#and i still felt like crying all day bc of this?!

[lifeisahighway]

god, i knew ben’s exit would be rushed and shit but not this shit. what an absolute slap in the face for max, tony and the fans. honestly i could cry

#i’ve not watched this show in months!! #and i still felt like crying all day bc of this?! #their relationship was so special and actually meant something #but no #it’s bad enough they axed max but they had to torch ballum too #fucking hell #eastenders #ee lb

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏

#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania #so im like ??? wtf is happening? #i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like #hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts #so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme #like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha #ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho #before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol #anyway. im curious #menstruation #pmdd #pms #its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :) #and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see- #-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out.. #the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!) #i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!? #they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow. #that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!! #not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

[frecklystars]

feels really awful not drawing my red energon necklace on me anymore. it also feels awful when I do draw it though, like i used to feel rly happy bc it's a reminder of how loved TF made me feel but now it's just a reminder that i've lost it and i'm! always! scared i'll never get that back! i keep trying to imagine starlight would want me to wear it but its so fucking hard to imagine him being kind towards me when i have months of trauma and abuse that have convinced me the exact opposite. that's why im making so much fanart instead of self ship. thats why i still only doodled one (1) ship art w/ ken and i'm facing away from the camera bc i cannot stand to draw myself with or without the necklace. i hate thinking about it i hate lingering over that empty area. i hate missing him. i fucking hate missing him. im not supposed to miss any of those characters like this. this was never supposed to happen to me. i didn't deserve ANY of that shit my abuser put me through. i just want everything taken away from me to finally be mine again

#been drawing myself wearing barbie's locket or ken's chain #just to fill that empty space because idk what else to do!!!! #i tried drawing the red energon necklace while im holding hands w/ six #and it felt so fucking Bad it was like oh. why would i wear that if it's never gonna feel better again #would stsc even want me to wear it anymore. does he even still love me #i keep trying to imagine that he misses me and hes just waiting for me to come back #sitting in our meadow holding the necklace for me stargazing and wondering if im ok #but TF being a literal fucking trigger makes it SO FUCKING HARD to think of fluffy scenarios #when someone spent months telling me how abusive they would all be and how vile they are #i love barbie. i love ken. i love six. i love sebastian. but it is absolutely fucking nothing compared to what i had w/ starscream #and im. nevergonna get it back am i #the pain is so tremendous and when i lose barbie/ken/six/etc etc idk what im gonna do #i felt so good watching the barbie movie today i watched it TWICE since its the last day in theaters #and then on the way home a starkeri song came on shuffle #and i fucking lost it i had to pull over bc i started crying so hard #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!!!!!! #vent

[marcvscicero]

.

#brain constantly oscillates between i didn't deserve any of this and life is evil and cruel and rotten #vs i deserved it all and i did it to myself and life is just consequences and karma and there's ontly me to blame #bc at this point things cannot just be coincidence/life at this point i must be making this happen i must deserve this stuff #there's too much stuff for it to jsut be the way it is #thinking abotu how even if there is no afterlife the idea of nothingness and nonexistence is a millipon times better and safer #and kinder than what i have right now #if something exists cool if it doesn't still cool i wouldnrt know any different #like if life is still like this at 25 what’s the chance it would ever get better #i honestly have never felt so ready to die everything and everybody is so cruel and horrible and theyve never been any different #ive been a punching bag since i was born #shit childhood shit life shit body shit shit shit pain every day brother constantly hurling abuse at me everybody taking it out on me #im fine im just ranting on here i guess theres nopoiint to this post i just cant stop crying everything is so horrible all of the time #back to looking at gay david tenannt characrer posts to cope ig uess #i

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[szczylpierdolony]

life is falling through my fingers more that usually

#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january #and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof) #2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression #like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else #and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore #like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying #and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either #ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved #oh thank god #i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself #esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel #like such a pathetic idiot my god #also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure #from silly things to more serious ones #like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one #the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid #so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or #thanked them etc #and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that #was it and idk where we stand #and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but #unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me #i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange #also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever #📓 #niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć

[pepprs]

hi mutuals not to doxx myself but im in boston literally rn :D 🤯🤯🤯

#purrs #took a 2.8 mile walk around the hotel and tmrrw i have a session at 8:30 am that i have to be up at6 for so i can get ready and rehearse #bc i haven’t rehearsed at all to this point LAWLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰and im goi ng to. a scary fancy dinner tmrrw night lole. but it’ll all be ok. this k #kinda feels insane and fake like all of it. and my melon carton spilled in the subway and it was so embarrassing and i was very stressed. im #nervous but excited i wish this all felt realer but it’s nice and im excited to see more of boston. kinda crazy to be in a city where ppl #are alive and there are lots of sights and smells and sounds and things and it’s just there all the time every day. also kinda crazy to be #in massachusetts as a destination when the last time i was here as a destination both my grandparents were alive and their house existed 😃✌️ #but i am trying not to think about that. but if i get to visit faneuil square i might cry lol #conference tag #also i have HORRIBLE motion sickness like even lying in bed under the covers i still feel like im on the train and the ground is swaying #underneath me…. wtf 👩🏻 but it’s fine. i am a normal girl i made it to boston and i have 2.5 days left here and iam looking forward to living #them and having smth to look forward to every day 🥳I just need to not be nervous. but also we are doing orientation in the BALLROOM and it’s #fucking massive like why’d they make it so big 😭😭😭😭😭 help

[bl00dw1tch]

the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am

#horse.txt #vent // #sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk #anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember #from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore. #bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like #made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them #but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it #doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge #that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs. #which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely! #but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues #so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig #EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet. #sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore #i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭 #its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back #bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝 #at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos #still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn #sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this #the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall #i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious #thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now #alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post #daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty. #😎😎😎💪💪💪 #the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket

[autistic-shaiapouf]

FINALLY bought con tickets 👁👁

#and also dropped a lot on paying credit cards but that's neither here nor there; i am. gonna have to go to like 5 stores on Sunday #I'm prepping my fabric to be put through my sewing machine and I'll finish off a lot with that #nearly done with the forewings and most of the coat; the hindwings are another beast but so long as i actually sit and work on them. #we should be good 👀 it's all gonna work out.. #also may have screwed up my hotel booking by booking check in on day one of the actual con #but i only have 2 outfits so first day partial and casual might not be a bad idea anyways #idk when it opens but i know each day runs until 2am lmao; the drive there is still making me a little nervous #but it's interstates so i should be okay for the most part; just gotta pay attention to the exits bc if i get turned around again #I'll start crying 😭 i can do it but i start shaking when I'm making maneuvers i dont have enough time to think about 😭 #anyways. could be a very casual pouf on day 1 if i felt like it.. choices choices... #shai speaks

[girlwithfish]

exhausted yayyy :3

#again! #Last two hours r worst part of the day lol. i get left alone w like 8 kids then it goes down to 5-6 and they become a nightmare idk whyyy #they hit each other sm fight over toys cry when i take a toy away from them or when i played a baby shark video for them #they cried after i wouldnt play more videos its soooo #Frustrating ig #this one girl n boy r always beefing w eacj other i s2g😭 #she was pushing hrr body against his against a door and i told her to move and like gently moved her off him and then she tripped and fell #and started crying which pbv i felt bad abt but it wasnt rly my fault like babies just fall alllcthe time nd i def didnt push her or move #her roughly at all but i still feel bad and a parent was there too and comforted her for me even tho i didnt rly ask her to so i kind of #feel like embarrassed idk cuz i cld have done it lol. (it wasnt her parent a diff parent etc lol) #Idk. #Its annoying they like turn into demons by the last hour or two bc its the end of the day. cant get them to etop hitting each other #Ugh. #Idk #whateverrr

[non-un-topo]

Why does instagram keep giving me videos about grandparents like does it want me to fall on the floor sobbing today

#they're all gone! none left now #idk what happened this week but i've been trying SO hard not to think about my nana at all #it’s just a constant don't think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it #i did have a really violent nightmare about her the other night. that fucked me up... #maybe it's because i talked to my mom and she mentioned her for a minute. neither of us know how to talk about it. #i literally can't even think about it i'll start crying. #should visit my partner's nonna and nonno... but i will cry. still we need to see nonno because he's very unwell. #i can't fucking believe i found out my nana died and then immediately went to class. #mentioned it to my professor and the whole class gasped and asked if i was okay or if i needed to leave. #but if i didn't go to class then i would have just been home alone... #crying in front of my favourite prof a few days later was... yikes. but it was okay. she felt like a grandma to all of us #she was sincerely sorry. esp because that class was called 'women and aging' #she spend the entire year telling us to ask the older women in our families their stories #and now i have none left. didn’t get to ask. #i don't know why i didn't call when i wanted to #i can't think about it #glad my mom told me that she feels totally disconnected to family too. bc lately ive felt very alone. #like my nana getting sick and dying brought them together but only for a short while. #feels like we have no extended family and it's fucking me up a lot. im just glad im not the only one

[cheekblush]

just woke up from a horrible dream about my chemistry final tomorrow 😭

#it felt so REAL i woke up with my heart racing bc i was so scared 😭 #immediately checked my phone bc i thought the exam is TODAY but no today is sunday the exam is tomorrow i need to calm down 😩 #i took a break from studying yesterday & just relaxed the whole day & clearly my subconciousnes is now making me feel guilty for it 😞 #i hate when my worst fears creep into my dreams like please let me sleep in peace i'm already anxious enough 😭 #i genuinely was so scared the exam was today & i'm completely unprepared bc there's still so much i need to study 😭😭😭 #in the dream i showed up to the exam & there was a delay bc they didn't print out enough copies but some students already got theirs #so i asked someone if i could look through their exam paper & i was absolutely mortified when i didn't know a single answer #so then i started to feel nauseous & talked to my teacher outside the classroom saying i was feeling unwell & he got PISSED #we always have to sign a paper right before the exam if we feel healthy/fit enough to participate #so i guess dream me thought if i told my teacher about it he would be understanding & let me leave but he got so angry 😭 #he said he saw me flipping through the exam paper (which obviously isn't allowed) & that's the only reason i'm feeling unwell now #then i confessed that i didn't have much time to prepare for chemistry bc of all the other exams which made him even angrier #then he basically humiliated me in front of the entire class telling them i'm retracting my exam participation in a joking manner #he kept saying i have to repeat another year & making fun of me... i was crying so much in front of the entire class 😭 #he wouldn't answer my questions anymore & then another teacher came & told me to leave & that's when i woke up in panic 😫 #usually i never remember my dreams & i'd rather it stays that way instead of having such horrible dreams 😭😭😭 #i hope this isn't a bad sign & that i'll manage the exam tomorrow.. i'm honestly so scared i just want to pass 😔 #the dream was honestly so scary.. i could see my teacher's face SO CLEARLY & all the little mannerisms he always does... #like he always has to turn everything into a joke.... ugh this is so unsettling please please please let me pass this exam 😞 #just a few weeks ago he gave us these really difficult questions for exam preparation & even our chemistry aces were struggling with them #when i asked if the exam will also be so difficult he just laughed 😭😭😭 #he later clarified that the exam won't include such difficult questions but like why use them for exam preparation then???? #everyone was so frustrated & discouraged after those questions #all the other teachers just revised all the study material with us & gave us questions that really prepared us for the exams #i'm seriously terrified of tomorrow now... i'm so scared i'll just be staring at the exam paper & not being able to answer anything 😭 #okay let me calm down.... i wrote a whole essay in the tags 😭😭😭 #☁️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all #idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back #it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that #but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time #i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw #i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at #hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed #that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer #and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself #miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk #how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my #increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social #interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better #its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab #ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the #void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting #idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again #but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group #maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from #getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules #unrelated

[mrs-kelly]

Feels like I’m not gonna stop gushing about him until I go to sleep. I mean I told you I missed him all day and I’m not kidding shfjfl

#how do I put what I’m feeling into words. #it’s so much more than just feeling like he undersstands me #I have a real passion for him. I’ve never felt this way before #I’ve felt pretty strongly about other f/o’s and a lot of them are so close to my heart #but something about Charlie is just like. so natural. like it’s always been this way. like loving him is like breathing #like I could spend all day talking about him and watching him and daydreaming about him and it still wouldn’t be enough #every dream ive ever had about him has been focused around the way he looks at me #the way it feels when he looks at me. it’s like #it’s like to him there’s nothing else that matters but me #like he would wait forever. like he’s fine with whatever life throws at him as long as I’m there #like my presence in his life makes everything ok and it’s all gonna work out #there’s just a safety in his stare in my dreams. that’s the only way to put it #a confidence. a surety #like now that we’re in love and together everything is as it should be #and honestly I feel the same way when I look at him #like I’m right where I’ve always needed to be #idk im just. im laying in bed and I’m crying little tears bc I love him so much #and I just. I know he loves me too. I just know it #ren speaks #im gushing out here folks #renlie

[snnumntik]

idk there's something so fucked up about how anyone regardless of age treats your disability if you're fat. like when I was a varsity athlete I was just barely overweight, and I kept pushing myself SO much harder than my peers because I kept seeing they could do things I couldn't. and they kept making fun of me relentlessly and accusing my pain of being made up, fake.

I was dislocating my bones as I was running. specifically at my hip. my patella kept moving in places it shouldn't have moved. my wrists kept sliding out of place when I had to lift the heavy equipment. but all these kids calling me fake, all these adults rolling their eyes at me, simply because I had a larger figure than all of them, it made me push myself so much harder than I needed to. I pushed myself twice as hard to be half as good as my peers.

it was to the point that physically I felt SO MUCH BETTER when I graduated high school and dropped the sport. people kept raving on about how the exercise would make me lose weight and make me feel on top of the world but I didn't lose the weight and felt awful all the time.

when I got my diagnosis and the doctor explained things to me, it was like that little kid was being seen for the first time regardless of their weight. it's a case where being skinny and being relentlessly active is NOT a sign of being healthy whatsoever. I just wanna shake my younger self by the shoulders and tell them that.

#disability #fatphobia #ehlers danlos syndrome #eds #tw fatphobia #tw ableism #text post #sorry i felt the need to get this out. i got diagnosed officially like a month ago and it's been circulating my head since #that poor kid #when i hiking with my boyfriend a few days ago there were people behind us #approaching me faster than i was currently going #and i just started that old habit again. i closed off my mind and started going fast #and ended up subluxating my ankle in the process #but kept going until i started crying p mucj #bc i was afraid of being the slow one and being ridiculed by them. i was afraid i was gonna ruin the hike for others #so i ruined it for myself instead #idk. it sucks that it's still with me after all these years #people wonder why fat people hate to exercise esp in public. this is why