#and Uma is not amused

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

The Badun detective agency in the 1920 mafia AU

For @hannahhook7744 I hope you enjoy!

There is a child at Jace's doorstep.

A fucking child, looking up at him with wide innocent eyes, like a fucking cherub. His hair a wild mess flung around by the chilly wind, and their ends were dyed blue.

(Who on earth lets a child dye its hair?)

Jace slowly blinks and looks down again: the boy is still here. Well.

„What do you want, kid?“ he asks, hoping that the child might want, well, directions back to his parents? That would be nice?

„My mom has three disembodied corpses in her basement,“ the boy states blankly, a picture of perfect innocence. His eyes are suddenly mildly unnerving, and it takes Jace's brain a moment to catch up on him.

„…What the fuck?“ he mutters more for himself than for the child, who takes it as an encouragement to repeat its words anyway.

So Jace draws a sharp breath and yells down the hall at his cousin: „Harry! Come here this instant! And bring your gun!“

You know, just in case-

Harry Badun runs to the door in truly record speed, the weapon safely pointed down. He looks disappointed when he sees only a child.

„Tell him what you told me,“ Jace sights towards the visitor.

„My mom has three disembodied corpses in her basement. They talk to me when I sleep.“

Ok. 

That is a new info.

This is cool. Totally cool.

Harry tightens his grip on the weapon and looks around the street, then up the roofs, which, you know, always a good idea.

They are clear, though. It doesn't look as if anyone is gonna jump them, much less some psychotic woman. Those don't tend to be too quiet, and the Badun cousins would know.

Oh, and by the way. That silhouette against that balustrade over there? That is totally Reza. Snogging Jade. Harry owes Jace for this one. 

Anyway. Right, the corpses.

„Come on, kid,“ he says, „Go inside and then tell us what you know, yeah?“

The kid's eyes shine as he steps inside and exclaims: „Do I get to be a detective too? I have always wanted to be a detective! I would be an awesome detective, since I know how do bodies look how long after death already!“

This is not a worrying statement at all. Not at all.

A shadow peels off the wall. Hermie. She was listening the whole time, of course she was.

„Dead bodies?“

„What exactly do you mean?!“

The kid answers and Jace bites back the irrational need to scream his lungs out. A vein at his temple pulses as the kid starts describing a rotting corpse with freakish accuracy to way too interested Hermie.

„Quiet! I need to concentrate!“ shouts Yzla from upstairs, „This is a delicate process!“

„Stop painting your pretty pictures for a moment,“ shouts Harry back, „This is a bloody murder case!“

„I'm trying to recreate Renoir here, you ignorant simpleton-“

„A what?“

Yzla screams incoherently and Jace interrupts the argument before it can truly begin: 

„We also have a kid that might be in danger and knows absolutely too much.“

„…I'm coming. But if the paint dries and I won't be able to get back to it, it will be all your fault.“

Jace doesn't even acknowledge that as worthy of an answer.

„Jace?“ Hermie nudges him slightly, while the kid infodumps at slightly traumatized-looking Harry about the different types of gunshot wounds, „Should I get Reza too?“

„…Nah,“ decides Jace, „He is snogging Jade right now, and we wouldn't want to interrupt.“

Hermie nods curtly and turns over to Harry: „You owe me and Yzla a bottle of cognac,“ she says, and Jace whistles. His cousin is losing in the big, today.

The kid tugs at his sleeve: „So what about my mom's basement, Mr Detective?“ the kid asks and he really should ask who his mom is. Also, what is his name?

So he asks, and when the child answers, looking at him with impossibly wide eyes, he almost gets an aneurysm.

„I'm detective Hadie, sir,“ the child reports proudly. Harry and Hermie just shrug – they don't know what is happening either. Nor does Yzla, who just appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing nothing but a negligee, and didn't she say she was working?

Oh, well.

Jace clears his throat.

„Right, kid. Hadie. And who is your mother?“

„But you are detectives!“ the child protests, „You gotta know that, no?“

„…Sure. We know that. Absolutely. And the bodies? Wait, no,“ Jace catches himself. This will certainly be a conversation, so:

„Let's go to the saloon first, shall we?“

Even if the saloon is just a fancy name for a room with a dining table and the kitchen counter, as he and Harry can hardly afford anything else.

They do have enough chairs, though, even if they are rarely used and mostly ignored: Hermie sits on the table, swinging her legs idly in the air, and Yzla plops herself down Harry's lap, setting his weapon aside. Fucking menace, that girl.

Jace himself takes the chair next to them and the boy stays standing.

(If Reza wouldn't be too busy with his current hookup, he would just lean against the wall and try to look very cool and intimidating, and smoke his cigarettes. Jace could do with a cigarette himself. Or better yet, a drink. The cigarette smoke reminds himself and Harry a bit too much of Cruella.)

„Now, tell us what you know,“ Jace asks the kid and damn. That kid. Does not shut up. Ever.

By the first thirty minutes, Yzla gets up and opens a bottle of wine to pass around, not even bothering with the glasses.

By an hour, Hermie is playing with her favourite dagger a bit too much and Harry has reclaimed back his handgun.

By hour and half, Jace is very ready to bleach his brain, thank you very much.

Hadie slows for a moment and Jace immediately stops him: „I think that's quite enough for today, Hadie,“ he says, „Thank you. Would you just step behind that door real quick?“

The kid pouts at him.

„Ehm… Me and my detectives need to discuss the evidence you just presented to us. And decide the, ehm, next course of action.“

Hadie finally steps behind the door when all present adults – including Eddie, who showed up half-way through – point at them.

And there is not much of a discussion, not really.

„Tell me we are taking that kid to Uma,“ blurts out Yzla before he can even speak.

„We could keep him,“ propose Hermie and Harry at the same time, and, yeah, no. As if Harry didn’t know they are barely staying afloat as it is, never mind, you know, not remotely responsible enough to raise a child?

…Yeah, it says a lot when a child would be safer on the streets, under the protection of one of the wildest Auradon City gangs, than anywhere else.

„We are taking him to Uma,“ decides Jace, and Yzla sights in relief. Eddie motions for her to pass the wine.

„You can come back, kid!“ Jace raises his voice, „We have decided!“

„Yay!“ the tiny disaster runs back to the room, „Do I get to be a detective too? Will we solve the case of my mother’s basement? Track down the victims’ family?“

Actually…

Jace knows how to get the kid to cooperate and go to safety voluntarily now: He winks at his associates, as to signal the general „don’t question me, I’ve got this.“

„Sure we are, kid. But, you see, right now we are working on another serious case, and we need you to help us. Will you be our eyes on the streets, detective Hadie?“

„Yes! I will, Mr detective sir! When do I start?“

„As soon as we can get you to the location. Now, let’s not lose any more time: We will debrief you on the way.“

That will hopefully give Jace enough time to come up with decent backstory, so, yeah.

With a yawn, Yzla gets up and sets off to her atelier, also known as the attic, not bothering to say goodbye, and Harry sets off to find his metal boxer and emergency knife.

„Reza is gonna be so mad he missed this-“ Hermie giggles, „It’s gonna be so much fun!“

And then, the Badun detective agency escorts its newest member, or, more accurately, adoptee, to Uma.

They don’t have any idea how much trouble they are causing Uma in the long run.

#disney descendants #badun detective agency #the 1920 mafia au #it will likely get a second part #aka: pissed off Mal tries to find her troublemaking little brother #and Uma is not amused #Jace badun #harry badun #hadie descendants #yzla descendants #hermie bing #reza descendants

[half-milk-equation]

truly obsessed with this series of events

#i really think about this a lot #i enjoy the concept #it brings me joy #really i just find the uma thurman video very amusing #patrick's fake hand #reading joe to sleep using algebra #very good bits #i'm watching old music videos #it happens every month or so #fall out boy music videos are just about silly guys #doing silly little things #it makes me happy #kyla talking about fall out boy #fall out boy

[unorthodoxfaithxx]

Shen Smut Fic from Undead Unluck

Nsfw; AFAB ; slight yandere

“I’m usually one to play the role of a gentleman, but I think you’ve kept me waiting long enough, no?”

In which Shen finally has enough of your worrywart antics and decides to put matters into his own hands.

———————

It was supposed to be a regular quest - capture the UMA, be rewarded with a Negator’s location, find the Negator, and be done with it. 

So why were you deserted in Japan, in a LOVE HOTEL of all places, stuck with the most unintentionally insufferable man on the planet? 

“Jeez,” you sigh, face-palming your forehead, “I can’t believe Andy and Fuuko left without us! And what for? The newest copy of Shonen Jump?!” 

You hear a laugh from behind. Shen was sitting cross legged on the gaudy heart-shaped mattress provided with the room, leaning his chin into a hand while he watches you pace around the room, and, much to your chagrin, with amusement. 

How could he be so nonchalant about everything? His cool demeanor always contrasted your reactive, uptight one, and without even trying to he manages to piss you off on the daily. 

“Look, I’m sure they’ll be back soon. Or they won’t. Méi wèntí (no problem)!”

You slap your cheeks with a groan. “It’s absolutely an issue, Shen! We’ve wasted how many days trying to capture UMA ____? And now instead of doing anything productive we’re stuck here cause those two decided to ditch us!” 

His polite smile does little to reassure you. 

“You’re way too worried.”

“And you aren’t?!”

He hums, tapping his face. “Not necessarily. Whatever Fuuka told Andy, it must have been important. You saw the way he carried her off with a sprint, no? I trust they have some sort of plan. Although like you, I wish they would have given us a heads up.” 

While you sure loved Fuuko, her brash plans always gave you the worst fucking headaches. You’re glad Andy is there to protect her, but still. 

You sigh and plop face down on the mattress next to the blue haired man. 

For a moment, there is only silence. Eventually, you forfeit.

“…For what it’s worth, this bed sure is comfy.” 

“Right?” Shen agrees, moving to lay down on his back and stare at the hot pink ceiling. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N, but I think you’re too stressed most of the time. Have you ever tried meditation? I’m no meditation master, but I can offer you some pointers.” 

“No thanks,” You grimace at him, “Meditation stresses me out.”

“That’s counterintuitive.” 

“I know.”

More silence. 

He turns his head to face you. “Well if you happen to find a way to destress and need a partner, I’d be happy to lend a hand. I’d offer to spar with you, but I know you’re not much of a fighter.” 

“That’s…that’s real nice of you, Shen. Thanks.” 

“Of course,” His smile reaches his eyes when he adds, “You’re cute when you’re pouting, but I think you’re even prettier with a smile on your face instead.”

It takes a second for the words to click in your head, then a blush blooms across your face.  

“Hey. Can I be honest with you for a second?”

“Gànba (go ahead).”

“When we first met, I hated your guts. You always had this shit eating grin on your face no matter what’s happening, and it drove me insane. It’s really hard to tell what you’re actually feeling behind that smile. It made it difficult to trust you, and I already had a hard time trusting people as it was. Still do, actually.” 

You continue on. “But after spending more time with you and the others, I’ve learned that you’re not all that bad. And maybe you are hard to read sometimes but I trust that you’re not a threat and want to protect the people you care about. And I find that really admirable, ya know? A lot. So uh? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to get to know you more as a person and be friends. And that I’m sorry for always having my head up my ass.”

His eyes widen at your words and you look away abashedly. “I mean, if being buddies is a problem then I totally understand I mean whywouldyouwannahangoutwithmeinthefirstplace—“

He reaches to grab your hand, halting your rambling. “Does that mean I have permission?”

“Uh, permission to what?”

He squeezes your hand, eyes ablaze with something you couldn’t put your finger on. “To kiss you.”

Immediately you’re a stuttering mess. “Hah?? I mean - what - no, I - that’s totally inappropriate, we can’t —“ He locks eyes with you, “Please kiss me.” 

You’re shocked. Did he just use his Negator ability on you?

He ears turn pink at your proclamation and he says, “Of course. Anything you want.”

Before you can say anything in retaliation he’s moving in on you like a shark. With a hand cupping the back of your head, his lips meet yours hungrily, leaving your body slack with shock. You can barely breathe as he fights his way into your mouth, tongue exploring inside your mouth fervently. You bring your hands up to his chest to push back but he doesn’t budge. 

It feels like eternity before he lets you go. When he finally relents, you’re gasping for breath. You look into his eyes, shocked to see that they’re dilated, blown wide with excitement.

He says breathlessly, “I’ve been interested in you since the day you joined the Union. I did everything I could to get you to like me. I tried to be the nice guy, be polite and approachable, but you never seemed to wanna let me in. I was honestly beginning to give up. You don’t know how happy I am to finally hear you say that.” 

His strong hand roams to grip your waist. Tightly. With a low whisper he says, “I want you. I want all of you. And if you let me, I’m going to do more than just kiss you, my dear.” 

You’re so flustered you don’t even know what to say. “I — you — wait. You like me?Why? I mean we’re basically coworkers aren’t we and I don’t know about you but datingcoworkershasalwaysbeenweirdand—“

He gives you a knowing wink, and you’re back to speaking your hidden truths again. 

“I want you more than I can say.“ Fuck Untruth. 

Apparently you said that last bit out loud, because Shen gives you a hearty laugh, so much he has to wipe a tear from his eye. 

Embarrassed, you want to get up and leave the room, but he’s still looking at you. His ability is still turned on and you can’t budge.

“Yeah, I can’t let you leave. Not when I finally know how you really feel about me.”

Great. 

His face almost seems apologetic. “Forgive me, Y/N my dear. I just know that this is the only way I can get the truth out of you.”

You want to yell at him but your mouth will only tell another story. With slight apprehension, you watch as his signature smile mutates into something darker, more predatory. 

“I’m usually one to play the role of a gentleman,” He inches closer to you, lips whispering against your ear, “But I think you’ve kept me waiting long enough, no?”

You gulp. 

With a quick push, he immediately has you on your back, staring up at him like a deer in the headlights. His arms are around both sides of your head, legs caging you in. You find yourself shaking with either anxiety or excitement, you can’t tell. 

“Fàngsōng (relax). I promise I won’t hurt you. Unless you want that, that is”. 

You move a hand up to cover his eyes so he can’t use his Negation, sparing the both of you from whatever embarrassing remark would come out of your mouth otherwise. 

Despite the hand in his face, he was smiling at you like a villain. “You know, you’re not really helping your case by doing that. I can still tell what you want, see?”

A gasp escapes your lips as you feel a hand trail down your pants, into your panties. An electrifying tingle flows through you when Shen rubs you in a circular motion. Opening your eyes, he’s already taken his hand out (much to your disappointment) and is staring at the slick coating his fingers. Your hand is long gone from his face. 

“Hmm, pretty wet.” He hums. 

You watch mortifyingly as Shen licks his fingers clean, the sight counteractively igniting something within your core. 

“And you taste pretty damn good, too.”

He gets off you and starts tugging your pants off. Before he goes further, asks, “Can I?”

He doesn’t even have to use his ability. You respond with a small, barely above a whisper, “yes”. 

With your face as red as it can possibly be, the muscular man gives you a flirtatious wink, his eyes lidded with lust at this point. 

Both your pants and undergarments are thrown across the room, and your lower half is left bare for him to see. By instinct you try to close your legs, wanting to hide, but the Union member’s arms keep you open. 

The way he stares at your pussy has you feeling faint of heart. He’s eyeing you like you’re a famous painting he’ll only get to see once in his life, doing his best to analyze and remember every detail. 

“Can you please stop staring? This is embarrassing,” You whimper. 

“No need to be so shy, my dear. You’re beautiful. I want to see everything.” His enthusiasm does little to settle your nerves. 

With a devious smirk, he lays on his stomach, face between your thighs.

“Xiè xie nǐ de shí wù (Thanks for the food).” 

Fire erupts through your veins when you feel his warm tongue lap at your folds, sliding up and down in the best way imaginable. His lips gently suckle on your clit, and despite not wanting to be loud, you cry out with fervor. You swear the pleasure is insurmountable. 

Your hands grip the fabric of the mattress you’re on, and when his tongue dips in and out of your entrance, you can only moan pathetically. 

“Fuck. Even your moans sound so beautiful,” Shen praises in adoration. You turn to look away, only to have your head jerked back in Shen’s direction. “We can’t be having that. Keep looking at me, my dear. I wanna see those beautiful eyes of yours filled with pleasure.”

Lewd slurping sounds fill the room. 

He looks so pleased with himself while you quiver under his grasp, something intense gradually building inside of you. Your hands instinctively move to grip his hair, mindlessly pushing him down further to eat you out. You feel yourself reaching close to that high, and when that strong tension in your core finally snaps, you feel lightheaded from the your intense orgasm.  

You’re so sensitive that every nerve of your body feels lit up. But that doesn’t stop Shen. 

The man keeps lapping you up, causing you to grip his hair tighter as you cry, “Fuck, I came! I came I came I came, stop, it’s so fucking sensitive, god!” 

It takes another minute of begging before 

He opts to listen to you. He chuckles. “Well, did my girl like that? You tasted so good, mhm.”

You’re left speechless, still reeling from your orgasm. Shen gets up on his knees and begins to strip. You always knew he was buff, but you’re mesmerized by his toned muscles as he removes his shirt, revealing a chiseled stomach and oh-so broad chest. 

You feel heat rise to your cheeks when he sends you another wink, obviously enjoying the fact that you’re ogling him. When he slides his pants off, you see that he’s hard with want, the tip of his veiny cock an angry red color. You feel intimidated by the sheer size. 

He’s big. 

“Uhm…I don’t think that’s gonna fit,” you mumble nervously. 

He laughs at that. “Sure it will. We’ll make it work, my dear.”

Now as naked as you, he moves to give you another fiery kiss, his tongue tangling itself with yours. He reminds you again how beautiful you are, whispering praises between every break. He touches you again, pleased that your juices and his spit have you sopping when through and through. 

Finally, when he feels like he can’t wait any longer, what would be a loud cry from you is silenced by a kiss as he moves to shove his member into your weeping entrance. He has you caged between his arms again, your legs wrapped around his torso. It’s a slow endeavor at first, letting you get used to his size as he stretches you out.

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” You feel your insides being stuffed to the brim with his cock. He slowly moves in, until he finally fully braces himself inside you.

He gently moves in and out, a slothful but sure pace. He opts to wrap his tongue around the hard nipple of your breast. 

“Good girl,” he praises, “Taking me so well, aren’t you.”

“I—I don’t…” You words fall at the wayside. 

“Fuck,” he groans, “We’re meant to be together, don’t you see?”

Shen awaits an answer but your words regress to babbles and whines.

You whimper as he suckles on your neck, bound to leave a nasty hickey after. The pleasure is too overwhelming and you inch to get away. It’s futile though — he has you locked in.

“You’re not getting away,” his soft voice turns into a growl when he realizes you’re trying to evade him, and he grabs the arms you were pushing at his chest with, opting to pin them down at each side of your head. 

“I’ll make you feel so good you can’t get away.”

All of a sudden, the movement of his hips snaps from gentle to rough, the stronger man voraciously sheathing his cock in and out of you like a beast in heat.

“Oh god,” You words slur as your mouth pools with saliva, drooling from total ecstasy, unable to do anything except hold on to the man who’s ravaging you. Tears of delight prickle at your eyes.

You feel so good you can hardly think straight, blissfully enjoying the sudden roughness he displays as he mutters, “Don’t think anyone else can make you feel this good, huh? Nǐ shì wǒ de (You are mine).” 

He pumps into you relentlessly, looking down on you with crazed lust in his eyes, watching as your eyes nearly roll back in enjoyment. You feel so full, you don’t know how you can continue taking it. 

“Shen, Shen, I can’t take it!”

“Yes, you can. And you will.” He commands. 

Another orgasm threatens to overcome you, and even though you’re begging him to give you a minute of respite, he doesn’t comply. 

“I’ve waited so long to have you, you’re not getting a break that easily.”

He gets you to where you’re on your knees, ass up with your face in a pillow. 

With a groan he’s back inside you, hitting your insides deeper than you thought possible. 

“You’re too perfect, I can watch you all day,” He confesses. 

Your cries bounce off the walls of the room when he gives your ass a slap. It stings, but you’re so far on Cloud 9 that you don’t care. If anything, it’s the catalyst to you cumming once more. Shen eyes in fascination as your cunt spazzes around his member, highly satisfied with himself for making you feel so good. 

He kneads your ass as you’re gasping for air, basically sobbing from your orgasm taking the life out of you. Your cunt is twitching when he slowly pulls out, only to slam back in as hard as he possibly can. He fastens his grip on your ass, pulling you back into him when you try to move further away. 

“No running,” He chastises, earning another hard slap on your ass. You yelp at the roughness of it all, but in truth? Maybe you’re enjoying it a lot more than you should. 

You turn your head as best as you can to look at the man ravaging you. He’s looking at you with such intense focus, gritting his teeth in an unnerving grin that leaves you feeling aroused and like you’re prey. Sweat beads down his forehead and chest as he continues to pound you, leaving your pussy a wet and stuttering mess. 

His hands meet your waist and with one deft move your back hits the bed again. You hear Shen curse before your sweat covered, fucked-out sinful visage, and you don’t bother holding back the moan that leaves your throat when the angry red head of his dick slides back into your entrance.

“So good,” He grunts, fucking you into a mating press. He moves a hand down to fumble with your clit, eliciting all the cries he’s grown to love hearing out of you. 

You feel as if you might come again, and you know Shen is getting close too when the man’s thrusts grow sporadic. 

“That’s it,” He encourages through clenched teeth, “Cum for me. Cum on my cock!”

His words send you over the edge, and you clench around his dick once more. 

“Yes, please,” He hears you beg, and that’s all he needs to climax himself. A quick couple of thrusts and he pulls out, hastily pumping his long shaft with a hand until thick ropes of cum decorate your chest. 

He reaches for the towel conveniently placed on the nightstand and gently wipes away the mess he made.

“Hahhh,” Once he’s done, he breathes out a pleased sigh, collapsing beside on you the bed. 

“Holy shit,” You say through unsteady breaths. You try to reel yourself in after all those intense orgasms. 

Unfortunately for you, post nut clarity hits hard and FAST, and you immediately make way to get up and clean off, and maybe bury yourself someplace hidden. You get the nagging feeling that maybe your bed partner will regret his decision later on, and howcouldyoulookhimintheeyesnow—-

Shen tugs your hand back and pulls you close, wrapping you in his arms. 

“Hey, don’t leave me all by myself! Let’s stay like this for a while, yes?” He says. 

“I…okay,” You can’t help but agree, comfortable in his warm embrace. The two of you stay like that for a while, basking in the afterglow of the deed and eachother’s presence. 

———————————————————————

Fuuka was throwing duck feed into a pond when Andy sat down next to her, watching with a mischievous grin as all the ducks scattered away under his scrutinizing glare. 

“Say,” Fuuka starts after slapping her partner on the shoulder for his harassment of the ducks, “Do you think we can head back to the hotel now? We already spent the money Shen gave us for Shonen Jump.”

Andy hums, finger on his chin in thought. 

“Nah, Shen asked us to leave for the whole day, remember? Let’s get dinner before heading back.”

“Why do you think Shen wanted us gone in the first place? It’s not like the quest required that we split into teams.”

Andy gives her a pointed look. 

“What?” She says quizzically.

After a few seconds, her face glows beet red, eyes wide with realization.

Hotel + privacy + man + woman = ???

“Holy crap. No way!” She shouts. 

“Yes way. So for our sake and theirs, let’s not go back until late tonight.”

She nods in agreement, fanning her flustered face. 

———-

thanks for reading! And @shiroisotto64, from one Shen lover to another, hope you enjoyed it ;)

#yandere writing #male yandere #yandere male #yandere x reader #shen xiang #undead unluck #yandere #yandere smut #anime #yandere drabble #anime and manga

[ickadori]

++ 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐗𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐆

[summary] forced to voice an embarrassing thought to keep from dying, shen does what he does best and comes to your bedside to tease you.

[cws] gn reader. minor spoilers for the UMA spoil fight. reader has a broken rib. unedited.

Maybe turning into a semi-mindless zombie wouldn’t be so bad - at least you wouldn’t have to worry about doing a skin routine any more.

You also wouldn’t have to shout out your hopes and dreams and completely embarrass yourself in front of the trio.

67 seconds.

You sigh to yourself, arms crossed over your chest as you listen to Shen’s dream —a very grandiose one at that, but a part of you feels as if there’s a small possibility of it happening…or maybe that’s just your bias talking—, and three sets of eyes turn to you, waiting.

“Oh,” you start, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed at the attention. “I…I think I’m just gonna let the timer run out, guys. Don’t worry about me. Carry on.” You wave them off.

“Stop fuckin’ around, this isn’t a game.” Andy snaps, and you shoot him an annoyed look. The man that had come charging in with a rocket launcher, snagged a zombie-bride, and then proceeded to have the entirety of the zombie town participate in a brawl was telling you to stop fuckin’ around?

“Maybe you should try telling that to yourself, you half-dead per—” A head of blue hair is suddenly blocking your vision, and you blink as Shen crouches in front of you, his eyes trained on yours as he gives you a patient look.

“What’s going on?” His eyes flick between your steadily decreasing timer and your face. “Even if we kill Spoil, their ability won’t go away, you know. You’ll stay a zombie.”

“That’s fine,” you obstinately turn your nose up. “I’ve been thinking about switching up my look anywa—!” A scream is pulled from you when you’re suddenly snatched up into the air, and you look back to see Andy holding a fistful of your shirt, a maniacal grin on his face as he propels the both of you closer to spoil.

“You wanna be a zombie, eh? Then let me help speed up the process!” You recall how Andy had immediately spoiled when he got too close to the UMA, and a wave of panic washes over you as you’re forced to come face-to-face with your decision.

“W-Wait! I change my mind! Andy, I said—Andy!” He catapults you into the air, and you wonder for a brief second how the hell Fuuko could possibly get used to this.

Andy grins up at you, and your hands reach out for him as you go flying back down, only to be met with nothing as he cackles. “You know what to do if you don’t wanna die!”

Your gaze moves to Shen who’s watching on with a look of amusement, and your cheeks and ears burn as you slap your hands over your eyes.

Damn it all.

-

“I’ve gotta say, your dream is quite the lofty goal.”

You groan as you flip over in the infirmary’s bed. Not only had you been forced to shout your humiliating dream at the top of your lungs, but Andy had also failed to practice the same care and compassion he put into carrying Fuuko around, resulting in him breaking two of your ribs when his torso slammed into yours to keep you from going splat on the ground.

Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll go away - it’s wishful thinking, but it’s better than facing him after you loudly declared that your dream in life is to—

“I never saw myself getting married,” Shen muses, “but if it was to you…well, I don’t think I’d have too many complaints.” The heart monitor you’re hooked up to starts to beep wildly, and you make a noise of embarrassment before you’re hastily moving to pull the wires away from you.

You only manage to get one off before a pair of warm, strong hands are covering your own and pulling them down to rest in your lap, and your head snaps up to lock gazes with Shen, that signature smile ever present. “I hate you.”

“Yet you wanna marry me - you’re a strange one.” He breathes out a laugh, slightly leaning forward in his chair, and you go to turn your head only to find that you can’t.

“Shen, stop.”

“What?” You narrow your eyes at him, and he pouts before dropping his ability. “I don’t like when you hide that cute face of yours. Haven’t I told you that?” Yes, many times, and it’s only served in making you want to hide it even more to conceal your burning cheeks.

“Well, get used to not seeing it because I’m never showing it again once I get out of here.” You’ll go into hiding—put your ability to good use and vanish off the grid and lay low in the African jungles or something. You could live off the land; build a small house, start a garden, hunt for food, really just reconnect with nature while you waited for the world to end.

Yeah, that’ll do.

“Oh that won’t do,” Shen tsks as he shakes his head. “It won’t be much of a wedding if I can’t see your face.” The beeping goes haywire again, and you sputter as you shake your hands free from his grip.

“I-you-we’re not getting married!” The both of you hadn’t even kissed yet—you weren’t even in a relationship, not really! There was…something between the two of you, but with the possibility of being killed so high, no one was really eager to form such connections.

The idea of getting married to Shen had only come to you after hearing Andy announce that he was getting hitched, to a zombie of all things, and your mind had immediately conjured up images of you and Shen being the ones to tie the knot. It had been a silly thought, but your brain had latched onto it nonetheless in that instant.

“Yet.” He stresses, and then your hands are back in his, his fingers intertwining with yours. “We’ve got a lot of milestones to hit before we can finally tie the knot, after all.” He leans in a bit more, and your eyes widen as his flick down to your lips. “…I think now would be a good time to hit one of ‘em, don’t you?”

…you must have died. Andy hadn’t caught you at all and you had burst open on the ground - they were probably scooping your body parts up right now to give you a proper burial.

You must be in Heaven right now, and this is simply all just some kind of hallucination that God blessed the love-sick idiot with, and who were you to deny such a generous blessing?

“…yeah.”

His lips are soft against yours, incredibly soft, like pillows, and his scent wraps around you and squeezes you tight. You feel warm all over, and when one of his hands move to cup the side of your neck, you briefly wonder if you had went to Hell instead with how hot your skin burns.

His tongue runs along your bottom lip, prompting a gasp from you, and you feel him huff out a laugh through his nose before his tongue is making its way in. It’s rubs against yours, and then it’s running along the roof of your mouth and forcing you to abruptly pull back from the ticklish feeling.

The both of yours breathing is ragged, but that doesn’t stop either of you for going in again - the next kiss is messier, sloppier, chockfull of held back emotions that had been festering for months, and Shen curls an arm around your waist to tug you closer.

A sharp pain follows the action, and you wince through a groan as Shen immediately pulls back and moves his hand away from your side. “I’m sorry,” he pants, lips moving to press against your temple. “I got too caught up.”

“It’s okay.” So much for being in Heaven. “It’s just still really sore.” He hums, fingers softly tugging at the hospital gown you wear as his eyes take in your face. You take the chance to do the same, although you find your gaze focusing on his pink, puffy lips more than anything else.

They curve into a grin. “See something ya like?”

“No.” His fingers push into your cheeks.

“Your face is burning up. You sure you don’t see something you like? You positive? Maybe you want another kiss, huh?” He squishes your cheeks together, forcing your lips to pucker, and you make a noise of complaint before he’s pressing a quick kiss to your mouth. “And another, yeah?” He kisses you again, a loud, exaggerated ‘mwah’ sounding after, and you laugh as best you can with your cheeks squished together.

You don’t know if marriage is in the cards for you two, but even if it’s not, you think that just being with him as you are now is enough.

#undead unluck #undead unluck x reader

[vintagegeekculture]

The Most Beloved Adventure Novel in Thailand

If you’re Thai, you already know what I’m going to say: เพชรพระอุมา, “Petch Pra Uma,” or “Diamonds of the Goddess Uma.” A jungle adventure yarn written over 25 years, from 1964 to 1989, it is a good candidate for the world’s longest novel. And to call it inspired by H. Rider Haggard’s “King Solomon’s Mines” is a bit generous: the basic plot comes from that book, at least to start with, before it went off in its own strange directions guided by local Thai folklore. The 19th Century Adventure novelist H. Rider Haggard is widely loved in Thailand, and it is surprising that a 19th Century British colonial author is still such a significant influence. 

The story of “the Goddess Uma’s Diamonds” begins when a he-man jungle explorer skilled in hunting and hiking, Raipin Praiwan, is contracted to help discover the Emerald City in the jungles of Southeast Asia. Along the way, a young hill tribesman asks to be his expedition’s servant, only to discover that this young servant is in fact, the rightful outcast prince of the City of Emeralds. So far, this sounds absolutely identical to H. Rider Haggard’s “King Solomon’s Mines” transplanted to Asia, but where the jungle action in the novel gets strange is that it very quickly veered into the folkloric and paranormal of Southeast Asia. Haggard flirted with the fantastic in King Solomon’s Mines, but this one has a full on love affair with it. When seeking the Emerald City, Raipin Praiwan encounters forest spirits, ghosts, and intelligent, red-eyed glowing ape creatures able to use swords.

Or at least that was the first story arc. The novel was originally published in newspapers, but it was so widely popular that it kept on going well past the natural ending. To this day, Thai librarians have trouble keeping it on the shelves, and there have been numerous film and television adaptations in the Elephant Kingdom. To read the entire book in collected form now requires over 48 volumes.

One amusing part that surprises me is that it contains explicit and very casual descriptions of cannabis use. I knew....but it hadn’t quite sunk in until I read this...that the bong or water-pipe was a Thai invention (more accurately, rendered as baung). 

The funny part about this book is that Thai nerds love it and base their lives on it, getting a model rifle and machete just like the manly Raipin Praiwan’s. It’s exactly like, when lots of Western nerds get money, they buy a Walther PPK and an Aston Martin to be as cool as their hero, James Bond. I cannot help but think that if you are a cool, exciting guy like 007, you could drive any reasonably stylish car and make it look cool, it doesn’t have to be that specific one....but remember, we are deep in “cargo cult” thinking. 

Unfortunately, it is known that the author of the books is unpleasant to online fanfic authors, which leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth equivalent to learning your favorite actor is a scientologist. 

#thailand #adventure #h. rider haggard #เพชรพระอุมา

[dropout-if]

Alright, folks. Let's take a brief break from sexiness and sprinkle some fluff.

MC gets up in the night for some reason and when they come back to bed, they give the snoozing ROs a lil smooch on the forehead b/c they think the RO is asleep (but they aren’t). How do the ROs react?

Jade/Jean- you only know Jay is awake a few seconds later, when they give a little amused snort, when their hand blindly finds yours in the dark—and squeezes it lightly. They don't say anything, they don't have to.

Uma- they give you a little laugh, Uma shifts until they're facing you, until their arms are wrapped around your waist and they're pulling you close again. As if they can't bear to have you being away from them.

Statler- they fight back a smile, but it's no use. Statler grins broadly, opens their eyes. “Hello to you too,” they say—with an uncharacteristic mask of coolness that you know is just Statler being playful; it swiftly breaks as they chuckle again—and then they’re leaning closer, like they can’t help it, and kiss you.

Wanda- her eyes blink open, she gives you a little cheeky grin—almost makes you feel like you just got caught doing something naughty—Wanda cups your cheeks, tilts your head, returns a kiss to your forehead. “That was very cute,” she comments.

Kai- it’s easier, way easier, for Kai to pretend they’re still asleep. To casually turn around and, only then as they’re facing the wall, open their eyes and vaguely confront the many feelings punching at their chest.

Travis- “Don’t do that. I’m asleep,” Travis suddenly says, sounding much more serene and clear than even a half-awake person would. Unhappy with his own reaction, Travis clicks his tongue, opens his eyes, “There. Get it over with so we can actually sleep.”

#dropout if #dropout #ask #ros #j gray #kai alofa #travis camaro #statler amani #wanda pavon #uma bharat

[sgiandubh]

Estou lendo novamente A Cruz de Fogo e passei por um trecho que me fez cuspir meu café: No meio de uma conversa, Brianna diz 'continue, Miss Marple' Claro que lembrei de você!!

Dear Fiery Cross Anon,

E seu comentário me fez cuspir minha eterna Coca-Cola, então suponho que estamos quites? 🤭

Deixa para lá. Você escreveu:

'I am re-reading The Fiery Cross and I just got to a passage that made me spit my coffee:

In the middle of a conversation, Brianna says ' carry on, Miss Marple'.

I remembered you for sure!'

Oh, well. Believe it or not, I was foolish enough to look for it. It's akin to hitchhiking the Mato Grosso plateau without a machete - no water gourd needed, this time (yes, the dubious geographical metaphors are a thing, in 2024, on this page). Anyway, here goes:

'At last, replete and feeling somewhat restored, we sat back and began hesitantly to discuss the events of the day—and night—before. So much had happened that I thought perhaps it might be best to try to reconstruct events in a logical sort of way. I said as much, and while Jamie’s mouth twitched in an annoying manner that suggested he found the notion of logic incompatible with me personally, I ignored this and firmly called the meeting to order.

“It begins with Betty, don’t you think?”

“Whether it does or not, I suppose that’s as good a starting point as any, Sassenach,” Jamie agreed.

Brianna finished buttering a final slice of toast, looking amused.

“Carry on, Miss Marple,” she said, waving it at me before taking a bite. Roger made a brief choking noise, but I ignored that, too, with dignity.

“Fine. Now, I thought Betty was likely drugged when I saw her, but since Dr. Fentiman stopped me examining her, I couldn’t be positive. But we are reasonably sure that Betty did drink drugged punch, is that right?” I looked round the circle of faces, and both Bree and Jamie nodded, adopting solemn expressions.

“Aye, I tasted something in the cup that wasna liquor,” Jamie said.'

(Diana Gabaldon - The Fiery Cross, chapter 55, Deductions)

Well, to be honest, I was torn between Mrs. Havisham and Mrs. Marple, while looking for an appropriate nickname. But Mrs. Havisham's story is sad and heavy, plus it did not account for the woman's petulant sleuthing. Thus, Mrs. Marple immediately popped into my brain and stayed.

I don't understand why she was so pissed off, afterwards: the genuine Marple is clever and always spot on, so yes - I was surprised by the very bitter and annoyed reaction, which immediately informed me she had 0 sense of humor.

She could use with great profit this very authentic Edwardian remedy: ' half to one teaspoon, or more if required'.

Oh, well. After all, they do call me 'blunt knife' or 'the cutlery' - little do they know I am in stitches every single time I read it. One can't get mad at a kindergarten, right?

#anon #fandom

[carols-writting]

aaaa fiquei tão feliz quando vi alguém brasileiro na fandom :’3 eu posso fazer uma request em português mas vc escreve em inglês pfv? (primeira vez que eu faço isso rsrsrs)

Wukong e Macaque (eu li os nomes deles em português e ficou muito estranho hsjajahja) com um s/o de gênero neutro brasileiro? alguém com o nosso jeitinho amigável e sociável (na maior parte), alguém que fala muito e sempre está disposto a ajudar, faz gambiarras… cê sabe.

elu chamando os meninos de “meu bem”, “meu amor” “vida”, fazendo nossas comidas pra eles, rindo de um jeito contagiante, andando por aí de chinela e bermuda, etc…

FAZER REQUEST EM PORTUGUÊS É MUITO ESTRANHO MDS

aliás vc escreve muito bem <3

HOW WUKONG AND MACAQUE REACT TO A BRAZILIAN READER

fluffy + romantic

•---------••---------••---------••---------••---------•

scenario: reader is brazilian and have brazilian traits! they are friendly, funny in a childish way, sociable, always want to help, talkative BUT is able to defend themself just well. they hate to trown things in the trash so they always try to repair things... in their own way. they also use petnames in brazilian portuguese, make brazilian food as a gift and laugh in a funny way

reader: they/them pronouns used, style is mentioned as more of a mandrake like (i just love mandrakes and want to give them representation), a request

warnings: no warnings

authors note: OMG OMG OMG BRASIL MENTIONED AAAAAAAA!!!1! no, but really, i love write brazilian representation, we are so cool fr fr. im literally shaking of excitement!!!1!!! im glad you think my writting is good! im kinda insecure about it cause i study alone... if you can call "fucking around and finding out" studying... anyway! obrigado!!! tenha um bom dia e obrigado pelo pedido, achei divertido escrever >w<

•---------••---------••---------••---------••---------•

SUN WUKONG

- he notices the way you talk when yall first meet (accent, catch phrases...) but he didnt wanted to question it, he thought you was going to feel like he was making fun of you

- like stated in the past by me, he have accent in others languages, so he knows it may make you self conscious

- he loves your accent btw (check my "sun wukong react to a reader w accent" post for details)

- but when yall are dating and yall are both is in his house

- yall are having a (playfully) argument, like a love language type of way

- and you acidently say a phrase in portuguese

- "AI- oque o cu tem haver com a calça??" "... what"

- he stare at you in silence for some seconds, you are ready to explain or say "forget it"

- but his face lighten and he seens all exicated

- "repeat it." he say seriously but he looks and sounds so amused, his eyes widened and fixed in you

- "... oque o cu tem haver com a calça?" ":0"

- he loves the way you pronunce words in your first language

- like- LOVE LOVE

- like you just said a love confession

- makes his brain happy :D

- he later on find out that you are brazilian

- hes very curious, ask you a lot of questions about your country

- you explain and make him do a "L" w his hand

- hes very confused to why you scream "FAZ O L!!!1!"

- also asks you to teach him swears and insults

- so when macaque is close, he just turns to you and say "ele é very much feio e arrombado muleke"

- his accent <3333

- anyway- he loves your personality

- you are so sweet

- dosent mind your loudness at all

- he loves how talkative you are, finally someone likes to talk when he dosent have anything to say

- hes alone for a long time, i see him not knowing how to interact w pretty people (aka, u)

- he also admire you for always looking forward to helping others

- how you see a kid alone in the streets, looking around in a lost way

- the kid didnt know chinese but you didnt gave up, using google translator and succeeding in helping the lost kid + calming them down

- also when MK have too much orders, you also help him as much you can

- he have a soft spot for who helps his little guy (/p)

- your "8 years old latino boy in a public school" jokes are very funny to him

- not so different than his humour, but you (somehow) can be worse than him

- ALSO admires how you are good in arguing and standing up for yourself and others

- a regular costumer was being rude to pigsy and was fatphobic w him, you immediately jumped in

- "skinny is not a proof of healthiness. if was, your skinny mom wasnt dead because of cancer. hes what? 48? and your mom was what? 32? well- 'was' because now shes dead" you decide if you was rudely loud and clapping or rudely quiet with arms crossed

- everyone paused in silence but you just stared at the costumer with a intimidating glare

- "OOOOOOOOOOH" mei screamed in the top of her lungs and you had a flashback of your public school years

- you are cruel and rude when needed, he admires that

- also, he thinks is very funny how you hate to trash things

- bro was very amused by how your flip flop had a wire because it broke

- and how you explained to him what "gato" is

- so- theres a way to make the electric box dont notice all the energy and water you use??? so your bills are cheaper than it should be?????

- yall are very creative sometimes

- you wear mandrake style

- if masc, a example is a black shirt w a yellow jaguar, black cardigan shorts and a yellow sneakers + golden chain necklace and a yellowish juliet

- if fem, a example is a white crop top hoodie, a blue jeans mini skirt and white snickers + a silver chain necklace and a blueish juliet

- your makeup style is also so cute!!!1!!

- now, imagine you, w a grumpy face and juliet, laying down in your bed... w a elsa blanket...

- he dosent know if its a joke or not- but it makes him laugh

- everytime you call him petnames in your first language, he "hihihi" giggles and smiles

- "meu bem, can you pass me the control?" "hihihi *gives you the control*"

- sometimes call you "amor"

- you love his accent so much >w<

- "you are so... serelepe" "im what?"

- you struggled to explain it but you succeed it

- now he calls you it

- "you cant kill him!" "teu cu" "... *sigh* you are so fucking serelepe garota" he pouts and looks the other way

- hes totally ok when you playfully insult him, he gets it. its fun

- makes him be more comfortable in messing around w you faster

- and when you cook brazilian food to him? AYO

- brazilian food often have dishes w rice, and our rice isnt so different than chinese rice

- so he would love the way you make rice

- he loves to eat junk, but hes not statunitian to JUST eat it. hes a old style guy in some ways, he likes traditions and especially the chinese culture (looks at the english fandom)

- so he sometimes order healthy food (mostly pigsy noodles, to support his little guy /p)

- he CAN cook, but... does he WANTS to do it? well...

- hes CENTURIES alone in his cottage house, just getting junk food and healthy foods made by other people. nothing too different

- so when he finds someone who makes uncommon food dishes? (at least "uncommon" for him)

- ooooh- hes so happy.

- LOVES LOVES the combination w rice. rice and beans and banana and tomatoes and meat in churrasco style? kiss me.

- CHURRASCO ITSELF??? marry me.

- ooooh- formigueiro cake- his heart is hurting of joy

- BRIGADEIRO??? just get in his bed already /j

- he loves your laugh SO. MUCH.

- the way its funny sounding

- especially if you snort. or gasp for air. or do this typical laugh of a motorcycle running. or just sound like you are dying. or loud laughs.

- anyway, hes just happy that you are so fucking nice and cute

MACAQUE

- another one who noticed your way of talking, he dosent question it cause he simply dont give a single fuck

- dont get me wrong- he is curious- but he simply just dont want to ask. if you wanted, you would tell him

- also loves your accent (check my "macaque reacts to reader w a accent" post for more details)

- but when yall are in your house (who practically turned into his)

- watching a horror movie and you just insult the main character in your first language...

- "puta que pariu- MAS- TU É UM BURRO??? UMA PUTINHA??? CARALHOW- VAI TOMA NO MEIO DO SEU C- nossa mano."

- he just looks at you with a amused face, processing the situation and when he does, his tail start to move like a cat and he pauses the movie

- "what?-" "i love your language. *movie start to play again*"

- hes totally down for learning about your language and country

- hes also super interested in the history and culture

- "and you can tell wukong 'o chupa cu vai te chupar se você não cala a boca'" "... chope cu?"

- you explain to him what 'chupa cu' is

- hes very confused... WHO TF HAD THIS MONSTER IDEA??? A MONSTER WHO LITERALLY IS CALLED "ass sucker"?????

- he told it to wukong tho

- and didnt gave him a translation

- wukong thinks he just got cursed

- also calls you "pirallha"

- "TEU CU. that i will do it" "*roll eyes* pirallha do caralho"

- his accent too <33333

- also loves your personality

- you are so nice, something he needs to experience

- hes not a big talker, so hes glad that you can carry the conversation going and going alone

- he loves to hear you, even when you are saying to someone go to the hoe house... or saying that your ass turned cold (i swear is not a sexual phrase I SQEAR PLEASE BELIVE ME)

- the way you are so kind to everyone you respect? makes his heart go all fuzzy

- the way you help pigsy do the noodles in the morning

- or when you help a stranger in the street to carry their heavy stuff

- you always are making jokes to make others laugh or just to have a fun time in general

- even tho your humour is childish, still never fails to make others laugh (for finding it funny or just being shocked w your latino jokes)

- makes others happy makes YOU have a nice time- your such a sweet person omg

- did i said you "are kind to anyone who you respect"? yeah. is kinda easy to lose your respect

- someone said how your accent is "so fucking weird and you should stop talking"

- you just look at them up and down w your best mean (debochada) face

- "really? your mother loved it. the way i demanded her to call my name w my accent was pretty cute in her eyes. well- what can i say? some mommys have a better taste than their childs. and- oh- your mommy DO have a GOOD taste!"

- bro is laughing so hard and loudly (just to spicy the argument)

- you make gambiarras? he gets it. things are expensive. fuck capitalism /gen

- but when you explained him what a "brazilian electric shower" is... and thats a regular shower but electric... hes what the actual fuck mood

- "and is works just fine!" "... how." "i dont know, im not a-" "no. how yall are still alive." "... luck?"

- again, you wear mandrake style and he thinks is so cool

- is curious about how you do your makeup

- teaches you about chinese makeup too

- then he sees you, in a mandrake style, laying down w a shrek blanket

- he takes a picture and hold on his dear life to not laugh

- everytime you call him petnames in your first language hes so embarassed

- "vida, can you pick this up to me?" "*freezes* ... .... ... *silently give you what you asked for*"

- after 6 months, he gets confident enough to try calling you petnames in portuguese

- not because is in another language, he just think its too much of a personal situation

- now he calls you "minha querida"

- and is the most cute thing ever :3

- "what is lazarento?" "ah, is a insult in the minas gerais region" "hm."

- congrats, now u are a "lazarento"

- "but- you cant just leave! we arent finished cuddling yet!" "foda-se" "*tsk* ... you a fucking lazarento pra porra"

- he LOVES when you playfully insult him

- he loves to playfully insult others

- hes worried of hurting you for some years tho, but w time he will be more confident

- he steals food. nothing can prove me wrong.

- so finally being gifted a food. a food who was meant and MADE for him? hes so glad and happy

- also, hes centuries eating practically the same type of food, a bit of a break isnt so bad...

- hes not very comforted by the uncommon food- but he wouldnt refuse to eat it

- now he just want to eat your food.

- pão de queijo? pamonha? mix of rice and beans w something else? he will love it all

- also, JUST wants to eat your food now

- sometimes he will text u, trying to give hints that he wants your food

- "im hungry 🙁" "want me to order something for u?" "no, i want something else" "meu cu?"

- he dosent respond after that, like a punishment (in a /j way)

- but when he comes to your (his) house and you made dinner? you are forgiven

- your laugh makes him laugh, he loves it

- macaque dosent like the new, but grown to (somehow) like the weird

- so he loves every single weird laugh out there.

- hes glad you are so different, he loves everything about you, especially your weirdness cause thats what difference you of others

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lego monkie king #sun wukong x reader #lmk sun wukong #sun wukong #macaque x reader #lmk macaque #six eared macaque #headcanon #x reader

[humaforever]

ursula and hook relationship hcs ??

oh and how do u feel abt ror vk line up. i think they’ll show how malifacent and hades got together. maybe some drama between hook and the girl who’s related to ursula (i forgot her name 😭) if they have a Uma and Harry thing going on…

maybe even bad blood between them like one of them betray the other and then in the future hook/ursula is like “don’t trust her/him” idk that this point rors plot (from what ive seen so far) is so confusing and idk what is actually gonna happen and what is a theory anymore.

Ursula and Hook relationship? I don't think they like each other very much. I hc them as business partners because Hook seems to have a lot of businesses on the isle. I probably read this somewhere in a fic or something, but Hook and his pirates do fishing for Ursula's fish and chip restaurant. I stuck with it. So business partners that don't really get along. I don't think pirates and sea witches have a good history anyway, which is why Harry and Uma are so cute but I think Ursula and Hook would be more prone to beef over it. I listened to "blood in the water" by grandson and was like, yeah this is giving Hook and Ursula's relationship.

And I stfg if they put Hook and Ulianna together, I SWEAR. I'm begging that they don't do anything like that. It would honestly be more amusing if they were both fighting for the position of captain. Just don't recreate what already is.

I have zero clue about what the ROR plot is too. Every time I think it could be something I feel like everything they release is contradicting. So I guess we'll just have to wait for it to come out.

#disneys descendants

[fraternoviril]

Le Journal Amusant - 1932.

Le Journal Amusant (1856-1933) foi uma publicação satírica semanal francesa fundada por Charles Philipon (1800-1861).

[anonymous-dentist]

terminei de jogar little goody two shoes aos prantos e quando vim ver você escrevou uma cellwitch au, não sabia se sorria ou se chorava

o richinhas conhece o cell nessa au? :-0

Richas is still Cellbit’s kid, and he loves his dad SO MUCH!!! But he lives with his other dads + Bagi most of the time because Cellbit’s so worried about accidentally hurting him with his magic (even though he knows he won’t, but he has to make sure)

But as Cellbit starts becoming more confident in his magic again, Richarlyson gets to stay over more often. He decides immediately that Cellbit and Roier are married because they live together and share a bed and hold hands and stuff, much to Roier’s amusement and Cellbit’s confusion

#asks! #anon! #cellwitch au

[anna1306]

4/13

Fiery pet

Harry Hook/Reader (child of Hades)

He was trying not to be awkward. And he was bad at pretending.

Harry was pretty confident person. He never questioned his decisions (maybe of his first kiss, but that was long ago and he preferred not to think about it). He was sure he wanted to be a part of Uma crew. Was sure that Gil and him would be best friends forever. Was sure that Mal and her little team wasn't worthy of all the attention and luxury they was in. Was sure that you loved him as much as he loved you.

But Harry never really visited your house. He wasn't afraid of your dad, as he lived separately, and he wasn't afraid of your mom, as she was from outside of the Isle. But still...

You and him met not so long ago, but already formed pretty strong bond. You loved his boldness and braveness, he was in awe when you were all soft for him, but fierce and almost rude to others. You were like flame, calm at times, but devastating if needed. And even if you had a lot of problems, he was ready to walk the road of solving them together with you. However sappy that sounded.

When you had your dates, you were either somewhere on the Isle, causing troubles or just walking when noone would see you, or on the ship, in his cabin. So for him an invitation to your place was huge, however creepy your home seemed to be. Your house and room were gloomy. Closed windows, dark walls. He knew you were there or at least on your way home, as you discussed his visit for a time now. But still Harry felt uneasy. Visibly he looked calm and even behaved very freely - swinging his hook and humming some tune, walking around. But he felt tensed by all this dark atmosphere.

That was when he heard some growl. Wait, growl? Hook looked around but couldn't see anyone. You told something about having a pet, but didn't tell anything about what it was. And to think he liked your mysteriousness... It was surprising you even had a pet, considering where you lived. Probably the pet was as strong as you.

"Y/N? Your heap of clothes is growling..." He really hoped you were in here somewhere. But apparently he was one on one with the beast. At least Hook thought so when he didn't get any respond from you in a minute. Maybe you were still on your way home. Harry walked to the heap, carefully touching it with his foot. He wasn't coward, but he didn't want to repeat his father's fate. "The hell is hiding- Freaking hell!"

Harry jumped away from the clothes, when something snapped near his leg. Hook quickly stumbled back, even going so far as to jump on your bed. Because he saw yellow, almost glowing eyes in the dark room and... Scales. Irony.

"What is going on?" Your voice sounded like a saving from this monster on the floor and yet Harry didn't move from his position.

"Get that thing away from me!" He pointed at the lizard on the floor, big enough to eat his hand whole. You giggled at this.

"Oooh, are you afraid of little old Ember? It doesn't bite." You turned on the lamp near your bed, so Harry could see a little better. There was red lizard on the floor, big, with claws and yellow eyes, burning holes in Harry with its stare.

"Yes, it does! It can eat my whole hand! You have a fucking crocodile!" You smiled at your distressed boyfriend and bent down to pet Ember on the head.

"It's not a crocodile, it's a salamander." Ember closed its eyes from pleasure and breathed out a smoke. You felt its scales getting warmer from the affection. "Just a cute little salamander, that's all."

"Little?! LITTLE?! It nearly bit my foot away!!!"

"You just scared it." You were amused by the whole ordeal, petting the salamander to the point where it puffed some smoke and little flames on the floor.

"What was that..." Harry's voice fell down and sounded not panicking now, but almost empty.

"Salamanders are fire creatures, they can breath a little fire and..."

"YOU HAVE A FUCKING DRAGON?!" Hearing Harry's scream made Ember hiss and growl at the boy, spitting some fire in his direction. He screeched. You sighed at this. However entertaining it was - watching your boyfriend freak out like this, your heart still yearned to comfort him. You carefully took Ember in your arms and went to put it in other room.

"I didn't thought you were that scared. Sorry." You returned to him with apologetic smile. Harry, now down from your bed to the floor, scoffed.

"I am not scared!" He said in the most brave tone he could. "Just... Tensed up a bit."

"Yeah, that's why you jumped on my bed in your dirty boots?" You asked with a smirk. Harry coughed and motioned to the room you used as kitchen.

"Can you make something for me to drink? I'm thirsty." You nodded, and while you were turning away, Hook carefully swiped away some of the dirt on the floor, thinking you wouldn't notice. You noticed. It was sweet. But you wouldn't tell him that.

***

"Now that's making sense. Your father gifted you that thing..." He sat at your table, glass of water in his hand. You would make him something more fresh if... The conditions and products were different.

"Kinda. It was more like father and mother gift." You shrugged, placing a plate with fish on the table. Of course it wasn't the best dish out there, but with limited items on the Isle you still managed to put together the tastiest dish there was - in Harry's opinion. Uma joked that he would eat the poison if it was from you.

"I thought your mother was on..." He waved his hand around, as if trying to remember the name of the place.

"Olympus, yes. But it was discussed before our lockdown here and dad brought an egg here with him, so it would hatch when "I would be ready for a pet". Ember is with me for... Five years I think... Or six maybe..."

"Five, six, ten... All sounds to me like a great amount of time."

"Ah, I forgot that you can't count." You smirked at him, drinking from your glass smugly. He was silent for a minute, watching you.

"I can count how many times I can make you scream..." His sly smirk was matching yours, and you blushed a bit at his words, but didn't back down.

"Yeah, because the number is little." He kicked your leg under the table, making you laugh. For couple of minutes you ate in silence, both in your own thoughts. He was really scared back than, and you laughed at him. Maybe you shouldn't have? After all it was his feelings. And you just laughed it off, telling him he was scared and too sensitive, while knowing how difficult it was for him to admit his feelings and weaknesses.

You glanced at Harry, who ate the fish, holding it in his hands, hook laying near him. Could he leave you because of that? No, of course not. He loved you, he told you himself. Even if love was rare on the Isle, he didn't lie to you about that, right? The doubts and thoughts were clouding your mind.

"I'm sorry." You blurted out before thinking. Harry looked at you puzzled. If you started to speak, it was better to continue. "I laughed at you and I shouldn't have. Sorry about that. You aren't angry, are you?"

"What are you talking about?" He scoffed, but then noticed the serious look in your eyes. "Are you again in your thoughts? I told you it was bad for you to think about how you can do anything wrong!"

"I know. It's just..." You sighed. "I know about your father's story with reptiles. And I know Ember is hostile to the newcomers. I should have known you both would be scared of each other. And I didn't warn you. Instead I laughed it off and called you out on being scared. I didn't mean to, I..." His hands on your shoulders broke your mumbling. You looked up at him, understanding you were too gone in your rambling to notice he was already near you.

"I won't leave you just because that was unexpected. I won't go like your mom or hide like your goddamn dad."

"Blasphemy..." You mumbled. He laughed at this.

"You are the only god-creature I know and care about. So..."

"Shut it, you, flatterer..." You smacked him on the shoulder, but instantly pulled him for a hug. He was loyal to you and loved you. That much you knew. And that much you cared about. He would never leave you, you and his crew were his top priorities. He understood your doubts and was the only one who could make them go away. You definitely made the right choice.

"I just love you. And... If you have any of your father's alcohol magic drink, I am ready to try and meet Ember or whatever their name was again." You laughed at this, letting him go.

"It's called ouzo. I told you this three times already."

"I can't count, remember?" He raised his hands, letting you stand up and reach for the top shelf, where you hid what you had stolen from your father. Suddenly Hook laughed. "You know what could be more hilarious? Your dad gifting you a pup of Cerberus."

"Shit, that would be great!" You laughed, giving the bottle to the pirate. "I bet De Vil would run from it to his little friends faster than wind!"

"Well, your Ember can burn their little shelter while they are away." Harry took the bottle, pouring some into your glasses. You froze and grasped his hand.

"I know what we would do after you befriend Ember." You smirked at him. He looked at you and laughed. Harry loved when you got all down for his ideas. Even if it included your monster of a pet. Maybe you should even get some 'fiery' time alone before the fire show.

#Descendants #Descendants imagine #harry hook #harry hook x reader #reader insert #x reader #gender neutral

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

4. “Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”

Harry x Uma

Not the exact quote, but the spirit is here. Just some Harry/Uma moments, it’s good for the soul.

Maeve Mim is an OC of @tiredflowercrown which I borrowed (along with the Overgrowth as a whole), beacuse it’s funnier if the Mims keep doing things like this on purpose. Like, Maddy would also write a contract in a dead language, but, not on purpose exactly? She thinks it’s a perfectly normal language to use.

Also, I could have dragged this out longer, but then the semblance of a plot would be lost. Maybe I’ll write a bonus scene or something, who knows.

Uma is sitting  at her desk, numbly staring at the page before her. Trade agreement with Overgrowth or something. Gods forbid the Mims use any combination of languages known to humankind and/or currently in use. Uma is tempted to just burn the whole fucking page just to show them what she thinks of that attitude.

However, the Overgrowth controls the medicine market. Bloody bitches, the lot of them. And unfortunately, Uma cannot afford to leave her infirmary undersupplied

So she sighs, mentally cursing Maeve Mim and every single one of her cousins/sisters/ whatever they are – spawn of demons, anyway. She glares at the dictionary that refuses to magically show her the correct translation and rolls her shoulders back. Ow. Blame the never-ending shifts in her mother’s restaurant and the scuttles on the deck, the Serpent Prep when she bothers to attend– Just about everything, really.

„What’s it, Uma?“ Harry asks from where he’s seated over his own paper, watch assignments for the crew for the week, if she remembers correctly. Though he might have picked up something else, she has no idea how much time she’s wasted trying to translate this stupid treaty.

„Maeve is being a bloody bitch again, that’s what it is,“ she says.

„Oh,“ Harry answers, putting aside the paper and grabbing his hook, leaning forward a bit. „I can kill her for you,“ he offers.

She does her best to give him a stern look, pretty sure she’s failing at that. But can you blame a girl for not being at the top of her game when a boy offers to kill for her?

„We’re not even sure the Mim granddaughters are mortal, Harry,“ she says instead. She very much doubts that. Just as she doubts the existence of Mim daughters for that. Not that she’s too eager to know how the fuck these harpies spawned or what. 

„I could find out.“

She laughs at that. He certainly would like to try that, she is sure.

„The Overgrowth controls the medicine and drugs, Harry. Better leave them be. And if Maeve dies, who knows who would step up as a leader?“

„Maddy, probably.“ He has leaned back again, though he’s still playing with his hook absentmindedly.

„You wanna bet on it? With the Overgrowth and the Mims? They could put forth the mangy kid of theirs, just to fuck with us,“ she wishes she was joking entirely.

„Pff,“ Harry snorts, „I’m pretty sure that kid has rabies or something.“

„You thought CJ had rabies for at least half a year, Harry.“

„In my defence, darling,“ he drawls, „She kept biting us every time Ettie as much as suggested she should take a bath.“

Uma laughs at that, because what else could she do? Harry smiles at her amusement, still playing with the tip of his weapon.

She shrugs, intending for the gesture to stop the conversation; however, the movement sends an uncomfortable wave of pain through her shoulders and she can’t hold back the grimace.

Harry’s smile immediately drops. „You okay?“ he questions.

„I’m fine,“ she lies easily, even though he’ll see right through it.

And really, he just keeps staring at her with the forget-me-not eyes of his, and she can see the near-apocalyptic scenarios forming behind them.

So she gives in, almost as easily as she lied moments earlier, and she sighs: „I’m okay,“ she states again, „My shoulders hurt a bit, but I’m not injured. And,“ she adds with a glare at the dictionary, „Maeve insists on giving me a tension headache.“

If she can blame anything on the Mim bitch, she will gladly do so.

„You sure I can’t kill her?“ Harry sighs overdramatically and, no, she is not having this conversation again. She glares at him.

„Fine, then,“ he resigns, „Let me help you with the translation.“

She could, yes. But she would just end up going over it herself anyway, to make sure it’s all correct; she makes a face at the thought, curling her lip in displeasure. He must see it, too.

„You’re too much of a perfectionist, Uma,“ he informs her, as if she cared, „Just let me help you.“

„You helped already,“  she states instead, „Got me the book, didn’t you?“

He did, from Facilier’s Arachneum, the only semi-functional library on the Isle. She’s pretty sure bribes to the Faciliers were included – or maybe bribes to CJ, to keep the Faciliers occupied.

„But–“

„No but.“

He deflates from his argument, letting the Hook fall into his lap, and falls silent.

Uma peruses the pause to very usefully glare at the dictionary and rolls her shoulders back again.

The silence doesn’t even last long enough for her to actually pick up the work again.

„I could give you a massage,“ Harry says out of nowhere.

„What?“

„I could give you a massage, Uma,“ he repeats and gestures to her with the hook, „To help you with your shoulders, at least. You could even still work on the treaty, if you want to,“ he adds after a bit of a pause.

Uma thinks about it a bit: A massage sounds nice, actually. „Yeah,“ she agrees, „Go for it.“

He stands up.

„Alright. Take off your jacket, then Captain.“

She leans forward, shrugging off the leather.

„Would be best if you took off your shirt, too,“ he adds with a small smirk.

She protests at that: „Hey now, Hook! You’re just trying to get me naked!“

He shrugs, smirking even more. „Depends. Is it working, Captain?“

Instead of an answer, she throws the jacket at his face. He catches it, unbothered, and throws it carelessly on the bed.

„I’m so not stripping for you, Hook,“ she grumbles.

„Yet.“

And, you see, she really regrets having nothing else that she could conveniently throw at him without much damage or too much work lost. She settles for attempting to glare holes right through his brain.

He stares back for a heartbeat before surrendering and averting his eyes. „Sorry, Captain,“ he apologises quite easily, looking at her again, „May I?“ he gestures around, asking for a permission to continue.

„Yes,“ she huffs, though she’s only pretending the annoyance already, „Get on with it. And give me your hook.“

He moves behind her, already holding out the loop of the hook for her to take when he asks, why does she want it?

„I want something to hold,“ she answers, „And if I hold these fucking papers, I’ll tear them apart.“

„So you just want my hook to play with it.“ he turns the weapon around, the metal glinting over her skin.

„Yeah. I like it. Give it to me.“

„You like it,“ he repeats with a hint of disbelief.

„It’s nice,“ she shrugs, „Calming.“

He withdraws the weapon away, raising it to her eye level.

„This,“ he says, twirling it just so that it would catch the light, „Is a lethal weapon. You know that, darling, right?“

She does know that.

However, she said what she said, and she’s not taking it back.

She stares at him with her best rendition of innocent doe eyes.

Predictably, it doesn’t take long for him to give in: He sighs for the show and smiles so bright it almost makes Uma smile too.

„You’re one of a kind, Uma–“ he says and she can almost hear the sentence echoing around, cut short before he can finish it. She doesn’t linger on that too long, as he lifts the hook to carefully caress her cheek with its curve. Now she smiles.

She shots up her hand to meet the weapon and her rings cling on the metal.

Once she holds the weapon securely, he lets go of it: „Here you go, my dear.“

And then his hands are on her shoulders.

#disney descendants #harry hook #uma descendants #maeve mim

[random-senpai]

Master Rule Guesses

Pain - If Tozuka knows anything, it's foreshadowing, and imo there's plenty for Pain to be the first Master Rule. The main thing is that God is an asshole (Sun mainly, Luna is too though tbh), making the first thing consistent through loops be Pain and suffering fits their MO. Second, remember in the first loop back when Juiz talks to Victor the first thing he recalls about his experience is the pain from the vacuum of space, and when Luna talks to Fuuko after Earth is destroyed, she talks about Andy's pain just like Victor's. Third is the commentary from the UMAs themselves. Some of them can't recall anything other than being told to bring Pain and suffering to humanity from a voice they assume to be God and wreak havoc as an offering to God. Others are actively forced to bring it and are taken over when they try to defy him (Spring my beloved). Master Rule 1 being Pain also explains why he looks more regular than the rest. Pain is naturally ingrained into every living being, so there's no need for him to be over the top or flashy. His appearance falls in line with the more modern idea of a sadist. He's well-dressed, attractive, and charming. His attitude towards Fuuko could be seen in that way too. Like a predator playing with its prey, amused to see it fighting back before crushing it beneath its might.

Death - Originally I was thinking that she was Faith or something like Religion. But some people pointed out the similarities between her carrying Luck and Andy and Fuuko alongside what #3 says she smells like. Then I got to thinking about it more. A nun being Death makes perfect sense as she's a servant of god. Death is what drags people into despair and suffering, whether it's their own mortality or losing someone they hold dear. With how much importance Sun places on UMAs bringing humanity pain and suffering, it makes sense that the next thing he makes consistent in the loops. Well, after pain and suffering itself. Making her a Nun is consistent with how death serves as one of God/Sun's greatest servants.

Sex - No real questions about it. DNA in her hair, the fact that she has the appearance of an attractive woman. Sex being both the scientific definition as well as a "sexy" femme fetale is pretty much self explanatory. The only thing I would like to add is that the numbering makes sense that she's the next Master Rule after Death. By bringing in reproduction to the world more lives are born, which means there's more people to die and suffer.

Luck (pretty much confirmed) - No real question about this either. Even if it wasn't for #2 calling them "Lucky" you could tell from the design alone. On their head is the Wheel of Fortune and on their cheek is a bandage. Tozuka loves to make Negators and UMAs share something visually. For Enshin and Burn they have similar hair. For Chikara and Move they both have dice. For Fuuko and Luck they both have the bandage. Also another fun thing to note is that Luck is the 4th master rule. The number 4 is actually infamously unlucky in China to the point where casino tables outright skip it due to high Chinese player bases. Why? because it's pronounced almost identically to "Death". Which further adds into my theory that #2 is Death.

Fair - Originally thought it was Justice due to the knight motif. But someone on Reddit pointed out and hypothesized that it was Fair due to the fact they have spurs on their shoes just like Billy. Given the other negators sharing a design aspect with their UMAs I agree with them. A knight being the personification of fair also makes sense as they're seen as enforcers of their lord's authority. Also it's very reminiscent of the Judges from FFXII.

War/Violence - The uniform reminiscent of Nazi Germany. The half bone face and smoking a cigar. Alot of people think it's War and I agree with them for the most part. But part of me thinks that he might be Violence itself and he's dressed in war attire because that's where he's at his peak.

Change - People think that it may be Time because of the clock and he's an old man. But I think he might be Change because he's like the antithesis of Gina. And old man with fashion inspired by western culture, is the opposite to when she was projecting herself to be a young woman in Gyaru fashion. I think that like Gina in loop 100 this isn't his true form and is a "shell" that he's projecting to appear as an old man the way she was projecting herself to be forever young with her unchanging makeup shell. Plus with how central Gina has been to Fuuko this loop having Change itself as part of the enemy roundtable makes it an interesting battle to look forward to.

Knowledge - Not much to say about this. She has a bookish appearance and hasn't looked up from her reading at all lol. The headpiece being architecture is interesting though and reminiscent of older buildings. Her librarian-esque appearance combined with the buildings on her head could be a nod to the famous Library of Alexandria.

Dominance/Instinct - The more feral design, he gives off the vibes of an "Alpha" in the ACTUAL meaning, not the weird stuff that insecure dudes have been saying they are. Specifically the Alpha Male of a wolf pack, going by the pelt he wears. I think he will represent the more bestial urges in living beings, whether that being their natural survival instincts, or the authority to dominate those weaker, it's yet to be determined.

Sick (confirmed) - Cut in half lol

#undead unluck #Undead Unluck Spoilers #UU Spoilers #I'M LATE #but yeah these be my guesses

[sgiandubh]

Demorei um pouco para encontrar todos os links, mas talvez ajude a contextualizar aquele período de 2022 em que Sam e Cait estavam oficialmente nos US. Fica a seu critério publicar ou não, claro.

Por favor olhe a resposta de Steven Cree a esse tt tão inofensivo. Não é nada, mas olhando para trás…

https://twitter.com/SamHeughan/status/1499525792451432451?s=20&t=KH9_8JE1xbPsurz81mfr8Q

Mais adiante houve um podcast com uma moça dizendo que foi abordada por Sam no Raya, e que desistiu porque foi um convite pra pap walk e jantar, menos o jantar.

Aqui está o link:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/deux-u/id1604255499?i=1000562467891

Foi ao ar dois ou três meses após o vídeo de Gareth mas, para mim, se encaixa no mesmo momento da narrativa. A moça conta algo que aconteceu no passado recente.

Marple comentou sobre o assunto, em maio de 2022. Ela própria admite que Sam estava sistematicamente desmarcando encontros e entende que o pap walk com Monika Clarke foi encenado.

Concordo com você, não acredito que seja Sam nessas fotos.

Mas um outro detalhe me chama a atenção: não é engraçado que o sempre atraído por loiras jovens e pneumáticas estivesse tão interessado por morenas altas com grandes seios naquela época?

Se eu fosse Tony teria ficado bastante incomodado.

Dear (returning) Damage Control Anon,

Obrigada por este longo comentário que irei traduzir imediatamente, antes de responder. E desculpe pelo feedback tardio.

You write:

'It took me some time to find all the links, but maybe it would be helpful and bring some background context for that period in 2022, when Sam and Cait were both officially in the US. Posting is totally up to you, of course.

Look at Steven Cree's answer to that innocuous tweet. It's nothing, but looking back at it... https://twitter.com/SamHeughan/status/1499525792451432451?s=20&t=KH9_8JE1xbPsurz81mfr8Q

Later on, there was a podcast with a girl saying that she was approached by Sam on Raya, and that she backed out because it was an invitation to a pap walk and dinner, minus the dinner.

Here is the link: ​https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/deux-u/id1604255499?i=1000562467891

It aired two or three months after Gareth's video but, in my opinion, it fits into the same moment in the narrative. The girl is talking about something that happened in the recent past.

Marple commented on the matter in May 2022. She herself admits that Sam was systematically canceling dates and suggests that the pap walk with Monika Clarke was staged.

I agree with you, I don't believe it's Sam in these photos.

But another detail catches my attention: isn't it funny that someone always attracted to young, pneumatic blondes was so interested in tall brunettes with big breasts, at that time?

If I were Tony I would have been quite uncomfortable.'

Ok, let's develop a bit, here.

Looking back at that March 2022 tweet, Cree's comment reads like this:

That answer is a cheeky allusion at Dua Lipa's hit 'One kiss', and younger (or better informed) fans immediately cued in with the rest of the lyrics ('possibilities' comes to mind). To me, it's just the usual banter between these two, bearing in mind that Cree, the clown, knows a fair share of SC secrets. C was not amused by Dua being around, that we know for sure: #behave and that death stare immediately made me snort.

Podcast Girl is Monica Aksamit, the (in)famous fencer of the Fitness Harem. I resolutely refuse to listen one more time to that crap, because one of my New Year Resolutions is to not give undue space anymore to that particular brand of the shitshow. It is very clear that was a botched attempt to consolidate The Golden Dirk mystique, exclusively aimed at the Onlies. In her case, the encounter of demand and offer simply did not happen and the deal fell through. And I have to say I am not interested at all in whatever Marple has to say about it, simply because that woman has zero credibility in my book: she is just a pathetic troll, with no sense of humor and a penchant for verbal violence, on par with her lying abilities. I am not ready to forget her attempts at ridiculing me and I hope you will understand my position.

As for big breasted brunettes, I won't comment further. Aksamit did not, however, strike me as particularly well endowed in that department, to be honest.

Finally... Tony, who? Forget it, Anon, he is not into girls.

Thank you for the effort to put two and two together. I wish you all the best for 2024!

[Edit]: I am told the Raya girl is not the washboard breasted Aksamit, but a certain Paige Woolen. Who is well endowed in that department and probably also a p0rn whatever... I mean, what's in a name...?

Ok. Over and out. I will just jump in my car and pray for a smooth ride on the highway.

#anon #fandom #shitshow

[sl-newsie]

Spelled: Descendants Halloween Special! 🎃

Summary: The Auradon kids put on a Haunted trail and the VKs, being new to Halloween traditions, decide to check it out. (Based after Descendants 3)

“Why are we doing this again?” Audrey asks in an annoyed tone as she hands Jane an orange banner. “Auradon’s never done a haunted trail. We always do a Halloween dance.”

“We do a dance for everything!” I huff as I set down a tote of pumpkins. “For once I want to do something more interactive.”

Indeed, it seems that nearly every event at Auradon Prep is another ridiculous dance. But this year I finally convinced Ben to do something different: a haunted trail in the Enchanted Forest with a costume contest. And what’s even better is that it’s the VKs first Halloween! This is by far my favorite time of year, no question! The changing leaves, the candy, amazing costumes, and an excuse to be my true witchy self!

Audrey cocks an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t celebrate Auradon traditions, you know being raised in the woods and all.”

I gawk and put a hand on my hip. “Um, excuse me? I’m the daughter of a witch, Audrey. This is my holiday! And so far from what I’ve seen this haunted trail wouldn’t frighten a kitten. No offense, Jane.”

“None taken!” She steps down from the ladder and seems to get an idea. “Actually, maybe you could help us scare it up a bit? What magic would make it scary?”

I think for a moment. “Definitely a shrieking hex, some lightning jinxes, random bodies…”

“Fake bodies, right?” Audrey asks, slightly nervous.

“Oh you want fake dead bodies?” I grin mischievously. “Very well then. I can also get Binx to sneak up and scare people. He’s good at that.”

In the next three hours we’ve completed the finishing touches, and just in time too. It’s beginning to get dark out and that means it’s almost time to start scaring. It’s no wonder why the VKs are the first to show.

“Mwahaha!” I jump out from behind a tree and find my first victims: Mal, Ben, Jay, Carlos, Celia, and Lonnie. “Welcome, foolish mortals! Dare to test thy fate in the deadwood grove!”

Ben, Carlos, and Lonnie all jump, but the others are less amused.

“Nice scare, Magica. Maybe next you’ll throw a fake spider at me?” Celia smirks.

“Believe me, your terrors are just beginning.” I look around. “Where’s Evie?”

“She and Dizzy are having a Halloween movie marathon with a few others. They’re not really into the whole ‘scary stuff.’” Carlos gives my witch outfit a look-over. “Nice costume. I guess Halloween’s really your thing, huh?”

“Oh yes, this is definitely my favorite holiday!” I cackle. “And I’m pleased to see you all joined in for the costume contest!”

Mal’s a spider queen, Ben’s dressed as a knight, Jay chose to be Frankenstein, Carlos and Dude are matching skeletons, Celia is a venus fly trap, and Lonnie is a fairy.

“You bet!” Dude barks from below and scratches at his costume. “But I’m glad it’s only one night, ‘cause this thing is itchy!”

“What have you got in store for us, Enchantress?” Carlos smirks.

“You’ll have to find out.” I heard them over to the forest entrance, but then we hear someone calling for us to wait. We turn around and find Uma jogging up to join us.

“Harry and Gil are too chicken, so they’re pigging out on candy back on the Isle. Let’s go!”

“What are you dressed up as?” Jane asks as she scans Uma for her costume.

“Myself,” Uma states like it’s obvious.

Carlos gives a stiff nod. “You’re right, that’s scary enough.”

Uma doesn’t get the joke and just keeps walking to the trail entrance, followed by the rest of the VKs. Once they’re inside I wait with Jane and listen, both of us bursting with cackling laughter when the screams start. This means my added enchantments are working! 

Dude comes sprinting out, chased by Binx.

“That cat’s gonna get me!” he barks. “This is all wrong- I’m supposed to be chasing him!”

The frightened canine makes me laugh and I hold up a hand. “Alright, Binx. Let him be.”

The black cat chuckles. “You should have seen how well your magic worked inside! Your aunt would be proud.”

Yes, but for now they’ll be celebrating All Hallow’s Eve elsewhere.

When the VKs rush out they all have cheerful smiles and are laughing like lunatics, all except Carlos.

“Where’s Dude!? Magica have you seen-?”

I point to the dog in question, who’s laying in a pile of leaves. “He’s right there, calm down. Binx was just having a little fun is all.”

He sighs in relief and looks at me with wide eyes. “Th- That was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen! Is Halloween always this scary?”

“Yes, especially when you’re dealing with a Sanderson.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “But it’s fun to be scared, isn’t it?”

Carlos lets out a laugh. “Yeah, it kinda is. Right, guys?”

Mal and Ben are laughing from so much excitement, while Uma just shrugs. The others however keep looking around for something.

“I thought there was supposed to be candy?” Celia asks.

I smirk and step over to my cauldron. “It’s candy thou seeks, is it? Well-” I throw in some moon powder and in a big poof! the entire cauldron fills with sweets. “Trick or treat, Auradon!”

Jay whoops in delight and rubs his hands together while approaching the cauldron with a gleam in his eye. “Now this is what I’m talking about! This is what Halloween is all about!”

“Um, uh-uh. It’s about scaring people!” Uma argues.

“I like the costumes!” Jane cheers from the trail entrance.

Everyone starts talking about what they love most about the spooky holiday, but it’s Mal, Ben, and me that just shrug it off.

“Halloween isn’t just a holiday, it’s a lifestyle.” I flick some sparks up and make them appear as ghostly visions. “It doesn't have to be about just one perk.”

“Sparks is right,” Ben agrees as he takes Mal’s hand. “It’s a fun holiday that brings people together, whether it be through getting scared or getting candy.”

Mal nods. “I’m so glad we’re finally getting to try out these fun traditions. It’s a lot more fun than the stuff we do on the Isle.”

Audrey hears this and scoffs. “Really? I thought you VKs would have Halloween as, like, your cult holiday. Isn’t it the type of holiday that your parents basically invented?”

“Not exactly,” Celia speaks up. “It was actually Auradon that decided to use our parents’ evil tricks to turn Halloween into a time for mischief and scary stuff. On the Isle the most we do is carve turnips.”

Her explanation makes everyone’s spirits start to droop, so I wave it off. “Now now, let’s ignore the past and focus on the present. It’s Halloween! Let’s have some fun! Who’s up for getting donuts and cider at Little Miss Muffet’s?” I offer a wide smile. “Binx, you in?”

The black cat lets out a joyful meow. “I’m always up for a trip to town!”

By now the others have started to get excited too. 

“Alright, we’re in!” Jay grabs Carlos and Celia, ushering them toward me. 

Ben and Mal back off. “You guys have fun, we’re going back to meet up with Evie.”

“I’ll go!” Lonnie raises her hand.

“I will too!” Jane joins her. “Audrey?” 

Audrey rolls her eyes. “Fiiine, we’ll go too.” 

The only one left is Uma, who just nods. “I’ve got nothing better going on. Why not?”

“Where’s the car?” Celia asks.

I tilt my head and smile. “Oh, no. This is my holiday, you’re all traveling in style!” I snap my fingers and brooms appear, getting a startled reaction from Audrey.

“No, no, no! I am not riding this death trap!”

“I will!” Lonnie mounts the broom and tries kicking off, only staying grounded. “How does it work?”

“They’re enchanted. Just say ‘fly!’” 

I grab my own broom just as Binx jumps up to perch on my shoulder and we zoom up into the cool night air. When I look back I see the others are following, all with big grins on their faces.

“Wow, have I been missing out!” Jay shouts as he dips up and down. “Trixie, this is so fun!” He flies down and taps Carlos’ shoulder, who swats him away.

“Stop doing that!” Carlos speeds up and meets up with me in front. “Thanks, Magica! This is the best holiday ever!”

I chuckle. “Just wait ‘til you guys try Christmas!”

“What’s that?” Lonnie asks from behind.

“You’ll see!” I say mischievously.

“Happy Halloween, Enchantress!” Carlos calls before flying off to join Jane.

The scene squeezes my heart, but Binx gives my shoulder a light squeeze and I look past it.

“Happy Halloween, Auradon!”

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