#a lot of my posts r purposely gender neutral for this reason! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamermonica · 1 year

Text

“how much do you love me?”

in which you question the extent of their love out of the blue.

—includes itoshi sae, itoshi rin, michael kaiser, mikage reo, nagi seishiro, isagi yoichi, bachira meguru, barou shouei

—gender neutral reader, isagi is the only normal one AGAIN, trigger warning for kais*r himself, established relationships, fluff, crack, nagi’s got a bit too real for a sec, some swearing, yeah this is reminiscent of my most popular post on genshinblr what abt it😤

SAE surprisingly ponders your question. years of your random questions getting ignored has its effects, and it is definitely the reason you're now staring at him like a madman, ready to catch his response in an instant. oh my, you think your heart isn't ready for this. what could your lovely and handsome boyfriend say that'll effectively swoop you off your fee—

“as much as one would love a rock, i guess.”

you whine as you throw your head back in frustration, sliding off the couch dramatically, earning him a scoff. “so mean! and unromantic too! pick a disability, not multiple!”

“well, you're as dumb as a rock. can't have too much in this world, unfortunately.”

a pout makes its way to your features, before suddenly switching into a suspicious frown when you see a small smile creeping on his face.

wait...you're as dumb as a rock?

“oh...?” your face immediately looks up at him. “and how much do you love this stupid rock exactly...?”

seeing that you finally caught on his antics, a heart-fluttering chuckle escapes his lips, his eyes shut in amusement as your heart beat quickens at the melodious sound.

“a lot—as in more than anything in this world.”

RIN ignores you. acts like you never spoke in the first place. why? hah, his pride's too high for him to even properly answer that. even if he said something that's relatively joking or teasing, it'd be lying in a way, right? so what purpose would it solve in answering your question? exactly. none. so you get no response, whatsoever.

“rin-chan, answer my question, please?”

radio silence.

“rrrrrrrrrin. rinnnnnn. riiiiiiiiiiin. RIN!”

he still continues on walking, gaze still ahead whilst you struggle to waddle along with his wide strides, opting to grab his arms as to not get left behind.

“itoshi rin! just how much do you love m—”

he places his gloved hand flat against your face, shutting you up as he moves you away from his line of sight. his teal stare still bored and unbothered.

“any louder and you'll attract attention. i don't want paparazzi stuck to us for the rest of the day.”

you narrow your eyes at him as he practically drags you along, legs unable to keep up with his pace. “i don't see how that refrains you from answering my question, though.”

“i won't answer a question you already know the answer to, so shut up.”

you blink twice, swearing you just saw his cheeks go a bit red for a quick second. were you seeing things...?

KAISER, the mischief, always has to edge you on for a bit before giving you what you want. (🤨📸) it's how he functions as a partner—never failing to be an infuriating piece of shit who gets on your nerves whenever he gets a chance. what makes you think now would be an exception?

“hmm...” he hums with that annoying curl of his lips once more, feigning thoughtfulness. “what do you think?”

“more than you love yourself?” you guess expectantly.

but with how he gasps dramatically at you, all your expectations of the narcissistic king drop like dead flies. your expression must’ve also dropped without you noticing, because now, your asshole of a boyfriend is cackling at you. you mercifully resist the urge to hit his annoyingly pretty face as you pout and face away from him with a huff.

“what’s with that glare? i didn’t mean it, you know.” yet he continues to snicker like a child.

“what did i even expect from you…" you sigh, visibly deflating in disappointment as you stand up to leave. “i’m an idiot.”

“yep, you are for even believing i’d—” wrapping his arms around your frame, he pulls you onto his lap with yet another shit-eating grin of his. “—let you go like that. now gimme a kiss, chuu—”

pushing away his exaggerated puckered lips from your face, still glaring at him. “what do you say first, my liebe?”

he chuckles, half of his face flat against your palm that’s pushing him away. “i’m very sorry. i love you more than anything. well, except my side chicks—” your glare turns into a scowl. “—just kidding! i love you, baby. so much that i’d give up anything in this world just to see you smile.”

removing your hand from his face, you finally let him attack you with his kisses.

REO smugly raises his black card. well, it would’ve been a lot more cool and impressive if he didn’t practically jump out of the couch in his pajamas and full-on sprinted to his bedroom to fetch it. was he waiting for this question for a long time now?

“…what’s that have to do with—”

“i love you, as much as the amount within this baby right here. if not, then more!” he slaps the who-knows-how-much card onto the coffee table, gazing at you with excitement not much unlike a puppy waiting for the coos and praises of its owner after fetching them a stick.

adorable. so goddamn cute. ahhhhh. you want to rip your hair out.

“how long were you waiting for this moment…?” why does this scene seem so familiar?

"a long time. i saw this while reading one of the romance novels you had, and i just had to do it.” he smiles sheepishly at you. “was my excitement a dead giveaway or…?”

that explains the feeling of deja vu, then. you remember getting giddy over that specific scene. mindlessly, you snort at the fact that this man has more achievements than anyone you’ve ever known yet he’s still trying to impress you. jesus. he’s so…

you lean over to him, grasping his hand in your own. “you know, you look so kissable right now.”

he perks up immediately. “heh—then, don’t mind me if i do.”

NAGI hums, animatedly tapping away at his game, not sparing you a glance. “would it be bad if i said that question’s a hassle?”

“…? why do you think so?”

“well…you’re only asking that because you want me to say something that’ll uh…make you blush or something right?” he starts, voice remaining bored as ever. “but if i don’t manage to, you’ll be dissatisfied or even use it as leverage to get mad at me to get my attention.”

you frown. “what are you—”

“i don’t mean it in a bad way.” he finally looks at you, a bold ‘victory!’ visible on his phone screen. “it’s not that i’m not willing to indulge you—it’s just that i don’t really know how to be romantic, and i also don’t wanna make you sad so…”

you blink when he performs a beckoning motion with his fingers, silently requesting for you to come near him.

complying with a raised brow, your confusion is immediately replaced by shock, and maybe a tad bit of warmth as the tall boy’s arm wrap themselves around your form, pulling you down with him with a small ‘oof’.

“n—nagi!?” you squirm.

“i love you a lot, [name].” he nuzzles his face onto your hair, his next words a bit muffled as they left his lips. “so don’t get mad at me, please?”

how in the world are you going to get mad at this goddamn sloth when he’s acting like this??

ISAGI blinks. scanning your face for a moment for any uncertainty or insecurity that might’ve influenced your posed question. but when he finds none, redness takes control of his entire face like a infectious parasite.

“why do you want to know?” his voice is meek, most likely caught off guard by such a direct question.

“just curious.” you reply, smiling at the way he seems so wrapped up in your finger despite it being so loose. “you don’t have to answer though. it’s quite an open question—vague and has a lot of possible answers.”

he stares down at his palm, carefully planning out his next choice of words for your inquiry. he really wants to provide an answer, something that shows he’s completely confident in your relationship. but…

how much he loves you? how is he even going to start?

“i’m not really sure how to put it but,” he starts, determination on his expression as he turns to look at you. “i’m certain i love you a lot. not sure just how much exactly but…”

“if it could go by anything, i think about you so much that my first instinct in the morning is to grab my phone and text you a good morning,” he adds on while rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “i-i don’t know. was that a good way of putting it? there’s also the fact that i always unconsciously brew two coffees even when we don’t live together, and oh! there’s also that time i—”

too caught up in his mind to recount the times his love had overshadowed his rationality and normalcy, he fails to see the lovestruck gaze given by a certain someone, completely and utterly in love with the man chatting away that you could probably see hearts in those [e/c] irises.

just wait till you start on sharing your side of the relationship.

BACHIRA grins impishly as he takes out a ruler, pulling down an imaginary board from thin air whilst putting on some nerdy glasses from nowhere. he points the tip of the ruler on an equation, your face now deadpan.

what is he doing…?

“the formula for measuring my love for [name]! note; very easy!”

you snort at his antics, before deciding to play along as you nod for him to continue.

with his ever-present grin, he taps the board with his ruler, adjusting his glasses as if to catch your attention like a typical teacher. “now, [name], can you try to answer this equation for me? these glasses are kinda blurry.”

n-no teaching or guides at all? uhm, okay.

you suck in a breath, gazing at the imaginative board with an unperturbed focus.

[name]’s infinite beauty x [name]’s infinite kindess x [name]’s infinite funniness equals N…what are these variables?

this shouldn’t even be a working equation but if you’re playing with how bachira’s mind works, then…“infinite?”

“yes!" he swoops in lowly and sweeps you off your feet, a yelp escaping your lips as he lifts you up bridal style. “looks like i have to add [name]’s infinite smartness into the equation too, what do you say?”

“whatever you want. but i think i need to mention that infinity isn’t actually a number so i think you’ll have to make a different formula—”

“jokes on you, i won’t let the laws of math deter me from figuring out the estimate of my infinite love!”

BAROU sneers. making quite an ugly face that forces you to be wary if he’s about to spit in your face or not.

“hah, when and where did you hear that i, the king, loved you, a mere peasant??”

raising a brow at him, you quickly throw a glance at the bouquet of flowers delicately placed onto a polishes and refined vase, the glint of its glassy appearance reminding you who it undoubtedly came from, and whom it was given to.

“at the front of that bakery you like, around 3pm on a sunday a few weeks ago, after i gave you flowers, you replied to my confession by saying—” you’re promptly cut off as an oven mitt is unceremoniously thrown at your face.

“what the hell?” he says breathlessly, letting out an unbelieving scoff as he crosses his arms. like a tsundere. “why do you even remember all that? creep.”

“well, you see, it was the first time king barou had bared his feelings towards me. an extremely rare moment, even though we’re basically dating right now.”

his eye twitches. “WHO THE HELL SAID WE WERE DATING?!”

“eh?” your sarcasm is immediately gone. “you said you loved me back, so i thought that—”

“is that why you’re always in my goddamn house unannounced??” he cuts you off, again.

“it’s kinda late to retract my view of our status now though. your sisters really like me as your lover for some reason.”

he responds with a groan, muttering something about how his soccer is now doomed by some outsider. silly king. he doesn’t even notice that he could always kick you out, yet simply chooses not to.

no i didn’t add a part where they’d explicitly have to theoretically choose between you or soccer because lets be fr they’d all choose to kick a ball forever over some head

its 3am rn (no beta we die like men) so if theres a few typos or pronoun and grammatical errors that ive missed, please do tell me!

7K notes · View notes

minccinoocappuccino · 2 years

Note

Hellooo fren :) would you mind reblogging this?? I feel like it some people really need to read it (you can read it too if youd like :D) im hoping it will inform people better on what a gender neutral reader actually means.

hi and yeah i read it im not going to reblog something without reading it first..n ive decided not to reblog it

nothing against the person who made n posted it but i feel like it has a lot of personal bias n taste in it plus some things rub me personally the wrong way.

they/them cant b a solution to all gn reader fic when they/them can b used to misgender ppl / used as a way to refuse saying someones correct pronouns. If someone feels more comfortable having she/he/they n there gn fics then by all means let em.

also u cant say clothes have no gender then turn around n say dont put skirts or dresses n gn reader fic it defeats the purpose of trying to make clothes for all genders. same with the petite/small saying that those body types are for all genders then turning around n saying but there female aligned again defeats the point tags r a thing for a reason having these things dont make a gn reader fic bad n they can tag the reader as wearing makeup or dresses or being short

my take on slang is that f it doesnt have a female/male ver in use or circulation its genderless slang

i feel like a lot n the post comes down to personal taste n not over all we cant make clothes genderless or body types genderless f we police where and when they can b genderless n when they r more gendered.

21 notes · View notes

greenunoreversecard · 2 years

Text

{Introduction}

Hi! I'd figure I'd do an introductory post.

INTJ-T, enneagram type 8.

Virgo sun, Libra rising, Sagittarius moon.

Sirius kinnie. Also a rise! Leo kinnie.

• I'll mainly go by greeny online on this platform ^^

• I am neurodivergent, so I might have trouble with tones and processing things, please be patient with me when i ask for clarification.

• i am a minor, so please don't be to creepy. I'm fine with mentioning some light NSFW topics, and will tag a post accordingly if it has any. The reason I'm partially fine with NSFW is because I try and normalize stuff of sexual nature, seeing as it's normal. Just don't make any weird comments about me or other people, or my hyperfiaxtion.

• I'll probably do a lot of different writting things, headcanons and random thoughts I have.

• I use he/him pronouns, and am queer <3 and vv single lmfao

Link to my discord here

I love horror games.

Please talk to me about music it's my favorite ever.

on top of drawing, I also adore reading and writing.

I watch quiet a bit of game playthroughs on YouTube. (I watch a lot of eddievr, juicyfruitsnacks, slimecicle, ranboo)

《Things I'm not comfortable with:

●Pedos, rasicm, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, religious hate, and other stuff of this nature.

●Purposefully tracking me or others down and doxxing myself or others, and trying to make people uncomfortable on purpose.

●threatening mine or others safety, and any type of hate speech. I'm fine with general curiosity of why things are the way they are, just be respectful about it, and don't be a dick

●I'm fine with cursing, and venting, just be sure to add trigger warnings if you dm me a vent so I know what to look out for.

●no z00philia, b3ast!al!ty, r@p3 or sa comments, or inc3st.

●just generally don't be a shitty person and hate on other people because you got your tick tac dick in a twist, please. 》

~Fanfic guidelines~

I will write for

Tmnt specifically mutant mayhem and rise (strictly platonic)

Hazbin Hotel (romantic and platonic) NO LONGER AVAILABLE

Marauders Era (Harry potter subgenre)(platonic and romantic)

Possibly helluva boss in the future

Ninjago (platonic and romantic)

I reserve the right to deny requests.

And currently in time, I will only do light steam and no full on NSFW.

I will also only do gender identities that the characters are attracted to (ie, queerplatonic exclusively for alastor, male for angel, etc, etc)

I will ONLY write for gender neutral and male characters, as well as identities under the Trans umbrella as there is a severe lack of Trans and male character rep. That is also why some characters are strictly platonic.

If I am unaware of a characters identity, please let me know so I can be aware and change things if I need to.

Matchups are also a possibility, but I will not be doing them as of currently.

Same rules and guidelines go for my fanfics as for the boundaries I set for myself. (See above)

Also, absolutely no tcest or incest of any kind. I will block you immediately.

I am also a busy person, so I am limiting requests. I run with my inspiration which is mildly fleetig considering I'm always exhausted from everything.

Also, I will only take requests from the inbox, bc it's easier for me to manage that way

Rules are subject to change. Some may be added or taken off.

Current requests: 0/10

beta reader:

@amat3ured1t0r

Anon list (ask to enter):

None currently. Check back later

Characters I am willing to do per fandom:

Hazbin Hotel (no longer available for requests):

Alastor (platonic and queer platonic only)

Husk

Angel dust

cherri bomb

Velvette

Sir pentious

Huskerdust poly

Charlie and vaggie (platonic)

Niffty (platonic)

Lucifer (platonic and familial)

hazbin hotel masterlist here!

Marauders:

Remus Lupin

James Potter

Sirius Black

Regulus Black

Barty Jr.

jegulus poly

Wolfstar poly

Moonwater poly

Poly! marauders

Marauders Masterlist Here!

TMNT (platonic only):

Mikey (mm and rise)

Donnie (mm and rise)

Raph (mm and rise)

Leo (mm and rise)

CaseyJr. (Rise)

Peepaw! Teetlz (romantic is allowed, but with limitations)

Ninjago:

Lloyd

Cole

Kai

Ninjago masterlist here!

Types of fics I will do:

Headcanons

Oneshots and twoshots

Multi chapter fics

Drabbles

reader pov, character pov and 3rd/non biased pov.

Fluff

Angst

Hurt/comfort

Lemons/limes

Most tags. Literally just send it in and I'll let you know in the a/n if I can't do smth.

More boundaries will be added as time goes on and I figure myself more and what I'm comfortable with.

Anyways, hope yall have a good day/night/afternoon! Nice to meet ya! :)

-Greeny

8 notes · View notes

cishater · 4 years

Text

About/BYF/DNI:

Before you follow: -I reclaim the words autist and transsexual. If that makes you uncomfortable, then don’t follow me. If I followed you, then you can block me if you don’t want to interact. -I talk a lot about hating cis people and allistics. Trans allistics and cis autistic people are not exempt from my ire. -I post A LOT of discourse. -I have a legitimate reason as to why I don’t list my exact age or any other specific identifying details about myself. Please don’t ask about it, I really don’t like to talk about it. All I’ll say is that a certain someone won’t take “no” for an answer. -Sometimes I misspeak or say things in a way that’s hard to understand for other people, so if you need me to clarify something, just ask. -Do not ask me for my birthday, my exact age, my zodiac sign, my personality type, my DND alignment, or anything about my genitals/transition progress. I will share this stuff if I want to, but not if asked.

Do Not Interact: T(W)ERFs/radfems, Nazis, racists/anti-BLM, Islamophobes, otherwise religiously intolerant.

Do not follow: T(W)ERFs/SWERFs/radfems/gender critical, Nazis, DDLG/littlespace, MAPs/NOMAPs/PEARs/pedos, racists, Islamophobes, religiously intolerant, pro-life, fatphobes, pro-shippers/anti-antis, you refer to yourself or others as “TEHMs,” truscum, “cis transmeds,” exclusionists, REGs, “binaryphobes,” anti-MOGAI, enbyphobes/skeptics, intersexists, fujoshis, ableists. That’s quite a list, I know.

Ask to follow: -Cis people (especially cishets or a cis men). Questioning people who identify as cis but aren’t sure if they’re actually cis or not can follow without asking. -Christians. Christians can follow if I followed first. -Allistics.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Stances:

-Transcompassionist/Tucute/anti-trumed. Gender dysphoria is not needed to be trans. Gender incongruence is, however.

-Inclus. Arospec, aspec, and mspec people belong in the LGBTQ+ community despite who they’re dating/attracted to.

-Anti. Ships that involve p3dophil1a, abuse, inc3st, r*pe, and z00phil1a, are harmful and people, especially traumatized people and children, should not have to be exposed to it.

-Anti-fujoshi/fudanshi/yaoi fan. Stop fetishizing men who love men.

-Also stop fetishizing women who love women and trans people.

-Pro-Black Lives Matter, anti-All Lives/Blue Lives Matter. Just anti-cop in general.

-Pro-MOGAI.

-Pro-neopronouns.

-Anti-Auti$m $peak$ and anti-ABA “therapy.”

-Pronouns =/= gender.

-Neutral on system discourse, as I am a singlet and have no place in such discourse. Please do not try to involve me in system discourse. If it makes you uncomfortable that I’m neutral, you can block me.

-Pro-otherkin/fictionkin/therian/etc.

-Anti-MAP/pedo/DDLG/CGL/MDLB, non-system littles/non-system and/or non-trauma age regression.

-Anti-TERF/TWERF/SWERF/radfem/”gender critical.” I don’t debate T(W)ERFs because their arguments are inherently invalid and wrong.

- “Binaryphobia” is transmisogynistic. Enbyphobia does exist, but that doesn’t mean trans women can oppress nonbinary people.

-GNC trans people are valid. You’re allowed to present however you want, this does not take away from your transness.

-Goy/goyim/gentile, cis/cishet, and T(W)ERF are not slurs.

-Queer is a valid identity, and the word was reclaimed decades ago. If you have trauma attached to that word, then I will tag it for you if you ask.

-Educated self-dx is valid.

-F*mboy is a transmisogynistic slur.

If you wanna know my opinions on anything else, feel free to ask.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anything else you should know about me. I am:

-White.

-Queer.

-Trans male (not entirely binary, but mostly binary). I use he/him pronouns exclusively. I’m TME. Mister or Mixter, please.

-Severely dysphoric.

-Autistic and mentally ill.

-Goyische.

-An adult (under 25, over 18).

Feel free to correct me or tell me if I talk out of line, I am here to learn from my mistakes and uplift voices, and I’m never ignorant on purpose.

This post may be periodically updated.

#about

2 notes · View notes

6ad6ro · 7 years

Text

an explanation post and small update about that thing that recently happened with that one ex friend. just fyi, this is very long:

first, some backstory. i have an issue where i often end up staying in abusive relationships (friends/family/dating) for way too long for various reasons. that said, this friend. they were always problematic. they would continue aggressively making passes at me even tho i rejected them constantly. like really gross passes that reminded me of why i “hate (stereotypical) men”. bc it was real bro-style creeping. hitting on me incessantly. always hanging all over me and making any excuse to have physical contact. making gross innuendo “jokes” that went too far just… always. at one point they licked my ear when we were taking a photo together. etc.

now i confronted them on this many times. asked them to tone it down. explained how uncomfortable and stressed they made me. told them “i’m sorry but i just don’t feel that way and i wanna be friends” like god SO often. my sister (used to be friends w them too) even would sit and we’d try to explain to them why they needed to stop.

but of course, they’d always reply to this with extreme defensiveness. say i was just over thinking it. that this is just who they were. that they joke with ALL their friends this way (sidenote i’ve seen how squeamish they can make their other friends). that “maybe i should rethink my standards for what is okay and not okay”. would even accuse me of being paranoid and “gaslighting” them. even when it got better, they were always making little jokes like “oh srry i wanted to pat you on the back but idk if you’ll get mad at me” like they really wanted to let me know i was in the wrong. and beyond that, they always seemed to be like actively trying to find new avenues of hitting on me.

and that was just the personal space issues. they’d also like rage at games when we played together? like slamming my controller to the floor when they lost. being overly competitive. being rude to my other friends if they were “holding them back” in a game. they’d actually criticize people who didn’t agree with how they wanted to play as being “unskilled” and “not real gamers”. and if you ever were beating them, they’d be all angry and say stuff like you were being “ cheap”. any mistake they made in a game was “people cheating”. but any time they did well (including purposeful exploiting), it was a boast worthy achievement. trashtalk all day but only they were allowed to do it.

it was weird too bc TBH THEY AREN’T EVEN ALL THAT GOOD. like overall, i’d almost always beat them. my sister too. they were mediocre at best. but of course… they’d literally make statements like “i almost always beat you” and “i usually win” when it was just… such a rare occurrence. its just… when it came to trying to have a fun play session with people, they put the game and winning above… you know… having fun w the rest of us? and sidenote they were always SUPER picky about what game we played. and when it came to options like “what guns to use” or “what stage to play”… you know how often people take turns so everyone is happy? on their turn, they’d get respect. but on everyone elses turn, they’d always like… fuck around and change options back to theirs and like revert stuff and just…

not that age matters but did i mention they were 27. i mean idk i only bring it up bc they reminded me so much of a little kid like esp about videogames. but there were a lot of other issues with them too. but i’ll just bring up the last big one. they… morally/politically? they tended to be in a cool direction in general. v “supports human rights overall” kinda person. but… they were the type who were idk v quick to judge? they would make extreme judgement calls with no information. they’d always end up fixated on conspiracies rather than perceiving things with moderation. people can think what they want imo, but the issue here is how they needed anyone close to them to agree with them too?

example: one time i was driving w them in an area that had very little shops and it was late and i had forgotten to pick up a gift for someone we were meeting. just a small thing to thank them for a favor. the ONLY store open and around was walmart. yes fine walmart sucks but idk i needed a gift. i mentioned i was gonna stop by there and they were like “no not walmart”. and i’m like “yeah i know lol” and they were like “no seriously we cant go in there”. long story they refused to go in, wouldn’t wait in the car, and made it out like if i went in that there would be a big problem. i ended up showing up to the person empty handed and it sucked. another time just recently i was gonna get some lays potato chips and they were like “ew no you can’t buy anything from the cocacola company” and like shamed me and walked off so i couldn’t get them. idk this kinda stuff happens all the time tbh? but it doesn’t stop at just like pretentious annoyance. they’d go HARD with political opinions too and if you disagreed w them they’d HATE you. not just internet forums or strangers. but friends. one time my sister (who for the sake of the story is pan and leaning towards non-binary) disagreed with them when they made a sweeping statement on fb about how some specific thing made everyone “transphobic”. anyways when my sister tried to discuss it with them they literally sicked their friends on her and insulted and browbeat her until she just had to leave. she got stressed at the end and yelled back finally and then they sent her a pm like “i’m really disappointed in you. i’ll be waiting for an apology when you’re ready to give it”. lol long story short my sis dropped them at that point. as she put it “i thought highschool was over”. she was already super mad at them for how they were treating me sexually anyhow tho like... srry but i guess one of my points is my sister is like one of the coolest, nicest, best people i know. she never drops people. but she dropped THEM. over the years i’ve asked them why they go from 0 to 11 so fast and why they don’t... idk... “lead” people into agreeing with them rather than angrily and violently just immediately demanding it? and as they put it “people with strong opinions will never change so don’t bother with them” and “i act how i do as an example to others of how to be a good person”. but god i guess just recently i came to realize that they were just... i don’t think they cared about other people. they just wanted to protect THEMSELVES above all else? they wanted a reason to judge people. it was all an excuse for them to feel self-righteous and act entitled and superior. oops i forgot to mention that they’re pan and gender-neutral as well? maybe they identify as trans but idk. the only reason i mention it is bc they definitely use it as a way to shame people and feel superior. i know it’s easy to be sensitive about that stuff considering, but they go above and beyond. and it’s weird that they’re all about human rights and w/e bc GOD they’re so gross sexually and... srry another example. so they’re a furry. totally fine imo. but one day we were walking around a downtown area with a lot of bars late at night and they were wearing fox ears/tail and bein themselves nbd. but we passed by a “drunkbus” right as cookie-cutter bros spilled out of it. one of them was like “hey i didn’t know the furry convention was in town” and i immediately got super angry and turned to say something. but then i looked to see my friend had just continued to walk away? i took a breath and walked back to them and was like “i’m so sorry like do you want me to say something?” and they were like “it’s okay some day i’ll fuck them until they like it” or “until i turn them” or god idk i think they maybe even used the term “rape”... alarm bells tbh. blahh i won’t go into any more details but lets just say how they act and how they say a person SHOULD act is a dictionary definition of hypocrisy. well anyways, i guess my point i wanted to make with this backstory is, as i’ve finally come to realize... they’re an immature, self-righteous, spoiled person with a pretty distinct martyr complex. and they’re kinda rapey. they always used to complain about all this drama they had and how awful everyone was to them... and it always sounded like “really bad luck”? but i realize now that they were just a tornado of selfishness with like no emotional control and they couldn’t keep friends for too long before it just had to end in a big flaming ball. sorry like i should point out i know they’re obv full of mental illness... but i don’t think they really go to therapy or seek help for any of it? like so many of us on here are pretty messed up but we do our best? this person is not doing their best. they clearly feel the world should change before they do. anyways anyways anyways. this friendship lasted for idk 2 years? 3? it was weird that i didn’t notice my own reactions as warning signs. like when i don’t know someone too well or am having issues... i’ll often bring another friend to hangouts as a sort of buffer. maybe uncool, but it helps. usually this only lasts for like one or two hangouts. but with this ex friend, it lasted the entire period. whenever i tried to hang out w them alone, a much bigger incident would always happen, and i’d go back to square one. but okay. the actual story of the incident: so i was always trying to get them to hang out with me and another friend bc i felt like we all had v similar hobbies, and this past tuesday it finally happened. we all hung out at other friend’s place and played games and ate food and outside of exfriend’s usual little issues, it went really well. at some point it was mentioned that sonic mania released that day. it was something we had all been very excited about, but we already had plans that day and some of us (me) didn’t want to experience the game the first time in a distracted social environment. but i mentioned “ugh i have a doc appointment early tomorrow but i’ll still dl it right when i get home. i better not play it tho lol weh”! when they heard i was buying it, they were like “oh man you gotta let me come over and try it”. i knew they were a big fan of the guy who made it and a huge sonic fan, but also that they had just lost their job and money was tight (i had to buy their food that day). i had a feeling they’d morally be against pirating it temporarily until they could afford it. so idk i was like “hey listen as long as we only play like the first act each, i could take you to my place before i drive you home. but only if you’re okay with being v quick bc i have dr in the morning”. sidenote they refuse to drive and don’t use a bike so hanging out with them always involved carting them around. and no before they lost their job (v recently), they coulda def afforded it. they literally were constantly buying insanely expensive collectibles like think of the most expensive gaming stuff you can and they prob have it. sealed panzer dragoon saga. vectrex with every game. fami twin with working disc system parts. ique with most games loaded. mint physical laserdisc copy (beta?) of dragons lair from the arcade machine. whatever. my point is they spent all their money on toys instaid of bettering themselves. we all do it but they took it to an extreme. one other thing... they only would communicate over their parent’s lan line phone and over facebook. they refused to have a cellphone. back to story. they excitedly agreed to my conditions and we went back to my place and installed the game. i started playing and god it was amazing (obv)! i got to the end of act 1 in a couple of minutes and was like “okay i should rly quit and hand it to you” but they were like “no no finish the zone” and tbh it was so good i agreed. so i played until i beat the boss and then i was like “okay i can’t go further” and quit and then handed it to them. i think the whole zone took me like... 5 minutes? this is when it started getting weird. i noticed my gf had called and like idk she was a bit worried bc i normally call her after i get home from my other friend’s place (we hang every tuesday like clockwork) and it had gotten really late but i forgot to let her know. it was really sweet and i didn’t want her to worry so i was like “hey uh shoot do you mind if i call her?” and tbh they were like already so absorbed in playing the game they weren’t even paying attention to me. but i had given them the rly comfy chair but it blocked the exit to the room. i couldn’t even squeeze by unless they moved first. so i started like asking them ‘hey uh do you mind pausing and moving so i could get by?”... nothing. again i asked. ignored. this went on for like idk 30 sec? a minute? until i finally was like hovering my finger over to hit the pause button like “can you please just pause so i can leave” like... and only then did they finally say “well fine but i don’t even know how to pause”. let me take the time to point out that they are prob the most techy person i know. esp about old game systems. they build flashcarts and repair ancient consoles and solder and mod and they worked the past 4(?) years at a legit retro game store. and they were amazing to begin with. it’s a small thing, but they coulda figured out how to pause a switch. they’d played one many times before too. so finally i have them pause it. and i’m like still standing there for 30 sec or so and they still aren’t budging? and i’m like “you uhh gotta get up so i can get by the chair is blocking me”. they continue to idk ignore??? i finally have to literally pick up the chair WITH them still in it and move it aside. only then could i pass. idk but i didn’t get angry or anything bc i was just relieved to finally get by. as i walked out of the room i mentioned to them “hey if i take too long just keep playing obv but when i walk in please pause it and quit immediately so i don’t see later level content plz” (i’m a big baby and have been avoiding all details for so long and was looking forward to the surprise lol). and they were like “okay” or something. i went out to my car and talked w my gf for god idk 15 or 20 min? i didn’t want to talk that long but she was going to bed soon and was a bit down/ill and i still wanted to talk to her and idk i knew worst case my one friend would love the extra time to play. and i felt like if i stayed out that long i could go in to a very satisfied friend, you know? so i get off the phone and head inside. i enter the room and am like “okay i’m back plz pause it like we gotta go”! ignored. i ask again kinda lol trying to plug my ears and not look. ignored. at that point i notice the same song from the first zone is playing and i look over and it is in fact the same level and i’m like ??? “wait how are you still on the first level??” and they were like “oh i’m completing all of the special stages”. the first thought i had was like oh wow cool they really wanted to stick to my initial request of only playing the first zone? unnecessary but v nice of them! i guess i was really reaching for an explanation lol... so whatever they still are playing so i sit down next to them and am watching them play for another minute or so. i was about to say something bc they still weren’t stopping but then i notice how close they are to the boss and am like “oh okay cool you’re p much to the boss so you’ll be done super quick”. they keep playing. at that point i notice they’;re like... taking sonic up and around the level kinda in circles? and backtracking? like? it’s really weird and i’m like “wait what are you doing” and they’re like “trying to get rings to complete the special stages”... so i’m like “uhh sorry tbh but i’m already way past when i wanted to go to bed is there any way you can just... go to the boss”?? and they’re still doing their thing and ignoring me and so i speak up again like “cmon like i’m really sorry but this doctors appointment is an obligation and i really need to get to bed”. and at that point they pause the game. stand up angrily. kinda fling the controller so it hits the table and falls onto the hard floor. they start kinda flailing their arms angrily and say in this really sour tone “oh im sorry i just thought you were gonna idk let me PLAY the GAME”??? i start replying like “listen i’m sorry i just like i don’t have a choice in the matter like i have to go to bed like you had like 3 times as much time as i did and idk maybe you can take the switch into the car or something idk??” and they just kinda angrily say “whatever whatever just stop yelling at me”. btw i’m not yelling. i’m definitely definitely not yelling. i’m not even angry. calm. nice. confused at best? and this isn’t one of those things where it’s like “im not yelling bc when i yell you really KNOW it”... i just wasn’t yelling by anyone’s terms. at that point i’m like “listen i’m sorry i just don’t know why this is becoming such an issue like idk maybe you can wear headphones in the car and keep playing later levels or...” and that’s when they’re like “it doesn’t matter just STOP yelling at me”. and the chair is in the way of the exit and needs to be like lifted and moved so we can leave. but at that point they take their foot and just KICK the chair across the room. at that point i’m kinda like “listen i’m sorry if i have a tone in my voice or am hurting your feelings but tbh it’s kinda hard to remain perfectly calm when you’re sorta throwing a temper tantrum and..” and that’s when they shouted as loud as they could “OKAY NOPE UH UH BYEEE” and swung open the door and ran through the house to the exit door. i’m trying to call after them like “shit i’m really sorry but i don’t have time to chase after you i gotta go to bed please can i just take you home like if you leave i gotta just let you and go to bed” and they ignore me and run outside. it’s like 2am at this point btw. i kinda go outside to check if they’re standing there cooling down but no. long gone. ran down the street i think. so i go back inside. turn the light out. and lock the door. i just dont have time to deal with this. i want to but i can’t. but i sit there for a few minutes. and... (maybe) the mentally ill/abused side of me is like “well you COULD go look for them and try to calm them down and drive them home and it wouldn’t take THAT much longer than you were gonna already spend driving them, right? worst case if you don’t find them you can just go home and go to bed”. and so i head outside.as i enter my car tho, i get this weird gut awful feeling of deja vu? i realise pretty quickly that this scenario was pretty similar to the ones i had pretty regularly with my one really bad ex gf. the one who was a manipulative sociopath that used me and cheated on me and also had no emotional control etc etc etc lol? and idk i was surprised bc... i thought that this part of my life had been over. but still... the dumb side of my brain ignored that and carried on. i drove along the path i assumed they walked, thinking maybe they woulda taken the time to calm down. after a bit i finally caught up to them. i pulled up slowly and kinda called out like “hey i’m really sorry like i never wanted it to go down that way like you’re my friend like let me take you home i’m really sorry”. they ignored me for a bit and kept doing that angry car walk thing as i had to slowly follow behind and continue apologizing. finally they stopped and came to the window. they were like “listen you can’t talk to me like that and abuse me like that like what you did was so awful and bullying and ..” and went on like that for a min. and i was like “listen i’m sorry and i know me using that one word in particular must have really set you off but idk..” like trying to explain to them why i said “temper tantrum” (BC THATS WHAT THEY FUCKING HAD BTW THATS WHAT IT GD WAS) but i was trying to be nice about it? so i continued on “well i mean the reason i said that was okay like i know you were agitated but you kinda like tossed my controller haphazardly and it hit the floor and yeah i’m sure it was an accident...” and at that point they stuck their head inside the window like super close to my face and shouted as loud and angrily and full of spittle as they fucking could “WELL MAYBE IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT THEN”!!!! i’m like... idk... adrenaline just dumps into my body. i’m giving this person so so so many chances tonight. being so nice. and this is a problematic friend to begin with. and they’re shouting in my face like this as i try to apologize to them so i can drive them home after they ran off. but i’m a pacifist and i try to avoid conflict. but still... i’m like, probably quietly, “you... you can’t just yell at me like that. you aren’t allowed to yell at me like that.” and they open their mouth and start shouting more. and that’s when i shout back “I WON’T LET YOU SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT”!!! idk if it scared them or what like i know i’m pretty booming and alarming when i shout idk but regardless they yanked their head out of the window and backed away from the car and i split second checked they were clear and i just floored it. but... i quickly slammed on the breaks. took a breath. decided i didn’t want it to be like this (do you see how stupid/messed up i am). i put it in reverse and turned around to back up. but i have to slam on the breaks. thank god i was only idling at that point. bc they’re pressed RIGHT up against my back bumper. i’m trying to comprehend all this bc there’s a v big sidewalk and they were on it when i started to speed off so why are they right behind my car now? a BIG alarm bell goes off in my head but i ignore it. i stare at them as they wait pressed against my bumper for like half a minute, giving them “what are you doing” eyes and gestures. finally they come back to the window. i’m like “listen. i’m really really sorry. it’s okay if you hate me. we don’t have to talk about it or at all. i made a mistake. i’m very sorry. can i just... take you home? i feel bad. we can try and work out this stuff later if we have to”. at that point they start yelling at me again (not screaming but just normal yelling) and telling me how awful and bullying and abusive etc i am and how their reactions were justified and idek bc they started walking off again. FINALLY. FINALLLLLY. my brain accepts this situation as fairly impossible and unreasonable and i decide i gotta be done. i just... can’t? anymore?? even if i wanted to... i don’t have time? so i pull up next to them and say sternly “you know what? you can’t treat your friends like this or they will LEAVE you.” and i sped off. i think i heard them screaming after me like “YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE” but god knows like my car is junk but i had floored it so they were long gone. okay so that’s PRETTY much the end of it. i decided pretty quickly after that that i was DONE with this person forever. that this wasn’t the kind of friendship i wanted. over the next few days i came to realize i should have been done with this person almost immediately. again, weird parallels to my worst ex. you don’t have to be dating someone or romantic w them for it to be a super abusive relationship. well anyhow i decided to avoid facebook or communicating w them for a bit so i could figure out how to like “officially end it”. because i was sure that they’d have gone on fb and written one of their common “i’m sorry i acted that way BUT” fake apologies where they pretend to be sorry but then negate the apologies by justifying all their behavior by making me out as some super abusive monster. 3 days later, i bite the bullet and check facebook, bc i realize this also is a pretty easy way for me to like... end it with them in a polite and cordial way? to pretend i don’t hate them. to talk to them in a way that hopefully keeps them from freaking out at me the next time our paths cross? also bc deep down i still do remember the good times and have a bit of respect for them. sure enough, it was there. the half-apology that leads into “you need to learn how to talk to people”. “you bullied me just like this person”. “when you talk to anyone you should use this tone”. tbh i only barely glazed over it. i started my reply along the lines of “i don’t want to get into a big discussion about what happened, but i think it would be best if we parted ways. i don’t think we’re compatible as friends. i hope we can be polite if we ever run into each other again. i’m really sorry that it turned out this way.” etc etc etc. part way in, i noticed their last short msg. sent way after the initial bunch of “sorry not sorry”s. it was just a half sentence. “i guess i should apologize for jumping in front of your car...” ... THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE. THAT BASTARD. THEY REALLY DID IT. THEY REALLY WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME TO INJURE THEM WITH MY CAR SO THEY COULD ENTRAP ME OR SUE ME OR FUCK MY LIFE UP. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CRAZY AND PARANOID WHEN I HAD THAT THOUGHT BUT IT WAS TRUE. THAT ABSOLUTE LUNATIC. *deep breath* i’m still shaken. it was just a fluke that i didn’t step on the gas before i noticed them against my bumper. it EASILY could’ve gone down in the worst way. god. and all this over me asking them to stop playing sonic mania. tbh the experience kinda soured the game a bit for me? i mean... thank god it’s so good but really who even gives a shit bc it’s just a game like GOD fucking DAMN i can’t believe i had something so FUCKED happen at this stage in my life. i know it’s a really self-hating thing to do to blame myself for having someone like that around but... my. god. i ended up sending the fb message that i was initially planning and ignoring all the impulses to scream at them or call some authority (idek what i could do here) or tell them they need immediate help or what bc what the fuck. and i haven’t checked fb since. i wanna be done forever. i don’t ever wanna see or hear or hear about this person again. it’s a bit silly but i’m cleaning house and getting rid of all the stuff they got for me (i rejected most of their “wooing” gifts but a few still got through bc general gift exchange”. i know it’s messed up but i even washed all the clothes i was wearing w them regardless if it needed a wash or not. maybe it was symbolic. but they’re dead to me. god. it’s not just for the best it’s goddamn mandatory.

ANYWAYS so that’s it i guess. sorry i know how long this was. i don’t REALLY expect anyone to read through all this. but if you do, plz lmk so i can say thanks i guess lol? it’s just nice to get it all out there bc it kinda messed me up... really bad? idk. and oh um i’ll still reply to people individually for asking about the previous post that related to this? but it’s taking me a bit to do replies bc i’m just... kinda scared regarding social stuff rn considering. i guess the last thing i’ll say is if part of you is telling yourself that someone is abusive and you find yourself constantly making really big considerations or umm excuses just to hang out with someone? maybe don’t. there are many good people out there for you. abusive people can be dangerous. be careful and try to surround yourself with nice, happy people. <3

#personal #long #toxic

16 notes · View notes

phanconfirmed · 7 years

Text

Updated Alters

So this is the updated version of the alter post I made a while ago

The parent of the system

Mika: Very confused about their gender but goes with they/them or he/him pronouns, some days they're a guy some days they aren't isn't genderfluid though, they've thought about this. Very happy that we got binders but always tries to remind everyone to be safe while wearing them because we sometimes forget and sleep in them.

Main reason why they chose this name is because it's gender neutral. Also confused about their sexuality, knows they like everyone, doesn't like the thought of sex but also likes romantic stuff ???? Like would love to hold hands & maybe?? Kiss but is repulsed by the thought of anything without clothes on. Maybe panromantic demisexual

Secretly doesn't really love the name they chose but is alright with it & can't think of anything better because it doesn't seem so important, maybe aiden but that's too gender specific so they'll keep thinking

Physically: looks the same as the body originally looked but has colored hair, the exact color changes sometimes & has always wanted to color our hair but at the same time understands that it's high maintenance. Their voice is very similar to the original and rarely ever changes tone, unless they're trying to scold someone

GALAXY!!!!!!!!! WOULD BUY EVERYTHING GALAXY IF THEY COULD, PILLOWCASE, BLANKET, WALL, A GALAXY ROOM IF IT WERE POSSIBLE

Is very concerned when we haven't eaten all day but disagrees with getting fast food unless it's healthy, a salad or subway veggie sandwich. Genuinely wants to take good care of our body but at the same time gets busy with school work and dealing with all of our other mental issues.

Does not like it when we procrastinate, recently has started making us work on projects days or even a week before they are due because it's " less stressful that way. " Is good at the bass, prefers to finish an assignment before they practice or learn a song, especially if it's important, but does enjoy playing none the less.

Tries to explain to Ashe why selling the bass equipment was a good idea but that just makes her want to learn the guitar more.

Gets along well with Ashe, appreciates them helping to make some days better with memes or puns. Tried to talk to Elyssa, didn't really understand a lot of what she said, when she would say anything.

Is secretly very insecure & anxious, very afraid of the dark, secretly glad that adahlen wants to sleep with a stuffed animal. Knows Anti is actually very nice deep down, but would always deny it if you ask them, appreciates how protective they are of adahlen.

The edgy teen

Ashe: Is like the person you saw wearing 20 different rubber bracelets & fingerless gloves everyday in high school. Is genderfluid & would be the first to tell you to f*ck off if you said it wasn't a real gender, or really said anything else rude to them or one of the others, they/them pronouns. Easily gets homicidal and either Mika or Anti have to step in.

Mika gets on to them about their language, the few times they actually curse. They are the aggressive bisexual who will very badly flirt with everyone, shares bad pun & memes with Mika who appreciates it very much.

They love to play the bass, would literally play this all day every day. Doesn't like learning songs because it takes time but LOVES playing new songs, would do this for a living but Mika always makes sure they know that school has to come first. Is still really upset that we sold them but understands we hadn't played them in months due to being busy with school and taking care of ourselves and that someone else would probably enjoy them more.

Doesn't really understand but pretends they do, wants to learn how to play the guitar really badly but knows that it would take a lot of money and time that we don't have, maybe one day

Good friends with Mika, doesn't really get along with elyssa, mainly because she doesn't show up basically at all. Stresses about college & the future but Mika talks them down a lot, explains the situation.

" I'm going to fail this class. "

" what assignments have we failed? " " 2 "

" And how many have we passed? "

" 8 "

" Then we're fine, you know you'll pass the rest of the ones this semester so don't stress. "

" Ok. "

Always wants to eat fast food but never wants to get anything healthy. Always wants to go to Whataburger or panda express, even though they know both places give us stomach pains. Then waits a few months each time, until they forget the intense discomfort and wants to go again.

Would eat taco bell all day everyday if they could, Mika tries to tell them what's great about subway but they hardly ever listen.

THE CUTEST LITTLE YOU WILL EVER MEET

Convinced everyone they were the host for a while but is actually just a little

Adahlen, they chose the name because it's dalish for forest & they love playing Dragon age inquisition just to wander through the emerald graves. Would gladly join a dalish clan and go into real forests if they didn't hate bugs and 99% of nature.

When things get really stressful in the headspace they start talking about the adventures they've been on in the ( fictional ) forests. She thought about going into a real forest once but then remembered the camping trips from when the host was younger and decided against it.

Detailing all of the beautiful scenery, the trees and talks about the elven lore of the emerald graves & the exalted plains that they have memorized.

If they can't think of one particular piece of lore, they look it up & get SO EXCITED about the new info.

Physically: Adahlen is what you would imagine a little kid looked like, her hair color changes sometimes and while she doesn't want to actively wear fake elf ears, she likes to pretend.

PASTEL PASTEL P A S T E L

F L O W E R C R O W N S They love all things soft & pastel, wanted to wear a flower crown all the time but claims we're to old for that now. Still insists that we sleep with a stuff unicorn that is also a Dragon when you flip it.

Loves stuffed animals, wants to buy every one they see, honestly has four in the bed. No arguments from anyone because honestly who doesn't like stuffed animals.

Sometimes Mika has to stop them from buying a stuffed animal only to let them get it a few days or so later, because honestly come on how do you not.

Always wants to front when we're hanging out with friends & gets hyper waaaaaay too easily ( keep them away from sugar ) is basically like Gregg from night in the woods with sugar.

Mika, Ashe & Adahlen are good friends, more so Mika than Ashe because Mika is more understanding & accepting of their sometimes childish behavior. Used to watch anime in 90% of their free time, sword art online, Tokyo ghoul, yuri on ice & Naruto. Cried when they saw the end of Tokyo ghoul and Anti tried comforting them but has no idea how so they just hugged Adahlen & listened to them until they stopped crying.

Stopped watching anime partly because it reminded us of a friend we used to watch with and because they claim we're too old now.

TALKS ABOUT ANIME ALL THE TIME WITH ANTI & IT'S HONESTLY THE CUTEST THING, still does this occasionally but much less often now.

The host

Comes out the least

Elyssa: I really don't like to talk about this one so let's keep this short. She's the first one that we had & then for years unhealthily repressed and ignored all possibility of other alters and just claimed that they were her.

Physically: stained clothes, messy hair from not showering really just imagine a severely depressed, anxious unstable person and there you go

So she's still here but she doesn't come out often or talk to anyone because she honestly doesn't know who or what she is. The host because she was the first one, thinks Mika does a good job taking care of everyone.

The void ?????

A fictive

Anti: Sometimes when no one in particular is fronting & we are very stressed or simply when no one is fronting. Physical form changes, most commonly looks like Anti with black eyes, black clothes and doesn't care for the business of mortals, but is very defensive of the host and the entire system, is ready to punch anyone who tries to do anything to them, very anti in that respect.

Will help with homework or projects rarely if we have been working hard and are almost at the point of homicide ( half joking ) we know it's them when we're anxious then suddenly calm and work better on whatever we were working on.

Doesn't really talk to anyone, is very uninterested in what Ashe or mika are doing as long as we aren't contemplating murder, the body & headspace are there, and as long as Adahlen is ok what more do they need to know?

Almost talked to Elyssa once, thought better of it when it saw them in a corner and left them alone. Mainly reads or watches popular anime if they have the time.

Loves the Harry potter books, insisted we listen to the audio books and were actually very interesting, wants to finish them & wants to actually read them but can't find the time so just looks it up on tumblr. #RavenclawPride Would run to Hogwarts if it were real and would be the best ravenclaw they had ever seen.

This is the alter that also comes out when I'm around the family excluding my mom, who I actually like. Fits into the very stressed part at the beginning of their description as my family outside of my mom, stress me out extensively and judges me even more since we have been diagnosed with signs of psychosis and Anti still hasn't forgiven them for treating us they do

We don't really want to put the effort needed into making a working relationship with my grandma & aunt, basically the only other family members we see, so we don't mind them fronting. As long as they're generally speaking, nice which, if you know anything about anti you know that can be difficult

The purpose of this is because we've thought about this for a while & we didn't want to be one of those " we have 2 symptoms for one day so suddenly because of the internet we have this " people. We think this would be helpful for our friends and for us because, we don't know supposedly writing things down helps.

This also helped to sort a few alters out & helped them in choosing names So this is the system I'm using:

🌌 is to indicate that Mika is fronting

🎸 is to indicate that Ashe is fronting

🍂Or🌳 is to indicate that Adahlen is fronting

👁️ is to indicate that Anti is fronting

( I'm not using one for Elyssa because that is how rarely she fronts )

#sorry if this is too personal #dissociative identity disorder #little alter #my alters #this took like a solid 2 hours to write #i had to actually look into my alters and get names & specific details #that was an interesting experience #i think this actually helped #did this help #i think so #i like this #this was good #thanks tumblr

5 notes · View notes