#all trust i had in them is gone

[hiveswap]

?

#staff is fucking trash #all trust i had in them is gone #i should have known when i got banned after calling people out for treating ao3 volunteers being sent CSAM as fandom discourse #i only got unbanned because i complained on reddit and a staff member got in touch with me about it #he said it was a glitch #yeah right #ten thousand

[buwheal]

BEACH OUTFIT 💥💥💥💥

He used to surf the web back in 98'.

#the clothes were so difficult for no reason i kept having to edit them #i actually really like this one lol #cunty uncle type thing going on #Also i love the HC that he as a plush tummy thats so cute and im stealing it #i was about to give him flipflops until i realized he cant do that #He had a dolphin print shirt but it looked ugly with the shorts and i really wanted the striped shorts lol #deltarune spamton #spamton #spamton g spamton #spamton fanart #deltarune #deltarune chapter 2 #i think it looks fine but still i hope it comes across he's resting his right arm on an invisible prop for the pose lol #there was a small little fella in the back of my mind who wanted to put him in a two piece but i couldnt sorry lmfao #edit: I forgot to write this out but I wanted to put it on any post bc i dont want to post a txt post just for this #but honestly he's gotta be some flavor of queer. #It doesnt matter to me which type all that much but I HC that even though he probably is #he has never been in a relationship and i dont think he ever will #he is so full of himself and he's kind of an ass tbh. That and i doubt he trusts anyone with what he's gone through #even if he got time to heal i dont think he'd ever trust someone enough to make a real relationship that way #Thats it thanks for coming to my ted talk #if you opened the tags here's your secret paragraph & im not sorry #BuwheArt

[writer-room]

Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.

Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #lego ninjago #dragons rising #bonzle #finders #cole #cole brookstone #geo #fritz #spitz #text post #angst #talk #LISTEN TO ME #COLE LOST 2 WHOLE FAMILY MEMBERS DURING THAT BLOOD MOON #HES GOING TO NOT BE OKAY!!!!!!! HES DOING SO BAD #mans is a FATHER and he PROMISED he'd keep his kid safe. he promised it to the OTHERS #and hes going to have to walk back up those steps and admit to being a LIAR and a FAILURE #hes not obviously sht just went sideways but you KNOW he blames himself #geo very worriedly stayed behind w fritz & spitz FULLY TRUSTING that cole would keep bonzle safe & bring her back #he loves him so much (in a gay way. u know it to be true) so he trusts him IMPLICITLY to keep them safe. hes done it before #can you imagine the HORROR when cole comes back and hes...alone. with no one else but the other ninja (minus 1) #geo realizing what happened before the kids. the way everything just freezes and drops. cole curled so tight in on himself #and cole cant say hes sorry because he cant even look at them. he lost family hes had for over a decade & a kid he claimed his own for year #you saw how he was w child wu. you saw how desperate he was to keep bonzle safe. AND KAI IS GONE TOO??? #homeboy is having the literal worst day ever. imagine him trying to tuck fritz & spitz close while on one knee trying to explain it all #and bro jsut feels like hes literally the worst person in the world #something something 'you dont get to stay with the ninja & be happy. i tried to protect you from what hurt me as a kid' #'and instead your right in the thick of it'

[lgbtlunaverse]

I don't think we talk about xiyao exes to lovers enough. I understand that in canon the "breakup" ended with death and imo it was never going to end any other way (I have a lot of feelings about how jgy is doomed from the start) but even in aus where survival is an option I barely ever see their full potential realized. The fact that there is this heartbreaking gap that is between them now, and yet that, despite it all, they can't stop loving each other. When you have drama this good, why is the conflict relegated to outside threats and we end up with little to no exploration of internal strife, of the fact that these guys have been living a domestic lie for a decade (I cannot stress this enough, the amount of parralels between xiyao and jgy's marriage to qin su are staggering.)

And let me be clear I will NEVER begrudge anyone their hurt/comfort and wanting their faves who are denied happiness and peace at every turn to find it. god knows I need that sometimes. Or even the less healthy but so emotionally devastating fics where the caring isn't good, and it doesn't fix anything- might only make things worse, actually- and xichen ends up recreating his father's fate. I love all of those things. But. Man. This divorce was over 11 years in the making it should take AT LEAST that long to resolve. What do you do when the person you trusted the most lied to you for years? What do you do when the only person who's ever believed in you loses that faith so completely they'd hurt you over a lie without hesitation? I need me some xiyao who try to get over each other for 20 years and fail. I need them to meet after not seeing each other for years and have it hurt like no time has passed at all. I need arguments where no one raises their voice but that feel like a screaming match anyway. Do you see my vision?? Do you see what we could have?

(if fics that do exacly this are out there, recs are of course welcome)

#mdzs #meng yao #xiyao #lan xichen #jin guangyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #this might make some people really mad #at the idea that jgy has any right to have grievances with xichen but uh... #i'm not interested in arguing with jgy antis. go scream at a wall #or a different camp who DO like xiyao but who are like 'but xichen was lied to jgy wouldn't blame him' #the fact that it was a lie makes it WORSE you guys know that right? #some of you have never been the proverbial boy who cried wolf #and had people assume everything you say is a lie because you've lied in the past #and good for you! You SHOULD be honest with those you love i'm very happy for all of you #but also. lmao. you have no idea how that feels. #i have read aus where they break up and get back together of course #but i always end up feeling like people see the conflict as an obstacle? a thing to get past so we can get them back together #and not.. you know. the most interesting part. the selling point #I think in a slightly lower stakes au xiyao should wait a few years get back together because they love each other and then break up AGAIN #when they realize that the old relationship they had with that easy trust is gone forever. love isn't enough to bring that back #you can build something new. including a new kind of trust just as potent. but that old easy kind is gone. #and i think they should try to get it back because it was the best thing they ever had #and get fucked up about it when they realize they can't #and it should take them well over a decade to mourn it until they're ready to let it go and try to make something new of it #PLEASE let me talk about the xichen qin su parralels please let me talk about how rusong is nmj-coded #not in personality but in the function he has narratively as someone that can never stop haunting jgy. #the fact that nmj's death and rusong's birth were likely extremely close to each other timeline wise LET'S TALK ABOUT IT

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[mintjeru]

happy lunar new year!! may you stay happy and healthy this year 🐰

open for better quality | no reposts

#beidou #yun jin #yelan #yaoyao #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #doodle #listed the dishes in the description and all of them are typical except maybe the seaweed soup which is a thing for a certain group of ppl #it's a specific type of seaweed and i don't think it has a name in english so you guys have to trust me on this one #but it's also another dish with symbolic meaning and i love it sm #unfortunately for me i'm not going home to celebrate the new year ;;; #but i'm planning on calling my friends to watch the mhy new year's program vod tonight- #and i'll call my parents tmrw so hopefully that will make it easier #fun fact i was deciding whether to draw a classic new year's dinner or whether to draw them with new year's desserts lol #if i had gone with desserts you know i would've put the white rabbit candy in there. iykyk #and the strawberry flavored new year's candy. again iykyk #lunar new year

[randolphbellmd]

truly humbling to go from gifted kid and top of my high school class to only kid accepted to ivy league school to graduating with honors and one of two students to go onto a PhD program to president of your field’s professional association to the idiot who took eight years to graduate and the only graduate you know to be unemployed with zero job prospects after finishing said PhD program

#i have lost track of how many students have come and gone through my lab but i do remember every. single. one. of them had a job lined up #and here i am #having one of those nights where i feel like a total loser with a capital L don’t mind me #also all my friends are saying things like ‘trust the process’ and ‘enjoy the time off’ #like i’m sorry i’m stressed but i have bills to pay and have a major medical procedure coming up that i’m barely insured for #i’ve been making grad student wages for EIGHT YEARS. i do not have a nest egg. i don’t want to ‘trust the process’ #anyway i’ve gone from complaining about school to complaining about not school but that’s what happens when you’re feeing like a Loser #tbd

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[bison-appreciation-club]

so yall telling me that i am wanted and lovable...

#like. i got invited to someone's birthday and i thought it was at the wrong place #so i went there and they weren't there and in a previous friend group they used to tell me to wait for them in a certain place #and they'd never arrive. and it would turn out that everyone else had gone and were having fun without me knowing i would just be waiting #for them. and so i was like. huh. guess that happened again #but turns out i was just in the wrong place and now i feel like shit #because i feel like it's all gonna be one massive trick and i feel like a dick for not being able to trust anyone #i'm so used to not asserting myself and not saying what i want because i've been taught i won't be lovable otherwise and now i don't know #when i'm lovable and when i'm not. what do you mean i can be lovable without having to do anything first? lmao ok then #and my friends are all so nice to me and i feel bad for being so suspicious because of past experiences #vent in tags #dee rambles #to delete #tw vent

[tethered-heartstrings]

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? Weird Questions for Writers

I have been told it is a red flag and that i am very strange for writing in complete silence. no music, background noise, nothing. I struggle focusing otherwise. I have occasionally put on white noise but only to drown out other sounds, it is not my preference. just me, the tippy tap of my fingers on my keyboard, and occasionally a little mrrp or meow from my cat if she is in the room with me. I used to not think it was weird but the more people that tell me it is the more i am inclined to also find it strange lol

maybe that i keep my writing documents (often porn lol) on the same computer/screen as my school work, but my documents are well organized

#do not know how people listen to music when they write or read like. god. cannot #i have put on nin ghosts to study but again #mostly to drown out other noise and at the time i only had an ipod so i didn't have a track for white noise lmao #i also don't type properly and type with like two fingers +/- a thumb but i type really fast #it is not a hindrance to me at all but i don't find it weird #i am sure a lot of my writing habits are weird to some people. like i might be the only one not using google docs and using word lol #as far as what cats think of us #I think it is very cat dependent but cats have a lot more love for us than stereotypes give them credit #cats can be extremely affectionate and clingy and cuddly #like the fact my cat chooses to be snuggled up on my lap or against my leg and only leaves the room when she HAS to #to pee or get food means she likes me #cats that show you their bellies or let you touch their feet or face trust you #(the feet can be hit or miss bc some cats hate it regardless) #your cats will miss you when you are gone and recognize you and love you #if a cat doesnt like you by god they will let you know loudly and sharply #bisexualmotif #themindisapowerfulmotif #the curious clown

[phantom-does-a-thing]

It’s almost worse knowing they hurt me unintentionally because I don’t have any right to hate them. It was an accident, they didn’t know, but still I have breakdowns at the mention of them and they don’t even know.

#I haven’t talked to them in months #and by god I don’t want to talk to them again #because it hurts So Bad #and I’m not even in the right to hate them bc they didn’t do it on purpose #I’d rather them do it on purpose because then I could hate them #because I’m angry and upset and I had a panic attack last night about it #this person who probably doesn’t even think about me for a second #and they’re constantly in my mind making me feel like crap #that’s not fair #I hope my name is never in their thoughts again and I hope they always wonder why I stopped talking to them #I wanted closure before but it’s too late for that because it’s been long enough that #wtf would I even say? #you hurt me. you abandoned me? but I’m the one that stopped talking #it felt like you abandoned me and I didn’t have the energy to keep up a one sided talk #when I know there were people who would talk to me #I know you’re busy. but at least something would be nice #I’m needy. and clingy. and I KNOW that #but still. it hurts because it’s like everything I always get left behind and they’re the PRIME example of that #I don’t even know why they hurt me so bad #maybe it was because it was someone I trusted completely #someone that I was closest to above all else above everyone else #I trusted them. I loved them. we talked about getting to meet up one day #but I hope that when they come up here I am Long Gone and they never think of me again #I trusted them enough they knew my state. I trusted them with parts of myself I barely trusted anyone else with #and the absence hurt like hell #and there wasn’t even one big event to break it off #just a slow deterioration in anxiety and stress that sometimes bubbled up in a message #but I always kneecapped the conversation because never was a good time to have it #and then just no more messages #I should block them. but I don’t want to ruin all the messages we had

[delta-piscium]

the actual spookiness of the seasonal url changes is being so lost and confused about who all these people are, desperately checking blogs and trying to piece it all together, and then when i finally get used to the new ones in two months they’ll change back

anyways, love the new urls whoever you all are <3

#this is like /j /lh the spooky urls are cute live ur best lives etc #i however am fucking confused #looking at them like 🤨 whomst? #reacting like a toddler seeing their dad clean shaven for the first time just sooo suspicious #i’ll go on a blog and it’ll be the exact same and say the persons name but still i’m like ….idk if i can trust this #okay there’s like 3 people on my dash who i’ve noticed has changed and i know who they all are i’ve figured it out #some are changing profile pictures too like it’s gonna take me a second but even then… #i follow people who have gone through so many urls and profile pictures and in my head they’re still the ones they had when i first #followed them like actually im the problem here #dels endless rambles

[marshmelonfluff]

also i have doubts that they would have tai feature heavily in a volume again but i really want him to meet up with the gang in vauco bc i want ruby to get a hug from her dad. please. just let this girl get a good cry in about everything she's been through and have her dad hug her afterwards

#rwby #rwby spoilers #like ik its not gonna happen but in my head i want rwby+j to crash their own funerals and have their tearful reunions #(nora must tackle hug jaune i just know it) #and then yang just shoves ruby at tai and qrow like PLEASE TALK TO HER ABOUT SELF WORTH #and ruby's all 'no i'm fine it's okay!' and wbyj just. looks at her. and yang just says 'please for me' and ruby relents #and just. lays everything on her dad who hugs her and crys with her and tells her she did everything she could and hes proud #and qrow can pat her on the head and tell her that it may feel like everything thats gone wrong is her fault but its not #please let this girl get some emotional support from the two adults she can trust at all PLEASE let this girl hug her dad and her uncle #i know she chose herself and had her realization that ruby rose is enough but i think it would help for her to hear that #from the two men she admired as a child #anyways. thats my little fanon thing thatll live forever in my head until we get vol 10 #and afterwards she can talk to weiss yang blake about her breakdown and get reassurance from her team again and everybody hugs hooray #seriously though if nora doesnt see jaune and immediately sprint towards him at full speed to tackle him to the ground in a hug #immediately followed by ren who hugs them both as everyone cries then WHAT is the point

[forcedhesitation]

mayrina is STILL pregnant in act 3????? you're telling me we've done ALL this shit in barely any time at all? wasn't she close to having her child in act 1? there's no way we breezed through act 1 and 2 that fast. I could believe the whole game taking place over 9 months. but if mayrina's still not given birth between acts 1 and 3....that would suggest it's only been a month at most, right? which just. makes No sense to me.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #thoughts about media #plot hole??? it has to be. there's no way this game doesn't take place over at least. idk 5 months. #there's just FAR too much that happens! and they have to travel most of the land by foot! #the timeline is definitely something that's had MY interest because corydalis has children back in baldur's gate. #they aren't alone obv. #but like. those are his kids man! they are worried about him and he's worried about them! #I mean. they would figure out their dad is alive Before he makes it back to baldur's gate because NONE of them trust gortash. #like if gortash was approaching powerful people BEFORE the abduction happened- it would make sense for corydalis to have been approached #and obviously he would tell gortash off. which provides a really easy explanation for HIS abduction. #so I think the kids would put things together real fast with how gortash seizes power after a bunch of powerful people have gone missing. #and they would meddle. they would 100% meddle. much to corydalis' despair. #like I think that a reunion would take place at wyrm's crossing before or after the coronation. #interesting to imagine how that whole scenario would make everyone else feel. hm. #but like. all this makes me wonder where the timeline of gortash seizing power even fits. because surely that didn't also happen in a month

[valdrift]

some damn philosophers in my activity tonight these tags are KILLING MEE

#well . now i wanna draw smth #but fr can u imagine being cree. #u and ur best friend have been through everything together and u survive so much and they promise things. great things #and u can see them beginning to change in odd ways but they said everything wld be better and u trust them ! and then they die #and u force urself to move on like they asked when suddenly theyre back and ur so overjoyed by their return even tho theyre not quite as u #remember. and all too suddenly theyre gone again #and ur loyalty and devotion to them wont have that. wont have them being gone again and again so u bring them back #its a constant cycle of losing and gaining and losing the person u have devoted urself to #and its not until they cast u aside in ur dying moments that u realized u never even had them back in the first place #CREEEE BABY GIRL

[celestial-toys]

been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying

#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story #Seven’s Celestial Commentary #Everything Stays #writing stuff #i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic #there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good #the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand #i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun #but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader #can’t decide which i like more #god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head #next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao #and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts… #Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude #‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!! #picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God #‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down #‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!! #anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations! #and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped) #(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’ #‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’ #like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for- #like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon #‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’ #‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’ #*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters #anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many #gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced #even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another