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sunshinechay · 1 year

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So Uea continues to have just the most expressive face despite himself. Especially when it comes to the love and sadness that he feels towards King.

Uea is allowing himself to feel excited about the possibility of planning a trip with his lover (whether he and King are willing to call themselves that or not.) He revels in these emotions are he enjoys searching for a place to go. A place both he and King will love and get to spend time together out in the open.

His confusion is palpable when King takes him into the staircase to explain that he can’t go on the trip anymore. Why is his boyfriend cancelling their trip? Why is he saying he has to go to an arranged marriage meeting when he’s already dating Uea?

…oh yeah that’s right. They’re not actually a couple and Uea let himself forget that in his joy and excitement.

He tries to fake nonchalance which King sees through right away. Uea already knows he would, because Uea has made the mistake of allowing King to know him, really know him, in a way no one does, not even Jade. Uea was ready and willing to begin the process of cracking himself open and exposing all of his flaws and weakness, all of his perceived short comings for King to see. He was already fostering the hope that King would see past all of that to the boy inside him that just wants to be loved and accepted.

But now he knows. He knows that even if King would be willing to do it (and of course he’d be willing) it doesn’t matter. King is going to go to this meeting and probably meet his soulmate and Uea will be left alone, again. So why not try to reassure King that he will be okay (even though they both knows he definitely won’t be).

As he leaves, you can already see the thoughts turning in his head. How he is twisting all of it in his head and finding some way to blame himself for this happening. The most obvious one is that he was stupid. He forgot that he and King weren’t together. He forgot that King isn’t falling in love with him the way Uea is with King. (Or at least, I think that’s what he is trying to convince himself. After all, King is player. Someone who would likely only settle down because his parents want grandchildren and what better way to find a woman to do that with than with a marriage meeting).

With King in the background of the shot, I think Uea’s thoughts are now turning towards his past history. Likely telling himself that this was bound to happen eventually because that’s just the way Uea’s life works. His mother, his exes, none of them could find anything about him that was worth loving, that was worth sticking around for. By that logic, it stands to reason that King couldn’t find anything either.

Finally the acceptance hits and he tells himself that he needs to get back to work. That he needs to focus on what he knows he’s good for. He is intelligent and can create good, well crafted work. He can get it done by the deadline and hopefully that will mean that there is one less reason that Krit will have to be inappropriate towards him.

Uea’s trauma is on full display in this scene, whether or not he (or King) realizes it. The results of a life time of many different kinds of abuse have lead Uea down a path of self doubt, where he firmly believes he is undeserving of the love that comes with a life partner (romantic or otherwise). King is just another person in a long line of people that managed to figure it out sooner rather than later.

So he blames himself. He is the foolish one for forgetting and inferring about so many things with regards to his and King’s relationship. He has been through this before and yet each time, he is just as hurt. I can imagine at least one comment Uea made to himself, either during this scene or during the vacation is that this is nothing short of what he deserves for believing that he has maybe found someone who could love him.

I think that is one of the reasons why, in a later scene, he is quick to remind King that they are just bed friends. I don’t think he was only reminding King. I think he was also reminding himself. Reminding himself that he has to keep his walls high, he has to get over how he feels and remember that King is not his. He needs King to stop doing these things for him, so that he can also remember that fact. So that he can save himself from getting any more hurt than he already is.

I also find it really interesting that this exchange happens after the pet play scene. A scene that if nothing else, proves exactly how into each other they are. They trust each other and are into each other enough to want to explore kink and how it would work for them.

It’s fascinating to watch just how fast Uea’s trauma response and lack of self worth work to destroy any happy memory he has with King the second there is a set back. It’s not King’s fault, nor is it Uea’s really. It’s something that’s been happening most of his life. It’s why he has walls so high and different (yet remarkably similar) boundaries for everyone in his life. He wants to preserve the happy memories if he can, especially since they are so few and far between. He wants to be able to ignore the sense of shame and guilt that permeates his life. But at the same time, there is always a part of him that believes that shame and guilt should be there. That they should be something he is aware of every second of every day, lest he forget what a horrible person he really is.

#bed friend #bed friend the series #kinguea #ueaking #netjames #i could go on and on about all of the ways i think uea’s mind twists everything around until he believes it’s his fault #the shame and guilt that he lives with every day #solely because his mother is a selfish homophobic abuser who deserves nothing but bad things #don’t even get me started on the way krit treats him because i definitely have thoughts about that #bed friend meta #why yes i did write this at 3am #i apologize for any lack of coherence #cap watches bed friend #cap speaks #bed friend spoilers

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dc-said-bi-robin-rights · 1 year

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“Never has my father ever…” Steph pauses, tries to think of something her father did to her that even Rose’s dad wouldn’t do. “…left me alone with a creepy middle-aged friend.”

Rose chuckles dryly. “Does it count if he’s the creepy middle-aged friend?”

Dammit, she didn’t think of that. “…sure?”

Wordlessly, Rose raises the bottle—vodka, the second tonight, Steph notes distantly—to her lips and takes a long swig.

Steph doesn’t press.

“My turn,” Rose says, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She sits up, a strange kind of eagerness on her face. “Never has my father ever… tried to make me choose between him and one of my siblings.”

“That doesn’t count,” Steph protests immediately, as if this is a game, as if… whatever this is has rules. “I don’t have siblings.”

“What about the other Bats?”

“Not my siblings. Ew.”

“Fair enough,” Rose concedes, and up goes the bottle again for no reason at all. Steph is starting to think she doesn’t get the game. “Then how about… hold on, do versions from alternate universes count?”

Steph’s reply is immediate. “No.” Whatever this is, it’s confusing enough without bringing multiversal variants into it—not that her father is important or complex enough to have substantially different multiversal variants, but still. “Let’s stick to our universe only, please.”

Rose shrugs, discarding what she was about to say as easily as she discarded her first bottle—which Steph is going to have to look for later, now that she’s thought about it. With her luck, it probably rolled under the bed. “Fine. Then how about… never has my father ever—ooh, this is a good one—payed a bunch of complete strangers to pretend to be my long-lost maternal family as a present.”

Steph blinks, cause what. “Huh?”

“I know, right?” Bottle, again. Steph’s getting annoyed… and maybe a little worried. “Talk about mixed signals.”

“You can’t just say something like that and not expect me to want a follow-up.”

Rose just shrugs. And then she takes—what a surprise!—another swig from the bottle, just for good measure. As if she hadn’t already made it throughly clear she doesn’t care about Steph’s opinion.

It’s like she’s trying to piss Steph off.

Steph opens her mouth, a scathing, alcohol-induced retort that will probably ruin the whole night already on her lips, before she is thankfully interrupted by a figure swinging into the room through the shadowy window near the back. Rose startles, but Steph grabs her arm, stopping her from tackling the new arrival before she can reveal herself. She really should’ve warned Rose that there was another person joining them.

“Hey, Cass,” Steph calls out to the shadowy figure, a smile in her voice. Steph had told her to at least knock on the window before entering on account of Rose’s presence, but she neglects to bring it up in favor of greeting her friend. “Back early?”

—

A few quick hand signs that Rose can’t make out—she’s getting better at ASL for Joey’s sake, but she’s not even close to fluent yet—and Cassandra is sitting on the floor with them, a red plastic cup filled with something that is probably not alcoholic clutched tightly in her hands. Usually, she’d complain that non-alcoholic drinks ruined the whole point of ‘drinking games’, but the words die in her throat when Cassandra turns to her and raises a pointed eyebrow. Fine. If she feels that strongly about it, Bat Bitch can drink orange juice from a sippy cup for all Rose cares. It’s not like it matters.

—

“Never has my father ever…” Cass starts slowly, deliberately trying to imitate Steph’s inflection in order to get the words out easier, “… shot me. As… practice.”

Rose drinks. Steph hesitates.

“Shot at me?” she asks, remembering the times she tried to apprehend her father before he knew she was Spoiler—and after, now that she thinks about it. “Or shot me?”

Cass frowns. “Shot me.”

Steph racks her brain, trying to think of a time when any of the bullets connected. She doesn’t think there is one.

(Huntress had taken one of those bullets for her, hadn’t she? Damn. She doesn’t think she ever thanked her for that. She should say something next time she bumps into the Birds)

After a pause, she decides not to drink. Which means it her turn again. Joy.

“Never has my father ever…” she hesitates, but only briefly. “… kidnapped me.”

All three of them drink. It should be funny. It’s not.

“Let’s drink once for every time it’s happened,” Rose says as an afterthought, tilting the bottle in Steph’s and Cass’ direction and smirking. “I bet mine’s bigger than yours.”

Steph doubts that. “You’re on.”

Cass drinks twice. Rose drinks three times. Steph drinks four times.

Then, after a pause, five.

Then, after another pause—this time to get another cup—six.

And then seven.

And then eight.

And then nine.

(Rose looks impressed. Cass just looks concerned)

“Don’t ask.” Steph grunts and slaps her chest in an effort to hold back a burp. She isn’t sure who she’s talking to, only that she means the words. “It’s none of your business.”

They nod. After all, asking is not part of the game. They established that at some point.

She thinks.

Truth be told, everything’s kinda fuzzy at the moment. Maybe she should slow down.

(She doesn’t)

“Never has my father ever,” Rose drawls some time later, after both she and Steph are more drunk than recommended, “slept with one of his childrens’ partners.”

Steph blinks. Cass stares.

Rose huffs drunkenly. “Don’t look at me like that. He did it to Joey, not to me.”

Like that made it better.

“That doesn’t count,” Cass says, surprisingly.

Rose scowls. “Yes it does.”

Cass scowls back. “It doesn’t,” she insists.

“Says who?”

“Says we,” Steph slurs, backing her friend up. “It has to be something he did to you. You’d have an unfair advantage otherwise.”

Rose mutters something under her breath that makes Cass frown, but moves on without much fuss. “Fine. Never has my father ever… watched me sleep.”

Steph tilts her head carefully, feeling dread pool in her stomach. “What do you mean?”

“You heard me,” Rose sneers. There’s an edge to her voice, and Steph sits up when she realizes it’s barely-hidden desperation. “Don’t tell me I’m the only one.”

The back of Steph’s throat starts itching. “Just… watches you?”

Rose crosses her arms. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Cass doesn’t drink. Steph doesn’t either. A shadow passes over Rose’s face.

“Don’t tell me I’m the only one,” she repeats, and yep, that’s definitely desperation in her voice. “Seriously?”

Steph’s hands are tingling. After Terra, there have always been rumors about Deathstroke, but… “Rose…”

“Seriously?” Rose asks again, laughing, and it’s the ugliest sound Steph’s ever heard. “Score one for dad, I guess.”

It’s Cass who tries to speak next. “Wh-”

Rose’s arms snaps like a whip as she suddenly throws the bottle on the ground. Instinct alone prompts Cass and Steph to throw themselves back, shocked, even as Rose stands up and grabs her jacket from the couch. A single rivulet of blood runs down her face from a shard of glass the width of Steph’s middle finger embedded into her jaw just below the cheekbone, but she barely seems to notice as she shoulders her jacket and turns towards the exit. “Forget it,” she sneers over her shoulder, and Steph only now understands why people call Rose volatile. “This was stupid anyway.”

Steph finds herself stumbling after Rose and grabbing ahold of her sleeve, even as Cass signs to let her go. “Rose, wait.”

Rose shoves her away, harder than necessary. “Get off me.”

Steph stumbles back, but catches herself on the edge of the couch. “What the hell’s your problem?”

The daughter of Deathstroke whirls around, her white hair wraithlike in the light of the moon. Her one blue eye pins Steph in place with such intensity, with such vitriol, that Steph’s breath hitches, and she finds she’s not entirely sure who the person in front of her is.

“My problem?” Her voice is raw, and something not at all like a laugh bubbles up from her throat. It’s the sound of someone who has ripped their soul bare under a misassumption; it’s the sound of a girl who tore the darkest, most well-kept secret she had from her chest only to find out that the people around her were not peers at all. It’s the kind of laugh an addict might make after finding out that their AA meetings were staffed by undercover cops, the kind of incredulous, numb chuckle that might come out of a person finding out their long-lost family were paid actors the entire time. It’s an ugly sound, and Steph decides she never wants to hear it again. “God, I was so stupid. I thought—neither of you…” she trails off with a frustrated groan, then turns, slamming the door behind her as she leaves.

The two of them are left standing there, staring at the door uncomprehendingly, for more seconds than Steph is willingly to admit.

“We need to go after her,” Steph says eventually, her voice distant even to her own ears.

“Yes,” Cass agrees.

Neither of them moves.

#cassandra cain #batgirl #batgirls #Batman #batfam #batfamily #stephanie brown #ravager #rose wilson #cassrose #rosecass #stephcass #stephcassrose #just a first draft of something that may or may not eventually be part of a larger storyline #let’s be clear here I know more than enough about dc to affix this to specific universe #I just don’t want to #everything is canon shut up #timeline? universe? yes #rose was about to bring up dark multiverse Deathstroke straight-up capping her husband if anyone is wondering #cassandra cain has a harem and it consists entirely of girls whose fathers are crappy people #genuinely surprised DC hasn’t made a team or collection or something about all the heroic daughters of supervillains the universe has #deathstroke #slade wilson #Slade Wilson is a bastard #Cluemaster is a bastard #David Cain is a bastard #Lady Shiva is cool but also a bastard #fanfic

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loganloggins · 6 months

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I am a q!Phil defender till I die. Also I would like to add that if Phil gets a message when he isn't looking, chat will have to go “PHIL CHAT LOOK CHAT MESSAGE CHAT YOU GOT A MESSAGE” before he actually checks. So we could have had a convo with q!Tubbo and q!phil but cc!phil doesn't check his messages unless it physically appears in front of him.

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disniq · 2 years

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If anybody else (like me) was worried about Ace in Gotham Knights, he's fine!! He's with Alfred's daughter

Bonus, Bruce is dead and they're still ragging on his naming conventions lol;

#Bruce for fifteen years: ah yes you see i let 9yo Dick name everything #Dick two minutes after Bs funeral: No the fuck you did not thats on you :)#gotham knights #gotham knights spoilers #i could screen cap almost all of these belfry conversations they're great #bruce Wayne

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warrior-of-waistbands · 10 months

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hmmmmm George and Harold using "tu" for Cap because they see him as a friend vs. Melvin using "tu" for Cap as a lack of respect.....

#j's posts #i think the boys using casual language for cap is my favourite part of the dub #like yes! he is their friend!!#cap still being one of the few adults they trust despite everything........😫

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kazoosandfannypacks · 2 years

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Okay but for real there's absoltuely no way Killian would've known about the societal custom of a guy letting his gf borrow his jacket. Like we hype it up in the media and see it everywhere and think "ah yes that's what boyfriends do," but there's no reason why Killian would've known that.

And since we know he wasn't trying to fulfill societal norms, that means that, on their first date, Killian let Emma wear his jacket solely because she looked cold and he wanted to keep her warm and I think that's very sweet.

#killian jones #captain swan #emma swan #once upon a time season 4 #the apprentice #once upon a time #okay and maybe emma mentioned to him that that's customary for guys to do in our land and he was like 'OH YES I WILL DO THAT!!! :D #I AM GOING TO GET GOOD GRADE IN BOYFRIEND- SOMETHING BOTH NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE <3 :D'#but also after she almost FROZE TO BLEATH two episodes ago i think he'd have good reason to offer his jacket up willingly #they leave the restaraunt and it's two degrees colder than it was when they came and he sees emma is wearing a sleeveless dress and goes #'NO MA'AM MY LOVE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH NOPE NOT WHILE I'M HERE I SWEAR TO PROTECT YOU FROM EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE COLD'#and he puts his jacket on her and uses that as an opportunity to put his arm around her and then continues on as if that were normal #kazzy rambles in the tags #kazzy rambles about ouat in the tags #tw caps in tags

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sweatyflytrap · 6 months

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Mutual bingo? 🤭🤭

Leaving my favourite human for the last because I LOVE U CATIE CAT!!!!

Showing favouritism by giving u a heart. We were brought together by insanity (nandopolean alonsoparte) and stay together through insanity (too many to add here)

I love opening this app and seeing 12 messages knowing full well it's just you who spammed me with pictures of seb because he was just looking that pretty and adorable and shovable.

You terrorise me on the regular with new pictures of old man and if one day I die it's your fault.

I love sharing brainrot at 3am because we both do not understand what a human sleep schedule is even when we have work the next day. I love your history ranting and your F1 lore ranting and how extremely earnest you are about everything u enjoy and love.

#you are so precious to me #you hoard everything u love and keep it so close to your heart and it makes me wanna wrap u in bubble wrap and add a be careful in all CAPS #there is so much more to add but i am always glad u made that unhinged post that night and that i decided to go #yes what this chick is saying makes absolute sense (deranged delusional individual)#one day we will go to a GP so we can both dramatically fall to the ground 😤

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lotrmusical · 1 year

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a. e. housman, 'give me a land of boughs in leaf'

#more. more housman poems that make me have crushing lotr emotions #also i thought tumblr lifted the cap on the number of images you can post but i can still only do ten #which is the only thing protecting you all from a several hundred image post for rupert brooke's the great lover #lotr #samfrodo #this isnt explicitly samfrodo but also likr. yes it is. everything i post is about them #lotr anthology #was that the tag i was using for these i forget #gay belligerence #one day maybe i'll actually edit one of these nicely instead of adding the text on my phone at midnight. maybe

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hurricanek8art · 1 month

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YES SWTOR BOUNTY CONTRACT WEEK IS COMING BACK IN TWO WEEKS.

MUST GRIND REPUTATION.

My Knight was CHEATED out of keeping the sleen she tamed in KotFE Chapter 12. She NEEDS the Desert Sleen mount. I don't care if it doesn't make sense for her to have it, she needs it. I have spoken. 😠

#yes I know you don't actually get to keep any of the animals you tame in that chapter as pets #but you DO get to keep a speeder you pick up in the endless swamp in one of the earlier chapters #SO HOW IS THAT FAIR I ASK YOU 😠#my knight wants her sleen friend back #and since i'm constantly cartel coin broke and have a money cap as preferred player this is the only way to get it #GET IT I SHALL. JUST WATCH ME. I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING NOW.#I STUDIED AND EVERYTHING #although nothing warned me about the flipping reputation points cap last time #i had a bunch of reputation boosts saved to go after kingpin bounties at the end of the week and it capped me before i could 😭😭😭#k8 rambles about swtor #swtor #star wars the old republic

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rubberbandballqueen · 6 months

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it is becoming Increasingly Clear to me that i can no longer be taken out into public because i will start doing to fonts what jirt would do to the rocks and plants whilst on little walks

#the worm speaks #i'm noticing that a lot of signage these days don't have small caps which is a bit sad but i suppose they are somewhat antiquated #most of them have just straight up all-caps and i'm like 'mmmm. would a small caps version be better here?'#the other day i was like 'what if i left everything behind to get a job at a type foundry in taiwan. what then.'#what would i bring to the table there? why a sense of western aestheticism for the latin glyphs in their fonts #combined with a lesser but probably still noteworthy knowledge of chinese calligraphy to help ensure there is a sense of unity #btwn the latin and chinese glyphs #and also kerning i would bring kerning to the table for the latin glyphs. like if we Must be monospace abt things we can do that #but on god. the number of times i download a cn script font and go 'ah.' bc the english is the Ugliest monospace serif you'll ever see #fortunately while it is a bit of work it's at least easier to match english fonts to cn ones bc there are So Many more free ones lol #the other day i was looking through a chinese font website n i was reading their ~story~ behind this one particular series #that they based off the calligraphy in these five or six Ancient Rare Books in the national palace museum #and they were like 'yes the poetry was beautiful and moving. but to a type designer the writing itself is even more attractive'#and i felt so called out. i have just the most incurable font disease on the planet lmao #the other thing i think that might be neat to bring to cn font design Would be the concept of italics #like i know that's just not a standard thing and that Makes sense bc to oblique the letters is just #like. why would you do that. it's hard to read. but the spirit of italics is to change the font style entirely whilst keeping in harmony #with the rest of the regular typeface which i think would be Neat to bring in esp since italics usually have a bit more flourish to them #the other day i also found out that fangsong is used in government documents n i was like #>:0 no wonder it has every character and variant known to man......

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rosyjuly · 2 years

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I know you didn’t write the after break up Alex fic in Prince George AU but I really like your George pieces, do you have any Alex thoughts angsty or otherwise from this universe that you felt like sharing?

YES and as always i discussed this with my legally wedded wife @prettydangrotten and we circled back to winter wonderland alex...

winter wonderland is this horribly overpriced and overcrowded fair in hyde park; it's also incredibly fun. alex goes with his friends - charles lets pierre hold his hand because he's "cold" and because pierre has finally slept with the older man who got them tickets to the PL game and he's horribly jealous. naomi (alex's coworker from gabby's brilliant installment) and her partner is also there - alex feels a bit weird, tagging along alone, but they're good fun; he's missed spending time with them. he hasn't been to winter wonderland in a few years.

his eyes keep catching on their joint hands and he keeps thinking of george - george, who couldn't even come anyway because it's too much of a security risk with the crowd, let alone get on the stupid rides with alex so he can clutch on his hand when it gets scary. but he can't stop thinking of how george would lend him his gloves and try to rub some warmth back into alex's icy fingers: cupping them against his mouth to breath hot against them.

and worst is, charles keep saying that they'll hook him up with someone. pierre makes an offhand comment about keeping his eyes open, maybe he'll see someone worth his while. and alex is like yeah guys, you're right. but he doesn't want anyone else in that moment, no matter how many dates he's been on since he and george--

Pierre and Charles groping each other all night -- which Alex couldn’t have done, ever; even if they could be in public together.

and when they're debating what to eat, alex thinks about how george'd insist to get them both bratwurst, stay in the queue with jenson while he makes alex sit down with charles, close to a heat lamp ): they'd share the stupidly big portion of churros so alex wouldn't feel like dying after wolfing it down alone :(

how he'd give george a soft chaste kiss as thanks for bringing him the mulled wine he didn't even say he wanted, only looked at the vendor for too long, and george immediately going to join the queue-

“George, seriously you don’t have to,”

“Just wait!” George would laugh, “I’ll be right back, stay here with the heater.”

Except it’s all just - pretend. Alex doesn’t know what George is like in the real world.

(He tells himself when in fact he knows George more earnestly and better than anyone in the whole world.)

#yes i didn't bother to fix the punctuation because i type like this and it would have been too exhausting and this has been A Week #just -- it's an objectively sad london day with fog and the lightest rain but they just put their caps on #he keeps looking at pierre's grin and how he teases charles but never lets him out of his sight #he's never felt incredibly strongly about handholding but suddenly feels like he's going to die if someone doesn't take his hand soon #he wants someone to take care of him #and other people keep giving him Looks and checking him out but it just feels. wrong #keeps thinking about how he's tug george in the shadow of a bush and kiss him until george would blink at him dazed and say 'Blimey'#everyone say THANK YOU GABBY for hurting us with that image :(#prince au #rosy.ask #i'm sorry i'm so late to everything i am Trying lollll #george/alex

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