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highqueenofelfhame · 1 year

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i don't know who i think i am updating so many times this week, but here we are. enjoy it while it lasts, kiddos. and happiest of birthdays to @shyvioletcat who is the reason i even wrote this fic in the first place. love u bb 💚

rowaelin // 7k words // masterlist

The pillow beside him still smelled faintly of her perfume, yet when he reached for the warm body that should have been next to him, he found nothing but cool, rumpled sheets. Rowan let out a low groan of disappointment and rolled halfway off the bed to feel for his jeans. When he finally found his phone in the back pocket and checked the time he knew she hadn’t been gone for too long. It was only six-thirty in the morning, and he was almost positive she had been pressed against him the majority of the night.

Gods, last night. Rowan hadn’t had sex in months, and the woman Connall had pushed toward him like an offering had been his perfect match. Everything he gave her, she had given back. She took as much as he did, and he couldn’t help himself when he sent her tumbling over the edge until she was a shaking, sweaty mess. It was, by far, the sexiest thing he had ever seen. The sounds of her breathy moans, the feeling of her cherry red nails dragging sharply up his back and over his shoulder blades, or of the way she’d pressed her fingertips into his lower back to urge him closer… Those were things he would not soon forget. He was pretty sure if he looked in the mirror, he would have the reminder of her hands etched on his skin until at least tomorrow.

He was desperate to do it all over again with her.

It took him a moment, but he managed to find another pair of sweatpants and an old college t-shirt in the back of the closet. As the door leading to the apartment closed behind him, a heavy sigh sank from his chest. Connall had a smirk that said he knew way more than he should. The bastard. He spent so many late nights at the bar, it wouldn’t surprise Rowan if he had been there all night and heard every sound he pulled from Aelin’s soft, perfect lips.

“Terrasen won last night.” Connall was standing in the doorway that led to the kitchen, drying a clean glass as he took in his friend.

“I know,” Rowan grumbled, adjusting his clothes from the night before in his hands. Several of his missed text-messages had been about their victory. Apparently, it had been a close game that went into overtime. But it seemed that Orynth grew football players in the mountains, fertilizing them with the gods only knew what.

Through the window the sky was already full of fluffy white clouds. It made it hard to be too glum. Soon the sun would be shining brightly over Varese. It was a new day, Monday was a new week, and there was still time for someone to knock Terrasen out of the winning streak that had been going on for the last two years before Rowan had to face them in a few months.

“Your girl left about an hour ago, if you were wondering.” He was, but instead of saying so he just grunted a response and headed out the door.

The following week was his normal routine. Rowan returned to Doranelle after spending the rare off-weekend down in Varese. More than once he had tried to pry details from Connall about if Aelin had been back to the bar or not. Apparently she hadn’t, but his friend swore to let him know if she did. It had been five days and she hadn’t been seen. Was it pathetic the way he wished he had a way to contact her? Definitely. But there was something about her that he couldn’t shake, that he refused to let fade into the recesses of his mind.

On the sixth day since meeting her, not that he was counting, he’d carried his laundry hamper downstairs to throw in the wash. Out of habit, he patted down the pockets of all his pants. Rowan had learned the hard way a few years ago that not doing so resulted in very expensive headphones being ruined in the wash. Could he afford another pair? Of course he could, but it was a waste of money when he could simply not wash them and not have to spend two hundred dollars for no reason.

There was a soft crinkling in the pocket of his jeans, one that he barely noticed. They were already halfway into the washer when Rowan fished out the folded piece of paper. Merely a receipt from any of the establishments he visited last weekend, he tossed it on top of the dryer while he finished loading the rest of the clothes and tossed in the detergent. He swiped it up again to throw away on his way out. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he decided to look at it before trashing it. Just to make sure it wasn’t from anything he might need to return later.

When he unfolded it and saw the writing over the top of a faded credit card transaction, his heart stopped beating. It wasn’t a receipt. Well, it was, but nothing that he had purchased. It was a note written in blue pen, words a little smudged from being folded up before the ink had fully dried. Each letter was in swooping, sloping, cursive letters with a little heart underneath.

Just in case you need to release some more tension. I know I do. - A

The short message was followed by a series of numbers, and Rowan had never in his entire life scrambled so hard to put a contact into his phone. A tattooed finger traced over the numbers, lips mouthing the numbers in an attempt to double check himself. Without giving himself a single heartbeat to change his mind or chicken out, he pressed call.

By now she could have forgotten about him entirely. Maybe she wasn’t interested anymore, or perhaps it had taken him too long to reach out. He did have a good reason for the latter, but she might not see it that way. There was hope that she would, though. Everything about her had seemed easy going and he doubted she would be mad that she sent him on a scavenger hunt with no directions. Maybe if he wore normal clothes instead of athletic shorts or sweats more often he would have found it sooner. It was too late to change that now, though. Impatient fingers drummed atop the counter while it rang, and rang, and rang.

Her voice chirped through the speaker, but when he opened his mouth to speak he realized it was just the recording of her voicemail. Her accent, so different from his but lovely all the same said in a teasing tone, “While it is your absolute utmost misfortune to have missed me, leave a message and I’ll call you back. Unless it’s about work. Call my work phone and we’ll talk about it.”

Rowan had never wished so badly to have someone’s business line in his life, but he still patiently waited for the beep. His heart was a stampede of wild horses while he waited for the beep. As soon as it sounded, he cleared his throat and immediately grimaced at himself. Idiot. Why didn’t he do that before it started recording?

“Aelin, it’s Rowan. I’m sorry it took me so long to call, but someone hid her phone number in the back pocket of my jeans and I just got around to doing laundry. I’m not in Varese this week, I’m actually in Doranelle for work. But I should be back in town soon, maybe next week, I–” The voicemail beeped, declaring the message was fully recorded and he swore colorfully as he ended the call.

With a mind of their own, his fingers opened a new text thread and shot off a message: My voicemail got cut off, but I’d love to see you again. Let me know if you’re up for it. xx

After pressing send, he cringed. Since when did he sign off a text message with an x? Much less two of them? He’d spent one night with the woman and now he could barely figure out which way was up and which was down.

Sure, he had been out of the dating game for quite some time, but he didn’t have to sound like he was. The last time he flirted intentionally had been years ago. Every other encounter had been random hookups in random cities across the world where he didn’t have to worry about following up.

Except that this time, he wanted to. There had been so much ease when he talked to her, the flirting had come naturally. It hadn’t even been wholly intentional to begin with. Rowan had never used talking about soccer as a seduction technique, but it had clearly worked on her somehow. The banter they’d shared back and forth displayed a unique type of chemistry he hadn’t experienced in a long time, if ever. He could only hope that she felt the same way and still wanted to do it all over again, too.

~*~

“I really like everything you have here, but–”

“It’s not great,” Luca interrupted, his shoulders sagging while he waited for the sharp edge of disappointment. Aelin’s lips pursed as she looked at the young man. Luca was fresh out of college as a graphic designer, and working for the Fireheart Art Foundation was his first real world job post-graduation. It made her simultaneously want to berate the insecurity out of him and comfort him by how traumatized he was from difficult professors in college.

“I was just going to say that I want this header font to be white.” She gave him a look that portrayed exactly how she felt about how hard he tended to be on himself. “I wouldn’t have hired you to work in this office if I thought you needed to be micromanaged.”

Luca let out a breath, nodding and sinking into one of the chairs across from her desk. Nervous hands ran up and down his thighs like he was shaking out the nerves. She understood. The feeling of mountains of pressure on you and like you had no room for error was a familiar one. Helas below, she felt like that right now. Aelin was in her mid-twenties and running a charity and she refused to let it fail.

“I just want to do a good job.”

“And you are, my friend. I chose you and your portfolio of work out of a lineup of seasoned professionals. You bring something new, young, and fresh to the table. Your lack of experience doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of doing a good job. It just means that you’re still learning, and I want to help you with that. You don’t need to be nervous to show me something that you’ve created. If something needs to be tweaked, obviously I’m going to tell you. But you understand the brand I’m building and the image I’m putting out almost as well as I do. Be more kind to yourself,” she said gently, a soft smile pulling at her lips.

“You are nothing like what my professors said future bosses would be like.” Aelin laughed at the same time her personal phone started buzzing on her desk. She didn’t recognize the number and it was silenced as she handed the tablet back over to Luca.

“I sure hope not. While I have a specific vision of things, I want you to use your creativity and have fun with it. I’m never going to give you a list of a hundred specifications. I’ll tell you what needs to be included and let you take your knowledge of our company plus your creativity so you create something you’re proud of. When you eventually move on from Fireheart, I don’t want you to have a stack of things you made for us that you aren’t proud of to show off. Okay?” Aelin’s phone pinged with a new voicemail from whoever had been calling and sighed. “Email me the file after you change the header.”

Luca gave a mock salute and flipped the tablet case closed, walking toward the door and shutting it behind him. Aelin let out a content sigh in the silence, leaning her head against the back of her hair while she gazed out the window at the city below her. She let it sink in, the work she was beginning in a new country on a different continent, an ocean away from home.

It was easy to allow herself to feel pride in the foundation, an idea she brought to her parents a few years ago. The Fireheart Foundation began three years ago when she was twenty-two. What started as an idea to work with local underprivileged youth in Orynth soon blossomed into two, then three, then four offices scattered over Terrasen. Her home country had always taken huge pride in the arts– Orynth itself was huge on the importance of it for its young citizens. The rest of the world shared those sentiments because by its second year they were receiving global recognition. Now, on the eve of its third birthday, Aelin was expanding to Wendlyn: her mother’s home country.

She had plenty of family in Varese. Most of Evalin’s family still lived here, Aelin’s grandparents included. Ever the proud grandfather, Ciaran Ashryver had been beyond excited to help her find an apartment until the end of November, locate appropriate office space, and had started putting out a few feelers for potential employees almost as soon as she mentioned the idea. By the time she stepped off her plane, she was all set with somewhere to live and a floor in a building downtown to begin working.

A handful of employees from the other locations in Terrasen had arrived this morning to be hands on in helping train some of the Varese staff. New members to this office were taking positions that needed little actual training and something more like direct guidance from Aelin. Like Luca and his graphic design. He didn’t need to be trained how to do his job, just needed the push to grow into his full potential.

Aelin’s thoughts were tugged back to reality when another small vibration from her phone had her reaching for it. Ah, right. The missed call, voicemail, and now text message from the number she didn’t know. It was a local area code– probably a new employee getting her their contact information like she’d requested.

As soon as she saw the message preview, though, she was quick to unlock the screen. With arms braced on her desk, she scanned the message with a growing smile on her face. Rowan. He had finally found the note, it seemed. No time was wasted in saving his number to her contacts and tapping furiously to get to the voicemail.

When Rowan was cut off mid-sentence, she laughed out loud. It was really more of a school girl’s giggle than anything, relief that he had not just texted, but called, too. It made warmth flood from her toes to her fingertips. There had just been something about him, about their matching wit and seductive teasing that left her craving more. For the first time in an extremely long time, it hadn’t felt like it was just about sex. Despite how she had kept everyone at arm’s length and refused to let them get close since her relationship with Sam had ended so poorly, things with Rowan had been different since the moment he sat beside her at that bar. It didn’t mean it would go anywhere besides a fun fling, but a kernel of hope still flickered in her chest.

She tried to think about what Lysandra would tell her to do: how long she should wait to text him back, what the rules were. It had already been nearly a week, though. Hadn’t there been enough waiting on both parts? His voicemail had sounded rushed enough that it was like he was impatient to talk to her again, too. The follow up text practically proved it. No, she wouldn’t follow silly hard-to-get dating rules. Maybe she didn’t want to be hard to get. Besides, she was only here for a few more months. It likely wouldn’t lead to anything serious, and there was no harm in having fun while she was here.

That is what Lys would want for her. Something fun and easy that she didn’t have to think too much about. That would give her release from the insanity of running an international foundation with little outside help. Having made up her mind, she tapped his contact and hit the call button.

“Aelin?” Her name was breathless on his tongue when he picked up after the third ring. With a brow furrowed in curiosity and a small smile resting on her lips, she leaned back in her chair and looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to ignore the somersault her stomach lurched into when he said her name.

“Rowan,” Aelin drawled, entirely positive that he sighed with what sounded like relief. “Did I catch you at a bad time? You sound–”

“No, I was just– no. This is good. Perfect time, actually.”

“Are you sure?” She heard rustling on the other end, like maybe he was adjusting himself where he sat.

“Is it embarrassing and off-putting if I tell you I lunged for my phone when I heard it ringing? I was in my bedroom and jumped onto the couch to get it before it stopped.”

“What if it hadn’t been me calling back? Did you even check the caller ID?” The laughter that bubbled out of her was entirely involuntary. Having a man that excited to talk to her was so sweet it made her teeth ache. When had anyone ever been so forthcoming with any level of affection for her? Dorian, probably, but that was a relationship based solely on fun and most of the time he was teasing.

“No,” he grumbled. “I would have disconnected the call as soon as I got a denial it wasn’t you.”

“That is the most adorable thing a man has ever said to me,” she vowed, her hand resting on her stomach to calm the swarm of butterflies within.

“I’m not doing an absolute shite job, then?” There was a timidness to his voice that made her heart squeeze. What on earth did he have to be nervous about?

“I called you back, didn’t I?” She teased, but when he didn’t answer and seemed to be waiting for a genuine response, she assured him that he was doing absolutely perfect.

~*~

“Who the fuck has you smiling, Whitethorn?” Lorcan Salvaterre whipped his towel out to smack Rowan directly in the stomach. He immediately frowned, locked his phone, and rubbed the spot above his belly button the corner of the towel had popped. Lorcan tossed the weapon over his shoulder, sitting down on the bench in front of his cubby. The wet, dark curtain of hair hung around his face as he bent down to start shoving his match gear into the bag at his feet.

“Nobody.”

“That’s a lie,” Fenrys quipped from behind them. Rowan glared over his shoulder, knowing full well that the blonde was in complete cahoots with his twin brother. Evidently Connall had told him everything. How Fen had managed to keep his mouth shut about it all week was entirely beyond him. If it hadn’t been about his personal life, Rowan might have been impressed with his self control. “He met a girl.”

Lorcan’s head swung around, eyebrows raised high as he said, “Did we not learn our lesson from the last jersey chaser?”

With a scowl pulling his entire face into a frown, Rowan shook his head. “It’s not like that. She doesn’t even know who I am. To be entirely honest, I don’t think she would have talked to me if I hadn’t saved her from one of Con’s mystery cocktails.”

At that, Lorcan winced. Just like he’d told Aelin, they were all too familiar with those special drinks. It didn’t matter how impressive one’s alcohol tolerance was, no one was safe. Rowan distinctly remembered a time several years back when he had to tie Lorcan’s black hair out of his face to avoid it getting in the toilet. Everyone was pretty sure he had alcohol poisoning that night, but it wasn’t totally Connall’s fault, either. Lorcan had said he could handle it. The joke was on him at the end of the night, though. Nobody could handle them as delicious as they might be. Those fuckers were dangerous.

“Met her at the pub then?” Lorcan’s eyes were full of hesitancy and skepticism as he spoke. It seemed like he was choosing his words carefully. That topic was a tedious tightrope to walk, one that had ended in Rowan shutting down completely more than once.

“She gave me a lot of shit about ‘soccer.’ We talked through most of the Orynth and Red Desert game.”

“And then Rowan took her upstairs and–” A sweaty pair of shorts hit Fenrys directly in the face, cutting him off with a violent gag. Always the drama king. “I just showered.”

“That’s enough out of you, boyo,” Rowan said in a tone that meant shut up or it will be my fist next time. A few of their other teammates filtered from the showers, several of them claiming they needed full body massages STAT. Rowan was inclined to agree, but he had better things to do tonight. They had won their match against Adarlan and he was feeling lucky all around.

“You’re not… worried?” Lorcan was pulling on a fresh pair of socks as Rowan sat on the bench beside him, jaw tight. This was not something he wanted to think about right now. Aelin gave no indications that she knew who he was, and most of the girls that fawned after them for being professional athletes couldn’t make it through a whole conversation without expressing what huge fans they were. As if their obsession with his body would make him more likely to sleep with them. It was a trick that worked when he was young and stupid, but now that he was older it was just… violating.

No, he wasn’t skeptical. It had been two weeks and soccer had only come up in the form of jokes between conversations that ranged from casual to toeing the deep-and-personal line. Their texts were as constant through the day as they could be with them both working. At night when they were both available and Rowan wasn’t completely wiped out from practice, they would have hours-long phone calls. Last night Aelin had fallen asleep mid-sentence, like she couldn’t stand to say goodnight to him even though she needed to sleep. When he realized she had dozed off, nothing but the soft huffs of her breathing coming through his speaker, he’d quietly wished sweet dreams upon her before hanging up.

Her apologies had been profuse throughout the day, but they weren’t needed. It had been a long while since anyone had taken the time to get to know him for him and not one of the world’s best center-forwards. With her, he was just Rowan. No grass-stained jerseys and golden trophies attached. Just the version of himself that he was over ninety percent of the time.

“I’m not worried about that with her. She’s not… like that. I’m going to tell her what I do soon, but for now she thinks I coach at the high school.” It wasn’t a complete lie. He and Lorcan did put on football camps at their old high school in Doranelle over the summer. Tirelessly, they would host two separate camps that lasted for two weeks in June and July. It was part of his job… just not his actual job right this second.

“What does she do?” Fenrys asked, shooting Rowan’s dirty shorts back over to him. He dropped them into his bag and zipped it up, slipping his feet into his slides. Vaughan came out of the showers then, bumping his fist as he passed and muttering that Rowan played well, to which he gave his friend a nod in return.

“Charity work. She teaches piano and dance class at different art programs. For the next few months she’s doing after school lessons in Varese.” Rowan hefted the duffel up onto his shoulder, wincing as he stood. Nothing was hurt, but he wasn’t quite as young as he used to be. While he should probably spend some time in an ice bath to help his muscles recover, it was honestly the last thing on his mind. All he could think about was getting in his car and speeding down the highway to Varese.

“Please tell me you’re not about to get in your car and drive two hours to see a girl you just met immediately after a game,” Lorcan said flatly. Try as he might, it was impossible not to grin. Just a little.

“Hate to disappoint you. Maybe you’ll understand one day when you stop being such a coldhearted dick.” It was a joke, but there was some truth to it. Lorcan had a strict policy about women during game season, and kind of in general. There would be absolutely no distractions for him during the season. He might let off some steam and have random hookups here and there, but the possibility of any sort of real relationship was off the table. During the off-season, he claimed it was time to have fun. Everyone was thoroughly convinced he would never settle down, or that it would take an absolute badass of a woman to turn him into a house-broken man. Rowan wasn’t sure that was possible.

Lorcan grumbled mostly to himself while the rest of their lingering teammates gave Rowan encouraging slaps on the back. While he hated that it was out to his teammates and friends already, he knew it was genuine support. A few years ago he had been through absolute hell and ever since there had been a stormy cloud hovering over his head because of it. Rowan knew Lorcan came from a good place. Everything with Lyria had ended… extremely poorly. Things with Aelin wouldn’t be like that, though. This was different. She was different.

It had been two and a half weeks since the first night, and their budding relationship had been strictly through text messages, phone calls, and the occasional video chat. Rowan hadn’t been able to get back to Varese because of practice, games, and her work schedule. The one night he would have been able to make it into the city, she had called him an hour before he was due to head out and explained that something came up at work that she had to deal with. It had been disappointing, but he understood. If they had lost their game today he wasn’t so sure he would be driving anywhere but home to sulk.

With a shiny new win under his belt, he was eager as he snapped his seatbelt into place and began the two hour drive up to Verese. It would be after ten by the time he finally got there, but Aelin had insisted– was still assuring him– that it was entirely okay. Evidently she would have dinner ready for them when he arrived. His growling stomach could hardly wait.

~*~

Rowan’s muscles throbbed dully when he pulled himself from his car a couple hours later. Thankfully he would have the rest of the night and all day tomorrow to recover before practice. He made a mental note to head in early for a little physical therapy on Monday morning.

The plan was that they would hang out for a little while before Rowan headed to his apartment in the city. While he lived primarily in Doranelle, he liked that he could be a little more low-key in Varese most of the time. It had become his second home, and a few years ago it made sense to get an apartment nearby to avoid having to crash in Connall or Fenrys’s guest room every time he was in town. Tomorrow, Rowan had vowed to show Aelin his favorite spots downtown and a few that he just had an inkling she would like.

Based on their conversations, Aelin had quite the sweet tooth. There was a bakery on 4th avenue that was more than capable of satisfying her cravings. Less than a five minute walk from her office was his favorite coffee shop, and the heart of the city was stuffed to the brim of delicious restaurants and alluring confectionary shops she would love. The weather tomorrow would be absolutely beautiful– the perfect day to stroll downtown before the beginning of another hectic week for Rowan. For her, too, it seemed because she had days where she felt like she was putting out little fires everywhere.

Double checking the apartment floor and number Aelin had sent over earlier that afternoon, Rowan began his climb up the stairs. It was an older building with the elevator apparently in a constant out-of-order state since she had moved in. She had both complained and apologized about it in advance, but Rowan was used to running up and down the stands during practice that it didn’t really matter.

Despite being a century old, the building had character and hadn’t slipped from its former glory. The floors were black and white marble, the wood of the staircase a deep mahogany. Gold accents were littered throughout in vases, frames, and wall sconces. Just inside the front door a glittering chandelier reflected small rainbows along the walls and floor through the crystals that dangled from its arms. Even if Rowan hadn’t known its historic significance, it was easy to imagine how it looked just after it opened. It was still a luxury apartment building, regardless of age.

His thighs ached with the ascent, feeling every stride he had taken on the field a few hours ago. Thankfully he only had to get to the second floor and a few doors down according to Aelin. Gods, he was exhausted. There was little time in a match when Rowan wasn’t on the field and throwing his all into every step he took, every kick that sent the ball flying into the goal with ease. After most games he would soak in an ice bath or get stretched out by one of the trainers, but he’d been entirely too eager to get to Varese to waste any time. Tomorrow he might regret it a little, but he would have regretted not making the drive even more.

It wasn’t until he was standing in front of her door that he started to have a small, momentary bout of panic. How was he supposed to greet her? Did he hug her? Kiss her? They hadn’t discussed it, but then again who plans out a greeting? Rowan wanted to bang his head against the door at the knots this woman twisted his stomach into. He was being ridiculous. Rowan Whitethorn was a thirty-one year old grown man, for wyrd’s sake. Surely he could handle not fucking up as soon as she opened the door.

As it turned out, he didn’t need to worry. Seconds after knocking, Aelin opened the door and pulled him inside by his fingers, rocking up on her toes and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek as soon as the door was closed before saying, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replied, letting her pull him deeper into the apartment.

Rowan had seen the space in the background of their video chats, but it became abundantly clear that Aelin had a taste for opulence. Various pieces of art were framed all over the walls, fresh flowers rested on the table tops. Several jewel-toned rugs lay upon the restored wooden floors and her couch was deep green made of plush velvet. The dining and end tables were golden and topped with marble. Even the blankets over the back of the couch were fluffy fabrics that no doubt felt like being covered with a cloud.

A handful of boxes were still stacked in the corner of the living room, easily visible because of the open floor plan the space offered. To the left, the kitchen boasted marble countertops with golden hardware. Yes, this apartment building was still very much in its golden age, or maybe Aelin was just that skilled with decorating.

Rowan’s was a modern apartment building closer to the business district, but this one honestly blew it out of the water. In the short time she had been there, only a few weeks she had told him, Aelin had managed to make this into a home. It felt lived in and loved, like she had always been here. Despite being able to smell the slightly-musty age of the building, it was buried under layers of jasmine, lemon verbena, and the dinner she had simmering on the stove.

“Ignore the boxes, I’m still waiting for some shelving to come in for my books and things,” she explained with the wave of her hand. As if the stack of boxes could ever take away from the magical oasis she had transformed the apartment into. Compared to this, the house in Doranelle that he had lived in for the last six years was bare and nowhere near a home.

“Are you sure you’ve only been staying here for a few weeks?” Aelin’s laughter was bright as she walked into the kitchen and began mixing the contents of a large pan with a wooden spoon. Aelin’s legs were bare, seemingly nothing beneath the t-shirt that hung to the tops of her thighs.

“I’m a creature of luxury. Besides, I’ll be splitting my time between here and Orynth with work.” It was admirable how much she seemed to love the kids she taught, how passionate she was about her work. Piano and dance lessons couldn’t afford an apartment like this, though. Not when she so proudly supported underprivileged areas of major cities. Rowan was sure her parents had the money to help her out, not that it mattered. That was a conversation for another day, especially when she started plating their dinner. “I hope you like pasta.”

“Are there people that don’t?” He asked, taking both plates from her. Aelin walked past him with a bottle of wine and two glasses, heading for the couch instead of the table.

“It should be a felony, but I’m sure some bizarre creature or a human exists out there, hating pasta with every fiber of their being.” Rowan snorted in response, handing her the plates after she sat down and folded her legs like a pretzel in front of her. The tiniest pair of shorts that he’d ever seen peaked out from beneath the hem of her shirt.

Sitting beside her and taking his plate, he had to fight back a groan when he took the first bite. Aside from his mother, he couldn’t remember the last time someone cooked for him that didn’t involve a waitress as a go-between. It was nice to feel cared for, he realized. Even if they both knew tonight would end in her bed.

A documentary played while they ate, conversation ebbing and flowing with ease throughout. He managed to get her talking a little more about work, how a coworker named Luca was having a hard time with confidence in what he produced but he didn’t need to be. According to Aelin, he was a brilliant young graphic designer and she hoped that with some nurturing under her wing, he would bloom to his full potential.

When he asked about siblings, she shrugged, “I have a cousin that’s really more like my brother. We’ve been inseparable since the day I was born. Besides him, I’m an only child.”

“So am I, but I have a hoard of cousins. I’m closest to Sellene and Endymion. Sellene would like you.”

“What’s not to like?” She teased, eyes full of mirth as she looked at him over the top of her wine glass. The heat in her eyes gave him a vivid memory of what she had looked like writhing beneath him.

Gods above, he needed to get a grip.

Aelin listened intently while he talked about his mom and dad, Sellene and Endymion. Her laugh was like a tinkling bell when he recounted memories from his childhood and chimed in with her own. Both of them may have been only children, but agreed they’d never felt lonely or alone for the most part.

“There was a period when my cousin went off to college—” she paused for another sip of wine and to place her empty bowl on the coffee table. Rowan did the same. “That was the only time I felt lonely. He’s four years older than me, so it was hard to go through my entire high school experience with him not quite as close. He actually went to college in Doranelle and could only really come home for holidays. He surprised me for my 16th birthday and it was the best one I’ve ever had.”

There was a small smile on her lips before she continued, “My parents had a limo for me and my friends to ride to the venue it was at, and I got in the car and the partition was lowered. The driver was wearing a hat and aviators, straight out of a movie. And then he said I hear we have a birthday girl in our midst and I knew it was him. I completely lost it. Best present ever.” Rowan found himself grinning along with her, her joy at the memory contagious to his core.

“You’re lucky you didn’t have cousins that terrorized you until you were big enough to fight back.” That had been the general tone of his upbringing, but once he went through puberty and grew well over six feet tall, the teasing had calmed down a bit. Probably because Rowan could easily throw Enda over his shoulder by the point.

“Oh, gods. Believe me, we have been through it. There were times when he was annoyed that I wanted to do everything he did, and times when I was annoyed that he tried to embarrass me in front of my friends or boys that I liked. He used to sit on me and tickle me until I cried and we were constantly trying to flick each other until we were bruised like peaches. Typical sibling stuff.”

Rowan laughed, nodding as he recalled having very similar memories with Enda specifically. He could relate to the ones based in annoyance— Sellene had been a hellion.

“Sellene used to embarrass me in front of pretty girls, too. Not that I needed help in that department. I do fine enough on my own to this day, but seventeen year old Rowan didn’t know how to talk to women at all.”

“You’ve done alright with me.” Aelin’s small hand reached for his, lacing their fingers like she had done it a million times. Her nose wrinkled as she grinned, and he had to fight the urge to kiss her. Godsdamn, this woman.

“I wouldn’t be so lucky if we were in high school.” At that, she laughed, making a teasing quip about his rushed voicemail and stilted text message. At the end, she reassured him it was charming and that he wouldn’t be here if she didn’t think so.

“Some people struggle digitally. I won’t hold it to you, old man.” Rowan flicked her knee at the moniker, but couldn’t repress the smile on his lips all the same.

~*~

“Rowan,” Aelin said softly, rubbing her eyes and sitting up on the couch. The man behind her released a low groan as his arm tried to pull her back down.

After talking for what must have been hours, they settled on watching New Girl and had, apparently, fallen asleep not too long after it started. A wide yawn escaped her as she patted his thigh a few times to rouse him awake.

“Shit, what time is it?” Rowan forced himself to sit up behind her, knocking his elbow into her shoulder in the process. Instead of cowering in pain, she started to giggle through the sleepy fog. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it didn’t hurt,” she promised, tapping the screen of her phone. “It’s almost five.”

“I can go. I didn’t mean to fall—”

“I’m not waking you up to kick you out. I’m waking you up to come to bed with me.” Aelin stood, holding out her hand. Once she had both of his hands in hers she began to tug, taking steps backward while he pretended to protest by going nearly entirely limp against the couch. “You can sleep by yourself out here, it’s fine.”

Dropping both of his hands she turned and made her way toward her bedroom. Aelin had only made it a handful of feet away before strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Rowan pressed soft kisses against her neck at the same time he lifted her entirely off the floor. Stomach flipping, she squealed while he padded toward her bedroom, finally placing her down on the bed.

She was quick to crawl under the blankets, flipping them back so he could get in with her. He followed dutifully, slinging his shirt off and tossing it onto a little chair in the corner of her room as he sank down until his head rested against the pillow.

Despite how easy it would be for either of them to roll onto the other and make the other unravel at the seams, she gently pecked his lips a few times. Each one lingered a little more than the last until she finally pulled away and rested her head against his chest. With his hand rubbing soothing lines up and down her back, it was easy to melt into him, eyes drifting shut as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep that smelled like home. @elentiyawhitethornorn @autumnbabylonylon @fancysludgeshoelampelamp @wordsafterhours @live-the-fangirl-lifee @the-hospitality-of-knivesf-knives @tangledraysofsunshine @readandlisten @westofmoon @rowanaelinn @morganofthewildfire @writtenonreceipts @feynightlight @emster1622-blog @scarblx @secondstartorightand @thefaetrove @loveyatopluto @actuallybarb @peppermint-fae @the-devils-own @scottmcgivemeacall @livingmylifeforme @wordsafterhours @foreverfallingforthestars @llyncooljones @emily-gsh @loosesimplicity @emilyrose111294 @charlizeed @aelinchocolatelover @cretaceous-therapod @sayosdreams @fireheart-violet @the-regal-warrior

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aelinsattitude · 6 months

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I think the funniest thing SJM could do is in HOFAS we see all the cc characters and acotar characters but the only person we see from tog is Vaughan.

#Vaughan tog #sjm #I just think it would be really fucking funny ngl #cc3 #tog #acotar #hofas #also like leave Aelin alone #I’d love to see my girl but leave her alone

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jayktoralldaylong · 3 months

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The Six Cadre/Never Love An Anchor - Crane Wives.

Connall

On some level, I think I always understood. That a ship could never really love an anchor.

(Watching Fenrys shine leap and dance like the shining golden sun yet still held down by the chain that passes through Connall's chest to Maeve)

So, I did the only thing that I could

(Connall grips the chain)

and severed the rope to set you sailing from my harbor.

(Fenrys' howl of despair)

Fenrys

On some level, I think I always understood. That these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever.

(Always getting scolded by everyone for being too reckless, but Fenrys' low-key admiring Connall for always being levelheaded.)

And I tried to do the best that I could.

(Giving his all to protect Connall)

But try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to hold you.

Rowan

(Rowan watching Aelin but thinking of Lyria)

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest, with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful.

There is love that doesn't have a place to rest.

(Aelin smiles at him and he turns away, ignoring the heartbreak in her eyes).

But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders.

Gavriel

(Gavriel watching Aedion with pride)

There are times when I still wonder about you. You are someone I have loved, but never known.

(Aedion glares so Gavriel turns away sadly)

And you'll never see the reasons I had.

(Gavriel leaves dragging the chains of Maeve far away from Aedion).

For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you.

Lorcan

I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel.

(Elide's eyes widen as she registers Lorcan sitting before her covered in blood)

I am all the things they might have said to you.

Do you ever think of me and my two hands?

(Lorcan's strong scarred hands of a killer)

And wonder why they never soothed your fevers?

(Lorcan still doing everything possible to protect Elide in the ways he can, carrying her, being her crutch, providing cycle pads)

And wonder why they never tied your shoes? And wonder why they never held you gently?

Vaughan

And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

(Vaughan, flies away into the horizon....free)

#cadre #six cadre #throne of glass #tog #kingdom of ash #fenrys moonbeam #connall moonbeam #rowan whitethorn #rowan #gavriel #aedion ashryver #aelin galathynius #aelin ashryver galathynius #lorcan salvaterre #elide lochan #Vaughan #elide x lorcan #rowan x aelin

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vanona-camp · 10 months

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About two years after I finished reading the throne of glass series: Wait, where's Vaughan?

#Vaughan kingdom of ash #throne of glass #tog series #the cadre #sarah j maas

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moonlightazriel · 6 months

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I just found a bunch of Vaughan memes and I nearly died laughing.

A really good night to Vaughan, wherever he is.

#throne of glass #vaughan tog

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bookwxrmish · 6 months

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Who in the Cadre™ has the biggest ass?

#Tog #throne of glass #sarah j maas #rowan whitethorn #lord lorcan lochan #fenrys moonbeam #gavriel #connall moonbeam #Vaughan tog #gyatt #the cadre #trademarked by aelin #I feel like its fenrys #but idk man

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sam-is-an-angel222 · 9 months

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y’all what if the opening chapter for hofas is from vaughans perspective 💀

#i have absolutely zero evidence for this #but if this happens i called it first 💀#but fr tho where did vaughan go??#hofas #cc3 #sjm #sjm multiverse #tog #acotar

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itmeansofthesea · 2 years

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cadre/six crossover

this is so niche but i'm hoping it finds the right people sooooooo

Vaughan- "No Way" (Catherine of Aragon) the main reason being that he apparently took one look at Aelin's court and was like "no way" and never showed back up [he's the one i had the hardest time fitting so i stuck him here]

Fenrys- "Don't Lose Your Head" (Anne Boleyn) the main reason being that he's hella flirty and also v unhappy with the Maeve situation and not afraid to say something about it. of course he doesn't lose his head for it, but he does lose plenty of other things and still keeps talking shit until the bitter end. ((love him for it always tho))

Gavriel- "Heart of Stone" (Jane Seymour) the main reason being that this male is the rock of the cadre. no matter what you throw at him he's gonna hang in there and be steady and support you no matter what. and then he finds out he has a cub and hooooooly shit he loves him so much and is so proud of him and also doesn't get to see him grow like Jane doesn't get to see Edward-- ya know what I'm gonna stop here before I shatter my own heart into a million more pieces I'll see myself out thanks

Rowan- "Get Down" (Anne of Cleves) the main reason being that Rowan is the one Maeve never fucks with and more or less leaves him alone in ways she doesn't leave the others alone. of all their situations with her, based on that one section in EoS where (i think it's) Aelin contemplates how all of them have a role to play with her except Rowan because he's too related to her... yeah. he's also a prince in his own right and becomes king of the castle.

Connall- "All You Wanna Do" (Katherine Howard) the main reason is "play time's over, the only thing you wanna do is *blow kiss*." from what we understand him and fenrys get the heaviest Maeve duties and considering that he was the first to give himself up to her... yeah this is another one that makes me sad. also the whole "i thought this time was different, why did i think it'd be different but it's never ever different" when he realized that Maeve went after him to get Fenrys... yeah again I'll see myself out

Lorcan- "I Don't Need Your Love" (Catherine Parr) the main reason here is the character growth of him realizing that he didn't need Maeve's love and he was too good for it anyway. this is his character growth self-love anthem and who am i to take it away from him?

so this is what i think about when i'm in month three of throne of glass brain rot and start listening to Six again you're welcome

#the cadre #throne of glass #six the musical #tog #vaughan #fenrys moonbeam #gavriel #rowan whitethorn #connall moonbeam #connall #lorcan salvaterre #is this incredibly niche?? yes it is #will i apologize?? fuck no

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the-regal-warrior · 2 years

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Olympic Dreams Chapter Seven

I’m sorry it took so long but it’s finally here!!

Summary: Join all of our favorite characters from Throne of Glass as they take on the Olympics. And by everyone, I mean everyone. I literally have 14 main characters to work with. I might be in a little over my head. Watch as out characters experience life and relationships with the Olympic Games as their stage.

Warnings: language, as always, and some minor sexy times - nothing on page, but it’s referenced back to a few times

Lysandra:

Lysandra had woken up with so much energy thrumming through her veins that she didn’t know what to do with herself. Thankfully it seemed the excitement of being at the Olympics had roused Aelin from sleep just as early, and her best friend had knocked on her door at least thirty minutes early, giving them plenty of time to stop for breakfast - or, in Lysandra’s case, a steaming mug of lavender chamomile tea to help calm her racing thoughts.

The two of them wasted no time heading for the individual archery eliminations, wanting to support Nesryn and the rest of the Erilean team members who were competing. Lysandra always loved getting to watch the elimination rounds of the archery competition, even though they left her filled with residual anxiety. Eliminations were basically compete and win to stay in, or compete and lose, and get knocked out of the medal contest.

She never knew how Nesryn could stand the pressure.

Having met the other woman through Aelin, Lysandra had found herself becoming fast friends with the archer, which she thought was fitting since she’d always loved archery, even if it wasn’t her chosen sport and she’d much rather be watching it than doing it.

They found seats quickly, Aelin clutching her coffee cup just beneath her nose so she could breathe in the scent as she still tried to wake up. Unlike her not-quite-awake friend, Lysandra was practically buzzing with energy, both legs bouncing as she drummed on the armrests with her fingers.

Shooting her a dark look, Aelin pulled her coffee far enough away to be heard, mumbling, “what’s got you so worked up this morning?”

“Nothing!” Lysandra replied, probably too quickly to avoid being suspicious. “I’m just thinking about something that happened last night.”

Almost like speaking about it had brought it right to the forefront of her mind, her thoughts shifted to the night before, even as Aelin opened her mouth to reply.

Lysandra collapsed against Aedion’s chest, the shower raining pleasantly warm water down over her head as she tried to catch her breath from the multiple mind-blowing orgasms he’d just given her, first with his mouth and fingers, and finally with his cock. She was never disappointed when they had sex, but lately it just seemed to get more intense, more pleasurable, every time they were together.

She figured that probably had something to do with the feelings she knew were developing for him, but she did her best to ignore that.

“Thanks for coming over,” she breathed, pulling away from his chest so she could meet his eyes. “I missed you today.”

The smile he gave her was soft and full of emotions she wasn’t expecting. “I missed you too. My day just isn’t the same when I don’t get to see your beautiful smile or hear your wonderful laugh.”

Blushing, Lysandra ducked her face back against his chest, content to stay wrapped up in him for a while. She felt his lips ghost over the top of her head as he leaned them both forward to turn the water off.

Before she could even feel the cold that always set in after a shower, he had her wrapped in a towel and was using another to dry her hair so it wouldn’t drip onto her back. She dressed quickly once he let her go, watching as he tugged on a pair of sweatpants before nudging her to sit on the floor in front of the bed. As soon as she was situated, he began running a comb through her long hair, gently working through all the knots and tangles that came from having sex in the shower.

Lysandra basked in the domesticity of the moment, letting her eyes fall closed and a little sigh slip between her lips when his nails scraped over her scalp as he shifted her hair.

Once he was done, Aedion tipped her head back so he could place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “All done,” he whispered against her skin.

Turning, she pushed to her knees, leaning up to press her lips to his in the barest hint of a kiss before climbing to the bed and settling onto her knees behind him. “My turn,” she told him, taking the comb from him and beginning to work through his hair just as gently.

It was one of the softest nights they’d spent together, and she’d found it significantly harder to ignore her feelings as they’d cuddled together on the bed, whispering softly about nothing and everything.

If she’d found it hard to pretend like she wasn’t catching feelings for him before all of that, it was damn near impossible after it.

“Lys!” Aelin snapped her fingers in front of her face, clearly having been trying to get her attention for several moments. “What’s going on with you? What happened last night?”

Groaning quietly since the first round of competitors had just taken their places in front of their respective targets, Nesryn among them and looking entirely too calm for the situation, Lysandra scrubbed her hand over her face. “Nothing, it’s just… well, Aedion came over last night, and things were… different.”

While her relationship with Aedion wasn’t something either of them had announced to the world (or anyone really), she’d told Aelin straight away. She was her best friend, and she and Aelin didn’t have secrets. And even though being friends with benefits with her best friend’s cousin could have made things weird, it hadn’t - Aelin had been supportive from the very start.

“Ugh, do I really want to hear about this?” Aelin’s face made it clear what exactly she was referring to, even without the eyebrow wiggling she’d started for added effect.

Lysandra smacked her arm. “No, you perv, this is not some weird sex thing!” she hissed, trying to hold back her giggles at Aelin’s eyebrows. “I mean, yeah, we had sex, and it was great as always, but the whole night was also just… like really domestic and intimate and…” She broke off, steeling her nerves before turning to face her best friend head on. “Would you think I was crazy if I said I wanted to see if this thing between Aedion and I was more than just sex?”

“Not at all.” Aelin’s voice had lost that teasing tone, and she took one of Lysandra’s hands between both of her own. “Lys, I’ve thought from the beginning that you and Aed would be good together, and I stand by that thought. If you want to give it a shot, I think you should go for it.”

Humming, Lysandra squeezed her fingers once before turning back to the event at hand. “Maybe I will,” she murmured, already losing herself in the competition and her thoughts.

As she watched Nesryn step up to the line and deliver flawless shot after flawless shot, her calm demeanor never once waivering despite the stakes, Lysandra was starting to think it was time for her to take a shot of her own.

Despite the very high stakes she was up against.

Aedion:

Meeting Aelin outside the complex where the boxing preliminaries were being held, Aedion greeted his cousin with a hug and a bottle of water. Ruffling her hair in an attempt to shake off the nerves he could see building on her face, he smiled and winked down at her, just to make her laugh. Though they’d come to support Chaol during his fight, he knew her mind was racing with thoughts of the gymnastics team final, which she would be competing in that night.

“Hey, Aed,” she greeted, taking the water with a small dip of her head. “Chaol said his match is pretty early, so hopefully I’ll actually be able to see it before I need to head to the Gymnastics Hall to get ready for tonight.”

Nodding, he steered her into the building, his arm still around her shoulders. “Actually a little surprised to see you here, if I’m honest. Thought for sure your coach would want you in the hall already.”

“Oh, she did,” Aelin chuckled, taking her seat and nodding a greeting to Chaol when she saw him across the room, Yrene sitting in the stands just behind him. “But I’m pretty sure she knew keeping me cooped up all day would actually be terrible for my nerves, so she made me swear to be there in plenty of time. Plus Lys and I wanted to go cheer Nesryn on this morning.”

He couldn’t help it - he stiffened when she mentioned Lysandra. He knew that Aelin knew about their whole friends with benefits relationship; while he hadn’t wanted to tell her, she’d been the only one Lys had wanted to be in the loop. They rarely talked about it, since he figured it might be a little weird for her, given that he was her cousin and Lys was her best friend.

But she’d always been supportive, and she’d always been able to read his emotions like he was a book, so of course she noticed his reaction.

“Something wrong between the two of you?” she asked, knocking her knee into his gently as she did.

Aedion took his time answering that. His mind immediately flashed back to the night before, and he lost himself in the memory of it, staring at the first of the fights going on in front of him but not actually seeing it.

Lysandra tossed her comb on her nightstand, draping herself across his back to give him a hug from behind. When she pulled away, her hands traced over his jaw and down his neck, resting on his shoulders briefly before she started rubbing them with swift, sure strokes.

He’d had a hard practice that day, since they’d had a rest day the day before and a game the following day, and he knew she could tell that from the tense set of his shoulders.

Even the feel of her lips around his cock before he buried it in her tight cunt in the shower hadn’t been enough to drain away all the tension. Especially not when he felt himself falling for her more and more with every thrust.

She worked her hands down his back slowly, and he couldn’t help the groans that escaped him whenever she hit a particularly big knot. Aside from that, the room was silent save for her quiet breaths, and he couldn’t believe how calm he felt in her presence.

Pressing a soft kiss to the middle of his back, she flopped onto her back, pulling him down on top of her with a muffled grunt as she took all of his weight.

Laughing, he rolled until he could prop some of his weight up on his elbow. “All good there?” he questioned, fingers tickling over her sides and making her laugh. “Wouldn’t want to crush you with all my muscles.”

Her peals of laughter echoed around the room, even as she knocked his arm out from underneath him and took his full weight once more. “Too bad, because I like having you close like this.”

“I like it too,” he hummed softly, his eyes drifting closed as she carded her fingers through his hair.

Even though he knew he needed to head back to his own room soon - one of their ways of keeping the majority of the world who didn’t know about their relationship still blissfully in the dark was by not spending nights together during the Games - he couldn’t help but let his mind drift as she held him in her arms, her heart beating in a steady tempo beneath his ear.

He realized that he wanted to stay in that moment forever.

Shaking off his thoughts, he focused back on the ring just as the fight was finishing up. “Nothing’s wrong,” he finally replied. “Things between Lys and I have just gotten more intense than I expected. I think I’m starting to have feelings for her.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Aelin raised her eyebrows at him, knowing that he’d always like to talk through his problems.

Usually he’d take her up on that offer, but he wasn’t so sure. Aedion had talked the whole thing over with Kyllian - his best friend and teammate on the Bane, and now the Olympic team, who also happened to be his ex-boyfriend - and just came out of that conversation more confused. He and Kyllian were together for a while, and he had been the first person that Aedion had really been in love with, but over time their relationship had started to feel more like friendship, and that in love feeling had just turned into love. They realized they were better off as friends - best friends - and it was one of the stronger relationships in Aedion’s life.

Kyllian was the only person Aedion had trusted to tell about his relationship with Lys, and he trusted the other man’s advice and opinions more than he’d ever let on. He understood where Aedion was coming from, the way he was feeling and how he wanted to tell Lysandra about it, but he’d also reminded him that she was the one who insisted on the relationship being strictly friends with benefits, so maybe telling her wasn’t the best idea.

Needless to say, Aedion had left that conversation with more questions than answers.

“I don’t know,” he finally said as Chaol stepped into the ring for his match. “I talked to Kyllian and now I’m just really unsure about all of it.”

She snorted. “Look, I love Kyllian to death, but you and I both know he’s not a risk taker. He never would’ve made a move on Essar if she hadn’t kissed him first, and I know that you were the one that asked him out when you guys got together - despite the fact that the two of you were clearly into each other, he didn’t want to risk your friendship. My advice? Go for it. You’ll never know if you don’t try, and you might miss out on something really great.”

That was all she had time to say before the match started, and both of their gazes were fixed on Chaol, knowing that he needed to win to stay alive in competition.

As Aedion watched their friend take down his opponent with precision, he realized he needed to apply some of that precision to his own life. He needed to tell Lys, make sure she knew how he felt and that things had changed for him, but needed a strategy.

He needed to be precise.

Rowan:

He didn’t think he’d ever been so nervous in his entire life, and he wasn’t even the one competing. Aelin had texted him when she left Chaol’s match earlier, letting him know that she was heading for the Gymnastics Hall and that he probably wouldn’t hear from her until after her event for the night – the team final – was over. That didn’t stop Rowan from sending her several texts before the event started anyway – he knew she’d see them after and still appreciate the sentiment.

Thanks to his relationship with Aelin, he knew far more about gymnastics and how the competitions worked than any of his friends did, which meant that he was stuck explaining everything to his friends as they waited for Erilea to compete in their final event – floor.

“Basically,” he started, eyes flicking to his girlfriend quickly to make sure that she wasn’t about to compete, “gymnastics has both team medals and individual medals. The individual medals can be for individual events – floor, beam, bars, vault – or all-around, meaning you compete all four events. The team medals are kind of like a team all-around medal, you pick your two best athletes for each event, they compete it, and then they put the scores together.”

His friends – the rest of the Cadre, who always showed up to support Aelin – all nodded, and Elide turned around from her seat in front of them to add, “if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll have noticed that Aelin is competing all four events tonight – that’s because she was the only Erilean gymnast to qualify for all four individual finals and the all-around. She’s the best of the best, so she’s competing in everything to help her team win gold.”

“Well, shit,” Lorcan swore. Rowan pretended he hadn’t noticed that Elide’s seat was right in front of the dark-haired man, and he definitely pretended not to notice when his friend widened his legs so the woman could lean back against his lap. That would be a conversation for later. “I guess all that swaggering attitude is for a reason, huh?”

Rowan just chuckled. His friends all knew how talented and gifted Aelin was, but Lorcan lived to give her shit – the same could be said of the blonde. It was just how their friendship worked.

Opening his mouth to respond, he was interrupted by Aedion waving a hand at him frantically from the row in front of Elide. A significant number of the Erilean athletes had shown up to support the gymnastics team, and Aelin’s cousin and her other friends, including Lysandra, Chaol, Dorian, and Manon, were sitting just in front of the Cadre. Yrene would have been with them, but she was one of the medics down on the floor for the competition. Even the Thirteen had come, all of them scattered through the crowd around him to show their support - including Asterin, who’d taken a seat in the row above Fenrys and had immediately slung her legs around his hips to rest her feet on his lap.

Following her cousin’s motion, Rowan saw that the Erilean athletes had stepped up to the side of the mat, indicating that they were about to compete.

Nehemia was standing next to Aelin, which didn’t surprise him in the slightest. Not only was Mia one of the best gymnasts at floor in the nation, Aelin had also told him who would be competing each event with her. Along with with floor, Mia had also competed on the vault, and Kaltain had joined his girlfriend on beam and bars.

The Erilean team was also last to go on floor, which he knew they all appreciated. It was the event that took the longest, meaning that if you were the team to go last, you knew your place the minute your final athlete finished, rather than having to wait and see how all the other nations did.

While all those thoughts had raced around his head, Nehemia had started her routine – and it was absolutely stunning. He’d known she was an excellent athlete, but getting to watch her was always amazing. When she stuck the final landing, the Erilean athletes in the crowd turned as one to the scoreboard, knowing that her routine had been amazing but wanting the justification of a good score.

A sigh of relief echoing from all of them when her score was just as good as they’d hoped, they all turned back to the mat just as Aelin stepped up.

If Nehemia was stunning, then Aelin was breath-taking – at least, in Rowan’s eyes. He’d had her routine memorized for months, having watched her run it over and over again at practices to make sure it was perfect, and he found himself anticipating her next move before she made it. Everything was flawless, and she flew through her tumbling passes like she was weightless, making it look far easier than it had any right looking.

As she hit her final pose and the music faded, he found himself on his feet, along with all their friends and every member of the Erilean team. They held their breath as the score flashed up, knowing that it had been good enough to secure the gold for the team but wanting confirmation before they celebrated.

They saw the number – and they erupted.

Rowan could hear Aelin screaming with her teammates from all the way down on the floor, and he gave her a huge smile when her eyes locked on his. Squealing, she launched herself through the athletes around her, weaving her way across the floor until she was at the steps leading up into the stands. She got waylaid by a few of their friends and fellow athletes, hugging them all and beaming with pride, but eventually she was right in front of him.

“That was amazing!” he cried, wrapping his arms around her waist just as she launched herself at him. “I’m so proud of you!”

Aelin was crying as she hugged him, and he could feel his eyes tearing up too. “We just won a gold medal!” she yelled into his neck, the resulting vibrations making him laugh even as he kissed her head. “I’m an Olympic gold medalist!”

“I know you are!” Pulling back, he spun her in a circle as their friends crashed around them. He kissed her quickly before letting her loose into the swarm of love and pride around her, watching her excited little bounces with a content smile on his face.

Eventually she’d have to go back down to the floor and celebrate with her teammates. Teammates who were currently distracted by celebrating with their girlfriends – Kaltain’s girlfriend and one of the rhythmic gymnasts, Remelle, was currently carrying her around on her back in a victory lap, and Nehemia was spinning her girlfriend, Sorscha, one half of the women’s synchronized platform diving team, around in a circle while they both squealed with happiness.

But for right now, Rowan got to share in that celebration with her – and that was everything.

Lorcan:

Lorcan loved his friends, he really did – but he was struggling to remember why at that precise moment. After the gymnastics team final had wrapped up, they’d hung around to watch the medal ceremony. At some point he’d shuffled down one row in the stands so he could sit next to Elide, and the two of them had quickly lost themselves in conversation, ignoring everyone around them until the teams arrived for the medal ceremony.

When he’d left with the rest of the Cadre, he’d given her a hug before following his friends out the door, and it seemed that hug and his growing friendship with Elide were the only things his friends were capable of talking about.

They’d gone for a late dinner and then decided to hang out in Rowan’s room – it had been the silver-haired man’s suggestion, since he knew Aelin would be out celebrating with her teammates for a while and it would be a good way to keep them from getting too in their heads about the game they had the following night.

“So,” Fenrys started, waggling his eyebrows at Lorcan in the way he knew he hated, “wanna tell us what that little moment was between you and Elide?”

Lorcan’s response was to chuck a pillow at the blonde’s head, snorting when it nailed him right in the face and knocked him off the side of the bed.

“Fucker,” Fenrys growled, lifting one hand high enough to be seen over the bed and extending his middle finger in Lorcan’s direction. “And now I’m just really curious to know what’s up with you two.”

Moving to grab another pillow, intent on leaning off the bed and whacking his friend upside the head with it until he stopped asking questions Lorcan didn’t want to answer, he only got as far as wrapping his fingers around the corner of it before Vaughan tackled him in the opposite direction and Connall wrestled the pillow from his fingers.

Cursing under his breath, he shot Vaughan a look before turning to Fenrys, who was just finally sitting up. “There’s nothing going on with Elide and I - we’re just friends. And last I checked, friends tend to be touchy with one another.” He pointed to Vaughan for emphasis, since he’d settled himself and was sitting on Lorcan’s legs.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” Rowan chimed in, raising his eyebrows at him as he reclined in the chair in the corner of the room. “None of your interactions have looked like nothing, as a matter of fact.”

Gavriel was nodding from his seat on the floor next to the chair. “It definitely looks like there’s something going on with the two of you.”

“You look so happy when you’re around her,” Connall added. “Or even when you’re just texting her - even when you pretend it’s not her and we pretend like we believe you.”

Vaughan shifted off his legs, giving him a sincere look. “And we like that you’re happy, Lor, but we just want to know what’s going on.”

He knew, on some level, that it wouldn’t be so bad if he opened up to them, talked to them about what was going on with Elide and the way he felt about her, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. There was some part of him that wanted to keep their budding relationship all to himself, something he shared only with Elide, even if it was just for a little while.

It felt too new, too uncertain, to share just yet.

“Look, boys,” he informed them, pushing up off the bed and slipping his sneakers back on, “I’ve got nothing for you on that front, and I don’t love you constantly asking about it either.” Offering them a small smile so they knew he wasn’t mad with them despite his tone, he pulled the door open. “Anyway, I’m out for the night - need to rest up for the game. See y’all tomorrow.”

They waved him out the door, and he tugged his hood up over his head as he walked back to his room, his mind whirling with thoughts of Elide and what the guys had said. In what seemed like no time at all he was pushing his door open, the coolness of his room embracing him as he walked in and flopped backward onto his bed.

Pulling his phone from the front pocket of his hoodie, he saw that Elide had texted him on his walk.

>> It was really good to see you tonight, Lor. I’m sure you’re resting up for your game tomorrow - just wanted to say good night and that I’ll be at your game :)

He was smiling before he’d even finished reading, and his finger hit the call button next to her name before he’d even made a conscious decision to do so.

Her voice was soft and a little raspy when she picked up the phone, they way he’d realized it got right before she went to bed and right when she woke up in the morning. “Hey, Lor. What’s up?”

“I miss you.” The words were out of his mouth before his brain could remind him that it might not be the best way to start a conversation.

Elide’s laugh set his heart fluttering in his chest. “You just saw me.”

“I know,” he breathed, “but I still miss you, El.”

She paused, and his heart felt like it froze in his chest. Finally, in a voice so soft it was barely louder than a whisper, she said, “I miss you too.”

Lorcan knew he was smiling like an idiot as soon as he heard that, and he didn’t care. Something about just talking to Elide made him happier than if it had been anyone else, and he knew that was something special.

He knew it was something real.

Tags: @highqueenofelfhame @dashedwithromance @musicmaam @snelbz @theladyofdeath @tangledraysofsunshine @impossiblescissorspeachpaper @nish247 @lordof-bloodshed @nalgenewhore @photofeesh @belamoonbeam @julemmaes @mis-lil-red @thesirenwashere @tswaney17 @b00kworm @spyofthenightcourt @empress-ofbloodshed @thewayshedreamed @keshavomit @maastrash @df3ndyr @gwynethhberdara @mynewdreamwasyou @maybekindasortaace @hizqueen4life @firestarsandseneschals @bielectra @bamchickawowow @ireallyshouldsleeprn @thegoddessofyou @somenerdydancer @notyournymphetish @wisteriiagrow @perseusannabeth @flamingveritas @silentquartz @treasurethelittlethings @sexy-dumpster-fire @kingdorian-cinnamonroll @story-scribbler @infernoqueen19 @live-the-fangirl-life @vanzetanze @the-hospitality-of-knives @rowanaelinn @mybloodrunsblue @sv0430 @swankii-art-teacher @pagemasters @marigold-morelli @itmeansofthesea

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#olympic dreams #od #lysandra ennar #aelin ashryver galathynius #aedion ashryver #lysaedion #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #lorcan salvaterre #elide lochan #elorcan #fenrys moonbeam #connall moonbeam #gavriel #vaughan #the cadre #throne of glass #tog #alyssa writes

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shallyne · 1 year

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I really need y'alls help deciding something

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #throne of glass #tog #crescent city #Jesiba roga #apollion #Vaughan tog #aidas #balthazar #cormac donnall #Kaltain rompier #ariadne #eris vanserra #fury axtar

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highqueenofelfhame · 1 year

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a/n: okay so chapter three of this might be up before ten of ciwyw simply because i'm excited about it and it's already like halfway done. i'm sorry if this is disappointing news BUT i promise it's a really really good chapter with delicious content. love u, thank you for reading <3

rowaelin // 5.6k words // skoh masterlist // masterlist

“I wish I could tell you guys about this bullshit, but it’s fucking classified,” Aelin hissed into the cell phone she had sandwiched between her ear and shoulder. To their credit, Elide and Lysandra tried to disguise their laughter on the other end, but it came back muffled all the same. The two were drunk on a beach somewhere in Ellywe, and it showed.

Everyone knew that Aelin joining the Cadre would be a disaster one way or another. When the idea was proposed to her, she turned it down. Three different times. The bad blood with Rowan flowed so deep that she didn’t care about an increase in pay or the less boring missions that came along with it. Truthfully, she would rather be lost in the Staghorns somewhere with Aedion’s unit or back in the desert with the one that showed up to take over for the Cadre.

Yet when Darrow approached her with the idea a fourth time, stressing how much they needed an extra person, she caved. The claims that she was the only person fit for the job had gone to her head a little bit, and it was biting her in the ass. He had even brought in her Uncle Gavriel to talk to her about going. The bastard knew that it would sway her, and it had worked. Now that this mission required them to be married, she was pretty sure it had been in the works for a little longer than they knew, and convincing Aelin to join them was the final piece of the puzzle.

Currently, she was quickly washing her hands in a bathroom at the Rifthold International Airport. The flight had been sixteen hours, and she was desperate for a bath that didn’t require body wipes to make her smell decent. The boys were probably waiting for her, but she didn’t care. Rare was it that she could use her personal phone to call her friends, and godsdammit, she was going to take advantage.

“Is he still an ass?” Lysandra asked as Aelin ripped a few paper towels from the dispenser to dry her hands.

“Of course he is. He has the nerve to act like he’s the one that was scorned! As if I didn’t fight tooth and nail for our relationship to work until the physical and emotional distance was too much to deal with.” She huffed as she poked her bags with her boot, fingers pulling her braid over her shoulder just to have something to do with her hands.

“I mean, you have to come to some sort of truce to make it work,” Elide piped in, crunching sounds filling the space between words while she snacked.

“I know. Gods, I know. It’s just harder than I thought it would be.” Aelin sighed, her chest decompressing as several women scurried into and out of stalls around her. “I should go.”

“Where are you, anyway?” Lys asked.

“I can’t say, but I can allude that I’m closer to home.”

“Can you get a normal job? You coming on vacations would be fun.” Elide’s sad-drunk tendencies were starting to peek through, making Aelin smile.

“If Rowan doesn’t kill me first, I might end my active-duty career as soon as possible after this shit is done.” It was only half a joke. Being this close to Rowan was already far more taxing than she imagined. If anything, she thought they might ignore each other and carry on with their jobs like responsible adults. Sure, she knew her old wounds were tender at best, but the explosive tension was slightly unexpected.

The three muttered their goodbyes as she hefted her bags onto her shoulders and filed out of the bathroom, immediately spotting Lorcan and Rowan’s heads towering over everyone else near the exit to baggage claim. Aelin forced her shoulders back and stood straight as she could.

Approaching Rowan was a battle of its own sort. She had to be ready for a fight constantly. There was just no way of telling if she was walking straight into the line of fire or not.

~*~

The house they would be living in was beautiful. It was a large estate sitting on the cleaner side of the Avery River, nestled back in a little grove of oak trees. A large iron gate kept any outsiders from easily getting onto the property, but it was so far off any main road that they didn’t anticipate trespassers being much of a problem.

Not that it really mattered– every inch of the land surrounding the house was under twenty-four-seven surveillance that they could watch from inside. The day before, a tech team had come in to set up all the equipment they would need for quick and secure communication with their superiors. Though the equipment they used was always the best the Terrasen government had to offer, it was always a little more fun to use when stationed in a big city.

Though the house had six bedrooms, they quickly learned during the initial walk-through that three were being used for mission-related activities. One room comprised a large desk and about a dozen monitors for surveillance; another had enough desk space for all six of them with room to spare, and the third was primarily for communication. It was filled with phones and computers connected to a highly secure network that, in theory, was breach-proof.

That left three rooms for the six of them to divvy into, and Aelin tried to cut the corners of arguing with who was sleeping where by quickly voicing her own option.

“I’ll room with Fenrys. Lorcan and Rowan can share and–”

“No.” Rowan’s response was immediate and flat. A single eyebrow quirked up as she slowly pivoted on one heel to look at him. His eyes, however, were on Fenrys. It had been years, and apparently, their casual affection was still grating on his nerves like soft cheese.

“No?” She questioned, arms folding over her chest. Rowan slid his gaze to her face as the others took a few casual steps away as if they would rather be anywhere but in the middle of their divorced parent’s fight.

“No.” The word was harder, more final this time.

“Fine, you and me then?” She threw a hand in the air for sarcastic flair and laughed sardonically. Surely he would drop his weapons and retreat with arms raised, but he didn’t. It surprised everyone in the room, herself more than the rest.

“Fine.” Shock washed over her in a static wave, running across her body like an electrical current. Everything buzzed from her fingers to her toes as he told no one in particular, “We get the master.”

Nobody was going to disagree with his claim. The two of them needed as much space between them as possible. With all the tension and white-hot energy, they could hardly share a room for meetings, much less a bed. Mala must have boiled his brain to sludge during their stay in the desert. He clearly wasn’t thinking things through.

She was further surprised when he yanked both their bags off the floor where they’d dumped them upon entry and headed toward the north wing of the house. Aelin glanced at Lorcan, hoping he would have something to say on the matter, but he shrugged and grabbed his own bags, shouting that Vaughan was with him as he did. Fenrys, at least, looked as confused as she felt.

“Have fun with… whatever the fuck that was,” Connall told her, the three remaining men collecting their bags from the floor.

“You really put your foot in your mouth this time, didn’t you, babe?” Fen drawled, ruffling her hair and following his brother.

“You’re all traitors!” She called as they dispersed, leaving her to begrudgingly march toward the room Rowan had claimed for them. Their low chuckles followed her down the hall, and she was pretty fucking sure she even heard Lorcan laughing with them.

When she reached the master bedroom, she was pleasantly surprised at the size of it. A king-size bed was centered against one wall, each side with its own lamps and nightstands. The large bay window on the right side had a bench perfect for reading in if she ever found herself with downtime. There were two doors to the left of the bed. One led to a large bathroom with a shower and a huge bathtub that she would most definitely be soaking in soon. The other was a walk-in closet that rivaled the one she had at home.

It was also where she found Rowan.

Each side of the closet had plenty of drawers and space for hanging clothes and a dozen or so cubbies scattered about. Rowan stood to one side, unpacking his clothes and placing them into drawers. She pretended she didn’t notice that he had chosen the left side– the same as when they lived together.

Aelin followed suit, kneeling on the floor by her bag and dividing things amongst her drawers. Since they were in need of civilian attire for the mission, she would be going out to purchase new things sometime tomorrow before the real work began. For now, she just wanted a shower and a nap.

Rowan had slipped out moments before she was finished. Once satisfied with her portion of the closet, she entered the bedroom to find him peering through the curtains, eyes scanning the backyard. He didn’t seem to notice her, or if he did, he chose to say nothing. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around her body and steeled herself for another fight.

“Is it okay if I shower first?”

“Yep.” His fingers released the curtain, and it slipped shut, the sheer fabric not doing much to shield them from the outside world. Aelin made a mental note to get some blackout curtains tomorrow, both for safety and to keep the early morning sun out when she had the luxury of sleeping past five am.

“Are you sure?” For once, she wasn’t pushing to get on his nerves. If he wanted the bathroom to himself first, she would allow it if it meant no verbal sparring.

“I already said yes, Aelin.” The edge of his words was sharp and short as a brand-new dagger. So much for not fighting.

“You don’t get to do this.” She blurted, fingers gripping her shirt tightly.

“I don’t get to do what, exactly?” Rowan looked at her then, eyebrows slightly raised and shoulders tense. At his sides, his hands were rolling up into fists.

“Be pissy about our sleeping arrangements when you’re the one that booted out my perfectly good option.”

“You were doing it to fuck with me, and I’m not giving you the satisfaction,” he said calmly, taking up a casual fighting stance: feet shoulder-width apart, arms folded over his chest, muscles coiled and ready to strike.

“I was doing it because I highly doubt the other three would want to catch me in any state of undress accidentally, and only me and Connall can handle Fenrys full time,” she shot back. Her fingernails dug into the skin beneath her shirt like they would sew her up if she fell apart. The tendons in Rowan’s neck were visible, hard lines. If she were closer, she would probably be able to see his pulse pounding against his skin. “I don’t know why you think I’m just here to fuck up your life. I didn’t even want this job to begin with.”

Hating that she was the first to retreat, she walked to the closet to gather what she would need for her shower. Footsteps followed her, stopping in the doorway as Rowan asked, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Which part?” Aelin plucked a pair of boring cotton underwear from the drawer.

“That you didn’t want this job.” Selecting a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, she turned to face him with her facial expression calling him ten kinds of stupid.

“It means that I didn’t want this fucking job.” Maybe she drew out every word a little more slowly on purpose to needle beneath his skin. The feathering of his jaw said it worked.

“I understood that part.” He sounded frustrated, his fingernails white where they pressed into his biceps. “You didn’t ask for the transfer?”

“I turned it down three times. In the last few weeks, Darrow was up my ass about it. Even had Uncle Gav try to convince me, so I caved. Did you think I asked for this to come rain a special kind of hell down on your head?”

“I wouldn’t put past you,” he retorted, and something in her broke. Just a little bit.

“Contrary to whatever bullshit you’ve made up about me to craft me into your villain, I was perfectly content to never see you again. I don’t want to work with you, I don’t want to share a single molecule of oxygen with you, and I don’t want to constantly be ready to fight with you at the drop of a hat. This isn’t what I wanted for my career or my personal life. I’m here because I took an oath to protect my country, and despite my multiple refusals, they wanted me here with this unit.” Aelin shoved past him, her shoulder ramming into his arms as she did. “Do us both a favor and get over yourself, Rowan. This self-centered bullshit is exactly why I fucking left you.”

Though she hadn’t meant to be quite so dramatic, the bathroom door slammed in his face when she closed it. The sickly feeling of guilt washed over her at the look on his face. That last hateful sentence wasn’t even supposed to be said out loud. Did she even mean it?

Aelin didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she finally heard his footsteps retreat from the room and a heavy exhale whooshed from her lungs.

~*~

“Aelin, I–” His hands reached for her, but she smacked them away hard enough that it stung his palms.

“No, no, no. I told you a thousand times if you took another deployment, I was done. And there is just no–” Aelin let out a gasping sob, one hand on her heart and the other wrapped around her torso. Unable to stop himself, he tried to pull her to him. If he could just calm her down, it would be okay.

Before his fingers could even graze her skin, she stumbled backward. A gust of wind had rain blowing at him from behind. He wasn’t sure if his face was wet with tears from his eyes or the sky.

“Baby–” The back of Aelin’s wrist pressed to her mouth and did nothing to muffle the sob. Knowing he was the source of her pain had him wishing for a lightning strike.

“There is no coming back from this.” The words were almost carried away in the storm. Not once had he ever heard her speak so softly, so broken. Tears streamed down her cheeks and neck, soaking the collar of her t-shirt while she shook her head and pointed for him to leave with a shaky finger. Her other hand was still pushing her heart back into her chest. “There is no coming back.”

The front door slammed in his face and triggered a final fissure in his heart that had his heart and soul shattering into a million jagged pieces on the rain-soaked ground.

A firm hand on his shoulder made him jerk forward, twisting on his heel. A soldier through and through, he started to go on the defensive. Just as he reached for his attacker, he realized it was Lorcan and dropped his hands, shaking his head to clear his mind of the memory.

Lorcan’s eyebrows knit together in confusion as he said, “I said your name twice.”

“Sorry. What’s up?” Rowan hadn’t meant to be so wrapped up in his thoughts as he stood on the back porch. A mirror image of the gloomy gray sky reflected on the surface of the swimming pool. The sound of the door slamming in his face still echoed in his ears, but he didn’t know if it was the past or present that haunted him. Probably both.

“I want to go over what needs to be done this week,” Lorcan told him, nodding toward the house. Through the windows, he could see everyone lounging on the couches and chairs that made up the formal living room. Each of them held a folder; Aelin’s was in her lap, where she curled up in the corner of the couch. Deft fingers twined her damp hair into a braid over her shoulder. Lorcan’s eyes followed his gaze as he braced his hands on his hips. “Do you need to talk about it before we go in?”

“I don’t know what there is to say.”

“Look, I am by no means any sort of authority on relationships, but the fact that you two can barely be in the same room without starting a fight shows how deep it all goes. You sure as fuck aren’t over it–” Lorcan gave him a stern look when he opened his mouth to object, then continued, “And neither is she. You can both act like you don’t care, but you do. At some point, an olive branch needs to be extended one way or the other. Otherwise, it will stack up to messy mistakes in the field and you’ll both drag everyone else down with you. I can’t allow that. So find a truce. Wave your white flag if you fucking have to. Talk about it. Fuck it out. I don’t care. But don’t let it compromise the job.”

Rowan nodded, hands sliding into his pockets as he took a deep breath. All of those things were easier said than done. If they were ever going to talk it out, they would both have to come to some peace with the past and present. Right now, he wasn’t sure how to do that. His behavior had clearly torn into her with a jagged blade, the same way her leaving him did. Both had raw, gaping wounds that were still bloody from the battle. The time apart had done nothing to heal either of them. If anything, it made it worse.

There wasn’t ever supposed to be so much distance, time, or emotion stretched between them, to begin with. Rowan could strut around like he didn’t care all he wanted to, but he did care. Looking at her made it hard to breathe.

“Did you ever, at any point in your relationship, tell her about what happened to Lyria?” Lorcan asked, just as Rowan took a step toward the house. His teeth snapped together so hard that it hurt, narrowly missing a bite of his tongue. “Maybe start there.”

“I don’t think it would matter at this point.”

“Not that I don’t think she’s a swaggering asshole ninety-nine percent of the time or anything–” Rowan snorted, looking back at Aelin through the window. She was looking back. “– But she isn’t a bitch. Not all the time, anyway.”

Part of him wanted to throttle Lorcan for talking about her that way, but their personalities had always been mixing oil and water. Even still, Lorcan would never hold his personal relationship against her. She was far too good of an asset.

“Can I ask something of you?” Rowan inquired, restlessly scratching the back of his neck. His eyes didn’t leave Aelin’s, and she tilted her head curiously. Almost as if, despite their fight, she was trying to inquire if he was okay.

“Of course.” Rowan sidestepped out of view, not wanting her to read his lips as he looked at his commander. Lorcan leaned against the table that decorated the patio, an open and caring demeanor slipping into place.

“If anything on this mission goes sideways, if it ever comes down to a split second when it has to be her or me… I don’t care if it’s a temporary thing where you come back for me later or we’re both bleeding out somewhere, whatever the situation is. If shit goes down and it’s her or me, you take her.” Green eyes bore fiercely into onyx ones. Lorcan’s eyes widened in surprise and something that looked a little like fear.

“Rowan…” He wasn’t one to leave a man behind, but Rowan knew all too well that sometimes it became a necessary call to make. When forced with a split-second decision about who lived or died, the luxury of time to juggle your choices didn’t always exist. This oath would take the struggle out of it.

“Promise me that you will get her out first.” He hated the way his voice cracked like the fissures in his heart. Hated that he was prepared to fall to his knees and beg if it might save her life at any point in the future. Yet he knew that he would if Lorcan refused. The bad terms he and Aelin were on didn’t matter. Rowan would never forgive himself or his comrades if he woke up and something had happened to her. “Promise me, Lorcan.”

He wished he could tell himself it was for selfish reasons. That he was asking to clear his conscience should it ever become a reality. Deep down, he knew it had nothing to do with that, though. It had nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with her and the wildfire of unresolved feelings that haunted his waking and sleeping hours.

Rowan tried to get over her. Attempting to lose himself through sex with other women had been a fruitless endeavor. No amount of boiling showers had made him feel clean, like any level of intimacy with someone that wasn’t Aelin left behind an oily residue he couldn’t wash away. After the third time, he quit trying. It felt too much like cheating on her, like betraying her, even if she had been the one to leave him.

He had followed her career over the last two and a half years. Though she had passed on another deployment when she thought he would too, months after the breakup, he heard she was back in it. Lorcan had passed him details of her missions, and Rowan had a mental list of every injury she had ever received. Nothing had been remotely close to life-threatening, but he felt every one of those wounds like they’d happened to him. It had been difficult not to follow up with her directly to see if she was okay, but she was better off without him. Of that, he was certain.

Being part of the same unit, he would do whatever he could to protect her. It hadn’t surprised Lorcan when Rowan declared he would always choose her first the morning she arrived. The commander made him swear that it wouldn’t compromise any missions, and it wouldn’t. But for Rowan, if the choice were anyone else or Aelin, he would save Aelin first. Now he needed to be sure someone else would choose her over him.

“Okay. I promise,” Lorcan finally swore, his eyes saying that he hoped for all the world it never came down to it.

When they made their way inside, there were two seats available. One was smack dab between Aelin and Fenrys; the other was an overstuffed chair near the window. Rowan knew for a fact that the two blondes had been sitting side by side moments earlier and knew that one or both of them had done this on purpose. They lived in a constant state of scheming and had been driving Rowan insane from the moment their friendship began.

Lorcan hijacked the chair, which left Rowan to drop onto the sofa between Bonnie and Clyde. He swore the commander was fighting off his smirk while settling into the chair away from the drama. Bastards. All of them were bastards. It was starting to feel like everyone had been part of a private meeting on the best ways to drive Rowan insane with Aelin around.

“Here,” Aelin said softly, nudging his arm with a folder. Nodding his thanks, he flipped it open and began skimming the pages while Lorcan got into what the next few days would look like. Every breath he took was more shallow than it needed to be, but he would lose his mind if he inhaled deep enough to smell her jasmine shampoo.

He tried to focus on Lorcan’s words, but sitting beside Aelin was a distraction in itself. The promise their commander had just made soothed a small part of his chest, even if he thought she would throttle him if she ever found out about it. The woman beside him was more than capable of taking care of herself, yes, but Rowan needed that security blanket to fall back on if things went to hell.

Aelin nudged him with her elbow, and he blinked, looking into her quizzical gaze. It was strange to find a hint of concern hidden behind the brilliant band of gold around her iris. With a shake of his head, he looked at the folder in his lap and tuned his ears to Lorcan’s voice. Right. Now was definitely not the time to think about this.

They would start by surveilling the notorious Glass Castle. It was imperative they find out how easily the outside guards could be distracted and bribed. While they had inside contacts close to the prince working with them under extremely delicate conditions, they needed to see if anyone was willing to waver. Finding the weak links could lead to it all being over before an assassination attempt began.

The Prince’s closest and really only friend was his captain of the guard. Through their contacts, he agreed to work with them on the castle’s blueprints and help them however he could. If everything went smoothly, nobody would die, lose their jobs, or be accused of treason, and in the process, their president would be safe from the fallout.

“We need to take passport photos in the morning, and someone is coming by tomorrow afternoon to stage some pictures of our Duke and Duchess over here.” Rowan and Aelin’s heads both snapped up at neck-breaking speed.

“What?” Rowan said, eyes darting to Aelin. There was no way in hell she would be okay with this.

“All of the royals in Fenharrow have websites,” she answered for Lorcan. “Do I get to wear a pretty gown?”

“You’ll wear whatever shows up, and you won’t give anybody any shit about it,” was the commander’s flat response. Aelin’s smoldering gaze told him she would do as she pleased, but her eyes wandered back down to the pages in her lap. If the wardrobe weren’t to her taste, they would surely hear about it no matter what Lorcan said.

“Box dye is going to absolutely ruin our hair.” Rowan didn’t know anything about that. According to his passport, he had blonde hair and brown eyes. Curiosity got the better of him, and he leaned a little toward Aelin to see what hers said. With a flick of her wrist, it was turned toward him so he could see better. Red hair, green eyes. Rowan had a hard time imagining it.

“Are you going to complain the whole time?” Lorcan snapped. Aelin, to her credit, grinned.

“Maybe. It’s fun getting under everyone’s skin so easily.”

It felt like a jab with one of the daggers she favored. A quick stab into his back, the twist of the blade as it sunk deeper. Rowan sat up straight and tried to keep from crumpling the papers in his hands.

It might not be an outright bloody war, but every vaguely altruistic word that left her mouth made him tenser than any gunfight ever did.

~*~

A book lay open upon the pillow in her lap, eyes skimming the pages when Rowan soundlessly opened the door and slipped into their room. He was clearly hoping she would be asleep when he came to bed to avoid any awkward interactions or heated arguments. Aelin was too tired for anything beyond a few pulled punches tonight and closed her book. The t-shirt he wore was pulled over his head in a single, fluid motion, and he slipped between the sheets. After placing her nightly read on the bedside table, she snuggled under the blankets. Rowan was on his back staring at the fan when she turned her light off. Aelin lay on her side, facing him straight on.

“This is… weird,” he admitted as the air deflated from his lungs in a deep sigh.

“Sleeping together or, however fake it may be, being married to me when you never wanted it in the first place?” Aelin wasn’t sure why flames kept spewing out of her mouth every time they spoke. Closure was what she was after, yet she knew it wouldn’t come this way. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else.

“We aren’t doing this tonight, Aelin. I’m tired.” Rowan rolled onto his side, facing away from her, hand smacking at his pillow before he settled against it.

Through the dim moonlight slipping through those sheer curtains, she could make out the scars on his back. Some she knew, others she didn’t. Without thinking, she reached out and touched one she didn’t recognize. Rowan’s inhale was sharp, shoulders expanding and muscles tightening beneath her fingers. As tense as he was, his body betrayed him in the form of goose flesh over his skin.

“Rowan?” Aelin must have been imagining his jagged breaths. It sounded too much like shredding self-control to be real.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For today, I’m sorry.” Doused in a burning tension, she traced her fingers over another pale scar on his back. Tears pricked her eyes over the featherlight touches she made, at the emotion that welled up in her throat. This sort of casual intimacy used to be second nature. Aelin hated that her fingers craved to touch more of him, all of him. They never thought about touching before; they just always were. It had once been necessary, vital even. Now he was a coiled asp ready to strike, waiting for the fighting words she couldn’t find.

“Okay,” he finally whispered back on an exhale.

“I didn’t mean to slam the door, either. I know you won’t believe me, but I–”

“I do believe you.” Her throat was suddenly tight as she swallowed, dropping her hand from his back. Sometime soon, she would ask how he got those new markings. Maybe Fenrys would have the answers if her cowardice won over and she couldn’t ask him herself.

“Okay,” she parroted, the word muffled by the blanket as she pulled it up and tucked her face into it.

Seconds stretched into minutes before he rolled onto his back, head turning to face her. With her eyes more adjusted to the dark, she could tell he was looking at her. They didn’t say anything, just took each other in. It was the first quiet moment they’d shared since her arrival. Somehow, the heaviness of this moment was far more abundant than the times they were yelling.

“Were you talking about me when you said it’s fun to get under our skin?”

“I’ve always liked getting under your skin,” she teased, but he didn’t smile. Aelin’s own faltered, mouth twisted to the side as she considered it. Yes, she had. “It is fun but… I didn’t mean it quite how it sounded. I haven’t been picking fights with you the last few days for shits and giggles. I’m sure you aren’t doing it for that reason either.”

It’s what she wanted to believe, anyway. Perhaps it made her naive, but she knew Rowan. Even if they hated each other, they didn’t like causing the other unnecessary pain.

“Why are we fighting then?” The bald vulnerability he gave had her mouth parting in surprise. Of all the ways she saw this first night going, a calm discussion was nowhere on the list. Murder definitely was, but this?

“I don’t think we know how to be around each other like this,” she said slowly. “We had moments of bickering when we first met, sure, but…”

The words she wanted to say would strip her a little more bare than she wanted to be, yet she wasn’t ready to let the moment go. Rowan saw her hesitation and waited patiently, eyes scanning her face as though he could sneak into her mind and steal the thoughts for himself. Tomorrow the fires would rage again but for tonight? Tonight she would settle close to the truth without laying it all at his feet.

“But?” Aelin sighed and shook her head.

“We’ve always been intense,” she shrugged a shoulder. “Now that we aren’t in love, I guess it’s just going to be in the form of verbal sparring and screaming matches. Maybe a few physical blows during training.”

Aelin averted her eyes, slipping her fingers out from beneath the blanket to inspect her nails. It probably looked as stupid as it felt, considering she could hardly see, but Rowan didn’t call her on it. Nor did he point out how unlike her it was to balk from a conversation, yet here she was, being a coward and avoiding his gaze. It was a half-truth wrapped up in a teasing taunt at best and clearly not the answer he sought.

It wasn’t fair that he still had her tied up in so many knots. For years she paraded around, pretending she was over it and it didn’t matter anymore. Not being in love with Rowan was one of the biggest lies she’d ever told, one she whispered to herself every time she found him looking at her. It was a foolish, stupid mask she wore to hide the pain of the ugly, bleeding truth of everything.

Rowan handled it better than she did, and it hurt more than she would ever admit.

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