteronormativity that feels so so reassuring and interesting and good for queer writers?

it all depends on what the werewolves and aliens in your sci fi are doing, in other words— and who they’re doing it to and why. It depends on what anxieties are present in the text and how the text itself chooses to address them. It depends on the author’s relationship to queer culture and how they relate to cultural norms to begin with, because there won’t be anything like our set of norms in a speculative futuristic world, so the whole question revolves around what is purported to be normal and how the people in that world are meant to relate to that paradigm.

it’s tricky! I don’t have answers, just a whole heap of books written by queer authors who just want to fit in and make money you couldn’t pay me to read.

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priestessofcreation · 1 year

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So the thing about the Girl and the Goddess is that in the Teenage section (it’s split into childhood, teenage, womanhood), it contextualized a few things about my own teenage experience.

This is how I know I am connecting with my inner femininity - because of the shit I realized in this book.

I’m a woman, I’m thick, I’m queer.

I’m focusing specifically on being thick and queer. I blossomed early. I gained weight at 14. Got tits on my chest and I got told by multiple people that I had to lose weight. AT FOURTEEN. Including people I loved and trusted. As a result, body dysmorphia out the ass since I was fourteen.

I was never asked out by boys. Not to dances, not to dates. I was only asked once because they saw me disappear to the bathrooms in tears.

As for being queer? I discovered I’m bi at 14 as well (in high school rather than middle school). I had to… apologize to a certain someone and lie to her, telling her it was “just a phase” to get her to not emotionally abandon me.

This person has gotten better. But the fact that I had to beg her for approval through a lie… Christ. Still makes me mad.

This book has homophobia, sexism, and body shaming. I was reading her poetry and I was watching my adolescence play out right in front of my face. She was a girl living in India, sure. She was also a bisexual girl with body-image issues with an interest in art, writing, and magic. It was like LOOKING AT MYSELF.

And I got maaaaaaaad. Because I didn’t realize until I read this book just how much I was victimized by the oppression in this society. I thought I had… idk, I thought because of my weight, I hadn’t been othered for my sex. That I was just this sexless blob that no man ever was interested in.

No. I felt that way BECAUSE of sexism. It wasn’t that I was victimized in the more known way that women are. It was the opposite. I was written of as unattractive because I didn’t fit the mold at all. Not just by men, but by my own sex. By people who should have helped me with my self-image.

And it’s not better.

You end up feeling unattractive, gross, and unloved.

As for the queer factor, it’s is a horrible thing that children end up hating themselves because grown adults have not learned to grow past their own biases.

I have a lot of thoughts, but the point is, this book helped me contexualize a lot of systemic traumas I endured in my teenage years I didn’t realize was there until now. This is the price of reconnecting with your femininity. You have to see how it was wounded.

The one good thing out of this, is that I’m reconnecting with my inner teenager. I ran from her and those memories for so long. I don’t think I ever got to be a teenager - I was always racing to get the hell out of high school. It was just purgatory and I was an outsider there, like I am in every institution I’ve been a part of.

#personal #yo you can skip this #tw body shame #tw body dysmorphia #tw homophobia #tw bullying #the girl and the goddess #nikita gill

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tjadakaa · 2 years

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so where do we go from here?

I want to quit ao3 and I want to make an inclusive platform that centers BIPOC characters and fanworks. If that interests you keep reading. If you’re an anti or hate critical thinking, don’t bother.

I’ve been complaining since 2016/17 about how slim the pickings are for anyone who doesn’t want to read the white man flavor of the week and that chorus hasn’t changed in 2022. Except now you get to pair your black character with a white character to whom the entire story, plot and emotion will be focused on... (lol @ TFATWS)

Currently I am at the nexus of hating the platform for making me more disappointed in fandom and knowing that there is no fandom centralization anymore. ao3 is literally it. tumblr is dead and twitter isn’t worth mentioning.

Idk how to make myself the most accessible to potential readers/writers seeking queer & transformative black content, besides continuing to use ao3. In the hopes that other wary readers clicking on a fic tagged with black characters will be pleasantly delighted to find that the fic is actually *about* those characters!

Right now I want to jump ship and take a gleeful stand to soothe my hatred/upset but im also aware that with Black Panther 2 coming up its a little too soon :/

One of my biggest gripes is how much of the fan content for Black Panther especially on ao3 (but everywhere in general) *sucks.*

Obviously I’m very very biased and I skew towards M/M side so i can’t really speak for M/F but yeah. Content sucks, micro-agressions, weirdness, racism and all out anti-blackness abounds. It’s fine if it’s just porn, (the internet is for porn, the more transgressive the better) everyone loves porn but it gets a little nauseating when you realize ppl can *only* write porn, for black male characters. (Or rather readers only want to read porn? idk)

So I’ve always taken pride in the level of my writing and my approach to BP that tries to take the world and the characters seriously. i was raised on Harry Potter and Naruto where there were 3 or more different well researched fanon bibles (usually in the form of 200k+ word epics) to lead you on your fic writing journey. There were greats to whom you could stand on their shoulders, trusting that someone with more knowledge, time and research than you already did the legwork for you to play in world.

To go from that breadth of dedication and fervor... to whatever most majorly black character fandoms have... is dizzying.

I’ve started to make my own Wakanda Worldbuilding journal here (meta which is naturally interlaced in my writing):

But there’s simply not enough time in my day, energy in my body or interest from anyone besides my core group in this sort of thing. When I talk with my friends, it’s enough for them to watch some tv, tweet some hater shit, voice chat, play some games maybe roleplay on discord

It feels like we’re too busy surviving to devote time to improving our fandom experience.

I don’t think we’ll ever not be tired, but I want for ppl who feel up to it to share their thoughts/ideas on what a less white/more diverse fandom content space would look like.

#ao3 #fandom #black panther #bipoc #fanworks

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friccinfricks · 3 years

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why i’m lowkey in love with rock of ages

- the music fucking slaps harder than any other shit ever in the history of my time on earth - i would actually argue that some of the covers from the movie are at the same level as the original songs, if not better - look ik that’s a bad opinion but if you don’t believe me, watch this shit. it’s phenomenal - it very shamelessly involves a “fuck taxes and the government they’re freaking losers” theme and I LOVE THAT SHIT - i eat that shit up - it also has two pretty significant actors (alec baldwin and that one british guy that’s just kinda wild) in a pretty nice, queer relationship, even if it isn’t the main relationship of the movie the fact that it was included was nice and it made me happy - (the british guy’s name is russel brand, my bad) - and the hetero relationship is honestly a vibe - cutesy girl from oklahoma coming to LA and meeting the sexiest simp alive? okay fuck yes - the movie has some flaws, but it shows real, human things. - it had legitimate issues and didn’t really, gloss over them, despite it still being a fun musical and still feeling light - the tom cruise portrayal of stacee jacks felt really spot on, and reminded me a lot of Bohemian Rhapsody and The Dirt, in reference to stardom kind of taking over rocker’s lives and making them feel incapable of love, only being sex icons, and overall outcasts in society, even if they’re revered by a certain populus - i think he as an actor (or maybe some of it hit kinda close to home, who knows) did a really good job with it, and the movie offers a similar observation as Bohemian Rhapsody did, but only from the opposite perspective. i think tom did great showing the inhumane part of being a rockstar, just like rami malek did - so even if it was a little bit uncomfy seeing a drunk-off-his-ass-kinda-strange-and-very-dark-conceptually storyline, it felt real - and that’s why it mattered to me - “yeah sure whatever that means” I LOST MY SHIT KNOWING THAT DIEGO BONETA IS LITERALLY SPANISH AND PUERTO RICAN AND SEEING THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD LIKE YES DIEGO, YOU PLAY THE FUCK OUT OF THAT VERY TAN WHITE BOY YES - he is literally so underrated as an actor and singer but like, i’m super confused on how that happened since he’s so adorable - like ??? - excuse me have you SEEN his HAIR???? - or his EYELASHES???? - or his EYES???? - OR HIS CUTE LIL CHIN THING IDK WHAT THAT’S CALLED BUT IT’S ADORABLE - he was only 22 when this movie was released but by god he has the talent and charisma of, like, idk, an immortal god - don’t ask i don’t fucking know okay - can you tell that i am also half puerto rican and in love with him and the fact that he’s also half

- also getting back to real human things - it shows what it’s like to be cheated on (or think that you have in drew’s case) and the evolution of making brash decisions, healthy or not, and their consequences

- but ugh that scene gets me so mad where that rat-faced agent convinces him to let Sherrie walk away bc UGH he was trying to communicate with her and so many things could have been avoided if that whore-good-for-nothing-money-hungry-agent had just let the dude be happy holy shit - okay let’s talk about sherrie/julianne hough - SHE IS MY BIGGEST CELEBRITY CRUSH OKAY - NOBODY FUCKING TOUCH HER - i thought she was fantastic, as always - if you go on youtube you can find cut songs/dances and her talent is just so ?? fucking remarkable holy shit - like i distinctly remember watching dancing with the stars and seeing her brother (derek) and being like wOW OKAY BE HOT THEN I SEE YOU - AND THEN I SAW HER AND I JUST AVGEHIKIEW$IFHNK$ - so yeah - loved that she became a stripper and in comparison to drew admits that being in a boy band was more embarrassing lmfao - plus like, she was fucking fantastic - she makes me want to invest in a pole, she was seriously just amazing - i’ll say that about the back-up dancers from the club she was dancing in, too - THEY HIRED THE MOST FANTASTIC FUCKING DANCERS FOR THOSE SCENES OMFG - also can i just say that mary j. blige is such a queen omg - her VOICE holy shit - i can’t even listen to Don’t Stop Believing by Journey without wanting to hear her freaking vocals omfg - girl’s got pipes that’s all i gotta say - overall i just love this movie and would suggest it to anyone and everyone - and while i wish they included some of julianne’s cut scenes, they were worth the find on youtube and i get how they could have made this film Very Not PG-13, which is lame but i’m just glad they’re out there tbh - also if you didn’t know i’m in love with pretty much the majority of the cast so my opinion is extremely biased but who cares - i kinda just made this post for me so that i can allow myself to die over and over again when i think about all of the very talented people in this film

#rock of ages #diego boneta #mary j blige #julianne hough #rock of ages movie #tom cruise #idk renee's rambles don't ask

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popliar · 7 years

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blindmouse replied to your post “K-Con Australia, 20170922-23”

1) thank you for this write-up!! I love concert reports and this was a great one.

NO THANK U for actually reading this monster and for your really thoughtful replies! I'll compile my replies here for handiness.

… oh I forgot I couldn’t use carriage returns in replies whoops. 2) that’s really interesting that it didn’t sell out either night! I would have thought wanna one alone would do it, given the urgency there (probably the only time they’ll ever promote in australia). 3) agree that aus fans would ABSOLUTELY show for the big girl groups, especially with the size that international kpop fandom is now. There’s no way Twice wouldn’t sell out.

I know, it’s shocking! When I say it didn't sell out, I mean it really DID NOT sell out. There were large swathes of empty seats, even in the 'cheap' seats (spoiler: there were no cheap seats). It was fuller on the first night with EXO, but even then it sold less in total than G-Dragon at the same venue, who in turn sold less than BTS... Diminishing returns, tbh. Local fans aren't endless streams of money and maybe promotors will start to see that.

That said YES I would put down money immediately to go to see Twice! I agree, they could totally do it. Even if they just wanted to test the waters and do a smaller sized tour, like say GOT7-sized venues. That would be awesome.

4) I am curious about which sf9 your fave rapper with the red hair is but since I can’t ID him from that description perhaps I should not kid myself it would be super meaningful to me to know lololol. I’m still waiting for sf9 to sort of transcend themselves with a comeback, but I have more faith that they’ll do it than say up10tion, as much as I respect their skill and as fond as I am of their faces.

@queer-mac and @proteinscollide inform me that my bias is Juho! I love his rap and his looks! On such flimsy bases do I form my opinions L O L.

I feel like the window for Up10tion is closing? Idk. Maybe I'm being too harsh, they're still young.

5) my victon knowledge and emotions start and end with ‘one of them has a crush on jimin and I wish him the best’, but I’m glad you got a mullet moment lololol. 6) I’m glad girl’s day were good and also super jealous! I would love to see something and expectation live omigosh. 7) still lolling at australia’s favourite boy band.

But who DOESN’T have a crush on Jimin? Gosh I wonder if it’s the one with the mullet...

I will never stop loling over the 'fave boyband' misstep omg. Always! use! closed! questioning!!!

8) I’m glad there was no sinister reason for D.O’s absence but that is just weird that they didn’t say anything. Maybe if they’d given a reason for him they would have had to mention Lay’s absence, though :// I’m glad they were good, anyway! Watching their performances at the end of year shows last year I just kept thinking they looked exhausted to death, so I’m glad that wasn’t true now, even coming right off a promotional period.

Yeah, exactly, I remember when we discussed that one awards show where almost every one of them looked like they wanted to just quietly lie down in a darkened room. But I think they got a lot of time off this year? (I wish BTS got the kind of time off they did...)

9) Daehwi is very cute and also kind of unashamedly himself even when he got hate on 101, which I respected a lot. (I kept imagining that he was how VIXX’s N might have been as a maknae, but that is perhaps an irrelevantly personal observation.) 10) Those Kylie covers are so cute! Or, well, I only watched Locomotion because of the video quality of the other, but it was delightful. 11) One of the only WJSN facts I know is that their main rapper is Exy and she’s phenomenal

Daehwi! That's really nice to see someone who’s not in the typical mould for a boyband member and still being super successful - is he now my Wanna One bias? I have chosen biases for less! Maybe he is!!

There aren't enough videos up from night 2 yet sadly, if I find a better WJSN video later I will try to swap out links! And omg yes it's Exy, I LOVE HER, SHE IS NOW MY BIAS. (see above, re flimsy reasons for choosing biases)

12) cockily charismatic on-stage/endearingly sheepish off-stage + cats is pretty much the key to the kang daniel thing. 13) I’m really glad MX put on such a good show! I’d love to see them sometime, they seem like they have incredible energy on stage.

...does Daehwi like cats tho? This is important. Bc Daniel has gained so many bonus points already from that.

MX FOREVER.

#blindmouse #kcon australia #kpop #kpop shows

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tinkdw · 7 years

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do you think destiel has a chance of becoming canon this season? I mean we haven't had a season this full of destiel (destielicious, if you may) since s8 and dabb seems really in favor of the destiel reading + there are two queer writers... i feel like we're so close to canon destiel but i'm afraid i'm just biased bc i want it to be canon. thoughts? btw ily and your content

Hey nonny, given that I’m so new to tumblr your last words are so sweet thank you! *hug*

I am also massively biased of course, I would love for Dean and Cas to sort their proverbial crap out and snuggle on Sam’s bed watching Lilo & Stitch while Sam looks on from his chair in constant amazement with both a warm and sinking feeling in his stomach. Cos he’s so happy for them and his family is whole and content but guys, not on MY bed.

Where was I?

Imo it’s a tough one for the show runners and the network, they don’t want to rock the boat but also don’t want to be seen to be queerbaiting, as I said recently it’s poor show for them that when you google Supernatural an article on queerbaiting comes up on page ONE. Also I’m kinda not sure that Jensen is very happy about the idea, but I’m happy to be proved wrong by people who know better.

Thus imo it’s an endgame deal, which I’m sure you know if you follow my blog. I basically scream endgame Destiel every day. To the point that I feel like if it doesn’t happen I’ll just be. What? Like in shock for a few millennia. I keep telling myself that it might not happen and that’s fiiiiiiine…. but then get sucked right back in cos as you say - fodder much? I mean season 12 - what are you doing? Even throwing in so much gratuitous Drowley is glorious to me as if fantastically accentuates the Destiel what with the Cas/Crowley mirrors since their conception and I LOVE IT.

Imo they wouldn’t be chucking so many tropes, so much Destiel fodder at us if it wasn’t going SOMEWHERE as that would make the queerbaiting issue WORSE and the CW has other shows with queer representation so they must be well aware of this as a sore point.

They could easily calm down the Destiel and keep everyone happyish in the middle ground, not rock the boat and upset the Pro or Anti side by, idk, heightening the SASTIEL, allowing Cas and Sam to interact as brothers without it being via Dean, levelling all their relationships with each other to a real brotherly, equal style. Comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Sam and Cas’s and even Dean and Sam’s is key to me understanding Destiel, it makes the differences so obvious.

Have Sam and Cas bicker about, idk, anything, Sam easily bickers with Dean so why not Cas? I mean they have common ground over Lucifer - but they hardly spoke about him at all one on one? For that matter have we seen Sam and Cas have a real one on one conversation not about Dean since 9x11? I mean to me sure they care about each other deeply but they are portrayed as brothers IN LAW not brothers….nearly always either with Dean there as a buffer or talking about Dean. That one bonding episode in 9x11 is the only one I can think of and it stood out precisely because of that.

Or have Sam call Cas once in a while, don’t have Dean walking off to speak to Cas ALONE so Sam can’t overhear…. Having Dean acting like a complete jealous husband over Crowley then like a WORRIED husband about Billie…. NOT having Sam clearing his throat, eyebrows into his hairline, mouth agape as a constant ‘third wheel’ to a married couple’s bickering or generally an audience mirror to Cas and Dean’s interactions….

Yeah these are choices they are making.

However there are other, many reasons why they probably won’t do it right now (plotline - generally, LBR the drama is at its peak when it’s dragged out right to the end; actors might not want to ‘go there’ on camera too much, certain producers might not be keen, they might lose some right wing fans which we know are numerous, even just fans who don’t see Destiel and would see it as just fan service etc etc etc).

So… things are kind of too good right now with Destiel which makes me worried as it isn’t the right timing imo. If we do get canon Destiel this season I would personally bet on either:

1. Both show their feelings (loosely, I’m not gunning for a double sided love declaration of anything but hey who knows) but they’re separated by *something* leading into season 13.

2. Cas shows his feelings even more clearly and Dean isn’t ready yet. I’m continually writing about the deconstruction of performing!Dean and how this season is particularly strong, but this part is gonna be a BIG deal and perhaps it’ll be one of the last to fall…. leading to perhaps Cas in a Romeo & Juliet style move going back to Heaven (as that now has conveniently become a potential option), thinking that Dean has rejected him (I wouldn’t put it past Dean to be outrageously harsh and hurtful out of fear and self loathing), again leading into season 13.

Basically no, I doubt by the end of season 12 we will have hand holding, waking up in bed together and getting coffee in their jammies Destiel. BUT I do think we will be getting deeper into their relationship and something big will happen cos man, it sure is leading to something….. so…..

#supernatural #supernatural meta #asks #destiel #endgame destiel #dean winchester #castiel #castiel winchester

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pinkpeccary · 7 years

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all the trans ask game asks !!!!!!!!!!! or any five, if that's too many !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^

under the cut bc long

1. How did you choose your name?i still use my birth name irl, because it’s familiar and i like it, but i use ollie on here bc it’s the name i would change to if i changed. i like it because it’s gender neutral, leaning masc, but could easily not be. it actually started as a name for characters i made up, and eventually i realized i liked it enough to use it for myself.

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)probably when people assume me to be a girl and refer to me as such. like it bothers me less if the person knows it’s not totally accurate, and it depends on the circumstances and the person and the word they use (i’m pretty okay with girlfriend or sister), but that’s the big one.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?i’d say more social, the physical stuff comes and goes and i can control for a lot of it with clothing

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?idk really, i think i just try to distract myself by being around people i trust and just doing something else to get my mind off it. if it’s a physical thing i might change clothes to something that makes it a little less strong.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?junior year of high school, when my trans male friend was talking to our theater teacher about the complications of passing and being out and shit and mentioned demigenders as a complicating factor in that it’s not as black and white binary as people think

6. When did you realize you were transgender?probably a few months after i started thinking about it, the process was a little weird because i went from “i’m a girl” to “i’m a demigirl” to “i’m agender” and so on, but yeah

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?this isn’t true of every trans person, but personally i find it very freeing from gender roles and biases. because i’m fluid and have difficulty conceptualizing gender in the first place, i can kind of just respond to any “x gender does this” thing with either “that applies to me” or that it doesn’t, regardless of the gender they name.

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?i think i’d self-describe as genderfluid. idk what between, but i think it is fluid and it feels different from day to day. i can’t easily conceptualize how gender works, so most of my descriptions are based of vague feelings. lately i’ve been leaning masc (gender-wise, not necessarily presentation-wise).

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?i talked to my mom about it a bunch during the process and that was fine. i didn’t really tell anyone in high school because it never came up and i didn’t know how to bring it up. at college it’s fairly straightforward, it’s customary to share pronouns when you meet people here, so i say i use whatever pronouns and that’s that. i’ve only really gotten into the details of it with [k tag].

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?haven’t really tried it, i don’t really get bottom dysphoria

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?binding works somewhat. i don’t like that i have to wear a shirt over the binder to really get flat; if i just wear the binder it doesn’t look as smooth.

12. Do you pass?i mean the obvious response to this is “as what?” i don’t read male bc i’m smol, have a round face and a girl’s name, etc. in terms of dress i think i’m probably read as queer in some way, because of short hair and occasional “boy” clothes, but idk what people think my gender is by looking.

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?i want top surgery. idk how that’ll work, because i’ve been trying to get it arranged for this summer but being home is a bad experience so idk how that’s going to work. also i haven’t looked into this much but getting rid of the ability to be pregnant would be A+.

14. How long have you been out?since i got to college pretty much, so about 8 months or so

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?so the ones i can remember off the top of my head, in no particular order: demigirl, caedogirl, commogirl, agender, agenderflux, nonbinary girl, stargender

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?only microaggressions, like people using overly binary language or assuming me to be a girl, etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?my college has all gender neutral bathrooms. elsewise it depends on where i am, if i feel safe doing so i’ll use whichever bathroom is free/closer because i feel like i can identify with both binary genders to the same extent in that case

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?my mom’s supportive, so’s my dad as far as i can tell, idk if my sister knows and i don’t care, my brother definitely does not know bc i’ve never really explained it to him (and it would be hard bc he’s got some cognitive issues and is still kinda young so it would take a while) but he’s wonderful and i’m sure he would be fine with it

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?i wouldn’t. i don’t want to read as binary in either direction.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?i wish i could’ve figured this out when i was like 10. i had major dysphoria all through puberty and ignored it on the basis that it was “probably just body image issues” and that i had “more important things to worry about.” i wish i could’ve known this was a possibility then so i maybe could’ve done something earlier.

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?i use it pronouns. i don’t like binary pronouns bc i’m not binary, and i don’t like neopronouns bc they’re too weird for me (not that they’re bad, i just don’t personally like them). singular they sits weird in my head because it uses verbs in plural tense, even as a singular word. it is my compromise for that, as a singular gender neutral pronoun. it also has the added benefit of feeling right for when i want to distance myself from personhood, which i do as a mentally ill / autistic thing sometimes.

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?absofuckinglutely. i can’t conceptualize it. i really like things to make sense bc #autism, and gender doesn’t make any fucking sense.

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?i don’t really know. i guess maybe people not letting me be who i am? idk. i’m in a pretty good place wrt physical danger, bc i pass as my agab, live in a pretty liberal place, and am v white. so idk.

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?ignoring gendered clothing, stopped having periods, telling people i use any pronouns

25. What do you wish cis people understood?i want them to know what it’s like to not be certain in your gender. i can’t understand what that certainty feels like, but it seems really strong in most cis people (and some trans people as well) and i want them to understand that not everyone has that.

26. What impact has being trans affected your life?i mean it’s a major part of my identity, so probably a lot, but idk specifics.

27. What do you do to validate yourself?i really like the phrase “i’m the prettiest boy.” i’ll usually say that in my head when i’m having a good day, or like when i’m getting dressed in the morning and i like my outfit (even if it’s a girly outfit). it’s not technically accurate, bc i’m not really a boy, but i would prefer to be read as a boy than a girl.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?it’s pretty shit. there’s a couple good reps, but mostly you don’t really see it. also nonbinary rep is absolutely terrible.

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?ngl the only one i know is laverne cox

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?idk

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?last semester i went to my college’s trans affinity space (this semester it conflicted with a class i’m taking). online i just kinda talk about my gender sometimes, i’m not really that involved.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?probably the same (autistic genderfluid), presenting boy-ish, etc.

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?i have no passions

(this is a lie i have many SpIns)

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?whatever you id as and whatever you feel comfortable sharing is totally cool and you are rad

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?i mean i’d honestly say my gender identity is probably a symptom of my disability. aside from that i’ve got the thin white kid privilege in that i look like the stereotypical nonbinary. i’m fairly privileged in terms of trans stuff based on location, circumstances, appearance, etc, so yeah.

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?i wear what i feel like for the day. i like sundresses, and usually think of myself as more “boy in a dress” though it definitely doesn’t read that way. sometimes i wear more boys clothes, and i think i just read kind of butch rather than “boy”.

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?i lean masc on the basis of i’d rather err on that end of the spectrum. it’s like a balance between how i’m seen and how i feel, and the “girl” end already has a whole bunch of stuff, so i’m balancing it out by being more “boy”

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?in big words it’s grayromantic acespike. it’s connected to my gender in the sense that it’s probably also a result of being autistic. i’ve only really been attracted to one person (my current bf), and i guess the only comment i’ll make is sometimes there’s an implication that i’m not gay enough, not because of being a-spec but bc the only person i’ve demonstrated attraction towards is the opposite binary gender from my agab. so. that’s a thing.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?i really don’t care. [d tag] isn’t, and he’s wonderful, so i don’t think it matters to me.

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?i just kind of distract myself. there’s only really one thing i want to do, and i’ve been living with dysphoria for long enough that i can kinda just wait it out until it happens.

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?tumblr

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?i have a bunch of trans friends (not so much in my immediate friend group) but yeah

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?no

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.i don’t have the spoons to come up with a question rn but this was fun

#moonbeamroses #thank you #gender #ollie talks to people #pp

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