#and I've been too anxious to sleep more than a few hours a night for a week or so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hier--soir · 1 year

Text

fake it

joel miller x f!reader

rating: explicit, 18+ mdni summary: does joel know you well enough to know when you're faking it? warnings/tags: [18+ MINORS DNI] smut, smut, smut, it's pretty much entirely smut, dirty talk, unprotected piv sex, cream pie, faked orgasm, panty sniffing, cunnilingus. word count: 5.7k masterlist a/n: i've had this idea worming around in my head for days and i just had to get it out so heRE WE GO

“We’ll stop here for the night.”

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of Joel’s voice, and the truck rolled to a stop as he parked it in the middle of a field, directly on the edge of a thick forest. The three of you had been on the road for hours since leaving Bill and Frank’s place, and you’d drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for the past few hours, painfully aware that it was your turn to take first watch once you stopped somewhere for the night.

“Fucking finally,” Ellie grumbled from the backseat, and Joel shot her an annoyed glance through the rear-view mirror.

It was already dark outside, and you shone a torch ahead into the inky black mass as the three of you spread your sleeping bags out on the ground. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears, adrenaline spiking in the darkness. You’d always been afraid of it; the dark, and what lurked within it. And being in the middle of a field, late at night, unable to make a fire, was surely one of the worst case scenarios you could think of.

“You guys sure we’re safe out here?” Ellie asked warily. You noticed her eyes staring out across the forest, trying to spot anything through the thick mass of tall trees.

When Joel didn’t answer her immediately, his own eyes drifting outward to gaze into the darkness, your stomach dropped. After a second of too much silence you discreetly elbowed him in the side. His head snapped around to look at you, frowning as he rested a hand on his rib.

“We’re fine,” you assured Ellie quickly, raising your eyebrows at Joel, as if to say, right?

“Yeah,” he said, eyes sliding from you to her. “No one’s gonna find us out here. You should get some sleep, we’re movin’ early in the morning.”

She nodded, still looking somewhat unconvinced, before slipping into her sleeping bag and rolling over so that her back was to the pair of you. You stared at your partner for a moment, chest aching with anxiety, hating the way his tone of voice hadn’t calmed your nerves.

Too anxious to sit down and rest for a moment, you shouldered a hunting rifle instead, positioning yourself close to the truck, where you could see both of them clearly. Every few minutes you rotated your body, watching the trees from every angle, making sure you would notice if there was even the slightest sound or movement. You hands grew clammy where they held the gun, and you had to readjust your grip on it every once in a while.

“What’re you doin’?” Joel’s voice drifted over to you after a little while. You turned, huffing out a laugh when you saw him lazing on his sleeping bag, sipping from his flask of whiskey.

“What am I doing?” you chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“Getting’ drunk on the job,” he smirked, tipping his head back as he drank. You swallowed thickly, smile fading as you stared at his long, thick neck, and the way it was exposed when he tilted his chin up. It had been weeks since the two of you had done anything more than kiss, too preoccupied with Ellie, and getting to Wyoming.

It was as if Joel could sense where your thoughts had travelled, because his expression darkened, eyes squinting greedily at you from across the open space.

“Why don’t you come over here, darlin’,” he said, resting a hand on his thigh.

“Joel,” you warned quietly, but he just patted his thigh in encouragement, taking a long sip from his flask.

“Just c’mere.”

You spared a glance around you, will power hanging by a thread, but ultimately shook your head, refusing. Joel let out a huff and stood up. He moved slowly, eyes never straying from your face as he stalked towards you, like a predator hunting his prey. And you watched him, tongue darting out to wet your lips as he came to rest beside you, leaning against the truck. Doing your best not to look at him, you tightened your grip on the gun and allowed yourself to lean back against the vehicle as well.

Joel held out the flask to you. “What’s got you so worked up, sugar?”

Casting an irritated glance in his direction, you snatched the flask from his hand and took a long swig, welcoming the stinging distraction as the liquid burnt down your throat.

“You know I hate the dark,” is all you said.

He hummed from low in his throat, nodding once. He stretched out a hand and snagged one of your belt loops with his finger, tugging you quickly into his side. You stumbled into his chest with a sharp gasp of surprise.

“It’s not so bad,” his deep voice drawled, plush lips grazing your ear. You shivered, tucking the flask away before placing a hand on his chest, your fingertips digging into the soft muscle there. “Nothin’ scary about it.”

Joel let his nose trace along the shell of your ear, and then across your cheek, and then his fingers were gripping your chin, turning your face to his..

His lips claimed yours in a bruising kiss, sucking and biting, lathing his tongue along your bottom lip until you welcomed him into your mouth with a pitiful sigh. His tongue pressed against yours, stroking slowly, coaxing your jaw open. You were vaguely aware of his other hand gripping the zip on your jacket and tugging it down. Heat flared in your abdomen, and you gripped the collar of his jacket, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth and pulling back, enjoying the way he groaned as you stretched it out before releasing it with a wet pop.

You watched, glossy-eyed and already a little dazed, as Joel pried the gun out of your hands. He placed it gently onto the bed of the truck. His hand traced over your stomach, fisting the material intermittently, and then he was gripping your hips, spinning you so your chest was to the car, and he was pressed firmly against your back.

“Joel,” you muttered nervously, but he ignored you, sponging kisses behind your ear, suckling on the sensitive spot where your neck met your jaw. You could feel him, hot and hard against the curve of your ass. One of his hands drifted along the softness of your lower stomach, toying with the hemline of your shirt, and a stuttered gasp escaped your lips.

Sharp teeth grazed your neck, nipping at the skin and then he was lapping over it with his tongue, soothing the piercing ache he’d caused. You sighed at the feeling, rutting backward against him. You allowed your eyes to drift shut. And then they slammed back open again, as you realised neither of you would be keeping watch if you shut them. Joel’s face was hidden against your neck, there was no way he would see if anyone snuck up on the camp. Your heart thundered in your chest at the thought, and you kept your eyes open from then on.

“You smell so fuckin’ good,” he whispered against your skin, voice rough and wanton with need. “I’ve been missin’ you.”

“What abou-“

“She’s asleep,” he reassured, grip on your waist tightening. You could feel the way he was straining against his jeans, cock desperate and begging to be touched, as if he’d been thinking about this moment for hours, days, weeks. The ache between your thighs grew painful, and you rubbed against him harder.

“We have to be quiet,” you murmured quickly.

His only response was the distinct sound of his belt clinking, and then a shuffling noise as he dragged his pants low enough to free himself from the tight confines of his underwear. Not wasting a second, he gripped the waistband of your jeans and tugged them down as well, only satisfied when they rested around your knees, giving him full access to you.

One of his fingers glided messily between your folds and he sighed into your ear, marvelling at how wet you were for him already.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “Wish I could put my mouth on you right now. Know you’d taste so good for me, baby, always do.”

You groaned. A soft, pathetic sound.

“It’s been so long,” he groused, and you murmured your agreement. It felt like you were suspended in the air, anticipation holding you firmly in its grasp as you waited for him to do something, anything. “Can’t stand it; s’all I could think about today.”

He tapped the rough pad of a finger against your clit and your entire body flinched forward against the car. As if he could sense the way your knees were buckling, his free arm wrapped around you, holding you up. You murmured his name desperately, hips pushing down against his hand.

“Should I fuck you with my fingers first?” he asked quietly, middle finger circling your entrance. “Or should I let my cock stretch you out?”

When you didn’t answer, mind too fuzzy to string a sentence together, he said, “Hmm?”

“Please,” you keened roughly, turning to glance at him over your shoulder. “Just want you, need you inside me.”

You saw the way the muscle in his jaw worked, lips pursed together as tension rolled through his shoulders. And then his cock was gliding through your folds, smearing your slick over his length, before the blunt tip of him nestled at your entrance. A harsh shout left your lips as he pushed himself, bottoming out in one thrust. Instantly, one of his hands slapped over your mouth, fingertips pressing into your cheek. Your eyes widened, darting around the clearing that surrounded you both on all angles.

“This ain’t gonna work if you do that,” Joel said gruffly, adjusting his hips so he pulled out halfway, before pressing himself back into you. The burn was delicious, and you fluttered around him, gripping him tightly after so much time missing him inside you. A garbled version of your name escaped him, and you whimpered in response, bucking your hips backwards, silently begging him to continue.

He set a gruelling pace, pressing into you relentlessly. One hand covered your mouth while the other gripped the front of your shirt tightly, holding your body still as he fucked into you. When your body jolted against the car from a particularly rough thrust, he muttered a gruff apology into your ear, but didn’t let up. Back arching, you contracted around him, revelling in the sound of the muted groans being let out against the back of your neck.

You bit down into his palm, a muffled cry escaping you. The thought of Ellie waking up and discovering the pair of you flitted through your mind and you cringed. But it disappeared from your mind just as quickly, Joel’s movements driving it away.

The air filled with sounds of heavy breaths and an odd squelching sound, as your slick squeezed around his cock and dripped out of you. Low curses spilled into the atmosphere, and Joel was saying something, speaking to you, but you couldn’t hear him over the roar of blood in your ears. Everything was heightening. The muscles in your abdomen tightened and twitched with every movement of him inside you, and your hips strained backwards, meeting him thrust for thrust. It was all so fast, so desperate, and your body was begging for release after being left untouched for weeks.

But right as you felt yourself reach a precipice, as Joel pushed himself to hit the deepest part of you, everything was ruined.

Because a violent image ripped through your mind of someone storming into the camp in that moment and dragging Ellie out of her sleeping bag. Of someone pointing a gun at you and Joel, while you were defenceless. The darkness of the night seemed to crush in around you, reminding you of its presence and suffocating you. Anybody, or anything, could be out there right now, watching and waiting for the right moment to strike.

Goosebumps rose across your skin. You gasped at the thought, icy dread spiralling through your veins, your orgasm drawing further and further from reach. Except Joel took your gasp as a good sign, and groaned in response, hand dropping your stomach to toy with your clit as his thrusts grew jerkier. You jerked against him, mewling into his hand. It felt good. It felt so fucking good, and yet you couldn’t focus, too distracted to lure back the orgasm that had been dancing in the edges of your periphery.

Your head was a violent jumble of pleasure and panic. A devastated moan tumbled from your lips, mouth hanging open as the head of Joel’s cock angled against your g-spot.

“There?” he asked breathlessly, and you nodded, reaching to grip the back of his neck. He moved faster, pushing and pulling and hitting that spot over and over. And you could feel the coil inside of you burn again, liquid heat spreading through your limbs as your body tried to reach that high again, but it just wasn’t fast enough. The car was cold against the front of your body, and your brain was on such high alert, that you knew you wouldn’t be able to get there.

“Come with me,” Joel encouraged gruffly, fingertips holding your jaw in a bruising grip. “Come on now, let me have it.”

He was so close. You could feel it in the way his rapid heartbeat crashed against your back; in the ragged breaths that were exhaled across your neck. His hips were stuttering against you, thighs tense. And you wanted him to feel good. Wanted him to let go after so long – god, he deserved it. So you did something you’d never done with Joel before.

You faked it.

Your chin tilted upward to the sky, and you let deep, elongated breaths rattle through your chest, singing his name into the palm of his hand. Joel made a deep guttural sound. His fingers rubbed messy circles against your clit, and you bucked against him, heart thrashing in your chest. He said you’resotight, and you said I’m comingohgodJoelohfuck, and through it all, you could feel it growing inside of you. Your lungs burned inside your chest. He was stretching you so perfectly, so deliciously, and you let out a genuine moan at the feeling of his rough thrusts. You could feel him in the bones of your skull, in the tips of your toes, and in every inch of your body in between, and yet you needed more.

Joel trembled, his entire body shaking against yours. You felt his cock jump inside you in quick, jerky movements and clenched around him, and then he exhaled a deep groan, and went still.

After a few moments, he pulled out, and you gasped at the cold sensation. Rapid breaths left his mouth, he peppered soft kisses down the side of your neck, removing his hand from your face only to wrap both arms around your torso and hold you against him. Your core ached, clenching around nothing as his spend seeped out of you, spilling onto your inner thighs.

Turning in his arms, you offered him a dazed look. Your body was hot, coiled like a string pulled taught, waiting to snap. He kissed you, with less rush this time, and you returned it lazily, reaching down to tug your pants up over your hips again. Your tried not to cringe as your underwear pressed against you. You were uncomfortably wet, and the cold material stuck to your tacky skin. Joel did the same.

Pulling back from the kiss, you rubbed the side of your jaw, flexing your mouth open in an attempt to soothe the ache that had settled there. Joel watched you all the while. His dark eyes flickered over your face, trying to see you through the darkness.

“You good?” he asked quietly, at the same time as you heard a twig snap somewhere in the trees, off to your left. Your head snapped to the side, eyes glaring out through the thick inky black, ears straining. “Baby?”

“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head slowly. “Thought I heard something.”

Strong fingers gripped your chin, turning you to face him once more. A frown had settled across his face, eyebrows drawn tight across his forehead. His lips were a thin line, and his chest still shook as he regulated his breathing, but you could see it there; the understanding. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest as nervousness zipped through your body. He knew. There was no way, you told yourself. No way he could have known. And yet the longer you stared at each other, the deeper his frown got.

Wordlessly, his hand dropped between your bodies, and he pressed his palm against your mound through your pants. A soft sound of surprise escaped your mouth as his fingers curled against you, pressing against where your clit ached. You whimpered softly, numb fingers gripping his hand and holding it against you. Recognition flashed in his eyes, and you stilled, hand going lax on top of his.

“Fuck,” Joel said gruffly. “Fuck.”

You opened your mouth to speak, to deny it, to tell him it was fine, to say anything, but a rustling sound caught both of your attention. It was coming from the same spot as before, only this time it seemed louder, more pronounced. Your breathing paused.

“Get in the truck,” he said.

“Joel,” you tried, panic laced through your voice.

“Get in the truck now,” he said, grabbing the hunting rifle from the truck bed. “I’ll get the kid.”

Blood rushed in your ears as you walked swiftly to the passenger side of the truck, swinging yourself up into the seat and shutting the door behind you as softly as possible. Anxious goosebumps rippled across your skin as you stared out the window into the darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of Ellie or Joel. Minutes passed, and then the doors opened, and Ellie slumped inside, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, as Joel slammed into the driver’s seat, starting the car and tearing out of the field.

“Did you see anything?” Ellie asked from the backseat.

“No,” he said, not looking at either of you.

“Then why are w-“

“Go back to sleep,” Joel ordered her firmly, and you cringed at his tone, turning in your chair to offer her a sympathetic smile. She didn’t return it, laying down across the backseats and turning her back on the pair of you.

The car was entirely silent as Joel drove the three of you back onto a road, and continued heading towards Kansas City. And as much as your body yearned for sleep, you found yourself wide awake, eyes focused out the windscreen, watching the tarnished landscape pass you by, exposed up by the car’s headlights.

After an hour of driving, Joel finally spoke.

“Ellie?” he said, tone even.

No response came from the back seat. You watched him out of the corner of your eye. He repeated her name.

Satisfied when there was no response, he spared a glance in your direction, before turning back to look at the road.

As if against your own will, you whispered his name quietly, pleadingly.

“Don’t,” he practically growled.

“I’m s-“

“You thought I wouldn’t know?” his lip curled upward, a grimace painting his face. “Think that I don’t know you well enough to know when you’re faking it?”

Your entire body stilled. Heat prickled across your skin, and you prayed to a god you didn’t believe in that Ellie was truly asleep in the backseat. Your hands were clammy, and you wiped them fruitlessly against the material of your jeans, unsure of what to say. He waited for you to speak, and when you didn’t, a loose sigh rattled from his chest.

“You do this thing,” he said quietly. “When you come.”

“What?”

“This huge smile,” he frowned. “Like you can’t help yourself. Like it felt so good, that you can’t control your face, and you smile so big I can see every one of the fuckin’ teeth in your skull.”

“Joel—"

“Every time,” he interrupted firmly.

“I-“

“And I didn’t realise,” he whispered harshly. “How much I look for it – that I wait for it, I god damn expect it.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmured feebly, heat flashing through you. You gazed at the side of his tense face, stomach twisting at his words. You’d never known you did that. Never known he would notice if one day you didn’t.

“You’re sorry?” Joel scoffed. His hands gripped the wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. “You should be angry.”

You watched him with bated breath.

“First time I touched you in weeks, and I didn’t even make sure…,” he trailed off, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. “Like you’re some fuckin’ toy.”

“It was good, Joel,” you spoke in a hushed tone, glancing over your shoulder at Ellie’s back. “I swear, I was just distracted, and it was dark, an-“

“It’s not good with me,” he said curtly, and you stopped, wetting your lips anxiously.

Before you could say anything else, a soft murmuring came from the backseat, as Ellie started to wake up once more. You cringed, straightening in your seat and returning your gaze to the road ahead.

“This isn’t over,” Joel said, voice rough. And when he turned his head to look at you, just for a second, you nodded in acknowledgement. A dark glint of determination shone in his eyes, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

A long, tense day passed by before Joel could get you alone again. You felt the frustration rolling off of him in waves. Those dark eyes watched you, uncaring of whether you noticed or not, his hands twitching towards you whenever you were close, aching to touch you, to repent. Without a chance to shower, you spent the entire day with a sticky reminder of the night before. You were uncomfortably wet, your own slick mixed with Joel’s come making a mess of your underwear, streaking down your thighs inside your trousers.

It was late afternoon by the time he spotted a house in the distance, and when he pulled up outside of it, he ordered you and Ellie to stay in the car while he checked it out.

“I’m fucking exhausted,” she said from the backseat, as soon as Joel was out of earshot.

“Me too, kid,” you muttered, eyes on the front door until he reappeared, giving the all clear for you both to get out of the truck and go inside.

“There’s a few rooms,” he told you as you looked around the house, eyes drifting over the dusty furniture, bookshelves, dining table. “Two down here, one upstairs.”

“Shotgun upstairs,” Ellie said quickly, heading towards the staircase at the end of the hall.

“Are you hungry?” Joel called out to her back.

Ellie paused at the bottom of the stairs and gave him a look that said what do we even have to eat? But all she said was that she was gonna crash, and grumbled something about him never letting her get any sleep as she marched up the creaking steps.

“I think I’m gonna get some sleep as well,” you yawned, stretching your arm out against your chest. Joel’s eyes flashed to yours, and he huffed quietly.

“Is that right?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You faltered, pulse quickening at the insinuation laced in his words.

“I—”

“First door on the right,” he motioned his head towards the hallway, and you followed him wordlessly towards the room.

It was small, cosy. Late afternoon light gleamed in through a north facing window, and the sun’s rays shone across a double bed in the middle of the room, and a bare side table. Silently, Joel stripped the sheets off the bed, leaving them in a pile on the floor before unzipping his sleeping bag and draping it across the mattress.

“You tired?”

You watched his hands as they spread the sleep bag out, flattening out any lumps in it. Thick, long fingers pressed against the material, and heat spread through your lower stomach.

“Yes,” you said honestly, and he nodded, tilting his head to look at you. You unzipped your jeans and discarded them on the floor before crawling onto the bed.

“How tired?” Joel queried, kicking his shoes off and joining you on the mattress. He rested back on his heels, hands splaying across your kneecaps as he gazed down at you.

You mmm’d from the back of your throat, wetting your lower lip. “Not too tired.”

The muscle in his jaw jumped as his eyes drifting across your body, down your bare thighs, to rest on the dark spot on the front of your panties. His fingers traced down your thighs, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake, until he gripped the hem of your underwear.

He pulled them down your legs, tantalisingly slow, and you watched with wide eyes as he lifted the ruined material up to his face. Maintaining eye contact, he held them over his mouth and nose, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look away as he inhaled deeply. Heat soared across your cheeks, and you would have been ashamed, if it weren’t for the way you could see him beginning to bulge against the zipper of his jeans, hot and hard for you.

“I want you,” you whispered brokenly. Joel dropped your underwear onto the bed beside your body.

“I know,” he gritted his teeth, sliding his palms down your inner thighs and prying them apart so he could settle in between them.

One hand raised to cup your face and you smiled, nuzzling your cheek into his palm. His thumb grazed your bottom lip in a silent request, and you parted them for him instantly, welcoming the digit into your mouth. You swirled your tongue around it, wetting it, and watched intensely as he lowered his hand down your body, and pressed the finger between your folds.

“Christ,” he cursed, mouth falling ajar as he felt you. “You been like this all day?”

“Yes, yes,” you whimpered.

“Then I’m a fuckin’ monster,” he chuckled mirthlessly, staring between your legs with hooded eyes. “Left my best girl all worked up. God, darlin’, look at you; dripping wet for me, desperate for something to come on.”

“Please,” you exhaled sharply. “I need you, want your cock inside me so bad.”

He tutted quietly, shaking his head a little. “You think I deserve it?” his eyes flashed to yours, mouth downturned. “Think I deserve to be inside this pretty pussy, when I’ve been so mean to it?”

Your thighs tensed painfully as his finger started rubbing lightly against your bundle of nerves.

“Because I don’t,” he said ruefully. “Think I need to make it up to you first, what do you think, baby?”

“Okay,” you exhaled.

“And we aren’t finished unless you come,” he said darkly. “Do you understand?”

Your lips felt numb, tongue heavy in your mouth as you stared up at him through hooded eyes. Joel glared down at you, nostrils flared. “Say you understand.”

“I understand,” you finally mewled in frustration, twitching into the mattress as his thumb swiped over your pulsing clit. “F-fuck, Joel, please.”

His finger dragged between the swollen lips of your pussy, spreading you open so he could see your glistening core. He swore under his breath, the tip of his thumb gliding over your entrance where he could see remnants of his seed still easing out of you. His knees thudded against the old mattress as he dragged himself down the bed, and then his mouth was on you.

“Ohhh,” an exaggerated moan left your mouth, leaving your lips parted in an O shape as your head dropped back into the pillow. His tongue flattened to lick a stripe up your core, all the way from your entrance to above your clit and you shuddered into his mouth, crying out at the contact. His hands gripped your thighs and dragged them over his shoulders, pushing his face deeper into you.

Joel’s nose dragged across your clit as his tongue circled your entrance, and slurping noises filled the air as he cleaned the remnants of himself from your hole. You gasped, fire racing through your veins at the idea of him drinking down his own come, and your hips bucked off the bed. The tips of his fingers dug into your thighs in a silent warning to stay still. You clawed your nails into his scalp, raking through his messy hair, doing your best not to absolutely writhe against his face.

He groaned against you, pulling back momentarily to smirk up at you, your slick shining on his lips and beard. It was shameful, the way the noises he made went to your head. The deep, growling moans, the way his hums vibrated against you. You absorbed them and filed them away into your memory, somewhere only for you to ever see. Your hips framed his face, thighs bracketed over his shoulders as he gripped them, no doubt leaving bruises where his fingertips dug into your flesh.

Joel worked painstakingly slowly at first. His hot, long tongue glided along the entirety of you, and then he dipped it inside your weeping hole. Your eyes rolled back as he pumped his hot muscle in and out of you, until you were begging him to just please fuck me Joel please I’m sorry, but then he just sped up, moving upward to flick the tip of his tongue across your clit. You gasped, back arching off the bed as he swiped back and forth sharply, his lips suctioning around it as he abused your swollen clit.

And then one of his hands disappeared, and he eased a long, thick finger inside of you. He stroked along your walls, hooking his finger against your g-spot as you cried out his name, clenching around the digit. Encouraged by the response, he swiftly pushed a second finger inside, scissoring them and stretching you out as he sponged messy kisses against your clit.

Your mind was a blur. “Shit, Joel.”

Every single nerve, every point of feeling in your entire body, was directed to the apex of your thighs, and you trembled with the intensity of it. Every kiss, every lick, every suck was a reverent apology, a vow to never let it happen again. Joel was on his knees at the altar of his god, begging for forgiveness, and you were more than happy to grant it.

It felt like your chest was being ripped open as heavy breaths worked their way out of your burning lungs, heavy panting mixing in the air with the sounds of his tongue gliding through your wetness. Beads of sweat formed on your forehead, and you moaned roughly as he let his teeth skate ever so slightly over your clit.

His fingers pumped inside you, curling against the roof of your channel in a continuous motion as his tongue rolled against your nerves. It sent a familiar fire spreading through your abdomen, warming your entire chest, until you were gasping for air, jaw aching as it hung open, in awe of every point of contact he had with your body.

You clenched painfully tight, pussy squeezing around his fingers as his tongue swiped back and forth across your clit. Joel hummed in encouragement, mouth buzzing against you in a way that sent you careening towards the edge even faster. It seemed like every muscle in your body was tightening. Arms tensed awkwardly, one hand buried in his hair, the other twisted in the sheets beside you. Thighs pressed against the side of his head, stomach burning as he built you up and up and up and—

“Oh, oh my—fucking god,” you sobbed as your orgasm hit, and Joel braced you against the bed, working you through it. Pleasure rushed through you like an avalanche. Stars burst behind your eyelids, and you let go of everything that had ever existed in your world except for Joel. You lost yourself in him; in the glide of his tongue against your core, in the way your fingers twisted in his hair, in the rough scrape of his beard against your inner thighs. He was everywhere, everything.

In time, you were vaguely aware of him pulling back, of only the drag of his fingers inside you remaining, and you knew he must have been watching you, raking in the sight of you so exposed.

“There you go,” you could hear him saying, somewhere past the ringing in your ears. “Give it t’me. That’s it, look so pretty like this, all fucked out just for me.”

And when he dragged his fingers out of you, it was only to make room for his head to drop down once more to suck and lick at where your orgasm dripped out of you, moaning as he went, desperate not to miss a single drop.

Finally, after the final waves of your climax had settled, and your limbs dropped heavily against the bed, he kissed his way up your body, wet mouth leaving a shimmering trail along your skin until he reached your face and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

He pulled back after a moment, and you breathed deeply, lost in the way the sunlight danced across the back of your eyelids. You weren’t aware of the corners of your mouth tilting upward, of your lips peeling back to reveal your teeth as you grinned brazenly, cool relief coursing through you.

“Look at that,” Joel’s voice brought you back down to earth, and you blinked heavily, trying to focus your bleary eyes on his face. His hair was messy, a dark rough halo around his head as the sunlight shone around him. One side of his mouth was pointed upward, a small smirk decorating his features. “There’s that smile.”

#joel miller #the last of us #tlou #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller smut #joel miller angst #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller one shot #my writing #fake it

5K notes · View notes

wonwoosthetic · 1 month

Note

when will we get a new chapter for minnie 🫶🏼

a/n: now! ˙ᵕ˙ this was a request sent to me through my Google form, so thank you to whoever wrote it🤗 I hope you guys like the quick little chapter!

series masterlist

warnings – pregnancy scare, short mention and implications of infertility, jokes and mentions about sex

word count – 4.6k

summary – minnie gets a little scare and there’s only one member she can think of to call

pairing – minnie & vernon (mentions of wonwoo x minnie x mingyu)

Better Safe Than Sorry 🌷 Minnie

Minne was in a panic. For the past two hours, the girl hadn't found a second of rest, pacing around the apartment, trying to keep herself busy before the thoughts running through her brain could catch up with her. Vernon was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago, only adding to her anxious state. Wonwoo and Mingyu were at the gym, thank God, she thought to herself.

The past few days, or more so even two weeks, had been... interesting. It started with a headache spanning over multiple days, only for it to turn into a migraine. Or so she thought. Throwing up, going to bed as early as possible, and sleeping in for as long as she could. Something was not right. Add the random heat flashes she had experienced the week before and Minnie started speculating. The moment she realised that her period had been a few days late made her shut down.

It was so secret that women in the industry encountered irregularities with their cycles as stress and diets dominated their lives. But Minnie and the entirety of Seventeen were in a good place. None of them was totally overworked at that point, thanks to their new contract. Diets were, thanks to the need to fit into the impossible beauty standards, still a topic of discussion but they were doing fine. Right?

It was one night out that made her mind spiral. Rapidly.

Minnie was enjoying a dinner with her closest friends from school, having made a reservation in one of their favourite restaurants a week ahead to make sure they'd get a private room. Food and drinks were passed around the table, discussions and conversations were flowing and laughter filled the room. Everyone was having a good time. When it hit that point of the night where people were slowly starting to leave, say their goodbyes and make promises to meet up again soon, the female singer was left with her two closest friends from that group.

Léon, once a boy too afraid to show his true colours, is now a proud man with a husband waiting for him back in their new hometown in Spain. And Hana, the legend of a best friend who had gifted Minnie her first vibrator, and now the owner of one of the most-visited clubs in the nightlife of Hongdae.

The two were well tipsy while Minnie had held herself back a bit. They were still giggling at one of their friends who had stumbled through the door as he exited, the multiple shots of liquor clearly taking over his body.

"You look a little paler than usual," Léon suddenly commented, glancing at the idol with a slight frown, "Are you okay?"

"She probably just got a new IV infusion for extra light skin," the other girl joked, getting a chuckle out of the singer. Hana had never been a fan of the idol life.

Minnie shrugged, her finger circling the rim of her glass, "I've been feeling kinda off."

Her friend downed the last shot on the table before turning to her in confusion, "How off?"

Minnie sighed, "I've had a headache for like... a week now. And two days ago I was throwing up all day. Even yesterday and today when I woke up I felt like I had to puke..." The two friends were eyeing her carefully, letting her speak freely. "And then I had some random, like... heat flashes?" She glanced up to meet their eyes, "I don't know what the hell that was, but... yeah... something's going on, I don't know. But I don't want to provoke it with alcohol."

"That," the guy of the group leaned back, eyes now wide, "does not sound good."

"Yeah, but it must be something with my immune system. My period's also God knows where."

"You missed your period?!" Hana gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Girl-" Léon eyed her with a surprised expression, but Minnie was quick to stop them.

"No, no, no," she waved her hands, "It's not like that. I've missed it before, but it... it's a weird coincidence."

"What do you mean 'not like that'? That sounds a lot like being pregnant to me!" The tattooed girl hissed at her.

That was the first time she had heard the word out loud. Of course, it had crossed her mind. Just like every other woman. The moment her period was late, the first thought to come to her was 'shit, what if I'm pregnant', only to dismiss it a second later at how ridiculous it sounded.

"No, I-... we have the tour and we're preparing for a new album, and it's just... stress or something."

"But you've been stressed before. Way more stressed," the guy in front of her commented. "I don't want to scare you, but... you know..."

"If there's anyone that could be pregnant, it's you, Min," Hana casually told her, leaning back against the cushioned seats.

Minnie frowned as she glanced at her. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"No one's getting laid like you," she laughed, making the other two at the table chuckle and Léon threw his head back in glee.

"Oh, shut up!" The idol exclaimed, "You've got a line of men waiting for you to call them back after leaving their apartment in the middle of the night. And that's just from last week."

"That's not true!" Hana pointed her finger at the girl. "You get two dicks on a regular! Every day, I bet!"

"It's not every day!"

"Every other day then," the only guy quickly commented before their discussion could get any louder.

Minnie shrugged, "Yeah... so what?"

"My God," he chuckled with a shake of his head, "I'm jealous. Honestly." Making the girl laugh out loud.

"No, but seriously," Hana stopped the two, letting silence wash over the table once again. "Have you thought of it?"

"No! Because..." Minnie went quiet.

"They're not using condoms. Don't lie to us," Léon glared at her, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Hana faked a gasp, "You slut."

"You're not even using them on strangers!" Minnie pointed out, only for her friend to slap her hand away.

"This isn't about me!"

"Whatever..." the singer mumbled, her eyes back on the glass. It was still half filled with the mix of Soju and beer she decided not to finish.

"Okay, but seriously," Léon started again, "Could there... be a possibility?"

"For one, I'm on the pill," she explained, noticing her friends opening their mouths to argue, so she continued, "I know! I know that's not 100% safe, but it's... very safe-"

"I don't know about very safe, to be honest," Hana went back to nursing a glass of water. "My mom was on the pill and look at me now," pointed at herself with a proud grin.

"Don't make me scared," Minnie mumbled as she fell back onto her chair with a sigh.

"We don't want to scare you," her guyfriend explained, letting the other girl continue,

"But take a test, just in case," Hana shrugged. "You know how many pregnancy scares I've had? Still, better safe than sorry." She ended her speech by finishing her water.

Minnie's gaze had landed on her lap, where her thumbs had already started fidgeting with each other. "I...," she started with a sigh but stopped herself again right away.

"What?" Léon wondered, keeping a close eye on the singer, but she just shook her head and brought the glass of alcohol up to her lips.

"Nothing." And downed the last bit.

Four days later Minnie was still fighting her stomach each day, going out of her way to try and get as little food and water into her system as possible, knowing it would only trigger her and make her run to the toilet. On the other hand, the lack of nutrition was most definitely also adding to the nausea. There seemed to be no way out for the female singer.

On the verge of tears, overwhelmed with emotions, she had texted Hana in the morning, begging her to go to the store to buy her a pregnancy test. She was still very much in denial of the possibility of her being knocked up, but there were too many signs... But then again, she remembered the conversation she had with her gynaecologist two years ago. The doctor had only let a few words fall from her mouth before Minnie realised what she was trying to tell her.

At the sound of the front door's bell, the idol's head perked up, a second before she was rushing to the door. Once she pressed the camera button, she came to face with the young rapper she had called and pressed to open the door downstairs.

"Thanks!" Came through the speakers as Vernon disappeared into the building.

For the next minutes it would take him to come up, Minnie tried to pretend to have to do something, just praying the time would pass by quicker. The tests, yes multiple, were already placed on the counter of the main bathroom's sink. Hana had arrived with two in her bag, along with chocolate and prosecco to celebrate in case they'd be negative. The alcohol was chilling in the fridge while the sweet treat was waiting for her in the cabinet, with her definitely enjoying it either way of how the tests would come out.

Another doorbell sound rang through the apartment, notifying the female member of his arrival. With a few big steps, she stopped in front of the door, pulling it open in a swift motion. A wide-eyed Vernon standing right in front of her.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," she mumbled, catching him off-guard as she pulled him in.

With a frown, the younger member stood right in front of her, shuffling his feet out of his shoes before he followed her down the hall.

"What's going on?"

She continued to walk in silence, only coming to a halt in the middle of the living room. Vernon stopped at the corner into the hallway, leaning against the wall.

"Alright," Minnie sighed, bringing her hands up in front of her, "Look..."

"Oh," the '98 Liner nodded, understanding this was going to be even more serious than he had expected. As if her call, asking him 'Can you come over? Like now? Just for a bit?' with zero explanation didn't alert him enough already, her stance certainly brought his heartbeat up.

"Are you okay?" He repeated his question, taking a seat on the edge of the couch, not daring to lean back in comfort.

The girl pressed her lips together, nodding as she avoided his gaze. "I-... I think so, yeah."

"That's not a yes, so that's alarming."

"No, wait-" she stopped him, "Just-... listen, okay?" Making him nod, so she could continue. "I called you because I know- or, at least I hope, you... won't judge me," his frown made her rush her words out even quicker. "And you won't overreact, because I- I don't even know if I really should be concerned, and honestly, I don't think I should be and if you ask me, I think it's impossible, and I'm overreacting, but some other people have made me think otherwise."

"Oh...kay?" Pure confusion was still written across his face. A beat of silence washed over the two as Minnie thought about what to say next. She was looking around the room, knowing there was no way out and she had brought herself into this situation.

She took one deep breath before blurting out, "I need to take a pregnancy test," pressing her lips tightly together again as she waited for a reaction.

Vernon's eyebrows shot up the moment the words tumbled from her lips. He closed his eyes for a split second, trying to take in what she had just said to him.

"Ehm... for... what?"

Minnie looked at him perplexed, "What do you think people take pregnancy tests for?" She knew sex ED in South Korea wasn't good, but she had hoped it wasn't that horrible.

"Well, I hope you're not gonna take it for the reason I think you might be taking it," he glanced up at her.

He called himself lucky to get to have her as an older sister despite only being born two months apart. Vernon and Minnie had been close ever since he became a trainee under Pledis, the older girl taking him in as a little brother in an instant. Over the years, she had realised that the lack of an age gap was starting to show as she found herself looking up at him more and more, mentally and literally physically as he had shot up in height. She had found herself looking for comfort in him, asking him for advice or even just listening to him. While some members were more physical when it came to showing their appreciation and love, Vernon kept himself in the background, choosing quiet acts of kindness as his love language, which she sometimes appreciated even more than anything else. But even with all the love the two had for each other, their sibling-like relationship was no secret and not kept behind closed doors.

"And what is the reason you're not hoping for?" She had crossed her arms in front of her chest, her eyes still unsure of whether or not to lock with his.

Vernon sighed and shook his head before glancing back up at her, now finding her gaze. "Do you seriously think you're pregnant?"

"No," she was quick to answer.

The '98 Liner rose from his seat. "Then why take the test?"

"Because!" Minnie started pacing around the room again, fixing her hair along the way.

"Because?" He nagged her.

The girl to a stop. "Better safe than sorry."

Vernon couldn't help but sigh again, "Minnie..."

"There's a 0.01 per cent chance-"

"Don't say 0.01 because if it really was 0.01 you wouldn't even think of taking one!" He pointed a finger at her, quickly realising the rude gesture and putting his hand down again. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Okay, then maybe a slightly bigger chance... I don't know..." the female member bit down on her lip as her voice quieted down. Her gaze was back on the floor. "I'm scared."

Her confession made the rapper look back at her. He understood the seriousness of the situation, yet he had never seen the girl that way before. On a night out with the group, they had found out about the first pregnancy scare she had had years before, but she acted differently about it then. Took it with a lot more humour. But now, the woman in front of him just confessed to being scared. And he was the one she had trusted to confront about it.

Vernon glanced around the room. He couldn't freak out. He was supposed to help her here.

"Don't be scared," he tried to assure her, getting up from the sofa to take a step closer to her. "Are you serious though?"

Fallen silent, the girl just nodded. After not getting a verbal response back, she spoke up to explain, "I just... I've been feeling kinda... off. It's weird," she brushed it off, "and I really- I don't think I am, but... what if I am?"

Vernon accepted her answer, taking a second to himself. "Okay," he took a deep breath in and out. "It's okay. You have a test?" He asked her.

Minnie nodded.

"You went out and bought one?" Not even trying to conceal the concern in his voice.

"No," she told him, passing him as she made her way to the bathroom. "Hana got two for me."

"Where's she?" The younger member was hot on her feet.

"At work," Minnie explained. "She bought them on her lunch break." She stopped in front of the door, turning around to come to face with the rapper.

Vernon lowered his voice. "Why did you call me?"

The female idol shrugged.

He was desperate at this point. It felt like the wrong situation to be in for him. "Why not... Minghao... or... Shua, or Coups-"

"Coups would have me on a leash and drag me to get me castrated the moment he heard the words 'pregnancy test'!" She defended herself, getting a slight chuckle from him in return.

"Don't know how that would work but you're probably right. He'd do it at the word 'pregnancy' already," he mumbled.

"And... Shua would be way too emotional and... I don't know... Hao too. They'd be so... careful around me and try to comfort me-"

"You don't want to be comforted?"

"Not right now," she shook her head and gulped as he met his eyes. "I called you because you're the only person I know who can just sit there and be there for someone. Without overreacting... or... freaking out. And I'm kinda freaking out, so I need someone with a cool head right now."

"Not gonna lie," Vernon confessed, "I'm freaking out a little though."

"But you're hiding it well."

"Ditto," he nodded at the female member.

Another moment of silence washed over the apartment. Minnie took a quick look into the bathroom, her eyes immediately on the two pink packages by the sink.

"It's basically impossible that I'm pregnant," she admitted. The wheels in Vernon's head started turning, thinking that it was never truly impossible, unless... but he decided not to question her further.

"But I had weird... signs, I guess. And Hana and Léon made me scared. I just wanna make sure."

The '98 Liner nodded along to her words, shaking his head even harder the moment she looked back at him. "Do that. Take the test. Or tests," he dramatically pronounced the plural form.

Minnie nudged her head after a second to take a breath. "Can you come with me?"

Vernon immediately frowned. "Wh- Into the bathroom?"

The girl nodded.

"Ew, no! I'm not gonna watch you piss, bro."

She rolled her eyes, "Don't watch me pee. Just sit next to me," pointing to a stool they had in the bathroom for whatever reason. "Hold my hand?" She batted her eyes at him, mostly to lighten up the situation, while holding a bit of seriousness behind her ask.

"Absolutely fucking not," he shook his head. "Go. I'll be right here."

She eyed him up and down, scrunching up her face. "You're not a real one."

Vernon's eyebrows shot up. "If that's the requirement, I'm good," brushing her off and pushing her to finally get into the bathroom. "Weirdo," he mumbled, getting a last glare. At least she hasn't completely lost her spark, he thought to himself.

The moment she disappeared into the room, Vernon was met with the silence of being by himself. It was only then he realised that he hadn't even asked her about Wonwoo and/or Mingyu. Thinking, if anyone should be there, it would be the two men in question. He passed the thought after a moment of debating, coming to the conclusion that she'd have her reasons. Even after her explanation, he was still slightly confused as to why she'd rather have him than them here with her. He decided he'd rather stay in the unknown rather than pester her with more questions. Right now, she needed a friend, not an interrogator, by her side.

Vernon cleared his throat awkwardly.

The duo had found their way onto the couch with the two tests placed neatly on the coffee table ahead of them, facing down so neither one of them could even dare to get a glimpse of the results before the timer went off.

"And... ehm...," he tried to pass the time, hoping to somehow soothe the nerves rushing between both of them. "So... if you were though, like... pregnant," he carefully wondered, seeing her almost flinch at his words. He turned to look fully at her, finding her already staring at him. "Would you... w-would you... you know...," Vernon let out a chunk of air, "know whose it is?"

The time he had to himself let his mind wander to places he didn't even want it to go, but he couldn't help it.

Minnie stayed quiet for a few seconds, the words hitting her clearly hard as her eyes drifted off him.

"Ehm...," she took a deep breath. "I... I- eh... I... no?" Lowering her head, her gaze was back on her hands intertwined in her lap. She gulped, "I don't- I don't think so, n-no..." The confession appeared in the form of a big lump in her throat.

While she was able to have her fun with the two men in her life, it was only now that she came across an obstacle like this. Of course, they had had conversations about protection, being careful instead of mindless, and consent. Yet, the topic of a possible pregnancy while still taking precautions seemed to have passed them.

Vernon nodded, his lips tightly pressed together. "Alright... damn...," he raised his eyebrows. "That- that's... wow, impressive... I mean- g-good for you. That's... good for you. And I- I mean not good good for you if you're pregnant, but, you know... good as in good for-"

"Vernon?"

"Yeah, I'm shutting up."

Not the time or place for a conversation like that, nor did she want to go into more detail about the couple's constellation in the bedroom with one of her closest friends, whom she considered her little brother. Neither did Vernon. But the silence had become dreadful.

Any other day, the duo would have no issue sitting next to each other in complete silence, yet, at that very moment, both wanted anything but to stay quiet. And finding a topic of conversation seemed more challenging than ever before.

The '98 Liner could see her shaking leg in the corner of his eye, unsure of how to comfort her well enough since it was the first time in a situation like that for him too. In an attempt to help her, he reached out and placed his hand on her knee, hoping it would calm her.

"It's okay," he quietly told her, turning his head to meet her clearly frightened gaze.

"Is it though?" She kept the conversation going.

He retrieved his hand again to turn the rest of his body to face her more clearly.

"You said it's... very unlikely." He continued to choose his words carefully, not trying to overstep and drag her into a hole she might not get out of.

Minnie nodded. "Yeah...," she whispered, hugging herself as if she was freezing. "Very unlikely, but... never impossible, right?"

Vernon shrugged his shoulder, "I think only you'd know that. If it's possible or not."

Whether they were talking about the act of conception or possibly rather the chances of her fertility would stay between the two.

The girl gulped. "It's unlikely. Very, very unlikely."

A quiet pat on her back gave her the validation and comfort she craved and asked for.

"That's why I called you," Minnie confessed after a short few seconds of quietness.

"Hm?" Vernon glanced back at her after his eyes had been fixed on his phone.

"You can just sit here. Accept it, without a big reaction. And I still feel comforted. You... your presence is very comforting."

The question as to why him and not the men that lived with her was still burning his tongue, yet he didn't even dare to let it fall from his lips. Maybe another time.

"I still don't think I'm the right person for something like this-"

"You are," she quickly reassured him. "I didn't even think of anyone else."

The truth was, were the first people to pop into her head her lovers? Yes, of course. But in a moment of panic, in a situation that could affect either one of their lives immensely, she didn't want to confront them. Not with 100% certainty of a result. She wanted to avoid the unnecessary anxiety and hysteria spreading to other people involved in this. Not if there's nothing to be worried about in the first place, she kept on convincing herself.

In addition, as they had talked about before, knowing the rest of her members, there was a group of them that would try to be as emotionally available as they possibly could, their arms around her during the entire process, trying to console her while she just needed someone next to her. The other part of them would turn it into the headline of their tabloid, running around frantically, trying to make sense of the situation, while freaking out, scaring her even more.

And then there was Cheol, the oldest of them all, she shook her head as she didn't even want to think of a possible reaction of his. Yes, he'd support her no matter what, but the image of disappointment on his face was something she couldn't stomach.

Silently, Vernon leaned back, a tight smile on his lips. He appreciated her honesty.

Their sweet moment of companionship was interrupted by the sound of the teeth-shattering, chill-sending sound of his alarm. Vernon didn't even think of changing the ringtone, just opting to go with the standard iPhone one, making the girl shudder as he turned it off.

"Alright," he sighed. "You ready?"

Minnie nodded, pushing herself up to sit further on the edge, her knees close to hitting the coffee table.

"I do one, you do one?"

"Dude, you peed on that, I'm not touching it!" His exclaim made her look at him dumbfounded.

"I peed on that part," she pointed at the end covered by a plastic cap. "You won't even touch it."

But Vernon just shook his head. "You do it."

"Real supportive," she mumbled at him with an amused glare and nudge of her head.

Rushing down the number from three to one in her head, with a deep breath, she turned one test around, wanting to rip the bandaid off quickly and get it over with. Carefully, she looked at the small electronic display, ready for the worst to hit her.

"Not pregnant," she read out loud with a big breath of air. With a quick move, she turned around the second one, a content smile on her lips as she found the same result.

"Not pregnant," Vernon nodded, looking at the coffee table ahead of him before turning towards the female member. "You okay?"

Minnie pressed her lips together tightly, looking at him with a somewhat smile on her face as she nodded. "Yeah..."

Her gaze fell back on the white and blue plastic, her hands still cramped up in her lap as the younger rapper let himself fall further back into the blue couch. He let a moment pass, giving her the silence to herself.

"You know," he patted her back, gaining her attention, "If you were though...," she met his eye. "I'd drive you. Check-up... or...," with a motion of his hand, he pretended to cut his neck, getting a chuckle from her in return.

"I know," she whispered, not trusting her voice to become any louder. Too many emotions were rushing through the short moment, too many for at that time after coming close to what she'd describe as a heart attack.

In the blink of an eye, she had her arms wrapped around his torso, making the younger member smile softly as he returned the embrace. A comforting hand ran up and down her arm. It wasn't often he reciprocated the show of affection from her, but he'd let her for now, knowing she most definitely needed it.

With her cheek against his shoulder, he felt her tightening her arms in a pulse as she spoke up again.

"That's why I called you."

Taglist: @waosobii @chaebb @lunarxsun @hoe4wonwoo @kimhyejin3108 @soobzao @billboard-singer @cosmicwintr @zwiehe @alixnsuperstxr @angie-x3 @smooore @allthings-fandoms @lllucere

#minnie 🌷#seventeen #seventeen oc #seventeen 14th member #vernon

188 notes · View notes

ofstarsandvibranium · 8 months

Text

Hurts Like Heaven

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: You and Jamie were nothing more than friends with benefits…then Jamie realizes that the way he feels for you is more than friends.

A/N: inspired by the song I Think I Like You by The Band Camino

You and Jamie had been friends for a few years. You met through Keeley and he'd tried to get into your pants after they'd broken up. But girl code meant you don't sleep with your friend's ex unless they say it's okay.

Years later, he and Keeley still aren't together. It originally saddened Jamie, however, he learned that he valued her highly as a friend and he eventually lost feelings for her.

That's when you came in.

Jamie didn't feel ready to get back into serious dating, but he also didn't feel like going back to random hook ups like his early days. That's when you suggested a friends with benefits relationship.

The suggestion surprised Jamie, especially since you rejected him a few years ago.

You rolled your eyes at him, "Yes, but I've gotten Keeley's permission to sleep with you if I chose to do so."

His brows rose, "I'm sorry, what? When did this happen?"

You shrugged like it was no big deal, "Like a year ago."

"So you're telling me we could've been fucking for a year now?"

You snorted, "I didn't think you'd still be interested."

He grinned at you, "Oh, I'm still very interested."

It was nice. He thought the arrangement would change things but it didn't. He still texted you about the things Jan Maas said or a new song that Dani introduced him to. You two would facetime for hours while he was at away games until you both fell asleep. He used to be a man of not many words, but he found himself never shutting up in your presence.

You grabbed lunch or dinner when you could and instead of going your separate ways, either one of you followed the other to your respective homes and you had sex.

Some days, you didn't have sex at all. He'd come over with take out and you two would watch a movie. Or he'd help you cook dinner while you're both singing Harry Styles' lyrics at the top your lungs. He felt so happy and at peace with you.

It was great. It was nice...until you told Jamie that someone had asked you on a date.

"It's fine. We're not dating or nothing, so why would it matter?" he asked you when you broke the news.

You shrugged, "I dunno. Guess I-nevermind. I'm going to cancel our movie night on Friday then."

"What? Why?"

"That's when my date is. Unless...I cancel it?" You looked at Jamie like you were hoping for...something. What you were hoping for he didn't know, but he shook his head, "No, no. It's fine. Could probably go to the pub with the lads or something." He then pointed a finger at you, "But you let me know if he does something that makes you uncomfortable. I'll pick you up. Just say the word."

You nodded and give him a smile, "I know. Thanks, Jame."

________________

It's the night of the date. Jamie has been on edge the entire day and he's not exactly sure why. You'd sent him your outfit for the date and you...you looked beautiful, sexy, gorgeous. There was a pit in stomach when he realized that you'd never dressed up for him like that. Why would you? You two are only friends who also sleep together. Nothing that would warrant you to put much that effort...but Jamie wanted it.

Fuck, did he want you to dress that way only for him, to take you on dates and call you his girl.

Holy fuck, why did he have to realize this all too late?

Even when he went to a club with the lads, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He kept checking his phone every five minutes to see if you'd messaged him. The last thing you sent was you telling him the restaurant you were at and he'd sent you a thumbs up.

He stood at one of the standing tables, nursing a beer and just watching the crowd. His teammates were drinking and dancing with women, except for Colin who was dancing with his boyfriend, Michael.

Getting a bit anxious, he pulls his phone out again, looking at the thread of texts between you and him.

"Are you alright, Jamie?" Sam asks above the club's music.

Jamie sighs and pockets his phone, "I'm gonna step out for a bit!" he shouts back and Sam responds, "I'll come with you!"

They take their beers and head out to the back patio of the club. The music is still loud but not as much.

Jamie lets out a deep breath, letting the cool air encompass him. Sam nudges him, "What's going on?"

Jamie chuckles to himself, "Think I'm in love, Sam," and then winces.

Sam cocks a brow in confusion, "Why do you look so pained then?"

Jamie sighs and runs a hand through his now brunette hair, "It's complicated."

"Is it Y/N?"

Jamie's head whipped to Sam's direction, "How the fuck did you know that?"

Sam can't help but laugh, "You don't hide it very well when you're with her. You're...happier with her."

He scoffs, "'M not so happy now, am I? She's on a date right now."

"Why?"

"Some bloke from the IT department asked her and she asked me how I felt about it and I said it was fine. That her going on that date doesn't matter 'cause we're not exclusive or nothin' and now I fuckin' regret it 'cause I fuckin' love her!" after his mini rant he looks back as a smug looking Sam, "What?"

"I think the solution to your problem is very simple, Jamie."

"Yeah? And what's that."

"Tell her."

He's immediately shaking his head, "No. No. I can't. I can't. It'll ruin everything."

"I don't think it will."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I have a strong feeling it'll be okay."

Suddenly, his phone is buzzing and your contact photo is staring up at him. He looks up at Sam and his teammate is grinning at him, "Tell her," he says before patting Jamie on the back and heading back inside.

Jamie nods and answers your call, "Hey, you alright?"

"He was a complete prick! He yelled at our server because his pasta wasn't al dente and complained about me eating too much bread."

"Pft. You love bread."

"I love bread so much!" you sigh, "I'm having uber me drop off because there was no way in hell I was getting in the car with him again."

Jamie frowns to himself, "You should've told me. I could've picked you up."

"I texted you ten minutes ago and you didn't respond!"

Jamie curses and pulls back his phone going to the text thread to see you had texted him, "Shit. Sorry, love."

"It's fine. You can come over after your night with the boys."

"I'm leaving right now. Wasn't very exciting anyway. Want me to grab some food?"

You groan, "Yes, please. That meal wasn't satisfying enough."

Jamie finds himself smiling, "Alright. I'll be over in a bit. Get comfy for me."

"Waaaay ahead of ya. Tossing the dress in the hamper as we speak and pulling out my comfy clothes. Shall I pull yours out as well?"

"Please."

"Got it. See you in a bit, Jame."

"Right. Bye." After he ends the call, he heads inside to say his good-byes to his mates. Sam is giving him a knowing look and a "Good luck" as he walks out of the club.

___________________

Half an hour later, Jamie is letting himself into your place with the spare key that you gave him. He places the takeout on the coffee table in front of you.

"Go eat. I'm gonna change."

"Thank you!" you holler as he walks down the hallway to your room and where you've laid out a pair of joggers and a t-shirt for him. He quickly changes and heads back to your living room where he sees you shoveling your face with the food he's brought.

He's smiling wide as he sits beside you, "Good?"

You nod, "Soooo good!"

He grabs your remote and plays the movie you picked, "Guess we ended up having our movie night after all."

You snort, "Shout out to Liam for IT for being a prick, I guess."

Jamie stills. His brows furrow and you see he's thinking hard about something. You set your food down, pause the movie, and turn to completely face him on the couch.

"What's going on?"

"I realized something."

"Okay...is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Depends on how you take it, I suppose," he turns to face you as well, "I...I think I like you more than I should."

"Meaning..."

"I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a while now but it just didn't hit me until you were out with that prick-"

"Liam-"

"and all I could think about tonight was losing you. I hate that you looked absolutely gorgeous for someone else. I hate that it was him taking you on a date and not me. And I hate the thought of someone else being where I should be."

You chuckle, looking away and shaking your head, "Jamie Tartt," and this is when Jamie prepares to be rejected by you, "took you long enough."

Oh. Oh. That's not something he expected.

"So, uh, so you-"

You lean in pressing your lips against his and when you pull away you're smiling, "I love you too."

"Oh. Great. Cool. That's-That's good."

You laugh, "Did I break you?"

"Maybe?"

You laugh more and he's smiling again. Your laugh is music to his ears and it's filling him up with so much warmth and love.

You pat his knee, "Alright, loverboy, let's continue this movie night , yeah?" you press play and you grab your food. You curl up into Jamie's side and he relishes in your warmth while you feed him some of your food.

A day later, Jamie posts a picture of you sitting across from him at the same restaurant you went to with Liam, with the caption: Dinner with me girl <3.

His comments littered with applause and congratulations from his teammates and fans. They all love you, but Jamie loves you the most.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt #ted lasso imagine

380 notes · View notes

danieyells · 13 days

Note

hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

You've Got Mail:

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default(no affinity):

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1:

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2:

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3:

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 6:

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7:

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8:

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9:

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10:

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, FirstName. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11:

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12:

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13:

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14:

"... ...Oh! Hello, FirstName—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15:

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16:

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17:

"I didn't take you for a night owl, FirstName. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18:

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 20:

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 22:

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23:

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24:

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max):

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate)

Spring:

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer:

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn:

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

Winter:

"...Oh, FirstName. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday:

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

New Years:

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day:

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day:

"These are for you, FirstName. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day:

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween:

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas:

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle:

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent:

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

#subaru kagami #tokyo debunker #danie yells at tokyo debunker #danie yells answers #danie yells with anons #tokyo debunker spoilers #datamining cw #OKAY TIME FOR BED WHEW

70 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

Note

AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

#am i the asshole #aita

76 notes · View notes

chvoswxtch · 1 year

Note

Hi! I have a request for Matt Murdock

Matt is dating a Black Widow but she occasionally suffers from nightmares about her past, and doesn’t sleep for a long period of time and he sometimes stays up with her and talks to her about the Red Room.

hi nonnie! thank you so much for the request! i'm not sure if you're the same person that requested a few other matt x black widow reader prompts, but if you are, you literally live rent free in my head because it's an idea i've thought about for awhile now, so thank you & I hope this is what you were looking for!

warning: some cursing, and very brief mentions of abuse in relation to the red room. I gave this a kinda fluffy ending because everyone deserves some comfort after a nightmare. ❤️ word count: 1.5k

the red room.

Raindrops cascaded lazily down the glass after pelting the window pane, like they were a part of some fervent race none of them cared to win. Thunder cracked loudly across the sky, the sound ricocheting through the clouds like a dead tree being snapped in half in a quiet forest. If it wasn’t for the calamitous thunder accompanying the cadent storm outside, Matt wouldn’t have noticed that you weren’t in bed.

Another round of thunder dragged him out of a deep sleep, and it was only as he turned over to seek out your body that he noticed your side of the bed had gone somewhat cold. Matt suddenly shot up, focusing his senses on trying to find you and decipher what state you were in. The living room was still and quiet as you sat perched on the window sill, but inside of you another storm was brewing.

Your breaths were somewhat ragged as you attempted to keep them under control, eyes following the trails of raindrops to give your mind something else to focus on. Your heart thundered in your rib cage at an anxious irregular pace, and Matt could smell the cortisol raging in your bloodstream. He kept his footsteps quiet as he approached you slowly, not wanting to add to the fear and uncertainty that was radiating off of you. He kept his voice barely above a whisper as he stood a few feet away, preparing to give you space if you needed it.

“What was it tonight?”

You jumped so slightly at the intrusion of his voice, even he almost missed it. Matt’s fingers twitched at his sides as he studied you, waiting for some kind of signal that he could approach. A shaky inhale through your nose had his chest constricting along with the detachment in your voice.

“The Red Room.”

Matt closed his eyes for a moment as his fists balled up tightly at his sides. You hadn’t gone into too much detail about what you’d endured during your time in the Red Room, but based off of the snippets you were vulnerable enough to share and the way your body reacted as you divulged them, he didn’t have to use his imagination. He’d heard plenty of horror stories from other former black widows that had escaped, and if your story was anything like theirs, he understood fully why you never wanted to speak of it.

Although he knew his own childhood and upbringing hadn’t been exactly easy, he couldn’t even fathom the degrees of abuse and manipulation you had experienced. The first night that you spent together when you’d had a nightmare, Matt was more terrified than he had ever been in his entire life. He had a brief idea of your past, but he didn’t know just how much it affected you until that night. It had taken him several hours to calm you down, and he had never felt so helpless.

The hardest part was never knowing when the nightmares were going to hit, or what they would do to you. Some nights you woke up sobbing uncontrollably, gripping onto his body like he would vanish into thin air if you even slightly loosened your hold. Other nights you awoke with a start, silently slipping into the living room, refusing to speak to him or let him touch you. The worst nights were when you woke up screaming. Matt would have to pin you down to the mattress until you awoke fully, repeating over and over that you were safe; that you were home. He hated those nights.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real.”

You were talking to him. This was a good sign. He approached you slowly and carefully like you were a wounded animal trapped in a corner. He placed his hand next to yours on the window sill so that you could feel his warmth and presence, leaving the option to take it completely up to you.

“How so?”

“The memories. Sometimes they feel like…like they belong to someone else, and I just have them in my head.”

Matt stayed quiet as he waited for you to continue. He felt a slight sense of relief noting that your breathing had finally started to even out.

“I know they’re mine. I can feel the reason behind every scar. I know exactly what memory they’re tied to. Sometimes…if I close my eyes…it’s like I’m still there. Like this has all been some…twisted dream I made up, and I’m finally awake.”

“It’s not a dream.”

Matt spoke more firmly this time so you couldn’t mistake the sincerity in his voice. His chest ached when he felt the lump forming in your throat, his entire face falling as he tasted the salt from your silent tears. He gently turned your body to face him, slotting himself between your thighs, and delicately brought your hand up to place your palm against his chest over his heart.

“This is real. You being here, with me, is real. Feel my heart. I want you to try and match your rhythm with mine, like we practiced. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

Your shaky fingers gripped tightly onto Matt’s bicep as you dug your blunt nails into his chest, closing your eyes to try to focus on the strong rhythm thumping against your palm. You leaned forward to rest your head on Matt’s sternum, melting further into his touch as he cradled the back of your head and held your wrist.

“There you go. That’s perfect. You’re doing so well, my love. I’m so proud of you.”

“I can still see their faces…”

Matt could feel tears building up behind his own eyelids at how small and broken your voice sounded. He let out a shaky exhale, hugging you even tighter to his chest.

“Listen to me. That wasn’t your fault. That was not you. That is not who you are. I know that. I trust that. You can’t blame yourself for things that were out of your control.”

Guilt was an emotion Matthew Murdock knew all too well. He knew how heavy it could weigh on someone’s chest to the point where it made it difficult to breathe. He knew the agony of making a remorseful decision or an inadequate effort. He felt hypocritical telling you something that even he had a hard time believing and practicing himself. But he had always had the luxury that you never did; a choice.

Questions of morality and faith guided his feelings of guilt, not an absence of autonomy.

“If you truly were the darkness they tried to create, you wouldn’t feel an ounce of remorse. You wouldn’t have dedicated your life to helping people the second you were able to make a decision for yourself. You are a light, my love, and you bring that light to everyone you meet and help. You put the goddamn sun to shame.”

“So…if people stare at me too long, they go blind?”

“What do you think happened to me?”

A breathless laugh cut through your tears and Matt found himself letting out a deep sigh of relief, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you tipped your head back to look up at him.

“Uh…you said you had an accident as a kid?”

“I’m full of shit. I saw you smile for the first time and next thing I knew, I was blind. I just, you know, made up that story so you wouldn’t feel guilty.”

You were trying your hardest to contain your giggles as you shook your head, and Matt couldn’t help but grin victoriously.

“Oh, okay. So you decided to make me feel guilty when I’m already feeling guilty?”

“Guilt cancels out guilt. Isn’t that how math works?”

“It’s a good thing you’re such a pretty lawyer.”

“In my defense, I only took about 2 semesters of math.”

“Mm, it shows.”

As the storm calmed into a light rain outside, Matt could feel the sky opening up in your chest. There wasn’t a lingering trace of fear in your veins, and your heart had steadied to a relaxed rhythm that matched his. Matt sent a silent prayer up to his God that he was able to bring you back easily tonight.

He wrapped his arm around your waist as he held you protectively against his chest, cradling your face gently in one of his hands.

“Hey, everything is okay. You’re home. You’re safe. I would never let anything happen to you, you know that right?”

“I know, Matty.”

You gave his bicep a gentle squeeze, something you did to reassure him you were back in a good headspace, as you leaned into his touch for comfort. Matt lightly traced the pad of his thumb along your cheekbone, leaning in to press your foreheads together.

“No one is ever going to hurt you again.”

A tiny proud smile tugged at the corner of your mouth as you chased Matt’s lips for a soft kiss, whispering against his mouth.

“Not unless they wanna meet the Devil.”

A crooked smirk lifted at the corner of Matt’s lips as he bumped his nose against yours.

“Not even God could help them if they did.”

#matt murdock #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x y/n #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x black widow!reader #matt murdock fic #matt murdock request #daredevil #daredevil fic #daredevil request

407 notes · View notes

peachhcs · 4 months

Text

sunday mornings

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

slow mornings with will and samy

word count: 1.7k

warnings: kissing, hickeys, kind of suggestive but not really, samy and will being cutie

fr in my posting era this is a valentine's day post, but the story doesn't center around v-day. i kind of wrote this as if samy goes to bc instead of michigan in this, so yeah just ignore that. i thought this was cutie and wanted to post it in honor of valentine's day :)

au masterlist

the sun poured through the blinds. rays of light hit will's dorm room at every angle, creating one directly across samy's eye-line. the warmth of the rays and the harsh beams of light in her eye caused a stir. typical morning disorientation caught up to her as she blinked a few times and tried remembering her surroundings. everything fell into place when she felt will's strong hold on her torso and his face buried into the crook of her neck, still fast asleep. no wonder why the sun wasn't in his eyes.

the brunette smiled briefly before stretching as much as will's hold would let her. somewhere was her phone that she tried reaching around for. she finally got ahold of it and the screen lit up displaying the numerous notifications on her lockscreen, but all samy cared about was the time. 10:30?

it was rare having will still asleep beside her at such an hour. more often than not, he'd be long gone at morning practice and probably just getting back as samy woke up. having him in bed still was quite a rarity and one the brunette planned to take full advantage of. sunday mornings were will's off days which meant he was always inviting her over to spend the night so they could wake up together. samy loved mornings with will.

she shut her phone off, forgetting it somewhere on the bed again and turned her body further into her boyfriend's. she reached her arm around to begin gently pulling her fingers through his messy curls. he always looked so peaceful when he slept. samy knew how much he needed the sleep considering how early he was up at every other day of the week.

their limbs were tangled together making it so samy couldn't leave even if she wanted to, but she didn't plan on leaving such a serene moment. if she could, she'd stay in this position forever and she knew will felt the same.

both being student-athletes left little time during the week for them to see one another. the weekend was truly the only time they got it to themselves and it always went by too fast.

will stirred a moment later. he shifted, pulling his face back from samy's neck and blinking like she did to regain his surroundings. once it came back, his sleep-ridden stare met hers.

"good morning," samy whispered softly.

"good morning pretty girl. what time is it?" will mumbled as samy flushed at the nickname. no matter how tired will was, he always had her blushing like a little girl.

"like 10:30," the brunette said, her fingers reaching up to rid the hair from his forehead.

"10:30? been awhile since i've slept that long," will mumbled.

"well, you definitely deserve it. hungry at all?" samy began making a move to get up, but will's hold quickly tightened to keep her in place.

"no, no not yet," the boy said a little too quickly making the girl chuckle.

"not yet?" she raised her eyebrow, fingers still racking through his soft curls.

"i am, but i don't wanna leave this moment. not yet. i wanna savor it some more," will answered honestly making samy flush. she settled herself back down and will shifted around so her head was on his chest instead. his strong arms had her in a tight hold and samy felt a gentle kiss being placed onto her head.

the girl smiled, enjoying the sound of will's heartbeat and his gentle touch against her skin. his one hand traced little shapes into the exposed area of her waist. as samy listened though, she could feel his heartbeat speeding up and she knew that meant will was getting anxious about something. she placed her hand across his bare chest, starting to rub soothing circles into his skin.

"you okay?" samy wondered.

"hmm?" will mumbled and the girl lifted her head up to meet his gaze.

"you're thinking about something," the brunette said simply. will raised his eyebrow, confused on how she knew that. "your heart starts beating faster when you're thinking about something," she filled in the gaps.

a tiny blush began spreading across will's cheeks, "sorry, i didn't know you knew that."

"wanna talk about it?" samy offered, shifting herself around so she could see will better and still lay her head on him.

the boy was silent for a moment, his fingers still drawing mindless shapes into samy's skin. opening up wasn't easy for will, but he'd gotten better since him and samy started dating. she just patiently waited until he was ready knowing he'd start talking eventually.

"for some reason i can't stop thinking about leaving you for california next year," the blonde finally got out. samy's face softened as she reached up to caress his cheek.

"any reason why it's been on your mind?" the girl wondered as will leaned into her touch, briefly closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling of her hand on him.

"i don't know. maybe because this time next year we'll be across the country from one another," will mumbled a bit sadly.

"true, but you'll be doing something you love and have dreamed of doing since we were kids. you'll have so many new friends," samy tried looking on the bright side for him.

"it won't be the same without you there. i've never done this without you before," will commented making samy flush. it was true that she'd been with will through his entire hockey journey.

even when they were kids, she was going places with him and cheering him on from the stands. it was hard to think about the fact that next year they wouldn't be together. samy had obligations to finish out school and continue with soccer before she could even think about following will out to san jose.

"it will only be for two years. it will fly by," samy tried a different approach. the blonde could only shrug though. clearly, this was plaguing his mind much more than samy thought.

"what if we can't do long distance? what if our relationship can't handle it?" will started rambling his "what if's." the brunette frowned. will didn't get anxious a lot, but when he did, it definitely took a toll on him.

"i mean..i can't say for certain, but i'd like to think that we can do long distance. there were months that we spent apart when we were younger and didn't see each other until summer," samy rubbed will's arm, trying to ease his now racing thoughts.

"that was different. that was before i realized i liked you and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you," his words had samy blushing again as she quickly hid her face in his chest before he saw.

"i guess it's just that all my life i've been focused on hockey and i never thought i'd have someone that makes me want to stay. i'm scared of being away from you because i've never felt this strongly about someone before until i realized you've been right in front of me all along," will admitted. his words took samy by surprise because she never knew he felt that way about her.

"will.." the brunette flushed and tugged her arms around her boyfriend.

"sorry, that was really sentimental," the blonde flushed, but samy shook her head.

"no, don't apologize. i feel the same way. i've always been so dialed into whatever sport i play i also never thought i'd have someone. i'm glad you're the someone i have though," the girl grinned. will quickly returned her smile, placing little kisses all over her face.

"i know it's scary, but the two years will fly by. plus, we still have right now. we have another whole year of college to get through before we start thinking about long distance and california and everything," samy said softly.

"you're right. i gotta get out of my own head," will chuckled.

"i love you, will."

"i love you too sweet girl," will smiled and brought his lips down to connect with hers.

after a moment, will's lips started moving down. he attached them to samy's neck, kissing little marks into her skin before he continued down to her collarbone and chest. the girl flushed as her hands dragged through his hair, occasionally pulling when will kissed particularly hard in a spot.

"you're gonna make me get chirped at," samy mumbled with a small laugh. she knew her teammates would have a field day when they saw the marks, but she also couldn't get herself to pull will's lips from her skin.

"is that a problem?" will met her gaze, a smug expression on his face

"people are gonna stare," not that samy cared if they stared. she just knew the girls would go crazy later.

"so? let them stare. they'll know you're mine," will almost grumbled the last part.

will wasn't necessarily the jealous type, but he liked making sure people knew what was his and right now he had a strong urge to make sure everyone would know. samy reached up to start nipping at will's own neck, trying to return the favor. she knew she couldn't leave marks where any skin would be visible on the ice, so she tried pushing her lips further down.

will let samy flip them over so he was sitting against the headboard. she continued working her way down to his chest where she knew she could suck pretty hickeys into his chest. his skin grew warmer under her touch, face flushing at the affection.

"you're gonna get me chirped at," the boy mumbled, but a smile sat on his lips which indicated that he didn't care.

"it's not like it hasn't happened before," samy giggled making will's cheeks blush for probably the 10th time that morning.

she leaned back, admiring the work and the pretty marks forming across his skin. "maybe we should head downstairs before the guys start wondering," samy laughed, making a move to get up but will held her down again.

"five more minutes?" the blonde grinned, a pleading look in his eyes.

samy rolled her eyes, but she gave in. time with will was precious and she didn't care if they spent the entire day in bed as long as it was with him.

#hughes!sister x will smith au #samy x will #will smith hockey #boston college #boston college hockey #samy hughes #umich hockey #will smith imagine #will smith x oc #uofmichigan

142 notes · View notes

loquaciousquark · 2 years

Text

My dog is getting old. This has happened to everyone in the history of the world who has ever loved a dog.

It's my turn, horologically speaking, to watch age catch up to him. I keep trying on the grief to see how it fits. Today I'm more sanguine; today I'm remembering the good days and the good years. The lump in the throat still hurts.

It's hard for him to stand up now on the bad days. Especially in the evenings, especially when a few hours ago he'd flung himself wall to wall with joy when I got home from work; and especially first thing in the morning when he wakes stiff as a board in the hips. On the good days he can still take the four stairs up to the living room in one light-speed jump when he's on a tear, though he trusts the kitchen linoleum much less than he used to. Today's a bad day. Yesterday was worse.

There's a faint discolored patch on my quilt where he sleeps. Right side, foot. It took half a decade to show up, and every few months I give it an extra soak in a bleach-filled bathtub. It still never really goes away; besides, he puts it right back on. Not tonight, though. Tonight he sleeps in the front room, because the stairs up to me are too hard. He watched me go up tonight without him and his tail drooped so low it touched the floor. He's only been mine eight of his eleven years, but I was there when he came home the first time, when he was exactly eight weeks old. I held him up in one hand like a waiter's tray and it was easy. He's ninety pounds now and I can't help him much at all.

German Shepherds are prone to hip dysplasia. Half-breed, half-hipped, I'd hoped, but on the bad nights he struggles to get up on those back legs like he's heaving ballast off a sinking ship. The husky part of him just seems to make him shed and yell, especially when I'm late getting home. I'd hoped for a little more time from the mix, maybe. But maybe not.

He's finally gotten used to fireworks. Thunder's mostly all right now, unless it's very bad. The washing machine is a new terror; sometimes I forget until it goes into the spin cycle and he lifts my legs off the ground trying to crawl under me. He eats books when he's anxious, when I've committed the temerarious crime of coming home and leaving again in the same day. Cold Mountain is nothing more than shredded cardboard and a few strung-together chapters, a sacrificial lamb to preserve Catherine, Called Birdy and Holes. The Private Patient died years ago.

He didn't want to come indoors tonight. The dryer was going, almost as bad as the washing machine, and there were stairs between him and bed. He let me coax him in at last, because I can't lift him and can't push him, and he made it clear that when he stiff-leg trotted inside he did so because he loved me, not because he wanted to. I sat with him while he found an acceptable patch of rug in the front room; I cooed and petted him and gave him a treat he didn't earn. He still whined when I left and looked like he wanted to get up, but didn't think he could make it.

He's getting old; it's his turn. His muzzle is turning white and his eyes have gone cloudy with cataracts. 2+ nuclear sclerosis, maybe -- probably all a little blurry, that's all. No PSCs, no cortical spoking; central vision's honestly probably fine. The vet keeps saying dogs adapt well. He can certainly see the stray cat who keeps lurking on my front porch. I'd like them to be friends, but a week ago he got out and chased her off like a bullet from a gun. His hips were good that day, and adrenaline covers a multitude of sins.

I have a picture of the first time we took him to get a Christmas tree. He's sitting and looking up and his head isn't even high to my knee. I remember watching him tear around the dog park lap after lap after lap, the single mixed greyhound out of fifteen or twenty dogs the only one who could keep up with him. I have pictures of him at the end of nearly every lecture I give; lately I've been tripping over them like rocks, stony little griefs worked loose from a streambed when the water moves too fast.

I'm thirty-five years old. I keep thinking that every dog who was alive on the planet when I was born is dead. Most are long dead. My dog has meds to help, which is comforting. I have a vet who will help me put him to sleep in my home, his home, when the time comes. Two to four years, she guesses, maybe, if he doesn't get cancer. When I watch him struggle to stand up I wonder if that's not too long for kindness.

It's a very human thing to miss someone before they die. Dogs don't do that. They live in an endless now, like a kid in a yellow summer. Now, I love you. Now, it hurts -- now it stops. Now, I love you.

I want that for us for what's left, for whatever one two three four years we have. When it happens, I want him to die in no pain, looking at me holding him where all his toys are, his favorite rope, his purple pig, his leash, his tennis balls. I want him thinking nothing but Now, I'm tired; now, I'm happy.

The empty place at the foot of the bed hurts tonight. The grief stings and bites, worse because I know I'm borrowing it ahead of time, because he's asleep fifteen feet below me, warm and full, even if tonight's a bad night and the stairs are too hard. I have to sit in it, though, just for a few minutes. Try it on for size. It's his turn, I keep thinking, and mine. Everyone who has ever loved a dog has done this before me. Now, I love you. Now, I miss you. Now, it hurts.

#hamlet #pet death for tw #or at least #the consideration of it #i started this sanguine but did not finish it that way

1K notes · View notes

haloxsaisha · 2 years

Text

So Good.

[Lewis Hamilton x Actress!Reader]

Based on: So Good by Halsey.

Warnings: Angst, Abu Dhabi and Monza 2021 (I'm so sorry), some fluff, few cheesy dialogues (cause I'm a dumbass), depression, insomnia, eating disorder and weight loss.

Word Count: 15.5K words (I've never written this much in my life so far, I'm so proud of myself).

A/N: My first Lewis fic, I wasn't expecting it to be done with during the Abu Dhabi race week but oh well💀 I'm personally quite happy with how this turned out! I hope y'all like it <33

Bold and italicized font: song lyrics.

Italicized font: flashbacks.

“I remember the night, I was so frustrated.”

You could only bury your hands, head filled with shock and completely blank.

You never thought this would ever happen to anybody, let alone just him. Nobody who had watched the sport did.

Everything inside you began to sink in the moment the whole mess about unlapping the cars started and as the rest of the race unfolded, you felt yourself crumbling.

Lewis staying in his car in silence, in disbelief at the parc ferme had been playing on your mind again and again.

You were supposed to be there. You had to be there for him.

You had apologized to him multiple times for not being there in a championship decider race, especially at a win that was so historically important but he dismissed your countless apologies saying that he could understand. You had been shooting for a movie in London since November, which also meant that you hadn't met each other in more than a month, work and COVID restrictions making its way in. There was one thing that you and Lewis always stood by, which was that your jobs would be given the first priority. Understandable from both sides because your works usually involve a lot of people, meaning that compromising on it was quite hard and it was also very important to both of you from an emotional perspective, although you had to admit the Formula 1 driver was reaching an equivalent position to your work in your heart.

You watched him speak in the post race interview and then the moment he shared with his father, leaning his head as he took in the encouraging words being whispered in his ear. He had always been so strong and it was something you admired about him.

You sent him a message (which you hoped would provide a bit of comfort), mentioning that what happened was unfair, he deserved that win after everything he'd been through the entire season and that night and how proud you were of him. Also adding that he could call you when he felt like doing so because he wouldn't be in the headspace to talk to people at the time.

Seven hours later, you were done with your scenes for the day at ten in the night. The first thing you did after entering the vanity was checking your phone and your message to him was still at 'delivered', which increased your worry and anxiety.

After a bit, you got the idea of dropping a message to Angela, who was somebody you were close to too. You knew the Wolffs, Miles and Daniel, you even met his parents, stepmum and his siblings too when you'd been to the Silverstone race but Angela was somebody you bonded along with very well. She was one of the sweetest persons you'd met and also took care of you like an older sister would whenever you were around.

But you'll only get a response a while later since it's probably the wee hours at Abu Dhabi right now, you thought as you sighed. The race and your work has already drained out all your energy and despite your mind being absolutely restless because of how anxious you felt, but you had to drive yourself to sleep somehow. The director wouldn't be happy seeing her lead actress with puffy eyes and barely any energy the next day.

By the time you landed on your bed, it struck midnight and your phone let out the notification sound, showing the message from Angela which said that Lewis wasn't doing great and hadn't spoken to anybody yet.

Now how were you going to be able to sleep after knowing that?

“I touch your hand for the first time, I see it on your face, then another lifetime's flashin' by.”

"You see the star there? That one's called Sirius." he tells you, pointing to a specific region in the night sky.

"I didn't peg you to be somebody who was familiar with Harry Potter references, Hamilton." you give him a surprised, yet impressed look.

"There's a lot more to me than meets the eye darling, you'll see." he tells you cockily and you playfully rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

"This might just be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen." you said in awe, your eyes fixed at the sparkling stars laid on an endless canvas of the dark blue sky.

"Mhm yeah, it definitely is." the sweet and distracted voice of the man who'd been surrounding you and your thoughts for the past couple of months came through and you turned your head towards him, finding him looking at you.

You felt your cheeks heat and you could only let out a giggle in response, not knowing how to respond because of how flustered he made you feel.

Lewis Hamilton was definitely a lot more cheesy than one would ever assume.

"I'm sorry I couldn't plan anything fun, there's pandemic restrictions so everything around is almost shut." he apologizes and you melt at how heartful he sounds about it.

"Don't be ridiculous Lew, I've loved every moment of this date so far." you assure him with a soft smile. Star gazing with somebody you've admired for so long as a first date was something that nobody could beat.

"Well, how can I make the date better?" he asks and your eyes light up in silent laughter thinking he's joking but then you look at him, it turns out that he was actually being serious.

Dear god, what type of dates had this man been on?

"Well that's a hard one because I feel like the date has already met the standards." you pretend to think for a moment "Maybe you could let Roscoe join us?" you ask him, giving him a grin which made him fall for you even more.

"Now that's not fair." he playfully whines "This time is for us. He loves you too much, will take away all your attention from me." he said, referring to all the times the both of you spend with your mutual friends. He was right, the bulldog did take a lot of your time.

"Well I've at least gotta win over one heart right?" you said, reflecting your doubts about him considering if the thing between the both you was anything serious or not.

"Well in that case, his heart will be the second one you've won over from this house." he said and you looked at him, your eyes softening with warmth and your cheeks turning red as you move closer to him.

He feels it too, you thought as he wrapped his arm around you, making you sigh in bliss.

Nearly two years later, the morning after the catastrophic race, the first thing you saw after waking up were the words "I don't think I can do this anymore, I need some space and time away." on your phone and at that moment, you had been absolutely destroyed.

It felt like everything in you had just been dropped down and shattered without any noise, you just feel so hollow and empty on the inside.

You couldn't ridicule him for feeling devastated, anybody would understand how much yesterday meant to him and how it affected him even if they didn't know him personally.

But you believed that you were comfortable enough to be with each other through any situation, happiness or despair. You believed that he found the same comfort, solace and safety that you found in him.

But it turns out that he didn't. The both of you went all the way from a video call like a regular couple would before the race to a text like somebody that didn't really mean anything to him a later, he pushed you out.

“I bet you're happy and that's fine. But I regret just one thing, I never got to change your mind”

He'd been back on the screens for the next season. Despite all the news about him discontinuing racing, you knew he'd go back.

Racing was everything to him, it was quite literally everything he'd known. He'd spoken openly about the struggles that him and his dad faced to reach where he was in the racing industry.

He knew how to rise up from the worst moments, he always had it in him.

You were still a mess. It had been almost three months since the text which broke everything in you. But there he was, having interviews with his teammate, a happy grin on his face.

Being an F1 fan for a long time, you always kept up with whatever news was on about the grid and Lewis had quite the spotlight when it came to headlines about his professional life or personal life.

You knew that he wasn't really the person for serious relationships after a point in his career. All of his focus was on Formula 1, rightfully so, which was why one night stands and short flings were what he went for.

You knew that even before you met him, you knew it whilst being friends but you still agreed to date him despite that one thing freaking you out. He had a hold on you, such an aura around him. You were always in this bubble of happiness, positivity and peace when you were with him.

Although his past relationships made you think about a lot of 'what if-s', how could you say no to a guy who made you feel like that?

Well, this was the consequence of giving in to emotions rather than logic. Your heart had been shattered like fritted glass, while he was back to normal like the break up was nothing but a minor collateral damage.

Work was always a top priority but all those moments that the both of you shared had a lot of meaning right?

“And I'm doin' okay. In the back of my mind, all I hear is your name”

The last time you slept well was the night before the Abu Dhabi race. You were normally a light sleeper, which gave you a pretty decent amount of sleep to feel good the next day.

But ever since that night, your sleep had come down only a few hours every week. You'd just walk about the room feeling restless, scroll through your phone or laptop or the television to pass time, there were some days where you just stared at the ceiling, the thoughts in your head just rushing in with memories of Lewis and you'd end up bursting into tears, sleeping over taking you after your eyes would turn red and puffy. And after two or three hours, you'd be awake again, tossing and turning around the bed.

And it was safe to say the sight of food started making you feel sick, your face would literally scrunch at the sight of it. But you still had to eat a minimum amount of food that would help you survive a day at work. Completely cutting out on food, which you had the urge to do, would completely affect the image on you and your career, which you felt was too risky.

Everybody had noticed you spiralled down, you could feel it too but you just stopped caring about anything after a point, you just felt so empty in your head to push yourself. Acting was the only thing that had you taking steps forward in life.

Soon enough, there were articles out on the news about you, commenting on the drastic weight loss that had been noticed in you, caused by the change in your eating habits. Your fans also began to notice how your use of social media had come down drastically, since you always had the habit of interacting with them frequently and also shared random pictures and videos from your day at work, especially if it was in a place far from home.

And that made the pressure from the people close to you increase. After getting to know about your break up with Lewis, your parents and close friends urged you to talk more, to let out how you were feeling. But you always convinced them by saying that you were alright, that you understood why he needed the break up and you just went along with life, your work satisfying you at the moment.

The moment you came back home after you were done with the movie you were working on for the past couple of months, the first thing your mum did was make you sit next to her and reminded you of all the hard times you'd been through, of all the people you had in your life who still cared for you and loved you, about how there were people out there who admired your work.

And that's when it struck you, that yes, you did lose a particular feeling love in your life. But there was so much more to life that made living your life whole heartedly rather than making it more painful for you, more that you'd already been through because of your heart getting broken by a certain British man.

You took a small break from your work and the fast life around you, spending the time with your family and friends, parallelly going to therapy as well. Although the scar of that heartbreak was always going to remain, the slow paced yet quality time helped your wounds heal little by little.

And then you were back to work, feeling better than you'd been for the past couple of months. You were able to breathe freely, feeling the light weighted space in you.

But there were still certain things that reminded you of him. One day, you saw a bull dog being taken on a walk by its owner, your mind would fly to how Roscoe would lie down in between you and Lewis, snuggling in the night. The smell or sight of tea would remind you about how the both of you would keep arguing about whether tea or coffee was better, you loving coffee and him being always so British and loving tea. But nevertheless he knew how to make coffee the way you liked it and you knew the same for his tea. The sound of a piano would remind you of the times he would play it and sing his favourite songs, even teaching you the basics of how to play it sometimes. Stargazing and watching Formula 1 was something you just stopped altogether, not being able to handle the intensity of the emotions it brought in you.

If there was anything that made you feel relieved now, it was about how it didn't hurt as much as it used to and how the control he had your thoughts had come down.

"Talkin' wildly out of context, I wish things were different. But I'll never know”

What the hell just happened, you thought as you looked at the screen of the TV in the garage.

It took you everything to not break into a string of curse words but if anything, you were really worried if Lewis was okay.

The man literally had a car on top of his with the tyres nearly touching his head, dear god.

And you had no clue how he would react after coming back to the garage. He wasn't the one to tantrums but was he somebody who just stayed quiet? Did he deal with the anger he felt? Would he like having anybody around him to comfort him? Or did he prefer being alone?

You had spent a good number of days with him, an amount of time that could turn into a bunch of months if you added them up, but all the races you'd been to for the past year were always good ones. You were there when he won his seventh world championship but this was the first time you were around during a bad race, a one with a scary DNF.

He didn't know you were here for the race. Due to the COVID protocols, you had to quarantine for a few days before being able to meet Lewis and you didn't have a break or gap of that many days that often which made being at his races quite hard. So you thought that you could surprise him at the Monza GP, coming into the garage after he got into the car.

What you planned was to hide in some corner of the Mercedes garage and meet him in his driver's room after he went there, yelling a cheerful "surprise!". But you obviously couldn't do that now, considering what just happened. How you would meet him was barely on your mind now, you were scared about how he was after the crash.

"Hey, he's back in his driver's room. You can go and meet him now." Angela came and told you, a few minutes after you were restlessly tapping your feet up and down.

"Oh thank god, how is he? No injuries right?" you ask her anxiously, a shaky breath leaving your body.

"He's alright now, nothing serious has happened to him. He has some headache and pain in the neck, he'll be back to normal in a matter of some time." she assures you, giving you a comforting smile and places her around your shoulder, knowing how worried you get about him.

"Would he be alright with having me around now Ange? I think he'd want some silence for now." you said, giving her an unconvincing smile.

"Don't be ridiculous, he just had a scary race. None of his family and close friends are around now either, he'll obviously love to have you around now. You'll make his day better and he'll calm down." Angela convinces you and you walk towards his driver's room, still debating in your mind if you should step in or not.

Angela knocks the door and speaks out so that Lewis thinks it her, rushing towards the team before Lewis opens the door so that the both of you can have your space.

The sound of the room's door opening brings you out of your over thinking. "Um, hey?" you tell him in a shaky voice, eyes scanning over him to see if he was alright. Of course Angela wouldn't lie to you but for some reason, it wasn't sinking in your mind until you saw him.

His eyes widened in surprise "You're here? Wait a minute- you're actually here." he says and his reaction made your nerves calmed down a bit.

"Well, the plan was to keep a rather happy surprise." you say, giving him a weak smile "If you want to be alone for some time, I'll go back and sit with Ange, I totally understand-" he cut off your rambling by taking your hand in his and pulling you in for a hug.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm glad you're here. C'mon in." he said, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his forehead on your shoulder "missed you and that scent so much." he mumbles as you place your hand through his braids, running your fingers through his hair to calm him down, like he always liked it.

"I can feel your heartbeat and it's going crazy. We've been together for a year and I still scare you?" he teases you, referring to the initial days of knowing him. Timid was an understatement. Having been a huge fan of the sport and him for years before you first met him, you always shared many shy smiles and few words with him, scared that your rather talkative side which always went on rambling would annoy him.

"I don't know- that just, that was scary. I'm so worried baby, the tyre was literally so close to your head." you sighed as he sat on the couch, placing you on his lap.

"Stuff like this happens time and again in racing, you've watched it over the years. At that moment I tried to shuffle inside the car as much as possible and lowered my head down, so nothing from the car reached my head. Don't worry sweetheart, I'm totally alright." he says, rubbing circles on your waist in the hopes of calming you down.

"Ange told me you have a headache and neck pain though, don't lie to me." you mumbled, pushing away the braids to a side and placing a small kiss on his forehead. He just gives you a reassuring smile, his eyes signifying that it'll be gone soon and he places his head on your shoulder, snuggling in for comfort as you placed your hand on his back and rubbing it up and down.

Thinking of the memory from that day made you wonder only one thing. Would the both of you still be together if you were together? If he would've seeked your comfort or just push you away nevertheless.

You guess you'd never know, Monza was one DNF while what happened at Abu Dhabi was something brought in such loss and affected his perspective about his career and life.

You knew it didn't end well, there were so many things left unspoken between the two of you. It was bad, but both of you would've been so good together.

#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x actress!reader #lewis hamilton one shot #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #saisha writes #f1 imagine

635 notes · View notes

thesithdiaries · 9 months

Text

Betrayed (Damien Priest/TJD imagine)

Summary: Adding a new member to the group isn't a bad idea if the person is trustworthy but what if that person wants to ruin everything?

Pairing: Damien Priest x female!reader, platonic TJD x female!reader

Warnings: wrestling, violence, cursing, mentions of bad anxiety, mention of injury

Anxiety. That's all Y/N felt. It was crippling. She couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate.

The end was near, she could feel it.

Y/N joined The Judgement Day two months after Dominik Mysterio because Rhea had taken an interest in her. They had all seen what Y/N could do in and outside of the ring, she was also a fan favorite, regardless of what she did.

Damien’s interest, however, went beyond work. He fell first and fell hard. Y/N thought it was a silly crush on his part, even though she had a crush on him as well, but thanks to Dom, they realized how crazy they were for each other.

Over dinner, Dom couldn’t resist and had to speak up. “You two seem close, you know?”

Damien and Y/N looked at each other. “What do you mean?” Damien asked.

Dom smirked. “I mean, have you ever considered that there might be more to your friendship than just being coworkers?”

Y/N and Damien blushed. They stammered, trying to come up with an explanation, but the truth was that Dom had figured it out.

Dom leaned in to talk. “Look, it’s okay if you’re into each other. Sometimes the best relationships start as friendships.”

As Dom left their hotel room that evening, Damien and Y/N found themselves alone. The atmosphere had changed, and they both realized that Dom had been right. Their connection ran deeper than friendship, and they had been oblivious to it.

Y/N managed to find the courage to speak first. “Damien, Dom was right. I think I might have feelings for you.”

Damien smiled. “Y/N, I was going to say the same thing. I’ve been crazy about you for a while now.”

Y/N was currently out of action due to a shoulder injury, but still went to the weekly shows and traveled with everyone despite their protests.

The tension has been thick since Summerslam. Damien and Finn were not on the same page at all, and Y/N could feel the riff. Rhea had tried to fix it and make them get along. That only lasted a few hours, because they would find something to argue about. And, to make things worse, JD McDonagh entered the picture.

He was Finn’s friend, who liked to meddle and get into people's business. Y/N knew what it meant, knew what was about to happen and there was no way she could stop it.

“That briefcase has to go, bro,” is what JD said to Damien the night after Payback. Y/N eye's widened at his audacity, quickly holding Damien’s bicep before he could even reply. “Look, you don't need it. Look at you guys, you have all the gold. You don't need that briefcase, you need this one.”

JD reveals a purple briefcase that says “Señor Money in the Bank”. Y/N couldn't hide her grimace, what the fuck was that? Everyone around her was cheering, Rhea and the boys were surprised and seemed to like it.

Y/N didn’t.

She sat on a storage box in the hallway, anxious. Her stomach was turning.

“Hey babe,” Damien called, standing in front of her. “There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.”

Y/N smiled softly at him but focused her gaze on her twiddling fingers.

“What's wrong?” He asked with concern, “Are you feeling okay? Is it your shoulder?”

“No no, I'm okay, it's just that…” Y/N looked up at him, frowning. “I don't think you should use that briefcase. I have a bad feeling.”

Damien raised an eyebrow, “Why? I don't think JD did anything to it though.”

Y/N shook her head. “It's just too much of a coincidence. At first, he tells you to get rid of it and now he gives you a new one. I really don't think you should use it.”

He glanced at the briefcase he was holding, contemplating what she said. “It'll be fine, I promise.” Someone from the crew called him from the other end of the hallway. “I have to do a promo with Finn, I'll be right back,” Damien gave her a soft peck on her lips before turning and walking away.

Y/N went to find Rhea, maybe she could help her.

Rhea was sitting on a couch with Dom, watching some funny video.

“Hey Rhea, can we talk?” Y/N asked.

“Sure, what's up?” She replied, not looking up.

“Alone,” Y/N added after hesitating for a few seconds. Both of them looked at her, and Rhea got worried because of her expression.

“Come on,” Rhea quickly jumped to her feet and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards a secluded part. “Are you okay?”

"Rhea," Y/N began, "I don't want to sound paranoid or anything, but I've got this gut feeling about JD. Something just doesn't sit right with me."

Rhea turned to Y/N, her eyebrows furrowing in curiosity. "What do you mean? JD seems like a nice guy, and he's been friends with Finn forever. Sure, he's annoying but if Finn trusts him, shouldn't we?"

Y/N sighed, "I know, but that's the thing. I can't explain it, but I can't shake this feeling that something's off about JD and the new briefcase he gave to Damien."

Rhea softly brushed her fingers on Y/N’s cheek, studying her expression. "I get that you're worried, but it's going to be fine. Finn has known JD for years, and they've got this weird deep bond. I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt. If we see something weird, we tell Finn."

Y/N nodded, appreciating Rhea's attempt to reassure her. "You're probably right," she said, trying to convince herself. "I just need to stop overthinking things."

Over the next few weeks, Y/N tried her best to push those thoughts away. She watched JD closely but couldn't find anything specific to validate her feelings. The group seemed to finally enjoy JD's company, and he effortlessly slipped into their routines and conversations.

That night, Seth Rollins had a match against Gunther and lost. He was lying mostly unconscious in the middle of the ring with a referee and two paramedics attending to him.

Damien took the opportunity, running out with his briefcase. Y/N ran after him, both excited and scared. That weird feeling she tried suppressing for so long was slowly creeping up on her. What if?

He got in the ring, pushing his briefcase into the ref’s hands, “Go! Quick!”

Y/N watched as Samatha Irwin, a producer, and the referee talked, for what seemed to be a long time. The ref turned to look at Damien, “You can't use this.” Y/N who was about to enter the ring stopped, holding the rope while feeling faint.

“What do you mean?” Damien yelled, furious. “It's not expired.”

“There's no contract in this briefcase.”

Damien turned to look at Y/N for a quick second, who was shaking her head in disbelief. No contract? But where could it… Oh. Oh no. It's in the green briefcase. The crowd started going crazy but nobody was paying attention until a yelp made them look.

Y/N was pulled by her feet, causing her to fall and hit her head on the edge of the ring. Feeling dizzy, she looked up and saw a familiar face… JD McDonagh. He grabbed a chair, hitting her repeatedly on her shoulder, agitating her injury. Y/N cried, trying to push herself away from the hits but it wasn't stopping.

Damien wanted to save her and beat JD’s ass as he heard those horrible screams but he couldn't, because someone hit him on the back of the head repeatedly and pushed him out of the ring.

Disoriented, he saw how Finn Bálor handed the green briefcase to the referee, urging him to call it. Samantha, outraged and confused, still had to do her job announcing that Finn was cashing in “his” Money in the Bank contract.

The crowd got louder. Damien turned his head groggily to see Rhea and Dom running down the ramp. Their faces were red with anger. Rhea quickly got rid of JD, knocking him out cold. Her heart was beating uncontrollably as she saw the state Y/N was in. Dom was helping Damien up, both of them walking where the girls were.

Everything was happening quickly. Finn managed to secure the victory, pinning Seth and becoming the new champion. Finn grabbed the belt and raised it high, finally getting what he wanted. The boos from the crowd were deafening.

He and Damien locked eyes. Finn had a smirk on his face while Damien looked somber. “You will regret this,” he informed him, making the new champion laugh.

Damien picked Y/N up trying to not hurt her shoulder more. “I’m sorry I didn't listen to you,” he admitted in a whisper as they walked backstage. Y/N didn't reply, only nestled her face on his shoulder. Rhea was yelling curses all over and throwing things around while Dom tried to calm her down.

The Judgement Day lost a member that day. Damien and Rhea felt like shit for not listening to Y/N. She was right all along.

#the judgement day imagine #tjd imagine #damien priest x reader #damien priest imagine #rhea ripley x reader #rhea ripley imagine #wwe fanfic #wwe imagine

133 notes · View notes

fivewholeminutes · 5 months

Text

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

#it was surprisingly hard to write #took a lot of editing and rewriting whole paragraphs and it's still not a proper description of everything i wanted to say #i don't know how to talk about emotions #and i have. a lot of them since wembley #a word of advice: attend concerts. beg for money for them from your family members sleep in tents during rain #or in hostel rooms filled with random people #go for gigs without a place to sleep and spend 4hrs waiting for your bus home in a local mcdonalds #watching drunk guys split their eyebrows on the stairs there #(not now tho now we're boycotting macdonalds #but there are other places open 24/7)#go to gigs alone #but by god. go to them if you are able to and if your health allows you to go #(and yes it is coming from someone with anxiety. i wouldn't travel or sleep in a tent alone for anything else trust me)#it is always worth it. ALWAYS #sleep token

38 notes · View notes

finkinthisfrew · 10 months

Text

Anything (pt.1)

A Matty Healy Fanfiction

cw: nightmare, boring plot set up (I promise Matty comes in, pls bear w me)

Chapter 1

I woke up shivering. Sweating. Stomach-churning. Sitting up and shaking my head, I grabbed the book from my nightstand and started reading to distract myself before I could register what I had dreamt and let the tears that had welled up in my sleep fall. I knew the pattern well and I wasn't going to let it ruin yet another morning. Thankfully these dreams happened less often than they used to, maybe once or twice a month now, yet somehow they never seemed to upset me any less.

After a few minutes of reading, I picked up my phone- 48 minutes until my alarm was meant to go off.

Well, I guess it could've been worse. I sighed to myself.

Trying to ignore my exhaustion, both emotional and physical, I tore off my sheets and hopped out of bed to start my day.

Shuffling into the bathroom in my oversized sleeping shirt and thick knit socks, I turned the tap on and plugged the sink, letting the water pool. Splashing water on my face I tried to shake off the sleep that still bogged down my mind.

The dreams definitely didn't help much with my terrible sleep schedule, though they weren't always the cause of it. I'd always struggled with sleep, ever since I was a child. I was always an anxious kid growing up which led to countless restless nights. I'd gotten better as I'd grown older, but my recurring nightmare set me back into my old habit of staying up too late and waking up too early. Unfortunately, it's something I've grown accustomed to.

As I looked up at myself in the mirror, I saw two green eyes with dark circles under them staring back at me. My dark brown curly shag haircut was messy from the tossing and turning in my bed, the ends dripping wet from the water I'd splashed on my face.

Suddenly I wasn't there anymore, my vision was replaced with a flashback to my dream, black eyes staring back at me.

Gone as quickly as it appeared, I once again stared back into my own green eyes, now filled with panic. I dove back into the basin to splash more water on my face.

I took a deep breath and turned back into my bedroom. Determined to not let my recurring nightmare dictate the rest of my day, I decided I would treat myself. Today I would put on my favourite clothes, do up my hair and makeup and take myself to my new favourite coffee shop.

I opened up the door to the beautiful handpainted wardrobe I'd just bought last week and began to sift through all the hanging fabrics. Picking out my favourite jeans and a long sleeve shirt, I closed the door to my wardrobe and stepped back to admire my new apartment.

I had just moved to London a month ago for a six-month-long residency at an art gallery. I had been shocked when I was first offered it but jumped on the opportunity immediately. A six-month trip to London with free housing and endless hours to work on my art? It was a dream come true.

The housing that the gallery supplied me with wasn't anything extravagant, but it was definitely charming. My apartment was on the top floor of a three-story walk-up, boasting giant slanting windows that brightened the single-room apartment even on the gloomiest of London days. I had found various charming vintage pieces of furniture and art to spruce up the bland basics I'd originally been supplied with, and it had finally started to feel like a home away from home.

As I glanced one last time into the full-length mirror, I admired my outfit. My vintage light-wash perfectly worn-in Levi's fit me like a glove, and my new beige fitted long-sleeve mock neck looked effortlessly sexy, the semi-sheer knit material showing my black bralette in a casually immodest way. After I put my thin black sunglasses over my now brown smokey eyes and slid on my black vintage cowboy boots, I popped my AirPods in as I locked my apartment door.

Singing along to the opening lyric of an upbeat playlist, I started to get excited about my little trip to the coffee shop. I had just discovered it last week, finding out that they sold what I believed to be the best cookies I'd ever had in my life. Noticing the sun peaking through spotty clouds, I quickened my step down the stairs into the tube as I decided I'd take my coffee and cookie to a park to finish my book and maybe draw up some new ideas for pieces to make.

Twenty minutes later I found myself saying "I'll have three cookies please" to the friendly barista, trying and failing to not blush at the fact that I knew that the extra two cookies I was buying for later wouldn't even make it home.

Excited that they hadn't run out of cookies yet, I stood at the counter, humming and letting my toes tap along to the music in my ears while I waited for my iced latte. Considering how my day had started, I was positively chipper.

I had already begun to daydream about some new pieces I wanted to sketch out as I stepped out the door of the coffee shop. I was about to turn to walk towards the park when suddenly something slammed into me and I lost my footing, falling straight to the ground.

Disoriented, I gasped for breath as the air had been knocked out of me. Looking around to see what had hit me, I was met with a pair of chocolate-coloured eyes.

"Oh fuck! I am so sorry! Are you okay, darlin'?" the eyes asked me earnestly.

I opened my mouth to answer yes before I noticed the searing pain that engulfed my entire chest.

I winced, and then, I blacked out.

#matty healy #matty the 1975 #at their very best #trumanblack #the 1975 #fanfic #fanfiction #tenderness #tender #lovers #romantic #meet cute #boyfriend #bfiafl

58 notes · View notes

thebluntstudent · 9 days

Text

FOUR ANXOUS THOUGHTS YOU MAY BE HAVING PRE-EXAM, AND WAYS TO RATIONALISE THEM ...

Also, a little commentary about panic attacks because I been there babs, in fact was there 30 mins ago~

°•☆•°

Tomorrow, I have an exam that I have been dreading for a long time. So naturally, today when I woke up a couple hours later than I was anticipating and opened up my notes to make the most of my last day of revising, I was hit with a flood of overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack followed suit.

I was struggling to move, I felt so overtaken by my thoughts- so I lay down, hugged myself, and did my best to calm down and rationalise my thoughts. This is how I got through it, and this is how I contended with a few of the emotionally-loaded thoughts that were driving my pre-exam panic:

Firstly, getting through it. If you are having a panic attack, don't try to push it down or ignore it- it sucks babs, but much like escaping a burning building by jumping through the fire, it's happening now and the only way past it is going through. So feel it. If you can talk to someone to support you through and ground you then do, and use whatever aids you to help calm the physical effects enough that you can start to fight that negative filter making you feel like the worlds biggest failure right now- you're not. You're a human, and if you didn't care about this exam you wouldn't be curled up in bed hyperventilating about it!

°•☆•°

Just physically calming yourself down doesn't help you fight the thoughts you're having that may be caused by or be the cause of your anxiety in the first place- so here are a few anxious thoughts I have had that you may also be experiencing and the rationalisation that helped me through them- in hopes that if you aren't doing okie dokie right now that maybe this will give you something to focus on and help you be the devil's advocate to your own anxiety too:

"I woke up later than I wanted to, I've lost important study time." So you slept through your alarm, or forgot to set one- fretting about lost time is only going to make you lose your mind and lose focus more, and the day before an exam you need as much rest as the night before. A few hours may feel like a lot of time, but you probably wouldn't have made the most of that in a groggy sleep-deprived state anyway. You're looking after yourself, you still have time, and that is okay.

"I have so much to get through, I'm never going to understand everything now." There is still plenty that you can do! I have been moderately unwell for 2 months and it has had a massive impact on my capacity to study consistently. There's a fair bit of content I know that I don't have enough time to understand at a first grade level- but I still have hours to lock down a little bit more confidence in preparation for the exam. Stop thinking 'I have to do ALL of this in the next 24 hours', start thinking 'what can I do to make myself feel a little more confident for tomorrow?'- as I mentioned in my last post, in just a 5-10 minute revision session you can go over a topic's worth of content via flashcards, and you literally have hours to go yet.

"I'm a bad student, I should have started prepping weeks ago/I should have done more." Hindsight is a bitch. Even if your reason for not studying before now is simply procrastination (which does not make you a bad student, it makes you a normal student- and also, a human being), mourning the time you've lost will not get you a top grade. You still have so much time to make yourself feel a little more prepared- you aren't a bad person, and you can still do something now even if you didn't a week ago! <3

"I don't even know where I'm supposed to start now, everything feels so overwhelming." take 20. Stop envisioning your subject as a whole (easier said than done, I know), and instead try to break it down into little segments of info you have to learn- you've already been taught the subject, so you don't have to learn the WHOLE thing in 24 hours. I like to write a list breaking down my module lecture by lecture, with three little check boxes next to it (though this depends on the subject you're doing): content, flashcards, practise. Cross off anything you've already done, pick one topic- one task you want to focus on and ignore everything except for that for however long you'll be working on it. It doesn't matter if you can't get through the whole list- every little section you do is another set of questions in the exam that you now have a better chance at answering. Isn't that a win?

This won't get rid of your anxiety like some magic solution, and it isn't always an easy task to dismiss your restless mind's accusations- but hopefully this is a little helpful for any fellow messy, anxious students out there who want the best but aren't in the best circumstances to get there <3 also, good luck!

#study blog #study tips #studyblr #studyspo #study motivation #student #student tips #exams #exam season #exam stress #thebluntstudent

12 notes · View notes

homunculus-argument · 1 year

Note

I used to feel really tired and sleepy in the afternoon, then I saw the “sugar is not a treat” ted talk video and “why you’re always tired” video by pick up limes and I changed my diet a little and it worked! The main things were avoiding sugar, eating protein in the morning (usually just a protein smoothie) and avoiding fast digesting carbs during the day, so brown rice instead of white rice for lunch, white rice for dinner. Little by little I’m having changes in my diet (mainly including more veggies and protein) and I’m noticing that I have way more energy and feel better than ever. People also talk a lot about that book “how to not die” when it comes to getting healthier, but I haven’t read it yet.

I used to hate getting tired and sleepy in the afternoon, it was like I couldn’t get anything done, so I hope this helps!

My sleep problems seem to have been temporariily fixed by spending an hour in a sensory deprivation tank. I know it's probably a bandaid solution that'll wear off sooner or later and I'm looking into seeing if I can make that a regular thing - like once a month or so - since all the relaxation techniques and metitations I've been nagged to do year after year never worked, but that did.

We'll see how the next few days go, but the current popular hypothesis is that the reason I've been constantly tired is because I've been getting like 3-5 hours of sleep per night, and the reason I keep snapping awake several hours before any reasonable time has been because I'm just literally always and constantly too tense and anxious to sleep.

79 notes · View notes

rickmymanrick · 9 months

Text

one rule | chapter four

[rick grimes x original female character slowburn]

summary: a supply run goes wrong and daphne finds herself reunited with an old acquaintance.

notes: i’ll be including different POVs in the coming chapters. also not sure how I’m feeling about writing in past tense. i’m better at present tense and so I feel like this is some shit writing. if i switch all of a sudden, you know why. also, we’re starting to deviate from the original storyline a bit so bare with me. also be sure to check out the important character info i added to the masterlist of the series!!

masterlist!

I wish I could say I handled the situation with a bit of dignity, but I'd be lying.

Turns out, luck was not on my side the following morning, and Shane was up and pacing as per usual even before I woke up at dawn. Had he even gone to sleep? His hair was tousled, as if he'd been pulling at it for hours. And when I got a closer look at him albeit reluctantly, his eyes were bloodshot red. It wasn't hard to tell that he didn't get a wink of sleep.

My first instinct when I saw him was to duck back into my tent and peer at his tiny figure in the distance through the sliver of the flaps. And my anxiety nearly made me pass out when he came too close to my tent for comfort, glaring at the flaps like he could see straight through them. I held my breath until he walked away.

And when it was finally time to leave the tent, dressed and dragging an unenthusiastic and grumpy Glenn behind me, I avoided Shane at all costs. Was it fucked up to leave without saying goodbye? Abso- fucking - lutely, but my anxiety couldn't give less of a shit. I didn't usually get this nervous - I'd even consider myself a bit suave - but knowing there was actually some truth behind his teasing and flirting over the three years I'd known him was making me feel rather guilty. I'm not responsible for anyone else's feelings, but I know I shouldn't have led him on last night. I shouldn't have been so selfish.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" asked Glenn as I finished rushing through my goodbye to Lori and practically sprinted to the van. He still looked grumpy, more exhausted than anything.

I beelined for the passenger's seat, quietly calling shotgun and the others knew better than to actually argue with me. I slammed the door shut, gripping the pistol Shane gave me last night nervously. Adrenaline was surging from the tips of my toes up my legs, causing me to obnoxiously bounce the gun on my knee. Glenn gave me a side-eye. I quickly pocketed the weapon. Maybe the fact that I was actually going into the city again was making me more anxious than usual. Not Shane and this high school drama.

"Nothing," I said defensively. "I am absolutely fine."

I could very well die. And then the kiss wouldn't even matter then, would it? At that resolution, I decided to take one last glance over at the edge of the woods, where Shane was surely standing. He wasn't, in fact, and I looked over at Lori who stood with Carl against her chest. They were both waving, the boy giving us a wide, hopeful smile. Lori locked eyes with me and suddenly glanced to the space in front of the car. I followed her gaze and saw Shane standing a few feet ahead, staring straight at the passengers side of the car. He gave me a strange look, almost guarded but also as vulnerable as I've ever seen him. It was a look only I could decipher - the pain, the longing, the regret... regret for letting me leave today or regret for even kissing me in the first place?

I didn't have much time to search for the answer in his eyes because Glenn had put the car in reverse as soon as Morales slammed the back door shut. Shane got smaller and smaller, his hands resting on his hips, as we made it a safe distance to be able to make a three-point turn out of there. The last thing I caught was the odd look Lori was giving Shane from across the camp as he kept his attention locked on the van. Glenn shifted gears and the view of the camp disappeared, the path down the mountain ahead of us and the outline of the city glooming like a dark, stormy cloud.

It was tense and silent, no one saying a single word as we drove farther away from our little safe haven and closer to the city of the dead.

Just as we all expected, Merle made not a single effort to help collect supplies. It was just the six of us rummaging through an abandoned supermarket, piling up whatever necessities we could find in a corner.

My arms burned from the exhaustion after the first hour or so. I’d been focusing on the pharmaceutical section, mostly because I was hoping to find Carl and their other kids some supplements but also because Merle happened to be lurking around the area as well. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

My eyes trailed over to where he was standing, finding him at the end of the aisle I was sweeping out. I furrowed my eyebrows and stomped over, hoping to get a glimpse at whatever he was scoping out before he could grab it for his stash.

Painkillers. Extra Strength to be precise, and about four bottles untouched.

"Excuse me," I muttered, narrowly avoiding his stature as he obnoxiously stayed in the same spot, despite my undeserved politeness. I rolled my eyes and cut right in front of him, snatching the bottles and throwing them into my shopping basket with a scowl.

"Don't worry," chuckled Merle. "I got my sights set on bigger things."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I asked monotonously, not even sparing him a glance as I scanned the rest of the shelves around him.

He didn't answer, not verbally at least. I forced myself to look back at the annoying fucker and instantly did a double-take...

There by the pharmacy desk -- Merle was standing with the toothiest smile I'd ever seen from him and swinging a striker hammer like it was a baseball bat. He barely gave me a second to react before he was swinging his arm back and slamming the hammer into the glass wall that separated the pharmacy prescriptions and him. The noise instantly made me flinch, the impact vibrating throughout the deserted store like he'd slammed it into a megaphone.

"Hey!" "What the hell was that?!" "Daphne, what the fuck?"

Everyone came rushing towards the pharmacy, following the source of the sound.

"What are you doing? You're being too loud!" Andrea said loudly.

"We're going to be surrounded by walkers if you keep that shit up!" T-Dog said angrily.

Merle acted as if he didn't hear a damn thing, banging the hammer against the crack that had already formed in the glass.

"Have you even tried the door?" Morales said over everyone's angry protests. Glenn and I glanced at each other worriedly, knowing the place could be overrun by walkers any minute. My legs were itching to make a run for it.

"It's got--" he grunted as he swung his arm with all his strength. The wall finally shattered into tiny bits of glass. "-- a keypad on it." Merle snickered as he jumped over the counter and into the restricted pharmacy section, slamming his hammer into the doorknob on the other side and swinging it open with a proud smile.

We all stood speechless, surprised he would even be courteous enough to open the door for the rest of us-- especially knowing his only goal to get in here was to raid the stash for any drugs he could consume recreationally. He probably figured even he wouldn't have enough pocketroom to store a whole pharmacy full of drugs in. I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason he was letting us have our pick of the litter was so he could just steal it from our stock at camp.

Nevertheless, I shoved past the rest of the group and followed after Merle. Glenn was right on my heels, grabbing the first box of diphenhydramine he saw. He shoved it into my basket hastily.

"Your sniffling keeps me up sometimes," he said sheepishly after I gave him an incredulous look.

"Damn, I'm sorry," I winced. You'd think my sinuses would've gotten used to the outdoors at this point.

"Guys, I'm gonna check the front. Make sure none of the walkers heard this psycho," said Morales.

"Yeah," grumbled Merle. "You oughta be thankin' me, boy!"

Glenn rolled his eyes and swept a whole shelf of medicine into my basket, my arm dropping significantly.

"Dude!" I groaned.

"Here," he took the basket from me. "We'll put it in the corner with everything else."

"Guys," Morales called from the front of the store.

"Yeah?" answered Jacqui, joining Glenn and I in the corner, placing an armful of muscle relaxers on top of the pile.

Morales suddenly came rushing back, pale and shaking. "There's a hoard of them coming from the west side of the city. Down Peachtree. They're moving fast. We gotta go right now."

“I gotta gather up the stuff—” I muttered, making a quick move for the pile of supplies we’d spent over an hour accumulating.

”There’s no time for that!” Morales said, panicked. “This idiot attracted the whole block. We gotta go now!”

A sudden banging and chorus of growls sent us all flying toward the opposite exit, my fingers barely gripping onto one of the bottles of diphenhydramine Glenn had give me.

It was astounding how quickly the dead could move, despite being— you know, dead. It also sent a terrorizing chill down my spine and a surge of cortisol that had me nearly suffocating in anxiety.

We crossed the street in a sprint, leaving behind the supermarket, and I spared a glance back as we kept putting distance between us and the horde.

Walkers were smashing through the windows of the store, using debris from the streets to crack the fragile glass open. Some were even capable of opening the damn doors for themselves. They were running limply, searching for us as we disappeared into the ruins of the city.

I forced my gaze ahead, hearing Glenn’s frantic instructions and suddenly feeling very meek about our odds of survival. They were coming from all directions, running with flesh hanging off their decaying bodies, moans and screeching echoing off each building, dead sights set on us… there were hundreds.

I pushed my legs faster, despite the burn, and gripped onto Glenn’s backpack to catch up. His hand traveled down to my wrist without looking.

Jacqui suddenly yelped and then Merle grunted. Morales cursed and T-Dog threw his head into his arms as we found ourselves pinned between a parking garage and a dead-end alley.

The walkers were coming full force, their arms extended with rotting fingers, teeth snapping as if they could already taste our untouched flesh. I dug my nails into Glenn’s arm and prepared for the worst—

A horse neighed loudly. The odd sound echoed between the buildings and effectively causing every single one of us to freeze. Even the walkers hesitated and turned toward the sound.

I held my breath.

BANG!

I counted four gunshots. There could’ve been more but I didn’t give a fuck after the initial shock wore off because I was grabbing at Glenn’s flannel and dragging him into the garage like my life depended on it. I hoped the others did the same because I wasn’t looking back to check. My priority was our survival and as soon as those walkers started going for the bigger prey, I knew it was the only chance we’d have.

Glenn got the gist quickly and he was running beside me, heading for the closest door and hoping it was unlocked. Our prayers were heard when it flew open, all of us rushing through it without even considering the possibility of running into even more danger.

We were supposed to die mere seconds ago. Any minute we were still breathing was on borrowed time— if we ran into death now, well it was just inevitable, wasn’t it?

The empty hallway got smaller and darker until we were hitting another door and running into the streets again. This time, a lot more empty than before. It seems the gunshots attracted all of them… thankfully.

I spotted a tourist shop just across the street. My legs sprang into motion again, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Still, I was finally starting to notice how out of breath I was becoming.

"How the fuck do you do this?" I wheezed, looking over at Glenn who, to my surprise, wasn't looking too hot either.

"I don't," he said exhaustedly. "I'm not usually seen."

I shrugged, reaching the tourist shop first and practically slamming the glass doors open and pushing through the racks of clothes until I saw a small, dark hallway. I heard a scuffle of footsteps behind me, the group moving as quickly but quietly as possible.

We made it into a small room, filing cabinets lining the walls, some papers thrown across the floor but otherwise untouched. And safe.

T-Dog quickly shut the other door that led into the room to another parking garage. The click of the lock made us all release a deep breath.

Finally.

Everyone heaved, some against the wall and others with their hands on their knees. Even Merle looked winded and a bit startled. I looked up at the ceiling, thanking whatever force was listening for the fact that we were still alive.

"I gotta go back," Glenn said after he caught his breath.

"What?" "Are you kidding?" "We got away! I say we take the win!"

"I'm not asking any of you to come with me. I just - I'm gonna go see what's up," he said with his hands up. Andrea pulled at her hair anxiously and walked to the furthest corner of the room.

The logical part of my brain was screaming at me not to go. To let Glenn be a dumbass on his own. I sighed, "Let's go." I made sure Shane's pistol was fully loaded.

"What?!" stressed Andrea, pulling so hard her hair might just come out. Even Jacqui was starting to look a bit panicked.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll be back. Here - " I snapped the safety back on and handed Andrea the gun, probably making a horrible decision but in all the times Glenn had ventured into the city alone, he's never taken a weapon. As long as it was just the two of us, I don't see why we'd need it if we snuck around his way.

Andrea hesitantly took it and that's when I noticed Merle's absence... At least, there would be a gun within the group while we were gone, since Merle and his rifle disappeared. I couldn't bring myself to care.

" - you'll be safe in the meantime. Don't go outside. Don't make any loud noises. Just wait," I commanded. I made eye contact with each person and they all nodded back.

Glenn stood by the door, waiting for me to finish my instructions quietly. Once I was done, I looked over at him, heading for the exit T-Dog had just locked. "Let's go," I nodded.

It's my downfall-- if Glenn was going to be a dumbass (which was 90% of the time), I was going to follow suit.

We climbed the staircase ahead of us, successfully evading the two stray walkers that were lingering in the alley. Our quiet footsteps went unnoticed and I followed Glenn without missing a step. We reached the roof of the building we'd found refuge in, looking out over the city. From our view of the main road, we still couldn't quite spot where the hoard had congregated. Glenn broke out into a jog, crossing a vent that connected to the next building. I followed behind him, releasing a breath once we made our way across the tall gap. We rounded the corner of the building's fire escape and climbed a short ladder that led to the very top of this taller building. It was closer to the main intersection where the gunshots had come from.

I nearly gagged at the sight below us. The horse was currently on its side, being devoured and chewed on by a mass of walkers. Even from this distance, I could hear the tearing of flesh and guts. Thankfully, the horse had died quickly. I followed the trail of walkers to a military tank that was abandoned in the middle of the intersection. I tried to find the body of whoever had fired their gun but the only mess of intestines and blood I could find was that of the horse.

"They must've found a way into the tank," said Glenn, crouching down by the edge. He fished through his backpack, pulling out his walkie-talkie he so conveniently neglected to use on his solo trips into the city.

I watched Glenn curiously as he fidgeted with the knobs of the radio.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Military tanks should have radio systems. Let's hope this one's still works." He started fidgeting with the radio dials. I sighed impatiently.

Part of me hoped he wouldn't be able to connect, just so we could get the hell out of dodge already. After about a minute of him fidgeting, I opened my mouth to scold the everloving shit out of my best friend--

The radio beeped in success. Glenn enthusiastically clicked on the talk button.

"Hey, you," said Glenn a little too cheerfully. I sighed in annoyance and started pacing the length of the rooftop.

It wasn't that I wanted this guy to die or anything. I just happened to have a very strong sense of self-preservation. Not just for myself but for my idiotic best friend. I watched as Glenn got closer to the edge, staring intently at the surrounded tank. I joined him begrudgingly.

"Dumbass," he tried again. "Yeah, you in the tank. Are you cozy in there?"

"Stop fucking around, Glenn. We gotta go." I nervously looked around at the growing mass of walkers. They were rapidly multiplying and our available exit routes were becoming very slim.

"Just hold on," He gave me an annoyed look and shook the walkie-talkie a bit. "Hey, are you alive in there?"

He's dead. He has to be. I'm reaching for Glenn, pulling at his backpack and there wasn't much resistance. Maybe, he, too, was losing hope.

A new voice cut through the silence. "Hello? Hello?"

We both scrambled to the edge. "There you are," Glenn sounded relieved. I guess I was too. "You had me wondering."

The southern accent wasted no time in responding, distorted by the crackle of the radio. He sounded even more desperate than us. "Where are you-- outside? Can you see me right now?"

"We can see you. You're surrounded by walkers. That's the bad news."

"There's good news?" I almost laughed at his pessimistic tone.

Glenn deadpanned, "No."

"Listen, whoever you are. I don't mind telling you I'm a little concerned in here," he responded gruffly.

"Oh man. You should see it from over here. You'd be having a major freak-out."

I elbowed Glenn quickly. Just because he's right, doesn't mean he had to instill even more fear into the guy.

His only hope of survival was us. I could hardly imagine Merle giving a shit about anyone other himself and his brother. And the others... well, let's just say they lacked the sort of dumbassery Glenn was naturally born with.

"Got any advice for me?"

Glenn and I shared a glance. We quickly discussed the best escape route for this man whom we've never even fucking met.

"Hello?" The radio spoke.

"Yeah," Glenn said after our extensive planning. "...I'd say make a run for it."

I gawked.

"That's it? 'Make a run for it?'" The stranger said exactly what I was thinking.

"My way's not as dumb as it sounds. You've got eyes on the outside here. There's one geek still up on the tank but the others have climbed down and joined the feeding frenzy where the horse went down. You with me so far?"

"So far."

"Okay, the street on the other side of the tank is less crowded. If you move now while they're distracted, you stand a chance."

I grabbed the walkie from Glenn's grasp. "You got ammo?"

"Uh--" the stranger sounded taken aback. "In that duffle bag I dropped out there and guns. Can I get to it?"

"Absolutely not," Glenn told me firmly, as if he knew what I was thinking.

We needed weapons at the camp. Desperately. Something tells me an opportunity like this wouldn't arise again.

"Can--can I get to it? Are you still there?"

Glenn snatched the walkie back. "No. Forget the bag, it's not an option. What do you have on you?"

"Hang on."

The line went silent. I tried to spot the bag within the crowd of walkers. Then, it was in my sights before the sheriff could respond to Glenn's question.

It lied next to the hoard of walkers tearing the horse into shreds. Their backs were facing the weapons but I wasn't not stupid enough to believe that I could slip in and out silently. There's too many stragglers wandering about and those fuckers happen to be exceedingly fast.

I racked my brain for some sort of solution because I refused to leave without those guns. Otherwise, we'd all be risking our lives for nothing. The supply run would be a complete fail, everyone at the camp would likely starve soon anyway, and we'd only become walker meat.

"Jump off the right side of the tank, keep going in that direction," Glenn finished explaining as I tuned back in. "There's an alley up the street, maybe 50 yards. Be there."

There. I spotted a rooftop not too far from ours and I was willing to bet I could make the jump.

Before Glenn can turn around, I set off on a mad dash, sprinting without a second thought so I couldn't psych myself out.

"Daphne!" Glenn yelled.

My feet left the ground and I was flying over the alleyway towards a building mere feet away from the tank. I scraped my knees as I hit the concrete safely.

I spun around squinted my eyes against the sun. "Glenn! I'll catch up with you. I swear-- just get this guy to our spot and wait for me there. I'll be in and out, I promise." It was a big thing to make a promise in this world. I hoped I wouldn't have to break it

His face twisted in frustration; he was caught between following me and rushing down the fire escape to meet with the stranger.

I gave him a reassuring nod. "Go!"

"If you die, I'm gonna kill you," he threatened.

"Sure, right back at you," I saluted and then practically slid down my own fire escape.

Thankfully, the majority of the walkers were still huddled around the horse or turning to face their attention towards where the man was finally leaving the tank.

If I had had more time, I would've take a better look at him-- the asshole who Glenn and I were risking our lives for-- but this was my only chance. I tried to swallow down my fear and with one deep breath, I let go of the yellow railings. My feet propelled me forward and I was sprinting toward the flesh fest that laid before me.

The only things in my vision were the large black duffle bag and the long-range guns abandoned right next to them.

It was taking everything in me to hold back my screams-- I tend to scream over anything really-- and I nearly scrape all the skin off my knees trying to grab the bags off the ground as quickly as humanly possible. The growls suddenly got louder and I could tell without looking that a few of the walkers climbing the tank set their sights on me.

"Fuck!" I yelped as one of the walkers suddenly turned around from the horse group and made a wild grab at me. Its decayed fingers nearly latched onto my arm and I tripped over my own feet, underestimating the weight of the man's stash.

I wildly kicked out, thankfully hitting it right in the chest and back into the group it came from. I didn't give myself the chance to look back; I took the only opportunity I had left and hauled ass. Tearing through the sidewalk, I pushed back as many of the walkers as I can, narrowly avoiding their snapping teeth by the grace of God.

I clutched my knife and pushed my legs faster than before, seeing the building Glenn was likely waiting at. Some selfish part of me felt relieved that most of the geeks were distracted by the fleeing stranger, whom I could see had a sheriff's uniform, and then even more so when he started firing his handgun at the walkers far ahead of him.

That kind of noise would attract more walkers, sure, but not to me.

I should've felt guilty but that stopped happening after the first week of civil collapse.

Adrenaline pushed me past the horrifying sight of triple the walkers I'd seen back at the tank. Even though I could hear their footsteps following behind me, my brain had somehow come to shut off the emotional wreck inside my head.

It was part of what made me a good detective. I could flip the switch quick.

A sudden grip yanked me back and I whipped around to find a walker right on me, pulling at the duffle bag with a concerning amount of strength. He must've died very recently. I gritted my teeth and swung the hunting knife at its face. His decaying skin sliced like old leather and I grimaced at the pus that oozed from the wound. The walker let go of the bag but just as quickly came lurching at me again. I was ready this time, stabbing him right between his eyes and yanking back before coming face-to-face with another.

My throat started to clam up and I was panting, shoving my knife into walker after walker that came running. I got a small break and started running again, searching for any sign of that sheriff.

I hoped he's alive and this wasn't a total waste. My odds of survival were growing devastatingly slim.

The street kept filling up but I was almost at the emergency exit, bypassing the alley the sheriff must've met Glenn at without a glance. I could see from my peripheral that it was saturated with the dead. I couldn't afford to grieve, if Glenn was amongst that group. Not now. Not while there's still a chance I could get these weapons back to Shane.

I'm twisting around the corner of the west side of the building, heart pounding as if it's going to give out at any moment, and I see my salvation feet away—

The ground beneath me disappears and I'm sent tumbling towards the ground. I yell in pain, gravel digging through my clothes. A walker collapses onto me. Its teeth snap at me far too close to comfort, flesh hanging off the tip of its nose, blood dried up around its exposed cheekbones.

Horror paralyzes me and I tense up in anticipation for the bite-- BANG!

My eyes squeezed shut and I thanked any force that was listening when the walker suddenly fell limp, nearly crushing me. I sprung back up to my feet after frantically pushing the cadaver aside, quickly searching for the source of my salvation.

I found it on the rooftop I had abandoned mere minutes ago.

It was a delightfully familiar face; his hair was a bit longer than I remembered and his face was covered in mud. A stark contrast from the last time I'd seen Rick Grimes. A fleeting feeling of elation burst in my chest at the sight of him.

He was staring at me from behind a pistol and I couldn't tell if he recognized me too and I had no time to decipher it because a chorus of growls reminded me just how deep in shit I was.

I took off towards the door and yanked it open, slamming it shut behind me. I spotted the stairwell and took three steps at a time, climbing higher and higher until I saw Glenn just a few flights away. His footsteps thundered in time with a second set-- Rick's.

His eyes found mine, making my heart skip a beat.

"Daph! Go ahead! Go, go, go!" Glenn rushed, breaking my connection with the deputy. I breathed heavily and stepped back into the game. I felt an overwhelming sense of security with my best friend behind me and it slowly started to sink in how lucky I was to be alive.

I was rushing down the same steps I came up, passing the level I'd entered through and finding myself below ground level, daylight pouring in through the open tunnel of the parking garage. My heart pummeled at the sight of walkers in our path of escape.

All three of us froze.

The door across the way opened suddenly and out came Morales and T-Dog, decked in protective gear and wielding two large poles they must've found somewhere in the building.

They each took on a walker, smacking the sticks into their heads until they were both on the ground in bloody heaps.

I rushed into the scene, jumping over one of the dead geeks and dragging Glenn behind me by the wrist.

"Come on!" I yelled.

"Morales, let's go!" I faintly heard as I landed in Jacqui's arms. She stabilized me; I'd ran in with too much momentum and had half the sense to let go of Glenn before sending him barreling into the woman as well.

The door slammed shut behind us and I heard a gun click dangerously.

"Son of a bitch! We oughta kill you!" Andrea growled. She shoved Rick against some pallets.

"Just chill out, Andrea. Back off," Morales defended.

"Ease up," Jacqui said.

I stared at the scene with wide eyes, trying to gather my wits. Shane's gun was firmly pointed between Rick's eyes and I regretted giving this hothead a weapon.

"You're kidding me right? We're dead because of this stupid asshole!"

"Andrea, I said back the hell off," Morales said slowly, hovering over the blonde.

I wasn't too nervous, Andrea could barely aim a shooting dart and besides, the safety was still on.

"Pull the fucking trigger if you're going to, Harrison," I said sarcastically. I could clearly see Rick's eyes flickering between the safety and Andrea's horrible posture. It was just as clear to him that she had absolutely no idea what she was doing.

This seemed to break her out of her foolish act and she lowered the gun with a look of utter despair.

"We're dead," she moaned. "All of us..." She fixed Rick with a harsh glare. "Because of you."

I couldn't really argue with her there. The sight of him was making me a bit nervous, the stupid feelings I had for him bubbling to the surface but I tried to force them back down, even if his presence made me act like a goddamn fool most of the time. Now wasn't the time to indulge in a stupid unreciprocated crush on a resuscitated, married man.

Rick scanned the rest of the group and his gaze hung over me a second longer than the rest. "I don't understand."

"Look, we came into the city to scavenge supplies. You know what the key to scavenging is? Surviving. You know what the key to surviving is? Sneaking in and out. Tiptoeing. Not shooting you the streets like it's the O.K. Corral." Morales said while shoving Rick to the front of the department store. We all followed quickly.

"Every geek from miles around heard you popping off rounds," T-Dog explained. I saw the shock flicker through Rick's expression as he looked out the large glass windows into the streets of the city.

"He— he saved my life," I spoke up in his defense. "One of those bullets saved my life, guys."

It might not have counted for much, seeing as our prospects of survival were virtually vanishing before our eyes but at least maybe Rick wouldn't die the most hated man in the room. "So we could get this," I waved the duffel bag before the group and I got a simultaneous gasp of surprise.

T-Dog and Morales rushed forward, looking at the contents with a new sense of hope.

"It doesn't matter," Andrea panicked. "You just rang the dinner bell."

She looked at Rick as she said this but I was hoping she spared a glance toward me so I could give her a nasty glare.

"He gets the picture," Morales threw back at Andrea. He was still rummaging through the ammo like a child in a candy store.

I glanced at Rick to find him staring at the windows in horror. I followed his gaze and saw a large rock in the clutches of a walker. It was banging it against the glass. Glenn rushed to my side.

"What were you doing out there anyway?" Andrea asked.

"Trying to flag the helicopter."

I shot him a crazy look.

"Helicopter?" T-Dog scoffed. "Man, that's crap. Ain't no damn helicopter."

"You were chasing a hallucination. Imagining things. It happens," Jacqui tried to deny politely.

"I saw it," asserted Rick. He looked at me as if asking for backup.

I shook my head.

Morales ignored the whole thing. "Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B. Can you contact the others?"

"Others?" Rick interrupted. He was starting to remind me of a lost puppy. "The refugee center?"

I couldn't sit around and listen to this bullshit any longer, my survival instinct was kicking in at full speed with every bang on the windows. "Where the fuck is Dixon?"

Not that I cared about that fucker... it was too civil right now... despite the ongoing conflict, Merle's obnoxious two-cents were very obviously missing and I feared what he would do without supervision...

As if on cue, a loud gunshot fired from above us.

"Great," I slapped a palm to my hairline.

"Oh no, is that Dixon?" Andrea fretted.

"I got no signal," T-Dog banged the walkie against his leg. I was already running toward the rooftop access, angered beyond words and I hoped Glenn was on my trail because I needed someone to hold me back from slapping Merle Dixon into next week.

"What is that maniac doing?!" Someone yelled from behind me.

Hot with fury, I burst through the rooftop door, immediately catching sight of the asshole with his rifle shooting wildly at the street.

"Hey, Dixon, are you crazy?!" Morales screamed.

"Put that shit down! You're attracting more of them!" I demanded, fighting against Glenn's firm grip on my shirt.

"Hey! You oughta to be more polite to a man with a gun!" Merle smirked and pointed the rifle at me. He jumped off the edge and strolled towards us with that insufferable expression on his face. "Only common sense."

"I know you of all people aren't talking about common sense," I said nastily.

Merle pointed the gun at me dangerously.

"Man, you're wasting bullets we ain't even got!" T-Dog yelled. "And you're bringing even more of them down on our ass! Man, just chill!"

"Bad enough I got these two taco-benders on my ass all day!" He waved the gun at Morales and I dangerously. "Now I'm gonna take orders from you, 'Mr. Yo?'"

"You can take your white supremacist bullshit and shove it up your ass, you racist dick," I broke free from Glenn and put a hand on Morales's shoulder, pulling him away from Dixon.

"It's just the new world order, baby! I'm reinforcing what should've been done a long time ago. You—" he pointed at me. "Your kind." He spat. "You should've been the first to go!"

He made a move at me.

Within the next second, there was a flurry of commotion. I was dragged a few paces back by a hand on my waist.

Glenn was standing in front of me protectively and Rick had jumped over the pole that separated us.

T-Dog swung his fist at Dixon and the asshole ducked and slammed the butt of the rifle into his nose.

"Mother—"

Rick came flying towards Dixon next, face red in anger and I was shocked— wondering what had set him off so aggressively. Dixon was quick on his feet, for a crackhead at least, punching Rick before he could try to break up the fight and sending him flying over the pole.

I would've laughed at the dramatics if I weren't fighting against Glenn.

It was only a matter of time before this happened— Merle Dixon had been nothing but a racist prick since the moment he set foot in our camp.

T-Dog recovered quickly and ran at him again, only to get kicked in the chest and thrown headfirst into the metal pole. Blood marked the spot his head collided with.

"Stop! Dixon, you're gonna hurt him!" Andrea had been screaming since the start.

I broke free from Glenn, just as Morales was punched in the stomach. I went to grip onto the collar of Dixon's shirt and he swung an arm in my direction; his handgun was pointing right at my head.

"Stop this madness!" Andrea cried. "No, no, no. Please!"

I stared at him wide-eyed, trying to calculate the level of crazy in his eyes right now.

He kept switching his aim from me to T-Dog.

I heard Glenn breathing heavily behind me. I didn't dare move a muscle.

T-Dog was looking at me with a desperate look. I was silent for a minute— everyone too fearful to even breathe the wrong way.

Dixon let a smile spread from cheek to cheek. "Yeah, alright!" He looked mighty chum. "We're gonna have ourselves a little powwow, huh?"

He spat and then rose from his knees. "Talk about who's in charge!"

He raised his gun in a power stance and I took the chance to drop to my knees next to T-Dog. Glenn and Jacqui rushed to our sides, Andrea pulling at T-Dog's arms and creating some distance.

"Democracy time, y'all!"

What I would give to break his fucking nose. But with that gun waving wildly in the air, I couldn't risk it.

"Someone's gotta be in charge around here! I vote me! Let's take a vote. Raise of hands? Anybody?"

Nobody moved until Dixon raised the gun threateningly.

I watched Morales raised his hand slowly. There was movement beside me and I quickly turned to glare at Glenn. He gave me an apologetic look and I understood he was just trying to keep us alive.

Dixon noticed the nasty look on my face. "You— I'm quite sick of you. I imagine where you come from, you wouldn't know anything about democracy, would you? I said, raise of fucking hands," he pointed the handgun at me.

I didn't move. His finger curled over the trigger.

"Anybody else?" Dixon snarled.

"Yeah," Rick appeared behind him and slammed the discarded rifle against his temple. Dixon falls to the ground with a thud and Rick is quick on his feet, slamming a boot against his right arm and fishing a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket. Dixon grunts as he fights against Rick's knee.

Rick turned his chin towards us, his left cheek beginning to swell. "Ayala, help me out here."

It took me half a second to comprehend his words but I rushed into action as soon as I realized he was talking to me. I'd seen this sort of procedure a few times on the field, when criminals got a bit handsy in the detainment process. It was funny to think the last officer I'd seen in this type of action before all this started was Rick Grimes himself. Working alongside him felt natural as I slipped back into my old routine, discarding any weapons Dixon could reach for and, in this case, pocketing them instead of storing them in evidence bags.

"Who the hell are you, man?!" Dixon snarled.

Pulling him up by the collar, Rick got right in his face. "Officer Friendly," he snarled back with just as much contempt.

"Look here, Merle. Things are different now. There's none of that foolish shit that came out of your mouth. No dumb-as-shit, inbred white-trash fools either. Only us and the dead. The only way we survive this is by pulling together, not apart."

Captivated, I watched Rick load up the handgun he pulled from his belt.

Dixon rolled his eyes. "Screw you, man."

"I can see you make a habit of missing the point."

"Yeah? Well, screw you twice."

Rick seemed to snap, suddenly pressing the gun against Dixon's temple and cocking it. He leaned over him menacingly and it was so unlike the composure I'd seen from him over the years.

"You ought to be polite to a man with a gun," he threw Dixon's words right back at him. "Only common sense."

I swallowed thickly. My throat had suddenly become dry for some reason.

"You wouldn't. You're a cop."

"All I am anymore is a man looking for his wife and son. Anybody that gets in the way of that is gonna lose. I'll give you a moment to think about that."

Dixon was finally silenced. Rick went through his shirt pockets and pulled out a stash of cocaine. "Got some on your nose there," he mocked, flicking Dixon's nose.

"What're you gonna do? Arrest me?" Dixon snickered but it quickly stopped when Rick tossed the drugs over the edge. "Hey! What're you doing, man?! That's my stuff! HEY!"

"If I get loose, you better fucking pray— HEY! You hear me, you filthy pig?!"

"Yeah, your voice carries," said Rick tiredly as he finally walked away.

I ignored the asshole and rushed after the deputy. He side-eyed me as I leaned beside him on the edge, facing him completely as he overlooked the city. His hands were shaking slightly.

"How?" He spoke first. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I thought you were dead. I thought everyone was dead. I went back to the station," Rick explained.

"That's where you got the guns," I nodded at the bag he had swung over his shoulder again.

He pressed his lips in a line. His eyebrows were drawn together and he looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry. I—" a chuckle left my lips. "I didn't think you remembered me."

I couldn't help it. It was digging at me since the moment he called my name as if we were back on the field.

Of course I always noticed Rick Grimes but I didn't think he ever noticed me. From the amount of people he had to work with in his career at King County PD, I had to be the most minuscule irrelevant part of his job.

Rick stared at me with an unreadable expression. His lips parted in response—

"You're not Atlanta PD," Morales joined us. "Where you from?"

"Up the road a ways," responded Rick. He was trying to read my face. Maybe he was trying to figure out whether he should expose our past or not. Smart.

"Well, Officer Friendly, from up the road a ways. Welcome to the big city."

Morales patted my shoulder and I gave Rick one more pointed glance.

"How's that signal, T-Dog?" I asked, joining the group again. Merle gave me a nasty glare. I ignored him.

"Like Dixon's brain— weak."

I smirked in amusement.

"Keep trying," insisted Morales.

"Why?" said Andrea. "There's nothing they can do. Not a damn thing."

"Got some people outside the city is all," Morales explained to Rick. I got a jolt of realization and quickly placed a hand on Rick's shoulder. He turned towards me, confused, and I barely gave him time to cooperate before dragging him to the other end of the rooftop. I wouldn't want Dixon hearing this.

"Rick, listen... Lori, Carl—"

"Are they okay? Are they safe?" He asked desperately. I placed a hand on his shoulder, which probably didn't help because the panic in his eyes seemed to increase tenfold.

"They're safe—" I told him quickly. Relief flooded into his eyes. "God, you won't believe this. They're at our camp. Shane Walsh, he's with them too—"

His arms pulled me in, his face burying itself in the crook of my neck and I could only accept it limply. My arms were glued to my sides by his tight grip. He was warm and smelled like sandalwood.

I snuck a glance over his shoulder at Glenn. He was staring at us, confused as everfuck, and I knew once he realized exactly who Rick Grimes was, he'd be having a field day with this.

"Oh God, thank you," breathed Rick. He squeezed me one last time before pulling away with a shaky smile. "And you— how did you all end up together?"

The way he said 'you' caused a twist in my gut, partly from confusion but also from the stupid feelings I thought had been squashed away months ago.

"Guys! We need some ideas here!" Morales interrupted once again, waving us over and cutting our conversation short.

"I'll explain everything soon. I promise," I placed a hand on his bicep and then walk away, feeling his eyes on my back.

It was embarrassing how fast my heart was beating, the way I was overthinking the movement of my hips. My entire body buzzed with the aftershock of having Rick's body suddenly pressed against mine mere seconds ago...

And all I could think about was the fact that Rick Grimes was about to become a part of my new life.

next chapter...

#the walking dead #rick grimes x original female character #rick grimes x daphne ayala #rick grimes x oc #rick grimes x reader #the walking dead fanfic #glenn rhee #rick grimes #twd #shane walsh x original female character

40 notes · View notes