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avintagekiss24 · 3 years

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Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point.

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

#asks #answered #sebastian stan

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beatriceeagle · 4 years

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I'm more of a fantasy than sci-fi person, but consider my interest piqued. Why should I watch farscape?

Okay, the thing is, every Farscape fan’s pitch on Why You, Yes You, Should Watch Farscape ends up sounding very similar, and that’s because Farscape is a black hole that sucks you in and does things to your brain, and after you’ve watched it you are never, ever the same, which incidentally is basically the plot of Farscape.

I would summarize the basic plot for you, but that’s work, and luckily, the show’s credits sequence includes a handy summary that I will provide instead of doing that work: “My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. A radiation wave hit, and I got shot through a wormhole. Now I’m lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life forms. Help me. Listen, please. Is there anybody out there who can hear me? I’m being hunted by an insane military commander. Doing everything I can. I’m just looking for a way home.“

So let me break down that monologue into its component reasons you should watch Farscape.

1) Some of the strange alien life forms are Muppets.

Farscape a co-production with the Jim Henson Company, and while there are many aliens played by humans in make-up, there are also a considerable number (including two of the regular crew) who are Muppets. By which I do not mean Kermit. I mean really gorgeous, elaborate works of art.

Also, even a lot of the humans-in-makeup aliens just look cool, and incredibly weird. Here’s an alien who appears in a single episode of season 1:

Not that there aren’t, you know, occasional Star Trek-style “these guys are just humans with weird hair,” or whatever, but in general, the aliens on Farscape look really alien. And that’s more than an aesthetic choice; it’s Farscape’s driving narrative principle. The aliens look alien, they act alien, they have alien values.

You know how a lot of sci-fi shows will have a stand-in for “fuck,” like Battlestar Galactica has “frak”? Well, Farscape has “frell.” And also “dren.” And yotz, hezmana, mivonks, loomas, tralk, snurch, eema, drannit, dench, biznak, arn, drad, fahrbot, narl. Some of those are swear words, but some of them are just words, never explicitly translated, that the alien characters will pepper into their speech, because, well, why should translator microbes be able to completely translate all the nuances of an alien culture? You’ll pick it up from context. One time, in passing, a character mentions that he’s familiar with the concept of suicide, but there’s no word for it in his language. I cannot emphasize to you enough how fleeting this moment is; the episode is not about suicide, we’re not having a great exchange of cultural ideas—at the time, the characters are running down a corridor in a crisis, as they are about 70 percent of the time—it’s just that the subject got brought up, and this character needed to talk around the fact that he literally didn’t have a word, in that moment. Things like that happen all the time, on Farscape.

Because more than anything else, Farscape is a show about culture shock. John Crichton is this straight, white Southern guy, at the top of his game—he’s an astronaut! he’s incredibly high status!—and then he ends up on the other side of the galaxy, where none of his cultural markers of privilege hold any meaning, where he doesn’t know the rules, where he literally can’t even open the doors. And he has to unlearn the idea that humanity is central, that he is the norm.

2) John Crichton, an astronaut, is pretty great.

A show that’s about a straight white guy with high status having to learn that he’s not the center of the universe could easily be centered around a really insufferable person, but one of the subtle things that makes Farscape so wonderful is that Crichton is, for the most part, pretty excellent. He has a lot of presumptions to unlearn because almost anyone in his cultural position would, but he’s also just a stand-up guy: compassionate, intelligent, open-minded, decent, forgiving, brave, hopeful.

And the galaxy tries to kick a whole lot of that out of him. It doesn’t succeed, mostly, but if Farscape is about anything other than culture shock, it’s about the lasting effects of trauma. How you can go through a wormhole one person, and experience things that turn you into someone you don’t recognize.

That’s kind of grim-sounding, but ultimately, what I’m trying to say is that Farscape is almost fanatically devoted to character work. Crichton is not the only character who sounds like he should be one thing and ends up being another. All of the characters—all of them, all of them, even the annoying ones—are complicated wonders. And you don’t have to wonder whether the events of the episode you’re watching are going to matter. They will. Everything that happens to the characters leaves a mark. Everything leaves them forever changed. Whether it’s mentioned explicitly or not—and often enough, it’s not explicit—the characters remember what has happened to them.

3) The living ship houses a lot of excellent women, among them the ship itself.

Ah, the women of Farscape, thou art the loves of my fucking life.

There’s Aeryn Sun, former Peacekeeper (that’s the military that the “insane military commander” hails from) now fugitive, currently learning the meaning of the word “compassion” (literally). She will break your fingers and also your heart. John/Aeryn is the main canon romantic ship.

There’s Pa’u Zhoto Zhaan, a priestess of the ninth level, current pacifist, former anarchist. Sorry, leading anarchist. She orgasms in bright light! (Oh my god, Farscape.)

There’s Chiana, my fucking bestie, a teenage(ish? ages in Farscape are weird) fugitive on the run from a repressive authoritarian state. Chiana is like a seductress con artist grifter thief who mostly just wants to survive so that she can have fun, damn it. Characters on Farscape do not really discuss sexualities (sex, yes, sexualities, no) and it would be fair to say that several of them do not fall along human sexuality lines generally, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that Chiana is canonically not straight.

Then there’s Moya, the ship herself, and it’s hard to get a straight read on Moya’s personality, since she mostly can’t speak. But she definitely has opinions, and things and people she cares about. And she moves the plot, though that gets into spoiler territory.

Past first season, further excellent women show up: Jool (controversial, but I like her), Sikozu (I once saw a Tumblr meme where someone had marked down that Sikozu would lose her shit when someone pronounced “gif” wrong, and that’s absolutely correct, and it’s why I love her), and Noranti (who is incredibly weird, and incredibly hard to summarize, but man, you gotta love her willingness to just show up and do her thing). Plus, there’s a recurring female villain, Grayza, who I could write probably multiple essays about. (I don’t know how you will feel about Grayza, as not everyone loves her, but I think she’s fucking fascinating, especially because she’s not actually the only recurring female villain. We also get Ahkna!)

(Side note: I should mention, here, that the cast of Farscape is really, really white. There is one cast member of color, Lani Tupu, but he pretty much represents the entirety of even, like, incidental diversity in casting for the series.)

Anyway, Farscape is full of awesome women, and also awesome and unexpected men, and it really enjoys playing with audience expectations of gender roles, generally. Literal entire books have been written about the way that Farscape fucks around with sex, sexuality, and gender. It’s a little weird because it was the late 90s/early 2000s, and sometimes that does come through, but Farscape’s guiding principle was always to try not to present American culture of the time as the norm, so like. It is not.

(An aside on Farscape and sex: Literally every character on Farscape has sexual tension with every other character. If you are a shipper, this is a Good Show, because no matter who you ship, there will not only be subtext, you will get a Moment of some kind. Multiple characters kiss the Muppet. Farscape is dedicated to getting into the nitty-gritty of the galaxy—I like to think of it as showing the guts of the universe—so a lot of the show is kind of squishy. They live on a biomechanoid ship, instead of androids there are “bioloids,” there’s a lot of focus on strange alien biologies, and lots of weird glowing fluids and things. I think the sex thing is kind of part and parcel of the larger biology focus: Farscape is really fascinated with how we all eat and evolve and live and die and, well, fuck. Which is in turn, kind of part of its focus on making everything really alien.)

4) Other stuff you should know.

Farscape as a whole is excellent, but it was kind of the product of creative anarchy—an Australian/American coproduction (oh yeah, everyone except Crichton speaks with an Australian accent) that was also partnered with the Henson company, whose showrunners were based in America but whose actual production all took place in Australia, and who was just constantly trying new things. So individual episodes can vary wildly in quality. It really takes off in the back half of season one, but no season is without a few off episodes.

It is extraordinarily funny, and I really think I haven’t stressed that enough. It’s one of the shows I want to quote the most in my daily life, but almost all of its humor is really context-dependent, and if you just wander around going, “Hey Stark? What’s black and white, and black and white, and black and white?” people look at you really funny.

It’s very conversant with pop culture generally (although obviously sci-fi specifically, and Star Trek most specifically of all) and really enjoys deconstructing tropes, often to the effect of, “Well, Crichton really does not know what to do here, does he?” but sometimes just to be interesting.

There are also a lot of themes about science, and its uses and misuses.

The whole thing is fucking epic, and if you get invested at all, will take you on an emotional ride.

This show is weird. I know that that’s probably come across by now, but I think it’s worth reiterating as its own point: Farscape is so weird. Like, proudly, unabashedly, trying its hardest, weird. An amazing kind of weird.

If you’re into fantasy, you should know that there’s a recurring villain who’s just a wizard. Like, they don’t bother to explain it any more than that, he’s just a fucking wizard.

In summary: You should watch Farscape because it is a weird, wild, emotional, epic romance/drama/action/allegory full of Muppets and leather and one-liners and emotional gut punches and love, and if you let it, it will worm its way into you and never let go, which, now that I think of it, is another Farscape plot.

Send me meta prompts to distract me from my migraine!

#farscape #meta

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shan2-d2 · 4 years

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As the garbage fire year of 2020 continues, I have been struggling to find something to fill the Schitt’s-Creek-sized hole in my heart.

Which, come to think of it, replaced the Parks-and-Rec-sized hole in my heart prior to that. I’ve always been a sucker for “soft” television, but with everything going on the world, whatever tolerance I had for heavier fare has disappeared completely. Like, yeah, I’d love to catch I May Destroy You or I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, but I just. Can’t. Handle. Them. Right now, anyway.

I do have some old standards to fall back on-- Bob’s Burgers, The Good Place, The Great British Baking Show, and Kim’s Convenience (bless you, Canada) work just fine. But with so much time at home, I’ve been getting antsy for new, soft, comforting content.

Then I watched Julie and the Phantoms on Netflix.

And I loved it SO. MUCH.

(Warning, since this is a family-friendly show: profanity ahead.)

Which, I have to admit, I’m kind of embarrassed about. Like, look: I fully own up to the fact that my tastes aren’t exactly refined or mature. I’m one of those contemptible “childless millennials”, after all. There are things on my Netflix and Spotify lists that would make film buffs and hipsters cry.

But what I will give myself a pat on the back for is that I’m extremely open-minded when it comes to any sort of art consumption. My tastes are super-varied, and I don’t have the burden of worrying about what is “socially acceptable” for me to watch. I can watch Barry and Fleabag just as happily as I can watch Sarah & Duck (literally, a show for preschoolers that works better than any anti-anxiety medication I’ve tried) and old episodes of Tiny Toon Adventures.

Regardless, there’s embarrassment. Which is not about the fact that it’s a cheesy, High-School-Musical-esque, pre-teen friendly series, actually (... okay, maybe a little), but because the aging freakout is real, my friends. Hitting the “Oh-My-God, I’d-Have-To-Play-the-PARENT” period of your life is fucking rough.

Basically, in the words of Roger Murtaugh... I’m too old for this shit.

But I’m trying to tell myself that 1) Generation Z is delightful and I refuse to feel guilt for appreciating them, 2) god knows we’re all watching Stranger Things without embarrassment, and those kids are, like, twelve, and 3) now that I’m apparently ANCIENT, I’m supposed to stop caring about what other people think.

So: Julie and the Phantoms made my heart grow three sizes and I loved it a whole lot.

Quick synopsis: Julie, our hero, is a performing arts school student who is grieving the death of her mom and unable to continue making/playing music because of it. One day, three ghosts of teenage boys who were in a mid-90’s rock band show up in her garage. They form a new band (insert title of show here) and help Julie rediscover her love of music, while she helps them navigate the afterlife. Bonding occurs, lessons are learned, the power of friendship is discovered, you get the idea.

And okay-- at its surface, it’s family-friendly entertainment, you know? Cute story, funny moments, the music is catchy, the whole cast is super talented (and, hey, can actually play their instruments! Whaddaya know!).

But the CHARACTERS! THE SOFTNESS! THE REPRESENTATION! If this is how young adults are going to written from now on, sign me the fuck up.

First of all, the two female leads of the show are women of color-- Julie (Madison Reyes) is Latinx and her best friend, Flynn (Jadah Marie), is Black. That alone is (sadly, STILL) noteworthy, but I literally wanted to stand on my couch and yell about how wonderfully self-assured, smart, mature, strong, and competent these girls are. Julie, in particular, is just… she’s just so cool, you guys. She never once has to rely on anyone else but herself to get shit done, and she takes responsibility for her own actions. The girl very clearly knows her talent, capabilities, and worth, and PHEW, do we need to see more young women like her on our screens! Like, yes, the boys support her, but they’re complete equals. Julie doesn’t need any male saviors up in this business. She’s got this. I LOVE HER. I SOMEHOW WANT TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S LIKE HALF MY AGE (oh GOD. I’m so OLD).

In fact, throughout the series, the importance of honesty, respect, and healthy support is repeatedly emphasized. There’s no dependency issues here, and lying of any kind is clearly forbidden. Which I loved, because the whole “teen lying to everyone” storyline has been done to death.

Then there’s the three boys of Sunset Curve-- Luke (Charlie Gillespie), Alex (Owen Joyner), and Reggie (Jeremy Shada), i.e. the messengers of destruction for toxic masculinity. THIS IS THE MALE FRIENDSHIP PORTRAYAL WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, PEOPLE. They’re so nice to each other! They’re so supportive! They’re tactile, openly emotional, and completely devoid of judgment of any interests or behaviors that don’t follow male social standards. Bless the Age of the Soft Boys, may their reign be unbreakable and everlasting.

Oh, and Alex is openly gay. It’s not just hinted at-- he’s out and proud, with an adorable crush/pre-relationship with a skater boy named Willie (Booboo Stewart). And, apart from a quick mention about Alex’s parents being homophobic, the show pretty much takes the Schitt’s Creek route-- all love and acceptance, with not much of a thing made of his sexuality at all (in fact, there’s enough evidence that none of the boys are completely straight, and I’m here for that, too).

And if all of that isn’t enough of a cuddle to the heart for you, THERE’S MORE:

Julie’s supportive, soft dad

Reggie’s immediate, one-sided bond with Julie’s supportive, soft dad and her brother

Julie and Luke totally have crushes on each other and it’s SO SWEET but completely age-appropriate, good job guys

I’m a sucker for good harmonies and the band HAS ‘EM IN SPADES

Flynn being HBIC the entire series

Julie’s crush Nick being very realistically awkward and dopey in the shadow of Luke’s arms (Nick, dude, lose that HAT, I beg of you)

A surprisingly moving side-plot/song about Luke’s parents

Alex just wanting to dance, and also being a high-key feminist and calling out the others when they slip up

EVERYONE’S JUST SO FUCKING NICE, OKAY

So yeah. Shut up. It’s wonderful and pure, and I WILL TAKE ANY SOFTNESS I CAN GET IN THIS HELL YEAR, WHEREVER I CAN GET IT.

In conclusion, Kenny Ortega can have my entire soul if he wants it, for not only this but also Hocus Pocus and Newsies.

Completely Unnecessary Afterword:

Being old enough to remember 1995-- and, specifically, what was popular that year-- has brought up some important questions regarding the Sunset Curve boys:

We know they died in ‘95, but like… when? Did they get to see Empire Records, for Christ’s sake?! Did they see Casper, because, I mean, they’re basically the Devon Sawas of 2020? Were they spared their contemporaries’ fate of constantly over-quoting Billy Madison and Tommy Boy?

OH MY GOD, DID THEY HAVE AOL SCREEN NAMES, AND WHAT WERE THEY??

What are each of the guys’ favorite song off of Boyz II Men’s “II”? This is possibly the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.

Did they die before Jagged Little Pill came out? That would kind of break my heart. Not that I expect Julie to start portraying Alanis-levels of anger/angst, but ‘95 was a YEAR for women in rock. Garbage, Hole, No Doubt, PJ Harvey, The Cranberries, Veruca Salt, Bjork, and countless others-- they all had massive hits that year. I love the idea of Julie and the guys sitting around the garage listening to all of those women for inspiration. Can we have a resurgence of female-led rock bands taking over the charts, please?

On a much more serious note, given where the AIDS crisis was in ‘95, it’s no wonder Alex is a nervous wreck. It’s not really something I expect the show to delve into, but man… getting transported to 2020 might’ve been a bit of a blessing (not that things are great now, but y’know, medical progress).

How in the world did none of them fall victim to the whole “white boys dressing hip-hop” trend back in ‘95? I mean… Clueless got it right. (Wait, did they make it to Clueless??)

youtube

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #blog #netflix #I am old

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adultprivilege · 5 years

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I've ranted about this so many times on main that I need to say it here:

The idolization of classical music is not just racist and sexist, it is blatantly ageist

Coming from a huge music nerd this is important for me to say: BEEHTOVEN IS BAD AND MOZART IS WORSE. I dont even know if other pianists are aware of the way we've been brainwashed by Europeans but Beehtoven and Mozart were mediocre at best for average musicians, and for musicians who stood the test of time, they are TERRIBLE.

These two musicians, and most pre-1900s classical musicians in general, are only so famous because they are meant to symbolize the pinnacle of white society and the achievements of whiteness. I like Monet, I like Tchaikovsky, but if that's the best we can do then white people should not do music.

Wanna see a dumb person say dumb shit?

Who is some people? Tell me right now who do you think some people are?

I love this tweet because it so perfectly encapsulates everything that older white people believe. So many people (mostly white and old, #yupisaidit omg I'm so unique) talk about rap being the cause of gang violence, black on black crime, younger people having lots of sex and doing drugs. Imagine believing that the music young people listen to and black people create (and I can get into the exchange of black culture and youth culture at a later date) is an epidemic.

It's funny because that happened all throughout the 19th century.

(Above: "flappers" aka rebellious young women who liked to party and listen to jazz -im not kidding that's literally what a flapper was - of the early 1900s dancing in what were considered short and scantily clad dresses for the time, then another picture of flappers posing for a picture with their boyfriends)

In the early 20th century teenage girls and women in their 20s became so famously known for having more sex, drinking alcohol, being unashamed to dress in shorter skirts, that the term designated to them by older white men - flapper - is now considered a historical term. And you've DEFINITELY seen old films depicting black jazz musicians as illiterate speaking in slang always cheerful with a bunch of other gross stereotypes given to them. No one liked jazz and no one like ragtimes.

(Above: Chuck Berry onstage, Little Richard in a cover photo -both black- and a bunch of white teenagers in the 60s posing on jeeps and pontiacs trying to look punk and cool)

I feel like it should be known by now, Elvis is not the king of rock, most white rock musicians were highkey appropriative and when young black popular music switched to blues white rock musicians tried to follow suit inconspicuously for profit. I'm mostly basing my info of rock and blues on Peter Guralnick's Feel Like Going Home, which isnt the most progressive book you could buy but if you're looking for a comprehensive musical history of the 1950s onward focusing on how young white people rebelled against their parents by participating in black culture, you should definitely read it. Guralnick described how as a young white kid he and his friends would listen to rock all the time, and try to dress in fancy outfits and pose the way Elvis posed, sort of trying to look and behave the way they imagined black people look and behave (again its not the most progressive if could be). Adults constantly judged youth for listening to rock, and all the new kinds of music that came with it that were created out of black culture.

"The first time I heard Little Richard's 'Tutti Frutti' was on the car radio on the way to school.

A-wop bop a lu bop a lop bam boom

Tutti frutti, oh rooty

It burst out at us. Our first reaction, I think, was one of chagrin. Somebody's father was driving, and he expressed our discomfort before we could ourselves. 'What command of the english language,'he said and switched stations. We all laughed self-consciously because it was, after all, our fault."

(Above: Mamie Smith on an album surrounded by black men on trumpets and various brass instruments. A party full of black teenagers listening to rhythm and blues.)

Rhythm and blues was another form of music pioneered by black people and exchanged with youth culture, and put down as a way to dismiss both identities. Again, from Feel Like Going Home:

"Country blues, which was at first considered too disreputable to record, remains to this day too funky in a pejorative sense to merit serious attention."

"These blues were common property long before they were set down on paper, however, and if the recording of the classic blues singers stimulated a new period of growth for country blues, WC Handy himself admitted, 'Each one of my blues is based on some old N**** song of the South, some old song that is part of the memories of my childhood and my race. I can tell you the exact song I used as the basis for any one of my blues.'

Instrumental jazz started out as the articulation of that same feeling, an ingenious approximation of the human voice."

And eventually the music was used by youth as a way to rebel.

"We thought of blues, when we first took it up, as protest music."

Which brings us to hip hop, rap, trap, and the like.

(Above: Duckwrth in his music video for Soprano, Angel Haze with a group of their fans mostly white and everyone in the photo looking pretty blatantly queer)

Obviously right now you are aware of the fact that black people pioneered these three genres, and obviously you are aware that they appeal to a much younger age, because you're living in this time period.

It doesn't matter what the music is. How many times have we seen the narrative that a teacher makes the young black student more interested in school because poetry is just another way to rap? White adults struggle so much to comprehend the evolution of music and its pioneers being black youth that they literally think they're teaching someone when they say that maybe instead of participating in black culture you could do something that is similar but a lot more white and I'll consider you more intelligent just from that. It's an attempt to destroy black/youth culture.

Which brings me back to that goddamn tweet I love so much. Yes, Shapiro is technically a millennial, but hes this type of millennial I hate, the one that thinks they have to compensate by saying "I was born in the wrong generation" "I have an old soul" "antiques are some of the finer things in life". They love the aesthetic of not having computers or phones or really any new technology, they want to live in a creaking house and use a typewriter and die of polio. Ageism is so strongly connected to racism because if you've internalized some ideas of white supremacy, as Shapiro ABSOLUTELY has, you develop a need to connect with white eurocentric society, and as the world becomes more integrated that becomes harder and harder to do until you develop some nostalgia for the 90s, for the 50s, for years that you weren't even alive to be nostalgic for. So these people decide to listen to classical music as a way of saying "I'm not like anybody else in my generation."

And I'm not just going to blame youth because obviously it's mostly the oldest generations saying that music taste is a sign of intelligence and that music contributes to teen pregnancies and drug use and criminal activity. This has been said about so many forms of music because the number one priority for people who have a goal of maintaining ageism is to prevent culture from evolving. Or more specifically, allow culture to evolve, but only to the point where hairstyles and clothes and tech and music tastes can be weaponized to separate and criticize younger people and maintain superiority. Older people have a vested interest in making the many parts of your culture, especially the parts of youth culture that are also black culture, seem crude and inappropriate and reflective of your moral character.

It doesnt matter if you don't listen to rap. You still have to tell people you're not like your generation, avoid using slang like lit and yeet, put on a tie every day, work 60 hours a week and not live in poverty, and talk shit about your own generation just to escape one of the caricatures of youth. And at that point you just enter another caricature that is the "born in the wrong generation" stereotype. Once older people know you're seeking their approval, they (possibly subconsciously, but this is also a very conscious tactic used by pedophiles) compliment you by saying you are very professional, you have an old soul, that you are mature for your age. They make you easily manipulable. So it's a bit terrifying to even try to gain that accreptance.

There are so many people nowadays just like Ben Shapiro who are listening to classical music that was made in 18th century Europe or previous. There are so many music history classes in schools that only teach about Bach, Beehtoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Debussy, all that. If you are going to listen to classical pieces, stop rehashing the old shit. You shouldnt be listening to music out of a desire for cultural "purity" and a feeling of superiority.

If you need to listen to classical music, listen to these:

youtube

If you think music can have an "authentic" sound to it, listen to these:

youtube

TDLR: the ideation of classical music has been used for more than a century to dismiss black/youth culture, to separate our generations and use our cultural contributions as a way to demonize black people and younger generations, and to manipulate youth into a desperation to appeal to older generations.

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lastsonlost · 4 years

Text

So I was half-right.

Instead of misogyny it's Nazis because of course it is.

If you spend a lot of time in certain Extremely Online corners of the internet ecosystem, you’ve likely stumbled onto #NoNutNovember, or just #NNN for short. An annual challenge encouraging men to refrain from masturbating (or even, for many, having any sex) for the month, No Nut November was initially created as a parody of internet-borne phenomena such as the Ice Bucket Challenge or Movember, skewering the silliness of viral internet challenges along with the more extreme claims made by proponents of NoFap, an anti-porn subreddit with half a million members. (According to one of the moderators of the NoNutNovember subreddit, /u/yeeval, the subreddit has no connection to NoFap, though the two are often conflated.)

For most participants, the challenge is essentially an excuse to shitpost, as well as tweet memes skewering some of the more exaggerated purported benefits of abstaining from masturbation. But there are many who take it seriously, with at least 52,000 people as of this writing diligently documenting their day-by-day progress (and setbacks) on the subreddit r/NoNutNovember. Per /u/yeeval, “I’d say 90% of the posts are from people actively participating and also there’s the occasional fallen member who stays on the subreddit for the community and laughs.”

On its surface, No Nut November is a fairly innocuous challenge: while it may seem silly to abstain from masturbation for virtually no reason, some of the memes are pretty funny, and a month of abstinence (whether it be from sex or masturbation) certainly isn’t going to kill anyone. u/yeeval says the goal isn’t to demonize porn or masturbation per se, but to prompt men to examine their own masturbation habits and whether or not they’re healthy. “In my opinion, most originally participate in NNN for the meme aspect of the challenge but as the days go on people begin to see how big their porn or masturbation dependency is,” he says.

"Neither of those things are bad or immoral in themselves but just like any outlet can become excessive in times of depression and loneliness.” Yet it would be naive to ignore that there’s significant overlap between the general anti-porn ideology behind NoFap — and, to a degree, No Nut November — and that of the far right, which has increasingly coopted the movement. (NoFap’s website states that, with the exception of a small number of users who may abstain for religious or moral reasons, they do not have an anti-masturbation stance.)

Because the challenge is associated with abstaining from porn, some people associated with the movement have taken the extra step of harassing adult performers on social media, giving it an additional layer of troubling implications. “In the past [No Nut November] has always been like, ‘Oh, look at this ridiculous thing some people are participating in,'” says adult performer and director Casey Calvert. “This year, people [in the industry] are talking about, ‘Oh, actually this is connected to the far right and maybe we shouldn’t just be saying hahaha, No Nut November.'”

A new meme brings these implications into sharp relief. Coomer is a reference to a meme of an unkempt, skeezy-looking bearded man in a white tank top with vaguely Semitic features, accompanied by descriptive text like “doesn’t even know anything about politics,” “extremely aesthetic right arm (huge muscle),” and “has never heard of NoFap"

It’s been circulating on 4chan for the past year, but Alex Hawkins, the vice president of the porn tube site xHamster, says he started seeing it in the replies on his company’s Twitter feed back in September, when presidential candidate Andrew Yang tweeted about limiting access to pornography. At first, “we didn’t really know what it meant and thought it was funny,” he tells Rolling Stone. Then, in late October, the coomer resurfaced thanks to a Twitter campaign led by a user named TeapotLad, in which users vowed to change their avatars to the coomer should they fail No Nut November. PewDiePie shouted out the campaign in a recent YouTube video, as did far-right YouTuber Paul Joseph Watson, who is perhaps best known for being one of the many extremist figures, including Milo Yiannopolous and Alex Jones, to be banned from Facebook. “No Nut November and the Coomer meme represent a deeper meaning,” he said in a tweet. “Porn is evil. It literally re-wires your brain and causes erectile dysfunction. Take the pledge. Don’t be a Coomer.”

The term has also been used in the context of “OK coomer,” a play on the “OK boomer” meme, in response to tweets critical of No Nut November or masturbation abstinence in general. “It’s positioned as this epic battle between the weak beta masturbators and the strong, alpha NoFappers,” says Hawkins.

Like most memes, “coomer” carries with it more than a tinge of irony, and it’s not always easy to determine whether it’s being used flippantly or to actually deride men who masturbate. But the implication is clear: masturbating is an urge that should be resisted at all costs. David Ley, PhD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist who studies pornography and mental health, saw the meme after he tweeted his criticism of No Nut November, referring to it as “a creepy little smorgasbord of insecurity-driven hate with anti-Semitism, misogyny, and homophobia all rolled up in one,” he tells Rolling Stone. (Ley has partnered with the cam website Stripchat to do AMAs about sexual health, and plans to appear in one debunking some of the myths associated with No Nut November.)

The idea that there are significant health benefits from abstaining from masturbation is partially based on the (primarily internet-propagated) theory that semen retention is linked to an increase in testosterone and male virility, an idea that has been widely debunked. For the most part, however, the idea that masturbation is somehow feminizing is “rooted in extremely antiquated ideas of masculinity,” many of which are also promoted by far-right groups, says Ley. The Proud Boys, for instance, a far-right extremist group known for its propensity toward violence, has long advocated for its members to abstain from masturbation on the grounds that it boosts testosterone and makes them more appealing to women; indeed, founder Gavin McInnes gave a shoutout to NoFap in a 2015 article for the far-right publication Taki’s Magazine. (The organizers of NoFap have strongly refuted any connection to the Proud Boys.)

An even more extremist version of this far-right anti-masturbation philosophy has been promoted by David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, who has propagated the conspiracy theory that Jews dominate the porn industry and use pornography as a way to control white men. On far-right threads on the encrypted messaging app Telegram, this sentiment is fairly widespread. “Jews not only control most of the pornography industry, they also rely on the goyim to maintain a routine of ejaculation in order to stay docile and non-violent,” one comment reads. Another shared a viral Pornhub tweet poking fun at viewers who’d failed No Nut November, writing, “the Jew mocks you as they poison the minds of millions.” (Pornhub is owned by the Canadian company MindGeek, the CEO of which, Feras Antoon, does not appear to be Jewish, even though there are numerous 4chan /pol/ threads speculating as such.)

This anti -Semitism is also often accompanied by healthy doses of homophobia and racism as well: on these threads, you’ll frequently see users deriding men who masturbate to heterosexual porn, on the grounds that being aroused by another man’s penis makes you gay (even if said penis is depicted going into a vagina). And because mainstream porn often features white women paired with black men, there’s also a virulently racist element to much of this discourse, such as the suggestion that interracial porn is intended to steer white women away from procreating with white men and toward men of color.

The irony of this strain of the anti-masturbation movement is that, while it’s ostensibly intended to fight the larger porn industry’s attempts to brainwash and emasculate white men, anti-masturbation ideology has historically been used as a tool by fascist figures to gain social control. Cultural stigma associated with masturbation, combined with the fact that pretty much everyone masturbates, invariably leads to a lot of men “developing a lot of internal shame,” says Ley. “And that makes them open to manipulation and social control.” As an example, he cited the National Socialist Party in 1930s Germany, which strongly discouraged Hitler Youth members from engaging in masturbation. Because anti-porn and anti-masturbation movements tend to be comprised of young heterosexual males, they could potentially be viewed by some on the far right as ideal recruitment grounds. The fact that something like No Nut November appears to be a joke on its face “appears to serve as this interesting front door recruiting kind of strategy to bring folks into this deeper, much more insidious and shaming movement,” says Ley.

Of course, it goes without saying that not everyone who participates in No Nut November or NoFap is a white supremacist or religious fundamentalist, and that the founders of these groups explicitly reject any suggestions of overlap between the two communities. u/yeeval says he has seen no hint of any anti-Semitic or misogynistic commentary on the subreddit, chalking any suggestions of Jewish porn conspiracy theories to “someone trying to make a bad / overtly offensive joke.” “NoNutNovember isn’t a political movement. We are not anti-porn. We are not anti-woman. We are not anti-masturbation or anti-sex,” he says. “In its most simple form NoNutNovember just a fun internet challenge that has grown in popularity due to many memes that circulate the internet…However, I also think that the reason that it has become so widespread is that it has given many the opportunity to look within themselves and realize that they might be relying on masturbation and porn for comfort.”

The coomer meme is also, at least inherently, apolitical, says Alice Vaughn, host of Two Girls One Mic, a podcast about porn tropes. “The concept surrounding ‘Coomer’ is neither right nor left politically. The urge to shame those with higher sex drives is nothing new, and is a subject many are uncomfortable with, especially adolescents (which is predominately 4Chan’s user base),” she says. But the rise of “coomer,” with its distinctly conservative implications about male sexuality, would seem to refute that the anti-masturbation movement is totally innocent or entirely intended in jest. The fact that it’s often used in the context of “OK coomer,” a play on a meme intended to skewer boomers’ criticism of Gen Z, also indicates that this is primarily a youth-driven phenomenon. When you consider how younger generations have typically adopted a more healthy, progressive view of sexuality than previous ones, this doesn’t make a lot of intuitive sense — but it actually tracks with current data, which indicates that younger generations are having less sex, Ley says.

Usually, this phenomenon is attributed to male millennials and zoomers (members of Gen Z) spending more time watching porn, and to an extent this may be true; when it comes to determining the effects of pornography viewing on male sex lives, research is somewhat mixed. But it’s also just as likely that sociocultural factors like economic unrest and fear-mongering abstinence-only education have also played a role in these declining sexual activity rates. “We’ve spent decades telling these young kids be afraid of sex, and that only hereto monogamous sex is OK and moral,” says Ley. “Now all of a sudden they are really conflicted about sex and their own sexuality.”

That said, there’s also an awful lot of men who are not participating in No Nut November in earnest, and many more who aren’t participating at all. In an email to Rolling Stone, Pornhub vice president Corey Price said that traffic is virtually unaffected by No Nut November, and few of the adult performers Rolling Stone spoke with said that they hadn’t seen their engagement go down considerably during the month either. Considering that annual Pornhub traffic numbers are in the tens of billions, if there is indeed a wider porn conspiracy to sap men of their virility, that conspiracy appears to be working pretty well. But for those who are participating in the challenge, and may have stumbled along the way, Calvert has a comforting message: “I personally think No Nut November is very silly,” she says. “Not masturbating for a month does not make you a better man or a stronger man.”

............

Let me see if I got this straight.

Porn is evil

And not fapping makes you a racist homophobic Nazi

Did I... Did I fucking miss something?

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365days365movies · 3 years

Text

January 6, 2021: Last Action Hero (1993) (Part 1)

Let’s have some fun, shall we?

Comedy is my favorite genre, and I obviously also love action. So, when looking at the subgenres to cover this month, action-comedy most certainly was at the top of the list. But what exactly is action-comedy?

Exactly what it sounds like, funnily enough. Action-comedies rely on physical action sequences to further the plot, but also inject dialogue with humor and jokes throughout the script. Entertainment and amusement combined into one beautiful, succinct package. I’ll be judging the writing for these movies on how much they made me laugh while watching it. That said...

OK, so, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Last Action Hero. Schwarzenegger isn’t exactly the most emotionally expressive actor in the world, as you’ve probably noticed. And expressiveness is somewhat necessary to express humor. Look at Eddie Murphy up there, and see how expressive he is. Schwarzenegger...doesn’t have that. At all. But, this movie could still be funny! Shane Black wrote it, and he wrote one of my favorite guilty pleasure Halloween movies, The Monster Squad. So, I’m looking forward to this movie for that in and of itself. And with that...

Recap

We start with a sick guitar lick on Christmas Day, as a group of cops close in on a criminal known as the Ripper holding children hostage at an elementary school. But then...Jack Slater (played, naturally, by Arnold Schwarzenegger) arrives. And yes, this is a parody character and scene, meant to lambast all of the stereotypical renegade cop tropes that I’ve literally never seen in a movie. Like, I guess Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop have it, but I think this character concept has been Flanderized into...well...Jack Slater.

Slater kicks a cop through a window with a Schwarzenegger-esque action line, and CRUSHES A RADIO LIKE A NAPKIN. I appreciate Schwarzenegger making fun of himself like this, and we’ve only just begun. Jack goes through banter with the Ripper (Tom Noonan), who...is unironically terrifying. Holy shit, that guy is creepy as fuck, and his stylized ax is intimidating as hell. And as he holds Slater’s son hostage out of revenge, the two face off with some cool action beats, and...

...Shit, I think I want to watch this movie. And I don’t mean Last Action Hero, I mean the in-universe movie that our actual main character, Danny Madigan (Austin O’Brien) is watching. Danny’s a big Jack Slater fan, and one of the only patrons of a movie theater owned by Nick (Robert Prosky). Nick, a kind old man, invites Danny to see the next Slater film before anybody else. And honestly, I get it. I’d watch this movie series unironically if it existed, real talk. Mostly because it seems fun.

Danny’s skipped school just to see this movie, and he walks into his English class, where the teacher shows Lawrence Olivier as Hamlet. Fun fact! The English teacher showing it is played by Joanne Plowright, Olivier’s real life wife! Very sweet! Anyway, Danny, bored by a goddamn classic movie, conjures a different movie in his head.

Fuck yes. I need this movie to exist.

We learn from Danny’s mother (Mercedes Ruehl) that his father has recently died, and he spends far too much of his time watching movies at Nick’s theater. I look forward to this revelation never being explored. As he’s headed to the theater when he isn’t supposed to, he opens the door at the exact wrong time, and A ROBBER BREAKS INTO HIS PLACE, OH SHIT! Confronted with the type of real danger that he’d see in an action movie, and with no action hero to save him, the robber finds nothing of value and leaves the place. He gets rescued by the cops eventually, and they tell him to go home. But, no, he goes...to the movies.

Mom might have a point there, sport.

While he’s there, Nick brings him in, and begins to monologue to him about his past in the theater business. And that monologue introduces the MacGuffin of the film: the Golden Ticket, given to Nick by Houdini himself, and an alleged portal to another world.

So, is this gonna be more of a Pagemaster situation, or a The NeverEnding Story deal? The Golden Ticket is torn for admission, Danny sits down, and the movie-in-a-movie begins in earnest. In the film, Slater’s cousin Frank (Art Carney in his last film role) is being held hostage by the crime boss Vivaldi (Anthony Quinn), and his henchman...one of the most immediately visually interesting characters I’ve ever seen in a film...in a FILM.

Benedict (played by Charles Dance), is immediately a fascinating character, essentially a non-Marvel Bullseye, and a gunsman with flawless precision. And yeah...I dig it. Oh, how I dig it.

Jack Slater arrives in his snakeskin boots, and discovers Frank, who delivers a message in the cheesiest death sequence I’ve ever seen, followed by the cheesiest bomb compound I’ve ever seen, followed by a bigger explosion than anyone would’ve expected, FOLLOWED by...OK, look, the references to other action movies in this are already ridiculous and all over the place, and I refuse to spoil them all for those of you who’ve never seen this movie.

By the way, I gotta make a comment about Danny real quick. Watching this many action movies may have made him a little...detached...from reality. I say this because he expressed no shock or emotion during or after the robbery, then went immediately to the movie theater, and had no reaction whatsoever about the death of the two cops in the movie. Little budding sociopath, that Danny.

Although, that might change, now that the ticket’s getting all magic-y, and a stick of ACME dynamite (actually in the film, I swear) makes its way into the theater. It explodes, and Danny inexplicably (magically, even) finds himself in the movie. So, Pagemaster, then.

Danny’s complete lack of reaction and emotion in this situation confirms my theory on him being a liiiiiiiiiiittle detached from reality. But then...the most gloriously stupid thing I’ve seen this month happens.

Arnold proceeds to make a pun that is NOT “Nasty brainfreeze,” and I am disappointed forever. Who wrote this? Who wrote this?

We get a car chase fueled with jumps, gunfire, puns, a casual mention of premature ejaculation, and Coca Cola product placement, all accompanied by Danny finally showing a modicum of reaction to the fact that he is IN A FUCKING MOVIE. REACT MORE, DANNY. At his age, I would have soiled myself immediately. At MY age, I would soil myself if this happened to me! Anyway...

OK, I just have to say this now: this movie has some of the most insane shots and set-ups that I’ve ever seen, and by GOD, I am here for it. Like...Did you SEE the motorcycle dress girl panic while a man WAS ON FIRE IN THE BACKGROUND? Earlier, a car does an INSANE jump and crash and explodes in the BACKGROUND, and the movie just treats it like a pigeon flew on set! Nobody cares! THE SCENES IN THIS MOVIE MAKE INSANITY AN ART FORM.

Anyway...we get to the LAPD, and...HOLY SHIT. IS THAT…

Was that Sharon Stone as Catherine Trammel from Basic Instinct, and Robert Patrick as T1000 from Terminator 2? I...but...wait...if...how...I’m broken now. 404, blue screen, reboot, update needed, WHAT?!? I...just...SO many questions, and this movie better answer them.

We see some added insanity, including a man with a houndstooth suit which I DESPERATELY WANT but could not pull off. There’s literally a buddy cop generator, where we also see a rabbi cop, and an Amadeus reference is dropped as F. Murray goddamn Abraham (playing a cop named Practice) appears in this movie, and THEN...an animated cat cop sexually harasses a female cop. I am not joking.

Am...am I insane? Also, if I was in the theaters watching this movie-in-a-movie, I would be both angry and confused as to what in the FUCK was happening!!! WHY IS THERE AN ANIMATED CAT COP IN MY JACK SLATER MOVIE? WHO DIRECTED THIS BULLSHIT (in universe)?? Also that cat was recently suspended, and is also one of their best men.

And then, Danny uses his knowledge of the Jack Slater franchise to break down the barriers of repressed affection between the chief and Slater, and it’s briefly heartwarming for some reason. Anyway, they’re now suspicious of his knowledge of Slater’s life, and this leaves to the inevitable buddy cop pairing of Jack Slater and Danny Madigan. This art-deco something walks by…

...and I desperately need to know more about the art direction of this film. Because, wow, it is an absolute masterpiece of randomly exaggerated shit, damn.

To prove his point about being in a movie, Danny goes to a Blockbuster, which... man, does THAT bring me back! That’s right you young whippersnappers, I WAS THERE FOR BLOCKBUSTER IN THE ‘90s! We used to go to the store and look at the VHSs. I remember seeing The Lost World there, but my dad said I was too young for it. I was sad, but he got me some candy and a Really Wild Animals video, and we watched it that night after Carmen Sandiego. My God. It was paradise.

Anyway, Schwarzenegger doesn’t exist, and find out that Stallone has taken over his roles.

...I’d watch that. I’d watch the HELL out of that. Danny then uses some legitimately impressive math to dissect the “555” number thing in movies, as well as pointing out the lack of non-conventionally attractive women. Which, credit to you, kiddo, for addressing the overwrought emphasis on conventional attractiveness that permeated Hollywood at this time, and to this day. I mean, he’s not criticizing it, but he is pointing it out, and that’s better than nothing in the ‘90s.

Danny guides his way to Vivaldi’s house, where the butler is...Professor Toru Tanaki! He looks exactly like Odd Job from the James Bond series, but the actor is SubZero from The Running Man! You know, the hockey killer!

Anyway, after crack about Schwarzenegger’s “I’ll be back” line, a conversation with Benedict (who has a smiley face instead of a bullseye), and some terrible CGI dogs, Benedict becomes correctly convinced that something’s up with Danny. They arrive at his house, and his college-aged daughter Whitney (played by Bridgette Wilson, in her first film role in and out of the movie, in a neat little twist!) kisses Danny directly on the mouth, and I’m a liiiiiiittle uncomfortable with that. Anyway, we brush right past that, and realize that his son...died. Oh. Uh. Guess we didn’t see the end of that movie, huh? Yikes. Poor Jack.

Hey, Benedict and his gang arrive at Slater’s place! Fun! There’s a sort-of amusing play on “harming a hair on one’s head,” and the interrogation continues. Charles Dance is legitimately threatening as Benedict. And, while we’re at it, Bridgette Wilson has an entertaining action sequence all her own.

Anyway, Jack arrives, and makes a ridiculous jump off of the balcony to pursue Benedict. Benedict name drops getting a tank, which I’m assuming is named the Chekov (film trope reference there, have a good time). Danny realizes that he’s the comedy sidekick of the movie, and at this point, I need to mention something: in case you haven’t noticed, this film is delightfully meta. And I love that about it.

But it’s also...cluttered. You’ll see what I mean in a little bit, but real talk, I didn’t realize that Benedict had stolen the ticket until Danny mentioned it, because I was apparently quite distracted. And this is an important plot point, as Benedict soon realizes the true power of the ticket, cleverly overlaid by the opening to the Twilight Zone, with Rod Serling mentioning traveling to another dimension. Also...his eye was a bomb. What. Anyway, that explosion results in Slater officially getting fired from the department, and the chief...

Um. Yeah, this movie is also kind of a cartoon, not including the cartoon cat. And you have no idea how much I’m omitting from this movie. The digitization of Humphrey Bogart, the fact that Slater can’t say “fuck” in a PG-13 movie, the surprising character realization that Slater’s ex-wife is actually remarried, the clearly dominatrix cop clad in leather, the fact that there’s a plan to detonate a nerve gas-infused bomb stuffed into a dead man nicknamed Leo the Fart at his own funeral, a digitization of Humphrey Bogart. Yeah, I said that last one twice, because the effect actually holds up really well, like, seriously.

OK, let’s take a break, yeah? Part 2 later today!

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arcticwaters · 4 years

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so now that it’s been over a month and i’ve seen frozen 2 three times, i thought i’d finally give my thoughts on it. i’ll format it like i did for endgame, with a “good, meh, bad, what i’d change/etc” bullet list. this might be a little incoherent because i have a hard time expressing with words what i love about this franchise so much but i’ll try.

tldr: i love elsa with my soul entire, i’m happy that anna wasn’t sidelined, but kristoff, while funny, could’ve been better

what i liked

EVERYTHING about elsa. i love that elsa takes a little more center stage in this one; not because i dislike anna but i just love elsa. legit, each time her parts in some things never change comes up, i start to tear up because she’s just so beautiful, her animation in that little part is so fucking bright and glowing and good.

also all of her outfits are so amazing, but especially that main traveling one. her holiday one is still my favorite but this one is like just touching that slightly more ““”masculine””” side that my butch ass could wear it and probably still feel ok. (also all the details on everyone’s clothing is fucknig stunning, i see new things every watch.)

it’s probably unnecessary to even praise the animation because duh of course it’s good, literally every animated movie i saw this year was beautiful but guys it’s stunning. i really gotta give it to that one scene of elsa where she’s trying to get a word in against anna and kristoff and she just flies seamlessly between so many different emotions and expressions.

there are parts about into the unknown that i don’t like (some of the verse lines are very “talk-y” like she’s just speaking to music, and in general i don’t like songs where the chorus is just the title repeated) but oh man when it gets to “everyone i’ve ever loved” and idina starts to show her range that’s when it really gets fist pumping and i LOVE the horns that come in near the end. there are parts could rival let it go, but not quite.

i’m really glad i didn’t listen to the soundtrack before seeing this because show yourself is an experience. (i also didn’t watch any cast interviews, so i didn’t know that there would be “two let it go’s.”) every time i’m just blown away to tears because of the sheer power of this scene; and not just it’s message. the vocals, the animation. how happy my girl looks. i just love her so much.

speaking of anna earlier, during the months going into this movie i was worried that anna wouldn’t have much to do; that focus would be on elsa too much. and while there’s never “too much” elsa for me, anna is still an important part of this franchise; frozen 1 is her movie. and i’m very happy that not only was she still very relevant, but she got the whole climax. i love that she is also the bridge, and as much the fifth spirit as elsa. i have mixed feelings on her being queen that i’ll get into, but don’t have anything against the idea of it, and i think she’ll be ok.

i have,,,,, issues with kristoff’s song, and his role in general, but the song itself is like a legitimately good song and it’s so goddamn extra that i laugh my ass each time. i never realized how damn pleasant his voice is.

also i still hella bro-ship him and elsa; adorable in-laws. i wish there was more of them, but i love that they genuinely seem to love each other and he hugs her !!!

also it’s so funny that elsa has no problem with this weirdly smart reindeer just, in her castle.

mattias !!! i was so nervous about him, sure that disney would make him the secret villain (i did not want them to fuck up this franchise’s first main black character, considering its biggest criticism is how damn white it is, something i do agree with.) but no he’s amazing. he’s hilarious and sweet and charming and fatherly. i fucking adored him. i really hope if there’s a third one he has a bigger role. he’s their grandpa now.

bruni is definitely very adorable and i love that elsa’s got her own pascal, but like pascal, i wish he looked more like a gecko? both of them have that super chibi, super “child’s toy” look to them, and it’s not that they look bad (tho i’m not fond of pascal’s series look) i just think i’d like them both more if they just looked like how real lizards did. the other animals in these movies look fine, why not the reptiles? also the nokk is cool and terrifying.

honeymaren and ryder!! wow what good gays??? and siblings too, thank god!! i totally thought they’d done a last minute hook up, but no.

i loved that they were dunking on hans so much. elsa and anna said “fuck you” to redeeming entitled white men who try to take advantage of and kill women.

i personally don’t count the “twist” with their grandfather as a true “secret villain twist” because he’s been dead for 34 years. it almost is, but to me it’s more of a reveal, the answer to a question set up at the beginning, a follow through to the idea of “normal” people fearing magic. and between this and WiR2, i kind of like this new trend of villain-less disney movies. like sure, villains are fine and i really did wish this movie would be the one to bring back those old classic hammy 90′s villains. but they’re trying something different, and after eight years of twist “gotcha!” villains, that’s not a bad thing.

the “pretty okay”

so i liked the spirits just fine; quite a lot actually, elemental spirits calling to elsa is a cool idea, as is her, and later anna, calming them. but i do kind of wish they’d been a little more... i dunno, consistent? like why was one of them a tiny blue lizard, another one is a horse but made of water, another is just the wind, and the last are a group? none of these are bad ideas on their own (i especially like that bruni and nokk are based on real world mythology.) but i wish they had either all been the same or all completely different. what if along with a fire lizard and water horse, there was a wind bird and a earth turtle, like a torterra? maybe the bird is made of wind like the nokk, and the turtle has eyes like bruni. or what if they could all shape shift and didn’t have one specific form? or you could follow the earth giants and have there be more than one spirit of the other three; more than one lizard/reptile, more wind, more nokks. (i like the animal ideas myself.)

i don’t love olaf, but i don’t hate him either. he has his moments - it’s actually kind of astounding that i find him as funny as i do - but i could still do without his songs, and wish his design was better. “samatha?” is a great joke tho.

i don’t really know how to feel about the “water has memory” thing but they are at least consistent with it and trying new lore for the world. it’s no weirder than tangled’s “sunlight dripped from the sun and made a flower” i guess.

i’ll get to it later, but this movie handled “shaking up the status quo by separating the main relationship” so much better than httd3.

what i’m not fond of

the pacing of this movie is pretty off. i’ve heard it was supposed to be longer, and you can feel it. elsa suddenly hearing the voice when we’re just barely out of the prologue. the journey to the forest itself being a montage. i honestly thought that would be a bigger part of the plot, and was looking forward to it. there’s actually kind of a part of me that wishes this movie was about the trip and the magical stuff is encountered through the journey, and the forest is ahtohallan or something, i dunno.

when elsa says she woke up the spirits, it’s treated as if it’s something she did with intent, and that is not at all the impression i got from into the unknown. (i suppose you could argue that her “are you out there, can you feel me?” lines are trying to show that she is waking them up on purpose.) maybe this is a result of things getting cut and hobbled together.

i like the idea of elsa and anna being part northuldran but ya’ll...... they white as fuck. if they wanted to make that more believable, they should’ve had more white looking northuldrans, but most of them aren’t, so it’s just like “where the hell did idunna come from??”

so kristoff. like i said, his song is hilarious and a jam; but it also grinds the movie to a dead halt. and i appreciate that it’s theme is talking about how you feel, but how he’s feeling is that he and anna are “drifting apart” all because of a few awkward conversations?? (you’re on a quest, my dude !!!! there are spirits and her sister is hearing a voice, of course she has other things to worry about.) then he disappears out of the movie.

plus i really don’t like that his entire arc is him trying to propose. for one thing, all of his attempts are just frustrating to watch, because they turn anna into an idiot. like i get that he’s nervous, but you’re telling me after three years, anna would misunderstand him that badly?? that him stumbling over his words would imply he wants to break up? (which thank god they didn't go anywhere with that.) i get that anna has her own issues with abandonment, but that just wasn’t funny or fun to watch. and literally all of kristoff’s problems in this movie happened because he felt the need to propose as soon as he possibly could. their kingdom was in danger, and they were going on a journey to find angry spirits, an enchanted forest, and a mysterious voice that only the person with magic could hear. he couldn’t have waited until they got home? nothing was stopping him from waiting until they were home safely and he had her full attention. my guy, just because your pet reindeer brother gave you an encouraging nod doesn’t mean you have to propose while your gf is thinking about her kingdom being flooded.

also anna hearing “oh he went off with that ryder guy” and taking it really hard?? for all she knew, he was hiding from the giants. they couldn’t have gone to find him?? they were in a trapped forest, and the northuldran people were right there to help them look. this conflict was extremely forced and only happened because they needed to get anna in that cave alone.

but what i really didn’t like about the proposal plot was that they did it at all. frozen 1 ends right when they begin dating; they weren’t even in love yet. kristoff, and thus their romance, doesn’t have much a presence in the shorts. and then, suddenly, he wants to propose in this? we missed three whole years of courtship. look, i don’t consider myself a “kristanna” shipper. like, it just is what it is, your standard canon disney ship. but i actually was interested in seeing what a romance between them was like considering we’ve seen nothing of it so far. why should i care about the start of their marriage when i barely have an idea of what they’re like as a couple? because what we see of their relationship in this movie was very.... basic.

tho it is funny how similar his role in this is to your classic female love interest.

so like i said, i love show yourself. i’m not mad at the fact that what elsa finds is basically her own self realization. but i wanted there to be something there. it’s not even clear what exactly it is. i, personally, don’t think the voice was actually her mother. i don’t think her mom’s spirit was calling to her, and i think that moment of them singing together was just Musical Magic™. that was just elsa revisiting the memory of her mom telling her the story. i think this was ahtohallan, magic itself, calling to her and using the familiar voice of her northuldran mother. but this is also not clear, and i would like it to be clear.

also i know the answer is “because none of this existed when frozen 1 was written” but i still have to wonder why the voice was calling elsa now.

also also, it’s weird that ahtohallan would punish elsa for trying to get the information to fix everything. i get the “you’ll be drowned” thing, but what if elsa hadn’t been able to send anna a message? what if they’d both been there? how could it have gotten fixed if she was dead? i think there should have been more of an established “if you want to know the truth/do the next right thing, you have to pay a price” or something, i don’t know.

i’m not upset at elsa and anna’s separation. (i would prefer it didn’t happen, but i’m not mad about it.) i know some people are, but they’re clearly still in contact, elsa still visits, they’re like a day and a half away from each other. they’ve got the nokk who got to arendelle from ahtohallan at the speed of a flood. i also don’t think this happened because elsa didn’t want to be queen; she spends this whole movie taking into consideration the needs of arendelle. i can believe that anna would make a good queen. what i’m not fond of is how this just like, happens. maybe this was cut, but this movie really needed an extra scene of the two of them talking and planting the idea that this is something anna would be ok with. that elsa is feeling like she doesn’t really belong in arendelle anymore (that also isn’t as well established as it could’ve been. but i guess this is the same woman who legit tried to live in an isolated castle so.) that’s a really really huge step, a huge change of the formula. you need a little more than just “oh i know what we should do.”

this isn’t something “bad” but i am kind of confused: is ahtohallan in the forest?? cause if it’s not, then how did elsa get out????

i don’t know how to feel about

arendelle’s fate. i’m not upset about it, because it wasn’t that arendelle had to fall, just the dam. this is a disney movie, and the people didn’t deserve to have their home destroyed because of the sins of one man. i’m confused at how elsa got there so fast, but i mean, i can believe that the literal spirit of water can just run that fucking fast. (i also think it was helping her make that ice wall.) but it would actually have been such an interesting move?? like what a direction for a disney movie to go, the pretty disney princess kingdom is destroyed.

i thought we were gonna see the people of arendelle and northuldra coming together to rebuild a new arendelle. and maybe arendelle citizens in northuldra, just like in the beginning, enjoying the magic and the spirits. that would’ve been pretty cool.

i don’t really understand why the fifth spirit is ice? like again i know it’s because this movie didn’t exist when F1 was written, but what does ice have to do with.... anything??? she can also kind of control water in this movie too, so?? my guess is it’s because ice is kind of a mix of all four? it’s a form of water, it can be in the air, it’s solid like earth/can be in the earth, and is the opposite of fire and can curb it. i dunno, that’s all i can think of for that.

also was elsa being the fifth spirit supposed to be a twist for us or for the characters? because it was really freaking obvious, but if it was only for the characters’ sake, then i’m fine with it. (maybe it was for the kids who were old enough to understand “oh there’s another spirit who could it be?” but young enough to not put together context clues. which is totally fine.)

what i would change

make elsa gay, for one. and this would’ve been so easy. the beginning has her in some kind of... meet up or something. have some male suitors there and she’s totally not interested, but oh, there’s a woman across the room and now she looks so much more comfortable. and then when she’s with honeymaren, now she’s looking all flustered and there’s a lot of meaningful looks. (fuck, have her out right say “i’m not interested in men” this is goddamn frozen.) you don’t have to give her a girlfriend - i’m super against this idea that lgb representation only counts if the character actually ends up with boyfriend/girlfriend - but you can still set it up and make her gay. (but by frozen 3, yeah, they’re totally dating.)

i would take out kristoff’s proposal and make his plot about something else. like the northuldran people are supposed to be sami, right? and isn’t kristoff sami? maybe he’s from there too! maybe his family was locked out of the forest or something, i dunno. he was also raised by magical trolls, so maybe he’s not from northuldra, but he feels a connection; because magic.

but if you must have him trying to propose, don’t make him bumbling through awkward attempts. make it so elsa’s helping him. (this also gives them more of a relationship to build on.) they’re the ones awake during the journey, and he asks her permission. then by the dam she’s like “so what’s you’re plan how’re you gonna do it show me.” have some fun with that instead of “you think i’m crazzzzzy?” (also imagine elsa and kristoff having a song together that’d be pretty sweet.)

with ahtohallan, i would just make it so the call was from the fifth spirit, which is just “magic” and we see it in the form of the colored lights that we see throughout show yourself (like a living aurora borealis, which we do actually see during all is found.) then it just passes the torch to elsa. that’s really all i needed.

so overall i did really like this movie a lot, but it’s not perfect by any means. i still don’t know if i like it more than the first or not; i wanna say, no, i like the first one more, but it’s really hard to say because they’re such different movies. but i’m mostly happy with what we got and i still wanna see it as many times as i can while in theaters.

#arctic says #frozen 2 #frozen #frozen 2 review

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earwaxinggibbous · 4 years

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Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent.

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change.

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote.

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit!

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!”

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.

#panda posts #top 10 list #worst hits of 2019 #top 10 worst hits of 2019 #worst hits #pop song review #pop music #music criticism #music review

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2edge4u · 5 years

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I can't sleep so here

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My gf

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Very shy unless I'm comfortable around them

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My gf on Tuesday

4. Are you easy to get along with? I would like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Mallory

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Mmmnm girls typically kind and sweet ones

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Most def

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Lmao no

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who I'm talking to

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My gf Mallory

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Good night babe 😙

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? If I can't have you, poetry by dead men, dura remix, bilingue, please me

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? God yes and my gf does it all the damn time

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Idk it would be nice but sometimes it just kinda feels like were all just going through the motions and stuff like that just eases the pain and hopelessness

15. What good thing happened this summer? I lost a shit ton of weight

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? A million times

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? It would be naive to believe that there isn't the universe is fucking huge

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Lmfaooo no

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yeah but I gotta shower first. The idea of sitting in body soup makes me queasy.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Fuck no they're horrible people but my rent is cheap 🤷‍♀️

21. What are you bad habits? Over thinking and second guessing are at the top of the list

22. Where would you like to travel? Sooooo many places Florida is the worst get me out

23. Do you have trust issues? Yeah I guess so but I will trust those who treat me right

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going the fuck to sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thighs

26. What do you do when you wake up? Say good morning to Mallory then go pee

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? This is a kinda fucked up question but I mean I guess I don't like being this pale but I also like being inside so

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My gf and my mom

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes and I blocked that bitch 🤷‍♀️

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yep

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Lmao no I'm too butch to have long hair anymore but I'm still pretty soft

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I tried a threesome once in college and it was not a good time so no thanks. One girl at a time for me.

33. Spell your name with your chin. U8u7fw nailed it

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I used to play basketball but I'm too lazy so

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Fuck off that's impossible I'm a millennial

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh definitely

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Depends on who it is

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I'm lucky because I'm already dating her 😍 long hair, blue eyes, working her dream job and super passionate about it, the epitome of sweet and kind, very good kisser, great listener, my little spoon, so fucking smart, knows the difference between your and you're, holds me when I need it, fixes my headaches, and she loves me back.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Publix and target

40. What do you want to do after high school? Bitch I graduated in 2005 I've already changed careers once and I'm about to do it again

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yeah unless they diddle kids or hurt women

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm angy or sad

43. Do you smile at strangers? You know that white person passing you in the hallway smile

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Fuck the ocean honestly so many things can bite or sting me

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Making money and seeing my gf

46. What are you paranoid about? Hahahaha so much

47. Have you ever been high? Yeah long time ago

48. Have you ever been drunk? Mhm

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not really

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? I literally only wear black and grey everything

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Oh definitely

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Smaller boobs

53. Favourite makeup brand? Lmao I haven't worn makeup since college

54. Favourite store? Bitch I already answered this

55. Favourite blog? Hmmmm I can't choose y'all bitches are funny

56. Favourite colour? Grey

57. Favourite food? Hmmm salad and mashed potatoes. I also love Mexican food.

58. Last thing you ate? Caprese salad

59. First thing you ate this morning? Pussy, next question

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Lmao a lot of music competitions and also water skiing

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Lmao no I'm too scared to get in trouble

62. Been arrested? For what? I've never even been pulled over so no

63. Ever been in love? Yep

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was behind the big tire on the playground so no one would see. Lasted .5 seconds and we never talked again.

65. Are you hungry right now? Nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Yeah

67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? Always

70. Names of your bestfriends? Mallory, Chris and Kjersten

71. Craving something? What? Reeses with the pieces inside that shit slaps

72. What colour are your towels? Grey

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One for my head and one for in between my legs

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? None

75. Favourite animal? Puppies and kitties

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey and blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate covered cherry

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt

80. What colour pants? No pants either just boxers and a sports bra

81. Favourite tv show? Fuck you I can't choose

82. Favourite movie? Texas chainsaw

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Why would you even ask me this the original obviously

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen wieners

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory

87. First person you talked to today? Mallory

88. Last person you talked to today? Mallory

89. Name a person you hate? My boss and the majority of my colleagues

90. Name a person you love? My gf

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah I don't really like punching ppl

92. In a fight with someone? No

93. How many sweatpants do you have? I'm a lesbian so a lot

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Idk like 10ish?

95. Last movie you watched? Rocky horror

96. Favourite actress? So many

97. Favourite actor? Why tf do some people still separate this by gender

98. Do you tan a lot? Lmao no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yeah I live in the south

99. Have any pets? Yep a dog and 2 cats

100. How are you feeling? Slept literally all day so I can't sleep but my headache is finally gone 🙌

101. Do you type fast? Yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Mhm

103. Can you spell well? I would like to think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My grandparents

#i should be sleeping #but i did this instead #get to know me yall #im an idiot #long post

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spaceorphan18 · 5 years

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SO Watches Friends 1x01-1x03

Apparently, it’s been 25 years since Friends aired - and I’m seeing all these articles on it, how it was the greatest ever, how it sucked, how apparently the youngins are discovering it on Netflix.

So - I felt like, what they hey, I haven’t seen it in years, and I need to watch something while I have meals, so let’s see how well this show holds up.

Pilot - The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate (because how else is she going to pay for that apartment.)

It’s funny to me that this was the hot new show of the time. Because these people are... incredibly boring. The beginning montage is them sitting in a cafe talking about random boring things for what appears to be hours, then they go home and watch TV. This seems to be what they do on the weekend. I mean, I realize in the early 90s there wasn’t /that/ much to do - but still, they live in NYC, and most of the stuff they do on this show will be sitting around doing nothing.

So, let’s break down these characters, shall we?

Rachel - It’s her wedding day, but she skips out on her wedding because she didn’t love her fiance. I think this is supposed to be funny? While I do think, in general, all of the characters are more relatable (and nicer) than in later in the series, she’s such a weird amalgamation of what the writers (or network?) thought would be relatable? I mean - she’s kind of dumb, and rich enough that money isn’t a problem, and her family values are set back in the 50s - hence her getting married so her husband can support her instead of her father.

I get where the character is coming from - but while it might have been more of a progressive stance at the time -- it seems like a relic now.

Monica - Who is the most together one of them at the moment. I like early Monica, tbh, who appears intelligent (for the most part). They’ll later take her quirks and make her a neurotic nutjob - but I can appreciate her mature nature right now.

She goes on a date with Paul the Wine Guy - and again, it shows just how boring these guys’ lives are that they’re standing around her apartment with nothing better to do than to cheer her on about her date. Is this what people in ther 20s did in the early 90s? I was much too young to know. Anyway - Paul the Wine Guy is an asshate who uses lines to get Monica into bed. The network thought this would make Monica sleezy. I’m so glad times have changed enough that we can look back and be glad we can see that it’s really Paul the Wine Guy who’s sleezy, and that there are faster ways to figure out if a guy is a creep or not.

Phoebe - Phoebe has absolutely nothing to do in the pilot other than be there and be weird. I much appreciate it - because this show would be utterly boring and devoid of any quirky elements if she wasn’t there. Also - Lisa Kudrow sells the comedy while most of the rest of them (minus Matthew Perry) seem to be just reading the script.

Joey - I have no idea what Matt LeBlanc is trying to do here. Is he doing a NYC Italian accent? Is he trying out for a part? He’s kind of the most cringy during the Pilot but at least that’ll go away quickly.

I don’t have a whole lot to say about Joey, he and Chandler are like two halves of the same character at the beginning, both with little development. But - funny enough, maybe it’s age, I found myself agreeing with Joey during the whole dishing out life advice thing to Ross -- there’s no such thing as soul mates or destiny, get out there and live life :P

Chandler - Like Phoebe he doesn’t have much to do other than make quips. Granted - he did have some of the best, genuinely funny lines of the episode. Matthew Perry’s comedic chops as well - and it’s a shame there is much Phoebe and Chandler stuff on the show.

Anyway, the writers originally toyed with making Chandler gay, which I find a shame, I think that would have worked so well. And added some diversity to this really, really non-diverse cast. I completely understand why this makes lists of ‘Things Straight, White, and Loosely Christian People Like’. 25 years later, it’s incredibly glaring. Even Saved by the Bell, which was ending its run at the time, managed to be more diverse.

Ross - I’m curious as to when Ross becomes that one Friend whom everyone hates. He’s recently divorced (from a woman who figured out she was a lesbian) and being really mopey about it (which, you know, is understandable). I don’t particularly like or dislike Ross at the moment.

I will say the whole Ross and Rachel thing is telegraphed from a mile here, and it’s weird that they’re going to drag this romance out for an entire season and a half when he literally asks her out at the end of the episode, and she says yes. Why, why, why is this going to be dragged out so much. (I know the reason - sweeps week - but still.)

Is the episode entertaining? Eh. It still has a lot of the trappings of an 80s sitcom - the annoying laugh track, the forced jokes, the surface level stories - only it’s new and hip because 20-somethings had never had a show to themselves without an older mentor around. At the same time, there isn’t anything that remarkable about any of these 20-somethings, which may or may not have been the point. I suppose we’ll see.

The One With the Sonogram (of Ross’s baby that he’s having with this lesbian ex-wife) at the End

This episode is merely a continuation of all the threads set up in the pilot. You can tell Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe aren’t developed yet, as they really don’t do anything other than crack one-liners at opportune times. I shouldn’t complain that these characters just don’t feel like they’re getting enough time together as a group (because obviously, there are a ton more episodes to go where they are) but I feel like they’re spending too much time in individual plot lines that aren’t that interesting.

Plot A) Ross finds out that his ex-wife (who’s a lesbian) is having his baby (because apparently they did it one more time after she left him? Idk), and he’s not doing so well with that. Idk - I don’t hate this plot line. For being the early 90s, the show is treating being gay with much more respect than pretty much everything before that (even if the idea of lesbians is treated as a joke rather than a serious thing people are). At least the gay stuff isn’t villainized.

Plot B) Rachel gives back the ring to her ex-fiance, whom she finds out was fooling around with her maid of honor. This is the first time we meet Barry, and everything about him screams douchebag. There’s nothing remotely interesting here, and it almost feels obligatory for Rachel’s story. Also - I find it ridiculous that he and Rachel would be having private conversations with a (child) patient there.

Plot C) We meet Monica and Ross’s controlling and judgmental parents who prefer Ross to Monica. While Elliot Gould and Christina Pickles are both fantastic actors - I cannot with the amount of judgy-ness that spews forth, and really can’t wait for them to be the quirkier people they eventually become.

Oh- and I forgot, this show decided for the beginning of season 1 to have these philosophical discussions about the differences between men and women, and I feel like this episode is supposed to loosely tie into that and I kind of roll my eyes and am like -- just be the situational comedy that you’re meant to be.

Is this episode any good? Eh, not really. There are some funnier moments in an otherwise bland and obligatory story.

The One With the Thumb (in a can that Phoebe almost drinks)

This episode is so boring that it’s almost tedious to get through all 22 minutes of it. Here we go!

Plot A) Monica dates a guy named Alan that everyone likes but she doesn’t and she finds it hard to break up with him.

I get what the writers were going with here - that she’d have to tell her friends that they need to ‘break up’ with Alan, despite them all really liking him. Idk - I don’t think the whole schtick is that funny, and feels pointless when we barely get to meet Alan himself.

I do have to note that Monica talks with one of her coworkers - who is the first PoC on the show, a black woman. But we’re never going to see her again, so...?

Plot B) Chandler starts smoking again - and we get a PSA plot line about the dangers of smoking. Friends is rarely going to be a preachy show, and it’s super weird when it is. It’s especially weird that it’s centered around smoking because -- who cares?

Plot C) Phoebe accidentally has good things happen to her. It’s almost like a running joke more than a plot line that ends with her ending up with a thumb in a can that nets her $7000. It’s... just a really dumb sitcom plot line. But, hey, we learn that Phoebe hangs out with homeless people. And, the episode gets a point for tying all three plot lines together at the end.

So... I’ll probably do these three or four at a time. And the first three? Eh, not great. It’s fascinating that this show became such a hit right off the bat - because there’s not anything uniquely interesting about any of these characters yet. And the plot lines are all so generic and/or dumb that there’s little to latch on to.

We’ll see how this goes.

#friends #so watches friends

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girlbookwrm · 5 years

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A New Year’s Thor

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES WITH KENNETH BRANAGH’S thor

How did I spend New Year’s? Continuing our mighty pre-endgame rewatch with The Roommate ( @goteamwin ) and The Gal Pal ( @pegasuschick ). We’re watching Thor, the Kenneth Branagh-i-est of the Marvel Movies.

Note: We were all. Very Drunk.

“You know what’s worked great in all our movies so far? TIME JUMPS!” - every early marvel film.

right away I comment to The Roommate: What is up with all these angled shots?

The Roommate, a video editor and producer: Actually that’s called a canted shot.

Me, mere moments later: not a lot of shots in this that AREN’T canted, are there.

seriously, watch this movie. If I made note of every canted shot, these rewatch notes would be 90% CANT.

Stellan Skarsgard here bringing the Nord, and Natalie Portman bringing the... wait how the hell did they get Natalie Portman in-- oh right. Kenneth Branagh directed this.

hey it’s Tonsberg! like from CATFA! Neat!

listen there are too many blue cubes in marvel. This was super fucking confusing when I was wee and not yet obsessively into Marvel. There’s the Casket (which the frost giants use) and then there’s the Tesseract (which is different? but also blue??) and let it be known that in the comics there is ALSO the cosmic cube which is NEITHER of those things but the roommate initially called both the Casket and the Tesseract the Cosmic Cube, because -- as was previously mentioned -- this is super fucking confusing.

Let it be known that the Roommate, when quite young, went to see this movie in theaters with her very first boyfriend on her very first date.

The Roommate, Way Back When: So... they’re gods? like? the norse gods?

The Roommate’s Very First Boyfriend: They’re actually aliens.

The Roommate, Now: He was wildly underexplaining this.

what actually is this ceremony? what does it accomplish?

Tom Hiddleston has said nothing yet, but he has said So Much. Also,

The Roommate: Who is that lovely woman in the horned helmet? Loki has a beautiful woman’s face.

The Gal Pal: He does make a beautiful mare. The MOST beautiful mare, in fact.

She is Not Wrong.

thank god someone saved us from Malibu Thor here, he is Too Blonde

“I, Odin Allfather, Proclaim you the Frost Giants.”

this must have been so confusing for all the Asgardians here.

Oh hey it’s Sif and What’s His Face and That Other Guy and F...

farrrr...

franduil?

fan... dis?

AT THIS POINT WE HIT MIDNIGHT WHILE IDRIS ELBA WARNED US TO BE CAREFUL IN THE COLD WASTES OF JOTUNHEIM

FANDRAL!

fandral is his name.

At this point, while the fighting was going on, we got a lil side tracked talking about the movie in general.

The Roommate: It’s like the Temptation of Thor. Christ spent 40 days in the desert, Thor spends 48 hours in New Mexico.

The Gal Pal: Are you saying Thor is better at this than Jesus?

The Roommate: No, I’m saying he’s half-baked.

This is the first time Thor flies with the hammer and all i could think was “oh my god the hammer pulled you off???”

Dear Anthony Hopkins, what are your acting choices?

Anthony Hopkins: HUARGH!!!!!

aaaaaand thirty minutes in, we’re finally back to the beginning.

“Yes I did” Darcy is a T R E A S U R E

So much of this movie is Thor becoming unconscious. bless.

C A N T

All men (with a few odd token women), grilling, pickup trucks, literal “hold my beer” -- u s a, U S A, U! S! A!

pooter!

Hey! Phil is here!

aw yissss thor with no shirt -- sidenote: he’s definitely freeballing it here, right? I mean there’s no way he’s wearing underwear under those jeans. Doesn’t that chafe on his little hammer?

Let’s all agree that right up until he goes way off the deep end, Loki is 10000% not wrong about any of this. Thor was definitely not ready to be king, he was an idiot. and also, I was never much of a Loki fan, personally, but Loki’s having a real bad day.

Grows up being told that he was destined to be a king, but there’s only one throne --> has to watch his idiot brother get ?crowned? --> decides to play a prank (who wouldn’t, right?) --> fRoSt GIaNt???????? --> BRoTHerR BAnISHedD????????? --> FROST GIANT???????? --> ODINSLEEP?????????? --> KING NOW?????????? BUT FROST GIANT STILL??????????????

Loki and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

And seriously, what was Odin’s plan here? “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, and I’d just pepper in the fact that you’re a frost giant and I kidnapped you and you’d be totally cool with it.”

Odin Allfather: A+ parenting, Literal baby snatcher.

THIS DRINK! I LIKE IT! ANOTHER!

The Roommate: I love that Jane’s motivation isn’t really to get with Thor, it’s to get with SCIENCE.

Sometimes I forget that this is actually a funny movie, but they just had no idea how to handle the comedy in it? like, they had a comedy script and they just filmed it like a straight drama/action movie for some reason.

“A pioneer in gamma radiation” Is that bruce???

follow up: yes. Yes it is Bruce.

The canting here is Very Cant.

What time of year is it in NM that everyone is wearing this many layers.

Thor being all: “I know ur midgardian but I’d tap that.”

Jane Foster: Brilliant Scientist, Menace on the Road.

Why. Why is the SHIELD site set up like this.

What purpose does it serve

why.

W H Y.

(subnote, we investigated this afterwords and apparently it’s designed to look like a sigil of the word SHIELD, like all the letters smooshed on top of each other but also IT IS NOT and also also THAT IS DUMB AS FUCK.)

(though grudgingly, i admit, thematically appropriate given the overall norse-ness of this movie.)

(STILL FUCKING STUPID)

sitwell!

What is causing this rain?

The Roommate: Because, like everything else from Asgard, Meu-myeh is Extra™

Hey it’s Hawkguy!

Side side note, I am pretty sure that I also went to see this movie with my very first boyfriend and he got super excited about Hawkeye like “omg it’s clint and he has a bow and he’s so fucking cool omg omg omg!” and i was just like “????? kay? but he passed over all those obviously superior guns and then he does literally nothing tho????”

fast forward and the first comic i bought for myself was Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye

aaaaand I’m dating a woman now.

Honestly cannot tell if windy or cant

H U A R G H ! ! ! !

I really want to go into the roommate’s Benedict Cumberbatch Upgrade Theory of Tom Hiddleston but also this is getting super long and honestly she’s so right it deserves its own post

nah I’m gonna

The theory goes like this: Bandersnatch Cucumberpatch is an alien scout sent to learn our ways and gain influence in our culture, but he’s like, the first draft. They weren’t really sure what a human was supposed to look like.

Tom Hiddleston is Model 2.0

Tom Hiddleston is the upgraded Benedict Cumberbatch

The roommate explained this to me and I just looked at her sidelong for a looooooooong minute and said: u sure u want me to put this on the internet? r u sure??

“You have great power, Heimdall”

The Gal Pal: yeah, ur the only black man is Asgard.

“hit you with my car” WAIT IS ALL THOR’S CHARACTER GROWTH THE RESULT OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?

*CANT INTENSIFIES*

Thor: I’m just a man. Just a very tall, very handsome, VERY buff man.

wouldn’t it have been AMAZING if Jane had caught the hammer instead? I mean? WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME????

Frigga: She Did Her Best, But She Still Raised The Two Dumbest Boys In the Nine Realms.

Despite my earlier statements, Loki definitely does end his day with attempted fratricide, successful patricide, and questionably successful genocide so.

“Is it madness? Is it? IS IT???”

The Roommate: I mean. Yeah, buddy.

At this point, Thor has No Idea what the fuck is going on. he doesn’t know Loki’s a frost giant.

ORRRR he does know, because everyone knew, everyone but Loki always knew.

Odin: *WAKES UP* WTF ARE MY SONS DOING?

“no loki” ODIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE

“you’ve already made me proud” literally all you had to do was say that to your other son one (1) time.

wait is this a foo fighters song???

#the mighty pre endgame rewatch #thor

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summerspn · 5 years

Text

Captain Marvel (2019)

Random movie review...(and rambling)

(Minor Spoilers)

It was great!

I can’t tell you how it feels to have a movie resonate so much with me... I suppose this is what it felt like for many people watching Black Panther.

It just...it was kind of beautiful.

People talk about representation but that’s only part of it.

It’s about getting it right.

I was lucky enough to have some strong role models growing up. My parents were/are great. My mom is independent and strong and vulnerable too. She shows me being strong can mean many things.

However, when see movie after movie of women being assistants - helping men & being secondary characters it does put a little nagging voice in the back of your mind that makes you questions things.

If in life women’s jobs are mainly second fiddle to men...and if they’re like that on tv & in movies then it must mean something. Right?

Growing up I’ve always been told what I can’t do - MOSTLY by men & boys. Women usually told me to ‘give it a shot’.

I guess these are some things I started thinking about after the movie. All the times I’ve been told I can’t do something just because I’m a girl.

I couldn’t play baseball. I wasn’t allowed to play with my brothers friends (my brother didn’t mind) because their parents forbid them from playing with girls because we’d get hurt. Never mind I later ended up on the school baseball team...

I was encouraged by high school guidance counselors NOT to go into design & technology despite the fact I had an A average and my highest grade was Drafting (at 98%).

I’m always told by random strangers to smile because it makes THEM feel good.

I’m always told that I need to help male coworkers out but they don’t help us. They talk over women all the time and don’t even realize it. Meetings go on for hours and we can’t take washroom breaks because the (male) bosses don’t need them (FYI women have 1/3 the size bladder than men do and holding it can result in various health issues...). Getting up and leaving the room would make us look weak and we could miss important information...

I’m not saying this to bring up a debate or to annoy. Simply that there are countless frustrations we go through our lives as women on a daily basis on top of the everyday frustrations everyone goes through.

One of these frustrations is that there was very little attention paid to the idea that a woman could be strong and even less that she could be a super hero. The past ten years things have been improving but at a slow rate.

I was lucky enough to have seen some female characters that are strong and intelligent on screen when I was in high school but I don’t remember any before that. Unless you count The Care Bears(but I never thought of any as having a gender) or Miss Piggy from The Muppets. But humans? I can’t think of any.

However, even in the 90’s these strong women often become damsels around men or have to have a romance going on. Why? Tons of movies with male leads don’t have those.

Even the show Buffy The Vampire Slayer (I still love it) had a massive focus on romantic relationships. It was forward thinking and progressive in many ways but it too had some flaws. It took several seasons for Buffy to show her intelligence and for the women on the show to stop competing for a mans attention (Buffy & Cordelia). Don’t get me wrong it was for the part really well written but I could never understand why there weren’t female characters that were smart AND strong. It was either nerd or soldier (slayer).

- While I am grateful for all the complex, layered & strong female characters out there they often fell short for me. Even back then...Decades ago.

- Why didn’t anyone do Wonder Woman until a couple years ago? The tv show tried back in the day but then there was very little effort until recent years. Why? And why were there no attempts at Captain Marvel before? I mean, how many attempts at Spider-Man have their been? Or the Hulk? Are there even female characters in the cartoons? (I literally have no idea but the commercials never show them...).

So, seeing this movie tonight I went in expecting the same entertainment as all the other Marvel movies and by the end I was thinking...

FINALLY!!!

Finally they get it. The creators, the powers that be, everyone who put this beautiful movie together. They get it.

From the subtle facial expressions that Brie Larson & Lashana Lynch has to the more obvious snippets showing the sexism women experience... to how the girl (Akira Akbar) tries to lift up & encourages her mother and embraces someone different. Showing the nurturing side of being a female as well as being brave, strong, intelligent & complex. It was done wonderfully.

Showing a few instances of Carol Danvers (aka Captain Marvel) rejecting the idea of being put into a box while trying to discover who she is can resonate with so many people.

I love how Danvers discovers she has power instead of being a tool to be used by someone.

And the fact that women can be strong, intelligent, brave and a million other things is great. But what many...many...MANY shows & movies have done lately is take power FROM men. They say they’re feminists and bash men. They become just as cruel as the people they want to take down or be equal to. That’s not right. This movie does not do that. It’s about discovering your OWN power with or without magical abilities!

I absolutely hate when I hear people say they’re for equality and women’s power but then bash men. I have a lot of great men in my life and I’d never want anything to happen to them. It’s unfortunate there are still old fashioned ideas that people have (even by men that love us) but hate is not going to lead to change.

I love how this movie treats the male-female interactions and relationships. After I saw this I let my brother know he should take both his kids to see it. My niece would love the strong female super hero since she hates the princess type movies (which at her age is about 90% of the movies female-led characters). And my nephew would find it funny and cool. He loves super hero’s. Plus it won’t make him feel bad.

Many of the so-called feminist stories/programs I’ve seen in the news, on TV, and even movies say men are the enemy. They’re not. My biggest pet peeve with that is...well, just think about it. How would you like to be watching a show and have the women bashed and told they ruin everything and that they’ve caused all the problems in the world? ...right...there’s an entire movement to stop that. So don’t do that for men either. Just lift each other up and pursue equality without trying to take power from anyone else. I’m very happy to say my nephew can watch something like Captain Marvel without having to feel any shame about his gender - and the EXACT same can be said for girls or any other pronoun one chooses to go by.

As far as plots go, it was good. Acting was good. The writing was good. It was entertaining and fun. The special effects were great.

I heard some bad reviews about this movie but that’s total BS. Ignore those. I find movies like this some people go in thinking it’ll make then run out of the theatre going ‘its the best movie of all time’ and it’ll never hold up to that hype. So some people will simply like it but still not consider it good enough 🤷‍♀️

As far as comparing this to other Marvel movies, yes you will enjoy it just as much, if not more than some of the others. It’s fun, entertaining, and has a couple twists. Don’t go in thinking it’ll change history or anything. It’s just a movie but it is a good one. Yes it resonates with me but that’s because the world was overdue for stories like this. Go into the movie to simply enjoy it.

I do however, recommend this to people with daughters & nieces especially. Especially if they don’t get exposed to strong intelligent and complex women or watch a lot of strong characters.

Do you have any idea how many shows are out there where the girls (characters) are idiots? Too many. And trying to buy toys for them - almost every box for toys about building, engineering, technology or science have boys on them. Boxes with girls are only for jewelry & perfume making. Hopefully this Christmas there will be Captain Marvel action figures instead.

So think about it. Why does girls’ confidence level dip as they get older? Maybe because a million messages telling us we shouldn’t do this or that while internally we want to. It’s an internal struggle that gets exhausting.

What am I trying to say?

Girls need to be exposed to good characters in different formats.

But seeing an intelligent, funny, female super hero right there on the big screen - magnificent and powerful...it’ll make girls feel powerful! It’ll give them ideas. Inspire them. Maybe they’ll want to be a pilot like Carol Danvers...maybe a soldier. Or maybe it’ll simply make her feel like she can go off and climb Mount Everest because she can do whatever she wants. She doesn’t have to listen to everyone telling her she can’t.

Seeing this as an adult I loved it because it was entertaining. My best friend also loved it but afterwards she said to me that it felt like they ‘got it right’ and she didn’t have to explain anything to me. I get it. For a thousand reasons I can’t seem to put into words.

One part of the movie near then end, I got teary eyed. I just felt a strong sense of pride. Not at the movie but at myself. After everything I’ve been through in my life. All my struggles - big and small - I’m still here. I get knocked down but I get right back up. I may not be a soldier, a pilot, or a super hero...he’ll, I’m terrified of spiders. But I am strong and I’ll always get right back up. Because I’m human. It’s what we do - all of us. And this movie is the first time in a very long time where it made me feel proud to be a woman.

And THAT is why Captain Marvel is going to resonate with girls & women everywhere.

Thank you to everyone who worked on this movie to make it happen. All the actors, the crew, & Mr Stan Lee (RIP).

FINALLY another step forward.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

5/5

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abitterlifethroughcinema · 5 years

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#ABitterLifeThroughCinema’s WOKE! Film Reviews

The Top Ten (+1) Best Movies of 2018 and where to find them!

Lucas Avram Cavazos

+1…11. Overlord Having its premiere at this year’s Sitges Int’l Film Fest, Overlord not only happened to be one of the fave films screened there this past festival, but this cinematic fantasy is an all-too-real and stark portrayal of a horror that actually occurred, and it deserves a nod from the Barcelona film critic family, so here it goes. Duly noted, I’d say. It starts with an insane aerial combat mission on the night of D-Day, one which goes awry and sees only a handful of paratroopers surviving the drop when enemy fire rains hell. They land in provincial France and the plot sets out to detail some of the inner workings of the Third Reich in reference to the insane, gruesome experiments done on captured Europeans and Jews. Those stories you’ve heard about turning these poor people into guinea pigs for super soldier intent using potent, injected serums…yeah, those? They’re true, if you believe the words of JJ Abrams. Are they as utterly brutal and horror/zombie film-like as displayed here? I sure as hell hope not. (now available On Demand and DVD)

10. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs There once was a film called O Brother Where Art Thou? While this is not its sequel, there is a sharp-witted vein to this film that could only be crafted and gifted to us by the Coen Brothers. What a hoot it is, even if it is a rather darkly-tinted hue of that hoot and humour. It is also one of their finest in years. Revolving around the singing cowpoke Buster Scruggs (Tim Blake Nelson) and five other tales brought to us with the commonly-threaded theme of death in often brutally funny ways, this film is a fine return to oddball form from two of the finest sibling directors of all time. Starring Liam Neeson, James Franco, Zoe Kazan, even Tyne Daly and so many in its vignettes, and that acting star power fuses this Western comedy into new territory for the brothers. Their previous works set in the west always seemed to be re-hashing works of years gone by but here, with their usage of almost comic-book-like details and witty banter make this much more enjoyable than their other historical works like O Bother and their remake of True Grit. Best western in absolute years! (available on Netflix or VOD)

9. Eighth Grade This poignant little film, which should have been wide-released everywhere the world over, is given fierce and bittersweet star power by Elsie Fisher, protagonist and student at the heart of this film. Comedian Bo Turnham has brought us the quintessential coming-of-tweenage story and along with Fisher, everyone in this film is so perfectly placed in their roles, especially Josh Hamilton as her dad, who deserves some nominations for this film but is unlikely to get any. Telling the story of 13-year old Kayla, we the audience get a sneak-peek into the minds and lives of today’s young adults. From her simple YouTube videos made to encourage other young kids to her obvious desire to fit in with older kids to her insecurity with boys, this film paints a stark reality that too many have lived through and this little indie film deserves aplomb from anywhere it can get it! (now available On Demand and DVD)

8. A Star is Born I skipped the critics’ screening of this film for the mere fact that I couldn’t bear to see if the acting and plot lines were another torrid take on a much-redone film. Even into the holiday season, I had not yet seen it and then when I did, I certainly took back any reservations. Bradley Cooper’s update of the film starring himself and Lady Gaga is just about as good as everyone said it was, and that was beyond refreshing to note post-viewing. In many ways, I feel that Cooper is likely revealing a few things about himself with the guise of “it’s a movie” being a nice cover; in some ways, he gives us what I believe are hints of his covert life, and it’s with Gaga’s turn as Ally that we really see him shine beyond the shtick of his character, country-rocker Jackson Maine. In a tad corny-tad, gripping way that takes hold the moment you see Gaga, let’s be frank and real, this film goes on to detail a Diet Coke version of the grim realities that often detail too many a tale of celebrity in Hollywood. Without revealing too many details of the film’s plot and denouement, we are looking at a necessary conversation about alcoholism, drug addiction and fame (plus a lack of ’NO’ men/women in many relationships) that needs to addressed for all ages. Well done, Mr. Cooper Goes to the Oscars. (At select screens, On Demand & DVD)

7. El Angel Incidentally, this may be the first time in a rather long time that I say something good about Argentinian men, so do take note. Telling the true story of fresh-faced boy killer Carlos Robledo Puch, played to Oscar-worthy perfection by newcomer Lorenzo Ferro, the masterful detail to which director Luis Ortega has crafted this arthouse meets dramedy-thriller is astounding and easily touches heights set by dePalma and even, dare I say it, Scorcese. We follow young Carlitos Puch, who is just nearing the edge of seventeen, as takes up with a rough and tough family of his devilishly attractive school chum Ramon, played by the spirited Chino Darin, son of Ricardo Darin. But as Carlitos comes to find out, his street crimes can easily be paved to real ones and his sadistic tendencies suddenly yet gradually paint a picture of someone who is in part desperate for attention and tacceptance and in part a fairly smart, well-to-do young adult. He parlays his sociopathy at pubescence into psychopathy with time, and this film will likely be, but should definitely not be, forgotten come awards and Best Of lists time.(available On Demand and DVD)

6. Black Panther As Oscar season comes to a head, it is worth talking about one of the most striking films that you’ll see for a while. Black Panther is that good, not only because of its genre but also because of its message: that seeking freedom through recreating systems of oppression will only extend the ill-treatment and broken nature we find ourselves in nowadays. Set in the fictional African nation of Wakanda, protagonist King T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) brings us the first real black superhero from the Marvel universe. With a cast including Lupita Nyong’o, Angela Bassett, Forest Whitaker and Michael B Jordan, the acting is beyond impressive. What is even more amazing, however, is how the plot power-plays many elements of our world’s current political climate. (now available On Demand and DVD)

5. Chappaquiddick Another film which is nothing short of striking in its relevance to the current political situation in the USA. Senator Ted Kennedy was the only remaining Kennedy that I was familiar with throughout my adolescence and early adulthood. Jason Clarke as the Massachusetts senator is astounding, as is the cut of his jib and chin, although the accent was a tad weak, to be ever sincere. This is a complete revelation on the many details that were only gingerly touched upon during the course of the week following the death which this movie is detailing . As the facts are laid out in the film, it astounds me that the American people continued to vote and elect Kennedy for decades after. This is a study on arrogance, class and governmental ambiguity. And if that was the case with liberals in the Sixties, how much more so with conservatives in this digital age? My favourite film of last year’s BCN Film Festival. (now available On Demand and DVD)

4. Private Life Good Lawd this is such a heartwarming/breaking story with the finest elements of believable comedy and situational realism that define the art of the classic Gen X film from the 90s to now. May we never forget that it was Gen, and even those a few years before them, who gave us the digiverse-Netflix-instant oatmeal www.orld in which we live today and when I see a very NYC film like this one, it makes it a true reality check. Being the age that one should be married with kids, I watched Kathryn Hahn as Rachel absolutely slay the silver screen and am eager to see if she picks up any more accolades throughout the current awards season. Simple plot…she’s in her early 40s and her hubby Rich (played by Paul Giamatti) is entering his late 40s and they are fully entrenched within the confines of every single way to conceive a baby. Following the couple through their trials and tribulations really get pushed up an ante when sort-of relative Sadie (the lovely Kayli Carter) decides she will be the surrogate mum for them as things get a tad pear-shaped. This could easily be dubbed a dreamed, for in effect, it is; what needs to be known is that this is also a morality tale for a new age. The old-fashioned ethics of yesteryear just do not apply anymore, at least not in big cities, and the less is more factor easily makes this one of the finest films released within the last year. (available on Netflix)

3. BlacKKKlansman Without a doubt, this is the finest work in all too many years by Spike Lee, and he takes no prisoners in letting you know that the spilled essence of blaxploitation all over this celluloid is to egg you into knowing that this story is 100% true…and crazy. The mere fact that David Duke is literally cheerleading for the current President of the United States should scare us all and wake those who are not. Watching actor John David Washington portray Ron Stallworth, the real-life cop who slyly infiltrated the inner workings of the Klu Klux Klan 40 years ago. After signing up for the Colorado Spring PD, he realises the lack of trust in the 98% Anglo-Saxon workforce, as he’s thrown into monitoring the goings-on of any Black Panther student situations. Eventually, he takes up with a guy on the force that he can dig called Flip and played to skilled excellence by the oddest of lookers Adam Driver. Basically, the plot follows the twosome, as they tag team the aforementioned white supremacist movement, Ron being the voice and Flip being the wingman as they start an investigation on grand wizard bastard himself David Duke, played to troubling perfection by Topher Grace, evoking all of the calmness and utter sociopathic tendencies of a man reviled by most yet revered by still too many. And watching this taut film and how it rolls through such a daunting story with comedic aplomb and vicious realness gives you goosebumps. That said, as the film gets toward its ending, is when Lee gives you the goods when he flashes to scenes from the crazy Charlottesville, Virginia, riots, AntiFa protesting and subsequent death of Heather Heyer, may she rest in peace. God Save the World…and Amerikkka.

2. Fahrenheit 11/9 Premiering a few weeks ago here in Spain at very select cinema screens across the country, this is the first documentary in some time by Michael Moore that could play across an international landscape and should be required viewing on any critic’s or person’s list. The titular oddity refers to the day after we all woke up across the world in shock and awe that Donald J Trump had won the Presidency of the USA. Even if this is not Morre’s best film to date, it is undoubtedly the one that holds the viewers’ feet to the fire and calls for them to fight the nasty funk of this administration. But, it’s when he takes it back to his roots, to Flint, Michigan, and ends up involving all local and state politics, that we start to see the more sinister undertakings happening amongst conservative parties, ideals and societies. When you add in the fact of the Parkland High School shooting and the way Moore later fuses footage of Hitler and his minions and followers with a rally speech made by the current occupant of the White House, it becomes all too obvious that things are exactly as we think they are (A HOT MESS!) and we have very little recourse rather than claiming truth. (now available On Demand and DVD)

1. ROMA There are tender moments of realism that are permitted to happen with the rise of instant cinema on VOD and direct-to-home films, and it has been a pleasure to see that sites like Netflix and Amazon and Canal+ have truly added to the foray in which great celluloid can be brought to the masses. Case in point comes the finest piece of dramatic celluloid that graced the silver screen in the last year. Being a Mexican whose father is a naturalised citizen of the US and a mother who is Chicana from the US, like myself and my siblings, the sentimentality ran deep with this film. One of the differences I experienced was the fact that we were the only Mexican-American family in a stately US country club…and we had an entire childhood spent with loving housekeepers, which is what this film inherently is honouring and depicting, using the backdrop of Alfonso Cuarón’s take on growing up in 70s-upper middle class Mexico City in the neighbourhood of Roma. Depicting the life of the house assistant Cleo (first-time performer Yalitza Aparicio in a J.Hud moment, frankly) and the family of Sr. Antonio (Fernando Grediaga), a doctor in the Mexican capital, what Cuarón has called his most personal film to date, is also a B&W modern tale in the vein of Gone with the Wind, and the fact that he centres around a privileged Mexican family is poignant for several reasons: it not only takes a focus away from how Donald bloody Trump has painted Mexicans, in general, to the world, but it also highlights a very human element to how many classes of society function and live there in the frontier regions of North America and, more importantly, EVERYWHERE…easily put, this is a sweet, oft-times simple, oft-times brutal story on humanity. What binds so many critics together on this film’s merits is that fact that Alfonso Cuarón has crafted the past year’s most enigmatic movie, leaving us to make our own answers to what happens to Lady Cleo, her best mate Teresa, and this beautiful family. Absolutely and quietly stunning! (available on Netflix and selects screens across the country)

#abitterlifethroughcinema #BCNinEnglish #englishradiobcn #overlord #theballadofbusterscruggs #eighth grade #elangel #a star is born #blackpanther #chappaquiddick #privatelife #Blackkklansman #fahrenheit119 #roma film #LucasAvramCavazos

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