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quibbs126 · 7 months

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I know you've done this before but can you please maybe make a darkwhip kid, but with the basis that Whipped comes from the Millenial Tree family?

I finally finished her, this lady is Whipped Ganache Cookie

Fun fact, Whipped Ganache was one of the first fankid names I came up with when I first made my list, which was a little before I opened up requests, I just didn’t get requests for darkwhip nor did I have ideas like I did for pureraisin and darklico, but then I finally ended up getting this request, so I could use it

So basically ganache is like this chocolate sauce or icing or filling, it has a lot of uses, and whipped ganache is this whipped version with more cream than chocolate. I picked it because it seemed like whipped cream but chocolate, perfect for darkwhip

The thought occurs to me that maybe chocolate mousse could have worked too (mainly due to my roommate saying whipped ganache reminded her of it), but I like Whipped Ganache. And I can save it for later (but not the other darkwhip kid, and I don’t need a third one)

Whipped ganache:

So this is technically my second time drawing her, with my first attempt only getting as far as the hair sketch. I couldn’t figure out what to do for her outfit, so I just left her for some months until yesterday

But I had a good idea of what to do for the hair (even if I changed it somewhat)

But let’s get to the outfit. Yet again, I didn’t really know what to give her, other than she probably wears dresses. I put her in a hanbok since I was like “I dunno, that’s an outfit she could wear”. And sure it looks fine, but I wasn’t really sure it fit her, specifically with the request of her having some relation to Millennial Tree Cookie, but you know, no one gave me a goddamn answer when I asked (well other than my friend who said keep the hanbok, but she also said she was biased so) so I just had to stick with the hanbok. I’m still not sure it works to be honest. I mean, if she’s going for a formal event/festival in the Dark Cacao Kingdom, sure, but I’m not sure it works as her default. Maybe if I can come up with something better I can make a new design with that, but for now, this is what I have

I’m also not sure about her outfit colors to be honest. I wanted her to have pinks, but I also wanted her to have browns (and also that purple I got that looked neat), and I’m not sure I found the best balance in the end. But I asked my friend and she said “look good” so I kept it

I like the mountain pattern on her hanbok, I got that straight from Dark Choco’s costume

Sorry, I don’t have much to say. I came up with the hair months ago and don’t really remember all the logic other than it being long sort of like Millie and having pearls because Whipped Cream, and I have more complaints about the outfit because I don’t think it fits. But I like everything else about her aside from her outfit

Anyways, character time

So I think I came up with some ideas for her back in July when we were coming back from England, though I soon went on to work on Vanilla Lily/Witch Hazel (and fun fact, I haven’t looked back at those notes until right now as I’m writing this)

So first thing about Whipped Ganache (that I probably should have mentioned in the design section), she is very tall. She isn’t necessarily wide, but she is tall, taller than either of her parents. I just wanted to mention that

But anyways one of her main things is that she has healing magic, which is what she’s supposed to be doing with the flower in the sketch (wasn’t sure how to give off the glowing effect though). But also, while her magic is healing, it’s deadly towards things of dark magic, like what healing magic does to undead things in old games (actually as far as I’m aware that’s only FF7)

I’m remembering now, I think one thing I envisioned with her is her summoning a giant ass laser like what Millennial Tree does in his Skill, and when she fires it, her allies caught in it would be healed while her enemies (presumably made of dark magic) would be harmed

Whipped Ganache is generally a very serene and kind person, has the patience of a saint. I’m not sure she has a breaking point, she probably does but I haven’t thought much on it. She’s very attuned to nature as well, maybe not to the point of being a tree hugger, but enough that she doesn’t like blatant exploitation of it. Also she’d survive very easily by herself in the wild

Another thing about her is that she plays a harp. Not a lyre like what Carol or Lilybell uses, but a full giant harp. I got that from listening to Millennial Tree Cookie’s theme

Anyways, I think that’s about it for her. But also just a note, she’s not the only darkwhip kid I plan to make, it’s just that she doesn’t necessarily follow the same rule of being related to Millennial Tree. I mean she and Whipped Ganache live in the same timeline, they’re sisters, but she doesn’t have much that makes that trait noticeable, so she’ll get her own thing

But yeah, I hope you enjoyed Whipped Ganache

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kicktwine · 8 months

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alphinaud and alisaie are an example of siblings written by people who know siblings very well and choose to have them call each other brother and sister, proving that telling people not to write this quirk because it gives away that you’re an only child is just shorthand for how it’s a common warning indicator of thoughtless sibling writing and isn’t actually the problem itself

#they’re so siblings I like their writing very much. This post was just an excuse to be like wow so twins #The random and inexplicable opportunities to dunk on the other one which are Immediately taken no explanation why #the fact that as soon as something Bad Happens they both freak out and need to know the other one’s fine and not hurt #even volunteering each other for things without asking and they just do it. Unless they don’t wanna. yeah #it’s like calling your dad father. If they wouldn’t call their dad father or their mom mother don’t have them call their sister sister #It’s a character trait not a siblings trait. these two DEFINITELY call them mother and father. in canon even #alphinaud deffo tattled on his sister earlier he was like alisaie was not being very gentle :/ and I was like I’m sure she wasn’t #complete side note. dadbahn #raudad #barret and raubahn fistbumping dramatically with the flaming words POWERFUL DAD behind them #they can’t shake hands their missing arms are on opposite sides o(<#powerful dads with beautiful brown eyes gentle smile so soft. Machine gun magic. Powerful Dad #kipspeak #but also sis is so uncommon I literally call my sister bro. In the Same way that you’d call your friend bro. just ban sis unless it’s #specifically something your character does on purpose

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skyward-floored · 5 months

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Even more Hyrule Warriors thoughts (part 4, Skyloft edition)

Skyloft theme is a BANGER I LOVE THIS VERSION OF IT

It’s kind of surreal seeing Skyloft so overrun with monsters though, dang. I’m sure the Skyloftian knights did their best but oooof, they definitely needed the army’s help.

If you’re like me and want to pretend that this game is canon, I guess you’d have to slot events here somewhere before skyward sword, (probably a few decades?) since the master sword is still the goddess sword. The whole war thing would also explain the somewhat small population of Skyloft at the time of skyward sword...

Fiiiiiiii my beloved <3

GhiraHIM GET YOUR STUPID JERK FACE OUT OF HERE oh gosh he did the tongue thing euuuuughhhghh

I gotta say though this game is killing me I had to protect Fi while she carried soup to a particular area so Levias (the giant sky whale) would come fix the paths. what

Ahhh so this is where the traitors come in. And of course it’s Ghirahim’s fault. I should have guessed. More fuel to add to my burning hatred of him *shakes fist*

Alrighty then we’re just fighting the imprisoned now!!! Let’s just give this Link some more nightmare fuel whaddya say 👍

Wait... how does the groosenator exist if the master sword is still the goddess sword..? They also don’t look quite right, hmm... Okay. My theory is the Hylian army brought the catapults with them, and since hw is after sksw, the actual name for catapults in the zelda universe is just. Groosenator. Problem solved!

I hate chopping his stupid bulbous toes I have spent so much of my life chopping his STUPID GROSS BULBOUS TOES. Beating him is really satisfying as always though >:)

And bye bye Ghirahim too please do not come back <3

I really feel like Link got the short end of the stick here in regards to what he did while the main characters were all separated ksbdjdbnfjd

Lana: oh good Link is here! Now we’re all together again! How did everything go?

Link, who just had half his men turn on him and had to fight a dragon knight, a self-proclaimed demon lord, and the LITERAL IMPRISONED: *dead-eyed stare*

#meanwhile Lana was following butterflies and Impa was being reunited with Zelda abdgbjfcnffh #hyrule warriors #loz hw #loz hyrule warriors #rambles from the floor #Peggy plays Hyrule Warriors #also please note I hate ghirahim but in like a bad guy way #I love to hate him #he’s a fun villain #also this is giving me so much fuel for sky and warriors fics I’m gonna have to write something with them soon oh MAN

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inklore · 1 year

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just a gentle reminder that high or low note count does not determine whether you are a good or bad writer. i repeat: having a lot of notes or no notes at all on your writing does not make you good or bad at writing. it does not mean your work is less or more than someone else’s. separate your work from the note count, notes don’t equal talent. the beautiful paragraphs and prose you crafted and spent your time on to share with the world equals talent!!!!

#so in conclusion no one should feel cocky over high notes and no one should feel bad over low notes #because babes we are all equally talented here we all have made a voice for ourselves in our writing #even if 2 people read it that’s still fucking amazing #life is short and you’re creating!!! using your time to add some good to this hellsite!!!#be proud of that be happy about that #ignore the notes don’t even look at them #look at the beautiful writing you spent your time on #not everyone has the power to be able to write and create and the fact that you are or are trying to? baby i’m making you a medal!!

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fishyartist · 2 months

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So mad about me just realizing the color pallet despite being in Sonic mode for the past like week

#I’ll repost this w/ the doodle dump later #but also feel free 2 rb now #if u want #I’m just too lazy to tag #I’ve been mostly thinking about fucking Sonic underground.#which is worse than danny phantom but for sure in the category of #’’has enough missed potential that I go insane’’ y/k?#triplets r fucking born man #plus what’s known about the production makes me want to find the asshole who ordered a 40 episode single season in 1997 #expecting it to be fucking done in 1998 #INSANE #it missed that deadline and didn’t come out til early ‘99 which is still CRAZY for a first season #like they were writing 2 22 minute scripts a week it was fucking bad #like u have to do so much production shit that most shows take 2 1/2 or more years for a 26 episode order #DiC sucked dick man #plus production seemed to think they were making a don bluth movie which is NOT the kind of designs u wanna be getting for tv animation #when u have about 2 1/2 weeks per episode (NOTE: NOT ACTUALLY HOW PRODUCTION WORKS. ITS MULTIPLE STAGES HAPPENING SIMULTANEOUSLY LOL)#ok I’m gonna stop bc I’m gonna try to do an underground doodle dump too and if I do I can talk there #where it’s relevant

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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If the manga is changing Yuu for every time, I feel like the Yuu who's going to have the worst end(excluding Diasomnia, which has the story ongoing) is Yuu for Episode of Pomefiore

Since chapter 5 ended with Yuu being attacked by Grim in berserk mode, this might be the last thing we see of this Yuu. And Episode of Ignihyde starts with another Yuu, with the previous Yuu's fate unknown

...Or maybe that part might be moved to the beginning to Episode of Ignihyde instead of the end of Episode of Pomefiore. I guess we'll see about that about 10 or more years later

Finally, the brutally gruesome Yuu injury I was initially anticipating 😩 and not just a shallow catscratch…

Michard Mouse was right, dreams really do come true/j

#I’m sure there were limits to how bad the damage could be bc of the game’s rating #but man. was that disappointing 😭#they built up the Grim attack so much and made Yuu pass out and everything for. just a little itty bitty cat scratch #twst manga #twisted wonderland manga #Grim #Yuu #notes from the writing raven

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thresholdbb · 8 months

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Call me a sucker, but I really like the latest Paramount+ Home of Star Trek commercial

THAT SAID - the Prodigy erasure stings. To me it definitely feels like Paramount is implicitly saying it’s not a part of Star Trek anymore since it’s not on the platform

But if Threshold taught us anything, it’s that you can’t remove something from canon just because you decided you didn’t like it anymore. Prodigy is Star Trek, and it will continue being Star Trek even with a new home

#star trek prodigy #saved star trek prodigy #Star Trek #prodigy is hecking amazing #the prodigy erasure has stung since it was announced they were cutting it #I get that it’s now Netflix’s property and they can’t claim it anymore #prodigy is the most hopeful of the newer iterations to me #long story short I’m a sucker for some nostalgia but that doesn’t mean Paramount hasn’t done some terrible things to the franchise #the commercial is good very nostalgic they’re (almost) all there #remember when they tried to disown threshold come on #you can’t put the salamanders back in the shuttlecraft #they’re out there and they are BELOVED #also bring back ridiculous and bad Star Trek cause ‘fortune favors the bold’ and those silly episodes represent risk taking #risk taking can lead to some of the best works #‘risk is our business’ Kirk himself said it!#do you think we would have Far Beyond the Stars without Move Along Home?#the risk taking is part of why I love voyager (and threshold) so much such high highs and low lows just hits all the right notes #I also have issue with the writing being tightened down so hard that no one can breathe #meta

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paimonial-rage · 1 month

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The biggest recommendation I can give on writing dialogue that sounds in character for the character to say is, not to read the quests they are in, but to listen to the English dub whenever you get the chance. This may seem difficult especially if you are used to playing it in another language, but listening is key to getting the vibe of a character down. What you pay attention to is, not what they say, but the cadence in which they say it. Pay attention to the emotion in their voice, the speed at which they say things, the volume, etc. Once you get this down, it becomes easier to get an idea of what “sounds” right and what doesn’t. Cadence is an especially powerful thing. By training your ears to a character’s cadence, you can get a better idea of which words they would prefer to use, the lengths of their sentences, and things of the sort.

For example, reader asks Zhongli to dinner and he accepts. How would he respond? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so I accept. Thank you for the invitation.” But that doesn’t sound right, does it? Is Zhongli the type of person that uses many contractions? I don’t think so, so let’s fix it. “Hmm, I am not busy this evening, so I accept. Thank you for the invitation.” But would he say “I accept?” Perhaps, but it still doesn’t sound right. How has he accepted proposals in the past? A bit of research shows he has said “sure.” How can I mix that in? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so sure. Thank you for the invitation.” But hmm… the second sentence doesn’t sound right. What else could he say instead? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so sure. It would be my pleasure.” That sounds a lot better.

Some people may ask why you can’t do these things while listening to another language. Personally, I don’t believe you can. If you are not fluent in those other languages, your ears are not properly trained enough to understand the nuance of the ways they speak. The correct emotion and tone will come through, yes, but you still won’t be able to intuitively know what sounds right and what does not. You only will get this sense by listening to it in the language you choose to write in.

The only downside to this is that your writing will become based upon the English translation of the game. As many people know, the portrayal of characters in English often does not completely match the portrayals in Chinese. This is especially so for characters like Zhongli, Xiao, and Kaeya. A lot is lost in the translation and dubbing process. Characters do not vibe the same. Thus, your portrayals will be more true to English, but not how it technically is “supposed” to be. Personally, I don’t necessarily believe this is a bad thing. However, it is something that can bother people. The only way I can imagine getting around it is by playing the game with the Chinese dub and by following accounts that speak Chinese and can give insight on the literal translations and what they mean and imply.

#personal #advice #character analysis #i personally dislike the idea that bc the en translation and dub aren’t parallel w/ cn they did a bad job #yes there are cases where the translation is terrible but it’s impossible to do a 100% true translation #when you translate a work the translation eventually becomes its own entity #it is the job of translation to change the text so that things sound natural #add into this communication misunderstandings between the translators and the writing team and things can become skewed #i’ve completely given up on zhongli but what i do try to do when writing xiao is to follow the notes of fan translators and ppl that play c #i do have it in my plans to eventually open an asian account and replay the whole game in cn too #but yeah training your ear to a character’s cadence is a real cheat way to learning character advice #this is bc it’s less rigid and more open-ended than memorizing straight speech patterns #the only junk thing is that eventually you’ll try writing for a character you haven’t listened to in a while?#and then you are forced to reserve two hours in your day to listen to a character or event quest with them in it #pain peko #also if you’re still here i’m gonna complain a bit like why do ppl always default to the jp voices when the cn voices are right there?#why not listen to cn? that should be the default if you want the best experience #idk man #maybe i’m just tired of listening to jp voice acting. they’re all the same

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polyamorouspunk · 20 days

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Honestly I could use a pep talk. This week the positive/negative whiplash has been horrible

Grace my love you have been such a comforting presence in my and a lot of other people’s lives. I’m so, so sorry that things haven’t been going spectacular for you but as I’ve said to you, having someone who is going through a lot of the same things that I am makes me feel so much less alone. I really, really hope that we can find some consistency in it all. Today when I was driving home I was thinking of that cliche “if you could have any superpower what would it be” and I thought “I wish I could control my emotions”. And I thought… that’s not a superpower. That’s something “normal” people can do. But I feel like I can’t. But maybe more things are in my control than I realize. Sometimes I do think that I make excuses for myself. And that’s not to say that we as human beings can control everything in our lives. In fact, it’s what we CAN’T control that brings us stress. Like other people changing their minds about plans and shit 😅 but that’s what makes us dynamic. That’s what makes us human. So I guess, you know, I would be bored or whatever if everything was easy and my life is perfect. I mean, we all need a little drama, right? Like the harmless kind. Like when you go through the drive-through and they give you the wrong order. It’s humbling. It gives us something to complain about. Like, I didn’t fuck up badly to warrant an entire Netflix show about it. At least it’s not THAT bad yet. And I mean. We have all, everyone here, made it through the worse times of our lives already. And sure, there’s every chance the worst thing that’s ever going to happen to us hasn’t happened yet (especially those of us who haven’t reached 25 yet) but honestly as I look back I feel like everything that really sticks out as bad to me isn’t more or less worse than the thing before or after it. It’s just the most present, so it’s the one that hurts them most. I’m GLAD I’m not 16, 18, 20 anymore, even if I had things then I wish I had now and have pain now I didn’t have then. Sometimes the things I have to look forward to don’t feel like enough but what is the alternative? I just have to keep going. I can’t give up. We can’t give up. We have to keep fighting. I refuse to be the one that knocks me down.

#I don’t know how much of a pep talk this is more just like #I feel you I see you this is what I have been telling myself so maybe some of that help you?#the other night I did this really weird exercise (?)#where I started mentally writing suicide notes to my loved ones #and I just started crying #and I reached a point where I was like holy shit I can’t do this anymore I would hurt too many people #and like as shitty and emotional as that was it was good? it was healthy?#I was like oh my god if I have to write a letter to my best friend’s brother’s baby telling her I’m sorry I never got to meet her when-#-she was older because I offed myself how could I do that to her fr like #I think the last ones I wrote in my head were to my 15 y/o cousins #and I was like how would my family explain to my cousins that I killed myself and wrote them a letter about it #would they read it at 15? 15 y/os shouldn’t have to read a suicide note #so honestly if things get bad that might be what I start trying as like an exercise idk #punk gets mail #personal

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theteapotofdoom · 5 months

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Going through something hella specific at the moment

#penny dreadful #IM CRAZY IM CRAZY IM FUCKING CRAZY YOU DON’T EVEN KNOOOOOW #HOW WAS IT SO GOOD AND SO BAD AT THE TIME #THE THEMES!!! THE MOTIFS!!! THE ACTING!!! THE COSTUMES!!! THE SETS!!! AND YET!!! SO MANY BAD EPICALLY BAD WRITING MOMENTS!!!#that’s not even going into the final season because that was honestly a crime 😔 and yet it had its moments BUT STILL A CRIME do you see wit #honestly still THE best Frankenstein adaptation of all time like everything with Victor and The Creature was just so 👌✨ no notes #and Vanessa Ives my beloved forever and always ❤️❤️❤️#anyway I’m normal again #the spiral started because I visited the Natural History Museum of Lisbon and I was like #hmmm crazy Penny Dreadful vibes here

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little-paper-ghost-child · 1 month

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GODS I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS

Here’s the first song story I did

It’s shit because I like barely edited it but whatever it’s done and going out into the world

Tw for: murder, child abuse, strangulation, police (idk if I should add more but Weh)

This is the song

Please remember!!! This is not based off of the song specifically and is just what my brain came up with!!

Anyways here you go

Alex combed his fingers through his hair as he stared down at the photo album. He didn't know how George had gotten a hold of it and he figured it was something violent, but it was still a monster load of unwanted evidence and a hurt in his stomach that worsened as he flipped through the pages. He and Ivan never looked happy per say but everything had seemed so much brighter back then, back before he was alex at all. While he scratched out any mentions of demetri, ivan, or emily, Noticeably, Though he cautiously checked every page and pocket, there was no mention of his father.

He had separate reasons for all of them to be defaced, three separate reasons for three separate things.

Demitri was crossed out because he was dead, he was an idea of what could have been and he was lost. His mother had named him that, and he would not let her have that pride, so he had erased demitri as his quietest form of retaliation.

Emily was crossed out because the bitch didn't deserve to be remembered. She didn't deserve anything she had. And still somehow, she got everything she wanted from the children she hurt and there was never a consequence in the world for her. She was a violent disgusting person unfit to be a mother or a person at all and he hoped nobody had to know her ever again.

He crossed out Ivan for much less angry reasons than the other two, he wanted Ivan to be safe. his little brother. He loved Ivan more than the world itself and hated himself for leaving him.

“Coward” is what the voice in his head called him.

“ monster. Coward. You left him to die in her care.” it gnawed at him every second of everyday and he knew he couldn't go back now. Not while there was evidence still.

“Soon”, he thought.

“Soon is good.”

So Alex continued his work of scratching and defacing all three of the people for all three of his reasons..

It was difficult to do what he needed all the time and never what he wanted, he still felt trapped even out of that hellhole,it really felt like the only difference was that the blood being shed was supposed to mean something.

—

George caught him off guard with the blow to the side of the head and Alex went skittering across the concrete floor.

He felt like everything was underwater and everything was all wrong.

“The fuck?” was all he could manage to string together as he tried to push himself up.

“I've had a change in interest,” George said as he lumbered over.

“Somebody knows how to pay better”

It took longer than Alex liked to form a coherent enough thought to make sense of that.

“To kill me?” choked its way out of Alex's throat while he frantically searched his pockets for any sense of self defense. George twitched a little as he wound up for another hit but didn't answer the question. Alex got to his feet and just barely dodged the second punch, He was racking his brain for something he could use- there was no way he could stand a chance in a fistfight. Alex made it to the drawer in his desk and pulled it open scanning for something, anything that could be used and came back with a letter opener. He thought for a second on how he could use something so small, which hurt considering the previous hit to the side of his head that was definitely less than soft, but he figured something out in the end.

As the larger man approached Alex pretended he could hear his little brother cheering him on, telling him that he could do it, but it was a cruel thing to do because a child let alone a child like Ivan would cheer for something like this.

When George trew his third punch Alex used his smaller frame to an advantage and ducked behind him as quickly as possible.he only had a second to do this correctly and so much of him didn't want this.

“Murderer” said the voice in his head.

“You leave your little brother all alone and you murder the man who has been helping you.”

Alex took a breath for nearly a second, jumped, and planted the letter opener in George's neck.

He made a squeak, and promptly fell over onto the cold concrete.

He was frozen, then. he was locked in place staring down at the presumably dead man

That he had thought was his friend.

“It's not your friend if you have to pay it to care” he reminded himself and closed his eyes tight.

Why did it have to be so hard?

Why did stuff like this come up?

Why couldn't everything just be okay?

Alex wanted so badly for everything to be okay, but there was no way to obtain something like that. He wanted it more than anything in the world and he would never get it, and even when things finally seemed to work out, it always went to shit.

Why did it have to do that?

Why did it have to be so hard?

Why did stuff like this come up?

Why couldn't everything just be okay?

It hit him in a second that all the evidence was gone. All the evidence he could possibly get rid of was gone with George, if everything was gone, there was only one place he was supposed to go.

—

Alex got in his car after he had finished defacing anything that he had left remotely close to a normal keepsake. He left the body, he didn't care. He knew where he was going, he remembered being dragged back by walk or car every time he tried to run away. He could practically hear Emily screaming at him that she swore he was trying to get them in trouble.That he was a disgusting excuse for a child. That his father was waiting for him at home.he could never remember anything but angry flashes after that.

Even though he knew the way perfectly, it still took something out of him to get to the right streets. He figured he had a concussion but now was not the time to worry about that. There was that, and there was the voice in his head as well.

“Why would you go back when you are just going to hurt? Murderer murderer murderer.you left little brother all alone to kill your own father, and you couldn't even find him. Why would Ivan want to see you ever again? Not to mention Emily will be there too. Can you really face her? Maybe you want to see her, because for all of the shit maybe you are a mama's boy. You probably failed to protect your brother. You are failing to stay away. Maybe Emily will hurt you again, maybe you deserve it. You probably even liked it when-”

“Shut up”, Alex said aloud. “I hate her and I hate you.”

he looked in the rearview mirror for the last comment, glaring at himself like it would leak through into his thoughts and make them go away. He hated remembering, hated thinking about it at all, hated her voice echoing around his head, but things would never change so he did his best to push her out of his mind for now.

As he turned the corner, one side of the road opened down a lake miles below. Alex weighed the possibilities of anyone finding him if he drove off and into the water, but he had heard that drowning wasn't exactly as quick and easy enough to make it all that tempting.

—

Alex got out of the car before he turned the street corner. He had grabbed his gun from the car, and the voice inside his head bubbled up to hiss at him.

“A gun?” it said. “Murderers use guns. Monsters use guns. What do you think that makes you? What are you going to do with it anyway? You could end up hurting ivan.”

Alex shook his head as if to shake the voice right out of his head and shoved the gun into his belt.

“It was just in case,” he told himself.

“Just in case anything went badly like it always seemed to.”

Seeing down the street he grew up on hurt Alex more than he wanted to think about.

“No” he thought

“Dimitri grew up here.” was easier to think about but only by a little.

Nothing was easy here, it never had been and it never would be but he would take what comfort he could get, and if that was by remembering a dead dream then he would remember but not connect.

As Alex walked towards his inevitable destination he scanned the roads and felt like a little kid again, recounting things that had happened in certain places. There was a tree that dimitri was once sitting under when a branch fell off, there were the bushes where dimitri had been bitten by a stray dog who roamed around, from which alex still had a small scar. There was the spot on the road where the police had been called the first time- and the spot where they had been called the second. And finally, there was the house.

Walking down the driveway he could see the trash bags all up one side of the fence. Piles of empty bottles and cans were shoved under the rotting porch and as he walked down the driveway Alex could smell the house reeked of beer and mold and filth.

“This was a bad idea” said the thoughts in his head.

“Your brother doesn't want to see you anyway. And you know what emily will do when she finds you-”

Alex forcefully shoved that voice out of the way and stared at the door. From inside there was something that might have been a yell, and something glass breaking.

He couldn't stall any longer.

After a minute all too short to prepare himself, Alex opened the door and went in.

—

The smell was worse on the inside.

The carpet was dirty and the ground was littered with all sorts of things that couldn't be safe for walking on, which made him more so glad he had kept his shoes on. Now that he was inside he could see that the disarray of the place had only gotten worse after he left, which made sense considering most of the cleaning was done by Alex himself, but was still upsetting to see. As he moved through the house, he remembered a thousand awful little things. Pins under fingernails, the feel of uncooked, moldy fruits or vegetables in his mouth, little cockroaches and worms that made homes in the mess. He didn't like thinking about it, remembering it made him want to scratch at his skin, made him feel dirty.

Nothing in this house was nice, but nothing had gotten under his skin until he saw the whiskey on the counter.

It was half empty and there was a dirty glass set beside it. Alex gaged like he was trying to throw it up, but there was nothing to throw up. He hated the sight of it, hated the burn of it, he remembered crying, crying made it worse.

For every cry he let out she would always pour a little more into the cup, a little more, a little more, until he stopped crying, sometimes he threw up, sometimes he fell asleep, sometimes he couldn't remember.

Alex’s hand raised instinctively to his mouth.

“you are going to throw up oh no, oh god no you feel sick you are sick and everything is wrong, stop crying you're only going to make it worse it burns you are suffocating it burns it hurts you are going to be sick you are going to throw up-”

The crash of something glass and a strangled yell upstairs broke Alex out of his headspace, and his focus snapped to the staircase. Alex ran up the stairs and turned the corner so fast he almost fell over. He barely even thought as he ran to the one open door, and he barely even thought as he reached for his gun.

—

Emily Volkova had never been a good person. She only hurt and ruined and broke people and things and really anything she could get her hands on. And her own two children were things remarkably easy to get her hands on.

Ivan was on the ground, just barely struggling against Emily, who had her hands around his neck so tight it looked like she herself was straining. She was never particularly strong but she had the advantage of being a grown woman fighting against a nine year old boy, and the advantage that the nine year old boy she was fighting wanted nothing more than for her to love him.

Alex could see ivans mouth moving, trying to choke out words that were lost to his excuse of a mothers screaming. Alex could barely understand what he was saying, but he didn't need to. What he did know was that Emily volkova had never been a good person, and that he was going to make her stop.

The sound of the gun cocking might have been what had gotten her attention, or she had just happened to notice at the moment he was leveling it to her head.

“Demitri, why the fuck are you here?” she said, barely loosening her grip on ivan. Her shock turned to anger turned to vicious manipulation faster than Alex could keep up with.

“Did your little trip go well? you leave right after your father so i have to take care of this stupid fucking kid by myself, why would you leave your own mother?”

“Shut up” was all that Alex said. He had built up all this hatred for this woman in his head but being with her now, seeing her, he hated himself for being scared.

She put on a face like she was hurt before shoving Ivan to the ground and getting up.

“dont tell me to fucking shut up you little shit. You would really shoot your own mother too? In Front of your little brother, the world out there has ruined you demitri.”

She took a step towards Alex and he had to fight himself not to step back, shaking as he tried to hold the gun in place.

“Ivan, close your eyes and cover your ears” he said, trying to see around Emily to his brother, who moved slowly and shakily.

“That's it.” Emily said with a little more fear in her voice.

“Put the gun down, Demitri, you can't do this to your mother.”

“You were never my mother, I was never your son.” was all Alex said before he pulled the trigger.

—

Alex didn't like guns all that much because they were very loud and sometimes made big messes. He didn't like this situation much at all but he had to make sure that Ivan was okay, Alex could wait for later. As he moved his way into the room, he locked eyes with Ivan and felt a gut wrenching tear in his stomach. He could feel how hurt this little boy was. Then, he could see it. The bruises around his neck were to be expected, he had a black eye too. Ivan was covered in bruises, over his arms and legs that Alex could see. He seemed to have little cuts too, burns or razor slashes, cuts from kitchen knives or cut up soda cans might have been in the mix too. Some looked new, some looked old, more than a few looked infected.

“Oh god ivan.” Alex said involuntarily.

Ivan just stared, shaking, scared.

“I'm so sorry.” didn't get a response either.

So Alex sat with Ivan for a moment, a few more, what felt like an eternity, until Ivan reached and grabbed a hold of Alex's coat sleeve, then buried his face in Alex's shoulder. Alex held on like he was going to lose him again.

He never wanted to let go.

Ivan was cold and he was shaking, Alex could feel it radiating off of his body. He felt a pull of guilt, but he buried it, that's not what either of them needed right now.

“I'm going to take you away from here okay?” Alex told him.

“I'm going to make sure that nobody hurts you ever again.”

He scooped Ivan up and carried him slowly down the stairs, whispering gentle reassurances that he knew meant next to nothing.

He just wanted it to be okay,

He just wanted Ivan to be okay.

Alex hated that this gentleness felt like a lie after all that he’d done, but as long as Ivan could be alright again he would fake a whole world.

Quietly reaching the bottom of the stairs, Alex shifted his hold on Ivan to open the door. The doorknob was sticky under his fingers as he turned the knob, opening the door to the porch. From the porch you could see the whole yard, and you could see Domonik Volkov standing in the grass.

—

Ivan could feel his older brother tense, but the way he was positioned, he couldn't quite see.

“What is it?” he wanted to say, but words couldn't find their way to his mouth. A man's voice said something in a language he heard grown ups speak sometimes and Ivan tried to squirm to look, but Demitri held him too close. His older brother slowly, very slowly, walked off the porch to a bush and very carefully sat Ivan down on the dead grass.

“Stay here,” he said to ivan.

“Stay here, and don't look over there, and cover your ears, okay?”

Ivan nodded, and turned in the opposite direction of where he wasn't supposed to look.

Alex gave his hand a tight squeeze and got up.

Ivan tried his best to cover his ears but his wrists were weak and his hands shook so he opted for cradling his face between his bruised knees.

It wasn't good sound protection, he could still hear the two talking, arguing in the language that he didn't know.

There was a word he did know though,

“Monster.” Demitri kept saying.

“Something-something-monster.”

.It sounded so cold off of his brother's tongue that the sharpness felt like a whole different person entirely, sounded more like mother if Ivan had to place it, but he didn't like to place the two in the same category.

There were sirens too now, they started far away but they kept getting louder and louder, and so was the arguing. The sirens eventually stopped and flashy red and blue lights painted the grass around Ivan with a fractured looking glow, but the arguing still went on. Ivan tried to pretend that everything was okay, that somebody was just having a dance party with some nice, police coloured lights.

The argument sounded more frantic now, like they were running out of time to be mad at eachother.

Everything sounded scary, the flashing lights felt dizzying and the yelling was too loud even when ivan tried to cover his ears and then-

The gunshot made everything go dead silent. Ivan squeezed his eyes shut so tight that he saw little spots in his eyelids. Somebody started walking over to the bush and Ivan looked up in hope but it wasn't Demitri, it was somebody that Ivan presumed to be a police officer. The officer scooped Ivan up in his arms and carried him to the back of his car where he gave him a blanket and stale cookie.

Ivan looked out at what he could of the scene, dead grass,lots of blood, the man that must have been the angry voice that weirdly looked alot like his father with a big towel over his face, and then dmitri, being arrested.

The eye contact was short, the brief message that his older brother sent was a fierce look and a nod.a nod as they shoved him into the back of the police car, as Ivan got driven away too.

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