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gale-gentlepenguin · 1 year

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Gale Reviews: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

So I finally had a chance to watch this movie.

For this review I think I will divide it into different categories

Animation

Plot

Flow

Heroes

Villains

Moral

For those of you haven’t seen the movie at this point (Spoilers below)

Animation

I need to get this out of the way right now. I LOVE the trend of Stylization in these animated films. Dreamworks really finding its niche with it. It makes the movies pop and gives the characters more emotion and feeling. Not going with the Make it more realistic vibe that other companies are doing. The set pieces are gorgeous and I absolutely adored the opening battle with Puss and the giant. But what really showed the chops of the beautiful animation was the Dark Forrest and how it changed depending on who held the map.

My Only complaint is the sudden frame rate drops in action scenes. Now its not enough to ruin them, and you know its because they want to capture the badassery of the scene. But its noticeable.

Solid 9/10

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Plot

This is a simple plot. Puss in boots finds himself on his last life after his most recent battle and goes into retirement after a close brush with death. Once he finds out that there is a wishing star where he can get his lives back, he goes out on an adventure to get the wish.

It is a simple premise and that what allow it to be great. Puss never thought much of death as he was a cat and cats have nine lives. It was after finding out he died 8 times already that the concept of his life being over dawns on him. Though at first, he is in denial about it, going to have a drink and not think about it, only to come face to face with a bounty hunter that puts the fear of death in him.

Puss felt the touch of a blade and he realized that he was going to die. He ran!

He went to live at an old cat lady’s house after that to hide from death. But it killed something else... his enthusiasm. There he met a dog which he refers to as Perrito. Though becoming friends with him was not really a choice.

After a group of outlaws (The three bears and Goldielocks) come looking for Puss does he learn of the wishing star, and there he decides that Puss and boots can make a comeback, with a fresh set of lives after he gets his wish.

All he needed to do was steal it from Big Jack Horner (the kid that put his plum in a pie). And apparently he has more magic items than any witch or wizard could dream of.

There he runs into Kitty Softpaws (His ex fiance). and they fight over the map.

After the chaos and escaping with perrito. Kitty, Puss and Perrito find themselves on their way to the wishing star.

Once they get to the dark forrest, they learn that depending on who holds the map determines what the forrest looks like and how challenging it will be. After Puss and Kitty realize that holding the map leads to a dangerous journey, they give it to Perrito whose path to the star is quiet calm, mainly due to him being content with his life as it is.

They go through the Pocket of Posies and Puss and Kitty learn to take a moment to smell the roses. While also avoiding Jack Horner and his arsenal of magic and evil minions.

After the posies, learning Perrito’s backstory (which he calls funny not realizing how HORRIFIC it is for him) and a hair cut. Jack horner catches up to the heroes, the treacherous fight makes Puss remember his last life and he hears the bounty hunter’s whistle. The one he has grown to fear. Losing the map in the chaos and fear.

Perrito finds him and calms Puss down.

Puss also ends up apologizing to Kitty about what happened and leaving her at the alter. Which Kitty admits she also didnt show up, as she knew that he was too in love with his legend to ever love her.

And after that the group managed to catch up to the bear outlaws, there is another fight where puss touched the map and ended up in a cave of memories, where he met all his past lives. What started out as a joyous reunion soon shifted as Puss learned how much of an ass he was because of his “Legend” and how alone he was. Where he once again encounters the wolf bounty hunter where he explains he is “Death” not metaphorically or poetically, but ACTUAL death. (getting right to the point)

The encounter reveals that Death always hated how cats got 9 lives but was especially annoyed with Puss as he not only was reckless, but didnt seem to value the lives he had been given, and decided that he would not wait for him to croak the 9th time. That he would do it himself.

Thus resulting in Puss being afraid and leaving to get the wish.

Cue epic final battle for the wish, and Puss encounters death one more time, where thanks to his friends and his new found appreciation for life, he decides to fight death once again, but this time assuring Death he doesnt fight because he doesnt fear death, but because he wants to live.

Death now seeing Puss is no longer the arrogant cat he once was is now not interested in killing him right now and leaves.

Allowing for Jack Horner to become the final boss and the final bout results in Puss, Kitty and Goldie destroying the wish to save their friends and family.

Everyone now content. Puss valuing his last life, Kitty having two people she can trust and Perrito having a name and a home.

The plot is simple, but that doesnt mean its not compelling. It keep the objectives simple so it can focus on the characters and its moral. I dare say it is one of the best executed plots ive seen in a while. Though I do think it could have maybe given Puss one more event to help him really piece it together but it does give plenty, and I wont harp on it too much.

9/10

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Flow

This movie is an hour and 40 minutes. And it doesnt waste a MINUTE OF IT. Very rarely do I find movies that dont linger on a scene or two too long. Puss in Boots does not have that problem. Every scene, every moment goes on as long as it needs too. Even the Reveal on what the wishes are (for goldielocks) you would think would weigh on it too long, but no. Its handled with such perfect balance.

They even balance the screen time for all the parties in the chase perfectly. You never loathed seeing what another group was up to. The transition to scenes and interactions felt so natural.

If this movie was 3 hours long, I dont think i wouldn have noticed because I was so engrossed in it.

10/10

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Heroes

Puss: Is going through a LOT in this movie. Antonio Banderas shows his voice acting chops with Puss. Being able to show the cockiness of the cat legend and exhibit genuine fear and panic. Puss starts off getting high off his own hype and as the movie progressed he went through the 5 stages of grief over his mortality. Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance.

Denial: Going to the bar for milk to drink away his doubts

Anger: Clashing with death the first time,

Depression: Burying his boots and settling in to his new life with the cat lady

Bargaining: The entire journey of the wish up until his last clash

Acceptance: Picking up his sword after his life flashed before his eyes. Understanding his mortality and accepting that this life is his to live and he is not the legend, but he is himself.

I like how he naturally softened over time with Perrito, and how he genuinely cared for Kitty. This was a great arc for a character and I loved what he did

Kitty softpaws: I never saw the first Puss in Boots, so I have no idea what she was like before. But I loved her performance. She is the badass and also soft when it comes to Puss. In a way she is like Puss but without the ego he was plagued with. Her goal was to find someone she could trust, something that paralleled Puss in a way, being that she felt as alone as he did.

And this may have seemed like an after thought, I think that her wish works for her and I am glad that she and Puss found that trust in eachother. Also the fact she didnt go to the wedding either is a nice touch. I do wish they could have given her a bit more but they do give her a good amount.

Perrito: EVERYTHING I know about movies would make me believe I would hate this character... but this movie not only made him a fun, lovable and charming character... but made him the BEST PART of the movie. His tragic backstory that he doesnt even realize is tragic, his upbeat nature never comes off as annoying, and he is the heart of the group. He is the therapy dog that helped Puss deal with his trauma. Also he CURSES LIKE A SAILOR and I love him so much. When he dropped those expletives I DIED.

9/10 for heroes.

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Villains

I love how we got plenty of villain types!

We got the sympathetic Villains/Antiheroes with the 3 bears and Goldilocks. The later of which wants the wish to find her real family, and when the bears find out... THEY STILL help her try to do it. They had such a good family dynamic and the back story with them is sweet as honey. Though out of the antagonists they were the weakest character wise (but they were still great)

We got the IRREDEEMABLE VILLAIN in Jack Horner. A man that knows he is evil and doesnt care. He is selfish and entitled and knows it. He owns it. Like a classic Disney villain. (Hey disney remember those? Maybe get back to it since Dreamworks is eating your lunch with him). He was fun to watch and how little he cared how his minions died. It was so morbid some of the ways they died and he casually dismissed it. When the conscience cricket tells you that you are an irredeemable monster, you know you are evil.

but NONE of them can touch the level of hype that is “Death”

When he shows up after you hear that Iconic whistle, you know he was gonna be epic.

Guy beat the bricks off Puss and mad that cat horrified

Death wasnt metaphorical

he was VERY LITERAL

He also is fascinating because her wants to kill Puss not because he is a cat, but because he didnt value his life and didnt respect death.

It was only after Puss told him he will fight for his life did Death see he respected death and valued life. Annoyed he cant kill the self righteous jerk he wanted to, Death accepts Puss as he is, promising to return when it is his time.

The fights with him are epic, even when Puss was fighting back it was clear that Death wouldnt lose the fight if it continued. It also was interesting seeing death loom around the corner, watching Puss.

It put me on edge, wondering when and where he would pop up next.

Plus LOOK AT THAT DESIGN. I dont know what Dreamworks is doing, but they NAILED how to make a wolf look sick as heck!

I could go on about how Death is such a deep character, but everyone and their mother have already talked about it.

8.5/10

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Moral

This entire movie was basically about the accepting of Mortality and how we should value our lives, embrace the good and bad, be grateful for the gift of life. Perrito is the embodiment of how we should live life, not dwell on the negative, focus on being our best selves and helping those who need it.

Puss showed that a legend/ legacy is not all its cracked up to be. One needs to live life for themselves not for some sort of legend or for the sake of making a name for themselves. If that is something you want, thats fine, but dont let it separate you from loved ones.

Basically, Appreciate the life you have because every minute is worth it.

9.5/10

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Overall

This movie does deserve every bit of praise it gets.

Also it had good amount of references to shrek (not too many, but enough)

It is a movie that I would rate up there with my favorite animated movies. It has heart, action, comedy and a great moral.

This is a TOP TIER example of what a kids movie should be.

Yea its a bit dark in some places, but it has such a bright message and such good in it that it should be show.

9.5/10

Highly recommend

#puss in boots last wish #puss in boots #the last wish #dreamworks #this might be on par with how to train your dragon for me

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butterflydm · 2 years

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wot reread: the path of daggers (chap 12 - chap 20)

spoilers for the path of daggers

1. Graendal grabbed everything she could from Illian after Sammael’s death. Also, another Seanchan/Shadow similarity: Graendal’s ‘pets’ wear translucent robes just like Seanchan da’covale. They have so much in common! It really makes it difficult for me not to see the Seanchan as the next coming of the Shadow. Graendal is a dab hand at handwriting forgery, we learn, and has just penned a note to Lord Ituralde from ‘Lady Tuva’ with a message that claims to have been from his king. So we might find out what that was if we get an Ituralde PoV in the future.

2. Graendal gets a visit from Moghedien and a woman named ‘Cyndane’ that she says she’s working with. They’re both working for Moridin, of course, and it’s implied Cyndane (which means ‘Last Chance’) is the other person that Moridin has mindtrapped. They tell her that Moridin is Nae’blis and that the ‘Great Lord’ has decided that it’s time for Graendal to serve him too. The special Fade shows up when Graendal doesn’t take them seriously and tells her that, yep, time for her to get in line and stop going her own way. No more ‘let the Lord of Chaos’ rule, I guess. The whole thing with Moridin having two of the female Forsaken mindtrapped but not any of the male Forsaken is... it kinda feeds more and more into this thing Jordan is doing of enslaving female villains rather than simply killing them off, a fairly uncomfortable trend in the series at this point.

3. It’s raining in Cairhien. Part of my issue with the whole “all dogs dislike Aes Sedai because they think of them is cats” thing is that some dogs... get along fine with cats. Lots of people have mixed cat & dog households and while some of them never get along, some cats & dogs become friends. Anyway, it’s raining in Cairhien and Cadsuane is riding with her companions, who are arguing about whether or not the change in the weather is the Dark One or another hand at work.

4. We do learn here that, despite Rand’s own worries about them, at least some of the sworn Aes Sedai that were originally from the Salidar delegation are actually pretty devoted to him at this point and willing to stand up against Cadsuane if necessary. Rand underestimates how many people are genuinely on his side quite frequently, I would say. Cadsuane notices that some of the servants are voluntarily sewing little embroidered dragons onto their livery. Fewer people hate him than he thinks, I would say. Though quite a lot of people DO hate him, it is true.

5. Cadsuane is annoyed because it’s been a week since Rand nearly died and she hasn’t seen him at all. She finds a place to hang out and asks for Alanna to be brought to her. Cadsuane is now among those who know that Alanna has bonded Rand. There’s this constantly growing web of people on the Aes Sedai side of things who know about the bond and yet Rand, the one traumatized by it, is not allowed by the narrative to talk to anyone about it and process his trauma. Anyway, Alanna’s current use is in telling Cadsuane everything she knows about Rand’s current physical and emotional condition because Rand is never allowed to process his trauma but everyone else gets to know all about it anyway.

6. When Alanna tells Cadsuane that she would have done the same to Rand, Cadsuane thinks both that what Alanna did was “the same as a man forcing himself on a woman” and also that she probably would have done it, if she could have. But she wouldn’t do it now because now she knows that a bond can’t actually be used to compel Rand into anything the way it can be used with normal Warders. We also learn from Sorilea that Alanna has told ALL THE WISE ONES about the Bond with Rand (in order to get out of punishments).

I also want to note that Cadsuane (and I guess the series in general) only really acknowledges the validity of male-on-female rape as a type of rape that exists. She doesn’t think of nonconsensual bonding as the same as ‘forcing yourself on someone’ but very specifically as a man forcing himself on a woman. This kinda ties back with the weird way Mat’s rape by Tylin (and Lan’s rape by Myrelle too) is treated by the narrative.

7. Cadsuane tells Sorilea that her goal is to teach Rand to be “strong” (enduring) rather than “hard” (brittle) and that he needs to relearn laughter and tears or else his victory at Tarmon Gai’don will be as bad as if the Dark One had won. Sorilea’s goal is for Rand to see the Aiel as his people and not merely another spear for his hand (this was why the Wise Ones pushed Avi x Rand so hard and why I’m baffled that they’ve decided that they’re chill with Min x Rand; it seems directly counter to their goals bc Min doesn’t really seem to care about the Aiel much). Anyway, they decide their goals are similar enough that they can have an alliance. As a gesture of good faith (and to put Cadsuane into her debt), Sorilea teaches Cadsuane how to Travel. Cadsuane thinks again about how Rand has to be the one to come to her. But the thing is... the only reason Rand thinks he needs Cadsuane at this point is because Min tells him that he does because of her viewing. So Cadsuane’s actual strategy is a failure; she just isn’t aware of that, which means that she sees no reason to alter her approach. So, imo, Min’s viewing (or at least, telling Rand about the viewing) actually made things harder for both Rand and Cadsuane because it makes her follow a plan that she believes is a winning choice but is only treated that way because of an external party making it happen.

8. Ah, the official name for the banner that Mat’s people were calling “al’Thor’s banner” is the Banner of the Light (that’s the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai one). We are with Rand in Illian and it is raining hard. Rand is actually by himself sans Min, because he’s doing his “absolutely no women will get hurt in my war” thing right now (though there are some Ladies in the nobles who are with him & servants with them). The rain and wind are downright cold now, after all that baking heat. Rand is wearing the Illian crown still. He’s also still trying to get LTT to talk to him again, trying to prove that he’s real. He doesn’t hear LTT but he does get a swirl of colors. He actually gets the swirl of colors twice when he thinks about LTT, which is interesting.

9. TAM MENTION! One of the Illian Companions who is with Rand right now "is old enough to remember” when Tam al’Thor was Second Captain of the Companions. Exciting to get a Tam mention!

10. Rand is currently with a mixed group of his followers hunting down the remaining bands of Sammael’s men. He wants to go talk to this recent band they’ve found himself and everyone with him hates the idea of him risking himself like that. Rand is certain that if he shows any weakness or softness in front of his followers, they will turn on him instantly. Rand tries to listen for LTT again but he only feels Alanna. He’s getting used to the bond but doesn’t like it; he doesn’t miss being close enough to hear to be able to feel what she feels.

11. Rand notes that one of his Asha’man companions, Dashiva, can read and speak the Old Tongue like a scholar. Another Asha’man companion, Eben Hopwil, recently returned to him and told him about the Seanchan invasion. Rand tries to reassure him that it’s better that Rand know the truth as soon as possible. So Rand knows that both Amador and Ebou Dar were taken by the Seanchan. Rand also notes that recently, when he’s let go of saidin, he’s started to feel bouts of dizziness, as if the world had doubled.

12. Rand has made sure to have his personal soldiers and servants be a mix of the three nations he rules -- Illianers, Cairhienin, and Tairen -- so that they will ‘keep each other in check’. They may hate him, he thinks, but they hate and mistrust each other more. Damar Flinn is here with Rand, and Rand thinks that he ‘trusts him more than most’ due to Damar saving his life in the last book. A messenger from Taim (”The M’Hael”) has come, Torval, and Narishma, one of the other Asha’man that Rand has a measure of trust towards (he thinks that some people might dismiss Narishma as just a ‘pretty boy’ but Rand is aware of how intelligent he is), is watching him.

13. We got barely any info about Taim in the last book, so there wasn’t really anything to assess about whether or not his plotline had been changed yet. Maybe we’ll get more this book. The news that he brings is of the rebel Aes Sedai with an army in Murandy. Rand assumes this means that Mat is leading them to Caemlyn with the Band of the Red Hand. Rand says he’ll kill any Asha’man who tries to interfere with the rebel Aes Sedai’s movements.

14. The ‘blackberry bush’ is probably the Two Rivers, I assume? We know that channeling genes are strong there, so it makes sense that Taim would find a surprising number of recruits. And Rand’s self-loathing at doing it makes sense as well. As they talk about the number of men who die or go mad, Rand notices that the main server has a look of compassion in her eyes and he sends them all out of the tent. “Pity weakened as surely as fear and they had to be strong”. See, the thing is, Cadsuane is totally correct that Rand needs to learn the difference between being strong and being hard. It’s just that the way she attempts to go about it is completely bizarre and counterproductive. ‘surely bullying him will teach him that it’s better to be flexible than brittle!’ HOW?

15. Fedwin Morr arrives from scouting in Ebou Dar to tell Rand that the Seanchan plan to move against Illian. Ah, this is the point in the books where we start to hear of the ~wonderous penchant that the slavers have for organization. Sickhouses! Rebuilding efforts! Constant patrols to keep people safe! Etc, and such BS. We know from Falme that the climate they set up there was one of fear and mistrust such that Mister Aridhol himself (Fain) thought it was amazingly tasty. We know there are constant uprisings in their own homeland from Rand and Aviendha’s honeymoon trip. We know that everyone lives in fear due to the Seekers for the Truth, who can torture literally anyone (except maybe the Empress). But now we’re being told that they’re actually ~good~ for the locals. If you ignore that you have to grovel to them. If you ignore that they can snatch you away for property whenever they want. If you ignore that they consider a certain percentage of the female population to be property by default. If you ignore the fact that the only reason they needed to rebuild was because they invaded. And they’re also currently being lead by a Darkfriend in High Lady Suroth. Very ‘but the trains run on time’ vibes here.

16. We also learn that saidin is ‘weird’ near Ebou Dar, specifically near where we (the readers) know that the farm for the Kin was. He describes the same sensation that Elayne experienced earlier this book (feeling like the OP was floating around in the air, and acting unpredictably), so it’s the Bowl that caused it.

17. Rand accidentally talks out loud about his plan to cleanse saidin, which gets big reactions from all the Asha’man in the tent. Almost all of the Asha’man are eager with hope while Dashiva looks “poleaxed”. Rand sends off Narishma on a secret mission and then is incredibly relieved when Lews Therin’s voice in his head finally comes back.

18. Egwene is worried because her dreams have turned murky and hard to remember, which shouldn’t be happening after all her training. Egwene maybe you should ask the dreamwalkers about this the next time that y’all chat together, just a thought. As a reader, I’m guessing it’s related to Aran’gar/Halima giving her headaches, though I don’t remember if that gets confirmed at any point.

19. She is still able to remember her prophetic dreams, though, and our new ones are:

Rand wears a bunch of masks and then one of them becomes his real face.

Perrin and “a Tinker” (she still does not recognize Aram) are hacking through bramble that has human voices and don’t realize they’re heading towards a cliff

Mat weighing two Aes Sedai on scales, and the fate of the world might depend on his choice

All her dreams about Mat currently are “pale and full of pain”, “like shadows cast by nightmares”, and as if “Mat himself were not quite real”. It makes her worry about him but, as far as I recall, she doesn’t actually do anything about her worry like tell the Wise Ones to let Rand know that Mat might be in danger or maybe inform the Band of the Red Hand so that they can go rescue him without any personal risk to Egwene. Also, I note that Egwene KNOWS that Mat has been “left behind in Ebou Dar”, so Elayne and Nynaeve didn’t have any issue telling her about that. I can’t believe that Egwene has the puzzle pieces of “Mat is in pain” and “Mat has been left behind in a place invaded by Seanchan” and does LITERALLY NOTHING with this information. ??? Author Plotstrings trapping Mat in Ebou Dar even though it makes no sense! Like there’s no point in even being mad at Egwene about this -- the Author is clearly Forcing Her Hand, the same way he’s forcing everyone else to let Mat rot in Ebou Dar as well. Egwene’s affection for Mat is but one of many sacrifices on the altar of “the Plot demands Mat be trapped in Ebou Dar”. ... but it does suck.

20. Oh, we get some expansion on that ‘trick’ to avoid sweating -- it doesn’t actually keep the hot or cold from hurting you. You might not sweat but you could still get heatstroke. You might not shiver but you can still get frostbitten.

21. ‘Halima’ must be laying some subtle strands of Compulsion on Egwene, yes? I feel like we can all agree on that. Egwene is so reflexively protective of Halima. But it has to be subtle, so that the people who know Egwene don’t realize that her mind is being manipulated.

22. Ah, Elayne was the one who informed Egwene in TAR about the Bowl being used (and Mat being left behind, presumably). It really is baffling to me on so many levels that the characters don’t see the benefits of this information being shared with Rand. Wouldn’t it be useful for Rand to know that the change in weather was done by his friends and not potentially another game by the Dark One? But Aes Sedai secrecy/solidarity continues to hold true, I guess.

23. Egwene meets with Bryne in secret. See, all of THIS stuff with Bryne, I have no issue with. I think he makes a good general for Egwene. Here, he brings news of an army to the north, mostly Andorans. about two days away. Two strong Andoran Houses represented and about twenty others. She asks him to set up a meeting and keep it secret from the Hall.

24. The list of people Egwene (mostly) trusts:

Nynaeve & Elayne

Siuan & Leane

the sisters who have sworn fealty to her

Gareth Bryne

25. Egwene and Siuan argue about the Three Oaths, with Siuan on the ‘pro’ side and Egwene taking the ‘against’ position.

For:

Siuan says that she HAS lied but she’s kept the Oath with Egwene and with Bryne because she believed she had to keep it with someone

she says that the Oaths are what make them a united group as opposed to just people hanging out

that because the Oaths place strictures around Aes Sedai behavior, they are trusted by those boundaries (except for the half dozen exceptions that Siuan brings up and them dismisses lol)

To her, the Oaths are the heart of being Aes Sedai

Against:

Egwene says that needing to be in active fear of your life leaves you open to dangers like being collared by the Seanchan (Siuan has zero counter to this argument btw; she just goes “eh, we’ll figure it out” basically, lol)

Egwene points out how many advantages have come out of Siuan being free of the oath not to lie

26. “I would not be surprised if [Elaida had] tried to kidnap [Rand] by now, except that she’s concerned with us.” Does Egwene ever find out that Elaida DID have Rand kidnapped? I kinda suspect that she doesn’t find out, but I guess I will see. And, honestly, what happened to Rand shows how little the Oaths can truly mean. Because, yes, some of the Sisters in Elaida’s embassy were Black Ajah (including Galina) but not all of them were. Yet they were still able to deceive Rand and abduct him and torture him, with plans to turn him into Elaida’s personal pet. AS A GROUP, they WERE bound by the Three Oaths... and honorless, all the same. I am on the side of ‘toss the Oaths’, personally. While I have my... issues with both Aiel and Atha’an Miere cultural practices, they both have a great deal more trust and community strength with their channelers than the general Westlands do with their Three Oaths.

27. We learn that all of the Salidar Six are sworn to Egwene now, after she found out about the Sisters that were secretly sent back to the Tower to spread the tales about Logain. Jordan then forces us to sit through a morning of paperwork. I feel like this possibly could have been cut down somewhat lol. Lelaine comes for a visit and we find out here, I think, what Egwene’s secret missions for Faolain and Theodrin were, as Faolain is accompanying Lelaine and under her ~mentorship. Egwene has puts spies of her own into the camps of the people trying to control her.

28. Romanda and Lelaine want to talk to Egwene about “that young man” (Rand) and what he’s doing with the Atha’an Miere and about the Bowl of the Winds... mostly, they want to argue with each other, with Egwene as the tug-of-war rope in between. I like seeing Egwene’s reactions to Romanda and Lelaine attempting to control her and her plan to trick them into a place where she will be able to publicly take control instead. “A hundred years of being led by the hand, pushed by the scruff of her neck, or fifty, or five, and she would be fit for nothing more. If she had to grow, she had to grow now.” One of things that having Egwene doing basically a long training arc for the first five books means is that when she’s put into this situation, she has a lot more tools at her disposal than Rand did in Tear (for example). She’s had practice at honing her patience and she’s learned how to wait for her moment and make her plans in secrecy (I didn’t enjoy the whole ‘lie, lie, lie to your mentors’ thing when it was underway but it definitely helped prepare her for this arc).

29. I feel like I did not need a detailed description of what every character in this scene was wearing. I wonder if Siuan knows that Bela was originally the al’Thor’s horse. She’s been in Egwene’s keeping for so long that I don’t know if Egwene herself ever really remembers that she was Tam and Rand’s.

30. Egwene is upset when she hears that Talmanes is also at the meeting place where she plans to meet the Andoran nobles, along with a hundred of the Band. I’m not sure why she thought they would just docilely just ignore the situation? I suppose it ties back into her simply not knowing anything about the Band or Mat’s relationship with them. Egwene gets very focused on her own situation and sometimes misses things related to the other characters due to that.

31. Egwene announces to the nobles that she doesn’t plan on going into Andor -- she will be staying in Murandy for a month to recover and then “trouble them no more”. She also mentions that she plans to deal with the Black Tower “when the time is ripe.” She also mentions to them at the novice book is now open to all women who “test true”, no matter what their age.

32. When Egwene talks to Talmanes, she is determined to keep him from “haring off to Ebou Dar” after Mat. WHY? Agonies of grief over sending him there won’t keep her from abandoning him to the Seanchan, it seems. Again, I don’t take this personally -- this is Jordan clumsily hammering plot points into place -- but it kinda sucks that Egwene really gets to be the one who so pointedly ignores all the information that she has about Mat being in danger and actually tries to prevent a rescue. Egwene says she’s certain that Mat is “hurrying north” as quickly as he can. Again, despite her dreams.

33. But it IS fascinating that Talmanes and at least a few others in the BotRH are feeling a ta’veren tug towards Mat. They’ve been feeling it for weeks but have been trying to keep their promise to Mat. In some ways, this meeting with Egwene is, I think, Talmanes trying to clear his honor before he abandons that promise. He needs to make sure there really isn’t any chance that Egwene needs rescuing, and this is the first opportunity he’s had to speak with her about it. She tries to talk him out of going south but he is determined. Even after he makes it clear that the Band won’t be shadowing the Aes Sedai anymore, she still doesn’t tell him that Mat is in pain and in danger and that maybe it would be a good idea to hurry to Ebou Dar as quickly as possible. Instead, she tries to convince him again to come with them to Tar Valon.

34. Egwene is incredibly startled when she casually mentions to one of the Andoran Lords (Pelivar) that he must be happy the Daughter-Heir is on her way to Caemlyn, only to get a pointed “Elayne Trakand has the right to put in her claim”. This might be the first time that Egwene realizes that Elayne not being in Caemlyn soon enough after her mother disappeared might have political consequences for Elayne.

35. Another fun little Egwene-Rand parallel; her horse is named Daishar and his current horse is named Tai’Daishar.

36. Siuan acting like a bratty kid with her first crush when it comes to Gareth is such a bizarre and annoying situation. Generally only happens for half a page or so from time to time but it is such an annoyance. Literally brings nothing to the table. Siuan pouting and throwing things and getting spanked. Absolutely do not want to see this on-screen but I feel like it’s safe to say that we won’t.

37. At the Hall of the Tower (sealed by an anti-listening ward), Egwene calls for a vote on standing against Elaida, before either Romana or Lelaine has a chance to call her to task for not naming either of them as the one who would speak for her in the talks with the Andoran army. They try to change the subject but this is something that Siuan had drilled Tower law into Egwene about - once a question of War is brought before the Hall, it must be dealt with before the Hall can move to any other business. The last actual war that the Tower declared was against Artur Hawkwing, so this is an area of Tower law that not many are familiar with. This is confirmed by one of the Sitters, Takima -- and Egwene sees that the Sitter also realizes what the declaration of war will mean if it’s voted on, and she hopes the woman keeps it to herself until after the deed is done.

38. Egwene gives a speech about how declaring against Elaida will put to rest any doubts that the Andoran nobles or anyone else might have about this army being Elaida’s puppets. Once the lesser consensus is standing, and Romanda attempts to wrest things away again, Egwene asks Takima to tell everyone what it means that the lesser consensus has stood to declare war: that every war-related choice is now firmly in Egwene’s hands, with the Sitters REQUIRED to stand by the greater consensus for her choices. Once that is in hand and everyone understands what it means, Egwene tells them after they have spent a month here recovering, they are going to Travel to Tar Valon and begin the seige of the White Tower. Wow, we’re gonna wrap this plot up in Winter’s Heart, everyone! “An end to delays,” Egwene says. Again, I really like all of this, though some of the chapters definitely could have been edited down. She has made relatively good time in her plotline but the trajectory of her plot does imply that the siege of the White Tower SHOULD be her plot in the next book.

39. Elayne and Aviendha brush each other’s hair every night, a near-sister ritual for them. Honestly, all these noblewomen who are complaining now about having abruptly left Ebou Dar are probably gonna be real glad when they realize what they actually escaped back there. As they travel to Caemlyn, Elayne hears all sorts of rumors about Rand having killed her and her mother, to Rand having Elayne brought there to be crowned, and everything in between. Also, everyone blames Rand for the crappy weather (we’ve hopped back in time slightly, so it’s still very dry and hot for everyone).

40. In Black Ajah news -- after questioning Ispan, their captive Darkfriend, Adelas and Vandane are near-certain that the Black Ajah sisters must take a new Oath to prevent them from betraying their cohorts, as the only Darkfriends that Ispan reveals are ones long dead.

41. Here is where we find out that the Atha’an Miere write kink into their marriage vows: whoever commands in public obeys in private. See the thing is that this is actually a dynamic that I personally enjoy exploring in fic (at least half of the Mat & Rand fic that I’ve written involves a degree of Rand commanding in public & obeying in private) but it being codified as part of the marriage of literally everyone in their culture as opposed to being a personal choice for the couples involved is... well, a writing choice that was made, lol. But, again, I point out that the Atha’an Miere are not inside Nynaeve and Lan’s bedroom and they should NOT feel obligated to obey marriage vows like that if they aren’t actually into it. Weddings aren’t magic spells.

42. Elayne continues her study of ter’angreal. A total of five “panniers” (saddlebags?) full of objects remain after she’s sorted through and thrown out the trash.

43. Elayne thinks about how when she sits the Lion Throne, she will still be subject to the Amrylin’s rule but does separate out that this only applies to HERSELF and not to Andor. So then everything turns into a sort of game of trying to decide which of the Amrylin’s declarations or rules are about Elayne Sedai and which are about trying to influence Queen Elayne, which is a difficult needle to thread, especially since Amrylins do sometimes change and she can’t always guarantee that a friend will be in the Amrylin Seat.

44. Nynaeve’s behavior around Egwene these days makes me so sad. She’s always going to remember that horrible night in TAR, I think, no matter how Egwene said that one time that she wanted Nynaeve to be her friend now and not merely her subject.

Mat mentioned by:

Rand x1 (by implication; he assumes Mat is with the “Aes Sedai army” that is heading north)

Egwene x10

Talmanes x6

Unnecessary scenes:

Honestly, the entire “Rand can’t hurt a woman or allow her to be hurt” thing is frustrating to me because he’s completely backtracked on where he previously was in TFoH, when he promised the Maidens that he would let them fight for him and treat them with as much respect as he showed towards men (much like commanding the BotRH for Mat, this seems to last all of one book before it got undermined). Rand’s whole benevolent sexism thing is wearing my last nerve. It also completely tears down his relationship with the Maidens, so I dislike it on many levels.

Why do we have to go through this arc for him again when we already did it once?

So all “Rand can’t hurt a woman or allow her to be hurt” related nonsense is getting put here from now on because it is officially repetitive. I feel like the real reason that it came back again is because Jordan threw huge-ass subplots at Perrin and Mat, so he needed to slow everyone else down and making Rand go through “can’t hurt a woman” again is one of his ways of slowing Rand’s arc down. But it’s also jarring this time around because of Rand’s very odd exceptions that he makes to his rule -- he takes Min into danger without even a second thought most of the time, it seems (because Jordan knows she has plot armor, I guess).

I do certainly understand, on a mental health level, that problems can reoccur, for sure (I dealt with cycles of chronic depression for years), but just the way this is treated really grinds my gears, because it feels so based in our real-world sexism rather than something that feels like it would naturally spring from WoT’s history and, specifically Rand/LLT’s history. Also it really does feel like we’re just re-doing earlier storylines so that we have calendar time in the story to do Mat & Perrin’s side-quests which is frustrating because Mat & Perrin’s side quests should not even exist, let alone dictate the pace of the rest of the narrative.

For spoiler-related reasons, the entire “Sitters with weird ages” is also going here.

Can’t Hurt A Woman : 1 (2 pages)

Young Sitters Mystery: 1 (2 pages)

Shaido nonsense: 1 (2 pages)

Siuan and Gareth’s nonsense: 1 (3 pages)

Atha’an Miere nonsense: 1 (4 pages)

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #the path of daggers #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #the wheel of time

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quidfree · 2 years

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Here from ur tsh fic (amazing as always) to demand to know how Judy prooveys doing!!!! Hope the police never find out about her immense amount of tax evasion

judy is always thirty flirty and thriving in spirit if not in age, thank you so much for asking.

judy trivia from the epilogues:

would never get got for tax evasion thanks to her clichéd seedy LA lawyers, but even if she did have to weather some kind of scandal she would do so à la brooke in legally blonde and emerge on the other side with a lucrative book deal to capitalise on the drama.

she keeps in touch with some of her hampden friends altho a lot of them are east coasters- whenever there’s some kind of reunion she loves showing up to show off. does not care if people look down on her tv show fame. does care if people bring up her rival shows and that bitch melinda (who is totally a scientologist). mostly hangs w a variety of LA people that she’s actually friends with despite a wide range of frenemies she sees regularly.

manages to steer clear of every weird 90s hollywood cult despite her trend-following because she doesn’t like bossy people and she finds the initiation schtick boring. is very blasé about this.

on a similar note has religiously followed every trendy diet there is but also kind of ignores the parts she finds unacceptable like not drinking or giving up chocolate. way ahead of the smoothie craze.

has a string of random exes across the years which range from guys obsessed with her that she dumped to guys she was really into who dumped her. currently in her “living for myself” era (again). seeing richard again had her thinking about it but weirdly after whatever went down there she’s had a sort of zen epiphany that maybe she’s okay with entering her thirties an unmarried girlboss. your longtime crush helping his depressed homosexual friend leave his bride at the altar and then mysteriously moving in with him in a different country months later is apparently a real eye-opener to the different paths people can lead in life.

i think judy certainly has the potential to be bi but it’s also very appealing to me if she’s very straight by contrast to richard’s flagrant repression. so “has gay friends” in la but they’re mostly #gay best friends who hang around her for clout and whatnot ergo richard’s deal is very exciting / intriguing to her. when they do manage to meet in toronto for her book signing she’s extremely open about this. richard is mortified. francis refuses to attend on principle not knowing this will one day lead judy to come to montreal instead just to see the two of them as a surprise. on a sidenote goes from passively pro lgbt to staunch lgbt defender who makes this her cause du jour. think invasive/tactless but aggressively supportive. she has drag queens on her show. she does fundraisers. it’s a great career move for her.

despite the tactlessness and insider knowledge does not say a word about richard x francis to anyone. she may be a gossip but she also delights in keeping juicy secrets & beyond that she’s a good friend. anyways no one she knows really knows either of them enough to care. on the other hand will not hesitate to bring up that she knew the dead guys from hampden as soon as richard’s book makes the topic resurface. will make bunny sound like her dead bff, but will not extend this post-mortem closeness to henry winters, who was “very fucking creepy, to tell you the truth”.

considered having a purse dog but thought it’d be too much of a hassle. instead she has a weird pet like a snake or a turtle that she treats like a puppy.

die-hard lady di stan, devastated when she dies. also cannot understand that her gay bestie richard could not care less about this.

#qui parle #qui repond #judy poovey #tsh #anon #judy poovey fanclub

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fratboykate · 2 years

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oh god you posting kermit photos I got suddenly hit with nostalgia, ugh my heart, my sweet nasty boy, I miss him so and his crazyness, I hope mr marble is still alive too with his century of age

I miss Jenna so much 😭😭😭 Remember when a couple months ago Julian posted a photo of literally the back of her head and she was trending on Twitter for like two days??? lol. And then a girl who is LEGIT identical to her posted a tiktok and tiktok almost broke? A tiktok user that stitched the girl's after the first few seconds jumped in and was like "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING BUT ITS NOT HER! ITS NOT HER!" had like two million likes and a gazillion million views. WE MISS YOU OUR 34 YEAR OLD LADY (She's 34 by now right?).

But I'm pretty sure Marbles is still alive. Julian posted an update on the dogs not too long ago. This sounds mean but while I've never given a single fuck about Julian, I do check in on his YT every so often just to see if he posts about the dogs (and to make sure Marbles hasn't died 😩)

There's two people I'll NEVER EVER EVERRRRRR forgive the internet for forcing into deleting until the day I die: Jenna Marbles and Lizzie Olsen. Y'all are entitled pieces of shit for those two.

Jenna is the type of thing I was talking about the other day where you don't let people grow as human beings. Did Jenna maybe post a dumb video at one point YEARSSSSSSS before the drama went down? Yes. Did she apologize for it multiple times? Yes. Was it FUCKING OBVIOUS that she was a much different person and she had grown and evolved into someone else? Yes. Then why were people digging shit up and fucking holding something from her past over her head IN THE PRESENT? Because the internet is fucking stupid. That's why. Also, MULTIPLE videos she did were taken wildly out of context and people just believed it without fact checking. Imagine Jenna...JENNA FUCKING MARBLES bring accused of animal abuse and neglect LMAO. That's just how the internet works. One person says it, takes two screenshots, clips ten seconds of a video out of context, and 50 people blindly believe, spread it, and that turns into 5000 people who spread it wider. To this day, when she was trending two years after leaving the internet I was still seeing people like on Twitter "Why are y'all saying you miss a racist animal abuser?" And THAT is how the internet runs unchecked and ruins lives.

#jmarbles #jsolomita #anonymous #answers

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thereishopeinchoices · 4 years

Text

IF THE ROYAL ROMANCE WERE A KDRAMA

As a fan of Korean dramas, I have always wondered if I were a director, who would I cast for The Royal Romance?

After much thought, I was able to make a list of Korean celebrities whom in my opinion can match the personalities of TRR characters. Similarity in looks are just a bonus though.

@playchoices

THE ROYAL ROMANCE | KDRAMA VERSION

MAIN CAST:

Daniel Henney as Prince Liam

The “Crown Prince” of Cordonia. He fell in love at first sight with Riley during his Bachelorette Party in New York.

Hyun Bin as Drake Walker

Prince Liam’s best friend. Son of the King’s Guard. A commoner.

His father died in the line of duty, protecting The Royal Family.

Has hidden feelings for Riley.

Nana as Riley

The main protagonist. A waitress in New York.

Han Hyo Joo as Hana Lee

Became best friends with Riley. They met during The Royal Masquerade Ball.

One of Prince Liam’s suitors.

Choi Siwoon as Maxwell Beaumont

The youngest member of The House of Beaumont.

A close friend of Prince Liam.

Sponsors Riley’s flight to Cordonia for a chance to compete for the hand of the Crown Prince.

SUPPORTING CAST:

Song Seung-heon as Bertrand Beaumont

The Duke of Ramsford. Head of The House of Beaumont. Maxwell’s older brother.

Has feelings for Savannah Walker (Drake Walker’s sister)

Krystal Jung as Olivia Nevrakis

The Duchess of Lythikos

Prince Liam’s childhood friend and one of his suitors who will compete for him.

Lee Da Hee as Madeleine

Countess Madeleine of Fydelia.

One of Prince Liam’s suitors.

Ex-fiancee of the Former Crown Prince Leo (Liam’s older brother)

Nam Kyung-eup as King Constantine

The King of Cordonia. Prince Leo and Prince Liam’s father.

Jung Ae-ri as Queen Regina

The Queen of Cordonia. Prince Leo and Prince Liam’s step mother.

Kim Min-joon as Bastien

Prince Leo and Prince Liam’s bodyguard.

Jung Woo-sung as Prince Leo

Former Crown Prince of Cordonia. Abdicated the throne to marry a woman he met in a cruise ship in Athens.

Park Shin Hye as Kiara

Heir to Duchy Castelsarreillan.

One of Prince Liam’s suitors.

Became best friend’s with Penelope at court.

Has a crush on Drake Walker.

Yoo In Na as Penelope

Lady Penelope of Portavira.

One of Prince Liam’s suitors.

Obsessed with dogs.

Kim Hee-sun as Savannah Walker

Drake Walker’s sister.

Has feelings for Bertrand Beaumont.

Park Hyung-soo as Anton Severus

Main antagonist. Disguised as a public relations officer of Riley.

Cha Seung-won as Tariq

One of Prince Liam’s friends.

Involved in a conspiracy against Riley.

Lee Hye Young as Lucretia Nevrakis

Aunt of Olivia Nevrakis

One of the antagonist.

Chun Ho Jin as Godfrey

Duke of Karlington. Madeleine’s father. Husband of Adelaide.

Kim Sung-ryung as Adelaide

Duchess of Krona. Wife of Godfrey. Madeleine’s mother.

Cousin of Queen Regina.

Kim Chang-wan as Xinghai Lee

A businessman. Father of Hana Lee. Husband of Lorelai.

Na Young-hee as Lorelai Lee

A member of a Cordonian minor noble house. Wife of Xinghai Lee. Mother of Hana Lee.

Um Hyo-sup as Landon

Duke of Portavira. Father of Penelope. Husband of Emmeline.

Kim Mi-sook as Emmeline

Duchess of Portavira. Mother of Penelope. Wife of Landon.

Kil Yong-woo as Hakim

Duke of Castelsarreillan. A diplomat.

Father of Kiara. Husband of Joelle.

Choi Ji Woo as Joelle

Duchess of Castelsarreillan. An artist.

Mother of Kiara. Wife of Hakim.

Park Sung Woong as Neville Rancour

Future Earl of Cormery Isle

One of Hana Lee’s suitors.

Bullies Drake Walker.

Lee Jae-yoon as Rashad

Heir to Duchy Domvallier. A businessman.

A friend of Neville Rancour.

One of Hana Lee’s suitors.

Lee EI as Ana De Luca

A Fashion Designer.

Journalist of “Trend” Magazine.

Yoon Ji-min as Mara

Riley’s personal bodyguard.

Oh Hyun Kyung as Queen Eleanor

Former Queen of Cordonia. Second wife of King Constantine. Prince Liam’s mother.

Died because of poisoning.

(Featured in The Royal Romance story through flashbacks)

-------------------------

안녕!!

I’ve always been loyal to Prince Liam! But since Hyun Bin is one of my bias wreckers.. casting him as Drake Walker would really cut my heart in half!! 😂 I believe he’s the perfect oppa to act as Drake, after watching his recent kdrama “Crash Landing On You”. OMG!!!

As for finding an actress as Riley, I did thought of having Bae Suzy..

But I prefer Nana because I find her visual more unique...

She has more of the “western” look vibe. She reminds me of Kim Tae-hee!

Also, I prefer the potential I guess.. she isn’t known for romcom roles yet since she’s always casted for badass films.

Also the “chemistry” among the characters especially the love team is something that I’ve also considered. 🤔Nana and Hyun Bin already worked together in a film called “The Swindlers”.. while Daniel and Hyun Bin starred in a 2005 kdrama “Lovely Kim Sam Soon”.

Here’s an old photo of Daniel Henney & Hyun Bin together!

SWEET!!!! 😍😍😍

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haikyuu-and-more-haikyuu · 4 years

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if your fave hq characters had pets, what sort of animals would they have?

Ah! This sounds like so much fun! I’ll just do karasuno, tell me if you want my take on the others teams too or background characters! Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or weird sentences- I am over stimulated from work and it hurts to think! But I wanted to get this out before bed :D

Daichi: He’s a big doggo person. He likes big dogs becuse he can rough house with them and take long road runs with them. He is gets a Alaskan Malamute named Wakana, since she is so vocal. And even when the dog grown up, she still thinks she is a lap dog, Daichi literally have to push her off if he wants to get things done. Wakana always puts up a light fight. Such a drama queen.

Sugawara: He doesn’t have time for much and doesn't want a high energy animal since he deals with 30+ monkey since he is a elementary school teacher, so he gets two bunnies. Both boys, a white one and a grey one. The grey one is named Mitsou and the white one is named Masa. Mitsou has a temper and will often stump his feet if he is disatisfied (when Suga doesn't give him cuddles) while Masa is just happy to be there :D

Asahi: He get’s a St. Bernard's dog and just looks scarier than he already does. But that big doggo is the cutest dog. He liked cuddle and get attention and will often just sit by Asahi or visitors sides until he get’s the attention he wants. He also is quick to snatch up food that has fallen on the ground and often begs for left overs. He rarely gets some. His name is Sora

Nishinoya: He doesn't get a pet until late into adulthood. He traveled around the world and wouldn't have had the time to care for a pet. But when he eventually does settle down, he gets a greyhound. He needed a partner that was just as playful as him and also a challenge. His name is Tsuyoshi, which means strong.

Tanaka: Get’s a dog like a light brown bull terrier. His name is Arata, and he is just as rowdy as his owner. But also really cuddly and attention seeking. He chews up his toys in minutes, so Tanaka has to by really strong toys so they actually last. He also liked to by clothes to the dig since Arata doesn't mind.

Ennoshita: This chill dude gets a chill catto. they like laughing together and just take a nap. The cat goes out and comes back after a few hours. That is how they both like it. He names the cat Rina. She got kind of too lazy at one point and gained a little bit of weight. So Rina had to learn to walk on a leash with Ennoshita and it works well.

Narita: Is allergic to cats and dogs. (if you guys didn’t know, its the enzymes in the spit that people react too, not the fur itself) Taking shots and medications for it is too much of a hazzle for him, so he gets a big fish thank and fills it with fishes and a few eels and snails too. They don’t do much but it’s exciting to see them swim around minding their own business. He also likes to by new items and sea weed for them so their tank gets decorations and a little personality. Some of them follow his fingers when he is close.

Kinoshita: Got a sphynx from a family friend that just had a littler. His was surprised to see how cuddly and playful they were. His cat is also curious and talkative. The cat, named Sushi, becuse Kinoshita tried to make sushi one time and the cat jumped up and tried the almost done roll, often greets him when he comes home. he also like to sleep with Hishashi in the same bed. Kinoshita also buys him winter and summer clothes so the cat doesn’t freeze to death or get sun burned when he is out. Kinoshita has fallen greatly in love with that wrinkly monster.

Kageyama: That video I reblogged of that volleyball playing doggo, that is Kags doggo. (lol jk) He gets a dog, a little, fluffy pomeranian, to everyone surprise. The old lady next door died and when she didn’t have any family members that could take in the dog, Kageyama offered to take the two year old dog into his care. Her name is Yoko. She is playful and often nibble on his sock when he is relaxing. She has a blanket she likes to sleep in and is really cute when she does so. Kageyama has tried to take the small dog on road runs, but the little Yoko gets too tired and needs to be carried the rest of the way; (small dogs doesn’t need as much exercise as bog doggos)

Hinata: I saw this pintrest post about Hinata owning a mimi turtle (or baby turtle) and yes! He get’s a lil turtle that he names Hikari (light). He likes to feed her berries and often talks to her when he rambles on about his days and need some company. She is often walking by herself in the living room and it took Hinata a few times before he was smart enough to tie a long red yarn around her for him to know where she was. He once lost her and didn’t find her until two days later. He though he had killed her. Hinata likes to think that Hikari likes to be on his head (but to the turtle, it’s the same)

Tsukishima: He and Akiteru tried to convince their mother to let them have a tiger or a bearded dragon. But Mrs Tsukishima said no and that was it. When he gets older, he gets two birds. Named Rex and Strawberry (named after a dinosaur and his fave dessert). Birds are actually very cuddly and often likes to be with their human and play or just relax. So they wouldn't be in their cage when Tsukishima is just home. If he has visitor they need to be in the cage for a few hours. He also learns them words and always whistle when its feeding time. Birds pick up on that too. They have leaned Tsukki, since Yamaguchi calls him that, and now Tsukishima can hear his nickname 24/7.

Yamaguchi: It’s canon that Yama is a dog person, so he would defiantly have a doggo (or two when he grows up) His family currently have a Shiba Inu that they got then he was in middle school. Yama wanted to name it french fry, but Tsukki didn’t let him. So he named it Yukiko since the dog likes winter so much! Like him! He gets his how dogs when he is well into adulthood.

Yachi: When she lived with her mom, before she moved out, they didn't have any pets since the complex didn’t allow pets and her mom were too busy taking care of a pet. She get’s a hamster names Sho. (It means to fly) she named it that because his fur his black and it reminded her of karasuno. He doesn't do much except for run in his wheel-thing and relax in his tunnel. She likes re-decorate his thank and by new stuff for him. It’s a little spoiled hamster.

Shimizu: Get’s an isle cat that like to sun bathe and cuddle with her on the sofa. the cat has a running wheel and uses it sometimes when Kiyoko is in the room with there. She is brown, black and white. The cat also likes to sit on the counter when Shimizu makes food, just to observe. He name is Aki, and Kiyoko named her that becuse her fur remained her of autumn.

Ukai: Gets a mop that becomes the next store pet. He got the dog when it had trend three years and was put out for adoptions. His name is Hibiki he is often seen relaxing on his bed by the counter in the store. He doesn’t bark much, but when a few rowdy school kids passes through the store, he can get a little worked up. Most of the time, everyone is fine with the little helper Sakanoshita has gotten.

Takeda: Gets a dog after a few years. He gets a cocker spaniel that is playful and rowdy and stick his nose into everything. The garbage, his closet or cabinets; you name it. His name is Dai. He once got so excited of seeing a bird outside, that he ran straight into a glass door. He was fine and so was the glass. Takeda was surprised when he saw how energetic the dog was becoming.

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regrettablewritings · 4 years

Text

Podcasts, Youtubes, and TV Shows to Distract Yourself With Because Why Not, and Also Because I Wanna Blab About Some of These

Since I can’t go to work and horrify my coworkers/make them realize I’m a mess and/or nerd by telling them about the type of media I’m into, I’m foisting my recommendations on all of y’all who choose to read this. I frankly do not care how many people have actually heard of these things because I’m also sure there’s plenty of people who, like me, are very slow and oblivious to entertainment, or who have heard of the property but were never that convinced.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts

Type: TV series

200 years after a mysterious yet earth-shattering event, much of humanity has taken to living beneath the surface in communities called burrows, wherein life goes on, if effected somewhat by the bizarre fauna that exists above them (referred to as “mutes”, short for “mutant”). One burrow girl, Kipo, founds her world turned almost literally inside-out when she finds herself not only separated from her father and the only world she’s ever known, but on the surface, no less. What ensues is her trying to find her way back home with the help of a stony-faced little girl with a massive chip on her shoulder; a music enthusiast and his literal gadfly friend; and some . . . unusual allies that only an oblivious optimist like Kipo could make. All to a kickass soundtrack, a beautiful backdrop of art, and a world where animals have basically evolved into gangs under a looming threat known as Scarlemagne. If you can’t already tell, I love this series to bits and now is the perfect time for people to get into it and encourage another season of it. Just . . . don’t think too hard that whatever happened to cause the Event in the show happened in October 2020 . . .

Available on: Netflix

My Dad Wrote a Porno

Type: Podcast

This should go without saying, but this podcast is definitely meant for more mature audiences. Or somebody with a strong stomach. Not that it’ll always be easy to tell with the type of content this series gives. When Jamie Morton’s father handed him his manuscripts for his self-published books, he had no idea he was being given a pinnacle of a polished turd: It was erotica. Really, really, really bad erotica. But the ear’s trash is the heart’s pleasure with this bad girl, as Jamie enlists the company of friends Alice and James to provide commentary on “Rocky Flintstone”’s series Belinda Blinked, a drama chronicling the sexcapades of Belinda Blumenthal as she climbs the ladders (and men and women) both in and out of the cut-throat world of pots and pans sales. What follows is a goldmine of awkward metaphors, strange bedmates, and just an overall stampede of whiplashing events that somehow exceed expectations. Listen in if you dare . . . And make sure you’re in good company for it. Fun Fact, though: Daisy Ridley, Ben Barnes, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Michael Sheen, Mara Wilson, Elijah Wood are but a few well-known fans of this series! Nobody is safe . . .

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

Lore

Type: Podcast

Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. And what better way to be reminded of that, then to have the dulcet tones of Aaron Mahnke tell you about the lighthouse incident that the 2016 movie The Lighthouse was loosely inspired by? Suffice to say, this podcast could also be interpreted with some advised discretion, but definitely in a way that’s different from My Dad Wrote a Porno. In the centuries humankind has existed, we’ve managed to create a menagerie of beasts, both fictional and in ourselves. Lore explores all the many different kinds of events and persons and creatures we have to offer. In any given episode, we could be talking about anything from the bizarre story of a lady who convinced 18th century physicians that she was giving birth to rabbits, to something more disturbing like the life of H.H. Holmes. Or something as relatively innocuous as the relationship between gremlins and flight. Regardless of the subject, however, you’ll definitely walk away knowing something new, if bizarre. And perhaps slightly terrifying.

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

The Amelia Project

Type: Podcast

Congratulations: You have been made aware of The Amelia Project. If you’re not interested in this, exit the page. Now. If you continue, there’s no unhearing it. Good choice! A new interest awaits. If you don’t enjoy it, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Okay but in all seriousness, there’s no way to do The Amelia Project justice in just a simple description. The plot sounds quite simple, really: People want to disappear and start a new life, The Amelia Project is there to help – with a price. And that’s if you can actually get a hold of them! What really makes the show, however, are the people and the writing, and I’m not just talking about the almost childlike Interviewer with an obsession for hot cocoa. I’m talking about the clientele: I’m talking about the macabre-obsessed theme park owner who’s out for revenge; the cult leader who’s in way over his head; a Santa impersonator stuck in a miserable marriage with his own manager; an actual podcast character trying to outrun his creators. And obviously this would all be nowhere without the spectacular writing! I really can explain this series without blabbing on and potentially spoiling things; The Amelia Project is an experience!

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

LegalEagle

Type: Youtube channel

To be frank, I just like learning for the sake of learning, even if I may not always necessarily understand the topic or have any plans to use it in the foreseeable future. The big difference here being that at least this channel makes learning about the law fun and breaks it down. Headed by a certified lawyer (because what an age we live in, where professionals actually take time out of their lives to teach us common folk), there’s a multitude of series D.J. Stone uses to help break down the complex world of law, from reviewing the realism of procedural favorites (Law & Order, The Good Wife, HTGAWM, etc), to analyzing real-life situations, to even watching childhood media that has nothing to do with the law and determining how much money, say, Willy Wonka would owe in a lawsuit. In short, it is one of my worst subjects done in one of my favorite ways to learn! Plus, Stone hates business students and is perfectly willing to poke fun at law students so it’s all fun, frankly.

Available on: Youtube

Nando v Movies

Type: Youtube channel

Sometimes, movies are bad. Sometimes, they’re good. And sometimes, they could use a few adjustments in hindsight. Especially the nerdier movies where the directors may or may not have tried way too hard or way too little. And that’s where Nando comes in: Whether it’s explaining why a different villain might have worked better for a hero’s origin story movie, or analyzing how one seemingly small adjustment could’ve potentially made more sense in explaining characterization, this channel is always providing a new perspective on a movie or show you’ve probably seen and maybe weren’t necessarily too pleased with. (Or maybe you were – I enjoyed Justice League okay but I love the version he rewrote more.) Oh, yeah: Sometimes he does rewrites of movies or even series. So if you’re anything like me and you’re way into that, this is a channel you don’t want to miss out on.

Available on: Youtube

DEATH BATTLE!

Type: Youtube channel

Does anyone remember Deadliest Warrior? No? . . . How about that one time during lunch where you and your friend got into it over who would win in a death match between Superman and Goku? Good news: A buncha geeks did the math for you and have come out with the results! Specifically, hosts Wiz and Boomstick have analyzed the weapons, armor, and skills of each combatant in every episode, resulting in an ongoing series of absolute nonsense and satiation of bloodshed. The description is admittedly nothing crazy, but the amount of detail applied is honestly where it’s at: From calculating how loud Black Canary’s screams are to approximating Scrooge McDuck’s speed (I’m not kidding you), there’s actual thought put into the characters being assembled and how they might fair with their respective combatant. And it all comes together for an actual fight, often animated but always amazing. So if you’ve ever wondered if Thor could beat Wonder Woman, or if McGruff the Crime Dog stands a chance against Smokey the Bear (I’m…I’m being honest), then this is the show for you!

Available on: Youtube

Sideways

Type: Youtube channel

If there is music in that movie or show, it will be analyzed to a degree that, unless you’ve been trained in music, you would’ve probably never thought about. There isn’t necessarily much rhyme or reason to Sideways’ videos in terms of themes beyond music, but really, must they? Is it not enough that this man is screaming to the internet these wack and awesome trends he’s noticed in certain pieces associated with movies and musicals and the genius behind them? Could life not just be him explaining the symbolism of the instruments associated with the Crystal Gems of Steven Universe, or breaking down the cultures explored by way of the Black Panther soundtrack? Also, here’s a fun drinking game: Take a shot every time he mentions leitmotifs or the Dies Irae.

Available on: Youtube

Craig of the Creek

Type: TV show

In the woods of suburban Maryland, there exists a kid’s utopia: A place where horse girls are free to roam the fields, where a boy can be a king of garbage, and where children travel the sewers completely unsupervised. That is, until the dinner horn rings; then they have to go home until the next time they can return to The Creek. The show focuses on one specific trio (Craig, JP, and Kelsey) as every day, The Creek (and their own childish naivete) brings them new hijinks to experience. There’s a blissful lightheartedness to the show, in addition to a lot of creativity that feels like it was ripped straight out of your own imagination as a child (robots made from cardboard boxes, building portals using lights, etc). But beneath it all, there’s something just plain wild brewing. I don’t want to spoil anything, but CotC has some G-rated GOT shit going on the further along the series goes and I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds!

Available on: CN app, wcostream.com

And that’s probably enough for now, I think. Lemme know if you want any other suggestions, or how you’re findin’ ‘em if you take any of them up! Stay safe, stay healthy my dudes!

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chemicalmagecraft · 4 years

Text

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 6

I stuck my hands in my pockets and licked my lips as I looked up at the cloudy sky. "So you said that we're going to meet with a friend of yours?" I asked. It was about a month after I "summoned" Kurama.

"Yes," Father said. "Inuzuka Tsume. She was one of my teammates back when we were genin, and currently the head of the Inuzuka clan." He ruffled Hinata's hair. "Considering their ages and how well the Inuzuka and Hyuuga can work together, it's most likely that Hinata-chan and her youngest child will also be in the same genin team."

"I-I'll do my best!" Hinata said.

I smiled. "I'm sure you'll do fine," I contributed. "You're way better than you think you are." I brushed my bangs out of my eye. They were getting to the point where they weren't entirely curving away from my eye, though that didn't really bother me that much. I like my hair long. Plus, there are a looot of characters in Naruto with hair over one eye, so who am I to go against that trend? I closed my eyes and started humming a happy tune (All dead, all dead, all the dreams we had), when... something brushed on my burgeoning negativity senses, though I couldn't really tell much about it because I wasn't trying to sense anything. For me to sense it automatically probably meant something bad, though.

Huh, guess that's what author me decided to do about Tenten having about zero background information aside from idolizing Tsunade and liking weaponry.

The lady was gripping maybe young Tenten by the wrist and I could see that she looked really afraid. Stranger danger, kids. The other two women, who I assumed were probably Tenten's mothers, began to give off the appropriate amount of hate that one would expect from a pair of mothers whose four-or-so-year-old daughter was snatched by a homophobe, and it showed. Mom number one looked like an older version of Tenten in everything but clothing and the fact that she only had one bun and mom letter A was a shorter orange-haired woman who wore the same sort of Chinese-style clothes that Tenten wore. "Give her back," mom letter A snarled, cracking her knuckles. Mom number one echoed the sentiment. At this point, my training consisting entirely of my Sociology teacher showing the class a bunch of episodes of What Would You Do? and having us write a small assignment each time instead of doing actual work kicked in and I swiftly-but-silently walked over to the homophobic woman and grabbed her wrist with a red chakra-enhanced vice grip.

"No," I said, growling at her with red eyes. She recoiled in fear, letting go of young Tenten's wrist. As one might expect, Tenten immediately retreated to and began hiding behind her mothers. I relaxed my face, but kept my eyes the same. "Why exactly do you think what you just did was right? Especially the attempted child abduction?" I asked the lady.

She tried to yank her wrist away, but I slowly licked my lips and let her struggle for a bit before letting go. She haughtily scoffed like I, a small child, hadn't just vice-gripped her hard enough to leave a red mark. "It's unnatural and no child should be subjected to that. She should be sent back to the orphanage."

I used a neato trick that Kurama taught me to send hate at her with what little I knew of biju telepathy. "First, I don't believe it's something 'unnatural' or 'wrong.' Second, I've been to the orphanage. It's not something I'd send someone to because I don't agree with who the parents are unless the parents are abusive or something." I took another "look" at the family's chakra. "Third, I would like to say that from the feel of their chakra, I think that the daughter is somehow related to both of them, so I think she might have never been in the orphanage to begin with." It was just a suspicion I had, but considering the feel of Tenten's and mom letter A's chakras weren't quite as close as Tenten's and mom number one's, I decided that mom letter A was a relative of Tenten's biological father. Maybe a sister or close cousin? At any rate, something about their similarities in chakra felt... familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it... "So the only bad person here is you," I continued. "Leave."

Evil woman clearly didn't like my tone of voice. Or my logical argument as to why she was a horrible person. "You little brat! I'll kill you!"

"You'll do nothing of the sort," Father said with an edge to his voice. He'd come over at some time during the argument, with Hinata hiding behind him. "I don't like the tone you've taken with my son."

She winced and tugged at her collar. "At least you'd agree with me when I say that those two women are deviants for being... together?"

"I honestly don't know why you might think that," Father mused. "I suppose we seem traditional most of the time, but the Hyuuga have had a long history of supporting LGBT rights and love in general." He gave a small smirk that had all of the energy of a Cheshire Cat smile. "In fact, I'd like to say that I am not at all ashamed to admit that, when we were both genin, I had feelings for Namikaze Minato." The woman that I was now memorizing the face and chakra signature of for the specific purpose of giving her a hard time were I to ever see her again scoffed and stomped off. "Are you four okay?" he asked.

"That was fun," I said, then realized how that could be insensitive that could be to the little girl who was almost abducted and her parents. "Sorry, are you three okay?"

Mom number one (I really needed to learn their names) smiled. "That was nice of you, kid. What's your name?"

"Hyuuga Kouki," I said. "He's my father and the little one is my sister, Hinata." Before I was about to make any more witty remarks, I was surprise-glomped by a four-year-old.

"That was so cool!" Tenten exclaimed. "You totally saved me!" I noticed that up close, her otherwise dark brown-looking hair had a red glint with the right lighting like mine. Just in case, I compared her chakra to mine to see if that was what the familiar bit to her chakra was. I was glad at myself to see that what little similarity between our chakras was minimal, a bit like the similarity I noticed between Naruto and an Uchiha that I'd seen. Like we were descendants of two siblings from Otsutsuki Hagoromo's ti-

"Wait a minute," I thought. I used my chakra sensing on Tenten and mom letter A. Prodigious chakra capacity, disproportionate physical energy, and a bit of a sunny feel to it. For both of them. I thought about what I knew about how Tenten fights from canon. Seals all of her weapons in scrolls and has the stamina to keep up with Neji the prodigy, Lee the genius of hard work, and Maito Guy. Plus, mom number A had orange hair. "They're Uzumaki, aren't they?" I thought even as mom letter A started talking.

"My name's Uzumaki Ai." I fricking called it. "My..." she blushed slightly and tittered like a schoolgirl with her first crush, "girlfriend here is named Tenko."

"And the girl hugging Kouki-kun is my little daughter, Tenten," Tenko said.

"Potentially touchy question," I said flatly, acting like there wasn't a little girl who was a little taller than me still hugging me. I gave Tenten a look and she let go.

Tenko sighed. It was more of a sad sigh and not a some-rude-kid-is-about-to-ask-me-a-potentially-touchy-question sigh. "Her father was... severely injured in the Kyuubi attack. He died and Ai and I mourned him together. She decided to help me raise her brother's child and well," she blushed, "things... happened eventually." I nodded. Yeah, that seemed like something I'd write. Tenko looked thoughtful for a moment. "If you don't mind me asking a potentially touchy question," she said, "why were you so willing to jump in? Not that it's bad to do that, but I wouldn't have thought that a little kid would be like that."

I grunted and licked my lips. "I hate people who judge others without getting to know them at all, just basing their entire opinion on something that has no bearing on their character or that they have no control over." I closed my eyes and shrugged. "I don't know exactly where it comes from, but I think that the fact that over half the village hating my best friend for something that happened on the day of his birth and was masterminded by someone else had something to do with it." I gave Tenko and Ai a piercing stare and noticed that Tenten had completely stopped following the conversation. "I don't suppose you two realize that Naruto-chan is totally innocent of the attack that happened mere minutes after his birth, do you?" I gave Ai a bitter smile and tilted my head to the side. "'Course, given the fact that I'm pretty sure that the two of you are the only remnants of the Uzumaki clan in the village but I haven't even sensed you anywhere near him makes that seem unlikely."

She sighed and stood there for a minute. "You're... you're right. I should have taken him in. My brother died in the attack, but that doesn't change the fact that I turned my back on a kid who had nowhere else to go and is actually family." She looked at Tenko and smiled. "Honey, do you think Tenten-chan would like a little brother?" I could tell what the answer was when Tenten turned to her mother and stared at her with puppy dog eyes. Not Puppy Dog Eyes(TM), but close.

Tenko chuckled. "I think I'd like to have a son." Tenten squeed and jumped up and down in happiness. Then she grabbed me and Hinata in a big hug. "Well, we should probably get going with that. I don't even know where to start..."

"Go to the Hokage," Father suggested. "Considering his importance, Hokage-sama would get involved anyway."

I raised my hand. "And if you really want to speed it up, tell the secretary to tell Sarutobi-san that the Seer of Time sent you." Ai, Tenko, and Tenten looked at me quizzically. "I think that we might have go to soon. Good luck."

Father stiffened slightly. "Right, I was taking Hinata-chan and Kouki-kun to meet a friend of mine and we really should be going. I hope that we will get to know each other in the future, considering the fact that my son is friends with the boy you're hoping to adopt, but if you will excuse us, we must be leaving now." He looked at Tenten. "If you could release my children, please?" Tenten stopped hugging us and we parted ways.

A few minutes later Father said, "You planned that, didn't you."

I covered my mouth with a hand as I grinned and did my weird snicker that sounds like I'm hissing and I decided to mess with him. "However do you suggest I did that, Father?" I asked in a voice that made it sound like I totally did plan it, even though in this one case I totally hadn't. "Such a feat would require me to have some way to know that they were going to be there beforehand." He gave me a flat look. "Sometimes, when you do good things purely out of the kindness of your heart," I continued, "events line up so nicely that people think that you planned it." He raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and pulled out the small, featureless puppet that I'd bought to test a certain jutsu I was trying to make and started playing around with it using chakra threads. What? Just because I don't plan on using puppet ninjutsu in battle doesn't mean that I should never learn it. "Yeah, I like being all puppetmaster-y, but I really can't take credit for this one. It's just luck."

"That's so cool, Kouki-niisan!" Hinata said as she looked at my puppet. I grinned and made it bow before putting it away.

"Thaaaank you," I said. "Let's go see Father's friend now."

kukukuku~

Tsume guffawed as she looked at me. "So this is the little ankle-biter you saddled yourself with, eh Hiashi?" she said with a grin.

To his credit, I was only able to bend my spine an acute angle to the side before Father said, "Please don't bite my ankle, Kouki-kun."

This naturally made Tsume howl with laughter and then smile at me. "You're alright, kid!"

"Thank you, Inuzuka-san," I said with a small grin. "You seem nice too. Should I go introduce myself to your son?" I asked.

"Go ahead, kid." She grabbed Kiba by the head and lightly shoved him at me, then looked at the nine-year-old Hana. "You should talk to them too, kiddo. I heard Kouki's got some sort of healing jutsu, so you could talk to him about that."

"Hello," I said as she walked over. "Can I pet your puppies," I asked, pointing at the three husky puppies that were trailing behind her.

"Sure," she said with a smile. I bent down and rubbed two of them behind the ears, cooing in a totally not weird way. "Their names are Hashirama, Tobirama, and Hiruzen. We call them the Haimaru triplets."

"After the first three Hokage," I assumed.

"Umm..." Hinata said quietly. "C-can I..." Hana picked up the puppy I wasn't petting and gave him to Hinata. "Thanks..." Kiba walked up to her and started chatting to her about... something. I stopped paying attention, so I'm not sure what.

Hana crouched down next to me and began petting... I think he was Tobirama? "So what was my mom saying about you knowing a healing jutsu?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Unfortunately it's not the sort of jutsu just anyone can use, if that's what you were hoping for. You have to have a certain special chakra that you don't have, sorry."

She sighed. "Can't be helped. I want to learn medical ninjutsu so I can be a veterinarian. I like animals, so I thought it'd be a nice goal."

I nodded as I started scratching Hiruzen's tummy. "Being any kind of healer is a worthy aspiration," I muttered. "And animals are nice, though I suppose I shouldn't have to say that to an Inuzuka, should I?" She laughed. "I want to learn medical ninjutsu too, but really, mine is just for curiosity." I closed my eyes and chuckled as Hiruzen started licking my fingers. Then I rubbed my fingers on the "skirt" my shirt when he was done. "Mine must seem petty compared to yours, huh?"

She shrugged. "I still think that it's nice to want to learn stuff like that." She chuckled. "Even if it's just curiosity. So what exactly is that healing jutsu of yours?"

I grinned and lit the tip of my finger with a bit of red chakra. "It's a bit of a long story, but I think it's an interesting one..." We chatted for a while. I think I actually made a friend! Plus, it looked like Hinata was having fun with Kiba, so that's good.

kukukuku~

Ai and Tenko walked into that one meeting room of the Hokage's. "You wanted to see us again?" Tenko asked.

"Yes," he said. "Please, sit down." The couple sat down on one of the sofas, with Ai resting her head on Tenko's shoulder, which was really adorable. "There are a few more things that I'd like to discuss with the two of you before you adopt Naruto-kun. It's very important."

"Let's hear it," Ai said as she got a little more comfortable nuzzling Tenko.

"For one, I think you should learn who his father was before you take him in," I said as I sauntered out of the shadows and dropped my very-horrible-but-still-at-least-somewhat-usable Transparency Jutsu. It really only made me a little translucent, really more like stained glass than glass, and there was still an unfortunate amount of disturbance when I moved, but with my dark clothes, the partial tan that I had from actually spending time in the sun, and the shadows, the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye was easy and attainable, even if I still couldn't eat any zargnuts while doing it... "His name was Namikaze Minato, maybe you've heard of him." I flopped down on the other sofa and sprawled out on the entire thing.

Everyone was silent for a moment as Tenko and Ai looked at me incredulously. After a few seconds, Ai broke the silence by saying, "Not that I'm mad or anything because you're a nice kid, but what the hell are you doing here?"

Sarutobi cleared his throat. "To cut a long story short, I made young Kouki here my advisor because he has the ability to see the future. This is an S-rank secret that should be even more strongly guarded than Naruto's status as a jinchuriki and his heritage." I winked and flashed my open eye at them.

"Okay, so what was that about Naruto's father being the fourth Hokage?" Tenko asked. I took the pictures of Minato and Naruto that I'd prepared for that particular reason and waved them so that the corners hit each other a few times and raised my eyebrows slightly. Seriously who else in Konoha had spiky blonde hair like that? "No, I see that now." She paused. "Actually I'm surprised that not more people have made that connection..."

"People see what they want to see," I stated with a scowl and red eyes. "Any relation to the heroic Fourth aside from 'murderer of' would get in the way of the idea that most of the villagers seem to have built up of how Naruto is a monstrous demon and not a young boy hated by over half the village for the monster sealed inside him to save said village." I scoffed. "Ingrates."

After a few minutes of utter silence, Tenko said, "I'd like to ask why nobody's ever tried to inform the village about his father, then."

I shrugged. "This guy," I pointed at Hiruzen, "decided that Naruto's parents have made some enemies and they aren't around to protect him anymore, so why not just cover up who his parents were, and not even tell him 'til he's either chuunin or sixteen. I begrudgingly accepted his reasoning on the condition that we make sure that Naruto's life isn't completely horrible and he doesn't learn about the Kyuubi or his parentage in completely traumatic circumstances."

"I would have preferred it if you didn't phrase it like that," Hiruzen said, "but that's about it. There's another matter, this one something that Kouki-kun was rather insistent on telling you."

Aiko nodded. "Spill, kid."

I sat up. Kinda. I didn't actually sit like a proper young lady, but at least I wasn't lying down on the sofa, right? "Something you guys should probably know looong before it actually becomes relevant." I tossed them the picture of Obito from when he had to have his ID photo taken. "His name is Uchiha Obito. Pronounced KIA in the Third Ninja War after a cave-in. In actuality, he was abducted by Uchiha Madara, implanted with the genetic material of the First to repair the damage from the cave-in, and groomed to take on Madara's mission. Part of this mission was apparently to attack the village using his Sharingan to control Kyuubi about three-and-a-half years ago."

Tenko sighed. "I suppose it's a little hard to swallow, but so is a young boy with the ability to see the future, so I'm willing to believe you. Why did you want us to know this?"

I lazily bobbed my head. "First, there's the fact that, even if you have the best intentions, the two of you lost a loved one in the Obito attack, so it might've been hard for you to fully put aside the feelings from that if you believed that the thing responsible for that was sitting under your roof inside the boy you adopted. And that would be bad. Second, I plan on eventually getting Naruto-chan and Kurama-chan to make friends with each other, so you two thinking Kurama-chan is a mindless beast might interfere with that." Ai raised her hand. "Kurama's the Kyuubi and yes we are friends," I answered. "Third, you two really should know all the facts."

"Thanks for that, then, kid," Ai said. "Is there anything else we should know?"

I grumbled. "I was gonna tell you two about Jiraiya, but someone," I looked at Hiruzen, "already told you."

"How did you..." Tenko started to say, but then trailed off. "Right, future vision. I'm starting to realize that 'getting to know each other' wasn't the only reason Hyuuga-san had for wanting to get some drinks with us after this." I smiled at the compliment.

"Where is young Tenten, anyway?" Hiruzen asked. "I figured she was waiting outside, but if you're going out for drinks..."

"I love shadow clones," Ai said blissfully. "They're just... so useful."

He nodded. "I agree. If I'm not mistaken, I'm getting done twice the amount of paperwork that I used to, and I'm not even in my office."

"Though, should we be drinking after learning such sensitive information?" Tenko asked. "I love you, Ai, but you can't really hold your alcohol very well."

Ai blushed. "N-no I don't! You can't hold your alcohol very well!"

I slouched into the sofa some more and tossed Hiruzen a scroll. "Suna agreed to let me take a crack at Gaara, right? And about the issue of payment, tell the Kazekage that I'm doing it half out of the kindness of my heart and half to hone my skills with fuinjutsu, so I'm fine if he can't pay me too much relative to the skill level of the job." I shrugged. "Though I would like it if he had any scrolls on jutsu, preferably Wind Release, that he'd be willing to give me." He opened the scroll and made to say something, but I cut him off by saying, "You've probably noticed by now, but I screen any meeting where we discuss sensitive information beforehand. Might need to take a nap tomorrow, even though I slept last night."

"Did you already find a seal to fix Gaara?" Hiruzen asked incredulously as he stared at the scroll.

"Nein," I sighed. "As great as that would've been, we both know that I need more information on his seal to even attempt anything more than a temporary countermeasure. That's just something I whipped up with Kurama-chan's help to deal with the situation for now."

"You really like preparing for everything, don't you?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Just the things that I can think of. Besides, I doubt I'll hear you complaining when I know what to do if Danzo challenges you to a dance-off with the winner becoming Hokage, will I?"

He gave me a flat look. "Kouki-kun, did you get into my secret stash of brownies? Because you really shouldn't eat those."

I blinked. "No I did not. Just going to pretend you never said that."

"If anyone asks, it's for my back."

"Just make sure it doesn't interfere with your work," I advised. "The solution to that problem," I said like he hadn't said anything hinting at drug use, "is to just laugh him out of the office because the Hokage is not chosen based solely on one's ability to get down and boogie, but at the same time make sure that you could theoretically beat him in a dance-off. And try to engineer events so that, if Danzo has his... modifications... at the time of the dance-off, those modifications get unveiled in public and in front of a captive audience, thus casting suspicion onto his character."

He grunted. "A sensible answer to a nonsensical problem. What about the current problem of Gaara, by the way?"

I nodded and slipped into Serious Mode (yes, I have one of those), and then actually did sit up like a proper young lady. "Write this down. That scroll contains instructions to make and an example of the Inner Demon Calming Seal, a one-use seal of my and Kurama's invention that forcibly suppresses red chakra in any being with red chakra that is not a Biju - i.e. me or a jinchuriki - by way of using some of their own red chakra as fuel to cause the rest to return to the chakra coils. Tell the Kazekage to have at least three copies of it made and ready at all times, preferably more. One copy will be given to Gaara himself, who will be instructed to use it at any time when he feels like Shukaku might be trying to rise up while he's awake. The other two are to be given to shinobi of appropriate skill who are to follow Gaara around in shifts and intervene if they feel Gaara is having a problem but can't deal with it himself for whatever reason.

"Any seals that have been used will enter a state where they cannot be used again but give diagnostic information on Gaara at the time of usage, so they are to be sent to me with time used for analysis. Note that the way the seals are set up, an error in writing will most likely cause one of three problems. The first two are that it will not suppress the chakra, which is the reason why there are to be three, and complete failure in the data recording. These two are hopefully trivial matters, though there might be some inconvenience. The third is to be taken more seriously, however. Should the mechanism that regulates the reaction fail, unfortunately, the seal will continue to siphon some of Shukaku's red chakra even after it's been suppressed, as evidenced by the red glow persisting after Gaara's back to normal. It isn't nearly enough to put Gaara in danger of dying by all of Shukaku's chakra being extracted, but it will create a miniature Biju Dama should it reach critical mass. Before this happens, the seal must be removed from Gaara and sent at least ten meters from him, which will cause the seal to stop and the built-up chakra to disperse. Send the scroll and those instructions as soon as possible with further instructions to gather any and all information on Gaara's seal plus any information on Gaara himself that they think might be relevant, like medical records and chakra composition, as well as any questions and statements they might have." He looked at me incredulously, and then I slouched back down, sighed, and said, "The annoying thing about Serious Mode is that I can only do it for so long..."

Hiruzen sighed, closed his eyes, and said, "That seems about right. Are you leaving soon?" This was answered when he opened his eyes and saw a note in my place with the word "yup" on it. "How did he do that?" the Hokage muttered.

kukukuku~

The couple met another couple in front of the... I guess it was a bar? Anyway, Ai told Tenko that she saw Hiashi and someone who she guessed was probably his wife. "Hey, Hyuuga-san!" Ai said as she walked up to him. She elbowed him and said, "Is that your wife? She's hot!"

Hyuuga Hizashi looked over at his wife with puzzlement. "Do we know her?" he mouthed at aunt Hikaru.

"No," she mouthed back, shaking her head slightly.

At this exact moment, the real Hiashi and Hikari showed up. "Ah, good," Hiashi said. "I see you two have met." Ai slowly looked at Hizashi, then at Hiashi, then back to Hizashi.

"I haven't even touched the alcohol and I'm already seeing double," Ai groused. "What the heck?"

Tenko chuckled and planted a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. "I think that those two might be his brother and sister-in-law, sweetie. Hiashi-san said that they would be here too."

Ai glared at Father. "You could have warned us that they're your clones," she complained.

"Identical twins and he did," Tenko reminded her.

Father chuckled. "Ai-san and Tenko-san, this is my darling wife Hikari," he gave her a small kiss, "and you seem to have already acquainted yourself with my brother Hizashi and his wife, Hikaru." He pointed at them. "Shall we enter, then?" They entered and were escorted to a private room by the staff.

"What, exactly, is with the private rooms?" Tenko asked as they sat down and ordered some drinks.

"This establishment is often used for meetings between clans as a sort of neutral ground," Father explained. "The owner takes the privacy of the clients who make use of the private rooms very seriously. They're soundproofed, the staff regularly check for any kind of bugs, they knock before coming in, and there are even seals placed on the rooms that make them unseeable by chakra-sensing or even the Byakugan."

"Actually, what about the Shoraigan?" Hikaru asked. As soon as she did, there was a knock on the door. When the staff member was let in, he said that a young boy had given him a note to get to his aunt, Hikaru. After the guy left, everyone else looked at aunt Hikaru. She opened the note and read, "What do you think? ~Love Kouki."

There was some awkward silence followed by Tenko clearing her throat. "So when are our drinks arriving, do you think?"

"Probably about now," Hizashi guessed. There was another knock on the door. "I swear I didn't plan that," he quickly added.

"Kouki-kun has had an impact on you, hasn't he?" Tenko asked.

Mother sighed. "He's not bad or anything, if that's what you're implying, but it's that he seems to like to play around with people and show off with his future vision and other unique powers, which can be... not exactly annoying, but... odd... at times." She then actually managed to almost look into my eyes and say, "And I'm not just saying that because you may or may not be watching, Kouki-kun."

Heh. I could show more of their conversation, but this chapter's probably getting long enough and that was about all that I wanted to show anyway. So to sum it all up, Ai got really drunk and kept hitting on Tenko. Ah, young love.

kukukuku~

I think I should make note of a few things I'd asked Hiruzen about earlier. Tenten's father, Uzumaki Shigechi, was actually the Uzumaki clan head before he died, with his younger sister having become clan head after his death. Funnily enough this meant that Tenten kinda had two separate claims to being the Uzumaki heiress, being the only daughter of the previous clan head and basically the adopted daughter of the current clan head. Though really Shigechi only became the clan head after the destruction of Uzushiogakure on account of being one of only a few Uzumaki actually being left over. As for why Kushina wasn't clan head? It actually wasn't because she was a jinchuriki. Instead, it was because she was actually Hashirama's granddaughter (apparently she was actually Tsunade's cousin, which I suppose fit with all the other times jinchuriki were related to a Kage) and she and some other people had concerns about the head of the much smaller Uzumaki clan being in line to become the Senju clan head. The same went for why Tsunade or her dad didn't become the Uzumaki clan head, though apparently her dad wasn't as cool with the decision. Not that anyone even listened to him.

But that was in the past. Currently, I was talking jutsu with Kurama.

"Demon Infusion?" I offered, playing around the puppet and some red chakra. "Maybe if I make the yin chakra and yang chakra separately?" I thought.

Kurama gave a thoughtful hum. "It sounds fine, I guess, but why does it need to sound demonic?"

I shrugged. "I've heard of biju referred to as demons before, and giving myself a demonic motif just sounds cool."

"I suppose that that's as good a reason as any when dealing with you," he sighed. There was a bright flash from the window, illuminating the dark, dusky sky, and a crash of thunder followed a moment later. "Eeep!" Kurama... shrieked? That felt weird to say... So he... shrieked... and jumped into my arms.

I looked down at him flatly. "You do realize I'm working, right?"

He scoffed haughtily and turned his head away. "I was just... startled, is all."

I looked out the window, specifically at the heavily pouring rain. "You do realize that it's been overcast the whole day, right? And now it's pouring buckets."

"Shut up," he said as he jumped out of my arms and onto my desk.

"I can't do that, but I can change the subject," I offered. Kurama muttered something that could have been a "fine." "So do you think that I could get Six Paths Sage Mode if I got some chakra from all nine biju?"

He stared at me for a few moments. "Maybe? You do realize that the problem with this theory is that you need to get the chakra of all nine for this to work, yes?"

I shrugged. "True, but at the same time, I have yours and I'm hoping to get some of Shukaku's when I go over to Suna, so I'm almost one third of the way there already!"

He flicked his tail. "Perhaps you should think of an easier jutsu to obtain?"

I sighed. "You're probably right." I thought for a moment, then snapped my fingers. "Do you think I could make a Gudo Dama if I were to get all five chakra natures in red chakra?" I asked.

This took him a bit of thought as I fiddled with the puppet some more. "I... don't know. Maybe. If you count Shukaku's magnet release that you're hoping to obtain, you then have fire release and wind release from me and earth release and wind release from him. Assuming your theory works, you'll need water release from Isobu, Kokuo, Saiken, or Gyuki and lightning release from Chomei or Gyuki."

I nodded. "It seems that I'll have to engineer events so that I meet B if I don't want to wait like thirteen years for when I know Fuu is going to finally be out of Taki."

"That does seem like the most efficient way to find out, doesn't it?" He then somehow gave off the aura of a Cheshire cat smile despite having his face permanently stuck in a regular cat smile. "Too bad there's still so much animosity between Konoha and Kumo, huh?"

I gave a smile. An evil smile. "Oh, I know. I plan on using it." Okay, so I didn't really have any plans, but I have an image to keep up, y'know? Anyway, lightning struck at that moment, as if on cue. Yet again, Kurama shrieked and jumped into my arms. "You're sending mixed messages, you know? Do you want to stay in my arms or not?"

"Shut. It."

I smiled. "It's okay if you don't like lightning. I imagine that you used to get hit all the time, with how big you are..."

He grunted. "Guess that's one perk of being so fucking tiny..." I blinked. Oops. Probably shouldn't have pressed that particular button...

I was frantically thinking of which random topic to use to distract him with when the door suddenly burst open. "Nii-san!" Hinata tackle-hugged me.

I lightly chuckled as I closed the door with chakra threads. To keep up with the ruse that I was Hinata's bodyguard, my bedroom was placed close to hers, which was probably why she came to me. "You don't like lightning either, do you Hina-chan?" She shook her head slightly and buried her face deeper into my shoulder. "Don't worry, Kurama's afraid of it too." I idly remembered a funny video my dad showed me one day from this one movie called... Ted, I think it was. "Hey, you two could be thunder buddies!" I backed out of Hinata's hug and deposited Kurama in her hands. He glared at me for a moment before another flash of lightning caused the two to flinch into each other. "Well, I think our parents are done now and none of them brought an umbrella, so I'll be going now." I left, taking the umbrella that I'd bought some time ago with me.

kukukuku~

I decided that I rather like the rain, assuming I have an umbrella, at least. Having waterproof boots and not open-toed shoes probably helped a bit too. It felt calming seeing all of the water falling, plus with how high the water was I could practice water-walking! Speaking of practicing jutsu, I was also using puppetry jutsu on my little puppet to manipulate it into screwing around with a ball of my red chakra for me. I'd managed to make it luminesce even as I tried to prime it for the jutsu I was actually trying to make, which I was using like a lantern. "I probably need to put in the yin first..." I muttered as I got closer to their chakra signatures. I rounded a corner and saw all four of them standing under a awning. "Father, Mother, Uncle, Aunt," I greeted as they stared at me. "It's been cloudy all day, I didn't need my eyes to know it'd rain. At least one of you should have brought an umbrella."

"Thank you for coming to get us, Kouki-kun," Mother said. "But I don't think your umbrella will fit the five of us." I grinned, made a half ram seal with the hand holding the umbrella, and handed it to Father.

"Channel some chakra into it," I told him. I could tell he did what I asked when seals flared up on the umbrella and a chakra shield extended enough to fit everyone comfortably. "Rather simple chakra form change seals," I explained. "The final version's gonna have more options than just that." We started walking home under the cover of my umbrella. While the others were talking, I continued to mess with the puppet. After a while, something... clicked and I was finally able to combine the yin and yang without it canceling out and becoming normal red chakra. The altered red chakra was absorbed into the puppet, so I let the strings dissipate and dropped it onto my palm. Despite it being an inanimate object, it landed on its feet and stayed standing. With a mental command from me, the puppet started punching the air, but stopped after a bit and shrugged at me. I sighed.

"What's wrong, Kouki-kun?" aunt Hikaru asked.

"I just finished a jutsu I was working on, but to actually use it in battle, I'd need a lot more chakra than I have at the moment," I muttered.

She smiled. "I'm sure you'll be able to use it eventually."

I sighed. "Yeah, but..." I had a flash of inspiration and actually had to check that I hadn't accidentally activated my eyes from the sudden mental rush. I grinned. "Nyahahaha~ NYEEHAHAHAHAHA!~" Lightning crashed during my maniacal laugh, which was just great.

"That's probably not a good sign," uncle Hizashi noted.

kukukuku~

Kurama woke up feeling rather refreshed, so much so that he wasn't really that annoyed by the little girl snuggling up to him and trapping him. Stupid tiny toy body with almost no strength... The first thing he saw upon waking was the back of my office chair. "You know... you two are lucky I didn't need to sleep tonight, or I would've had you leave my room," my voice said from the other side of the chair.

"What do you want, Kouki?" Kurama asked.

I turned my chair around, revealing me stroking the puppet on my lap like it was a cat with a grin. What? My actual cat-shaped thing was occupied at the moment. "What do you know about... Pause for dramatic effect... Natural energy?"

"U-um, Kurama-san?" Hinata asked as she sat up. "Should I be worried about that?"

"Knowing Kouki, probably."

#fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #naruto #Foresight is 20/20 #F20 CH6 #homophobia tw

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blindrapture · 4 years

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The Structure of Ulysses, plus Sonic, Part I

Ulysses is a big book. And I intend on adapting all of it at some point into a series I call Sonic Hamlet, where everyone is played by video game characters. I’m not going to explain why video game characters just yet, you’ve got to just accept them for now.

So far, I have not made much progress with the actual adaptation (I have the first third of the first episode done and on YouTube, click here for it). However, I have made progress in rereading and understanding Ulysses, I’ve made far more progress than I honestly thought I was capable of. And I think I might be ready to at least outline some things. I believe strongly that Ulysses will be of interest to many people alive today, and I do not accept language as a valid barrier to comprehension, only a temporary obstacle. But the onus is on those of us who have read Ulysses, we have to be the ones to clear those obstacles away, we cannot just expect people to read it, we have to help because those obstacles are very much there! Ulysses was hard to read even at its time, but there’s a difference between an intentional challenge and the changing of parlance over time. And the intentional challenge? Is wonderful. It in fact helps us embrace life, the big and the little things in it, the complicated cycles that overwhelm, the fast-paced sarcastic comedy of young people, the slow-paced enigmatic wit of those so ancient they perished long ago, the clash of cultures suggesting inevitable conflict and yet still hiding pathways to real diverse peace.

As an adaptation, my work is a sort of translation, this has to be. I don’t want to change any of the words, though-- Ulysses has a structure to it, a mathematical and logical and literary structure, and the specific words are a part of that. Translations into other languages, those naturally must deal with changing the words, but they try their best to still stick within the plan of the original’s intent. The only language I’m translating into is the extratextual-- I’m adding images, sounds, pauses for reflection. I’m realizing an interpretation of the original text, in the hopes that my audience might have a better foothold for comfortably examining and interpreting Ulysses themselves. The original words can still fit in that context. But character names? Sure. I can accept changing those.

So. So. Sonic Hamlet. As Ulysses is a book, so Sonic Hamlet is a show. As Ulysses is of three main parts with various Episodes in each, so Sonic Hamlet is of three seasons with various Episodes. Following me?

Part I, my Season 1, has three episodes. It is sometimes called the Telemachiad, as it deals with the Telemachus of the story, Stephen Dedalus (hereby Sonic Dedalus), as he goes through the motions of an increasingly despondent life without a trustworthy guide.

Part II, my Season 2, has twelve episodes. It is sometimes called the Odyssey, or the Wanderings of Ulysses, as it deals with the Odysseus of the story, Leopold Bloom (hereby Mario Bloom), as he navigates the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in hopes of returning home victorious.

Part III, my Season 3, has three episodes. It is sometimes called the Nostos, or the Homecoming, as it deals our Odysseus’s bold return and the stratagems which fell the suitors of his wife, Marion “Molly” Bloom (hereby Peach Bloom).

I will, for now, compose three posts, one for each Season. I will not point out all the coolest shit, all the patterns and correspondences, but I will give a general outline as best I can. Maybe this outline, alone, will give all the help a reader needs to “get” the premise of Ulysses and thus be able to read the original. But ultimately I write this not for any reader but for my own benefit. I need to organize and consolidate some things, see. And I’d may as well start somewhere.

So. Here we go.

Part I / Season 1: The Telemachiad (8 AM - Noon)

Episode 1 / 101: Telemachus

Sonic Dedalus is 22 years old. His mother died last year, putting a damper on his aspirations of travelling other countries and becoming a poet. Now he’s contributing rent money to a buddy’s cultural project (”let’s rent out an old watchtower and turn Ireland into Ancient Greece,” that’s about as thought-out as the plan became). His buddy, Big Mulligan, doesn’t seem to have much respect for Sonic, just an incessantly jovial tolerance. Staying with them is Shadow Haines, an Englishman with a gun who wants to write a book of all the quirky folk-sayings of the primitive rural Irish. Big thinks Sonic could contribute a lot to that. Everyone seems to like Big and Shadow; their conspicuous and confident personalities shine above the material worries of the Dublin lower-class. The lady who delivers milk for their breakfast that morning (played by Tikal) listens to Shadow with reverence and doesn’t even seem to notice Sonic, who pays for the breakfast and sees Ireland’s spirit in her. That morning, Big gets Sonic to promise him a sizable chunk of Sonic’s salary will go towards getting them all drunk later. He also gets the key to the tower from him, for some reason. And he gets naked and goes for a swim, as Sonic walks off to do his day’s work.

Episode 2 / 102: Nestor

Sonic works as a temporary teacher at a nearby school. Today, he teaches his class about the historical battle at Asculum, where Pyrrhus gave his famous quote (”another victory like that, and we’re done for”). They’re not terribly interested, since today’s hockey day and they want to play outside, but that’s okay, Sonic’s mind isn’t really focused today either. He’s got some themes battling in his head, and they won’t go away. Though they don’t stop him from at least giving the kids a strange riddle and helping a poor kid with his math homework. And the kids all play hockey. This episode takes its name from an old boastful king, whose advice keeps young Telemachus going (waiting for his father’s return from the war), but also whose company is a bit much in long bursts. Here, Nestor is played by the headmaster of the school (whose video game character I have not assigned), Mr. Deasy. Deasy is a West Briton, the type of Irishman who thinks he’s English and thinks Ireland is just the westernmost province of England. So, probably a Protestant. I really don’t remember right this minute. But in practice, it means Deasy talks down on a lot of people all while thinking he’s being a nice old man. He has money, he keeps his money, he says this is a very English thing to do, and he judges all those who can’t pay their way. He loves history, sees it as one steady march towards the real manifestation of God, and he thinks Sonic unhappy for his view that history is “a nightmare from which I am trying to wake.” But he at least pays him, his salary and some decency. And, knowing Sonic has some “literary contacts,” he gives him a letter to deliver to the newspapers, a letter proposing a solution to foot-and-mouth disease (this will come up later). And as Sonic leaves the school for the day, Deasy hails him down to say one last thing: a jovial bit of earnest antisemitism. “You know why Ireland is one of the only countries that never persecuted the jews?” “Why?” “She never let them in!” And he laughs, the light of the sun dancing coins on his shoulders.

Episode 3 / 103: Proteus

It is now 11 AM. Sonic, after leaving the school, walked all the way to Dublin proper. Here he is on the Strand, a sort of beach, having some alone time, thinking of many things, many memories (his short stay in Paris as a poet, his interactions with the family of uncle Richie who lives nearby to the Strand, his childhood), many subjects (Greek philosophy, Latin theology, aspirations, self-loathing), the sights he sees (midwives with bags, someone walking a dog, lots of flotsam). Ultimately, there’s a trend of trying to pin down the unpinnable, to put into words the ineluctable modality of the visible, the limits of the diaphane; this clues us into the Odyssean correspondence. Proteus is god of the sea, ever changing shapeshifter, who it is said will grant a wish to anyone who is able to hold him still for long enough. Just as Telemachus, in now understanding some context about his father, waits by the sea and wonders how he-- how anyone-- could successfully return with their wits intact when the gods are so multifaceted and the waters so unpredictable, just as Telemachus watches the sea, so does Sonic watch the morphing world of his senses.

And that’s Part I of Ulysses, and that’s Season 1 of Sonic Hamlet. We will see Sonic again later in the day, we’ll actually see quite a bit of him, but this is the point of departure for the text itself. This whole time, the text has taken Sonic’s psyche, the energy and passion and associations dormant in his thoughts, and infused it with a more novel-like narration of What Actually Happens, altogether producing The Text what readers read. It’s happened relatively slowly, with sparks of surprising creativity manifesting in each episode, the “narrative” doing “weird” “things” “all of a sudden,” and Proteus acts as a sort of climax, allowing Sonic’s psyche the whole spotlight and putting What Actually Happens in the background. I’ve said before that the text “wakes up” over the course of these early episodes, but I now think what really happens is the text holds back in order to allow the reader to wake up, to recognize that the text, the narrative itself, is the narrator, that not even focal characters like Sonic are the source of the viewpoint we see, that.. there’s something more going on. A greater Argument being made. But it will take time to even see the whole argument. And here let me bring up medieval pedagogy regarding the art of syllogism: it has been conventional to view the initial order of cognitive thought as “Subject, Middle, Predicate” (as opposed to any other order of those terms which are all, in fact, valid). This is a big factor behind why we’re taught to view stories as constituting a “beginning, middle, end,” and why we’re taught to give arguments (essays!) in the same structure. It’s all because that’s how Christian theology saw the Greek tool of syllogism should be taught, back in the middle ages. With me so far? Okay, cool. So Ulysses is made up of three main parts. There’s a lot of reasons why given episodes are strictly in one part and not others, but perhaps one of the most aesthetically pleasing bits of trivia is that Part I begins with the letter S, Part II begins with the letter M, and Part III begins with the letter P. Subject, Middle, Predicate. A valid structure for a formal argument. Season 1 of Sonic Hamlet, in following Ulysses as far as I feasibly am able to, gives us the thematic subject of a greater argument being made. And that makes Season 2, or Part II, the bulk of the argument, the middle.

So what goes on, then, in the middle of this grand argument? If Sonic isn’t the point, then who is? If Sonic is Telemachus, then who is Odysseus, the wise father-king-husband-hero coming home from the great war? We can interpret the sea of his voyage as probably being his shifting senses, as per Proteus, so then what are the trials on his sea, the trials on his senses? Who are the gods that he faces, what are the stratagems he comes up with in order to appease and survive?

Well, Joyce was adamant of this: The modern Odysseus in Ireland would have to be of Jewish descent. He would have to be a staunch pacifist. He would have to have a marriage in a questionable state of stability. He would have to be a stick in the mud, a party pooper with an adorably dry sense of humour and a physically average build, a serious and unrelenting cuck, and yet a man with sensible ideas of how to spend money generously and pipe dreams of a socialist nation where love and equality triumph. He would not stand in opposition to the modern bigoted uncaring society, his friends and neighbours, but he would be tasked with changing it all the same.

The modern Odysseus is Leopold Bloom. The modern Odysseus is the prototypical social justice warrior.

And that’s who the bulk of Ulysses is about, that’s the psyche we’ll get to explore, that’s what I’ll post about later on.

#sonic hamlet #in making this post i finally went and made the makeshift pictures for Nestor and Proteus #the images are not necessarily reflective of how the final products will look #it would drive me crazy if i tried to keep them all perfect and consistent #because i've still got to make a lot more of them #the episodic structure is honestly one of my favourite parts of the book? it helps me dig in.#so i do want to emphasize an outline around that structure. making sonic hamlet a 'show' naturally follows from this.

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the-spoonicorn · 4 years

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short dreams i’ve had that aren’t long enough for their own post:

7/21/20 i had a dream that i was haru persona5 and people were veeeeeery suspicious that i was one of the phantom thieves and i was like haha nooo what that's impossible. also in order to access the metaverse you had to say a long and complicated chant without messing it up and i was trying to use that to escape scrutiny but people kept messing me up

7/18/20 i had a dream that my mom was trying to suffocate me. like i was on my stomach and she had me pinned down and was performing some sort of reverse cpr? where she tried to make me not breathe? and nobody believed me even though the rest of my family was IN THE SAME ROOM. also in this dream we had personal servants who'd been working for us for years but somehow i never knew of them and the chef was this mexican lady who made me a really good burrito. but only half.

also in this dream i could fly

3/29/20 i had a dream that i had a thick southern accent, and i was trying to escape from this other southern lady but she knew all of the secret passages in the sams club we were in

(this is literally all i wrote for that one?)

3/26/20 i had this dream about this death game anime. it was kinda like a mix between danganronpa and jinrou game, and everyone had a knife but only like 2 people were werewolves. and everyone dies if they can't figure out who's who, including the werevolves. and everyone was an anime character except one person: a girl i knew in middle school. so it's end end of the game and the showrunners promised that everyone could leave because something or other if everyone threw their knives down but (GASP) it was a lie! but everyone had already gotten rid of their weapons... everyone except the girl from middle school... and then she proceeded to give a long, logically sound speech about who was who and why, and also how she had deduced the showrunners' intentions of never letting them leave long ago, but now there was nothing anyone could do to stop them because everyone had disposed of their knives. so with that, everyone fucking died. the end

1/15/20 i had a dream last night that one of the bones in my right arm was shattered. like it was broken but most of it was missing except for a few fragments. it was the ulna that was broken, and i had an x-ray and it was like... yep... your bone is gone. and i was like oh. ok. i think i was gonna go on a quest to find what happened to it, but hey, no bone no problem

10/13/19 2 short dreams at once:

first one was that i had this huge ace pride umbrella and some bitch stole it + some other stuff from me so i bullied her so hard she gave them back and at the end i was like "oh yeah i bought this umbrella for $12 from walgreens"

and then the other was like i was a cowboy in a classic loner-turned-heroic-sheriff-of-tiny-western-town plot, and there was this bad guy coming to town who wanted to monopolize the beef market so he said that if he saw one cow in the town he'd murder everyone there. so i came up with a plan to disguise all the cows as horses, and he was suspicious of all the horses but didn't find out about the cows. i remember one part where i was hiding from the bad guy and ended up in this one guy's house where he ran a barber shop but he had electricity and a gamer chair and i was like "huh that doesn't seem like it fits in the 1800's" and anyway i hid in his attic hoping the guy wouldn't find me and kill me then i woke up

10/7/19 i had a dream that:

-i went to bed with only 1 earring in -i went to bed without putting the milk back in the fridge (i did not consume any milk previously) -my dogs were cats and could talk -trump actually got impeached and was replaced by a fake duck -i forgot to clean my room (this one is true) -something about anime

8/23/19 i had a dream that everyone had don't tread on me signs in their cars but some of them said weird things like "english biscuit" and "eat the snake" instead. and i was so confused because the trend came out of nowhere

#sppbr had a dream last night #will be queuing the rest of them because there's A LOT and idw to spam

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caeows · 4 years

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jeon jeongguk . cis male . he/him ／ graeme bae just pulled up by blasting dirty little secret by all american rejects --- that song is so them ! you know , for a twenty three year old actor , i’ve heard they’re really gullible , but that they make up for it by being so tenacious . if i had to choose three things to describe them , i’d probably say tousled hair , triple dog dares and a closet full of black . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

hello ! i’m deni ( she/her pronouns , gmt+9 timezone ) . i’m best reached on discord at gayfairy#6371 for plotting . below the cut is ... a ridiculous amount of keyboard smashing but it was a holiday and i was feeling inspired so !! i included a few TLDRs for some quick scanning . there’s also some plots at the bottom i’d LOVE to see . looking forward to writing with you all !

* ☆ ·˚ background.

you could say he was destined for the spotlight .

an only child , he grew up watching his parents performances on the stage , accepting their kisses and gentle smiles before they set off for tours around the country and left him with his cousins . sure , they were absent --- but they tried --- and graeme knew he wanted to be just like them . when his parents delighted in his little home-staged sets he presented , they quickly enrolled him in acting classes and coached him through first auditions , even moved back to korea when it was clear some american roles wanted to confine him to one note . after gaining exposure , graeme shared the screen with one of the biggest names in the american industry in a dramatic hit that led to some ridiculous fanmail being sent to him as a kid , then excitedly landed a role in a revamped science fiction film he was stoked af abouy !!! unfortunately , the film was met with an absolute brutal blowback from fans , some of that hot , petty anger taken out on graeme , and at thirteen years old , his parents made the decision for him to step back and focus on school . ( he still holds onto those spiteful letters------ all that hate from grown ass adults thrown at a child )

performing arts high school , but graeme stayed away from the public stage for a bit . worked on some sets as a tech to get a better idea of the film making process . kept a low profile occasionally caught by curious paparazzi at a basketball court or baseball game . recognizable , but not to the point where he couldn’t be seminormal . there were a few bumps in the road :: leaked photos of a beer at a high school party , couple of fake friends sliding in for clout , people pushing questions like when are you returning ?? how does it feel to ruin one of the most important films of all time ??? shitty . but , with the help of his parents , friends and coaches , graeme returned to student films to grow more comfortable in front of a camera . his official comeback was in the background of a friend's directorial debut , a lady-love drama critics salivated over but failed to earn is’ nominations . still , graeme’s name was back and out there . jumping headfirst into the thing that scares him , graeme’s slated for teen flicks , romantic dramas , action films . a diverse portfolio . people love a comeback . ------as if there was something wrong with what he did before .

TLDR. former international child star who took a break after experiencing a massive fan-driven backlash . pseudo retired , did the performing arts school thing . popped back on the screen about a year ago and working his ass off since . early career inspiration : jake lloyd , natalie portman , yeo jingoo

* ☆ ·˚ current.

suddenly getting all this praise and earning cash , living on his own in a sprawling city of work and sin . hasn’t stop busting his ass , no , but maybe he’s found outlets for all his stress in . . . less than healthy outlets . some of the headlines are way off the mark , some a little too close to home . either way , it’s not something his parents or his management company are thrilled about ( doesn’t he want to be taken seriously as an actor , they say ) and he does . of course he does . but what else does he have to sacrifice to be taken seriously ? and how serious does any twenty-something year old wanna get ?

late hours on dance floors , strips of things he doesn’t know the name of on his tongue , lips on any pretty , wanting pair he can find . he’s young , virile and at the top of his game . who can blame him ? it starts with a string of tabloid images , a rumpled and sleepy-eyed graeme leaving apartments that aren’t his in clothes he was spotted in the night before . zoomed-in , fan-cropped photos on twitter of hickeys and swollen mouths and unbuttoned shirts . america’s sweetheart ? maybe , but clearly not around the clock . him , scaling rails of hotels and dancing on top of cars . grabbing mics at clubs and taking over DJ boots at parties . twitter explodes when he moonwalks through the airport one time and baristas trend his insane coffee orders .

and even though he’s got his own name --- and a variety of different spellings , hashtags , and whatevers --- blacklisted on social media , every now and then he’ll run along a stream of grueling comments , petty nitpicks about his performances , his looks , his voice , his goddamn smile and it’s----- it’s rough , even for someone who grew up in that environment . there’s days where he’ll hole up in his apartment and refuse to see anyone , refuse to leave . the guy in the interviews with the wide smile and sparkle eyes is so , so far away and people almost forget that he’s human , too . he pushes himself out of that mindset , sometimes with help , but it’s always a shadow on his back , waiting to catch him at his weakest .

TLDR. tabloids gossip about speculated hookups and strange behavior . potential alcohol abuse . pushback from management and parents . anxiety towards social media . current career inspiration : ansel elgort

* ☆ ·˚ tidbits.

sporty as fuck —— basketball , soccer , skateboard , swimming , climbing . says he would’ve been an athlete if not for movies . fit as fuck despite a steady diet of ramen and pizza . claims to like horror movies the most , but he’s a total schmaltz snob . can hold a pretty tune well enough to pass . has a private twitter account for the memes , public accounts are all operated by a social media manager so he doesn’t have to read comments . watches college basketball championships religiously . has very strong opinions about scented candles . likes sugary drinks more than coffee but claims to be a connoisseur . loves biopics . punk and 2000s emo rock fan . gets anxious easily , suffers through interviews and avoids personal topics as best as he can . is rumored to be difficult to work with , but keeps to himself on sets save for a few opinions about blocking and lighting . pan as fuck and fairly open about it . mom and dad are chill , but don’t understand much of anything past bi . they get on to him more for his diet and job . when not on the court or working , spends free time rewatching anime in the safety of his bed in an threadbare pair of boxers , eating Doritos by the fistful and leaving his manager on read .

even his underwear is black . occasionally, he’ll change it up with a screen printed vintage t-shirt and wears whatever kind of fancy thing his stylist squeezes him into . otherwise wears by a black or white t-shirt , black pants and combat boots . seventy percent of his sneakers have sharpie drawings on them and he’s got a lot of holes in his ears and another in a place you’d be lucky ( or unlucky ) to see . loves dangy earrings and wearing his hair loose , a bit long with a mild perm . silver on his wrists and friendship bracelets from yesteryear but no rings . tattooed up ! recently collaborated to design a line of temporary tattoos . extensive collection of sunglasses . hit up a lot of music festivals in the past but that’s died down in recent months due to a busy schedule . swung his way into VIP passes before . he was a total Warped kid in the past , no shame . no longer does fan conventions because of a negative experience a few years back , and even fan meets are a little awkward , but he manages to push through . can’t drive worth a damn but he’ll kick your ass at any arcade game . occasionally , he’ll stream over twitch but that’s becoming less and less common . was banned from several dave & busters before he made it back on the screen . moody as fuck .

* ☆ ·˚ plots.

so . bonds . there’s a best friend who may not have been there since the beginning , but they’ve been there when it matters . the friendship is new , fresh , and maybe graeme shouldn’t be as dependent on it as he is , but he can’t help it . clinging to them like crazy --- let’s hope it doesn’t fall to the wayside . ( ? / 1 ) there’s several of his idiot friends who , after being stranded on too many red carpets , a hundred hotel rooms , and hours of press junkets , have learned to survive by snapchatting each other random dares throughout the day . ( 1 / unlimited ) there’s a few childhood friends who , like him , grew up either in or close to the spotlight and they have this , like . . . support group kind of situation . i don’t know . graeme checks on them from time to time , even as they’ve grown apart . ( 2 / unlimited ) he’s got some partying buddies who may not have his best interest at heart --- who may or may not stop him when he’s slurred out and whining about twitter trolls . some gaming partners he teams up with over stream , but lately they’ve drifted apart .

it’s such a cliche that his management’s set him up for a fake dating situation . if graeme wants the dramatic , serious roles , then he needs to show he’s a mature and capable young man . how else to do that than jump headfirst into a few awkwardly orchestrated dates with another hotshot on the radar ? ( ? / 1 ) but they’re not serious . so , he hasn’t stopped hooking up , or thinking about a one night stand that totally rocked his world . ( ? / 5 ) and ( ? / 1 ) media and fans definitely know about a few of these . the jury’s out for how they feel about it . then there’s his competition , actors in the same demographic targeting the same roles . it’s a tough business and they know it , but the press picks up on all these weird quotes and posts that twist shit into beefs . what other misunderstanding will cause the casket to blow ? ( ? / unlimited ) there’s some co stars on old and upcoming films . people who see how hard he works and how much effort he puts into what’s seen on the screen . they tough out hard days on set and the press circuits during promotion . see him at his worst and best . ( ? / unlimited )

#excess:intro #tw flashing gif #tw anxiety mention #going back to SLEEP c u l8r

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lettersfromjuliet-blog1 · 6 years

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My First Week in Nepal!

Why does it take me so long to start journaling when I arrive in a new country? It’s pretty frustrating-- makes it harder to recall the days. Might as well give it a go. New country, new journal.

First impression of Nepal: the weather. It’s so nice and finally feels like spring. I met Hannah, Fran, and Jeremy in the van at the airport. They were all very friendly, but not like they are now. Not that they seemed fake or anything of that sort, but first greetings are always different. I feel as if nobody is who they truly are the first time you meet them.

I’ve come to enjoy everyone thus far. We met Fergus on arrival at the hotel where Janella, Ellie, Lottie, and Simon already were. We were given our rooms and then went wandering around Kathmandu. It is similar to Sri Lanka as far as the streets go (crowded spaces and pressure to walk straight in order to avoid being hit by a car). Buddhist flags hung everywhere-- blue, red, white, green, and yellow. We walked around for about an hour, the shops were quite cool. There are many hippie-style clothing shops and some art shops as well. That night we had dinner, some went out, and of course, I went to sleep.

On Sunday, the whole group went on a walk to a square that is supposed to have neat architecture, but we didn’t end up going in because it cost money. So we walked around some more instead. I found a wonderful embroidery patch to add to my collection and a fun headband! After lunch, we went to a Buddhist monkey temple with a complete view of the city. There was a lady who gave me a candle to put at the alter type thing, and I thought “why not?” . So I did. But after, she insisted I pay for the candle-- a detail she failed to mention beforehand. I should have seen it coming though. I didn’t want to be scammed so I said no-- which led to her cursing me. I think. I’m not entirely sure what happened.

After that event, we went to a Hindu temple-- Pashupatinath Temple. It was the one Michelle had told me about from her time in Nepal. She had said that it was families held funerals, but not the ones that we are used to. And sure enough, there were funerals going on. It was a confusing thing to watch. Even though we were on the other side of the river that ran through the site, there was a clear view of the obviously personal events taking place. The bodies were wrapped in an orange cloth and their families were standing around them while they said goodbye and cremated the body. We were told that it was okay to watch, but it felt wrong to make a tourist attraction out of the loss of somebody’s loved one. The gloomy sky and stillness in the air made everything feel even more heavy. I began praying, but came close to tears. What could I pray for? This person died a Hindu, not with the God I know. They were not at peace, at least by my religious standards and all I wanted to do was cry. They went an entire life not knowing Jesus. But I’m sure they would say the same for me and my lack of Hinduism. To top it all off, there was a monkey running around with only one hand. Not my favorite spot.

Monday was an early morning with a three hour bus ride through the mountains to go river rafting. My raft, the group-titled goat boat, had Jeremy, Hannah, Ellie, Archie, Janella, and Shawna in it. It was a fun time. At some points we would jump into the river from the raft and go swimming in the chilling water. Coby started a trend of flipping out of the rafts-- which is more difficult than you would expect. Toward the end, we hit a big rapid where Janella fell out, Shawna barely stayed in, and the rest of us fell into the middle of the raft. It caused the type of laughter that inhibits your ability to speak. Boy did it feel good to laugh like that. We passed under some bridges high suspending bridges along the way and drifted through the refreshing nature and mountains.

There was another long bus ride after rafting to our hotel in Chitwan. People went out and did some yoga and Zoe and I stayed in and called it a night.

Tuesday was another early morning. We were scheduled for a safari, but to get there we had to take a little canoe across the river-- a great start to the day. My group for the safari was a fun time. We had Ellie, Lottie, Fergus, Kieren, Archie, Fran, Hannah, Freddie, and Simon. There were rhinos (my first wild rhino sighting), a deer, some monkeys, crocodiles, and plenty of birds. Sadly, no tigers. The first few hours were fun, but then I just got tired and a bit bored.

After lunch, we went on another canoe journey where we saw more crocodiles and birds, and Hannah picked up a water cabbage pet-- Bobby. We got out for a jungle walk where we saw many more deer (which for an animal that is common back home, is still beautiful). There was also the absolute largest bee nest I’ve ever seen. It was hanging off the bottom of a tree and looked liked a camel hump. We sat in the grass and watched a rhino for a while which was really peaceful with the clear sky and fresh air.

Later that night we went to a culture show which was pretty decent, everyone’s favorite was the elaborate peacock dance. At the end most of us went up on stage and learned a dance, and oh my goodness was Coby entertaining.

Wednesday. My least favorite day of the trip. It consisted of ten hours traveling in a bus, for which a total of three of those hours we were completely stopped. I was losing my mind! There was a small waterfall on the side of the road which cooled us off a bit, thankfully since the bus was so enclosed and hot.

Thursday was our first day of volunteering in Pokhara. I went to the farm that is run by the children’s home. In the morning I was turning soil and in the afternoon I was, or tried to, move stones. By stones, I mean great slabs of rock that were probably the same size as most arms. Not quite as strong as I used to be. The baby goats at the farm are purely amazing. Roger is my favorite. He jumps a lot. They’re much much smaller than I was expecting-- and softer too. After the work we had to walk down the cliff in the rain, which was nerve wracking and very cold. But we made it. And created a memorable experience.

Friday was the fun run that about half the group participated in. I went to the orphanage with Ben and Seb which wasn’t bad. But there really wasn’t much to do. I painted a smiley face on a wall, watch kids play cannonball, and watch a Hindi movie that I did not understand for nearly an hour. Since it was a school break, there weren’t that many kids at the orphanage and not a whole lot to do. I would have enjoyed it more if it felt like I was needed or was helping in some way, but I felt like the kids were entertaining themselves for the most part.

That night was the big Nepali new year celebration. We went out to a bar and I had a drink and danced a bit. After, we walked about two kilometers to a festival and along the way I made friends with a dog. We stayed until midnight in a big crowd of people dancing to some random Nepali artist. On the way back Zoe, Jeremy and I got a pizza and we got back to hostel around 1:30 in the morning. It was a pretty solid night. Some drama, but not enough to put a damper on anything. Happy New Year Nepal!

~a letter from juliet

#my gap year #Nepal #Kathmandu #Monkey Temple #Chitwan #Pokhara #Nepal New Year

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chemicalmagecraft · 5 years

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I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 6

A/N: See, I actually had this (supposedly) planned out in advance, and it's actually a total coincidence that I started it in the month of June, so lol.

And by the way, this chapter takes place a little over a month after the last one. Wasn't sure how to say that in the chapter proper.

kukukuku~

I stuck my hands in my pockets and licked my lips as I looked up at the cloudy sky. "So you said that we're going to meet with a friend of yours?" I asked.

"Yes," Father said. "Inuzuka Tsume. She was one of my teammates back when we were genin, and currently the head of the Inuzuka clan." He ruffled Hinata's hair. "Considering their ages and how well the Inuzuka and Hyūga can work together, it's most likely that Hinata-chan and her youngest child will also be in the same genin team."

"I-I'll do my best!" Hinata said.

"Two women raising a child?" I overheard. "You make me sick." I opened my eyes and sighed. I looked over to where I heard and felt the evil and saw three women. One of them, who was the source of the hate and presumably the hateful comment, was looking at the other two with a scornful look in her eyes and holding... was that a young Tenten? Huh, guess that's what author me decided to do about Tenten having about zero background information aside from wanting to be Tsunade and liking weaponry. Yeah, the lady was gripping the maybe young Tenten by the wrist and I could see that she looked really afraid. Stranger danger, kids. The other two women, who I decided were probably Tenten's mothers, began to give off the appropriate amount of hate that one would expect from a pair of mothers whose four-or-so-year-old daughter was snatched by a homophobe, and it showed. Mom number one looked like an older version of Tenten in everything but clothing and the fact that she only had one bun and mom letter A was a shorter orange-haired woman who wore the same sort of Chinese-style clothes that Tenten wore.

"Give her back," mom letter A snarled, cracking her knuckles. Mom number one echoed the sentiment. At this point, my training consisting entirely of my Soc teacher showing the class a bunch of episodes of What Would You Do? and had us write a small assignment each time instead of doing actual work kicked in and I swiftly-but-silently walked over to the homophobic woman and grabbed her wrist with a red chakra-enhanced vice grip.

I used a neato trick that Kurama taught me to send hate at her with what little I knew of Bijū Telepathy. "First, I don't believe it's something 'unnatural' or 'wrong.' Second, I've been to the orphanage. It's not something I'd send someone to because I don't agree with who the parents are unless the parents are abusive or something." I took another "look" at the family's chakra. "Third, I would like to say that from the feel of their chakra, I think that the daughter is somehow related to both of them, so I think she might have never been in the orphanage to begin with." It was just a suspicion I had, but considering the feel of Tenten's and mom letter A's chakras weren't quite as close as Tenten's and mom number one's, I decided that mom letter A was a relative of Tenten's biological father. Maybe a sister or close cousin? At any rate, something about their similarities in chakra felt... familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it... "So the only bad person here is you," I continued. "Leave."

Evil woman clearly didn't like my tone of voice. Or my logical argument as to why she was a horrible person. "You little brat! I'll kill you!"

She winced and tugged at her collar. "At least you'd agree with me when I say that those two women are deviants for being... together?"

"I honestly don't know why you might think that," Father mused. "I suppose we seem traditional most of the time, but the Hyūga have had a long history of supporting LGBT rights and love in general." He gave a small smirk that had all of the energy of a Cheshire Cat smile. "In fact, I'd like to say that I am not at all ashamed to admit that, when we were both genin, I had feelings for Namikaze Minato." The woman that I was now memorizing the face and chakra signature of for the specific purpose of giving her a hard time were I to ever see her without her immediately noping out of there scoffed and stomped off. "Are you four okay?" he asked.

"That was fun," I said, then realized how that could be insensitive that could be to the little girl who was almost abducted and her parents. "Sorry, are you three okay?"

Mom number one (I really needed to learn their names) smiled. "That was nice of you, kid. What's your name?"

"Hyūga Kouki," I said. "He's my father and the little one is my sister, Hinata." Before I was about to make any more witty remarks, I was surprise-glomped by a four-year-old.

"That was so cool!" Tenten exclaimed. "You totally saved me!" I noticed that up close, her otherwise dark brown-looking hair had a red glint with the right lighting like mine. Just in case, I compared her chakra to mine to see if that was what the familiar bit to her chakra was. I was glad at myself to see that any similarity between our chakras was minimal, a bit like the similarity I noticed between Naruto and an Uchiha that I'd seen. Like we were descendants of two siblings from Ōtsutsuki Hagoromo's ti-

"My name's Uzumaki Ai." I fricking called it. "My..." she blushed slightly and tittered like a schoolgirl with her first crush, "girlfriend here is named Tenko." Great naming, me. Note the sarcasm, readers.

"And the girl hugging Kouki-kun is my little daughter, Tenten," Tenko said.

"Potentially touchy question," I said flatly, acting like there wasn't a little girl who was a little taller than me still hugging me. I gave Tenten a look and she let go.

Tenko sighed. It was more of a sad sigh and not a some-rude-kid-is-about-to-ask-me-a-potentially-touchy-question sigh. "Her father was... severely injured in the Kyūbi attack. He told me not to feel bad if I fell in love with someone else before he died..." I nodded. Yeah, that seemed like something I'd write. Tenko looked thoughtful for a moment. "If you don't mind me asking a potentially touchy question," she said, "why were you so willing to jump in? Not that it's bad to do that, but I wouldn't have thought that a little kid would be like that."

I grunted, then licked my lips. "I hate people who judge others without getting to know them at all, just basing their entire opinion on something that has no bearing on their character or that they have no control over." I closed my eyes and shrugged. "I don't know exactly where it comes from, but I think that the fact that over half the village hating my best friend for something that happened on the day of his birth and was masterminded by someone else had something to do with it." I gave Tenko and Ai a piercing stare and noticed that Tenten had completely stopped following the conversation. "I don't suppose you two realize that Naruto-chan is totally innocent of the attack that happened mere minutes after his birth, do you?" I gave Ai a bitter smile and tilted my head to the side. "'Course, given the fact that I'm pretty sure that the two of you are the only remnants of the Uzumaki clan but I haven't even sensed you anywhere near him makes that seem unlikely."

She sighed and stood there for a minute. "You're right, I should have taken him in. My brother died in the attack, but that doesn't change the fact that I turned my back on a kid who had nowhere else to go and is actually family." She looked at Tenko and smiled. "Honey, do you think Tenten-chan would like a little brother?" I could tell what the answer was when Tenten turned to her mother and stared at her with puppy dog eyes. Not Puppy Dog Eyes(TM), but close.

"Go to the Hokage," Father suggested. "Considering his importance, Hokage-sama would get involved anyway."

I raised my hand. "And if you really want to speed it up, tell the secretary to tell Sarutobi-san that Hyūga Kouki sent you." Ai, Tenko, and Tenten looked at me quizzically. "And if she doesn't believe you, tell her to tell the him that Sarutobi Asuma should never fight a man with a three-bladed scythe. That should speed the process up. I think that we might have go to soon. Good luck."

I covered my mouth with a hand as I grinned and did my weird snicker that sounds like I'm hissing and I decided to mess with him. "However do you suggest I did that, Father?" I asked in a voice that made it sound like I totally did plan it, even though in this one case I totally hadn't. "Such a feat would require me to have some way to know that they were going to be there beforehand." He gave me a flat look. "Sometimes, when you do good things purely out of the kindness of your heart," I continued, "events line up so nicely that people think that you planned it." He raised an eyebrow. I licked my lips and pulled out the small, featureless puppet that I'd bought to test a certain jutsu I was trying to make and started playing around with it using chakra threads. What? Just because I don't plan on using puppet ninjutsu in battle doesn't mean that I should never learn it. "Yeah, I like being all puppetmaster-y, but I really can't take credit for this one. It's just luck."

"That's so cool, Kouki-niisan!" Hinata said as she looked at my puppet. I grinned and made it bow before putting it away.

"Thaaaank you," I said. "Let's go see Father's friend now."

kukukuku~

Tsume guffawed as she looked at me. "So this is the little ankle-biter you saddled yourself with, eh Hiashi?" she said with a grin. To his credit, I was only able to bend my spine an acute angle to the side before Father said, "Please don't bite my ankle, Kouki-kun." This naturally made Tsume howl with laughter and then smile at me. "You're alright, kid!"

"Thank you, Inuzuka-san," I said with a small grin. "You seem nice too. Should I go introduce myself to your son?" I asked.

"Hello," I said as she walked over. "Can I pet your puppies," I asked, pointing at the three husky puppies that were trailing behind her.

"After the first three Hokage," I assumed.

Hana crouched down next to me and began petting... I think he was Tobirama? "So what was my mom saying about you knowing a healing jutsu?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Unfortunately it's not the sort of jutsu just anyone can use, if that's what you were hoping for. You have to have a certain special chakra that you don't have, sorry."

She sighed. "Can't be helped. I want to learn medical ninjutsu so I can be a veterinarian. I like animals, so I thought it'd be a nice goal."

She shrugged. "I still think that it's nice to want to learn stuff like that." She chuckled. "Even if it's just curiosity. So what exactly is that healing jutsu of yours?"

kukukuku~

Ai and Tenko walked into that one meeting room of the Hokage's. "You wanted to see us again?" Tenko asked.

"Let's hear it," Ai said as she got a little more comfortable nuzzling Tenko.

"For one, I think you should learn who his father was before you take him in," I said as I sauntered out of the shadows and dropped my very-horrible-but-still-at-least-somewhat-usable Transparency Jutsu. It really only made me a little translucent, really more like stained glass than glass, and there was still an unfortunate amount of disturbance when I moved, but with my dark clothes, the partial tan that I had from actually spending time in the sun, and the shadows, the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye was easy and attainable, even if I still couldn't eat any zargnuts while doing it. "His name was Namikaze Minato, maybe you've heard of him." I flopped down on the other sofa and sprawled out on the entire thing.

"Okay, so what was that about Naruto's father being the fourth Hokage?" Tenko asked. I took the pictures of Minato and Naruto that I'd prepared for that particular reason and waved them so that the corners hit each other a few times and raised my eyebrows slightly. "No, I see that now." She paused. "Actually I'm surprised that not more people have made that connection..."

After a few minutes of utter silence, Tenko said, "I'd like to ask why nobody's ever tried to inform the village about his father, then."

I shrugged. "This guy," I pointed at Hiruzen, "decided that Naruto's parents have made some enemies and they aren't around to protect him anymore, so why not just cover up who his parents were, and not even tell him 'til he's either chūnin or sixteen. I begrudgingly accepted his reasoning on the condition that we make sure that Naruto's life isn't completely horrible and he doesn't learn about the Kyūbi or his parentage in completely traumatic circumstances."

"I would have preferred it if you didn't phrase it like that," Hiruzen said, "but that's about it. There's another matter, this one something that Kouki-kun was rather insistent on telling you."

Aiko nodded. "Spill, kid."

Tenko sighed. "I suppose it's a little hard to swallow, but so is a young boy with the ability to see the future, so I'm willing to believe you. Why did you want us to know this?"

I lazily bobbed my head. "First, there's the fact that, even if you have the best intentions, the two of you lost a loved one in the Obito attack, so it might've been hard for you to fully put aside the feelings from that if you believed that the thing responsible for that was sitting under your roof inside the boy you adopted. And that would be bad. Second, I plan on eventually getting Naruto-chan and Kurama-chan to make friends with each other, so you two thinking Kurama-chan is a mindless beast might interfere with that." Ai raised her hand. "Kurama's the Kyūbi and yes we are friends," I answered. "Third, you two really should know all the facts."

"Thanks for that, then, kid," Ai said. "Is there anything else we should know?"

I grumbled. "I was gonna tell you two about Jiraiya, but someone," I looked at Hiruzen, "already told you."

"How did you..." Tenko started to say, but then trailed off. "Right, future vision. I'm starting to realize that 'getting to know each other' wasn't the only reason Hyūga-san had for wanting to get some drinks with us after this." I smiled at the compliment.

"Where is young Tenten, anyway?" Hiruzen asked. "I figured she was waiting outside, but if you're going out for drinks..."

"I love shadow clones," Ai said blissfully. "They're just... so useful."

He nodded. "I agree. If I'm not mistaken, I'm getting done twice the amount of paperwork that I used to, and I'm not even in my office."

"Though, should we be drinking after learning such sensitive information?" Tenko asked. "I love you, Ai, but you can't really hold your alcohol very well."

Ai blushed. "N-no I don't! You can't hold your alcohol very well!"

I looked into the future a bit, hiss-chuckled at Ai's drunken shenanigans, and said, "Ai-san should be fine, though you should keep your guard up just in case. I believe we're done here, you two should go unless you have anything else to ask or declare." As I expected, they didn't, and so summarily left, thanking the two of us as they did. I slouched into the sofa some more and tossed Hiruzen a scroll. "Suna agreed to let me take a crack at Gaara, right? And about the issue of payment, tell the Kazekage that I'm doing it half out of the kindness of my heart and half to hone my skills with fuinjutsu, so I'm fine if he can't pay me too much relative to the skill level of the job."

I shrugged. "Though I would like it if he had any scrolls on jutsu, preferably Wind Release, that he'd be willing to give me." He opened the scroll and made to say something, but I cut him off by saying, "You've probably noticed by now, but I screen any meeting where we discuss sensitive information beforehand. Might need to take a nap tomorrow, even though I slept last night."

"Did you already find a seal to fix Gaara?" Hiruzen asked incredulously as he stared at the scroll.

"Nein," I sighed. "As great as that would've been, we both know that I need more information on his seal to even attempt anything more than a temporary countermeasure. That's just something I whipped up a few weeks ago with Kurama-chan's help to deal with the situation for now."

"You really like preparing for everything, don't you?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Just the things that I can think of. Besides, I doubt I'll hear you complaining when I know what to do if Danzō challenges you to a dance-off with the winner becoming Hokage, will I?"

He gave me a flat look. "Kouki-kun, did you get into my secret stash of brownies? Because you really shouldn't eat those."

I blinked. "No I did not. Just going to pretend you never said that."

"If anyone asks, it's for my back."

"Just make sure it doesn't interfere with your work," I advised. "The solution to that problem," I said like he hadn't said anything hinting at drug use, "is to just laugh him out of the office because the Hokage is not chosen based solely on one's ability to get down and boogie, but at the same time make sure that you could theoretically beat him in a dance-off. And try to engineer events so that, if Danzō has his... modifications... at the time of the dance-off, those modifications get unveiled in public and in front of a captive audience, thus casting suspicion onto his character."

He grunted. "A sensible answer to a nonsensical problem. What about the current problem of Gaara, by the way?"

I nodded and slipped into Serious Mode (yes, I have one of those), and then actually did sit up like a proper young lady. "Write this down. That scroll contains instructions to make and an example of the Inner Demon Calming Seal, a one-use seal of my and Kurama's invention that forcibly suppresses red chakra in any being with red chakra that is not a Bijū - i.e. me or a jinchuriki - by way of using some of their own red chakra as fuel to cause the rest to return to the chakra coils. Tell the Kazekage to have at least three copies of it made and ready at all times, preferably more. One copy will be given to Gaara himself, who will be instructed to use it at any time when he feels like Shukaku might be trying to rise up while he's awake. The other two are to be given to shinobi of appropriate skill who are to follow Gaara around in shifts and intervene if they feel Gaara is having a problem but can't deal with it himself for whatever reason.

“Any seals that have been used will enter a state where they cannot be used again but give diagnostic information on Gaara at the time of usage, so they are to be sent to me with time used for analysis. Note that the way the seals are set up, an error in writing will most likely cause one of three problems. The first two are that it will not suppress the chakra, which is the reason why there are to be three, and complete failure in the data recording. These two are hopefully trivial matters, though there might be some inconvenience.

“The third is to be taken more seriously, however. Should the mechanism that regulates the reaction fail, unfortunately, the seal will continue to siphon some of Shukaku's red chakra even after it's been suppressed, as evidenced by the red glow persisting after Gaara's back to normal. It isn't nearly enough to put Gaara in danger of dying by all of Shukaku's chakra being extracted, but it will create a miniature Bijū Dama should it reach critical mass. Before this happens, the seal must be removed from Gaara and sent at least ten meters from him, which will cause the seal to stop and the built-up chakra to disperse. Send the scroll and those instructions as soon as possible with further instructions to gather any and all information on Gaara's seal plus any information on Gaara himself that they think might be relevant, like medical records and chakra composition, as well as any questions and statements they might have." He looked at me incredulously, and then I slouched back down, sighed, and said, "The annoying thing about Serious Mode is that I can only do it for so long..."

kukukuku~

The couple met another couple in front of the... I guess it was a bar? Anyway, Ai told Tenko that she saw Hiashi and someone who she guessed was probably his wife. "Hey, Hyūga-san!" Ai said as she walked up to him. She elbowed him and said, "Is that your wife? She's hot!"

Hyūga Hizashi looked over at his wife with puzzlement. "Do we know her?" he mouthed at aunt Hikaru.

"No," she mouthed back, shaking her head slightly.

At this exact moment, the real Hiashi and Hikari showed up. "Ah, good," Hiashi said. "I see you two have met." Ai slowly looked at Hizashi, then at Hiashi, then back to Hizashi.

"I haven't even touched the alcohol and I'm already seeing double," Ai groused. "What the heck?"

Tenko chuckled and planted a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. "I think that those two might be his brother and sister-in-law, sweetie. Hiashi-san said that they would be here too."

Ai glared at Father. "You could have warned us that they're your clones," she complained.

"Identical twins and he did," Tenko reminded her.

"What, exactly, is with the private rooms?" Tenko asked as they sat down and ordered some drinks.

"Actually, what about the Shōraigan?" Hikaru asked. As soon as she did, there was a knock on the door. When the staff member was let in, he said that a young boy had given him a note to get to his aunt, Hikaru. After the guy left, everyone else looked at aunt Hikaru. She opened the note and read, "What do you think? -Love Kouki."

There was some awkward silence followed by Tenko clearing her throat. "So when are our drinks arriving, do you think?"

"Probably about now," Hizashi guessed. There was another knock on the door. "I swear I didn't plan that," he quickly added.

"Kouki-kun has had an impact on you, hasn't he?" Tenko asked.

kukukuku~

"Demon Infusion?" I offered, playing around the puppet and some red chakra. "Maybe if I make the yin chakra and yang chakra separately?" I thought.

Kurama gave a thoughtful hum. "It sounds good, but why does it need to sound demonic?"

I shrugged. "I've heard of Bijū referred to as demons before, and giving myself a demonic motif just sounds cool."

I looked down at him flatly. "You do realize I'm working, right?"

He scoffed haughtily and turned his head away. "I was just... startled, is all."

I looked out the window, specifically at the heavily pouring rain. "You do realize that it's been overcast the whole day, right? And now it's pouring buckets."

"Shut up," he said as he jumped out of my arms and onto my desk.

He stared at me for a few moments. "Maybe? You do realize that the problem with this theory is that you need to get the chakra of all nine for this to work, yes?"

I shrugged. "True, but at the same time, I have yours and I'm going to get some of Shukaku's when I go over to Suna, so I'm almost one third of the way there already!"

He flicked his tail. "Perhaps you should think of an easier jutsu to obtain?"

I sighed. "You're probably right." I thought for a moment, then snapped my fingers. "Do you think I could make a Gudō Dama if I were to get all five chakra natures in red chakra?" I asked.

This took him a bit of thought as I fiddled with the puppet some more. "I... don't know. Maybe. If you count Shukaku's magnet release that you're hoping to obtain, you then have fire release and wind release from me and earth release and wind release from him. Assuming your theory works, you'll need water release from Isobu, Kokuō, Saiken, or Gyūki and lightning release from Chōmei or Gyūki."

I nodded. "It seems that I'll have to engineer events so that I meet B if I don't want to wait like thirteen years for when I know Fū is going to finally be out of Taki."

"Shut. It."

I smiled. "It's okay if you don't like lightning. I imagine that you used to get hit all the time, with how big you are..."

He grunted. "Guess that's one perk of being so fucking tiny..." I blinked. Oops. Probably shouldn't have pressed that particular button...

I was frantically thinking of which random topic to use to distract him with when the door suddenly burst open. "Nii-san!" Hinata tackle-hugged me.

kukukuku~

"Thank you for coming to get us, Kouki-kun," Mother said. "But I don't think your umbrella will fit the five of us." I grinned, made a half ram seal and handed the umbrella to Father.

"Channel some chakra into it," I told him. I could tell he did what I asked when seals flared up on the umbrella and a chakra shield extended enough to fit everyone comfortably. "Rather simple change in chakra form seals," I explained. "The final version's gonna have more options than just that." We started walking home under the cover of my umbrella. While the others were talking, I continued to mess with the puppet. After a while, something... clicked and I was finally able to combine the yin and yang without it canceling out and becoming normal red chakra. The red chakra was absorbed into the puppet, so I let the strings dissipate and dropped it onto my palm. Despite it being an inanimate object, it landed on its feet and stayed standing. With a mental command from me, the puppet started punching the air, but stopped after a bit and shrugged at me. I sighed.

"What's wrong, Kouki-kun?" aunt Hikaru asked.

"I just finished a jutsu I was working on, but to actually use it in battle, I'd need a lot more chakra than I have at the moment," I muttered.

She smiled. "I'm sure you'll be able to use it eventually."

"That's probably not a good sign," uncle Hizashi noted.

kukukuku~

Kurama woke up feeling rather refreshed, so much so that he wasn't really that annoyed by the little girl snuggling up to him and trapping him. Stupid tiny toy body with almost no strength... The first thing he saw upon waking was an office chair pointed away from him. "You know... you two are lucky I didn't need to sleep tonight, or I would've had you leave my room," my voice said from the other side of the chair.

"What do you want, Kouki?" Kurama asked.

I turned my chair around, revealing me stroking the puppet on my lap like it was a cat. What? My actual cat-shaped thing was occupied at the moment. "What do you know about..." Pause for dramatic effect... "Natural energy?"

"U-um, Kurama-san?" Hinata asked as she sat up. "Should I be worried about that?"

"Knowing Kouki, probably."

kukukuku~

A/N: So this was a longer chapter than normal. I probably should've cut the bar scene, seeing how I cut pretty much all of it already, but I just thought that that first joke was so funny.

And I know that none of the Bijū actually used lightning release, but then why would bringing them all together grant Obito, Madara, and Naruto the ability to use something made from all five chakra natures?

#I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya's Butt #fanfiction #IWTKJB CH6 #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden spoilers

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