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fushigur0slut4 · 1 year

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Tales of the heart♡

A/n: I'll try not to mention the readers appearance :). while writing this I kept on thinking of riftan so instead of writing toji I almost wrote riftan😭 part 2 coming not so soon.

Toji is 29 reader is 24! Smut!Friends!to!lovers!slight!Angst!Hard!sex!Sub!reader!dom!Toji!nipple! Play! Minors dni 18+

Everymorning coming to work you would always buy and extra sandwich. Not for you but for the homeless man that kept crossing your mind. You would always go to the park he was at everyday to hand him his sandwich.At this point you guys were considered friends.

Every morning you would come to that bench he was always at and have small talk. Then, make your way to work. This morning when you were buying your usual sandwich the thought of letting him live with you kept on crossing your mind. I mean you had enough space for two, and he really does need a shower.

You reached the park he was always at and the both of you sat on a bench. You gave him his sandwich and just watched him eat it. That's when you realized how pretty he was for a homeless person. You spent a moment staring at him (the scar) and then "what?". " O-Oh uhm y'know, I've really been thinking about it, well uh ", It's just now you were reconsidering it. " well Toji I've been thinking about it for a while. Would you like to live with me...? ",.

The man let out a hyena like laugh. "You're joking right? ",

No I'm not. "Toji I have to go to work now please tell me your decision when I come back",. Toji just nodded with his mouth agape.

.......

After what felt like years for Toji you came back. "Have you decided yet? " It was odd to Toji. Shouldnt he be the one asking to live with you?. But he still said yes.

You brought him to your house it wasn't big but it could fit the both of you. "First do you know how I to work a shower", " hey princess you know I haven't been homeless my whole life" the only word you heard was princess.

You were a bit flustered but still played cool. You showed him the bathroom and then gave him something to eat.

While eating Toji asked a question. "How could you warm up to me so easily. I look like a man in my mid 40s, what if I had bad intentions", you've known toji for about three months and there has never been anything off about him except the scars on his body especially the one on his lip. " well I think I've know you long enough to tell what type of person you are. Toji smirked and leaned closer to you "So then what type of person am I? ", • uh you probably work out a lot and you probably have alot of experience dating• " gee babe how dya know", the name caught you of guard for a second. " excuse me but you literally flirt with every human being you talk to no matter the gender and your built like a gym bro", . Toji laughed out loud.

"Also I meant to ask, sorry if it's personal but how did you end up homeless? ", " smoking and gambling", you weren't really sure what to say, and completely regretted asking the question. Toji interrupted your intrusive thoughts and asked if the Tv worked. The both of you guys watched some Netflix and you went to bed while toji slept on the couch.

After that day he's been living with you as a friend since.

This morning the first thing you did was cough. Then you already knew what it was. "TOJI WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SMOKING INDOORS!? ", he literally snubbed you. You kept on nagging him until he said " hey princess what happens to 'good morning' hi' hello", you took a deep breath. "Good morning mr.fushiguro now stop smoking or I'll kick you out.

Toji laughed and crushed the cigarette on his shorts. "Sweetheart this is about the 10th time you threatened to kick me out",

"Yeah but what if I mean it one of these days"?.

.....

While Toji was in the shower you kept on thinking about your feelings for him. Everyday you were contemplating when you should confess or maybe you should never . You have been living together for over 2 months it would only be natural if u dated. Right.

Then monents later toji came out of the shower with the towel only covering his lower half. You couldn't help but admire his perfectly built figure. He walked up to you. Toji could tell by the look on your face you were flustered. "So you gonna shower or what? ", you said nothing and speed walked to the bathroom. While speed walking you heard that annoying chuckle of Toji's.

.....

T h e both of you guys were eating lunch ,as per usual toji was on his phone meanwhile you were just focusing on your food. "Hey y/n, apparently theres gonna be snow for the full week",. A dramatic gasp left your mouth and you dropped you spoon. You turned your head to face Toji's and you saw that same bored expression on his face but you didn't care. You put your hands on his shoulders. " We.have.to.go.shopping". Toji frowned at the idea of shopping. <we?> "YES WE WHAT IF I BUY SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE",.

Toji just smiled and said ok. Toji realized how much you cared about him and his perspective on things. Toji watched you as you rushed your food just to go winter shopping.

The both of you put on your coats and you had to force a beanie onto Toji's head. While shopping for Christmas stuff you asked toji whether he wanted a real tree or a fake tree. Toji pretend to think about it for a moment. "A fake tree it'll be easier to take home.

It was about 6pm when the both of you guys came home. You took turns showering. When the both of you were done showering you changed into your pj's and toji just wore T-shirt and shorts. "Hey Toji do you wanna bake cookies with me? ", you said striking the most innocent face at him. Toji cringed a bit and said yes.

Everything was going smoothly until the icing part. "Tojiiii your messing up my kitchen and there is literally icing all over your face", Toji grimanced as the icing stuck to the knife. " I told you I'm not professional at this stuff",. You stared at the cookies toji made. "Hey y'know if we were in home economics right now I would give you an E for effort, but speaking honesty they do not look good", Toji laughed a bit.

.....

Before you knew it was the 24th of December. You decided to pull an all nighter and forced Toji to do it with you.

You were almost going crazy waiting to open the gifts he bought you. You calmed down when the feelings you had for him just stabbed you in the heart. You started stressing out on whether or not you should confess now. You were already imagining how intimate your first kiss would be.

His soft lips gliding against yours. His hands roaming your body. You almost drooled at the thought. But all the energy you built up died once you realized how awkward it would get if he rejected you.

All of a sudden the courage built up again. You stood in front of Toji . You had the tightest grip on your clothes as you said "I LOVE YOU TOJI".

(Embrace yourselves I suck at writing smut. 💀)

You were about to cry from embbarassment.When Toji's rough hands grabbed your face he didn't even give you a moment to think before his lips attacked yours. His soft lips moved in sync along yours while his hands roamed your body. The kiss was passionate and intimate. You opened your mouth to let his tounge slip inside. Before you knew it you kissed your way to the bedroom.

While Toji was pecking your lips and sucking on your neck. His hands fondled with your breast. Toji slowly took of your shirt. Even though he hasn't done anything your body felt hot and sweaty. Toji wrapped his mouth around your nipple and sucked on it like a baby. He made sure both of your tits got equal amount of attention so he rolled the nipple on your other boob and sometimes switched.

When Toji got up the big evident tent in his shorts scared you a bit but you tried not to show it. Toji removed his shorts, and just when he was about to take off his boxers you interrupted him.

Toji sighed and lined his face up with your pussy. You were scared because he wasn't doing anything. All of a sudden we blew an icy breath and plunged his fingers in your cunt. You let out a breathy moan. Toji's long and thick fingers stretched your gummy walls so deliciously. Toji ruggedly dived his fingers in and out your pussy.

Your little wimpers and moans turned him on even more. His fingers hit all the right spots which caused your moans to be more high pitched. "Hey, don't clench so tight I won't be able to move"." O-o-ahk". Toji curled his fingers so carefully inside you. You clenched a bit to tight on tojis fingers and the familiar feeling of an Orgasm approached you. "T-toji- ambatakum!"

Toji pulled out and laughed at what you said. "

"Toji what the heck!? ", you whined relaxing yourself a bit. " Listen darling the only place your gonna cum is on my cock",.

Toji placed your head on a pillow and put you in a mating press. Tojis hard on springed out of his boxers. He held your legs and flexed his cock to make it hit your pussy multiple times. Toji rubbed the tip of his cock up and down your shopping cunt. From time to time he pressed his tip between your pussy lips just to see your desperate look.

After what felt like hours of him teasing you toji finally put is cock in you. You bit your lip to hide a moan but a little whine came out. "If it gets to much just say 'apple'.you slightly nodded and Toji started moving.

Despite the fact Toji promised to be gentle his pace was merciless. You bit your lips to try hide your moans but little wimpers came out of your mouth, and toji thought that was the cutest thing ever. Toji loved how submissive you were during sex. "You know you won't be able to hide your moans from me for long", Toji said his pace not faltering. You moaned loudly then tried to cover your face but Toji didn't allow that.

He removed your hands from your face. "Fuck, your clenching so hard around me, y'know I won't last long if you do that". You were deaf ears to what Toji said. Before you knew it you made a mess all over tojis cock. that's when you realised you let your moans go. Toji kept on going till he reached his own high.

"Fuck". When toji realised he was about to cum we did it on your abdomen cuz he wasn't about to take no risks. " so... Does this make us official now? "... I guess so" . Toji got up to clean the cum of your abdomen and the both of you went to sleep together.

Stream rover by kai.

#daddy toji #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #toji stan 4 life #toji x reader #toji x y/n #toji x you #fushiguro toji x reader #toji fluff #toji fushiguro smut #toji smut #toji thirst #toji fic #jjk fluff #jjk smut #jjk fic

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creatingblackcharacters · 8 days

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ASKINN FOR POSTERITY hope this is ok, i have a character of mine named yves i played forra while and campaign been ended but i wanted to check on you with hair! or honestly anything you can point out, my biggest thing was WITH his hair. you got any advice about bigger locs and how those would be taken care of in terms of care regiment? in the future he does start installing beads, but im wondering how the logistic would work with locs as thick as his, that and he struggles with personal upkeep. i know frizz would be an issue but are there other things he'd need to worry about? tho now i know imma need actual refs for hair in the future coz dam i was freeballing the stuff when i kno i shouldnt haveee 😭ty in advance! again if theres anything abt the design thats iffy or needs work besides hair, lmk!!!

First of all, I adore your art style. Like wow I really like this! It's what I like about sketching with a pencil versus a pen. This is so cool! I also really love his design, like what a guy! I wanna be his friend!

Uh, tbh, these looks more like twists to me than locs lmao. The lines going through them visually suggests looser twists. Locs are far tighter and stiffer. That being said, I actually think he should keep the twists! I think it's a cool design. As for beads, he'd just have to find larger beads, it's not impossible. Call it character design.

But I mean... Unless we're talking wicks, a specialized style of locs which you can look up the hair care regiment for specifically, locs are locs. It's gonna be the same care as I've discussed in lessons previously, though the amount of hair that goes into each loc will change depending on the size.

Um, keeping his scalp oiled and sprayed with water so that it's not dry. That's important. Keeping them clean since they're so large. Not getting them wet often, because they could get dry rot in the middle, especially at that size.

Keep it up 👍🏾

#creatingblackcharacters

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ask-turnedtechgodhead · 2 months

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Where's everyone?

oh shit yeah should probably actually fill yall in if youre seeing this or fill you in on the fuck all i know right now anyway which shouldnt take long

however the fuck youre getting these anyway at this point im just assuming its time loop bullshit because lets be real its always time loop bullshit isnt it theres infinite daves out there all drowning in time loop bullshit but i guess its almost weirdly reassuring? like i dont remember doing any of this shit right this version of me hasnt ever stolen stupid ass recordings from an alternate me to give to... whoever yall are assuming youre from earth c so hey guess in a roundabout way this documentary bullshit worked and that means at some point ill have the ability to do time loop bullshit again and that shitll be the happiest day of my life fuck everything i said about never touching time shit again dropped that shit like it was hot and now im on my knees digging through the dirt like some poor sap who just rejected the love of his goddamn life just because she was a mole woman like yeah sure shes got fucked up hands and she cant see shit but fuck dude one look at how quickly she tunnels away is all it takes to realise that she could be the one for you especially if you can use those tunnels to get back to uh yeah

anyway isnt that the question of the goddamn century

far as i can tell the other three all landed here too cant get hold of egbert but im assuming hes busy creating creepy ass cake sculptures or whatever the fuck it is they do for family reunions over in the egbert household

so his dad and roses mom make five

...maybe six. havent seen bro around but itd be weird if the game didnt throw his ass back here with everyone else right so make that five and a half i guess and uh

...no one else we think anyway cant get a hold of the trolls or the other humans so far hell the trolls handles aint even showing up on pesterchum and i know for a goddamn fact they were harassing us around now so thats...

...

also since apparently that shit wasnt bad enough the universe went hey yknow whatll be great youll fucking love this bro trust me so you remember puberty right yeah what if you had to do that shit all over again lmao have fun with that

#dave strider #homestuck #turntechgodhead

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spiderbaby123 · 9 months

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Cal Stone x reader (fluffy fluff stuff)

Listen, it starts out with young Cal but all the actual romancey style stuff is when hes older. Dont get weird on me about kid Cal having a crush on you. I remember kids having crushes on me when I was a teen and it was just cute in an awe look at you with a big ole crush kinda way. Like the way id look at my brother having a crush on someone when he was young. Ok. Ok.

I avoided and gender terms so use what you want! 😘

You were Cal and Olive's best friend growing up, often spending the night and always trying to come over every chance possible. You wouldnt let on to Olive for obvious reasons but you had the biggest crush on her brother. When the plane disappeared you were often there for her and Grace, as they were you too. When your mom got sick and passed, Grace took you in completely. She had adopted you. That was 1 year before the plane returned. When it did, you were the most excited and terrified you had ever thought you could be. Mostly you were excited to see Cal. The shock that took over your body when you actually seen him was an understatement. He was still a child. Seeing him just the way he was the day they had left for their trip was freaky.

~months later~

By this point you had gotten used to everything, almost better than everyone else for that matter. You treated Cal more like a brother now. It was cute when he was around you though. He almost always had a small tint of pink on his cheeks. To think 5 year's ago you had a massive crush on him was weird, even weirder now because you thought he had a crush on you. Oh the irony, you thought.

~Mick and Zeke's wedding~

You had been sitting in the corner watching everyone dance. Cal had been staring at you for a while now smiling but not quite coming over. Finally after you had had enough of being stared at you walked over. "Cal?" He looked up and a blush appeared on his little face. "H-hey, y/n." "Wanna dance little bud?" You smiled holding your hand out for the boy. "Okay!" He perked up quickly grabbing your hand and jumping out of his seat.

~at Grace's funeral~

You had been sat with Olive and everyone at the very front. That's where you were expected to be. You had been adopted by her. She wasnt your mother but you were her daughter, even before she had adopted you she had always said that. You kept looking to Cal in his older body in the back away from everyone. "This isnt right." You mumbled before getting up and heading to him. Olive started to look as though she was going to protest it but didn't. "Hey." You said, once next to him. "Shouldnt you be up there." He said through slight sniffles. "I'd rather stand with you." Cal looked at you for a second before breaking down and you pulled him into a tight hug. This wasnt right. Grace was his mother. He shouldve been up front with Olive and Ben.

~2 months after~

You had taken Cal with you to get groceries for the house. "Ok, so I got everything on the list. Do you want a snack or something before we go?" You asked looking at him. Cal started to reply but was interrupted by an old woman. "Oh look at that. Reminds me of us, honey." She said to her husband. "Such a lovely couple. I remember our first shopping trip together." Both of your faces turned red with awkward looks planted on your faces. "I- we're not! I mean- uh... Th-thank you...." You stumbled over your words trying not to be mean or rude but also entirely embarrassed. You hadnt thought about how it looked to others with Cal being the same age as you now. Come to think of it you hadnt much thought about how he was the same age as you now, at all.

~later that day~

The car ride home was super awkward. For you at least. Cal didnt say much on it but he had just played along and wrapped an arm around You smiling thanking the old woman like it was nothing. ((I just imagine him being able to just switch into this act like nothing)) now at home, You had been stocking the fridge and pantry alone. "Hey. How'd the shopping trip go?" You jumped, hitting your head on the roof of the fridge, upon hearing Zeke walk in. "Woah. Didnt mean to startle you." He laughed a little. "I-it's ok! I mean- uh. Yeah its ok." You said earning a look from the man. "Hmm. Ok. Whats got you so flustered?" "Flustered? I'm not flustered. Are you flustered? Cause I'm not." Zeke gave a knowing look to you. "Right." Just then Cal walked into the kitchen. "Oh hey, honey!" He emphasized the pet name, making your face go red. "Cal!" You shouted trying to hide your face. "Stop, that was so awkward!" "Ok, now I'm really curious how the shopping trip went." Said Zeke. Cal laughed and told Zeke about the old couple.

~1 months later~

At this point everyone was in on the joke. Calling you and Cal a couple. After the first 2 weeks you had accepted it and went along, although now you werent able to look at Cal as a kid anymore. Which he didnt really act like one either.

~6 months after Grace~

Olive had come to terms and stopped blaming Cal by this point, which was great. Ben, however was slipping farther and farther. Today had been an especially bad day. Cal was upset and it was just you and him at the house, besides Ben who was upstairs spiraling, as usual. "Do you wanna go out or do something? Maybe get your mind off it?" You asked him. He sniffled and looked up to you. "Sure. Like where or what?" "Uh.. Well. Maybe... Um I think the fair is in town." "Yes!" He jumped up. "I'll go get ready!" You laughed and decided to do the same. Now you were in your room getting ready and struggling with what to wear. Why were you so focused on your outfit? You couldn't figure it out but once deciding on the cutest one you went to Cal's door. You were about to knock when Cal opened the door running right into you. "Y/n! I'm so sorry!" He shouted as he caught you, pulling you close to his chest. Up close like this you could smell his cologne. Odd. Why would he where cologne just to go to the fair. "It's ok, Cal." You smiled up at him. "You ready?" You asked and he nodded before reluctantly releasing his grip on you.

~ at the fair ~

You had been there for a few hours now, riding all the rides over and over again. "I'm so glad you talked me into the wrist bands!" You giggled as you got off the dizzy disc for the 3rd time followed by a very wobbly Cal. "I think I'm going to be sick.." He said half jokingly. You then saw one of your favorite rides had no line at the moment and quickly grabbed his hand, dragging him along to it. "This one next!" You shouted staring up at it. You were so excited you hadnt realized you still had Cal's hand, nor had you realized the prominent blush on his face. The ride director let you on and you finally let go to get on. Then you went up and started spinning the cage. Cal and you screaming like little girls because lets be real, fair rides are scary. Once off you started laughing uncontrollably. "What's so funny?" Cal asked smiling wide. "You- you should have-" you were struggling through laughs. " you shouldve heard your screams!" You finally got out. Cal's face dropped into a mopy face playfully but he couldnt hide the smile still playing at his lips. "Yeah, well... It was scary." He fake grumbled. "Awe, come on, honey." You emphasized the pet name the way he had before. "It wasnt that bad." You smiled at his blush laughing a little. "Not as fun on the other side, huh, honey?" "Actually." Cal quickly grabbed your hand pulling you up to him into a close embrace. "I don't mind." He smirked at your squeal and stared at you. Your faces only inches apart, you started blushing like mad. "C-Cal.." You whispered, suddenly forgetting the world around you and not remembering to call him Gabriel. "Y/n.." He whispered back as he stared into your eyes and inched closer. Right when he was an inch away someone ran into you, knocking you out of Cal's arms. "S-sorry." They mumbled as you stood up with Cal's help. You checked your phone to make sure it didnt break when you landed. Seeing the time you mumble "shit." "What?" He asked you. "It's getting late, we should probably head back.." "Oh.. Ok.. Um.. Maybe one more ride?" He asked nervously. "Yeah. One more shouldnt hurt." You smiled. His face lit up as he smiled. "Ferris wheel?" He said. "Oh, come on. You know I'm terrified of that thing!" "That?! You're terrified of that?! But not the Zipper? What the hell y/n?" He exaggerated, laughing. You nodded, "The zipper is scary on purpose and has a whole ass cage around it. The ferris wheel is scary on accident and does not have a cage around it." You said matter of factly. "Oh come on..." He thought for a second. "I'll protect you." He grabbed your hand gently, stirring all those feeling up again, making you blush. "O-ok.." Cal held your hand the entire time and made you laugh and smile all the while. "This isnt so bad. Kinda pretty actually." You stated once stopped at the top. Unbeknownst to you Cal was absolutely staring right at you, not daring to look out at the scenery or anything. "Beautiful." He whispered. You smiled. "Yeah, it is beautiful." Then the ride started going down one by one and your face twisted into one of terror. Quickly Cal noticed and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest gently. It was like immediate comfort. Once off you both started walking to the car. Cal smoothly grabbed your hand in a way that didnt even make you blink. He opened your door and helped you up into your jeep. "Thanks, but you didnt have to help me." "I know." He smiled sweetly at you.

On the way home you pulled over about 5 minutes from the house. "What's wrong? Why'd you pull over?" Cal asked, worriedly. You sighed and yawned. "You know I just don't feel like driving." You smiled at him. His eyes widened and he smiled big. "Wait. Are you serious?" You just nodded smiling and then unbuckled getting out of the car and switching sides with him. To say the rest of the ride home was long and bumpy would be an understatement. But it made Cal really happy, even if he did almost drive into the ditch twice.

~That night~

Everyone had gone to sleep. Well almost everyone. You could still hear Cal moving around his room right now. Bored out of your mind you went and made 2 hot chocolates and popcorn then went up to Cal's room. You knocked quietly as to not wake anyone else up. Cal opened the door and looked at you with both shock and curiosity. "What's this?" He asked with one eyebrow raised. "Hot chocolate and a movie?" You smiled at him. "Hmm. Ok, honey." He moved to the side while also helping you with the snacks. You blushed at the nickname, thinking of earlier when he almost kissed you. You sat on his bed getting comfy. "Cal, why do you have it so cold in here?" "What do you mean? Its the same in here as every other room." "Yeah, well, you also have a fan on and the ceiling fan. Like what the hell?" He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. "I get hot when i sleep." He sat down next to you, grabbing the remote. "What do you want to watch?" He asked grabbing a piece of popcorn and poping it in his mouth.

~end of movie~

Cal looked over at you and saw you were asleep on his shoulder. He smiled blushing lightly. "You're so beautiful." He whispered, moving a strand of hair from your face. "Mmm.." You stirred from sleep and looked up at him. Yawning you asked "Did you say something?" "Yeah..." He whispered again. "Why are we whispering?" You whispered back, waking a little more from your cat nap. "Cal?" You asked, realizing his hand was on your face and his big beautiful eyes were staring into yours. "Can I kiss you?" He asked in hush tone as if his voice would scare you. All you could do was nod a yes once, staring back into his eyes. He leaned in slowly and kissed you with the most care and passion you could ever imagine, so much so that it took your breath away even though it was relatively a short kiss. When he pulled away he rested his forehead on yours, his eyes still closed. "Can I do that again?"

#fanfic #fanfiction #cal stone x reader #Manifest #oneshot #Manifest fanfic #Cal stone #manifest netflix #ty doran #fluff #Older Cal stone #X reader

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yonpote · 2 months

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tell me what the video Basically, I’m Gay means to you?

oh god thats hard to sum up, like personally? it came out at an interesting time for me in terms of my own coming out journey (vaguely out as a woman-enjoyer, not yet out as any sort of gender, and also still had not embraced being a man/having capacity for masculinity specifically)

as ive talked about a bajillion times at this point, the most important part for me was the section on labels and whether or not it even matters. when big came out i was still at a point in my life where i felt like the words that i assigned myself said everything there is to say about me and straying away from a specific definition of those words means that i am not really that identity or that i had to contort myself to fit that identity. i still kinda struggle with that tbh like ive been all over the place wrt exploring labels since i was a teen but at some point in adulthood i felt like "ok but now i have to lock down a concrete identity that i am going to be forever and will paint how the world sees me" but thats just. not the case for me! as a teen i first discovered the word genderfluid and was like, "okay this is my gender" and while ive changed labels over and over again i think at my core my gender (and subsequently sexuality) literally is fluid in that it's going to keep changing as my understanding of myself changes.

so even tho i Knew this, hearing someone important to me say that hey you dont have to have your labels figured out and you dont even have to use them if you dont want to! was very helpful for me. like i think today the specific labels i use arent Who I Am but rather, im trying to convey an idea of how i'd like to present and who i am attracted to that other people can understand (which you can argue that shouldnt be how we use these labels but in reality it's what most easily gets me access to medication i need and communities i can bond with and thats whats most important to me)

idk if this was the answer you were looking for i did a whole live writeup when i last fully watched BIG but its uh incredibly dangender so i'd rather not post publicly but like dm me if you want to read the ramblings of an insane bisexual

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haven-gum-rockrose · 3 months

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tell us about riz (ask game)

RIZ RIZ RIZ BET

first impression: oh this boy has so much frantic energy omg and cares so much about this penny girl he tries so hard, hes completely not sleeping to find his only friend...... Fuck I'm gonna end up kinning this guy, aren't I. And then it just kept going

impression now: ...... he cares. so. much. i care so much. its everything and he is everything to me- i actually dont know how to express it. he's like- holy. literally, he works for heaven now. but thats not important, he is.

Favorite moment....... fuck.... hmm... god i really like his interactions with Kalina. it could be "hiss at her, litigator!" followed by him hissing in court, but thats more a fig thing so.... while its not necessarily the moment, i like what it came to mean for his character. Him stuck in the palimpsest at the arcade, having lost to Penny's game, cutting his hands digging through the crystals, simply because that is so often referred back to

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE HES MY LITTLE GUY AND FUCK IT WE BALL: "i'm really gonna spiral here" after getting his own private office to do pi shit in, him suggesting "we can throw rocks in the river" as a hangout option because his only experience with what hangouts are like comes from violent productive adventuring and also noir mystery films/books/games, Riz inventinting the Night Yorb because he couldnt just relax. HIM TALKING TO HIS MOM ABOUT LIKE- IDFK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF OR HOW TO INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS IF THERES NOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE- like shoot me with a fucking gun why dont you- uhhhhhh... "its just a metal tube. i think its beautiful *and then i do a little dance*" ..... theres a lot imma shut up

Story idea....... shit- him hanging out with the seven. please. idk, im very content with my- WAIT NO i wouldnt write about him, but any fanfic where he interacts with jawbone(like as the guidance counselor, not as the dad of most of his friends) - head in hands-

unpopular opinion: shipping fabriz is fine. like i dont like it and any ship stuff for them i read(which i do read) i am personally interpreting as platonic cuz im really good at that, or unrequited. i know a lot of people get pressed about it cuz aroace erasure which yeah if youre changing him to demi thats a bit- or if its one of those "Pok was right, he might just be a late bloomer, lol theyre aged up and actually riz finds out he's pan lololol" thats a bit - like please stop. but if hes dating the guy as an aroace person or theyre qpring. whats the big deal. i know riz doesnt want a relationship and all but - that the point of shipping? like i know for some people its uncomfy especially with how its the most popular d20 ship(at least based on ao3), but to me its like- shipping is literally pushing together characters and its always purely self indulgent??? like ship whoever you want as long as he stays aroace. anyways i didnt need to justify myself and show both arguements like that. none of you know this guy. except two people hi eni and aether

favorite relatioship: ..... LISTEN IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. FABIAN AND RIZ THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FABIAN SEACASTER AND THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THEYVE COME SO FAR IN THEIR DYNAMIC ITS CHANGED SO MUCH - theyre so opposites theyre everything theyre everything THEY SHOULDNT BE FRIENDS! AND THEYRE NOT!! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!!!! AUGH!!!

favorite headcanon: autistic and anxious...... uh..... my brain is very gone... i think he still has like a bunch of different friendship bracelets from Penny that he keeps in like little collectors cases. ALSO I DONT THINK SHE EVER GAVE THEM TO HIM I THINK THEY WOULD JUST LIKE APPEAR ON HIS WRIST SHE WAS SLEIGHT OF HANDING THOSE SHITS ONETO HIS WRISTS BECAUSE HE COMPLAINED IT DIDNT MATCH HIS AESTHETIC AND THEN SHED LEAVE AND HE BE LIKE- im gonna frame this and put in on my wall.... but like as in in a false bottom in a drawer so its cooler

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superiorsturgeon · 2 months

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Me, having to listen to someone speak about Cinder's "unparalleled talent" in combat and how she's the best villain on the show and she deserved all of her victories and her loses were all not her fault or plot mandated: "uh huh, sure. Say, what are you smoking again?"

Me, having to listen to the same person extole Ozpin as having done nothing wrong, Pyrrha is responsible for her own death and Qrow, Ozpin, Goodwitch, and Ironwood shouldnt give it another thought, and there was no problem with how she was given her information and any knowledge gaps in what was told to her were irrelevant, she knew enough: ".........oh, you're one of those"

Me, listening to how someone describes beating Ozpin that one time is supposed to be a sign that Cinder should always be invincible, Salem gettig beat up by Hazel doesnt count because she sucks, all of the other Maidens not having Plot Armor is totally valid, saying Jaune, Ren, and Nora should have died: "whelp, time to drop this discord server"

Hoo boy, I don’t normally do deep essays about my favorite shows, but here goes…

The first and third points you make speak for themselves, anon, and I’m assuming you’re responding to people who like Cinder too much and think she’s more badass than she really is.

The second point is one that I wrestle with. After growing up and realizing how much about the world was kept from me and my peers as kids (either to protect us or to influence us), I have a pretty negative reaction towards authorities that insist on keeping major secrets from people doing the work/fighting. If I were in Jaune’s position, finding out that Pyrrha had been set up for a major risk without being given all the information, I’d probably want to beat Ozpin senseless, too.

However, I think it’s actually good writing that things go the way they did! Sure, Arkos is easily my favorite ship and my shipper brain instantly tries to find ways for things to turn out better for Pyrrha! But in service of the whole plot, it’s great drama to have a secret leader fighting for humanity who has been betrayed before and now can’t bring himself to trust anyone, creating tension after it leads to people dying. Ozpin himself has said that he made more mistakes than anyone alive, and we didn’t understand what he meant at the time, but by god we get to learn and it’s not pretty. You also see something similar with Ironwood and the Atlas military, where the authority figure decides that only they know what needs to be done, even if it leads to people being hurt, and it ultimately costs Ironwood everything (if it’s not clear, I’m not a member of the “Ironwood did nothing wrong” crowd)

It’s difficult for me to reconcile what the “correct” course of action is regarding secrets (which also makes for a much better dramatic story). Ozpin has some justification in not revealing everything to everyone because there were obviously betrayals or people who went rogue and made things worse (Lionheart and Ironwood). However, people like Jaune, Raven, and Hazel are also justified in feeling betrayed or lied to while their loved ones are being killed in a fight that they were kept from understanding.

The closest thing to a big moral statement that I can find in RWBY is that when people decide not to trust and push people away, it ends in tragedy (See: Pyrrha, Summer, Ironwood, etc). Even when it’s for the best reasons, the strongest heroes fail when they fight alone, and they succeed when they trust each other and fight together. (Plugging another of my favorite shows: “Mandalorians are stronger together.”) I’ve seen comparisons between Jaune and Hazel, where one chose to burn the world down and the other got up and kept fighting for the world to be safe, and I like the conclusion they made: the difference is that Jaune remained with his friends and trusted them while Hazel turned away from everything. I wouldn’t want to guess if there’s a planned resolution for the show, but if there is then I would think that Ozpin/Raven/other characters learning to trust again would play a big part.

Tl;dr It’s good dramatic writing for there to be a struggle between keeping things secret and trusting others, even though it led to two of my favorite ships being sunk (Arkos/Fairgame). Hopefully we see more people learning to trust each other and it saves the world.

#rwby #sturgeon asks #wall of text

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thankyouforbeingsowrong · 2 months

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2023 fic year in review

Tagged by the lovely @greenapricot <3

Total number of fic: 5

Total word count: 12,862

Fandoms written in: Lewis

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

I didn't really have expectations in terms of a particular number of stories or wordcount, but I was definitely hoping to make more progress on some of my longer wips. Overall I ended up having less time and energy to write than I was hoping for.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Fortune comes in threes for sure. That Robbie/James/Laura dynamic was an absolute joy to write.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Posting a proper pwp (Better Than a Dream) felt like a challenge, but a very fun one!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

I would love to figure out what I'm doing with the Valentine's Day sequel to Follow Me in Merry Measure, and actually finish it. It shouldnt be that long but requires both rewatching some episodes and rereading FMIMM, so if anybody feels like a Lewis watch party hit me up!

I'm still tinkering away with the musician au as well, which keeps throwing up side quests in the form of wanting to make playlists and draw shit, so I'll settle for any progress on the actual writing that I can manage.

In terms of significantly les plot-driven fare, the glove fic is creeping up my to-do list, and this year I will really truly finish and post the vampire!Robbie porn that I wrote...uh a year and a half ago? (don't get bogged down in the vampire lore of your 2k words of porn folks)

(Please remind me I said all of this at any point to give me a jolt of motivation XD)

I also really want to make a dent in my absolutely massive to-read list 😭

Most popular story of the year?

Keeping Watch by kudos and comments, I have not written much hurt/comfort but it was fun to dip my toe in, and it definitely spawned some other fic ideas.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Honestly, I can't think of anything, the Lewis fandom is so lovely and supportive.

Most fun story to write:

Fortune comes in threes, with Better than a Dream in close second.

Most unintentionally telling story:

I'm not sure, I mean possibly a toss up between Fortune comes in threes and Better than a Dream? I haven't been too introspective about it, to be honest, but those were definitely my most self-indulgent fics of last year.

Biggest disappointment:

Struggling to find time, energy and/or motivation to write last year. Although considering what I've been working with I'm kind of impressed with myself for getting anything written at all!

Biggest surprise:

Not written this year, but I was pretty amazed to get comments from a few people who were reading Follow Me in Merry Measure in the middle of the year or re-reading it through December 2023. It's a massive fic, so that's especially impressive to me haha. I love you guys x

I'm definitely late getting around to this, but if you see it and want to do it, tag me so I can read it! <3

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mihai-florescu · 1 year

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i am an extremely new fan, and i can admit that i dont know much about eichi and therefore i cant give an unbiased opinion on him at this point!!

i see your points i see all of them and. you are right. his desperation led him to do wrongs during war era, and he regrets it. i understand this completely, and i agree that he shouldnt be portayed as the only villain because of what his desperation did to him.

however, based on the stories ive read so far in !!, he is...unnecessarily cruel. i get that he'll do whatever it takes to reach his vision of the idol industry, but the way he phrases his conversations with the others does NOT paint him in a good light. this might be because the game is making him look like the bad guy though tbh. he thinks alkaloid is, quote, a box of mudballs, and says this directly to their faces. now, this might just be tough love, but..to say that to tatsumi, who just got out of the hospital? whom he bonded with over their health issues? it just feels...idk.

that might also play into your point about him not realizing that people want to be his friends, and seeing them as business partners tho!

adding onto that, idk the full story for this, but i was informed that tsumugi didnt want to be paid/contracted and like, begged him to be friends? idk about that i might be completely wrong!! it also might not be tsumugi actually i was told this a while ago

I got a bit rambly and had screenshots on hand uh. Sorry for the long reply.

In regards to Alkaloid, I must confess, I'm having a hard time going through the main story cuz I just.....find certain characters and dynamics annoying and/or they just dont interest me much. So i am probably lacking the full depth of what eichi has said to them but i do have two posts about my view on him and alkaloid together (well, more from a meta perspective i suppose). But then again, eichi has this tendency to make other characters want to hate him out of a deep rooted belief that he doesn't actually deserve love, even after his "happy ending", there will always be something bigger to achieve and more sins to atone for.

I'm not necessarily arguing he's not flawed (although i am arguing he's just human, not good or bad, or rather both, i think that's one of the core messages of enstars too.) He's too self aware and pragmatic for his own good. Even he himself says in Sanctuary that he's falling back to how he used to be in the war to reach his ideals.

(Sanctuary, translated here)

So i guess what i'm saying is not that you must forgive all his actions cuz he never did anything wrong etcetc but more my plea for people to read his stories and see why he's the way that he is. Because i just cannot stand to watch another tiktok full of misinformation. I could, and i probably have in the past, gone on a rant about how people blame eichi alone for the war completely disregarding keito and akatsuki's crucial roles in taking down kanata. Meanwhile my guy Eichi was in the hospital that whole time. But anyway, this was besides the point. Or maybe not. Moving on,

As for Tsumugi, the story you're referencing is Element. It was animated in the show as well, but i do recommend reading it. And then, connected to it, Daydream. Oh my god. Eichi's Daydream Monologue...

The thingbwith Tsumugi is that he just started believing in Eichi's ideals to the point where the war fully would not have succeeded without him. He wanted to be Eichi's friend and to bring him happiness so he joined old Fine, he just thought the contract was a formality. I'm not sure on the "begged to be friends" part, i think that phrasing is a bit extreme, but you gotta remember Eichi was generally distrustful that people like him beyond his wealth. And with a family like Tsumugi's, divorced parents, estranged brother, a mother that keeps falling prey to scams and losing their savings, Eichi thought Tsumugi's motive for wanting to get close was to obtain enough money to cut ties with his mom. Oh. Another thing, i can reblog some story screenshots afterwards, but Eichi does project a lot of his issues onto others. Not the best coping mechanism, clearly.

I do see why Eichi isn't for everyone. I would rather you read his stories and then decide you don't agree with his ways than someone liking him only for fluff (aka only the sweet scenes with wataru) and ignoring the rest of his character. Honestly my answer might make you hate him even more, but i hope out of spite you will read Ep:Link at least. Maybe Sanctuary, but definitely do Not start with that, it needs 7 years of stories as context. Black Tea, Milky Way, Jingle Bells and Tempest should also be good beginner's guide to Eichi stories at the top of my head.

#ok. end of ramble. im tired. no clue if i was coherent. snork mimimimi #ask #anon #enstars #eichi tenshouin

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annachumsblog · 2 years

Text

Cuphead first knew about Mugman's crush on Cala Maria

When he overheard Mugman belting out one of Cala Maria's songs as he listens to a Cala Maria jazz album one evening at their new apartment complex in Inkblot City

The song that Mugman belted out ( in the scene mentioned above) was Unusual Way from Nine the Musical

Cuphead upon seeing Mugman belting out Unusual Way : 🤯🤯🤯🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The next day after Cuphead first discovered Mugman's crush on Cala Maria

Cuphead : * arrives for his day shift with coffee in hand * Morning, y'all!

Chips : * tips hat * Howdy.

Wheezy : Sup.

Mangosteen : * waves * MORNING!

Pirouletta : Privet, comrade

Some other co workers present at day shift also said hi to Cuphead

Cuphead : * was cleaning the tables and getting ready for the 10am opening....and giggling *

Chips : Now, why are you giggling like a tickled horse at this hour?

Cuphead : * wheezes * I probably shouldnt say this.....but.....Mugman has a crush!

A number of co workers just dropped whatever they are doing and rushed to Cuphead

Mangosteen : TELL US MORE! TELL US MORE!

Chips : Did they get really far?

Mangosteen : TELL US MORE! TELL US MORE!

Pirouletta : Who exactly did your brother have a crush on?

Cuphead : * giggles * Y'all guess.

Hocus : Hmmmmmm * ponders * Maybe.....King Dice?

All the other employees gasp

Wheezy : Dude, no way, he and The Devil are MARRIED * points to a picture of King Dice and Devil at their wedding on a wall *

Cuphead : * looks at picture * WOW.

Wheezy : Hmmmm.....Cuphead, give us the gender of your brother's crush

Cuphead : Its a she.

Other employees : * gasp, oohs and giggles *

Ginette : Ohhhhh......uh.......maybe......Bon Bon?

Cuphead: No way, Gin.

Pirouletta : Perhaps one of the waitresses at this casino?!

Cuphead : Mugman's crush doesnt work at the casino BUT you may have seen her before.

The other employees : * start firing guesses and theories as Cuphead says no to the various guesses and yes to some theories *

It was also a day when Cuphead has a day shift and Mugman has a night shift btw

Mangosteen : WAIT WAIT * wheezes * So BASICALLY Mugs' crush lives underwater, right?!

Cuphead : Yup

Phear Lap : * listening to most of it * Isnt it......Cala Maria?

Cuphead : * grins * BINGO! HE GOT IT RIGHT!

The other employees : * ooohs, screams and giggles *

Chips : Well ILL BE DARNED! OUR LITTLE MUGMAN IS SWEET ON THE FAMOUS JAZZ SINGER FROM THE OCEAN!

Wheezy : * smiles * I think that explains why Mugman LOVES listening to her songs, yes?

King Dice : * bursts in * WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?

All employees stop their laughing

Chips : * shouts * MUGMAN HAS A CRUSH ON CALA MARIA!

King Dice : * smiles in amusement * Oh? Well, that's swell. Now get back to work - the casino opens in 15 minutes.

The employees mumble and rushes to continue their work

Later that evening, when Mugman arrives for his night shift and Cuphead already left to sleep in cuz he was so exhausted

Chips : * slaps Mugman on the back * Howdy, Romeo! Hows the weather today?

Mugman : Wha -

Rumulus : Ey, Mugs, lemme introduce you about alchohol for lovers!

Mugman : What the actual fuck -

Pirouletta : You think we didnt notice, did you?

Mugman : Notice what?

Mangosteen : YOU LOVE CALA MARIA! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mugman : * blushes * WHAT NO SHADDUP -

Phear Lap : Its cool, buddy, your brother told ALL OF US this morning - even the Devil knows now.

Mugman : * internally screaming * WHAT THE ACTUAL - * sighs heavily * I'm gonna serve these 4 tables. Bye * runs away *

A number of employees within Mugman's vicinity guffawed

Bonus

Later, sometime past midnight

Cuphead : * is sleeping on his bed in his bedroom at his and Mugman's apartment *

Mugman : * kicks open the door of Cuphead's room * CUPHEAD SIMON DISHTON!

Cuphead : * shot up angrily * MUGMAN ZACHARIAS DISHTON I WAS IN A MIDDLE OF A WONDERFUL DREAM!

Mugman : * jumps on Cuphead's head * YOU are the reason why I had a crazy night at work just now!

Cuphead : * chuckles nervously * Er.....what now?

Mugman : ALL of our co workers AND King Dice AND THE DEVIL know about my feelings towards Cala and they frequently tease me!

Cuphead : * shrugs * Well, consider this a blessing since you got extra helping hands if you are gonna ask Cala out - eventually

Mugman : UGHHHHHHH I CANT EVEN * buries his face in a corner of Cuphead's sheets *

Cuphead : * laughs as he Pats his brother's back reassuringly *

🤩🤩🤯🤯🥺🥺🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

#casino cups #i headcanon that the cup bros' surname is dishton cuz why tf not #cuphead #mugman #LOL THEY ARE BOTH MOODS #PLS #casino shenanigans #king dice #devil #cala maria #chips bettigan #pirouletta #tipsy troop #mangosteen #devildice #hocus pocus #pip and dot

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i-am-an-arson-enthusiast · 6 months

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i hate my tech teacher thats it thats the post (another rant luv u)

like genuinely. she is an asshole. in the sense that she has said "cover the wheels on the table with the table cloth" (us, at a show, doing that.) "NO NO NO, you have to make sure its even so nothing falls off!!!!!"

"this is when your scene transition is" (we do the scene transition, i get stuck with moving the set) (to me, and only me, i am the ONLY one out of like 6 people who flipped the set that got yelled at) "You have to wait until they are done with their acting to flip the set." (ok but what about the sets) "You have to wait until they are done with their acting to flip the set." (yes but im asking about the actual props like the chair-) "You have to wait until they are done with their acting to flip the set." (jesus, whatever.)

and just shit like that. so. did i cry twice because of today directly because of her? yes yes i did. do i think she should be a teacher let alone a position in which you have to work with CHILDREN, MINORS, INEXPERIENCED people? HELL FUCKING NO SHE ADDS INSANE AMOUNTS OF STRESS TO ALL OF US and also its "well thank god im not gonna get yelled at for that" and not "oh no they did something minorly wrong that kinda sucks anyway." and she had this audacity to randomly yell at the cast like dude it is in the name of your job (theatre tech teacher) that you do not work with cast. Oh no, they said "after you" and not "after you maam" LIKE NO ONE FUCKING CARES THE AUDIENCE WONT KNOW THEY SWITCHED LINES BC THEY DONT HAVE A SCRIPT, THE POINT IS VERY CLEAR THAT YOU SHOULDNT GO IN THERE

so uh yeah i genuinely hate her and she makes me hate myself which means not only is she a shitty teacher she is a shitty person. she makes me wonder how much i like being stage hand when for the whole time i have been interested in live theatre i always think about sets and set design and how they move and lighting and all the tech stuff. i know i enjoy it but she makes me think i dont like it. idk if its worth doing tech next year especially if my friends decide to not do it. would i even do the show in the spring and have to do all this over again? i love the cast and i want to do the same thing so i can see them again assuming they audition again but the teacher is fundamentally a bad person to have under 24/7 working with inexperienced people whose brains just straight up have missing parts.

thank you so much for reading this. it means a lot. :)

#theatre #school #education #teacher #bad teacher #theatre tech #techies #mental health

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wawawawawawawawawawawawawa · 11 months

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dont have aspd but i like never had emotional empathy growing up (yay mix of autism and childhood situations that caused me to unlearn/block off emotional empathy) and i've never felt remorse and i only get small twinges of guilt i can easily brush aside, but i watched drrr at age 17 and showed it to my family and having all of em be like "yo ur just like izaya" (my mum was like "yeah if i hadnt been super careful how i raised u, 100% u would've turned out worse than izaya" which. uh considering before izaya the chara i related most to was azula from atla. fun to hear). and it me caused me to be like "oh shit maybe i should like learn empathy". i didnt realise i had cognitive empathy or that it was even a thing so i spent a few years teaching myself emotional empathy and man it suuuucks. worst decision i ever made. now i spend time being like upset for other ppl? when i used to just, be able to intellectually understand things sucked for them and help em out w/o feeling anything and so i wasnt emotionally bothered/drained afterwards. whereas now i like, spend time crying over other ppl? exhausting and terrible. it hasnt improved me as a person at all, im dont actually care abt things any more than i used to, and i think cognitive empathy is by far the most useful and practical out of the two. im not saying u shouldnt listen to ur therapist, i just kinda wanted to get that off my chest and not be judged?

WANNA MAKE CLEAR i am not judging u i just have always always always wanted to use this meme for as long as i have known of its existence

and what ur describing is literally exactly why i worry abt emotional empathy and feeling remorse like. maybe i'm fine existing this way. maybe i don't want to be fixed!! i get that itd make me more palatable and easier to get along with or whatever but i'm a person too!! what about me?? everyone will have conflict at some point; what about me makes it so that all chances of that need to be hammered down?? i'm a person too- what about what i feel is right for my own emotional state???

fun facts my fiance liked me partly because i reminded him of izaya. idk if you know enough of my blog to know my Lore but: he knew me for a day thru roleplaying and i wanted to know him outside of a rp context, and he was talking abt liking psychology. i then challenged him to diagnose me, yaknow As You Do, and in a Public Server he went "oh you have aspd, don't you?" totally innocently, he had no idea abt the stigma

i ofc denied it because i wanted him to like me and also was sixteen, but oddly enuf the aspd traits are (partly) Why He Liked Me??? not in a fetishistic way but just like, accepting that was part of my personality that doesnt need to be hammered out and like, not acting like Total Full Remission It's Like It Was Never Even There is the only end goal worth chasing like. maybe i dont wanna fully remiss maybe thats my choice and i have fuckin, command over my own god damned mind body and life!!!???

also fwiw: i dont know the rest of your symptoms but you having autism and the symptoms coming from trauma don't negate the possibility that it's aspd so id suggest looking into it more! even if a therapist said you didnt have it, they can be kinda..... stupid about aspd lmfao! don't look on quora and don't look on reddit nothing good lies behind those walls

#fwiw part 2 i found azula really relateable #:|#thanks 4 tha ask! the stuff u talked abt is important TO talk about #this fucked up life isnt good n pure and the parts that can be deemed' immoral' also need to be talked abt #destigmatization is useless if its only the Good Parts that r accepted #thats just regular ol stigma!!#wasks

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tigerdrop · 2 years

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admittedly i used to be one of the people who was really adamant about not making hl/vr porn (slash cause i don't wanna put this in searches or tags or whatever) but it's been two years and. does anybody give a shit about penis drawings. is it really that deep. like yea don't send it to the creators that's weird but you and most other nsfw artists haven't done that so like... is it Really some grand moral crime. also you have a good point abt people being cool w gay shit right up until it's eww icky gay sex ect ect. everyone in ur notes should grow up and maybe touch some tits and feel better

unfortunately there are genuinely a lot of ppl in this fandom who have externalized their own disgust towards sex b/c they feel like they have a moral obligation to do so. its a position that lines up neatly with their own pre-existing discomfort! so they dont have to analyze where any of their own discomfort or biases come from. and ive noticed that a lot of them will go so far as to invent justifications out of whole cloth, b/c they believe so fervently that it is a Bad Thing to make these fictional characters fuck each other that it eclipses anything the wrtvs could have possibly said in reality

(like......do you sincerely believe that scorpy has said he doesnt like nsfw fanworks?? this is the one guy who actively wanted to sexualize benreys interest in gordon. but you can just make up anything you want online, apparently)

anyway it is 2022 and it shouldnt matter to anyone at all. but somehow getting so worked up about grown mens fictional penises that you threaten to kill a queer man over it isnt a sign of "terminal fandom brainrot". no, its, uh......its me, a dude who just draws completely ordinary cock and balls, for fun

#theres a reason they block anybody who asks for proof LMAO

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 11 months

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Hi i just need to put this into words and possibly get an outside perspective that isnt from my friends and such

I dont know if i can call what i went through as a teen neglect.

This is pretty long sorry, just skip to the end if necessary

TW: Alcoholism, Neglect? Sorry if i missed anything

To explain fully, i was taken out of school in 7th grade due to mental health issues and one very abusive and ableist teacher. That left me alone at home for 80% of the week, which was fine i had plenty of food and such to eat and i preferred being alone to recover from everything. I never went back even once i was "recovered"

But then when i was about 16, my mother's mental took a nosedive. She started having hospital level panic attacks. It wasnt that bad at first, cuz despite everything i still atleast had food and such for when she had to spent a day or maybe two at the hospital, which was rare. I could survive on my own with the limited help i got.

It sucked, my quality of life went from "meh could be better" to "okay uh we're surviving in decent comfort atleast?" In the span of a few months. But it wasnt the worse

Then the new year rolled over and it became worse. My mother took up drinking to cope and that spiralled fast

To the point her hospital visits became weekly almost daily, my life went from "okay i can life like this but i rather not" to "haha, im gonna end up in the hospital too-" in less then a month

I basically lived with my grandmother for a month and, she barely had any food there because they always went out to eat, food wasnt allow upstairs unless you were sick, beds felt worse then wood floors, and she didnt respect my issues

I was pushed aside, i didnt eat more then a mini bag of chips most nights because the only things to eat where expired, take out from places i didnt like, or things i literally cant eat either cuz textures or allergies.

When everything went back to almost normal, there was barely any food at home, i slept in my mother's closet because my old stalker tried breaking into my room while we were gone (also bugs overtook my room because the window was jammed for the rest of the time before we came home because of that) and my mother didnt want us to share her huge bed because i apparently violently slapped and kicked her awake till 3am when we tried (i didnt go to bed till 5am the one week when we tried, and she always woke up at 6am for her meds and such especially during this also we both slept on the very edges)

My mother would sleep all day, only waking up to take her meds and eat and stuff.

Dinner went from a "happens most of the week" thing to "you'll be luckly if you found a warm thing to make and eat"

Basically, i kinda starved often till things calmed down later in the year. I think a broke college student ate and slept better then me that year.

When i was 18 it happened again but i had a job so it wasnt as bad.

I dont blame her for like 40% of that hell, her and my father where going through the 5th messiest divorce of our closeish family has witnessed (tho it was actually kinda tame compared to the top 4 so idk the actual severity), and her mental health was already on decline for reasons that are not mine to tell

But like can i call what happened neglect?? It sounds like it but idk i actually can call it that.

Like yeah i starved most of my time as a 17 year old, slept in a cramped closet during said time, developed back issues cuz of that, was barely able to care for myself due to depression, was subjected to to smell of weed and the smoke from it often despite the fact it makes me extremely sick, was very suicidal, was told i was a burden and was making the situation worse cuz im autistic and was basically the new family afterthought

But like, does it really qualify as neglect and can i call it that if it is? Most adults i talked to at the time, even my old therapist said no because i was "17 and should already know how to care for myself on my own. And shouldnt take the words said in a probably drunken state to heart" but like there no way i could care for myself?? Atleast not without taking less then ideal options. Also that doesnt excuse the extremely hateful things yelled at me???

So im really conflicted here, was it neglect or am i just being overdramatic??? Every therapist ive been able to go to says im just being dramatic but my friends says im not so ????

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. You can most certainly call these experiences neglect if that is a term you would like to use.

Neglect by definition is to fail to care for properly, and by legal definition it's "the failure of a parent or other person with responsibility, for the child to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to." Not only were you not provided sufficient food, but it seems likely that your emotional needs may not have been taken care of either, with an unavailable mother and a disrespectful grandmother. It also sounds like you were not given adequate shelter and medical care, considering where you slept, the bug infestation, and how that affected your development. So yes, in many ways, your experience aligns with neglect.

I think it's important to remember that it's common for trauma survivors to feel like they're being dramatic when they validate the severity of their trauma, and that it makes sense to be in some level of disbelief that it's worse than you initially thought. Please know that you are valid as a trauma survivor, and remember to be patient and gentile with yourself as you explore what this means for you.

Ultimately, it may be helpful to work with a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist, especially one who specialized in trauma, can mediate your healing journey and help you find ways to make sense of, process, and cope with your experiences.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw neglect #trauma details #tw substance abuse

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