#and angst felt so good :)

[imfinereallyy]

for stwg daily prompt: “goodnight love”

Steve brushed back the hair on Eddie’s forehead. Gone were the days when Steve had to pick off the stray hairs that stuck to Eddie’s sweaty skin. Back then, when they still spent their nights sneaking into the trailer, the hot Indiana summers always made themselves known in the metal box.

Now, though, Steve found himself wishing for the sweat-slicked skin. Found himself yearning for Eddie’s embarrassed laugh as Steve slicked back his bangs. His soft sigh as Steve pulled back Eddie’s hair for him.

Eddie was freezing now; the only heat was coming from his short, shallow breaths and the palm of Steve’s hand.

It would be any minute now.

Steve wished that Robin hadn’t left to get coffee, wished she was here to fill up the room with sound. The room was silent except for the soft, slow beat of the monitor. Its neon glow lit up Eddie’s pale face.

Steve knew it was useless to wish for her return; he knew neither of them had drunk coffee in decades. Not since Steve’s first seizure, and both Eddie and Robin stop drinking it in solidarity.

Steve had never experienced love quite like theirs before they came along.

Steve was sure that Robin knew, even after all this time, what he needed. That Steve needed to calm his nerves to the beautiful sound of Eddie’s heartbeat one last time.

“You look pretty when you smile like that, you know?” Eddie’s voice croaked from the bed.

“When I smile like what?” Steve raised a brow.

“Like you’re thinking about something really good.”

Steve felt his heart flutter. This game was as old as time between them. Eddie would always say this; then Steve would follow up with a ‘Maybe I am.’ And Eddie would ask him to tell him what was so good to deserve a smile like that. And Steve would tell him, to bring a little light to his day.

Sometimes it was about the kids. Sometimes, it was something a student did. Sometimes, it was just how blue the sky was that day. But most of the time, it was Eddie. And when it was Eddie, Steve would always say…

“It’s always good, thinking about you.” Steve grabbed Eddie’s hand, and laced their fingers together.

Eddie squeezed as hard as he could, which wasn’t very much. “I wanna fight you on that one, but I don’t want to see that pretty smile go away just yet.”

Steve’s smile deepened. “It’s yours whenever you want it.”

“Good.” Eddie smiled back. His eyes fluttered with exhaustion. “I’m getting a little sleepy; that smile better be there when I wake up.” Eddie’s voice choked, but his smile never wavered.

Steve didn’t fight him, not this time. “You deserve some rest.”

Eddie snuggled into the bed while the heart monitor slowed down slightly. Steve watched as the man he loved for long, and the man he would continue to love beyond the after, sought comfort in the love they shared.

Eddie tilted his head towards Steve as he eyelids slowly drifted shut. “Goodnight, love you.”

Steve stayed silent as Eddie had already drifted off into sleep. Steve didn’t bother to keep his eyes on the heart monitor this time. He could hear it, and that was good enough. Steve kept his gaze on his light, his life, his Eddie.

Steve made sure to watch the way his face drifted off, as it had done time and time again in every bed they had ever shared. How his nose scrunched up before his body relaxed into slumber. How his hands twitched endlessly before slipping into his dreams. Steve resisted tracing the wrinkles on his face, reminiscing about the tales they each told.

Steve wasn’t sure how long he sat, watching each breath become slower and slower. It didn’t matter, though; no amount of time would ever be enough.

Eventually, Eddie’s face stilled and distantly Steve heard the monitor flatline.

Steve stared for an extra moment, before leaning over and kissing Eddie’s forehead.

“Goodnight. Love.”

****

hi, yes im back. sorry this is bittersweet. sorry if it makes zero sense haha. you can thank the guild for me being back but also blame them for encouraging me to write this. love yal.

#steddie #this is sad but also felt so good to write it #I think I needed this off my chest #steve harrington #eddie munson #the guild made me do it #stwg #robin buckley #my writing #platonic stobin #ficlet #angst #hurt comfort #stranger things

[waddles-ex-machina]

actually the best thing about season 3 is how fucking VINDICATED i feel as a hardcore johanna fan right from the airing of the first season. up til season 2 aired i was what felt like the ONLY person stanning her in this space and no one cared yeah yeah she's just hilda's boring mom but jokes on you she's also INSANE and wields a BUZZSAW and has more lore than any other character in the entire show. you all LAUGHED at me but LOOK WHO'S LAUGHING NOW

#she was cool before she got all the angst and lore btw #but it rly feels like. like betting on a horse at the races i bet on the right character to get severe years-long brainrot about #this vindication was 5 years in the making #i know there are other ppl stanning johanna (ppl with good taste) #but i swear some time ago i saw wife say smth in a tag like 'i thought back in the day waddles was the only jo stan' and felt SO validated #bc for a while it sure Felt like it was just me and my lesbianism in the jo fan club #anyway i was Right All Along #watching the finale like yeah that's my fucking WIFE!!!! #THE character EVER thanks for coming to my ted talk #ah wait #hilda season 3 spoilers #hilda spoilers #hilda s3 #hilda s3 spoilers #Hilda the series #Hilda season 3 #Hilda netflix

[phereshift]

Mini comic page based on @ooboowoonkoonooboo's codywan fic 'The Land of My Father'. The angst in this fic is VERY REAL so check (and double-check) the trigger warnings first, but I found the storytelling and emotional conflict incredibly rewarding. It's not very often that I am so driven to complete an entire art piece based on fanfic so all of my kudos goes to the author for crafting such a tangible world! C: <3

#star wars #codywan #fanart #digital art #pherrie draws #I was so consumed by this fic when I initially read it omg. It's one of those that will remain in my head for a long time #Not only is the angst good. But the complexity of the characters and their relationships... it all felt very real (and messy) #<- in short. very fantastic fic #i am also obliged to say that I am so in love with this cody... the turmoil he goes through is so good

[corpsephrog]

why have i seen nobody talking about the random full smile aziraphale does at the very end of the credits scene right before it blurs out because that threw me and my dad off so much i was literally rethinking everything it wasn't a fake/nervous smile cus he was kind of already doing those but then he just full on smiles like he knows something we don't and i feel like it's important

#*miley cryus voice* WHAT DOES IT MEAN #gos2 spoilers #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable spouses #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale fell #anthony j crowley #in case i'm remembering wrong #i haven't seen this part since i watched it for the first time so i haven't had a lot of time to rly analyze it #i'm just talking about our initial feelings regarding the ending #cus it felt weird as hell #aside from the angst it was all just rly fishy🤨🤨☝️

[phoen1xr0se]

Crowley and Fireworks

I wonder what Crowley made of the first ever fireworks display he saw.

Do you think he remembered?

Do you think he looked up at the riot of colour and creativity in the sky and felt a vague sense of familiarity, that he'd seen this somewhere before?

Do you think he gasped along with the crowd, face turned up in wonder, filled with joy and making noises of delight?

Do you think after the display was over, he was consumed by a strange ache, a longing for something he would never be able to find the words for?

And do you think he turned to Aziraphale to try and tell him about it, only to see his angel staring at him, blue eyes glistening with tears?

Edit: I got distracted and turned it into a ficlet. Enjoy:

#my brain is angst central #i made myself cry #why do i do this to myself #crowley would spend hours watching the displays #trying to get a better grip on the memory that just keeps slipping out of reach #he knows he made the stars he just cant remember doing it #but the joy he felt #remains lodged in his heart like a thorn #he wants to know why something so happy makes him so sad #crowley deserves the world #sorry not sorry #good omens #crowley #good omens 2 #good omens fandom #david tennant #good omens s2 #angel crowley #before the beginning #alpha centauri

[crowfromfoggyforest]

I feel like we don't talk enough about this moment.

That's all.

#this moment hits so hard every time #poor angel #he has to perform as if he felt like the sexiest person in the world #when in fact he's not fine at all #and this scene shows how good he has become at putting on a mask #brb crying #hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #[this would work better as a gif but i can't find or make one] #hazbin hotel ep 4 #hazbin angst

[lunarharp]

good omens scribbles👼👼

thunder only happens when it's raining, heaven only loves you when they're playing...🎵

#good omens tag #go2 spoilers #when they put dreams by fleetwood mac on the official crowley playlist released like a week before i was like. How is that song relevant #It was relevant....i always felt Cringe about treasuring this show because it really did feel like queerbait to me & i dont trust that guy #but i loved s2 LOTS and sweet gay angel trauma angst is VERY cathartic for me rn in my war against depression so ^_^ #real men are hard to draw. obvs the last one is set in the future after the apocalyptic otherworldy showdowns & reconciliatory encounters

[tomfrogisblue]

I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.

I have cried more than I thought possible.

And I fear I shall never be the same.

#i have discovered that however bad quarentena was - cellbit has tons more angst material ready to unleash when least expected #it was so so so good but my god - i have never felt more empty #you ever see a piece of media and think yeh this is gonna change the way i view certain things forever - yep. #but now i enter the ordem episodes that arent captioned and only have the youtube autotranslate - the final boss for my portuguese knowledge #cellbit #ordem paranormal #this post is sort of my proof to myself when i actually finished the bastard - this season was three billion years long i swear #and still so long to go #cellbit will continue to stab my emotions for many more hours to come!!! #it is very late at night and i am very sad. TIME TO START THE NEXT ONE :D #o segredo na floresta #enigma do medo #bro i need to yell at someone about the last like hour of the damn thing because i have many things to say. or maybe just cry some more #at least my portuguese is much better now lmao. I'll get to a point where i can just listen to an episode with no subtitles if it kills me!! #hopefully cellbit will be back on the qsmp soon to rip my heart out with a cute lil cubito delivering heart wrenching angst for some variety #qsmp #ok sleep time lmao

[error707-thatdude]

"You were called like a curtain, split like a second, broken like a sword stuck in a rock" -----

#anyways guess whos in their strider angst and phemiec fansong feels #felt like doodlin some pain #my art #homestuck #hom3stuck #bro strider #davesprite #dave strider #pleasepleaseplease do not tag as str*dercest #ive got so many thoughts on davesprite n ive been on a good bro kick so i just #mixed them(? kinda)

[freerangewhales]

And also. Can you imagine what that kiss must be doing to crowley, who has loved this angel for so long and has been desperate for every bit of them and didn't realize it till before the ball and having to realize that she's gonna leave and there's nothing they can do to stop it but he STILL. TRIES. bc he's just so desperate and can't. Stop. Wanting. Not with his angel. Not with Aziraphale.

And to aziraphale? Who loved this demon who stuck by his side at his worst and had tempted him into being himself: a blissful hedonist who has an insatiable greed for anything he loves (books, music, food), can you imagine that greed when he knows he loves crowley? How much she must want them and how much he wants them happy and how much it broke her that he doesn't want the same thing? Can you imagine how greedy he must be with their longing for the demon? What that kiss mustve made him feel?

#good omens #aziraphale #aziracrow #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens season 2 #grieving a show has never felt so good before #angst

[xzbat-loverzx]

Day 15: Magic

#nexo knights #lego nexo knights #art #nexo knights izzy #izzy richmond #nexo knights fletcher #fletcher bowman #angstober #angst #goretober #magic #felt like I haven’t been on my angst mojo lately so this one was a stress reliever #because it actually looks GOOD

[whumpacabra]

Session #7

Therapy, crying, speech loss, angst, referenced past character deaths, referenced nightmares, referenced self loathing, referenced derealization, implied past torture and captivity, implied violent intrusive thoughts, implied suicidal ideation, dubious psychology by fault of the author

[Follows Vigil]

“So, how has your day been?”

“Good so far. Went for a run this morning.”

“That’s new for you; did you enjoy it?”

“Yes - and the coffee we got on our way back.”

“‘We’ being…?”

“My housemate, Alister. He invited me along.” East was already craving another cup of coffee, the late afternoon exhausting in its cozy warmth. He had gotten better at keeping his voice in sessions with Judy, but she still kept a spare clipboard and pen for him. He wasn’t sure if he would need it today.

“Right, Alister - he’s in the room next to your’s, right?” East nodded, fighting to keep the soft smile on his face relaxed. He knew where she was going with this. “Have you considered what we talked about before, for the nightmares?”

“Yeah, actually.” East swallowed, focusing on his breathing. “Asked Nathan to get me up - I - Alister doesn’t know…Jackson trusts Nathan. I trust Nathan.”

“I’m proud of you for reaching out to him.” East could feel his ears flush with embarrassment; Nathan had said the same. “How has sleeping been?” Embarrassment was replaced with misplaced shame, another hard swallow to keep his voice from silencing itself.

“Bad - not worse, I guess.” East forced a deep inhale, breathing through an open mouth. “Nathan woke me up this morning. From a flashback.”

“Was it better than trying to sleep through it?” Judy’s eyes were gentle, note quietly scribbled on her clipboard. East shrugged, honestly unsure.

“I don’t know. Didn’t go back to sleep so it’s not like it helped me get more rest.” He knew the dark bags under his eyes weren’t going away anytime soon. He had made peace with what few hours of rest he could find in afternoon naps.

“And how did you feel, after waking up and realizing where you were?”

“Honestly worse.” The words tumbled past his lips, followed by a shaky breath to steady himself. “I - I can take the memories you know. I know I survived them. But waking up and - and not being there, but having just been there…” Judy nodded, encouragingly. “I’m scared it’s a dream. The waking part - like if I fall back asleep I’ll be there and it’ll be real.”

“That does sound worse. Do you regret asking Nathan to wake you?”

East considered her question for a moment. If he hadn’t gotten up so early, he wouldn’t have had a cup of hot cocoa. (He didn’t realize how much he missed it until tasting it again for the first time in…years, probably.) He wouldn’t have gone with Alister on that run, and seen the sunrise or heard the sheep and birds.

“No. I think the run helped. It felt…real.”

“That feeling you had, when waking up and not knowing what’s real, there are some grounding exercises you can use to help.” She wrote for a moment longer before looking up at him. “Try to focus on your senses - it may sound and feel a little silly, but try counting five things you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. The counting forces your brain to slow down, and the purposeful recognition of the physical reality around you through your senses reminds you that you aren’t there.”

“I did feel better after Nathan made me drink some cocoa, warm and sweet.” The warm mug between his hands, the cold air against his face, the smell of manure and the glint of sunshine…East could remember the sensory details from that morning, alive and awake and real.

“See? It’ll start to come naturally.” Judy’s soft laugh wasn’t mocking or cruel, but the smile in her eyes dimmed as she continued. “How are the other dreams? The ones that wake you up?”

“Still happening. Tried thinking - the way you suggested - last time it happened.” East tried not to think about that nightmare, the blood between his fingers, Tierney’s green eyes glass with death, his handler’s voice whispering saccharine praises -

(“Good boy. You’ll do better next time.”)

He inhaled slowly, trying to practice the breathing exercises Judy introduced a few sessions ago. She held out the tissues to him, and he released a shaky exhale as hot tears slipped from his eyes.

“It’s - you - you don’t know - I’m not a good person. I - I - I should be, I shouldn’t be - ”

“I don’t know you, East. Not the way you know yourself. And maybe you weren’t a saint when you were back there, but you were doing what you needed to do to survive.”

East scoffed, breathing watery and voice dying in his throat. He took the clipboard and pen set aside for him.

“Why should I have? Survived? If I let him,” he scratched out ‘fuck me to death,’ “kill me I wouldn’t have killed those people for him. They’d still be alive. But I didn’t. I killed them because I wanted to live more than I wanted to let them live.”

“Or he would have found someone else to torture. To kill for him. East…” Judy sighed, eyes brimming with compassion that he still flinched from. “You are not a uniquely evil person. You are not selfish for listening to self preservation instincts in a horrible situation. He wanted to see someone die, someone suffer for him. And if that someone wasn’t you, a man like him would have made it someone else.”

East shook his head, frustrated and drowning in the oily well of self loathing that had opened in his heart. Judy didn’t understand. The Wolf was a project - he was unique, special - they would have killed him otherwise. He could have leveraged that. Refused to kill because they needed him alive for…whatever it was they recorded and reported to their superiors.

But he didn’t - he killed for his handler. He followed rule number one without hesitation because he was a selfish bastard scared of pain. He was an idiot who should have kept pushing back until he was more trouble than he was worth. Maybe he would have gotten out of that hell quicker, executed and shoved in the incinerator with the other failed projects.

“Even if you were uniquely awful, you didn’t deserve what he did to you.” His frustration choked in his throat with a sob. He just couldn’t fathom that notion - of course he deserved it, if not for what he did for Smith than for…whatever he was Before. “Right now, you are not hurting people. You don’t have to and you don’t want to.”

East almost picked up his pen again, the impulse to refute his innocence so ingrained. What if he did want to hurt people? What if he was too used to it? What if these dreams were proof of that - he was a time bomb, a threat to everyone around him?

“You told me once that you think you’re a good actor, remember?” He had, when she asked him to try and reflect on his positive skills. (Outside of fighting and fucking.) “So act.”

He looked up from his tissues and shaking hands, eyes tired and bloodshot and confused. Act? He was always acting. Always pretending to be someone he wasn’t; it was exhausting and terrifying. The Wolf was starting to blur with East - had been for a while, bleeding into how he watched people enter a room and the way he shrank from touch. How he laughed when Tierney lost at cards and how he relaxed on the couch while the others played pool.

“You need to fake it ‘til you make it.” Judy was looking down at her notes, brow furrowed and lips pursed, but she looked up at him, sheepish but eyes warm. “Trust me, it’s something everyone does. Humans are social - we all want to fit in, to seem intelligent and likeable and many things we don’t actually believe we are. Pretending to be a good person doesn’t make a difference to anyone but you. No one knows you but you.”

“So I lie? To everyone?” (What was one more dirty secret? One more straw on the camel’s back?)

“Everyone. Including yourself. Is it a lie if even you believe it?”

(Yes.)

(…)

(Right?)

[Before Night Out]

(Part of my Freelancers: Changing Tides series)

Taglist: @stargeode @sacredwrath @genuineformality

#whump #angst #recovery #therapy #past character death #nightmares #self loathing #suicidal ideation #intrusive thoughts #derealization #freelancers #not dead just. prepping a multivariate statistics presentation that is SO mediocre. ough. my nmds….so ugly.... #this chapter felt very good - I’ve got the next few lined up and we’ll be done with the changing tides arc before you know it! #(Then things get Bad again. but better in some way. well. for some people.) #as always just ask to be added/removed from the taglist!

[gumm1defloor]

Personally speaking if I had to pick one rairpair out of the entire hellaverse I would want to see canon it would be Velvette x Verosica but man it is going to be the most lavish, fluffy, intensely intimate, passionate, rancid & disastrous 24/7 trending full blown shitstorm hell has ever seen I don't think anyone is going to be ready. Not even these two. Dear god especially not these two.

Man Verosica is just 2 for 1 on short gremlin kings who are also coincidentally emotionally constipated walking talking sacks of untreated mental illnesses wrapped up in 3 layers of intimacy issues isn't she but hey at least this one's pretty much guaranteed never to steal your credit card for horse riding lessons and most definitely won't be caught one ring down in wrath in the middle of fuck knows where with said credit card so.... yay improvement?

#and unlike the last one - they don't talk about the last one - #She likes how effortlessly confident Velvette is with everything she works with and how little she has to worry about their relationship #when she's around her #ofc the gradual loss of autonomy and general sense of self is a whole other thing and she definitely doesn't need to think about it ever- #-cause her stunningly hot drop-dead gorgeous filthy rich and famous girlfriend just designed her 10 new fashion lines for her new tour- #-without her even asking- #-and they're gonna live stream the best date she's ever going to have in the fanciest restaurant the pride rings has to offer. #she's never felt this adored & safe & content in satin knows how long she is getting herself trashed every other saturday and STILL #manages to look flawless for every magazine by morning #& Velvette tells her they look so hot together every time they take a selfie as she pulls her waist & face & hair & neck into her side #like she's ready to swallow her whole #they spoil each other with gifts & praises and shit talking ppl behind their back #and absolutely nothing between them ever went wrong #hazbin hotel shitposts #helluva boss #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel velvette #I remember having a headcannon that Velvette sends every single girl/boyfriend(toy) she has ever had to Valentino after she dumps them. #sometimes she'll even throw in a personal recommendation #Velvette is dead quiet about the breakup this time around #Valentino - for once in his life- knows better to ask #Verosika never came to pentegram city to do live shows since #angst #I suppose #which is probably all my 2 neurons are good for past 9 pm

[definitelynotshouting]

[adds to the pile] was there ever a time, before 3rd life, that hunger AU watcher grian wasn't hungry? have any of his friends who only met him after his transformation ever seen a grian who wasn't either guiltridden or on the brink of starvation? poor guy.

the way ive been turning this ask over in my mind since u sent it anon.... this is one of those things that i think abt a lot for this au. The hermits have never seen Grian at peak health. The only exception i think would be Pearl, who knew Grian before he became a Watcher, and that doesnt count to me bc at that point he was still a Player.

Nobody has ever seen him not hungry and starving. And the contrast between the Grian they know and what a healthy, full Grian is actually like is going to hit a lot of people like a ton of bricks when they do get to see it

#shouting speaks #asks #grian #watcher grian #grian angst #hermitcraft #hunger au #this is actually one of the more tragic parts of this au to me #theyve never seen him healthy. theyve never seen him in actual good condition. theyve only ever seen him while he's starving #in the years theyve known him theyve only seen him briefly full three times #and even then he isolated himself hard from them after each game bc he felt so guilty #so really. theyve just never seen him healthy. ever #and that hits me so hard every time i think abt it #txt

[plumdale]

I binged ‘the ones who live’ this weekend and I can’t stop thinking about how fine Rick was looking ughhh that man had me giggling and kicking my feet it’s SICK

#and richonne…. I love them so so so so much #the way they gave angst. cuteness. sexiness. everythinggfffffjddnd I can’t stop thinking about them #I didnt know I could love them anymore than I already did #no. 1 twd ship??? #possibly over glaggie….? I don’t know but omg. #the show over all was good and intense but also the ending felt rushed #it felt more mature and I rlly loved that. the production was pretty good when I compare it to twd’s like last two seasons #anyway that’s enough. I love being back on tumblr lol #txt post

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

so. i played trespasser and i. oh my god

#me before: solas seems so well-meaning i wonder why everyone hates him so much??? #me now: I Know Now. #i knew part of the twist but not the whole thing and holy shit this has altered my perception of him so drastically #still love him as a character tho god hes so fascinating #i actually!! loved all the companions there wasnt a single one that i disliked #and that ending actually felt p gratifying i liked it a lot #esp the drama w solas :) bc my inky rlly looked up to him and cared for him before the reveal #and in general i rlly enjoyed just the. 'hi and welcome to inquisitor trevelyans worst day of his entire life' energy #like my guy was Not having a good time and he had probably his worst snap in the entire game during this bit #i love angst and suffering