#and by ‘it’ i mean my mental sanity

[teardrap]

it’s gojover it’s getover

#and by ‘it’ i mean my mental sanity #gojo satoru #geto suguru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #fanart #gojo #geto #satosugu #my art

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Every once in a while I'm possessed by the frankly insanely intense urge to draw on myself

#knox rambles #ive been meaning to get skinsafe pens or markers or something but i havent #im staring at my thumb vividly watching where the lines should be #this will not go away until i either draw this out or find another outlet for my bottled up emotions-- #i feel a bit mentally ill #slight grips of insanity digging into my brain #someone might look at me and assume im contemplating murder by the expression on my face but no #im just resisting the urge to grab a pen and come to an hour later with a headache and some elaborate drawing over MY THUMB SPICIFICALLY #i really need to find good skinsafe markers #totally fine one second feeling like my sanity is slipping the next its all i can think about now #is this a problem? who knows honestly WHEEZEJFJJG

[piplupod]

hate waking up scared for no apparent reason. girl what do u mean im scared of going to my old lady yarn group !!!!!

#i have to force myself to go because otherwise i will be very mentally unwell in like three days bc i didnt socialize w non-family fdsjkl #this group of elders is the thin thread keeping my sanity intact i swear to god fhdsgjkl i would be so much more unstable without them #im not stable by any means but like... u know HFDSJKL #i am assuming i had some trauma nightmares last night that Kam's tucked away out of reach bc thats usually whats happened- #-when i wake up feeling this way. BLEGHGHHH #i have like... this terrible feeling the past few days that smth is about to break and crash down on me #but i cannot let it stop me from going to the group fsdkl i need to interact w someone who is not [redacted] #(redacted because i cant think of a light-hearted way to label Le Abuser rn so HEEHOO honks my clown nose and scuttles away) #giving a thumbs up with a big strained smile and pretending everything is okay and fine and i am sooooo normal and not feeling [redacted] #ITS OKAY ITS FINE i am just going to keep my head down and keep trudging forwards. gotta pretend the emotions do not exist dsjkfl #i've got art to make and blorbos to think about and sunlight to appreciate and elders to socialize with and stories to share !!! #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[datastate]

one of the most baffling things i’ve come across w yttd fans is how the better chunk of “soushin shippers” don’t actually... “ship” them? it’s more of an objective thing where you’re appreciating the dynamic and - to put it bluntly - just want to explore some fucked up shit. which isn’t anything i’d necessarily fault them for, because it’s not romanticizing the abuse, playing it off as “so sweet” or as something for proshippers to get off on, but it’s so strange that the way they’ve branded it is as a “ship” as if that’s the only way to get the dynamic of two characters down. to me, shipping inherently implies like... a sweet romance? i don’t follow the “platonic ship” thing (got scared a few times when someone said ‘[child] x [adult] platonic ship?’ on some ask game; completely innocently! they hated people who did romantic content, but the phrasing almost gave me the opposite impression) and while i understand on some level why soushin has been labelled as a “ship” with many of shin’s lines regarding hiyori and their close relationship, it’s still abusive and not something i’d ever want to frame in that positive romantic light i’m used to seeing “ship” used as?

oh, i’ve gone on, but tl;dr “romantic shipping” and exploring the nuances of an abusive relationship are different, and it’s so very strange to see the two used interchangeably

#it's like...do you like soushin because you have a tendency to lean toward dark content or because you romanticize abuse #it's so hard to tell most of the time now ahmggs just the phrasing/use of 'ship' throws me off... #like yeah there is some darker content i can't stomach but generally as long as it's not crossing that line and it's #openly admitting it's a harmful thing and writing it as such & it is /not/ written as pornography / fetishistic #then i mean. i don't care? i'll just avoid it for my own sanity but people cope differently #and i mean it's something completely different if you solely write this type of stuff as well. take the time to reexamine it and make sure #it's not being used as a negative coping mechanism. make sure to take care of yourself and don't surround yourself #in stuff that's overwhelmingly hopeless. especially in drawn gore circles i know i've seen people who just hurt themselves #more through overusing this as a sort of escapist thing? even if you can handle a lot just like...take a breather every once in a while #i don't know. i'm not a mental health expert lmao i just...augh. anyway. whatever. this is phrased weird #i'm going to take a nap goodbyai #jestersvaguely #yttdposting #abuse mention

[empyreasheart]

slowly learning to not gaf about what other people think and just post and say what i want on here ... im so scared people will judge me or bother me for silly things like lgbt headcanons. or just my opinions in general. but really who care.

#ive seen people say so much worse and get away with whatever theyre doing #and i definitely avoid discourse like the plague. for my mental health and sanity #but as someone who (unfortunatrly) grew up on tumblr getting a mean anon ask is the worst thing that could possibly happen #and its scary. very scary. #but im training for the idgaf wars #elisey speaks

[prettyboysmlm]

welcome to: kantilen has an existential crisis part who fucking knows!

#ugh #sensory wise i feel horrible and i don’t want anything touching my body #and i’m overheating despite the fact that i’m in shorts and a tank top with no blankets and the fan on full blast #i watched some videos earlier that maybe i shouldn’t have #but i was curious and like learning abt disturbing shit ok #also feel horrible bc i have zero inspiration which means that i can’t draw #and on top of the fact that i have to #i also //need// to for my own sanity #and i know the whole kiki’s delivery service thing of when ur burnt out just take a break #but in my situation i never actually get a break. #work is physically draining and recently mentally draining as well #and home is mentally draining bc of my mom. #i feel like i don’t ever get actual proper time to myself anymore #and i hate that #it’d be fine if i was actually spending time with ppl that i like and care abt #but i don’t give a shit abt my abusive mom. i don’t care abt my coworkers outside of work (except for one) #and all my friends are too busy either with work or going on trips or college camps or whatever the fuck to actually let us all hang out #i wanted to have a nice little pool party sleepover thing #but one of my friends across the world rn #and one is going to by busy all of july with some college thing #and then it’s going to be august and then school and then no more free time bc i go to smart kid school which means it’s hella stressful #ugh i wish i could just fall off of the face of the earth and never have to deal with anything ever again. #k.txt #vent tw

[cryptid-moose]

when u should rlly get off the internet for your mental health but you literally have nowhere else to go:

#woah its vent time #i am not okay right now <3 #my anxiety (specifically social anxiety) has gotten so bad the past week #literally two days ago i ended up going nonverbal both through text and words for like a couple hours for absolutely no reason #but i cant not be on social media cause i have nothing else to do irl #i dont have irl friends or an irl school and im in too much pain from halloween to walk to my grandmas #i mean its not that bad anymore but still ow my shins #besides idk if my grandma is even home cause she never contacts me #+ i dont rlly know my area so i dont rlly know if theres anything to do around here i dont think there is #so the internet is pretty much the only place i can go #and it has the only things i can do #so even tho getting off social media/the internet would probs do wonders for my mental health i pretty much literally cant :) <3 #so fun #so amazing #social anxiety #anxiety #memes #ig lol #forest fumbles #forgotten hill games are the only thing keeping my sanity together godbless <3

[hidrogenium]

#corrchoigilt #;saved #saved #S.KELLY?!?! THE WAY UR COOKING A WHOLE ASS MEAL HERE????? #NOT EVEN SOUP IN A POT ATTHIS POINT; SOUP IN A WHOLE ASS CAULDRON!! #<- the face of h.yde when he knows he will be able to extort j.ekyll over his feelings #LISTEN- if j.ekyll is not willing to let him out more often then he'll find a way o u t regardless #even if that means mentally destroying his other side #NONONO BUT HANG ON I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT #holy sh it how interesting this is ohmygod- #'idealistic daydream' U PUT IT IN WORDS SO PERFECTLY!!! #WHEN U PUT; 'he is in love with the idea of /being/ loved' U GET IT S.KELLY!!! U GET ITTTT #j.ekyll is an idealist; yet at the same time; a man on the verge of loosing all hope in one jump #he is constantly threading across this very thin line that is his sanity so its also why #its so easy for him to cling onto anything no matter how absurd or fantastical it seems #he wasnt like this before he got into this whole experiment on himself; or well; not in such an extreme lenght #but now its like;; anything that feels like could save him; he'll cling onto that desperately #the idea of love; love as something that could save him; which leads to putting cú into this high pedestal; like he's an angel to him #and also why its so easy to get to him; why its so easy for him to fall under fantasies #my mans is desperate for a thread of light even if its at the cost of being delusional to himself #not a v nice place to fall into; #love as salvation; as a last bit of hope; the last thread he can think of that could keep him from falling into despair #ur so right; theres just a lot of tragedy on all this ffrfr- #bc how could the purest emotion to humans (love) fail him? it must be the answer surely (is running around like a headless chicken)

[welcometogrouchland]

Currently battling with some psychological barriers regarding posting my art on here but just know that the piece I'm working on currently is a banger and I am excited to share it w you guys

#ramblings of a lunatic #ofc then there's the fear that ppl wont match your energy w/ their engagement but also #i feel. dumb for caring? bc im a staunch believer that youre under no obligation to like/rb certain things #I'm just paranoid bc all my last few toh art pieces have gone. overlooked? ig?? #i shouldn't put so much stock in ppl interacting with my stuff for sure but at this moment in time i don't know how to stop #I'm getting better about making art for myself but i still do want to share some (if not most) of it #ofc then there's also the mental pressure I've invented that bc fandoms tend to wind down after a show ends (boooo!) #that means i have an arbitrary time limit on when i can get all my ideas out and post things #which is DUMB!!!! THAT'S STUPID!!!!! but I'm still struggling to internalize that it's not Real #OUGH. there's a whole lot goin on in my head rn #swamped with school but also I'm really close to finishing all my coursework #the general low level anxiety and concern that goes on in the back of my mind at all times #the fact that despite all the pre-grieving I've done I'm STILL not done being upset abt the owl show ending #I'm fighting low level demons rn but like. there's a few. 3-4 imps #but like i said even if ppl don't like/see the next bit of art i post i think I'll still be proud of it? deep down??? somewhere??????????? #i kind of have to be for my own sanity. lmao <3 #anyway april 1st is almost over where i am. goodbye april fools hello dread

[blorbocedes]

I am begging you whatever you do, do not,change the url or name of either of your blog. I have already cleared all the post on your side blog for the masterfile thingy and now on to your main. So please don't change anything 😭

THE SIDE BLOG?? 💀💀💀 bestie you are insane....... how did you even know I had a sideblog that's like niche lore by now 😭😭

anyways time to change my brand to blorbotauri and I'm a Pierre Gasly girl now 😀😈

Godspeed on your compiling! i hope the links aren't wonky! If you can make sure the links are numbered links instead of alphabets cause those tend get screwed over more.......

#blorbocedes ask #hardest working anons in the business i've always said this #seriously anon if you get overwhelmed it's okay to give up I mean it!!!!! i appreciate your effort but not at the cost of your mental sanity #which is reading my entire blog 😭

[beautyinthediss0nance]

#music #falling in reverse #voices in my head #while I may be sad #my mental health is actually good #but it doesn’t mean I don’t still relate HARD with music that relates to mental health #or trauma #or rage #music has always been my sanity #and I hope that it also helps others the way it helps me #Spotify

[seilon]

i really wish i could just intern in a writers room full time or something instead of going to my stupid competitive college doing things i dont care about with a completely sadistic workload for an insane amount of money just slowly killing myself over time for no god damn reason. that would be so much simpler and perhaps, maybe, possibly, enjoyable even. but i guess this is my life for the next one and a half to two years. haha. and for fucking what. to go into an industry where i'll be even more overworked and with higher stakes and where i'll just waste time rotting away for the foreseeable future for the sake of some dead eyed company or whatever else. really bleak existence if i do say so myself

#kibumblabs #negative #delete later #i really wasnt made to function in this world #really really wasnt #im not capable of normal work. a normal social life. any kind of aspirations come and go and in the end #im always unmotivated and hate whatever im doing. or i just stop doing it for no reason. #my obsessive tendencies are really over the top these days and i can not do anything outside a specific interest at the moment #i cant like things a healthy amount and distribute my time and focus evenly between things i just go all out on one thing at a time and #everything in the world is suddenly virtually irrelevant. or like. i still care about certain things but all motivation or effort put into #them just. dies. #this is the third summer in a row im realizing that ive spent alone just watching my health and my sanity get annihilated over time #and when i say health i really mean it not just my mental health. last year it was me becoming dangerously underweight (100lbs at 5'7) and #all the shitty side effects that come with that (constant stomach problems constant shakiness constant fatigue etc). this year my weight's #fine (probably thanks to testosterone) but my sleep patterns have become. well. not patterns anymore. #random intervals for tiny amounts of time. its really no wonder why im losing my fucking mind lmao #anyway im gonna shut up now. i'll delete this later cause i know im gonna regret saying any of it and cringe

[lunarr-stuff]

...

#I dunno #This world is such a wonder and dreadful place at the same time #I'm working I studying I'm sad I m mad I'm so fucking happy all at the same time #I want to watch my fave anime but but the laundry needs doing #The work is piling up and so is my mental sanity #I love her but dear god she drives me insane I hate her I hate her I hate her #I feel so fucking crushed I'm going to explode I want her in my arms I I want her dead #I'm happy #But what does that even fucking mean #Lulu rambles

[dorenarox]

Me when I see there is at least one entry on the r#34 site in the google search for Omegatronic and I am morbidly curious so I glance at it very briefly on my own computer that no one has access to except for me in case someone sees what I am doing (like I'm not posting about it anyways and like it's not gonna be in my history. That reminds me, regardless of that, I should flush my history, it has been an ETERNITY again! Did you know keeping your history for too long can slow down your computer? Oh yes, betcha didn't know that! I have already made it so Firefox automatically deletes cookies from most sites except a select few (tumblr for example. And YouTube.), to stop the slowdown a bit!) ANYWAYS THERE'S P0RN.

#If you're wondering it basically boils down to a stickman with a rectangle head #Wait hang on I didn't pay attention does he even have the symbol on #Oh yeah he has #DELTA DIDN'T LIE WHEN HE TOLD ME SOMEONE DID THAT #Wait but I think he said it was all of them #Hang on let me glance at it again- #No it's just Omega... #Guys if I stare too long I think I will lose my sanity #I mean I didn't have much of it to begin with as a former inmate of a mental hospital who escaped it but...

[babybluestan]

Wow I love not working

#i mean this sincerely #I hate clocking in and being paid shit #I legit had to take a week off from both jobs or I was going to get my first pair of grippy socks #so no I will not come in bc no one ever wanted to cover my shifts #I always come in early do my job and other people’s just to be paid the same shitty wage #I’m done I’m being selfish #yeah I won’t have so much money but I need my sanity or I’ll go mental #personal

[rotatedaxis]

youtube keeps recommending me videos of people reacting to preacher's daughter so im gonna talk about it a little bit. it's an incredible album and i love seeing people's emotions and feelings as they fall into the story and realise how fucked up it is in these videos. i know listening to that album the whole way through the first time is such an experience and i would really like to relive the moment i first heard the scream in ptolemaea because just the full weight of what's happening hits you with her scream and it is unmatched. like, i have notes from when I first listened to it (in case a friend ever brings it up outside of their running joke that she's not actually a preacher's daughter, and not to ruin their bit, but im pretty sure she actually is) and the way the tone shifts from conversational and assigning my own meanings to things and tying different experiences together to single sentences about the sole experience of listening to that album in that moment and how horrifying the whole story is. It's told so well, the lyrics are great, and the production is amazing and the entire thing is freeing and crushing and relieving and cathartic. And experiencing that rollercoaster, specifically from gibson girl onwards, is truly something. I do like the youtube videos for that, to be fair. I've seen quite a few where people either cry or tear up and I was just sat there feeling worn out by the end of it, man I love it.

Sidenote: I love hearing about people experiencing albums for the first time. It's really good when your favourites release music pretty regularly so there's always new stuff to hear people talking about which is just lovely. Like, I just got a friend of mine to start listening to bears in trees so her first album is gonna be how to build an ocean: instructions which is so cool for her so im gonna speedrun her through things likely to be on their set list (that isn't htbao:i) so that she can mentally prepare for that. I hope for her sake that heaven sent features even slightly bc she loves the 'woo!' and I get great joy from watching callum jump from the stage either onto a barrier or just step right into the crowd for a lil dance. It's great.

Just keep experiencing music and being excited by it, it's the best feeling.

#something entirely irrelevant #yes i listen to ptolemaea a lot please don't question the state of my mental health #i also mainly listen to american teenager and family tree (intro) more than i maybe should #it's fine ive got a friend who had gibson girl as one of their top songs last year #though tbf their top artists were ethel cain and boygenius (id list the other 3 but it's just phoebe lucy julien it's literally boygenius) #so questioning their sanity is always up there #i mean i can't speak mine was bears in trees w boygenius and dodie like questioning my sanity is also very much on the table