#and handle their emotions and be able to Live

[monstersinthecosmos]

Okay I don’t want this to be like an obnoxious millennial assumption because I’m positive that every generation has things like this, but the way autism and ADHD was treated for us in the 90’s and how it affects adult diagnoses is like, imo, so integral to our coming of age and the stories we tell and the way we’ve gotten to know ourselves, even the way it relates to our job market and economy and how we operate inside it, and especially the way a pandemic uncovered it for so many people and exposed the cracks and revealed that we were all just barely functioning and held together with popsicle sticks and anyway

I say that because maybe it’s the un-diagnosed 90’s child in me but I feel particularly emotional about Keith’s arc in learning that he’s part Galra, and the way even the creators said they made him sort of prickly because of his biology, and I just !! Think so much about Keith’s neurotype as a part Galra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause something about being diagnosed later in life is like, looking back at all the other ways you tried to handle yourself, all the missteps, maybe even misdiagnoses. Like, how many times did you try to treat ANXIETY without realizing you didn’t have an anxiety disorder, you just can’t deal with your family blaring the TV from the next room? How many times were you told you were lazy, or lying, when you didn’t know what executive dysfunction is? 

Keith is such a lovely rich character because his prickliness is EARNED—we know what happened to him, we know he’s traumatized, we know he’s been treated poorly by many people in his life. We know that he grew up thinking that he’d been abandoned by one of the people who should’ve loved him the most, in the whole world. He even questions that in his vlog—he makes the connection that he has trouble with people because of his mom. 

But I just wonder like, how much of it is just his biology. Not understanding the body he’s in, being completely ignorant of one whole half of his culture. Had he ever mutated before the TBP fight? Did it take him by surprise, did it frighten him? ((* This is head canon territory LMAO there’s no way to really know—like, is he able to do this because he just spent so much time with Krolia, or does Shiro going That’s the Keith I remember mean they used to have really primal sex that turned his eyes yellow? Lol)) 

Like when we talk about even the most broad generic terms of saying someone is neurodivergent, we don't even need to put a real life label on Keith. Like he's literally not human! Of course his brain looks different! Of course he functions differently! And I wonder how much is nature v nurture -- if he knew the truth about his mom, if his dad had lived, if he'd been allowed a normal childhood, would he still have been a weird kid?

Cause like, even seeing the way Shiro is able to get through to him, we see ways that he allowed for thrill seeking, and he didn't judge Keith for stealing his car. It reminds me of like, what we know now about asking children to sit still in school, and how perhaps some children would do better with standing desks. Shiro wants him to behave and succeed, and doesn't judge him for being a car thief, and gets through to him by bringing him cliff diving. And it just feels like this clue, you know, that nothing is wrong with Keith, he's just living in a weird place where people don't get him.

It’s just really special to me, because there’s so many pieces in the sequence of events of Keith’s character arc, and I know I’ve said this a handful of times now, but I really sincerely believe it’s the only thing the show really nailed. Accepting himself during the BOM Trial -> MOMENTS later learning something ver important about his biology -> spending time with Krolia -> coming back to pilot Black when he’s READY and WANTS to (unlike the first time, when he resisted) -> becoming a pragmatic strong leader by the end.

Gosh idk. 

I don’t really have anywhere to go with this, it’s just something I was thinking about today and it gets me real emotional. Like, Keith must have had these moments, re-evaluating who he’d been before he’d known, finally understanding why he was Like That, and it’s so healing to imagine him accepting his past self and forgiving it because he understands now. 

#hes just a lil baby #keith kogane #sheith #SPACE MAN META #i watched the lion king this morning and cried my eyes out and it got me so upset about keith LMFAO

[youareunbearable]

Actually here take this fun little idea.

Growing up, Elrond and Elros used to watch Maedhros grieve. They used to whisper to each other, for they were told that Elves who suffer and Feel too much may fade from their grief. Yet Maedhros has so much, he wraps himself up in his loss and his despair and guilt looms over him and makes his shadow even longer than his height. The twins whisper and murmur, coming up with wilder and wilder reasons for how an Elf so full of grief can go on.

Its Ages later when Elrond has the answer. Sometimes, when it seems you have lost everything, everyone, the only thing left to do is to continue on for them.

#amber rambles #Silmarillion #silm #maedhros #Elrond #i like to think the reason why elrond is so good at handling all the shit hes had to deal with #is cause if there is one thing Mae taught the twins #is how to work through grief and loss and pain of just Living without those who arent with you anymore #all the feanorians would be good with grief i think cause they had to handle their dad and his Moments #and as someone who has a dad with PTSD over someone who they lost you just learn to help ppl through grief #but mae has had so much shit happen to him that he would be a master at it #even if he did let the grief consume him in the end he still would want to make sure the twins would be ok #and handle their emotions and be able to Live

[riickgrimes]

#the walking dead #the ones who live #twd: the ones who live #richonne #richonneedit #twdedit #towledit #michonne grimes #rick grimes #danai gurira #andrew lincoln #mine and only mine #GOD THE GRIMES FAMILY MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL #i am just not prepared for when she tells him about rj #i know im not gonna be able to handle it #oh ym god

[theshadowrealmitself]

I can’t articulate it, but it gets to me that, outside of Spock and I think Tuvok, being logical and regulating emotions isn’t something that Vulcans are shown to just endure, the same way they endure lower temperatures for other species, or higher oxygen for other species, or anything else that has to be incredibly uncomfortable at best to painful at worst that they just endure

The vibe I get from it is that a majority of Vulcans enjoy it, they like being logical, maybe they didn’t get a choice in being logical as kids, but unlike the select few like Sybok, they don’t seem to be resentful that they were raised like that at all

This isn’t just something they’re all forced to do now to prevent their emotions from causing their species’ end, dedicating themselves to logic brought them inner peace

#Star Trek #Vulcans #can’t articulate it especially while really tired and lying in bed #but hopefully y’all still get what I’m trying to say #I say I think for Tuvok because I know he struggles with violent thoughts #but I don’t think it has the same vibes as Spock struggling with his human half to fully accept Vulcan’s ways #even though it seems like fully dedicating himself like that brings more harm to his human half #which causes it to be more prominent like a vicious cycle #fuck definitely can’t articulate rn #also maybe for Tuvok Vulcan’s ways are actually even more appreciated #because they’re exactly there to help Vulcans regulate intense emotions #also I think this is part of why it seems more like Spock struggles compared to other Vulcans #for other Vulcans logic and regulating all emotions is seen as a way for them to be content #to be able to live their lives peacefully and to its best extent (peace and long life) #in a way that embracing emotions wouldn’t because they’re intense emotions would destroy themselves #but for Spock logic and regulating emotions is more about trying to reach impossible standards and get acceptance from everyone else #abd things like that again very tired can’t articulate #also adding to my hc that while Vulcans regulate their emotions and come to logical terms on why they feel like they do #and peacefully handle it #Spock believes that they’re all suppressing so that’s what he’s actually doing #just suppress suppress suppress everything which isn’t healthy #just my personal thoughts

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#so first of all I'm fine. #second of all I don't know if that's a lie or not but like. by some stretch it's gotta be true #so it doesn't count as a lie to my code of honor. #anyway. I keep fucking losing it y'all #I.... even now on depression medication I'm still breaking down what feels like fucking daily #it's just in different ways #crying harder than I have in a while and feeling more panicked about than like I'm releasing emotion #it's more distant but for some reason it's. easier to conceptualize uh #....tw here for like self harm and suicidal thoughts don't read the rest of these if you don't wanna see that #some reason it's easier to conceptualize the idea of. cutting myself? it never felt like a possibility before #id think about it and know I'd never do it. but. now.... #.....i can't help but find myself wondering if it *would* feel good. to hurt. to see my own blood #........there are so many people who's lives I've touched that would be saddened if I were gone but #it's.....harder to use that to ground myself. to pull myself away from the thoughts of just...... #..........stopping #ending everything. i dunno. fuck. #....a few weeks ago I found myself wanting to roll out of the moving car and could feel myself able to #reach for the seatbelt buckle and the door handle #........im not okay and honestly I don't know if I care #sometimes I do but when I feel like this it feels impossible TO care #it feels so distant. i feel so distant. I feel so nothing and so bad at the same time #i feel so fucking ugly #so much self hatred rearing it's head where I thought I'd gotten past it #i have a therapy appointment at the end of March and I'm not sure if that's soon enough.

[ntaras]

we could talk about how hanzo’s rage is a metaphor for his grief and trauma and his title of scorpion represents his difficulty to let go of his anger how he can never stop mourning his past because he refuses to stop mourning and how kuai liang’s taking of the mantle is representative of the ability to move forward rather than be stuck in constant mourning of the brother he lost. we could also talk about how hanzo’s protection over kuai liang was out of guilt of how hanzo could not stop himself from allowing emotion to control him and killing bi-han, and his ability to allow kuai liang to live instead of exacting more blindness vengeance allowed kuai liang to prosper and grow and end the years of rivalry between their clans.

#they both handle their trauma so differently yet they are both connected because of trauma that ties them to each other #it’s also why scorpion and kuai liang work so well as allies and not just scorpion and bihan/scorpion and sub-zero #i really miss hanzo lmao. the way he grieves is so satisfying because even if he can’t escape it the story also shows he doesn’t want to #escape it. and you know i think that’s how a lot of people grieve #or at least i do #but the inability to let go of grief because it’s so difficult to let go in fear of forgetting who or what you’re grieving #and then it just eats you up your whole life #and then in mk11 older hanzo is able to have a hold on his emotions even if he’s still in mourning and him having to die in his younger #self’s arms because there was no other way to tell him that he HAS to mourn in another way that does not destroy himself #not like *verbally* tell him but that’s what that scene felt like to me #but also he did tell him to accept the new (the reborn shirai ryu) instead of living forever in anguish of the past taken away from him #idk. i just think hanzo’s really neat #and his role as scorpion parallel to kuai liang is what made them *them* #they complement each other #scorpion #kuai liang #talking;

[suits-of-woe]

is anyone going to talk about the blatant antonio/bassanio/portia parallels in the andrei/goncharov/katya dynamic and how scorsese literally said in interviews that he wanted certain scenes to have a shakespearean feel to them or do i have to write the meta myself

#i mean it's not an exact match obviously. portia my detested katya the love of my life #BUT LIKE. THERE ARE PARALLELS. THE REALIZATION THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE DEVOTED TO SOMEONE ELSE THAN HE IS TO YOU #but the realization coming too late when your lives are already too intertwined to be able to just leave #and so her taking things into her own hands. following her husband into that dangerous world even when he probably wouldn't want her to #even when he almost certainly wouldn't do the same for her and she KNOWS it because she SEES where his true loyalties lie. AND YET!!!! #also fuck antonio lives but he really is so andrei in some ways #the repressed emotion of it all. trying so hard to keep it together around goncharov but the facade finally cracking #that post about andrei seeing himself as a hunted animal is literally so antonio i can't handle it #also i know we're all enjoying this movie for its homoeroticism and it's not nearly as bad as merchant in its politics #but we should still talk about the fact that some of it is Not Great #wrote this post instead of doing my homework. sorry i'm having too much fun #goncharov #unreality

[tragicclownwrites]

🤡

#i just finished watching the atla live action #as an avatar fan #I thought it was a wonderful adaptation! #the original is still the best #but this live action was still great #(esp when compared to that... OTHER live action) #i only had two real complaints #1. i didn't like how Bumi's intro was handled #it would've been way better if they stuck to revealing him as Aang's friend AFTER the fight tbh #like they did in the original #they didn't take advantage of the foreshadowing #instead he was just kinda like “yep i'm your childhood friend Bumi btw you're an asshole” right off the bat #2. it was too short 😭 #c'mon i binged that shit in two days #even though they were ~1hr long #8 episodes wasn't enough #bonus mini complaint: I needed more Momo and Appa #but all in all #i was very impressed with how much ground they were still able to cover in such a condensed format #the casting was A+++ #the references were done very tastefully #the things they did change didn't detract from the show at all #and in some ways added to it #it made me just as emotional as the original #anyways... eagerly waiting for season 2 #(it's happening... right??) #def excited to see my girl Toph #tragic clowning #avatar the last airbender #atla live action

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like.... #wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners #honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that #like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's #it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore” #like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it. #that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me? #if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame. #we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you. #I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid. #though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it. #I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me. #and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough #allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard. #especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them #it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her. #I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer #like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers. #being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo #do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm #like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over. #I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well. #so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state. #anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty #instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions. #I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them #though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that. #like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it #and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.

[inkyajax]

Tartaglia is getting increasingly jealous about the attention you are giving daddy dendro, be careful clari😳

WAAAAH anon!!! (*/ω＼*) stop hehehe u just made me so giddy!!! he is such the jealous type tho like the man is borderline yandere and lately i’ve been thinking about just how he’d react, knowing he was my first favourite, my original favourite, but then came ayato and thoma (a packaged deal, of course), and now here comes alhaitham, stomping all over everything with his big stupid boots and what the fuck??? ajax was here first, and he doesn’t even have a single fic to show for it, only bits and pieces of finished work!? that’s not fair! hehehe waaah i just feel like he’d be fuming over it all and def plotting some clever yet gruesome murders ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

#i’m gonna get my other men killed by accident fr #no hahaha like once my best friend and i were talking about what it would be like to live in a house full of our favourite characters right #and it just makes me think about living in a house full of my genshin faves and how fucking chaotic it would be #because obv ayato has thoma to lean on; his loyal dog his obedient pup who loves to serve him #so they’ve got each other #haitham doesn’t need *anyone*; he’s so independent and honestly he most likely wouldn’t even WANT to be friends with the rest of them #seeing them as either insignificant or a waste of his previous time or just plain rivals #i could see him getting on politely with ayato but i know he’d be able to see how sneaky and sly ayato actually is like immediately #so he’d keep him close just to keep an eye on him #and then my poor ajax #who everyone would hate #who would be alone and suffering because of it #who would be JEALOUS and possessive and clingy and needy #not that he isn’t strong + smart enough to handle himself because he is #i just think emotionally he’d have a harder time controlling himself #he’d be prone to emotional outbursts and the other men would find it easy to poke and prod and just set him off #which is dangerous they should not do that #anyway i could go on forever about this HAHAHA it’s my daydream lately #hope ur doing wonderful anon bb!! <3 #enjoy your weekend and stay safe!!!! don’t forget to hydrate <3 #inky.bb #clari gets mail

[emotionalsupportrodent]

btw if ANYONE sacrifices themself next session i'm going to puke

#can i say this #secret life #trafficblr #i literally cannot handle more sacrifices i will literally cry. skizz don't even THINK about it #and tango #and whatever is going on with the roomies #just. holy christ #literally anyone #i couldnt handle it THIS session and i wont be able to if it's for the FINAL . AGAIN. GOD #(this is /notsrs they should live laugh love have fun. but i will take emotional damage /silly) #rat thoughts

[lord-shitbox]

every day i beat back the shame and self criticisms with a stick..

#shitboxposting #me when the emotional repression means i dont feel a lot. i feel insufficient #i admire emotional people because i could not be them. cant feel as much as they do and even if i could i wouldnt be able to handle it #at least im literally so fucking sexy though. #anwyays im gonna be going back to class not too long from now. cant wait for the extra stress to drive my mental health down #i think like. at this point im very much Myself. there is definitely a kind of person that i am. a lot of things connect with each other #trying to come to terms withthe fact that this is my life i am alive ive got one shot at it during this era of history and none other #was NOT born with the dinosaurs was NOT born in time to see all the future innovations. there are many wondrous things right here andnow #but i would love the possibilities. #it helps to imagine that i chose this era to live in. that there is something special that will happen in my life & maybe it wont be specia #in terms of history books but it will be special to me #lots in my mind tonight

[cloneboywonder]

im so CWCcoded

#anyway my apologies for gaslighting you all about not personal diary posting bc my dad just texted me goodnight and it made me sad #him and my mom both tried to call me all day I feel bad when I ignore them #bc I know they’ll be dead someday and they won’t be able to call me and I won’t be able to answer #and my brothers both tried to call me I know my mom narced that I was weird yesterday and now everyones scrambling to keep track of me #it’s very nice of them but I really do hate being reminded that I’m the family member that like #they’ve all quietly agreed is always going to have to be monitored and taken care of #I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy and Alex haven’t talked about who I’m going to going to live by when our parents are both gone #it was kind of funny Andy invited me to like go install a security camera with him today #I said no but I do think it could’ve been a fun experince #I was gonna see my mom but she didn’t want to go out again so I waited around until my dad tried to call me again #so then be brought me with him to a hardware store where he tried (and failed) to return paint or something #we love a schemer #and then we picked up Andy and got milkshakes but I was ill so he got me real food on the way home #but I’m going to have to find a way to throw it out tomorrow bc I didn’t eat that much of it and I don’t want him to be sad about it #and I have to clean my room bc Lydia will be here soon #I was weepy in the car and my dad kept saying it’s nice you’ll get a few days with her before the concert #I know :-( #to some extent I love that he’s so incapable of handling emotional moods bc he just puts on songs and complains about them #bc he knows I like to complain and I think he gets scared when I don’t talk and that’s his attempt at getting me to #I need to finish my costume and make bracelets and clean my room these seem doable #okay bye please don’t unfollow me #also I love the name doxing bc these are for me and me only and maybe burke when he logs on I love you #my posts

[weedexchange]

i am so sick of feeling this immense guilt and having no hope for the future i am making a conscious effort to get better and create a life worth living for myself

#i go back and forth on what i think mental illness is #because it makes me want to die when i think of it as an unsolvable thing i will have to cope with for the rest of my life #but even if that's true i can still life a fufilled and happy life #i have a personality disorder so a lot of the symptoms of my disorder are learned behaviors #even if i will have to deal with some kind of fear of abandonment and over sensitivity my whole life i can still work on building healthy #relationships and learn how to handle my emotions without having big breakdowns #i had a manic episode that lasted like two months this summer #i was able to get through it without relapsing or harming myself too much #but now that it's over i feel this exhaustion and shame #and i don't have as much energy as i did during those months #i don't know i guess progress is progress #but it just fucking sucks and thinking about dealing with this for the rest of my life is so tiring #i feel unsure of my own reality at this point #i know that if i attempt to seek professional help and talk about what im really expirencing it would be labeled as psychosis #but i really don't think so #but if i am expirencing delusions i don't want to get to the point where im unhelpable #but i don't think that's what it is #i think that we live in a completely nonsensical society that does not support people #and i just can't understand it #and my poor brain is attempting to make sense of this bullshit world we are living in so of course it's going to draw strange conclusions #but what im worried about is that i am hearing voices #not often but sometimes i hear someone say my name or yell something unintelligible but no one's around me #and visually i see movement out of the corner of my eye but when i look it's nothing #i dont fucking know man #i'm trying to reconcile my spiritual beliefs and what i belive about human consciousness with the fact that i may be delusional #but i don't think so i think a lot of psychology is bullshit and we aren't treating people right #meds and institutionalsion is not going to help #id rather help myself than seek treatment from these people who i think have a warped view of how to treat people #i just dont fucking know #but im tired of hating myself and tired of wasting my time and my life wishing i was someone different somewhere else

[nullians]

Tired of being a shield for people around me yet having my existence be compared to villainy whenever I run out of energy to function

#circus hours #it’s like #some days I really think I was born to be a living sacrifice #> stop generational trauma #> all of the adults in your life actually hate half of your existence for defying them #> adults take out most of their emotional baggage on you #> you can’t be emotional at all (from like age 4) #> you are the eldest child but not male #> most of family disregard you as the proper first born and just see you as a funny being at best #> patriatchy kicks your ass on every front but bc you can ‘handle’ bad things it’s not a problem lol #> mother and grandmother hate you for having a better life than them and tell you that outright at age 14 #> lots of verbal abuse but it doesn’t count bc it’s just words lol mental heath isn’t a thing here #> you are labelled evil for not being able to live up to inhumane standards #> your brother (the Proper heir of the family) is praised for merely putting his foot in the kitchen #> you have been gaslit and mentally tortured into taling up house chores at age 11 and it still continues to this day #> despite your mother saying she doesn’t have time to get therapy she picks up another subject at uni to study for funsies #> house life hanging on the last thread #> despite everything brother who barely does anything is still an angel and never got to experience the emotional scarring but you #remain the target #> ‘maybe I should hate him’ but unfortunately you have some brains and know that’s not how it should go #> despite everything you are the only person in the family who can manage emotions when talking and who gives a fuck #> end up as the default mediator despite being immensely hated #all of this and then you are also used for mother’s clout and father uses you as the example of ‘wasted potential’ #life is fun heh #personal

[quatregats]

.

#how is it. 12:30am already #i'm so ready to go home and collapse i hate everything #apartment is evil moving is evil capitalism is evil i just want to live #sorry i don't want to be grumpy on main but i'm legitimately Going Through It rn and i need to vent #also ughhhh being home probably won't even be better because i have to do Emotional Family Things and i'm just not in a place #to be able to handle that like i want to come to it from not an extremely deep depression :') #life sucks rn but i'll be fine don't worry #not fine now but i'll get there #perce rambles