#and he's like yeah why

[jeanivere]

sketch feat. the tweets that inspired it

tell me you guys get it tho like why is he built

#bg3 #gale bg3 #gale of waterdeep #baldur's gate 3 #gale baldurs gate 3 #fanart #my art #im too lazy to put more tags #anyway idk why he has abs dude #hes a nerdy cat man who lives alone #hes not gonna be built like he is in game... #yeah hes hot with abs but hes even better with a bit of pudge #but thats just my two cents #dont mind how bad the sketch is #i dont have an excuse i just suck #anyway

[deadmomjokes]

PSA: tomatoes are not spicy. Tomatoes and tomato products should not be spicy. Pizza sauce isn't inherently spicy. Tomato-based pasta sauce is not spicy. Ketchup is NOT spicy.

If tomatoes are spicy, you have an allergy to tomatoes.

This announcement brought to you by my almost 29-year-old husband learning for the first time in his 2.8 decades of putting food products into his mouth that spaghetti and saucy pizza aren't spicy foods

#his amazement at our daughter eating spaghetti willingly #when apparently he's been suffering in silence over there his whole life #and i'm like ???? #and he's like ''you didn't make this spicy?'' #NO #NO I DID NOT #and he just blue screens for a minute #and i'm like YOU THINK SPAGHETTI IS SPICY??? #and he's all ''yeah that's why i prefer we don't have it very often'' #the absolute SHOCK i tell you #turns out he hates ketchup because it's spicy and he never understood why people wanted to dip fries in spicy sauce #i was like ''DUDE ketchup is supposed to be sweet and maybe a touch tangy but also cool and refreshing'' #and he's like ''SWEET?????'' #so uh yeah turns out dude's allergic to tomatoes and he just assumed everyone had a way higher spice tolerance than him #cuz he can find ''non spicy'' food too hot #and it's just all tomato based stuff and we never thought to connect the dots #mild salsa? too spicy. IT'S THE TOMATOES. #tacos? too spicy even at baby heat levels. IT'S THE TOMATOES. #prefers alfredo to marinara despite alfredo having objectively more pepper in it than marinara #he thought his spice tolerance was just so wimpy that my 'normal' was too spicy for him #so he's just been dealing with 1-3 meals a week being spicy to him our entire marriage WITHOUT SAYING A WORD #because he didn't want to offend me with his wimpy palate #IT'S THE TOMATOES #it's always been the gosh darn tomatoes

[nerdpoe]

The Justice League finds out about the Anti-Ecto Acts, and Batman is the driving force behind condemning them. He even goes so far as to summon popular ghost hero Phantom for advice, given that his son, Red Hood, would absolutely fall under those Acts. Phantom...tells him he's wrong.

Red Hood is 100%, completely and totally alive. Same soul, same body, sort of the same person. Only 'sort of' because people change as they grow, so obviously he isn't going to be the same person he was when he was fifteen.

There's not a trace of ecto in him, or in any of the Bats. None of them are even liminal.

Batman asks if he's sure. If he's really, really sure. Because ghosts run on emotions, and Red Hood came back extremely violent and irrational.

"Well yeah, of course he did," Phantom deadpans, and Batman suddenly feels very, very small under that glare. "He was murdered, unavenged, told that there was no way he was the same person when he came back pissed, and had his words as a victim ignored. I'd get violent too. Look, I gotta go, but thanks for getting the Acts removed."

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #you know all those fics about the batfam being liminal #and that's why they're weird or spooky #and that's why jason beat the snot out of tim #yeah so like #what if they weren't #at all #mostly i just wanted bruce to have to face that #yo #this is still jason #he's angry and grown up but it's still jason #and you're stuck in the past grasping at straws #refusing to acknowledge the very alive man in front of you #while you grieve a child you ran off in the first place

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 185

No one could get into contact with Constantine. 

Now usually that wasn’t that big of a deal, the man constantly disappeared for a few days at a time doing something or other, but he’d been completely silent and unseen for months. Usually he’ll at least answer a call to tell them to fuck off or something. 

And they really need his expertise and are getting incredibly worried for their grumpy team member. Yes he’s an asshole, but he’s their asshole, y’know? And he has a habit of getting into Situations (sure he also usually gets out of them, but what if he didn’t this time?!) 

So they’re desperate. Kind of really desperate. Desperate enough to use the summoning sigil they found on his fridge. They’d checked it, multiple times, and it should summon the hellblazer. 

“You’re not Constantine.” . 

The white-haired teen in the circle yawned, stretching and blinking at them blandly with familiar blue eyes before sighing. “Actually I am,” he stuffed his hands into his hoodie as he looked down at the summoning circle. “Well, technically just one of the many Laughing Magicians currently in the Realms.” 

He gave a grin, looking more amused than annoyed. “Pretty much every one of us is in the Realms right now for family reunion lol. (Did he just say lol out loud??) So like, you’re gonna have to specify which of us you’re tryin’ to summon. Honestly perfect timing for me thanks, the fruitloop keeps flirting with John and it’s horrific so.” 

… That was probably their John, wasn’t it…

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #The Constantine Family exists for fucking over entities & manipulating luck #They adore this scrappy halfa who is doing the same with twice the feral #Danny: Yeah I’m like the changeling child that ended up in the middle of them and they just kept me for the laughs lol #Danny: I’m not allowed to join in the drinking competitions #Danny: Oh no it’s not a responsibility thing; alcohol doesn’t affect me and they say it’s cheating #Why Yes Vlad IS flirting with their Constantine #He’s started his redemption but let’s be honest he’s also a con-man & John is all for fucking over the rich #Danny is disgusted at how well they’re getting along and wanted to get away from their flirting while everyone else ribbed at em #Hence why when they all felt the summoning he decided to go #Well that and also for the laughs because he’s learning magic Undead Constantine style #”Fuckin 'ell yeah the family 'as a necromancer in 'he line again look a' 'im go!” (Lots of ghost & living people drunken cheering) #Danny only half fucking with people: Yeah I’m like their collective undead fae child lmao #danny fenton #john constantine

[treasureplcnet]

anime-only fans please please please consider reading dungeon meshi because once you hit ch76 your life begins anew

#dungeon meshi s3 is too far away you must experience That Kabru Panel NOW!!!!!!!!! #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #kabru #mithrun #i also do NOT care if mickbell wouldnt talk this much or be this perceptive him and kuro are the greatest guys in the world to me #my art #ideally this shows up in tags otherwise i will break down. no big #i need mithrun to be like ‘why isnt he being overly attentive anymore. he used to spoonfeed me’ #and its like ‘kabru is not only busy trying to steer laios away from disaster rn to be thinking abt that' #'but he also is no longer super weird about being manipulative to those he considers his friends' #like yeah. but mithrun wants to eat mushrooms that r being handfed to him by the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom.

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

house's little laugh as wilson openly flirts with him through an MRI microphone is Doing Things to me

#they're just. they're #idk they're sure something #house md #hilson #damn it wait i just realized why this moment is getting to me so much #there is just something so *genuine* about it #like it's the tiniest little chuckle but #no one can see house right now #wilson can't see his reaction #he can't even hear house laugh because it's soundless except for the little breath house takes before returning the banter #house is in a ton of pain from his leg and he's self destructive and generally miserable #but just for a second wilson made him happy #and as tiny a moment as it is #there's something so precious about it because it's a rare moment of complete sincerity from house #and we know it's sincere because literally nobody can see him #so yeah as i said. it is Doing Things to me #house s02e13 #house season 2 #videos - house #op

[fluffyartbl0g]

Everytime I go into the Zosopp tag, I just see people SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING about the lack of posts IN the Zosopp tag. THE ZOSOPP ECONOMY IS IN SHAMBLES

#one piece #op fanart #zosopp #roronoa zoro #usopp #this was also just an excuse to play dress up with zoro and usopp XD #oh why is usopp wearing a detective outfit??? #well im so glad you asked!!! #The gang stopped at this town on an island and there seemed to be some mysterIOUS shenanigans going on #robin and usopp formed a watson and sherlock holmes duo!!! but only usopp dressed for the part LOL #cue usopp getting super into his role and interviewing whoever he can while robin solves the whole mystery with just a few clues #she likes watching usopp have his fun tho wahah so she follows him around and nudges him in the wrong direction for funsies #the ultimate reveal ... usopp: MS BAKER IS THE ONE WHO STOLE THE COOKI- Robin: yeah they're all trading addictive drugs #Ms baker: DRATS and i wuda gotten away with it too if it werent for u two meddling kids!!! #am i talking about usopp and robin on my zosopp post? yeauh #anyways usopp is like wauwah ROBIN!!!!!! UUUU >:((((!!!!! #then he trots off to zoro because he hasnt seen him all day and he wants to tell him about the fun adventure he just had XD

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[morganbritton132]

Eddie is just trying to film a Tiktok to remind his fans about some upcoming shows but trails off when Steve says off-camera, “Hey, remember that RadioShack guy that was banging your mom?”

Eddie: *flips camera around to show where Steve and Jonathan are sitting on the couch*

Jonathan: …Bob.

Steve: Yeah, him. That toe guy from Lord of the Rings looks exactly like him, right?

Jonathan: …

Jonathan: Gollum???

Eddie: Toe, as in Po-tay-toe. He’s talking about Sam

Steve, snapping his fingers: That’s the guy

Jonathan: Oh.

Jonathan: I don’t see it.

#Eddie after looking up a picture of Bob: Yeah no. Steve’s right. that’s Samwise’s dad #I had this idea for a fic I never got the voice right for about Steve being pretty close with Bob when he was in middle school #and that no one knew so Steve didn’t find out that he died until like way after the fact #we’ve made every adult on the show Steve’s father figure why not Bob? #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson #jonathan byers

[dameronalone]

thinking about how percy jackson is seen as intimidating because of his godly powers from his father but the thing that makes him the most dangerous is his humanity from his mother

#I like to think that's the point but still #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv #obsessed with this kid bc he only cares abt the 'cause' as long as it aligns with his interests which is keeping his family safe #THATS why he's so intimidating to everyone #because yes he IS extremely powerful #but it's the the ruthlessness to protect the drive he has the utter determination that makes it so much of a threat #like in tlt just the sheer determination he has to bring back Sally. jfc kid I've met adults with less spine than you #HE WAS TWELVE. GOOD LORD MAN #obsessed with this kid I love him #like percy didn't get that loyalty and devotion from his *father* that was all Sally baby #loyalty to the point of it being his fatal flaw. yeah. not his dad. not the divine ichor. that's all humanity

[steddielations]

once again thinking about how Eddie’s realization that Steve’s actually a good dude probably has to do with how Steve kept making sure he was in the loop (girl with superpowers) and placating his worries without making it seem silly (Dustin’s not cursed, just mental) and never once making Eddie feel dumb for trying to keep up and going blank under stress (not saying ‘you should already know’ when explaining the hive mind) I know we love how Eddie doesn’t make Steve feel dumb about the Ozzy reference, but Steve was also doing that for Eddie too for most of the season

Just thinking, with Eddie having failed grades and clearly struggled in school and not being seen as “traditionally” smart, he’s definitely been treated like he’s stupid before. Both him and Steve know what it’s like to feel dumb and they made such a point not to treat each other that way and it’s so!!!

#they tease each other and steve’s like ‘you got it easy. i just had to grab a bat and start swinging. no questions asked’ #i made another post about this but i was thinking about it again because!! #yeah it’s probably part of why eddie was like hey he’s actually a very good dude #steddie #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #steddie headcanons #st meta #mp

[egophiliac]

oh no, I love them

(super quick doodles done between other stuff, there will be better things later I promise :')

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #spoilers spoilers spoilers #me when the shroudparents walk in: what. why. what is this. #me thirty seconds late: never mind they are AMAZING #i mean yeah idia kind of offhandedly mentioned it way back when #in episode 6 when he was like 'my parents have to wear special equipment to deal with the debilitating effects of the curse' #'and to hide their identities as a french electronic synth-pop duo' I GUESS #no no it's okay. mrs shroud you are kind of insane and i love you #GROUP HUG EVERYBODY!!!!! #mr shroud you put up with a lot but somebody's gotta remember to do the paperwork #daft punk bert and ernie is the best possible dynamic for them #and THEY LOVE THEIR ROBOT SON #i'm so happy for ortho #(hovering around the subject of dreamworld ortho. ...we'll get to that) #man though now that i know what they're like #when idia busted in to show them how he built himself a replacement brother #mrs shroud was probably just like 'this is exactly what i would have done. let mama give you some pointers on joint mechanics' #i know i'm in the minority on genuinely unironically loving overblot idia #(YES he's weird but it's a weird i'm into!) #i am DELIGHTED by the design parallels. he looks like his dad! #but with his mom's ears! #ah it's so good

[nerdpoe]

Just A Small Morsel, Please Sir AU AKA Constantine Would Like to Disappear Please

Batman is about to go toe to toe with another god, and he needs armor that will prevent another "lost in the time stream" incident.

So he consults JLD.

The decide that if he has a piece of a really, really powerful entity, then that entity's powers should think that they're protecting the entity and in turn, protect Bruce.

So Constantine draws a summoning circle, and is bullied into making an actual good offering to the being the circle is supposed to summon. They include a note; it's written in an old, ancient language, but with JLD working together they figure out roughly what it says; something about requesting a piece of the most powerful being's belongings to grant them protection.

Thus, the ritual begins! The lights dim; cold green fog emanates from the summoning circle, the feeling of dread almost overwhelms the lessor experienced.

And then in the middle of John's chant, the ritual is forcibly stopped from the other side.

The offerings remain.

A single note floats down on top of the pile.

'I'm uh...flattered? But like, it's kinda weird to ask for someone's hair. Gonna have to turn this one down, sorry. No kinkshaming, though! I also won't tell anyone else what that kink is, Constantine, don't worry; I got ur back. Anyways stop the creepy hitting on me.

Danny'

Apparently, JLD had not correctly translated the language.

It's direct Translation, once they had that key provided to them by Danny, which once they got that they were able to figure out that one key letter was not what they thought, was more along the lines of;

'Oh Great High King, We Request A Small Parcel, A Small Snippet, Of Your Luxurious Hair. Just For A Little Bit. We Need To Use It For Personal Reasons. Just A Small Morsel. Thank You For Being Pretty. And Amazing. We Just Want A Small Piece. That Is All We Need. It Does Not Take Much. We Are Very Eager. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.'

Needless to say, multiple heroes have to stop Constantine from trying to throw himself out of an airlock.

@simplestoryteller

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #just a small morsel au #constantine would like to disappear please au #constantine reads the direct translation #and just fuckin #dies #It takes Batman making the summoning himself #And just using the same sigil but with a note on top of it explaining in english what he wants #when danny's like #"ohhhhhh yeah no prob I can lend you some infinite realms armor fuck why didn't you just say so

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 257

Now Danny loves space. He loves everything about it, to the point his core quite literally is space. And he’s also a baby ghost, even if he could argue he’s not in human form. But see, being baby has an honestly great consequence once it’s noticed- despite the Observants’ best attempts at hiding it, the assholes. 

Of course he would be far more worried- and even a bit pissed- if his caretaker wasn’t who it was. Look, he’d never met Clockwork’s siblings before, but apparently everyone was really against Clockwork himself adopting. 

But Clockwork as his uncle is fine. Besides, his caretaker is Space! Space itself is holding him, cooing gentle words in the sounds of the very cosmos. And they’re huge, like parts of their body going through portals so they can fit outside Long-Now sized big- and apparently Clockwork can get just as big and they can get even bigger- 

Okay, he needs to take a breath- even if he doesn’t need to breathe- to stop his squealing because holy Realms this is so cool. 

Space is awesome! And he’s getting so much more rest than he did in Amity- and even if Space sort of shrugged at the idea of school at first, they did help him set up online schooling. So there’s that, and it’s just the start! 

He gets to learn so much about space and it’s honestly kind of… nice? To be taken care of? And he can do whatever he needs for his Core and Obsession with only a few interruptions to take care of his living needs. Erm, sort of living needs? 

But even that gets turned into a bit of play or even a lesson too! He’s honestly having such a good time right now! He’s learning so much about spaaace! And dimensions! And interdimensional portals and- oops! No one saw that. 

Ahem- But he’s learning so much about space and getting to explore other dimensions with Cosmos! And sure he no longer looks as human as he once did and all that, but he’s seen so many people who also don’t look human that does it really matter? 

Of course it doesn’t, and he matches his sort-of-dad! Even though the streaks of color in their hair are more of a brown-red like they’re literally bleeding out the cosmos around them instead of it fading to void and space like his own. But still! They match and it’s fun! 

And they’re going to go on another trip from the in-between to one of the dimension realities! He’s going to start a game of tag this time he thinks! But no cheating with portals or bending space! Tag! 

Look, the Justice League? Not paid enough for this. In fact, technically not paid at all due to being volunteers (not that it stopped them from finding money in their accounts) but still. 

There is some sort of figure… being… thing… zooming around the asteroid belt, about the size of Earth itself. Let them repeat themselves. A planet-sized creature (are those hands or paws? Tail or simply its body stretching? Hair or the Abyss-) is currently darting around the asteroid belt like a child running through grass. 

That is, without noticing or caring if something bug-sized might be crushed. And they are very much bug sized, as the governments are concerned about. Like really concerned about. Like talking about trying to nuke the entity if it wanders closer sort of concerned. 

Which they are all very concerned and very much like, against. Because it isn’t seeming to notice the asteroids it’s knocking into their area. It’s like… not a space whale or eel or anything like that but also is something like that. 

And they would also maybe like to see if they can attempt to talk it down first maybe and-

oh. 

Oh. 

That creature is the baby. And mama just arrived, stretching across the entire galaxy, from them to Pluto and beyond, like something took the cosmos and shaped it like clay into some sort of form. Like reality itself has wandered into their galaxy with what they are suddenly realizing must be a very young child. 

Shit, they really have to make sure no one tries to piss either of these things off-

#Prompts #DCxDP #DPxDC #Danny is like Lil Baby Man compared to Cosmos #But he’s the same size as the world too lol #Space Core Danny #Clockwork is a triplet lol #Clockwork Chaos & Cosmos the children of Infinity & Reality #Let Primordials & Ancients be Eldritch #Are those stars or eyes? Hair or strands of time? Clothes or the fabric of reality? Wound or black hole? #Danny: I am doin good at hidin- the best at hide and seek #Cosmos veery slowly floating after: Oh nooo where has my ghostling hid where could they have goone to *knows exactly where he is* #Can they *technically* go smaller? Yeah but they’re used to where All of Space-Dimension-Portals meets #Danny is Not ghost king he’s bby Space Ancient #Why were people against Clockwork adopting? He never finished divorcing Pariah before he got thrown in the nap box

[ninyard]

exy fans + twitter

#this is stupid I’ll make more memes in a sec okay #aftg #all for the game #Neil josten #Andrew minyard #tfc #the foxhole court #I’m sorry I keep rereading these and giggling at Average Fox Player #idk why that cracks me up #like he killed people? yeah checks out #mine

[turtleblogatlast]

Every day I’m haunted by the fact the boys happily swim in sewer water

Even if it’s filtered somehow there’s no way it’s not still nasty 😭 Bet they can defeat any of their villains just by accidentally giving them diseases I swear

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #bless their hearts but they’re nasty #it’s funny because like #each and every one of them has moments #where they’re a typical disgusting teenage boy #and then the next they have STANDARDS #can’t blame Leo for being so determined to go to a spa #even if he nearly licked his own foot that’s prob cleaner than anything else the boys have been up to in years 💀 #thank you shelldon for all your hard work cleaning after then 🙏 #they’re all gross teenage boys!!! #even Donnie he is NO exception here #bro was DRINKING A BEVERAGE while wading through sewer water he is just as gross as his bros #bro also talks with his mouth full he is no more refined than his equally gross bros fr and I love it #but yeah no way that water isn’t disgusting even filtering it would still leave grime on the walls of the sewer for yearsss #pros of them moving into an abandoned subway system is fixing their sense of smell enough to not be as gross #100% that’s part of why they didn’t mind being so filthy pre shelldon #because I mean they were literally raised in the sewers and they’re teenage boys like that’s a double whammy #THEY ALSO DONT WEAR SHOES #the few times any of them do the shoes are discarded before heading home 💀 #I love them tho they are endearing anyhow #April’s immune system must be godlike just being around them fr #honestly no joke Mikey’s probably the cleanest of them all #just by virtue of being a chef #Leo I see as a mixture since he no doubt loves to pamper himself so he’s clean like #a percentage of time before he goes out and ruins his own hard work #Donnie is similar in that he’s just VERY SELECTIVE about what he thinks is too gross #Raph may be more on the stinky end but it’s not his fault he has his stinks and eats things of dubious origin(esp since his bros ate poison) #Donnie and Leo really have the gall to be sick about Raph eating the origami salami but they have no room to talk #all their villains are prob like please stay away from us we have salmonella now