#also why can’t she just be herself?!

[babydarkstar]

i just. i just…FUCK. i just really want harrowhark to go sicko mode when she realizes john has the power to resurrect whoever he wants he just chooses not to and even after learning about his own blood daughter he still doesn’t resurrect her he just makes her a construct. i would be alecto-levels of grief-stricken-enraged if my childhood nemesis/guard dog/whipping girl/codependent lesbian situationship that i lobotomized over/suicide-pact soulmate/only friend was suddenly here but not here haunting her own dead body and the only reason she’s present is because she was made into a fascist killing machine for a man with a power kink, and she’s not even happy about it but she’s going through the motions because all she knows of love is to be useful. (forever your sword.) and if i was harrow and i died and then came back to myself after switching bodies with the human cage holding the earth’s soul and realized all of this, i think i too would be accompanying the earth’s soul on her shoulder to go kill a man with eclipse-eyes and criminal levels of nonchalance. y’know. the one who guarded g1deon but not me, lord. the one who was so sure i had never seen that which lies insensate and with stilled mind, lord, who did not realize i was a lock and there was a key in the shape of a girl, lord. the one who looked me dead in the eye and told me i could never have my cavalier back, lord. the cavalier who came back haunted and empty and incomplete by your hand, lord.

i’m so team ‘harrowhark saves gideon for real this time not because she wants her cav but because she wants her other half’ i might lose my mind about it

#the locked tomb #griddlehark #im going crazy if im being honest #like sorry if this doesnt make sense im losing my mind #also i think so much about kiriona’s jealousy when alecto swears her fealty to harrow #and so many people talk about how theres a chance harrow chooses alecto over kiri/gideon #and yeah. she probably will choose alecto. but not as a supplement to gideon #bc once harrow realized the price to pay she never wanted it to happen to gideon #which is why she was so so upset she literally threw up every day for like a month about it #and lobotomized to stop the soul-bleed from being finalized. #she couldnt swallow one more soul as sacrifice for her own life #let alone gideon?????? she said it all in the pool scene ok. and then the iron fence scene #‘i can’t conceive of a universe without you’ #something something abt making gideons life miserable bc she wished she was dead #and would mever forgive herself for it #etc etc etc #ultimately i think harrow wants gideon. not as a cav or a servant. just as herself #one can dream

[cordelia-cardale]

Ok real talk here and I’ll preface this by saying I do not ship Luke and Nic together I just really love their friendship. But I cannot be the only one who’s highly highly bothered whenever they do not stand close together to the point of touching. Like whenever there is some kind of space between the two of them my brain just goes on high alert thinking things aren’t as they should be.

Like just for illustration sake:

Touching. Everything feels right in my little brain. Happy and safe place.

Not touching. Things are going haywire in my brain. What is that potted plant doing there? Get it away. Give them a couch so they can touch for god’s sake!

#like if they’re not touching my brain is unhappy #tell me it’s not just me #also why are they ALWAYS reaching for each other or angled towards each other #they have just decided that personal space could go f herself haven’t #like she really does not exist and if they’re not touching they can’t do this promo #at this point it’s like I’ve been conditioned to believe they come attached #bridgerton season 3 #luke newton #nicola coughlan #polin

[itspileofgoodthings]

Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——

#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her #like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’ #she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel #she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love #and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy #so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless #like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now #because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it #just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11 #and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want #so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different #but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy #and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change #like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground #and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does #and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts #wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way #and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her #because she WILL find a way to win #but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL #it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is #because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say #ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her #and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy #of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants #and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands #like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time #and she feels every blow! #whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just #this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!

[nicnacsnonsense]

God I can’t believe we’re still dragging out the Clark and Lana ship. And I still have another full season of this to go plus the little arc in s8. I am so tired of this “Clark&Lana foreva!!!! they are meant for each other 🫶” nonsense, as though Lois hasn’t been running around for 3 season now.

What they should have done is have Lana break up with Clark in both versions of the “Reckoning” timeline, the first time around because she has PTSD from the black ship Kryptonians and finding out Clark is also an alien, the same kind even, is something she needs time to process and she wants them to take a break. And then obviously in the do over timeline she breaks up with him because she can’t handle the constant secrecy (plus honestly it would be pretty of shitty of Clark to continue to date her once he knows for a fact she wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him if she knew the truth).

This, her breaking up with him regardless of whether he tells her his secret or not, should have been the wake up call he needed that maybe the girl he had a crush on in high school isn’t his one true love. And after that the Clana ship should have been dead. They can still care about each other and we can even have a few moments of implied lingering feelings, but the idea of them actually having a romantic relationship should be completely off the table.

#smallville #clark kent #lana lang #also #just for me #there should be a scene after Lana’s death is averted but before Clark finds out Jonathan is dead #when Clark is brooding in the barn about the break up #and Lois comes to try and cheer him up #so Clark tries to explain to her why they broke up but has to talk around it since Lois doesn’t know his secret #and Lois ends up inferring that the thing about Clark that he knows Lana would never be able to accept #is something about him being just super kinky #and she is a good friend who comforts him by saying if she can’t accept all of you then she clearly wasn’t the one #but some day you will find a girl who will accept all of you exactly as you are #and then walks away from that conversation thinking to herself for the very first time #damn #maybe I would tap that

[girlmadeofclockwork]

I think the potential hilarity of Durge/Karlach is not capitalized on enough, cause imagine being Gortash, the subordinate you sold to the devil ten years ago is back foiling your methodically laid out plans and out to kill you in vengeance for what you did, and then just to add insult to injury she stole your murder-girlfriend as well. L’s up on L’s for this man.

#bg3 #it’s in my brain because I’m doing my Durge run and romancing Karlach as well so #I sure look forward to Karlach being hit with the information that her GF fucked her former shitty boss #(will be news to Sirris as well but ah) #there are certain things that is very nice because I’m playing a repentant Durge so Karlach being so unrepentantly good is influencing her #and having godly entities controlling the course of the their lives and taking away their bodily autonomy #forging them into weapons who can never be close to anyone ever #(Karlach by literally not being able to touch anyone and Sirris (my Durge) being pushed to kill anyone she’s ever had fond feelings for) #it’s something they got in common and while no recalling her life some part of Sirris heard oh I can’t be with people from Karlach #and whent “man I don’t know why but same hat #I have many feelings about them #and then old Gortash is in the sauce as being a guy they both at one point we’re close to and trusted but also he’s the representation of #like a dark time in their lives and I think killing him wont be as satisfying to them as either of em hope #killing him wont make it so Karlach won’t die and it won’t undo all the hurt Sirris has brought on the world #also in the bad end when Karlach dies I think Sirris would legit just off herself rather then live on and potentially becoming #as much of a monster as she used to be and she believes she won’t be able to be as good without Karlach at her side #anyway I will stop rambling now

[novelconcepts]

hi novel! i just saw your yellowjackets and american gods post and you managed to articulate something that's been rattling around in my head since I saw the first episode. I feel like in popular culture, "lost in the wilderness stories" like lord of the flies tend to be viewed as "watch these people become uncivilized." But with the yellowjackets, they're not necessarily becoming uncivilized - they're just creating a new society / culture that has set roles (butcher, acolyte, prophet, etc) and rituals (the card game, the masks, etc.). One of my favorite things has been watching the team slowly develop the customs that will eventually become the well rehearsed hunt we see in 1x01. Like I got really excited seeing Shauna cover her face with the scarf to carve up Javi because I was like "oh is this why the end up wearing the animal masks." To your point, if you built a society from scratch and were isolated in it for almost 2 years because that's the only way you could survive, it's probably very hard to return to the old one which is also essentially new. Blame it on my sociology degree but I fucking love analyzing this show and your meta is amazing.

Yes, this exactly! Like we love to pretend these stories are about the brutalist nature of uncivilized behavior, but that’s not it at all. It’s about finding what works to keep people safe and fed and going. You shed the parts that are just…extraneous, and you learn new skills you’d never need in suburban New Jersey, and it’s all just a shift to a new kind of perspective. It’s so interesting. Especially because we know “civilization” isn’t that different, in certain ways. It’s just about what society deems palatable. It’s not okay to stab someone who upsets you, but we see in the Taylors, and in the political event Taissa attends, that people will say truly vile things and just paste a smile over it. That sort of behavior gets dropped in the woods because it serves no one. It’s replaced with violence, but both kinds do damage. So we have a bunch of kids who have spent 17-18 years learning the rules of society, and then have to unlearn them in a hurry just to survive. Those who can’t shift their perspective, acclimate to the new rules don’t make it. It’s violent, and it’s devastating, but it does have rules. It’s something I can’t wait to see more of down the road.

#ask #yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers #and they jump on this stuff early #like how within the first month or two they’re all parsing out the things they’re good at #leaning on one another and shoring up each other’s weaknesses #it also really hits me how Nat can do things if it’s FOR others that she wouldn’t necessarily do herself #like getting the ring for Travis. like pushing past the trauma of her father’s death to master the gun #and that’s of course why Jackie doesn’t survive. she’s still playing by the old rule book #the one where it matters most that your friend cheated and lied #and it matters so much by the rules of teen girlhood that you can’t show weakness and just come in out of the cold #society doesn’t vanish in the wilderness. it just shifts according to necessity.

[dinitride-art]

Nancy and Mike (and Robin) - Character Relationship Analysis/Exploration

Nancy and Mike’s relationship has always been really interesting to me. We don’t see Nancy pull away from Mike but we see Mike reacting to Nancy’s absence in his life. He tells their parents about Steve, and takes Nancy’s things, and tries to hold onto their relationship in the only way he knows how to. Because Nancy acknowledges him when he’s annoying her and when she’s angry at him. Or when he’s in danger. That’s it.

Nancy doesn’t play D&D with him anymore. She doesn’t talk to him anymore. Even in season four, the most we see of their relationship is Nancy driving Mike to school. And even though Nancy’s been pushing Mike away, he still goes to her when Eddie tells him and Dustin to find a replacement for Lucas. Mike keeps trying to come into her life, and Nancy keeps pushing him out.

Nancy is constantly trying to find a place in the world. She’s with Steve in season one because she thinks that’s what she’s supposed to do. And she gets good grades and studies and goes to party’s in season two. Even to the detriment of her relationships. However, she doesn’t take any blame for her actions, because of the societal pressure for her and everyone else to conform. Jonathan confronts her about it when they’re trying to find Will and Barb and she’s immediately defensive. She gets back together with Steve and blames Jonathan for not making a move sooner. Barb tells Nancy that she’s making a mistake with Steve, and Nancy tells her to go home.

But Barb dies.

Nancy blames herself for that. She blames herself for a lot of things. But she doesn’t want to understand why she blames herself for these things. Jonathan’s already told her that living married to Steve and conforming to societal expectations is bullshit. And she knows it is. But admitting that she’s hurt people by conforming, and trying to get them to conform, means that she’s hurt more than just herself. She’s hurt Barb. And Jonathan. And she even hurt Steve.

But most of all, she doesn’t want to admit that she’s hurt, and has been hurting, Mike the whole time.

That’s why she doesn’t like Robin at first. Because Robin is very similar to Mike. She’s loud, and impulsive, and says the wrong thing at the wrong time. And she can’t help it in the slightest. It’s not Robin’s fault that Nancys cold to her at first. It’s got nothing to do with Robin. Nancy just doesn’t want to admit that Mike hasn’t done anything wrong either. Because that means she’s wrong. And that means that she’s hurt him.

Mike and Robin both display autistic traits. Honestly, a lot of the characters in Stranger Things do, but these two are the ones with the most on screen brushback against those traits. Everyone has autistic traits, and having autistic traits doesn’t necessarily mean that someone’s autistic but. Considering that this is a writing choice, I think it’s fair to assume, at the very least, that they’re autistic-coded. And the reactions we are told and that we see, like Robin telling Nancy that she doesn’t pick up on social queues easily, and that her mother thinks she’s got something wrong with her. Versus what we see with Mike, people calling him annoying and an asshole and oblivious. Going to Lucas for help with El because he doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to do.

The key difference between Mike and Robin is what we see and what we’re told. Robin always tells us what she’s thinking and feeling and who she is. But with Mike we’re shown what’s happening. Same with them being queer characters, we’re told that Robin likes girls, and we’re shown that Mike likes Will. Robin is a queer character for a heteronormative audience. Mike is a queer character, regardless of the audience’s biases. Robin tells us that she doesn’t pick up on social queues. She explains that to Nancy, and Nancy is confronted with what we’ve seen the entire time with Mike.

Mike doesn’t pick up on social queues either. And Nancy knows this, and she’s seen all of his similarities to Robin as a bad thing. And she’s told him that he’s doing something wrong for being that way.

The reason that Nancy doesn’t like Mike, why she pushes him away, and calls him annoying and an asshole, is because Mike can’t be like her.

He can’t conform in the same way that Nancy does. And she doesn’t understand why he can’t.

Until she meets Robin.

And there’s a neon sign in front of her face that says, “Mike didn’t deserve this. It wasn’t his fault. He’s different, and so is Robin, and you told him that something was wrong with him.”

Nancy hurt him. She pushed him away. Told him in every way possible that his interests, and friends, and personality were wrong. And that she didn’t want a brother who was like that.

And now she knows why. Robin told her why.

Nancy doesn’t hate Mike. She’s scared that she was wrong. That Mike hasn’t really done anything wrong. That it was her fault that their relationship is like this.

And she’s scared.

Because she’s a lot more like Mike than she wants to admit.

#mike wheeler #Nancy wheeler #byler #my writing #in my personal experience of this #they’ll be fine after Mike turns 16 #and Nancy stops hating him for things he can’t change about himself #and stops hating herself for the same thing #they’ve just got to get there #and Nancy has to be the one to work for that relationship #because Mike doesn’t trust her anymore #anyways I’ve been thinking about why Nancy didn’t like Robin at first for a while #and I think it’s because she did like Robin at first #and Robin reminded her of Mike #and she had to admit that to herself #and I’ve also wanted to talk about Robin being the character that we’re told things for a while now #she’s the opposite of show don’t tell #and honestly how a lot of queer characters are presented in media #and she contrasts mike and Will so much #because we’re shown everything with them #I just think it’s neat !

[wikipediary]

Don’t wanna be ‘friends’ (using this term extremely loosely) with this one girl i’m in the same cohort/course with…her belief system + the way she perceives other people and the world is so…i cannot think of a better word so: SHUDDERING. but she’s friends with my circle of cohort/friends so she’ll always be in my circle…?

#she cheated with her ex when her ex already had a new girlfriend and she didn’t feel any remorse at all #she justified her cheating by saying sex is just sex w/her ex & that she wanted her ex’s gf (which she hasn’t even met or known) to feel the #(same things she did hurt; betrayed; cheated on) and i’m like. you’re a fucking cheater? that’s so horrible for you to do? #you don’t even know this girl? she came to be with ur ex in an appropriate way? wdym she deserves to be cheated on because you did… #BY ANOTHER MAN? not even this specific ex? #literally so insane. and she’s like: im going to therapy blah blah blah but clearly you lack the respect and consciousness #me and my friend who listened to her said that she should confess that they cheated with each other to the poor girl but she’s like… #‘not my business’ uhm the fuck it is? you were a third party. and saying that the boy should be the one confessing…uhm WHY NOT U BOTH? #and their relationship (ex and girl) CONTINUED even after the fact and they broke up only recently (early march) and idk if the girl knew #like. truly. i’ve never met someone so incredibly…vile? i guess? what’s a better word for it 😭 #and what’s also so inappropriate about her is that she has like a bf and she keeps droning on about her ex like rent free in her mind #keeps flirting w other men; looking at them and saying she has crushes and all that and want to make a move. like. YOU HAVE A BF? #i don’t wanna be near someone like that. and what’s unfortunate is my close friend is close with her so i’m a ‘friend’ BY association #and that friend of mine also can’t disentangle herself from her bec she’s her first ever friend in uni lmao. so there’s sentimentality there #& we talked abt this w each other; how disappointing it was for her to be like that. and how my friend feels she’s complacent in being okay #with cheating (but she’s not) and i’m like…ugh. #probably one of the worst people i’ve ever met i’m so sorry to say that genuinely. when i’m with her in a grp (i NEVER hang out w her alone) #i feel like my principles r being hijacked and violated and being engulfed by something i’ve kept myself away from lol

[greyhavensking]

do I think bleach is a good manga, narratively speaking? no

did I enjoy reading it anyway? absolutely

#maria rambles #bleach #if nothing else it gave me a lot of characters I genuinely love #and an interest in looking for fix it fics #but really just. I have so many complaints. and they’re going in the tags so I’m not bothering anyone with them #I don’t love ichihime as a pairing but it isn’t strictly because I don’t like Orihime #I don’t think she was given enough chances to really develop as a character. she flatlined after a while and it was really frustrating #she never really gets a chance to prove herself since TYBW really limits where she actually steps in to help #and past a certain point she basically functions as a conscience for ichigo to bring him out of his hollow form #the other problem is that Rukia gets the same treatment #she gets sidelined so often after the soul society arc. she gets her ass handed to her in nearly every fight #and she and ichigo can’t even be seen together as friends in the final arc. they’re literally almost never in the same place at the same #time. because they had to push the fact that her love interest was renji and ichigo’s was Orihime #don’t even get me started on chad #that poor guy had Zero relevance to the plot #he loses his fights on hueco mundo and literally never has a badass moment again #I don’t count TYBW because we don’t actually see him do anything #ishida is also a can of worms to me #not to mention all the captains/vice captains #WHY was the zombiefication of hitsugaya even necessary???? #he came out of it immediately and then it was like. well. that happened. let’s move on #I realize Kubo was probably very pressed for time and had to get out all his plot points on a time crunch #but like. good god. that entire arc is a mess and a half #the only thing I really praise is bringing back the arrancars. but even then. they were barely relevant #ughhhhhhhhhh it’s such a shame because I really genuinely loved the start of this series

[swordmaid]

which is also why I think - in a vengeance shri’iia au where she ends up as astarion’s spawn and he inevitably gets tired of her bc he has all the power in the world and he can have anything and anyone he wants and everything is his for the taking - when she inevitably turns from his ‘eternal lover’ to just his ‘first spawn’ - she will be sooo amy gone girl about it.

like she’s devoting her oath and her entire life to him, he doesn’t get to change that. he’s not allowed to change even. she will do everything in her power and she will even set fire to them both if he tried to change. like he’s making a mistake that she’s rectifying! she lives to serve, and if he doesn’t want her servitude that means there’s something that’s not right and she will personally correct that. like he doesn’t need to worry about anything ofc - worrying doesn’t look good on him let her fix what needs to be fixed. she is such a good lover after all. it doesn’t compute to her that she’s going to be replaced. like it literally doesn’t make sense, not when he promised her eternity. so when he starts looking at someone else, when he starts to favor someone else and lavish them with his attentions and praise she will get rid of them because he’s getting distracted! and he doesn’t need distractions! and when he gets mad at her she will forgive his transgressions and soothe that anger away - he doesn’t need anymore wrinkles. and she will know about every little lie he says and hold them close to her chest then recite it back to him when she gets rid of another one of his new favourites. and when he tries to kill her she’ll do the same thinking it’s some game or courtship - this is how it was back in menzoberranzan after all! the fact that he was willing to learn her traditional courtship is so sweet 🥰. and maybe she’ll scare him even, so he can learn what fear is again. it’s a good kind of fear bc she’s showing what kind of person she could be so it would be dumb of him to throw her away.

but the thing is! she’s operating out of love and devotion! and they have eternity together! and there’s something sooo sicko yes about how ascended astarion’s first spawn - his first creation - being something that he will eventually resent and fears. bc it would be so much easier if she hated him like how he hated cazador. but she doesn’t. she’s deranged and in love and so obsessive about that love to the point where it literally can not be changed - and he can’t change it or manipulate it. what was once useful to him became a detriment. their love turning so sick and rotten, like a leftover apple, and she becomes a nuisance that he can’t get rid of, and he’s stuck with that nuisance for eternity. he eventually realises what a mistake it was seducing her back then when they had those tadpoles in their heads, when they had that strange freedom. like if he knew things would turn out like this, and she was actually this kind of person, maybe he would’ve done things differently but instead he’s stuck with her for eternity.

and I do think he’ll try to kill her lmfao I mean he’s a vampire lord and she’s just a fucking spawn so he’ll get rid of her once he gets bored and annoyed, but she thinks it’s some game between them so she’ll try to get him too - not kill him ofc but just close enough to scare him and remind him that she does bite even before the vampire teeth. I mean before him, she was literally a drow high priestess’/matron mother’s trained hound.

anyway I really love the idea of them being miserable with each other lmfaoo and I think she will be so miserable as a spawn actually and the moment when she potentially gets replaced something is gonna break inside of her bc it’ll just like before when she broke her oath. but she won’t be that bewildered and confused girl again, nope. she’s not going to accept it this time, she refuses! she doesn’t get to be the only miserable one, he doesn’t get to win..!!!

#they’d be so rancid together im like sicko yes ..‼️‼️ #anyway I think it’ll be very late down the years when he gets tired of her but he WILL ! like I’m sure of it #but she won’t allow it 🫶 like he doesn’t get to do that #he’s not allowed. even. and then they’ll clash and he’ll hate her 🫶 but she forgives him every time ! #he doesn’t mean it after all. it’s just one his moods and she knows him SO well. and it’s this cycle of resentment and mindfuck and love #and a whole fucking eternity of that loool #anyway that kind of toxicity def needs to be contained rip to the new spawns who gets caught up in that fuckery #like she’s still a paladin so she has an innate power advantage over the vamps since they’re undead #but now I’m wondering how would a vamp paladin work lmfao #she’s literally willing to smite and kill herself if it meant smiting him also like you don’t understand she will drag him down to hell #with her if it meant they go together. it doesn’t matter if he wants to or not 😭 #she is really so deranged the best possible ending for her is to take all that energy and focus it on herself not someone else 😭 #bc she’s the only one who can handle it you know ..!!! hence why I think spawn astarion/vengeance shri’iia wouldn’t work either bc she’ll #be too much for him like you can’t fix her…! she can only fix herself if she wanted to ..! #shut up about bg3.

[halomancer-2]

I think being autistic does actually make me inherently better at animal handling because I, too, have been yelled at for growling and biting when everyone ignored my previous warnings and didn’t set clear boundaries

#my roommate’s always like Wow my dog responds so well to you! #yeah bitch I set clear expectations and consistent rules and I don’t yell at him #and I pay attention to his body language and the rituals he creates #literally it’s not that hard #ya she got him to train as a service dog LMAO #she doesn’t have the money to send him to a trainer and the time to do it herself #when I recommended she pull from the emergency fund (because his reactivity is getting BAD to the point of borderline aggression) #she was like ‘who has an emergency fund for their pet :P’ #BITCH IDK IM NOT MAKING $30+ AN HOUR WITH A 401K AND FULL INSURANCE PACKAGE #THATS WHY I DONT HAVE A DOG?? #just an in-the-works shrimp tank that I do in fact have a small emergency fund for #it’s your job as a responsible pet owner to attend to your animal’s needs. if you can’t do that you shouldn’t have a pet #and she fucking undermines the training /I/ give #like I was teaching him to find a toy when someone knocks at the door to redirect his energy and prevent barking #but now whenever he barks at the door she YELLS at him to find his toy #so I had to stop training that area because like. what the fuck am I gonna do??? #notably I am the only person who can consistently get him to stop barking at the door #completely unrelated to the fact that I’m calm and give him treats when he stops barking #and comes over to me and chills out #goddddd I hate her she shouldn’t have any animals ever #anyways what was I saying. #oh yeah I’m the only person in this apartment who should ever be allowed to have a dog #this is also why I dont plan to get one! I recognize that the college life is simply incompatible with responsible dog ownership #(unless EVERYONE is REALLY onboard which. lmao good luck.)

[itspileofgoodthings]

rewatching four weddings and a funeral (2019) with Nina for the first time in a while and I am forced to admit that Maya is in fact often the most unlikable of the friend group and I understand why she and Kash’s storyline isn’t people’s favorites.

#I don’t love them any less —-I can just see it differently now #because sometimes when I fall in love with something hard my vision is very blinded by it initially #I just can’t see it! #and now it’s like. oh. #I still love their love story and I love the way it is a slow step for both of them but especially Maya to their better selves #but I’m kind of able to own it more clearly that yeah. she’s often whiny and entitled #and she makes terrible choices and treats people badly! Also sometimes boring #which is why I love those flashes where you can tell she wants to be better #but yeah she is frustrating pretty much all the way until the end #it takes her getting crushed so thoroughly until you can have hope she’ll be better—but she’s also just. Herself #No one cares but I like to chatter to myself #I love that there is something about Kash that is wholesome #and that somehow that’s what she wants #and is drawn to. like. It doesn’t really make sense! #but it’s sweet

[pepprs]

also the favoritism thing is still making me so fucking mad and insane btw. im not jealous / resentful of my brother bc he deserves her love and is also burdened in his own ways by it and bc i think my drama w my mom has shaped my life in profound ways and given me friends i cherish and i would never trade any of that for the world but jesus fucking christ. why do i have to beg you to interact with me like a mother. why do i have to talk to me at all beyond asking me to do you 847439473 favors a day. why do i have to beg you to take an interest in my life and apologize when you hurt me and be nurturing and perceptive for once in your fucking life. like it hurts to hear her asking him about his classes and whatever bc she didn’t think i was stressed out w school but i had to talk to a ****** hotline last decemver when i couldn’t take it anymore and my mental health was crashing and burning and it doesn’t even fucking matter to her at all and she’s going to get him the nice gifts and throw him the nice parties and whatever because she hates me and my sister for… and let me get this straight… being complicated and anxious and depressed and also girls. lol!

#purrs #delete later #sorry i knowive been insane about momposting but this shit has me screeching like an ape. the way when my brother was born she decided me #and my sister would be okay with each other bc we were twins and meanwhile she was leaving my sister to have anxiety attacks and me to take #care of her and all of this happening at like 7 years old and she would come into my brothers room every single night and kiss him goodnight #and talk to him for a long time and she wouldn’t even come in and say goodnight to us. LOL. ok. like our room being a depression nest is not #an excuse. us not helping out much in the kitchen or around the house (which is bad but also we have reasons for it that i think are valid #and i only do it here and not elsewhere btw.) is not a good excuse. you can’t decide you love your one kid more because he helps out and #keeps his room clean and whatever. maybe he is normal because you made it very clear from the time that he was born that he was your top #priority and you gave him your attention and didn’t take it away meanwhile my sister and i have always had to share bc we’re twins and she #cast us aside when he was born and has fucking tormented both of us for years over who we like what we want where we go all of that shit and #then has the AUDACITY to call herself a good mother. being a good mother is more than feeding your kid and projecting your childhood trauma #onto them by preventing them from ever developing cancer to the point where they’re afraid fo like. go outside. you have to be patient and #nurturing and kind and like.. motherly. ans i know no one can be a perfect mother and she has been hurt so badly and she is dealing with a l #lot right now but COME ON. for gods SAKE. i am right fucking here. why don’t you care about me? why do you make it clearer every day? #ask to tag #like the way she would say when my sister and i were growing up and going through it that she wished she could book a hotel and live there f #far away from us and miss out on us growing up so she wouldn’t have to deal with us being anxious and hormonal because we were teenage girls #LOL. totally did not impact me at all. totally is not a wound that informs every breath i take and every thought i have. not at all #* like maybe he is normal because you uh… idk. just a guess here. actually gave him the motherlove people need to be functioning healthy #human beings? idk. just a silly thought. haha

[the-fandom-connection]

Plagued by the horrors (shows I’m deeply invested in that are mostly really good but make deeply disappointing writing choices near the end)

#this is about wwdits s4 and also turn a gundam which I know is like 20 years old but my sibling and I have been watching it and #finished it today and aggggghhhhhhh #this is always fucking how it is #I deeply love a show. it’s not perfect but it’s compelling and well-written enough in the good parts to pull it through. #the finale writing choices literally keep me up at night thinking how I could fix them but can’t. #same with ds9. man I just…….. #I cannot abide by them leaving sisko in the wormhole. that’s fucked up. Julian should have gone to cardassia. it would have been full circle #‘frontier medicine’ but having learned not to be a colonizer about it. odo and Kira are both gay like so gay and they NEED to realize it to #reach their character arcs’ conclusions. thinking about quark just makes me so SAD. EZRI DOESN’T EVEN GET TO BE HER OWN PERSON. SHE’S A #YOUNG WOMAN WHO NEVER WOULD HAVE CHOSEN THIS LIFE FOR HERSELF BOUNCED BETWEEN TWO MEN LIVING IN THE ECHO OF A PAST SELF #BOTH HERSELF AND TOTALLY ALIEN TO HER. AND WITH NO SISKO TO GUIDE HER :( #garak’s fate is pretty perfect but it’s also the epitome of ‘careful what u wish for’ #and he’s all ALONE out there. #god. JAKE. JAKE AND CASSIDY!!! #and worf’s relationship with his son was butchered for no good goddamn reason. #ok hold on I’m still rlly upset about wwdits and turn a gundam. I didn’t mean for that to turn into a ds9 rant. #sometimes it’s easier to talk about something that’s not as fresh.. #I hate to even think about it but bbc m*rain was the first one that really killed me with wasted potential as a kid. #and as horribly embarrassing as it is to admit it himym. I read 100ks of words of fix-it. dark times lol. #why does this happen. why does it bother me. why don’t I just start watching movies I know the end to instead lol.. fr

[legendoftherisingtide]

why did the anime and the fandom reduce uraraka to just being in love with deku??

the recent chapters have truly made me fall in love with her character but im watching the anime and everything is so,, like it’s honestly whiplash

every pivotal moment for her character is because she likes deku. I loved the scene of her jumping to save him and it flashed to her family and her newfound motives. I loved to see her character being more than Deku. I loved that growth and though I was disappointed when it started mentioning Deku, I realized he was important to her growing and who she is as a person. (Although I love the manga for expanding her character past her admiration for him)

And the moment they had together as they fell was genuinely touching,, there was no blushing, no over the top crush, it was real concern and care. I loved it. It made me forget all of the obnoxious belittling of her character and made me realize that they can be together without force. It was so simple and meaningful.

The anime can make jokes that don’t include uraraka blushing! They can write an interaction between these two that shows not tells. Her immediately rushing to calm him down because she knew he lost control. The way she slapped him like how she saved him in the entrance exam and then asked if it hurt. The soft smile on her face when she asked if he was okay. The way she holds him steady as he stumbles to get footing.

It’s all so subtle. And it’s so refreshing after so much insufferable time the anime puts into pointing and screaming Uraraka likes Deku. Gosh it’s such a good moment aaa

But then it went back to cheapening her character and continuing to push her towards this arc of mundanity. She wants to be a hero that helps people!!! LET HER BE THAT!! goodness gracious stop making every single thing she does go back to deku. STOP CIRCLING BACK TO WHERE SHE STARTED ANIME PLEASEEEE

#i also don’t like that it keeps focusing on her things with deku when she is more than that #it’s so frustrating #because I love her #but at the same time they keep reminding me she likes deku every second and it turned me away from her character years back #I love her now but god the problem is still bugging me #and it makes me roll my eyes every time they have a scene together #even if it’s genuine #but I wish that wasn’t the case #because I think these two would be great together (platonically or romantically) #but I just can’t with the poor writing of forcing a relationship that is so one-sided?? or at least not as important to deku #like they need to pick a side with her #either go the heart wants what the heart wants no matter what approach that could tie back to deku and shinsou #or let her let him go like she keeps saying she’s going to #I would like the latter but at least the former would give a coherent understanding of her character and motivations #like why does deku and bakugou and todoroki and iida get to have complex relationships and motives and wants #and explanations and thought and writing put into those while also having time and effort put in #while Uraraka is be in love with deku or be like deku #she is MORE THAN DEKU OH MH FUCKING GOD I CANT WITH THIS SHOW #LET HER BE HER OWN WOMAN AND LET HER THINK FOR HERSELF WHAT IS WITH ALL THE GIRLS THINKING OF WHAT THE BOYS WOULD DO IN THEIR SITUATION #why can’t she have a moment of inspiration and then imbede that into her personal story and ambitions instead of making everything about him #they didn’t make todoroki like this so why did they do this to her #grrrr bark bark #im just upset ig that such an intriguing character that grows to be a person for the people has to have every action because of deku #she is great and I really like the direction her character is going and I wouldn’t mind them being endgame #but as the writing is now #I kinda don’t like this forced romance that could be so nuanced and powerful if it put in the effort and time that I know hori can do #bnha #bnha uraraka #izuocha #bnha critical

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time) #especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years???? #i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too…. #and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden???? #i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot) #anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college.. #now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave…. #i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags…. #i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night