#When is considered too early to light the fire???? Can i just light it now??? My nips say its cold.

[hannahssimblr]

It’s a dreary, drizzly evening that calls for streetlights earlier than usual, their light straining weakly through the thick mist off the bay, and as I glance down at Ivy with droplets of rain beading on the halo of frizz around her plaits I consider the fact that she was right, a jacket wouldn’t have been the worst idea. 

The lights are on early at Michelle’s house too, the voile netting over the netting in the living room window not giving anything away inside, just the vague shapes of whatever is on the television.

As always, the door is off the latch, and inside Jen is leaning against the counter by the toaster spinning a butter knife in her fingers. She gives me a wary look when we see each other. “She’s in the living room,” and holds her hand out to Ivy, “Hey Ives, do you wanna hang out with me for a little while? C’mere, oh, who did your hair today? Was it your brother? Yikes, okay let me have a look at this…”

I gingerly push through to the living room, where Michelle is engaged in an intense discussion with both of her parents. She’s slumped on the couch with puffy eyes while they stand with their backs to the fire, glancing at me with alarm as I enter the room wielding a bar of chocolate, which, in hindsight is a bit of a pathetic celebratory or consolation prize. 

“Hi.”

“Oh good, Jude,” Rahim beckons me over to the couch to sit with Michelle, and I take her hand, “can you tell her that this is not the end of the world?” He’s saying, voice tinged with impatience, “There are plenty of other opportunities.”

“Zero, huh?” I say gently, and she shakes her head, arm trembling as she passes the letters to me. One, two, three rejections. I read one of them briefly, from Paris. 

“‘...unimaginative and containing cliches…’ wow, that feels a bit harsh, doesn’t it? I don’t think they needed to be all like that about it.”

She breaks down in tears, “I’m a terrible artist.”

“No, you aren’t,” I skim through the one from Berlin, “Look, they’ve said here that this year’s application was their strongest in history. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“I just feel so stupid.”

“What? No, you’re the furthest thing from stupid.”

“Michelle, there are other options,” Rahim practically pleads, “Why don’t you go back to the application portal before it is too late and put down something more reasonable?”

Debra agrees, “This is what we’ve been saying, Michelle, maybe art is wrong for you. See? You shouldn’t have changed your mind in the first place. There’s a good reason you decided against it-”

“Yeah well I want to do it now, don’t I?” Michelle snarls, swatting tears away from her cheeks, “Jude and I are doing this together, it’s already decided.”

Her mother eyes me warily before deciding that I should probably hear this too, “Love, you know it’s not always a good idea to make big life decisions based on your boyfriend. Nothing lasts forever.”

“How could you say that?”

“What happened to veterinary science, hm? Wouldn’t that be a good career?”

“I wanted to be a vet when I was like, seven, what are you on about?” 

“Or she could be a doctor, like me!” Rahim attempts, but this is only met with a fresh barrage of sobs. I rub my girlfriend’s back uselessly while the chocolate softens inside its wrapper against the heat of my leg. 

Debra is looking at me empathetically as I comfort her daughter, as though she and I have some connection now, like a baton has passed through some small exclusive club for people who have held Michelle while she cries. “How did you get on with your applications?” 

“Oh, um, yeah, I got in,” I feel guilty even saying it but Michelle doesn’t really react to the news, as though she already made an assumption, but I jump in to finish quickly before she can make another. “I won’t be accepting any of them, though, I mean, obviously. I was only ever going to move away if Michelle was coming too, and, you know, unless London works out then that won’t happen.”

Michelle kneads her eye with the heel of her hand, “Did you not get the email?”

“What email?”

“From the London school.”

“Uh, no, I just saw the letters.”

Her eyes widen, “So you didn’t see the NCAD email either?”

“Since when were there emails?” 

“Oh my God,” she’s on her feet then, all of her misery forgotten in favour of urgency. “Go and look right now, what the hell?”

“Love,” Debra attempts soothingly, “it’s probably better if Jude checks his emails on his own, isn’t it? The last thing we want is for this to set you off-”

We’re already running for the stairs, her behind me prodding my back the whole way up in a way that feels like she’s forcing me to walk the plank to my untimely death in a tank of piranhas. We burst into her room and she runs to navigate to gmail while I sweat despite the temperature of her room, which is always kind of cold. 

I log in and the page loads up to two new emails sitting brazenly in my inbox.  

“There they are, click them!”

“Michelle I just want to say that-”

“Oh, come on,” she seizes the mouse and clicks for me, first the one from London, and her voice is flat, “They accepted you. No surprises.”

“It doesn’t matter though, does it? If they didn’t accept you too then I’m not going.”

“Mm.” She immediately clicks the next one, from NCAD, “It’s just points,” she mutters in explanation, “So it all depends on our leaving cert,” scrolling, she reaches the bottom of the email where my points sit, undeniable in a bold black font against stark white. 

I feel her stiffen. “One thousand?” 

“Uh, wow, is that good?”

There is a long pause. “Jude, that’s literally maximum points.”

I can’t bring myself to look at her right away, but I feel her eyes on the side of my face, searing holes through my skin. 

“I thought your interview went badly.”

“Yeah me too!”

“Well then-” she breaks off to make some noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a sob, “then how did you get such ludicrously high points?”

“Like what I said, I suppose. They were arseholes to everyone on purpose,” I spin around to her, “What did you get?”

“Four fifty.”

So I grab hold of her hands and hold her very tightly and very still, I want to seem sure, “No matter what happens, we’ll be okay,” I promise, “Even if none of this works out for you, I’ll still be right here, do you hear me?”

She nods. 

“I’m not going anywhere without you. God, I mean, why would I even do that? You’ll get NCAD off the back of your leaving cert points, I’m one hundred percent sure. And... even if you don't, I'll stay in Dublin.” As soon as I say it I start feeling nauseated, and dizzy, a bit heady like I’ve inhaled some miscellaneous gas from the science lab, but I fight through it, “fuck all of those stupid plans for going abroad, right? I’m here.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

“Okay, c’mere,” I pull her into me and hold her tightly, taking in the smell of her hair, the way her narrow shoulders, her birdlike frame softens in my arms and accept that this is the comfort I will rely on from now on. True, it’s not always easy with Michelle, but we really do love each other. Sometimes love is work, but love is rare and worth holding onto with both hands and your whole heart. All those plans I had, I think, they were misguided, a youthful mistake. Perhaps at some point in the future I can move to Amsterdam, or Paris, or Berlin, or London, and do something creative and exciting, but not now. That’s what I’ll do in ten years, when everything is different. I’ll make sure to tell Sam. 

Who did I think I was, really, trying to do all of that at eighteen? Now is for this, for Michelle. For doing something right.

“I love you,” she says, and I wonder, with her cheek resting against my chest, if she can somehow hear the way my heart tightens as though grasped by a fist, or how my breath catches in my throat when she says it. I’m surprised by the rising feeling that I might start crying, but I force it down.  

Crying over what, Jude? I sneer at myself. 

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Something stupid, as usual.

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy 2010 #i haaaaaate this omg #come on Jude #just make a good choice please

[satans-knitwear]

Cute without the extras too 🌺

Treat me ~ Tip me

#When is considered too early to light the fire???? Can i just light it now??? My nips say its cold. #I'll go find another fluffly blankie for now and light it in a few hours. Seems like more of a late afternoon thing. #My break at home was meant to be stress free but money is stupid and i dont have enough of it 😓😫💩 #Anywhore. This is a cute set and im having fun in it #Satans knitwear #Alt pinup #Pinup girl #Pretty lingerie #Floral lingerie set #bi girl #uk girl #cheeky #wlw

[pprodsuga]

tides of regret | heeseung

summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heeseung realize he's got it all wrong.

notes: aaand she's here! this is 24.4K words worth of my heart and soul. consider this a token of my appreciation for welcoming me on enhablr. i sincerely hope you enjoy it. <3

deep cuts: #1

warnings: angst/internal self doubt, playful banter, dirty talking, praise, slight degradation, oral (m and f receiving), dry humping, fingering, mentions of exhibitionism and face sitting, nipple sucking, spit, brief moment of anal (tongue only), condom removal, unprotected sex, creampie.

For @enha-stars – may this story rip you apart and stitch you back together.

masterlist

Incheon feels lonely at three in the morning. 

The overhead lights being turned off because of the lack of travelers at this hour makes the airport feel bigger than it actually is. It’s too quiet without the familiar sounds of luggage wheels on the linoleum or overhead speakers announcing flight changes every ten minutes. You don’t think you’ve ever been to an airport so early in your life. 

It’s quiet enough to leave you alone with your bothersome thoughts. In the years you’ve been away from home as you studied abroad, you can’t help but feel a gravitational pull towards life in Seoul and the people in it. The familiarity of your home outweighs the adventure you once yearned for in your youth, and now you’re left with the exciting notion that, this time, you’ll know when you’ll be coming back.

The terminal has an abundance of seating. Your backpack rests on the seat beside you as Jay double checks the gate number while the rest of your friends find a spot on the seats next to you, attempting to find an ounce of comfort in the dimly lit area.

“I know leaving early saved us hundreds of dollars, but I need sleep,” Sunghoon says from beside you. His usually well kept hair falls in all sorts of places like he woke up without a second thought and hailed a taxi the minute he opened his eyes. 

“You’ll thank me later,” Jay says. “We can sleep on the plane.”

“Our flight doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Jake whines from beside him as he yawns. “How am I supposed to sleep on these god forsakes chairs?” 

“Quit whining and try,” Jay retorts. He looks behind him to see the rest of your friend group approach before glancing over to you. “Doing okay?” 

“How come Y/N gets preferential treatment?” Jake beckons. 

“Because she isn’t a nuisance like you,” Jay immediately fires back before diverting his attention towards you again. 

“I’m alright,” you say, stifling a yawn behind your hand. “Just cold and sleepy.” 

“Hopefully they turn off the damn AC,” Sunghoon says as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. “I feel like my veins are being injected with ice.”

“It’ll warm up when more people come,” Jay reasons. “I wish there was a coffee stand that was open. I need a cup.” 

“I could go for one,” you agree. “I’m trying to stay awake for the next couple of hours so I can sleep on the plane.” 

The rest of your friend group appear behind Jay and you look down to check your phone for any notifications when Heeseung catches your eye. It takes you by surprise and you abruptly look back at your screen and busy yourself by aimlessly scrolling through social media as he attempts to occupy the empty seat beside you, but Jake beats him to it.

“I’m gonna freeze to death and then all of you are gonna have to deal with my frozen body.” Jake dramatically slouches down onto the seat until his head finds your shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if trying to find comfort in you. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re so warm.”

You laugh. “I wore layers.” 

“You’re gonna regret that when we get on the plane,” Jake mumbles. 

Heeseung, from the corner of your eyes, opts to move to the seats in front of you. You try not to pay him any mind.

You snort. “Yeah, well I can take these layers off while you freeze until you become an icicle.” Jake hums when you let your head fall onto his. 

“You know I’m not built for the cold. Australia’s my home.”

“And yet you moved to Korea,” Sunghoon provokes. 

Jungwon and Riki are rummaging through the bag of snacks you’d brought for an early breakfast until the restaurants and coffee stands around you open up. Jake’s right, it’s far too cold to stop shivering, but you suppose you’re grateful that the discomfort distracts you from sleeping too early. 

“I can’t believe we’re finally going on this trip,” Sunoo says from above you. With your head still on Jake’s, you turn to look at the boy speaking. “I’m really excited for you to show us where you’ve been for the past four years.”

A tiny smile graces your lips. “I’m excited to show you around London and Paris. The latter is a two hour train ride. My friends and I would go every few weekends or so to explore the city. Pictures and videos don’t do them justice.” You sigh as you reminisce. “I really did think that I’d end up living there when I graduated.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Missed home too much, I guess.” You shrug. “Though, I can’t believe Riki went through a growth spurt in the last two years that I was gone.”

“You went back to Okayama before Y/N came back for holiday break, right?” Jungwon asks, looking between the both of you.

“That’s right,” Riki says. “I was sad that I couldn’t see you before you went back to school.”

“Now he’s twice my height.” You gesture at the younger boy. He’s too shy with the sudden affection and chooses to bury his head in Jungwon’s shoulder. “You were so little.”

“Shut up,” he mumbles. 

“I can’t believe you’re fluent in English now.” Jungwon pushes Riki off of his arm. “You, Jake, and Jay are kind of scary when you speak English.”

“It was a little hard at first. I used to watch a lot of American cinema so I could understand it better than I could speak it. But I can’t lie, it’s fun being able to talk to them in English.”

“You were so cute trying to string phrases together during your first summer back,” Jay coos. “Texting her in English was funny because she couldn’t understand the difference between spelling.”

“Poor Jake.” You pull your head from his and look down at him. “You probably had aneurysms looking at my grammar.” 

You lift your head to see that the aforementioned has fallen asleep amongst the conversation with his mouth slightly ajar and soft snores echoing past your ear. You don’t move when Jay asks if you want Jake off of your shoulder, but you shake your head.

Conversation falls flat when the group unanimously decides that sleepiness is overtaking the need to socialize. Jay keeps checking his watch to look out for the time while your eyes try to look anywhere but at Heeseung. 

It’s odd, the way two people can lose a friendship overnight. The heartbreak that came with romantic rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as realizing texts and phone calls were far fewer in between the moment you had arrived back in Europe to finish your studies. It hurt to know that neither one of you felt comfortable enough to see each other when you were back in your hometown unless the two of you were invited to hang out with mutual friends. 

Still, seeing Heeseung after he had rejected your confession felt like a punch to the gut. 

Long gone were the days of being able to send him unimportant updates about your life abroad or what you were doing at any given summer day back home. You couldn’t ask him to go to the restaurants you used to frequent near his house or yours. You certainly couldn’t call him at random hours because you were bored and missed his voice. 

It wasn’t for the lack of trying. It felt like things might've gone back to normal after a short period of not talking, but your texts going unanswered and your calls going to voicemail was all you needed to know. 

Perhaps it’s why you’re comfortable spearheading this vacation with Jay, who had made it a point to visit you in London when you’d chosen to stay behind instead of going home for the holiday break. The two of you had never spent time alone prior to then, but it touched you that he’d go out of his way to dedicate an entire day to visit you when he was there for a family vacation. 

Coming back to Korea the summer after graduating felt like you were making the right choice, even if your head was telling you to find a home in Europe. Still fresh from your unresolved rejection, stepping off of the plane and knowing you wouldn’t be returning back to your university’s town made the uncomfortable reality of coming face-to-face with Heeseung sink in. You’d have to live with the consequences. 

But it’s been eight months since you returned, six months since Jay’s dad was gracious enough to offer you a position on his marketing team, and five months since he encouraged your entire friend group to take a trip to your old stomping grounds. 

The proposition felt too sudden, especially with how little experience you had working with his team, but you’d spend an evening with the Park family for him to consider you an honorary member. Though, you’re sure Jay might’ve told him something happened between you and Heeseung, especially after telling everyone you wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays. 

To this day, you haven’t uttered a single word to your friends about what happened the night Heeseung rejected your love confession. If you know him as well as you think you do, you don’t think he's told anyone either. 

“Cafes are opening up,” Jay notes. Sunghoon’s ears perk up. “Three of us should go get food and drinks while the rest save our seats.” 

The airport overhead lights must’ve turned on while you were deep in thought. Jay’s right, the coffee stands have opened and it’s likely due to the new influx of travelers who’ve arrived at the airport. Foot traffic is still light and you know Jay wants to get ahead of the crowd. 

Jake has woken up because of the growing murmur around him and lifts himself off of your head to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He yawns once more but tries his best not to fall asleep again.

“How long was I out?”

“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Sunghoon answers.

“Sorry for sleeping on you,” Jake apologizes. 

“It’s okay. You needed it.” He scrunches his face, not used to the new lighting. “Jay, I’ll come with you to get coffee. I need to stretch my legs.” 

“I’ll help as well.” Heeseung speaks for the first time in a while and his voice nearly catches you off guard. 

“Sure.” Jay gathers everybody’s orders before the two of you follow him around the terminal. 

The line isn’t unbearably long, but with Heeseung towering behind you, it feels like you’ve been standing for hours. You shift from one foot to the other in order to find a happy medium to no avail. Jay orders for the group and you pay attention to him more than you care to when you realize Heeseung is now standing beside you to make room for more people to wait in line. He’s considerate like that and you hate it. 

When the baristas are finished with your order, you reach for the bag of sandwiches in your haste to escape Heeseung. But your fingers touch the steam and you drop the bag into the counter with a hiss.

“Careful,” Heeseung says. “Don’t get hurt, please.” 

Your clumsy nature was always something he teased you for. Heeseung sounds so sincere about his worry that you think you’d rather him pour all of the hot coffee on you instead. 

“Thanks.” You grab the bag with so much as a single moment of eye contact before realizing Jay has started walking back. 

Breakfast is eaten in silence. Everyone is too tired to speak, save for Jake whose twenty minute nap has rendered him a little more awake than the rest of you. You and Sunghoon share your egg sandwich and chocolate croissant respectively without a word spoken between the two of you. 

Meanwhile, Heeseung is staring at the way your thighs are close to Sunghoon’s. He had shifted his body closer to yours in order to form a makeshift table so that sharing pastries wouldn’t result in crumbs on the floor. You can feel Heeseung's gaze on your kneecap and it makes your face flush. 

Sunoo and Jake offer to throw everybody’s trash away when you’re all done eating. The airport is in full swing by now and everyone has said their graces and apologized to Jay for giving him a hard time with how early they arrived. 

It seems that sleep has threatened to overtake you. You’re waiting in line to scan your plane ticket and board the aircraft, but the sudden warmth of the airport has caused you to yawn a few too many times. Riki’s standing in front of you and his height makes for a perfect makeshift wall to lean on. Or, that’s what your tired brain is telling you, because you slouch forward and let your cheek rest against his back as you close your eyes. 

“Sleepy girl,” you hear him chuckle. You merely nod in acknowledgement. 

Your comfort is short lived when he softly nudges you because the line has moved. Soon, you scan your ticket and give the airline agent a smile as thanks before waiting to set foot on the aircraft. 

Sunghoon notices your dropped shoulders and wordlessly takes your backpack off of you. 

“You don’t need to do that,” you say with a frown when you see Sunghoon carrying your belongings with him. 

“Let me hold it,” says Sunghoon. “You look like you’re about to fall over with the extra weight.” 

“If you insist.”

“Let us take care of you, yeah?” Jay interrupts, bumps his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been running all over Europe these past four years and we’ve only seen you a handful of times. You deserve to relax on this trip.” 

“I can’t believe you guys are being so sweet on me. I know that’s ending the second we get back to Korea.” 

The two boys laugh. “Well, it’s only fair, I guess. You’re like, the mom friend.”

“Jay is the mom friend.” The aforementioned doesn’t argue. 

The squeeze of the aircraft is tight and you’re desperately trying to look for your seat. It seems that Sunghoon is sitting in your row, which excites you, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve obtained the ungodly middle seat. You make peace with it for a brief moment before Heeseung clears his throat awkwardly.

“Let’s switch seats,” he says from behind you. His ticket shows the window seat right next to yours. “I know you hate middle seats.” 

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.” 

“You’re not asking.” He says it with a smile and it makes you cower into yourself. “You should move to your new seat so we don’t hold up the line.” 

Heeseung suggests it in a way that is reminiscent of the days where he’d give up his sweet treats because you wanted a taste. It tugs at your heartstrings but you don’t have time to think about that when you notice how the plane is starting to fill up. 

Reluctantly, you slide into the window seat while Heeseung and Sunghoon follow suit. Your seat belts are buckled and in no time, the aircraft takes flight. 

For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul. 

When you notice the flight attendants come with the beverage cart, you take it as a cue to get comfortable and try to get some sleep for the next few hours. Likely due to the lack of sleep from the night prior, you fall asleep as soon as your head rests against the plane.

You don’t hear Heeseung requesting an extra bottle of water for you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you come to, you’re barely able to register that it’s time to eat the first meal on the flight. You take your headphones off and put it in your backpack as you blink the sleep out of your eyes. 

“Chicken or beef?” 

Heeseung looks at you, expecting an answer.

“Hm?”

He laughs softly. “Chicken or beef?” 

Your eyes dart between him and the flight attendants when you realize they’re about to approach.

“I heard them asking people which meal they want,” Heeseung explains. “So, chicken or beef?”

“Beef.” You clear your throat. 

“Beef it is.”

Sunghoon requests chicken when the flight attendant arrives. Heeseung orders beef for the both of you before you get the chance. If he notices you looking at him strangely, he doesn’t comment on it. 

The food comes quicker than expected and the meal tastes decent, though you’re trying your best not to elbow Heeseung as you cut away at your portion. He seems engrossed in the movie in front of him while you peek at what he’s watching—Iron Man, to no one’s shock. 

You soften a bit at the nostalgia that comes with Heeseung and Marvel, namely the rainy days in your youth spent marathoning the superhero movies. There had been one year in high school when he’d dressed up as Tony Stark and you as Pepper Potts despite a few girls your age whispering behind your back at the matching costumes out of jealousy. You don’t think you can think of the franchise without thinking of Heeseung. 

The memories almost bring a smile to your face. Heeseung seems to notice you glancing at his screen in between bites. You avoid eye contact when you realize he caught you staring and focus on cutting your meal, praying that Heeseung will stop looking at you and watch the movie instead. 

But he takes one earbud out and holds it to you. 

“Do you want to watch it with me?” He’s halfway through. You tell him such but he doesn’t care. 

“I don’t want to jump in halfway through.” 

“Come on, it’s not like you haven’t done that before.” 

Heeseung says it with such nonchalance that it makes your stomach drop. He sees the way your eyes falter for a moment and the way you glance between his hand and the screen. You try to come up with excuses to refuse his offer, but you’ve got eight more hours until you land.

“Sure,” you settle. Heeseung gives you one headphone and resumes watching.

Between the meals being picked up and tray tables being put away, you manage to fall asleep in your seat. Sunoo sits in front of you and upon coming back from a quick bathroom trip, sees your head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder with his cheek propped on your head. The two of you are fast asleep despite the credits rolling and he can’t help but snap a quick photo. 

You wake up some hours later when Sunghoon says your name. The cabin lights turning on temporarily blinds your vision as you wake up when you realize you’d managed to push yourself back enough to rest yourself against Heeseung’s arm. 

“Oh God,” you say in shock, pulling yourself and the seat upright. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, like he means it. “Sleeping on planes is uncomfortable. But I know you know that.” 

You nod. “Yeah. It's too hard to get comfortable.”

“I can’t believe we’re spending two weeks in Europe. I’ve never been outside of Korea and Japan before. You’ll have to help me with my English.”

“Jay or Jake can also help with that.” You say it with a yawn and Heeseung’s eyes cast to the floor for a brief moment. You barely notice, gathering your own belongings as the flight descends. 

“Yeah, I guess they can.” 

When you land, the familiar disorientation of the time difference truly wakes you up. It’s eleven in the morning when the plane door finally opens and Jay’s moving a step ahead of you as he occupies space in the aisle way to grab his belongings. You follow suit and wait for your turn to exit amongst your friends and other travel goers.

Stepping out of the plane and into the familiar terrain of the Heathrow Airport reignites your attentiveness and you smile at the fond memories of being greeted by your university friends upon arriving. The familiar atmosphere of English travelers milling around the gate warms your chest with nostalgia. 

You wait for the boys to emerge before signaling Jay, who follows beside you as you walk towards the baggage claim area. You lead him with little trouble down the escalator as the rest of your friends follow suit, yawning in an attempt to wake themselves up. 

“It’s weird seeing you in your element,” Jay comments as he stands beside you, periodically checking the turnstile for his luggage. “A good kind of weird.” 

“This airport might as well be my second home,” you tell him. “It feels routine to wait for my luggage at this point.”

“I’m tempted to sleep when we get to the hotel but I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule more than it already is.” Jay pulls his luggage. 

“Yeah, that’s smart. I think we should take an hour to freshen up and find a place to eat before we go exploring.”

“I can already hear Jake whining about it.” 

The two of you share a laugh. “He’ll just have to get used to it. We can have an early night and rest up before we explore tomorrow.” 

“He slept on the plane, for the most part,” Jay informs. “Surprisingly, he didn’t snore as loudly as he usually does.” He spots your luggage and takes it off of the belt for you. 

On the other side of the carousel, Heeseung and Sunoo are standing together to find their own luggages. 

“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Sunoo comments. “It was nice seeing you two like that again.”

“It felt nice,” he mutters. “I really missed her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t have to tell Sunoo what happened between the two of you for him to know that you two aren’t as close as you used to be. The older boy feels nearly ashamed that his own friends have caught up on his awkward demeanor.

“Well, she’s back for good and we’re here on vacation. Try not to dwell on whatever it is that’s making you think too hard.”

Heeeung laughs. “I’ll try, Sunoo. It’s just hard when we’re not as close. How can I compete when we’re in her college town and how will I talk to her in Paris?”

“Well, you never know,” Sunoo says as he picks up his luggage. “Anything can happen in the City of Love.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The hotel itself is modest in size. Quaint, old cobblestone surrounding the entryway like you remember it. The people are busy walking in and out of the meeting rooms in the lobby as you walk to the concierge to sort out the rooming situation. Jay stands beside to help distribute the keys and the employee behind the desk bids you a good stay. 

The view from the fifth floor is spectacular already. You catch glimpses of the streets of London below you, street lights decorating the sidewalk and flowers surrounding the city. This feels like the London you remember and it adds a slight pep in your step. 

“Alright, it’s decided that three of you are gonna share,” you say as you reach the first room. “The other four will be split into two rooms and I’ll get a room for myself.”

“That’s not fair,” Jake huffs. 

“I refuse to share a room with any of you.” You pocket the key to the single bedroom. “Plus, Jay’s mom helped me make the arrangements when we planned the trip.”

“Favoritism,” Jake coughs. You nudge his side.

“To make it fair, everyone will pick up a key card without knowing the room number and flip it. That’ll determine who you room with.”

“Alright,” Jungwon says. “Fair enough.”

One by one, your friends pick their key cards and discover their roommates. Jake, Sunoo, and Riki are the unlucky three who will be rooming together for the duration of the week. Jay and Sunghoon are in the room directly across from theirs while Heeseung and Jungwon share a room. 

“Let’s meet at the lobby in an hour,” Jay suggests. “We can get some lunch and do some exploring before deciding on dinner.”

“We can take it easy and sleep early tonight,” you add in. “I know that flying internationally is always a bitch and I try to time my sleep when I need to.”

The eight of you part ways. Your suite has a beautiful view of the sky and the room itself makes you feel like the main character of a romance film. The bed is just to your liking with pillows stacked to the nines. It feels nice to have a moment to yourself. With your friend Yunjin backing out of the trip at the last minute due to family conflicts, you hadn’t had time to think about anything other than arriving at the hotel safely. 

You busy yourself with a shower and freshen up, pulling out options for you to wear for the rest of the night. You settle with something stylish yet comfortable and put enough makeup on your face until you’re satisfied with the person staring back at you in the bathroom mirror. 

True to your word, you enter the lobby when you said you would. Jay and Sunghoon are already downstairs by the seats. Sunghoon stands to offer you the loveseat but you decline politely and sift through your phone until the rest of the guys arrive. 

When they do, it’s like all eight of you collectively agree that hunger has overtaken you. You know of a nearby cafe that serves sandwiches from your days in university. You lead them to the quaint restaurant that has your friends staring at the art on the walls as you greet the cashier and order. 

It’s a slow moment for the eight of you as you all eat in relative silence, the sound of quiet slurping audible from the coffees everyone has chosen to drink. 

“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Jungwon asks. 

“Around the area, yeah,” you say, looking around. The outdoor seating area is just towards the edge of the street with the weather being a cool, cloudy day. “I loved coming to cafe’s like these with my friends after class. We’d study until they kicked us out and then go for a drink or two.” 

“We should go to a pub while we’re here,” Jake suggests. “I’ve always wanted to see an English pub. We have a few back in Australia.” 

“I know just the place! My friend’s brother owns it and they know I’ll be in town for the next week. It would be nice to catch up with them.” 

“Hopefully your friends here kept you out of trouble,” Sunghoon teases. You flick him with your fingers. 

“I’m the most responsible one out of you seven and don’t you forget that.” 

“Do you miss being here now that you’re back?” Riki asks in between sandwich bites. “God, I love London already.” 

“You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down.” He apologies and takes a single bite. “Well, I think I miss my friends a lot. I don’t necessarily miss being in university, but I miss the freedoms that come with it.”

“I still can’t believe you spent four years of your life here,” Sunghoon says. “That’s insane when you think about how you cried when your aunt took you to Tokyo for a week when you were in middle school.”

The boys laugh and you frown. “I was twelve, okay? You wound me. But yeah, I think I grew out of my shell in high school and had this urge to travel but didn’t know how to do it. I was surprised when my parents encouraged me to apply to King’s College, even more so when I got accepted.”

“You’ve always been too good to stay in one place for too long,” Jake says. “We got close until halfway through our first year of high school, I think. I always got the sense that you wanted more than what our hometown could offer.” 

“I always wanted to move to the heart of Seoul eventually. But I think I needed to come here in order to figure that out.”

“Would you really have stayed in London if you had the chance?” 

You avoid looking at Heeseung, whose attention averted from his phone to you. 

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “But what I do know is that I’m happy to be back in Korea and I’m happy to be traveling to Europe.” 

“You always did have that sense of adventure,” Heeseung says. “I remember you were the one who always got us in trouble when we explored a little too far.” 

“Your mom was pissed that time I walked a little too far down the shoreline when we went to Jeju.” The memory feels warm despite your discomfort at having Heeseung’s eyes on you. “I didn’t know who she wanted to kill more, me or you.”

“Definitely me. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”

“What happened?” Sunoo asks. 

“My family and Heeseung’s took a trip to Jeju Island when we were around seven, if I remember correctly. I’d taken swimming lessons and thought I could show off my new skills at the beach we were at, but there was a wave that was a bit too much for me to handle.”

“She was nearly swallowed by the ocean.” Heeseung hits his knee with his palm as he recalls the memory. “I mean, I was seven and it seemed like the wave was gigantic but to my mom, it must’ve been just tall enough that she could see over it.”

“She yelled at him for the rest of the night because she had to pull me out from under the water,” you add. “I was fine. My parents laughed it off but his mom was so pissed at him for not telling me to come back to the shore.”

Echoes of laughter fill the space. It feels nice to be able to laugh like this with Heeseung, temporarily forgetting why you were so awkward around him in the first place. 

When the check is paid, you lead the group around the area. Sunghoon takes out his camera and captures everything that inspires him while Sunoo and Riki are off to explore the shops around. It brings warmth to your chest to see your friends enthusiastically exploring the space you once called home. It had been a dream of yours since Jay came to visit and let you drag him around town for the day. Having them with you feels like you’re healing a part of yourself. 

You duck into the quiet bookstore you used to frequent while you were a student. Filled with novels and trinkets from floor to ceiling, it feels familiar to you. 

You get lost in thought when you glance at the books in front of you and you don’t notice Heeseung approaching. 

“Still love books?” 

“Jesus,” you gasp, clutching your chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “Seems like you still scare easily.” You hate that he knows you so well. Clearing your throat, you put the book back. 

“Yes, to both. I used to come to this bookstore a lot when I had free time.” 

He looks around. “It looks like a nice place.”

“They have a reading nook in the back. The owner is this sweet older woman who was the first person to help me with my English when I first moved. I think she let me read books for free because I used to bring her sweets.”

“That sounds like something you’d do.” You cast your eyes to the floor. “It’s crazy that there’s parts of you that I don’t know.” 

“Yeah,” you mumble solemnly. Heeseung’s eyes bore into the side of your face as you pretend to look at the titles of the books. 

“Do you talk to your college friends often?” 

“All the time. My closest friends live all over the place. Two of them are from the area, one went to live in the States, and a few live in Busan.”

“I’ll bet it was nice to have some Korean friends when you moved. I remember you used call me to tell me about your first semester here.” 

You can’t help but think about the first few months after you moved when you would call Heeseung for a bit of comfort when things felt too overwhelming. With Korea being nine hours ahead, you always felt a little too bothersome phoning when it was the middle of the night for him, not used to the time difference. But he always answered you or called back when he had the chance. 

You’d spend hours on the phone, talking to him about how difficult it was to learn English and how making friends was not as easy as you thought it would be. Navigating the city felt lonely and isolating because you’d barely made friends in your classes in the first few weeks. Heeseung was there through all of it, reminding you that being eighteen years old in a new country made you brave despite feeling like you were a failure for not grasping a hold on life like you thought you would. 

Falling asleep on the phone with him became a routine, too. Whether it was you who fell asleep after a long day or Heeseung, who had stayed up listening to your worries, the sound of his breathing made it feel like you were back home in Korea instead of exploring a grand new world. 

Soon enough, you could talk your way around and piece together conversations with your classmates until you’d found friends who shared similar interests. Heeseung was the first person you told and the first person to tell you how proud he was that you extended your roots to learn about yourself away from home. You always thrived off of his praise as if making him proud was something you never sought out to do, but appreciated when it happened.

But that was four years ago. Whatever friendship you had with him then is not the one you have with him now. 

“It was nice,” you settle. “I miss my college friends. You might get to meet some later in the week.” 

“Nice,” he mutters to himself when you walk past him. “That’s really nice.” 

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The rest of the week is spent in your old stomping grounds, from touring your campus, to shopping, to sightseeing. The eight of you split up more often than not to explore different areas based on mutual interest. You find that Heeseung tends to gravitate towards you and you aren’t sure if it’s because he feels guilty for rejecting you or because he genuinely wants to explore what you want to do. 

Still though, at least one other person joins you. It feels nice to have a buffer to avoid any awkward conversation or moments, especially when Heeseung trips over his words trying to talk to you. 

The week goes by too quickly for your liking. Spending time in London has felt like coming back home, in a way. You’ll always have your memories here and this city will remain the same when you return in the future. Now, it no longer feels like the place you escape too because things got too hard back home. 

Even with Heeseung next to you more often than not, you’ve found a happy medium The awkwardness dissipates when you set aside your indifference to show everybody your favorite places, watching them explore the city for themselves. 

As expected, Riki and Jake have spent a little too much on clothing with the hopes that they can fit it into their luggage on the way back. It fits miraculously. 

Your friend Leo, the one whose brother owns the pub you used to frequent, tells you he’s excited to see you after all these months. It’s a Friday night when you arrive, seeing it well populated. But it’s rather early in the evening before the rush hour, so you enjoy the relative quietness before people rush in. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, has been in a stupor for the latter half of the week. It began when he managed to talk to you in the bookstore, but blossomed when he watched you navigate your way around the city. You barely looked at your phone for directions and had no problem switching to English when you greeted shop owners. Hearing you speak fluently in a language you once struggled with in your childhood made him feel somewhat removed from your life. The two of you used to joke that he was always better with English. Now, the tables have turned. 

The fear that you’d told your school friends about what transpired between the two of you plants itself in the back of Heeseung’s mind. He worries that your friends won’t like him and that you’ve scorned his name, but he chides himself just as much as he worries because he knows you and how deeply you care about people. 

Heeseung wishes he could go back in time to change what happened. He wishes that he’d admit his mistake and confess to you before you left. It had taken him a long time to confront his own feelings, but seeing you back in Korea made him realize he didn’t care if the relationship was long distance or not. He didn’t care as long as you were in his life. 

The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him. 

To boil it down, Heeseung hopes this trip can undo a year’s worth of his ignorance. 

But before he can think about that, your exclamation pulls him towards a strange man before you. 

“Leo!” 

The sheer volume of your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung, who eyes the bloke the second you make a dash for him. His heart winces when your arms wrap around the stranger’s neck and as he spins you around, squeezing you for good measure. He isn’t pleased when Leo settles to let his arm rest around your waist instead of letting you go. He’s even less so when you don’t attempt to separate yourself from him. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” Leo says with a boyish grin, accent making Heeseung nearly roll his eyes. 

“This is Leo.” You let your head rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. “He’s one of my friends from university. I think we met in, what, second year?” 

“Second year, auditing class with Professor Donahue on Mondays and Wednesdays,” he says. “God, that class was so boring.” 

“He’s the friend whose brother owns the bar,” you explain to them. You introduce Leo to each friend respectively. “Jay and Jake are my friends who are fluent in English.” 

“You can speak it and understand it as well, right?” Leo asks as he shakes Heeseung’s hand.

He nods while giving him a tight smile. “Just a little. I’m practicing.” 

“Nah, you sound perfect already.”

Heeseung feels indifferent to see you in your element with people from your past. The bartender, who is Leo’s brother, tells you the first two rounds are on the house after he checks IDs. Riki and Jungwon are excited to have their first pub experience after you make them promise to take it slow and drink lots of water in between. 

“It’s a bit weird seeing her be like that,” Leo says to Jay with a laugh. “When we first got to know each other, it was me who had to tell her to watch how much she drank.”

“Y/N, drinking?” Jake asks. “No way. Back in Korea, she got drunk maybe twice a year.” 

“She and a mutual friend, Elizabeth, were as thick as thieves. They were like a package deal before we all graduated and until she moved to the States. They’d always go a little too hard after exam season was over or if people invited them out on a Saturday night.”

“Y/N’s always been the responsible one out of the bunch,” Jay adds. “In high school, there was one time she got so drunk that she nearly scaled the roof of my friend’s house. Heeseung nearly fell off trying to get her down. After that, she swore off alcohol.” 

Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo’s brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there’s a lot he doesn’t know about you. 

The two of you talked less as you became more comfortable in your environment. At first, Heeseung took it to heart and made the assumption that you’d chosen your friends in England over him, but a stern conversation with his mother made him realize he was being juvenile. He could only comfort you so much when he was oceans away. It was probably a good thing that you were talking to him less because that must’ve meant you were as overwhelmed or scared like you were when you first moved to England. 

You’d still call him a few times a week before bed–when Heeseung was getting ready for the day–to update him on everything that happened in the past week. You two texted more frequently than you conversed, sending him pictures of new places you’d discovered or him sending photos of your mutual friends with sad faces at the notion of you not being able to be there with them. 

Heeseung had always felt a bit jealous of your time abroad. He loved Korea, but he yearned for the same sense of adventure you once had. Only, he hadn’t figured it out until halfway through university when it was too late to transfer or apply for a semester abroad. When Jay had proposed this trip and that his father would expense half of it, he jumped at the opportunity to go. 

Although, he didn’t know it would hurt him this much.

Hearing you talk about your life here made him feel like it was his fault that he barely knew your life in England. It was so easy when the two of you lived a few blocks from each other; he’d run into you with your other friends on the street or know exactly where you were likely to be at any given moment. He knew you felt the same way about him too, as you always knew where to find him if you really needed him. 

But it feels like this is the first time he’s seeing you for who you are as an adult, not the child that he grew up with. 

Surely, Heeseung always knew you had a good head on your shoulders. You were always the more outspoken one who stood up for what you believed in, no matter how big or small. You never backed down if someone was giving you a hard time and it was one of the reasons why Heeseung had struck up a conversation with you as you two played in the sandbox after a few kids had stolen the toys he was playing with. That sense of responsibility and gratuity followed you into your adolescent and teenage years, too. Not once had Heeseung heard anyone say a bad word about your character. He’d like to think he had something to do with it, but deep down, Heeseung knows it was all you. 

When you confessed nearly a year ago, Heeseung felt like his heart might’ve ceased to function properly. Truth be told, he’s never taken his daydreams about being your boyfriend too seriously. He always wondered if it was normal to develop small crushes on your girl-friends at a young age and wondered if those butterflies in his stomach was because of how often his other friends at school would playfully tease him until they stopped. Jake and Sunghoon had been people who teased him for having a girl as his best friend until they befriended you too, and Heeseung was satisfied when they stopped with their comments. They, too, could understand why Heeseung was so keen on keeping you around. 

But the butterflies never quite left him. Your smile was too bright. Your voice was too angelic. Everything about you and how you fit into his life felt a little too perfect; Heeseung hated cliches in his youth and this felt like one big cliche joke. He knew his mother didn’t approve of the girls she’d see him with, even in college when he got into his first serious relationship. She wasn’t as enthusiastic about her as she was with you. At the time, the frustration seemed too biased until it ended in a way that made Heeseung realize his mother truly knew what was best for him.

Heeseung never considered the possibility of dating you until you confessed your feelings for him. 

As much as he plays off being the spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type of person, Heeseung gets scared when things go unplanned. He backs away from courage and from moments that make or break his character. He likes to play it safe unless he can make a calculated risk in his favor, choosing to let others fall flat on their face and learn from their mistakes. Heeseung had never considered the possibility of you having feelings for him either. That fateful summer night is one he will always remember, especially in the way the light in your eyes dimmed when he told you he didn’t feel the same. 

He remembers your quick apologies and the way you backed away too quickly for his liking. He had tried to reach for your hand to tell you it was okay and that he didn’t feel awkward about it, but you’d shook your head and merely told him you’d see him later. Heeseung had never seen you leave so abruptly. But he figured you’d get over it, as you typically do when things don’t go your way. You’re resilient like that.

Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn’t reached out to you for a week. He didn’t think much of it at the time and hadn’t made plans with you until he realized you’d be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left. 

Getting together with Seulgi after you left felt too easy. He knew she’d always had a thing for him but brushed her off for reasons he couldn’t fathom until he bumped into her a few weeks after you’d left without so much as a text or a voicemail. Feeling a bit irritated at your wordless departure, Heeseung took Seulgi out on a few days to take his mind off of you.

Except, it didn’t work. Heeseung found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to go out to dinner with you when she was sitting in front of him. When she’d texted him to thank him for his time, Heeseung imagined the kind of things you would say after your first date. When he kissed her for the first time underneath the twinkling lights of a local fair, Heeseung pictured you as he closed his eyes. The fantasy was ruined when Seulgi’s perfume touched his olfactory senses, pulling him back into reality. The guilt of kissing somebody who wasn’t you ate at his chest the moment he saw Seulgi smile at him from where he stood. 

He tried his best with her but broke it off when the unrest overtook his mental wellbeing. It was amicable, for the most part. All Heeseung knows is that his parents (along with all of his friends) were happy that he hadn’t continued with that relationship.

“Y/N used to talk a lot about you, Heeseung,” Leo says, bringing the aforementioned out of his thoughts. “We’d be out at dinner or something and she’d always run outside to answer your calls.”

“Really?” Heeseung says out of surprise. He didn’t know you did that. 

“You bet,” Leo replies. “She talked a lot about Korea when we’d hang out with our friends but she seemed to talk about you the most.” 

Heeseung wonders if you told him about what happened between the two of you the summer before you left. 

“I’m flattered.” Heeseung honestly doesn’t know what else to say. He chooses to tell the truth. “I missed her a lot. I grew up with her living a few blocks away. It felt weird not to be with her when I went to college.” 

“Y/N said the same thing. Every time she’d be homesick, she’d tell us she needed to call you.” Leo’s words bring a warm flush to Heeseung’s face but he chooses to blame it on the alcohol. 

“I heard my name,” you say as you walk to where they’re sitting. “Not talking shit about me, my dear Leo?”

“Never,” he teases. “Although, I’m sure I still have some pretty photos of you and Elizabeth at this very pub.”

“Oh God, please don’t.” You push his shoulder when he moves to reach his phone. “Those do not need to see the light of day and you definitely need to delete them.”

“How else am I going to blackmail you?” 

“You’re the worst.” You look cute when your nose is a bit red from drinking. You always did suffer from redness to the face when you drank. “I can’t believe Elizabeth and I let you into our friend group.”

“Hey! I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place.”

“I’ll bet if I texted her right now, I’d have it in writing that she’d choose me over you.”

“Okay, you don’t need to do that because she definitely would.” 

The group laughs and conversations flow nicely as a few other friends from your university days join you later in the evening. It feels like a reunion, of sorts. It feels especially wonderful to have most of your favorite people under one roof despite the slight language barrier. But everyone seems to get along well enough, especially Riki, who has taken a liking to your Japanese friend you met on your first day of orientation. 

When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you’re fenced in by a metal barricade. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave. 

The wine in your hands is still halfway full. You’ve decided that you’ve taken the lead far too many times this week and that Jay can handle getting everyone home. It’s your fourth drink of the night, just enough to keep you buzzed for the duration of your time at the pub. 

You register the door sliding open and make room for Sunghoon when you spot him over your shoulder. 

“Your friends are really nice,” he comments, leaning on the railing next to you. 

“They’re the best,” you say with a fond smile. “I owe them a lot. I only started enjoying my time here when we became friends.” 

“You know, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be happy when you moved to London for the first time.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“I think a lot of people would describe you as brave and as someone who will dive in head first to things that scare you, which is true for the most part. But I think people rarely pay attention to the vulnerable side of people like you because it looks like you have it all together.”

“I was a total wreck when I first moved,” you said. “I don’t know if you remember the few times I called you when Heeseung wasn’t able to pick up.”

“Oh, I remember. That was the first time you cried to me and now you have no issue getting your snot on my sweaters.” You swat his arm at the joke but he dodges you just in time. “I remember Yeji getting worried about you too. She was so young and always said she wanted to be brave like you.”

“Sweet girl,” you say. 

“The two of you are similar. I watch out for her a lot, you know? Our relatives always think she puts on a brave face and don’t think twice when she talks about her fears. They always tell her she’ll be fine, but it’s hard to actualize that when you don’t believe it.”

“I thought about coming home a few times when things got really hard,” you confess. “I was out of my depth because I couldn’t speak English very well. I could only speak fragments and getting my way around campus was so hard.” 

“I don’t know how you did it, if I’m being honest. But I’m glad that you stuck around long enough to see what your life would be like.”

“Me too. I’d really love to think I’ve become a better person now that I’ve gotten the chance to know myself beyond the comfort of my home, you know? I love you guys and I love my family, but sometimes being back in Korea felt like I was listening to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Yeji said the same thing a few weeks before we left for London. Part of me thinks she’s considering studying abroad. I found a few college brochures in her room.”

“Don’t you know better than to snoop inside your sister’s bedroom?”

“Yah,” he says. “Yeji steals too many of my sweaters and she said I could get them back.”

“You’re just too easy to make fun of, Hoonie.” 

A comfortable silence passes over the both of you. The audible sound of people talking amongst themselves and the beautiful lights of the city illuminate what makes London so beautiful. It isn’t until Sunghoon speaks that you pull yourself out of your daydreams.

“I heard you that night,” Sunghoon confesses. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“The night of the bonfire.I know you told Heeseung you liked him.”

You turn your head to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt ready,” he says with a shrug. “You went back to London a couple of weeks later and I wanted to spend time with my friend. There never seemed to be a right time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and balances from one leg to another. “You looked really sad, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look that way before.” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

Sunghoon listens as you sigh and you push yourself from the railing. Your back touches the cold metal as you look beside yourself to see him. 

“I deluded myself into thinking Heeseung might’ve felt something for me too,” you admit. “It’s not that girls and boys can’t be friends, but towards the end of our friendship, it was like something shifted.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’d…touch me longer. Hugs, pulling me by my waist at parties, lingering near me at Riki’s bonfires, that kind of thing. He started playing with my fingers a lot more. Heeseung never used to touch me like that. He’d interrupt conversation with guys to pull me away. I always knew what he was doing but I liked him so much that I didn’t care if he interrupted a good thing between me and someone else.” 

Sunghoon purses his lips and watches as you look ahead at the glass doors to see your friends laughing. “I noticed that too.”

“When we were alone, it felt like he was one sentence away from telling me he loved me more than a friend. Not that platonic crap that the eight of us tell each other, but the deep shit where that kind of love comes from kindred souls.” 

“Heeseung’s too stupid to see what’s good for him anyway.” Sunghoon pulls a laugh out of you and he’s glad to hear it. 

“But then I confessed to him the night of that bonfire.” You bite your lip at the memory, willing yourself not to tear up. “I mean, you heard him. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to ruin our friendship because it was perfect as it was.”

“And then you heard he’d gotten together with Seulgi.”

“Yeah.” You nod once and look down at your drink. 

“They weren’t together long,” Sunghoon says. “She wanted more but he didn’t want to give that to her. The boys were confused because he seemed to be really happy with her until he broke it off so sudden. I always thought it was because he felt too guilty after rejecting you.”

“What did the guys think?”

“Riki hated her. I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t you, though. I think Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake were surprised when he’d gotten together with Seulgi after you left and were trying to be nice about it. Jay was indifferent, but then again, you two weren’t as close as you were with the rest of them until he visited you while you were away.”

“Did his opinion change?” 

“Definitely. Heeseung had a period of time in the new year where he went on a couple of dates with her, telling us he might’ve made a mistake by breaking things off too soon.” Sunghoon shakes his head as he tells the story. “Jay was unbelievably pissed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how he gets when he’s angry. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk until he’s calm. But it was like a volcano erupted, or something. Jay came back mid January to find out Heeseung had been seeing Seulgi for a couple of weeks and completely lost it on him. He said things about not knowing a good thing if it spat in his face and how he ruined every chance of happiness because of his own doing.” 

“Wow…I didn’t know Jay said that.”

“It was scary. Heeseung tried to fight back and say it was his life and that Jay didn’t have a right to say what he could and couldn’t do, but the poor guy never stood a chance. Jay asked him if he would be happy if you came back to see him dating Seulgi and that shut him up real quick.”

“What do I have to do with it?” you ask. “He rejected me before I left.” 

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says truthfully. “I always thought that Heeseung was trying to redeem himself through Seulgi. But I guess we’ll never truly know.” 

“It’s been almost a year,” you reminisce. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over him by now after spending time in Europe with, well, other boys.”

“He’s not just any guy who rejected you,” Sunghoon says. He looks out at the street, finding the words to say. “You two had been best friends since before me or the guys got to know either of you. There’s a special kind of bond between people who grew up together, you know?

“I think a large part of you misses being friends with him. Sure, rejection always stings, but it’s knowing that you don’t have your best friend that hurts you more.”

“Jeez,” you chide. “You always know how I feel.”

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m just observant. I know that it’s hard to be on this trip because Heeseung’s trying to be that friend you once knew. He probably feels guilty for giving you the cold shoulder during your first few weeks back in Seoul.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well he’s not doing a great job showing it. Life would be easier if he left me alone.”

“But do you want that?” 

You cast your eyes to the floor. “No, I don’t.” 

Satisfied with your answer, Sunghoon nods. 

“You know, I knew Heeseung had feelings for you the night we played spin the bottle just before we graduated high school.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Hoon. He never liked me.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you remember what happened that night?” 

“Vaguely. I remember that being my first time trying alcohol and Jake having to cut me off when I couldn’t walk straight.”

He nods. “When you were sober enough to string a few sentences together, some girl suggested playing spin the bottle. When it was your turn to spin, it landed on me.” 

You make a face. “Ah. I do remember kissing you.” 

“Well you don’t have to look grossed out,” Sunghoon teases. “Everyone knew it was awkward because we’d been friends for like, five years at that point. We were both so flustered that the kiss lasted for maybe two seconds before everyone cheered.

“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I’d killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week because I’d been your first kiss.”

“Seriously?” 

“Dead serious.” Sunghoon laughs at the memory. “He wouldn’t answer my texts. In the group chat we were in, he’d acknowledge everyone but me. It wasn’t until a week later when we were all hanging out that I told him there was nothing between us and it was awkward to kiss you in front of our friends.” 

You stand there, dumbfounded. “Huh.”

“I’ve never told anyone that,” he confesses. “I doubt anyone remembers us kissing except for him. I assumed this would be a story I’d tell you and the guys when you both eventually got together.” 

He murmurs an apology. “It’s okay, Hoon. I’m glad you told me. I guess I’m just…confused. Why did he reject me if he allegedly liked me?” 

“I wish I knew. He was miserable when you left and refused to talk about you moving back to Europe for your final year abroad. Heeseung was really sad when he found out you weren’t coming home for Christmas break.” 

“I couldn’t bear to see him. I was so heartbroken and the friends here tonight were consoling me in the way they knew how. I knew I’d be a depressed wreck if I came back home.”

“That makes sense,” Sunghoon affirms for you. “I’m glad you met up with Jay while he was here, though. You got some kind of Christmas gift from home.” 

“Me too. I feel like Jay and I got closer because of it. I knew he could tell something was off but he didn’t say anything about it. Something tells me he knows more than he cares to say.” 

“You know Jay.” You both nod. “More observant and caring than the rest of us. Part of me thinks Heeseung’s jealous of your new friendship with him since the two of you basically planned this whole trip on your own.” 

“Well, Jay has more international travel experience and his dad knows the right people,” you say with a shrug. “I spent four years of my life here. It makes sense.”

“To us, yes. To Heeseung? I think his feelings cloud his judgment.” 

“He never used to confuse me,” you admit. “We used to talk about how much we hated when people made us guess how they felt or what they were thinking. We always said it was unfair if you make people you love, make you guess their intentions. But he’s doing that to me and it’s been driving me insane.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I watched him date girls in high school. I watched him with what I thought would be his first serious girlfriend during our first year of college before he went through that short hookup phase. God, that hurt me so bad and I couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t my life.” 

“For what it’s worth, I think it was brave of you to confess to him,” Sunghoon tells you. “I don’t say that as a cheap cop out to make you feel better either. You know me, I’m really sentimental about things even if I don’t come off that way. To confess your feelings to someone who you love…one can only hope to hear that someday.” 

You nudge your shoulder with his. “You say that like you didn’t have girls begging for a date.” 

Sunghoon laughs and you know what he means. 

“You’ve always been the bravest of all of us,” he continues. “I think the reason why I wanted to be friends with you when we were kids is because you didn’t take bullshit from people. I was too shy to stand up for myself between my career as a figure skater while trying to be a normal kid. You and Heeseung offered that kind of normalcy. I could see you two in the bleachers at my competitions and then we’d go out for ice cream like it was any other day.” 

“Well, now you’re going to make me cry.” 

“I mean it, Y/N. You’re a great friend and a great person. I hope Heeseung hasn’t fucked things up too bad that you leave his life for good.” 

You shiver. “Me too.” 

“Talk to him,” Sunghoon advises. “Do it before we leave. You’re removed from your life back home.” You open your mouth to refute but he beats you to the chase. “If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know your answer when you go home and you can resume your life without Heeseung in it.” 

Sunghoon leaves you alone with your thoughts but makes you promise that you’ll join the group soon.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you walk back into the pub, Jake clouds your personal space before you can even think about ordering another drink.

“Jesus, Hoon. Couldn’t you have offered Y/N your jacket if you guys were gonna be out that long? Poor girl looks like she’s about to freeze to death.

Jake’s affinity for the dramatic never ceases. Your friends look at your goosebumps and the way you’re acclimating to the warmer temperature inside while Sunghoon merely rolls his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you say. “We only came in because I started to get cold.”

“Let me get my jacket for you,” Heeseung says as he rises from his seat. 

“No.” You’re sure you say it too abruptly, but you can’t bear the thought of wearing his clothes after the conversation you just had. “I’m fine, honestly.” 

“Stop being stubborn and wear a damn jacket,” Leo chides, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. “You have this habit of never bringing one when you need it and it drives me crazy.” 

“But that’s what I have you for, don’t I?” 

As you tug the material closer to your body, Sunghoon watches as Heeseung stares at Leo with a hard expression. 

“Not when you’re back in Seoul, you goof.” Leo takes your empty glass. “I’m glad you have these guys back at home. They seem really good for you.” 

“I love them a lot.” You say it so tenderly with your head tilted as you look at the boys you’d call family, only for them to coo at your clearly vulnerable, inebriated state.

“My mother, my older sister, and best friend,” Riki says with a hiccup as he engulfs you in a hug. “Seriously, I would be dead in a ditch without you.” 

“I don’t know a better person,” Sunoo chimes in from where he’s seated. 

“There was one time where Y/N had this lemon phase where she couldn’t stop drinking lemonade or eating lemon candy,” Jake tells the group. “Now I think of her every time I see something yellow.” 

“That’s kind of fitting though, isn’t it?” Leo asks. “Yellow for sunshine.” 

Everybody agrees and it makes your cheeks and neck warm up. You hide yourself in Leo’s jacket, but God, Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead. 

Still, he can’t help but agree with Leo. If there’s any truth to his words, it’s that you are made of pure, unfiltered sunshine.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, all eight of you board the train for a two-hour ride to Paris. For the next five days, you’ll be acting as a tourist rather than tour guide, for the most part. Jay volunteers to take the lead since you did most of the heavy lifting in London. You do, however, chime in to give him a few recommendations from your prior visits to the city. 

Sunghoon’s advice plagues your thoughts, so much so that Jungwon has had to guide you out of the hotel and into the cab before arriving at the train station. Both he and Sunoo look a bit worried about you, but you wave them off and tell them you had one too many to drink. You know they don’t believe you but you’re grateful they don’t press on. 

Paris is much more beautiful than you remember it, and it’s likely due to the fact that you’re here on vacation, not because you wanted a weekend getaway to escape the stress of midterms and exams. The people are just as indifferent as ever. You’re able to practice some of your basic French to order coffee and pastries for everyone. It’s a feat that leaves Heeseung impressed and you try not to acknowledge him when you see his jaw drop. 

The hotel itself is more beautiful than the last. You have the room with the balcony and double doors leading to a breathtaking view of the buildings and streets below. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen, even if the streets are littered with trash and the people are a bit too loud. It still feels charming. 

The rooming situation is the same as London, with you in the single room and the rest of the boys to fend for themselves. This time, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon are sharing the three bedroom with Heeseung and Jake sharing another, and Sunoo and Riki in the other double. The hotel must’ve miscalculated the rooming situation and put your single room at the end of the hallway away from the others, but you aren’t complaining. 

The first few days are filled with happiness and dread, namely when you see Heeseung as you begin your day. He has a knack for making you laugh until you come to the notion that you really shouldn’t be finding his jokes very funny because he doesn’t deserve that kind of reaction from you. 

In fact, he doesn’t deserve your attention after ignoring you for as long as he has. Seeing Leo again brought up memories of crying in his flat with Elizabeth and drinking too much wine to forget the pain temporarily. Your friends invited you to a night spent in the pub after Leo begged his brother to close it for the night so that you could have a free space to drink and talk about Heeseung until your voice gave out. 

Your irritation carries over and Heeseung can tell when you move away from him when he tries to stand next to you. He’s hurt but he tries to understand that you have a right to be, even if he knows in his heart the reasons why he acted the way he did. He just needs to find time to talk to you, even if the conversation doesn’t end the way he hopes it will. 

With two days left on the trip, you’ve eaten your way through the streets of Paris and have done your fair share of shopping. Each of the boys had bought you a small token of their appreciation (Heeseung paid for your latte, Jay purchased a small wallet from Prada, Jake gifted you new sunglasses, Sunghoon a charm for your bracelet, Sunoo a bowl of pasta for lunch, Jungwon a pair of earrings, and Riki a new jacket that looks similar to his from back home). It warms your heart to know you have people who care about you enough to show and tell you. 

The Eiffel Tower calls your name one late afternoon and by the time you all manage to walk up, the sun is setting below the horizon. There are couples around Heeseung who are taking photos left and right, one of which asks him to take a few pictures for them. He can’t help but wish he was in their place, asking a stranger to take a photo of the two of you as he kisses the apple of your cheek. Heeseung snaps a few good ones before the couple thanks him. 

It doesn’t help that you look like a walking goddess. Truth be told, Heeseung wanted to buy you more than just coffee when the boys agreed to each give you something as a token of their gratitude. Heeseung had come up with a list of ideas he wanted advice for, but it was Sunghoon who’d told him to keep it simple for your sake. He was right, as always, because you thanked him with a pleasant smile instead of ignoring him like you had in the days prior. Heeseung gets the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate a grand gesture from him right now.

He hates that he can’t read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he’s in the City of Love and he can’t call you his girlfriend. 

Riki and Jungwon are more perceptive than they let on. Heeseung sees the way their eyes dart between the two of you and how they’ve been trying their best to navigate the new dynamic. Riki, especially, hadn’t been receptive of Seulgi the first time Heeseung invited her to a bonfire. Heeseung had overheard the younger boy telling Jungwon it wasn’t the same without you there and that he’d rather go home than spend another minute getting to know someone who wasn’t you. 

At the time, Heeseung was beyond irritated and refused to speak to Riki for the rest of the night. Now, however, he understands why Riki acted the way he did. 

You look so beautiful underneath a Parisian sunset. Heeseung knows he’s staring. He’s grateful that you’re too preoccupied with Sunghoon taking photos of you. But God, he wishes you’d laugh at him like that. 

“You should talk to her,” Jake says from beside him. Heeseung jumps at his sudden appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“I want to.” Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you’ll allow. “I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her.” 

Heeseung doesn’t notice Jake’s eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself. Heeseung’s friendship with you was something he stopped trying to learn a few years after he got to know you; Heeseung had a soft spot for you and had no problem letting people know that. It wasn’t until you mentioned to Jake that you hadn’t spoken to Heeseung in months that he knew something was up. 

“She clearly cares about you,” Jake says. “She wouldn’t be on this trip if she didn’t.”

“But she’s been ignoring me the past three days. And before you say it, yes, I know that she has a valid reason to, but I’m hurt and I want to make things better.”

“You have to let her take the reins and let her talk to you when she wants to,” Jake advises. “You know how she is. Y/N’s headstrong and she might not know how she feels right now, but she always knows what’s best for her. You’re good for her, Heeseung. Let her come to that conclusion on her own.”

Heeseung relinquishes his breath. “You’re right. I just…miss her. A lot. Things will never go back to the way they used to but I don’t think I want them to. I used to pray every night that I could somehow make everything like it was before that night but now I want more than that. She deserves better and I want to be better for her, not that coward who was too scared to try something new with the person he loves.” 

His friend’s words bring a smile to Jake’s lips. “Well I, for one, believe in you. I think the rest of the guys do too.” 

“I know,” Heeseung says softly with his eyes on you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

You can’t believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay’s father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel’s restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It’s a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you’ve gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too. 

The younger boys head upstairs after dessert and bid you all a goodnight in case they don’t see you before falling asleep. For the next thirty minutes or so, it’s the five of you laughing away at the hotel bar like old times, reminiscing about embarrassing moments from high school or how difficult it was to hear Jake’s Korean when he first moved. 

The Australian leaves as soon as he yawns. Sunghoon, a little too tipsy upon standing from the bar table, presses a gentle kiss to your head when he says goodnight to the rest of you. Jay gives your arm a reassuring squeeze and you understand for the first time that he always knew you better than he let on. He says goodnight and tells the bartender to charge his room whenever you two close the tab. 

Now, you and Heeseung are sitting together, mere inches apart as the Parisian sky twinkles with stars above the two of you. 

Neither of you know what to say. You fidget with the glass and contemplate on whether you should head up as well. Heeseung can sense your awkwardness and wish he hadn’t messed things up so badly that you can’t stand to be alone with him without thinking of an escape plan. He misses when the two of you could sit in complete silence and still feel comfortable around one another. 

“Thank you for showing us around,” he speaks up before you can make the decision to leave. “I remember you talking about all of the places you showed us when you first moved here. I’ve always wanted to visit.” 

“Really?” 

Heeseung nods. “I used to be so jealous that you got the opportunity to travel abroad every time you talked about it. But I think I like it better this way, with you as the tour guide.” 

That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can’t help but smile. He doesn’t care if it’s the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He’s grateful for the chance. 

“I used to write down places I wanted to show you,” you confess. “There were so many places that reminded me of where we’d used to hang out as kids. It always felt like there was a part of you with me.” 

His heart melts. “I wish I could’ve visited you while you were here. Your friends seem pretty cool.” 

“They are.” Heeseung watches you smile. “They’ve been with me through a lot and helped me get over this fear of failing in a different country. My friend Suki, who now lives in Tokyo, was the first person to really get me out of my shell and convinced me to go out. Awkward Y/N? Going to clubs?” 

“You know how to dance, though. I bet you killed it.” 

“A little too much, perhaps. I didn’t date or hook up much, but there were a few times that I did.” Heeseung’s heart begins to sink as does his hope. This is not where he wanted to lead the conversation but his ears perk up at your next point. “But I wasn’t happy doing that so I stopped making out with random guys on the dance floor.”

“If only thirteen-year-old you could see you then,” he teases. You bump his shoulders with yours and he feels electricity running down his arm. 

“I think I did a good job adjusting and learning. There were times where I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in London or go back to Seoul. That burden felt too much.” 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back home.” 

Your head whips to look at Heeseung, who can only sit and watch as your eyes begin to water. 

“Why didn’t you say anything when I texted and called you?” you ask meekly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why didn’t you see me when I came back?” 

“I know.” He gulps. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry.” 

You sniffle and Heeseung wants to cry too. “Everyone came to pick me up at the airport. I kept looking for you but you weren’t there. Jake had to pull me away from baggage claim because he said you weren’t coming but I didn’t listen. I told him he was wrong. You always come.” 

Heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I have no excuse.” 

“I wanted my best friend but you never showed up for me. You didn’t call or text me when you knew I was home and I had to wait until Riki’s bonfire to see you.”

“I was an idiot and stupid,” is the only answer Heeseung can come up with. “I used to be so scared of change. You left the country and I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life but it was so hard without you in it.”

“Then why did you leave me?” 

His heart shatters. 

You’ve turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn’t let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don’t fight him off of you.

He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you’re hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he’s here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that. 

“Let’s go to your room, yeah? I can help you take your makeup off.”

Whether from the alcohol or your need to be near Heeseung, you let him guide you to the elevator. He digs in your purse for your room key and coaxes you to sit in the bathroom while he locks the door. This routine feels a bit familiar; in his youth, he learned how you like to take your makeup off and get ready for bed after a particularly rough night drinking. He could never understand why he hadn’t minded taking the extra step and to keep himself sober when you were in the vicinity, but he understands it now. 

Heeseung meets you in the bathroom and washes his hands before putting your hair in a ponytail. He bites his lips when he sees your fresh tears and mutters another apology, forcing himself not to wipe away the tears with his fingers. Instead, he lets you blot them with a tissue before gathering makeup remover in his hands and gently smears it all over your skin. 

“I didn’t like change,” he says after a quiet beat. “I was too cowardly to take what I wanted, even if the person I wanted said they wanted me too. I don’t know why I didn’t chase after you that night or why I thought you needed space before you left. I don’t have an explanation for any of it except to say that I was a coward who never wanted anything to change between us.” 

Heeseung warms a wet cloth and wipes the balm away until he’s satisfied and moves on with your favorite cleanser, rubbing it between his hands until it foams. 

“I think, deep down, I’ve always loved you more than I led on. I can’t think of any moment in my life where you weren’t there or times that I didn’t want you around. Even when we were in elementary school and everyone kept saying we would get cooties from each other, I wanted you with me.” 

He lets you wash your face and applies the rest of your products on as you once taught him. 

“I’ve always had this sense of pride when it came to being your friend. Everyone always talked about how cool you were because you always knew what to say and when to say it. I love that about you, you know. You have a way of making people feel like they’re really special. I don’t know why I was so afraid of that.

“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren’t afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you’ll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don’t fight me when I want to take care of you.”

Heeseung swallows. “But mostly, I just really love you.”

You open your eyes for the first time. Heeseung can only stare. 

“You really hurt me.” 

He glances down. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“What hurt the most was knowing you weren’t going to be there as my best friend, Heeseung. I could handle your rejection. I could find a way to get over you. But I could never get over losing our friendship. I never wanted you out of my life because it’s better with you in it.” 

“Please don’t get over me,” Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to get over me.” 

You don’t say anything for a few moments. Heeseung swears he feels the blood rushing to his ears as he anticipates your response and he’s sure that even if what you say isn’t what he wants to hear, he’s happy to wear his feelings on his sleeve for once in his life.

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.” 

Heeseung’s heart stops beating. He doesn’t kiss you even though he wants to. He doesn’t take your hand and pull you into him like his heart tells him to. Instead, he whispers a quiet thanks and is surprised when he hears you laugh. 

“I can’t apologize enough. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do or say anything.” 

“I know,” you whisper. Heeseung's hands are dangling awkwardly by his side. He feels like pushing his forehead against yours was too much. But your hands reach for him and you give him a squeeze.  

Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can’t help but look at the way you’ve folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this–with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation. 

He stroked your back with his hand and kept the other secured around your waist. Your soft breaths touch his skin and it feels like he’s got electricity running through his veins. 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers again. “I will keep apologizing until you know the depth of my regret.” 

The boy feels like he’s floating when you press a soft kiss to his exposed chest, mentally thanking Jake for forcing him to let loose and unbutton a few. 

“You could start by staying with me until I fall asleep,” you say. “Like old times.” 

He tries not to punch the air. “I can do that.” 

Heeseung waits in the bathroom until you’ve changed into comfortable clothing. He isn’t surprised when he sees you in shorts and an oversized shirt. It’s reminiscent of what you used to wear when you’d sleep in the guest bedroom in his house or vice versa, but now that he’s acknowledged his feelings for you, he can’t help but coo at how cute and sleepy you look. 

You tuck yourself in bed with the blankets to your chin and he completely melts to the floor. You pat the spot next to him and he sits on top of the blankets. 

“Under the covers, silly.” 

“I don’t want to rush it,” Heeseung says in a panic. 

“We aren’t rushing. We’re two best friends who got each other back.” 

Heeseung has never been more relieved. Though, he knows you’re a stickler for outside clothes in bed, so he makes the decision to take your key card and change.

“I’m not leaving you,” he says when he notices you rise from your spot on the bed. He holds two key cards to prove it and leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m going to change and then I’ll be right back. I promise.” 

He comes back ten minutes later. It warms your heart at the sight of him and you feel the comfort in your body when he slides underneath the covers. 

You surprise yourself when you move to lay your head on his chest with your arm around his body. Heeseung doesn’t seem to mind, though, and he pulls you closer to him like you’ve done it a million times before. The two of you have wanted this for too long to make it feel awkward. 

“What did Jake say when you came into the room?” you ask.

“He was half asleep until I turned the light on but he asked me if we resolved things. I told him yes and then he asked if I was staying the night with you when he saw me leaving.”

“Am I right to assume he was more excited about having the room to himself?”

Heeseung laughs. “That you are.”

“Deep down, I think Jake knew we’d find our way. I think they all did.” 

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers once more. You quiet him with a kiss to his cheek. 

“I know, Hee. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, let’s sleep.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, Heeseung wakes up before you do and frowns when your body’s all the way on the other side of the bed. He leans over your sleeping frame and brushes strands of hair from your face, admiring how serene you look in your sleep. For a moment, Heeseung ponders if it’s too soon to wake you up the way he’d like to, but if last night was any indication about how you felt, he’d be willing to take the chance. 

He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung’s and you can’t help but smile. 

There was a brief moment before you fell asleep that you’d wondered if you’d been too quick to forgive him. But for as hurtful as the past year was, you can’t help but acknowledge the steps he took during the trip in an attempt to undo all of the contempt you had built for him. You owe it to yourself to be happy with Heeseung. 

“Good morning, pretty girl,” Heeseung says with his morning voice that sounds a little too good for seven in the A.M. “Did you sleep well?”

“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too.”

“That’s because you are a baby,” Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. “My baby.” 

“I really want breakfast but I’m too lazy to get up from the bed.”

“We could always order in. I’ll pay.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be too tempted to stay in bed and it’s our last full day in Paris. Let’s just get ready and have breakfast at the hotel restaurant?” 

The both of you are halfway done eating breakfast when the rest of your friends trickle in, joining your table and the ones next to you. It takes them a while to wake up, but it’s Sunghoon who speaks up first. 

“I’m assuming you two talked?” 

“And made up,” you say with a tilt of your head. 

“That’s my girl,” Sunghoon says proudly, sipping on his coffee. 

“I’ll let that slide since we’re all friends,” Heeseung jokes. You laugh and, for the first time in a while, you don’t feel guilty about it. 

“I had the whole room to myself, too. I woke up and didn’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom,” says Jake. 

Riki nearly spits his juice out. “You guys slept together?” 

“Not like that!” you’re quick to exclaim. “He just slept over. Slept. As in, we closed our eyes and actually slept.” 

“Both of us knew we needed our beauty sleep before dealing with the six of you asking us questions,” Heeseung adds. “But for your information, we made up. We still have things to figure out, but we’re back to being friends.” 

“Hopefully more than that,” Jungwon coughs behind his coffee. He merely smiles when Heeseung looks in his direction.

“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves,” Jay suggests. “We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out.” 

“I second that,” Sunoo agrees. “You two clearly need to talk.” 

“I wanted to go shopping with Y/N again,” Riki says with a frown. Jake presumably knocks his shin with Riki’s, who clears his throat. “But you two should totally hang out without us.” 

“I think we might,” Heeseung says, holding his hand out for you to take. He stands from his seat and encourages you to stand as well, leading you away from the table. “Thanks for the breakfast, Jay!” 

“I’m choosing to be the bigger person because Y/N’s been through enough,” Jay mutters when Heeseung is out of hearshot, making the table laugh.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

“You know, I think the reason why I had such a hard time reaching out was because we’d never gotten into something that serious before,” Heeseung admits. The gelato in your hand isn’t as good as you remember it, but it does the job to cool you down on a particularly warm afternoon. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you remember when we were kids and how hard it was for me to talk to you about anything that was action movies or superheroes?” 

“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade,” you snort. “You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you’d refuse to go to sleep.” Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory. 

“You were the only person I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to, you know. You were always the first person I called when I needed someone to talk to, but then I was the reason why you got hurt…I think part of me didn’t know if I was allowed to reach out to you.

“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But when I heard you were coming back to Seoul a few weeks before you did, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I could’ve texted you.”

“Yeah, you could’ve.” Heeseung merely nods at your agreement. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.” 

“I just wish I had come to this conclusion when it happened. I was so caught up in graduating and focusing on how I felt that I didn’t consider how you must’ve been dealing with all of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so selfish in my life.” 

“I think the time you refused to let me be friends with Jake because you said you needed friends aside from me was your second most selfish moment.” 

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Quit it. I was thirteen, okay?” 

Neither of you particularly care to do any sightseeing today. It feels nice to walk side-by-side without the company of your other friends. The juxtaposition of how you felt towards the beginning of this trip compared to how relaxed you feel surprises you a tenfold, but you suppose that comes with genuine apologies and forgiveness. 

You’re willing to admit Heeseung looks criminally good in black jeans and a striped button down. He wears his clothes so effortlessly yet still looks like he could’ve taken his wardrobe from a magazine. You’ve always found it a bit unfair that Heeseung always manages to look so cool without trying too hard. 

“You’re staring,” he mutters, looking at you from the corner of his eye as the two of you walk down a cobblestone street. 

“I’m not,” you lie. You turn your head to avoid his gaze, but Heeseung thinks he likes seeing you this shy. It’s new territory for him, one that he wants to explore. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Go for it.” 

“Why did you forgive me so quickly?” Heeseung asks. “I appreciate it, I really do, but a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve that just yet.” 

It takes you a while to answer. Why did you forgive him as fast as you did? For a week and a half, being in close quarters with Heeseung made you feel nothing but anxious and on edge, so why were you able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him?

“I’ve always held onto the idea that you’re a good person,” you begin. “I’ve always admired that you intend to care for the people you love and make them feel like they have a place in your life. You’ve always made me feel safe, like I could run to you when things got too hard. 

“What you did was in poor taste, sure, but making bad decisions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know you, Hee. I know how you get when you’re faced with a difficult choice and how long it takes for you to come around. I was justifiably hurt but I think a part of me always knew you’d fix it somehow.” 

“I wish I could feel deserving of that kind of forgiveness.” 

“You know me. You know I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t feel like what I’m saying is true. I’ll admit that I shocked myself with how quickly I let my guard down with you…but you’re Heeseung. You've been my best friend since the first grade and you’re the boy I happen to have a really big crush on.” 

Heeseung bites his lips at your confession, willing himself not to be too forward as to kiss you in the middle of the street. He sees your bravery and the way you’ve put your heart directly in the palm of his hand, acting out of vulnerability even though the both of you knew he hurt you once before. 

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The afternoon comes and goes with little to no plan. Heeseung’s a bit worried that he hasn’t heard anything from the boys and he’s rendered shocked that you’ve taken it upon yourself to let the day take you where it may instead of finding the next spot to visit. 

As if on cue, Jay texts him with plans for the evening. 

jjongcaprio: 20:00, Pétrelle. It’s a five minute walk from the hotel

jjongcaprio: I made reservations for you and Y/N tonight. Don’t worry about me and the boys, just take her out on a romantic date 

jjongcaprio: The bill’s covered. The reservation’s under your name btw

heeseung: bro i cannot ask you to do this 

jjongcaprio: You don’t have to. You and I both know Y/N deserves to be wined and dined 

jjongcaprio: Plus I saw you looking at a few restaurants when we were on the train. I managed to pull some strings for you and got a last minute reservation for tonight

heeseung: thank you jay…i really don’t know what i’d do without you

jjongcaprio: It’s really not a problem, bro. Promise me that you’ll try to be happy with her. The guys and I are rooting for you two

“So,” Heeseung clears his throat as he looks up from his phone, “I think you and I should go out for dinner.” 

“Where are you thinking of going? I can text the others and see if they’re done sightseeing, or whatever it is they’re doing.”

“I mean just us two.” He stands awkwardly when you’ve turned your attention to him, his feet planted on the sidewalk beneath him as if that’ll help steady his beating heart. 

“Like a date?” 

“Yes,” he says immediately. “Like I date. I, Heeseung, am asking you out on a date. Tonight. At eight.” 

“I, Y/N, would love to go on a date with you. At eight.” 

The twinkle in your eye and your coy nature makes him feel like a teenager again. He leads you into the hotel and walks you to your door before stepping back as you step inside. 

“We’ve got an hour and a half before we need to leave. I’ll come by and then we can walk together. The restaurant is only a five minute walk, so you can wear those new heels I know you feel guilty buying.” 

“They’re really pretty though,” you rationalize. 

Heeseung nods. “Gorgeous, actually. Maybe you’ll be as tall as me if you wear them.” 

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” 

Heeseung bites his bottom lip as you disappear behind the door, locking eyes with you until you’re completely out of sight. Flirting with you like this is a completely new phenomenon for him. He’s only daydreamed about what you might say if he said something a little too suggestive or how you might act if he dedicated a wink in your direction. Heeseung had never considered that he’d be the one flustered, cheeks reddening to the point where he starts to feel shy. 

His nerves are endless as he picks out an outfit for tonight. Heeseung sends a quick text to his parents, who had pressured him into bringing nice clothes for a fancy dinner, and spends a few minutes updating them on the events of the past few days. His mother is pleased, to put it lightly, and sends a handful of emoticons to display her happiness. His father tells him words of encouragement before making Heeseung promise to bring you for dinner as his girlfriend, not just his best friend. 

With the last touch of his cologne, Heeseung looks at himself in the mirror and tries not to think too hard about how he looks. You’re Y/N, his best friend since he can remember, and you’ve seen him with snot dripping from his nose. 

“I look fine,” he says to himself in the mirror. “Y/N will like the look because your mom picked it out and we know those two agree on everything. Absolutely nothing to worry about.” 

Heeseung’s only regret is he doesn’t have a bouquet of flowers to present you with as he makes his way to your hotel room. He wipes his palms on his trousers and takes a deep breath before knocking on your door. 

When it opens, he’s met with the sight of you in a short black dress that hugs your hips to accentuate your body. The dress itself is an elegant, spaghetti strap number with a flattering neckline paired with jewelry that makes your skin appear to be glowing. Your heels match well with the dress you’ve chosen, so much so that Heeseung’s jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body. 

“Wow,” he mutters. “Just…wow.” 

“I’m not used to you being speechless,” you say mildly, closing the door behind you. 

“You look gorgeous,” he sputters. “I shouldn’t be seen with you tonight.” 

“You’re dramatic, Hee.” You give him a once over and Heeseung thinks he wouldn’t mind you checking him out as you please. “You look handsome as ever.”

He beams at the compliment and holds his arm out for you. 

“Shall we?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows the type of person you are and what you value, yet he still renders himself shocked when you allow him to take control of the evening. He knows you don’t need to have the expensive consequences that come with a first date or to be sipping the most luxurious wine to be happy, but Heeseung can’t help but feel like you deserve to feel as elegant as you look every once in a while. 

The host leads the two of you to a table with the most gorgeous view of the Parisian scenery. The twinkling stars paired with the dimly lit restaurant adds a romantic touch to the evening. Heeseung mentally thanks Jay for preparing wine recommendations so neither of you have to think too much about it. 

For a moment, he’s worried that he’s reached too far out of his depth. The fanciest thing Heeseung has ever done with you is eat ramen after prom in your best outfits because you both came to the conclusion that prom should be spent with someone you actually like. It’s funny in hindsight when he thinks about it now. 

You look so beautiful like this, allowing yourself to be taken care of by him. Talking to you over the table feels like you’re back in Korea before all that transpired. The food is impeccable and Heeseung thanks his lucky stars that he and Jay got it right. You sing praises left and right. 

Dinner ends much quicker than he’d like as the two of you finish dessert. The waiter tells him the bill has been taken care of and Heeseung sits in his seat awkwardly as you look out the window to see the view from outside. But he hears the live band in the background and sees a few older couples slow dancing from where he sits and makes up his mind. 

“Do you want to dance?” 

You pull your attention to him. For a moment, he thinks he’s asked the most absurd question known to man when he recalls all the times you refused to make a home on the dance floor until you’ve gotten at least four drinks in your system. 

You surprise him. 

“I’d love to, Hee.” 

The room disappears when he leads you to the dance floor. He mimics the other dancers and takes the lead, swaying your bodies back and forth to the melody of the music. You smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a scent so distinctly you that it makes him grin like a man in love. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you say against his neck. “I won’t lie when I say I feel like a princess.”

“That’s because you are a princess,” Heeseung says, kissing the top of your head. “You deserve to be treated like one.”

“I can’t believe you pulled this off so quickly. Don’t restaurants like these require reservations?”

He chuckles nervously. “About that…Jay helped me with the details. I was looking up restaurants to take you to if I got the chance before our trip ended. I guess he saw the list and chose the most romantic one out of the bunch.”

“I owe Jay a thank you.”

“We both do.” 

“I feel lucky to have people in my life who care about me this much,” you say. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life.” 

“I’m happy to be in it.” Heeseung squeezes your waist. “Deep down, it’s always been you that I’ve loved. There’s not a single person who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Yeah?” 

You feel him nod. “I’ll say it until you believe me. I’ll even yell it in this restaurant right now.” 

“Please don’t,” you laugh. “I believe you.” 

The sound of the melody overtakes the conversation. You feel Heeseung’s steady heartbeat as he expertly moves your bodies together on the dance floor. When you close your eyes, you think of this moment and how badly you want to commit it to memory, no longer in anguish over the tribulations of the past year. It feels nice to let go of your worries, even better that you have Heeseung back. 

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull your head back.

“Then you should kiss me.” 

Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you’re both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home. 

When he pulls back, you search for his eyes. 

“Take me back to the hotel,” you whisper. 

Heeseung feels his heart drop. 

“I’m sorry. We can go back now.”

You grip the collar of his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt when he moves. It’s only then that Heeseung sees the want in your eyes and the pure lust that clouds your pupils. 

“Take me back to the hotel.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

By the time your elevator reaches your floor, Heeseung’s dress shirt is completely unbuttoned with his toned chest exposed. You’re barely able to detach yourself from his mouth when he pushes you out of the contraption. Your hand reaches for his as you pull him towards your room, digging through your purse when you feel Heeseung’s lips on the back of your neck. 

“You look sexy in my jacket,” he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to your skin. 

“L-Let me find the key.” 

“So sexy.” His hands slide up the side of your body until he grips your waist. 

When the door opens, you pull Heeseung inside with you and lock it shut before pushing his dress shirt off of his body, exposing his muscular build and broad shoulders. You aren’t shy about hiding your lust, gazing all over his chest and abdomen as you feel your core drip with arousal. 

“I like it when you look at me like that,” Heeseung says. He reaches for your hand and places it on his chest. You take the liberty to glide your nails down his abdomen, feeling the way he tenses underneath your touch. 

“I’m really wet,” you say as you eye the tent that has grown in Heeseung’s pants. 

“Are you?” he asks. “You won’t mind if I check?” 

You shake your head and Heeseung takes that as a green light, his hands finding the soft fabric of your dress before pushing his hand underneath it. He whimpers when his fingers come in contact with your wet lips. It’s adorable, the way you push yourself against him to chase his lips while he fingers smear your wetness across the fabric of your panties. 

“Bed,” you mumble against his lips. 

He follows where you pull him, loving the way you take control when you push him onto the mattress. Heeseung distracts himself to catch his breath from the overwhelming sense of pleasure to realize that you’ve started to undo his belt buckle and take his hard cock out of his pants. 

“You don’t have to—”

“I want your cock in my mouth,” you plead, looking him in the eye. “Please let me.” 

You sit politely on your knees as you unbuckle Heeseung’s pants. His chest rises and falls in anticipation and he looks down at you to see that your mouth is watering at the sight of him. 

He’s already fully hard; he has been since you started unbuttoning his shirt in the elevator. You spit directly onto the tip of his cock and he bites his lip at the sudden contact before watching as you swipe your hand up and down himself. 

Heeseung doesn’t want to think about how you learned to do what you’re doing to him. He doesn’t want to think about the boys you’ve kissed or the people who got to see you like this before. What he does know, however, is he’s the only person from here on out who will see you on your knees if he can help it. 

Your mouth envelopes the head and Heeseung emits a short grunt. The tension between you two begins to slowly dissipate as you fit more of his cock inside of your mouth. Your tongue expertly traces every ridge and vein as you push your throat down onto him, causing Heeseung to put his palms on the mattress and throw his head back. 

You hum around him when he moans. He’s itching to put his hand behind your head but refuses the idea, letting you set your own pace. Heeseung watches as you switch your angle, sitting up to rest on your knees to push your head further down on him. He witnessed as you spread your legs, a choked moan coming from his throat in conjunction with a particular gag from your mouth. 

There’s spit everywhere. It’s trailing down your lips and connecting to his cock when you pull yourself from his body. It’s seeping to his pants and he’s about to speak up when your motion attaches itself to his sensitive balls, licking at its warmth while your hand strokes him from atop. 

“That’s it. Fuuuuck.”

He bucks his hips once and curses. Heeseung feels your mouth envelop one of his balls, the pressure of your mouth around it making him feel a kind of euphoria he didn’t know was possible. Your mouth moves to the other to give it the same treatment before retreating back to his cock. This time, your hand massages him from below as you suck on him. 

When you look up at him and wink, he decides enough is enough. 

“Baby,” Heeseung pants, attempting to push your head off of him. He thinks it’s so sexy that you’re turned on while giving him a blowjob. “Baby, please stop. I don’t wanna come yet.” 

You oblige and take your mouth off of him with a popping sound. You sit back and Heeseung stares at you through drooping eyelids in pure shock and amazement at how you’ve managed to pull him to a near orgasm as quickly as you did.

“Come here,” he beckons with his fingers.

He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle. 

You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung’s jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend’s body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it’s all for him.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, hovering over your body to press kisses to the valley of your chest. You let his hands roam and spread your legs to make room for him. 

Heeseung’s head travels back to your chest and you watch as he envelops your right nipple in his mouth. “Your tits are just perfect.” 

He makes a show out of it, hands cupping your breasts to massage them as his mouth works on you. He pushes your tits together and shoves his face between them, inhaling your scent while his tongue gathers whatever taste your body gives him. Heeseung moves to your left nipple and uses his tongue to flick the hardened bud over and over again until you’re arching your chest into his mouth. 

He grinds himself into your core with his pants still loose around his legs. It brings a moan out of your throat and he swallows it whole with his lips pressed firmly against yours. The friction feels delicious with the fabric of your panties against the hardness of Heeseung’s cock. He grinds against you with the help of your hips rolling into his, your natural wetness coating his cock in your essence. 

Heeseung moves his head to kiss your jawline, moving his mouth all over the expanse of your neck until he kisses right below your earlobe. You let out a particularly loud moan when he does, and Heeseung curses.

“Shit. Yeah baby, make those sounds for me. Let me hear your pretty moans.” 

His mouth attacks the area again and you aren’t shy about it. Your hands tangle in his hair as he kisses your neck and grinds his cock against the wet panties, which have by now molded to the shape of your pussy. 

Heeseung groans at the feeling of a particularly wet gush and lifts his hips enough to elicit a whimper out of your mouth. He experimentally lifts his hips again to align himself with you as he did before. The pressure must feel so good because your mouth hangs open with your eyes boring into his. 

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Does my baby feel good?” You can only nod and he doesn’t blame you. “That’s a good baby. Fuck, you’re so wet, it’s driving me crazy.” 

Heeseung feels your legs wrap around him and the way your heel pushes his lower back into your core. He takes the hint and quickens his pace, wanting nothing more than to see you come for him.

“You gotta come for me now, pretty girl,” he coaxed. “You deserve to come. Won’t you do that for me?” 

Heeseung is sure that he’s never seen or heard anything more erotic compared to the vision of watching you come. Your mouth opens with breathy moans as you focus on your pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut as if you’re trying to savor the moment in your mind.

“Atta girl,” Heeseung praises when your hips grind into his. He keeps himself still and lets your body take over. 

You eventually come down and realize Heeseung has yet to come, but that’s the last thing on his mind. He sinks his body down to come face-to-face with your crotch and licks the come off of the soiled fabric of your panties. The sheerness gives him a sneak peek at your pussy, and he groans when he licks a slow, fat strip up your slit.

“You taste so fucking delicious, baby.” He licks at you again, faster this time. “Tastes like milk and honey.” 

Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you’re all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

You let his hand go when he pulls it from you to slide the useless barrier down your legs and to undo the straps of your heels. He takes great care to kiss your skin tenderly, starting by your ankle and making his way down just shy of where you need him the most. Heeseung repeats the process on the other leg until he comes face to face with your glistening core, licking his lips as if he doesn’t know where to start. 

“Such a pretty pussy,” he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit.

He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they’re delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs. 

Heeseung tentatively licks your slit and decides he loves the sound of your moans when he has his mouth on you. He does it again, dragging his tongue to feel every ridge and crevice that he’s yet to explore. His mouth feels like a warm comfort with the slow pace he sets, licking you as if he’s trying to tell you how much he loves you without saying it. 

“You taste divine.” 

You look down below to see his hair covering his eyes and brush it away with your hands. Heeseung looks right into your soul and you feel your heart clench, causing you to roll your hips into his face. He merely buries his nose close to you until he bumps your clit with the tip, pushing his wet muscle into you deeper. 

When your moans get lighter and your breathy sounds are the only audible thing in the room aside from his own moans. You open your eyes to see Heeseung humping the mattress below you. The sight is so erotic that you can’t help but let out a loud whine at the thought of Heeseung pleasuring himself while pleasuring you. 

He brings his fingers to your pussy and sways his fingers back and forth until he foregoes his slow pace, favoring a faster one. He abuses your swollen clit while you can only lay there and watch him play with you. Heeseung expertly inserts his middle finger into your seeping hole and bites his lip to concentrate on getting you to come again. 

“I need it,” he confesses, bringing his mouth to lick you as he adds another finger. “I need you to come for me again, baby. Can you do that for me?’

“Yes, Hee,” you pant. “I wanna come so badly.”

“You can do it, baby. You’ve been such a good girl tonight, giving me the best head and letting me make you come. I think you deserve to feel good.” 

“I do,” you nod rapidly. “Fuck, I think I’m coming.”

“That’s right,” he coos, hammering his digits into you while his tongue laps up the juices leaking from your pussy. “So good. You taste so fucking good. Give it to me.” 

He doesn't relent until he’s satisfied. Heeseung cleans the come from your lips as best he can while sneaking his hand to his cock, pumping himself as he tastes your orgasm on his tongue. 

“You’ve crazy,” you mutter as you settle from your high, loving the feeling of Heeseung’s mouth tenderly licking you clean. 

“For you.” He pulls his face away and wipes the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your clit. 

When he rises to take his pants and boxers off, he sees you with your arm covering your face. 

“Are you doing okay?” 

“Perfect, actually,” you sigh. You remove your arm to see him with his cock in his hands and motion him to come towards the edge of the bed as you crawl on your knees before sitting upright to pull him into a searing kiss. 

“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Heeseung says against your mouth. “It’s better than porn, if I’m being honest.” 

You grab his cock and stroke him. “I’ll consider letting you take a video of me when we get back home if you fuck me right now.” 

“Turn around,” he says after an open-mouthed kiss.

You follow his instructions and he groans to himself as you present your perfect pussy to him again. Heeseung sinks to his knees and smacks your ass before shoving his tongue into your hole. He spreads your asscheeks apart and digs his nose against you, licking up the wetness and remnants of your orgasm like it’s his last meal. His tongue licks up your body until he finds your wrinkled muscle and presses a soft kiss to your tightest hole. 

The surprise comes to him when you moan softly. Your body doesn’t jerk away. Rather, you spread your legs further for him and Heeseung moans against your pussy before bringing his tongue to lick over the muscle again. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, dipping his tongue back in.

“Better than I imagined.” 

“You imagined my tongue in your ass, baby?” 

You nod. “I’ve always wanted to know what that feels like.” 

Heeseung doesn’t give you a verbal answer. Instead, he spits into your hole and watches it dribble down to your pussy, licking his way from your incredibly wet folds to your hole once again. He licks over the expanse with the surface of his tongue one, twice, three times before you’re whining for his cock. He wastes no time tearing open the condom and hurriedly places it on himself. 

The first stretch of his cock in your pussy makes him see Heaven. The sharp gasp that comes from your mouth is music to his ears and he’s careful to sink himself into you slowly, inch by inch until you’re telling him he can go further. 

His cock impales you at such a perfect angle that it has you falling to your elbows, your back arched so perfectly that he’s sure you’d be the most popular pornstar if you really wanted to be. He keeps half of his cock in you to allow you to adjust, but he underestimates just how cock hungry you are because you back yourself until he’s filling you to the brim.

“Baby’s such a slut, isn’t she?” Heeseung wonders out loud. He grins when you nod. “I love you like that. So dirty for me.” 

“Only for you,” you say, cheek pressed to the mattress when Heeseung thrusts in you. 

The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room. It doesn’t take long for your wet juices to glisten over the back of your thighs and onto Heeseung’s. His hands find purchase on your hips as he pulls your body close to him, loving the way your choked moans become muffled by the mattress below. 

“So. Fucking. Tight,” he moans with detailed thrusts. “So. Fucking. Wet.” 

He climbs on the bed and plants his feet on the blankets, holding your body in place as he pounds into you from above. The angle has you seeing stars and rips moan after moan from you. 

Heeseung grins wickedly. “Such a fuckable body. So perfect.” 

His degradation paired with praise ignites a fire inside of you. You can only moan louder to let Heeseung know exactly how he’s making you feel and you can’t help but think you deserved to be fucked exactly the way Heeseung is fucking you.

The pleasure feels like an explosion of a thousand suns. Your body is warm from the hours you’ve spent in the hotel room and your neighbors getting a good night’s sleep is the least of your concerns. Heeseung’s cock drills into you from above like he’s a sex god and it nearly brings you to tears. 

He turns you over carefully until you’re laying flat on your back with your head propped against the pillows. He steals one from you and puts it underneath the small of your back to create leverage before lining up his cock with your entrance and pushing himself in again.

Heeseung thrusts like he’s got to prove just how in love with you he is. Your wanton moans fill the room with his low grunts as his cock continually hits the one spot that makes you see stars, over and over again.

But you know he could do more to make you feel better. He must notice you in deep thought because he slows his hips. 

“What is it, baby?” Heeseung asks when he notices your eyebrows knit together. “Is this okay? Do you need me to stop so we can take a break?”

“Take it off,” you whisper. His hips have faltered and his pace stutters at your words.

“Take what off?”

“The condom.” Heeseung nearly chokes. “Take the condom off.” 

“Baby—”

“I just wanna feel you.” 

Heeseung curses and his hips automatically drill into yours at the request out of pure shock. He can’t lie to himself. He’s thought about it multiple times since you left for Europe and as he’s come to term with his feelings for you. The cute fantasies about taking you on dates to dinner or drive in theaters transform into daydreams about dirty affairs in his bedroom with his seed leaking out of your perfect hole. 

Still, he doesn’t believe it.

“Please, Hee,” you plead, arching your chest towards him. “Let me feel you. Don’t you want to come inside me?”

“Fuck,” he falters, his forehead on yours. “You can’t just say that…I can’t be risky with you.” 

“Yes you can.” He watches you bite your lip and feels your hands push him off of you. Heeseung doesn’t put up a fight when he slips out of your warm hole and feels your hands grip his cock, desperately trying to tug the condom off of him. 

Heeseung sees the pathetic rubber in your hands when you bring it up for him to see. It’s glistening and his mouth drools at the sight, lips parting enough as if he stares at it in disbelief. He groans lowly in your ear as he peppers a few wet kisses to your neck. 

You spread your legs wider in the air and grip his cock in your head, pumping him a few times before letting his bare tip rest against your hole. His sharp intake is enough to make you bite your lip. 

“Pussy’s so wet,” he says against your neck, pushing an inch inside of you. “God, I could come like this.”

“You can.” 

“No, baby. Gonna fuck you the way you deserve before I come.”

With that sentiment, Heeseung pushes himself inside of you until he’s fully sheathed within your walls. He relishes the way you gasp at the sudden movement and he uses this angle to his advantage, positioning his ear next to your mouth to hear your delicious sounds. 

He moves his hips at such a pace that it makes you feel like your body’s bouncing on top of the soft mattress below you. Heeseung presses his chest against yours to kiss you like his life depends on it, tongue invading the privacy of your mouth but you couldn’t care less where his mouth goes. He can feel your nipples on his skin and groans into your mouth when you clench at a particularly hard thrust. 

“S-So good,” you stutter against his mouth with a breathy moan. Heeseung feels your arm around his shoulders, scratching at his back. “Fuck, fuck!”

“Mhm,” he coaxed. “Such a good baby. You look so pretty underneath me.” 

With a new sense of purpose, Heeseung lifts himself to push himself into you at a deeper angle. He forces his hips into you harder, your hands coming to your chest to cup your tits to give you something to hold in the meantime.

“That’s right, beautiful. Squeeze your tits for me.” 

You do, pinching and twisting your nipples until you hear Heeseung moan above you. It sounds nearly animalistic, the way his throat emits a groan that sounds so primal. He sees the dirty smile you paint your mouth with and leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead before his hand comes to your cheeks, squeezing them between my fingers.

“You like it when I fuck you like this?” Heeseung asks, hips rolling against your own pelvis. When you nod, he gives you a nasty smile of his own and gives you a few harsh thrusts for good measure before pulling himself off of your chest with his cock still inside of you. 

Heeseung sits on his knees and pulls out just far enough where his hot tip remains buried inside of you, relishing in the panty breaths you emit as he watches your chest rise and fall. You look so beautiful to him with your hair messed up against the pillow beneath you and with a few faint hickeys on your chest and neck. Heeseung thinks that all of his wildest dreams could never compare to how gorgeous you look when you’re positioned directly where he wants you. 

You don’t complain when he pulls out to rest his cock on your wet, bare pussy. You wince at the loss and let him slide himself up and down, biting your lip when he grazes your swollen clit over and over again. 

The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he’s exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body. 

It feels euphoric. The whole affair is dirty, but it’s the kind of dirty that makes you want to do it again. It’s the kind of dirty that makes this night an event you’ll want to remember for the rest of your night because Heeseung had poured his entire heart and soul for you to take. 

For Heeseung, this pleasure is less about knowing you have him permission to put himself inside you. You’ve always been so sure of yourself and your body; it’s something Heeseung has always admired about you as a person. Growing up with your insecurities of relationships and dating might’ve made you feel like a late bloomer; to Heeseung, your tendency to keep your head straight has always been a testament to how knowledgeable you are about yourself and about others. You save yourself for people who are worthy of you, and god, does he want to be worthy of you.

“I love you,” Heeseung whispers from above you. His eyes are closed and he pays no mind to the feeling your pussy gives him. Flashes of your memories stitch together like a film reel with your laughter as the soundtrack. He doesn’t think he wants to hear anything else for the rest of his life. 

Just for good measure, he whispers it again. “I love you so much.” 

“And I love you.”

Heeseung opens his eyes to see your tender ones, cheeks flushed from the sudden compliment. He always liked that he knew how to get you to blush when no one else couldn’t. This time, a sense of pride blooms in his chest. 

“I’ll never let you down,” he confesses. “And if I do, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” 

“I know, baby.” Heeseung’s hand cups your cheek and caresses it. “I trust you.” 

That’s enough for him to release your leg from his grip and pound himself into you like his life depends on bringing you to peak happiness. 

Heeseung’s palms are planted firmly on either side of your body as his hips roll gracefully against yours, the hot, wet mess between the two of you splashing on both of your thighs. He watches your eyes close shut and as your back arches to relieve some of the pressure, feeling somewhat proud of himself when he watches as your hands grab at the sheets for stability. 

There’s nothing that compares to watching you orgasm. Your eyebrows knit as if you’re concentrating while your mouth stands slightly ajar at the euphoric feeling of that single knot that’s threatening to come undone until it does. All of the girls he’s deluded into thinking he liked could never compare to the looks and sounds you’re making. 

“That’s it,” he coaxes softly. “Cream my cock, baby. That’s a good girl.” 

Heeseung feels you push and clench around him, gushing until there’s nowhere left for your come to go. He peeks down at where the two of you meet and groans when he sees his cock becoming painted in a sheer layer of white. It edges him on and the moment he locks his eyes with yours, his hips begin to stutter and he spills all he has to offer inside of you. 

He comes with short breaths as if he can’t believe you’ve allowed him to do so. Your hips move up and down as if to milk him for all he’s worth while Heeseung’s trying his best to balance his body on top of yours, grateful that some of his gym workouts prevent him from completely collapsing on top of you to.

His come seeps from your bodies and he pulls out, a few droplets splattering on your pussy lips. He nudges the tip against it, smearing his paint across your canvas and marveling at the sight. 

“My good girl,” he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work.

“I’ve never let anyone come inside of me,” you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung’s hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise. 

“Really?” 

You nod, biting your cheek. “Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn’t want anyone else tainting what’s yours.” 

“Mine?” he asks, catching his breath. “You mean it? You’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Hee.” 

“All mine,” he mutters to himself in disbelief. 

You still feel his cock working itself against you. He’s still hard, a wonder after your hours locked away in your hotel room. It makes you laugh.

“No one has ever compared to you either,” Heeseung says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he continues toying with your pussy. “Even when I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t like you.”

You laugh. “Well that’s good to hear. I realized all the guys I went after while I was abroad either looked like you or reminded me of you.” 

“I can confidently and stupidly say the same.” 

Your laughs echo through the room. Heeseung pulls your body upright, not caring that your mixed come is leaking on his cock and his bare lap. He kisses you with tender care, lips moving at a slow pace while his hands roam over the expanse of your back while your hands are on his broad shoulders. Heeseung could live like this everyday if you’d let him. 

You smile midway through when you feel his fully hardened cock against you. Heeseung apologizes quietly against your lips but feels you shake your head, pulling back to push him against the headboard until he’s comfortably seated. 

He looks at your pussy when you hover above him, the white cream still sticking to you as you grip his cock. Heeseung can’t believe his eyes when he understands what you’re about to do. Before he can even think, you align yourself with his cock and sink until you’re stuffed with him.

“Shit,” he curses through his teeth. 

“What good is coming inside of me if you don’t do it again and again, Hee?” 

“That might be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

“Oh, yeah?”

You don’t move just yet, opting to press small kisses to Heeseung’s face. You kiss his forehead, both temples, his nose, both eyelids, and the apples of his cheeks before placing a kiss to his lips. 

“Before we leave, I want you to fuck me against that window,” you say, turning your head to the window that glimpses the city below. 

“But people can see,” is Heeseung’s first comment.

“So?” 

He chokes and when you feel his cock twitch inside of you, you can’t help but laugh at him.

“I’ve heard talk about your escapades, Lee. Why so shy with me?” 

He smacks your asscheek. “Naughty girl. Didn’t know you were nasty like that.” Heeseung gives you that kind of teasing smile that has you folding for him all over again. “Alright then, humor me. What else do you want to do before we leave?” 

“I’d love to give you a blowjob while we shower, too.” 

“That can certainly be arranged. Anything else?” 

You look around the room. “I kind of want to see you eat me out while I sit on the desk chair. Makes me think you’re some kind of secretary who’s desperate for my pussy.”

“I am desperate for your pussy,” Heeseung reminds you. “What if I’m the stone cold CEO and you’re the cute secretary whose ass I dream about?” 

You seat his chest. “This is my fantasy. You can have yours when we get home.” 

Heeseung raises his eyebrow. “Mm, you sure?”

“Positively,” you nod. Heeseung’s hands travel from your ass to your hips and guides you up and down his cock, letting you set the pace after the brutal first round from a few minutes prior. 

“Gonna fuck you in and on my car, since you like being watched so much,” Heeseung teases. His words seem to make your pussy clench and hips move faster. He forgoes any shyness when speaking about his fantasies and spills his every thought.

“I always thought you looked so cute in your old school uniform. I’ve always wanted to take you in that skirt they gave you.”

“I’ll buy one of those sexy schoolgirl costumes and surprise you for your birthday,” you say, locking your eyes with him. “Oh, professor! Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”

Heeseung laughs at your antics, but the images of you in the costume aforementioned makes his grip on your body tighter. 

“I selfishly want to watch you suck me off while I play with the guys.” He says it in a way that makes him avert his gaze and you can see a faint blush on his face. “I-I saw this video on Twitter. It looks hot.”

“I can do that for you.” You kiss both of his burning cheeks.

“But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face.” 

“Simp,” you grunt, thighs burning from pushing yourself on and off of Heeseung’s cock. 

“And proud.” He smacks both ass cheeks again. “Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, you meet Heeseung and the rest of the guys in the lobby while Jay checks out on behalf of all of you. Jake’s the first to see you coming. 

“You’re glowing and I don’t know if I like that.” He raises his eyebrow at Heeseung, who has pulled you into him by your waist. 

“At least some of us are getting laid,” you retort. “I don’t recall seeing anyone do the walk of shame even though you had the room to yourself.” 

Riki and Sunoo don’t try to contain their laughter as Jake’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. He rolls his eyes when you look at him, but shakes his head and punches your arm with your first. 

“Nah, I’m really glad you two got that out of your system and worked it out.”

“You guys had major sexual tension,” Sunoo comments. 

“Thank God Y/N’s room was at the end of the hall,” says Sunghoon. “I don’t know how their neighbors felt but I can sleep peacefully knowing I didn’t have to hear all of that.” 

“Okay, enough,” Heeseung laughs. “We get it, we had a lot of sexual tension and now we’re fine.”

“So you guys are boyfriend-girlfriend?” Jungwon asks. 

“Y/N is my girlfriend and I am her boyfriend.” 

“I will key his car if he hurts you again,” Riki tells you, looking at Heeseung after he’s finished speaking. You detach yourself from his waist and bring your arms around Riki to give him a squeeze.

“Thanks, Riki.”

“Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early,” Jay says from behind you. 

“Jay is such a dad,” Jungwon whispers. 

He pays no mind to Jungwon’s words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest. It warms his heart in ways he can’t explain.

“Congratulations, you two. Let’s go home.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

add yourself to my taglist !!

taglist: @baevsxii @lillotus17 @syzavxy @mrmld @nikilvrfvr.

#enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #kpop smut #enhypen scenarios #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #heeseung smut #heeseung imagines #lee heeseung #heeseung scenarios #enhypen heeseung #lee heeseung smut #heeseung #tides of regret #my writing

[clbrq]

SHE WAS A DANCER - C. BROCK

warnings; SLIGHT SMUT, fingering, cursing/swearing, stripping, implied sex, sexual dancing.

MINORS DNI

-/-

Keep your hands right there, I popped two more she’s in my mind somewhere,

The loud music struck through your body like an earthquake, feeling how the rumble pulsated through you with each beat. The low bass of the song erupted around the crowded room as you watched the room in front of you, observing everyone in it.

The most common type of people who came in were young men—early twenties and looking for a fun night out with their friends after a few too many drinks. Some were on their Stag Do, enjoying their “last night of freedom” before their wedding. And some were old, creepy men, mostly likely perving on younger girls, who wanted lap dances for big bills.

Won’t let my mind go there, I took too much, don’t let me drive no where,

You were on stage, bright, colourful lights blinding you as you twirled elegantly around the cool, metal pole hugging your skin. Your provocative outfit doing little to hide your private areas—the lacy, black bra slightly revealing your nipples through the fabric, and the matching thong doing the same to hide your pussy. As your black heels hit the ground, you slowly turned around—your backside facing the audience as you dropped down to the ground, flashing them exactly what they wanted to see.

Keep your eyes on mine, and if you want I’ll tell you lies. Tell you I’m yours for life, and tell your friend she’s next in line.

As the song continued, you carefully made your way down from the stage, and walking towards the bar—ordering a shot. Downing it in one, the bartender laughed as you winced as the alcohol burnt your throat.

“I thought you were a pro?” Aryia asked, smirking at you as he shook up a cocktail.

“I am,” You fired back, clealry in denial, “I just haven’t had a drink tonight.”

“I made you two vodka and Coke’s earlier.” Aryia spoke flatly, giving you a look.

“Fuck,” You chuckled, in defeat, “You win.” Aryia laughed as you shook your head, giggling with him.

Aryia was your good friend, and co-worker. He had been apart of your friend group for years, been there to support you at your lows, and most importantly, to hide your job from your other friends.

He had hooked you up with the job two years ago when you were running low on money, knowing it made good cash and you’d enjoy the attention. You knew your other friends wouldn’t approve considering they all did social media. You know if their fans found out they were friends with a stripper, they would get a lot of confused comments and you would face a lot of backlash after being in a lot of their content.

You were lucky that no one had recognised you from their videos, you tried to limit the amount of lap dances you gave to younger men, not knowing if they’d watch your friends’ videos’ or not.

Sam and Colby, your two best friends, were the most popular on social media in your friendship group. They had been doing social media for years, dating back to when they did Vine and now Youtube videos. They were well-paid and well-liked, and mostly had female fans—luckily for you. You were very confident in the fact that they wouldn’t approve of what you did—they weren’t best pleased when Aryia told them he bartended there. Meaning they would freak out when they found out you stripped there, too.

Sam and Colby, and the rest of group never came in to your club as it wasn’t their thing—plus they wouldn’t want to interfere with Aryia’s work. However, a recurring thought always played in the back of your mind that maybe, one day, they’d show up.

“Here, these are for table 20.” Aryia told you, sliding a black, plastic tray full of drinks towards you, “Be careful, there’s a few on there.”

“Hey, I may not be a pro at handling my drinks, but I can sure carry trays full of them.” You joked, rising a laugh from him as you carefully picked it up and walked away.

Watching mainly where you were walking, you arrived at the table full of 6 men, all laughing and joking to each other—clearly enjoying their night.

“Good evening, fellas,” You started, placing the tray onto the table, and setting the drinks down in front of them, “How are we all tonight?”

As you looked up, your heart dropped as the familiar faces looked back at you with a similar expression. Sam, Colby, Jake, Corey, Mike and Kevin all sat before you, all with a shocked look on their faces as they took you in.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You spat, confusion riddling your body as your hands shook.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sam shot back, his eyebrows furrowed tightly, “And why are you wearing that?”

Words failed as you eyes glanced over all of their faces, embarrassment filling your emotions suddenly.

“No fucking way, do you work here?” Jake spoke up, looking over at your other friends as he did so.

Gulping, your eyes caught Colby as his eyes ran all over your body, his face flooded with confusion. Shaking your head, you turned around and walked away—not being able to face them any longer. Tears rimmed in your eyes as you ran back to Aryia, your bottom lip quivering.

“Yo, what’s wrong? Did one of them touch you again?” Aryia questioned, walking around the bar to see who was sat at the table. As his eyes caught onto all of his friends, his face dropped as they got a glimpse of the two of you stood together.

“Holy shit.” He whispered, looking back at you, “What did they say?”

“T-They just asked if I worked here, and why I was dressed like I am.” You informed him, swallowing down the lump in your throat, “What am I supposed to do?”

As you looked at Aryia for an answer, your manager waltzed over to the pair of you, placing a warm hand on your shoulder to grab your attention.

“Hey, sweet pea, table 21 requested a lap dance,” She told you, smiling at you.

Fuck, the table right next to them.

“Uhm, I need to go on my break.” You mumbled, not meeting her gaze.

“Yeah, sure, just after the lap dance, and then you can go for 10 minutes.” She stated, patting your back and then walking away.

“Oh, fuck.” Aryia whispered, “I would offer to do it for you, but this isn’t a gay club.”

You laughed slightly, wiping your eyes. Aryia always knew how to make you laugh in your worst times. Whenever a weird guy would touch you unnecessarily, Aryia would be there to shut it down and help you out of the situation safely. He really was your rock at work.

Letting out a deep breath, you began walking towards the table next to your friends. It was 4 men, a bit younger than Sam and Colby, probably around 21, all drinking heavily.

“Hi there, boys, heard you needed me?” You spoke, sensually, batting your eyelashes at them as their smiles increased at the sight of you.

“He does.” One spoke, pointing to a red-faced brunette, smirking at you. He wasn’t unattractive, he just wasn’t your type. At least he wasn’t in his 60’s.

“You ready for me?” You asked, walking over to designated boy.

“Anytime.”

Turning around, your placed your ass onto his crotch as you slowly grind on his obvious bulge. His hand flew to your waist as your flicked your hair around your shoulder to look back at him with a cheeky grin on your face. You tried to ignore the eyes you could feel watching you from the table next to you, but you forced yourself to not look their way as you faced the excitable boy face on—straddling his legs.

Rocking your body back and forth slowly, you ran your hands slowly down his chest as you whispered sweet nothings in his ear. One of your hands reached up to squeeze your tits, and the other to run down your torso sexually. But, standing up once more, to finish off the lap dance, you shook your ass gracefully onto him, letting him watch in awe as your body rippled in front of his face.

As you returned to your standing position, you placed a sweet kiss onto his cheek before jutting your hip out to him. He slipped 100 dollars into the band of your panties, thanking you quietly.

“No problem, babe,” You winked at him, “Anything sweet from you over there, boys?”

His friends all gave you 10 dollars each, racking your tip up to 130 dollars in total. It was cheap considering you make thousands in a day, but they were young and stingy—you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

You could feel your friends watching you as you walked away, not daring to look back as you pushed open the back door to go outside. Sitting down the curb, wincing as the cold hit your bare skin, running your fingers through your hair.

As soon as the silence started, it was killed as the back door swung open to reveal Colby stood in the doorway. You looked up at him, your face blank as you had no words to give him. You were tired and weren’t in the mood to fight.

“Stripper, huh?” He spoke, finally, taking a seat next to you.

“Yeah,” You breathed, looking out at the rushing traffic on the street in front of you.

“Why do you do it?”

“I needed the money,” You replied, shrugging, “Aryia said it was well-paid and that I might enjoy it. And it is, and I do.”

Colby didn’t reply as you both stared out into the night’s sky.

“Why did you come tonight?” You asked, finally turning to look at him.

“I’m gonna be honest with you,” He chuckled, “I already knew you worked here, Aryia accidentally let it slip a few months ago when he was hammered.”

Your mouth fell slack in shock as you took in his words, “That fucking prick, I’m gonna kill him.”

“I don’t even think he remembers.” Colby smiled, looking at you, “But, I wanted to come to see you. Watch you.”

Your mind felt fuzzy at his words. You’d always felt something for Colby, in one way or another. Sometimes, you look at him and want him to take you out for a nice dinner, and make you his girlfriend. But other times, you wanted him to take you from behind and absolutely ruin you.

Right now, you wanted him to fuck you into ecstasy from the way he was looking at you. His pupils were wide, his eyes almost looking black as he licked lips, while his eyes flicked down at yours.

“And, my God, watching you dance on that guy, I’ve never been more pissed off in my life.”

Not saying anything more, you grabbed his face as you connected your lips. Teeth clashed as you clambered into his lap, letting his hands rest comfortably on your waist. The difference between how that guy’s hands and Colby’s hands feel on your body—with Colby’s you could feel the arousal begin to pool in your panties as his tongue swirled around in your mouth.

“Fuck, touch me.” You whined in his mouth, your fingers running through his locks, your hips subconsciously rocking back and forth onto his lower half.

His fingers quickly flew down to your core, slipping past the fabric and straight to your throbbing clit. You moaned loudly into him as he rubbed teasingly slow circles onto your sensitive nub, bathing in your whines.

“Tell me where you need me, baby.” Colby whispered, the smell of alcohol wafting into your face as he spoke.

“Inside, please, Colbs.” You muttered, pecking his swollen lips, enjoying the taste of vodka on his tongue.

As soon as the words left your drunken lips, his thick, ring-clad fingers slipped deep into your aching hole. Your moans picked up as he curled his fingers to abuse the delightful spot inside you, causing you to arch your back into his heaving chest. His lips left yours as they travelled down your neck, to your prominent breasts, letting him suckle and kiss your skin as he fingered you brutally into ecstasy.

“You gonna cum all over my fingers, baby?” He slurred, your eyes meeting as a smirk grew on his face, “Gonna make you feel so good, aren’t I?”

“Yes, yes, yes, Colby.” You pleaded, slightly tugging on his hair as thumb abused your clit, whilst his other fingers obliterated your quivering hole.

“So slutty for me, hm? Been begging for this for so long, haven’t you, sweetheart?” He pushed further, making you whine in agony as your finish drew closer.

“Oh, fuck, Colby, I’m there!” You cried, one hand grasping his shoulder as the other gripped his hair tightly.

“Yeah, cum for me, angel, all over my fingers.”

The orgasm hit you hard as Colby talked you through your pleasure, loving how you soaked his fingers and how you whimpered his name. You saw stars as your orgasm concluded around him, causing your chest to rise quickly as you caught your breath.

“Fuck.” You whispered, resting your forehead on his as he pulled his fingers out of you.

Colby proceeded to bring his fingers up to his mouth, and sucked your slick clean from them. You bit in your lip in arousal as you watched him groan at the taste.

“So fuckin’ sweet.” Colby murmured, smiling as your cheeks flushed red as you stared at him.

“Thank you.”

Colby didn’t reply as he pecked your lips, “Come on, go finish your shift, and then I’m taking you home.”

“Thank you, you don’t need to do that.”

“Oh, you’re not going to your house.” Colby chuckled, “You’re coming home with me.”

You’re lips parted slightly at his words as you watched as his eyes flickered in the light, listening closely as he spoke to you,

“I’m not done with you yet, baby.”

-

good night y’all i’m so tired

but i love writing about stuff that i’ve come up with, i’m sorry some of the fics have been shit recently i’ve not been getting enough sleep for sure

but i love y’all sm thank u for the support

b <3

#colby brock #colby brock angst #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock fics #colby brock fluff #colby brock headcanon #colby brock smut #colby brock smut x reader #colby brock x reader #colby x reader #colby brock fanfic #sam and colby headcanons #sam and colby fics #sam golbach fanfiction #sam and colby fanfiction #sam and colby smut x reader #sam and colby x reader #sam and colby smut #sam and colby #sam golbach fics #sam golbach smut x reader #sam golbach headcanon #sam golbach fanfic #sam golbach x reader #sam golbach smut #sam golbach #corey scherer #jake webber #reggie webber #mike’s dead

[unsolved-duvall]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨) - 𝐞.𝐦. (𝟏𝟖+)

part one | part two

older rockstar!eddie x reader

summary eddie munson was an asshole, you knew that now. and the truth was you hated him, so much so that you couldn't stop thinking about him.

eddie munson hated himself, and he couldn't stop thinking about you. (16.3k)

warnings 18+ minors dni, age gap (reader is 22, eddie is 40), angst, asshole eddie, references to abuse, drinking (reader gets drunk), reader hurts herself (not intentionally!), very brief mention of blood, smut, making out, oral sex, penetrative sex, fingering, an overuse of nicknames. if i have missed anything please politely let me know <3

Seven Months Later. 

There’s this theory called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. It’s the scientific explanation for why you start to notice something, or someone more when your awareness of them increases. 

It’s an illusion. Your brain creates a cognitive bias. The truth is that thing was there all along. You just never cared enough to notice it before. 

Like Eddie fucking Munson. 

.

.

.

The fall air was heavy with a bitter chill as it slinked in through your half-open window. You were barely conscious, your body still heavy with sleep, but you felt the cold wind embrace you in an unwelcome hug and you pulled your thick comforter over your head in a bid to escape it. 

You weren’t sure what time it was, your mind hazy as memories of last night came flooding back to you. You attempted to push them to the back of your mind, you didn’t need the self-loathing to begin already, you could get to that after you had managed to at least eat breakfast. 

Your arms felt heavy as you lifted them, stretching them above you. Your movements caused your comforter to fall around you, your eyes squinted to adjust to the harsh light that bled through the curtains. They were second-hand and made from really sheer material, they almost made no difference. But you kept them up anyway; you were a young woman living in a city by yourself, so you couldn’t afford to lose the small amount of privacy they granted you. 

Dragging your limp body out of bed (fuck you, college) you made your way over to your closet, grabbing the first crumpled-up clothes you saw and throwing them on, not bothering to even look at what you were now wearing.

And no, you didn’t shower, and yes you knew you should have. But quite frankly, you barely had the energy to get out of bed and go to class; asking you to shower and wash your hair was asking far too much from you. 

You had two exams today and a shift at the diner afterwards. None of which you were particularly looking forward to, but there wasn’t a lot you could do about that now except grin and bear it. 

Which is what you did. It was what you always did. 

As you stepped out of your apartment complex you felt the frost-bitten wind caress your face. You swore under your breath, pulling your coat tighter around you in a feeble attempt to warm yourself up. 

Looking up your eyes landed on the obnoxiously large billboard that sat opposite your building. And on it, of course, was none other than Corroded Coffin, with Eddie sitting front and centre. Promotion for their upcoming tour. 

You stared at it for far too long to be considered a passing glance. And just before you turned on your heel to walk to class you pulled a cold hand out of your pockets and pointedly gave it the middle finger. 

Fuck you, universe. 

.

.

.

“I’ll tell you what you can do Marianne, you can shove your ideas and fuck-” 

“Okay, you’re done” John slammed his hands down on the table in front of him, pushing his chair back as he got up and all but manhandled Eddie, pulling him out before he could add more fuel to the fire, “Get out, come on. Jesus fucking Christ-” 

It was early. The sun could have only just risen when he woke up and he could hear the fucking birds chirping kind of early. 

It was 9 AM. 

He could easily have stopped John from dragging him out of the meeting room like a petulant child, but that would take energy he simply didn’t have. And the energy he did have he was more than happy to use on shouting at people who, in his humble opinion, were being pretty fucking stupid for it being the crack of dawn. 

9 AM. 

So instead he raised his calloused hands in mock defeat as he let John lead him down the wide corridor, a warning hand on his shoulder, and into another room. The room was identical to the one he had just been in; but there was no one in there, which made it much preferable to him. 

The harsh morning light beamed in through the floor-to-ceiling windows lining the exterior wall. The wall adjoining the room to the corridor was also made entirely of glass. Eddie leant his body weight against it, running his hands over his face as John shut the door behind them. Eddie’s eyes flicked to him briefly and he saw his body tense. He knew that he’d pissed him off. But he didn’t care, these moments were second nature to the both of them by now.

None of them dared speak first. Both of them quietly assessed the other, figuring out how explosive this was about to get. 

Very. If the past was any indication. 

Eddie being, well - Eddie, pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips, his hands fumbling around his many pockets trying to remember where he had last put his lighter. 

“You can’t smoke in here.” 

John’s curt voice cut through the thick tension clouding the room. Eddie’s eyes snapped to Johns, fucking insufferable bastard, and his hands halted their searching of his pockets. 

“If I don’t smoke I’ll turn into an asshole” Eddie bit out the words, a sarcastic smile painting his face. 

“Ah, so no different than usual then? Put the cigarette down and stop being a dick,” John walked over to the meeting table and pulled out a flimsy chair, sitting down with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m tired of playing your fucking father.” 

“You’re barely five years older than me.” Eddie’s voice was harsh as he snapped back at John, but his face was heavy with some emotion that even John couldn’t place. He knew bringing up Eddie’s father was a bad idea. He only pulled out that card when he was desperate. 

“Exactly. I have two kids at home. You’re old enough to be their father, so don’t make me speak to you the way I speak to them. Shit, they’re better behaved than you are.” 

Anyone who knew John knew that he really did care for Eddie. He treated him like a brother, but Eddie didn’t yet return the same sentiment. John figured he probably never would, and he was okay with that. 

He knew Eddie’s history. All of it. He understood why Eddie was the way he was. He just wished he could help him. He also knew that if he told Eddie this, he would most likely leave with a black eye if he dared show any ounce of pity for him. 

Eddie liked to be treated a certain way. Harsh words shared between people on the most basic level. It made him feel safe. If he never connected with anyone he couldn’t hurt them. 

Or be hurt when they left him.

So John never mentioned any of what he knew. But Eddie knew that he was aware of his past, and he hadn’t abandoned him yet, so that was good enough for him. 

“You keep pulling shit like this and the label will drop you. It’s as simple as that.” 

Eddie scoffed, fiddling with the still unlit cigarette between his fingers. “I’d like to see them try.” 

“Okay, listen to me” John leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, feet planted as if he was ready for a fight any minute. “You leave to go on tour in two hours—your first show is tomorrow. Figure your shit out. Drop the asshole facade you’re so desperately trying to hide behind,” 

Eddie didn’t say anything, he feared if he did he would only regret it. He simply stayed leaning against the wall, not looking away from John once. His stare was cold, calculated. 

“You’re not better than anyone in that room. No matter what the girls you’re fucking every night might be saying to you.” 

Eddie held his stare, a smirk pulling at his mouth. 

“They don’t usually say a lot actually. It’s hard when they're being fucked dumb, poor things can barely string a sentence together when we’re done” 

Eddie was looking for a reaction. He wanted a fight, needed a fight. 

John bit his tongue, biting back the words he knew Eddie was waiting to hear. He wanted Eddie to tell him he was an ass. That he was pathetic. That he deserved everything that had happened to him. 

He wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. 

“What? Do you not get that sort of reaction from your wife after you’ve fucked her? That’s poor show John, I can teach you a few things if you need me to?” Eddie’s venomous tone hit exactly where he intended it to, he could tell by the way John clenched his jaw, “Or I could just fuck her for you.” 

“What the fuck’s happened to you, Eddie?” His voice was suddenly soft, concerned. Eddie hated it. “Is this all about that girl, because-” 

“Fuck off,” Eddie said with a deafening calm, “I’m going for a smoke.”

And with that Eddie turned and left the room, his heavy footsteps echoing throughout the empty corridor. 

“You better not miss the flight later! You can’t fuck up everyone else’s life like you’re doing to your own!” John sighed as the words landed on deaf ears, Eddie already too far gone to pay any attention to him. 

It was going to be a long long tour. 

.

.

.

Carpe Diem. That was a thing people said right? Well, you were here to tell them that was bullshit. 

Seize the day. Whatever that meant - it was certainly not meant for broke college students who had recently been fucked over by a world-famous rockstar, had almost certainly just failed their final exams and now had to endure a seven-hour shift at a diner. 

No, that saying was intended for people who already had their life together. Middle-aged moms living in the suburbs with their two children and a perfect husband. Who woke up each morning and decided between going to a new yoga class or a coffee morning with their book club girlfriends. 

Those were the type of people Carpe Diem was meant for. 

Not you. 

You had managed to get caught in the rain on your way to your shift. The cold rain soaking through your clothes and onto your skin enhanced every emotion you were already feeling. The cold wind was biting as you swerved through the bustling crowd on the sidewalk. It was nearing 10 PM, and you wouldn’t be home until the early hours of the morning; you rarely picked up night shifts. You had been working there for almost three years and you could count on one hand the number of times you had worked a night shift. But right now you needed the money, so when the shift was offered to you, who were you to turn it down? 

Once you had finally arrived you had almost immediately snapped at your manager when you walked through the heavy doors of the diner; she had made some innocent joke about how you would have been drier if you had swum here. 

She quickly realised you weren’t in the mood for jokes and told you she had a change of clothes in the back you could borrow. You nodded your head and forced an appreciative smile onto your face. You liked your manager, she was maybe a decade older than you, give or take, and she always made sure the chefs cooked you some food during a long shift. 

You ignored everyone else, one chef and two other waitresses who would be leaving soon, as you made your way to the staff room at the back of the diner, heading straight to your manager's locker and grabbing the clothes she had folded and placed on the top shelf. 

You threw on the jeans but hesitated as you unfolded the all too familiar shirt. You recognised the design instantly and you felt a lump form in your throat. You had the exact same shirt at home, although yours was lying abandoned in the back of your closet, and you had been content never to see, let alone wear it, again.

The worn-out corroded coffin logo stared back at you. 

Well fuck. 

It had taken you all of two seconds to decide that you would rather spend your night in a half-soaked t-shirt instead. When your manager had seen you walk back out, apron tied around your waist and a damp t-shirt clinging to you, she hadn’t questioned it. Instead, she pointed to your area for the night and told you it shouldn’t be too busy, she smiled a genuine smile and rubbed your back, like a caring mom, before leaving you to it. You could tell by the look of concern she tried to hide that she knew something was wrong. You seemed tense, which you never were. 

You hadn’t told anyone what had happened. You weren’t the first girl to be fucked over by Eddie and you certainly wouldn’t be the last. You felt ridiculous for being so hung up on what had happened. 

But there was just something about him. And you hated him for it. 

You saw pieces of him everywhere you went. Heard his voice in every store or cafe you went into, and every time it cut into you a little bit deeper than the last. He had left his mark on you and you had no idea how to get rid of it. The truth was you weren’t sure you wanted to. He made you feel safe. Which was insane given his reputation, but every time he looked at you it felt like a summer breeze wrapped itself around you. He smiled at you and it felt like running into the ocean for the first time on holiday. Like nothing could hurt you as long as he was there. 

But then he had been the one to hurt you, so fuck him, right? 

Yeah. Fuck him. You had tables to serve, people to pretend to like, and a myriad of awful attempts at flirting to politely ignore for the next… seven hours. 

It was going to be a long long night. 

.

.

.

The truth was Eddie had tried relentlessly to avoid coming back here. To this city. 

To you. 

But it hadn’t worked. His team had asked him multiple times why exactly he was so adamant about avoiding this place, but hell would have to open up and drag him down there before he would tell anyone it was because of you. 

You had fucked him up more than anyone ever had. And he had spent one night with you. 

He barely knew anything about you. He knew your name, and he knew how old you were. He also knew what you sounded like when you came. 

He hadn’t told anyone about you. John knew, of course. But every time he would try to mention ‘that girl’ to Eddie he would shoot him a look that said “I am not above punching you in the face” and that was that. 

So now here he was. In the one city on earth, he would have happily avoided for the rest of his godforsaken life- 

“Do you want to go straight to the hotel? I already made sure the security stopped people hanging around outside, so you don’t have to worry about that.” John’s voice sounded from beside Eddie, although he was barely listening. 

The moment the plane landed he felt his heart race. Which was stupid, because as far as he knew you didn’t actually live here. You might have been here on holiday or just came for the concert. 

Fuck he hopes you didn’t come just for him. 

“You know tour used to be fun, we used to do shit. Get fucked up.” Eddie didn’t turn to look at John whilst he spoke, choosing instead to smoke a cigarette out of the barely open window. The torrent of rain outside still managed to slip in through the open space, leaving raindrops to settle on Eddie’s hair that fell around his shoulders. 

Eddie had a habit of avoiding other people’s questions, even simple ones. John had picked up on that fact rather fast. It was best to let Eddie lead the conversation, so that’s what he did. 

“I remember,” John replied, staring straight ahead from the back seat, watching the traffic they were attempting to drive through, “That was ten years ago, things change, you know that.” 

Eddie did know that. It didn’t mean he had to like it. 

When Eddie didn’t bother to respond John cautiously said “they all have families now, Eddie. A wife and kids. Can you blame them for not wanting to get high every night and fuck up a hotel room?” 

Eddie clenched his jaw, flicking the burnt-out cigarette out of the window and onto the rain-soaked road, “You have a wife and kids, why are you here with me? Not with them, with your perfect little picket-fence family, huh?” 

“Because I’m working. I don’t spend time with you out of the goodness of my heart, you know. You pay me to be here, to make sure some insane fan doesn’t stalk you or some shit.” John tried to sound lighthearted, adding some humour to his all-too-true words. But it didn’t help. 

Eddie once again went quiet, whispering something under his breath about it all being “fucking bullshit” but that was it. He hadn’t apologised to John about that morning, the comment about his wife. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was sorry. And he knew that made him the asshole everyone said he was, but he had been wearing that badge of honour for a long time, he’d be damned if he let it bother him now. Maybe he just was an asshole. 

“Do I assume you do just want to go straight to the hotel?” John asked again, he knew not to push Eddie but he really needed to let the poor driver know where he was taking them. Although with the traffic at a standstill, they wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. 

“No” Eddie’s blunt response would have been enough to have most people stop talking to him. 

“Well, where do you wanna go then? I’m not driving around with you all fuckin’ night I’ll tell you that for nothing.” Eddie finally turned in his seat to look at John, although his gaze seemed to be focused on the window behind him instead, “It’s gone midnight, you may be a rockstar but I’m old. I need to sleep.” 

“Here. I’m hungry.” 

John turned, confusion evident as he furrowed his eyebrows and breathed out a barely audible “what?”. The car had stopped outside a diner, open twenty-four hours, based on the worn-out sign hanging in the window. There was no one inside, except a waitress. This was probably the only place in the city Eddie could go to without being spotted and harassed. 

“Are you serious? They have room service at the hotel and-” 

“I fucking said I wanna eat here, is that so hard to understand?” Eddie snapped, his hands fiddling with the bracelets and pieces of fabric he had tied around his left wrist. “I- can we just get out here, I’m fuckin’ starving” 

“Well if you would have eaten on the plane instead of insulting the food-” 

“That shit looked like I could have made it. Would you eat my cooking, John?” 

“You couldn’t pay me enough.” 

“Exactly.” Eddie took off his seatbelt and waved his hands toward the door on John’s side “let’s go.”

John reluctantly moved to open the door, stepping out into the cold rain. Eddie followed suit, taking in his surroundings as he waited for John to tell the driver something, probably asking him to come back in an hour. 

The bell hanging over the door rang out into the quietness of the diner as they both walked in, glad to be out of the rain for the brief time they were in it. It was quiet, save for the soft hum of a radio playing behind the counter. A woman stood behind it, her back turned and windswept hair flowing over her shoulders, an apron tied around her waist. Eddie could see that her shirt was damp and he couldn’t help the pang of guilt that rang through him as he realised she must have gotten caught in the downpour on her way here. Eddie had never had to work a service job before, but he knew damn well if he did and his clothes were soaked through before he had even started, he would have gone home. No questions asked. 

He made a mental note to try and be nice to her. He never did that, but he promised himself he would at least try. 

John hesitated a minute before walking over to an empty booth and sitting himself down, his eyes trained on the girl behind the counter. 

Eddie sat opposite him, stretching his legs out under the table and picking up the menu that was left on the table. He decided on the first thing he saw and threw the menu back down, sliding it over to John, but he still wasn’t looking anywhere except at the waitress behind the counter. 

“What’s the matter with you?” Eddie asked quizzically. John’s whole body language had changed the minute they had walked in. Sure, it wasn’t the most high-end place they had ever eaten, but Eddie had never taken him for a snob. 

“Okay, you’ve got about ten seconds to decide if you want to just get up and leave.” 

“What-” 

“Too late,” John said suddenly, his eyes darting back to Eddie “don’t be an asshole.” 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what the fuck was he talking about? He looked around to see that the waitress had turned, now facing both of them.

And she was looking straight at Eddie. 

You were looking straight at Eddie.

.

.

.

There are certain feelings that you’ve never been able to explain to people. You’ve never been particularly good at expressing how you feel because you’ve rarely been able to understand or process your own emotions. 

But as you stood in the diner, at 12:46 AM, and saw Eddie sitting across from you. You knew exactly how you felt. 

You felt angry. 

You felt heartbroken. 

You felt confused. 

You felt the happiest you had felt in seven months.

And then you felt the world fall out from underneath your feet. 

You felt like Eddie was about to rip your heart out all over again. 

You hadn’t moved. Shit. What the fuck were you meant to do? Eddie hadn’t moved either. But John had, and he was walking right towards you. 

“Hey,” he was tense, you could tell. “Listen, I don’t know what thoughts are running through your head right now. But, I can imagine at least one of them is that you’d like to punch him square in his face, right?” John tilted his head to the side, trying to gauge your reaction. You still hadn’t moved. You weren’t totally sure you were breathing. 

“I’m gonna trust that you won’t do that, if I’ve been able to hold off from smacking him every day for the past seven months I’m sure you can too.” 

John laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat. Something told you he wasn’t joking. 

“Now, there’s a bar over there.” He pointed past you, out of the window, towards the dive bar sitting directly across from the diner “And even though I can’t drink whilst I’m working. I am going to go there anyway. I’ll be gone twenty minutes. Talk to him. Ignore him. Throw him out of here, for all I care. Do whatever you’ve gotta do.” 

And with that John turned and walked out of the diner. The sounds of the city filled the diner as the door swung open and shut again. And then it was just you. And him. 

And those two old guys sat at a table in the corner. Ignore them. 

You shifted your weight on your feet, you wanted to talk to him. Needed to talk to him. 

Your feet had carried you over to his booth before you had realised what you were doing. You couldn’t read the expression on his face, and for a second you thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but then- 

“John ran out of here as quick as he fucking could, didn’t he?” Eddie… laughed? Genuinely laughed as he said it, a honey-thick smile covering his face. 

“Yeah, he basically floored it to the bar over there” you pointed awkwardly, even Eddie was sitting with his back to the window, and couldn’t see. He smiled again anyway, dropping his gaze from you to stare at his hands that were resting on the table. 

When you didn’t smile back you saw his whole body tense up. What did he expect from you here? To take him to the back room and fuck him? 

“Can you sit down, and talk for a minute, maybe?” 

“I’m working if you hadn’t already noticed.” You responded, voice slightly harsher than you meant for it to sound. 

“I know- shit, I know. I didn’t mean that you weren't, I just meant,” he was stumbling over every other word, and you know it should have given you some satisfaction to see him like this. To realise that maybe you weren’t the only one who came out of this whole thing scorned. But you felt sorry for him, his eyes were heavy with something sad. His usual cocky facade was nowhere to be seen. 

“I can sit for a while, it’s okay.” You hated how soft your voice went, Eddie heard it too, he bit back a smirk and sat up a bit straighter as you sat down across from him. 

“Your shirt is wet,” Eddie said, making a vague gesture with his hand. It was still wet, you guessed, although it was much drier than it had been. “They really made you work in wet clothes? They had nothing for you to wear. You must be cold, that’s all.” 

“My manager gave me some clothes to wear, yeah. I just kept my top because I didn’t feel like wearing hers.” 

Eddie cocked his head to the side, a silent question as to why. 

Well, fuck it. “She’s a big fan of yours. I didn’t want to walk around in a Corroded Coffin top all night so, here I am.” 

There it was. He had been waiting for it. The moment he couldn’t avoid it any longer. 

“Y/N I’m-” 

You cut him off, you weren’t ready to hear whatever sorry excuse he pulled out of his ass. “Sorry? An asshole? A bastard? Take your pick, seriously.” Eddie watched you, his face blank as he took in every word you said. 

You saw his jaw clench. The same way it had when he had left you alone in that hotel room. 

“You want me to say sorry? For what, exactly?” You physically flinched at his words, the harshness of them. That honey-thick smile was nowhere to be seen, his eyes had gone distant. 

“You want an apology because I treated you the same way I treat every other girl I fuck? Listen, sweetheart, you knew what the deal was from the start, don’t act like some fucking innocent party in all of this.” You felt the breath go from your lungs, he had leaned forward as was speaking to you, leaning on his forearms as he broke your heart again. 

“You’re telling me you didn’t go around telling anyone who would listen that we had fucked?” Eddie spat at you. 

“No. I didn’t.” Your voice was quiet but definite. “I didn’t tell anyone.” 

Eddie paused for a moment, something flashed across his face. Relief? Confusion? Anger? You truly couldn’t tell. You weren’t sure he could either. “Maybe you should have. Gossip tabloids will pay a lot of money for shit like that” he turned his head, looking away from you. You wanted to get up and walk away. Shout at him. Tell him how much he had hurt you. 

“You asked me to sit down so you could insult me, was that it?” you asked him, “well you’ve done that so can I go now?” 

“What did you think I was going to do? Profess my undying love for you? Tell you I tracked you down just so I could tell you how sorry I was?” Eddie shot back, he had built that wall back up around himself the minute you had snapped at him. He couldn’t bring himself back from that ledge, no matter how much he wanted to. And he so desperately wanted to. 

Because whenever his eyes landed on yours felt his heart break, he truly believed you held the whole world in your eyes, a world he longed to be a part of. 

“I thought you could be a decent fucking human being, Eddie.” Hearing you say his name made him feel like he was drowning. Your voice dropped as you decided you needed to get it out of your system.  “I thought you would have some respect for me. Do you know how fucked up I’ve been over this? I fucking cried over you.” 

Eddie didn’t try to interrupt, he didn’t have any reaction to what you had just said. You could almost believe he wasn’t listening to a word of what you were saying. 

He was. 

“I get it, okay. This is what you do. Fine. Good for you, if you’re happy like this then please don’t let me, or anyone else, stop you.” You weren’t sure where your confidence had come from, but you felt like this would be the only time he would be sat in front of you again. “I didn’t want to like you. I thought you would be a complete asshole, and I was fine with that.” 

Your gaze dropped from his face to his hands, where he was pulling at the jewellery he had on his left wrist. His hands gave away everything he wasn’t saying, and you didn’t think he was even aware of how much he was giving away. A couple of seconds later his hands stopped moving, and he moved them off the table, onto his lap. He hadn’t realised you were watching him so closely. He hated that. 

“Eddie, listen to me, I liked you. I felt safe with you” Eddie’s eyes scanned your whole face as you spoke, almost as if he was looking for any proof you were lying. You spoke slowly, determined for him to really hear you, and understand what you were saying. “You’re a good person, Eddie. You are not what everyone says you are. Maybe you try to be that guy, but you’re not. You care about other people, but I don’t think you care about yourself.” 

Eddie’s face had softened, he swallowed and shook his head, barely. But you saw him do it, nevertheless. 

“I don’t know you, I know that. But I think you want to be happy, you want to be a good person. But you can’t let yourself. I’m not saying this because I want you to fall in love with me, or some shit. But I hope one day you will fall in love with someone. And I hope you’ll let yourself love them.” 

All of a sudden it was too quiet. You hadn’t even noticed that the two older gentlemen who had been in the diner had left. A twenty-dollar bill was left on the table. The radio played dimly in the background, the rain clattered against the windows and roof. The muffled sounds of the city nightlife outside. Eddie hadn’t said anything to you. You nodded your head and shuffled out of the booth, prepared to leave him alone until John got back. 

You walked back over to the counter, picking up the money as you went. You weren’t sure how long it had been. You had made yourself a coffee and were about to start tidying up when you heard Eddie move. His heavy footsteps echoed off the floor, his leather jacket rubbing against itself. You looked up, expecting to see him walk out. But he didn’t. 

“I’m– we’re playing a show. Tomorrow. If you want to come, that would– fuck, um.” you had never heard his voice sound like it did right now. Soft, but still him. That confidence was hidden just below the surface. “Please come. If you don’t want to watch the show, then come when it finishes.” 

You were the one not saying anything now. You were so angry with him, he still hadn’t apologised. He had barely said anything to you, apart from the insults he had thrown at you. So why the fuck did you want to go. Why could you not imagine this being the last time you saw him? 

“Come to the door, ask security to get John. He’ll make sure you get in okay, I promise.” 

You didn’t have time to even nod in agreement before Eddie was heading for the door, he opened it and you couldn’t drag your eyes away from him. Even with the promise of seeing him tomorrow, it felt like too much of a risk to not take him in as much as you could whilst he was there. 

“I’m sorry.” 

And then he walked out, letting the door shut behind him. Only this time he had said something to you before he left you. And you knew, no matter how much it would make you hate yourself, that you would see him tomorrow. 

.

.

.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Genuinely, I’m genuinely asking you, this isn’t a joke anymore.” Eddie knew John would be insufferable on the drive to the hotel, but if he knew he would be like this? Eddie would have walked. 

“I apologised to her. I invited her to the show, whatever she does is her decision.” Eddie bit out, John laughed at his words. The kind of laugh that said are-you-clinically-insane? Eddie couldn’t find it in him to disagree with that. 

“Eddie, I have known you for almost as long as that girl has been alive-” 

“Okay well that’s not what I need to hear right now, John for fuck-” 

“No, listen to me. I have known you since you were barely older than her. And I have never ever seen you be so fucked up over someone else. I have never seen you care about someone else the way you do that girl– and don’t try and bullshit me here. Because you do care about her.” John sounded blunt, harsh. But Eddie knew he only sounded like that when he loved someone and wanted them to be okay. He only pulled out that voice when he needed to slap some sense into Eddie. 

Eddie had never told him, but he did love John like a brother. He might tell him someday, maybe with you next to him. Maybe. 

“For the past seven months, there is not a day gone by where I have looked at you and you weren’t completely zoned out. You were thinking about her, every time. I knew that. So now, here’s your chance. Not everyone gets those, you know that better than anyone.” 

Eddie held back a shaky breath. John saw it, but he knew they needed to have this conversation. 

“You are not your father, Eddie.” John needed him to truly understand that. “You never have been him, and you never will be. You won’t ever hurt that girl, in whatever way you’re afraid you will.” 

Eddie froze, and then– “I don’t want to hurt her. I would never, I promise. But what if–” 

“You are not your father,” John repeated “I know the kind of things he said to you, how he treated you. And how he treated your mother.” 

Eddie nodded his head, tears welling in his eyes as he let John talk. 

“The idea that you are even related to that man is astounding. And, how you got this reputation is beyond me.” John laughed, remembering something “You– you forced me to adopt a kitten you saw outside your trailer when I first met you, told me it needed to live with someone who had a ‘fancy-ass’ house. You gave her to me and threatened to tell my girlfriend if I said no.” Eddie laughed through the tears that were staining his cheeks. 

“Don’t let your father win. He’s not around to control you anymore. If you ask me, you should have gotten on your knees and begged that girl to forgive you; begged her to give you a second chance.” The car stopped and John looked out of the window, the lights from the hotel flickering through the rain. John turned back to Eddie as he took off his seatbelt “Now, I don’t know if she’s going to turn up tomorrow. But if she does? Then she could be the happiest girl in the world if you just let yourself be vulnerable.��� 

Eddie nodded again, afraid that if he spoke his voice would break with all the emotions that were running through him. 

“I assume I’m chaperoning this girl during the show tomorrow?” John said as they both climbed out of the car. 

Eddie nodded, and John flung an arm around him as they walked into the hotel. 

“I do not get paid enough for everything I do for you.” 

.

.

.

After Eddie had left the rest of your shift flew by. No one else came in, which was normal for a weeknight. You spent the last couple of hours of your shift trying to distract yourself from the thoughts that were clouding your brain. Once the sun had started to rise and the orange sunlight began to flood through the windows you felt yourself heave a sigh of relief. 

Your manager popped out from the back office every now and then, if she was aware of your run-in with Eddie she didn’t say anything. She never worked the night shift (being the manager had its perks), but the other waitress had called in sick earlier, and there was no one else to cover her. 

She had told you she would drive you home, there was no way she was letting you get a taxi. You didn’t argue with her, thanking her and telling her you’d give her gas money, considering your apartment was in the opposite direction to yours. She was adamant you would do no such thing. 

Just before 5 AM, the morning waitresses came in. You wouldn’t call them friends per se, but they were nice enough. One was in her mid-forties, with mousy brown hair that she always wore in a long ponytail, bouncing with each footstep she took during her shift. The other was around your age, and you were closer to her. You had been for drinks with her a couple of times, she was loud and extroverted so you never had to do much talking, which you were perfectly happy with. 

They made polite conversation as they walked in, asking you how the night had been and if anything eventful had happened. 

“Nope, it was pretty boring, to be honest.” There was no way in hell you were telling them that Eddie Munson had been sitting not even a foot away from where they were standing. 

You politely dismissed yourself and went to find your manager. You ran into each other in the back hallway, she laughed telling you she was just about to come and rescue you. 

The drive home was quiet, casual conversation was shared between the two of you, but nothing more. Soon enough she pulled up outside of your apartment building. You thanked her and went to get out of the car, but before you could she placed a hand on your arm. 

“Y/N if there’s something bothering you, you can talk to me, you know? You’ve been quiet for a few months now. I don’t want to intrude or push any boundaries, but I care about you. And not just because you’re a good waitress.” You both laughed, and you assured her you were okay. Maybe one day you’d tell her what had been going on. But not just yet. 

You went to bed as soon as you stepped foot into your apartment, only making time to pull off your clothes and throw on the oversized t-shirt you slept in. The mattress seemed to swallow you whole as you threw your body down and pulled your comforter over your head. 

.

.

.

You only realised you hadn’t set an alarm when you woke up that evening, with a couple of hours left before you needed to leave. 

To see Eddie. 

Oh fuck. 

You stumbled through your apartment to your bathroom and jumped in the shower. The cold water stole a breath from you and made sure you were awake. It took far too long for the water in your building to warm up, and to be honest, you figured taking a cold shower before you saw Eddie couldn’t be a bad thing. 

Coming out of the bathroom, a fluffy towel wrapped around you, you turned on the lamps you had dotted around your apartment, the daylight quickly fading. 

Your apartment was nice, you were incredibly lucky you had stumbled upon it when you moved here. It was only a studio, but what more did you need when it was just you? You separated your bedroom from the lounge and kitchen with a curtain that hung from the ceiling. It had been there when you moved in and you didn’t question how exactly the previous residents had got it there in the first place. 

The rest of the apartment was undoubtedly old-fashioned. With 60’s and 70’s architecture but you made it your own. You brought all of your furniture from thrift stores, leaning into the 60’s look that you had been lumbered with. A variety of rugs covered the floor, lamps were placed on tables and plants were in every corner. It felt homely, certainly far from perfect but it was your own, and that was all that mattered. 

You spent an hour or so doing your makeup, hair and getting dressed. You had never been the most confident person, but tonight you felt genuinely pretty. But you barely gave yourself time to let yourself feel that before the nerves took over your body. You felt lightheaded, a telltale sign that your anxiety was about to get the better of you. 

So you did what you should never do in those situations. You eyed up the bottle of vodka you had out on your kitchen counter, left over from the other night when your friends had come over. 

You told yourself you’d do one shot. Ease your nerves and loosen you up so you could at least talk to Eddie when you saw him. 

Now, you would like to reiterate that this was the worst decision you could have made. 

After the first shot, you called a taxi. And then you took two more shots before leaving your apartment. 

You were a lightweight. This is important to note because you were already tipsy. 

You arrived at the venue about five minutes before the concert started, meaning it was relatively quiet outside, everyone else was already inside, excitedly waiting for it to start. You remembered what Eddie had said about speaking to security and asking for John. It was cool outside, but not cold. The soft air hits your face and sobers you up slightly, you rested against a wall for a minute, asking yourself what the fuck you were doing. 

Eddie had said sorry only after he had shouted at you. Accused you of telling anyone who would listen that you had fucked him. And maybe you were crazy, maybe you were being stupid. But… you looked at him and you felt like you were wrapped in a warm hug, his eyes were deafening. One look into them and time slowed down, any music stopped playing, and everyone stopped talking, all because you were looking at him. 

You couldn’t ignore that feeling. It was the feeling you read about in fairy tales as a child. So here you were, wearing your heart on your sleeve. Trusting Eddie not to break it. 

You made your way over to one of the entrances and spoke to the man standing there. You asked him to get John. He asked your name, and when you told him a knowing look crossed his face. He smiled and told you to wait there. 

Has Eddie told everyone about you? No, no he wouldn’t do that. He probably told John to let security know you were coming, so they wouldn't turn you away. 

Whilst you waited for John you felt the alcohol really take an effect. Oh no. 

Before you had time to curse yourself for your decisions John rounded the corner, he smiled at you and waved you forward. 

“I really hoped you would turn up. I don’t know why, but I did.” John told you, there was something in his voice you couldn’t place. He sounded happy, amused almost. A complete turnaround from his demeanour when you first met him. 

“Eddie could convince anyone to do anything.” your voice was slightly shaky, trying to act sober will do that to a person. John looked at you as he led you to the balcony you would watch the show from, a knowing look crossing his face. 

If he knew you were drunk, he spared you the embarrassment of pointing it out “He really could.” John pushed back a curtain and signalled for you to walk through. The balcony was big, and there were plenty of people up there. Some were sitting on the sofas that were dotted along the back wall, others were leaning over the railing watching the concert. It had just started, and the noise was deafening as you walked in, the music was almost drowned out by the screams throughout the arena. 

“I’ll come back to get you at the end” you nodded your appreciation and walked over to the railing, a couple of people smiled at you. You assumed they were all family and friends, and suddenly you felt incredibly out of your comfort zone. You focused on the show instead, ignoring the eyes that you could feel staring at the back of your head. You didn’t blame them for being curious as to who you were, you just wished they would stop staring at you. 

Twenty or so minutes later someone who obviously worked the bar brought over a tray of cocktails for everyone. Given your already tipsy state, you were inclined to pass on them, but then a sweet woman brought you one over. She was all wide smiles, sparkly eyes and gentle conversation. And soon enough you were downing another cocktail whilst she told you all about herself. 

She was the wife of the drummer. They were high-school sweethearts and had a kid together. It was nice, she didn’t pressure you to tell her exactly why you were there which you were grateful for. You weren’t sure how to explain you were a one-time hook-up who was now here for… you still didn’t know what you were here for. But you felt yourself relax as you finished the cocktail and you ended up enjoying yourself far more than you had anticipated, a smile was plastered across your face when the concert ended and John came up behind you, a gentle tap on the shoulder to get your attention. 

“Eddie asked me to take you straight out to the car, he’s already there,” John said as he held an arm out around you. You were drunker than you thought. 

“Why are we going to a car? Wait–” You turned around comically fast, John held back a laugh when you held your arm out to steady yourself “did you tell Eddie I was… drunk?” you whispered the last word, for some reason. 

You were so far gone it would have been funny any other time. Right now you wanted the floor to swallow you whole. 

“I popped my head in halfway through and saw you down a cocktail. Considering I could smell vodka on you when you got here I made the safe assumption you wouldn’t be sober.” your face dropped at his words and he noticed, “hey don’t worry about it. Eddie is in no position to judge anyone for this, trust me, sweetheart.” 

You nodded and let him lead you to the car, the cold night air a welcome feeling on your warm skin. John opened the door for you and you looked in to see Eddie with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Oh no he’s gonna laugh at me John” you sounded like a child who had been caught eating chocolate when they weren’t supposed to. John couldn’t help but find it endearing. 

“Yeah he might, but it will be out of love” you tilted your head at his words. ‘Out of love’ was a saying, but the idea of Eddie loving you made your heart jump and your brain shut off.

John asked for your address, and when you questioned why exactly he needed to know that, he said Eddie was taking you home. 

.

.

.

“Okay you’re like Bambi on ice here sweetheart, give me your hand” 

You had arrived at your apartment soon enough, the flickering city lights and the motion of the car enough to make your head spin. Eddie noticed and told you to rest your head on his shoulder. You did what he said, practically burying your face in his jacket to stop the dizziness from getting worse. Now you were attempting to make it up to your apartment, which was proving to be a much more difficult task than it should be. You had sobered up compared to earlier, but you were still tipsy and your balance was questionable at the best of times. You were still tipsy enough to be far more relaxed than you were expecting to be around Eddie. 

Eddie held a hand out for you and you wrapped your fingers around his wrist, balancing yourself as you walked down the corridor.  

“I am much more graceful than Bambi ever was,” you told Eddie, trying to search for your keys in your pockets as you stood outside your door. 

“If you say so” Eddie laughed, it was a sweet laugh, one that filled your whole body with warmth and made you feel all gooey inside. Gooey was not a word that existed in your daily vocabulary, but apparently, it was when you were drunk. 

“Please tell me you have your keys–” 

“I have them! These pockets are just– oh! See, I’ve got them!” 

“You sure do” Eddie watched you as he kept a gentle arm around you, he wasn’t touching you, he was just ready for you to go down at any minute. 

You not-so-gracefully managed to get your keys in the door and swing it open, Eddie was hesitant, waiting outside your door as you swept your apartment, turning on the lamps and closing your curtains. “You can come in, you know” 

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe, that’s all.” 

“I thought you wanted to talk to me?” you asked him, had he changed his mind? You felt tears well at the back of your eyes and you silently cursed yourself. 

“Tomorrow. If you want to. I’ll give you my number, and you can call me when you’re not drunk, okay sweet?” 

“O-okay. '' he watched you search for something for a minute, and then you were signalling for him to come in. He did, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. 

“Here. Write your number down for me,” you told him as you held out the pad and paper. A smile spread across his face and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. 

“I could just put my number into your phone, sweetheart. I thought I was meant to be the old one here.” 

“Shut up, it’s cute this way,” you whispered under your breath, but he clung to every word. You were different in your own home, Eddie thought. More relaxed, although that could be the alcohol. But no, the way that you walked around, comfort seeping into you as you relaxed back into your own space. The way you had slipped your shoes off instantly, your socks padding across the floor as you turned on the lights. It suited you, he thought. 

Eddie nodded his head to the table in the corner, asking if he could lean against that to write his number for you, as you had insisted. You mouthed a ‘yeah’ at his request. He seemed to take in everything around him as he walked over to the table, looking at the decor you had lying around. You suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. 

He was in your home. This man was still arguably a stranger. But that pang of vulnerability was soon replaced with a feeling of contentness. Eddie suited domesticity. He fit right into your space, his style a contrast to your apartment, but it wasn’t unwelcome. 

You pulled your eyes away from Eddie long enough to try and grab yourself a drink of water. But as you leant your hands on the kitchen counter you placed your hand right on a knife you had left out earlier. In your drunken state, you attempted to pick it up and put it away, but you managed to grab the sharp edge. You pulled your hand back quickly, but there was still a cut on your palm, blood pooling around the injury. 

“Oh shit,” you hissed, pain evident in your voice. 

“What’s wrong?” Eddie practically jumped out of the chair he had sat in, dropping the pen he was holding and making his way over to you. 

“I picked up that knife,” you told him. 

“What– why– why did you do that?” Eddie asked you, with genuine confusion in his voice as he gently took your hand into his, looking at the damage you had done. 

“Well I thought it would be fun to– I obviously didn’t do it on purpose!” you said defensively, but you were smiling at him despite the pain. 

“Yeah, okay.” Eddie hadn’t heard any of what you had just said, you could tell by the flatness of his voice, “come on, let’s get you sorted out.” 

You suddenly felt nervous, his hand on your sending heat rising throughout you. “No, it’s okay. You go, I can just stick a bandaid on it. It’s all good.” 

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing I left a lady in distress.” Eddie joked, you couldn’t help the blush that flooded your cheeks at his words, “besides your hand could still fall off.” Eddie said in a dead-serious tone. One that made you burst out laughing. 

“I think it’ll be okay,” you said through breathy laughter. 

“Let me take care of you and we’ll know for certain,” Eddie said. You nodded and he asked you where your bathroom was. You stared at him for a second and then pointed to the only door in the apartment, besides the front one. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the smartest cookie in the jar. But that was okay. 

Eddie led you to the bathroom and you sat down on the counter next to the sink, holding your hand out in front of you. 

“Do you have a first-aid kit?” Eddie asked you gently. 

“In the cupboard below the sink,” you told him, moving your legs to the side so he could get to it. 

Eddie bent down and grabbed it off the shelf. He stood back up and placed it next to you, opening it and grabbing out what he needed. You moved your legs so Eddie could stand between them. He picked up your hand and looked at it once more before he gently cleaned it. You watched his hands the whole time, the way he was so soft with you, whispering out little apologies when you whispered out a complaint once that it hurt. 

Eddie wrapped a dressing around your hand, you asked if it was too much but he said the cut was deeper than you realised. So you simply nodded and watched his hands wrap around yours. Once he had secured the dressing he looked up at you, breathing a “done” and holding your hand in his.

You meant to say thank you, but that wasn’t what came out “You’re really pretty.” 

Eddie smirked and dropped his head, you could tell he was trying not to laugh at your brutal honesty. “So are you angel.” 

A sickly-sweet smile crossed both of your faces. You wanted to kiss him. 

You should kiss him. 

You moved your head ever so slightly, but Eddie caught on to what you were doing and brought his spare hand up to rest on your cheek, a sweet movement but one that was intended to stop you from doing what you were about to. 

“You’re drunk.” 

“I’m tipsy,” you insisted. 

“I’m not gonna kiss you. Not tonight, sweetheart.” You pouted at his words. A childish move and quite frankly it confirmed to him that you were far from sober. 

“When I kiss you again, I want you to remember it.” you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his. His hand on your face, and his voice and his eyes and it was all-consuming. 

“Come on, get into bed,” you smirked and he swore every time you smiled at him you took a little piece of his heart with you. “By yourself, smartass. Get into bed by yourself.” 

“My makeup,” you told him. It was barely a full sentence but it was the best you could do when he was standing so close to you. 

“Yeah, I like it.” He said. He rubbed his thumb under your eye and you held back a laugh. 

“No– I can’t go to sleep in my makeup.” you clarified. He sighed out an ‘oh’ and then dipped back down to open the cupboard below the sink. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but then he came back up with makeup remover and a washcloth. A smile that tugged on his star-filled eyes flooded his face. 

Your heart broke for him all over again but for a different reason this time.  

“Close your eyes, angel. Don’t wanna blind you.” 

You did as he said, slowly closing your eyes after you saw him tip some of the water onto the cloth. He was incredibly gentle with you, barely applying enough pressure to remove the makeup, but you didn’t tell him that. 

After a minute or so you felt his hand leave your face and you hesitantly opened your eyes. He smiled at you and tilted his head, taking you in. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

“Shut up old man.” you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. In your defence, in your current state, that was the height of comedy. 

“Oh wow. You have a talent for running perfect moments don’t you doll.” 

“I’m sorry. You’re not old” You told him, moving to get down off the counter and make your way into bed, “You’re middle-aged” 

Eddie huffed out a laugh as he followed you, “I’ll take it.” He sighed, you couldn’t see but his eyes were full of love as he watched you get into bed. You hadn’t bothered to change into pyjamas. That felt… too much. You were drunk enough that you could easily fall asleep in your clothes. 

“Do you need to lock the door after me,” Eddie asked quietly. 

“The door locks automatically, as soon as you shut it. I’ve been locked out too many times to count,” you told him, your voice muffled by the pillow your head was smushed against. 

“Okay.” Eddie ran a hand through your hair that fell around your face. “I’m gonna go, angel.” 

You were too tired to verbally respond anymore, sleep had quickly taken over when your body hit the mattress. You heard Eddie move around, but didn’t lift your head to see what he was doing. And then you heard the door open and shut. 

Your eyes shut to the sound of his walking down the corridor. 

.

.

.

When you woke up the next morning your first thought was of Eddie. 

And that was how you knew you were officially fucked. 

You sat up and a glass of water on your bedside table caught your eye. You didn’t remember putting it there but you gratefully leaned over and picked it up, taking small sips as you assessed how bad your hangover was. 

It wasn’t. That was your saving grace. You were still young enough to avoid bad hangovers; you had a slight headache and the sunlight seemed slightly too bright. But it was nothing a couple of painkillers wouldn’t sort out. Sitting up fully you swung your legs out of the bed, feet hitting the floor with a dull thud. 

You put the now-empty glass back down and a piece of paper grabbed your attention. Picking it up you saw a number written down. And an ‘-E’ next to it. 

.

.

.

Eddie got back to the hotel to find John waiting outside his room. 

“It’s creepy to stalk people, you know?” Eddie announced as he pulled out the card to open the door. 

John ignored him, “How was the girl?” heasked, tiredness seeping from him. 

“You know her name, what’s with calling her ‘the girl’ all the time?” Eddie asked as he stepped inside. 

“I like it. Makes it sound more mysterious.” John said as he leaned in the doorway, watching Eddie make his way down the hallway and into the bedroom. 

“She’s passed out in bed,” Eddie shouted loud enough for John to hear him. 

“Good. The poor girl’s gonna have a hell of a morning.” 

“She’s young, she’ll be fine,” Eddie said, coming back out from the bedroom and leaning against the wall. 

“Right. And you? You’ll be fine too?” John asked sincerely. 

“If you let me get some damn sleep I’ll be great.” John nodded and pushed himself off the door frame, pulling the door shut behind him. 

Eddie didn’t sleep much that night. He tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning, finally falling asleep when his body physically couldn’t stay awake any longer. 

He was thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about you. 

Which is why when his phone rang halfway through the morning, he jumped off the couch and practically lunged for his phone that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Hello?” Eddie’s voice was loud against the quietness on the other end of the phone, for a minute he worried it wasn’t you calling. His chest suddenly felt heavy, but then– 

“Hi. It’s me.” You. 

Your voice rang through his head and he would never admit to anyone that a smile graced his face at the sound. 

“How are you?” Eddie asked, he swore you could hear his smile in his voice. 

“I’m alive.” you said, laughter bubbling up, “No, I’m okay actually.” 

“Enjoy it, you won’t be young forever, doll,” Eddie told you as he fidgeted in his seat. 

“Yeah– yeah I know.” something deeper seeped into your voice, a seriousness coming through your words. “Can we talk? I know you wanted to last night, and I’m so so sorry, I’m so embarrassed that I–” 

“You’re all good, sweetheart,” Eddie responded and he heard you breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Do you want to come over? I can send a car for you, come and pick you up?” Eddie asked, holding his breath as he waited for an answer. 

“No I can just get a taxi, it’s okay.” Eddie already knew better than to argue with you, so he didn’t. “Where are you? Some fancy hotel for rich people I’m guessing?” 

Eddie chuckled, he liked it when you made fun of him, because he could always hear the adoration in your voice as you did, “yeah I’m at uh– the same hotel I was last time.” 

“Ah, yeah okay. So it’s okay for me to come over, you’re not busy?” You asked sweetly, nerves peeking their head. 

“No. Never.” Eddie told you. 

Eddie told you the floor and room number before you hung up. 

Shit. Okay. 

He made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t fuck this up again. 

.

.

.

The drive to the hotel was the longest you had ever experienced. Every emotion was running through your body as you rode the elevator to Eddie’s floor. Your leg bounced underneath you repeatedly as you fiddled with the ring on your middle finger. Eventually, the doors opened and you stepped out, smiling at a couple as they walked past you. 

You checked the number on each door until you reached the one Eddie had told you was his. 

You could still turn around. 

No. 

You were already knocking on the door. And you heard someone move around through the door. You realised you were scratching your hands and quickly dropped them to your sides before the door opened, and you saw Eddie standing there. 

He looked like he always did. Messy hair framed his face. Freckles dotted his nose and under his eyes. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Eddie’s voice alone could convince you to do anything he asked of you, it was one of those voices that managed to seep into your veins and completely engulf you. 

“Hey,” you responded, feeling that calm overtake you. The same calm and safety you felt whenever he looked at you, “Can I come in?” you asked when he didn’t say anything. 

He was taking you in. He was also going over everything he wanted to say to you. He was terrified. Truly. 

“Yeah– shit, yeah of course,” Eddie uttered, moving to the side to allow you to walk in. 

It wasn’t the same suite as last time. This floor was higher up, but it was almost identical. The same layout, the same rooms, the same corridor he had left you standing in. 

You walked in and made your way to where you knew the living room was, the same decadence overwhelmed you, and you had to take a minute to get used to it again. Eddie followed a couple of steps behind you - the air was thick with tension, neither of you entirely sure of what the other was about to say or do. 

You turned to look at Eddie and  inclined your head towards the couch, asking if it was okay for you to sit down. He nodded and you both sat yourselves down on either ends of the couch, enough space between the two of you for another person to fit there. 

The TV played silently, a movie playing that you didn’t recognise. The floor-to-ceieling windows that covered the wall to the side of you let sunlight drown the room in a warm golden glow. 

“I–”

“Do you-” 

You both cut yourselves off as you spoke over one another. It could have been an awkward moment, but the feeling faded into something sweeter. A tender moment that showed each other just how nervous you both were. For some reason, knowing Eddie was just as nervous as you were made you feel better. 

“Sorry, I just– I had some… stuff I wanted to to tell you, say to you.” Eddie told you, watching your face ccarefully. “If that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine. I’m sorry, go ahead.” You settled back into the couch, lifting your legs and crossing them as you turned to face Eddie. 

“Okay I’m not promising I’m very good at articulating myself, or fuckin’ whatever, so you’re gonna have to give me a minute.” Eddie said, his voice shaky. 

“That’s okay.” you told him, your voice soft and bareilly above a whisper. His eyes had glazed over with something like fear, you wanted to lean across and rest a comforting hand on his, but you didn’t. Not yet. 

“That morning, when I left you–” you tensed up as the memory flooded back, Eddie noticed it too but carried on, “I have regretted that every day since then. I’ve done some really fucking stupid things, maybe one day I can tell you all of them, but that? Leaving you? That is the worst thing I have ever done.” 

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and he coughed before carrying on talking, giving himself a minute to gather himself. 

“I thought I would move on. Forget about you– and I know, that makes me sound like a complete asshole, but I’m tryna be honest here. I wanted to forget about you. I needed to. Because the way I felt when I looked at you, scared me so much I didn’t know what to do.” 

The emotions you were both feeling were palpable in the comforting silence of the room. You didn’t try and interject, letting Eddie talk. You had never heard his voice sound so genuine. Almost like every other time he had spoken he had been putting on a mask, pretending to be someone else- pretending to be the rockstar everyone so desperately wanted him to be. You liked this version of him a lot more. 

“When I was a kid my–” he paused for a minute, unintentional, as if he wanted to speak but he couldn’t form the words for a second, “my mom used to tell me that when you meet someone who makes you feel so happy it terrifies you, you should hold onto them.” 

“Because that’s when you know its real. She told me you couldn’t love someone without being scared to death at the same time. Because loving somsone? Fuck, it’s a big feeling, you know?” You laughed gently at that, for someone who famously wrote his own music he really did have an interesting choice of words, but you found it endearing. 

“It takes over every part of you and when she would tell me that, I thought she was lying, or something. Because if falling in love was so terrifying I didn’t understand why people would do it.” Eddie was moving his hands as he spoke, punctuating every word with a gentle movement. “And then I never felt that way, towards anyone. In forty years I never looked at someone and felt the world fall out from beneath my feet. And I was glad I didn’t, because I didn’t want to hurt that person.” 

Your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, your moth dropping open slightly to ask him what he meant. But then he was talking again, and you settled back into listening. 

“Sweetheart I am not here to try and emotionally blackmail you into staying, or being with me, or anything, okay?” Eddie’s voice went more serious, his eyes staring into yours in a way that made you think he could see right through you and read every thought that was running through your mind. 

“And I’m not going to sit here and tell you some cliche sob story about how I had a shitty childhood and it fucked me up or anything.” You hadn’t realised it but you had moved closer to Eddie, your knees grazing each others as you listened to him talk. 

“I did have a crappy childhood- I mean it wasn’t the worst, by any means but it wasn’t an all-American family with a white picket fence, you know? My dad was- my dad was the worst man I’ve ever met in my life, he treated my mom like a fucking piece of shit and I hated him for it. I listened to them fight, argue, I would leave my bedroom door open so I could hear if I needed to go and help my mom.” 

You felt tears well in your eyes as he spoke. He was being completely honest with you. You could tell. This wasn’t easy for him to talk about. 

He had never spoken about this. 

“He’d hit her, do other things too but I remember when he would hit her. I remember the noise it would make. I would try and grab his arm but he would just swing back at me and throw me against the nearest wall– and I was a skinny kid you know? Fuck there was nothing of me, so I had no chance against him.” 

Eddie seemed to quickly realise how much he had just said, what he had admitted to you and his face dropped. “Fuck I– I only told you that because one day, after my mom had left, and we were fighting he told me that– he told me that I was just like him.” 

“He said when he looked at me, he saw himself. Which I didn’t understand at first, because I was the spitting image of my mom. Hair, the eyes, everything. But then he laughed and told me that one day I’d realise it too, that I was gonna be exactly like him, whether I wanted to or not.” Eddie shifted his body weight on the couch, moving his hand to rest over the back of it. 

“So that day I promised myself I would never fall in love with someone, because I would never put someone through what he put me and my mom through.” Eddie wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, he wasn’t crying but he obviously worried he was about to. 

When he didn’t carry on talking you said, “Eddie can I say something?” he nodded and you moved your hand to rest it on his knee that was next to yours, his eyes followed your hand movement and then flicked back up to yours when he realised what you were doing. 

“You just sat and told me that you’re biggest fear is turning into your dad, right?” Eddie nodded slowly, waiting to see what you were going to say. “But the fact that you just told me that? That means you are nothing like him.” 

Eddie swallowed a lum in his throat, “I don’t want to hurt you, in any way. But what if there’s something inside me that is just bad.” 

“What if there’s something inside of you that is just desperate to love and be loved?” 

Eddie moved his hand to rest over yours, and you interlaced your fingers together. 

“There’s more I want to tell you, but I can’t right now, I’m just not ready but I will, soon. And I will spend every minute of every day aplogizing for leaving you, for being an asshole to you at the diner, for everything. I promise you I–” 

‘Eddie, I know you will.” you truly did know that. 

“Okay.” his voice come out soft, gratefulness tinging his voice as he realised you genuinely meant it. And then an understanding flicked between the two of you. 

You two were far from perfect. This situation was far from a fairytale. And maybe to everyone else you would seem crazy for what you were about to do. But you didn’t care. Because when you looked at Eddie you felt the most terrified you have ever felt in your life, because you knew you wanted to see his face every day for the rest of your life.

Eddie knew that too. He knew there was no other option anymore. He had to wake up next to you every morning, he had to fall asleep next to you every night, and there was no other choice expect that. 

“Can you kiss me now?” you asked, a smile tugging on your lips and lighting your eyes up in a way that had Eddie falling head over heels all over again. 

“Yeah– yeah, sweetheart. Come here,” Eddie leaned forward at the same time you did  and cupped your face in both of his hands, you titled your head to the side and then all of the planets aligned and nothing else mattered except the press of his lips against yours. 

The kiss started off slow, sweet and deep like you were both trying to saviour this moment for as long as possible. Eddie’s lips moved gently against your own and you reached up to take one of his hands that was cupping your face, and interlace your fingers together. 

His lips were soft and you felt like you were floating on a sun-kissed cloud everytime he guided your head to the side, allowing him to kiss you harder, deeper. Soon enough that feeling built up inside you again and you took a leap of faith; opening your mouth and letting your tongue run softly over Eddie’s bottom lip, a desperate plead for more. 

Eddie pulled back, you leaned forward trying to chase his lips, and he couldn’t help the love that consumed him at the look of serenity that painted your face. You didn’t want to be away from him for even a second. And neither did he, but he didn’t want to ruin this, or seem like he only wanted one thing.

“Sweetheart– we don’t have to.” Eddie told you gently, his hand caressing your face and his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin.  

“You don’t want to?” You asked, if he didn’t want to you would stop, of course you would. 

“No! I mean no, yes– I do want to, fuck of course I do. I just don’t want you to think-” 

“I don’t think that Eddie, I promise.” you cut him off before he could finish speaking, already knowing what he was about to say, the worry that flashed across his face told you everything you needed to know. A sickly-sweet smile spread across his face before he leaned back in to kiss you. Your lips moving against each others in perfect harmony, like this was what you were meant to do all your life. 

Eddie let his tongue run over your bottom lip, you let him deepen the kiss and your tongues met in a cataclysmic way, both of you desperate to taste each other. The kiss was fast and slow, deep and soft, it was everything you had been craving for the past seven months- even when you hated him, you couldn’t forget the way his lips had felt on yours. 

You could have been making out for five minutes or five hours, time had no meaning when you were with Eddie, it was all him and nothing else. But then you felt him push you back slightly, he relucatlanly pulled away from you, his lips still grazing yours as he told you to lie down. 

You did as he asked you to, clumsily manouvering your body until you were lay flat against the soft couch cushions, Eddie moving to lie on top of you. One of his hands rested on your waist, his fingers grazing the tiny slip of skin that was showing where your jumper had raised up. He rested his weight on his forearm next to your head, carefully moving your hair out of the way before he did so. 

You breathed him in as he lowered his mouth to your jaw, planting gentle kisses over your face. His hair fell around both of you, and if kissing Eddie felt like heaven then you didn’t have the vocolabury to describe what it felt like to be underneath him, completely consumed by everything that was so undeniably Eddie. 

His curly hair, his soft lips, the little sighs he let out when he kissed a new spot on your body, the way his ring-clad fingers graze your skin. It was as close to a religious experience that you would ever get. 

Eddie trailed kisses down your across your jaw and down your neck, you lent your head back further, giving him more room and you felt his lips turn up into a smile against your skin. 

Your hand raised to rest in Eddie’s hair as he kissed your neck, instantly finding your sweet spot again, as if no time had passed and every sound you had made and reacted to his every touch came flooding back to him as he tasted your skin. 

He was determined be soft with you. Take things slow and savour every moment. You were too, but then Eddie gently grazed your sweet spot with his teeth and you found yourself pushing his head further into his neck, desperate for his touch. 

Eddie listened to you, the hand on the back of his head told him everything he needed to know. He gently sucked a lovebite over your pulse point; the breathy moans that fell from your mouth were music to him, he would do whatever it took to hear those noises for the rest of his life. 

Eddie continued to mouth at your neck until he needed to kiss you again. He lifted his head from your neck only to be met your heavy eyelids, mouth slightly parted and a look of complete comfort on your face. He held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, moving your head back up to him. Your noses touching before he connected your lips, and you kissed like the world was ending tomorrow. 

This was perfect, but you needed more. You felt that familiar aching start to grow within you and you languidly moved one of your legs to wrap around Eddie’s waist, pulling him flush against you. 

Your movement caused Eddie to falter in his kissing you, for just a second. And then he had his hand on your jean-clad thigh and he was carefully grinding his hips down into yours. Determined to keep the soft atmosphere you were both bathing in. You panted into each other’s mouths, neither of you kissing anymore, your lips only moving against each other because of the gentle movement of Eddie rocking against you. 

Neither of you said anything, you didn’t need to. Your soft pants and whimpers filling the soothing silence in the room. Both of you perfectly content to just take each other in, feel each other’s bodies move against each other, without any rush for more. 

You lasted like that for a while. Sweet kisses shared between the two of you. And then Eddie made one move with his hips that had you moaning louder than you had before, and suddenly it wasn’t enough. 

“Eddie,” you managed to breathe out. 

“Yeah, angel?” Eddie asked you, his own voice sounding fucked out already. 

“Need more,” Eddie pressed a kiss to your lips in response, he would give you whatever you needed. 

“Yeah? tell me sweetheart, I’ll give you whatever you need, you just need to tell me.” Eddie’s soft voice settled over you and tightened your grip on him, grounding yourself. Trying to remind you that was real. This was really happening. Eddie made you feel so safe that you didn’t feel any embarrassment in telling him what you needed. 

“I need- fuck, need your fingers, please.” Eddie whispered an okay and managed to slip his hands between your bodies, sitting up to undo the buttons on your jeans, his hands were shaking slightly. Yours were too. 

“Can you just lift your–” you did what he asked before he got the question out. Somehow, despite him lying over you, he managed to take your jeans and underwear off. You both laughed quietly when it became slightly awkward, both of you moving around as you needed to. Soon enough he had your jeans placed on the floor next to you. 

Eddie placed kisses along the top of your thigh, moving up to kiss over your waist and stomach, gently pushing up your jumper once you signalled it was okay for him to do that. He already had your pants off, and yet he wouldn’t even lift your top up without getting your permission again. 

Eddie was kissing every square inch of your body, his plump lips leaving sparks everywhere he touched you. As content as you were to bask in the affection, you really needed him to touch you. 

You tapped his shoulder and pulled him up to you, moving him where you wanted him, exposing his neck so you could kiss it. He let you, tilting his head to side and letting small breathless whines fall from his lips as yours caressed his neck. 

You felt his hand slip between your bodies again and then his fingers fell to between your legs and he ran them through your slit, gathering the wetness he found there and moving them up to your clit. 

“Fuck doll, you’re so wet, so fuckin’ perfect for me.” Eddie was breathless just from feeling how needy you were for him. He already knew he would never get over the affect he had on you. 

You moaned out in response and Eddie circled your clit. His fingers sedning sparks through your body, “Oh god– Eddie”.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, let it out. Let me hear you.” Eddie cooed at you, applying slightly more pressure and just barely speeding up, and  when your back arched off the sofa he smiled, knowing he’d found the perfect way to touch you. 

Eddie dipped down to kiss you, and you pulled him closer to you. You werne’t sure you would ever be close enough to him. He kissed you as his hand worked you to your breaking point, he swallowed your soft whimpers and moans, letting out little shh shh shh’s and comforting praise when you got too worked up. 

“Fuck oh my god– inside me, please Eds,” The nickname broke his heart and he kissed your forehead before dipping his two fingers down to press them gently inside you. 

The stretch of his two fingers was definitely there, but it was clouded by the pleasure that spread through your body, and the relief of him touching you the way you needed. 

“You’re okay, sweets?”  Eddie asked when he saw your eyebrows scrunched together, eyes closed. But then you moaned and nodded your head with such certainty it would have been comedic if he wasn’t so completely enamoured by the way you were falling apart underneath him. 

He slowly started moving his fingers in you, your wetness making it feel even better. Eddie was barely even pulling them out of you, instead he rocked them gently inside you, and when he curled his fingers upwards you swear you died for a second. Your eyes screwed shut and your mouth dropping open in a soundless moan. 

You were so despeate you knew from the start you wouldn’t last long, but he had barely been going for two minutes and you felt that knot get tighter in your stomach and you knew you were so close to being thrown over the edge. 

Eddie felt you get tighter around his fingers and he was grinding his hips down into your thigh without even realising he was doing it. Feeling his hips move against you was all you needed to send you to your breaking point, Eddie noticed instantly in the way your breath hitched. 

“Are you gonna come for me, sweetheart?” you nodded as he kissed your cheek, your nose, the side of your mouth; anywhere he could reach. “You can come angel, come on. Just let go for me, I’ve got you. Need to feel you come all over my fingers for me” 

His words sent you over the edge and you barely even recognised the sounds you let out, your ears were ringing and you were sure your vision blacked out for a second. Eddie never let up, working you through your orgasm, drawing it out for as long as possible, letting you ride it until it got to be too much. 

When it did, your hand flew down to his hand, grabbing his wrist to stop his movements. Eddie carefully pulled his fingers out of you and your eyes went wide with need when he raised them to his mouth, cleaning your arousal off of them and dipping down to kiss you. 

The taste of yourself on his tongue was all-consuming. Eddie moaned against you and you pushed your hand between you to feel his cock through his pants. His hips stuttered and he swore under his breath.

“Fuck sweetheart, keep doing that.” Eddie practically begged you, and who were you to say no to such a pretty man begging you to touch him? 

You kept plaming him over his pants, he was moaning into his neck and when you undid his zipper to slip your hand underneath he almost bit down on the skin he was sucking on to stop himself from distrubing the rest of the hotel with the sounds that were falling from his mouth. 

“Shit, okay– I need to be inside you, angel. Is that okay?” Eddie asked, his eyes clouded with arousal and his skin flushed. 

You nodded and shorty after Eddie was pulling you up from your position on the couch. Eddie stood up and held his hand out for you. You took it and he led you to the bedroom across the hallway. Time slowed down as he delicately placed his hands on you hips and pulled you against him, kissing you as he placed his hand behind your head and lay you down onto the bed, climbing to rest on top of you. 

You kissed him until you felt him tense against you. You bit back a laugh at how desperate he was, he didn’t want to rush you, of course. But he was certain if he didn’t get inside you in the next two minutes he was going to go insane. He needed to feel you around him. 

You pushed Eddie’s shoulder and he pulled away from you to see what you were doing. 

“Fuck me, Eddie.” you said breathlessly. 

Eddie didn’t need to be asked twice. 

He backed off you to throw off his trousers and top and grab a condom. You watched him intensely and felt the wetness cover your thighs at the sight of him. 

You had almost forgotten how perfect he was. Almost. 

He moved back over you, kissing you as he wrapped your legs around his waist loosely. He guided himself into you, rubbing himself over your clit a couple of times until you were whimpering for him to please fuck you. 

He remembered the last time. How it took you a second to adjust to him. He was gentle as he pushed unto you a few inches. He stold your breath from you for a second, the stretch not feeling as painful as last time, instead you were already begging for more. Moving your hips to get him deeper. 

Eddie smiled and carried on pushing into you. Watching your face for any sign that you were uncomfortable, but it never came. Soft whimpers and moans fell from your lips and your legs tightened around him as he bottomed out inside you. 

It felt so right. Nothing felt as right as Eddie being inside you. 

“Fuck, good girl– taking me so fucking well.” Eddie praised you as he began to move inside you, pulling out almost all the way and then back into you. 

He found the perfect rhythm. One that had you both whispering soft praises into each others mouths and had your nails digging into his back. His forearms were back on either side of his head as held his body weigh off of you. 

But when you whimpered out in protest at the small piece of space left between you he lowered himself, his chest flush against yours and his head buried in your neck. 

His ring-clad fingers held onto your thigh around his waist- despite the gentleness, you were sure you would have marks there afterwards. 

Eddie normally lasted a while, but being inside of you sent him flying towards his release ridiculously fast. He mouthed at your neck and when he hit that sweet-spot inside you, you let out a moan that could have made Eddie come there and then. 

“Fuck baby, you feel so good– oh god,” his voice was muffled against your neck, never stopping pressing kisses into your skin. 

“You feel so good too, fuck Eddie.” 

Eddie wanted you to come again before him, he pushed one of your legs up, holding it against you and the change in position had you clawing at his back and pulling his head up so you could kiss him. 

You could tell Eddie was close by the whimpers he was letting out, his head dropping to rest against yours and you could hear him right in your ear, sending your eyes rolling back into your head. 

“Fuck I want you to come for me, Eddie,” you whispered against his hair. 

He pulled up to look at you, he looked completely fucked out and you wondered how he hadn’t come already. 

“Want you to come first, angel, okay?” Eddie asked you, desperation seeping through his words. 

“No, no it’s okay. Please I want you to come. I need you to come for me, please baby–” 

Eddie mewled and you pulled him down into a fiery kiss, the gentleness that had permeated everything you had done before suddenly disappearing. 

“Jesus sweethear, you;re gonna kill me, oh fuck–” 

Eddie groaned and you felt his hips stutter against yours as he came. You ran your fingers through his hair as he came. His grip on your thigh loosening and your leg dropping back against the mattress when his whole body went limp. 

If he wasn’t already flush against you he would have collapsed. 

You both breathed heavily as he came down from his high. You don’t know how long you lay there for, but Eddie slid his arm underneath your back and pulled you impossibly tighter against you as his head found its place back in your neck. 

You were glad he was so fucked out, because you didn’t want him to pull out yet. You loved the feeling of him inside you. 

“Sweetheart?” Eddie said into your neck. 

You ran your nails along his scalp, humming in answer to his question, telling him you were listening. 

“Thank you, fuck you’re. I–” Eddie stopped himself when he looked at you. 

But you knew what he wanted to say. He just couldn’t yet. You understood. 

“I know. I know, Eddie.” You comforted him and he kissed you, his tongue running over your lips and you stayed like that for a while. Soft, deep kisses shared as you both came to terms with what had just happened. What it meant. 

Soon Eddie moved off of you, pulling out gently and tidying himself up. You expected him to come back with a warm washcloth to clean you up to. But when he walked back into the room he pulled you to the end of the bed and knelt down in front of you, pulling your legs over his shoulders. 

“Eddie, what–” 

“You didn’t come, sweetheart. That just won’t work.” Eddie said before he ran his tongue over your sensitive cunt and your hands dived into his hair and your back arched off the bed and the whole world seemed to go quiet again. 

His tongue ran through your slit, alternating between sucking on your clit and dipping his tonuge inside you. You mewled and whimpered and he held his arm over your waist to keep your body pressed to the mattress. But leaving you enough space to grind your hips into his face, he mewled and pulled back to tell you how good you were being for him, that he wanted you to use him until you were seeing stars. 

You didn’t last long after that. Your hand covered his that held your waist down and you threw your hea back, letting your hips mvoe against him and not hiding the moans that fell from your half-open mouth. 

“Oh fuck me, Eddie– I’m gonna–” 

“I know, come on angel, come for me.” 

That was all it took for you to go over the edge for the second time. Eddie worked you through your orgasm again, only moving his mouth away from you when you were physically pulling back from the overstimualtion. 

When you opened your eyes, as you felt the mattress dip around you, you saw Eddie. His star-flecked eyes looking at yours and you held him against you. 

No one else could ever make you feel the way he could. 

And no one else could make him feel the way you did. 

.

.

.

You and Eddie spent the rest of the day in bed together. Limbs tangled and your head resting on his chest. His arms wrapped around you as he softly scratched your back whilst you talked about anything and everything. 

It didn’t matter what you were talking about, it just mattered that you two were together. 

You had sex a few more times that day, each time taking your breath away just like the first time. It was all slow and intended to show the other just how much you meaned to each other. 

You fell asleep that night completely exhausted. You wrapped yourself around Eddie and he felt sure this was how he would fall asleep for the rest of his life. 

You weren’t perfect. Neither of you were. But you didn’t want each other to be perfect- you just wanted you to be yourselves. And you were. 

There was a lot to figure out, Too many things you had to discuss and learn about each other. But for now, this was enough. 

And when you woke up the next morning, the sunlight hitting your faces from forgetting to shut the curtains, you only pulled the comforter over both do your heads. 

Eddie stirred awake and pulled you tighter against him, his arms wrapped around you and you settled back against him, your face in his neck as he rubbed his hands up and down your back, lulling you back to sleep.

.

.

.

thank you so much for reading! <3

taglist @harrys-four-nipples @choke-me-eddie @hbaramas @cardiganquinn @etherealeddie @eddies-girl-22 @tlclick73 @c0untryclub @eddiemunson95 @harrys-tittie @bestofbucky @somethingvicked @emma77645 @bebe0701 @bibieddiesgf @ganjas-shit @corkadymu @digitalhearts @specialsnowflake-gabbi @littlestarfighter03 @mandyjo8719 @hargrovesswifee @eddiesguitarskills @sunnytkm23 @bpj519 @ajeff855 @sebastiansstanswhore @marriedtoeddie @manda-panda-monium @kissmyacdc @tayhar811 @husherstan @teary-eyed-egg @ourautumn86 @whenshelanded @alana4610 @tabloidteen @tobesolovelysstuff @damon-loves-pie @georgiapeaches-world @josephsfavoritegirl @angel-jz @kittenslovie @boinkybarness @sadpetalsstuff @sashaphantomhive @winterton-reads @hermadroyalhiney @loveberrie (i'm sorry if you asked to be on the tag list and you're not here, it got chaotic and i tried my best 🤍)

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x fem!reader fluff #eddie munson #rockstar!eddie smut #rockstar!eddie #older!eddie smut #older!eddie #older!eddie x reader #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson au #joe quinn #joseph quinn #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x you

[lost-in-time-wanderer]

obey me characters (or just brothers if you don't want to do them all in one post) reacting to mc calling them "my [their name]" for the first time, so mc calling Lucifer "my Lucifer" and so on?

Hi hi hiiiiii! very sorry i finished this a very late (time management is a skill i’m severely lacking in) but all’s well that ends well, so don’t have any room to complain. Also for the life of me i couldn’t decide between a bullet point format or a more story-telling and flowing one, but i hope you enjoy nothenless!

Brothers Reacting to You Calling Them “My [Brothers Name]”

Older Brothers (You are here) • Younger Brothers

Lucifer

Lucifer was doing his student council duties in his office far into the early hours of morning again when you decide to check in on him.

You knock on the door to his office, but receiving no response, you decide to come in anyways, announcing your presence. When you walk in, you see the fire place in his room almost out; only glowing embers remained inside, causing the chilly weather from the cool night to seep in with nothing to stave it away.

The room’s owner was sitting at his desk, face almost completely obscured with large stacks of paperwork, no doubt recently dumped onto him by Diavolo. Who, now that you think about it, most likely fooled around instead of doing paperwork again, much to the chagrin on Barbatos, and had to rely on his trusty right hand to get the documents done on time.

One look at him shows you all you need to know. His hair is tousled from him running his hand through it multiple times, and his coat seemed to have been discarded haphazardly on the back of his chair, but must have fallen off sometime during the night without him noticing, and is now lying on the floor right behind his chair. His half-rimmed glasses are starting to slide off his nose, and multiple stray papers have ended up on the floor, but considering that he’s also yet to notice your presence, you assume that he’s too tired to resolve any of these issues.

You quickly devise a plan to get him to sleep, or at the very least rest some. Plead the Avatar of Pride, oldest brother of the 7 rulers of hell to take a break.

Yep, that’ll work. You’re a genius.

“My Lucifer, please rest. I know you need to finish these soon, but your health takes priority over some documents.”

Safe to say, you caught him off guard.

If you were looking closely (which of course you were) you could see him momentarily pause doing his paperwork, which was accompanied with the equally brief lull in the calming sound of his fountain pen scratching paper.

You can also see him slightly blushing- don’t or do mention that you saw it though, he’ll get even more embarrassed and might even throw you out of his room (worth it).

“So that’s how you’re going to do this, hmm? Very well, I shall indulge you this time, but do not expect this to work twice.”

Mammon

You were in Mammons room, having been dragged in by him, who wanted to get you to join him in causing more mayhem and another headache for Lucifer.

At this point, you were starting to get a headache yourself, so you try to think of some way to get him to stop talking. You feel a little bit bad, especially because of how much his face lights up when he’s talking to you, but this is for the best. You feel like if he doesn’t stop talking soon, you might just snap.

The perfect plan is right at your fingertips- fluster your tsundere demon. Although, knowing Mammon… this could very well backfire.

You hope Lucifer doesn’t hang both of you from the ceiling for this.

“My Mammon, I don’t think that’s a good idea, especially because Lucifer would have both of our heads if we did that.”

He doesn’t process it at first, just continuing to talk excitedly about his new get-rich-quick scheme for a couple of seconds, but when he does… oh boy.

“Wha-What did ya just say, human?!!?! …of course you’d want me to be yours- I AM the Great Mammon, after all!”

“Whatever you say, my Mammon.”

“…just… don’t forget…”

“Sorry Mammon, i didn’t quite catch that?”

“…you’re MY human, got it?!!”

He may be trying and failing to act all cool and macho, but he’s nothing if not head over heels in love with you, and even more so after you pulled this little stunt on him.

Leviathan

You’re killing him.

No, really, you’re gonna be the death of him.

You were just hanging out in his room, watching him grind all of the daily rewards in one of his games while scrolling through DevilTok on your DDD.

This was one of his older games that he’s been playing for quite a while (which might just be longer than you’ve been alive, but you’d rather not dwell on that thought too much). Lately he’s become invested in becoming number one on the leaderboard, and hasn’t come out of his room, so you’re there to keep him company.

“MC, i finally finished with this game, could you hand me the one on the shelf next to you? It just got released, and i need to record a speed run for all of the people who rely on my streams and reviews!” You decided that this is the perfect opportunity to call him that. After all, what’s more fun than teasing your adorable easily-flustered otaku?

“Sure thing, my Leviathan.”

You see him go perfectly still and silent for a second, and then a beet red blush starts spreading from the tips to his ears to his face, and all the way down to his neck.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH-“

Ow.

After getting over the sudden assault on your eardrums (and Levi’s astounding vocal capabilities), you simply stare at him with a raised eyebrow.

“T-th-that’s such a n-normie move of y-you!!!

… d-do you really mean that? Like, you aren’t pulling my leg or something?!? This isn’t some normie joke??!”

Congratulations, you have a very embarrassed snek on your hands now!

Check out my masterlist HERE?

Visit “#lost in time fanfics” and “#lost in time fanart” to see more stuff made by me :)

#obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me luficer #obey me swd #obey me crack #obey me requests #obey me reactions #obey me reader #obey me fluff #obey me fanfic #om lucifer #om leviathan #om mammon #om mc #om! shall we date #om shall we date #om! mammon #om! leviathan #om! lucifer #om! swd #om! mc #lost in time fanfics

[siriusblackloml]

Day 1 - Harry Potter (Kinktober 2023)

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 800+

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: swearing, dirty talk/slight degradation, fingering (MDNI 18+)

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist┊Day 2

Your back is against Harry’s chest, soaking in the warmth of the common room flames. The fireplace was emitting a soft glow, making both your cheeks dance red in the dim lighting of the fire. Cuddling in front of the fireplace so early in the morning wasn’t such a common ritual for the two of you. Truthfully, Harry had the cutest date planned where the two of you would go sit on a hill outside of Hogwarts and watch the sunrise together. It was adorable! How could you say no to the idea?

However, soon enough you would realize why that wasn’t such the best plan. After waking up extremely early in the morning, dressing yourself, and walking the long hallways of Hogwarts as quietly as possibly next to your loving boyfriend, you and Harry came to recognize that the cold morning air was far too crisp to handle. It was, after all, late September. It's just that neither of you thought that it would be freezing cold. You tried to push through like it was nothing, however you couldn’t manage more than five minutes outside. You insisted on going back in.

That’s why the fire was the immediate back up plan. To warm up after such a frigid shock was absolutely what was needed. However, there was still a noticeable chill running down your spine even after cuddling with Harry underneath a thick blanket.

You complain into the emptiness of the quiet room, “Harry, I’m still cold.”

It’s not like it was your fault you were cold. You blamed the castle to be at fault, with it’s chilling stone walls and floors. Harry’s arm around your waist tightened to give you a quick squeeze, asking you in a questionable tone, “How should I warm you up?”

“I’ll take anything.” You murmur back, not truly thinking it over.

Which is what brought you to the point; the blanket had been long discarded, all so you could hike up your skirt and reveal your dripping cunt to your boyfriend, all while still flush against his chest. It started out with a simple massage on your arms, then it was your thighs, and before you knew it, you were begging him to be inside you. “Please, Harry, I need your fingers so badly. Need you to fill me up!”

Harry wastes no time, eager to comply to his girlfriend’s sultry demands. Bringing two fingers to the folds of your cunt, he swipes them back and forth to collect enough slickness to push inside you. The feeling immediately makes you sigh in delight. Little tears had been collecting in the corners of your eyes from all the begging you had to do to get him inside you. Harry was such a tease and he loved to make you a mess.

“I love it when you’re so polite with me. Makes me just want to fuck you even harder.” Harry whispers in your ear, his other arm still wrapped around your waist to keep you in place.

Not that you would even consider leaving this spot. Your legs were spread for his fingers to touch every sensitive crevice inside you. He would curl them so gently to make you mewl in pleasure. Straining to get him deeper inside, you pull your legs closer to your chest.

“F-Fuck Harry, feel-feels so good!” You hiccup over the feeling of his digits flying in and out of your hole. You was positively soaking wet now, squelching loudly with every move.

“You’re such a dirty girl, you know that? Begging for me to make you cum right here in the middle of the common room floor. Go on, love. Cum for me.” Harry starts to piston his fingers in and out faster than before, making your body jerk and jerk from sensitivity.

You groan loudly, moaning at the sensation. He never slows as you start to gush out liquid all over his hand, confidently indicating you’d been flooded with pleasure. Your core tightens until it can no longer hold and lets go in an instant from his words. His fingers stretch out your hole and slow down as you reach your high. Harry continues to curl his fingers against your wet walls, collecting more and more slick to cover his digits.

While you try to catch your breath, legs shaking from the intense workout, Harry pulls his fingers out and brings them to your mouth. He commands you in a low voice, “Open.”

You comply immediately, allowing your boyfriend to dive his fingers into your mouth so that you can clean them off with vigor. Tasting yourself makes you hum instinctively, slightly grinning at how sweet you taste. You swish your tongue around his fingers back and forth until you feel you’ve sucked at all the juices left behind, pulling away to watch a string of spit connecting your bottom lip to his fingers break from loss of contact.

Harry wraps both arms around you again and pushes your skirt back down into it's original place. He nuzzles his chest into your back and leaves a longing kiss on the back of your head. He mutters into your ear, “Feel better now?”

You nod your head, smiling to yourself when you reply, “Much better.”

TAGLIST: @calmspencer, @baddiebbarbietngz, @slytherclaw1978, @serendipitous-fernweh, @pandanation24, @rachelreallyroars, @tinafuentes, @chvmpion-jack, @ethereallovr, @godknows-shetried, @waggoth, @ellieswhor3

#harry potter smut #harry potter fanfic #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #harry potter kinktober #kinktober siriusblackloml #harry potter one shot #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #hp fanfic #hp fandom #hp smut

[angelltheninth]

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse with Jinx

Pairing: Jinx x Reader

Tags: fluff, teasing, flirting, survival, meet-scary, protectiveness, typical zombie violence

A/N: For my collab with @alberichness.

Zombie apocalypse survivor!Jinx threatens to shoot you on sight and does actually fire a warning shot. It grazes right past you thankfully. Until she's sure you're not bitten she can't let you stay in her base, so you're gonna have to let her inspect you. She won't touch you, she just wants to make sure you're not one of those people who thinks they can beat the zombie virus by sheet willpower.

"Shy are you, sugar? I'm not some kind of pervert you know, I just wanna make sure you're not gonna bite my face off anytime soon. I'll keep my hands where you can see them okay? Just turn around for me, let me get a good look at you."

Zombie apocalypse survivor!Jinx has her whole base filled with cameras, traps, weapons, ammo, food and water supplies but only one place to sleep. She's been on her own for a while and it's taken it's toll on her. Hardly the one to get the idea of personal space before the apocalypse now it's even worse because she can't stop leaning in and talking your ear off.

"Only one rule: if you spend it you gotta replace it. With the two of here this stuff's gonna go a lot faster. You might find a sleeping bag somewhere in here, honestly I've got no idea what shit I've got stored up, I only use a few rooms in this place. If you want a room while you're here feel free to pick one."

Zombie apocalypse survivor!Jinx seems to enjoy herself a little too much when the two of you go out to get supplies. She's not scared of the zombies, be it one or ten or more, she has her trusty guns and explosives' with her. Plus you to watch her back now. That being said you are still a little bit freaked out when you hear her laugh while she's killing them.

"If you keep staring at me like that I'm gonna get performance anxiety. You ever had that? Yeah, me neither. Why you looking at me like that? Their blood isn't gonna... ah, I get it. Look, it's us or them, and I've never met any of these people, so when it comes down to it I'm choosing to live. Plus, heh, you gotta admit they look funny when they explode."

Zombie apocalypse survivor!Jinx is a very light sleeper and a very early riser. You've hardly ever seen her sleep. Sometimes you think you hear her talking to someone, but no one talks back. It could be your imagination. Turns out it's not because one morning when you walk into the kitchen area you see her having an argument with... no one.

"Don't mind Milo, he's an asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyway sugar, I made you breakfast! Noting major but consider it a thank you for making my days here a little less lonely. I would have gone crazy if it was just me and these guys."

#arcane x reader #jinx x reader #arcane x you #jinx x you #arcane imagines #jinx imagine #arcane headcanon #jinx headcanons #league of legends x reader #league of legends x you #league of legends imagie #league of legends headcanons

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Commissioners favorite - Saw

Mark Hoffman x fem!reader

warning : +18, smut (p in v), sex work, kissing, nicknames, fingering, semi public sex, praises, age gap (reader is in her 30s and Mark in his 50s)

Summary : Everyone at the police station knew that when the black high heels walked down the corridors, it was best to stay out of her way. They knew that the woman who wore them was the commissioner's favorite. They also knew what happened when the lock and shutters were closed. The commissoner had his...special break.

Info : So I'm back again after a longer time with a story for our dear Hoffyman. So I thought "Hey older Costas = Older Hoffman = Sexy Guy" so yeah here we are. And it came out wax more smuty than I had planned but oh well. Have fun reading as always ;)

saw - masterlist

costas mandylor - masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~

How did it start? A question she had asked herself in the beginning. When she was out on the streets of the city, as she did every evening.

Her biggest fear wasn't a Jigsaw trap, she could have made money with that.

No, her biggest worry, like the others, was that she didn't have enough customers and not enough money for her pension.

Leaning against the brick wall, bag in hand and eyes on the street, she couldn't help but sigh, undermining the slight smile on her face.

It had been hours since she had stood in her usual spot. But not a single customer, and she couldn't blame the poor bastards.

Who wants to go out at night when you could wake up in a trap any second? she thought, reaching into her pocket for the pack of cigarettes. If she could wait any longer, she could at least go to her grave faster.

The cigarette between her lips, she held the fire underneath, but it seemed as if nature was conspiring against her. ,,Damn it" she hissed, trying to light the flame for the fifth time. But it seemed the lung cancer wasn't going to be her death.

Instead, she heard a car turn onto the street and stop in front of her. ,,Is swearing and smoking part of your price?" she heard a man's voice and looked up, but to her suspicion she saw that it was a police car.

She had a few customers here and there from the local police station, but even they were few and far between this time of year.

She hastily flicked the cigarette to the ground and slipped the lighter into her pocket, a smile forming on her lips. The red lipstick clung to her like the blood of its victims as she approached the car.

,,I can be good and gentle too, darling...or do you want to make me an offer? Do you want me to be good for you?" she asked, leaning against the open window frame. She had never seen him before, maybe a few years older than her early thirties.

But she liked his look, it wasn't lustful, more observant, watching and observing her, but not like a stalker, more like someone looking at her with devotion.

A nice picture in a museum. ,,A new one?" she thought, knowing that the new ones didn't really dare to come here.

They still followed the rules, some of them just gave her money. ,,I have to finance my studies as such a young woman," she said most of the time, and got more than enough.

But she had never seen the brown-haired, handsome one. ,,Well, good would be good, sweetie...but I need you for something else," he started and she thought it was going to be a threesome or filming a porno.

Not that she minded, she would get warm, but he just shook his head slightly. ,,I'm looking for informants with their eyes and ears open. I would pay you double," he asked her and she considered the offer for a moment.

She knew that the police were good for almost nothing, but now she would get money, protection and maybe a real date with him. ,,Well, I'm all ears, sweetie," she said and got into the car with him. That's how it went.

That's how they had met, he had invited her as an informant, had even taken her to a restaurant. She had done what he wanted, given him information, given her a better life.

Not only that, he gave her so much more devotion, love and human closeness. It was like a bad book, the whore who fell in love with her pimp who took her to a better life.

But he had never looked at her with disgust, he had cherished her. She had never asked herself why at first. Until now, almost two decades later, she knew.

He wasn't always the good cop, oh no, she knew he was so much more.

He may have been good and honest at first since the death of his sister, the death of his mentor John, the struggle to come to terms with it all. Not letting his own ego get the better of him.

He changed, she changed, it changed them both. She was, as always, his eyes and ears on the street.

She brought him the sacrifices he needed for his games. And she didn't mind since he was now the commissioner of the police station.

He always took care of her, had bought her a ring and even when she didn't have to be on the street anymore, she at least stayed there to gather more information.

Knowing full well that the bloodstains on his shirt were just a mistake.  Instead, it was his touch and words that made her forget everything.

When she asked him, he simply kissed her, when she was afraid of violence, he simply took her, touched her and made her forget everything.

It was always the same and at some point it seemed normal, it was normal for both of them.

That he gave her something and she gave in. But, as always, it was information that brought the now thirty-year-old to him.

When the two main doors of the police station opened, the heels clacked through the corridors. ,,Miss have you-" she heard the man behind the reception desk say, but when he saw her.

The shoes, the blood-red lipstick and the slight smile, an old habit, let everyone know who she was, what she was and to whom the gold ring belonged.

Continuing past the reception, she passed the other policemen. ,,Good evening, Miss...Hoffman," she heard the familiar voice of Strahm, who was only one step below her husband.

The man got up from his desk and approached her. She liked Strahm and had even spent the night with him a few times.

He was gentler than Hoffman, he wanted to motivate her to take action herself. ,,Good evening, Sir...I mean Agent Strahm," she replied, seeing something like discomfort pass through him for a moment. She had always called him sir when they were together, something she knew he liked.

That the rivalry between him and Hoffman only fueled it. But whenever she slept with Strahm, Hoffman came to her apartment all the more often.

The almost hasty unlocking of the door as the wood crashed against the wall and he rushed into her room with his gun drawn, always hoping to catch his colleague. Only to find his favorite wrapped the blanket around her naked body.

The hickeys visible and the money in her hand. ,,He's still doing it darling," she murmured with a grin and rolled her eyes in playful annoyance as he snatched the money from her hand. ,,Yes, I can see that!" Mark had snapped at her before she felt the gun against her thigh.

A game as usual. A giggle escaped her as she moved backwards onto the bed, slowly spreading her legs, the cool barrel of the gun giving her goose bumps.

,,Why don't you pay me better than him mhh darling? Fuck me better and next time I'll have it right here for you," she chirped and slowly let her hands wander between her thighs.

Only to feel his dominating kiss seconds later, the weapon roaming over her body and his voice, his befellings clouding her mind.

His hickeys, stained by Strahm, made them no longer visible, his bites deeper, kissing away her tears when Strahm would have stopped long ago.

If her body had given way, Strahm would have stopped. But Hoffman didn't, he wanted everything from her until the end.

His hands holding her up, the mattress holding her, her moans and murmurs in the room muffled by the pillow as he came inside her once more.

The click of his cell phone could be heard as he took a picture of his darling. In her most beautiful form sent to Peter knowing he would do nothing.

That he could do nothing but use his hand that closed around his hard cock like every time and wish he had acted in front of his colleague.

Because then he could have had this beautiful angel. ,,The difference Peter is," she began, moving closer to the older man and running her fingers over his cock before tightening her grip.

,,That he just fucked me better in the end," she whispered to him, waving him off before leaving him standing there on the way to her real destination. Mark Hoffman.

As she opened the door to his office, she saw him about to protest when his gaze softened and a cheerful smile spread across his face.

,,Darling, I was wondering where you were," he said and she smiled as he still called her darling. Still like then and slowly approached him.

She put her bag on the table and didn't pay much attention to the files as she sat down on the table.

,,You know, I don't keep my favorite customer waiting," she joked and saw his smirk, it seemed like they were both stuck in the past, but neither of them could blame him.

It was the day he went to see her that she came into contact with him for the first time. He leaned back in his chair and she still looked into his bright eyes, which had not changed.

Only he himself had grown older but, like her, they had both blossomed into beauty like flowers in this miserable city.

The beauty was all the more attractive when they were both built up by blood and control. ,,You're my favorite too," he replied, tapping his thigh lightly to let her know and she looked at the door.

Knew it was open, knew Strahm would come in at some point, knew it would be me again and yet she did what Hoffman wanted. She always did. ,,Good girl, you help me relax," he praised her, rubbing lightly against him, knowing that it was like a game for them both by now.

She was enjoying his break and she was getting a bit of a change. ,,Of course I always do," she said and grinned before letting a sigh of pleasure escape her as he began to kiss his way down her neck.

Gentle and yet always with a certain urgency, there were always two sides to Hoffman. Nevertheless, taking time off gave him more than enough time to spoil his darling and himself.

,,Always be good to me," she said and leaned in even closer, rubbing her back straight across his middle where he began to get half hard as he slowly slid his fingers over hers. His much rougher and bigger than her own.

She brought his hand to her lips, lightly kissing and licking her fingers, seeing his look of appreciation in the corner of her eye.

Too often she just came to him during the breaks for a blowjob or a quick fuck. But today was a little different, they both knew that somehow.

As he kissed his way down her neck again, he took his hand from hers and moved his hand between her thighs, pulling her panties aside as he felt the slight wetness.

,,Such a naughty girl, what would the others say?" he asked playfully as he moved two of his fingers slightly up and down between her lips to get her wet on his fingers.

,,So wet...just for you," she said, her breathing quickening slightly and becoming slightly more hurried as she relaxed on his lap. But with his smirk, she knew she would help him too.

Her hand, not holding onto him, traced small circles across his torso and down to his suit pants. Sliding under the warm, soft fabric and undoing the button, she grasped his half-hard cock and began to stroke it.

She heard him grunt and sigh as Hoffman leaned back in his chair, bringing her a little closer to him.

His fingers, now completely slippery from her arousal, penetrated her and her hips almost automatically snapped towards them as a gasp escaped her.

It wasn't enough and yet it was a first step for his cock. ,,Someone's impatient," he stated firmly, leaving a kiss on her warm ear with the remark before leaving a few more teasing bites and smooches on her neck and shoulders.

Each one deeper than the last but the sweet pain paired with the rhythm of his fingers and she suddenly let out a moan as he ran his fingers over her sensitive nerve bundle.

Her hand went lightly to her lips, the blood red lipstick smudging slightly as she tried not to be too loud. But they both knew that this was just part of the game.

Over the years they had both learned how good and exciting it was not only to take risks but also to get caught. This had happened more than once, especially at the police station.

,,Don't, darling, you know I want to hear you," he reminded her and an almost sad whimper escaped her as he let go of her with one hand to take her hand in his and stop her from holding back. In turn, she gripped his cock tighter and picked up the pace.

His own hips thrust against her and they both teased each other for a moment. It was exactly what they needed besides the moralizing.

The teasing like two teenagers in love. ,,And I-fuck want you," she countered, carefully rising from him as he released her.

Her jaw suddenly clenched, it was not uncommon for him to still surprise her with his quick movements. The hard touches she loved so much in the mix of pain and pleasure.

The kiss, intimate and yet possessive, her neck was only a reflection of his control and devotion to what he felt for her. For his darling.

She couldn't stop herself from giggling as he spread her legs slightly with an understanding movement and pulled the panty from her body in the skirt, which was too short without it, you would see it from a certain angle.

But nobody cared at that moment. ,,You know, some people might still call you an old pervert for that," she joked and saw him laugh for a moment as his chest heaved and he looked down at the underwear in his hand.

The slight stain of her lust visible before he stuffed them in his pants pocket.

The little souvenir until they would meet again in the evening. ,,And what am I to you? An old pervert, pimp, policeman, daddy?" he asked, teasing her chosen nickname for him.

This time it was her turn to laugh at those names she only ever used during sex.

But they both liked it and that was what mattered. The understanding and then the control in the pain and the power.

,,To me, you're my husband," she replied, watching him open his pants a little wider to make it easier before she slowly eased herself back onto his cock.

She couldn't stop the throaty groan despite the preparation and after all these years it always took her a moment to get used to his length and width.

But he just held it for a moment, kissed her, praised her and knew that there were moments in the past when he would have just taken her, taken his frustration out on her like that, and even though this rarely happened now, it was the age that was the biggest empty master.

They both had no problem making love, it was about enjoying it, the teasing and procrastination, the power they both had.

It was intoxicating and they wanted to keep it so why not savor it. He let her take the lead for a moment, letting her rhythm take over as she began to move.

,,That's it," he praised her, murmuring the words with a grin as he heard her moan and she leaned her head against the crook of his neck, closing her eyes as he placed his rough hands on her hips, taking over her rhythm for his. Faster and deeper she felt completely around his cock.

Her wetness almost seemed to suck him in. ,,Let everyone hear it fuck-so good...especially Strahm," he said, gasping as she used her muscles and tightened around him, making his cock twitch and the two of them moan out, knowing exactly what to say to make her feel the shame and arousal they'd shared enough times to find out.

His hand loosened from hers and she clung to his desk or leg with his aggressive rhythm. ,,Good-ah-yes so good," she murmured unintelligibly and almost arched as his fingers moved back to her clitoris.

The sensitive bundle of nerves was massaged and he almost seemed to have fucked her dumb. But she knew she wouldn't be at the end they still had some time.

But just as she had predicted, as it had happened almost a hundred times before. They heard the door open and she knew it couldn't be anyone else but him.

Hoffman would have snapped at anyone else or fired long ago. It was peter Strahm. Even though he was only a year younger than Hoffman, he seemed more than visibly tense.

The woman he had a thing for who was married but fucked in front of him by his boss was something he had hoped not to have to see.

,,What is it?" Mark asked, his hand that had been between her thighs before coming away with what sounded like a pitiful whimper from her lips before they went under her shirt.

And a loud moan suddenly went through the room, ,,Say hello, darling," Hoffman said, turning to her, kissing her neck again and enjoying rubbing it in his colleague's face that she was his. her eyes opened, veiled in lust, and an almost stupid smile crept onto her lips.

,,Hello-ah-fuck right there-yes-Pete Strahm," she almost moaned his name as Hoffman ran his fingers over her sensitive nipples and pinched them.

Knowing with a grin how sensitive she was, it fascinated him and he knew that in addition to the visible hard nipples pressing against the fabric of her shirt, a new wave of wetness was coming onto his cock.

He thrust into her again and as Strahm slowly approached the couple he saw the bulge in the pants of the man below. He grinned knowing that he wanted to ask Strahm for more.

Knowing he was coming home at night alone without the woman he loved, the image of the scene played in his head as he jerked off. It was the kind of take that gave Hoffman enough satisfaction.

The younger man put the files on the table and lingered for a moment. His gaze tried to take in every conceivable detail and yet not let anything show, which of course was impossible.

However, his gaze was more than obviously lost on her pushed-up shirt and her center. He could just about see the beginning of his cock, wet with her juices and his lust drops.

His hand under her shirt, the curve of her breasts that gave a hint of how hot and pleasurable it must be.

He seemed to bite his tongue to stifle any comment before Hoffman's ,,Is that all?" snapped him out of his thoughts and the younger man left the room, nodding. ,,You're-fuck mean," he heard the womans's protest, which was immediately silenced with a kiss as he moved his hips more.

He felt her slowly approaching her orgasm and his hand, which wasn't playing with her breasts, moved under her skirt.

She had done her job more than well and, as always, he would reward her. For every pinch, for every bite, for every blow, he rewarded her in the end.

She had greeted Peter, brought him information and had been a good girl. ,,Such a good thing," he praised her in a murmur, kissing her again and seeing her nod in agreement, which amused him a little.

,,Just let go...when you're ready sweetie" he pointed out as he did every time knowing she loved it as a reward when he used his fingers to pleasure her in addition to his cock.

The moans and pleas became indistinct mumbles as she clung to him only minutes later, her head in the crook of his neck, moaning his name.

But she barely noticed in her high as he began to move slightly, his hands back on her hips, using her as he wished.

She rode through her orgasm, his shaft covered in her juices as he became increasingly unconscious but all the harder.

And only moments later, he poured himself into her, praising her. She continued to kiss the last loudly, sinking into the play afterwards.

They both lingered like that for a moment before she slowly rose up and he steadied her as he always did. ,,My darling...I don't want you to get hurt," he joked and handed her a couple of handkerchiefs so that the two of them could clean themselves up.

Even though it was clear to everyone what they had done anyway.

The light film of sweat that had formed on her body was fortunately quickly removed by the air conditioning.

One of the pretile as a commisoner. But the ravaged hair, the smell of sex and the noises were enough.

After a moment's rest and another gentle kiss, she finally reached into her bag and pulled out the picture round notes for the victims. ,,All done, you can get on with your work," she said with a wink and took the bag back before heading for the door.

,,Thank you as always, my love...I'll see you tonight," he said almost casually as he put the unofficial evidence and report in his drawer.

He raised his hand slightly in farewell and gave her a final kiss and smile before she left his office.

Knowing that with the click of her heels, the police station had once again gotten a performance that was meant for the commsioner. But they would not stop for a long time yet.

Because in the end he was the set one, the highest ranking and she was his special one in the breaks and over all. She was Commisioner Mark Hoffman's favorite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@callmeklarise , @megustadilf , @lola-max-sugar , @hoffwhorror , @faultlessheart , @librababe99 , @roman-hoffman , @costashoffman , @horrorxgorewhore , @xmissghoulx , @magmabayvi , @thewolveswithin , @oceansrose2002 , @c0stass , @slut4hoffman , @mysunfishpeedinmyroom

#saw x #saw movies #costas mandylor #saw mark hoffman #mark hoffman x reader #mark hoffman

[piratefalls]

i have no real opening remarks, so have some fic, mind the tags, and have a good day!

masterlist

did the light hit my blush (when i told you you could be enough?) by matherine

Henry wasn’t eavesdropping. Really, he wasn’t — he had just come home from work at the shelter early, toed off his shoes at the door, and began to settle in when he heard it. “No, Nora,” Alex’s voice groans, floating out into the hall from where his bedroom door must be cracked open. “I can’t tell if he’s just not interested or oblivious. I’ve used my whole arsenal of flirting and Henry’s completely unresponsive.” Or: Alex has been flirting for months. It’s not that Henry didn’t notice — it’s that he thought he couldn’t possibly mean it.

Only Fools by OrchidScript

Henry rolled his eyes. “No. You tell me — that sounds better — why I should bring my ex-hook up to my brother’s wedding?” Pez hummed and half-shrugged. “Why wouldn’t you? He’s the perfect thing to light your gran’s helmet of hair on fire.” Pez set his cup down and leaned forward onto the table. “That’s what Pip encouraged you to do, didn’t he?” “Martha more than Pip, but yes. He did.” Henry sighed. “Then ask Alex.” -- With his brother's wedding a few weeks away, Henry Fox is determined to not show up alone. Not wanting to ask a stranger, he instead turns to Alex, hoping to manufacture something believable from something familiar. Try as he might to keep a level head, Henry can't help falling in love with the man. Will it come around to bite him or will it turn into something more than he had hoped?

kitchen confidential by stutteringpeach

The NDA is approximately a mile long. “Jesus fuck,” Alex splutters. “What, is their favourite film The Menu or something? Am I gonna come out of this one alive?” ~ Or, the one where Alex is hired to cater a private dinner party for Prince Henry and his friends, and it does not go as he expects.

Can You See Me? (I'm Waiting for the Right Time) by affectionatelyrs

“Whose turn was it?” Henry asks while Alex is busy pondering the merits of throwing himself out their fifth-story window and hoping his boner doesn’t take anyone’s eye out on his way down. “Forgive me, but I am a bit tired. Do you think you could take it?” There’s no way that Henry’s not doing this on purpose. He makes words mean things when put in a certain order for a living, for fucks sake. Alex almost quips back depends on how big it is just to see how—or if—Henry would react. “Yeah, um, no problem.” There. Much more normal. He could steal Henry’s job at this rate. “Truth or dare?” - Or, Alex’s world gets flipped on its axis during a game of truth or dare

getting good now by Standinginmoonlight

Alex sighs and balls his hands up into fists, digging them into his eye sockets until he sees stars, and then he’s speaking without his brain giving his mouth permission. “I can’t believe I’m going to marry someone British.” Or: the Love is Blind AU that no-one asked for.

A Sin Better Than Heaven by AnchoredArchangel

“Show me,” the king says, a demand. He sets the vial back down, careless to where it lands compared to where it originated. He leans back against the table, crosses his arms over his chest; chin raised, jaw set- a picture of regality. Henry’s heart is pounding in his chest, the unstable beat of too many horse hooves overlapping, like the canter through the woods that very afternoon before he was shoved from his saddle. For the first time, he considers the possibility that perhaps he had hit his head harder than he realized- against the ground or against the tree, because certainly his hope is misplaced; certainly he is not following this conversation as well as he presumed. “Show you what, Your Majesty?” The king only deigns to move a hand, untucking it from his elbow in order to wave it vaguely. “How your body responds to men.” Or: A criminally loose reimagining of the tent scene from Mary & George, only Alex is a sexually confused king, and Henry's the one who has been sent to seduce him.

it's so hard to get to heaven with my head in my hands by anincompletelist

His mother would have a fit if she could see him now, taking comfort he isn’t owed from men he shouldn’t want it from. But Henry wipes his tears with the back of his hand and Alex begins singing the dulcet tune of a Spanish lullaby and George feels, perhaps for the first time in his life, like he belongs.

Silence & Sound by @nocoastposts

Alex tugs at his hair and tries to focus on choosing his next words. He knows that Henry will help him - that he wants to help him. He knows that all he has to do is say the word. Henry stands and steps closer, holding Alex’s chin firmly and tilting his head up so their eyes are forced to meet. “You need me to clear that lovely head of yours, hm?” “Please,” Alex says in barely a whisper. or: Henry helps Alex fill the silence before indulging in the sound.

baby boy by smc_27

It starts as a joke. Alex taking the piss about how much money Henry has. How he could have anything he wanted, from anyone he wanted, if only he just asked.

all so human with our guards down by maxbegone

“Constant fear is debilitating,” Alex tells him later on. The sun has risen, though it’s barely prominent through the dark clouds in the sky. “Even in the world we live in now, you need to find the things that make it feel…normal.” Of course, Alex isn’t even sure that makes much sense, and he thinks about doubling back on what he just said with something stupid and word-vomitty, whatever pops into his head first, but Henry beats him to it. Much more suitable, and it puts Alex’s mind at ease: “I’m starting to think you’re right.” The world ended three years ago. No more all-night study sessions, no more drag brunch and mimosas, no more societal expectations. But out of everything Alex was expecting from an apocalypse, Henry sure as hell wasn't it.

Dallas, Texas by annesbonny

i thought I knew hopelessness. i thought I'd learned its specific dread years ago There's an assassination attempt on Ellen, Henry is caught up in the damage. Alex is... coping about as well as you would expect.

Best Practice in Sexual Favours by everwitch

They meet at a bar. Alex is young; fresh out of law school, sharp and charismatic and oh-so attractive. The sex is absolutely incredible, and Henry has no regrets. At least not until the morning after when he finds himself opposite Alex in a meeting — equipped with the painful knowledge that Alex’s boss thinks Alex’s only function in said meeting is to sit there and look all pretty. Somebody ought to call HR right about now. Or: when sexual relationships mix with professional ones, Alex and Henry make the most of it.

this is the first time I've felt the need to confess by theprinceandagcd

Alex frantically unlocks his phone and stares at their text thread, at the heart reaction that Henry had left on his most recent message. His thumbs hover uselessly over his screen, trembling as moisture burns his vision. The entire room is thick with uneasiness, heavy enough that it’s hard to breathe, and Alex wants to tell Henry something, wants to reach out and find the solace that Henry so often offers him without even realizing it. But mostly, as his brain finally catches up to what’s actually happening, all Alex can think is that he doesn’t want to die. He tries to come up with a list of reasons why in his head, a comprehensive one that probably should include family and career goals and a million other things, but in the end, in the moment, all he can fucking think about is Henry.

out of the kitchen by rizcriz

Alex looks to his right where Henry’s standing at his own door. Any moment now, Gordon Ramsay is going to tell them to turn the handle and one of them is going to cascade into a new life. He doesn't care if his door doesn’t open; in fact, he’d rather it didn’t. He’s come all this way, he’s proven himself as a chef, but there’s no denying that the man beside him was made for this role. For the last five weeks, he’s watched as Henry’s given his all to every challenge and dinner service. -- or, the Hell's Kitchen au literally nobody asked for.

i love you (ain't that the worst thing you ever heard) by coffeecatsme

Henry doesn’t doubt that, just as much as he doesn’t doubt now that Alex won’t have a single issue with him being trans. In another life, when Henry whispered it in the quiet hours of the night, he didn’t. In another life, when he kissed Henry anyway, he didn’t. In another life. In this one, when Alex meets his eyes, all there is left behind them is a cold glare that freezes Henry to his soul. One year ago, Henry had a whirlwind of a day with Alex after a chance meeting in a coffee shop, only to leave in the morning to protect his heart. He doesn't expect to see Alex again, until he shows up at June's wedding and finds out her brother is the same Alex he hasn't been able to get out of his mind for a year - and he's pissed.

Fragile Things by SatinBirds

Alex does not scare easily. But the moment he sees Henry fall, all breath leaves his body at once.

Trim my Christmas tree by clottedcreamfudge

Henry is a writer, not a mall Santa, but unfortunately this year - thanks to his adorable and conniving nieces and their Aunt Beatrice - he's going to have to be both. This doesn't leave him a great deal of time to pine horribly over the part-time bookseller and Law student over at June Claremont-Diaz's shop, but somehow he manages to jam it in anyway. Ho ho ho.

All Kinds of Wounds by allmylovesatonce

It throws Alex off when it takes longer for the door to close, when he hears Henry’s footsteps but doesn’t hear him approaching. As he listens closer, there are steps on the stairs and eventually the sound of feet on the second floor. Henry avoided him. Henry gets hurt at the shelter and tries to hide it from Alex.

blurred lines by seafloor

Henry is a lovesick writer; Alexander a charismatic bartender. They’re still fated to fall into bed at some point.

keep me up all night/ i wanna scratch your surface by @firenati0n

They step inside, greeted by moonlight streaming through the windows, illuminating their living room in a dreamy light; it’s enough to see outlines and shapes, enough to keep everything just a little bit secretive, a little softer around the edges. Henry moves his hand to flick on the kitchen light, and Alex’s hand shoots out to grab his wrist. Henry looks down at him questioningly, blue eyes sparkling even with the absence of light. Alex always feels a little off-kilter around him, Henry both his center of gravity and his reason for vertigo. He’s stabilizing, and dizzying, and everything. Alex’s thumb and index finger circle Henry’s slender wrist, exerting the slightest pressure. He feels Henry's pulse jump under his thumb. “Get on the couch.”

Voted most likely to run away with you by dreamsinthewitchouse

Alex drifts into consciousness in a bed full of tangled limbs and warm, sleep-rumpled skin. He’s lying half on his stomach and half on his side, the shoulder smushed against the bed protesting in a way that tells him he’s going to have a crick in his neck for the rest of the day. But fuck if he cares, with Henry stirring next to him, one of his long legs draped over the back of Alex’s thigh. Alex doesn’t need to open his eyes to know the room is hazy with filtered sunlight, spilling pale yellow through the carelessly drawn curtains.

everything just stops by HypnosTheory

Alex hums, pushing his nose into the side of Henry’s cock. “Let me give you your gift, Hen.” “You’ve already given me my gift,” Henry says, fingers tightening on the edge of the countertop. “Twice.” Alex laughs and takes Henry’s cock back into his mouth. Henry keens, knees shaking. He’s oversensitive already; Alex woke him up with a hand on his cock, and then in the shower surprised him with three fingers against his prostate. Each orgasm was greeted with a happy birthday, baby, which is a phrase that’s starting to have a Pavlovian response on Henry. --- Alex gives Henry all the birthday orgasms - Henry believes turnabout is fair play.

the wrong place by congee4lunch

“I don’t want you, I don’t want anything to do with you, Alexander,” Henry breathes out, his breath ghosting over Alex’s lips. “I just want to feel good.” “Perfect,” Alex grins. “I want the exact same thing, Fox.” henry and alex hate each other. when they're forced to share a hotel room and a bed for a night, they fuck about it.

Total Eclipse by @myheartalivewrites

Alex is not sure what the fuck is happening here. “And if you only hold me tight…” A man—probably the most beautiful man he has ever seen—is up on stage in this karaoke bar, absolutely murdering Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart and he’s pretty sure the guy is crying and it’s one of the most horrifying things he’s ever seen and Alex cannot. Look. Away.

Late Bloomer by @sparklepocalypse

Alex Claremont-Diaz is sixteen years old, and he hasn’t presented. His dad seems to think it’s fine and offers Alex regular reassurance that his cousin Angel hadn’t presented until nearly 20. His mom, though, gets a little crease between her eyebrows whenever she thinks Alex isn’t looking. Presenting is a Big Deal in the Claremont family, and Alex just... hasn’t. So Alex is sixteen, and he’s… a boy. That’s it. Just a boy. Not a boy and an alpha like his friend Marco, or a boy and an omega like his friend Noah. Just a boy.

living in a new normal by @forever-fixating

Henry Fox could write an entire dissertation based on how much information his twin nieces Penelope and Grace have told him about their favorite band, Austin Heat. The girls peppered him with neverending facts since he surprised them with tickets and meet-and-greet passes to their concert at Madison Square Garden last Christmas. -- Henry Fox takes his nieces to a concert of their favorite band, Austin Heat. He gets a bit more than he bargained for when he meets singer and guitarist Alex Claremont-Diaz.

as always, let me know if you want to be tagged in future lists!

tagging @starkfridays @stilesgivesmefeels @midnightsfp @sarahjswift

#rwrb #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfiction #firstprince #firstprince fic #red white and royal blue #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #alexhenry #firstprince fanfiction

[actually-safer-to-kiss]

Personal Heater

Summary: Spencer has no heat in his apartment, but that doesn’t stop Reader from spending the night.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: fluff

Word count: 858

You are so stubborn. Stubborn to the point that Spencer finally caved and let you spend the night at his place, despite constantly telling you the heat is out. It took two weeks and several weather reports including wind mileage and humidity percentages, but you broke him. Now you’re in his bathroom, spitting your toothpaste and mouthwash concoction into his rickety sink. And it was your sharp, minty inhale that put the stamp of regret on the night.

Out of all potential points of convincing you to wait, he failed to mention that he lived in a building originally constructed in the early 1900s; when insulation wasn’t even a thought.

Your feet are freezing under the tile, and you’re convinced if you put enough force behind it, you can land in Spencer’s bed with one jump. Moving as minimally as possible sounds ideal because your legs feel as mobile as frozen pipes. But a screw-up will lead to you hitting the floor in the darkness, alerting your boyfriend in the living room, and — worst of all — you’ll have to admit he was right.

So instead, you lumber out of the bathroom, sliding your feet across the floor to navigate any potential hazards. The floor creaks with your weight. Once in the clear, you, quite literally, hop into bed. Spencer was still focused on some work at his desk, but he promised he wouldn’t be long since he was already in his robe. You took advantage of the time to gather the comforter and the extra blanket he’s been using. Then you grab some others folded neatly on a nearby chair (that you may or may not have fished out of his closet) and let them all fall on top of you. The warmth creeps in if you stay still and prevent drafts, but your feet instinctively rub together like they were sticks and you needed a fire. It’s the only movement you allow as you try to zone out enough to fall asleep, apart from the occasional kick to yourself for not being patient.

The benefit of being in an old building is that doors creak too. So Spencer coming in to call it a night is not subtle at all. He turns on the lamp on his side, and it’s the first time you’ve dreaded hearing him chuckle. “Well, well, well,” his tone is infuriating, “I see you found the extra blankets.”

You keep your eyes closed and hope for the best.

“I heard the floors creaking three minutes and 42 seconds ago, hun. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

Dammit. You use your bitterness to turn on your right side, making sure to keep your body encased under the small mound of various cozy materials.

Spencer’s robe is tied: boring, plaid, and brown. But it gives him a secure layer over his fun pajamas, the light blue ones with cloud patterns, also known as the ones you got him. His hair is adorably messy and his lips purse into an annoyingly cute smile. “Anything you want to say to me?”

“Yes, actually,” You prop yourself up on your elbow and look him in the eye as you ask “How the hell does someone who grew up in Vegas tolerate freezing temperatures indoors in early spring?”

“Well, robes help, but it’s also not freezing,” He corrects. “It’s 43.4 degrees outside, which means it’s…” He feels the air for reference because it matters to him. “About 58.2 degrees in here right now considering what floor we’re on and —”

“If I admit you were right, will you please come to bed?” You fall back onto your pillow and pat his, utterly defeated. 

He doesn’t hesitate to switch off the lamp. Spencer climbs in and nestles under the comforter. “No need, I already know.”

You wish you had a snappy response to that, but Spencer’s hands are already distracting you by navigating blindly under the comforter. You take the hint and push yourself closer to him. When your bodies meet, he pulls your leg up so you can be just a little closer. You wrap an arm around his shoulder and your fingers end just above the back of his neck. You play with the hair you can reach and he finally kisses you. It’s sweet and slow, with no urge to prove a point. “Your nose is so cold.” You tell him.

“So is yours.” He replies, rubbing them together. He kisses the bridge of yours.

“I’m warming up though.” Slowly but surely. You try to keep your icy toes away from his to avoid ruining the moment.

“Good. Me too.” The hand keeping your leg steady slid up your back, finding a comfortable place to rest. “Seriously though, do you think you’ll be able to sleep tonight?”

“Yes.” You nod for extra assurance.

“Okay,” He rubs your back. “Wake me up if you can’t.” He gives you another precious kiss.

You want to say you’ll be fine, but you don’t feel like risking being wrong twice in 24 hours. So you plant a kiss on his forehead, and that’s good enough for him.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid/you #spencer reid/reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fandom

[samiswifey]

Just Talk To Each Other

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x fem!reader

Warning: none

Summary: since the last ghostface attack Sam continued her therapy and met you there. As the weeks passed by you guys grew close and feeling definitely grew between you guys. However neither of you were ready to say anything in fear of losing the other.

It was six in the morning and you and Sam were both up early eating breakfast and making light conversation. Neither of you couldn't sleep for some reason, so you both decided to wake up make breakfast and just talk.

The conversation wasn't deep or super meaningful but it was calming and nice to just be around each other. You both have been through pretty similar things and it was comforting to be around somebody who understands what you've been through. Although neither you nor Sam would ever admit it really you both like that you got each other without having to say anything. It was nice.

"Your birthday is Saturday. Have any plans on what you would like to do?" Sam asked.

You shook your head as you frowned a little. "My birthday has never been celebrated. My mom was always too high or drunk to remember and my father hated my birthday because it reminds him of the day his life was ruined and refused to even celebrate it." You told her. "So I never celebrate my birthday. It comes and goes without much of a thought from me."

That made Sam extremely sad to hear and she couldn't help but feel bad for you. "If you could have your dream birthday celebration what would it be?" She asked. You thought for a moment before answering. "Dinner with friends at my favorite restaurant, ice cream at that new shop that opened up and then watching my favorite movie." You said. "I know it's not much or huge but it's what I've always wanted. A day focused on me, doing what I want."

Sam immediately kept that in her mind because she was going to make your birthday the best day ever! She was going to hopefully change it so that you now look forward to it every year. She's going to change your life.

"Don't forget I have therapy today. So I'll be back later than usual." You said.

Sam nodded but knotted her eyebrows together. "Why would I forget that?" She asked. You chuckled a little. "Because you have a million things on your plate and you tend to forget things. Also I know how you freak out when I'm not home on time." You said.

Sam wouldn't admit that you were about that but you were. However nobody can really blame her considering everything she's been through the last two years. It was understandable that she would be worried if you're not home on time.

"So how are things going with the sisters? Any attacks recently?" Beverly asked.

You frowned at her obvious dig at Sam's killer bloodline. "Sam wouldn't hurt me or anyone. Those rumors aren't true." You snapped. Beverly laughed as she narrowed her eyes at you. "Y/N I just don't get how you can trust someone like Sam who's father was a killer. If I was you I'd keep my guard up around psycho girl." She said.

You were growing increasingly angry at the girl. "Sam isn't psycho and she wouldn't hurt me. In fact she's the only person in this city that I know for a fact I can trust." You said strongly. Beverly laughed at that and quickly turned to face you.

"Y/N don't you find it strange how everyone who's been around her always winds up dead. Everywhere she goes ghostface comes back decides to going on a killing spree. Amber, Ritchie and his family all dead after they met Samantha. Anika dead after she met Sam and her sister, along with kids she used to babysit all got seriously injured because of her!" She fired. "You are next if you continue being around the daughter of a killer."

The anger in your eyes grew but immediately disappeared when you looked passed Beverly and noticed Sam standing there. "Sam."

Sam was tense as she held a paper bag in her hand and glanced between you and Beverly. "I just wanted to drop off your lunch since you forget it this morning." She spoke softly. You slowly approached her and took her hand. "Thank you Sammy. You're amazing." You said honestly. Sam relaxed when you said that and smiled a little. "We'll talk later." She said. You nodded at that. "Ok."

After Sam left you unloaded on Beverly in a very quiet but sturn way and told her to watch her mouth when it comes to Sam. That she didn't know the girl or what happened and she can't talk about things that she doesn't even know the truth about. She knows Reddit forms and the rumors, she doesn't know the truth like you do so she in less words should shut up.

Leaving the sandwich shop Sam immediately put her hands in her pockets. She was taking what Beverly said to heart right now because they girl wasn't wrong. People who come in contact with her do get hurt, they do get killed and it haunts her. She knows her father being ghostface ruins everyone's first impression of her. People don't trust her because they think she'll be just like her father, when that's never been the case. She's nothing like him and she really wished people would understand that.

Sitting alone Sam couldn't help but think about Beverly's words. They haven't left her head. However she's not trying that hard to not think of them. Everything said was true and she knew that but she tried not to believe it because she knew herself. At least she thinks she does.

"Sam what are you doing here?" Tara asked when she saw her sister.

Sam shrugged, with her hands still in her pockets. "I, uh, wanted to see you. See how your day has been." She said quickly. Tara knew it was more but didn't push her sister to tell her, so she just let it go for now. "Things are fine. I have a pretty big project due next week so I'll be spending the night at Mindy's so we can work together." She said. Sam nodded as her eyes looked all over. "Uh before that do you think you could help me?"

Tara was shaking her head as she watched Sam try (and fail) at making a cake. She didn't understand how Sam could be such a great cook but completely failed when it comes to baking. It really doesn't make any sense.

"Sam, I love you, but buy a cake!" Tara says. "You can order it today and have it ready by Saturday."

Sam pouted but agreed because that was a much easier idea then her trying to do this. "I guess you're right." She mumbles. Tara looks at her and stepped closer. "You never bake. After the cake you made for my birthday you swore off baking." She said. "So what made you change your mind now?"

Sam played with her fingers while completely avoiding eye contact with her younger sister. "I wanted to do something nice for Y/N's birthday. I wanted her to know that she's special to me." She said. "Do something for her."

Tara knew what her sister was saying without saying it. She knew because she was the same way with Amber, but unlike you, Amber didn't appreciate it.

"I haven't known Y/N long but I do think that whatever you do she'll love." She says.

Sam sighs as she continued playing with her fingers. "I know, but she told me what she wants. She told me how she wants a day about her and doing things she likes. So I'm trying to do that for her." She said. "I just want her to know that she's not ignored."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday came fast then expected and you found yourself wide awake in your room just wondering what today was going to bring you. Your birthday usually never felt any different from any other day of the year, but today it did. You could feel it in your heart that today was going to be different.

"Y/N are you up? I have something for you?" Sam said through the door.

You sat up and held a pillow close to you to protect yourself, for some reason. "Yeah I'm up." You called out. The door opened slowly and Sam came in holding a stack of pancakes in her hand. "First, happy birthday! And two, I've made pancakes because I know they're your favorite." She said softly. "I hope you like it."

You smiled as you took the plate from her. "Sammy this is great. Thank you so much." You said. Sam stood off to the side as she fiddled with her nails. "So what did you want to do? What are your plans?" She asked.

You shrugged as you cut up the pancakes. "I was thinking of getting take out and watching this movie I found. Nothing big." You said. Sam nodded as she looks at you. "Any thing else?" She questions. You felt confused by her question. "What else would we do?" You asked. "I mean, yes it's my birthday, but it's still just another day. Nothing special," you added.

Sam sits down at the edge of the bed. "Well, what have you been wanting to do that you haven't done?" She asked. You thought about it for a while because there was a lot you haven't done. "I would like to go to the museum. I never have been to one because my parents wouldn't let me and I have always wanted to go." Yo said. Sam smiles "done."

Standing at the entrance of the museum you couldn't believe that you were here. You thought it was all talk until you and crew actually arrived at the museum. You wanted to pay but they wouldn't let you. In fact Tara took your card and kept it on her so you couldn't pay for anything. Today was about you and they were all treating you to everything today.

Walking inside the group split up. They all went different directions, leaving you and Sam alone together. You smiled at her and took her hand as you led her towards the art section of the museum. Since you were an art major in college you loved learning about art. It was something you enjoyed doing in your free time.

As you two looked at the art on the walls you talked to Sam about everything you had learned about certain pictures. You told her what you remembered and she lit up as you explained things to her. It made your heart go crazy over the fact that she was obviously enjoying what you were telling her. People usually didn't care what you said, so having Sam actually care made you really happy.

Walking around slowly you and Sam held hands as you looked at everything. You guys made conversation about what you saw. You liked listening to Sam talk and it made you really happy that she was enjoying something that you liked. Her joy wasn't fake or forced and that was another positive about her. She was great.

Spending most of the day at the museum was an absolute dream come true for you! It was everything you imagined and more. Even though it was a very last minute plan Sam made every moment perfect. It was great.

Leaving the museum you and Sam were still holding hands as the group walked back to the car. Today has been great and you've only done two things. It was heartwarming that Sam would do this for you and you couldn't help but think about what you'd do to make it up to her because she really deserves this.

"Sam don't forget the cake!" Mindy blurted out, but quickly covered her mouth when everyone looked at her with harsh glares.

You looked at everyone. "What cake?" You asked. Sam was glaring at Mindy through the rearview mirror before looking at you. "I had a cake made three days ago for your birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise." She said. You smiled at her and took her hand. "I really appreciate that but I would have taken a box cake." You said.

"Oh Sam can't back. That's why she ordered one." Tara said easily, which made everyone laugh.

Sam rolls her eyes but smiled at you. "So would you mind picking up the cake first before we get food?" She asked. You shook your head. "Absolutely not."

Arriving at the cake shop Sam quickly gave the name of the order and waited with you as they went to go get the order. You looked at her. "Thank you for doing this. I really, really appreciate it." You said kindly. Sam smiled at you. "Don't mention it." She says. Things were quiet as you both locked eyes together, and it slowly felt like gravity was pulling you guys together. Neither of you stopped until you met in the middle and shared a kiss. It was quick and you both pulled away before things could go forward. Nothing was said as you both stood in silence together.

With the cake in hand you and Sam left in awkward silence as you got back in the car. You still sat next to her but neither of you said anything as she drove back home. You could really cut the tension with a knife but you both didn't know what to do. How do you talk about this? What do you say?

"Can we eat cake first before eating dinner?" Tara asked.

"Yeah I really want cake right now." Mindy added.

Sam speared you a quick glance before looking at the ground. "Only if it's ok with Y/N. It is her birthday and her cake." She said. Both Tara and Mindy looked at you, begging you to eat cake first. You sighed but smiled a little. "Go ahead. Have cake." You said easily. They both thanked you before running off to cut the cake.

After the cake had been cut and the food had been served the group gathered around the tv to watch the movie that you rented. It was a small indie film that had just been released to streaming and you were excited to watch. However things with Sam were still tense and you sat wondering if she was mad at you.

As the movie went on you just couldn't focus. Your mind was else where, wondering if Sam hated you. She has really talked much since the cake shpo and you were worried that she now hated you because of what happened. She must hate you for the kiss in the shop. Feeling overwhelmed you quickly excused yourself and left. You ran to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. You had to think.

"Ok what's going on?" Chad asked.

"Yeah you and Y/N have been acting weird since the cake shop." Tara pointed out. "So spill Sam."

Sam avoided eye contact with everyone as the played with her hands. "Uh... Well... We kissed. It was quick, very quick but we kissed." She said. They all looked at her and held back the burst of excitement they wanted to yell because they could tell that Sam was sad. "Then what's wrong?" Mindy asked. Sam frowned "I... Don't know. We didn't talk but things got so tense between us and I don't know what to do." She says. Chad, Tara and Mindy looked at her. "Talk to her Sam!"

Sitting alone you were trying to think of a way to talk to Sam and move past this. You hated the tension and you wanted to go back to how you were. However before you could think there was a soft tap on the door.

"Y/N can we talk?"

Slowly opening the door you were face with brown eyes staring right at you. "What did you want to talk about?" You asked softly. Sam closed her eyes for a second before opening them. It was taking all her strength to say what she was about to say.

"I like you Y/N. I've liked you for a while now but I never knew how to tell you. I'm not good with talking about my feelings, so sometimes I'll just react on them. I did that tonight because I couldn't hold back anymore. I just really-"

You cut her off by kissing her again. This time it was longer and filled with more passion as you poured everything you felt for her into that kiss. Since the moment you met Sam you liked her. She was beautiful, strong and had a great sense of humor. When you were alone you guys grew close. She knew things about you that nobody else did. You liked Sam.

Pulling away you smiled at her. "I like you to Sam. I always have." You said. Sam smiled and hugged you. "I'm really glad to hear that." She says. You laughed as you pulled away and smiled at her. Today has been one of the most amazing days ever and it's all thanks to Sam Carpenter.

#sam carpenter #sam carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin

[magicalrocketships]

Remember that de-aged Max fic I posted 1200 words of and was DEFINITELY absolutely not writing any more of?

Anyway I absolutely wrote more, but this is set six years earlier and is a little study in contrasts, because this time it's mostly about tiny Daniel. Here you go:

Daniel goes small early in race week in Malaysia.

Max sees the commotion over by the drivers' rooms, and then he sees someone going for one of the Go Small kits that hang under first aid kits and by fire extinguishers the world over. They are simple, mostly fold-small extremely stretchy t-shirts and drawstring stretchy shorts with these weird adjustable shoes that can be fastened to fit to most feet. He assumes it's one of the mechanics or engineers and doesn't think much more about it, and then he overhears someone saying for god's sake keep him out of Max's eye-line, don't want the poor kid yelled at for getting in his way.

Max does not feel like that is very fair. He would not yell at a child. He only gets mad with stupid adults, not little kids. It is not his fault that so many people are stupid.

But then he spots a curly haired baby Daniel clambering up on to the tool table to reach for the chocolate bar that one of the mechanics has sneaked into the garage and Max spotted hidden away earlier, and he shouts, "Daniel, no."

Baby Daniel immediately freezes, hand outstretched, knees perched wobbly on the edge of the workbench. He peers guiltily over his shoulder, but Max is already half way across the garage, looping an arm around Daniel's waist and stopping him from tumbling off.

"I wanted the chocolate," Daniel tells him. He does not flinch away from Max's touch, and consents very easily to Max helping him down from the workbench. He is not in the least bit bothered by being told no. He does not seem afraid at all.

"It is a Snickers bar," Max tells him, "and you are allergic to nuts, little Daniel. Also it is not yours and climbing on things in the garage is dangerous."

Daniel's little bottom lip goes out. "I'm not scared. And I can eat nuts."

"Hmm," Max says. Daniel cannot eat nuts, no matter what face Daniel is trying to pull right now to pretend he can. He might die and that would be very bad, not just for the space-time continuum but for Max in particular, who likes having Daniel as a teammate. He considers. "Are you hungry or are you bored?"

Daniel's face lights up, which is how Max ends up sitting in the hospitality area with Daniel sitting next to him, feet swinging, as Daniel eats a sandwich and talks with his mouth full and tells Max about going karting with his dad. It is very cute because Daniel is very cute, all curly hair and no fear and looking around at everything. He must see all the bewildered faces of everyone walking by and seeing Max hanging out with him, which is not fair because Max likes kids and is good with them. They are mixing Max from the track up with Max in real life. Daniel beams at him with mayonnaise on his chin. Max wipes it off with a napkin.

When Daniel has finished eating his sandwich and has drunk his juice and eaten a blueberry muffin he manages to get literally everywhere, Max takes him back to the garage and they get Daniel settled in the cockpit of his very own Formula 1 car and baby Daniel is incandescent with joy. Then they walk down the paddock, and everyone comes to see Daniel because everyone loves Daniel and tiny, curly haired Daniel is excited and interested and brave. He is not shy at all, not like Max was when he was younger. The only exception is when he sees Lewis with his dog, Roscoe, and then he hides behind Max with his hands on Max's hips and peeks out from underneath Max's arm. Lewis picks Roscoe up and waves his paw in Daniel's direction, and Daniel dives behind Max's back before he sneaks his head out, and gives Roscoe a very little wave back. Then Daniel holds Max's hand for a bit before going back to running around him in circles because he has too much energy for such a little boy. Some of the photographers take pictures of him, and when they get back to the Red Bull garage, Daniel is carefully settled on top of a stack of tyres so that somebody else can take pictures. Daniel demands Max be in one of the pictures with him, and he rests his elbow on Max's head and Max laughs as they take the photo.

It is a very nice day and little Daniel is very cute and he skips around Max asking him questions and peering into things and trying to climb on anything within climbing distance.

He passes out face first on the sofa in the driver's room, and suddenly Max feels the overwhelming compulsion to squeeze his eyes shut, and when he opens them again, it's not a seven year old Daniel staring back at him, but a teenager, with spots and braces. He devours a burger and fries in about four seconds flat that someone brings him from hospitality, and he's just asking if he can go in the car again when Max has to squeeze his eyes shut. When he opens them, it's just normal Daniel, sitting on the sofa in his very stretchy Go Small outfit, and grinning.

"That was so cool," Daniel says, laughing. "Thanks for keeping me company, Maxy-Max. When it's your turn, you'll have to come hang out with me, I'll return the favour. We'll have a whale of a time."

"Yes," Max says. "Okay."

&&&

It is six years later when there's a little knock on Daniel's apartment door.

Daniel, not entirely sure he actually heard anything, and especially because no one called up from the front desk downstairs, opens his door expecting nobody to be there.

Instead, there is a little red-cheeked baby Max, struggling to hold up a pair of too-big shorts and drowning in a t-shirt. His socks are falling off his feet. "I am Max Verstappen," Max tells him, shy and awkward. He has one hand pressed to the back of his neck, scared and unsure.

Daniel's face softens. "Hello, Max," he says. "I know who you are. Why don't you come in, and we'll get you all fixed up."

Max, uncertain and very small, steps inside.

&&&

Again, thank you to Lena @stolemyhheart for making sure it read okay and Em @powerful-owl for letting me have her best de-aged verse ideas and talking about this with me for ages. For a fic I'm absolutely not writing, I sure know a lot about what happens at every stage of it.

Edit: there's more of this verse here.

#fic that i wrote #my fic #de-aged maxiel #max/daniel #baby max #baby daniel

[melinasnook]

𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒚 .

fluff

james potter x reader

written, 29/11/2023

summary: at the end of a stressful day, your boyfriend suggests a simple but successful way to comfort you . words: just under 700

PROOFREAD AND EDITED

your boyfriend can be a little annoying at some times, of course when you began officially dating him you knew this..

that doesnt excuse the fact he is currently very annoying.

you had a tiring day, actually, an exhausting day after being tripped up by a tall slytherin girl in the halls on your way to potions, forgetting there was homework in the said class AND then being sat next to sirius while he decided that today was paticularly a day to be obnoxiously loud, after that you were in a bit of a sour mood for the rest of your lessons.

all you wanted was a bit of peace and quiet after everything that happened, everyone assumed you had just woken up on the 'wrong side of the bed' since you weren't the type to really speak up about this stuff, but of course, your boyfriend was sprawled collapsed on top of you on the common room sofa.

"do you mind?" you tried to say, although considering your face was currently buried in the nape of his neck it was a bit muffled, you feel his lips slightly perk up at your comment and buries his face further into your hair, placing a light kiss under your ear.

"not really.."

you can practically hear the grin on his stupid face, despite this, he moves and sits up, you move to sit next to him, your book has long been discarded on the floor, it being flat open on the floor.

james faces you on the sofa, bringing up a hand to adjust his glasses before reaching to you and tucking the longer hairs behind your ear.

"you look stressed," he murmurs, and you let out a long breath.

"im fine, just a long day." he nods, silently before you see him light up with his signature, 'i have an idea' face; "here," he makes a move to sit up, before lightly tapping his thighs, you turn to him with an exasperated look and you saw him let out a small chuckle, "don't be so dirty-minded.." he makes a move to cover his chest with an innocent face and you lift your arm to slap his upper arm, not too hard.

"ow!"

"don't be such a baby." he pouts and rubs his arm lightly, before realising he got distracted, looking slightly awkward,

"so you know how when i get upset over losing a quidditch match and stuff you cheer me up by playing with my hair?" he mentioned, which brought the soft memories back to your mind.

playing with james' hair was secretly as comforting to you as it was to him, which he doesn't know. it had began in the early stages in your relationship; he was sad after a petty argument with sirius and all you could think to do was bury your hands in his hair while his head laid on your lap, which ended up cheering him up alot more than you would think. since then it was a way to not only comfort him but just a way for you two to relax with one another.

you nodded, "well, do you think you'd let me do the same to you?" he suggested, with a second to think there was surely nothing wrong with this idea, so you turned on your stomach and laid down on his lap, resting your head in your arms on his thighs, you were facing towards the fire place.

it took a moment but james began running his fingers through your hair, brushing the strands gently through his fingers.

it felt good.

you started to relax completely after a few minutes, now only able to focus on the flickers of the fire and the slight massaging of his fingers on your scalp.

"does it feel okay?" you heard the small voice of james, and could only let out a small 'mhm', just enjoying the moment company of your big, loving, silly boyfriend as your eyes began to close slowly, and the worries of the day faded away.

#fluff #marauders #james potter #james potter x reader #x reader #gender neutral reader

[thedreamlessnights]

Someone to shed some light - pt. 8

Astarion x gn!Reader

{series masterlist}

Synopsis: With Gale arriving, you and Astarion discuss your futures away from Calthir.

Warnings: Mentions of death, blood, and vampire bites.

Word Count: 2.6k

Your dreams are restless things, even in the warmth of Karlach’s spare bed. 

Cal once told you that troubled minds make for troubled sleep, and the sentiment has always proven itself true. There’s no exception tonight. Your mind is the most troubled it’s ever been, and your sleep is no better. 

It’s his face you see the most. At first, only flashes of things: sensations and images, as quick to come as they go. The wrinkles on his forehead, the grey of his eyes, the feel of his strong, callused hands. Then, longer things, more memory than dreams. Working the tavern with him in the quiet of the early morning, warmth flooding from the nearby fire. Hot drinks in winter, flickering candles in the dead of night. 

Your anxieties meld themselves to things long past, intertwining reality and nightmares. Picnics by the lake turn to mouthfuls of sticky, metallic blood and running, running as fast as you can until your muscles ache and scream and finally buckle underneath you. Your knees scrape against the dirt. Cal’s screams echo in your ears. His laughter bubbles up into the air. 

There are other things, too. Erelin, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks flushed, hunting you in the night. Aris, signing a contract in ruby ink, quill dripping with it, hands coated in it. Cazador Szarr, nothing but a mass of darkness, a mere silhouette - but his signature sears into your vision like a brand. It burns, it burns, it burns.

When you finally come to, it feels as though you’ve gotten no rest at all. Your muscles ache and your cheeks are wet, and your trembling hands won’t go still. When you finally see Astarion sitting at the windowsill, it almost feels like you’re still asleep. You’re expecting something to harm him, something nice to twist itself into something utterly tainted, but it doesn’t come. 

He’s curled up under the sunlight, studying something down on the street, still in his clothes from last night. His shoulders are wound with tension, his brows are pinched together, and his arms are folded across his chest. Even half-asleep, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that he doesn’t feel safe here like you do. 

Last night had been so full of chaos, you hadn’t even taken the time to consider it but - of course he wouldn’t feel safe here. Why should he? You’re among friends you can trust, people you know perhaps even better than yourself, but everyone here is a stranger to Astarion. You know that Karlach and Wyll and even Gale would give their lives defending him on principle alone, but he doesn’t. All he has is your word, and it can’t mean very much when there are still dozens of people hunting him.

As soon as you sit up, his head tilts the slightest bit toward you. He’s heard you, but isn’t willing to tear his eyes from whatever he’s looking at.

“Your friend’s just arrived,” he says simply. 

“Gale?” you ask, getting to your feet. Your throat is still thick with sleep. 

He shrugs. “I presume,” he says. His tone is sharp enough to cut.

You can’t resist leaning closer, following the trail of his eyes. Guards, posted not far from the front door. Ancunín guards. 

Astarion doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. You know very well what he’s thinking. Those guards are a key back to his mother, a key to safety. He’ll be running into Erelin’s arms as fast as he can - anything to get away from the unprotected nature of the city. The vulnerability that never ends as long as Cazador is after him.

With Calthir’s hand around your throat these last few weeks, you’d nearly forgotten that the two of you would be separating. Now that it’s actually happening, it feels like the shard of a blade lodged in your chest. You don’t dare try to talk him out of it. You know him well enough to know it’s a futile effort.

The two of you are similar that way. There’s nothing you can say that would convince him to stay, and there's nothing he can say that would convince you to go. An impasse. A quiet, mutual understanding.

You should go down and see Gale, but not quite yet. Not while you finally have a moment with Astarion without danger or soldiers breathing down your back, or sleep pulling at your eyes. Not when you have precious little time left with him.

“Astarion,” you start.

He instantly bristles. “Yes?”

“I know you’re going to her no matter what, but how exactly are you planning to do this? Are you turning yourself in to the guards?” 

“I don’t know,” he mutters. He hisses out a breath - air pushed through clenched teeth, then composes himself. “I suppose I’ll just… tell them who I am. They’ll take me to her, and then it will all be over, won’t it? You’ll run off with your little friends, and I’ll be protected from Cazador.”

“But what will you tell her about me? If she knows I’m in the city-”

“Relax, dearest,” he says, giving a loose flick of his wrist. He still isn’t looking at you. “I’ll tell her you got mauled by a bear. I escaped the vicious beast, naturally.”

Silence settles over the two of you, thick and aching. You want so badly to ask him to stay - to reconsider. To run away with you, to get out from the claws of Erelin and Calthir. 

You know he would never accept. 

Your palms are already beading with sweat. You wipe them dry. “Thank you,” you finally reply. “I appreciate that. Really.”

“Well, darling, if being here is what you want,” he says, his tone dull, “who am I to stop you?”

Another beat passes.

“I’d better go see Gale,” you tell him. “Don't leave just yet?”

“Of course,” he responds. “I couldn't leave without saying my goodbyes, darling.”

Goodbyes. 

You close the door after you, and the shard in your chest pushes deeper as you head down to the main room.

The Wizard of Waterdeep looks just like you remember him - give or take a few grey streaks, a few new wrinkles. As soon as he sees you, his eyes light up and a smile breaks across his face. When you dash into his arms, he smells like home. Coffee, books, a touch of something warm. 

“There you are,” he says, propping a hand on your shoulder as he steps back to look at you. “According to Karlach, you’ve had quite the journey!”

“I have,” you reply, examining his expression. How much does he know? You shoot Karlach an anxious glance and see the emotion returned in her eyes. She hadn't told him about your predicament, then.

“Sorry. Didn't want to say anything,” she explains, rubbing the back of her neck. “Figured it was a story you should tell, you know?”

Gale’s expression sombers as he looks from you to Karlach, then to Wyll. “Has something… happened?” he asks.

“Gale, my friend,” Wyll says, “you’d best fill your plate. This story will sit better on a full stomach.”

“Not hungry, soldier?” Karlach asks. She’s looking at Astarion, tension drummed up into her shoulders. He’d come down in the middle of your explanation to Gale, and now he’s staring at the plate set in front of him like it's going to bite him.

“Er - no appetite, I suppose,” he responds, plastering on a smile. “Trying times and all.”

She clearly doesn't believe him, but she doesn't press the issue.

“Well,” Gale says, rubbing at his temples, “I suppose I’d better start a letter to Tara and my mother. They’ll worry if they don't hear from me. And, given the circumstances, who knows how long it will be before I’m able to return to Waterdeep.”

You lean forward. “You don't have to stay, Gale, I don't want you to feel obligated-”

“Oh, pish posh,” Gale says with a wave of his hand. “I’m staying. This is no minor trifle. I’ve made up my mind, and there’s no talking me out of it.”

Karlach beams, flashing her fangs. “Eyy! The more the merrier,” she exclaims. “You might have to conjure yourself up a bed, though. Already full to the brim.”

“Not a problem,” Gale says. “I’ll make myself comfortable.”

“Good man,” Wyll exclaims, clapping Gale on the back. “We’re happy you're here.”

As the three of them ramble on, eventually discussing what Gale will be making for dinner, you glance over at Astarion and find his eyes on you. He raises a brow. A silent question: When are you going to tell them? 

It’s a good question, to be sure, but the more pressing matter is how you’re going to tell them. What can you say? 

Sorry everyone, I know you’ve just met him, but my husband is running off to return to his horrible mother!

Both of you would look ridiculous. 

You give a small shake of your head in response, hoping he’ll understand. It’ll be easier to explain to everyone after he’s gone. It’s not as though he’s particularly close to any of them, after all.

He nods, then goes back to examining his nails. Eventually, Karlach leads Gale to an open area to get himself settled, and as soon as they’re out of the room, Astarion is on his feet - wrapping his cloak around him, slinging his pack over his shoulder.

He turns to face you, and that shard from earlier makes a painful reappearance.

“Well, my sweet,” he says softly. “I suppose this is goodbye.”

Something uneasy stirs in your stomach. “Shouldn't I come with you?” you ask. “What if something goes wrong?”

He scoffs. “And exactly how are you planning to do that without getting yourself caught?”

You give a shrug. “I can tail you. Make sure everything goes alright.”

He tilts his head, but fondness lights his eyes. “Clingy little thing, aren't you?” he asks, giving you a light chuck under the chin. “It’s your neck on the line, darling.”

You can still feel the dull ache of the marks he’d left in your skin from his last feeding. Tender, hidden under your collar at the junction between shoulder and neck.

“A neck which I’m planning to keep intact,” you respond. “Don't worry about me.”

Really, you shouldn't be leaving the safety of Karlach’s home unless absolutely necessary, but something isn't feeling right. Your gut tugs at you, saying something you can't understand, and it’s strong enough of a pull to have you putting on your own cloak and following after him.

Astarion would never let the others accompany him with something like this, not when he doesn’t know them, and he’ll be leaving with or without you. Going along with him seems the best option. The only option, really.

The guards are further away than they’d been this morning from your view out the window, but Astarion seems to know his way. Is he familiar with the city? It takes a good amount of weaving through the crowd, but no one stops twice to look at either of you. A good sign, you hope. 

Just as the pit in your stomach has churned itself into something almost painful, Astarion slows. The guards are just ahead, standing post in the distance. Then, he turns to look at you one last time and waves. 

This is it. Goodbye. Who knows if you’ll ever see him again. If you’re completely honest, you’re not prepared for this. You already know you’ll be spending the next year dreaming of rosemary and bergamot, waking with the echoes of sharp teeth in your neck and soft lips pressed against yours.

For just a moment, your resolve falters. For just a moment, you almost follow after him - damn everything else. Then, the memory of that suffocating castle catches up with you, and you halt yourself before you can do something you’ll inevitably regret.

Astarion means a great deal to you, but he could never make you happy. Not in a place like that. So long as he’s in Erelin’s shadow, the two of you could never be together.

So, instead you swallow down the lump in your throat and manage a wave back at him. He smiles a little - the edges of his eyes crinkling before he turns away. 

You barely manage the composure to stay. Your body yearns for him, pulling with a magnetic force. Your mind tells you to run, to go back to the safety of Karlach’s home. Your soul can manage neither. It’s all you can do to flatten yourself against a nearby wall, silently observing as he approaches the guards. 

The tension is torturous. The days are rapidly cooling, and there’s a bitter chill in the air, but sweat still drips down your neck. Your hands are clammy, and something in you is feverish. Something here feels so very wrong.

The conversation is long, too quiet for you to hear. The guards shift from foot to foot, exchanging glances as Astarion talks. One of them speaks. Astarion stiffens, then replies - something heated, judging by the way his gestures increase. Another response. A shaking of the head.

More gestures. A glance over his shoulder to make sure no one has taken notice of him. A final response before the guards walk away, leaving him behind.

By the time he makes his way back to you, Astarion is coiled up like a spring, ready at any moment to snap.

“Astarion?” you ask, unable to hide the shock in your voice. “What happened?”

“I can't believe this,” he says indignantly, puffing up his chest. “They wouldn’t listen to me!”

You have to bite the inside of your cheek to avoid laughing at that. “They probably get someone posing as the missing prince on the daily.”

“No one knows I’m missing yet, darling, and that’s beside the point. What in the hells am I supposed to do now? Who knows where my mother is, and - even if I knew, those idiots wouldn't let me in to see her!” 

You rest a gentle hand on his arm. “We should get back to Karlach and the others,” you suggest. “I know it’s not your favorite option, but it’s better than being exposed like this.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, holding all his tension in before he visibly deflates. “Lead the way,” he says, punching out the words through gritted teeth.

The two of you slip back through the crowd and through Karlach’s front door with relative ease. Your disappearance doesn't seem to have been noticed, but Astarion is still wound tight as a noose. He throws off his cloak and paces up and down the floor in a rage, eyes flashing in anger.

“This is ridiculous,” he fumes. “Absolutely ridiculous! Really, you’d think those morons would at least - check! Verify with someone higher up! Instead, the half-wits threatened me with a week in prison. I can hardly believe the nerve. As soon as I get back to my mother, those two will be out of a job!”

Karlach must hear the disturbance, because she pops her head through the doorway and observes Astarion’s madness as he stalks across the room. “You alright there, mate?” she asks. “Hungry? Need some water?”

“He’ll be fine,” you tell her. “He’s just had a bad day.”

“If you’re sure,” Karlach says. “Just… let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

Astarion stops pacing, but his hands ball into fists. “For the love of the gods, will someone please tell me there’s a half-decent wine around here,” he snaps.

Gale leans into the room from where he’d been watching, a small smile growing on his face. “You wouldn't happen to have a taste for Elverquisst, would you?”

tags: @amica-aenigmata-naboo @sadslasher13 @peachy-possum @the-lonely-abyss @maddiedrmr @starved-kitten @catching-fire-in-the-wind @aoirohi

#astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion x tav #bg3 x reader #astarion fic #mywriting

[highvern]

omg hey saw that your reqs are open hehe if ure free or if ure thinking abt taking a break from your wips would u consider writing something abt jeonghan x monster!reader from the recent one you wrote :0 of course you don't have to write a whole fic abt it but i'd like to know how they ended up together! i'm so curious ... and also i think i'm just a little insane abt that fic . well. hehe.

I too am a little insane over that fic tbh it was so fun to write!

So basically when monster!reader left the lake she essentially becomes human. Naiads/sirens aren't really known for their complex emotions in mythology lol so most of what she's experienced sans loneliness has been heavily muted because she was immortal and had been in that lake for who knows how long. did y'all watch aquamarine and how she's kinda childish about emotions? think that

But she knows she's drawn to Jeonghan, she has the insatiable urge to be around him all the time, and that's the reason she left her lake because he couldn't stay there forever but she could join him in his world.

More under the cut! this ended up so much longer than I thought but slay.

Jeonghan would show her everything, and she is wide eyed the entire time because all of this existed and she didn't know about it? It makes her feel a little ashamed for believing humans were nothing more than playthings for so long. But I digress.

He takes her to the bookshop he likes to frequent, discovers she can't read obviously (not that she cares), and promises to teach her if she wants. It's fall so the fruit orchards on the outskirts of the village are full of autumn fruit that he picks for her, watching her intently as she tries them with enthusiasm. Jeonghan even takes her through the woods, walking the secluded trails he knows like the back of his hand as she watches the animals scurry in the underbrush with wonder.

And all of these positive feelings she associates with him. Even on days where she can hear the lake screaming for her to comeback, she remembers all the things she missed that Jeonghan has shared with her. And so she stays.

Winter is horrible in her opinion. Cold and dry, she feels like her skin is going to peel off from the heat of the fire she remains in front of all day, attempting to read the books Jeonghan's collected over the years. In the lake, she'd lay down at the bottom, slumbering as the ice crystalized the surface of her home this time of year. And then, when warmer days came, she'd rise to play again. But her now human body won't let her do that anymore. So she has to suffer the biting air.

It's refreshing.

One night, wind is howling and snow is piling against the glass of the windows and she just can't keep herself warm enough under the layers of wool to find rest. So she does what she always does when she runs into a problem in this strange new world. She goes to Jeonghan.

He's shocked to see her in nothing but her nightgown at the foot of his bed, half of her face illuminated in candle light. Jeonghan's seen her in far more compromising states of dress but she always looks so beautiful it makes it hard to breath. And when she complains of the cold, he offers to let her share his bed. Respectfully.

She isn't sure how that'll help but she agrees since Jeonghan hasn't led her astray yet, diving under his blankets to be shocked by the pleasant toastiness underneath. She sighs as her shivering body slowly heats up, eyes slipping shut drowsily as Jeonghan lays a few inches away, watching her.

They wake up the next morning, tangled in one another's arms. Her cheek against his chest, legs wrapped around his to soak in the early morning. After that, she comes to his bed every night under the guise of staying warm.

And then spring comes around and she practically burst from her excitement. She'll get to see the flowers and all the new life emerge as the world wakes up. The town has acclimated to her presence now, unaware of who or what she was before this life, but hypnotized by her sweet smiles and childish laughter all the same. Each morning she practically runs to the town square to look for the garland Jeonghan mentioned, pouting when it's nowhere to be seen as she goes about her errands.

"It's still too cold." Jeonghan explains, snickering at her scowl when she accuses him of lying.

So she waits. And she waits. And she never knew time could feel like this, slow in a painful way. Time had been her friend before but now she resents him.

Then one morning, Jeonghan is acting odd. Not the odd paleness he has when he falls ill or the strange quietness when he argues with his father. But a new sort of oddness she has yet to witness. He keeps glancing at a cabinet in the kitchen over her head as they eat breakfast. When she turns to look herself, his face stretches and his eyes round; like the fish in her lake.

He isn't working in the mill today so they're meant to go explore now that the ground is soft and the sun is closer. Even the wind has turned his sharp claws into gentle hands this morning.

Just as they're about to step outside to leave, Jeonghan pulls her back by her wrist.

"I got you a gift" He whispers.

Her head tips to the side, "A gift?"

Instead of answering, he crosses back to the cabinet. There's a strange rope coiled on one of the shelves, pink and red and white. And when he aproaches her with it, spreading the length from arm to arm to display it properly, she realizes he wasn't lying about the flowers.

"It's beautiful!" She exhales, enamored by the tight twine of blossoming buds. Even in her new form, she loves beautiful things.

She gentle caresses the velvety petals, completely hypnotized.

"I made it for you." He glows in that way that he does so often under her gaze. The way most people do under her approving stare but she thinks his red cheeks are the prettiest.

Together, they hang the garland over the front door. It's meant to welcome a prosperous spring and good luck for the year. Jeonghan doesn't mention it's also a tradition for newly betrothed couples to signify their devotion to one another.

Passing through the town, she examines each new decoration eagerly, Jeonghan smiling behind her as he watches.

"Look at this one!" she squeals, a braid of three lines, crisscrossing yellow, white, and lilac.

She's ecstatic the world isn't gray anymore, bursts of color dripping from every surface possible. Even the sky has returned to a cheery blue, dimpled with gossamer clouds sporadically.

And in her excitement, she does what she's seen the humans do when they celebrate. When taverns are rowdy with drunk patrons, or when a couple gets married in the small chapel at the center of town. When the women welcome their husbands back from long journeys.

She throws her arms around Jeonghan's neck and kisses him.

After he swallows the initial shock, he kisses her back.

#yoon jeonghan #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan fluff #svt jeonghan #svt fanfic #svt x reader #jeonghan #jeonghan smut #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan angst #🫡 highvern