#about ''being gay''

[inkskinned]

it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!! #i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person! #this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!! #it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!! #please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me'' #im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay'' #about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me. #i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine. #you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer. #none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

[akashicrecord]

no offense but if your friend is trying out a new hobby be fucking nice to them

[lungthief]

listen. i know it's not 2014 anymore and i know it's just a throwaway line and that the russo brothers didnt intend for marvel action blockbuster captain america the winter soldier to become the tragic gay love story that never was but man. having steve say "it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience" in a conversation about romantic relationships right before the bucky reveal is so cruel. it's not just about steve and bucky obviously having the shared experience of being "out of time," it's the fact that they've both been stripped of their humanity in opposite directions. steve is a legend, he is an american hero and a national icon before he is a human being the same way that bucky is a weapon and a killing machine before he is a human being. steve knows that anyone who falls in love with him in the 21st century fell in love with captain america first, and that's just not him. but then the one person who knew him first and knew him best and loved him (not captain america, that little guy from brooklyn) so much he died for it is alive, impossibly. and it's a miracle because he's back and it's horrific because he's back under the worst possible circumstances. but to steve, the winter soldier is worth tearing the world apart for because he's always been bucky first. they find each other and suddenly they're human again. and maybe, despite it all, being "out of time" becomes a blessing, because in this century they'd finally be allowed to love each other the way they've always wanted to. like real people do.

like. no. the captain america trilogy isn't about two queer men traumatized and alienated by war and modern life rediscovering and reclaiming their humanity through their love for each other. but. i mean. it couldve been

#like you get why all the fics about those two are insane right. the narrative is just so goddamn compelling #and thats not even getting into the whole thing abt the serum curing steve of every ailment except his love for bucky #which makes him realize it was never an ailment to begin with (despite the commonly held beliefs about homosexuality in the 1940s) #and bucky being *electroshocked* again and again into forgetting steve #like howd you make your gay ass movie that gay and not realize it. its kinda impressive #sorry for the ridiculous stucky retrospective its 4am and i rewatched the winter soldier recently #its not that deep. its not its not its not . but if it was anything other than what it is it could have been. and thats the worst part #shut up riley #marvel #stucky

[ionomycin]

Mother of Pearl

#artists on tumblr #seahorses are cute aren't they #how are we coping with the heat wave everyone? #i'm too busy having like three different kind of existential crises #to worry about it being too hot #hot girl summer more like nonstop anxiety summer #pondering the fact that nothing is permanent #can't rely on anything to last #life is just #drifting in a sea of uncertainty #but anyway #happy pride month #be gay #eat ice cream #don't think about your mortality

[spitblaze]

Men and masculinity are not inherently bad or untrustworthy things and I don't mean that in a 'misandry is real and a problem' way, I mean that in a 'I think some of you might have contracted minor radfem poisoning' way

#spitblaze says things #its...not normal or good to look at two gay men living their life and go 'EW GROSS MEN BLEGH DISGUSTING' #being fed up with patriarchal structure and a general 'men' is one thing. i get that shit #disgust and disdain at all who (or DON'T but you think they do) identify as such is uh. worth maybe thinking a lil harder about #doin numbers

[machinerot]

#my art #you know he was being a little shit #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #harrykim #disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #this is the first drawing ive managed to finish in over a year (we dont talk about the 3 million wips) #so thank you gay people for getting rid of my art block 🫶 i love you #i didnt use a reference though so apologies if the proportions look a bit wonky but GOD i had so much fun making this #ive missed Enjoying doing art. like actually enjoying the process and not just impatiently rushing for the finished piece #like maybe art IS fun.. #crazy. anyways #this sideblog is brand new so i doubt people will even see this but!! if you do then i should have some more DE art on the way :-)

[dragonboyteeth]

I love being fully unaware of YouTuber drama and which channels are "popular." My first reaction at the start of that section was "who the hell is James Somerton"

#hbomberguy #this is not me claiming to be above it all or anything. iiluminaughtii did have me hooked for the longest time #and i never figured out about her plagiarism #but it is funny that i had just straight up not heard of this guy #meanwhile a couple of the smaller YouTubers hbomb mentioned as being better to support were ones i have watched for years #including Are They Gay. when that title card came up i was like >:0 he ripped off my boy??

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

i think im having a stroke

#what is happening. what am i watching. where am i #anyway i am mostly incoherent but i have. a thought or two #this man is so repressed that he skipped right over the part where a guy can't handle any suggestion that he might be gay #instead our boy gregory is getting ahead of everyone (including and especially himself) #by joking about being gay and specifically about being in love with wilson #because hey! that must mean he couldn't possibly be repressed :) #he's just that secure in his straightness :) #... #...yeah #house md #hilson #house season 2 #the mistake #op

[oldbookshop]

thinking abt how david tenant's nonbinary kid will grow up with a doctor who that is unashamedly inclusive of trans people. they'll see their dad on TV with a trans girl who saves the world.

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #david tennant #the star beast #doctor who 60th anniversary #14th doctor #aiden text #I didn't know what being nonbinary was until I was probably 13 #and i was scraping youtube for coming out videos and shitty short films about trans ppl #I loved doctor who and jack harkness but gay rep wasn't the same

[hanmegumi]

LMAO

edit: turning off reblogs because some of the people that are reblogging are extremely fucking moronic. holy shit

#anti jk rowling #anti harry potter #1) she's not being removed because 'she spoke up about biological sex' she actively influences anti-trans policies #2) it's not misogynistic to remove her. the fact that she's a woman doesn't have ANYTHING to do with her removal #3) the people reblogging this in approval don't 'cry when an artist isn't credited' this isn't the same fucking thing. #this is as the article says (if you know how to read 🤭) the quickest solution to reduce her impact #this bitch doesn't just hurt trans people. it's clear in her books that she's a white supremacist and she's also antisemitic #and she said dumbledore is gay for clout. it's fucking obvious. stop defending this woman and get a life- #-or get involved on the side of trans people #or just generally drop the fucking series you read as a middle schooler. nostalgia isn't more important than the lives of trans/jewish ppl

[inkskinned]

love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

#writeblr #warm up #ps edited so it is more clear where “half” of men is coming from: #15% literally don't even touch water #an ADDITIONAL 35% ''wash'' by just running their hands under water WITHOUT SOAP #15+35 =50% #like that is not washing ur hands. go back and use soap #btw the numbers for women are 4% never washing and 15% ''just water'' #which is still gross but like. sooo much better yikes #ps i know we're all gay on this site but watching ppl ''correct'' my math on this has been wild #i have a learning disability im genuinely bad at math so i check EVERY time someone corrects me #but no they're just confidently wrong..... #182 hours is a week babes. 182/24 (number of hours in a day) is ~7.6 #that's where i got that number from. also from rent we know there's 168 hours in a week. #ALSO btw if u read this and ur response is ''men are also struggling rn tho'' like babe you missed the point of it tho #this doesn't even make fun of men it's legit just pointing out that bigotry against women isn't founded #in anything men actually CARE about . like they don't actually CARE about ''being clean'' when they make fun of armpit hair #or they would be WASHING THEIR HANDS. #men pretend to be rollin' in cash and Apex Predators and instead they are trained to be lazy and unwilling to act in emergencies #i have never and will never make fun of men for asking for more support on important topics like DV and mental health. #this is so clearly not about men; it's about how common just being plainly misogynistic has become. #like they don't try to hide it anymore.

[clouvu]

Save me french yuri... Save me

#genshin impact #arledrone #sandrone #arlecchino #haha remember when we all thought that sandrone and arlecchino would both show up in fontaine and be gay together? #good times.... good times #jk i'm ready to end it all actually #I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE ONE LAST MAJOR FRENCH PATCH BEFORE NATLAN BUT IVE JUST ABOUT LOST ALL HOPE #the way that literally every wlw arle pairing got fed so well following arle's drip marketing EXCEPT for arledrn... hate it here so bad #anyways shipping aside HOW is it possible that the frenchiest of french harbingers with heavy ties to machinery #and like two major world quests tied to specifically to her lore and is even MENTIONED of being present in fontaine #also being one of the first harbingers ever mentioned dating back all the way to the description of chode's teaser trailer #just???? doesnt show up?????? #Sandy enjoyers are stronger than any us marine because my GOD are we struggling out here #anyways ignore the fact that I completely forgot to draw sandy's wind up key it was hard drawing through the tears #(actually it was cause i half-assed this doodle but we dont talk about that)

[lazycranberrydoodles]

everybody go home. this is my magnum opus

#HELP THIS IS KILLING ME #the original version of this had hua cheng in a ‘i have a CRAZY wife she hates STUPID PEOPLE and LOVES DOGS and im NOT AFRAID TO USE HER’ #but if hua cheng was at midwestern gas station number 472 in the novelty slogan tshirt aisle #she for sure would get some sort of ‘your wife (woman symbol) vs MY WIFE (wonder woman silhouette)’ #or ‘trophy 🏆🏆 WIFE’ #or possibly a ‘return to wife if lost’ #or ‘i have a SMOKIN HOT wife’ #or ‘im the BOSS til my WIFE gets home’ #or ‘5 things you should know about my WIFE: 1. she is my queen 2. she is a bit crazy 3. she can whoop your ass #4. she says whatever she is thinking 5. mess with her and theyll never find your body’ #or ‘i go to work so my wife can COLLECT SCRAPS’ #or even at worst. ‘ my wife is the PRINCESS the mouse LOST’ #xie lian would be initially embarassed. but you know her ass would be wearing a ‘proud PROPERTY of an AWESOME WIFE’ shirts @ heaven meetings #or ‘i’m not scared of ANYTHING - my WIFE is a CALAMITY’ #which was sold as a metaphor for your wife being mean and powerful. but she wears it straight. #or even ‘im not GAY but my WIFE is’ lmfao #anyway. #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #hualesbians #modern au #tgcf meme #my art #art #tgcf shitpost #lmao #mxtx

[shipwreckblue]

i am once AGAIN thinking about the scene in black sails where flint has just been forced by miranda to confront his overwhelming grief over losing thomas, which has been fueling his unholy rage for the past two seasons. flint is sitting there, having a flashback, drowning in the tragedy and injustice of his gay lover’s death… then vane bursts into the room like a roided-up kool-aid man and immediately tries to kill him. 10/10, flawless tonal whiplash, one of the funniest moments in the entire show.

#if you think about it vane was just being a bro by distracting him from his gay angst. #charles vane queer ally #and by ally i mean he’s very bisexual but he would still CALL himself an ally while making out with jack in public. #black sails #james flint #charles vane #black sails season 2 spoilers

[boneskullravenriver]

Writing is pain but I love those small moments when you're writing and a new character decides to spawn in out of nowhere and you suddenly have this AHA moment of "you 🫵🫵🫵are absolutely going to ruin [other character]'s life 🫵🫵you are their new obsession 🫵🫵"

#writeblr #writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writer #*.☽ .*boneskullrr*.☽ .* #i love that i just had that happen rn #like i didnt plan that. he just sprung forth into existence like athena being birthed from zeus's forehead #like who are you?? #idk but my existing character's about to have a gay awakening

[bi-booklover]

repeat after me.

QUEER CHARACTERS ARE NOT PLOT DEVICES FOR STRAIGHT CHARACTERS.

#yes this is about wills gay painting somehow being about m*leven #and also about robin and vickie being the exact same person #queer people deserve rich complex relationships we are not looking for mirrors!!! #ronance was right there #byler was handed to them on a glass plate and they smashed it #was the plot everything i wanted? absolutely #but dear god what happened to my comfort characters #(oh also extremely gay coded steddie but lets not touch that for now it hurts) #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #st4 spoilers #stranger things 4 spoilers #volume two spoilers #ronance #steddie #byler #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #will byers #steve harrington #eddie munson