#YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IVE BEEN THINKING AB THIS

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

#—silan replies; #j a little rant :)

[squids-and-waffles7]

hello tumblr i return with this

[ ID: A digital illustration of Adrien from Miraculous and Hunter from The Owl House. The two are sitting on chairs, with adrien on the left and hunter on the right, both looking at the camera with awkward smiles on their faces, thumbs up. The banner above them reads (as in referring to the two), “traumatized blonde teenage white boys who aren’t quite human and were instead created by their evil shithead father figures using magic who they used to look up to until they learned who they really were and they had masked alter egos that gave them more confidence but were also just tools to cover up their true selves and who are in love with a blue haired asian girl who could kick their ass and who have little flying animal confidantes who give them powers and were one of their first friends and who at one point wore very silly costumes and at another point were a villain and are probably bi and trans and-”. End ID.] 

#the owl house #miraculous ladybug #toh #mlb #toh hunter #hunter toh #hunter noceda #adrien agreste #mlb adrien #adrien mlb #ml #YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IVE BEEN THINKING AB THIS #they are. so similar. i am literally screaming. #this therapy session would be interesting #also i think they would get along. probably. at the very least they would be trauma buddies. #my art #fanart

[camptw1nk]

.

#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed #dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically #here for another 2 or so weeks #but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl #how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not #emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably #it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does #and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends? #i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything #and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be #and that i think is just like a part of growing up #i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to #like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important #and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count #not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire #and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass #idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved #and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls #and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general #we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was #home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on #which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful #but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here #in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it #not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted #idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack #im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back #a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit #i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that #idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not

[playstacean]

OH I USED TO SAYYY... I WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN UNTIL I FOUND HER... SAID I WOULD NEVER FALL UNLESS ITS YOU I FALL INTOOO--

#txt #sorry i know i have basic tiktok taste sometimes but #this song... augh #im having a moment. this stupid tiktok song is making me have a moment #it reminds me of them so much and how i havent seen them in so long but i just did a little while ago #and was too much of a nervous idiot to say anything but just enough of a gay idiot to draw portraits of them constantly #and pine for them on the internet #plus the fact that the last relationship i was in was ab*sive #and for so long i thought my ab*ser would be the only one i would ever love #but then i found this incredible person #someone sweet and understanding and compassionate #who makes me feel safe. like i can be myself fully around them. #even though weve barely talked becacause im too much of a nervous wreck to approach i feel like ive known them my whole life #like... i see them and i just think #its you. its always been you. #fuck im crying lmao #i love them... so much. #and they probably dont even know.

[conanssummerchild]

idk if anyone was even wondering this or if it was even a topic of discourse on here but in geothermal escapism i dont think abed was trying to manipulate troy into staying (ive been on reddit again 😔) i think he really just wanted troy to understand, he wanted troy to be able to go and become his own person, he just wanted troy to know how much it would destroy abed to be without him. when troy says "so the only way i can help you is by giving up my chance to be my own person?" or something close to that, i think thats kinda when abed realises how what hes saying sounds, and so he then lets himself fall into the lava, because he wants to show troy that he DOES want him to be his own person but by 'dying' in the lava hes showing troy how much it still hurts that hes leaving. anyway i have more to say on this but i cant really remember what i was saying, and if this post sucks balls i'm gonna blame it on the fact its nearly two in the morning where i am, okayy bye thanks for ur consideration i supose

#alex says shit #alex is an idiot #abed nadir #troy barnes #troy and abed #trobed #community #nbc community #geothermal escapism

[lemongogo]

have u evr thoight abt livio and vash together (not romantically like in a found family way) post trimax bc i think about it a Lot

evvery day of my goddamn life . i think about them.every second of eveyr minute. LIKE ALL THE TIMEEE !! THEY ARE SOOO SPECIAL TO MEE

anyone whos been following me for a while knows i LOVEEEE imperfect , tense relationships . be them familial, romantic , platonic , etc . i love when two people have to work around each other and come to a common understanding . i like when their experiences are so wholly different that it bleeds into who they are and how they navigate the world . i like when the communication is faulty at best , messy . unpracticed . post-trimax and even post wolfwood death livio + vash consumes me @ my core . its been a while since ive read the manga so im probably very incorrect at reading their dynamics and have instead substituted it for my own fanon, but i like viewing their relationship to one another as something (initially) strained and (initially) distanced. you have these two people , effectively strangers to one another, bound by a common person who is no longer there. who ultimately understand the direction theyre headed in and whats required of them, but feeling so out of place by either their own internal struggles or by the pressure of the world around them . livio deals with the turmoil of what his and razlo’s involvement in nicholas’ death means . vash is left to bury his friend alone and spend the coming days alongside the man who’d killed him. and yet, vash, due to the nature of his cause and love for humanity, forgives him. cooks for him. and livio and razlo learn to let themselves be forgiven. to grow from past traumas and feel deserving of good things. its not an easy path for either of them, but they do it. for themselves, for each other, for meryl, millie, for chronica and her sisters, for humans ^__^! for nicholas!!! and its soo .. GOOD.. ITS SOO HEARTY TO MEE .. the way that vash and livio so openly struggle in the chapters following ch.65, but ultimately learn to come to terms with the idea of loss, of responsibility, love, community, etc. I KNOW U R TALKING ABT POST TRIMAX HELP MEE but i like how trigun so succinctly sets up this foundation for them to beee .. close in the way i’d like to imagine. i just lovee .. the bond they wld share in having both loved / cared for nicholas . and how that gave them resolvee !! how that gave them cause for action . motivation or determination if u will. they r so bound by loss and so inextricably changed by it that when i think of them post-trimax, i think of them like two wilted weeds that have grown thru the sidewalk crack , together . they are damaged , incomplete . unsure of so many tjings , but they r ……. MY GODDDDDDD !!!sry its like . man . MANN… kiryu gif of him punching the table . MAKE ME CRAZYYYYY . in a post trimax world , they are so emotionally linked . TO MEE .. IN MY LITTLE WORLD .. they mean more to each other than words can describe . and pains me in a sense to know that .. there will be a time where livio, razlo, and vash know each other more than they ever had the chance of knowing nicholas. and i think that so bittersweet . and special. I LOVEE IT . they give me very like .. silent affirmation , comfort through physical presence kind of warmth . like they dont have to say anything to know what they mean to each other and thats ok ^__^!

my favorite & i mean FAVORITEEEE PAGE!!! is the one in which they talk atop the building before their final battle and share their sorrows indirectly. LIKE THTS SOMETHIG AB THEM THAT DRIVES ME CRAZYYY!! the fact that both of them cannot refer to nicholas by name . its He. Him. That event , you know the One . they recognize parts of themselves in each other

LIKE I KEEP THIS SC ON MEEE . ALL THE TJME BC I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IVE PROBABLY POSTED IT A MILLION TIMES BY NOWW

“when you are linked by something so strong in your hearts, it doesnt need to be said anymore” U R FUCKIG KIDDDING MEEEEEEEE . i lvoe thm godd . T___T

#vash #livio #trigun #trigun maximum #asktag #anonymous #trigun spoilers

[dsaf-confessions]

I have two of them

1: Steven x Peter isn't that bad honestly. Imo at least. It doesn't deserve the amount of hating it gets. 'But Steven ruined Peter's life by sending him to become a phone guy' the games go out of their way to show and even directly tell you that phone guys are slaved people who are brought back from the dead and forced to do as their programming says. Steven isn't an expert or anything he's just as slaved as the others were. And while he does say 'I hope u can forgive me for this' which kinda means that he knew it was bad? But honestly I still don't blame it on him fully. From my understanding phone guys are only capable of going 'against' (for lack of better word) their programming only if they have some humanity or memories when they were alive, which I dont think Steven does, in both dsaf1 & 3 hes fully convinced that he's Scott Cawthon and only remembers that he isnt after literally being forced to. 'they hate eachother' I've replayed all the dsaf games and I can't find anything confirming that. Steven obviously regrets what he did and wants to make it right to not just Peter, but everyone else as well. Peter and Steven don't interact much, but Peter hasn't said anything mean about Steven once. The only thing that implies this is Peter's line of Jack saving even those who don't deserve it. But honestly he never said it was about Steven. For all we know he could had been referring to Dave or hell even himself. 'Its boss x employee which would be toxic by realistic standards' ok I see your point but why compere realistic standards to fucking dsaf? You know what else would be incredible toxic by realistic standards too? Davesport. But the fandoms not ready for that talk.

Speaking of davesport

2: Davesport is hellaaaaaaa overrated. I get why people ship it. It has much potential. But honestly it's the only thing the fandom talks about and Im getting tired of it. Where's my Steven contact? Where's my Peter or Dee contact? Where's the phone guys, Henry, Jacktrap or hell even Davetrap contact? Where's the angst connect on the Kennedy siblings? The only endings this fandom talks about are like the Gnarly Endings even tho I think the good ending and pure evil endings in dsaf2 are much better better than the gnarly end. Contact of the legacy routes are almost non existent ESPECIALLY on the legacy route of 2 and when there's is. It's davesport angst. How about we make angst about how Jack literally kills his motherfucking sister that he literally died for in an even more curler dsaf3 legacy route. I also hate how much the fandom mischaracterizes it. No they aren't uwu gay boys, no they don't have a perfect relationship. Their relationship is fucking unhealthy, flawed and bittersweet. (No Im not saying davesport is a pr*ship don't accuse me of that, although it's an unhealthy relationship it's not an ab**ive one). Dave literally stalks Jack, he has cameras on his house for the real Fredbear's sake. Yes I know they're treated like jokes, yes I know that Jack doesn't seem to mind, yes I know that Dave & Jack ARE capable of being in a somewhat normal relationship, with Flipside Dave at least. But still that's not healthy. They are literally willing to kill eachother if they're opposite! Those are two dead courses that have been stripped almost completely out of all their humanity thanks to that pink fuck Henry. Obviously they won't be sweet and caring to eachother or anyone really. If you like Davesport at the very least actually protey it correctly.

This is coming from someone who doesn't even ship Steveter (that's what I'll call the ship) and loves Davesport btw

.

#dayshift at freddy's #dsaf #dsaf confessions #steven stevenson #peter kennedy #dave miller #jack kennedy

[hairscare]

i dont know anything ab vivziepoop or whatever her name is and her work but could you give some examples and like. maybe explain how far they are from actual demonology? i love haterisms and i love learning things

kisses you on the mouth id love nothing more than to spread hate and infodump abt demonology. let me preface this by saying ive never watched any of their content so i cant speak on much besides what ive absorbed via osmosis of being on the internet and what i can see in their designs

so my special interest has always been on the 7 Princes of Hell aka the 7 Deadly Sins so thats what I'm gonna focus on. I'm also gonna bring beloved otome game Obey Me into the mix for another example of modern interpretations of them. also keep in mind im not a believer in these figures, though my research comes from both christian and pagan sources, i just like them a lot

so lets start with Mammon, the prince of greed. mammon is always depicted as a very money and power hungry kinda guy. in heaven, he was so obsessed with the golden pavement that they kicked his ass out first. hes super powerful and has 6,660,000 demons under his control that he makes build the capital of hell called Pandemonium. im not making this up demonology is silly as hell. hes associated with wealth, gold, jewels and emperors.

you may be surprised by this interpretation from the dictionaire infernal, but from my understanding/perspective, i believe this is supposed to be a lure to get more money as a begger? normally hes described as decked out in robes and gold and jewels and all that. but you can see in the illustration the bags of money.

so yeah hes like a super money hungry emperor type- in my mind i always kinda think of trump ngl. power hungry, money hungry, you get it. so if youre like me, for a character design, youre thinking a ceo with lots of expensive clothes and jewelery.

now, lets see what our friend viv has to say-

... they made him.... a clown? keep in mind, i literally know nothing abt the role he plays in the show, but... why? why is he a clown? if anything, him being a jester is the opposite of the typical emperor depiction. like a king vs a court fool. completely erases the whole idea of his greed for power. part of that greed is that he already has it but he wants more! this jester angle doesnt make sense.

okay, now lets look at obey me. theres a lot of things i dont like abt obey me's interpretations, but theyre so much better than vivs.

first of all, the white hair and blue eyes are actually accurate! the colored illustration above of begger mammon is actually colored wrong, hes often described as having very light hair and icy blue eyes. this interpretation of mammon, while yassified from the old man and the emperor, is fairly faithful. hes obsessed with money, hes constantly stealing money from other people, he wears the most expensive designer brands, and he has gambling issues. its not perfect, but hes clearly based on the demon mammon.

now Asmodeus. asmodeus has always been my favorite. hes the Prince of Lust, but he himself isnt horny. he teaches people Forbidden Arts and Crafts and also geometry, hes a disabled king (walks w two walking sticks), he likes messing with people and he hates the smell of fish liver. one time he threw someone 400 leagues and stole his identity. what a guy

asmodeus is particularly monstrous. hes got 3 heads, a bull, a demon, and a ram, hes got a duck bottom, and he has a dragon cat service animal. i think hes beautiful <3 but you can see a lot of potential symbols you can incorporate into a design! all these animals, esp his three heads, are just waiting for a cool design. so vivs, whatd you do?

... okay. hes... kinda got the heads, but its the cowards route. he has... that weird ass body that vivs loves to give men. theres... some feathers so he kinda has bird symbolism? im pretty sure he owns a casino, which is actually accurate. but like. thats #notmyasmodeus. this guy couldnt throw me 1 league if he tried. hes not monstrous looking at all. his legs are thinner than my patience.

since we couldnt really dissect viv's mammon, ill bring this up here. a big issue i have with these designs is that theyre afraid to make demons ugly on purpose. dont get me wrong theyre all ugly as hell. but not gross. not monstrous. these sanitized tumblr sexymen designs completely betray what makes the original designs so fun. asmodeus doesnt have 3 heads, he has one that looks like an evil sesame street character. the design is simultaneously trying way too hard and so fucking generic. literally if you take out the two tiny head motifs in his... hair? theres no indication that this is based on the demon asmodeus

okay, lets look at obey me.

again, hes sanitized, hes conventionally attractive, and he doesnt have any of the demon asmodeus' symbolism. hes also super horny. he doesnt do geometry or arts and crafts or even own a casino. not faithful to the source at all.

before you accuse me of being a hypocrite for liking obey me, hold on. let me get through beelzebub.

Beelzebub is known for being "lord of the flies". its literally what his name means. i cannot emphasize enough that he has fly motifs. he is the Prince of Gluttony, aka overindulgence. its typically associated with food. but beelzebub is *extremely* powerful. in Paradise Lost, hes Lucifer/Satans right hand man. all other demons respect him immensely. hes supposed to be so powerful that summoning him is supposed to run a high risk of seizures and death. he also fucking loves architecture. when a ton of demons were called on by solomon to build, the other demons were so appauled that beelzebub was being made to do manual labor, but his crazy ass was giving solomon building advice

hes a bug! hes big beautiful bug. the crowd cheers. so the motif is kinda obvious here. i mean, its kinda hard to miss it, right-

what the fuck. what the actual fuck. "but grim shes got a bee motif-" shut the fuck up. this... fox? wolf? furry thing needs to be put down asap. i genuinely think theyre using beelzebub as an bad excuse to introduce their kesha dog character. bro what the fuck thats not a fucking bug. thats not even a goddamn bee. i hate it here

i cant do this anymore show me obey me.

hes a fucking fly thank god. sure hes conventionally attractive but hes not a dog with the smallest waist ive ever seen and disproportionate birthing hips. he eats all the time bc hes gluttony. okay fine whatever as long as hes a fucking bug im ok

so. lets address why i like obey me and i hate vivziepops interpretations. first of all i just fucking hate vivziepop so jot that down. but more importantly, obey me doesnt pretend to be anything it isnt. its a dating sim. of course the characters are gonna be hot and fit into archetypes. ive made my peace with that. besides, the game actually makes their sins pretty interesting by showing how they affect their personalities, motivations, relationships and lifestyles. its not super faithful, but its not supposed to be.

but helluva boss isnt trying to do that. from my (admittedly limited) understanding of it, its supposed to be a dark comedy gritty adult animation. the characters are supposed to be questionable and unconventional because theyre literally in hell. so i ask the question: why are they so afraid to lean into that with their character designs? why does everyone have to have barbie proportions? why is no one (purposefully) unpleasant to look at or monstrous? its sad to see a creator trying so hard to make something thats supposed to be graphic and brazen in its depiction of hell and demons, and yet is afraid to actually confront the conventionally unappealing aspects of the source material, or even touch the motifs of the demons

i love the 7 princes of hell. if you want to read about the strangest characters with the oddest stories, symbols and trivia, go read some websites about them. none of it makes sense. lucifer and satan are the same person but also not and sometimes the other 5 are also the same guy. belphegor is in love with paris and is the infernal ambassador to france and has a toliet wheelchair. satan is depressed. lucifer is sometimes depicted as an whiny brat child and sometimes as a humongous terrifying beast. leviathan does jack shit and just boils the ocean and eats boats. its literally so much fun. also please feel free to add onto this! demonology is fun in part bc theres so many different interpretations and facts from all over the place that make it a wild ride

tldr: vivziepops designs are lazy and unadventurous when it comes to their source materials

#hair scares #demonology #long post #vivziepop tw

[kylejsugarman]

Idk if you’ve answered this already but at what point in their relationship did Jesse tell Demi ab his past? How did that go over? How much does she know?

ive mentioned it some before but i haven't really gone super in depth!! as u all may know, i am very "and then everyone made it to alaska and everything ended up ok!! :)" minded, so i dont have a big dramatic revelation beat to my story and ultimately, jesse never tells demi that he's living under a completely new identity. however, he does tell her a Lot of other things, partially because he trusts her, partially because he feels guilty keeping things from her that might make her see him differently; he feels that she deserves to know how fucked up he is so she can escape him and avoid tying herself down to a mistake. jesse first tells her about his drug use after demi explains how her sister died, again out of that guilt and the expectation that she won't want to associate with a former(ish) addict, but demi saw firsthand how powerful addiction can be and isnt scared off. when it comes to his criminal history, it takes him a little longer to work up the nerve to disclose that stuff: he's afraid of both endangering her by letting her know what he's done and losing her. he drops a few things along the way, usually related to drug dealing and production since she was so understanding of that aspect of his past, but once they decide to get married, he feels that he owes it to her to be totally honest. the dark details of making and selling the drugs, being around violence and controlling figures. enacting violence himself. losing people. being sold into slavery. he leaves out specific identifying details (demi's never been a current events kind of person but he cant risk her connecting those dots) and places a lot of the blame on himself instead of trying to describe the people from his past who were pulling a lot of those strings. its basically an abridged version of the show's events, no names, no details in certain places (he doesnt even tell her which state he used to live in), and no forgiveness.

demi listens patiently the whole time, not asking many questions along the way. she tenses up when he touches on captivity, but otherwise her demeanor remains open and nonjudgmental. when it's over, she doesn't say anything, which is somehow worse than disgust. jesse is so wound up at this point that he flips out on her, insisting that this is her time to cut her losses. he's a criminal, a fucking murderer. he's evil. demi still doesnt react the way he wants and instead just waits until he's out of venom before reaching out to very gently smooth down his hair. petting the angry, upset dog instead of reflexively giving him away. "im sorry you've had to carry that around with you all this time," she says softly and that breaks him. because it Has been so hard carrying that around. demi asks a few more questions, clarifies a few more things, then tells him what she thinks. that she's seen how he acts now, how he treats people, how he treats himself. that she grew up with a father who sounds like the figures he alluded to in his story. that she is uncertain and insecure about a lot of things, but she's never been more sure that jesse is a good person and that she loves him irrespective of whatever came before. "im dangerous," he insists, a former fighting dog that would rather die than return to the ring. a hand on his own—"then why do i feel so safe with u?"

it's not perfect. there will always be things that jesse never shares with her and he will never totally forgive himself because as the one living person who knows the Extent of what went down, he feels that it's his responsibility to hold himself accountable for It for the rest of his life. demi's perception of him Does change, although not entirely in a negative way, and she is a little hurt that he expected her to bail so quickly and she can't lie and say that her mind doesn't occasionally drift to the fact that her husband has killed people. but at the end of the day, they're two broken people who were utterly convinced that their lives were over before they found each other. this is their second chance at life and they're never going to take that or each other for granted. whatever comes, they're going to face it together

#angrylesbianstereotype #ask #syd squeaks #i cannot fucking believe this. i cannot fucking believe u made me act up like this #i am SO SORRY in advance for how long and incoherent and just. flagrantly hand-wavey and self indulgent this is my god #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk

[taqoou]

hi, your art style is so cool!! i love it

as a beginner artist, i was wondering if you had any helpful tips for procreate or anything? the art world is kinda daunting lol😅

thank u so much!! ive been feeling down ab my art so seeing this in my inbox was like a sweet treat LMAOO 🎀

so back to the q…. im afraid i dont have any mind blowing tips. its normal to feel overwhelmed as a beginner, but everyone starts somewhere! i say familiarize urself with basic procreate shortcuts (loads of tutorials online) and always play around with their settings! it should be helpful for the learning process along the way.

for eg ermm i used to abuse the gradient maps settings to pretend i know shit ab colouring 😭💀 i still do tbh, except now i understand how it actually works and i can easily get the colours that i want.

some of the things i learned:

1. cool lineart (i always use this as a part of my render process)

2. art is subjective, pick any that you think suits your preference/is fun to use

for brush, do you prefer it round or textured? lots of pressure sensitivity or none? i like my brushes textured and with a good amount of pressure sensitivity. for blending, do you prefer the transition colour to appear smooth or textured/messy? i sometimes mix between both to give a sense of harmony, but i like it textured more. it all comes down to what feels right to you. pick a few artyles that you like and incorporate it into ur own! pretty basic tip but thats the best way that i know. just pretend ur a mad scientist trying to find cure for like cancer or sumn

3. personal opinion: brush type matters

dont listen when someone says the type of brush u use doesnt matter. yes you can draw with any brush. yes all brushes work the same way 🤯🤯🤯. but theres gotta be that ONE brush that just hits the spot for you, as if its made specially for Your Hands….. unfortunately theres no shortcut to finding Your Brush. it took me 4 years of endless experimenting to find mine.

if ur curious on what brushes i use, i have it listed in my carrd. however i still experiment a lot and dont rly bother to update it, but those should be what i use the most/my top favs !

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

i dont think this covers everything, but this is all i could think of from the top of my head. just lots of trials and errors really, and dont be afraid to make a mess!!! i hope this answers ur question :33 all the best!

#ask #tutorial #-ish? #hope i answered this right jdhfgwj

[stateswscarlet]

Do you think that there are some people who should just move on from learning about loass because they refuse to stop focusing on having rather than being? Do you think some people are “lost causes”?

tbh, im in no place to tell someone to “move on” as that is their decision 100% (unless theres something life threatening happening/ab*sive situations w sp). but smth i will say is that in all my years of being in the community i do believe that some people are not in the right headspace/mental health in order to properly understand the law at a certain time. its not that they cannot understand it and apply, its just that SOME times they may need to take a break and come back to it later, whether it be because of circumstances or mental health or just lack of understanding (as sometimes ppl only want very simple explanations and want to be spoonfed, which isnt possible when it comes to applying hence them being “unsuccessful”).

ive met sooooo many people from when i freshly joined the law of assumption community who had been active in the community and “manifesting” desiring for years, even some ppl who claimed to have been studying for a decade + who still were struggling with basic concepts and didnt understand simple things like not messing w the 3D, imagining, etc. note that i am not critiquing their actual “success” in the 3D, i am simply talking about their conceptual knowledge. i still have people who are in my dms often who have been knowing the law MUCH longer than me asking for help and advice and are in shambles whenever anything in the 3d goes “wrong”.

on the other end, i have also witnessed ppl in TERRIBLE mindsets, poor mental health, the worst circumstances ever, etc completely turn their mindset around despite struggling and having a lot of issues at ONE point. they got themselves out of a funk and healed themselves, prioritized themselves and understood the law deeply without their old desperation and attachment.

so no, i dont think ppl are lost causes bc they can always turn themselves around one time, no one is doomed to never understanding the law (unless they genuinely dont want to and dont care to). even being a coach and helping people in dms before i was one, ive never thought of someone as a lost cause, but i can tell within a very short time who is willing to learn from their mistakes and apply, and who is stuck in their old habits and is too stubborn to accept help, let alone apply it. so based off that i can “predict” how their journey will go and have usually been correct. i genuinely wish everyone looking for advice the very best and thats why i post threads and offer optional help.

[fairycosmos]

chloe do you have any tips on 'forcing' oneself to shower? at the moment it's extremely hard for me not only bc of my depression but my foot is also in a cast bc it's broken which makes showering even more physically taxing.... just i need to shower but can't bring myself to do it 😭

hey honestly ive been thereeeeee and am often still there it's a fucking nightmare and im so sorry you're going through it as well - i know there's a lot of weird stigma and shame around these lesser discussed aspects of depression, but it is truly a massive part of the illness and not smth to internalise or shame yourself for. i've used a few different approaches when i haven't had the motivation to shower in the past - the 1st is just breaking it down into smaller chunks. wash my face, brush my teeth the first day. then slowly build up to either stepping in the shower and letting the water stream over you for 5 minutes, or even giving yourself a sponge bath/washing ur hair over the sink so you dont have to get fully undressed and exert a ton of effort and feel overwhelmed. i think this might be the best option for u with ur foot the way it is. a little is always better than nothing. i live by that TBH. sitting down in the shower also helps me massively, makes it a quite a bit less draining TBH. i also do this thing where i set an alarm for 10 minutes and just tell myself im going to clean myself as much as possible in that time, and that i can manage it because it's only 10 minutes and then i can lay back down and breathe, and that it's not this big deal my brain is building it up to be, and even if it is and even if i cry or panic or feel like shit, it's just 10 minutes. it's also super important to have the self awareness to realise this cycle you're in where neglecting your needs makes you depressed and you're depressed because you neglect your needs (at least that's part of the reason), and learning how to stop that perpetuating by doing one small task for yourself per day is one of the only ways to break out of it. i have to say every time i shower after being in a depression pit i don't regret it, and i know it's very hard to conceptualise that right now, but it's true. another thing i often try is just counting to ten and then forcing my body to move, i literally scream at myself in my own head to ignore my thoughts and just keep moving and just get the fuck in and out of the shower without making it more than what it is, i try to focus purely on my body and being in it and not on my mind - i understand that prob wont work for everyone lol. incentivising yourself is also always a good idea - tell yourself if i manage to take a shower i can watch a show i like or go to sleep or have a nice snack or practice a hobby you enjoy or whatever you like to do. i think training ur brain to see self care as a positive / neutral thing is a vital part of trying to move beyond this. anyway sorry to ramble i think that's a summary of what i usually do but if you ever want to chat more ab this or if you need a friend just give me a message! i hope you feel better soon x

#anon

[kasumikoujou]

(very) long rant related to me drawing for enstars below cut (not positive)

as much as i wouldnt want to speak ab it, enstars (in general. the game, not the fandom at all, i love all of you) is making me severely depressed. its fun to talk about it with people and discuss it and whatever but if i am to stay by myself and randomly think of it, or if i have a week off, time by myself, empty days with nothing to do i get locked inside and get sad cause of it. im sorry cause i know it sounds very silly for my favorite games to feature extremely heavy topics and dark contents (regarding the megaten series), and yet a stupid idol game makes me downright depressed with no will to think about anything anymore, it is how it is. im kind of in a slump now because drawing enstars was the first time in my whole life, as ive been struggling for a long time, that i got major popularity over my art. so even though it makes me feel as is, id cope with my real life and try to postpone thinking about this, and just keep on drawing it because im happy to finally have my art recognized after countless and countless of useless attempts. now that i tried placing my attention towards other things, like twst and the new pokemon game, ive been feeling exceedinly happier, despite having had a lot of time off these weeks with nothing to do.. though getting back to drawing enstars reminds me once again of my intrusive thoughts. i do not wish to have to keep on drawing enstars because for one, i do enjoy drawing women way more as ive stated several times, and with how its making me feel like you could all understand why its a slump and a chore for me, in a way, to keep drawing for this fandom. another thing is i also dont wish to lose the friends and mutuals i made by drawing for this fandom, i know many tend to unfollow once an artist no longer draws for one specific fandom anymore, its understandable, but i feel like i would sincerely miss a lot of people that ive had around me so far, anons, people ive only spoken with thru asks or even friends i made due to this. (though im aware i wouldnt -hopefully- lose people ive bonded with over this)

its really hard for me to decide whether to keep on drawing for this or not, if i can overcome my thoughts one day or not, and im sorry if i wont be able to fulfill all the requests all of you have made, and if you would unfollow, thanks for the support up until now 💖

* i will not be deleting any of my old works from anywhere, they will all still be here for all of you to view, as for im even extremely happy with a lot of pieces ive made for this fandom, so dont worry about that

#the sumi rambles

[fleabagflu]

ok so this is simply MY opinion but ive wanted to say it for awhile now.

regarding the new vampire academy show (as someone who read the books) it isnt based. its not accurate and they changed way too much stuff that i honestly don't understand how it could even get back to the original plot. NOW, if the books weren't the basis, its not bad.

the casting is very good, as well as the plot line and the focus on rose and lissa (which is pretty similar to the book). the graphics are way better than i thought they'd be.

but, if it was trying to mimic the books, it did it wrong.

now, i wont even go into it all because honestly, im just annoyed but ive recently been seeing a bunch of stuff about sisi and just add my opinions ive been having for a long time.

now in the books: rose is supposed to be turkish. her father is turkish (abe the himbo <3) & her mother is of irish descent.

personally, i love sisi. i think she's a phenomenal actress and she seems to fit rose. BUT, i'm never going to stop being mad that they didnt cast rose accordingly.

julie plec has a history of doing this btw.

literally the ONLY characters i wanted to stay were rose & dimitri. (dimitri is literally russian. A BOOK TAKES PLACENIN FUCKING RUSSIA!) so i did want him to get cast by a russian but whatever atp

rose having her turkish identity erased does not sit right with me at all. it's not the representation you guys think.

NOW, like i said, not connected to the books, sisi is an incredible rose and she does her well.

i just idk, i love sisi, it's just so uncool how julie couldn't find a turkish actress. like they are tons. literally tons.

it just urks me bc i see all these people saying good things but like; no one mentions how they practically erased her whole culture/ethnicity. (dw the movie did shit with that too) like, idk, its just, i really would have liked to see more into rose and abe & was hoping that they would include some more into her turkish background bc they didnt do much? (im pretty surenit was little) in the books

idk, dont hate me please, like i said: love sisi and everyone. just wish julie found a turkish actress

#rose hathaway #dimitri belikov #vampire academy

[itsfuckinganne]

a better update

it is December 28, 2022 n my year has been a big learning lesson. a lot of it, most of it, really hurt.  I chose myself a lot this year and completed my year’s resolution which is to set boundaries. I honestly dont understand why I took this long to act upon the things I want 4 myself but im not surprised. im a very stubborn person and all I do is deflect by creating a different scenario in my brain. das why ive been in this continuous cycle of getting played by the game and I jus..let it happen. I craved things that were not ready 4 me and it made me realize how I keep repeating it LMAOOO but this year I broke some serious habits and reenforced the comfortability of my space. therapy helped a lot (shout out Tina Merced, you are a very kind woman. u are one of the only people who has figured me out..) and having a positive feedback ab my decisions and how I think helps me understand myself. it felt (past tense/explain later) really good to just focus on what I plan 2 do next year. last year I just really wanted to show up 4 everyone more so I ended up acting upon emotion rather than balancing it out w/ what’s realistic. *I forgot what word 2 use in the last sentence so I went on my phone to change the song and then I remembered. I'm listening 2 defibrillator by smino* 

anyways, yeah this year I showed up for myself even if it hurt a lot to let go and I feel a lil lighter. im guilty of a lot, especially how present I am in my rlsps, and I am still for a bit more, but im doing better and those close 2 me see it. I said this all in past tense because Im a lil hurt right now, but it's just an owie. I allowed myself 2 give someone a benefit of the doubt and I feel as if they abused it a little. I know when I reread this in the future 2 reflect, I'll know exactly what im talking about. rather than feeling sad, im SO disappointed. i was feeling a lil better and I thought that would be okay, but I shouldn't disregard my accomplishments cus they're worthy of celebrating. allowing myself to forgive but just being proven right is horrible. it was a real wake up call to continue my self love journey cus I was getting some where and it was somewhere good. my best friend told me that “I know youre a good person and you do too so u dont have to give people multiple chances to prove that” and it struck hard (but 4 the better). I appreciate the transparency that I have w/ my friendships cus w/o it, I probably wouldn't b able to keep myself accountable, but I have been recently and thats why 2023 is going to be a good year. I wonder what karmic situations im going 2 be in. im not anticipating bad, but I can handle some lessons. im allowing myself 2 learn and thats my true end goal. at the end of the day, im just figuring it out. I dont think im doing that bad, but some reassurance would b amazing. I know I am worthy of everything I desire. to have, to feel, to experience. Im going 2 move forward so I can live better 4 myself. by doing that, taking this time, I can show up better. I want 2 do better, b better, all the things ive imagined myself to b. I cant believe I spent so much time settling 4 what I have cus Im constantly validated. the issues r real. I need 2 tell Tina ab this bcuz it makes so much sense. people pleasing cus nothing I ever did pleased my dad. that shit hurtsss, not gonna lie. but thats what I mean, im learning more and applying what I have 2 in my life and its working. by realizing that the pattern exists bcuz I dont rly speak or ever knew that was an issue. it hurts a bit 2 realize that someone who was a part of my life is now booted out of the next year. in pain bcuz I sat through conversations of him telling me how much he loves me, and how I cld b his polly pocket so he could take me everywhere, and how his family loves me, and all these other things and he STILL ran w/ what he wanted. honesty is the best policy and this lil set up pushed me to let go and let live. I wish I cld cry more, im purging the fuck outta this because I cannot let it repeat anymore. I also learned that some people only last so long in your life bcuz of how you coexist together. cutting ties w/ ppl you used to b family with takes a piece of you that dissipates like the rlsps thats gone. sounds dramatic, but that breakup was horrible. also, my dating life was quite the shit show. had my hinge phase, coworkers phase, toxic situation ship (two of those..at the same time but in my defense I was nvr asked 2 b a gf.), & my celibate phase. I nvr intended 2 dissect but it was rough 4 everyone I know and myself. im blessed enough 2 be surrounded by people who want whats best 4 me cus the goal is something we all agree on. 2022 you helped me show up 4 myself better. 2023 were going 2 show up better for ourselves and those around us. ive realized so much (1:11am , im sry in advance) & Ima share w/ some privacy of course. high school situationships r finally cut and I jus cant believe it but im happy 4 everyone whos living in love. realizing im the problem , speaks for itself. im officially tired. thats an update 4 ya

my fit 2day

goodnight

happy new year

[shadowynn]

hey there, im sam, nice to meet you!

im a recent follower and started reading ilal around last month i think? i guess i got here when you had just released chapter 8. im such a big fan of this fic, you have no idea! its probably one of my favorites in all ateez tumblr rn. i wasnt a fan of fanfics that have chapters (ive read one-shots for the longest time) but this preference has started to change recently and ilal has a major role in it. the story and universe is amazing, im truly amazed!

and i love how you write y/n, i see myself A LOT in her. major intimacy and vulnerability fear gang here :)) i swear that some of her thoughts have been literally the same as mine's and thats so endearing and self indulgent to me. i also love her relationship with her sibilings! then being so close is such a heartfelt element in the story for me, as a person whos rlly attached to my sibilings too. and im not even gonna start talking ab the members or else ill write a full thesis about every. single. one. of. them. and. how. they. treat. and. treasure. y/n. so. fucking. much. even though ther relationship has problems.

just wanted to say hi, present myself and say that ill probably be a frequent in your asks specially to talk ab ilal. you're a wonderful writer! thank you so so much for sharing your talent with us! :)

ps. (1): a special thanks for using hongjoong's cruella hair in ilal. as a joong biased who was obssessed w cruella in teenage and loves his hair like that ive never been hapPIER

ps. (2): just saw this reel right b4 sending this ask and althought i imagine their clothing to not be so fancy during the trip (is is the correct word? struggles in non native english speaker) to taeyang, but this is chapter 11 yunho to me. i dont make the rules.

hi!! it's so nice to meet you too!

i'm so glad you enjoy ilal! it's been an absolute pleasure to write, and i enjoy nothing more than getting to share it with all of you! and wow, i'm so glad you gave ilal a chance! that really means a lot! i've always been more of a chapter person myself, but i completely understand why one-shots can be preferable because then you don't have to wait weeks/months to get more. i've wanted/thought about writing more one-shots myself, but sadly, i'm not very good with it. an idea gets into my head and then i write way too many words. which is also a problem because i usually struggle with finishing things. my drive is literally full of unfinished works. oops. but don't worry, i have never been more motivated to finish a fic before ilal. like, this one is going to be the one that i finally finish.

i'm so glad you love y/n's characteristics. i'm honestly really bad about using my own personalities and characteristics in characters i write because it's easier. and i think ilal y/n is probably the closest person i've written to myself. i didn't really mean for it to be that way, but oops. i'm glad though that you and others can relate to y/n though, and to know you're not the only one who struggles in areas like those. (like literally, i've been with my partner for almost three years now and i still struggle with being vulnerable around them.)

i don't usually write characters with siblings in my works, which i don't really know why because i also am lucky to have a very close relationship with my siblings, but it has been very fun to write!

i'm so glad you dropped by! i literally love chatting with all you lovely people, so always feel free to send an ask or a dm my way! i may be a bit slow to reply at times, but i will always try my best to reply!

(and cruella hongjoong is my favorite joong, so i couldn't not. and i won't lie, i have to restrain myself from using him for every one of my writings. oops.)

(ahh, this actually made me laugh. and, yes, while it would not technically be canon clothes wise, please feel free to imagine things however you want in your head. because, let's be honest, i think everyone wants this version of yunho.)

#winnie speaks