#also didnt realize how fucking common this name is until recently why have i talked to 5 different tims in the span of week

[martyrbat]

of course youre a capitalist bootlicker and your name is tim.

#the self restraint to take care of business without being autistic about my interests #bout to drop a ‘batman would be so disappointed in u rn.’ but im stronger than that #also didnt realize how fucking common this name is until recently why have i talked to 5 different tims in the span of week #get a better name #<- says this with a name thats usually given to a dog

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[foolishlovebugbaby]

stupid cupid | part 1

part 2 | part 3 | part 4

college!au / bang chan x fem!reader

Summary: bang chan is always complaining about being single since birth, so best friend reader decides to play cupid and sets him up. big mistake.

Genre: angst-y?? with some fluff later on idk you decide (a Lot of slow burn so idk how many parts this multi-shot will have lmao)

Warnings: none

college life, to summarise, was hectic.

multiple deadlines for multiple classes; pages upon pages of assignments and essays that needed to be done; hour long lectures almost every single day, and on top of all of that, a part-time job as a book clerk at the library that needed to be held down in order to help pay for your apartment rent.

needless to say, your days were filled with so much to do encapsulated in such little time.

thankfully, you were not alone.

you had your best friend Chan to hold you down through it all even though he had just as much struggles as you did

you had met him right before you started college on a website while looking for housemates in order to afford rent (you were drowning in student loans and so was he, so to you it was a match made in heaven)

to say your parents were reluctant to let you live with a male was an understatement- but after meeting him and realizing that he was a total sweetheart that couldn’t hurt a fly and that there was no other option, off you went. 

you two were very similar in many ways; for one, you both shared a deep love for movies and films and star wars, which is why you both made a childish pinky promise to always have movie nights on wednesday evenings and the tradition hasn’t been broken since

another thing you also shared in common was the fact that you both were completely, utterly, stupidly and perfectly single.

he, since birth, and you since the 11th grade when your first love became your fist ( and, thus, worst) heartbreak

bonding over these things and the fact that you both were endlessly passionate about reaching your goals allowed you both to develop a deep and meaningful friendship, enough to make you both realise that you were each others’ best friends

whenever he’d stay up and pull all-nighters to get his work done, you were always next to him on the dining table doing the same even though you didn’t need to, but wanted to keep him company just so that he didn’t feel alone.

and whenever you had mental breakdowns during exam season, he was always there with ice cream and flash cards in hand to help you get through it all

needless to say, even though the first two years of college were anything but a breeze, chan always made you feel okay.

so now there you two were, third year college students on your run-down, second-hand couch, watching re-runs of the big bang theory and catching up on how the week was so far.

“it makes me feel so lonely watching minho and his girl act all cutesy in class, i feel like the ultimate third wheel.” chan whined next to you on the couch and you rolled your eyes

“you’ve been complaining for so long about how you feel oh so lonely, why don’t you just find someone then? there are enough people all over campus pining over you anyway.” you said, scoffing at the brunette.

chan had been complaining for so long about how he felt like a deprived lovebug and how he was an utter virgin in everything that had to do with love, and you were getting annoyed with how often he complained

“but that’s the thing- i don’t even know where to start! how do you even approach people? how do you even know whether that person is a nice person? god, they should teach us ‘finding a life partner 101′ instead of the laws of thermodynamics, it’d be way more useful.” he rambled on

“you’re so whiny channie. you know what? let me help you. i can set you up on a blind date with someone who i think you’d like so that the filtering process would be shortened- how does that sound?” you turned to look at him, propping your elbow onto the  couch headboard and rested your head into the palm of your hand

suggesting this was your first mistake.

he looked at you quizzically, his thick eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinty

“you would do that? for me?”

“if it gets you to shut up then of course.” you grinned sarcastically and giggled, with him rolling his eyes at you

“oh haha,” he said and stuck his tongue out “forget i even said anything.” he huffed and got all pouty and exaggerated by crossing his arms and looking away from you. you could only laugh at his feigned hurtful expressions

“i’m kidding! you know i’m just joking- oh stop pouting you big baby.” you said, grabbing ahold of his bicep to get his to turn and look at you

his very muscular bicep

“i’m being serious okay! i want to set you up with someone so that my poor channie stops feeling so lonely all the time.” you mimicked his pout and patted his head

“alright, fine. i’m trusting you with this. if i get dumped i’m blaming you.”

“deal.”

you didn’t have to blink twice to agree to this whole ordeal or even to suggest it; you and chan were just friends- best friends at that, and everything between you both was completely platonic

or so you thought.

so there you were, in your literature lecture, spying on the one girl you thought would be the perfect fit to chan’s empty heart.

so far you knew that her name was Hana, that she was a screenplay major (and so, obviously, knew a good lot about film), that she was recently single and ready to mingle (according to people around campus), and that she looked absolutely gorgeous

jackpot

being your outgoing self, you immediately approached her all wide-eyed and hopeful.

“hi, you don’t know me but would you mind going on a blind date with my friend?” you quipped innocently

she looked completely shocked and dumbfounded

afterall, the only thing she knew about you was that you shared literature class together- and that’s about it.

reader you complete weirdo

“uhm, may i ask what your name is?” she said, looking bashful and flustered

“i’m y/n. and don’t worry, chan isn’t a complete weirdo- shit did i just say his name?? fuck i just took out the point of a blind date.” you mentally slapped yourself for being this much of a dumbass, but to your surprise, hana’s eyes flickered with interest.

“do you mean bang chan? as in cute-boy-in-the-physics-department bang chan?” 

“uh yeah i think so? cute boy? since when was channie known as cute bo-”

“i’m definitely in! i’m sorry for sounding so overly-enthusiastic, it’s just chan’s been quite popular these days, and i’m just a little excited.” she said bashfully

“don’t be sorry! just give me your number and i’ll text you the details soon!”

to say that chan was excited when you told him would be an understatement

“you’re going to love her, channie! god, i’m such a good wingman, you should pay me for setting you up this good.” you said, smirking, feeling proud of yourself

“don’t get too cocky just yet. but oh my god, i can’t wait to meet her!” he said grinning, completely over the moon, and your smile matched his.

wednesday evening rolled around, the day of their blind date, and you couldn’t have been more excited for him. you had arranged for them to meet at a cute little trendy café downtown- perfect for a first date- where they could just talk and get to know each other.

you honestly felt like a proud mom sending off her son to get married, and the happiness you felt for him was genuine- no if’s, and’s or but’s.

“do i look okay?” chan said, coming out of his room dressed in black jeans with rips in the knees, a black muscle tank top and his white denim jacket. he wore an expression of nervousness- a very cute one, at that- and you couldn’t help but let your gaze linger a little longer than normal with a little more affection than you’d like to admit.

“you- you look great channie!” you said, stuttering at first as you were taken aback by just how attractive he looked

you always knew your best friend was handsome- but something about the way his ruffled hair settled on his head and how his lips were flushed a deep red from biting them out of nervousness made your heart skip a beat

but of course, you ignored it.

this was the second mistake.

he was attractive, and that was that.

“you really think so?” he smiled bashfully, ears going red when he saw how your eyes gleamed after seeing him. it made him feel fluttery and giddy to have you compliment him.

“you look really handsome, channie- i mean it.” you said again, a soft smile dancing on your lips and he looked down and scratched the nape of his neck, suddenly feeling embarrassed by all the attention you were giving him.

“you should wear that really nice perfume you own!” you said giddily

“already am! i know it’s your favorite scent- i just hope she likes it too.” 

after a few more minutes of chan’s nervous questions and you telling him to calm down, he was off.

he didn’t know what Hana looked like- all you told him was that she would be sitting alone next to the window in a pink top.

so when he laid eyes on the girl you described, he had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

she was a sight to see, that was for sure.

before he entered, he sent a text to you 

to stardust: u didnt tell me you were setting me up w a fukn model

from stardust: oopsies (✿◠‿◠)

he chuckled and rolled his eyes before entering the café and making his way over to her.

he introduced himself, as did she, and the night played on.

meanwhile, on the other side of town, there you were on the dining table, finishing up your last analytical essay on whatever the heck you had to analyse for your creative writing class

it was ten pm now, and you groggily made your way onto your sofa with your fluffy throw blanket wrapped around you like a burrito 

you flicked through the channels on the tv, being unable to find anything remotely interesting, until you realised something

it was wednesday.

movie night day.

and you were alone.

you felt a pang in your chest at that realisation. after 2 years of almost always spending wednesday nights with chan by your side, you suddenly grew increasingly aware of how lonely you were. by now you two would be cramped on the couch, debating over whether or not to put on a new movie or series or to re-watch some of your all-time favorites.

but there you were, staring into space, alone and cold on your couch, chan no longer beside you.

you immediately buried those thoughts away 

‘he’s happy and having a good time, and i’m so happy for him- he’s my best friend.’ you thought to yourself

your phone dinged, interrupting your train of thought

from solo: this is going too well, im buying u sushi next week to thank u

you let out a breathy laugh at that

to solo: hehe glad to hear that

from solo: gosh i love you

your breath hitched in your throat when you read that message. it made your heart suddenly pick up speed and made your tummy feel weird. he’s never said that before, you thought to yourself, your mind malfunctioning. you blinked yourself back into reality.

to solo: i know.

with that, you shut off your phone. 

you had to remind yourself why he said it. 

he was being thankful, nothing more. that’s all there is to it. 

i’m his best friend, nothing more. that’s all there is to it.

you had to shake of the stinging feeling in your chest and chose to distract yourself by watching the nature documentary that was playing on tv, even though it bored you out of your mind and caused you to just stare at it blankly for the rest of the night. 

soon enough you fell asleep on the couch, alone and cold, with the tv playing a show you didn’t like on a channel you didn’t watch with a dull pain brewing in the middle of your chest that you chose to actively ignore. 

and that was the third mistake. 

i’ll just end it here for part one. please reblog and like so i know you want this multi-shot to continue! also all my star wars babies- peep those references heheheheheheh 

#stray kids imagine #stray kids bang chan #stray kids scenario #stray kids drabble #stray kids bang chan imagine #stray kids chan imagine #stray kids au #stray kids multishot #stray kids bang chan au #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids bang chan angst #stray kids bang chan fluff #stray kids #skz #skz bang chan #stray kids bang chan multishot #foolishlovebugbaby #bang chan x reader #stray kids bang chan x reader #stray kids chan x reader

[shit-uhm-sorry]

It all starts in one of Andrew's criminal justice classes. It was specifically for analyzing the sociology of criminals. (how victim-abuser relationships work, criminal empires, the structure of how criminals interact with other people, etc.)

Andrew likes his degree. He really does. And having to admit that, even to himself is as Bee would put it: a big step forward

He doesn't care enough to shove it away. It feels... interesting. The whole field is interesting.

But then theres times like- this.

That makes Andrew want to commit another felony himself.

It was not long after the Baltimore incident.

Only a month after.

And his sociology professor comes in with a peculiar pep in her step.

She sets down her notes for the day and waits for the rest of the students to file in.

Once everyone is settled she plastered on this big grin

"Everybody, I have something to share." She said it as if she was trying to contain her excitement but everyone knew she was practically bursting with it. "If any of you are avid on keeping up with news involving big criminal networks you would have seen an absolutely astounding albeit vague breakthrough about a month ago."

Andrew felt his stomach clench. If she was going where he thought she was going with this...

"Some of you criminal conspiracy theorists out there know all about infamous Wesninski scandal."

Andrew felt a spark of anger begin to boil but he absolutely refused to show anything outwardly. He heard some classmates that were the avid conspirators start to also whisper excitedly. Andrew clenched his hand into a fist under the desk so hard he could feel half moon marks forming on his palms.

"For those of you who dont..."

She then pressed a button on her remote and the projector started to turn on.

An article titled "The Blood of the Fallen Wesniski Family" appeared on the screen. It had the picture of a giant house-closer to a mansion-on the front that Andrew could only assume was the Wesninski's.

"This article was published this morning. A month ago there had been a news story about a big bust in the Wesninski house reporting several murders of the occupants inside, but the police refused to release any more information than that. It was huge, considering many had speculated exactly what has been happening involving the Wesninski's for years."

"But this morning the FBI finally released information about what had happened."

His professor scrolled down past the picture to start reading the article outloud.

"Nathan Wesninski, Lola Malcolm, Patrick DiMaccio and 7 other victims have been reported dead, found around and mostly in a hidden basement of the Wesninski household."

It then went on to talk about the cause of death, why the FBI had been withholding this information, and the speculation on who killed them.

Suddenly she scrolled down and a picture of Neil showed up. There were a few audible gasps in the room. A select couple were from recognition, the rest were from the shock of the images.

Andrew had seen Neil in the hotel. But that was after he had gotten medical care.

This was when the police and press had arrived right after he narrowly escaped death.

Andrew felt such a white hot rage that he could feel his lips curling upwards in a snarl.

Neil was being man handled by a cop in the image, his hair a matted mess and blood was everywhere. The lacerations and burns on his cheeks were stark against his pale face. The shirt- the fucking shirt that Andrew saw Neil leave in before the riot was stained with so much fresh blood and sweat.

The worst part-

The worst part though was that in the image Neil was doubled over laughing. His eyes were filled with panic and hysteria and his mouth was wide. Andrew could hear his own laughter filling his ears when Drake-

Andrew pushed that aside in favor of trying to contain his immense anger. To contain the temptation of burning this fucking school into the ground.

"Some of you might recognize this man. He actually goes to our very school" the professor informed the class with such elation.

"This is Nathaniel Wesninski. Nathan Wesninski's son. He barely survived the events of what happened that night, and informed the FBI that the suspicions the police and other crime enthusiasts have had over the Wesninski's were true."

Andrew tuned out the rest of his professors ramblings on the theories and the confirmed murders and tortures the Wesninski circle was involved in until the name Nathaniel was mentioned again.

"Nathaniel is actually on our Exy team-"

Andrew surprised himself when he heard himself snarl "His name is Neil Josten."

Suddenly all eyes shifted onto him. The woman then had a look on her face like she just realised who exactly was in the class room.

"Ah.. uh, yes Mr. Minyard is correct. Nathaniel and recently changed his name to Neil Josten in an effort to distance himself from the Wesninski history and name."

She seemed to realize how insensitive this entire situation was because her joy and excitement noticeably dimmed.

After a few more words she went on with the actual lesson that day.

Andrew couldn't pay attention. His focus much more attuned towards Bee's breathing exercises that weren't working in calming him down.

After class was over Andrew was just about to be leaving when his professor stopped him. "Ah Mr. Minyard, a word?"

Andrew turned his head but didnt come near her.

She sidled up to him instead and said "I know you are on the college Exy team, and I have seen you with Wesnin- ah Josten in the halls."

Andrew felt himself clenching his fists again

"I was wondering, if it is alright with him of course, if you could possibly talk to Mr. Josten and ask him if he'd be able to guest speak on the next lecture?"

Andrew stared at her in disbelief, but to her in must have just been a blank mask.

"How about this." Andrew started

"The next time you decide to use a student, a human being, that you are trained to teach and to respect and coincide with as something for you to squeal over like a scientist dissecting a specimen, ask yourself this. Am I being professional? Am I being a person with common sense? Am I being someone who can fall asleep without crying over how pathetic my life has become? I can already guess that the answer to all these questions is no. No you are not. So stow away this asinine facisnation with other people's serious trauma and act like a goddamn fucking professional."

Andrew then turned around and left without a word.

Later that day Andrew entered the dorm after his classes were done and set his things down.

Neil was on the couch already, spacing out looking at the wall.

"Browning called this morning." He said after Andrew had settled himself on the arm of the couch.

"Said that they released the information to the public about Baltimore."

Andrew showed no reaction to this information, which he knew Neil would interpret as Andrew already knowing.

Neil gave a cruel smile and looked at Andrew. "Do you know how many people have approached me today? Asking about it?"

Andrew kept his face blank, giving Neil the foundation of nothingness he needed.

There was a tense couple of minutes of just staring before Neil's smile finally cracked and he looked at his lap in defeat. Andrew could see how tired he was.

"They asked. They asked why I laughed."

Andrew finally moved to sit next to Neil and put a hand onto his neck for much needed comfort.

Neil side eyed Andrew and started elaborating "...There was an image the press took that had been withheld by the FBI until now... it was of me-"

He couldnt hear Neil say it. Couldnt hear Neil relive it. "I saw." Andrew interrupted.

Neil looked at him fully, twisting his body towards Andrew.

"Yes or no?" He asked in a quiet and weakened voice.

Andrew saw the fresh scars on Neil's face. Saw the black armbands he wore proudly. Saw the eyes that usually held such a burning fire but now only held a dim flame. He saw a man who has survived so much. He saw a man that he knew better than himself and he saw a man just like him.

"Yes."

Neil, very slowly, learned towards Andrew until his face was buried in his neck and his weight was on Andrew completely. He kept his hands to himself.

Andrew buried one of his hands in Neil's hair, rubbing circles in the scalp and with the other hand he gently grabbed one of Neil's to lace their fingers together.

A sighed escaped Neil's lips and tickled Andrew's neck, effectively giving him goosebumps all over his arms.

Andrew tilted his face into Neil's hair and murmured "I did too."

He knew Neil knew what he meant.

He knew Neil had heard his manic laughter when they discovered him bloody and numb and high on his pills.

Neil nuzzled in further, not responding.

The message was clear anyways.

You're like me.

We are both damaged and the world will never understand,

But at least we have eachother.

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #neil josten #andreil #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #nora sakavic #angst #nathaniel wesninski #writing #headcanon #hysterical laughter #criminal justice #college class #professor

[jughead-is-canonically-aroace]

chats class 1a is in

Class 1A

all of class 1a

part of an Official School Groupchat. their entire year is in it, there’s a general chat (which everyone had and has muted) and then locked chats for each class and for each course.

used to be real big when it was first created, everyone blocked mineta and someone figured out how to add shinsou to the class 1a chatroom

but then the staff cracked down on it and made it no-swearing-or-inappropriate-humor, and you could only block someone for half an hour at a time, and removed shinsou, and now it’s only used by teachers to remind ppl of hw and stuff.

oh and whenever 1a fucks up monoma @1A in #hero_course. which they can’t mute. the only channel they can mute is #general. ugh.

class 1(screams)/class 1gay/fellas is it gay to wear brightly colored spandex and run around saving the day?/froppy fan club

all of class 1a, plus aizawa, plus shinsou

they wouldn’t have added mineta but aizawa said it would be bullying if he was the only member of the class not in the chat. so everyone just blocked him

aizawa says thats fine because the blocking was provoked and you have the right to block people to protect yourself and if it just so happens that everyone’s doing that then that’s just how it is i guess

memes

youve read chat fics. you know what its like

aizawa, in response to the third gc name: am i still gay if i dont wear brightly colored spandex

sato only ever uses it to post pics of his beautiful baked goods

bakusquad/kirishima defense squad/kirishima fan club/kaminari stop electrocuting yourself 2k19 (briefly)/bakugou fan club

bakugou kirishima kaminari sero ashido jiro

i mean its a squad chat. most of these have a p similar mo

chat meme: creeper photos of kaminari next to electrical appliances

chat meme: why is jiro here

chat meme: pics of tape dispensers with seros hair drawn on shittily captioned H3Y COOLK1D 1S TH1S YOU

chat meme: ashido is the only one who hasnt read homestuck and no one will tell her what it is (but they will reference it, so much, whenever she makes an accidental homestuck reference)

unusually high percentage of shopping trip convos

friends!/conspiracy theorists/friends!!!

midoriya iida uraraka tsuyu todoroki momo shinsou aoyama kirishima

midoriya made it

just a lot of wholesome friendlyness plus shinsou being tired all of the time

chat meme: photos of midoriya drinking anything, labeled “bone hurting juice”

chat meme: tsu’s removable stomach

it got named conspiracy theorists during one night when todoroki and shinsou stayed up until like 5 swapping theories

Chat with Iida, Uraraka, and Midoriya/bastards

midoriya iida uraraka

no one will admit to naming it bastards

also no one remembers when it was changed to bastards

could have been any of the new arrivals, except shinsou, because it was definitely before him

there is a long drawn-out debate before adding anyone. it’s required. it’s in the bylaws. they draw lots to see who will be for against and mediating. it’s ridiculous.

tsuyu is added (iida for, uraraka against, midoriya mediating)

todoroki is added (uraraka for, midoriya against, iida mediating)

shinsou is added (iida for, midoriya against, uraraka mediating)

chat meme: out of context quotes from the debates (specifically absolutely ridiculous incendiary remarks)

chat meme: iida pretending to not understand memes in class 1gay

chat meme: who changed the chat name to the bastard jar (to the tune of “who stole the cookies from the cookie jar”)

chat meme: shinsou (the only innocent)

and swearing. all of them swear. iida midoriya and tsuyu have a pact to never swear in the other chats, or admit to swearing in this chat, and the others have a secondary pact to keep the secret. it’s in the bylaws

chat meme: the friends!!! chat is only for vetting potential bastard chat members

i mean the convos are basically the same in the two chats bastard just has more swearing

baked goods chat

sato tokoyami ojiro koda shoji hagakure jiro iida

when sato posts baked goods pics in class 1gay, it’s immediately followed by a series of blurry pics of his room being broken into and the goods being demolished by his dormmates in this chat

but i mean they also talk about other stuff in here

jiro and tokoyami talk, completely earnestly and with no judgement, about emo/goth stuff in here (in any other chat they make fun of each other)

iida is there because he asked why sato kept posting pics of his recently baked goods in the chat when he knew it would result in break-ins

chat meme: the time iida said damn and immediately deleted it and apologized 7 times and made everyone swear not to tell

chat meme: tokoyami’s teeth

chat meme: using sato’s baked good break in photos as reaction pics

chat meme: photos of hagakure with a where’s waldo hat photoshopped either way above the top of her head, way below, or quite a bit to the left

chat meme: koda, release the bees (koda: 🐝🐝🐝)

mineta hate club

ashido tsuyu uraraka jiro hagakure momo

#justgirlthings

ie dick jokes

chat meme: post tsuyu with her hair up whenever you want to show appreciation for something

chat meme: momo end capitalism

chat meme: hagakure posting selfie-angle pics of empty rooms “lookin cute today!”

chat meme: ashido has read homestuck (screenshots of bakusquad not realizing that she has obviously read homestuck thats such a niche reference)

chat meme: taking zoomed-in pics of floating things and labeling them “uraraka or hagakure”

chat meme: can jiro play the [obscure instrument]

later, chat meme: can jiro play the [thing that is not an instrument]

hair squad

kirishima todoroki and shoji

kirishima made the chat as a joke and now it’s where todoroki has his existential crises

and also if any of them are going out and want company but like quiet company they pop into this chat and so frequently you see these three doing bakusquad grocery shopping together while not talking to each other at all

i think it’s common convention to make it you-need-three-to-go-out-of-the-dorms so yeah

this chat has the highest concentration of pure shopping lists. just a shopping list. in the chat.

remember when i said high concetration of shopping convos in bakusquad? kirishima is the one who goes shopping most of the time and this is where he puts the list

prov license redo chat/failure chat/endeavor hate club/endeavore hate club

todoroki bakugou and windy dude (yoarashi?)

originally made to coordinate with fellow failed examinees by the person running the redo program

then todoroki and windy dude had a huge blow-out yellabout regarding Their Shit and the guy running the program was like “fuck this” and left and made a new chat which is STRICTLY FOR COORDINATING

then the other three just. didnt delete the chat. todo and wind got over their shit and then the three mostly used it to complain about the course/yell at each other for complaining because it’s your own damn fault for getting distracted while taking the test, at least i lost doing what i do best, you lost because you both couldnt get over your own issues with fucking endeavore

windy dude: *endeavor

bakugou: i said what i said

and for hating endeavor. that they all hate endeavor gets established

the end

ua teacher chat/its not a teacher chat anymore its been contaminated/who are you people

all the teachers plus both iida brothers

chat meme: aizawa sleeping in weird places

chat meme: midnight’s friend duster

chat meme: all might fucks

chat meme: aizawa and mic’s divorce

chat meme: cementoss doesnt even toss cement

aizawa complains about his children here

vlad king complains about how much monoma complains about aizawa’s children

chat meme: nedzu isn’t here for some reason and no one is mentioning it

chat meme: mentioning it, but vaguely

nedzu isnt even not in the chat but he only shows up when he’s mentioned

chat meme: aizawa posting out of context quotes (no names; he follows ao3tags rules) from class 1gay

chat meme: no one will admit to being the one to crack down on Class 1A. but no one’s fixing it

chat meme: iida tenya is definitely not  here, and if he was, it wouldnt be in his capacity as a student

this is the only chat where iida tenya is allowed to swear

(or admit he knows memes)

iidas tensei and tenya are running in the 90s and 2000s respectively.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #class 1a #isay #hi #chat fic

[journalxxx]

Awesome And Emotional Multichapter Fics That I Will Never Write - 4

This is a very messy and sloppy patchwork of a Discord convo, I hope it's somehow understandable. 

AU where, after Bill's demise, one of the Fords still roaming the universe finally manages to make his way back to his own universe. In a Gravity Falls where Stan has given up working on the portal a decade or so ago. Imagine Stan's surprise when, one foggy evening like any other, someone knocks on the door and interrupts his The Duchess Approves marathon. Guess who's the untimely visitor.

Now there's a funny idea... Bill getting in touch with Stan to get him to fix and reactivate the portal. He speaks with him only in dreams, obviously, but never reveals himself: he always takes the shape of Ford, taking advantage of Stan's guilt to make him work without questions. At some point though, Stan realizes the portal is Bad and stops working on it. Needless to say, it ends up with Bill/Ford screaming in his face how much of a useless, incompetent, straight-up murderous fuck-up he is and blaming him for letting his own brother to rot where he pushed him. It simply kills Stan to admit it, but it's obvious that the Ford giving him instructions is insane or positively evil, so he stops working on the portal.

Did I mention that Bill/Ford didn't just order Stan around and guilted him into doing stuff, but also straight up seduced him and gave him plenty of dreamscape sex as a further encouragement

"Wait, that wasn't you?" "I've never had the means to contact anyone telepathically through dimensions. They were likely just dreams." "...........................Oh..............." Imagine all the passionate dream sex, the heartfelt declarations of love and forgiveness, crowned by a warm "I trust you, Stanley. Get me out of here. I know you can do it." Imagine the memory of this leaving Stan positively gutted as he decides to seal the portal Together with the mandatory backlash of Bill hauting his dreams for the weeks to come, taking the shape of a fuming, looming, nightmarish Ford vomiting insults and accusations on him until he ultimately gets bored of it all So when Stan finds an angry Ford on his doorstep, his first thought is Shit, how did he come back?? The second ...Fuck, he's going to kill me. It doesn't help that Ford greets him with a deadpan "Long time no see", gun in hand out of habit/precautions, unadvertedly channeling all the right Professional Killer aesthetics. when ford asks for an explanation, stan just. lets his second nature kick in and maybe exaggerates a lil bit when talking about the blind eye, how they wanted to erase his memories, how he pretended to know nothing and turned ford's life upside down to throw them off completely while ALSO having the chance of working on the portal but then things happened so he was forced to chose between his brother in the portal or the crazy one in his dreams ford is glad that stan made the right choice (Probably throws in a curt "Mph. Could have thrown the towel much sooner, it would have spared you a lot of fruitless efforts. It's not like you had any hopes to make it work to begin with.") i kinda see..........stan...................................packing and leaving himself with no prompting from ford i hope wendy tied ford up to a tree trunk and she and soos questioned him for 47 hours straight soos KNEW there was a reason why stan didnt celebrate his hecking birthday or why on the winter nights he slept over snowed in, stan disappeared in the basement and looked like he hadnt slept in the morning Meanwhile, Stan has packed his stuff on the car, left, and parked less than two kilometres away because his eyes were too teary to see the fucking street. And then he fell asleep in his car, crying, like in the good old days How about bad stuff but with a good outcome. For example, Stan did get a bit too careless around toxic waste and inks and got cancer in the latest years. No one knows, obviously, thanks to the fact that he got a relatively tame and slow case in regards to symptoms, but a terminal one nonetheless. He doesn't really put up a fight when Ford kicks him out because it's not like he was going to spend much more time in that house anyway. Ford realizes only one or two weeks later, when he gets a call from the doctor asking why he didn't show up for the usual therapy. He finally has the common decency to start looking for his brother Eh, he's probably staying in the cheapest motel around, whiling his days away with pug trafficking and small jobs like that. Ford does find him and is not impressed, and Stan gets immediately defensive when he's asked about his illness. Turns out Ford has a cure for the thing (a sample and its formula snatched from a very polluted and irradiated dimension where tumors are just as common and manageable as the flu), and that he would gladly drop the stuff there and "fuck off" as Stan suggests - if it wasn't obvious that Stan can't even be trusted to follow simple therapies and instructions like the missed appointment with the doctor proved that's probably when Stan punches him it surely leaves him winded enough for Stan to grab him by his lapels and bodily hurl him out of the room. Barking insults at him and calling him a hypocrite and a coward, because he's obviously come simply to clear his own conscience for throwing him out while he's sick. Just remove the sickness and bam, problem solved, he's done his good, charitable deed for his idiotic brother, he can resume treating him like trash now. He can keep his bogus scifi meds for all Stan cares, he'd rather die out of stupidity than live out of fake pity. He wouldn't obtain anything that day, no amount of knocking or calling or talking at the door would get Stan to answer. But in the following days, he probably rummages around the house enough to find old and recent medical reports about Stan's health, which prove the problem does need to be addressed in a timely fashion. He finally finds Stan's notes about the portal too, and the instructions the fake Ford gave him to fix it and adjust it - and just by looking at the math, Ford can tell with certainty it was Bill, rather Stan's misguided subconscious. Knowing that he inadvertedly dragged Stan into the mess to the point of exposing him to Bill's dirty mind tricks is quite a blow to Ford. That's on him, 100% Stan keeps not answering for a few subsequent visits, but in the end he gives up and opens the door. Ford looks uncharacteristically subdued and, much to Stan's surprise, he asks him to come back home, at least for a while. Stan's ready to throw the invitation back in his face because he doesn't feel like playing the poor invalid patient to appease his brother's fleeting sense of charity, but Ford tells him that he wants to talk about a few things. Calmly and in due time, not as a hurried and snappy back and forth in a shadowy motel in the middle of nowhere. Stan hates himself for it (nothing new about that), but of course he lets himself be convinced

Turns out Stan's just as lonely as in the motel for the first days. Ford is constantly buried in the basement (turns out this dimension doesn't have the technology to produce certain components of the medicine, so Ford has to piece together the necessary machinery first, and then he can make the medicine itself, so he's always busy busy busy) and whatever he wanted to discuss with Stan isn't urgent, apparently. They barely cross paths in the kitchen and the bathroom, and they exchange no more words than strictly necessary. Anyway, after a few days of mandatory emotional constipation, Ford emerges from the basement to find weary post-chemo Stan tiredly dragging himself to the bedroom. Perfect occasion for a good old heart-to-heart, right? After the first assurances that Ford's medicine will be ready shortly and the following deafening silence, Ford finally starts talking. Stan isn't exactly in a conversational mood at the moment, but the stuff Ford's saying is pretty interesting, so he listens. He learns about Bill and his persuasive lies, of the actual dangers of the portal and of the possible consequences of its use. Although he can't remember for sure if he's ever shaken the fake Ford's hand or worded any sort of pact with him, it seems it doesn't really matter any more, since the bastard's dead. Ford's heard about it from other dimensional travellers, of how a human by the name of Stan Pines from the Earth had tricked the trickster. Until then, Ford confesses, he had believed there had been a slight misinformation spreading around, that another Ford had accomplished the goal, finished his gun and got close enough to Bill to use it. But maybe not. Maybe - considering how Ford had fallen for Bill's flattery hook, line and sinker, while Stan had seen through his lies before any damage could be done -maybe the stories were more accurate than he thought. Who knows. Stan doesn't contribute much to the conversation, partly because he doesn't really know what to make of it, partly because he feels about to puke his guts at any moment, and eventually Ford leaves him to rest. The next days are slightly less tense. Finally Ford can have Stan answer the phone, avoiding an impending house invasion by very concerned Dipper and Mabel. Soos and Wendy also drop by and Stan bullshits his way out of their questions (the Shack is closed for renovations, that weirdo who looks like him is an old relative visiting him, yada yada), just like he knows how to. Surprise surprise, Ford realizes it's the first time he's seen Stan smile since... he doesn't even remember. He does smile on the phone and with his employees - actually, his whole demeanour changes with them, he's more open, more boisterous and chatty. Until Ford enters his field of vision, that is. Then he's back to monosyllabic replies, ill-concealed hostility and reserve. Ford wonders which one of the two attitudes is a charade, or if neither of them is, and if Stan's even aware of his own bizarre behaviour. Eventually, the cure is ready, and Stan accepts to take it with a passiveness that confuses Ford. Truth to be told, Stan isn't very convinced it'll work. It's not like he doesn't trust Ford's knowledge, but he kind of expects some unforeseen problem to come up and screw him over. You don't go through all the stages of grief and acceptance of your own mortality just  to start hoping for miracles from dubious pseudo-scientific sources. The real shocker comes after one week of his new therapy, when he goes to the hospital for a check-up and the exams show that the mass has reduced by like 70%. Ford gets called by the doctors, has to take a taxi, retrieve the car and drive a slightly unhinged Stan home. "I told you I could come with you, but 'No Stanford, I'm not an invalid' -" "YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME IT WAS GOING TO FUCKING DISAPPEAR OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE" "I wasn't sure it would! Sometimes it takes a while to start working, it depends on the kind of tumor, the general health of the person-" "YOU'RE THE WORST SHITHEAD THAT EVER LIVED-" Bickering aside, Stan's not dying anymore. Would you look at that. At the current pace, he's going to be fully recovered very, very quickly. Then what? When Ford decides they've talked enough about whatever they need to talk about, then what, back to the motel and out of his life? Just beautiful. Before long, Ford corners him while giving him another injection and drops another bomb on him. Apparently, the nosy bastard has found some old notes detailing some of Stan's... less scientifically-oriented dreams. (Stan calls bullshit on that. Surely he never wrote that stuff down. Surely. Probably. Did he? Sure, he used to immediately jot down everything he dreamt about as soon as he woke up, to make sure he didn't forget or misremember any of Ford's instruction, but he wouldn't... not those... right...?) By whatever freaky means, Ford has a general idea of the methods Bill used to ensure Stan's cooperation, and he's oddly concerned about them. Oddly as in, not freaked out because of the obvious problem of Stan repeatedly dreaming about banging his own brother, which would be perfectly understandable. The curious thing is that his questions seem to imply that he thinks Stan might have found those dreams unpleasant or even hurtful, as if Bill might have twisted Stan's desires unnaturally, as if they hadn't been lingering in Stan's mind since way earlier than that. Which is such a laughable idea that Stan starts laughing in Ford's face. He could have seized the occasion to deny everything and preserve some dignity, but to what end, really? And uhm... as much as I want this to end in a heap of love, mush, forgiveness and cuddles, as usual my brain gets stuck when it comes to actually build a believable way to make that happen, so... yeah, eventually they talk about everything, somehow fall for each other deeply and sincerely, have lot of very passionate and very cathartic intimate moments. You know they do. The end :)

#stancest #billstan

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 2 days went! they were both pretty bad lol

so yesterday my first class was orgo lab. it was better than last week but it still fucking sucked oh my godddddd the actual lab only took everyone maybe 90 minutes but we had to get an nmr for our products and we had to do it one by one and it took 12 minutes per person so even though i tried to take my time doing things really slow to keep myself occupied i still ended up w like 50 minutes of doing nothing! it was so boring 

and then there was the girl who set me up. so we did the nmr in this separate room in the basement and the chairperson for the chem dept was operating the machine. the girl who works at the lab station next to me is named julia and i thought we were friendly acquaintances since we ask each other for help sometimes. so i got down to the room to run my product through the nmr machine and there were a bunch of students there already waiting for their results and stuff and the chairperson was talking to one of them and didnt acknowledge me at all so i was about to go wait for him to finish talking then ask him what to do but julia who had literally just finished putting her thing in the machine came over to me

she was like “oh i can help you set your product up and show you how to put it in!” so i was like “wow thanks!” so she showed me and as i was trying to put it in the machine it wouldnt go in so i was like ????? and then i realized julia literally showed me the completely wrong way to do it!!!!!!!!!! the chairperson came over and he was like “whoa whoa whoa that is not how youre supposed to do it” and then he showed me how to do it correctly. now julia had literally just finished setting hers up so i find it highly unlikely that she made honest mistakes when showing me what to do! i think she did it on purpose to make me look bad. she embarrassed me in front of not only the chairperson but my peers as well and if it was my messy classmates i wouldnt mind but it was all the ones who are actually good at this stuff!! rip idk what she gained from that since the chairperson has no influence over my grade but still an iconic cutthroat move i guess! i just wish she did it to someone that wasnt me

also i overheard 2 of my classmates talking about her a little earlier and they were talking about how she tried to steal both of their spatulas! so this julia girl is just cracked overall which is better than her just having a personal vendetta against me i guess

also 2 good things happened in that lab at least! first of all in the pre lab lecture noor came and sat next to me instead of whoever she sat with last time! so that was nice bc i wasnt sitting by myself. and then during the lab i was pipetting something and federico (the REALLY cute guy) was up to that too so he came over and he was like “can i borrow your pipet when youre done” and i was like yeah so it was nice that he talked to me

then i had like 45 min before gsa so i texted danielle and we hung out until the meeting and then the actual meeting was so much fun! we played jeopardy w lgbtq related questions and we were making the teams danielle and i were on one team while the president was on the other and we beat his team BOTH times! it was literally iconic bc we were losing the first game at first but then i started getting all these questions right and danielle started getting them right too and then in the second game this other girl on our team started answering everything too so the 3 of us were an unstoppable trio and the president was so bitter

also that reminds me i recently found out at last weeks eboard meeting and then i got even more info from danielle that day. so apparently literally all the other minority-based clubs on campus hate us and wont work with us bc our president wore that make america great again hat so like...rip that sucks for us lol 

so yeah gsa was super fun then in orgo lecture i got there early to make sure those freaks didnt steal my seat again but other than that it was uneventful

then there was what happened today. sociology was boring psych was relatively fun but also uneventful. anatomy lecture was fun except for one thing. the prof needed someone to help demonstrate something and he chose this random guy from the second row instead of me! and like it had to be a guy bc what he did would be kinda weird if he did it to a girl and i was the only guy in the front row so it wouldve been common sense to choose me but instead he chose that random!!! it was s/t about kidney stones so he made the guy come up to the front of the class and he had him like lean forward on the front table w his back/ass to the prof and rest of the class and he was like showing where the kidneys are and where to hit them if youre testing for kidney stones so he put his hand flat on this guys back and then hit his hand (that way he wasnt literally slapping the student) and its like...if he chose me that wouldnt been so iconic bc he wouldve had me bent over that table and he wouldve been touching my back but instead he chose that other guy so that was where things started going downhill

then anatomy lab was where it got even worse. so it was just a review lab before next weeks practical so he lets all any of his lecture students who arent in his lab sit in just to get extra review. so the lab was so full w all these randoms which made me irritated and one of the people there was the seat stealing guy! he was w this other girl and they were there kinda early and i was watching and they were gonna sit but theres only enough seats for everyone in the class so if extra people come theres gonna be a shortage of chairs. so they were sitting down and the girl was like “actually maybe we should stand bc it wouldnt be fair to the people who are actually in his lab if we stole their seats” and the guy was like “who cares!” and sat in a seat i was just like hmmmm.... so i guess hes just like this all this time 

so then i was still waiting for lab (several of us including the prof were there extra early bc lecture ended early) and this one random girl was talking to the prof just about random things for like 10 minutes!! i was jealous like who tf is she? freak

so then the actual lab was boring it was just review but it was kinda nice at first bc the prof was waiting for the TA to make copies of something so he was literally just telling us jokes it was like a rupauls drag race stand up comedy challenge but it was ruined for me bc the seat stealing guy was literally kissing this profs ass the ENTIRE time and he does this in all the classes ive had w him but he was doing it like even more than usual and it was just annoying i wanted to tell him to shut up but all of my peers like him so if i do that im not gonna be able to make any friends in my classes bc ill be the villain

so then after he finished the review we were left to review some more on our own then just leave whenever we felt like it but he also put out a sign in sheet for attendance. so everyone went up to it at once and i dont like waiting in crowds like that so i was just sitting then when the crowd dissipated i went up to sign it and it was gone and i was like “wheres the sign in sheet?” and the prof called out to the ta to take it out so i could sign it (it was literally right there but it was under the TA’s stuff so i couldnt just take it out on my own lol) and the prof seemed kinda exasperated at me asking and it upset me bc like its not like i waited until the last minute of lab to sign in?? like idk why they put it away so fast 

then most of the people left so i was at my table alone and there was one other table w like 4 people including the girl the prof was talking to earlier. and the prof literally went over and sat at the table with them just to talk about regular things! which he literally never does bc he always stays by his desk so first him not talking to me at all except for being pissy to me and then him being so nice and friendly to those other students really put me in a bad mood. but the TA came over to me and asked if i needed help w anything which was v nice of him. i didnt need help bc i was just reviewing the online models on the ipads but still. but then the TA went and sat down w the prof and those other students so whatever

so then i left and walked my dejected ass all the way to my car and drove home pissed off the entire time and yeah thats it! tm i only have orgo so since i have a lot of free time im gonna try to finally go to the student counseling center and set up an appointment

#personal

[solvethisproblemattic-blog]

I spent some time on a forum where someone recently said this. It was part of a discussion about increasingly fragmented and absurd LGBT flags, such as “ecosexual” and “deerkin” 

So i have this theory that increasingly compartmentalized idpol subcultures are like mining bitcoin. Whereas in the beginning, identity politics was more about tangible things, now...its like this: the more specific detailed and obscure your identity politics are, the more cool you seem. Its like mining bitcoin because it gets harder and harder over time, until you have to spent enormous energy and resources and get very little back, but some people feel compelled to do it anyway. This doesnt mean i think idpol never is about real identities. often it is. often there are valid concerns at work. But many (not all, but a good amount) of the identities people are building identities around now....are actually just personal quirks. Aromantic actually just means that you arent a romantic person. Its not the same as being gay...because people dont get beat up in the street for being aromantic....and there isnt mountains of legislation constantly designed to make the lives of aromantic people miserable.

So...many people believe that a common pattern is one of more privileged groups finding ways to enter into the subcultures of the less privileged, in order to feel better about themselves. This is a common tendency with many types of cultural appropriation. And yet it doesnt occur to many of the people in question that this may be happening right now with cis and straight people. If you say that cis hetero people are 'queerplatonic' because they have queer friends but dont fuck them....im sorry thats not worthy of a flag. 

There are reasons why flags mean something. the rainbow flag has been burned, spattered with blood, and ripped up countless times. people have died because of that flag. Same with the transgender flag, the lesbian flag, and though its new, im sure it is already becoming true of the genderqueer flag. But all this other microlabelling bullshit? im sorry but believing you are a unicorn or a satyr is not something that is going to be on par with the kind of oppression and struggle that someone with gender dysphoria or queer desires is going to face

In order to fairly critique what this group is designed to critique, we all need to be sure we arent just feeding into meme loops. The question should be...first...is this content we are critiquing, something that its creators literally believe in? the best way to start , in my opinion, is to talk to the owner of the page.

The person who posted this, (who im not naming, and who i know almost nothing about) had some interesting points, i think. for context, they were in part critiquing these blogs. 

https://beyond-mogai-pride-flags.tumblr.com

http://beyondlgbt.deviantart.com/gallery/

http://hiddensexualities.tumblr.com/

I want to make it clear that I have nothing against the creators of these blogs personally, and am only posting the links for clarity and context. I also want to make it sure that whereas i found hiddensexualities outright disturbing (due to its inclusion of attraction to objects and zoophilia in its master list) i find the other blogs more ....confusing. Because it includes things like “ecosexual” “deerkin” and “angelkin”.

    Confusing, by the way, doesnt necessarily prove anything. It may not at all be their fault that I am confused.there are probably a lot of cis people who find my gender confusing, and that isnt my fault. 

   That being said, There are a few ways to look at it. Im a 30 year old trans woman, and this may be a generational thing. The job of youth is innovation and experimentation, after all, and its possible that people my age need to just trust them. Not all of the experiments of queer teenagers always make sense to queer 30 year olds. That being said...I feel like that doesnt explain it either. If that theory explained it all...i could just delete this blog and move on. 

   Theres two main issues, as I see it. 

 The first is that there is a reason words like gay, LGBT, and queer have always meant a specific thing. Because resources and services for us are limited. If you can move to portland oregon where theres a trans health center or a lgbt friendly youth shelter, you are extremely lucky. In most cities those things are unheard of. If you are a trans woman who cant afford the cost of a name change during a time like this..you are really lucky if TAP has the time and resources to handle your case....they are extremely overwhelmed right now with their case load. There are also spaces, workshops, conferences, and groups which are made for, made by, and centered on these groups. it gets harder to prioritize who should or shouldnt have access to these things. Because if mildly dissatisfied tumblr-literate cis people flood into these groups/ spaces and use up limited services so they can “find themselves”...its less for the people who face discrimination, abuse, assault, and trauma every day because of our bodies and desires. In other words, I could be murdered for being a trans woman. No one is going to be murdered for talking about being an angelkin on the internet. If you run a youth shelter focused on LGBT youth...and you have to prioritize services for an asexual or for a gay person...you have no choice but to make that decision based on how much tangible oppression you actually see day after day. I have talked to these people and it is very clear what decisions they have made, and theres nothing fucked up or wrong about it. 

I myself have worked with street youth several times throughout my career, and though i have met many endangered queer, gay, and lgbt street youth, i have never met a street kid who was angelkin, deerkin, or ecosexual. because its not sustainable outside of internet filter bubbles. 

The other issue is that...i have seen and heard of many of these groups exerting actual influence in queer and LGBT politics. I will explain why this bothers me. 

   if this was merely a matter of youth subcultures making fun experiments and building magickal inner worlds, thats fine. theres nothing wrong with that. I have been part of pronoun contests before, and there is certainly a playful element to all queer circles. Theres nothing wrong with creating elaborate inner worlds...or subcultures based on very specific ideas. But its not queer. Because you cant fuck a deer (or shouldnt?), you cant fuck a demon, you cant fuck an angel, you cant fuck the earth, and otherkin is largely a fantasy. Theres a limit to what you can queer. Eventually it stops being queer or queering, and just becomes absurd. 

    I actually support transhumanism...but transhumanist ideas are far from being actually realized, and never will be unless they find a way to find a purpose in every day life. Its only when trans humanism becomes pragmatic or functional that it will begin to be sustainable or anything other than a fantasy. That will eventually happen, i think, but right now, this is ridiculous. bisexuality is a real desire, gay, lesbian, queer, pan, poly, these are real desires (and for the love of god dont jump down my throat because i only listed 99 out of the 100 labels. they are honestly and literally hard to remember) but once you start listing your sexual attraction to fictional characters, you arent describing real life. 

  I once had a conversation with a queer person (AMAB and androgynous presenting) who had recently gotten into a fight on tumblr because she believed that otherkin should be officially included in the LGBT acronym (LGBTO?). She then talked about wishing she had fur. If she faced oppression, it wouldnt be because she wished she had fur, it would be because she was androgynous and her anatomy didnt fit into the cisgender mold. In other words, what is assumed to be otherkin discrimination, is actually just regular queerphobia and transphobia. Maybe theres a little extra vileness added because you have a clip on tail, but i guarantee that if a cisgender straight woman was wearing that clip on tail and wished she ‘had fur’ they would be left completely alone. because no one cares.

By the way, asexuality is valid too...but my thoughts on it are complicated. 

#otherkin #sexuality #gender #discourse #social justice #SJW #LGBT