#YOU GOT ME MONOLOGUING

[waltwhitmansbeard]

go on, claim my heart: chapter thirty-eight

see my masterpost for what came before this.

Keyleth cannot move, yet her heart thunders wildly in her chest. Her blood is rushing so fast in her ears that she can barely hear Vallen speak.

And he is speaking, leaned back against the wall of her chambers, arms crossed casually as if they were discussing the merits of a chess strategy and not his elaborate and violent scheme to take control of the Ashari Nation.

"You have no idea how long I have been working toward this, Keyleth—may I call you Keyleth?" His grin is carnal, bestial. "Anyway, yes, these pieces have been in place for some time. I suppose you ought to know; it isn't as if you'll be divulging my secrets once we're done here."

He means to kill her. Even beneath the blaze of terror, she cannot ignore the flick of annoyance at yet another attempt on her life.

She is sitting ramrod straight on the settee, and Vallen comes to perch just on the edge of the little table in front of her, so their eyes are of a level. "I suppose you ought to know that it is I who killed your mother."

Her heart stops.

"Not personally, of course. There are those who take money for such tasks—like that bastard assassin you married. That..." He chuckles, and the sound sours Keyleth's stomach. "...that was a surprise, to be sure. But then, you're full of surprises, aren't you, princess?" He says the word with scorn, with derision. "But yes, your mother. I know what you're thinking: oh, Vallen, but you're so young! Impossible for you to be involved in a murder nearly a decade and a half ago!" He gestures toward his pointed ears. "It's the gnomish blood, of course. I look far younger than one might guess.

"Ah, stay on task, Vallen." He stands and begins to pace, and Keyleth's eyes dart to the door. Surely Vax will be returning at any moment. He's already been gone for so long. "I meant to kill your mother before she could create a new generation of Zephran heirs, but there were political matters at home in Vesrah, boring affairs, not worth discussing, but it meant delaying my plans a bit. Now you might find my methods distasteful, and fair enough, but I would never kill an infant.

"So I waited until you were a bit older, no longer so reliant on your mother for survival, and then, well, poison looks quite a great deal like illness when no one is looking for poison."

Despite her inability to move, tears slip steadily down Keyleth's face. Her mother had been murdered. All this time, and she never knew. Her father died not knowing the truth, and now is she to take it to her grave?

"My plan for my own family took longer. Grandmother is a powerfully paranoid woman, and it took some...finagling, shall I say, to put all of those particular ducks in a row. She is finally of an age where death would not be a surprise, even if helped along by a brew of toxins, and then, of course, the family gathering in Syngorn was simply too good an opportunity to pass up."

"But you!" He gestures to her grandly. "You weren't even supposed to be there!"

Keyleth frowns, confused, but the confusion is swept away by the shock at being able to frown at all. Vallen's control over her is waning. She attempts to surreptitiously gather in a large gulp of air so that she may scream for help, but Vallen clicks his tongue and snaps his fingers again, and her muscles harden in place once more.

"My apologies! Such a brief spell, needs constant management. But as I was saying: yes, you, of course, were meant to die on the road to Syngorn. Serves me right for hiring cheap sellswords. It was part of my deal with Finefirn: his men kill my brothers and father and aunt, and I make sure that your death on the road was pinned on Draconia, thereby continuing the war that was so profitable to him.

"But you're like a little cockroach, aren't you, Keyleth?" The jovial, charming tone slips away, leaving an annoyed snarl in its place. "One wouldn't think killing a single silly, sheltered princess would be the hardest part of my plan. Wouldn't die in the woods, wouldn't die in Syngorn—hell, you wouldn't even die when Finefirn came after you!" She did die then, but there is a perverse satisfaction in knowing that he does not know that.

He sighs. "And then you had to go and spawn another obstacle for me." Keyleth feels as though she's been doused in ice water; there is so little distance between him and Vilya. "I told you, I'm not interested in slaughtering babies. My friends in Whitestone, however..." He trails off with a conspiratorial smile, waiting for Keyleth to put the pieces together.

Of course. She'd wondered how the Briarwoods knew about Vilya, why they would take such an extraordinary risk in taking her when surely other infants with magic in their blood exist in the world. They, too, had been one cog in Vallen's grand machinations. “They were good people, the Briarwoods.” He snorts. “Who am I kidding? They were terrible people. But then, so am I, and I’ve always appreciated the tenacity of those who will stop at nothing to achieve their aims. I’ve been helping them for a while—becoming immortal is no small feat, after all, and few deserve the honor more than my dear Delilah—and they, in turn, have been helping me. It was they who recommended Finefirn; apparently he’d done good work for them in their initial onslaught on Whitestone. I could never have made it this far without their help.

"Of course, once again you and your merry band of misfits meddled in my schemes. But at this point, Grandmother is almost certainly dead, and you'll be gone before the sun sets, and then, well, the young princess will need a regent, won't she? Who better than a minor duke who never had any aspirations for the throne?" He laughs at his own joke, then grows serious. "Of course, she'll have a terrible accident when she's, oh, seven or eight. Children are so clumsy, aren't they?"

He snaps his fingers again, and once more her loosening muscles tighten, and Keyleth wishes she could vomit. Vallen stomps over to her, fumbling about in the pocket of his trousers. "I'm done talking. This—" He pulls a stoppered vial from his pocket, and in it is a clear liquid, one that, if she had to guess, would turn to sludge shortly after being exposed to air. "—with any luck will actually kill you this time. It'll seem to the outside as if your heart gave out under the weight of your grief. Such a fragile thing you are." He traces a finger mockingly down her cheek, and she wishes she could snap her head to the side and bite it off. Her eyes dart to the door again, and he notices this time. "Don't worry about the guards." Another snap of his fingers, and a sound fills the room: weeping, quiet, feminine, hers. "They won't bother you in your mourning."

He seizes her jaw then, clutching it painfully in one hand as he jerks her mouth open. He thumbs off the stopper of the vial and pours the liquid, completely flavorless, down her throat. She has little choice but to let it slide down, seeping into her roiling belly. He grins. “Your destiny awaits you, princess. And I must go claim the one I built for myself.” He shoves her head away and she falls back against the settee. "Tell your father I said hello." He pockets the empty vial and strides toward the door.

Keyleth can no longer see him—can no longer see much of anything as blackness starts to creep in along the edges of her vision. Her heart races even faster now, the beating of it competing against the fast-acting poison seeping through her veins. She is dying. She can feel it. She can't remember if she kissed Vilya before Vax took her away. What was the last thing she said to her husband? She wonders if there is room for her beneath the twisting roots of the cherry tree.

When this darkness takes her, it almost feels like peace.

.

Vax takes long strides through the halls of the castle, guilt chewing at him like a dog with a bone. He shouldn't have taken so long to return to Keyleth's side, but once again, he found himself requiring near superhuman strength to pull himself away from Vilya. He knew that she was safe, could see the phalanx of guards surrounding the cottage and the sharpened blade hanging from Derrig's belt inside, and yet removing himself from her presence felt as impossible as removing the sun from the sky.

He nods his hellos to Grog and Jarett, who are stationed outside Keyleth's old chambers—it is so striking, to have once stood outside these same doors for hours on end, only to sneak in and fall in love with her every single night, and now he walks through those doors during full day, in plain sight of the guards on either side—and pushes into the room. It's quiet, save for the fire dwindling in the hearth, and he doesn't see Keyleth anywhere.

"Kiki?" He moves over to her dressing screen, thinking perhaps she wanted to change clothes, but no, nothing back there. He goes to the fireplace, then, and his heart stops in his chest when he sees her, slumped in a pile on the floor, very much not moving.

"KEYLETH!" He crashes to his knees beside her, knocking the table out of the way to gather her into his arms. His shout alerted the guards, who now rush inside, weapons drawn. He pays them no mind; Keyleth isn't breathing.

One of the guards behind him blows a terrifyingly familiar whistle, and the sound shatters Vax's ribs. He presses two fingers to the underside of her jaw, but his panic is overwhelming him. He shudders in the deepest breath he can manage, holds it, and lets it out. He tries again.

There is a pulse. It is thready and so very, very weak, but there is a pulse.

Vax brushes the hair from her face, which is clammy and pale, and rests his hands on her cheeks. Bowing his head, he prays with the force of a winter's storm to the Raven Queen. He pleads for the magic required to save her life, and, failing that, the mercy of his matron to spare her one more time. He feels that prickling cold emanating from his hands, seeping into her skin, yet her chest remains obstinately still, refusing to rise and fall with new breath.

Please, he prays, thoughts barely coherent through his own sobs and the shouts of guards behind him. Please do not take her from me. Do not take her from our daughter. Do not take her from her people. He feels the energy quickly sapping away, his finite magic reaching its limits.

He holds his breath. He removes his hands from her face. Her eyes stare up at the ceiling. They are glassy, unseeing, lifeless.

#YOU SLY DOG #YOU GOT ME MONOLOGUING #critcal role #critical role fic #cr fic #vaxleth #vaxleth fic #vaxleth au #vox machina #vox machina fic #vox machina au #tlovm #tlovm fic #my fair lady #go on claim my heart #my fic

[vangh17a]

I am going to assume that you are a Zelda fan, and that you were the type that did art for a hobby as a child and took it more seriously as you got older!

I love your art by the way! Your colors look beautiful

hahhaha me? Zelda?? ...absolutely.

Zelda was my childhood and I still love it to pieces. Actually, you could say it was my special interest lmao. (cough twilight princess cough) I promised myself I was going to actually solve ToTK after I updated pt 18 for wanderer, so I know what I'm doing for the next few days >:)

And right you are! I always drew things when I was younger, but I really wanted to start getting better around late middle school years. I just wanted to draw more things for Zelda lmao

Thank you so much!! Colors are easily my favorite part of the art process, you can convey so much through them!

#aaaa I had to stop myself from rambling omg #you sly dog #you got me monologuing #haha #mailbox

[polisena-art]

I’m jumping in to submit a request! I love it when people draw one of the caballeros cooking. I think they all have their strengths and weaknesses. Personally I feel like Panchito is a dream in the kitchen. Part of me wants to make a joke about Donald burning water but he can probably at least make a good fucking sandwich. Zé…. Man I have no idea. He is a mystery to me.

I ended up rambling about headcanons OTL but! I’d love to see you draw a cab of your choice cooking or something like that!

OK SO,, Zé has been shown cooking in his comics and apparently he's pretty decent at it (his nephews do like his food) but, as everything in those comics, it all depends if it's gonna be relevant to the plot.

José might not be a chef but I'm sure he can make the Brazilian classics like rice and beans, strogonoff (the Brazilian remix), pasta with sausages, farofa de ovo, canja, bake a cake AND OF COURSE he can work a grill for churrasquinho of whatever mystery meat he can put his hands on. He doesn't do much cooking because it's "ARGH... work", but for his nephews and when it comes to showing his friends what Rio's cuisine is like, he will do it. Also, I think if he's feeling truly inspired and has people helping him, he can make a traditional feijoada, just... don't criticize it. like, EVER.

Traditional Feijoada is supposed to be rich, it's not supposed to be spicy/hot!

#the three caballeros #donald duck #panchito pistoles #josé carioca #ducktales #duckverse #requests #I think Panchito's pepper obsession would get on José's nerve at some point but only if it's abt his cooking #“YOU'RE NOT TASTING ANYTHING I DID !! STOP PUTTING HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING” #Brazilians are very protective of their cooking and extremely passive agressive you have no idea #you sly dog you got me monologuing #polisenaart #brartist #brazilian artists #ask #zerotwo

[yardsards]

i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage

#eliot posts #dunme #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao #but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind'' #laios being my internal monologue here #i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying #tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number #(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled) #(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a #plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!) #(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time #and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig) #(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications) #(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!) #(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad) #(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol) #(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections) #(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired) #AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars #and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75 #the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could) #like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???

[s4no]

the act of lighting somebody else's cigarette is sooooooo

#ಇ.inner monologue #i went to a speakeasy on cinco de mayo #and this man saw me searching for my lighter #patting my pockets w a cig in my mouth #and he steps closer and says “i got you” #and just casually lit my cig while making eye contact #it's been two days and i'm still thinking about it

[starredforlife]

ok top five scenes from the kung fu panda universe (any of the movies, shorts, shows, etc). could be fight scenes, character moments, etc etc so on and so forth

FERN THIS IS SO HARD. FOR ME. UHM !!!!

ESCAPE FROM GONGMEN TOWER please watch it right now please please it's such an underrated scene musically and visually. this is the scene where tigress catches a flaming arrow and that's the exact moment i became a homosexual. vic history. it's also the scene where we see her chops as a leader of the five and the way she's fit into this role to balance out Po so well. and also all her potential as who she could've been, if she'd been chosen to be the dragon warrior herself. but she's not.

MUSICIAN'S VILLAGE I LOVE this scene the way it introduces, to the audience, that the score is going to play a part in the fight scenes of this movie is absolutely magnificent. and the way we get reintroduced to the furious five's + po's fighting style, and it reminds us immediately that they are formidable--and then sets up the inciting incident of the plot with so much mystery (and we see the 2d animation style again too, which has always represented po's inner subconscious. WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT FOR THE FOURTH MOVIE. whatever)

i would say the bridge fight (kfp1) and i adore that scene but i have to say, i really love the performances, the ambience, the color boards, the sound effects, and the emotional impact of shifu and tai lung's fight in the 3rd act more. i love when kfp actually invested time in its non-main protag characters. tai lung was an absolutely fascinating villain and this scene just rounds out his character so well

The entirety of the secrets of the scroll short film oh my god i love that one so much. teenage tigress. my baby girl.

FUCK okay and then the fireworks factory (2nd movie) where Po confronts Shen about his past. And he gets shot with a cannon and Tigress doesn't get to him in time. breaks my heart every time. i'm going to include the scene where Tigress and Po fight right before that in the jail too bc the musical score called "Fireworks Factory" starts with THEIR HUG. AND IT ENDS WITH HER RUNNING TO CATCH HIM. AND FAILING. MY BAKA LIFE !!!!! i don't even ship them anymore like i did when i was 14 i mostly just love tigress but their platonic relationship is v important to me. i have to include their hug bc that did irreparable damage to me as a tween. sorry the quality of the first vid is so ass. their relationship in the entire 2nd movie is so good i could write a whole analysis on it probably. it's paining me physically to not include their earlier boat scene talk.

this is also the scene where tigress snarls at the gorilla and that changed my brain chemistry forever.

i love the entire second movie this is so hard for me AUGHHHGHGH okay quick honorary mention: i also love the scene where we see shen fight the three masters (rhino, croc, ox). that quick fight scene is SO well executed. the dialogue and the performances are incredible. i used to have every line of dialogue of this movie memorized and especially loved reciting this scene (skip to 1:10)

and then if i had to pick a moment from the third one it's the one where oogway's statue gets wrecked at the jade palace. it lands emotionally very well for a scene that could have easily been mishandled too comedically or too quickly. like it still gives me chills. and i'm not even gonna touch on the character animation/acting of tigress and shifu here bc GOD. kai's theme does rock also!!! AND i LOVE the colors in this movie SO MUCH holy fuck

and then a minor detail from the first one is i love how the characters act with each other, namely the five and shifu. they clearly have a history and/or comradery with each other. shifu undoing the nerve damage tai lung did in a way specific to each of his students stands out to me in particular.

1 and 2 are masterpieces to me and i have my Things about the 3rd one but overall, a beautiful trilogy. i wish the 4th one didn't exist im killing it with my bare hands. vic hate movie? vic murder it. 5th rule of the streets.

#you sly dog. you've got me monologuing #if u saw me listening to the soundtrack the whole time i answered this. yeah you did #star's asks #fernsnailz #kfp

[chirpsythismorning]

For the last 24 hrs I’ve been trying to find the real motel from that production assistant’s s4 bts pic…

#byler #stranger things #would you guys laugh if I said this is the most fun part of theorizing during hiatus to me #I feel like a private investigator #no leads yet #but I’m living my truth #the truth of delusion #what happens when I find the motel you ask? #probably nothing #but I’ll have my answer #and I’ll search through all the pictures on the website and imagine scenarios that could go down in a flashback #from from s4 but intended to be put in early s5 #related to whatever happened during that two day time jump… #technically the drive from Nevada to Hawkins would have been about 26 hrs #I did the math #which means we’ve got about 22 hrs of missing time give or take… #the implications of a motel stop for one night to rest are high… #especially if they thought they won against vecna at the time after the monologue….. #👀👀👀 #technically the monologue happened late at night? #so maybe that night they slept at a motel? #and then they left early the next morning? #drove all day and not and got back to Hawkins the following morning…?

[vasito-de-leche]

okay I read your analysis on Forget Me Not and I'm in tears now thank you. (No but really thank you, it's such a touching piece.) Can you PLEASE for salvation of our fans souls write anything to like,,, give him hope? Forget Me Not x reader but it doesn't have to be actually all-out with hugs and kisses. We may,,,,,,,, just show him a new hobby? Any hobby of your choosing or idk play an instrument together. Just to give him something else to focus on, to channel at least part of his energy from self-destructive activities to something less hurtful. I'd personally like to bandage his (not actually wounded but still) hands as if they were bleeding. Something of the kind. Sorry for mistakes writing is incredibly inconvenient cuz tears aaa.

;R1999 FORGET ME NOT - "hands, fingers, scales"

Forget Me Not x Reader. 2.3k words. self-harm implied You've befriended Forget Me Not the same one befriends a rabid, beaten, old dog. And while he's much too busy fighting his inner demons, you're more worried about stopping these "pernicious habits" of his. A casual afternoon trying to make sure he's taking care of himself turns into something deeper.

thank you so much for the ask, nonnie!!

I got a little carried away with this request because thinking about how fucking insufferable and confusing FMN has to be just to indulge in HAND HOLDING and GETTING A FUCKING HOBBY made me so deranged and feral as if hes not fucking TOUCHSTARVED lmfao. this guy's love language is straight up worshipping, mf is not subtle about it

either way, hope you like it! here's the lil preview!

Sometimes, Forget Me Not understands the reason men and women kneel at the pew to worship and pray.

Devotion is something arcanists and humans share, whether honest or not. He's witnessed the rich and the poor, the pure and the depraved, and every binary that rules this world - all of them begging, pleading and praying at the end of their lives, casting away the pride they've held on for so long for the chance of salvation. Once stripped down to their core, there is nothing to do but hope God has enough love in His heart to look their way. 

And sometimes, Forget Me Not prays that you’ll find someone else - anyone but him - to fill the role of devotee.

The gentleness in your eyes whenever you look at him is enough to bring him to his knees, and Forget Me Not doesn't know what to do with himself but to worship and pray. Praying that you'll continue to look at him for a little longer, silently begging for your attention until you finally tire of him. Do you think yourself holy enough to replace the vitriol in his veins?

He does.

On good days, he even hopes that you can save him.

You never asked him to become your one and only believer, of course. You're not even aware of the space you take in his mind, nor the conflicting images he keeps conjuring of you at night, he's certain of this. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here, holding his hands and inspecting them for any injuries. This role is one of the many self-imposed tragedies in his life.

Your thumbs knead and massage his palm, as if you could soothe the pain away, and yet you refrain from pressing down hard. He's at your mercy, why hesitate? What do you see that he cannot?

Something is bothering you. It's obvious in the way you touch him, like you're afraid of hurting him, as if you were the one with a body count between the two. Every so often, your movements come to a halt and you both sit in silence, until you return to your ministrations, filling the nothingness with your sighing and humming.

All he needs is to look up, right at your face, to know everything he wants to know - but he's too much of a coward for that. Instead, light grey eyes follow your index finger as it slides under the cuffs of his shirt. You trace over the bone of his wrist and continue upwards.

He can't tear his eyes away.

Normally, Forget Me Not wouldn't mind. There is an addictive thrill to witnessing the shock of anyone who dares get so close and personal, but he feels himself shrink when you brush against his scales and recoil away on instinct. That's when he raises his head and finds your eyes in the dimly lit staff room.

That expression on your face - surely, you were regretting every choice that led you to him. By now, you might've surely realized that there is nothing for you to salvage in this shipwreck he calls a life. All attempts to check on him were surely a façade for whatever ulterior motives you continued to withhold from him. He's stubborn, believing that he can read you like an open book, but now he's just as lost as you are. When he opens his mouth to speak, you beat him to it and he grows a little restless at your words.

"Sorry, sorry! Did I, uh, hurt you? Dumb question, you would've definitely told me if that were the case. Anyway, it looks like you're okay! I don't know why I was so worried, actually."

His silence prompts you to continue, and all Forget Me Not can focus on is the absence of your warmth.

You raise a hand to gesture dismissively at your behaviour, brush it off to ease your embarrassment, that much he understands - though it's painful to watch you fumble like that, to deny what he hides under his clothes. Forget Me Not thinks of filling the space between your fingers with his own, just to drag you back to that quiet, albeit suffocating, moment of peace. Instead of doing that, he retreats and places both hands neatly on his lap.

"Thanks for indulging me and, yeah uh, again - sorry about that? It just caught me off guard. I should've been more careful."

But you were never careful with his space or his rules, plunging in and out of his life and leaving him to figure out where he stood in his game of push and pull. Why were you being careful now?

"It's nothing, I understand," he lies. Everything you do means the world to him and he doesn't even understand why. "It cannot hurt to know what sort of things the person pouring your drinks might be hiding under their sleeves."

The word "hypocrite" lingers at the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out with as much venom as he can muster, but it stays lodged behind his teeth because he knows he's even worse: Forget Me Not prays that you'll stay with him, while also opening the door right out his life for you. As much as he wants to, he has no right of calling you out.

He's not used to receiving apologies and so he chooses not to think too hard on yours - though he's dreamed countless of times for the perfect situation in which he finally rips out one apology after another from the throats of those who wronged him, this one feels different. Undeserved, even.

His heart, that wretched lump in his chest, finally settles down and he prepares to end this interaction to save you the awkwardness of addressing his "deformities". But then you go and surprise him once more.

"Come on, I already told you..." You sigh and he inhales in tandem, but you're much too busy rolling your eyes to notice. "That whole thing you do, when you start scratching or, like, picking at your hand? You've been doing it more lately. It had me worried you might've been doing, I don't know - something."

Forget Me Not's eyes widen in surprise. The audacity to notice such things about him? And to put them on display without a warning? What else did you find out?

Part of him wants him to embrace his nature and scare you away, but that's the side of him that's been slowly losing this battle of attrition in his heart - you're a bad influence for him, after all. The other part... Well, it's still trying to sort itself out.

He settles for slowly undoing the buttons on his sleeve. It only takes a moment to roll up the fine fabric to his elbow, knowing you're staring right at him, through him maybe. The expression on his face is one of indifference, one he fights to maintain - this is the most vulnerable he's felt in decades.

That unsightly pattern begins exactly where his sleeves usually end, coiling around his forearm not unlike a snake and traveling upwards. The scales are dark, an iridescent black that reminds him of an oil spill in the middle of the ocean, and the ones at the edges fade away into lighter hues until they mix with the pale, sickly tone of his skin. He knows the sort of beauty he holds, one that can only be admired at a distance, turning into a grotesque imitation of a man when up close.

Forget Me Not presents himself to you and, with his free hand, gets ready to pluck one of the scales off.

"Wait, don't do that-!"

Seizing his arm and holding it close to your chest, you deprive him of the catharsis that comes with this level of self-mutilation. He knows you're connecting the dots, feeling the scattered, empty spaces from all the times you saw him pick himself apart and more. Your fingers brush against his bare skin looking for said spaces, counting them in your head, mourning their loss.

Some scales are in the process of regrowing like unwanted parasites, and he wishes he could feel anything at all just to be closer to you.

"God, what is wrong with you?! What was the point of that?"

Something compels him to laugh (perhaps it's your heartbeat reaching out to him loud and clear through your clothes, he feels it faintly) it comes across as sinister and condescending, the only way he knows how to express joy. Like he's making fun of your concern.

"Apologies," Forget Me Not begins to say, readjusting his glasses. The way you try to keep his own arm out of his reach doesn't go unnoticed. It's such a petty, childish gesture that makes his grin widen and your frown deepen. "I was under the impression you found this little oddity distasteful. There's no need to worry - they will return in a few days, they always do."

"Still, don't do that. It's not funny. It must...hurt a lot."

"Ah, but it doesn't. If else, I'd compare it to being pricked by a very small needle."

"You're just going to find something to nitpick and contradict everything I say, aren't you?" It's the least he can do to repay all the headaches you've given him, and for forgiving his transgressions too easily.

An intrusive thought makes itself known from the depths of his mind - would you forgive him just as readily if he were to kill someone in front of you? If he showed you just how destructive his arcane skills could be when given free reign? Where would you draw the line? And how much could he continue to push his luck before he lost you?

Before Forget Me Not realizes it, you've loosened your grip on his arm and returned to that previous moment of suffocating peace - the only difference is that you've gone from being deep in thought to troubled and miserable, one hair away from darting out the room and refusing to speak to him. At this, his pinky finger wraps around yours and neither of you mention it.

"Can't you... I don't know, do something else?"

"I could be doing my job, but alas, you're keeping me prisoner here." He says, like he's not delighted to be given your undivided attention. There are no complaints when you step on his foot with a huff, he deserved that one.

"I'm talking about the scales thing! You could wear gloves. If it happens when you get distracted then, I could hang around to make sure you stop in time." A pause, and then the sound of your voice becomes unsure and so very small. "Maybe if we covered them with bandages...? But that could be annoying. Band aids? No, no - too unprofessional. It would ruin the whole aesthetic you're going for."

You continue to trail off, coming up with many different ideas and solutions to a problem he caused. He doesn't understand why you'd even bother in the first place. For you to reciprocate the attention he gives you, to care about him? That's the hardest pill Forget Me Not has ever swallowed - it's something he twirls around with his tongue, as if deciding whether to poison himself with bliss or spit it out and continue latching on to his doubts and insecurities.

Outside, in front of everyone at The Walden, he's the one leading the crowd and talking for hours on end, commanding their attention and manipulating the flow of every conversation.

Behind closed doors, all he does is listen to every nonsensical thought, unnecessary opinion and strange anecdote you throw at him.

"...No, that won't work either." Absentmindedly, you fix and button his sleeve back into place.

You've grown used to his silence the same way you've adapted and grown used to his flaws.

"I mean, it worked on me - getting a little slap on the wrist whenever I started biting my nails, but..." Without even thinking, you rub circles with your thumb across his knuckles.

You might as well be the stupidest angel in heaven.

"Why don't you just get a hobby? That's good enough, right? It's been so long since I've heard you play piano, the one by the stage." And just like that, you're on your feet attempting to drag him outside for a demonstration. "You could teach me! That way, we get to do something fun and I get to keep an eye on you."

Forget Me Not knows he has nothing to offer to this world, but when his saint looks at him with such hope, he cannot refuse. The path to recovery seems almost doable when you bump your shoulder into his, challenging him to play the hardest song he knows.

The stars in your eyes whenever you recognize all the songs he plays becomes intoxicating, more so than the sweet, sweet revenge he's yearned for since he spiraled into decadence.

Some days, his patrons join with their own singing or humming, and he forgets that he hates each and every one of them for as long as his fingers dance across the keys - a momentary reprieve from the constant stream of negativity. It doesn't take long for his body to remember his training and soon, he's improvising.

A melody for gloomy, rainy days. A whimsical tune here and there for celebrations.

A song for you and himself - the first one he teaches you and the only one he plays in private, when he's all alone with nothing but his thoughts. Solitude has gone from a noose wrapped around his neck to the perfect time to compose and hone this long forgotten passion. For the first time in forever, he doesn't dread the silence of an empty room, the endless wait between his shifts at The Walden - not when he can simply fill them with more and more music.

And so, Forget Me Not plays, hoping that you'll continue to cheer him on. Hoping that this tiny spark you've ignited in him can truly become his salvation.

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #r1999 #reverse 1999 x reader #reverse 1999 fanfic #reverse 1999 forget me not #forget me not #outing myself as a huge fuckin religion/devotion as a metaphor for relationships freak #and as a hand freak as well. love it when the smallest acts of intimacy are the BIGGEST FUCKING DEALS for characters who are touchstarved #i love writing reader inserts from the pov of the character instead of the reader like #what goes in their head and shit??? THE INNER MONOLOGUES AND DRAMA ????? #FORGET ME NOT'S WHOLE ACT IS A COVER FOR THE FUCKING MESS HE IS WHEN YOU LOOK AT HIMMMMM!!!!!!! #soggiest wettest most pathetic man at manus vindictae #i hope i got his whole fuckin two faced and contradicting mentality across. mf is not having a good time healing but my GOD hes. trying #he hates you but he loves you but god he hates you so much but yeah he'll still worship the ground you walk on #the title is a pun btw. scales. musical scales. his snake scales #IM VERY SMART

[alaraxia]

mini me banner I made originally with the intention of using it for my ko-fi account, but I realized I don’t have the energy to keep something like that meaningfully updated, so now it’s just a general banner for my socials if I feel like it

#I do have a ko-fi I just don’t advertise it really because currently I’m not in need of extra financial help because job #like on one hand it would be great to make money off of making things I enjoy but on the other hand #I would feel beholden to the whims of supporters and feel the constant need to be making things I think they’d like #or things that would potentially make me more likeable and make me more money #so in that sense I think ultimately I’m a lot happier having a financially stable job and thus allowing myself to make things I want #decoupled from the expectation that they could be profitable and having my creativity tied to my ability to pay bills #I still have my inprnt shop tho where I put some of my bigger pieces and I appreciate the support of it #anyway this was not intended to be a monologue I just got carried away #capitalism is hell but drawing silly pictures of my OCs makes the weight feel just a bit lighter #go draw a silly picture of your OCs #digital art #also secrets the government doesn’t want you to know: you can just draw yourself as a lil elf wizard whenever you want #mini me

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Episode 32: The Reality of Art Students

Disclaimer: I don’t take credit for the translations. These are from the official Milgram account and put on the comic for a more friendly viewing experience.

-mercury

#milgram #ミルグラム #minigram #milgram project #milgram amane #milgram mikoto #amane momose #mikoto kayano #admin mercury #translation #mikoto the entire time: you sly dog you got me monologuing again #mikoto being an art student is still so funny to me #sorry this one took a while im so distracted rn #and im gonna complain ab the power being out last night too again #so very unfortunate

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

Thinking about Player raising Xehanort... How Xehanort never felt Hatred, Jealousy, or Doubt while living with them... How Player tried their best but couldn't be there for the crucial moments of Xehanort's fate... Do you think Player feels guilty, wherever they are, for their part in raising a monster? Or are they one of the only people capable of loving the monster Xehanort became?

I like to believe that Player loved him the whole way through. And not just because Xehanort was one of Ephemera’s descendants or because they presumed him to be the child of destiny.

For whatever reason (which ml hopefully reveals to us), Player chose to raise Xehanort on their own and keep him safe, even if it meant keeping them both isolated for over a decade. Was Player a perfect parent? No, but they were clearly determined to do what they believed would be best for him. They sat him down in their lap, told him stories night after night, making sure this young child was not only entertained, but as prepared as he could be for what he’d inevitably encounter on his life’s journey.

I think Player would feel guilty if they saw what Xehanort became, if they saw that they were wrong about his fate in the end…and depending on the circumstances, they may even feel guilty for taking him away from Scala, from his mother, thinking that he could’ve lived a completely different life, had he stayed.

But I really like what you said. Xehanort ends up doing a lot of awful things, but I don’t think they would’ve stopped loving him for even a second, no matter how far he went down his dark road. For better or for worse, Xehanort stays autonomous, clever, and perseverant his whole life, despite all the doubts and challenges he faces. I don’t think it’s too farfetched to credit Player with at least giving him that solid foundation. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, y’know?

Anyway, my point is…at the end of the day, Xehanort is Player’s child. Of course they’ll always be capable of not just loving him, but loving him unconditionally, in spite of everything he’s done. Because that’s just the kind of person and parent Player is.

#asks #khdr #you sly dog!! you got me monologuing!!! #(thanks for this question. I cried <3) #anyway in this house we are player stans first and people second!!!!! #timeless familia

[squids-comics]

Now this guy gets it!

#comics #comic books #dc comics #web comics #marvel #mcu #marvel mcu #c #comic panels #marvel comics #marvel cinematic universe #dr strange #dr stephen strange #stephen strange #doctor strange #stan lee #steve ditko #bombshell #monologues #you sly dog you got me monologuing

[god-of-this-new-blog]

2

2 a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

SO. I personally believe that L and Light switch often depending on mood and what suits a given encounter etc. Penetration does not domination make. I will now provide some various situations and lawlight encounters worth considering:

L riding Light. He’s harsh about it, pulling Light’s hair. Light comes too quickly, but L won’t stop. Light, over-stimulated to the point of tears, is begging L to get off of him or to finish already. Light is kicking the sheets. L has his hands pinned to the mattress.

Light—who is younger than L and has a bit more stamina—bottoming for L and working him to the bone. Light is still technically begging, technically under L’s control, but very quickly it is starting to seem like Light is holding the reins during this encounter.

Light has been mouthing off, so L gets his boy under a desk, one leg over his shoulder, hollow of L’s knee pinning him in place. However the dynamics change pretty quickly when L realizes that Light is making a point of being an impossible tease. It ends with L sitting with his head against his keyboard, cursing at Light who is still working, agonizingly slow, between L’s knees under the desk.

L bottoming for Light, but keeping him collared and leashed all the while. If Light slows or takes him too harshly, L need only tug on the leash in his fist to issue correction.

Anyway. I think strict sub bottom and top dom is boring. Sue me.

#you sly dog you got me monologuing #ask game

[akirakirxaa]

27 for Spotify Gpose!

𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑓 𝐼 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐼'𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝐺𝑜𝑑 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐼'𝑑 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝐻𝑖𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑝 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝐼'𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛' 𝑢𝑝 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑑 𝐵𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛' 𝑢𝑝 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑛𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑠

--Running Up That Hill, Samuel Kim Epic Orchestral Cover [[And the endwalker AMV that made me listen to it so much it got on the list.]]

[[Spotify Gpose Ask Game]] Uhhhhhhhhhhh sad Akira monologue under the break.

"Hi there. Happy Starlight.

You wouldn't believe where I got these flowers. There are a lot of things that have happened that you wouldn't believe. I wouldn't even know where to start, so I thought I'd bring you these. I was hoping they'd stay white, but they change their color based on emotions, and, well...

Well, I miss you. I wish every day that it had been...

I wish I had told you when we had time. And I'm sorry I didn't.

But if there's anything I've learned, it's that it never stays dark forever. There's always a light. Even if it's just a little glowing flower at the edge of the universe.

So I'll keep moving forward.

I love you."

#ffxiv #ship: red like roses #wolchefant #haurchefant greystone #endwalker spoilers #heavensward spoilers #haurchefant #oc: akira kirxaa #post endwalker #so this is the only song with a duplicate on my wrapped and of course both versions got picked haha #this one got a bit away from me because this is one of my major akirchefant inspo songs #and if you read the monologue i'm sorry for the emotional damage #i made blue = sadness so deal lol #yes she's with g'raha post endwalker but just because she loves someone new doesn't mean she doesn't still miss haurch #gpose #reshade #thanks for the ask! #my screenshots #my writing #my fanfiction #spotify wrapped game

[raytorosaurus]

hey what was that thing you said about hang ‘em high and 2 guitars fucking each other. i’ve been listening on repeat and i’m hearing it but now i can’t find the post

you may be thinking of these two wonderful posts by @weaponsofclairvoyance which come directly after one another for very good reason lmaoo.

when i reblogged the first one before i saw the second, hang em high was one of the first songs i mentioned, and i've literally used both "dogfight" and "trainwreck" to describe that song before...and those are not coincidences lol. one of ray-and-frank's biggest strengths is making music that's as emotionally evocative as the lyrics and serves the purpose/meaning of the song. mcr does sometimes play with juxtaposing dark lyrics and upbeat music for a specific effect (e.g. headfirst for halos), but hang 'em high is a brilliant example of form matching content, of every element in a song fitting perfectly together - only in this case, they fit perfectly together in the way two cars might after a high-speed crash, twisted hideously out of shape but seamlessly into one another. gerard's vocal performance is out of this world but he wouldn't sound as mad or desperate without those guitars fucking nasty underneath him lol. their parts on the verses are in constant tension with each other - there are moments of mismatched rhythms so it feels like one of them's trying to speed up and moments where one of them's out of key so it sounds dissonant, but it's all done intentionally. so then when they all crash together (vocals drums and bass too - honestly the drums on this track fucking rule) at "don't stop if i fall" it hits you Right in the chest.

^one of the best things this band has ever written, it should be impossible for 45 seconds to be that powerful.

anyway electric guitar is such a versatile instrument on its own so with dual guitars the possibilities are endless and ray and frank are just. my favourite partnership ever i can never shut up about them. if you couldn't tell lol.

#also 'in the foreground of a breathless recollection' is such a good phrase i love it.... #anyway sorry this could have been answered with a single screenshot but you got ke monologuing you sly dog #*me #answered #mcr talk #hang em high #also by 'out of key' i mean one's playing non-diatonic notes or chords while the other isn't

[findafight]

you're so right. i will never understand the hold rockstar eddie has on ppl. his character immediately becomes insufferable if he's super famous and successful, esp in no upside down aus where he never experiences some form of ego death/being forced to reassess his own bullshit. not to mention he is just not someone who would become uber famous like he does not have the personality to either pull it off or handle it well if he miraculously did imo. steve really screams child star to me tho in an au. plus his entire character arc kind of speaks to him being able to handle fame (ie the fact that steve is a v reflective, adaptive character that was capable of actually changing and improving his behavior even w/o knowing about the upside down originally) and knowing/learning who he should be surrounding himself w. like i firmly believe steve could actually handle being famous in a way eddie could not.

I do enjoy rockstar eddie to a point? it depends I think. Rockstar/musician aus are popular in fandoms of all sorts an I like them sorta...hit or miss? haha.

But you're right that it's become...idk over saturated? And yeah absolutely Eddie's ego death and the shattering of the Munson Docterine is kind of pivotal for his character growth. Like I know the duffers don't think Eddie's problem is that he's stuck in highschool clique mode (They seem to think his flaw is that he's a coward...which is a different meta but his reactions are reasonable to the situations he's thrown in), because they only think "jocks" are the problem there, but he is. Him realizing that actually Steve is pretty cool is the stepping stone to him not hating jocks on principal, and broadening and nuancing his view of people outside his assumptions on who are "Proper" nerds. No- upside down aus, regardless of any other trope in them, often fall flat for me in that aspect, yet always make sure to remind us Steve was a bit of a stuck up dick in highschool (until the beginning of grade 11) and it's tiring to nt see Eddie allowed to be wrong and have that moment of self-betterment.

And yeah, I can maybe see eddie becoming semi-famous session musician (not a musician that is a session musician AND recording/performing artist by themself like Glen Campbell or Marvin Gaye) through a series of events like. Playing one of his hyper specific songs at a small gig, someone in desperate need of a guitarist is there and sees he is incredibly talented as a guitarist, asks him to help as a session musician in like two days, he plays, someone at the studio is like hey. wanna be on-call for us? and eddies like sure. ok. So sometimes he's on hit records but they aren't his. royalties are decent from the amount of work he's done. He's a pinch hitter guitarist, and he's good, so he gets a rep in the industry for that. He doesn't seem like the kind of person that could thrive in the high pressure, has major deadlines, environment that being a famous musician woudl be. I mean a lot of rockstars aren't either and it's not healthy for them? I can see Eddie crashing and burning, which I know a lot of fics cover but I also find it super depressing haha. He would probably be too standoffish and anti-authority and possibly refuse outside input for stuff, so he'd be off putting in the industry. not that musicians are always pleasant to work with but i think you get it.

Child star Steve would be so neat tbh. Look I love famous athlete Steve. but also the allure of him being famous young... Maybe as a little piano prodigy? (I love piano prodigy steve hehe) or an actor? like canon era he could have been a Mousketeer! Maybe he did a couple movies (what if he was in a few cult-classic scifi movies...that the party just so happen to love....but don't pay attention to the name of the child actor in...or maybe he used a stage name?) And then him fading away and living his life a little bit, before he decides to come back into the limelight?

I think that often we forget that Steve's "come-to-jesus" moment happened without the upside down. He talked shit, got hit, and then decided that he owed Jonathan (and Nancy) an apology. No one made him help clean up the grafitti! He had no idea there were monsters he just had a shit 48 hours where he went off the handle and then decided he had been an ass and to fix himself. When he was 16! He'd have made these changes to himself without the Upsidedown. Somehow the party knew his full name, and I love the hc that he won a major game/championship for Hawkins as a junior/sophomore so was a minor town celebrity. These lend to Steve being able to handle the pressure without too major a fallout or a long-term downward spiral of self destruction.

Except (okay operating as like a post-canon thing, because I love canon-divergent aus more than no-upside down aus but could still work?) now he's battle scarred and obviously not the rosy-cheeked boy he was when he was a tween. I'm thinking maybe he goes back in '89? give some time to heal from the upside down and Robin is moving for Uni, he's obviously going with her, so he figures acting would beat dead-end minimum wage jobs. Or at least spice things up in between shifts. Maybe he starts with theatre, and decides to see if there's some screen auditions he could do. Maybe he still has people in the industry who remember working with him (he's a good team player and a natural leader) and they help in slip back in. He does some bit parts, a few semi-recurring characters. Maybe he's even on an episode of Law and Order, and people go hey! That guy who's crying over his dead girlfriend (he's a red herring) is the kid from that 70's scifi movie!

Eventually someone actually offers him a role without him auditioning, and it's a bigger part, a side character but one with lines and even a semi decent arc in a b-list movie. he's a good fit. Charming and handsome, plus there are some intense scenes and on set Steve's proved himself capable of handling most things and supportive of coworkers (actors and crew alike.) Except there's a shirtless scene. While his scarring isn't extensive, it's definitely noticeable and not as easy to cover up as the faint discolouration around his neck. it's hard to explain, and usually movies want flawless skin. He tells them this. They still want him.

So he takes the role. And he has a blast on set. He loves working as a team, and even though days are long, he feels everything sort of...coming together. A feeling that this is what he wants to do. that he was right to get back into acting even though he started so young because of his parents.

He makes lasting friendships with nearly everyone he meets on the set. There's a few child actors, and he tries to give them tips and pointers, and be a role model or support for them. he knows what it's like to be little and surrounded by adults a lot of the time, and feeling pressure to be perfect. (They think he's actually the coolest, even if he's also kinda a doofus.) (there's probably a scene where he picks up on of the kids, and then the rest of them on set want piggy back rides too...)

It's considered his comeback role, despite being a few years after he actually came back. The pressures of fame come back again, but he's older now, and he's killed monsters. He has Robin beside him. A few paps don't scare him. Everything he has to hide (besides his bisexuality...and maybe his shitty relationship with his parents) is covered up by the government anyways. He gets bigger parts, and gets an even bigger rep for being a delightful (if viciously sarcastic) and supportive co-worker, especially if there's kids on set. (child stars of the nineties will look back on working with steve and think he was one of the few adults to get it. to understand how big your emotions are as a kid and how most grown ups [often even/especially their parents] didn't let them actually feel what the were feeling, instead wanting them to be acting all the time, instead of only in front of the camera. How he told them to never let anyone do anything they weren't comfortable with, no matter who it was. How he'd stick up for them, no matter what, and would ask how they were doing throughout shooting. They'll look back on being on set with Steve and remember how even if he called them little shits when they tried to prank him or were goofing off, he said it with a wink and a smile.)

I'd say, (please forgive me) he sort of becomes a (90's era) Tom Cruise kind of actor (before he went on oprah and went viral for jumping on the couch and then only did action movies after that) (also steve doesn't become the face of a cult) Like he does action flicks, but can definitely pull his weight as a dramatic actor. (I realize that I already have a movie star steve au but thats a different era I can have overlapping headcanons for the aus!!) His cute heart-shaped smile and amazing hair entrances audiences. He can make emphatic speeches about justice and also carry at least two children out of a burning building. He has range.

idk steve going from child actor to highschool athlete to monster killer to broke thespian to movie star again entices me!!!

#findaanswers #anonasaurus #steve harrington #famous steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #listen. target audience or something #stranger things au #anon...you got me monologuing #finda's rambles #child star steve #eddie munson #forgot i did talk about him at the beginning