#WHEW ok i think im done for now. HAVING A NORMAL ONE

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert, Harry Anderson Egbert

Candy, page 38

ROXY: sup john

ROXY: long time no see

ROXY: well alright then pal

ROXY: i do believe u know the way to the living room

JOHN: yeah, yep.

JOHN: thanks.

JOHN: sorry for staring like an idiot.

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: i just got done with a whole week of feeling weird about hanging out in my dad’s old house again.

JOHN: I kind of forgot to think about how it would be surreal coming back here, too.

JOHN: some kind of nostalgia whiplash, i guess.

ROXY: fair enough yo

ROXY: harry andersons out if u were wonderin

ROXY: hell scoot back home later so if you make it thru round 1 of awkward ex-family convos im happy to say you can be rewarded with another

JOHN: oh, cool.

JOHN: i’d like to see him, if…

JOHN: if it’s okay with both of you.

ROXY: ya we chatted bout it

ROXY: but like i said

ROXY: one thing at a time

ROXY: lets me n u tear this ol egbert/lalonde estrangement band-aid right the fuck off n see what we got goin on underneath it

JOHN: sounds like a plan.

JOHN: so, uh.

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently.

JOHN: and i’ve realized some things.

JOHN: some stuff that involves you and some that doesn’t, but all things i think you deserve to know.

JOHN: whew.

JOHN: ok lemme think where to start...

JOHN: you know how jake left jane?

JOHN: i mean, i assume you know.

JOHN: though, uh, no offense, but jane’s version might be...

JOHN: skewed.

ROXY: oh lmao nah i didnt hear it from janey

ROXY: harry anderson filled me in on wat he got thru the teen grapevine

JOHN: oh!

JOHN: are you guys not...

JOHN: nevermind.

JOHN: i’m sorry, i came to apologize for my shit, not pry into your business.

JOHN: we don’t have to talk about jane if you don’t want to.

ROXY: janey n me havent been super tight of late

JOHN: ah.

JOHN: what about politics not coming between friends and all that?

ROXY: lmao well turns out sometimes someones politics make it p clear what kind of friends they value

ROXY: or dont

ROXY: and idk sometimes people you used to like when you were a teen grow up to be assholes or w/e!!

ROXY: i think i was clingin to somethin just to prove to myself that i was doin stuff right

ROXY: ol rolal

ROXY: hella normal

ROXY: v good at sticking with friends

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit

ROXY: u might relate

JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

ROXY: anyways

ROXY: im not tryna take up all ur big speech time w/ my stuff

ROXY: you were tellin me about how jake n janey finally went splitsways and how it gave you some kind of epiphany

JOHN: no, it’s cool!

JOHN: i’m glad to hear it.

JOHN: we can come back to your shit after my shit, maybe.

JOHN: but yeah, jake, he uh...

JOHN: he and tavros are living with me now.

JOHN: i think for the foreseeable future. we were expecting jane to have kind of a fit about it, but all we’ve gotten so far are some divorce papers.

JOHN: if she knows where jake is and she hasn’t had a drone fleet dispatched to nuke my house off the planet i think that’s a good sign she’s actually just letting them go?

JOHN: which is kind of surprising, but, uh. good, i guess.

ROXY: ok ill b the first 2 admit that janes turned into kind of a jerk lately but u no shes not actually like

ROXY: literally evil

ROXY: lol

JOHN: that’s debatable!

ROXY: sry to disappoint but janes just a person and you cant actually blame her for everything that went wrong in our marriage like i was her helpless thrall or somethin

JOHN: that’s not what i was saying...

ROXY: ok neither of us came here to argue about janey did we

JOHN: you’re right. let’s just not talk about her.

ROXY: yea

JOHN: anyway...

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are.

JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it.

JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life.

JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally.

JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault.

JOHN: but even before that...

JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did—

JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do—

JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

JOHN: none of this was supposed to be this way.

JOHN: honestly, it doesn’t feel right that we got married at all, does it?

JOHN: your life was heading in this whole other direction with callie, and i just...

JOHN: i dunno. i just kind of took that from you.

JOHN: i think i ended up taking a lot of decisions from a lot of people.

JOHN: everything took a backseat to what i wanted.

JOHN: whatever cosmic significance the lives here do or don’t have, all the pointless suffering i’ve created is... inhumane. and—

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

ROXY: im sorry john ilu but this is some hot steamin horseshit

JOHN: what?!

ROXY: its some real jerkoff emoji stuff is all im sayin!!

ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no one elses could measure up?

ROXY: n then what

ROXY: did u get what u wanted?

ROXY: did your life end and the points got tallied and you came out on top or like what?

ROXY: still p much seems like were movin to me

ROXY: and you sure dont seem like ur winnin so wheres all this good shit you got that you gotta go around handin out apologies for?

ROXY: also damn dude while were at it!!

ROXY: u forgot to actually say sorry in that apology!

JOHN: no, i didn’t — i just meant...

JOHN: i’m sorry for fucking up your life, or making it not—

ROXY: i like my life!!!

ROXY: i mean it aint perf and i got my share of fuckups n mistakes in there but you dont get to tell me its fucked up

ROXY: or that it isnt real or somethin

ROXY: its mine!

ROXY: i mean i felt... somethin i guess

ROXY: but its not just you

ROXY: youve never been the only player in this game u kno

ROXY: do u not remember who all was there when this all kicked off?

ROXY: me n callie wouldna told u u had a choice if it was all just some meaningless bs

ROXY: its not like i was ever some master seer of all that ever was or will be but i do know a lil bit abt what coulda gone down if things were different

ROXY: and u know what

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine

ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

JOHN: i just kept wanting to find ways to make everything make sense, you know?

JOHN: but maybe it just fucking doesn’t.

ROXY: i know we became grownups in a world built specifically n cosmically for us

ROXY: so i get wanting to find a pattern in everything

ROXY: but not everything has 2 b that deep

ROXY: n when u think abt it

ROXY: lookin at it that way, like evrythin has to be this elaborately purposeful heroic design to be worthwhile

ROXY: is actually p shallow

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: i’m sorry. it’s just so hard to not feel like a total asshole.

JOHN: maybe i’m not some grand vizier of destroying time and space or whatever.

JOHN: but we KNOW that there’s a canon timeline out there.

JOHN: and it seems really obvious to me that we aren’t in it anymore.

ROXY: so what

JOHN: “so what”???

ROXY: yea

ROXY: so what

ROXY: tf do i care that theres some other reality out there some1 arbitrarily decided was the “real” one

ROXY: whats that have to do with the life i have now

ROXY: what is there actually that makes this one mean less than that one to the ppl who r actually in it

JOHN: you never feel like it would’ve been better if things had gone a different way?

JOHN: magic or no, i could have done a lot differently, for you especially.

JOHN: stuck around, or... fuck.

JOHN: stayed out of your way to begin with.

JOHN: let you and callie do your thing, or do whatever it was you seemed to be headed off to do.

JOHN: i just didn’t expect it to be me, after...

ROXY: nah dont say that

ROXY: i mean i accept ur apology this time but

ROXY: theres obvs all kinds of ways shit coulda gone

ROXY: and tbh back then

ROXY: with her...

ROXY: mostly i think i just wanted to do stuff right

ROXY: not that i knew wtf that even meant lmao

ROXY: which was prob the problem lmao lmao lmao

ROXY: just like

ROXY: we had this big fresh as hell start at bein people!

ROXY: i had all these conflictin thoughts abt how to be me in the first place

ROXY: like what it meant to date a beautiful skull alien

ROXY: sexualitywise and genderwise and person in generalwise

ROXY: for a while there i didnt know if i wanted ppl to think of me as a woman at all

JOHN: ah, i didn’t know.

JOHN: well, i guess maybe i wondered?

JOHN: but the way young idiot me would have wondered, so not that deeply.

JOHN: and it seemed like you’d forgotten all about it when we got together.

ROXY: i hadnt forgotten about it

JOHN: do you want to talk about it...?

ROXY: i coulda told you then but i kinda felt embarrassed abt flip floppin with my identity i think

ROXY: mean it isnt like i grew up with big airquotes society tellin me what was right n wrong like u did

ROXY: so it wasnt any kind of shamefest

ROXY: just a lot of abstract hypotheticals wed only just started talking about and never got very far into

ROXY: just idk i thought i might do things one way but then i stopped hangin out with callie as much

ROXY: its not like i stopped thinkin abt it

ROXY: or her

ROXY: but it never rly came up with anyone else and i didnt rly feel like i could talk abt it with you so i never brought it up again

JOHN: i’m really sorry you felt that way, roxy.

ROXY: its ok its not ur fault

JOHN: but you don’t regret it?

JOHN: not going for that stuff, and instead just... marrying me?

JOHN: i’m not asking so you can absolve me, i’m just impressed.

JOHN: how do you not second guess every choice you make?

ROXY: i havent stuck my head in the timeline vortex like u have so i dunno what its like to see other options

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

ROXY: i dont think i can regret anything

ROXY: theres not only one right way to be me imo

ROXY: i like the me i am

ROXY: its not like i went n decided “actually hell ya love to be a woman n do all the shit on the woman checklist”

ROXY: i get that thats prob what it looks like outside of my own self but i dont care abt that

ROXY: sorry lol im not good at this whole explainin what transpires in my brain thing

ROXY: idk this life ive been livin gave me harry anderson

ROXY: that kinda outweighs anything else just for me personally

ROXY: n its not like i ever totally quit thinkin abt that gender stuff

ROXY: i just found a different way to work it out than maybe i was originally gonna

ROXY: i...

ROXY: but lmao john were just adults

ROXY: were not dead!

ROXY: idk i mean were only what... barely middle aged in regular human years?

ROXY: we got all kinds of hypothetical but still prolly finite eternity to work our shit out

ROXY: who tf knows

ROXY: its not like you figure out who you are when youre 23 and then the rest of ur whole life is just sittin back watchin ur shit fall apart or not

ROXY: i mean maybe thats been it for u so far

JOHN: haha. ouch.

ROXY: i just dont think im anywhere near done buildin those roxy self actualization train stops

ROXY: who the fuck can say how many more i got lined up

ROXY: same goes for u

ROXY: if youre willing to look at this life as more than a cosmically pointless dead end failure that is

JOHN: i guess...

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward.

JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

ROXY: thats the spirit

ROXY: weve got a million billion lifetimes ahead of us john

ROXY: u dont even KNOW all the ways u got left to fuck up in!!

ROXY: hows that for some inspiration??!

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: it’s pretty fucking inspirational, roxy.

JOHN: thank you for trusting me with this personal stuff.

JOHN: i know partly you were telling me all that to kick my sadsack ass, but i know you don’t talk about this kind of thing every day.

ROXY: to be real i hadnt even let myself think abt it every day

ROXY: so thanks for lettin me ramble at u out loud instead of just almost thinkin abt it once every few years

JOHN: i guess sometimes it takes hearing the same shit over and over until it sticks.

JOHN: that’s mostly an own on myself by the way.

ROXY: lmao were just rippin off those bandaids left n right over here

ROXY: a coupla professional issue discussers

JOHN: yeah, i’m frankly baffled by how fucking good we are at this?

JOHN: where was this when we sucked so hard at being married?

ROXY: buried under a shocking number of issues is my guess

JOHN: well, it’s nice to throw a few off, for once.

ROXY: feel free to communicate with me instead of spendin the next 300 years in a silent prison of your own making if u so desire

JOHN: hey harry anderson.

JOHN: it’s really, really good to see you.

JOHN: do you wanna go for a drive?

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, dad.

HARRY ANDERSON: that could be cool.

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #roxy lalonde #john egbert #harry anderson egbert #candy epilogue #page 38

[lottagiftbox]

done a lot of cleaning in that 1 hour this morning. whew. i need to finish cleaning so today I'll put up my clothes and vacuum. then ill clean by my closet and in my closet. next project. i use boxes to make a shelf. but there was another shelf that my mom got me so ill see about it. my cleaning projects ill do till they are done. my mom wanted me to open their gift but they wanted them to put it my apartment so i had to remind her of this. she was likw oh yeah and had a look of why did i do that. lol ot was priceless. yea dont listen to me but it's whatever. i said to just bring my gifts in but nope she wanted their gifts in my apartment then 30 min later completely forgotten about it. i think she might have early onset dementia. like 5 min later she completely forgets unless its offensive. so one family member is gonna be moving in with one in a house. thats gonna be good. shes 97 or 98. gets tired a lot tho. i wonder if thats normal. i wonder what we are waiting on in terms of the food. oh 8 places we might be waiting for this other guy. hes a neighbor gone friend. ok so we ate and it was really good. apparently me saying that margerat was a grown woman was rude but my mom was acting like she had to do what she wanted as if she was in day care. i was just saying she can do whatever she wants. whether it be eating or opening gifts. i got the 2 games that i wanted. i have $100 total. $50 of that is walmart and $50 is cash. baldurs gate 3 was on sale so i really only paid $4. life is good. now i have $100 check. thats going into savings. im gonna be busy with these 2 games for sure.

[olreid]

consumption in the magnus archives - from communion to cannibalism: an anatomy of metaphors of incorporation by maggie kilgour / tma ep 142 / the silt verses ep 2 / violence and the sacred by rené girard / the empath and the psychopath: ethics, imagination, and intercorporeality in bryan fuller’s hannibal by jane stadler / “your father was emperor of china and your mother an indian queen”: reverse imperialism in wuthering heights by susan meyer / "it's only cannibalism if we're equals": carnivorous consumption and liminality in hannibal by michael fuchs and michael phillips

#WHEW ok i think im done for now. HAVING A NORMAL ONE #tma #the silt verses #i am hungry and i want to live

[americachavez]

ok so, i'm one of those fake fans – never watched a single episode of spn but was deep into destiel until i lost interest because of the terribly toxic way the writers treated the fandom – so you know what, i have hope, lets – for the first time ever – watch an spn episode and lets make it the finale right? and i'm just.. is every episode like this? extremely badly structured? plot hole galore? bad acting unless someone is dying??? like, the tonality was fucking bonkers. is that what it's like??

uh whew you really should have come to kiran auntie first before making that call because there’s no way I’d have let you watch that as your very first supernatural episode, regardless of quality. and ok I have not seen every single episode of the cw’s supernatural but I think I can definitively say that episode 19 and 20 of season 15 were the two worst episodes they’ve ever done

and look. look. I am not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you this is quality television. from day one (ESPECIALLY day one whoof) it had corny dialogue, messy plots, and mediocre to bad acting. it was a GENRE TV SHOW on the WB NETWORK in 2005, that was a given. besides that, it has been misogynistic and racist and homophobic and was very much still a relic of the bush administration era of television for a long long time. the fandom was also just as bad lol no one really covered themselves in glory in the 2000s, which was an incredibly cursed decade where gay was a normal insult to use for everything bad. however. it was very fun genre tv, with some really delightful writing at times and is pretty unique for what it was. they took a monster of the week format and made it last 15 years, with varying levels of quality but an overall solidly enjoyable piece of media. it (sort of) grew with the times, even though they had some um. growing pains. and despite the multiple showrunners and creative teams they still managed to produce a pretty solid body of work. there are some killer fucking episodes of good tv in there, the aesthetic is great, I still genuinely think the balance of humor and drama is really well done for the majority of the show.

the last two episodes were not.....idk. idk what show I’ve been watching this whole time but it definitely wasn’t that. ESPECIALLY the last episode. you can’t blame it all on covid, because that just affects the shooting schedule, not the actual script, editing, WIG DEPARTMENT (??), etc. it was just BAD TV, like they just completely forgot how to make a regular tonally consistent television episode even factoring in the adjustments for covid. I promise you even at its worst (I think, we skipped most of season 7 lol) supernatural was not this bad. yes, I’m including bugs, which for some reason I remember thinking was a fine episode but I was also like 15 at the time, so. grain of salt.

also dean/cas is still a really solid fucking ship. I didn’t need it to be canon, although I absolutely would not have watched the finale live if they hadn’t made the angel gay because I’m a fucking dumbass. there’s a lot of great content, it’s obviously bait but I much prefer subtext between two well-developed characters instead of a random side gay character who gets a partner and then vanishes for the rest of the series. however that is another topic altogether I have already exposed too much of my personal damage tonight

anyways the point is even aside from how it ended, I’ve been having a lot of fun catching up on the seasons I missed during the 10-year blackout period I had where the cw’s supernatural just did not exist in my level of reality, and I am gonna keep watching until I’ve caught up. I still really enjoy the show, I like the characters, I think a lot of the people who made the show would have made a lot of different choices but their hands were tied by the showrunners/producers/execs/etc. I ignore a lot of the stuff the cast and crew has said over the years because who cares, death of the author, etc etc. I also think the fandom was a little insane during the height of the show’s popularity and while it doesn’t excuse some shitty behavior on the cast/crew’s part it does uuuhh explain some choices.

do I recommend you watch the rest of it? eh. idk. if you’re into destiel I think it’s fun, but just stop at ep 18 when you get to the last season, which apparently was pretty solid up until last week. if you can separate yourself from the conclusion and the intents of the producers/writers to just watch the rest of the show, I’d say go for it. again, for the most part it’s fun, although I speak from a place of someone who was really really into supernatural before my frontal lobe fully developed. AGAIN. grain of salt.

my friend @vespasiana is working on a recommended spn watch list, and there is another good one here if you don’t feel like committing to the whole thing

im gonna stop talking about supernatural now hope this helps <3

#reply tag #spn tag #really can’t believe you forced me at gunpoint to write a goddamn essay about the cw’s supernatural you sick fuck #Anonymous

[masonscig]

first line tag game

thank you for the tag @crackerdumortain !!!!! yours were so much fun to read omg !!!!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some of your favourite authors!

[disclaimer: i write for the choices fandom and some for litg so you’ll see a mix of those fandoms on this list LMAO]

1. stay [twc – mason x sofía]

The first time was casual. She had a knack for musing her thoughts aloud, tossing her harmless opinions out for anyone who’d catch them.

She was good at starting conversations in that way – while he’d never been one for talking.

She never did it with heavy topics, though.

2. thieves in the shadows [choices – blades au – mal x zilyana]

bullets pelted the crates they were crouched behind, wood splintering in every direction. bodies were strewn across the warehouse, the unmistakable pools of blood streaking across the stone.

“raine! to your left!” immy yelled her way, barely sparing her a glance before unloading her clip, shell casings clinking against the ground.

the gun trembled in yana’s hands. she’d shot one before – practice at the gun range, glass bottles in a back alley – but never a live target.

3. if we meet again [choices – open heart au – bryce x spencer] 18+

year one

The ride from the airport to her parents’ home was long and grueling, the slushy ice pelting the windshield barely passing for snow.

It was practically sub-zero outside, a stark difference between the mid seventies weather she’d just left.

4. clandestine [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

“hey. hey wake up –”

she stirred at the greeting, but jumped when he kicked the desk. her face contorted into a grimace, the imprint of her tweed jacket on her cheek outlined in pink. “hmm?”

“you fell asleep again,” he said, plopping a bag in front of her.

5. undying [choices – blades – mal x zilyana]

Zilyana stirred, resituating herself against Mal’s bare chest, feeling his arm instinctively tighten around her shoulders. When she realized she was missing the sound of his deep breathing, accompanied with an occasional soft snore, she cracked an eye open to see his chin tipped upwards, his gaze trained on the ceiling.

6. talent show [choices – platinum – shane x dom]

There wasn’t a day that went by where she didn’t cross his mind. Even since they were kids.

He admired so much about her – her fiery spirit, her drive, her unwavering tenacity.

And he’d been in love with Dom for as long as he could remember.

7. redeemed [choices – platinum – raleigh x dom]

As soon as he stepped off stage, he was shuffled to his tour bus, Fiona on his heels. She looked like the human embodiment of rage in a grey blazer, a look in her eye that made him thankful he wasn’t the one it was directed at – or at least he hoped he wasn’t the reason she was two seconds away from a murderous rampage.

8. hidden [choices – foreign affairs – blaine x carina] 18+

Her cheek slipped out of the palm of her hand, forehead smacking the desk, nearly jumping out of her skin at the abrupt awakening.

“Ow.”

She prodded the tender spot on her face, thankful her foundation was thick.

A soft snore caught her attention – next to her, Blaine was passed out. Leaning back in his chair, his head was thrown back, arms crossed against his chest, the textbook on its face in his lap.

9. is this fate? [litg au – bobby x mc] 18+

The peroxide was cold when it hit her skin, the liquid bubbling on her knee, relentlessly stinging. She sucked in a breath through gritted teeth.

“Sorry… should be over soon,” he murmured, wiping up the stray liquid that streamed down her leg with a small rag.

The heaviness of the atmosphere between them was almost too much to bear – they’d barely spoken since he helped her onto the counter in his small office, leg propped up between his own, where he sat in his desk chair.

10. asvista cove [litg college au – bobby x elena]

Bobby’s thumb flicked the lighter repeatedly until he got a consistent flame, moving slowly from left to right over the edge of the blunt. His cheeks hollowed out as he sucked in, the tip of it an auburn ember. He pulled it out of his mouth and sucked in an even deeper breath, holding it.

When he blew out the thick cloud of smoke, he passed it to her, coughing under his breath. “Whew. Your turn.”

She followed suit, the thick smoke coating the inside of her lungs, bitter and heavy. She exhaled, the shroud smoke enveloping her view of the sealine.

11. reticent [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

She was bare.

Bare in the way that one is when they’ve been stripped down and torn apart with a trained gaze just calculating enough for them to feel seen – parts of her she didn’t know she’d hidden splayed out like withered pages of a book, dog-eared and marked up like a frequently reread novel.

One he’d reread because it was familiar, because it had fallen into his lap (he hadn’t searched for it), not so much because it was his favorite.

12. more [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

He laced his fingers through her thick hair, reveling in the way his skin looked contrasted against the midnight of her hair.

[the way i can’t post more than this bc it’s....... very nsfw right out the bat LMFAO]

13. calm before the storm [choices – open heart – bryce x spencer]

Since the moment his hands trembled amidst one of the most important surgeries of his life, Bryce was holding on by a thread.

With each half-assed joke he cracked, each wavering smile, each time he tried convincing others – including himself – that he was coping, he fell apart more and more.

The first night he went home after Spencer was quarantined, he trudged through the halls of Edenbrook, like he was dragging his legs through wet concrete. He was nearly magnetized to her bedside, not wanting to leave, but he needed to rest – he’d been awake for nearly a day and a half by the time he clocked out.

14. envy | part two of the attached series [twc – mason x sofía x felix]

He strode down the hallway, hands in his pockets to give the illusion that he didn’t give a shit, when he was most definitely on edge. His fingers flicked his lighter open and closed against the twill lining of his pockets, trying to focus on the soft clicking noise it made instead of the swarm of thoughts clouding his conscience.

He still couldn’t figure out why he cared so much.

15. comfort | part one of the attached series [twc – mason x sofía x felix]

He noticed it before she did.

Her pulse didn’t jump the same way it did the first dozen times he walked into the room. The blood didn’t rush to her cheeks, or creep up her neck, the crimson flush absent even when he tried his hardest to fluster her. And it normally took next to nothing to get her to turn into a bumbling mess.

16. out of time [choices – open heart – sienna x danny]

She sprinted down the hallway, pager still beeping erratically on her hip, the weight of the numbers enough to make her feel like she was slugging through wet concrete.

No, no, not him, please, not him, she chanted to herself, vision blurring with tears before she had the chance to let the negative possibilities set in.

17. unrequited part three [choices – open heart – bryce x spencer]

She slumped into the seat in the deserted waiting room, her joints popping as she stretched, her deep sigh echoing off of the tile. She was exhausted.

She could usually push through the worst of her shifts, but fatigue settled into her bones, a lethargy she’d never experienced entrapping her like a net, and she couldn’t fight her way out of it this time.

18. signs [choices – ride or die – logan x raquel]

“A final in sign language? Couldn’t you just have a conversation with the teacher or some shit?” Logan sat across from her on the couch, watching as her fingers bent and flexed, transfixed.

She stopped abruptly, screwing her mouth to the side in concentration. She repeated the same few moves, getting more and more frustrated with each sequence.

19. mementos [choices – ride or die – logan x raquel]

The sound of his boots slapping against the damp pavement reverberated off of the brick of the alleyways, his gasping breaths adding to the symphony that was his escape.

20. warmth [twc – mason x sofía]

“You’re going the wrong way,” Mason grunted, looking particularly stiff in her passenger seat.

“I thought we could take the scenic route,” she shrugged, flicking her high beams on as she turned off of the main road leading downtown, easing on the brakes when the tires hit the gravel.

okay so....... i didn’t really realize just HOW MUCH i’ve written since the summer? i’ve fallen into a pattern where i think i’m a failure bc of how slow i am to write because i have so many series i’ve started and dropped off and wips i’ve abandoned but.... i’ve managed to write for most appreciation weeks i’ve both hosted/participated in and i’ve written for THREE fandoms.... i don’t normally gas myself up but? i’m really? proud of myself? KSJDJKSD if you read this far thank you and you’re prob watching me have a breakdown over how much i’ve managed to write oh my GOD ok i need to lie down KLSDFKASFJD i didn’t even think i could hit 20 but i did???? alright i’m officially gonna treat myself at some point bc i did all this in less than a year.... these are from the end of july 2020 to now..... wow ok im done i promise SKDFJKSDF

tagging: @raleighcarrera and @pixeljazzy !!! <3 

#tag games #my fic #long post

[ohmyshownu]

Hiiiii it's showbebe anon!!! It's been a while but i just saw that u left ur job & wanted to check in. You're doing awesome. That job seemed really draining & there are so many better places out there!!! U got this friend!!! Also, to quote the hamilton musical (lol), "Angelica reminds you, there's someone in your corner all the way across the sea" 🥰🥰 really happy for u & always rooting for u

(Also shownu's cosmopolitan shoot...my god. He is so. Hot. But also sooooo cute, nooooooo im not strong enoughhhhh😖😖)

a;skdf showbebe T____T hellooooo my friend 🥰 thank you so much for your warm encouragement! This job certainly had its downfalls, but I’m still very grateful for the experience and the ways it helped me become stronger. I’m super excited to be starting a new chapter in a new city! I move in just a few weeks so I’m currently going thru the pain of having to pack lol. I’ve never seen hamilton but that is such a lovely quote ;;; thank you for sharing it 🥰

ahhhhhaskldjas I saw that they JUST now released the behind the scenes like a year later lollll thank u cosmo for knocking us showbebes de*d again o(-( do you have a fave look from that shoot? I really like the green jacket with the mesh shirt under,,,,,whew what a treat!

uwu I hope you’re doing swell my love!!! Is life treating you okay? If not I will run over and force it too!!! >:/ huhu if you ever need anything I’m always here for you okay? <3 Under the cut I’ve put the rest of your asks that I’ve failed to answer in a timely manner......you’re so wonderful thank you for always coming back to shout with me about shownu and to give your support T^T

True_for_you15/status/1283376119710756866?s=19 here is sn cheesing HARD after mbb sang at the wrong time 😆

ilovejujumuch/status/1346401119866507264?s=19 sn doing a sexy dance??? Maybe??? Ppl were heralding this fansign vid as him being 30 & newly liberated lol, he's so goofy i love him🥰

jeonville/status/1345668933987127296?s=19 a ridiculously good jh cpt hook edit 👀

I hope u feel better or that these links at least briefly raise ur spirits 🤗🤗 - showbebe

HOOOOOKAY THAT JOOHEON ONE THOUGH SKDJFS he’s soooo *sweats* his stage charisma is really something else lorrrrddd i need to go lie down mister lee jooheon pls spare me OTL

Just stopping by to say that you are wonderful! I saw u reblogged this rlly pretty jjong gifset - shinee's lucifer was the very 1st kpop song i heard & i was immediately drawn to jonghyun. Absolutely love his voice 😊

i hope ur doing ok - there is someone on ur side over in this corner of the internet!! Here's cute & elegant shownu to raise ur spirits: twt narangayo/status/1404804831022309397?s=20 - showbebe anon🤗

jonghyun’s voice is so so so beautiful~ it’s like being wrapped in a warm blanket next to a fire while drinking a cup of tea or hot chocolate 😊 soothing and comforting, but can still take your breath away with its power and sincerity. 

ahhh ballerina nunu !!! hehe cute ^-^ I love when he gets playful like that and just does whatever. Especially when whatever he’s done makes him smile and he gets those lil crinkles next to his eyes TT^TT

Hiiiiiiii its been a while, how are you doing?? This is showbebe anon. Our lovely dude is enlisting v soon, and i was feeling a bit bummed - but super happy he'll get time off from the hecticness of idol work & happy that he plans to still post. Thought I'd just drop by and see how you're doing! Sending u cute nunu vibes: NUGOMM/status/1335249193644904459?s=19

weeps I still can’t believe he’s enlisted. I’m like okay you’ve been gone long enough now! time to come back!!!!! but same, I’m happy he’ll have a more normal schedule and can rest and eat lots! What do you think about his nunu vlogs? I feel so spoiled that we get nunu-specific content! It was so sweet that the other members insisted on going to see him off T-T jooheon didn’t want to let him go *sobs* 

ooooooooo smiling nunu thank youuu he’s so cute ;;;;; I looooved his hair from fatal love era maybe a little too much haha now he’s (nearly) bald (but still looks so dang good hello??!! that’s shownu for you--always so handsome!)

#replies #anon #showbebe anon #heh i forgot i made these cute lil goms line break a long time ago #your messages always make me so happy ;;;; #i truly hope you're doing well!!! #i need to pay more attention on twt so i can share cute nunu videos with you too :D #oh !! i read all the volumes of yona that are currently out!!! #now i just have to read the rest of the chapters online to catch up hehe #i don't think i'm too far behind? maybe like 20 chapters?? #eeee can't wait to see what happens!! #okie i'm going to eat a snack now !! take care lovely!!!!!

[pjane]

ok elliot. what is your favorite jisbon scene

hgnhgn here are ten different scenes each with my favorite insights into their relationship (im a coward)

i.  “ You’re right. You’re right. I-I have forgotten how to act like a normal human being. And I play games and I lie and I - and I trick people to avoid the truth of how I feel. And the idea of letting anyone close to me is - is - is terrifying, for obvious reasons. But the truth, Teresa, is that I can’t imagine waking up knowing that I won’t see you. The truth is… I love you. Whew! You can’t imagine how good that feels to say out loud but it scares me… and it is the truth. It is the truth of what I feel. [...] Maybe. And I understand. That’s okay. I needed to get to this and you deserve to hear it. I love you, Teresa. And it makes me happy to be able to say that to you. I love her. That woman in 12B -- I love her. You take care of her!”

ii.  “And if I were dying, I’d wanna call you, but… You’re already here. So there’s no need.”

iii.  “He does love you. How could he not?”

iv. “There’s something I want to tell you, Lisbon. Something I should have said a long time ago. I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done.”

“You can thank me later.”

“No, I… I need to say this now. You have no idea what you’ve meant to me. What you mean to me. Thank you."

v. “Sorry? A date?”

“What, like I couldn’t possibly have a date with somebody?”

“You have a date in Houston?”

“Yeah. Remember Osvaldo Ardiles?”

“Ardiles? Two words - tassled loafers.”

[...]

“Uh, I-I’m sorry. Y-you said, uh, ‘date’, and then the subject changed.”

vi.  “I don't think I've said this. I mean, I know I haven't said this, but I don't really know if I need to because you always know what I'm thinking.”

“Well, not everything.”

“Would you be surprised if I said I love you?”

“I'd be... I'd be lying if I didn't say I’d be moved by that.”

“I love you.”

vii. “And here is your gift. [laughs] Open it.”

“Lisbon.”

“The one and only. From the CBI.”

“You kept the pieces.”

viii. “Come here, partner.”

ix. “ But first, sometimes you dance to that Spice Girls CD, don't you?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought so.”

x. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

(in actuality, every scene where they are fooling around “hey give me back my sandwich!” or “i just have to run faster than you”, sharing food together, teasing each other, literally just lost in each other’s company is my favorite but there are so many of them i wouldn’t even know where to start. their best friendship has such a solid and complex development, completely outside of their simultaneous falling in love with each other. incredible.) 

#asambergs #answered #pick one????? #ugh its 8 in the morning pls emma

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e10 Live Blog

“Justice Under Siege”

ALRIGHT so despite the fact that it is the 1 week anniversary of my death, OPM has forcefully wrenched me from the underworld to come continue with the season. So here I am and I’ve already posted my guess for what this episode will entail so lets see how well I handle it! (see: how much I scream) As always, I’m watching as someone who is up to date on both the Manga and webcomic

ASDFGHJKL I OPENED OPM ON HULU AND IT IMMEDIATELY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF AT REWATCHING THE ZOMBIEMAN BIT HOW DARE I WAS NOT READY

lets try that again ok

AHA YES OMG we’re starting with this!! I was totally expecting to pick up exactly where we left off, with Destrochloridium at the HA but OK throw me for a loop! Mix it up! “ORA ORA ORA ORA” I love Saitamas VA, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I laffff oh my god it keeps going in the background as Kind talks I can’t

This is the scariest Saitama face I have ever witnessed wtf??? Why does it look so creepy?? Also, they added quite a bit to this scene huh? I guess They have to amp up the jokes since shit is getting pretty serious otherwise at this point in the series. OH SHIT THE DING ‘NO OTHER WORDS CAME TO MIND” OK Excellently done that got me I cackled fffffffffffffffff

OH MY GOD KING THAT SICK BURN?!?! I dont remember that I guess they’re really making it a point to be like ‘HEY LOOK THIS IS GONNA BE USED!!! IT EXISTS!!!’ but like I dont care cause it was worth it for the joke hhhhhhhhhhhJUST

Yanno, I just realised I think I know where every sing scene in the whole opening comes from down to the omake. Also just realised we are definitely getting Genos/Bang/Bomb vs Centipede cause that joint attack Bang and Bomb use is in the opening. Huh why did that only just now click anD OH MY GOD BB GENOS IM DYING NO

Ok now we’re where we left off and oh dear god I HATE that squish noise please stop no OK Gyoro’s weird Eye twitch was a cool touch. Oh wait Narinki is the highest ranking executive now? I thought he was just the top donor of funds or something? eh anyway- lol wow Gyoro puts on a convincing sob story voice this is so funny?? Cause its Complete BS and I wonder what my reaction would be if I didn’t already know that AHH OK BUT THAT ‘HEHIHIHIHIHI’ LAUGH THO OMG SO GOOD

WHEW ok but seriously just the MENTION of assembling all the heroes is raising my blood pressure asdfghjkl if I may have one thing in life PLEASE LET IT BE A THIRD SEASON PLEASE IM BE G G IN G

AHH YESSS!!!! YYYEEESSSS!!!!! DARKSHINE MY DUDE MAN BRO GUY YESSSS!!!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!! I JUST!!!!!! HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE OTHERWISE NORMAL GUYS WITH OBSCENE MUSCLES LIKE DARKSHINE AND TTM!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ASDFGHHJKL Did Destrochloridium just shout Itadakimasu?? HULU y u no translate that??? DOI as he gets smooshed pfffffftttttttttttt omg the sound pls ohmigod everyone knows steel is no match for a hardened body i just fukken HEKK I love this show so much pls he sounds so concerned that destro DIDNT know that

“Better step up” OH MY GOD YES DO THE THING

OK WAIT This is actually badass and not just a joke?? Darkshine, er, Blackluster(??) stop u r 2 good I cant handle it rn

oooohhhhHH OH OH OH OH PLS SHOW EVERYONE I WANT PLS THE MONSTER ASSOCIATION!!! PLS!! SHOW ME WIFE?? CADRES?? PLZ?? yo total side note but I LOVE Murata’s monster designs?? Every time I reread opm I just oogle at a new one I never noticed before they’re all so unique and good. Also At least 3 of them in this sequence look like pokemon i swear- lol the silence no applause, if that was a joke in the manga i totally missed it uuuuwaAAAAAAAAAAA SCREAMING SCREAMING I AM SCREAM CADRE YES YES ASDFGHJKL ARE YALL READY TO SEE T H  A T FACE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES THUS FAR???? HUH????

ew oh wait I actually feel bad for Awakened Cockroach, and he twitches after getting eaten oh noooooonono ew oh no dude im sorry no AAAAAAAAA WIFE HELLO oh their voices are so sad when they’re terrified for their lives I dont like it :[ ITS OK UR SAFE 4 NOW ILY PLZ BE CAREFUL AND STAY AWAY FROM PRETTY MEN 

YES THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING IVE  WANTED SO FAR THANK YOU SO MUCH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOOOOOOOK AAT THEMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY TRASH SON I HAVE MISSED YOU OH NO MY EYES THERES WATER IN MY EYES HELP ILY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMYCYBORG SON MY HEART I WEAK GENOS BB PLS BE CAREFUL ILY TOO hey heres a WACKY  and TOTALLY LoOnEy IdEa, what if,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WHAT-IFF,,,,,,,,,,, everyone was HAPPY???? Crazy I knowww I just want the best for my sons and babies and children boys wives daughters loves and husband, is it so much to ask???

Oh my god he looks so Sad here please no Genos everything will be ok please don’t be reckless do not be reckless listen to Dr. Kuseno you fool 

[SCREAMING] ASDFGGHJKL LOOKIT HIM EATING OH MY GOD MY BOY MY DELINQUENT SON GET BETTER SOON oh my god i started out fine this episode but its KILLING ME there are TOO MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE i CANNOT BREATH

CHILD EMPEROR MY SON I LOVE YOU TOO BOFOI UR AN ASS oh my god please can you even TRY to be a good mentor for the kid???? Thats it Zombieman adopt him pls remove shitty Bofoi influence replace with Best dad man influence. ANYWAY ok that was a tangent huh oops sorry. Ok but look at him. Child Emperor is genuinely adorable and a sweetheart poor kid don’t lose your faith in adults.

Uh, the episode is running late still not to Garou yet either?? hmmmmmmmmm again I’m getting nervous are they gonna rush it?? lol the saitama throwaway OH OH FINALLY OMG MY HEART ISNT READY MY FAVORITE GAROU IN THE WHOLE SERIES OH MY GOD

im… im screaming… i love these two so much it hurts it does really. I was not prepared for how adorable it was possible to make Tareo either can I hug?? I must hugg?? And Garou’s voice is so calming and he’s being so sweet? I was really expecting to sound more… i dont know, whiney? Every time he shows up on the screen I love him more and more ffs

This is such a good shot. Desktop wallpaper material right here.

Oh my god, this moment. And the music is just yanking my heart strings stop.

Oh yeah, they interrupt right. I like these heroes and all, but none of them are particular faves the fact that I think SO MANY OTHER FAVES were are RIGHT before them this ep just kinda overshadows their existence for me. I think this is the ONLY time in the series where Garou goes up against heroes and i cheer for him 110%, don’t even feel a little bad about who he’s beating the shit out of, and that’s kinda messed up of me but thats how impartial I am towards all these guys?

Back to Garou and I love him. hhhhh.

He smak the table

He laughs. Oh no his laugh. OPM forcefully dislocated me from the underworld to watch this episode and has thusly YEETED ME TO HEAVEN THAT LAUGH. I really need Garou to be happy.

Do you see this man? Do you see him? I do and I’m crying thank you

Omg I got really caught up it watching them talk but the sparkles around death gatling whe Tareo was looking at them snapped me out of it. oi I cant handle this. Garou I want you to know that you have successfully turned the bad guy into the one everyone wants to win. You did it boy you did

WOAHMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OH MY GOD AND THE MUSIC IM SCREAMING

GAROU

YOU

ARE  

AMAZING SON

like I know how this goes but I’m so anxious anyway the hhhhhhhhhhhhh the fight choreography is a little clunky but I don’t care OH ok cool Glasses actually kept his little spotlight nice but Garou GAROU PLS B CAREFUL OK except WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS MOUTH DOING THAT LOOKS SO STUPID WHAT THE HELL?? HOLY SHIT IM GETTING DIZZY STOP wh- wh- wait no. NO IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET COME BACK PLEASE I NEED MORE WAIT NO UHG this is my reaction at the end of every episode when will I learn?????????????? never. The answer is never.

NO POST CREDITS STINGER and AS MUCH AS I LOVE GENOS’S FACE I already knew he would be in the episode next week. Yall I am so lost as to where the final episode will land. WTF.

This ep was a roller coaster oh my god. Non stop plot not that the tournament is done, and we saw like EVERY CHARACTER my feeble heart could not keep up. The ONLY thing that bothered me was part of the fight sequence at the end, like it was half drawn beautifully half animated so stiff and blocky ??? Threw me for a loop. But next week is only gonna get more intense??? I’m gonna guess we’ll get through the Elder Centipede fight??? But then what does that mean for the last episode??? I am full of SO MANY QUESTIONS??? I really don’t want the season to end yet, 12 eps is not enough. There’s only 2 more. Just. I’m not ready to let go of my bbs it feels like I only JUST got them… Well! Before I devolve into more of a blubbering mess, thanks yall so much for reading!!! As always, see yall next week!

#opmiss mumbling #i cant believe the season is ending so soon #just as shit is kicking tf up #s2e10 #opm #one punch man #live blogging #garou #saitama #genos #child emperor #metal bat #badd #black sperm #wind and flame

[virdoote-blog]

Final Frontier (Final space Western AU)

“Where the earth is soft, meanest joint in town” “I’ve seen meaner...that where they keepin’ im?”

Gary’s wide brimmed hat motioned up and down in confirmation as he turned to his partner and, briefly, considered how strange it was to see a 6 foot tall cat on the back of a normal horse. “What you staring at?” Avocato shot back and slid his trademark red revolver in and out of it’s holster, a nervous twitch, Gary could understand that.

“Nothin, just making sure you’re ready for this”

“Ready? Boy i’m gunning for every single one of those creeps, whether they’ve harmed a hair on his head or not, let’s get going!”

Avocato’s horse shot forward and Gary was quick to follow, bounding down the hill letting the blaring sun retreat behind a mountain and wash them in coolness for a few second, small comfort but the outlaw would take what he could get in times like these, heart beating faster and faster the closer they got the saloon. Any look at Avocato would show that the cat was glaring ahead, teeth bared, ready to tear some skin and shoot anything dead that wasn’t made of metal or already in the midst of an eternal sleep.

But when they busted through the saloon doors the two desperadoes found something odd, it was empty. “hmmm, guessin’ it was closed toda-”

“Not quite so lucky, the Gary!

They turned their attention towards the second floor balcony, watching a small and slightly green booger of a man make his way out to face them. “The Sheriff! Should of know you’d be involved in this, where’s the boy?”

Sheriff Jack lord climbed up on the second floor balcony and tipped his little hat at the man and the cat below. Avocato’s muzzle twitched, blood and underneath that blood was the smell of water and soap, seems the Saloon had been full today after all.... he gritted his teeth and turned to face his enemy.

“The boy’s safe, matter o’fact he’s in the cellar right now, see he’s got a hefty bounty on his head, worth more to me alive than dead. But you two....you don’t share that distinction.”

Suddenly the piano lifted off it’s legs and surged towards the two outlaws with a barrelling roar, barrelling through the door of the saloon and almost taking Gary with it but what the outlaw was quick to react, rolling forward and taking aim at the sheriff. *bang* *bang* *bang*, bullet after bullet was fired at Sheriff lord as Avocato dived behind a bar and took shots of his own, a hail of metallic fury aimed at one man and one man only.

“You and your crew been causin’ trouble round these parts for too long” Sheriff lord began, putting out his hand and bringing the bullets to a slow stop mere inches from his face, then with a flick of his finger, turning half of them to face the cat and the other half to face Gary “right after i’m done with you maggots i’m going straight for that cargo of yours.”

Flipping over a nearby table Gary closed his eyes as the bullet’s rained back down on them, splintering wood and ricocheting off of every surface, the closest one grazing right past his ankle and tearing a strip of skin with it. “you’ll never be gettin’ the map to final space, partner” he cried and looked over to see if Avocato was still here, no, good. £just have to keep him occupied for a few minutes then.

---

Littlecato could hear the commotion outside but the darkness of the cellar swallowed everything else. All he could do was sit, and wait, and hope that his dad would come through.

And sure enough....

“Hey, Junior? Shhh, don’t say a word” a furry hand was clasped around his muzzle “we’ll do all that family talkin’ business later, now we need to get you outta here.”

Still unable to see anything but recognising his father’s mild scent of beer and cigarettes, Littlecato let himself be led out in a what seemed to be a motherly direction, closer to the clanging of metal and the splintering of wood. “Some commotion going on up there” came the gentle whisper of Avocato again “i’m gonna open this up and then I need you to run.”

“Dad I wanna fight him, i’m not gonna leave you here.”

“Leave me here? What makes you think I ain’t going with you” now that they closer to the cellar door and light was beginning to peak through the rafters Littlecato’s sharp feline eyes picked up the faintest glint of a grin, and then his father’s face came into view for the first time years “you’re gonna have to put up until the cows roost, boy. Now get goin! i’m right behind ya,”

The cellar door was kicked open and the two cat’s immediately flung themselves towards the door, Gary still positioned in his shielded form behind the dense wood of the table, “You fella’s took your sweet time” he cried and, with a moment’s hesitation as he looked at it’s engraved and beautifully carved side, gripped his gun tight and threw it as hard as he could directly at the Sheriff.

Not expecting such a heavy object to come flying at him the gun whacked the small man right on his face, letting out a sharp groan and falling back onto the hard wood of the dusty, ruined Saloon, Gary knew they only had a few minutes before he recovered. “now, go!”

They jumped on their horses and bounded forward the opposite direction from where they came. Avocato and Littlecato, shielding his eyes from the heavy sunlight, on one horse and Gary on the other, bounded for the railway tracks. The outlaw didn’t need to look behind him to know the Sheriff was already in hot pursuit on his own horse, no doubt propelling it with that magical sorcery he possessed.

For a brief moment as they reached the downhill slope and approached the empty and disused train tracks Gary saw nothing and, for the first time today, felt a flash of despair...where was she? But that fear quickly turned into joy when he heard the telltale blare of a train whistle as a ten cart steam powered, souped up monstrosity came barrelling through the nearby tunnel as if to intercept them as they tried to cross.

“What in the sam hel-”

“That’s the wild one” Avocato answered his son’s question before he could even finish asking it “best pair of wheels this side of the delta. You’re gonna love it. Now get ready to....land!”

He swiftly turned around and grabbed Littlecato around the hips before swivelling back, tossing straight through the open door of the train carriage. The young cat landing with a hard thud on the wooden floors and quickly flashing out of view as the cart moved on.

“Whew! Looked like that hurt, how you gonna explain that one to im’?” Gary chuckled nervously and took his hands off his horses reigns, this was always the worst part....

As the horses ground to a halt the two desperadoes flung themselves forward, using the momentum of the sudden stop to propel themselves through the open carriage doors just like with Littlecato, both of them landing just as hard although, being experienced stowaways, not on their heads.

Nearby Sheriff Lord watched the last of the train slip by him and cursed his own arrogance, if he’d only had one person in guarding the cellar...no matter, he gave a frustrated sigh and reached into his back pocket, taking out a single bullet from the same gun Gary had just tried to kill him with. “Bounties are good an all, but I can settle for just solving a problem...”

He flicked his fingers, and sent the piece of metal flying off towards the speeding carriage, a devious grin forming on his face.

---

Avocato got up and brushed himself off as the wild one sped off towards the mountain pass, “that was good shootin’ pardner, job well done.” Gary knodded back at him and then watched as the carriage door opened and in stepped miss Quinn, his dame of the evening, and behind her, Littlecato. “how you doin’ little guy my name’s outlaw ga-” the cat walked right past him and over to his father, jumping forward and wrapping the older cat in a warm hug, both of their eyes closed tight.

“Little pardner, me and you have some catchin’ up d-”

Avocato’s eyes shot open and he stood up suddenly, falling back against edge of the carriage, hand reaching down to clutch at his side.

Littlecato took a concerned step back as Gary moved forward, “Avo, you feeling alright?” He didn’t notice the blood in Littlecato’s hands, focusing on his friend’s strange, scared expression “do you need a moment.”

The cat shook his his head, eyes growing wide and then wrenching themselves closed with pain, lifting his left paw to show an oozing, dripping hole right through the right side of his stomach.

“Take care o-of my” Avocato couldn’t speak, blooding beginning to seep through his mouth and drip to the rafter’s below “boy...”

His eye’s slipped into the back of his head and Gary jumped forward with a cry for help, for mercy, clemency from any higher being who might be listening. *no, no not him too....*

The anguished cacophony from Quinn and Littlecato behind him washing away in a sea of noise as Avocato fell back through the open door of the carriage and vanished from his sight.

Gary kept moving, disbelief, fear, anger washing over him...the sheriff, he’d left bullets behind...Avocato was gone.

Behind him Quinn was pulling Littlecato away from the doorway but Gary, Gary just pulled up his knees and sat there for a moment, then two moments, then three,  even when the sounds behind descended into quiet sobbing Gary was still there. Part of him in sheer shock at what he’d saw, and part of him thinking that if he waited here long enough Avocato would swing back around and tell him it was all a ruse.

It was then that the tears came, Avocato wasn’t coming back, the fearsome outlaw Gary had lost another one...his partner was gone.

Thing’s would never be OK again.

#finalspace #final space #western #cowboy #avocato #littlecato #trains #angst #alternate universe

[deuce-duce]

Hmmm where should I begin I think ill start with explaining a little bit about why I initially started writing this thing. Primarily because I was tired of being silenced while essentially people destroy my identity and character. But not in my local town or where I work... but the entire nation. Thats fucked up! No matter how you want to look at it. Its crazy that in todays society its OK to spew hate lies and deceit and everybody goes with flow... but the moment you start saying listen Idk what you have been told or what the latest gossip is but I can assure you its probably not what you think it is. As soon as that happens the whole world loses their minds...

The other reason I started writing is because although I don't necessarily want to put myself on a pedestal I think I might be a pretty rare individual. Over the course of the last four years with the show in full effect and the constant psychological and sexual abuse im put through is in full swing I haven't suffered from a TBI making it possible for me to figure this whole thing out without having my conscience memories taken from me to. That being said this is journey for me as well learning about myself and what this has done to me... whether you believe me or not that really is unimportant to me I just think that this story documented. Along with societal constructs and the amount of fuckery we actually involve ourselves in, without ever doing any research! And blaming the individual for telling the truth asking you to stop helping because your just making things worse. I'll explain further down what I mean.

Now I don't think im all that brilliant really i mean I think I am but in reality what you think of yourself is important but really doesn't mean shit if your told how dumb you are everyday or treated like shit because there's things you just can't do. Not that your incapable of doing them or don't know how to do them but because you literally suffer from multiple mental health conditions the primary condition being a dissociative identity. That being said, there is no medication no cure or any type of hope to ever not have to be worried about dissociating. The fucked up part about it is... is that my dissociative state isn't like normal dissociative states. Most dissociations can happen at anytime during the day or anytime the environmental triggers come into play and so its easier to diagnose and get the help one needs. Mine unfortunately from the hypnosis event that I explained to you is literally during the most vulnerable moments in anyone's life the one place your supposed to feel safe or at least do everything you can to keep yourself safe. But in no way am I able to do that... mine is triggered while I'm sleeping and its not just any trigger but is a trigger that another human being has to consciously do in a certain way to get me to dissociate.

I know for a fact that I don't dissociate on my own or sleep walk or anything like that because I lived with brittany for 4 years and would constantly ask her if I did anything out of the ordinary while I was sleeping. She would yell at me and tell me no &^%$# you barely move in your sleep! And so I would believe her because im sure she was telling the truth... later she would use this as a reason to start her plotting saying I didn't trust her and I would blame her for things like not keeping me safe... and i don't know what else but I'm sure it wasnt good. You don't create this type of carnage in someone's life because you have good memories with that person... or maybe she just didn't realize what exactly it was I was running from to begin with...

What I've just explained to you is to help you understand how fucked up I really am... even after being with someone for at least a couple years nothing going on... I still found myself doubting and worrying about not being safe. And thinking that I had been betrayed yet again. Even though nothing had happened... its fucking crazy... crazy sad. I guess at this point I really had no idea how it all worked.. so you can understand my speculation. But now that I know it makes things different at this point though I don't trust a soul probably never will again.

Another good example of this was I was jn a state where I was still well known...! But didn't have to deal with the sexual and physical abuse just the nental... and ill tell you it literally took me a month to successfully hit on a woman and get her number and read signs properly her friend was telling us we needed to get married and that we were perfect for eachother... I thought so too! We got along really well and damn she was sexy! Whew!! Unfortunately I was running out of money I was staying at an air bnb and needed a job... out of all the places I applied to the only place u heard back from was the place I never wanted to return to... I just thought that maybe things would be different this time... unfortunately they werent... did my best to meet a woman and start dating but she knew who I was and the people who fucked with me and so she started playing games... instead of supporting me and doing with me what I needed to keep myself safe she started saying well were not having sex evertime we hang out setting expectations of us forming a relationship... and not just something casual. The only way I'm ever going to be in a relationship again is by that person who won't play silly games like I mentioned earlier... the last time we hung out she was dressed in a tight leather outfit makeup done and kept turning me down and saying I couldn't touch her after we had already had sex on our first date... but she wanted me for herself and was playing games although she was turning me down... she was like im just going to go to the bar after I drop you off and find something to do... im assuming somebody was more of the case... after that I didn't talk to her again.

So I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with addiction and what happens to a person psychologically during the event of getting intoxicated... I'll elaborate a little bit. It is documented that when an addict is getting high that their adrenaline and endorphins are higher while seeking out and preparing the drugs then when they actually get high. i think this is because of the chasing the first time paradigm. where one continues to get high because they are chasing the feeling they got when they did it for the first time... which never happens so they continue doing more and more until they either die or throw their lives away. this led me to think hmm if that's how the brain works I think it might be the same way for those experiencing pts. stemming from a lifetime of trauma. so if you believe....!!! what i have said already which i doubt but its really of no concern to me but just know i tried to tell you and explain knowing i did all i could is all i can do... back to what i was saying... if the brain works this way when it comes to addiction then id have to tell you that it is the same when it comes to pts.. So listen to this, the other side thinking to themselves.. although they probably wont admit it to the general public but this is their logic, ok...? well we know what we have done to him... and... yea... it is pretty messed up... but if he would just try... then it might be different and we would stop... haha well that's like saying the addict chasing their first time is actually going to achieve it even though its impossible because of all the damage they have already done to their minds and bodies... the only way one can get as close as possible to achieving that first high again is to abstain for a long enough time to establish and restore the chemicals that have been depleted over the course of the addicts drug use history. just like you cant expect me to do something that has caused me severe consequences, even though what I did was right... and acceptable and essentially the keys i need to free myself from the cage that i find myself in... today. that wasn't the case then. and with everything else being the same as then all i can do is associate the two and not screw myself over again and face the possibility of getting my head kicked in. as delusional as that might be its the truth. and with everything being the same as it was then I'm supposed believe that the things that's supposed to set me free isn't a trap haha good luck but if you want to know my criteria it would be doing the right thing!! lets see if you can figure it out!! oh and this doesn't only go for the woman ill be with but also for anyone trying to help me in any way shape or form.... sorry but its the only way i can be certain your not part of the machine!

not only that but people keep on keeping on with inflicting the psychological trauma on me getting me written up at work for harmless comments but as an employee at this business I can not give anyone a compliment while in uniform so please refrain from hoping ill make an effort at my job. I got in trouble for telling a girl she was gorgeous I didn't know she was only 16 but its not like i was asking her to fuck or coming at her in any type of sexual manner but she is friends with the woman causing all of this... saying I need to stop running my mouth. she even went as far as to say to me man that customer has a nice ass and me saying it doesn't compare to your yours and her saying my ass is flawless... then telling on me saying I kept telling her she had an ass of a goddess.. GTFO HAHA my boss started laughing like so you didn't say that... fuck no! I said what I told you I said. she's like alright oh and then apparently you cant tell another employee that they have pretty eyes either just a heads up! but its cool I'm over it I just cant believe I bring out the evil in so many people like man WHO AM I?? WHAT AM I NOT BEING TOLD?!?! I could care less honestly but I'm glad you go to such lengths to try and make my life miserable... i could only imagine what it must be like to actually be miserable... UGH... that would...suck.... i think a lot of this stems from my supervisor giving me three flat tires in one night and then acting like oh... did i give you a flat tire...??? then telling me your not that smart.... never said i was bro but instead turned it around on him telling him dude... don't downplay yourself... your smart!! over and over again. i told one of the other supervisors that i didnt think the guy that had been training me liked me and these were the reasons why but she is also a distraction. and told him exactly what i had said.

just so you guys know anytime that there is someone who likes me and i actually have a chance with. they have someone that is hotter then me maybe smarter or appeals more to the persons wants and desires through manipulation simply to keep them occupied while im in the area and then after i leave and then the person that would have been perfect for me gets dumped and is left all alone again... kind of like whe. Brian started dating brittany after we broke up...

another thing i should put into perspective is that what's wrong with me is a byproduct of child molestation and abuse that being said its ok to prey on something that was created to protect myself because now I'm an adult and i hold the keys... too bad my hands are missing!! since i was 6 when i started dissociating that means every time I'm in that state i go back to being a 6 year old boy... making those who take advantage of my split essentially child molesters... no matter how old i am!!

So how do you diffentiate the good from the bad...?? The bad people are the ones proclaiming and contantly trying to make others believe im gay. I mean i could really care less and tell you myself I'm gay but primarily because of the reasons I mentioned above. The funny thing is the bad people will be the first to be like we should help him... just so that they can be like see he's gay!! Wtf cares... the fact that they go out of their way to prove something that people have all ready seen with their eyes... is a little bit over kill don't you think?? J.s. be vigilant!

The funny thing about all of this is that the same process ensues from community to community and so for you to be led like sheep and ignore the guy going through it all is sorry for saying fucking Stupid!! But hey its cool

The other thing I can't understand is how you can walk by drive by and go out of your way to tell me how dumb or stupid or gay I am but not one person can be like yo whats up im such and such did you write this or that...? Really! But I'm supposed to do what none of you do!? Really cool keep going with that ill be thee idiot! The gay idiot! Thanks for reminding me though!! Maybe one day you'll be as gay as me!!

[summerrrluvvv]

Chapter 3

Music featured in this chapters: 

Cranes in the sky by Solange

Crew by Gold Like ft Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy

Yesirrrskii by Lil Uzi Vert ft 21 Savage

Act Up by City Girlz

Cash Shit by Meg Thee Stallion

Miami: Day 2

Ariana:

“Uhhhhhhh what the fuck” I groaned waking up. I had a huge headache and my stomach was on fleek. I still had on my fit from the night before, my damn wig was barely hanging on. “Bro what the fuck man” I said taking off my wig. I got up and got undressed and into the shower, which did not last long because I needed some medicine ASAP. “Rise and Grind girls” Melody came in happily. “Mel why did you not help me out my clothes?” I asked her. “Uh we all passed out in here. I got up in got in my bed and i guess we all just took showers” She said drinking out of a coffee mug. “What is that?” I asked. “Hangover Tea, Tye made” She said. I laid back down. “Tell Tye Tye to bring me up some” I told her. “Ari you can’t sleep in all day today is the yacht party” Mel said. I almost threw up thinking about being seasick and hungover. “When can we rest?” I asked. Melody looked at me crazy. “Miami never sleeps, shake that hangover off so we can drink again” She said. “Ima go get your tea” She told me closing my door. I sighed at the idea of getting fucked up again. I rolled over and grabbed my phone. “I want you so bad” I see. I had remembered that Marlon crazy ass messaged me last night. Tye came walking in with my mug. Melody was right behind her. “Okay now that we all in here except Zion ass, we need rules” She said. Melody groaned. “Boring” She said smiling as Tye playfully pushed her. “Aight so, basically rule #1 is always always get lit, #2 is never worry about yo girls get the Dick sis but send us your location so if shit go down you know #3 No sad girl shit, no mopping #4 if bitches try us they try us all and that’s the rules I love you hoes” She said laughing. “Not the ditch your friends for the D” I said laughing. “Well Zion completed #2, and I’m get on her ass too. Saying this trip all about my girl’s face ass” Tye said. “Yall um I think I seen Isaac last night” Melody said. “And I oop” Tye responded. “Are you sure we were drunk as fuck” I said to her. She nodded. “I know what Isaac looks like and his friends you know Freddie and Trey” She said. I nodded, “Well don’t let that ruin your trip fuck Isaac” I said. “She going to fuck Isaac alright” Tye said smirking. “Nooo Im not” Mel said. “Ima get me a new boo”. I clapped for her. “You see that, growth” I said imitating Kelly from insecure. Tye looked at me as Melody walked out. “She happy as fuck on the inside” I started laughing. “Shut up!”.

 After our little house meeting. I decided to take a run in our Airbnb subdivision. I always ran to clear my head especially after a hangover, Thank God Tye got me that tea. I took a break, caught my breath, and took a sip of my water. I see a Convertible pull up near me, and the top lifted off, revealing some sexy light skin guy. He started talking to me, but I had my headphones in listening to “Cranes In The Sky” by Solange. I took my earphones out. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you” I said smiling. He laughed a little. “I was saying damn it rare we see such beauty in this area, normally got to wait till you hit the beach” He said. I rolled my eyes playfully. “Uh boy” I said. He smiled at me. “I’m Anthony” He said. His voice was so whew lord. “Ariana” I said. “Call I call you Ari or RiRi for short?” He asked. I shook my head. “Nigga I don’t know you like that” I told him placing my hand on my hip. He laughed. “Feisty little thing, aight I dig it. Hopefully, I see you around, Ri” He winked at me before pulling off. I cheesed all the way to house cause that man was an Angel. “Girls, Ladies, Bitches I seen a fine ass man on my run. I’m talking GQ fine” I said blushing. Melody and Tye came out they room and looked over the staircase balcony we had in the house. “And?” Tye said. “His name is Anthony and he stays over here I guess; He has a nice ass car and he called me Ri” I said cheesing. They just looked at me. “Number?” Melody asked. I bit my lip and shook my head. “He just said, see you around Ri” I said smiling. Melody and Tye laughed. “Well at least it aint that nigga Marlon” Tye said. “We gone go to every door and find him” Mel said. I started laughing. “Ima get me some Anthony” I said. “You better” Tye said. I could not stop squealing about that man.

  Zion:

I woke up to sun beaming bright as fuck in my eyes. I put my hand up to block the sun. I turned over to see I was in bed with Kyrel from last night. I palmed my face. I got up and grabbed my shit. He rolled over and looked at me. “Good morning Beautiful” He said. Normally I would cringe at any nigga telling me that, but it made me slightly smile. “Hey, I’m sorry. Last night shouldn’t have happened” He said. I looked at him. “Yeah, I didn’t want you to feel like it was a one-night stand. I really dig you and I want to see you again if that’s okay” He said to me. I nodded. “I would like that” I simply said smiling. Normally my ass would say something smart, but his energy was different. “Let me get my ass up, so I can make sure you get home okay” He said. A man! I thought. These niggas in Atlanta do not even care if I made it home unless they thirsty as fuck. He got dressed and we got in his car. “I see money all around me, I feel like I’m the man. But I was done and out like last week tell me where have you been? You came out of hiding girl. Don’t act like I’m your man, you just a fan, don’t hold no rank” He sang along. He looked over at me smiling. “What?” He asked. I giggled. “Nothing, you just cute. I guess” I said. He put his hand up to me like a mic. “Come on sing it with me” He said. I laughed. “I see money all around me, I feel like I’m the man. But I was done and out like last week tell me where have you been? You came out of hiding girl. Don’t act like I’m your man, you just a fan, don’t hold no rank” We sang turnt in the car. “Aye see” He said. I playfully pushed him. “Got me slipping out here” I told him. He started laughing. We pulled up to my Vacay house and just sat in the car. “So, Ima take you out Wednesday if that’s okay?” He asked. I looked at him crazy “And where we are going sir?”. He smiled. “It’s a suprith” He said in a funny voice. “Aight We gone see about that” I said laughing. He leaned over and pulled my face towards his and we started kissing. His lips tasted so nice; it was about to be a Tsunami in this car. I had to go. I pulled back. “Thank you for the ride, home and to sleep” I said laughing. He smirked. “Keep your phone on you” He said. I got out the car and waived bye. I walked into the house and Ariana met me at the door. “Its 2pm Mam, where have you been young lady?” She said with her hands on her hip. “I went to see a man about a horse” I casually said. “Irrrrr ok” Ari said making a funny noise. Tye came downstairs in her swimsuit looking like a goddess. “Okay I see you” I said. She twirled around. “Inches on Inches baby”. Melody came down after her in her swimsuit. “Yeahhhh get intoooo itttttt” She said holding Patron in her hand. “Okay Ari I see you too girl” I said gassing up my girls. “Bitch go get motherfucking dressed; our ride will be here soon” Tye said. I ran upstairs got in the shower and got myself all the way together. That took almost 2hrs. “Zion! Hurry up!” Tye yelled. “Im coming!” I yelled. “Ooh Z you look good girl” I told myself. I did a little twerk, and scurried downstairs before them hoes leave me. “Dick got you taking yo time huh?” Melody said. I playfully pushed her. “Shut up, I have yall know that Kyrel is a gentleman okay, and he is fine as fuck. He laid it down good as hell, Yall I’m let him go because he gone fuck me up” I said. Ari sucked her teeth in. “You better get you that gentlemen peen” She said. I almost spit out my water. “Bitch, I almost died” I said laughing. “Shots!” Tye said. “I’m not uh uh, only a little Tye” Ari said. We all took shots before we headed into the party bus.

  Melody:

“Hit your main bitch, yessirskii, Doin' donuts in the six, yessirskii. You got engaged but she still wanna slurpskii” Lil Uzi “Yessirskii” played as we walked onto the Yacht. I never been on no Yacht before and bitch this shit was a dream come true, another lit drunk night for me Yesssiiirrr. My girls and I were twerking our ass off. “Fuck it up Tye!” We yelled as Tye twerked on the opening of the boat. “I always wanted to do that” She said taking more shots. We were eating and Ari and Tye were smoking, just enjoying the vibes. 2 hours had passed, and we had drunk 2 bottles of Patron. I felt more fucked up then I did last night. The movement of the boat was causing my world to spin, and I needed to sit the fuck down, ASAP! “You good Mel?” Tye asked high as fuck. “No girl I feel sick as fuck” I said. She took me downstairs to lay on a random ass bed. No matter how much I stayed still the rocking of the boat was making me feel nauseous. I got up to look for a bathroom. “Fuck” I said realizing this room had no bathroom. I stumbled to quickly find one before I threw up in these people’s boat. As I was moving fast but woozy, I bumped into somebody. “Sorry” I said. I felt hands around me. “Yo you good?” I heard. I looked up seeing the beautiful man, but I was so messed up I did not care. I shook my head “No” I could feel the vomit rising. I tried to get out of his way, but he was trying to check on me, and what I feared most happened. I could not hold it in, and I threw up all over him. I could not stop it just kept coming. “Bro what the fuck!” He yelled. “I’m sorry” I said faintly before I knew it my eyes got heavy and I passed out.

  Tye:

“Real ass bitch gives a fuck about a nigga big Birkin bag hold 5,6 figures stripes on my ass so he calls this pussy tiger, fucking on a scamming ass rich ass nigga. Same group of bitches aint no adding to the picture” All of us girls were screaming the lyrics at the top of or lungs. “You check on Mel?” Ari asked. I looked at her crazy and hurried downstairs, because niggas is weird. When I got down there, I seen she was wrapped in the blankets on the bed. “This your friend?” I heard behind me. I turned around to see a fine ass black man wrapped in a towel. I nodded. “Yeah she didn’t feel good, I’m sorry I will get her up” I said. He shook his head. “Nah, she good this my boat so she straight. She must be sick or something she threw up all over me bruh” He said. I guess that explains the towel. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry” I said. He laughed, “It’s cool if it was anybody else they have to get the fuck off, I had my home girl clean her up and I put her in here, so yall enjoy the party. Here is the key to this room just check on her when you need too” He told me. I smiled “Thanks”. I locked Melody in and went back upstairs to go see Samar.

 “Hey stranger” Samar said as I walked over to him DJing. “When we gone be able to kick it?” I asked. He looked at me confused. “What you mean nigga? we are kicking it now” He said I rolled my eyes. “Samar I’m talking like how we do back home we in Miami nigga lets kick shit have fun” I said. He nodded. “Aight movie night at my house, bring the liq I got the wings and the weed” He said. I smiled at that idea. “Aight cool motherfucker” I said just dancing to the music slick coming down from being lit. “Here drink this and come over here” Samar told me. I took the shot and came near his mixing station. “Okay now what?” I asked. He smiled. “You gone learn how to mix for a little minute”. I was excited, “Bitch I’m a star, I got these niggas wishing. He says he hungry this pussy the kitchen, yeah he my dog he going to sit down and listen call him a drink and he don’t get offended” He clicked on some buttons then went to his computer. He brought the mic over to me. “Say something” He smiled. “I don’t feel like yall lit enough for me, let me run that shit back!” I yelled on the mic. Samar ran it back. “Bitch I’m a star, I got these niggas wishing. He say he hungry this pussy the kitchen, yeah he my dog he going to sit down and listen call him a drink and he don’t get offended” Every female sang. I got happy as hell. For the whole party that is all we were doing, I am surprised they aint pay me the fuck. After, the boat owner helped us get Melody on the bus, and Samar pulled me to this side. “Do me a favor bro, don’t be out here wilding with these Miami cats okay?” He said to me. “Can it just be yall girls chilling and shit?” He asked. I busted out laughing. “Samar, I’m grown sir you don’t have to worry about me honey, I’m good” I said. He looked at me annoyed. “Tye, I’m trying to be like a big bro and be protective but okay city girl Tye” He said. I shrugged. “Thanks bro” I said rolling my eyes. Nigga fuck yo big brother face ass, the fuck. He hugged me and said bye to everyone on the bus. I see him go talk to some Randoms. Typical Nigga shit. I pull out my phone a text Julian.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[asplashofvodka]

B.A.P. Party Baby NYC 2017 Fan Account

So it’s like 80 years late buuuuutttttttt I figured I might as well write down this fan account to continue with the tradition. I’m going to put concert, hi touch, and photo together into one. Gifs and photos included, pray for your internet.

Alright, so I came into the city late the night before the concert and met my 2 friends for a relaxing night. Sadly I had to work that day so I missed some of the earlier fun. We stayed near Grand Central for a change this year. We hung out in the lounge of the hotel for a while and just joked around most of the night, a much needed precursor from what was gonna be the day from hell.

So while we enjoyed our night for bit we actually had two of our friends lining up before us that we were planning to join a little after midnight. When we were just about to leave she actually called us and told us that security had made them all leave because it was too cold and they didn’t want anyone getting hurt or anything. It was nice because it was FREEZING that night, and if you’ve never been to Terminal 5 it’s right near an underpass and next to the water, not the best combo for camping out. 

SOOOOOO onto show day!!!!

We lined up around 6 a.m. … we gave our friends a break since they stayed out. Steph, Megan and myself were nice enough to bring hot packs for majority of the line cause everyone looked like a popsicle. After the line was split up we actually got lucky enough to be interviewed for the Fomo Daily video, thank god a lot of the awkward stuff got cut out. <_< 12+hours in line wasn’t so bad for the simple fact all of our friends were in line with us.

So fast forward to concert time.

Our view.

Real life right here. I’ve never been this close for a concert of a group I hardcore stan. So although we were in the corner of the stage we had… an eventful, let’s say, evening.

I have to give props to the DJ B.Shoo cause he just had to go and pull out songs we weren’t expecting. I honestly can’t even remember what the song was but all of the people in my section were LIT. There was actually a staff… possibly manager standing there and he started to record the crowd. Where that video went, the world may never know. So he leaves after he records and then another Korean staff member shows up and stays by the curtain we’re in front of. Normal enough… or so we thought. 

The DJ’s set ends and the intro video starts playing. Cue all the craziness and excitement. While everyone is going insane over the video, my friend Megan and I both notice people appearing one by one behind this curtain and we start to lose our shit. Honestly, it was like, “Oh, I think I see someone behind there… oh look two more… SHIT THERE’S 5 OF THEM…6 NOW!” All while this staff member is laughing at us. 

First song was the Hurricane Remix. I’m not a huge EDM/House person so I can go along and tolerate it. Lol 

Next was BADMAN. BITCH YES. JUST YESSSSS. This remix is still hands down my favorite. I was hoping they were all gonna hit the choreography flawlessly like last time but alas Himchan. First he was too early and then completely forgot what the hell he was doing and actually slipped off stage while laughing at himself. LMFAO Jongup and Zelo still killed that choreo IDGAF!

After that was No Mercy and BANGX2. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what happened during this cause I was too hype. The only thing I remember was the long ass staring contest Daehyun and I had for NO DAMN REASON. NONE WHATS SO EVER and none of my friends noticed it, but it is in photo.

I’VE BEEN WAITING MONTHS TO HEAR FINALLY HEAR THAT’S MY JAM AND DO WHAT I FEEL LIVE. I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED AT ALL. I FUCKING LOVE THESE SONGS. I was ready for it, my friends were ready for it but the staff member was surprised as hell at our enthusiasm. He was thoroughly amused by us.

Dancing in the Rain is always a cute song, you can’t hate it.

The dress code pick happened next. That was an interesting 5 minutes. So, Himchan is my bias, not secrets there. I was dressed for a Himchan pick is all I’m gonna say. My friends thought it would be hilarious to SCREAM AND SHOUT for him to pick me… from not only next to me but also in other spots down the front where others were standing. -_- Guys,pls. At one point they screaming so loud and pointing at me that not only was the staff member DYING AT MY SUFFERING but Youngjae and Daehyun started to look over to our area and I had to duck and hide behind people. Let’s not ever… nah no. It was a cute little segment though, I totally would’ve spilled my drink on Himchan too if I would’ve been that close too. Them feels are seriousssss.

NEXT WERE THE SOLOS AND BITCHHHHHHHHHHH…. WHEW LAWD.

I believe it was Jongup, Zelo, Youngja in terms of order but my feels were attacked so I can’t be sure. 

JONGUP. MOON. FUCKING. JONGUP. HE DID NOT COME TO PLAY WITH THE HATERS, BAND WAGONERS, AND DENIERS OF FEELS. TRY MY LUCK THERE’S NOTHING I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS THAT DOESNT INCLUDE AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF SWEARING. Just know you guys got the tame and PG shit for TV promotions. FUCK IT UP, MOON JONGUP FOR LIFE. 

Zelo decided that the year 2017 he would return to his sweet and innocent appearance after fucking the floor last year. Thanks, bro. Appreciate it. The song is actually really cute though and I need the recorded version, get on that TS.

YOUNGJAE. 

YOO.

YOUNGJAE.

I have this deep deeeeppppppp LOVE HATE with Youngjae (mainly love but still) he didn’t have to come for life this way. I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, I just wanted to live peacefully that day. His solo…. I literally found the corner of the banister, rested against it, covered my mouth in amazement and didn’t move for the duration of his solo. He didn’t have to remind me why he’s bias 1.5 like that. Jesus. Also I need that studio version too.

Fermata, I Guess I Need U, and Body and Soul… Im not even gonna try and explain the level of I CANNOT reached.

Skydive, Young Wild and Free and Wake Me Up in a row… OT6 FOR LIFE. FUCK ME UP. They killed it and us.

Now for Wake Me Up apparently we did a little much. As if we didn’t go hard enough for the other two songs, us continuously doing the choreography got us recorded during Wake Me Up… by the staff… who also turned out to be one of their managers. At first he tried to sneakily record us but I caught him and laughed and he stopped. Then he did it again and didn’t care that we saw him. Which he then scurried to the backstage area as soon as that song was over. Yeah….

So after that Zelo came back out and take us the hormone increasing dance (2014 concert goers should remember that one). No one knew what the fuck they were doing it was hilarious.Check on starts playing and all of sudden my friends and I start to notice that BAP is gradually looking more and more to our corner, which for the most part went kinda unnoticed for the other half of the show. Now I’m not gonna say they saw it, but I can say for a fact that manager posted it on his instagram that same night. (which also took me a whole week to find ) But the next bunch of songs were the fun ones Spy, Feel So Good, Be Happy and Carnival.

They did their usual goodbye talk before performing B.A.B.Y *thug tear* That was supposed to be the end, but it wouldn’t be a BAP concert without an encore. They did BANGX2 again. 

Now it’s time for the Hi-Touch and photo op shenanigans. 

They had everyone with Hi-touch go first, they turned it into a whole damn exercise circuit. Just what everyone wanted to do, climb 3 floors, come down and go back up. But anyway…  So the panic was real guys. So the order I can remember was Youngjae, Zelo, Daehyun, Jongup, Yongguk and Himchan. Literally my death in the beginning and end.

So before we get to go up to the guys the staff is doing their annoying “phones away,” “don’t give them presents,” “hurry up” speeches. I roll my eyes and continue walking to the guys. 

Youngjae is first. Lord jesus I wasn’t mentally prepared, but my makeup was still in tact. *bless you Laura Mercier powder* He is the only dude I know that is ALWAYS ready before the damn fan that’s meeting him. He was already eyeing me before I got up to him. His usual smirk followed by a cute smile after I hi fived him.

I was actually proud of myself this hi touch cause I was able to look at and actually hi five everyone this time while still mentally dying.

Next was Zelo… he’s tall as shit… why? Anyway he smiled and I high fived him and went on to the next one.

JUNG. DAEHYUN. What’s your deal, bro?! So I get to Dae, I was prepared this year to feel close as fuck to him as always. Apparently he was not and made it obvious… VERY OBVIOUS. So I get to him and look him dead in his eyes and this boy legit goes O_O and looked shocked as al holy hell. I actually tilted my head a little and giggled at him and he kinda recollected for a second, but I felt victorious for once. 

Megan 1- BAP - 3 Years

Anyway… onto Rude Boy Jongup. So he was right after Dae and ISTG I don’t know what was going on that night but he too felt the need to look at me with a squint but from under his fringe so I was confused.

Next was Gukkie! He’s so cute and friendly at hi touches. He looked so good though, thank goodness I’m not a Guk stan. That’s like instant death.

So last but not least, Kim Himchan.

One question, just one. WHATTHEACTUALFUCKHIMCHANWHYTHEFUCK?!

We’re going to take a little mental journey to understand this. So Himchan is last but he’s not behind the table like everyone else. He’s actually at the outside corner, so if you’re walking towards him you can see him straight on not an angle. 

Ok so as I’m done hi fiving Yongguk, I turn so I can face Himchan, normal course of action right now. Would’ve been a quick go through had when I turned his hand be ready for a hi five and he would’ve been looking at my face.

Till this day this part gets me all flustered and gets my nerves going. *deep breathing*

So I turn slightly to see Himchan checking me out in the most shameless way. This man is a greaseball and I KNOW THIS. BUT NOTHING. NOTHINGGGG COULD’VE  PREPARED ME. So he’s checking me out, at least from hip/thigh area and slowly pans up to my face and then proceeds to bite his lips and smirk at me and then put his hand up for a hi five.

We’re gonna have seat for a minute cause LORD HAVE MERCY IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME AT THAT MOMENT TO CONTAIN EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.

For reference Himchan’s face was basically this Xuimin gif. 

Like… how does one act normal in this situation. Well if you’re me, you try to give off the most controlled shocked face and act dead inside so you don’t get arrested.

For reference

 Me:

So I high five him and proceed to high tail it the entire fuck outta there as quickly as possible. I made it to the hallway where I then had my breakdown, still couldn’t speak and explain anything then though. 

If you had photo op they made you go allll the way back up stairs and pick your groups. Two of my friends are Zelo bias so they weren’t even gonna attempt to take a pic with each other. lmfao So we found this other group of girls and I deadass went and asked any of them if they were Himchan bias and luckily no one was. Then this staff comes over and is like “Who wants to be line leader?” I was like fuck it i’ll do it. I get to be the first person to pick a spot duh! So I tell my friends to line up behind me so they can get to their biases before the other girls and they do. So we get downstairs and we’re dying all over again cause now we’re the first people they see in the line and as soon as the group thats with them leaves, Youngjae and some of them look over at us. Great,

I look Youngjae in face again, smile and casually walked and stood in between him and Himchan. My other friends got lucky and all got to stand with their bias too. *YAAASSSS* Now, I had made it a mental note to stand a little bit away from them cause I have a butt and didn’t want to bump into one of them. All I would need to haunt me forever. Despite all my attempts, I did end up bumping into someone… I don’t even wanna know who cause I’m traumatized enough from that day, lol But a girl was rushing to kneel in front of me and I scooted back just a tad and bam… leg or something. I’ve never readjusted so fast in my life. The picture was taken and I took off in a diagonal for the gift table cause we left our stuff over there. (One of the staff was not happy about it but we didn’t care) There was amusing shit that happened on the other side with my friends Daph and Megan but I can’t even begin to get that story correct. All I know is Daphne booked it for the table while I was waiting for her and had BAP in hysterics. 

Then as we were leaving we told the manager we would see him next year and ran out of there as fast as possible.

Also here’s Himchan’s face in our photo… which I conveniently compared it to the FSG face for you.

If you find the full i’m the one in the red. 

‘twas a hell of a night.

Fin. 

#BAP fan account #BAP #LOE NYC 2017 #party baby world tour #himchan #yoo youngjae #daehyun #zelo #yongguk #jongup #hi touch #jesus lord help #the feels are strong with this one

[survivor-marianas-trench]

“How Am I Supposed To Sit On My Fat *ss And Do Nothing If There’s No Tribal Immunity?” - EPISODE 1

i wont say names bc if these get released at the end i know the psycho wont leave me alone but theres a certain someone that never leaves another certain someone alone and theyre actually so annoying and they look like a balding foot and if i have to be in the same tribe with them i will definitely end up fighting them

so...cole walking on day 1? because he didn't want to be in a game with Julia wow. I am shook to the core. 

1st off why are there 30 people here! 2nd off why are we all in a chat together! And 3rdly at least someone already took themselves out of the game. I didn't get last!!! I know setting the bar high. I'm very excited to play everyone is super nice and also I think my tribe is great. I got Sam and Liana on my tribe whom I played with during Atlantis. Sam and I were in an alliance but obviously it wasn't super tight...since I voted her off. But I love her dearly and hope we can work together again. Also excited for Liana because I always remember that she was good in challenges and she has already told me she won't want to throw any challenges this time. Haha. I already appreciate her so much. She is so sweet! Carson k is also on my tribe. Carson k is also a sweetheart and I'm sad that I didn't trust him much during Malibu and I hope that it can change here. Hopefully there is a survivor trivia challenge because he is so good with survivor trivia. Everyone else on the tribe seems really cool too as we aren't involved in the drama of the one world chat. Haha we have all of our members still and we are ready to win some challenges! #YouWishYouWereATasi also. Kait is here!!!! Omggggg I'm not ready. She messaged me last night and I was like oh god how do I talk to kait????? Like ugh ahhhh scared. No. Nothing against kait she just scares me! And I feel like she can tell....*gulp* but billy is also here and I love billy too. And Luke!!! Honestly so many amazing people who hopefully won't vote me off. Everyone in the community has been so supportive of me and has really helped relive some of the anxiety I've been having. But queen kait is here so I don't know how long it will last. 

what the fuck am i doing i don't even know if im making a confessional for the right game....like i'm in a 3 survivor games and  a big brother game and i've never wanted to kill myself more i was talkin with kait and i was like "omg i love karen!!" and KAREN ISN'T EVEN ON OUR FUCKING TRIBE. SHE'S DEADASS IN ANOTHER GAME. omg and this ninjohn bitch cracks me tf up so yeah thats about all i've done bye

tbh! what is going on in this game!!! The only people that I know and want to work with are Sam G, Dan, Amanda, Billy and Christine tbqh! I don't know anybody on my tribe except Billy so we're gonna be a cute duo. I think the twist is kind of fun, it's gonna make people need to be on their toes 24/7 and not get too comfortable hiding behind tribal wins because they just don't exist. Uh first boot from my tribe? Idk,...maybe me> maybe chrisssa? who knows!

On 3/6/17, at 9:54 PM, veronica [ hoenn host ] wrote: > how am i supposed to sit on my fat ass and do nothing like nicholas did if theres no tribe immunity >.> but also i really like the cast in this game and i know its gonna be lit this is like one of my fave survivors already and im in like 4 rn

set my soul on fire pls

YES MA'AM! This is Kelsey Mikaelson, representing BBCAN and Vampire Diaries, checking into Mariana Trench Survivor, is you good? Is you happy? Because I's wants to know, ok. Entering this competition was a quick shock. The tribe I was on is very friendly and we all got along quick and I'm living, I seem to get along well. Obviously, I'm the loud one, but I think that overall, I'm not too much which is good! You know what is too much though? Literally both other tribes OTHER than Tasi. Seeing how crazy they are during the One World makes us seem a lot more mellow which makes me seem a lot more quiet which is absolutely a great factor for my game.  Anyways, next twist: triple elimination each week. Girl...I came here for a fresh new game that would be welcoming to newbies. This is literally death. I'm literally dead. *sigh*...Whatever. There are people in my tribe I've clicked with early on. Carson, Liana, Sam, Shea and Seamus have all been rather nice to me. However, one person that I have definitely gotten along with thus far is Lilly. She's so explosive and she's also so logical in everything she tells me, she's a great counterpart to me in this competition. I would say I trust Lilly the most, yes, I would. And going into this first tribal, I'm interested to see how our relationship will translate into gameplay. Hopefully, in a positive way~! Now to the challenge...I want to remain a team player, an innocent virgin, an airhead with  nothing but loyalty with everyone. I don't want to manipulate, I want to slay. So, I'm going to put a rather safe score for myself. As long as I'm not on the bottom end of the powers, I'm fine. I just hope that this first tribal doesn't eat me alive...against my gut instinct, I'm not bringing strategy up for these first days. I just hope that people actually come to me like I'm expecting...otherwise, I gotta start making them moves, mama! Wish me the best of luck! From Canada with Love, -The ORIGINAL...Kelsey Mikaelson, muah!

I'm so nervous. I feel like knowing that you're going to tribal no matter what makes this all more nerve wracking. I'm trying to feel out who people want to go and what they want to do without making anyone feel like I'm jumping the gun or being too forward. Plus I think Darian is probably gunning for me, since I know he doesn't like me. I really don't wanna be first to go, but I feel like it's too risky to just immediately go after him. I'm hoping someone is inactive or will give us a reason to vote them out so that this first one is an easy one. 

http://youtu.be/PTJUoasIy_Y

...moments later

If i learned anything from Rakiura, it's that I need to make a list or something of peoples' point values and possible advantages since people will forget about them come merge and then the person with all the advantages will win the season. :)

I'll call them out!

https://youtu.be/gK_YU4BaKyc

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN MY TRIBE 

So like this is a weird position to be in. I like everyone on my tribe????? Like how the fuck am I supposed to vote one of these hoes out when I like them? I'm clearly the prettiest, but like I love them all. This is a tragedy because if it was a normal damn game, I would be able to slay with my tribe. My plan so far is to just be super social and find the majority. I don't know how to play one world because usually the world revolves around me so. 

So this season hasn't been that exciting at all so far for our tribe due to Cole's, not surprising, quit. I want to try harder than the last few skype/Tumblr games I've played since I definitely was inactive in the last few. I'm trying to socialize and need to expand my social surroundings since I haven't approached many yet. I have been talking to Luke however but he's terrible at responding. I don't mind if you're busy and can't respond quickly but when you message in the main chat and have the online symbol by your name you might want to respond back to a tribemate. That doesn't bode well for track records. 

Things are weird. What do I do. Who do I talk to. Where am I. Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest I just tribes are weird. We aren't even really a tribe. I know we will have to just keep voting people off of our tribe. So what do we do? I have no leads. Except I kinda want a girls alliance so I would prefer a guy out this week just to play it safe. I feel like I could talk to Liana and Sam about this but also nervous. Idk. I'll do something soon but this is a lot to process. I also hope that not too many voting things will affect tribal. I'm not ready for it. That is all. Good day. 

Hello!!! Alright so this first week has just been....a mess. Like, y'all really put me in a group with 30 people...with one world in play...I'm gonna go insane. Although it's not entirely a bad thing. I have my Queens Kait and Jenn to keep me sane. I had Cole......for like 2 hours until he left WHICH I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT. I love him so much it's not even funny. Anyways for the people on my tribe, I absolutely adore Dan so I can definitely see us working together. Sam G. is here as well and WHEW. A Queen. I love her so much. If I had a dream alliance within this tribe it'd probably be Dan, Sam, Kelsey, Lily, Carson and myself. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Seamus or Liana and trying to start a conversation with Shea is a bit like pulling teeth so far so...yeah, that's how things are looking right about now I'm so scared for this tribal cause I don't know what to expect??? Like I probably should've just went all in for immunity but I didn't cause I didn't wanna go overboard...so much for that huh. Wish me luck for now I guess!

...30 minutes later...

I'm screaming apparently Shea's already brought my name up to people but suddenly changed it to Carson when I started talking to them??? Something smells fishy here and I'm not here for it. I've got my eye on Shea, that's for sure. In all honesty I'd rather target Shea than Carson cause Carson's actually chill while Shea's probably gonna get a little messy along the way which makes me nervous but Dan trusts him for now so I guess I just gotta go with the flow for now...

Hi Ricky! Super excited to be safe this round, just gotta sit here and look cute!

the furrys are on the prowl, yiff yiff. there are quite a few furrys in this game lmao. so basically on my tribe i really like veronica and am teaming with her. shea really likes me and veronica so we r gonna try and work with them. i think i want to vote for sam this round bc like i like everyone else and the noobs in our tribe seem kinda easy to push around so im excited!

My tribe is so BORINGGGGG tbh no one talks in the chat anyways here's an analysis i promised Ricky <3 When something more happens youll get more out of me but literally nothings going on OH I HAVE AN ALLIANCE WITH DAN AND LUKE BUT YOU BUT US ALL ON DIFFERENT TRIBES WHICH IS GROSS The end. heres my analysis of my tribe woo Andie - Love him we've been friends for a while and he wants to work together so thats cute af Daisy - Super nice we've talked quite a bit so far. I like her Darian - He seems super nice to me and we talked a bit but ive heard he's a shitshow and ive been warned so i know to tread lightly Emma - I'm not gonna like when i saw Emma was on my tribe I was about to beat someones ass because I felt like she hated my guts last time i was around her and it was a rough experience but she like came to me and apologized and shit saying she was having a rough time and idk if that was just to cover her ass for this game or what but im gonna forgive but not forget at this point...or at least until swap/merge lmao Kait - i fucking love Kait she's super straight to the point which is great when everyone else sugar coats the hell out of everything. We seem to work well in PI so here's to hoping it works out this time and we can be a dynamic duo lolol Rhea - Last Week in another game she said she didnt like playing with me and my friends...im not really with my close friends in this game so idk if itll be different but like we've played together a ton and i dont think we ever worked together. She's the nicest person in the world but we like never click together so i wouldnt be surprised if she wanted my ass gone Rob - I dont think we've talked? oops lmfao Sam R. - Hes so chill. We played Myanmar together and we worked together while also targeting eachother? it was so fucking complicated ahahaha but i love him as a person so i hope we're okay in this game??? idk yet tbh Steven - We've talked a bit in the past. He's chill but we arent super close. I dont think he'd target me though so thats a plus

Wooo! I guess taking -10,030 points was worth it! I won immunity from the raffle and I also have the 30% advantage! Couldn't be more happy about the outcome of this challenge. I honeslty don't know who to vote for and I sure as hell won't be scrambling. I know it's not me and that's all I care about 

i am gad we were safe week 1 thanks to Cole quitting again it's insane that he did that but i am glad it gave us safety this week. I hope i can stay longer because immunity wins aren't relying on everyone to win together so if i am bad they won't think i am a threat..

well! tasi WAS peaceful, until little shea decided to target me ONCE again in a game. id like to see him try, because i am NOT going premerge. and, if i have anything to say about it, his ass is GRASS!

So, everyone this tribal has said they are voting Carson, which I have no problems with. I feel like the blame is being put on me for this vote which I don't want. If people flip and I go home, so be it. 

Daisy seems to be the first target and I don't want her to leave. I'm going to see if we can get the votes back on Amanda.

.

http://prntscr.com/ehnjlj

So, tonight is making me super nervous and I don't know what to do.... I feel like this twist fucks me and that's not good. I have played sooo many PI seasons that  I feel like I am an easy target. Also this one world twist is legit making this game THAT much harder and I honestly don't like this shit. I don't know what the fuck I am going to do, and it sucks  so much. I feel like I am a mess and it sucks more so than anything. I just want to make it past this tribal, and I am not sure that I willl. 

Whew I need to write a confessional but also I'm watching Survivor! I am really nervous for this vote! Everyone has been so quiet and I haven't talked to that many people. The plan is supposed to be for Carson. Lily, Liana, Dan, Christine, and I were supposed to create an alliance but we haven't. I'm hoping we will later and no one is actually trying to vote me out. Seamus did say  'Christine or Sam' but he meant Carson? Okay sure hopefully he did! 

Sooo, this has been a wild round, and im not even gonna get into the cole thing other than to say, I'm glad you and your negative bitch ass is gone, and maybe come for me with more accurate shit next time :))). But since this "lovely" soul quit, I didn't have to go to tribal, and I also beat him AHAHAH. BUT I've been chit-chatting with Gabriel alot and I love Gabriel they are soooo chill tbh. And I also am kinda lucky since I know so many people know this season whew. Okay bye

#deeperdarkerdanger