#I haven’t talked to them in months

[phantom-does-a-thing]

It’s almost worse knowing they hurt me unintentionally because I don’t have any right to hate them. It was an accident, they didn’t know, but still I have breakdowns at the mention of them and they don’t even know.

#I haven’t talked to them in months #and by god I don’t want to talk to them again #because it hurts So Bad #and I’m not even in the right to hate them bc they didn’t do it on purpose #I’d rather them do it on purpose because then I could hate them #because I’m angry and upset and I had a panic attack last night about it #this person who probably doesn’t even think about me for a second #and they’re constantly in my mind making me feel like crap #that’s not fair #I hope my name is never in their thoughts again and I hope they always wonder why I stopped talking to them #I wanted closure before but it’s too late for that because it’s been long enough that #wtf would I even say? #you hurt me. you abandoned me? but I’m the one that stopped talking #it felt like you abandoned me and I didn’t have the energy to keep up a one sided talk #when I know there were people who would talk to me #I know you’re busy. but at least something would be nice #I’m needy. and clingy. and I KNOW that #but still. it hurts because it’s like everything I always get left behind and they’re the PRIME example of that #I don’t even know why they hurt me so bad #maybe it was because it was someone I trusted completely #someone that I was closest to above all else above everyone else #I trusted them. I loved them. we talked about getting to meet up one day #but I hope that when they come up here I am Long Gone and they never think of me again #I trusted them enough they knew my state. I trusted them with parts of myself I barely trusted anyone else with #and the absence hurt like hell #and there wasn’t even one big event to break it off #just a slow deterioration in anxiety and stress that sometimes bubbled up in a message #but I always kneecapped the conversation because never was a good time to have it #and then just no more messages #I should block them. but I don’t want to ruin all the messages we had

[casukaga]

new character that’s been taking up my brain lately!! thinking about mave a lot…

— my dnd oc, maverick “mave” (they/she/xe)

🌟 Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | Ko-fi 🌟

#i refrain from talking abt them more but i give u guys an art crumb here :> #dungeons and dragons #dnd #d&d #dungeons & dragons #original art #dnd oc #dnd character #dnd art #sorry i don’t post as often these days #getting used to drawing ocs / original art and just sharing them amongst my friends and dnd group #i got like 3 other dnd characters i’ve drawn up in the past few months but haven’t rlly shared them publicly #aughjskdh #casu art #casu ocs #maverick #my shtuff

[sourscratched]

the hand that feeds

#dimension 20 #my art #acoc #trw #many thoughts about them that im unable to articulate #just thinking a lot about how they were probably around the same age during the events of trw #and i think a lot about karna as far as i know not knowing any other warlocks of the hungry one besides herself #the scene in the inn when she looks in the mirror at the rot growing hits me so hard #something about being so young and all alone with the dread you feel about your own body #who can you tell who would get it #who can you tell that it wouldn’t feel like giving them something to use against you #idk i just think about these two a lot #wonder what it would’ve been like if they could have met each other #(do i have a fic where they meet that ive been procrastinating on uploading to ao3 for months. Maybe) #(i don’t write like Ever and i haven’t had the confidence to share it yet. anyway) #this whole post is just me talking to a wall lmao don’t mind me everyone #a crown of candy #the ravening war

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Do you sleep with socks on

this is such a random ask that I feel like i’m morally required to answer it lol

and the answer is- this ✨mysterious✨ museum curator obviously never sleeps soooo that answers your question :)

#ask #the hellsite answers #anonymous #hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit #shitpost #shit post #also I actually haven’t been sleeping and just have been spending every waking moment texting #because like if I wasn’t a ✨mystery✨on here i’d SCREAM FROM THE TOO OF MY LUNGS THAT I HAVE A WONDERFUL GIRLFRIEND NOW #AND AM TOO DISTRACTED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT TALK WITH HER AND AAAHHH #but i’m a complete and total ✨mystery✨ so i’m totally not saying that ahahaha nope #mysterious museum curator tour guide barbie obviously isn’t saying that and totally can contain her excitement and be so so chill about this #hahaha of course #you know it’s bad when I can’t help but EMOTION POST ON MY HHOF BLOG AAAHHH #help y’all I have to chill #definitely delete this tags later oops #I can’t not post them tho or I might explode #but also #like I didn’t post the other day for the first time in like 4 months #like wtf #am too busyyyyyy aaaahhh #this is when someone needs to scream ‘go to sleep miss curator’ into the void bc I might need that oops #this is a mega shitpost wow

[its-malarkey]

I finally finished Death Mark 2. Good game, good game :))

#I wanna talk about it so baaaaad but no one I know plays Death Mark #and I don’t wanna spoil it for the people that are still going through it #BUT GOD ITS KILLING ME I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT #yashiki did not disappoint. mashita did not disappoint. i loved seeing them interact #I love my two gay men #and from what I’ve gathered it takes place 4 months after death mark #AND AROUND THE ENDING OF NG #I haven’t looked at the extra content in detail but I think it’s just a little teaser for stuff to come #maybe DLC?? #BUT it’s set us up for a crossover with NG!!! #death mark 2 #death mark #yashiki kazuo #kazuo yashiki #satoru mashita #yashita #spirit hunter ng #shibito magire

[incorrect-fnaf-quotes]

Day ??? of suddenly thinking of something or seeing something that sparks an idea that causes me to go: “Wow, I love that! I’ll think of more for that!” and then I just go and roll with it.

Which has caused me to just have... so many FNaF AU’s & ideas or whatever—and I have no idea what to do with any of them. But I’m just holding a bunch in my grasp, either way. Swap type AU’s, and so many other things.

#Not a quote #A few months ago I thought of an idea after seeing something for just a couple of seconds #And now I just have this massive Scraptrap idea/story or whatever you’d wanna call it—and I remember every single detail for it #Even if I haven��t done anything relating to it since that time #And then there’s so many other ideas just floating around constantly #I just constantly have a new thought of ‘Imagine *insert situation* with *character*’ and then I just stick with it #And then there’s a swap au that I’m trying to develop #If only everyone could just see all of the ideas that are constantly just floating around- #I don’t even know if I should start talking about the ideas/AU’s/etc (like the Scraptrap one) #But. Y’know. Thing’s keep happening and I keep sticking with them for some reason—I don’t think that’ll stop #I need to start trying to draw—I have a ton of ideas with the things

[nightfayre]

if he tian ends up leaving before jian yi i will genuinely be so surprised

#19 days #jian yi is supposed to leave the second day of high school but they haven’t even graduated middle school or had summer break #you’re telling me that he tian is gonna leave sometime soon and all we’ll see is a depressed guan shan for months and months and months? #also the tone of this recent chapter is too lighthearted to think cheng will actually take he tian imo #imagine how fucking traumatizing it would be for ALL the boys to watch he tian getting restrained and dragged away from them #i have a deep rooted feeling that 1) he tian will have to make some grand ultimatum w/ cheng to buy himself more time until high school #2) he tian will not be able to have a proper goodbye with any of the group #i hope i’m wrong but i also hope i’m right for the drama of it all #fay talks

[zephfair]

Hello, fellow media viewers, I’m looking for recs of things to watch while I’m resting after surgery for the skin cancer Tuesday. They warned me to take a week off work but since I’m still desperately and hungrily unemployed, I guess that means just to take it a little easy until I get the sutures out. Which will be at least a week.

So, please rec me movies or TV to watch? Your favorites? I’ve got access right now to most of the U.S. streamers except Netflix (which means I’ll miss the new season of Heartstopper😔) so please share? 🥺

I’ve spent most of the past year watching my way through BritBox and Acorn so I’m behind on other stuff.

Thank you so much!😘💖💖💖

#haven’t been writing #too melancholy about family stuff #ever since i started cleaning out my parents’ stuff last month #im just too sad to do anything #and there’s still SO MUCH to be done #but hey #medical reason to relax for a few days #other medical issues…let’s not talk about them rn😢

[theinkbunny]

”oh you want to keep that? It’s so girly are you even trans?”

(Rant in tags if you wanna read it ig)

#Mom yelled at me bc I wanted to keep a dress that had memories attached to it #I hate dresses but look. #It has a stain on it where my friend who moved far away dropped some paint on it where my thigh would be #It has a loose string tied sloppily into a flower from a friend who had issues speaking her feelings and instead acted them #It has discoloured patches from my old friend who I haven’t been able to talk to in months hugging me and her bracelets rubbing against it #It has memories attached to it #Just like how my purple coat does #I always have a bag of mint tea in it because a while back somebody got me a huge pack of it during a secret Santa because they noticed - #- i had a stuffy nose during the winter due to allergy’s and often couldn’t breathe properly #I have thousand of sticky notes of a made up language somebody in my class made and wanted me to be in #Hell even my shoes show this sorts of stuff. #My converse that I wore for so long the laces tore? They’re covered in writing from my friend who’s a poet at heart #My big #chunky platforms? Filled with sparkles and dust from a party my friend had #For crying out loud soon I’m gonna be filling my room with Sanrio and feather stickers #Because everytime my ex gf sees me (we’re still friends btw) she always manages to put a sticker somewhere on me #MY SKETCHBOOKS TOO. Full of little doodles and hearts and paint splatters and everything you can think of. #My notebooks for writing? I forgot it a week i went off for surgery and I came back to it full of stories I liked and stores that had them- #For cheap because they knew my family wasn’t doing too well. And full of notes of them missing me #Seriously like I have a string on my wall full of notes from them because that’s been my pickmeup for whenever I’m not on here #It’s pathetic I know I just don’t care. I love them and I know they love me too. I hope they’re well

[theminecraftbee]

listen vault hunters is tricksy. it is modded minecraft but because you unlock mods overtime it introduces the mods slowly. so you have time to get used to each one, right, as well as your skills. and I was sitting here doing some inventory management and then I realized.

oh god can I ever play vanilla minecraft again oh god I’ll have a CHEST MONSTER again,

#vh talk #I HAVENT HAD TO WORRY ABOUT STORAGE IN LIKE A MONTH #I have barely opened a single chest #I touch my drawers more often than the chests and I DONT TOUCH THOSE MUCH EITHER #I just… open storage request table. can do all my crafting from there. even has JEI integration #oh god imagine if I had to actually hunt through storage for all my stuff #oh god imagine if I actually had to WORRY about pumpkin and melon overflow again except this time I can’t just pipe them elsewhere #I DONT KNOW IF I CAN GO BACK… I DIDNT USED TO BE A MODDED GUY #MODDED USED TO INTIMIDATE ME TOO MUCH… TOO MUCH TO LEARN… #BUT HERE I AM…….. #the height of luxury. I haven’t had to touch a chest monster in so long #I can access my 13k iron without touching the iron farm #imagine…

[macadam]

I know tumblr has this whole outlook/culture surrounding mutual status where it’s framed like people are locked behind a wall unless you gain Mutual Access™, but I really am here to just hang out and make friends and talk to people about robots while trying (and failing) to prevent it from consuming me.

It is so nice talking to people about silly things or seeing people elaborate on a little food for thought post I set down. Anyone who interacts with me a lot is a mutual in my heart, even if I don’t follow them, y’know? I find some blogs overwhelming to follow if they have a high post rate or if there’s a lot of fandom content I’m not in, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the person behind a blog I don’t follow! It seems so obvious when I put it like that but there really is this fear of overstepping/bothering someone who doesn’t follow you, which might be the case for a lot of people but not me :] Just like those posts that say a mutual blog isn’t automatically a friend, I want to say that not being a mutual doesn’t make you a stranger (to me)

I am just sitting here. Feel free to chat

#Haven’t made or reblogged a post like this in a hot minute so I thought I’d say it again #I am here to vibe #we are all hanging out #I’m not here to talk to a void. I’m here to talk to You 👉🏻 #I am not here to make number go up #I am here to try really really hard at being funny cause joy is like. the best way to interact #mac mumbles #haven’t been doing well with that lately but life was kicking my ass for a solid like 6 months. hard to stay positive when that happens lmao #though I will say I don’t respond to asks right away #and of course I don’t respond to everything. cause I do get some odd unrelated asks that leave me going ?? with no clue how to respond LOL #still love those asks I just don’t know what to Do with them #not tf #tempted to put down a delete later #but that’s just the mortifying ordeal of being open talking

[casukaga]

happy pride from my oc, cable 🫶✨

(he/they)

🌟 Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | Ko-fi 🌟

#I CAN’T REMEMBER IF I TALKED ABT CABLE HERE YET #if i haven’t— they started as a character i made for my 2d puppet animation class and then i liked them so much they are now my dnd oc 🫶 #this was the original outfit i would’ve given his puppet (until i realized i didn’t wanna animate a skirt for class) #yeah. i love them. #pride #pride month #aromantic #pansexual #nonbinary #lgbtqia+ #lgbt #lgbtq #oc #oc art #dnd oc #digital art #casu art #my shtuff #hi i think i’m hyperfixating on him just a littol bit 🫣

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[anothercrisis]

Hear me out for civilian au. Simone bad family life still exists and Price, Johnny and Gaz are his safe space and friends and they all love each other etc but every now and then CPS steps in and Simon and his brother get taken into foster care many many times in a vicious (very realistic) cycle. Then one time when Simons a little older and as no one ever wants the older kids he’s put in a boys home and separated far away from everyone he knows and loves. This could be his version of Roba and things get worse and bad things happen whilst there. His parents get clean enough again. He goes home but he’s changed. He’s a bit of a ghost of his former self. The next time CPS start reappearing and the possibility of the boys home again gets raised he’s ready to run away and never come back (leaving Johnny which would break his heart but he just can’t go back there) Price would love to emergency foster him and Laswell too so trying to help but having 2 boys already and other plot reasons makes it almost impossible to do. Enter. Nickolai

You propose some very interesting thoughts, my friend. I hadn’t considered the possibility of CPS getting involved with the Riley family or what that would mean for Simon and Tommy, but I am considering it now.

Thinking about how, similarly to Soap and Gaz’s situation, Simon and Tommy had been in and out of foster homes for most of their childhoods. But where Soap and Gaz didn’t have a family of their own to return to so they were stuck indefinitely in the system, Simon and Tommy got shuffled back home every time their parents were deemed well enough to have them back.

Thinking about how CPS got involved with the Rileys every year or so and about how quickly Mr Riley shaped back up into something resembling a decent father but it was just a façade for the officials.

About how Simon and Tommy never stayed at their assigned foster homes for more than a week before being called home. About how it wasn’t so bad when they were young and placed together. About how it was when Tommy got to the age where he experienced a boys home for the first time and how Simon could tell he wasn’t the same after it.

Thinking about how afraid Simon became to get any older and to meet that inevitable fate and about how horrible his stays at boys homes ended up being.

About how bad his fear gets once he has Johnny and Price and Kyle and Kate (and her wife) and Alex, because then he has so much to lose and he doesn’t want to be taken from their love, which is the first genuine love he’s ever felt.

Thinking about how CPS gets involved in Simon’s teens and how frantically everyone starts to try and figure out how to give him a better place to stay rather than a boys home. About how for whatever reasons, Price can’t host him and neither can the Laswells and it starts looking so bleak until Nikolai speaks up and says that he’s registered to foster kids and he somehow is the one that meets all the requirements and ends up with Simon going home with him.

#I am a month late to answering this I am so sorry #I hope you were patient with me I am doing my best (: #thank you very much for the brainworms I like them a lot <3 #and to everyone else who has sent me something I’m going to work on answering your messages too #I promise I haven’t forgotten about them! #civilians au #simon ghost riley #call of duty #modern warfare #it’s the crisis talking #askbox

[xbuggyxboyx]

crying to Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA because I just realized that I don’t talk to either of the people who I was the closest to for most of my life.

#I was dating one of them for 2+ years too #and I haven’t talked to her in almost a month #and these are the people who’ve seen me sobbing crying #and who I’ve stayed up talking to until 5am #we’ve been friends since KINDERGARTEN #I still go to school with one of them #and we just… don’t talk

[booksandpaperss]

y’all I just made a connection about Max and Billy that I just. really wish I did not make. sometimes it is better to not comprehend. what the actual fuck.

#like it’s a missing piece that’s been bugging me for actual months and I JUST realized what it might mean #i hate it here #what the hell and fuck. and also how has no one else noticed this yet #maybe they have and just haven’t talked abt it #I would not blame them #sometimes it is better to not be watching stranger things with 100% brain comprehension turned on #oh boy #someone erase this from my memory please #alexa how do I unmake a connection #elli’s random thoughts