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sodacansculptures · 4 months

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I started following you on Facebook some years ago, and then apparently forgot all about your stuff. It just popped into my head randomly and I wanted to see if you're still active and if you're still making soda can sculptures?

Hi, I apologize, I have no idea when you sent this since Tumblr (at least mobile) doesn't have time stamps, and for whatever reason, I don't get notifications about messages. You're the first person I've heard who has migrated from my Facebook page to my Tumblr, so thank you for joining the blog! Way more commentary here than there where my mom can see.

To answer your question succinctly: I am alive, and that's about the best I can say I've been since covid.

(I have donation links at the bottom, if you feel moved to want to help me.)

The extended director's cut answer:

After I made the Eevee sculpture, grad school ramped up and I figured I'd return to sculpting after I got my degree and settled into a job. However, I graduated in Spring of 2020, so the job I had lined up was withdrawn, and with all the budget cuts and layoffs in my field, I was competing for jobs with people who were trying to reenter the field and had decades more experience than me.

I did 100+ applications (I lost count at 120-something), dozens of interviews (including getting to the final round of all that had such a format--which is a stupid format. You don't need to meet me in a formal pretense 3 times, ask me riddles, have me take multiple hour-long aptitude tests, plus make me travel on my own dime just to tell me "no" and not even send like a "2nd Place Loser" gift basket or accept my LinkedIn request or anything). I got super stressed and super depressed.

I was so busy with trying to find a job and trying to deal with the breakdowns of not finding one. I tried applying in all the fields I was capable of at all levels: executive, mid, and gruntwork. I was turned down from entry level, no-talent-necessary jobs because I was overqualified. I was turned away from the others because of the lack of experience and unprecedented level and caliber of competition.

I was (still am) unable to pay my bills and, when not having breakdowns, I was calling, emailing, filling out applications, etc. for any and all financial aid. It was very arduous work and tedious with all the documentation they wanted from me, hold times on the phone, etc.

I had a non-profit (ADVOCAP) laugh at me when I asked for rent help because apparently they were overwhelmed and I wasn't going to get anything as I didn't have a job or kids and was considered a non-priority. Later when I was working with the ADRC, I asked if my case manager (I applied for disability, but I'll explain in a bit) if she knew of any rent help. She basically scolded me for asking and told me that it was unethical of me to seek that because "that's for people who actually have a chance." People who have jobs, she means. She explained that that money wasn't meant for me, and that was a whole unexpected slap in the face with a bag of dogshit. Didn't realize we had devolved into a utilitarian society quite that quickly.

I started working with FSET (my state's employment training and search help program. I was literally trying everything. Like I had also called my college and emailed all my professors asking for job help, and they had no answers other than like, "look online"). After months of no luck, FSET eventually convinced me to sign with a temp agency.

I worked 2 temp jobs that treated me like garbage (worsening my depression) and also paid me as such. I had lost all my savings to trying to stay afloat and my free time was non-existent, unless you count the hours I'd spend in the middle of the night just walking around my neighborhood listening to music--in an attempt to stop what seemed like endless crying--while I cried.

I tried selling plasma but they rejected me because I couldn't ever get my heart rate low enough, as my antidepressants increase heart rate. I tried going off of them, but I was on them for a reason, so I need to go back on.

When I graduated, I had bought myself a PS4 as a graduation gift to myself. I could afford it and thought I earned it. All the atmosphere of rejection and failure the pandemic created for me and my link to survival (employment should not be tied to survival. I was doing everything right and the system was failing me direly while virtually no one else who shared my experiences understood why I couldn't get a job when "everywhere is hiring" and "nobody wants to work anymore") and I started to hate myself for stuff like gifting myself the PS4. I felt undeserving, like a waste of resources, etc. because those were the messages I was constantly receiving directly and indirectly.

I eventually landed a job in my field and was hired on the spot. I felt like I had hit the jackpot and finally was going to be okay. Surprisingly to everyone in my life, the job made my life even worse.

I signed an NDA due to being horribly abused for the 10 months I was there, so I can't say much more than I just barely paid off my credit card, still had no free time as I was salary and worked nights and weekends in addition to my scheduled hours because the real reason they hired me instantly was not because I impressed them but rather because they were collapsing and desperate for anyone with some level of responsibility and capability. I hated that job, was bullied and abused extremely badly by coworkers and bosses and HR was no help, and when my performance review came back with negative impressions of me when I was sacrificing so much to keep the employment entity alive and functional, I completely broke.

I ended up hospitalized for months for suicide, and part of the NDA included resigning. I never fully recovered and don't think I ever will. I think I've seen and experienced too much to return to the idea that I could be the trailblazer my professors projected me to be (I now think professors don't actually provide an accurate representation of the field and encourage with no basis for their optimism).

The human mind is very easy to manipulate with propaganda, and I didn't catch myself being in a sort of “main character syndrome” and thinking that because I was Valedictorian of my graduating class and that I had so many national and international recognitions, awards, accolades, and qualifications that I was, for lack of a better term, pulling myself up by the bootstraps and going to be rewarded with a promising future where success is not just viable but imminent. I knew the world wasn't fair and that some people could do all the prescribed “right” steps and fail, but the operating paradigm (that had been ingrained in me since childhood from teachers who saw me as bright) I had held told me that I was far too talented and hard-working to fail. I had very little doubt that I wouldn't be successful. I was an ideal, hypothetical model of a pre-successful American worker.

So anyway, I didn't expect to have all the trouble that I faced finding a good job. At the end of the first summer of covid with nothing but rejections and employers affirming to me that there was nothing I could have improved on to get the job other than have prior experience, I was a discouraged worker who didn't even try anymore.

That's when FSET convinced me to do the temp agencies (who dropped me because one employer who was inhumanely abusive and ironically an HR department) gave a bullshit reason about me violating a protocol so they wouldn't have to make good on their promise to hire me after the temp period.

(I had allergies and it was literally the exact week in September when allergies were at their worst. A coworker, who hated me for some reason I never figured out and can only assume was jealousy, reported me for having a runny nose and I was immediately escorted out for bringing covid symptoms into the building. If I didn't go to work any day I had a runny nose, I wouldn't go any day. I take allergy meds literally every day of my life. My parents kept me too clean as a baby or something and didn't let me eat enough dirt, so an allergy panel showed I was allergic to every single common indoor and outdoor allergen).

Back to my suicidal hospitalization: I could say so much on the inpatient part. Suffice it to say I was never given my meds and there were no groups because they were understaffed and constantly wound up/pissed because of the uncooperative patients, so it was like prison where you had to argue with staff to get your basic needs met, and no soft surface existed and the water was always freezing, so it genuinely felt like being locked in a concrete box with no sunlight, no one on your side (they lied and said they called my psychiatrist and therapist. They never did. They also lied about ordering my meds), and no contact with the outside world. It was like a cruelly-designed Mr. Beast challenge with no reward in the end.

My friends said I was messed up for 2 weeks after and scary af because I was in survival-fight mode that would not turn off. I also was too overwhelmed by the outside world when I got out and could only eat pre-packaged snacks for a while because that was all I was used to/comfortable with.

Part of the agreement to let me leave inpatient was to do an intensive all-day outpatient program. I was actually dropped from that by insurance because I had undiagnosed ADHD among all my other issues and couldn't show up on time or sometimes at all. I still don't have my ADHD figured out because I had to convince my psychiatrist to refer me to a neuropsych who booked out for months to test me. I did it and got “Yes, much ADHD. All of the ADHD. Very wow.” So my psychiatrist finally believed me and agreed to start me on ADHD meds.

My psychiatrist and I are still working to find an ADHD med that would work for me. Vyvanse helped for a time, but my body metabolized it too quickly, leaving me with only around 6 functional hours in the day. I'm currently on extended-release Adderall, but so far not much help and there are too many other variables that could be fucking with it, like that my sleep-wake cycle is extremely unpredictable and I have a million appointments every day, so I am constantly sleep-deprived and am actually busier now than I was in grad school or any 8-hour job I worked.

The breakdown I had triggered me to develop fibromyalgia, so that has been a whole ordeal. I'm constantly in pain, it again took many months to see any doctor about it, and the meds take so long to start taking effect that we've been trying since June to find something that works.

The crucible that was my pandemic experience didn't refine me like fire refines gold or whatever the saying is but rather left me burnt, and not in the way that you can scrape the charred parts off of toast but like BURNT burnt (I can't think of an example. Maybe a popsicle. You're not getting that back once you take a flamethrower to it. Plus the stick would crumble into ash. RIP popsicle).

My life lately is a lot of appointments I often miss and have to reschedule, arguments with various agencies and even my doctors, breakdowns, and driving for Uber Eats because no one can fire me (but it pays beans and I get flack from restaurants and customers AND Uber because somehow the driver is the scapegoat for any issue that arises. I was so proud of my delivery aptitude and quality service until the tip-baiters and people being assholes for no reason started hitting me as common and daily occurrences).

A lot of people don't understand how UberEats works, but Uber doesn't even pay their driver enough to cover gas or depreciation on their vehicle for the mileage, much less the value of the driver's time and physical efforts. Tips are literally ⅔ of my income and my income does not cover my bills despite all the time I put in and algorithm I set up for myself that determines which trips to accept/reject for the most profit. It's a very toxic and unprotected form of employment. A lot of people lie that I didn't give them their food so that they can get a refund, but that comes back on me and risks my account being deactivated. It's virtually a fear-based system with some tricky artificial competition that Uber likes to throw in from time to time to convince us to drive for less and less pay.

I've looked into all the alternatives like GrubHub, Spark, DoorDash, etc. but I've been on their waiting lists for years, including GrubHub booting me off their list even though I was always quick to respond to their periodic question of if I still wanted to be on the list.

Between depression and ADHD, I can't work a normal job. I no longer have the capacity to keep a routine and can't show up to things with any level of reliability despite how badly I want to. I also don't have the spoons to deal with working with others or being accountable for tasks that feel--idk how to articulate it, but like--stupid to my autism. If something seems inefficient or not progressive (like not helpful to humanity) to me, I can't get my brain to do it. And with ADHD, if it's not interesting to me/something I am passionate about (I was extremely lucky that learning and receiving the praise from teachers I never got from my parents was my passion that got me so far and through multiple degrees), I can't get my brain to let me do it. Sometimes I just can't do anything, including things I want to do, and simply end up stuck. I wouldn't last in any job that wasn't self-directed and only happening when I have the spoons to be available. My options are very limited. And Uber can be slow. I've had times where I've waited 13 hours and not gotten a single request that wasn't going to cost me money to run.

Uber has some personal difficulties for me. In the summer, I found it a little bit fun, but now that it's cold, my Raynaud's is painful and I don't enjoy having to watch out for people who got their licenses from cereal boxes and don't know how to drive in the snow. It's an unpleasant sensory experience for me to work and honestly risky safety-wise. People don't turn on their porch lights for some reason (I have a headlamp now) and don't salt their walkways, and I'm uncoordinated because my dad didn't throw a ball at me enough as a kid probably, so there's ice, the treads on my boots are shot (and I can't afford to replace them), and I get banged up from falling on concrete.

I have a chiropractor and physical therapist, and they each said even before this that they could see me every day and still have something to work on with me. It's affirming, at least, to hear that professionals can physically feel how in pain my body is and that it's not just me being a baby. Part of it, I'm sure, is that I have PTSD (including from the traumas of my various pandemic experiences) and have horrible nightmares every night where I jerk around a lot in my sleep. I wake up every day feeling like I got hit by a bus, which is also partially why I don't get places on time.

On my own time, I'll spend 2 hours trying to get out of bed both overcoming the pain to move and convincing myself to get the willpower to. It's so much easier to just lie there and accept it, especially when I don't look forward to having to do another day. I don't feel rested because I spent the night working my body and brain, so I'm not sure I ever am rested. I need so much more sleep now, too, with fibromyalgia. This adds to my stress of outpacing my bills and just keeping up with the maintenance of myself and my apartment because that's less time I have to get things done.

I have 4 alarms (phone vibrating plus noise, an earthquake pillow one, my Fitbit vibrating on my wrist, and a Pavlok going all out screaming, vibrating, and shocking me with electricity), and it's still possible for me to sleep through all of them or somehow turn them off while half-asleep and go back to sleep. There are also times where I will be like, “Okay, getting up now,” and then I black out and it's 4 hours later and I missed 3 appointments that will take weeks to reschedule, if the clinic hasn't dropped me for the tardiness and absence. I'm running out of clinics to go to.

On a mental level, I am in a near-constant state of overwhelm that holds me inches from a full-blown, all-day breakdown at any given moment. Something about being so stressed with no relief for years on end has rewired my brain, I think, to make the adrenaline pathway so reinforced and the stress part of the brain overlit/overactive. I don't know how to relax. Doctors keep telling me I need to, especially with fibromyalgia, but I physically cannot seem to do it. I can't focus on anything like movies. Nothing is fun when I have always-present and terrorizing (by threatening my survival) pressure from all these stressors (mainly money. I'm in a constant race against my monthly bills, and each month, they creep closer and closer to outpacing me). I'm never happy to wake up and I'm always low-key scared. I'm desperate for security in any form.

I was so unable to do tasks after my suicidal breakdown that even though my psychiatrist, therapist, and general physician were begging me to apply for disability. I had hoped I just needed a few months of R&R and would be right back to being willing and able to work. That never happened, and it was extremely difficult for me to accept the fact that I was disabled. When I finally did, I begged for months for people to help me fill out all the forms (they were overwhelming me, which is, y'know, kind of a key feature of my disability) and no one did, so I lost months of time there. I eventually just had a moment of conviction or indignation or something that I was able to force myself to do them. I'm still kind of mad at everyone who didn't help.

My therapist actually did her best to help and, when the outpatient hospital ousted me because insurance refused to pay for it anymore, referred me to the county's CCS (Community Care Something-or-other) program. They gave me a worker who allegedly had some psychology- or human services-related degree who would help me function for 1 hour a week. I think the whole program is a farce and despite spending hours on this program, we accomplished absolutely nothing.

The first CCS worker I had was supposed to come over to my place (which had become a mess. I was a messy person before, as my apartment was a graveyard of unfinished projects due to my ADHD), but with my extended burnout, I wasn't cleaning and organizing on the level I used to. So I texted my CCS person a warning that my kitchen table was cluttered. I mean it to mean, “It will take me a minute to clear the table once you get here for your laptop for you to finish the unreasonably long entry paperwork on me, and I haven't gotten the energy to declutter it yet and won't until you get here because my ADHD needs a body double right now. She, for reasons I still don't understand, canceled the visit and never came. When I confronted her about what I meant, she was like…embarrassed to the point of not being willing to work with me anymore. There was a communication breakdown that I couldn't get her to communicate with me and she was somehow scared of how much and how articulated or something I communicated that she shut down.

I understand I “overcommunicate” from the perspective of allistics and neurotypicals [I had a bad childhood and was invalidated and wrongly blamed for things a lot, so I give as much explanation as possible to avoid any misunderstanding and articulate to the point that there won't be any ambiguities and thus can't be twisted into reason to punish me when I've done nothing to earn punishment. My caretakers as a child had their own mental issues that led them to being unreliable/unsafe to me and didn't offer me any feelings of security in relationships, perspective of reality (them taking their anger out on me and telling me everything, including their personal problems, was my fault), and ultimately everyone seems to say they want transparency and communication, but from my experiences and perspective, they don't want that. I have no idea what they really want. I give the level of communication I would want someone to give me and hope that they will just discard the parts they don't need/want, and apparently that's me being a burden or something and a “bad” quality.

Meanwhile, I WISH people would communicate and be transparent with me more. I think I am an understanding person who has done enough work on themselves to not repeat toxic patterns and be a healthy relationship to others. I don't listen to judge but to understand so I can work with the other person to fix any problems and work with what we got, not devalue them and distance myself or abandon them. Everyone on dating apps says they want this, but I've yet to meet someone who does. I think it's that people see this as an ideal but are unskilled at the time to play their role in the situation–both in offering and responding. I think I've put so many years of therapy and introspection into working on myself that others just haven't, so we're simply on different levels. I know I'm not alone in my experiences, but it's very isolating when you don't meet people who have done the same work.

Anyway, I got assigned a new CCS worker and she did not do all that work I described. When I was told I would be assigned to someone else, I specifically asked for one who has seen some shit and that nothing I do or say will move them. They did at least give me someone older with more experience, but she either over- or under-estimated me (I can't discern which). She, working in the same building as my therapist and being basically in at least a good bit of communication with her when I wasn't around, knew that I had a lot of crap going on that I needed more therapy/support/help unraveling and making sense of and peace with than the 45 min/week I got with my current therapist. So she offered to be like a second therapist and said I could tell her absolutely anything.

As the pattern of this narrative likely already cues, it turned out I could not tell her absolutely anything. I was a few months into my transition and no one prepares you for some of the changes. My endocrinologist had only told me, “You might go bald.” I thought my years of research and consulting with transmen in my life had encompassed all I needed to know. However, we sometimes do not know what we don't know and thus don't think to ask the questions we need to ask. As probably an autistic/abused person trait of mine, I speak very clinically and technically. At the time, I had recently been speaking with my therapist about anatomical changes that triggered emotions I was not prepared for. I attempted the same sort of conversation with my new CCS worker, but she yelled me for being inappropriate. Not just scolded but legit yelled, as if I wasn't a full grown adult capable of reason and discussion.

I was confused on what I did wrong, since I thought I was just taking her up on what she willingly offered. I am also a firm believer in the Mister Rogers quote about how anything that is mentionable is manageable (which goes back to why I don't listen to judge but rather to collaborate and also why I see disagreements as us vs. the problem rather than me vs. them. I do not feel the need to yell at someone unless it's like an emergency of some sort and there's a threat that yelling can somehow address and be beneficial to the situation).

From my perspective, I was being shut down and punished/shamed for asking for help with a problem that legit scared me and that I was willing to be vulnerable enough to share. I consider that sort of thing sacred and not something that can be trusted in everyone's hands. But the way she responded, to me, reinforced that I was a person unworthy of help: a message received from my childhood caretakers and all the people who were supposedly there to help me during my pandemic crises.

I couldn't bring myself to trust her anymore or even want to see her again. I'll admit that's a bit of my Emotional Dysregulation Disorder weighing in, but I didn't want her in any intimate spaces I'd need to let her into in order to serve me in her CCS capacity. I had had too many things go wrong lately in that time to not shut myself down to prevent more hurt by simply refusing any future opportunity for more hurt to occur. I was well beyond my limit and it took much convincing from my therapist for me to even give CCS a chance to help me.

Still, I asked to be reassigned to another CCS worker, this time knowing that I could not trust what they claim to offer and just keep the things we work on surface-level functioning--like cleaning my oven or going through the pile of mail I hadn't opened in weeks because their potential contents paralyzed me with fear.

I was denied my request and let go from the program as they felt I had burned through 2 workers and thus proven that I am not a good candidate for the program. I still don't agree with this and argued, but after weeks of (a reasonable number of) periodic emails and voicemails, I never got an email or call back. In hindsight, I maybe should have reported to the county what happened, but it's been like a year.

That mostly brings us back to the present. I have been back in FSET since Spring but just focusing on staying afloat with Uber/working on whatever I can handle. I had a whole researched and designed pitch asking them to fund the several hundred dollars it would be for me to become a mobile notary, but they denied my request as they lack the funds. They also denied my request for new boots for the Uber hazards because they felt it was a fashion thing and not a need. Agencies, or honestly anyone with any power over me, not understanding me even with my articulate, crystal-clear explanations isn't surprising to me anymore. And counterintuitively, more explanation (even from different approaches) does not help and just makes me think I'm weird, which somehow is taken as more cause to not grant whatever request it is I am making in the first place.

So I Uber, I argue with doctors and agencies to try to get my needs met, and I have breakdowns despite my efforts to not. I have always had a massive list of more sculptures I want to make. I do want to get to a point where I can make them someday. I've been waiting on disability for an answer for nearly a year and done all I can to bolster my case with getting doctor testimonies, giving my testimony, noting clinic visits so the person assigned to my case can view the findings of them, getting an ADRC contact to guide me (though looking back, she didn't help at all and it was me searching out and discovering everything on my own while all she did was forward what documentation I had to the state for me)... All I can do is try to survive until they say “yes,” but they usually say “no” first (which is why an alarming number of people file bankruptcy and/or die waiting for a disability decision), especially since mental health reasons are the hardest ones to get approved, and my ADRC contact has been using language such as, “This will make it easier for next time,” and I'm not prepared to hear her tell me she thinks we'll have to file another claim and wait another year, so I don't ask

I feel terrible that I've not been sculpting or posting. I miss engaging the Tumblr community and sharing my art with people who appreciate it (and not tell me it's garbage. Wtf, Grandma).

The fact that I couldn't actually bring myself to commit suicide and still don't even though the extremely-difficult-to-survive--particularly with multiple debilitating ailments--and high cost I incur daily to myself trying to keep my head above water as long as I can, tells me that there is a life better than this that I want to live. I can't fathom for myself anything other than what is current, and I am putting all my chips into believing that I could be wrong and there's a chance all my striving will eventually meet stable ground to rest upon, where I can return to myself and make art again. I hate to think this wreck is who I really am and want to believe this is just who I am under a stupid-amount of pressure that no human should ever have to endure. A lot of people have been quick to point out all the resources, but I guarantee I've pursued all of them hard and received some help but not nearly enough. It's hard to wrestle with the feelings of not being enough to live or not being worthy of living because it's such a struggle for me to throw enough money at bills/expenses to allow me to live. It shouldn't cost someone all of themselves to try (and imminently fail) to earn the allowance to live.

Things like the ACP and student loan freeze (I owe $80,000+ because college is an overpromising, commercialized thing that is more gamble than guarantee) are ending soon (or maybe have ended and I just haven't opened my mail to know), and I'm deathly afraid. Uber isn't enough and on down-times with them and when my various ailments aren't being debilitating, I work on selling things to try to make enough for the month. Obviously I'm eventually going to run out of things to sell.

I'm also fearful that my estimated disability check, if I get one, is only going to be $900/month, because I didn't get enough work experience to be allowed more. I genuinely don't know that that's going to be enough, especially since the price of everything like rent is inflating. I don't know how long I can financially sustain my means of survival. But I'm still doing everything I can. It's jarring to go from decorated Valedictorian to…whatever exhausted mess this is.

My parents stopped asking me months ago how things are going because they know it's never good. They don't have the means to help me as my mom got laid off of work, my dad has dementia and doesn't work, and if I have to live with them again, I would essentially be signing off on my own death certificate because even spending a few hours in that home, with those people, is enough to completely drain me, trigger so much PTSD, grind my mental health down even more with whatever new dynamics and energies they decide to inject in our interactions. I wasn't free to fight the battles I needed to until I moved out into my own private space, and since it is the cheapest option in the entire city and so necessary of a component to my mental health, my therapist identified keeping my apartment as my number one priority. With my mental health, I wouldn't do well at all or be able to get back on my feet if I was homeless.

This turned into a lot more than I intended, but I'm really satisfied that it explains my situation and makes it known that you can do everything right and still lose. The system will cannibalize you if you don't have money to start with and don't have the means to keep it coming. Poverty charges interest and there are no days off, especially if you're disabled. There are no real safetynets and the ones that exist are overwhelmed, underfunded, underpowered, and essentially only serve to make the ones who don't need them feel satisfied (and aren't outraged and pushing for changes) being sold the lie that those who need help have it available to them. Having an inside view of what the experience is, I am apalled at how little systemic support or consideration there is for the disabled, especially since it is the largest minority group that anyone can join at any time.

Some days suck worse than others, like when the weather is so bad that I cannot Uber or when my pain or mental state has been aggravated and I haven't made enough time for self-care so it has decided for me when self-care must be attended to. I wish I could give myself the self-care my mind and body need so I can be healthier, more resilient to setbacks, and feel less pain, but honestly some nights I don't even go to bed because there isn't enough time/I can't afford to not be working or selling things. Society likes to frame self-care as a luxury and only recently (since covid attacked everyone's mental health) did self-care start to be widely accepted as a need. It's just too bad all that rhetoric amounted to is awareness without action. Capitalism still demands and glorifies the nonstop grind, even if it kills us.

Obviously some days are better than others and it feels incredible when I feel a genuine smile spread across my face. I wish it wasn't so foreign of a feeling, but the fact that it is makes it more impactful. I try to give my attention to hope, even if I have no practical basis to believe it exists.

Receiving this ask did ultimately bring a smile to my face because it means I'm still cared for in a world that kicks me to the ground daily and says I don't deserve care. It is so hard for me to even care about myself a lot of the time, with all the negative messages I've internalized from my dominatingly high ratio of experiences that are rejection or failure in some form. Ultimately, we all just want to be loved. Thank you so much for reminding me that pain isn't all there is for me (it's easy to get sucked into that mindset after years of nearly everything gutting me. I often fail to even notice myself falling into it and being consumed by it).

I know I don't owe anyone an explanation for my absence and that no one is mad at me or blaming me for it that I would need to provide some sort of justification. But I wanted to communicate with you all because I love you. I genuinely mean that.

I still think about this from time to time and I still want come back to making and sharing sculptures and just having fun hearing all the things you have to say about them and how delighting, inspiring, or entertaining you find them. I consider the ability to do that and this Tumblr page to be one of my greatest things I've made. I don't care about money and despise that money dictates virtually every aspect of my life in the worst way. Community, creativity, and self-improvement motivated by joy/love rather than profit/fear are of infinitely more value to me. I'm still pursuing that dynamic in the end through all of this.

By no means is anyone obligated to donate to me, but if you can afford to and want to, I'll post my payment platform things below (some may still have my birth name attached). Any amount helps and Lord knows I dove for a penny on the ground last week.

If you can't donate but still want to help, reblogging can help no matter how little reach you feel your blog has, and I also would appreciate words of encouragement or support. I also just want you to know that if you've been reading this far, I really appreciate that you care enough about me to do that.

All of my love,

Stan

(They/Them)

PayPal:

@Stanwagner09

Venmo:

@asclw7643

Zelle:

[email protected]

#Thank you everyone for your support #and thank you chronically-issy for checking in on me #chronically-issy

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uniwolfcorn · 1 year

Text

❗️AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT❗️

Greetings Thunderfam/Anderfam! I hope all of you are doing well and had a wonderful Thanksgiving, holidays, & New Years!

Now, I have been thinking for a long while about this. And now I think it's time I begin setting it into motion. I've decided to start a Thunderbirds/Anderson event. I would like to present to you all...

✨️The Whump Couch!✨️

☆

How it'll work:

I'll draw and post a picture of the (TAG) Tracy Villa couch. You lovely people in Thunderfam can add a drawing of a whumpee on the couch. The artist can write a fic with said drawing, or something similar to a minibang; ask someone to draw/write for them (you don't have to only do Thunderbirds! Go wild with the Anderverse)!

☆

Rules:

•One drawing and fic entry per person please. This is to make sure nobody gets overwhelmed!

•While whump, anguish, and such are allowed, please do not draw/write anything super explicit (NSFW, heavy gore, etc).

•Artists can choose to either use the couch as their separate canvas or squeeze in other drawings.

•When posting a submission, please mention me and use the tag #the whump couch

•Please remember to credit each other's work.

☆

When it'll start:

The event will start on February 1 - March 5. I've been suggested to start in 2023, so can be a fresh start for everyone.

This will be my first ever event I hold, so apologies if anything is unethical. But remember this is all in the name of fun! Take your time and don't stress over anything. Also, feel free to leave any questions or suggestions on how I can improve the event or anything!

☆

Tagging the lovely artists & writers of Thunderfam: @dragonoffantasyandreality, @teapotteringabout, @louthestarspeaker, @alexthefly, @tikatu, @tsarinatorment, @janetm74, @katblu42, @dreamycloud, @willow-salix, @lenle-g, @knyee, @shirubie, @godsliltippy, @gumnut-logic, @ak47stylegirl, @mothmannerly, @squiddokiddo, @skymaiden32, @malignedangel, @chenria, @avengedbiologist, @misstb2, @thunderforsty, @thundergirl007💕

☆

Apologies if I forgot anybody! Thank you all so much for reading! I'm very excited and I can't wait to see what you guys come up with (even if don't you join in, it's alright. You still rock)!❤️🧡💛💚💙🩵💜💖🩷🖤🤎🩶🤍🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🌟

#uni speaks #important #thunderfam #the whump couch #uni's events

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dearweirdme · 6 months

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when i sent the ask i knew the first thing you would bring up is their relationship with women. so, to answer your question, yes, i actively criticize ALL people who hyperanalyze their sexuality, whether they’re straight or queer is literally not our concern? but also, the taekook shippers are quite literally the most pervasive and most invasive in this entire fandom. but we’re not fans of their sexuality. we’re fans of them as artists. i’m not homophobic. i’m a literal queer, bisexual woman telling you as a queer person that this is super disrespectful. for ANY person. this goes beyond being “interested” in their personal lives. it’s so dehumanizing to have literal strangers deciding FOR you what your sexuality is. deciding FOR you if your friends are actually your friends. deciding FOR YOU that you can’t come out bc of a company when it’s possible that if any of them ARE QUEER they simply may not WANT to come out. why do you all feel entitled to pushing them to? why do y’all feel entitled to deciding what their sexuality is and deciding why their sexuality is and deciding what would be the result that makes THEM happy when y’all are not them?do you guys seriously not think it’s disrespectful? when did i EVER say them being straight was the default? in fact i never mentioned me thinking they were straight at all and simply said that analyzing their sexuality when they didn’t give ANY OF US consent to do so is unethical and dehumanizing no matter what way you look at it. you can try to say i’m homophobic. i truly don’t care bc i know that i personally really like woman and men equally. this isn’t at ALL about my sexuality or my outlook on people being queer. at what point did i ever state or insinuate that *I* think they’re straight or that *i* think something would be wrong if they were straight or queer? i’m literally saying that information is not only irrelevant but not for us to know or to force our way into knowing. i’m saying it’s inappropriate to speculate on their sexuality as a whole. straight. gay. bi. pan. or otherwise. it’s literally not our business and has NOTHING to do with being their fan. you’re talking about love yes but you’re also making grave assumptions about their relationships with other people and across the board these narratives impact real life people? like y’all are treating like they’re people only in the fantasy of the ship. i think this of all shippers who genuinely believe their ships to be reality and go around actively spreading information as if it were true when none of us know. and the answer to the apparent mystery about their sexuality has literally fuck all to do with liking bts. if you only like them bc of their sexuality then you don’t like them and this is a fetish. if your entire narrative around being their fan is convincing other people that they’re queer or straight or ANYTHING that they themselves didn’t disclose, you are not a fan. this is fetishizing.

Hi again anon!

I do apologize for thinking of you as homophobic, it’s just that usually asks like yours come from that side of fandom. I guess you just don’t like people talking about celebrities private lives in general, which I understand. It is however a huge part of being a fan for many many people, it is something that magazines rely on and make money of, it is something that companies and artists themselves lean into at times. For me, being a fan means that I care about their private lives as well.. I cannot really help it, it’s something that happens automatically. I think it happens for many people automatically in general. If that’s not your way of being a fan, that maybe you should refrain from looking at blogs like mine. I will not have you make me feel bad about caring about the members like that.

What I have seen is that even amongst queer persons there’s many opinions on how to talk about these things. I know I have many queer followers who do want to talk about this, I think their opinion is just as valuable as yours.

Again, I agree that many shippers take it too far.. I don’t personally think I am though.

#i also don’t only like them because of the ship #i was a bts fan before being a tkkr #fandom shenanigans #taekook

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ochrefic · 6 months

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Tell us about the sin-eater AU!

anon you complete me

this barely even discusses the actual story because there’s so much setup. the sin eater au has very complicated lore for something which is mostly about everyone suffering a lot. i apologize in advance

this is a modern world with magic, but it’s not very powerful. the average person mostly interacts with it in the form of purchased physical objects. the average person is able to sense magic— for instance, walking up to an enchanted object, one can likely sense the power, the temperament, and the purpose of the enchantment. they can also tell some things about other people’s internal magic.

everyone has internal magic. if you don’t it is because you are dead. your internal magic is affected by a lot of things. sometimes your physical health but mostly mental nonsense*. it can get corrupted due to the aforementioned mental nonsense, which is a tiny bit unfun.

(*this is debated** in-universe, we will come back to that in a later post)

(**"debated", we’ll come back to that in a later post)

the vast majority of people cannot do anything with their internal magic. they have no way to access it in a conscious manner. a few people are able to consciously access their magic— “magic users”.. this is sort of but not totally genetic, but in any case you cannot become a magic user on purpose. you have it or you don’t.

having access to your internal magic is mostly not a good thing. there are very few Actual Magicians because trying to do anything notable with it means studying it as a discipline, which is like learning engineering and law at the same time while going to trade school on the weekends. if you don’t want to go to superhell college, you can practice a reasonable amount and then you can do silly little party tricks. which is cool and fun!

however.

a person’s body can only contain so much magic. if you are normal and don’t have any way to consciously access yours, your body handles it for you— you’ll gradually produce more if you lose it, you won’t end up with more magic than you’re supposed to have, everything will be chill and fine.

if you are a magic user, you are theoretically capable of decreasing your internal magic via performing spells, so your body decides not to be helpful. if you have somehow acquired too much magic, you gotta get rid of it on your own.

magic users can mess with the magic of non-users. you can give magic to someone or take it away from them.

again, normal people can’t use their own magic but can perceive the magic inside of objects or other organisms. some people can use magic, which may not be good for them. here’s a third category for you to remember: a small number of people are completely unable to perceive magic at all— they are “magicblind”. this is mostly not a problem.

*****

after Many Words, we have arrived at the prologue.

john’s family belongs to a religious community which is toeing the line between “slightly weird people with unethical beliefs” and “cult”. they are christian but most of their theological beliefs aren’t super relevant

things they believe which are relevant and (very) controversial:

magic is ‘witchcraft’, which means it is evil and bad.

having corrupted magic is a sign of having sinned, and to cleanse yourself of that sin you must remove the corrupted magic.

being a magic user means that you have been chosen to act as the eater of sin for your community; this is, supposedly an honor. it is your duty to listen to the wrongdoings of your community members, to take their corrupted magic from them, and to keep it inside yourself literally forever. you are not allowed to say no.

john was eleven when he finally got caught shaking sparks from the ends of his fingers. he was twelve when he started taking sins. he was twelve, and the parents of his schoolmates were telling him about how they drink too much and they yell at their wife and they beat their children and they wish their spouse was dead, and he would take their hands and look them in the eyes and scoop out the rotten twisted bits of their magic and bury them inside himself as deeply as he could.

after a while it started to show no matter how much he tried to hide it. corrupted magic doesn’t smell, exactly, but it produces a similar sense of repulsion. his schoolmates began to look at him with disgust. their parents began to fear him. he moves his bedroom to the top floor of the house because his aura keeps his siblings from falling asleep. his mother doesn't touch him anymore.

it began to make him sick, eventually. it is a sickness that cannot be chased away, and one for which he gets no sympathy. it is a duty and it is an honor and he does as he is told. he is resigned to it. but it is a very lonely and painful path to walk. he cannot imagine anything else, but there is very little light left in his days. other than duty there is very little left to live for.

until the new foster kid with flyaway hair and ripped denim trousers sits next to him without seeming even to notice what he is.

#long post #asks #amrev #hamilton #lams #stay tuned for more posting at. some point. probably.#ask questions if any of this doesn't make sense #(probably none of it makes sense)

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selfdiagnosedeyemotif · 7 months

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Spy x family is super fun cause it's a romance comedy about a spy fake dating someone and adopting a kid for a mission but he slowly ends up loving them both. And then you get backstories like the Mc getting into an argument with his dad the day before his dad died in air raid and he never got to apologize, or the other Mc being an orphan and raising her younger brother and being forced to become an assassin to make money, or the other other Mc being a test experiment for unethical tests as a toddler or the handler who I just told you about or the minor character who becomes a terrorist because his daughter was killed by the state for protesting and he wants to avenge her or the side character who was in the enemy army but was given a chance to live if he betrayed his country and now lives a miserable life as a spy or th

woagh.... i feel like getting into this would be inadvisable (see also: the contract that i signed to tumblr user greenyball that mandates i read homestuck, which i have not started) (see also: my copy of Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Novels and Stories Volume II, which i have not finished the first entry in) (see also: the octopath save file that i just booted up a few days ago and need to finish in order to write the sick as ophilia fic that's been bouncing around in my brain for months) (see also: all of the unfinished pirated games on my computer including but not limited to golden sun, earthbound, final fantasy six, fire emblem thracia 776, three different pokemon fangames (technically not pirated), and the legend of zelda a link to the past) (see als but it does sound very cool

#wheres that cat thumbs up image that bean has #that sums up my thoughts on the matter pretty succinctly #and the void screameth back #not-pie

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flipping-the-coin · 4 months

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𝙳𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚒𝚍 could you please tell us maybe about the syth-en, if you know anything about it of course.

𝙸𝚊𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝙼𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚆𝚒𝚗𝚐-

𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚂𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛: 𝙳𝚘𝚌. 𝙵𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚒𝚍

𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚂𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚌-

━━▲━━

I am not the most well informed on the subject of synthetic energon, but I will gladly disclose what I know!

There have been attempts throughout history to create a substitute for energon. The old Council of Cybertron made many rather unethical attempts through experimentation with various compounds on criminals. All that came from those experiments were several highly addictive performance enhancing drugs like 'circuit breakers' and 'The touch of Primus'. Both drugs made the user feel invincible and removed their ability to control how much force they exerted in even simple activities. But aside from drugs, the Council never got anywhere with the formula.

It was only through Doctor Ratchet's efforts that gave us the base formula for Synthetic energon. I do not know all the details since I was not on Earth during the production of the formula. The process by which he created the original compound is also not written anywhere. Whatever he did, Doctor Ratchet is the only living mech with a full formula of the original synthetic energon compound. He kept very poor documentation on Earth, but what records we do have indicate that his synthetic energon has a few supposed benefits.

Heightened physical capabilities

Heightened senses

Increased cognitive function

Increased self esteem

Increased immune and internal system functionality

It sounds like a super fuel above all else, and the lack of study into the potential side effects only confirm that the original synthetic energon formula is unstable. While it is still possible to have it turned into a proper energon substitute, it highly dangerous in the form it took on Earth. Doctor Ratchet didn't have it in his systems long enough for any true backlash to settle in. Adding to that, the synthetic energon was drained from him rather than running its normal course in his frame. For all we know, he could have experienced no side effects if allowed to function normally. But we cannot know that when all of his aches and pains could have been pinned onto the injuries he sustained that led to the synthetic energon being drained in the first place.

The Decepticons did end up obtaining the formula, but to my knowledge, they have failed to perfect it. No one has managed to truly create a substitute to energon. Currently the substitute the Decepticons have managed to create serves to prolong the time between each needed refueling. It essentially increases the power of the already present energon within a bot, serving as a multiplier for the nutritional value. It doesn't replace energon, but it helps the frame use what energon it has more efficently.

I am afraid I do not know the name of this compound. I have only witnessed it amongst those who work near the starports. I suspect Knockout might be the only living distributer of the drug, especially since it seems to boost confidence and have an addictive quality.

I hope that answers your question! I apologize for not having access to more data!

━━▲━━

𝙳𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚒𝚍

#maccadam #transformers prime au #transformers #two sides to a coin au #transformers prime #cybertronian culture #synthetic energon #first aid #first aid writes

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plural-affirmations · 7 months

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I saw people venting and if your in the mental state for it, I really need some comfort... I'll be referring to myself as Bug

Recently, I had a doctor's appointment with my psychiatrist, let's call her T. I let Someone in sys bring up to T that I had headmates, a total of 46-ish other people who could front as they pleased. He said "I'm not Bug, I'm not the same person you talk to, there are about 46 of us."

She said, to his face (HUGE tw right here) "Your hallucinating. They aren't real because your aware of them."

We as a collective are very distraught and feel very invalidated. I live in a small Christian town and no other doctors are safe for me to visit. I have a therapist though (let's call her G) who believes me, and is trying to learn about my headmates and become acquainted with them and their negative triggers and likes, etc.

I'm super stressed out and don't know what to do and my headmate who was fronted for the whole ordeal is really upset about it...

Thank you if you read this, I just needed to get it off my chest, feel free to ignore<3 /platonic

Oh, Bug, I'm so sorry that happened to you and your system. I can see why you're distraught and discouraged.

Unfortunately, plurality is often dismissed, misdiagnosed, or in some cases, can cause outright hostility from some mental health professionals.

You and your headmate's feelings are both incredibly valid. Have you been able to reach him since this happened? Try to see if you can contact him to see how he's doing, and give him space to open up if he needs to.

As for some unsolicited comments/advice...

T has absolutely zero right to make that call without even asking you about your experiences and symptoms. That's extremely unprofessional and unethical, in my opinion. It's bad practice to not even talk to your patients on a one-to-one level of baseline respect, let alone make supposedly "informed" decisions about whatever is going on with them within a split-second of hearing about it. You have every right to be upset.

I know you said there's no other doctor for you to go to in your small town... is it a likely option for you (or someone you know) to drive to a doctor somewhere outside the town, but still close by? It may be worth looking into.

With that being said, I am very familiar with being unable to do that for various reasons, so there's 0 judgement if you have to continue seeing this psychiatrist.

If that's the case, though, it may be worth focusing on your relationship with G, since she seems to have a better connection to you all? She seems open, and if you think it's a good idea, I say go for it.

The point to all this is: I am so very sorry you're collectively going through this right now. It's an awful situation, and you did not deserve it. No one deserves to be mistreated, especially not from people who are in the mental health field. It's ok to be sad, or angry, or distrustful, or whatever else you may be feeling. There's no wrong way to process things.

As an aside, I also apologize for the late reply... even after I got back yesterday, it was quite busy IRL, and I didn't get a chance sit down to respond until now. I hope this still manages to bring you some new perspective or comfort.

Please don't forget how incredible you are, and feel free to send any follow-up messages, comments, concerns, etc., to our inbox.

We love you&, and we really sincerely wish you happiness and peace. ❤️

🖤💜💙💚💛

#answered #tw ableism #tw sanism #tw gaslighting #not a request #plural advice

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trueishcolours · 2 years

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No no no I really want to hear your full thoughts on consent! But I'll wait for the post :D As for all the rest. Yeah. Exactly. All of it. The episode 6 apologies make me want to trust the show to handle this new mess well too, but at the same time my trust issues are also immune to waterfall kisses, so. I'll wait and see. And like, not to be extremely shallow, but even if they mess everything up after this point, at least we got to see some really attractive dudes :|

Yay! Now thanks to you I get to post this in response to an ask as though I were a popular blog whose opinion people were clamouring to read, instead of just yelling into the void like I normally do!

Before I launch into why the Bathroom Handjob Scene was super-duper not consensual, I want to be clear that I am not criticising anybody who enjoyed the scene, or criticising the showrunners for writing the scene the way they did. I did not start watching the Mafia Show about Mafia Men doing Mafia Things because I wanted to see characters who were models of good behaviour. In fact I thought the scene was excellently done and part of the point of this post is to praise that! But I do think we all ought to be clear about what we are watching, and what we are not watching is ethical sex.

So, in the discussion around sexual ethics, people have come up with a lot of features of what true consent should look like. Off the top of my head, consent should be enthusiastic, specific, ongoing, fully informed and freely given. I think some fans of the show have noticed the enthusiasm of Porsche’s consent – he clearly likes having sex with Kinn, a lot! – and are skipping over the ‘freely given’ bit.

What does ‘freely given’ mean? Put simply, if you are under any pressure or coercion to consent – if something bad might happen to you if you don’t give your consent – then your consent is not valid. And Kinn and Porsche’s relationship has been coercive from the get-go when Kinn kidnapped Porsche, and has not got less coercive since. Again, this is a feature of the show, not a bug! The imbalanced power dynamic of the mafia-boss-and-bodyguard relationship is what makes it tasty, and the question of whether Kinn and Porsche will eventually be able to overcome this power imbalance is the driving force of the show! But for now, the relationship is coercive, and consent can’t exist in a coercive space.

I am going to belabour this point just a little more, because the claim that somebody can say they want sex, and enjoy the sex, and yet not have given valid consent, sounds counterintuitive and honestly a little patronising. ‘They said yes but they didn’t really mean it and we can’t believe them?’ Sounds like some anti-kink nonsense! But the thing is, if you’ve created a situation where a person might reasonably be afraid to say no to you, and then they say yes to you, you can’t actually know whether they really mean it, or whether they’re lying to protect themselves. If you proceed in the face of this uncertainty, you are behaving unethically. And if you’re the person being coerced, you may not actually be aware of how much pressure you were under until much later, because your brain will do what it thinks it needs to do to help you survive the situation, including suppressing feelings of fear and going along with whatever it thinks is the safest course of action. I think we can see Porsche doing this in ep. 7 with regard to all the torture and killing. In ep. 3 he was very upset at being present during torture and eventually being the one to shoot the victim; in ep. 7 he didn’t turn a hair. But I don’t think this means he has become truly okay with it. I think his brain has realised that there’s no getting out of participating in torture and killing if he wants to stay safe, and so is supressing all his qualms about it. For now.

Jesus Christ, that was a long preamble about the nature of consent. On to the Bathroom Handjob Scene!

So, Vegas is just getting his own sexual assault plan started when Kinn bursts in and kicks him out. Rather than assuming, ‘my evil cousin was harming my crush,’ Kinn jumps straight to ‘my crush was cheating on me with my evil cousin.

Kinn is holding a gun. Even if Porsche did not have Vegas’ story about Kinn shooting his ex fresh in his head, even if Kinn wasn’t a proven killer who once shot an apple off Porsche’s head just to make a point, the presence of the gun alone would be enough to make me question whether Porsche’s consent could really be ‘freely given.’

Kinn then uses aggressive body language, hemming Porsche in against the sink and introducing some actual violence into the situation by slapping Porsche in the face. But Porsche is much, much braver than I am, so instead of giving in to the man with the gun, he pushes him away, slaps him back, and then attempts to storm out of the bathroom.

Kinn grabs him and drags him back.

For me, this is where he crosses the line from ‘creating a coercive atmosphere where consent cannot be freely given’ to ‘actively violating Porsche’s consent.’ Okay, he had a gun, but maybe he didn’t intend to use it. He backed Porsche against the sink, but maybe he didn’t realise how aggressive that seemed. But now there’s no doubt: Porsche tries to leave and Kinn won’t let him.

Porsche doesn’t give up, though! He turns his back to Kinn, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. I honestly wanted to cheer for him at this point, because this posture is both physically defensive – it’s how you’d protect your neck and vital organs from an attacker who you couldn’t escape – and emotionally defiant. Fine, he’s saying, you can force me to stay, but I’m not going to look at you. I’m not going to give you access to the parts of my body that you clearly so desperately want to touch. I’m going to give you the cold wall of my back and nothing else. This has honestly been Porsche’s attitude all along – you can make me stay, but you can’t make me cooperate. You don’t own me.

So then Kinn whispers ‘sorry’ in his ear and Porsche turns around and they open each other’s pants and jerk each other off.

Listen. When you’re with a person you like and find attractive, and that person starts violating your boundaries, there comes a point when you ask yourself,

Am I really going to stick to my guns and continue denying this person and making us both miserable, when I could just give in and give us what we both want?

Is it really that important to me that they ‘ask nicely?’ Does my boundary matter that much actually?

If I keep refusing, maybe they’ll finally respect my no, or maybe they’ll hurt or assault me. Whereas if I give in, I can tell myself that surely they would have stopped if I’d kept refusing. Do I really want to find out the truth?

God, this situation where the person I like is violating my boundaries is making me miserable. I could really do with some comfort, reassurance and positive touch from a person I like. Oh look, there’s a person I like right here, and they will stop making me miserable and give me positive touch instead if I just consent!

It can feel awful, deciding to give in to an abuser’s coercion before they go on to outright harm you. You can feel as though a ‘real victim’ would have said no no matter what, and because you said yes in order to avoid harm, you kind of sort of more or less consented. You can feel like you’ve let down rape and abuse survivors everywhere by not holding your attacker to a higher standard of behaviour. You can feel like you’ve let yourself down. And I think that’s why the timing of Porsche’s softening and giving in is so telling and well-written. He resists until Kinn says ‘sorry,’ and then he unbends. What, exactly, is Kinn sorry for, and how does he plan to amend his behaviour going forward? As an apology, his sorry is pretty much meaningless, but what it does is give Porsche an out. He can now tell himself, ‘well, I didn’t let Kinn scare or force me into having sex. I haven’t been raped. I resisted until he apologised, and then I changed my mind.’ But in fact there hasn’t been nearly enough work done to remove the atmosphere of coercion, in the scene and in their relationship as a whole.

I’ve tried to describe some reasons why a person in Porsche’s situation might want to have sex. It’s also worth mentioning that sex in this situation could be a fawn response. People often talk about the ‘fight or flight response,’ but I’ve also seen it elaborated to four options – fight, flight, fawn, freeze. Freezing is literally going still, in the hope of going unnoticed, not provoking an attack, or simply because you’re at a loss for what to do. Fawning is an attempt to appease an attacker so that they’ll decide not to hurt you. By the time they get to the handjobs, Porsche has already attempted fight (pushing and slapping Kinn), flight (trying to leave the bathroom) and freeze (turning his back and hunching in). What other option has he got left but fawn? Moreover, as a fawn response, the handjob is incredibly effective. Kinn goes from angry and violent to distracted and adoring in record time, causing some fans to comment on how much power and control Porsche has in the scene. Which, yes, he does, but using survival sex to gain power in a relationship where you might otherwise be powerless is, how you say, not good.

I’m definitely not saying that Porsche was standing there all calculating like, ‘quick, jerk him off before he shoots me!’ I think Porsche’s conscious thought process was ‘yeah, sure, he’s hot, let’s have sex.’ I think Porsche wanted the sex, and I don’t think he’s going to experience it as a violation in hindsight. But I do very much think that all the factors I’ve outlined were there affecting his decision-making process. As long as the person is thinking, ‘sure, I’ll have sex, it’s better than the alternative,’ the atmosphere is coercive and the consent is dubious at best.

And let’s not forget that during this entire scene Porsche is staggering-drunk.

As a bit of a side note, I’ve come across as pretty harsh on Kinn in this whole post, so I want to add here that I think a lot of his behaviour is completely understandable. He starts by blaming Porsche because he suffers from paranoia and is terrified of the people he loves betraying him to his enemies – something that has happened to him before! He prevents Porsche from leaving the bathroom because he realises the interaction has gone pear-shaped and wants the chance to fix it. But a difficult truth, a truth this show tackles well, is that most people who will violate your consent are not doing it for ‘evil reasons.’ They’re doing it because they’re worried, because they just want to talk, because they’re sure you’d like it if you gave it a chance. But it’s still not acceptable to violate someone’s consent, no matter the justification. I think Kinn knows that its next to impossible for him to treat Porsche well for as long as they’re both in the Mafia – as is so often the case, the problem is not individual but systemic. That’s why in ep. 6 he tried to do the right thing and remove Porsche from the system altogether. Now they’re both back in the system, and Kinn is mistreating Porsche again. When he scolds and slaps him, he actually does pretty much exactly what Korn had him did in ep. 5 – punish Porsche for ‘allowing’ himself to fall prey to Vegas and thereby making Kinn look weak. What else can he do, as long as he’s living in this cut-throat world where the only way to stay safe is to ruthlessly project power? He and Porche are going to have to break out of the system, and right the power imbalance in their relationship, if they’re going to get their happy ending, and they’re not there yet.

So, why this long post about coercion and consent? I’ve said that I think it’s totally fine to create and enjoy this kind of scene, and I stand by that, but what does make me uncomfortable is when creators or fans think they’re portraying something that would be ethical in real life, when in fact they’re not. I’m fairly sure that the creators of KinnPorsche know what they’re about, but there’s still that little dash of unease. I think this is why I’ve actually been shipping VegasPorsche much more than KinnPorsche. Partly because I’m a contrary bitch who never ships the canon pairing, but also because Vegas is the villain and is framed as the villain, and therefore I can be positive that I, the creators and my fellow fans are all on the same page about his actions being bad. Whereas when the romantic lead does something bad, there’s always that little moment of, ‘wait, was I meant to read that as good because he’s the romantic lead? I wasn’t, right?’

This is also why I liked it better in ep.5 when Porsche was totally taken in by Vegas, than in ep. 7 where he seemed mistrustful of him throughout. I mean, partly because I wanted to watch him feel BETRAYED when the man who seems friendly turns on him, and it’s less fun if he’s suspicious of Vegas from the get-go. But also because it really drove home the message that Kinn needs to do better. So far, he and Vegas are very similar. They’re both members of the mafia, they’ve both killed people and condoned torture, they’ve both violated Porsche’s consent and autonomy. The only difference between them is that Kinn feels conflicted about his actions and carries the potential for change – but his conflicted feelings don’t mean jack to Porsche unless and until he actually follows through on them. The way Vegas was able to win Porsche over with a little fake kindness underscored that if Kinn wants to be better than Vegas, he has to do better than Vegas. Meanwhile, in ep. 7, Vegas was still performing his nice-man role perfectly – being a considerate host, an effective planner, a team player, a brave fighter; yes he was doing torture and murder but everybody including Porsche was joining in with that – and yet was met with constant distrust from Porsche, while Kinn, who was still behaving badly, was met more favourably. It started to feel very slightly as though the difference between them is not who behaves better, but rather who is The Love Interest and who is The Villain. And because Kinn is The Love Interest, he is allowed to do things, like kissing drunk!Porsche in bathrooms, that are Bad when The Villain does them.

Overall this is a very fiddly nitpick and I think there are plenty of in-universe justifications for Porsche’s discomfort around Vegas that aren’t ‘Porsche has fourth-wall-breaking-knowledge of who the villain is.’ I just have an insatiable hunger for Porsche smiling all gooey at Vegas before he gets betrayed.

Anyway, I hope I have not flown too close to the discourse-sun with this one. Let’s end with something that I, anon, and any readers can surely all agree on: that we did indeed get to see some really attractive dudes.

#kinnporsche #porsche pachara #kinn theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #monstrous blogs #monstrous conversations #rape cw #violence cw #long post

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champagnepodiums · 2 years

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My personal reason for disliking some of the WAGS (and this is not misogynistic or a criticism on women, I have the same issue with male drivers (e.g Pierre and Daniel pushing EFTs)) is that they’re so obviously trying to make money from social media and the way in which they’re doing it is unethical. Using a race weekend to promote a giveaway which forces people to follow you or having a brand sponsorship every weekend.

I understand and respect that being an influencer is a career in the modern age, that these people are walking advertisements but it’s such a cop out that it comes so easily to them just because they’re walking around an F1 paddock.

(I hate to pick on one, but i’m going to) Charlotte is literally working towards a Masters degree, she’s obviously an intelligent person, why don’t we see anything about that, about her work? It’s always about brands, I don’t even see anything about her own brands anymore, it’s always cash grab sponsorships.

These people don’t need more money, if they want their own money and financial independence (which i’m all for, you go girl), they should have to earn it, not just be handed out brand deals. If these WAGS actually had to grow their own following they wouldn’t have most of the opportunities they do. Just because you date someone (no matter who they are, or who you are) doesn’t mean you get to mooch off what they’ve built away from you.

I don’t particularly love any WAGS, just cause I think it’s kind of creepy the level some people take it, but someone like Isabel is still working, she has her degree and she’s using it. She has a podcast, she’s a journalist and the events she goes to is because she’s earned it through her own hard work and study, not just because she’ll promote something on a race weekend, you feel?

Sorry about the extended response, I just feel like there’s not many safe spaces to have constructive discourse on WAGS and social media, most people just jump straight to “you’re misogynist and a hater, you’re what’s wrong with F1 culture” when that’s so far from the truth - there’s a huge grey area of people who enjoy the sport, enjoy that we’re starting to see more into the lives of drivers but don’t appreciate being used as a money-making device.

(If anything thinks that this is misogynistic, anti-feminist or just plain hatred, you’re wrong. feminism is about equal opportunity, not being handed opportunities)

So yeah, I think WAGS don’t get as much of a following in F1 as other sports as they don’t show/have a life of their own, in most cases they’re just trying to make easy money in the shadow of their significant other who has done all the hard work.

Don't apologize for the extended response -- I really appreciate the critical thought you put into this and I am really glad you see this as a safe space to have constructive discourse because that is 100% my goal here.

Your response reminds me of another anon who mentioned how the WAGs just become public ornaments and I wonder if maybe that is why some (not all though) just do the super aesthetic feeds/don't ever talk about their educational pursuits etc. because they're told/conditioned/what have you, that people just want to see the pretty.

Your response also reminds me of a second anon awhile back who talked about how sometimes the brand deals and stuff feel predatory (I think they used another word but I can't remember exactly) towards the young female fans that tend to follow them, participate in the giveaways etc.

And I think that's also a part of a conversation that should be had too? Like the ethics of it all feel very murky but I think it should be talked about. I wholeheartedly believe in having constructive discourse about everything but especially social media so thank you and I hope I hear from you again, anon!

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muttfangs · 2 years

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i'm in the process of finding a competent therapist post-IOP still, so, I apologize for the weird emotional dump I'm about to type out in here but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I guess maybe I hope some of y'all can relate / understand / offer solidarity or whatever ahaha woof I need to bark about it somewhere tho for catharsis

I'm adding TW's and spoilering the entire thing bc it's a lot to handle unprompted lol

tw for: general mental illness stuff, love addiction, family dynamics / verbal abuse, cPTSD

so I really don't like talking about my dating endeavors ever (I have a very weird... past... with love addiction and I am 100% aware of how unhealthy I was in my relationships prior to IOP lmfao) but like. I had a massive, weird, existential panic attack last night surrounding my past with serial limerence and doubting myself and being like "am I really feeling these feelings for [person], or am I being blinded by how nice they are to me, regressing into old trauma, and just enjoying the attention too much and re-opening my abandonment issues" sdajhfd

anyways so. I have a really big crush on someone I've hung out with a couple times irl recently. and like we click super well, they're extremely attractive, smart, sweet, etc. they're also trauma informed both verbally and wrt sex stuff, and when we hook up sexually I've never felt so safe in my life lmao like they ask me for consent for more intense kink stuff, they listen to me when I say "no", and I know that sounds like bare minimum but I've NEVER felt 100% in control and safe during rough sex ever so uh. it's a big, big deal for me to actually trust and feel safe around someone in kink settings. especially since they're like, WAY taller and more muscular than me lmfao but I don't feel threatened at all.

I'm bad about being concise WHOOPS but in a nutshell I started feeling really really guilty about having feelings for them because like... I don't know if I want to? I feel like being into them romantically feels like "too much" due to my past with limerence and love addiction. and I've told them like "haha uh oh i think I have a crush on you". and like they aren't non-receptive to it, our dynamic is very like physical-affection, intimacy based and communicative and when we hang out it isn't always explicit lol like I invited them over for dinner a couple nights ago after they got off work and we just cuddled and chilled and talked about how weird the climate surrounding trans issues is rn etc. like we just. enjoyed each other's company.

I GUESS??? what i'm trying to say is like I feel guilty about having feelings for them because it feels ... like I'm going insane and regressing into limerence again? lmao like I hate realizing i'm crushing on them romantically because my brain feels like it's short circuiting and it feels wrong and confusing to me bc I DON'T KNOW IF IM ACTUALLY LIKE... FEELING THESE THINGS OR OF IVE BEEN SO ISOLATED AND TOUCH STARVED THAT I THINK I AM?????? asdfjkhf it's. intense and weird and I hate all of it lol

anyways yeehaw never having affection or attention growing up fucked me up permanently and that's why I struggle with attraction and attachment to this day and it feels terrifying and even like. unethical for me to crush on people because I don't understand what's real and what's my brain malfunctioning :)

#me #barking into the void

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c-optimistic · 3 years

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Hallo! I greatly enjoy your writing, for everything really, and whenever you get the chance and some inspo hits, wouldya write somethin sweet and gay? Whatever you're feeling, I'm sure I'll enjoy it! Thank you v kindly and I hope you have a lovely evening/day!

Kara shifted in the chair, feeling a tiny bit uneasy. Her nurse—a young woman who introduced herself as Nia when Kara had been called from the waiting room—smiled kindly and paused her typing on the desktop situated on the study table in the examination room.

“First time getting your eyes checked?” she said knowingly, voicing the question though the answer was clear in Kara’s fidgeting hands and on Nia’s computer screen, proclaiming Kara to be a first-time patient. “You shouldn’t worry, Dr. Luthor is the best ophthalmologist in the business. She’s world renowned, not that she’d ever admit to it.” It seemed like that last part was more for Nia’s benefit than Kara’s, said in a slightly miffed mumble as she turned her attention back to the computer. “Any known allergies?”

Kara blinked, feeling a bit trapped. “Um, no, but—”

“—we don’t have any medications listed for you. Is that right? You’re not on any prescriptions?”

“Oh, no. I’m not. But I—”

“—I see you wear glasses. When was the last time you got a prescription? Did you want to get new frames, we can—” Finally Kara had enough. She reached out and grabbed Nia’s hand, causing her to fall silent. “This is weird. Is this a come on? Because you’re really pretty, but I don’t swing that way.”

“No, I—wait, what?” Kara released Nia, feeling as though she’d been burned. “No! Not a—not a come on, I would never—”

“Look, it’s okay. I didn’t think so, you seem...well, nice. But I have a lawyer friend who owes me a favor so...I can have you sued. Just so you know.” She narrowed her eyes in an attempt, unsuccessful unfortunately, to look intimidating. “So what is it? You look like I tried to drown your cat.”

“I shouldn’t be here,” Kara confessed, meeting Nia’s eyes steadily. The nurse blinked owlishly at her, clearly lost.

“I don’t follow,” she said, confirming what Kara already knew.

“Look, I’m going to trust you, okay? There’s nothing actually wrong with my eyes. Or my health in general. I’m in like perfect health. By human standards, maybe more than perfect. But I don’t want to sound arrogant or anything, you know?”

Nia’s head was cocked to one side as she studied Kara. “Sorry, I still don’t follow.”

“I’manalien,” Kara said in a rush, and judging from the way Nia’s eyes widened and her expression cleared, she understood Kara perfectly.

“Well that explains all...that,” she gestured wildly to Kara. “So what’s the issue? Dr. Luthor is super supportive of aliens. She’s one of the only doctors in National City to—”

“—I don’t need glasses!” Kara interrupted, not really needing to hear about Dr. Luthor. “Look, I’m only here because,” she paused, not sure if she was willing to give the long explanation of how her work mishap, the stupid excuse she’d mumbled out, and a well-meaning coworker’s insistence to help (with a voice in Kara’s head that sounded suspiciously like Alex reminding her to keep her secret identity secret when she tried to get out of the whole thing) led her here to this moment, “it doesn’t matter. I just need your help. Tell the doctor I don’t need to be seen, give me a fake prescription, and I can go on my way.”

Nia frowned, shaking her head. “Dr. Luthor would never buy it, and she has to sign the prescriptions. She’s very particular about it. You’re here, you may as well just...get your eyes checked?”

“My alien eyes that can shoot lasers and see through anything but lead? Those eyes?”

“That’s so cool,” Nia breathed out, but she was focused. She pulled a drawer open and pulled out to eye drops. “One is to numb, the other is to dilate.” She paused, eyeing the bottles then Kara. “Would you even need a numbing agent?”

Kara resisted the urge to tell Nia that her cousin once had a bullet to the eye and it just dropped to the ground, harmless to a Kryptonian. Instead, she leaned her head back, allowing Nia to apply the drops, reassuring her the whole time that she’d help with Dr. Luthor. She winked at Kara before slipping out of the exam room, leaving only a single dimmed light on, assuring her the “doctor would be in soon.”

Kara closed her eyes—which felt no different from before she’d gotten the eye drops—and leaned her head back. She couldn’t leave, she didn’t want to stay, and she was just about to declare this one of the worst days in the last year at best, when there was a knock at the door and it swung open.

And standing there, bathed in the bright light of the hallway, was the most beautiful woman Kara had ever seen, a grinning—and all too smug—Nia standing right behind her.

She had long dark hair, brilliantly green eyes, wore the tightest dress Kara had ever seen, with heels that she was sure were murder to walk in all day. The sleeves of her white coat were rolled up to her forearms, her bright red lips were curved into a breathtaking smile.

“Hi,” said the walking angel, “I’m Dr. Lena Luthor. Nia tells me you wanted to check your eye pressure and get a new prescription?”

Kara nodded numbly, struck dumb by Dr. Luthor’s easy grace.

Nia snickered, actually snickered, as she closed the door behind them, leaning against it as Lena pulled a chair in front of Kara and motioned for her to bring her face up to the tonometer. “Forehead against, yes, and chin on the rest down there...perfect,” Dr. Luthor said gently, her voice like honey. Kara couldn’t help it, her eyes followed Dr. Luthor’s, wanting to memorize the shade. She was so busy trying to decide whether it was an emerald or sea green, forgetting entirely her misgivings about being here in the first place, that she missed the first part of Nia’s attempt to ‘help.’

“—quite extraordinary, don’t you think?” Nia finished, causing Dr. Luthor to pull slightly away, cheeks tinged pink.

For the first time, Lena Luthor was something just below perfection, stumbling over her words a little as she responded. “Oh, yes, um. They are. Looking at eyes is my job, Ms. Danvers, but yours are—well, like Nia said, so unprofessionally, they’re quite extraordinary.” She leaned back in, looking a little interested. “In fact, they’re almost—”

“—your eyes are very green,” Kara blurted, both because she was thinking it with Dr. Luthor’s face so incredibly close and because she wasn’t sure if she wanted a world renowned ophthalmologist looking too carefully at her eyes, lest she see something, well, inhuman. “Do your patients ever mention that?”

“For sure, but you’re probably the first person Dr. Luthor wants to hear it from,” Nia said, which had the doctor in question turn around and flash her a dirty look, and had Kara spluttering.

“Your lawyer friend should sue you,” Kara managed before refocusing her attention on Dr. Luthor. “I’m really sorry about commenting on your eyes. That was rude. I said the quiet part out loud. Can the numbing agent for the eyes cause a loose tongue?”

It was the stupidest thing to say, Kara knew it as soon as the words escaped her, embarrassment heating her cheeks and the back of her neck as Nia choked on laughter and Dr. Luthor seemed, well, angelic.

“You know, Nia tells me you have very interesting eyes,” Dr. Luthor said, her tone and the stressing of ‘interesting’ making it very clear Nia had told her about the laser vision. “You don’t need a doctor.”

“I need a fake prescription.”

“I can write you a note instead,” the doctor offered, getting Kara to lean back in her chair and tugging the tonometer out of the way. “Would that work?”

“Could you say I can’t see with my old glasses and that’s why I ran into a table and knocked over a coworker’s favorite mug, not that I broke it by trying to heat their coffee with my laser vision?”

Dr. Luthor laughed, the sound like the jingling of bells. It was beautiful and was thoroughly distracting. “I think that’s a lot for a note. What about, you have vision issues I’ve never seen before?”

Kara thought about it for a moment, then nodded, sticking her hand out for the doctor who stared at it with a fond smile on her lips. “You’ve got a deal, Dr. Luthor,” she said, waiting for the angel to take her hand. After several seconds, during which Lena Luthor met and held Kara’s gaze, she reached out and took Kara’s hand, her index and middle finger sliding against the inside of Kara’s wrist. She opened her mouth—to say what, Kara wasn’t sure—when Nia cut in.

“In return for the note, Kara will take you to coffee. Oh look you shook on it! That’s an oral contract, my lawyer friend will sue you if you don’t go on that date.”

Kara blushed and glared at Nia, ready to let the doctor off the hook, but Dr. Luthor’s grip on her hand tightened. And when Kara’s eyes met Lena Luthor’s incredibly green ones, she noticed they were crinkled in a smile.

“When we go to coffee,” she said softly, “you have to call me Lena. All my dates do.”

#you're so nice anon thank you so much!#this is brought to you by a shitty week #and a trip to the eye doctor #during which I was very much inspired #apologies for all ophthalmology errors #and also apologies if it's like super unethical #it seems very unethical/inappropriate #anyway!#supercorp #fanfic

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snarktheater · 2 years

Text

Ready Player Two — Chapters 28-29

Wade gets back to the OASIS, and Anorak is unfortunately still outside his study.

“Please accept my sincere apology, Wade,” he said. “I didn’t intend for Sorrento to harm Og.”

I mean…you did have Sorrento take Ogden hostage and all.

But anyway. Anorak answers my question from the previous chapter, saying that if Wade hits the Big Red Button, he will in fact kill all the people currently trapped in the ONI, including himself. Which means, as Wade points out, they're at an impasse, since Wade can just stay here and wait until he dies of synaptic overload, trapping the shards with him forever.

He also tells Anorak he figured out his plan to escape the OASIS, and adds in narration that he asked Samantha to make sure the uplink to Arcadia would be taken offline to prevent Anorak from uploading himself to his spaceship. Since that was the only other simulation complex enough for him to really inhabit, that's the villain's exit strategy foiled, off-page once more. Because why struggle with anything, right?

I didn’t tell him any of that though.

Good. For once a solid enough decision. Don't provoke the hostage taker by making him feel cornered.

Instead, I regarded him sadly and shook my head. “If the Siren’s Soul really is a copy of Kira Underwood, she isn’t going to love you,” I said. “I bet Halliday found out right away that the copy didn’t love him, either, any more than the real Kira did. Kira has only ever had one true love, and you just held him hostage at gunpoint. You think she’s going to be grateful to you when she finds out what you’ve done?”

…Or you can just make him feel like the only thing he wanted is an impossible dream. Yeah, that'll go fine.

But no, Anorak insists he'll be fine, because he's better and has time on his side, and also can just delete Leucosia's (I guess we're going with that name for the digital copy) memories if he needs to. And then he…shows Wade an email that Halliday had sent to Ogden at the time of his death, confessing to creating that AI copy of Kira.

Kira isn’t dead. Quite the opposite. She’s immortal now. But she’s in suspended animation, and she’ll remain that way forever, unless you or the heir to my fortune resurrect her

And then Ogden didn't, because of course he didn't, you fucking ghoul. But again, holding off on the transhumanism talk for now.

Halliday does apologize to Ogden for doing it, realizing it was extremely unethical. And by "realizing", I mean "Leucosia flat-out told him that creating her was horribly unethical". And then we get to the main point of the letter: Halliday left it up to Ogden and/or his own heir to decide if this technology should be released to the world by meeting Leucosia and deciding if Kira's "spirit" lives in her. Why this had to be a series of riddles is beyond me.

As for why Anorak showed Wade the letter…

“Og knew! He’s known all along! He could have resurrected his wife years ago. But he didn’t. He planned to let her rot in her cell forever. He doesn’t want her.” “Maybe Og was worried she would become mentally unstable, like you did.”

See, this is the problem with being unable to even consider any conflicting ideologies with your own as a writer: you kind of can't write compelling clashes between ideologies. For instance, here, the problem with Leucosia is that she isn't Kira. She's a copy based off of her memories. You didn't transfer her consciousness in there, she's a different person, even if she turns out to be near identical in terms of personality.

You might say that it's impossible to measure the difference from the outside, and that would certainly be true, but this isn't even a grey area. You've probably read about, say, people making ~theories~ about science fiction stories where a teleporter could kill the person on the departure point and recreate a copy at the end point, and there would be no way for anyone—not even the copy—to know the difference. And that's a super interesting philosophical concept! But is also irrelevant because it doesn't apply here. There's no ambiguity as to what happened to Kira's consciousness. I can't even compare it to the faith required to believe in a spiritual afterlife, because after Halliday created a copy of her, Kira Underwood Morrow went on and kept living her life for some time and made new memories not included in the copy. There is no transfer of consciousness that happened, not even one that is left ambiguous as to whether it worked or not.

Basically: Kira's still dead, and having a new, identical Kira wouldn't erase that, and that strikes me as, you know, the actual reason Ogden might not want to get involved with her. Not because he was afraid she would turn into a rogue AI. Because that's dumb.

This is only the start of the transhumanism talk. There's more to come, should the book go down that road.

But back to the plot for now. Anorak decides to suddenly paint himself as a misunderstood hero, and shows Wade that the people trapped in limbo are actually a side-effect of him making sure people wouldn't succumb to Synaptic Overload Syndrome.

“I’m not the monster you think I am, Wade. I just want a chance at love. Like you.” I felt an involuntary wave of pity for him. His words were actually starting to make some kind of twisted sense to me, and that was utterly terrifying.

I don't know, it makes perfect sense to me that Wade would relate to the creepy AI who wants to own a woman. I've been in his head for two books.

Anyway, since Anorak insists he was never actually going to hurt anyone, Wade demands that he releases the hostages now, which of course he won't.

“Why don’t we just stand here and wait until I’ve got one minute left?” I said. “Then I’ll press it. My last act as a living being will be to erase the OASIS forever. Pretty poetic, don’t you think? Or maybe I’ll chicken out, and I won’t press it before I die. Either way, you end up empty-handed. Is that what you want?”

See, this sounds like a pretty solid plan. I even agree that it would be a poetic end for his character, and a satisfying conclusion of this story. Wade idolized the OASIS the most out of all the protagonists, ignoring the very obvious material impact it had on the entire world, and now the only way to save humanity will involve destroying the OASIS and taking half a billion lives with him, ensuring his legacy is one of mass murder, even if it was necessary.

So of course Wade immediately changes his mind and decides that actually, Anorak is also an heir of Halliday in some sort of way, and so they should duel over it. Which…I'm not sure how that tracks, exactly, since physical (or in-game) prowess wasn't really involved in any of the ways Halliday used to test his heir in either of these quests. But the book decided it wanted an epic showdown between the hero and the villain, and we'll just forget everything else the book was about.

“You’re not gonna win, doofus,” he said, flying back from the window to make room for me to emerge from it. “Synaptic Overload Syndrome is already starting to fry your neurons.” […] “I never said who you had to fight to the death,” I muttered, smiling weakly. Then I pointed over Anorak’s shoulder. He turned around to see the Great and Powerful Og hovering in the air behind him. “Hey, nerd,” Og said. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

Oh, sure, Ogden's here now. Why not? I guess he got the special sword, too.

So, never mind. The book isn't going to end with a big showdown between the hero and the villain that runs contrary to the book's themes until now. It's going to be a showdown between the villain and a supporting character that runs contrary to the book's themes until now, but at least respects one thing about these books: a complete and utter unwillingness to make Wade face any sort of challenge ever.

Ogden starts beating the shit out of Anorak, and Wade realizes he's able to do that because he logged in using an ONI headset for the first time in his life.

“Back when we first built this place, schoolkids all over the world would argue about who would win in a battle between Anorak and the Great and Powerful Og. And I have to admit, I always used to wonder too.” He smiled at Anorak. “Of course, when Jim died, I didn’t think we’d ever know the answer. But life continues to be full of surprises—right up until the bitter end.”

Ah, yes, that is totally the thing that needed answering. Which of your action figures was the strongest action figures. It's fitting that you'd bring up schoolkids, because it's the kind of maturity this…climax? I hesitate to call it a climax. But it's the level of maturity we're dealing with here.

Hey, wasn't this a story about escapism bringing the world to ruin, and people giving themselves over to the machine, and how reality was worth experiencing? That's what you said it was about. But sure, big video game fight between two non-main characters. That's our epic conclusion.

And that was how I ended up having a front-row seat for what was undoubtedly the most epic player-versus-NPC battle in the history of the OASIS

And don't forget that our protagonist is just watching this whole time. Watching, and experience more Synaptic Overload symptoms. It gets bad enough that he loses control of his avatar, but don't worry, that doesn't stop him from focusing on the fight, because Ogden started broadcasting his own point of view. For…reasons?

The fact that Wade specifically says "the rest of the world" is also watching makes this scene very funny to me. I mean, keep in mind that the rest of the world has no idea that Anorak went rogue or did any of this. People think it's just a glitch in the system that will be resolved soon, and suddenly, one of the OASIS co-founder started streaming himself fighting an NPC version of his dead co-founder/best friend. Is there a stream chat? Can I see it? What's that vibe like?

Speaking of NPCs, remember all the ones Anorak turned into his acolytes? This is when they show up. But they just…stand there and also start streaming their points of view of the event.

suddenly it became possible to watch the battle from hundreds of different locations and angles.

Oh, well, that's great then. Very useful. Majorly important. I mean, this is a simulation, so I don't know what's stopping anyone from just moving the camera in the broadcast to begin with. You know. A thing a lot of esports have been able to let spectators do for several years now? You don't need multiple cameras in virtual reality. But whatever.

Then Samantha shows up, and Anorak nukes her instantly, just to let you know that actually, it's totally okay to let Ogden handle this one by himself. Ogden is enraged by this virtual death, and then it's back to dueling, so…that changed nothing.

From that moment on, Og and Anorak were locked into a knock-down, drag-out man-versus-machine fight to the death that seemed like it might go on forever.

You tell me. This chapter is on the shorter side and it still feels like a slog.

It was like Yoda versus Palpatine, Gandalf versus Saruman, and Neo versus Agent Smith, all rolled into one epic clash of the titans.

Well it certainly is like Yoda versus Palpatine, in that Yoda was also not a major character in his series and that duel was also kind of a bad idea on multiple narrative levels. But also, you know, that duel wasn't the conclusion of that movie. Did you think the climax of Revenge of the Sith was that, and not Obi-Wan versus Anakin? The clash between the main characters of the trilogy who have reached the culmination of their respective arcs?

The next comparison is even funnier to me. Gandalf and Saruman's fight is a pretty short one in the movie, and while I never reached that point in the books (what are you gonna do, nerd-shame me?) I know enough about Tolkien's style to doubt it was a bigger fight then. I mean, the whole point of Lord of the Rings is that the world is saved not by one big heroic dude defeating one big villainous dude, but by people working together? The last alliance slowly coming together and distracting Mordor long enough for Fordo and Sam to make it through? Sam caring for Frodo enough to get him to the end when he would fail on his own? There's also a dash of evil bringing about its own end, since ultimately it's Gollum's own greed that leads to the One Ring being destroyed. At which point in all of that do you go "yeah, but the two wizards dueling, that's where it was at"?

And then there's Neo versus Smith. Which. Y'know what. Just go watch Sophie from Mars's video on the Matrix sequels, I don't have the time for that one. I'll just say that once again, the fight is…you know, a vehicle for a thematic message. Symbolism. Yeah, the action is cool, the Wachowskis are good action directors, but it's also meaningful. And in fact the action is good in part because it is meaningful.

This fight is just an old guy and the ghost of another old guy fighting because they're the only ones who are a match to each other, and the reason they're the only ones who are a match to each other is they designed the virtual reality the fight is taking place in and gave themselves extra powers because they were egotistical like that.

Oh, also, Ogden came in without the special sword, the only weapon designed to kill Anorak. I didn't know that when the fight started; I just assume that's the case now because Lohengrin shows up right as Ogden is in a tight spot. And yes, she has the Dorkslayer. I still hate that sword's name.

Now, you might think the book would at least try to add some kind of meaningful reason why Lohengrin went on this quest. We just got a Lord of the Rings reference; perhaps she could be our Eowyn, subverting prophecy by using the sword and killing Anorak. Justify the character's existence beyond "another goon to do Wade's bidding off-page".

But no, turns out Ogden wasn't trapped at all, he frees himself and gets the sword. And yes, Anorak kills Lohengrin's avatar right afterwards, because apparently this is how Cline believes character death should be handled. Just get rid of the character once their purpose is served, so their death doesn't actually impact the narrative one iota. Especially in this case, where the death is completely impermanent.

After that, there's literally one paragraph of fight left.

Og held the sword aloft, then he teleported directly behind Anorak, who turned to face him just as Og swung the Dorkslayer around and sliced Anorak’s avatar in half, miraculously killing him with a single blow.

And…that's how you satisfyingly deal with your main villain? Your main character trapped in a tower because he's incapacitated and unwilling to risk giving the villain what he wants, your other protagonists mercilessly dispatched in one hit, and the supporting guy getting the killing blow with unnerving ease?

Oh, wait, also Ogden's dying. Like, real-life dying. Which the OASIS apparently displays on everyone's HUD? Odd choice, but okay. He might not be dead but he is in critical condition anyway.

Speaking of critical condition, people are finally released from the OASIS, and Wade wakes up, but only for two seconds before passing out due to Synaptic Overload Syndrome.

Then I was dead to the world.

This is followed by a dramatic scene break, but nah, he's fine, he really just passed out. Everyone else is fine too, and Samantha likes him again, I guess.

“Hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” she said, just before she planted a kiss on me. “Hey there, Prince Charming,” I replied once the kiss was finally over.

This book wants you to know that it is totally feminist, which absolutely does not run contrary to the everything in it.

Okay, yes, there is one person who didn't make it out perfectly fine, namely Ogden, who died from his injuries just seconds after being logged out.

“Og was too weak to operate his avatar with a conventional OASIS rig,” Samantha said. “So he told me to put an ONI headset on him. That was how he was able to fight Anorak.” I’d already assumed this was what had happened.

What do you mean, "assumed"? Didn't you say the OASIS UI marked players who didn't use the ONI? Am I remembering this book's canon better than the writer now? Is this who I am? The Ready Player expert?

Samantha tells Wade his dying message: to let Leucosia decide her fate for herself, rather than let her locked up like Ogden himself let her be for years. Which, yeah, no shit? That should have been obvious from the start? Almost like Kira's "true love" treated her as much like a possession as the creepy guy who created a copy of her. Or something.

This is when Wade remembers that Kira's notebook mentioned that Leucosia would reward the people who brought her back with an artefact that can raise the dead, and oh no. I'm glad this is the chapter's last page, because I'm not dealing with this right now.

So Wade tells Samantha to go back into the OASIS with him, to the Shrine of Leucosia. And he'll also resurrect her avatar, because oh right, he can already do that with the Robes of Anorak. I forgot that these avatar deaths had been even less meaningful than I first thought.

I finished strapping myself into the haptic rig, then I put on a visor and pulled on a pair of haptic gloves. Then I logged back in to the OASIS for the very last time, to reassemble the Seven Shards of the Siren’s Soul.

Last time? Well now I'm intrigued, at least.

Just, you know. Not intrigued enough that I won't take a break first.

#ready player two #st: ready player two #ernest cline #book review

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itachi-with-a-chicken · 3 years

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Come be my teacher - a vhope fic pt. 1

I can't believe I'm doing this

Vope/vhope parent/teacher au

Jk is Hobi's baby but for real

Taetae is his teacher

Jiminie is JK friend and Namjoon little bro i don't even know if it's relevant but technically this is a side namjin

As. They are there. Maybe I'll talk about them. Maybe I'll never mention them anymore

Anyway, DISCLAIMER: I DON'T KNOW SHIT. This is not accurate, doesn't want to be accurate and mostly is only for my own enjoyment

Everything I'll write is just garbage and i love BTS all of them yes all of them

And I'll show my love by laughing at them as any mature piece of shit would do

But anyway

Jungkook has this teacher and he loves him the most

Has a father, and he also loves him the most

Jungkook believes that good people should be together

And he also has eyes. He's a seven years old, smarter than any of his peers and with a talent for discovering everything that could give his beloved father an headache

Hoseok is a 30-something editor of a local publishing company

Stable work, stable house, stable life, everything for his own beloved child, so that he'll never feel anything missing

Kim Taehyung loves kids and loves teaching them how to read, write and understand the world around them

He has friends, he has hobbies, he has his own world

And he may or may not have a crush, but that's a issue that he'll not dwell into

As he'll not dwell in the way his eyes linger every time he's waiting for the children to go out and being picked up from their parents, looking for a specific pair of eyes that never fail to acknowledge him and give a nod

He should not, it's unethical, and yet he can't help being mesmerized by the beautiful man

So it's already a precarious and difficult task he has on heart when Jung Jungkook decides to make it worst asking "so, do you like my dada?"

Taehyung felt every hunch of life leave him, leaving behind an empty cold shell of a man

"w-what"

"you like him, he's a cute man, right? You told us that some people like women and some like men and some like both, but honestly i really didn't unde-under-under---- get it. I mean how can anyone know if they like every men and every women, wouldn't be easier to just like one person at the time?"

The waterfall of words nearly overwhelms Tae, but he gets back at it quite fast

"you're right, Jungkook" he says, and smiles, hoping that the bells will save him

Almost like their role were reversed and he went back to ten years ago and he didn't study for the day

"So, you like my father, right? Hoseok, he's the brown hair nicely dressed man that comes to get me every day"

"I know your father" he manages to say " and he's a very distinguished man" he hopes it's enough to distract him

"what does it mean distinguished?"

Mission accomplished.

Or so he thinks

"DADA DADA HE SAID YOU'RE DISTILLATED"

The high pitch was higher than any of the voices it the little yard

Tae is super good at run inside the school pretending he has many important serious things ™ to do

He'll not be able to meet the man eyes for a while

Speaking of the man himself, Jung Hoseok

While he finds weird the abrupt departure of the teacher, who usually have the decency to be sure that all the kids went to the right parent and similia

Didn't think much of it. How could he, when the little hurricane he's rising literally threw himself at him yelling something

"wh-who-what? Slow down kookie"

"my teacher, Mr Taehyung-ssi" the kid was already buckled up in the back of the car

"who said what, brat" asks the voice in the front. Min Yoongi, Hoseok best friend and Jungkook other father figure.

Maybe granpa figure

"my teacher" Jungkook is tired of repeating himself. "He said dada is really distilled"

The words met a wall of silence. Yoongi fought back a laughter, while Hoseok waited until it was safe to stop before asking why, on earth, his teacher would say that about him

"because I asked him if he liked you" the "DUH" was implicit.

Of course.

I mean. Of course. Yes. Make sense. Hoseok is not at all shaken by the fact that the day after he was going to get to work later and apologize for whatever is going on in his child mind

Of course a child wouldn't know why all of that was totally inappropriate

Of course a child wouldn't know what "all of that" even is

But now Yoongi was laughing loudly and Jungkook as well because he was after all a precious child and Hoseok decided it was Yoongi fault

He drives Jungkook home to his babysitter, as per usual, and then back to the office, as per usual

(He ought to remember to leave Namjoon a bonus by the end of the month. It was December, after all)

No words about the weird teacher situation were spoken until Yoongi didn't decide to bring it up

"is the one always checking you up when you pick up the spawn of satan?"

Hoseok stared at him. His expression was enough to make Yoongi retreat. "Okay, not the spawn of Satan. The babiest of the babies that ever babied. But it's him right"

And boi it was him and okay, okay, Hoseok might have noticed that he's not exactly hideous

And being Jungkookie teacher he of course managed to speak with him a couple of time

And okay he knows he's, like, probably a great person based on how his child is being raised

But still. Kid's teacher. Nothing more.

"OH IS SO HIM" Yoongi shouted clapping his hands and calling the elevator

Right, work

They were there he precisely took Yoongi out of his cave to meet with him at the office so they could finish the book once and for all

"you won't avoid the filing work of your own book by distracting me" hoseok mutters, and Yoongi hisses.

"Hoseok. My friend. Soul of my mate. I would never deceive you on a such important matter as the word by word checking we need to do today but"

They stood outside the office, and an hunch Hoseok can explain only as parent instinct told him to wait

"if you were finally screwing someone you oughta tell me"

Exactly

Hoseok face went red and then white. His lips faced downward and the grip on the handle intensified

"I am not. Screwing. My kid's teacher"

He thought his voice was at a normal level but a few concerned looks on the people around then suggested him that it may not be exactly the truthful truth

"DUH! That is exactly the problem"

So, life choose violence that day on Hoseok.

Replies are overrated anyway. He just march inside and sit at his desk and no more mention of Kim Taehyung will be made for the rest of the day

.............................. Ok no mention but his brain cannot be faulted if sometimes conjured up the image of the man. The glasses, the soft sweater, the curly dark hair.

It's not like he didn't struck up to Hoseok in general, and in a different situation he would handled things differently maybe

But reality is reality because is real and is it

So the next morning he accompanied Jungkook at school and the boy even had the audacity to smirk at him when he asked for a word with the teacher

The man looks positively surprised, but when he reaches him he speaks normally

"so, when Jungkook told me I look distilled he meant.."

"Distinguished. Yes. Exactly. I just told him his father looks distinguished"

"well, thank you" oh my Hoseok is smiling and it's like looking at the sun directly

"I-I'm sorry if it overstepped.. something. We just went through the different kinds of relationship and I guess kids are.. excitable

"oh don't worry, it was just funny. I know how Jungkook doesn't really know the difference between spontaneous and obnoxious, and I'm quite sure if anyone is to blame here is Yoongi hyung"

Now, Taehyung is smart enough and aware enough to know he was probably talking about Min Yoongi, the novelist

Also he has seen them often out of school

And Jungkook talked about him like a second father or uncle

So even if he had a little squick of surprise, he wasn't surprised at all

It was only natural that someone as beautiful as Jung Hoseok would have someone by his side talented as Min Yoongi. He read his books. He knows it.

He smiles politely, and so does Hoseok, before departing

And if Hoseok lingered a bit when Tae was walking back to the class

No one would never know

Hope you liked it! Hope I'll come soon with the second part! Byee

#vhope #vope #Kim Taehyung #jung hoseok #vhope fan fiction #kinda ff #mostly rambling #parent/teacher au #a concept

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janiahspeaks · 3 years

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Who’s to Blame for the Ongoing Unethical Practices of Fast Fashion? Consumers or the Brand? (Discourse Surrounding the Popularity of Shein)

There has been growing concern on the unethical practices related to fast-fashion and the negative impact they have on the environment. The fashion industry is the second largest polluter, and fast fashion brands like Zara, H&M, Asos, Boohoo, and Forever21 have been dragged in the spotlight for their disastrous roles in terms of the planet. These brands put out thousands of new clothing each day, contributing to the growing problem of textile and water waste. Fast- fashion brands have also gone under fire for their labor practices as many aren’t transparent enough or have been exposed for child labor and paying low wages. Recent discourse has been surrounding the brand Shein. As a result of the pandemic, Shein, previously Sheinside, has become a top fast fashion brand specifically for Gen Z. During the 2020 pandemic, Shein gained a profit close to $10 billion. Their Instagram alone has 21.6 million followers. A huge influx of Shein hauls, costing hundreds of dollars, have been posted on Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok by influencers and common people alike. As a result, their followers run to the brand to buy cheap, low-quality clothing to follow continuously changing trends. There has been an immense amount of discourse over the ethics of supporting Shien and whether the blame is on the consumer, or the brand itself. Many buyers of Shein defend their buying habits on still wanting to enjoy fashion while being from a lower-class background. While many plus sized women are defending their purchases by claiming Shein is one of the few fast-fashion brands that cater to plus sized women at an affordable price. On the other hand, the opposite opinion believes the unethical and unsustainable practices of Shein are evidence enough to not support the brand. Shein too has been under fire and exposed for their lack of transparency when it comes to their labor force and privacy policies. Shein has lied about their labor practices and wages and has yet to disclose information about its working conditions and supply chain that are required by law in the UK. While TikTok has been a strong platform for Shein to grow their audience, it has also been a place that many users have of exposed Shein for their unethical practices. For example, recently Tiktokers were warning people about Shein’s constant data breaches involving users’ personal information. Critics of those who buy Shein usually suggest buying from thrift stores, secondhand shops, or ethical brands. However, many say they can’t afford ethical brands or have thrift stores they can go to that align with their fashion style, which is understandable. Critics of Shein also point out the many times Shein has sold severely offensive products on their website with some being a necklace with a Buddhist swastika pendant, a phone case with an image of a handcuffed Black person outlined in chalk, and a Muslim prayer mat as a decorative rug. Although Shein has publicly apologized for these instances, it goes to show how immoral fast fashion can be as this is a result of producing anything and everything to encourage overconsumption. Another criticism of Shein is their blatant stealing of clothing ideas from small fashion designers. Although many designers raise awareness about their designs being stolen on social media, it’s unfortunate that many people will never know or support the actual brains behind the design. This shows how much of a giant Shein is as they can find designs to copy and have them on the site in less than a week. I too was a buyer of Shein, before the brand’s rise in popularity, dating all the way back to around 2018. Being a young college freshman, I was determined to look my best with the little money I got with my part-time job, and Shein was the company I looked to. As of today, I have none of the clothes I purchased from them. I either sold them on secondhand apps or had to throw them away because they were no good. Ultimately, the clothing is cheap and not meant to last long. Coming from a lower-class background myself I understand the struggle of being a young woman who loves fashion but has a tight budget. You want to keep up with trends, and these fast fashion brands strive on microtrends and overconsumption/consumerism. However, I believe us as consumers do have a slight responsibility to limit our consumption if we want to protect the planet. I completely understand the struggle plus-size women go through when it comes to fashion as well. If you must buy from fast fashion companies at least lower the amount you’re buying. You don’t need 100 new clothes every month. I know not everyone has good thrift store but if you live in the U.S., which is the majority of Shein’s market, there are plenty of Goodwills, Value Villages, Park Ave Thrifts, and more that are scattered around the country. I love thrifting because you can find unique pieces for super cheap its just a scavenger hunt

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gch1995 · 3 years

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OMG! I’m watching the 2016 PPG reboot on reboot to make fun of its awfulness by comparing it to the far superior OG cartoon from 98’-05 version, and I just got finished watching the atrocious episode “Musclecup.” I know the girls are supposed to be very precocious for kindergarteners-first graders, and I know that Buttercup is the “toughest fighter.” However, I still am in awe at the sheer stupidity of the writers of this episode, who thought it would be a “genius” idea to write a storyline in which Buttercup, a super-powered little girl in the first grade, actually gets addicted to steroids because she wants to bulk up her muscles!

First of all, Buttercup is a child, so this storyline feels gross and unnecessary, even if she is the “toughest fighter?”

Secondly, it doesn’t even make any sense as to why Buttercup thinks she needs to bulk up her muscles to a beef-cake level since she was born with superhuman strength that easily allows her to overpower the average person, anyway.

Thirdly, it’s annoying that Blossom and Bubbles are yet again rendered to be completely helpless and ineffectual by the writers together against one villain together without Buttercup, the brash and brawny tomboy, there to swoop in and save them. I know I’ve complained about Buttercup occasionally getting the short end of the stick when she had centrics the OG cartoon in which she was either getting into trouble, getting punished, getting double standards, and/or suffering exceedingly and/or unfairly with the world getting turned against her, sometimes to the point of needlessly mean-spirited overkill of character derailment for either her and/or other characters in the episode she cared about. Yeah, the writers not knowing how to write Buttercup centrics where she was framed in a positive light, being treated fairly, and/or granted the same individual compassion and emotional support of her loved ones that she normally had otherwise, and that her sisters were granted individually in their centrics when they were in the wrong or feeling down, was an occasionally recurring flaw in the writing on an overall great show that started showing up sometime in her centrics in S2.

However, in the 2016 reboot, the writers seemed to have overcorrected the writing flaw of Buttercup’s occasional designated butt-monkey status in the OG cartoon by turning her into the main character Mary Sue of the show, who gets the most centrics, and who does all the saving by herself without the other two girls most of the time. In the reboot, this now has created a new problem of diminishing Blossom’s and Bubbles’ individual strengths and relevance in the story.

Not to mention the fact that reboot!Buttercup’s personality is pretty shitty. In the OG cartoon, she was generally portrayed as a jerk with a heart of gold. Here in the reboot, she’s been flanderdized into an openly arrogant, crude, exceedingly aggressive, disrespectful, loud-mouthed, mean-spirited, obnoxious, petty, nonchalant, and selfish brat. She disrespects Ms. Keane and mocks her when she’s teaching a grammar lesson to be a class clown in “Painbow.” In “Professor-Proofed” she gets her dad hurt by causing him to lose focus, sneeze, and get hurt when he’s working in his lab with a dangerous chemical by peppering her pancakes right in front of him, then doesn’t ever apologize to him for it, and even ends the episode doing it again with an evil smirk on her face right in front of him, causing him to get hurt all over again after sneezing when the pepper goes up his nose. She tries to steal one of Bubbles pigtails in an attempt to catch a crawdad in “ClawDad,” and didn’t apologize. In “Little Octi-Lost,” she steals Octi from Bubbles in the dead of night when they are all asleep to “teach her a lesson” for being so into it, which isn’t a good reason at all, then realizes she wants to go play with Octi herself, takes him to a state fair, and then tries to cover it up when she loses him, rather than tell the truth. In the episode “Man Up” she violently blows up in an aggressive rage, recklessly destroys an entire state fair, and accidentally gives Bubbles a black eye all because a villain calls her “princess,” and she hates being called that. The moral of the episode was supposed to be learning to temper her aggression, but unlike in the OG Buttercup centric, “Makes Zen To Me,” the lesson doesn’t actually end up sticking with Buttercup at all, and she ends the episode reverting back to being an overly aggressive and obnoxious jerk because “status quo is comedy gold.”

Granted, out of the three girls in the OG cartoon, Buttercup did have the greatest tendency to be the most aggressive fighter with the greatest instigator and rebel tendencies, and she had some ooc instances of suddenly being a very uncharacteristically greedy, sadistic, and remorseless jerk than usual to fit certain contrived plots in bad episodes, such as “Moral Decay,” though almost everyone in the fandom despises that segment the most of the OG series and pretends it never happened because it was such ridiculously out of character and mean-spirited derailing writing for both Buttercup and her entire family in order to turn her into the villain and punish her harshly in ways that didn’t feel fair or make any sense.

However, generally, og Buttercup genuinely did have the heart of a hero and love her family more than anything. While she did have trouble apologizing to Elmer for teasing him in “Paste Makes Waste,” she genuinely did still feel bad about it, even if she had some trouble apologizing for it, and she did learn to swallow her pride and do it at the end. She and Blossom tended to argue a lot because they both were very stubborn people, who had trouble making compromises, and admitting to it when they were wrong, and she liked to mess with Bubbles the most. However, she generally hated seeing either of her sisters getting hurt, and she was always quick to defend them in battles against threats. She generally felt bad about hurting her sisters, and apologized all the time.

Buttercup occasionally got irritated when the Professor became a doting, sentimental, and overprotective Dad™️ with her and/or her sisters in the OG cartoon in episodes like “Uh Oh, Dynamo,” “Mr. Mojo’s Rising,” “PowerProf.,” and “Oops I Did It Again,” especially because she didn’t like to be doted on. She got in trouble with the Professor more than her sisters, partially because she was genuinely caught being disobedient, making bad choices, or instigating fights with her sisters by him more often than they were, but also partly because the writers dealt her an unfair hand in the world in her centrics since they liked turning her into the designated butt monkey when she got in trouble in them in a couple of instances, such as “Moral Decay” and “Down ‘n’ Dirty.” However, even at her worst and most OOC, she would never have tried to deliberately hurt her dad for shits and giggles like she did in reboot episode “Professor-Proofed.” She and her sisters also never would have deliberately sabotaged one of the Professor’s romances for their own benefit because they wanted him to be happy in the OG cartoon.

Fourthly, I know he’s not in the episode, but if the girls are this irresponsible and stupid in the reboot, then why would Professor Utonium ever think to trust them to stay at home alone, while he goes to work for the day? Oh, right...It’s because he’s also been reduced to an idiotic, incompetent, irresponsible, neglectful, reckless, and selfish parent 9 out of ten times in the reboot, who has little to no knowledge of how to actually be a good parent at all, and usually only appears to make things worse whenever he does appear anyway by being a cliche and mostly unfunny bumbling bad sitcom dad. In the OG cartoon, it’s different because the girls are mature enough to handle staying by themselves for a few hours, even while he’s out at work, though he got babysitters for them when he was out at night to be safe, but in this reboot version, the girls shouldn’t be trusted to stay at home alone by him.

Finally, that’s the other issue in the reboot. All of the adults are morons who have no common sense most of the time. The writers really expect me to believe that an adult would be totally okay with giving a little girl steroids without any thought to just how gross and unethical that is? Yeah, I know it’s a cartoon, and even in the OG cartoon, the city of Townsville were complete idiots at times to fit certain plots, but I don’t believe any of them would actually ever be stupid and unethical enough to give steroids to a little girl with superpowers to help her bulk up her muscles, especially not without warning her first about how it could be dangerous.

#anti PPG 2016 reboot #ep: musclecup #I can’t believe they actually did a storyline about a superpowered first grader getting hooked on steroids!#the classic PPG wasn’t always a good show but overall it was a really great cartoon #they have completely turned buttercup into an obnoxious tomboy Mary Sue in the reboot #granted they’ve ruined all of the girls in the reboot but I’m focusing on buttercup in particular here #they completely ruined buttercup’s personality in the reboot!#buttercup utonium #bubbles utonium #blossom utonium

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