#and ashamed

[skydoescrime]

um so this i think is the first ever dougdoug fancam posted ever. i have no excuses. im a jerma fan at heart and when i discovered that unlike jerma, doug doug HAS NO FANCAMS. i will admit im ashamed. um so if you like this!! thank you for your support!! but if you hate it, KILL YOUSELF!!! /j /lh

#jerma #jerma fancam #fancam #dougdoug #dougdoug fancam #AAAAAAAAAAA #im gay #and ashamed #capcut

[buckybarnesowl]

I am obsessed with Heartstopper. OBSESSED.

#that’s it #that’s the post #thanks for coming to my tedtalk #heartstopper #obsession #like I’ve binged both seasons twice in less than one week #it’s so wholesome #and safe #and I wish I had that growing up #I was so closeted #and ashamed #being queer wasn’t an option #this show has sent me into a gay crisis #in the best way

[cafffine]

I can’t take much more of this. Lancelot du Lac you are everything to me.

The boy thought that there was something wrong with him. All through his life - even when he was a great man with the world at his feet - he was to feel this gap: something at the bottom of his heart of which he was aware, and ashamed, but which he did not understand.

Lancelot, swinging his dumb-bells fiercely and making his wordless noise, had been thinking of King Arthur with all his might.

He was in love with him.

He had already fallen in love with Arthur on the night of the wedding feast, and he carried with him in his heart to France the picture of that bright Northern King, at supper, flushed and glorious from his wars.

#I too think of men with all my might #I TOO HAVE SOMETHING AT THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART #OF WHICH I AM AWARE #AND ASHAMED #lancelot du lac #arthuriana #king arthur #double shot

[ladyvandaele]

I’m taking a mental health day. Thank god my boss allowed it I was worried that he wouldn’t ✨

#I’m feeling so overwhelmed #and ashamed #of myself #I’m thinking back to all of the times men have used me and hurt me #I wish I could have a happy life #I just wish I was good enough

[tinkerbitch69]

It is 6AM, I am reminded the Tory government has been in power for 14 years now despite constant scandal, I scream…yet no sound is made.

A snapshot of life in the UK.

#please get me out of here #terf island is no place to live #uk #uk politics #british problems #bri’ish #and ashamed #fuck tories #tory scum

[blue-weekends]

I won't feel ashamed tonight Treat it like a stage tonight Turn over a new page and write Forget all that I learnt tonight All the times that I've been hurt tonight Remember what I'm worth and fight for it Put on something special Greet you at the door Lead you to the bedroom Our clothes scattered down the hall I will feel adored tonight Ignore intrusive thoughts tonight Unlock every door in sight Ready to do magic Naked beneath the cape For my final trick I'll ask if we could wait Until I feel safe again Until I feel safe again

#julia jacklin #pre pleasure #music #recommended #magic #THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #it just hits me so strongly #that awful feeling when you want to physically be with someone but you don't feel comfortable #you're just scared #and ashamed #and too self conscious #of yourself your past and all that shit #and you just can't enjoy it #but you want to try it anyway #who knows #but can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong with you #that you're broken in a way #that what's normal to everyone else just isn't normal to you #and that it won't ever work #so why the fuck are you even trying #spotify

[desnik-lw]

Lorch 24: Tidy

I'm sorry for ruining your wolf game for everyone, Alaunis and JimJim

[img id] Digital art of a white, long-legged maned wolf leaping on a flat gray background. The wolf is drawn in a clean, cel-shaded style. Drawn on top of the wolf in a mix of pencil texture and digital lines is, improbably, a frilly maid outfit, which includes a lace headband around the ears and a big frilly cloak that covers most of the wolf. Black bows are pinned delicately to the wolf's ear and around the wolf's neck. The wolf is wielding a broom and sweeping, somehow, despite its lack of opposable thumbs. [/id]

#lorwolf #lorch #lor-ch #tidy #custom apparel #maid outfit #wolf #mostly joking here but also still sorry #and ashamed #my art

[yyuuraii]

michael's stream makes me feel so old goddamn

#hes listening to old 2000-2010s songs and it gives me psychic damage #also im for some reason tier 3 sub to michaelmcchill. i feel powerful #and ashamed #yyuu liveblogs

[skiesandotherstuff]

for someone who's been a fan for years i know too little about the band's history/lore and at this point im too afraid to ask about it

#i'm an idiot #and ashamed #mcr #my chemical romance

[ikarakie]

if a character means enough to me i will truly never stop thinking about them. i just retire them into a little back room in my brain and periodically bring them out to stare at them under a little light

#tag your faves #matthew holt #not me black #black not me #levi ackerman #new addition to the list tbh but i know his ass is here to stay #hange zoe #erwin smith #their asses too #keith kogane #lance mcclain #ashamed so many voltron characters are on this list #takashi shirogane #peter parker #tony stark #harley keener #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #surprisingly? #bakugou katsuki #shouto todoroki #steve harrington #will byers #wallace wells #scott pilgrim #OMG #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #kurapika

[pixiemage]

Please, for the love of god, please don’t be this person. No matter how long it’s been since an update, no matter how many unfinished stories are sitting on their account, no matter what - do not be this person.

Not only is it insanely rude, but you also do more damage than you think be being such a self-entitled ass about something someone created for free and for fun. “This author” can see what you say.

RIP decency indeed.

#Archive of our Own #Ao3 #Ao3 Comments #Writing #Fanfiction #Fanfic Writing #I wrote over 100k on that fic before burnout took hold #I poured my heart into what I did manage to finish #adhd’s a bitch that doesn’t always let me write what I want to write but I got that far #don’t make me feel ashamed because you didn’t get to see the ending

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #dunmeshi analysis #I love it when dungeon meshi says. the trauma was real and it changed you #and the way you are because of it isn’t anything to be ashamed of #but you have to keep living. you have to chose to keep living. #and you can #dungeon meshi spoilers

[very-tired-bat]

God i have no idea how this app works.

Im so scared people would see me liking their post from my main acc that i made that i want to keep quite not very public to the other communities im in?

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW DO I MAKE IT NORMAL AHHH

#rant post #im new to tumblr how everything is working here #im so scared #and ashamed

[patchwork-girl]

I think he is hurting me

And he will tell me that I do this every time I go with someone else

That this is why he should be in control when I fuck other guys

And I don’t seem able to understand what’s going on

So I want to go to therapy and talk about it

But then I’ll cut him off again

Until I finish that course of therapy

And I go back to him thinking I was the problem the whole time

Because I’m better now

It will be different this time

And it goes around and around

#intimate partner abuse #is that what this is? #i feel so confused #and ashamed