#and how long i can hold my breath

[viviantimmet]

you know, i don’t really mind being sick. I guess it’s because i pretty much always feel like shit anyway, and least when i’m sick people let me act like it. I find the sensations that come with it fun to complain about as well. Fun to put the specific aches and off-feelings into words. I like being miserable in ways i can describe and others can relate to.

#just my luck #my immune system’s fair impenetrable #to the common cold at least #but im also the only one i know who didn’t get covid #the last time i was sick #it was from eating an entire jar of spicy pickles #and i was only miserable for a few hours #this tendency rears up severely #if i get less than four hours of sleep two nights in a row #i feel all light and muffled and like circulation to my head is pinched off #and get a little too interested in that #and start wondering how long i can keep it up #and how long i can go without eating #and how long i can hold my breath #and then i have to beat back that idiocy with a broom #and get myself a sandwich and a nap #before i end up nocturnal and fainting in bathrooms

[hella1975]

i need to know your thoughts on the sunshine court coming out this month. i am personally unhealthily obsessed w denim jean moreau and i’m gnawing at the bars of my enclosure to finally get real jeremy knox/jean moreau content (it’ll also get rid of those weirdos that ship jean w renee like sir that is a lesbian)

i am being so so so brave about new content i am not scared fear is the mind killer

#I NEED EVERYONE TO LOOK AT ME AND LISTEN. LISTEN. I DONT CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO GET A HOLD OF THIS BOOK #I DONT CARE HOW LONG I TAKE TO READ IT. I DONT CARE IF I CANT EVEN READ IT IMMEDIATELY #YOU /WILL NOT/ SEND ME SPOILERS. NOT EVEN IMPLIED. YOU CAN SAY ‘OH I READ IT AND LIKED IT’ OR GIVE YOUR OPINION #BUT IF YOU SEND ME SPOILERS EVEN WITH GOOD INTENTIONS I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASS #IM BEING SO SERIOUS #THIS IS MY SUPERBOWL #okay? okay. deep breaths #also anon i don’t HATE jean/renee I don’t think anyone’s weird for shipping them #seeing as they’re almost certainly gonna be made canon but i do agree renee could fix allison and jerejean is everything to me #PLEASE NORA PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #ask #aftg #the sunshine court

[frecklystars]

it's midnight!! happy birthday to me 🥳

i have to work tonight, so i'm actually just gonna spend the entire week celebrating my birthday. it's my birthweek. it's my month, baby!!!! keritember!!!! this year sucked and the universe owes me a good day so im MAKING it a good day!!!!

i am going to watch a movie with my bestie after work and cuddle my barbie/ken dolls and im gonna eat my favorite foods!!! i didn't get around to drawing a comic i had in mind bc i would rather focus on getting commissions done first BUT i will try to get my comic done by the end of the month bc i have a rly cute idea for barbie/me/ken 🥺🥺 and then ill spend the rest of the week treating myself to seeing barbie in imax theaters!! and!!! idk!!! eating more delicious meals!!! opening the packages u guys sent me (THANK U BTW IM SO EXCITED ABOUT THOSE)!!!!

i've also queued a bunch of my favorite music/barbie videos bc i want some extra happy stuff on my blog today 🥰🥰

#feels so wrong not celebrating w/ my TF F/Os but. ive got barbie and ken so its ok #i have imagined them holding my hand while im walking to the starflower meadow #and stsc gives me a hug and he says happy bday. and he promises hes waiting for me #no matter how long it takes. and hes gentle and hes soft spoken. and he is sad when i flinch but he doesnt hold it against me #and then i go back to barbieland where i can breathe a little better and everyone says theyre proud of me #i was gonna make this a lil vent comic but augh. cant draw stsc yet. but maybe some other time #it feels so much easier to imagine a transformers character... if barbie/ken are present #someone in my inbox described it once like... using those other F/Os as a 'bridge' #it feels WAY easier to imagine stsc or bee being gentle if i have someone 'safe' with me #woof

[errorsystemfailure]

tag dump

in the vain hopes that making my own post will save some tags better than reblogging them has. don't mind me

#letting people down is my thing baby | lee tag #who you are is not what you did | aster tag #this house is falling apart | amalgamation tag #long as i know how to love; how to fight; you’ll always be a part of me | simon & marcy tag #will you fix me up? will you show me hope? | things about simon #try not to hate the light; someday we’ll try to walk upright | marceline tag #bleed just to know you're alive | damien tag #i’ll be good and i’ll love the world like i should; for all of the times i never could | john doe tag #anything to make me feel alive; i’d rather be anything but ordinary | valkyrie tag #make me feel like i am breathing | things about skulduggery #i could set the world on fire just to watch you come undone | things about theta #i’ll see your heart and i’ll raise you mine | things about trick #companionship is where you find it; so i take what i can get | things about arthur #someone with your eyes might come in time to hold me like water or like a knife | private eyes tag #i want to believe there’s a new discovery waiting for me; i want to be the one to find it | betty tag #you taught me to live for somebody; you can keep looking up; i am yours | petrigrof tag #life is for the alive my dear | things about mr todd #eminently practical and yet appropriate as always | mrs lovett tag #i know what’s best for me but i want you instead | harley tag #when i close my eyes it looks the same as when i open them again | ford tag #three guns and one goes off; one’s empty; one’s not queue enough

[fist-amidst-the-hands]

having stripper izzy thoughts... he has a pair of regulars who like to book a room and request him for a private show. the leather daddy looking one (ed, he's learned) always settles back against booth first, one leg extended to rest on the bench and the other bent at the knee, foot planted firmly on the floor. the colorful polished one (stede) follows and sits in his lap, getting the perfect view of izzy while his boyfriend (at least izzy assumes ed's his boyfriend at this point, they've made this a bit of a habit) gets the perfect view of him

it's not that unusual for izzy to perform for a couple, though more often he's requested for groups (friends, coworkers, strangers, sometimes he can't tell). mostly he prefers it that way - all the more satisfying when he can make everyone in the room feel like they have a personal connection with him. that's the name of the game right, to make them want and feel wanted?

but this couple... they're different in a way that pulls at izzy's gut and makes him ache. stede watches izzy with devotion and izzy's learned what makes him bite his lip, what makes his eyes flutter, and how to get his head to tilt just so. his gaze is intoxicating, full of open adoration izzy wants to drown in

while stede watches izzy, ed mostly watches stede. sometimes he's leaned in close to stede's ear, whispering words izzy can never quite make out. what he can make out are stede's reactions, expressions unrestrained and on full display for both of them. sometimes ed leans back against the wall, one hand or the other resting on stede's thigh or hip or lower back. one time izzy notices them hold hands, fingers laced together, and it makes something else in him ache. other times ed actually does watch izzy, with his chin resting on stede's shoulder and something deep, something hungry in his eyes consuming as much of him as they can

if stede's gaze is the thing he wants to drown in ed's is the thing he wants to pull him under

#he just wants to be doomed and redeemed in the same breath okay babygirl is feeling all kinds of things at work and it's hard to focus #ofmd #ofmd hc #steddyhands #izzy hands #edward teach #stede bonnet #this was my second coherent thought after waking up #the first was about sex worker izzy but that's for another post #the best way i can describe the difference between how izzy feels about each of them watching him is this: #from stede it feels like gentle tender focused worship but the kind that has an echo of a smirk to it. the kind that holds confidence and #power and dominance in its care #from ed it feels like fiery deep consuming desire. the kind of pain that leaves a spreading warmth in its wake #i'm so curious how izzy deals with this in his mind because he's damn good at his job and he knows they both like coming to see him #specifically but he has other customers like that too. maybe the difference here is that he's also fighting with wanting them too #he's so used to drawing that boundary and defining the roles of himself as the desired one. even uses it as a measure of success - if he can #be the focus of someone's attention and pull their longing in his direction he's done well and that means good money and the boost of #pride and satisfaction that comes with it #but it's his job and yeah he has regulars but it's a one way street. be desired. make them want him and keep them wanting #he's not supposed to be the one who ends up seduced #i think the first few times izzy performs for ed and stede he thinks they're hot just like he would some other customers but it's a passing #but the more they keep coming back and he gets to know them or at least gets to know what they want from him and what they respond to best #well i think it gets harder for him to stay on his side. but he will. he always will because that's the agreement. he's seen what happens #when people have crossed that line and most of the time it ends up messy for everyone involved #but i think ed and stede would want to date him. court him even #maybe one time when they come in they ask if he can just sit with them and talk for a bit and they bring it up #izzy almost gives his default response that he's married (which half the time is met with a 'so what?' anyway) but stops himself for reasons #he tries not to look at too closely. instead says something about how he doesn't sleep with customers and stede saying 'we're not asking you #to hop right in bed with us' (and ed jumping in with 'but also we're not... not asking' and stede elbowing him so ed adding 'eventually') #basically stede explaining they'd both like to get to know him outside of work and see if the three of them get along as well as he thinks

[sm-writes-chaos]

my ocs really are just facets of myself holy ezerk

#if I was cooler that is #or stupider #actually I am both but am able to hold it back enough to seem like a normal human being #sometimes I get a little to silly and forget to actually try and be normal (in the way where I don't shutdown and can form actual words) #and those times are scary because they look at me weird #like I cant actually say words I am blubbering and laughing nervously and hesitating until I realize need to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER #and stop thinking so much and actually say something #I forget that I cannot pause time and take as long as I need to respond #example #person: have this brownie #me: oh no I *heavy breathing thinking'no I cant take this brownie I've had enough I will get sick I need to smile SMILE what do I say wait #I know what to say ohmugosh get out of your own head TALK' No thanks! <- suddenly snaps back to reality corrects posture and smiles #I like get trapped in my own brain #wait how did this turn into a rant????? #uh #gbye #I dunno how to explain this does this make sense?

[freshwater--mermaid]

I ship Danny with his own burrito’d corpse

#this is a JOKE do not tag it as y know what it rhymes with itch earl #also this is me announcing that ive started writing for ersatz again i doodled this while thinking of some fuuture stuff #ersatz au #danny phantom #yes at long last i have begun actually writing it not just pondering or making small notes ACTUAL WRITING i am so happy #dont hold ur breath tho pls i am waiting to actually upload chs when i have several actually done #it still makes me laugh when i think of how my AU is known as the 'danny has his corpse in his closet' au i wanna cry about it #also i havent drawn danny in a few yrs and i had no refs can u tell??? #ok time to shut #im only rambling because im nervous

[arolou]

i’m holding onto heartache (i wear it like a crown)

Relationship(s): Anakin & Obi-Wan, Anakin & Ahsoka (background)

Rating: G

Word Count: ~1k

Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Post-Episode S5E20: The Wrong Jedi, Ahsoka Tano Leaves The Jedi Order, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Doesn’t Equal Attachment, Angry Anakin Skywalker, When Anakin Gets Mad He Gets A Little Fascist-y, We Know This, Arguing, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Friendship

“Anakin, I know you’re upset…and you have every right to be,” Obi-Wan admits, calmly removing the accusatory finger from his face with a firm hand around Anakin’s wrist. Anakin’s hand is shaking – he doesn’t know when that started, but he can’t seem to make it stop. “Do you really think that I wanted Ahsoka to be expelled from the Order? For even a moment? Of course I didn’t, but my hands were tied.”

Intellectually, Anakin knows that – he’s seen enough sorrow and bloodshed and injustice to know how this works – but that’s not enough this time. In truth, it’s probably never been enough for him. Because, despite what the Code and his master tried so hard to teach him, knowing will never take precedence over feeling.

Or: Anakin isn't coping well.

AO3 link in reblogs!!

#anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #obi-wan kenobi #aniobi #snips and skyguy #star wars #TCW #star wars fanfiction #TCW fanfiction #firefall fic #FINALLY finished something good LORD #but that's just bc it's a lil baby thing #i have two (2) long projects in the works and i hope they can someday see the light of day #but i'm also not holding my breath. #anyways here have this tiny thing about how anakin is my f*cked up little guy.

[oculusxcaro]

One of the things that hurts Khare the most isn't so much the eyes and teeth growing in her flesh but rather her memory issues, how easily she forgets things and struggles with the most basic tasks. Her IQ wasn't impressive before getting experimented on but she lived independently and picked up a range of skills from doing so along with working many odd jobs back in Hull. It's immensely frustrating - and upsetting - to her when it takes so long to learn what should be a simple thing.

#🌈 || musings #🌈 || headcanons #Okay the eyes and teeth are a little upsetting but you get used to them after a while #Covering them up and scraping them off every couple of days is managable #It's the impact the injections had on her brain that's most upsetting #Trying to remember the right way to spell certain words and phrases #Struggling to repeat a task when she nailed it before #Now she struggles doing even the simplest things and it takes so much effort #Fortunately Pauli and everybody else at the diner are patient and she's able to function well enough but #It's still upsetting like she could DO all this so easily before and now she can barely remember what her own mother looks and sounds like #Would she even recognize her if she walked past on the same street? #How long until she forgets another important thing? #As her body mutates she gets harder and harder to kill but that IQ is dropping as a result #She KNOWS she's not dumb but can't help it #Rorschach helping her retain her memory and correct spelling by playing Scrabble tho <3 #OKAY just one more doubleshift tonight then I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE #Hours should be bback to normal next week but I'm not holding my breath #Ah well I'll be happy for a day off tomorrow regardless #Sorry sorry to have been so quiet and lacking activity I am just tired :(

[maybemoonbeams]

anyone wanna reblog this and tell me in the tags what your current hyperfixation(s) is\are becuase i

#am having a category 7 autism moment over pipe organs #i do not remember the last time i opened up the wikipedia page for something to read recreationally #i initially sought out the list of the biggest ones (because large)and had to step down to the main page first because theres all this ling #and i wanna know what everything does #the music itself has to be a pretty specific vibe for me to like it bc if theyre not played a certain way it gets really cacophonous for me #but the instruments themselves are fucking monsters and playing them seems less like performing on a instrument #and more like harmonizing with a great beast #you start it with a key?? #it takes all of your limbs and the thing is constantly breathing #the sound will continue for as long as you hold the note it will not dissipate??? #you can record things and play them back it will even remember stop settings it has memory?? #stops control how the pipes sound if youve ever heard of pulling out all the stops this is that #theyre like orchestras able to be played by a single person some of them even have voice sounds #the people who play these things are also their own type of beast #pipe organists are wild because god there's just so much #it scratches my loner badass complex so acutely #a lonely person shouldering an entire symphony contrasting against scores of people playing a single piece together as one #you could write an anime about this #did everyone else just already understand about these things or #blake.txt #good tags

[pepprs]

feeling misery and despair about going back to work btw. im trying to suppress it and i did a good job but the inevitable is inevitable

#purrs #i had like 3 massive breakdowns at the end of the week incl one on friday when i was off. and then i was like ok. i am literally weak and sh #shaking from all of that let me just pretend none of it happened. and i did!!! i pretended so well that i have felt basicslly normal all #weekend. i played a lot of video games and i even went out twice.. once to a chorus concert on campus (which is big bc being on campus ummmm #is deeply agitating to me rn ♥️) and today to home depot w my family to wander around the plants and hear the birds. i am suppressing things #and i know i am but if i don’t think about thst i feel so normal. except now it’s 11:16 on a sunday night and i have work tomorrow. and i #know most of the horrors are over but there are still so many more fucking horrors ahead. saying goodbye to people i love and anniversaries #of things happening including today being the 4 year anniversary of a certain email lol. and i can FEEL the difference. the way my stomach #is in knots bc weekends are only so long (even long ones) and i can only hold back the horrors for a little while. it’s all temporary. augh. #i literally need like a whole month off i think. idk. work stuff has fucked up my mental health beyond belief this year and it’s so sad bc t #this is my dream job but im in so much mental pain and physical exhaustion constantly and they beget themselves and by the end of the week #im miserable. but the semester is about to end. but what if it doesn’t get better bc EVERY single god damn time we talk about how it’s gonna #get better it quite literally gets worse lol 💖 i can’t im not strong enough. coming up on 5 years here and im not fucking strong enough! #but i will heal eventually i think. i just need the horrors to cease for long enough for me to catch my breath (and other redacted things ♥️

[the-acid-pear]

Got so bored with the 30 seconds ads I tried out erotic self asphyxiation. I guess I'd get behind it if I had to.

#luly talks #i also checked how long i can hold my breath for it was less than 30 seconds #by asphyxiation i mean cutting the blood stream to the brain or so i tried im not an anatomy expert

[copiasblair]

i really hesitate to make much concrete in my lore with copia at this point just because you know his story is still ongoing. there's going to be new revelations within probably the year and i don't want to have to scrap stuff because it doesn't quite fit

#and you may say ''well blair you can just ignore canon!'' well i like my self-insert stuff to make sense with the canon! #but it's just hard because you know as it stands i'm kind of holding my breath for the end of the year #and what's in store for my love #i mean to be fair ghost lore tends to be quite inconsistent/retcon things regularly #and i'm probably taking it too seriously (as i do most things i get too invested in) #i'm happy that i'm seeing him before whatever happens at the end of the tour happens #but yeah when that date rolls around i'm probably going to have a really tough time #but at the same time there's a kind of comfort in knowing the full scope of the story #to maybe gain some understanding as to where he fits in all of it #and from there i can decide how i want to address it in my ship lore #but. i also can't think about it for too long without wanting to cry just out of anxiety #because i mean. i really Don't Know what's going to happen to him #and that's scary #what do you have to say doll?

[hearties-circus]

Why am I so easily swayed into a roaring contest with the wee ones, even when it actively hurts, if they keep going so do i, I actually fucked up my throat like my voice is screwed this is not the first time this has happened

#gamer txt. #'this' being fucking up my voice not getting caught up in a roaring contest #although its hard to say if this one will be as permanent as the last time i fucked it up #cause last time i did this it was screaming uninterrupted for long periods of time that did it not roaring #and that Feels different cause that time it practically didnt affect my voice it just affected my pitch #i can no longer hold a high note for more than a few seconds if i try to do so i turn into a raspy mess and it gets a bit harder to breathe #but that doesnt affect my voice much nor did it at the time i sustained the injury #this is different my voice has very much been affected #in the sense that im a raspy mess no matter how i speak right now #kinda want this to be permanent itd be kinda fun #unique if you will #and it doesnt hurt #free rasp with no pain thats a pretty good deal

[chronicpainstevetruther]

men shottgunning beers in front of the ladies they want to seduce is the smartest thing the frat lifestyle ever produced.

Like he's gulping down beer and it's running over his face and a drip is making its way down his neck! cmon! he's basically begging to eat box in a submissive and slutty fashion.

#“look how long i can hold my breath” #“and how thirsty i am”

[violet-dragongirl]

I dunno I think story pacing is going to be a bit odd and too long in Starfield

#like....the promotion is that it's a 20+ year old ip that has a VAST open world #And of course todd stating that yes you CAN go to that moon like you could go to the top of Hrothgar...*chortle* #but really like...how is the pacing of the story and gameplay going to factor out in that? #I feel like if there's over a thousand places to visit #you'd think that you'd want to spread out the story enough that it's going to be a Very Long Game but also tight enough to keep people in #I hope that problem does get solved #because Least Amount of Bug or not like... #this game could do everything right and still fail due to pacing...a very crucial thing in games #I dunno...we'll see...still not holding my breath on it tho #not because of todd or bethesda or the game having the least amount of bugs #but because honestly I've seen and played and got clowned on enough “AAA” games to know that I need to wait on games #that do indeed hit all the right buttons for me #...sadly I still might get clowned on other games as well and well..yeah I gotta change that #cos I'm running out of clown makeup and that shit in this economy is getting stupidly expensive