#altho if it makes you uncomfortable i can remove you if you want | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

machidielontheway · 10 months

Text

my biggest "what would fix you right now" is sleep schedule. i love sleeping, i love being in my bed, love the feeling of blorbo rotating while comfy in my pillow. i don't mind doing the nightly routine : pee time, brushing teeth [altho this is a recent change !], filling water bottle.

what i don't like and don't manage to do is the Break : stopping the enjoyment - or the avid, compulsory search for enjoyment - and actually closing my laptop. Closing the laptop is cutting up the connection and the safety, comfort of it. connection is : i am not alone. there is people there and i can hear them, listen to them, my room is filled with the sound of people living. i am not lonely. safety is : i am finding joy and am entertained - i am not wasting my life. i do not think of things i yearn to do but lack the energy and courage for. i am fulfilled.

Closing the door and getting out of my own laid spell and having to face reality again is very hard. I do not like it and i avoid it for as long as i can sometimes, even if i am tired and would love to be sleeping. (the reality is : sometimes i am lonely and unfulfilled ; the reality is i haven't been sleeping enough for years to have the emotional energy enough to be able to make concrete steps to change this)

i could say a lot more because this subject branches out back to itself but let's just keep what was the original goal.

i wanted to speak about it to the therapist i saw for the first time a week ago, because as of now sleep is Obstacle n°1 to be resolved in my life. but i didn't really connect with her, and it was a first session so a bit hard to go directly into one specific subject. However i spoke about it to a friend the next day, and she told me how she does it and we did a little brainstorming / our discussion was such to me.

one thing i discovered about myself in the last year is that i have very little perseverance, and if there is - or if i see something as such - an obstacle i will mostly not do the thing blocked by the obstacle. The ideal solution for this is : if you can't make yourself go past the obstacle, either 1) remove the obstacle or 2) change your course. When i was in my last flat the bathroom was some way away from my room and it was old and i didn't like it. I had a hard time brushing my teeth at night and mostly never did it. a temporary solution became "i go to pee super often, let's just brush my teeth each time with water for a few seconds" and that worked quite a bit. the obstacle was going to a place i didn't like with little reward ; the solution was do the thing when you're already in there, when you didn't have a problem to go because you actually wanted to". The problem literally disappeared when i moved flats and 1) had the bathroom directly against my room again and 2) i like the bathroom and don't feel uncomfortable spending time in it. It's a great things to know this kind of things about you, because it's easier to see how to go about solving a problem.

So with my friend as we spoke about it and it finally took a shape, i thought : clearly knowing and agreeing with all those things about "capitalism doesn't give you time so you spite it with a fucked up sleep schedule to get time for you" is not helping you : it's true but you can't change that rn. But the shape of "i don't like when i close the laptop and suddenly i'm back in real life with all my doubts and feelings", that i can manage. i can make the Break less of a break. With my friend i planned two things : 1) my laptop does not go in to the bedroom, and 2) i will put on sound on my phone until i shut off the lights (i dislike going on internet on my phone so no loophole here).

It did work in parts, which is actually great. I DID feel frustrated about not having the laptop, like a real feeling of "something missing / something not in its place", but it was not big enough that i couldn't go through it, which means that i can acclimate myself to it in time ; and it was enough that i didn't feel the break too keenly. Once i was done with my nightly ablutions, i kept listening to the video (music is Not Enough so i listen to Defunctland Fastpass vid) and felt myself falling asleep after ten minutes, which is also good : it's not enough to keep me awake through my tiredness the way i can power through for hours with the laptop (yes i have f.lux), and it's easier to stop and put down because my phone doesn't represent a Door to me the way my laptop does.

Now the thing to work on is that i need to actually do this where i do get in my room at an interesting hour and not just at two am, or it makes me as sleepy but less comfortable. So while a part of a solution is present the big boss is still there : the drive and motivation to do the first step which is "now we will begin". i once thought 'when i will have my new fancy phone where i can put on more than one alarm clock, i'll put some in the evening to create Doors for me to come back to reality and make a choice - i can stay where i am, or i can decide to go to bed". This increase the chance that i manage to go to bed earlier, instead of being kept in the waters of the spell until i see the clock hitting the magic hour where somehow i will accept going to sleep (which in these days is 1:30 AM). However i did NOT put on those alarms even though i've had my new fancy phone since january. which is another mystery to think about : what makes me 'not want' to put them on ? what do i fear ? i was excited about it once, what has changed ? is there another way i can make 'coming back to it' doors that would not be from alarm clock ?

I do like having my struggles put in this form because 1) i like feeling like i'm taking concrete steps toward something, because for so so so long i've been Waiting. besides the "fight or flight" reaction there is the freeze and i'm very good at it. and action is what makes you brain calm down from Fight or Flight. 2) i love analysis (recent discovery through work) ! it's like a treasure map with little adventures you have to follow until you find the treasure. But this also means knowing / searching for how things works, so you can understand why they're not working and find a satisfactory solution or a workaround.

anyway. yeah.

#3615 my life #bold of me to put this on your dash but i don't like readmores for ramblings i'm sorry #did i write this instead of going to sleep ? yes.#but i actually write so rarely about my life even though i sometimes began to write those posts in my head #i think it could be helpful #not as big as saying it out loud (i know a lot of people feel better after writing things #(btw did u see we can use commas in tags now)#but yes writing. acknowledging and being able to come back to it better than it being just in my head #and it's also somehow a time of creation and not consomption so.#i also thought if maybe this could help somebody this would be cool. i've gotten so much useful help thanks to people and posts here #like that miraculous post about sometimes it's not executive dysfunction it's just yourself protecting you very hard but hurting you instea #(the You Have Internal Resistance article)#anyway this is very rambling. and while searching for the name of the article in my Adulting tag i saw another post that said the same thin #i did here but better and clearer #by which i mean i don't know if what i wrote could be as helpful for somebody but we never now #and in any case i wrote it for me.#and also to not go to sleep.#it's defunctland time again good night people

2 notes · View notes

mallowstep · 3 years

Note

What are your opinions on forbidden relationships in Warriors? I've seen people label it as a "trope" because of how common this is. Some find the forbidden romance aspect intriguing, though others find it extremely repetitive and old

I'd like to know your thoughts!

hm. well, it is a trope. i mean, there's an average of one major one a series, right? greysilver, leafcrow (and others, but that's the big one), heatherlion (and implied others), tigerdove, idk i don't remember anything from avos but violetshine luv her but there's probably something, bristleroot. dotc doesn't count bc well it's dotc.

anyway.

definitely a trope.

but that's not a bad thing.

what i think people don't give warriors enough credit for is that these are not all the same forbidden romance. most of them are handled in different ways and bring up different conflicts. i understand why people are tired of them, but let's not discredit one of the only good things in warriors romance: that they make forbidden relationships different.

like, with grey and silver, it's about loyalty and responsibility. leafcrow is just bad idea central, both heatherlion and tigerdove are about responsibilities and young cats, and they have two different answers, and bristleroot is challenging the whole idea from the start.

so like. give credit where credit is due: we're not doing the same (forbidden) relationships again and again. i don't see enough people talk about that.

okay so it turns out i have um. a lot of thoughts about this. idk i just kept writing and now it's over 2k words. so you know. under the cut: matthew does half-baked media analysis to talk about why the code and cats' relationships to it are misunderstood. while actually staying on topic.

anyway from here on i'm just going to say relationship/romance, and understand that i'm generally talking about the forbidden kind. also i'm talking exclusively within the realm of warriors romance, which is, on average, bad. so when i say "X is good," i don't mean "X is good in general," i mean "given what we have, X is good." just to be clear.

right! basically, this is a tool. it creates tension and drama, and that's fine. warriors is a soap opera, remember. soap operas use secrets and relationships and all sorts of plot devices over and over again. warriors is not Serious. it can be dark. it has serious moments. but it is not a Serious Book Series for Serious Kids. it is a soap opera for Future Theatre Kids. yeah?

from that perspective, i'm a-ok with forbidden romance. (also, as a mini-aside, it creates some much-needed genetic diversity when kits are involved.) and again: all of the major relationships are different, so i think that's better than a lot of people give it credit for.

yeah, heatherlion and greysilver and tigerdove are all about the same general idea (loyalty and responsibility), but they all have different circumstances and different resolutions.

so like? yeah. sure. why not?

plus, like, who's reading warriors for the romance? i separate the concept of "romance" from a "relationship" here: i like the relationships in warriors (ivy and dove tension my beloved), but i'm not here to read about tigerheart wooing dovewing. (yes, i do love the tigerdove scenes in oots. no, that's not because i think they're very good at being romantic.)

but i digress.

if warriors was a Serious Book Series for Serious Kids, i'd have a different take here. having been in an IRL forbidden relationship, i have the Personal Insight and Experience to say they're this weird mash of "very much how it feels" and "not at all how it feels."

tigerdove is probably my favourite bc it's the closest to my circumstances, and i think dovewing is a good pov. i like how she breaks up with him because it's a bad idea, but that's not the same thing as not feeling for him.

(heh. twelve-year-old me reading oots like "this will never apply to my life" what did you know)

but to the point, if warriors was serious, i'd point out that the consequences always seem to be internal. we haven't seen characters be punished for their actions. and so on.

but warriors is a soap opera.

and here's my actual thesis: we haven't seen characters be punished for their actions, because "forbidden relationships" are a normal and expected part of clan society.

like no, fandom-at-large, you're kind of missing the point. okay, you know how like. people complain about. idk. ivypool and fernsong being distantly related?

(third aside/very long ivyfern rant, i put a nice big "rant over" after it if you want to skip past it: they're third cousins. they share, max, 2.2% of their genetics. they are fine. do you know your third cousins? do you? yeah. and like. they live in a closed society. there is no one new.

i've never seen someone complain about forbidden romance and ivyfern at the same time, and i do generally agree we should have more mystery fathers, altho for a different reason, but like. idk. this bothers me.

their last shared relative was nutmeg. that's so far back. god. i get it, there was a prophecy saying they're related, but if you remember my rant about how dovewing shouldn't be a part of the prophecy because of how distantly related to firestar is, you know how i feel about that already.

complaining they're related and that's a problem is. deep breath here. it requires demonstrating that warriors has kept track of kinship all the way back to firestar's mother. and even if you wave that requirement, you still have to convince me they would care about that. this isn't a "they're cats, harold" situation, this is a "you would not know your third cousin even if you lived in the same town" situation.

i mean maybe you would. some people do. but my hometown has generations of people who married within its borders. you get as far as "cousin," maybe "second cousin" if you're feeling fancy. i'm not trying to make an always true statement, i just. every time i see someone complain about ivyfern being related, it strikes me as not understanding how extended families work?

i know third cousins isn't technically classified as a distant relative, but you have, on average, 190 third cousins. i feel so strongly about this i looked it up.

like i'm not. okay if you say, "I don't ship ivyfern because they are third cousins and that makes me uncomfortable" you are Valid. in general, you are all valid. i do not think you have to, on a personal level, be okay with ivyfern. you are free to do as you wish.

but. if you want to argue "ivyfern is a Bad Ship because they are third cousins" you have a hell of a burden of proof. simply saying "they share a great-great-grandmother" does not meet that, because like. yeah. we're all pretty damn related.)

(ivyfern rant over)

IVYFERN RANT OVER

right so. anyway. if you remove forbidden romance? you're forcing a lot more of those situations.

i've been messing around with modelling some small-scale fan clan-adjacent stuff to double-check the ratios for wbcd, and it's. it quickly becomes a necessity, is what i'm saying.

but i got distracted like. researching how related third cousins are. my point is not about that, that's like. a different topic. that i crammed into here because i have no self-control.

no, no, what i was trying to get to is: oakheart straight up tells us that cats have half-clan kits all the time, it's not a problem, no one talks about it. and that? that is exactly what we see modelled by warriors.

the only reason greystripe and silverstream have a problem is that silverstream dies and greystripe claims the kits. i feel very strongly that if she had lived, the kits would have been born and raised riverclan kits, that might, maybe, one day, guess who their father is.

we haven't had any half clan kits in a while, which yes! i think is a problem, but like. the fact that the three are medicine cat kits seems to be a bigger issue. which feels right.

and i'm not trying to argue what i think should be, i legitimately believe the text of warriors defends this, even in newer books which throw out a lot of the older world building in favour of more human-like conflict.

as readers, we are naturally following protagonists. we are following the interesting story. but imagine you're just a background riverclan cat. minnowtail, if you will. do you think, do you honestly think, anyone cares about minnowtail?

not in a bad way, just. if she's meeting up with mousewhisker at night, do you think anyone cares? of course not! no one cares. she's not a Protagonist. her kits aren't going to be prophesized about.

heck, finleap switches clans! and it's barely a big deal. it feels like one, but when's the last time anyone bothered dealing with it? that's what i thought.

(also i forgot like all of avos so that very last point might be a bad one if it is my argument stands i just literally do not remember anything in avos but violetshine. none. zero.)

but it's easy to get caught up with characters like hollyleaf and bristlefrost and forget that like. not everyone cares about the code. most of our protagonists do, because it's become mostly equivalent with being moral. and i have an essay draft titled "the code as religion vs the code as law" where i want to expand on this more, but i think like. that idea, that we as readers should use the code as a way of evaluating cats' behaviour, is flawed.

like, i'm not talking about being inconsistent with how that is applied. if you want to say, "the trial leafpool goes through for having half-clan kits is legitimate because of the code," i still think your approach is flawed.

because the cats themselves don't seem to think that way.

the code doesn't, to me, feel like the ten commandments. it does not feel like "you must do this to be a good cat."

rather, it feels like aesop's parables. "here are mistakes cats made and what we do instead of that."

i don't think the cats know the code the way we do. i do not think they memorize a list of rules as kits. i think they know what is and is not part of it, but i imagine they know the stories far more than the rules.

(i'm working on my lore stories to replace code of the clans.)

and even if that's my thoughts, i do think this is supported by the text. no one ever teaches the warrior code, cats just learn it in pieces. "don't waste food because we don't have enough to spare" is taught, not "there's a rule about food and starclan on the code."

that's why the whole arc of the broken code even works: the reason the imposter is able to manipulate things is because cats don't treat the code as a rigid set of rules and commandments, but guiding principles.

the parts of the code that we tend to focus on the most are relationships, apprentices, and battle. or that's my perception. i didn't do a poll to obtain that. there's also the leader's word, but readers don't usually think of that as a good rule, so i'm not including it.

but the parts the cats focus on most are food, territory, and the leader's word. which makes sense: those are basic needs: food, security, and...i don't want to say authority so much as some kind of social system. explaining it would be a whole thing. just trust with me, if you don't mind.

i don't think we have any real reason to believe cats care about half-clan relationships half as much as we do. yes, apprentices are chastized about it, but that's not really the same thing as being punished.

and it's hard to tell, because apprentices being punished has really fallen off, and that's kind of the problem with any argument i try to make about warriors, but.

wow.

i'm actually still on topic? i'm 2k words in and i'm still on topic? a day i never thought would come.

let's wrap this up. cats seem to care about half clan relationships in that: a) they lead to conflicted loyalties, b) they mess with borders and prey, and c) they are in the code as bad. in that order.

and again, if the code was some high and holy religious doctrine, we couldn't have the broken code as an arc. it does not work if the cats are already following it to a t, and know it word for word, because it's signfiicantly harder to manipulate people if they do.

not to the level the imposter does, at the speed he does.

and yes, you could argue that it's more bad writing, but. i think that discredits warriors. yeah, it sure has its fair share of bad writing, but i don't think that's in the way the imposter works. instead, he seizes on a big important doctrine that's nebulous, and uses that to control people.

and that? that feels much more interesting.

so with that in mind, i don't think the cats would care about your typical, non-protagonist forbidden relationship, and i don't think we should, either.

as far as a plot device, i think we're okay with what we have. don't get me wrong, i understand why people are tired of it, but i think we also should remember that warriors is not repeating itself. having multiple forbidden relationships is not repetitive. now, if medicine cats were having half-clan kits every series, i'd make a different argument.

but all of the major forbidden relationships have different outcomes, lessons, and circumstances, and for me, i think that's signficantly interesting.

i didn't really check sources and quotes for this, so like, if you spotted something wrong, feel free to correct me. my overall point stands, but there's a lot of warriors and i have a bad memory, so i could have missed somthing major.

#ask #anon #essay #mine #discourse #not really but you know

36 notes · View notes

poisonepel · 5 years

Note

Oh!! Oh!! May i uhh... Request some Azul fluff? With a male reader who's very shy and embarrassed to admit he likes Azul?(if you want to, Jade and Floyd can appear too...) I've been seeing a LOT of female readers and i kinda feel left out... :')

thank you for waiting and I hope you enjoy this !! …altho I’m realizing now I don’t exactly know the definition of “fluff.” uh. also it’s a bit long… ❗MILD SPICE WARNING❗

Confrontation. Azul x Male!Reader (1680 words)

(Y/n) adjusted his hold on his bag as he walked through the halls of Night Raven College, feeling a little burnt out by all the work he had to do today. He would’ve loved nothing more than to go out and unwind, maybe off-campus, but his friends were all busy now. The only other place to go would be the Mostro Lounge, but there was no way he’d go in there by himself… especially not when Azul Ashengrotto might be there.

So, he figured he’d hurry back to the dorms to knock out some homework, and then have the evening free. He did have to pass by it on his way out from the academic building, and you always knew when you were passing by the Lounge - (Y/n) could hear the soft melody of a piano playing inside, and the sweet smells of freshly baked desserts, whipped up by the few, but dedicated Octavinelle students who had a knack for baking.

(Y/n) picked up his pace.

It’d been a few weeks now that he had been trying desperately to avoid one-on-one encounters with Octavinelle’s head. Or any encounter with the Leech twins. He’d realized that he had a hopeless crush on Azul Ashengrotto, and was fairly certain those three knew all about it - of course they must have; they knew everything - but (Y/n) would rather give himself the benefit of the doubt and prevent them from ever getting a chance to address it.

So he took brisk steps through the hall, keeping his eyes forward and away from the Door of Doom. It was like a devil tempting him with relaxing music and mouth-watering aromas - and Azul himself - but (Y/n) knew talking to Azul would never go down the way he’d hope it to. He tried his hardest to ignore the Lounge and only hoped no one would open the door.

He thought he made it. He managed to turn the corner, went down a few more corridors, and climbed the stairs - he was so close to the mirror chamber, to the portal which would take him back to his dorm, but then at once two lithe bodies suddenly swooped in front of him. (Y/n) jumped.

And then he saw their faces.

“Hi, (Y/n)~” Floyd grinned.

“H-Hi,” (Y/n) replied. Of course it was them. Of course. “Sorry, but um… I’m in a bit of a hurry right now. …I should get going.” He tried to squeeze through the tight opening between the twins’ shoulders, the entire time screaming inside of his head that he wanted out of this situation and he wanted out now, but Jade and Floyd had come to him for a reason. And they wouldn’t leave till they said what they needed to.

“Just a moment, please,” Jade started, while both he and his brother each grabbed one of (Y/n)’s arms. “We’ve been informed that something has been bothering you for quite a while now…”

Floyd tugged (Y/n) closer, prompting his cheeks to flare, his eyes darting to stare down the floor. “So we thought we’d extend a special invitation to you~ In hopes of fixing your little dilemma.”

“D-Dilemma…?” It was getting clearer and clearer for (Y/n) to see where this was going, and he didn’t like it at all. He kept trying to back away, but the twins’ grip was strong - there was no way he’d be able to break out of their hold.

“Don’t be nervous,” Floyd laughed. “All we’re doing is taking ya to the Lounge for a quick meeting with Azul.”

“I-I don’t want to talk with him.”

“We’ll give ya free food from the café for a month.”

Jade shot his brother a look when he heard that - they hadn’t discussed that part - but Floyd only smiled, his mind unchanged. (Y/n) considered. It was just a meeting with Azul. Awkward, maybe; his heart would be pounding of his chest, for sure; but what if it had nothing to do with his feelings for the Octavinelle head at all? (Y/n) had lots of other problems anyway - maybe this was about stress from school, or the fact that he shattered his phone the other day and shed real tears over it. …Maybe Azul would offer to buy him a new one.

“…Fine.”

“Yay~” Floyd jerked (Y/n) by the arm, leading him back down the stairs and through the corridors. (Y/n) was frantically reconsidering his decision the entire way, but when they finally arrived at the great double doors hiding the Mostro Lounge Café from sight, he realized he never really had a choice anyway. Azul most likely had summoned (Y/n) specifically, and there was no way the twins would fail to carry out a request from their dorm head.

So before long, (Y/n) was planted down in a chair directly across from Azul, at his desk. He was sweating. He couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“Hello, (Y/n),” Azul greeted, pleasantly, his fingers woven atop his desk.

“…..”

“I apologize for bringing you here so brashly,” Azul’s eyes flicked up towards the Leech twins, who were loitering in the back of the room. “But I believe there is a conversation long overdue between the two of us.”

(Y/n) squeezed his eyes shut. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He knew he hadn’t been doing a very good job of keeping his crush a secret, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Now he was going to be rejected, teased, hurt, heartbroken - he should’ve stood up for himself more when the Leech twins had approached him.

But maybe playing dumb would work. “…What is this about?” he asked.

“Oh? I assumed you might have been able to guess. Well then, I will clarify. Jade, Floyd, could you give us a moment?”

(Y/n) caught Floyd flashing him a horrible smirk on his way out, which did not make him feel any less uncomfortable. He gripped the fabric at his knees, trying desperately to wish his beating heart still. When the door shut after the twins exited, it almost sounded like the bells you’d hear before death - (Y/n) swallowed. Relax, he told himself. He was just being dramatic.

Azul stood up from his desk, drawing one hand across the tabletop as he rounded its corner - which brought him closer to where (Y/n) was sitting. “This might just be the most nervous I’ve ever seen anyone while sitting in my office,” he commented. “But I suppose that’s to be expected, given the reason for this meeting.”

“Wh-what’s the reason…?”

“It seems you’re in love.”

As low as his stomach dropped when Azul said that, (Y/n) tried swallowing away his nerves, and straightened his back, making himself look much more sure of himself. He had an idea to avoid this confrontation. But still, he did not look at Azul.

“…O-oh, that,” he said, cursing himself for stuttering. He made himself look very calm, as if he was relieved to finally get the chance to discuss this. “…I am. I’ve tried so hard to get her attention, but she never seems to look at me.”

Azul stilled. “‘She’?”

“She’s from Pomefiore,” (Y/n) explained. “So she’d never even notice a lowlife like me…”

There was a moment of silence, and (Y/n) kept quiet, anxious to hear a response.

“(Y/n),” Azul said. “Look at me.”

(Y/n)’s cheeks flared again. “Huh? Wh-why?”

“Do it.”

So he peeked over at the Octavinelle dorm leader, his face still bright red. Azul had an unreadable look on his face - he was stern, yet calm, but his eyes were stunning… (Y/n) started fidgeting with his fingers. For a brief second, Azul’s lovely grey irises flicked down to (Y/n)’s hands, then back to his eyes.

“What is her name?”

“…! Um, she⁠—she’s in Pomefiore, you know, so her name, uh… is, ehm…..”

“…You’re lying,” Azul concluded. (Y/n)’s grip on his pants tightened. He was just digging a bigger grave for himself. While he was focused on trying to keep himself calm, Azul took a seat atop the corner of his desk, folding his hands over his knee. “Now, I don’t make contracts with liars⁠—there is no sense in that.”

(Y/n) noted that as his cue. He anxiously stood up and started for the door. “Th-then I’ll be on my w⁠—”

“However,” Azul interrupted, as he removed his glasses and placed them on the table, “that is from a business standpoint. Surely you know I have a personal life outside of my work. And I, too, would be a liar if I said you haven’t been an interest of mine. Moreso than anyone else.”

…

…What? (Y/n) nearly choked.

Azul stood up, taking a few steps towards him. “I don’t think you’d mind if we bypassed forming a contract for this.” Then he leaned over, his lips all of a sudden against (Y/n)’s, softly, perfectly—(Y/n) could hardly comprehend what was happening until he felt Azul’s body press against him, making him stumble a few steps backward.

“A-Azul—” He managed out, not necessarily protesting; (Y/n) was equal parts surprised and emboldened. Azul pushed him down atop his desk, where he proceeded to assault him with sweet lovemarks, and eventually (Y/n) had fully grabbed ahold of himself and began to kiss back.

How long had he been dreaming of this…? He’d spent countless embarrassing nights thinking about how soft Azul’s lips would feel on his, how warm his touch would be; and now he was here in the flesh and it was every bit perfect (Y/n) had imagined. He was a bit rough, but in that entrancing sort of way—(Y/n) couldn’t get enough.

“Nn~”

He brought his own lips to Azul’s neck, kissing all along his jawline, his fingers tangled up in those soft silver locks.

“God, I want you,” Azul breathed out, in between ravenous kisses. A glint of desire flickered in his eyes. “How many days have gone by… where I’ve known about your hopeless little crush, and did nothing about it…? I would’ve done this so long ago if I had the chance.”

(Y/n)’s heart fluttered harder and harder with every word Azul spoke. The more kisses he felt, the more warmth spread through his body; this felt like nothing but sheer ecstasy.

“I-Is this real…?” he murmured. Azul smiled against his skin.

“If you want it to be.”

・━━━━✥◈✥━━━━・

song inspo. lomepal「la vérité」

[Masterlist]

#anon #azul ashengrotto #azul #male reader #azul x male reader #twisted wonderland #twst fics

176 notes · View notes

thesummerstorms · 4 years

Note

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: For repcomm?

Favorite character:

I mean.. Etain. Obviously.

Least Favorite character:

Kal, but man does Jusik put himself in the running sometimes.

EDIT: HOW DID I FORGET JINART!

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Etain/Dar, Jilka/Ruu, Maze/Zey, Atin/Laseema (altho I’m very multiship in this fandom so I like some other Atin ships too), Mereel&Etain or Mereel/Etain but only like in a poly or alt timeline au but I saw it and... it works? Even though Dar/Etain is my otp

Character I find most attractive:

I mean, they’re all book characters, so aesthetic attraction doesn’t have much chance to kick in, but Temuera Morrison is nice generally, I guess. And Gena & Izzy fancast Dichen Lachman for Besany & Dichen Lachman is STUNNING.

Character I would marry:

hah. hah. they’d eat me alive. Well. Darman’s a sweetheart, but I could never. Etain is my heart, but I think we’d squabble.

I read Niner as demi-romantic or aro & ace, and I’m some flavor of “wtf is happening” aro & ace, so I could relate there, and relate to the anxiety/grumpiness/feeling responsible but like, idk about long term compatibility.

OR I remember a fmk game one time where I chose “Jaing with the understanding it was some long-distance tax scheme and then we divorce amicably and go away rich/richer”. That still works.

Character I would be best friends with:

I would want to be friends with Etain or Darman or Niner (it might be a lot of fun to gossip w/ Niner, honestly) or Besany but again, my experiences/skill set/ level of interesting-ness are all kinda too far removed from theirs for them to have a reason to give me the time of day, much less bond.

a random thought:

what. the fuck. is. this timeline.

An unpopular opinion:

Unpopular in some parts of the fandom, but not in mine, but like. Kal. If you follow this blog, you know what I mean.

Jusik is three great moments and a whole bunch of annoying as shit authorial morality pronouncements in a trench coat. He had so much potential, but like Kal, lived up to less than none of it. And in his “Gotab” identity I want to throat punch him.

My Canon OTP:

Dar/Etain.

My Non-canon OTP:

Dar/Etain/Rhedian, or if not including OCs, Jilka/Ruusaan. It just has SO MUCH potential.

Most Badass Character:

I think a requirement to being on this main cast is being some flavor of bad ass. Etain the unexpectedly/deceptively tiny but fierce Jedi, Laseema who doesn’t have any military or special background but learns to defend herself and her place in the world after a terrible past and keep up with all the people who do, Besany the treasury spy and Jilka her best friend who corners Hutts for a thrills, any given clone who is automatically a super soldier by default... like... it’s a requirement.

Most Epic Villain:

Uthan when allowed to be herself.

But for the record, I just had to sit and think and count “wait who’s the villain in each book” because with the exceptions of Hokan (who gets pov chapters and is shitty as hell), Uthan (who is ruthless as shit and a major player in the eventual cure), and Ko Sai (who is... Ko Sai)... most of the other folk on the other side of the battle field aren’t even villains, they’re just antagonists and they’re just... there. Which is a major departure for SW when you think about it.

So like, the choices here are only Ko Sai ( *thumbs down*), Hokan (little pretentious pos), and Uthan. Uthan a la Hard Contact wins easily.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

Fi/Parja majorly squicks me out except for when Kaz writes it. but like. Canon Fi/Parja has so many boundary issues that make me uncomfortable.

JUSIK/ARLA like WHAT THE FUCK. Biggest NOTP.

Gilamar/Uthan. A softer nope, because I’ve seen fanon versions done well, but not at all a fan of canon Gilamar/Uthan from 501st.

Ny/Kal because Ny did NOTHING to deserve that.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Hah! HAH! How much time you got?

Kal- not who KT thought she was giving us at all

Jusik a handful of great moments attached to what ultimately fails as a fleshed out, meaningful character with a lot of lost potential

Ovolot Qail ‘suddenly a middle age career woman who can be manipulated by her regret at never having ~children~ as soon as Kal looks at her’ Uthan.

Parja, who has all this potential, but KT uses as a mouthpiece for some sexist/ablelist/uncomfortable shit.

Jilka- she can still be sharp/judgy/social/a tad vain, but just let her and Besany be friends and also avoid actively shoving her in a gold-digger sterotype in book 4 (book 3? when Ordo gives Besany the sapphire) and then a random out of the blue romance with Corr, of all people, to “soften her up” in ImpComm.

Jinart is not a character, she’s a whole bunch of mean shit the author wanted to say in black fur, and that makes it hard to feel at all sympathetic to or conflicted about the gurlanin, even when KT wants us too

Favourite Friendship:

oh god, I could NEVER choose just one.

Niner & Dar and Dar & Fi & Atin & Etain (or what we have in those tiny implied moments) and Ordo & Mereel and Mereel & Etain and Ordo & Etain and Mereel & Besany , the hypothetical SNARK /GRUMP friendship in my head that would be Niner & Jilka, Maze & Ordo...

like... it’s all so good. they’re all so good. and there’s somebody I’m forgetting on my list here, I know it, but I just can’t think of it right now.

Character I most identify with:

I mean. *coughs* Do I.. do I really have to say this one?

Character I wish I could be:

Listen, I admire many of these character’s skills, but like HELL would I ever want to experience ANY of their backgrounds or life experiences.

#Anonymous

14 notes · View notes

nicksilveirart · 5 years

Text

(SING!) Story Not Told, chapter 9 – Californication (MATURE CHAPTER, PROCEED WITH CAUTION)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

This chapter is MATURE. If you are okay with that kind of work, click here to keep reading:

A/N: A/N: There is not much to this besides, putting it simple, sex. If you feel uncomfortable with it, please just skip this chapter. If you choose to skip, another one should be up by tomorrow depending on how fast I figure out the next events. This movie's got a pace that has my head spinning at times! This here's basically fluff, kisses and gentle sex, no important events. This is the one and only 'M' chapter this story will have, so I'm keeping it rated T. If you choose to proceed, I hope you enjoy your ride, and have in mind this is my first attempt ever at something 'dirty'.

Ash had to admit, she wasn't really expecting to engage into another relationship like this. A guy that'd take her to see a spectacle such as this one, would kiss her so gently, and make her feel unique. She had previous experiences with dating, but none of them compared to this. Matthew had been good, he bought a couple tickets to her favorite band, and they had kissed there. Lance had driven her home, and they had kissed like it was nothing. This was entirely different. There was something about Buster's touch that she had never felt before. It sent mean shivers down her spine and made her quills stay on end. It felt exciting. She pulled him closer. He gently pulled away. "Wow." "Same about you. You're a great kisser." "Thanks. It's been a while." "Pity." She pulled him in. "One moment, please." He stood up, and addressed the squids. "Great job you guys! I expect to see this tomorrow, uh? Sorry for waking you up!" The squids scattered. "You woke them up just for this?" "No, silly, they were shining through the night just because they could." He teased. She gently pushed him. "You didn't have to do this." "I know I didn't, but I wanted to." He took a bow and kissed her hand. "Where were we?" "Here." She grabbed him by his shirt, and kissed him deeply. Altho surprised, Buster returned the gesture. It was a passionate kiss, like the ones you see in movies. Like… The one they had seen in Casablanca, just a couple days ago. If only she knew they were gonna repeat it… And then there was the feeling again. Her heart started beating faster, and she wanted more. Walking ahead, she pressed him against the stage right behind them. He allowed her to do whatever. He couldn't lie, this was the definition of perfection. He wasn't a ladies' man, but he had kissed. None of his previous kisses could compare to this. Not in the slightest. He liked having Ash at his arms. It felt right. He felt loved, and hoped he was making her feel the same. He ran his fingers up her neck, towards her cheeks, gently massaging them. She shivered, and pressed herself against him. None knew for how long they kissed, but upon parting both were breathless. Adventurous Ash went ahead and explored the nape of his neck and hair, while Buster caressed her back. Going a tad bit lower, she tugged on his button up pajamas shirt, and looked at his face. He rolled his eyes, and chuckled. "If you promise you're not going to laugh…" He kept his shirt tucked under his pants. She promptly pulled it loose, and pressed the body underneath. "Doesn't feel that bad." He blushed. She started unbuttoning his shirt. "Alright, Buster Moon, let's see what you're hiding here." "I work out but it's not enough to define anything." She pulled his shirt off. He stood straight, hands behind his back. "What do you think?" She rubbed up and down his chest. "Stiff. Whatever you are doing at the gym seems to be working." He laughed. "Thanks. Let's go back upstairs? Feels weird to be… Half naked down here." "Whatever you say, Mr Stiff." "I swear to god, if you call me that in front of anybody…" He pecked her cheek, and led her upstairs. "We would have to answer too many questions." Both chuckled lightly at Ash's remark. He stopped her on top of the staircase, and looked at her in the eye. "Ash." Well, he might as well get that out of his system. "You know this is a dang- delicate relationship, right? At least for a few years, you can't introduce me as your boyfriend, you can't tell-" "I know that." "We are 25 years apart. I'm two times your age, plus a few years. It's-" She shushed him with a kiss. "You gotta…" "I know. I went that over in my head during that show downstairs." She tried kissing him again. "And you're fine with it?" "If I say yes, will you shut up and let me kiss you?" She was holding both his hands and moving back and forth. "Ash." "Would I be kissing you if I wasn't?" He took a moment to reply. "No." "Good boy." She settled on kissing him again, pressing him against Mrs Crawly's desk. That moment, she knew Buster wasn't like anyone she had kissed or slept with. Matthew was 5 years apart from her, Lance was 7, none couldn't compare with 25, but both were considerable years apart from her. None had stopped in the middle of a making out session to remind her of that kinda stuff, and make her feel sure of what she wanted. She never slept with Matthew, Lance outright took her to bed when they kissed, she wasn't even sure Buster would think about doing that, and figured she'd have to take lead. She pulled away, and took him to his office, shutting the door. "What are you doing?" "Let's get to bed." "Great." He yawned. "I'm tired." How naive of him… She could never tell if he was faking, or if he was just plain clueless. Either way, once he was done settling in bed, she climbed on top of him, and thrust her lips onto his' again. He tasted amazing. Carefully holding her at his arms, he rested her down by his side, never breaking the kiss. Pulling away, both pecked each others' lips several times, eyes closed all along. Ash sat up, and started taking her shirt off. "Wait, what-?" "You can't be that innocent, Buster." "Right now?" "Yeah, problem?" "No, I'm just…" He sighed. "Have you at least done this before?" He knew she had, but he wanted to hear her say it. "What do you think?" She laughed. "Why? Have you never?" "No, I have. I just didn't think you would-" "But I do." Before he could protest, she tossed her shirt at him. He was mesmerized for a second. She had a great form, carefully hidden under her alternative t-shirts. "Man, you're really something." "Please, are you gonna say you're not excited?" He blushed. "Thought so. Drop the uptightness and feel it." She started massaging his shoulders. He relaxed under her touch. Leaning down, she started kissing his neck. He sighed, and gave a mischievous smile. Grabbing hold of her waist, and careful of her sharp quills, he flipped her over. She was shocked, but smirked. "Now we're getting somewhere." Leaning down, he gently pecked her neck, and traced his way down her chest. She quivered under his touch. It almost felt electrical, sending all sorts of shivers through her body. She pulled him closer, nuzzled and sucked on his neck. He let out a low groan, to which she smiled at. There was something about causing that kind of sensations in someone else that excited her. She had vague memories of late at night Owlgle searches about the right way to please someone, but found out it wasn't rocket science; it varied from guy to guy. Lance could get turned on from kissing alone; Buster seemed to be a more touchy feely kind. She traced down his spine line and tugged at his pants. Straightening up, Buster removed them, keeping only his boxers on. He figured they'd get off sooner or later. "That's a nice look for you." "Thanks." He couldn't lie, he was very aware under Ash's unrestrained gaze. Of his age more than anything. He looked good for a 42 year old, or at least he liked thinking so, but when compared to teenagers or young adults he would lose the matter. He shrugged it off, and carefully sucked on her breast. She moaned, and pulled him closer to her. He traced up her body, feeling her curves, and wrapped his arms around her. He had to admit, she was smoking hot. Not only in figurative, but also in literal sense. She felt warm. He planted kisses around her neck and across her shoulder blade, eyes closed all along. Ash was almost paralyzed at Buster's advances. Wonder what else those hands can do, she thought, wryly. She led one of his hands down her body, and rested it on her underpants. "Take it off…" She said, almost breathless. He shot her an uncertain look. "Save your remarks for later." He smirked. "For one, I wasn't going to make any remark. And for two, if you insist…" Crawling down, he slowly slid her panties off. "Let's see what you've got." He winked. She blushed, and thanked heavens the room was dark. She had heard dirty talk, but she didn't expect Buster to even know what that was. He stopped for a moment to check her full form underneath him. Ash was really hot. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, and he had no doubt. He wanted to have her. He wanted to have her, and he wanted to please her. He could feel his boner crushed against his boxers -and felt slightly ashamed of this, by the way- but for a night he decided not to care. He would put all shame aside. Sitting straight, he took his own underpants off and tossed them to the side of the room. His member was pulsing. How long had it been since his last time? Way too long, he could tell. "Nice." Her voice broke the silence. "Finally get to see you in your basic form." He was blushing like mad, his face seemed to be on fire. Chuckling, Ash pulled him closer to her once again. "Stop thinking." She started running her fingertips on his back. He shivered, and leaned in. She kissed him passionately, and wrapped her legs around his'. Laying down, he slowly pushed inside of her. She gasped in his mouth. He held her close. "Better…" She panted, as he started thrusting inside her. He merely shot her a dirty smirk. "Glad you like it." Ash was clinging onto him as if her life depended on it. Man, that felt amazing. She didn't know if it was the lust from the moment speaking, or Buster's touch, but could swear this was the best sex session she ever had. Or at least in the longest while. Lance wasn't exactly the affectionatetype, only when he felt like it, or when he wanted something. It was also way too quick. He wasn't the type who'd kiss her and get her aroused before sex, if anything, he did the opposite. One moment they'd be normally talking, and the other Lance would climb on top of her and outright slip into her, not really caring if she was enjoying herself. Buster wasn't like that. He touched her and got her excited before thinking about his own satisfaction. He was good at it, and it surprised her. Who would say the kind, soft-spoken and diminutive theatre owner had it in him. She shut her eyes tightly, and let low whines escape her mouth. He pushed deeper, prompting her to cry out in pleasure. He huffed, and stopped for a second to acknowledge the girl under him. She was flushed, he could tell. They stared into each others' eyes for a moment. That was it. Looks of pure love and adoration, and the simple act of having sex became making love. Locking lips again, Buster went back to his ministrations. Holding tight onto him, Ash was leaving several red trails on his back, but he couldn't care less. That felt good. "Buster…" She huffed. "Go deeper…" He did as told. She gave a heavy pant as she traced down his jaw, and smiled seeing him shudder. He had to admit, this wasn't like nothing he'd ever done before. His previous girlfriends had been very shy when it came to sex, so doing it with someone who was more open about it was amazing. He helped himself and grabbed both of her hips, squeezing them. He could feel her inner walls clenching around him, and it was driving him crazy. She must be getting close. Taking advantage of that, he lifted her legs slightly, and went deeper. She screamed in pleasure. "Damn! Buster!" He started thrusting faster, at the pace of her rapidly louder moans. He could feel his orgasm on the horizon, and jerked back to pull out. Ash groaned, and coiled her legs tighter around his waist. "D-Don't you dare…" He was going to protest when realization struck him. Oh, what the hell. It's not like he could get her pregnant anyway. Nodding, her gave one last powerful push into her before finally emptying himself inside of her. Ash let one last cry in delight before reaching her own peak. Sliding out, Buster collapsed on top of her, panting. Both were covered in sweat from their little adventure. He gently pecked her forehead before getting off of her. "Ash?" "Yes?" "I love you." "I love you too." He cradled her in his arms. Tiredness taking over, they slept in the warmness of each other's body.

#story not told #sing #sing movie #sing 2016 #sing2016 #sing bustash #bustash #oc #sing fanfic #sing fanfiction #sing buster #sing ash #sing oc #ash #buster #buster x ash #ash x buster

2 notes · View notes

empanther · 7 years

Text

SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. DON’T reblog.

1. WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? :

i wouldn’t say i have a definitive OTP for ann? at least not in the sense that i vastly prefer her with one character over others because i honestly believe she has considerable potential with a lot of the persona 5 ( young adult ) cast!

however, i won’t deny that there are some pairings i feel more strongly towards than others and those would be ( in no particular order )! :

– makoto & ann / ann & haru / makoto & ann & haru : i adore these three ( and the entire female cast of p5 too lbr ), both individually and collectively and not exclusively in a romantic context. these three complement one another as duos and as a cumulative trio and anytime i see any content for them, you can bet i’m smashing that motherhecking like button – ryuji & ann : that animated cut sequence at the conclusion of the seventh palace. u kno which one i’m talking about. yea. that one. that is all. ( ok but in all seriousness there’s so much subtext hinting at them i love them ) – akechi & ann : this is probably the one that’d elicit the most hate and out of the interest for my safety i shall refrain from elaborating on the reason for this ship here : ‘ ) – ann & girls : ain’t no way in heck she’s straight ( hint: she’s bi ) – me & @burntofight : ilu

2. WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

this is such a broad question ummm………….. whatever constitutes the standard ( with the exception of nsfw / heavily grim content ), i suppose? ( i was going to elaborate on what i define as ‘nsfw’ but there’s a question for that later on so i’ll expound there! )

3. HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? :

since this is a v sensitive and complicated topic and i have no interest in inciting or participating in discourse, i’ll limit the scope of this question to ann and ann alone.

ann is canonically 16 and ( while emotionally mature for someone her age ) she—as i understand and interpret her—would not, at time the game takes place, date someone older than her by 2 years ( i.e. older than 18 ) or younger than her by 1 year ( i.e. younger than 15 ). given her young age in her canon material, this would invariably change as she grew older, such that by the time she’s in her early 30s she’d be comfortable dating up to 5 years older / 3 years younger. ( please be aware that is based on my understanding of ann and is applicable only in relation to my interpretation of her. )

4. ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? :

not really! especially when it comes to roleplaying female characters as they so seldom get enough appreciation OOCly that i’m more than amenable to the concept of romantic interest / interaction as compensation for the convention of the fandom’s mistreatment / negligence of them. as long as there’s chemistry between the characters and the muns are in mutual agreement about roleplaying in that context, the idea delights me!

5. HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW? :

hfakshdas i said i was going to elaborate here but i’m embarrassed……………… AHEM ok! honestly nsfw content of a sexual nature is almost nonexistent across all my blogs regardless of whether the muse in question is a minor or not simply because i’m v awkward w the topic.

as a rule of thumb as to what i’ll tag as nsfw: anything that is more sexual in nature than kissing without tongue; if kissing involves tongue, it’ll be tagged as #nsfw cw / #nsfw ish cw (altho regardless of the intensity of the kiss i’ll still tag it as kissing & pda)

as for the specifics of the extent of nsfw that has the potential to appear on this blog: – in verses in which ann ( or any of my muses ) is under or around the age 18: anything beyond intense kissing would be considered too nsfw for me to feel comfortable writing and i’d either stop there or have the thread “fade to black” – in verses in which ann ( or any of my muses ) is an adult [ 20+ ]: anything beyond intense kissing / caressing of the body above the belly button and beneath mid-thigh / removal of shirts and/or pants ( undergarments remain on ) would be considered too nsfw for me to feel comfortable writing and i’d either stop there or have the thread “fade to black”

6. WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? :

wait wha i thought i answered this question unless it means specific blogs??? in which case i owe my fervent frankness abt p5 girl gays to my gaylord and gayvior @shogitogo ( hifumi ) / @okxmura ( haru ) + @freefound’s ryuji is my forever best boy + @queenedme could run over me w johanna and i’d thank them and their makoto + both ann and i would lay down our lives for @burntofight’s sakura ( & their yuri & their evrae & their kamui——& theo gets an honorary mention bc he’s a Good )

7. DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? :

if you want to have our muses start out in a romantic relationship — yes! i like to communicate with the mun of whomever i’m shipping with so communication is a must! otherwise — nope! it would be nice but it’s not a requirement, especially if we have a thread or have interacted numerous times and you’d like to further their relationship in a romantic context.

however, if i a reblog a meme that implies / entails romance, anyone is free to send something in, even if we’ve yet to interact!

8. HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? :

it’s definitely not a priority and seldom ( if ever ) do i initiate interaction with the intent of romance. tl;dr: if it happens, it happens!

9. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE - OR - LESS? :

i…………… don’t know what this means……………… but like i said in the previous question, shipping is not a priority of mine; however if we have agreed to ship then odds are i’m super enthusiastic abt it and would love to talk about them / their dynamic ( on this same note, if i ever become too overbearing, please don’t hesitate to tell me to heck off bc i absolutely understand and would never take offense to your doing so! )

10. ARE YOU MULTISHIP? :

i should probably put this in my rules too but i’m multiship + ship exclusive meaning that i’m open to shipping w numerous different characters but won’t ship with another blog of the same character!

11. WHAT IS ( ARE ) YOUR FAVORITE SHIP (S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? :

i……………………. ………am i answering these questions incorrectly i feel like i am bc i thought i already answered this ( see question 1! )

12. FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

just approach me about it! ( even tho i can’t understand y u would ever want to )

tagged by: the swexy @burntofight tagging: any sorry soul that put themselves through the entirely optional torture of actually reading my response to this thing ( feel free to tag me! )

#i forgot my tag for these sorts of things #( ooc. ): peut-être jamais peut-être demain; mais pas aujourd'hui c'est certain.#that'll have to do??#altho to anyone i mentioned please don't feel as if you have to do this yourself! i just wanted y'all to know i love you and #that i'm in a constant state of astonishment that y'all actually want to ship w my lame bum

6 notes · View notes