#They weren't leaving alive no matter how well they behaved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queerasaurus-rexx · 2 years

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So like, imagine that a new exchanged student came to Devildom for the program but, that student was mc's tormentor and nemesis back before they (mc) came to devildom. Whenever they are in the same room together, their (mc's) tormentor would always start a random fight and then their tormentor brought out "At least my entire family didn't die in a war!" which causes mc to leave the class and lock themselves up in their room? Sorry if this is too long and you don't have to do this! I'm new to your blog and I already like ur writing! Please, keep up the good work!

i really like this prompt, thanks for sending it in!

content warning: discussion of possible religious or ethnic persecution, bullying

also, i decided to give mc's bully the name sam because it's gender-neutral and sam is referred to as gn. sorry if your name is sam.

side note, but i'm sorry this took so long! sometimes my writing takes forever and sometimes it takes a day, there is no in between.

background

mc had been dealing with it since the fifth grade. since their family had fled the persecution in their home country. but getting out of a war zone is difficult at best.

and when they arrived in their new country, mc was the only one alive. raised by people who weren't their blood was rough for mc, especially when their classmate's discovered the people mc lived with hadn't even adopted mc legally. no matter the financial reasons behind it, their classmates saw it as a loud sign that mc wasn't even good enough to be adopted.

and kids can be cruel.

but their classmate, a kid named 'sam' had always taken it too far.

sam was well and truly mc's nemesis. none of their classmates ever sunk as low as sam. none of their classmates would dare say the things sam said.

"at least my family's still alive!" "at least my family didn't get their asses blown up!" "at least my family loves me!"

the litany of hatred damaged mc's self-esteem immensely. and it was why they rejoiced when they graduated high school, secure in the knowledge that they'd probably never have to deal with sam and that level of hatred ever again.

the two years of peace and acceptance mc found in the devildom cannot be overstated.

so imagine how terrifying it was to hear the words

"well, well, well. if it isn't god's least favourite orphan."

LUCIFER

at first, lucifer doesn't understand why mc cowers in sam's presence. he doesn't understand why the human who bravely wrangled his brothers in line would be afraid of another human.

it doesn't take him long to parse out that these two have history though. he starts noticing some red flags when mc refuses to talk about that history. one thing that cannot be understated is how well sam behaves when the demon brothers or the dateables are around mc. they never said shit to mc while they have protection.

but once mc is beyond their reach, the torment begins again. the name-calling, the pushing, shoving and overall dehumanizing amps up in full force. lucifer gets suspicious when mc starts developing bruises they won't explain and their demeanour shifts entirely. lucifer's not stupid.

he is rather unpleasantly surprised when he heard sam say

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" to a visibly distressed mc. lucifer's not good at comforting people, so he instead confronts sam, making it clear in no unspoken terms that their time in the devildom will go a lot more smoothly if they never say such things to mc ever again.

MAMMON

one of few instances where mammon's jealousy and protectiveness ended up being a net positive, mammon got bad vibes from sam immediately. sam very quickly finds mammon to be a huge pain in the ass, especially if mammon and the mc are romantic. lots of people think mammon is aloof or inattentive, but mammon tends to pay more attention to the mc's body language than almost all his brothers (only levi surpasses him here, and that's only because levi has social anxiety) so he also picks up on mc's discomfort around their childhood bully.

he does take a bit to put it together that mc isn't just experiencing some garden variety anxiety over the situation though. he starts realizing how bad it is when he sees the way sam looks at mc when he's not looking - their face a mix of vitriol and malignant glee - and it makes mammon want to spontaneously combust. the whole thing feels wrong but no one will tell him what exactly mc and sam's beef is.

until the day he overhears

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!"

it makes mammon's blood boil. who does sam think they are, talking to mc like that? oh, this won't stand. it's after mammon changes into his demon form he remembers that ruining the exchange program will mean he loses mc.

fortunately, mammon's not a complete idiot.

so his solution was instead to just make sure sam had a bad time. not in a noticeable way, just, every so often sam's accounts would be emptied of grimm just when they need it most, their cards get declined when there's a lineup behind them and occasionally, their cards would be straight up cancelled. do not fuck with mammon's friends.

LEVIATHAN

jealous baby got protective vibes immediately. constantly called sam a normie (and not affectionately like he does with mc) and did his best to monopolize mc's time. it ended up serving them both fairly well, since sam couldn't get mc away from levi long enough to really bother them and with levi giving them a piece of their own medicine.

but levi can't be everywhere with mc all the time. so the day he's leaving the house of lamentation and hears

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" in the front yard, followed by mc running past him in tears was the kind of scenario that, under other circumstances, would have seen the offender become very familiar with lotan rather quickly. so instead, levi crosses the line with the fury of a general whose just witnessed high level insubordination and very threateningly informs sam that he himself has been in a war, and lost a family member because of that. and if sam wants to go around poking at people's trauma, they're welcome to do so to every person who fought in the war between the the devildom and the celestial realm - but even diavolo wouldn't save them at that point.

ASMODEUS

so, a personal little headcanon of mine is that asmo can sense any form of lust, even bloodlust. and asmo got a lot of bloodlust radiating off sam towards mc when he met them. now of course, asmo is asmo and he likes a show more than he likes half his siblings most of the time.

so in the interest of entertainment, he allowed sam some unrestricted access to mc to see what would happen.

that lasted about a week, until sam shouted "at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" at mc and asmo, despite claiming to be unbothered by his past is still fucking traumatized by the war went of the deep end and mc had to use their pact to keep him from tearing sam limb from limb.

BEELZEBUB

i've said it before, i'll say it again. i don't think anyone in their right mind would fuck with mc knowing how close they are to beel. unfortunately for them, these are my headcanons and thus sam is an idiot. beel really did try to be friendly with sam. he's got a good heart, and wants the exchange program to succeed, if only because that means mc will get to stay in the devildom.

but he's not a dumbass. he can tell there's some tension between mc and sam, and he tries to help the pair mend fences at first. if mc and beel are romantic, however, he will quickly relent when he noticed their discomfort and keep them close to prevent any further issues.

he's looking for you after fangol practice when he hears

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" and sees you running out of a classroom sobbing.

normally, outside of food related emergencies, beel is slow to anger. but when it comes to mc, the avatar of gluttony is protective as hell and was even nearly willing to fight his own twin for hurting them. so imagine his reaction when some random fuckwad needles right at mc's trauma in such a nasty way.

solomon had to be called to administer a memory charm and diavolo decided that it was better if sam was sent back to the human world. no one blames mc.

BELPHEGOR

lazy boy says no touch his emotional support human. he's not as emotionally intelligent as a few of his brothers, but even he can see mc is very uncomfortable around sam.

just means more opportunities to nap with him, though. this is a lie. he's eyeing sam like a hawk from the minute he notices mc's reaction towards them. he clings to mc a little more than usual, but he says it's just to make them feel better.

still. his sleepiness means he can't be with mc all the time and sam just so happens to take one of these instances to bother mc. unfortunately, yelling at the top of their lungs,

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" is the exact kind of bullshit that wakes belphie up. the avatar of sloth would sit up straight from his sleeping position and stare daggers at sam, slowly rising to his feet.

"would you care to repeat that for me?" belphie asks, and mc recognizes the same malice in his eyes that was there the night he killed them. mc is very torn, because sam's been making their life hell since they were a child, but they know letting belphie kill them will get them in trouble. in the end, mc ends up summoning lucifer to stop belphie from doing anything drastic.

sam ends up being memory charmed and sent back to the human world, and belphie has to swear on lilith's grave that he won't go after them.

SATAN

this man didn't like sam from the moment he saw them. satan took the initiative, however, and subtly explained to sam that if they did anything to even slightly inconvenience mc, he was going to make sure they returned to the human world in a body bag.

but we've already established sam is an idiot, so.

even with satan being more up mc's ass than a fart, sam manages to get in a few jabs here and there when the avatar of wrath is just out of ear shot or so engrossed in a book the entire universe could cease to be and he wouldn't notice. still, he sees how down mc seems to be getting and he's no moron. he puts two and two together and decides to maybe remind sam of his little promise when they first came to the devildom. as he's heading off to find sam, he hears

"at least my entire family didn't die in a war!" and mc comes running out crying.

mc didn't notice that satan was tossing their childhood bully around like a ragdol until sam called out to them for help.

not gonna lie, mc got a bit of satisfaction out of that.

#shall we date obey me #obeyme #obey me #swd om #swd obey me #obey me headcanons

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yandere-sins · 3 years

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How would Lucifer be with a darling that has broken? They don't ever argue with him, and they go along with whatever he wants even if they never seem happy or initiate conversations or anything really, and never do anything besides sleep when they have free time. But they also have random breakdowns, crying or screaming and trying to hurt themself or him before they go back to feeling completely numb. I feel like nobody would be able to resist giving in to him forever, but at the same time humans weren't built to handle that kind of repression without some sort of outlet.

Thank you for requesting!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

♡ There is something very comfortable about this lifestyle for him. Even if Lucifer had to admit that they did have some fun times back when he still needed to chase them and put them into their place, now he only has occasional outbursts to deal with and otherwise is delighted in the great help and support his darling offers. Having control was always most important to him, and since he can read them easily when they do start to get antsy, he can avoid drama and causing a scene now by getting them away from everyone else before they revolt again. It’s precisely how he wanted it to be, and he truly sighs breaths of relief whenever he looks at them, standing exactly where he wants them to.

♡ While he misses their initiative thinking, he can live with the forced reaction to his demands. Giving them documents to hold, he just needs to hold out his hand, and they will place them back in there. Sitting in the bathtub, all Lucifer is to do is call for them, and they’ll quickly, efficiently undress and join. Sure, they never hold his hand out of their own will or ask him for anything, but it’s a small price in comparison to such a perfect, presentable lover. It also gives him more reason to spoil them with gifts they don’t care about, but even if he asks them to choose something they like, he always ends up getting the thing he wants for them anyway. Having back the freedom to take them on dates and wherever he needs to be sure is something Lucifer missed back when he still had to tie them up and check on them constantly to ensure they were still alive after leaving them.

♡ Life is much easier without them talking back and stopping him from things he wants to do. They are still his loveable darling, and he wouldn’t change them back, even if he could. Touching them isn’t a matter of flinching and slapping his hand, and asking them for a favor doesn’t send them into a fit anymore about his audacity. His darling knows now not to stray from his side, to always be just one step away and never out of his reach. To obey and be pleasant around him. There’s no shouting profanities and no behaving like a child thinking he only wants harm. In fact, Lucifer can make himself believe that the reason they stay close at night, even though the bed is large, is because that’s what they want. That he can make them happy by taking them to fancy restaurants now that they behave, and their mind is just a little in the clouds. Pride makes him ignorant, and he is just so proud of himself for what he’s done.

♡ And the occasional outbursts? Well, they are to be expected. His darling is just having a rough day; anyone has that. They are there for him when he’s at his lowest, so Lucifer naturally is with them as at theirs. On the good and the bad days, right? There is nothing a bit of rope, a gag, pulling their hair roughly and hissing at them to shut up can’t fix. He broke them once. He can do it again. In the worst case, there’s always magic, and from the shivers, Lucifer knows they learned the feel of his magic by now, creeping over their body, putting them into fear and panic until their body gives up on them like a bunny does when seeing a wolf. He just means well by putting them back to their tranquil state of mind, even if the bruises and aching bones will hurt for a few days. They help them to not forget who they really are and prevent another outburst. He really shouldn’t need to deal with them more than necessary. And if they are behaving well again right away, he might let them use his hand as a cooling aid and wipe away the tears from their face since he is the only one they are allowed to receive mercy from as well.

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giorno-plays-piano · 4 years

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You were all I wanted Part 2

Pairing: mob!Peter Parker x plus-sized!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, swearing, kidnapping, human trafficking, non-con, minor character's death.

Words: 2655.

Summary: You are bought by the head of Stark crime family for a kid he cares about.

Part 1

P.S. Peter is an adult!

__________

It had started. You could feel the sudden shift in atmosphere when Peter dropped his hand to your cheek, touching you awkwardly as if he were afraid you would disappear once he got more passionate with you. He caressed you gently like a lover, and you felt miserable. The only boy who had ever set his eyes on you was a young mobster who owned you as of you were some soulless object.

"You're so pretty." His whisper was barely audible, his face so close to yours you wanted to shut your eyes.

You needed to relax. No one - even a boy like him - would want to deal with a mad fury. He'd just shoot you: among other things on the table there were there was an actual gun. You needed to keep this guy happy, and maybe Peter would still be sweet with you once he got rid of his virginity.

But then he suddenly stopped and pulled away from you.

"Oh no, what the hell am I doing?" He laughed awkwardly and scratched his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean jumping at you like that. So you wanna take your shower or maybe eat some more?"

You took your eyes elsewhere and did your best not to wince. Keep it cool, breathe, don't push the boy off.

"Can I have some alcohol?" Your voice sounded pathetic.

"Of course!" Peter jumped again and rushed to the drawer. "I have some whiskey and vo... shit, I'm stupid, who the fuck gives vodka to a lady? I'll bring you a bottle of champagne, just a sec!"

He was at the door in a matter of seconds and you gave him a puzzled look. This Peter boy was unpredictable. He grinned at you and went out of the room, locking the door behind him.

You were still on the bed, watching your feet, afraid to move. Technically, in front of you was a regular door with a simple lock and a door handle - if you could find something heavy, you could break it.

Well, actually, you could just snatch that gun from the table and make a few holes in the wood. The problem with that was that you were inside Stark Tower, that ugly building that looked more like an abandoned factory rather than a graceful skyscraper. How many Stark's guys with guns were there? How far would you make it?

You could also put a gun against your head and pull the trigger...

You shivered and stood up, walking to the bathroom. You refused to look at the table.

Stripping yourself of all those lacy undergarments with shame and dropping them to the white floor, you sneaked into the bath and turned on the water, trying not to look around too much. It felt like there were cameras everywhere to record you, naked, miserable, and frightened, so you finished showering as fast as you could and wrapped a towel around youself. Could you take that towel, actually? Was it for you? Would Peter want to see you naked on the bed when he returned instead?

You wiped away more tears running down your face and slowly removed the towel, putting on the lingerie they gave you before the auction.

"Hey, where are you?" Peter's voice rang loudly behind the door. You could feel he was distressed.

"H-here!" You quickly grasped your palr pink silk robe and put it on too, carefully sneaking back to the room to see the boy with a bottle of Moet & Chandon and two champagne glasses in his hands. Huh, classy.

"Oh, hey." He smiled, a bit embarrassed at his outbirst. "I, uh, found this. I hope you're going to like it."

"Thank you, Peter." You murmured softly and saw him grinning wider when he heard you saying his name for the first time.

Although normally you didn't drink much, you heard about your friend's sexual escapades when she was totally drunk many times and assumed everything could go easier if you had enough champagne. Maybe then you would simply forget you were brought to Stark's Tower and forced to have sex with a guy you had never met before.

Peter had already opened the bottle with a loud noise and poured the sparkly golden liquid into the glass, handing it to you. You brushed your hand against his unintentionally and thought how warm he was.

"I'm not good with these things, but, um, I'm glad I met you today." He had that radiant boyish smile on his face. When he raised his glass, you raised yours too, barely understanding to what you were saluting. "I'm so happy from now on you're gonna be here with me."

What a romantic. It would be almost sweet if he didn't hold you here against your will.

"I'm happy to meet you, too." You made yourself smile, and the two of you clinked your glasses. You drank all the champagne in one big gulp, not afraid to appear unladylike and caring only to get drunk faster. You didn't eat much, so it had to be easy enough.

Peter repeated after you with a little laugh and filled the glasses again and then again until you didn't start feeling funny and your shoulders finally relaxed, the alcohol removing all the tension from your body like some magical elixir. When the boy reached out to touch your shoulder, you didn't flinch, feeling his soft lips pressing against yours in a gentle kiss.

It wasn't that bad, you thought. He was being very tender with you, taking his time to unfasten your robe with his fingers trembling from excitement, and then kissed your temple. He trailed his kisses down to your neck as you let out a loud sigh, biting your lips, then burying your fingers in his soft disheveled hair. Peter's subtle touches felt good.

"I'm sorry for hurrying these things up." He said suddenly with guilt all over his pretty face. "I really am, but I have to show the guys you're my girl. They won't understand otherwise, and we might get in trouble."

"It's ok." You kissed his cheek, watching his eyelashes tremble. "Maybe I'm going to like it. You're nice, Peter."

He looked at you with wide eyes, his lips curling into a wide smile once more at your words as he reached to unfasten your pink bra.

"I don't have much experience, but I'll do my best to make you feel good." His breath tickled your face when the boy cupped your breasts, enjoying the softness of your body. You loved that look of adoration on his face.

"Do you have any?"

"I do."

What, really? That high schooler already had his virginity taken by someone else?

"Kids these days." You mumbled and he suddenly pinched your cheek. "Ouch!"

"You're not allowed to call me a kid!" Peter said with a pout, drawing little circles around your nipple and grasping your plump hip. "Only Mr. Stark can. Besides, I'm like year and a half younger that you, so I'm going to call you a little girl then, y'know?"

"Wha... ahh... Peter." You inched him closer, enjoying the way he played with your breast and kissing him in return. "But you look so young, huh."

"And you look like a schoolgirl without your makeup." He chuckled and gently sucked your lower lip, his left hand caressing your soft belly. You tensed immediately again, but the boy lowered you on the bed and kissed your forehead, staring at you from above with loving eyes. "Please don't be shy. I like you. Every part of you."

You stayed silent, but your eyes were gleaming with tears when you threw your hands around his neck and inched Peter closer, kissing him more. He rested one of his arms close to your pillow, the other one travelled down your body to squeeze your belly gently again, then went closer to your pussy, forcing you to open your legs and caressing your clit covered by the thin pink fabric of your panties.

"I can take care of you." The boy cooed softly at your ear and pushed them to the side to touch your already slick folds. "Do you want me to? Do you want me to take care of you?"

"Yes." You moaned when his fingers rubbed your clit and closed your eyes, losing yourself in the moment. "Please, please, Peter, take care of me."

"I knew you'd be a good girl." He licked his lips impatiently and picked up pace rubbing your clit to make you wail under him. "Yes, like that. I'm gonna teach you to cum from my fingers, and then I'll use that tight little pussy of yours, yeah? Would you like that?"

"Yes, yes Peter, plea... ahhh."

____________

The next morning was peaceful - you woke up to the boy's soft snoring behind you, his hand draped over body. Well, you weren't sure you could keep calling him that since he was actually older than you thought and, uh, way more experienced. If you tried to recall all the things he did to you last night, you could die of shame, probably.

The alcohol helped a lot. Firstly, it was so much easier to blame it for all the pleaser Peter gave you - of course, it was all the alcohol's fault, you couldn't possibly enjoy having sex with someone who thought owing a human being was okay. Secondly, the alcohol allowed you to play the role of a sweet little thing to perfection as you never even once pushed Peter away, probably leaving him satisfied with your submission. If he was satisfied, maybe he wouldn't get rid of you first thing in the morning.

You shivered at the thought and realized you didn't hear his snoring anymore.

"Good morning." He yawned, sneaking closer to you and pressing his face into your hair. "Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning, Peter." You found the strength to gently caress the back of his hand laying on your belly. "Yes, thank you. Did you?"

"Are you joking?" The sound of him giggling made you relax a bit. "I think the last time I slept so soundly was when Aunt May was still alive."

You went quiet, staring at the white bathroom's door across the room. So, the woman he told you about yesterday was dead. You could imagine she was the one who raised Peter, but withour her to take care of the boy - who could be very young at that time - he ended up with Stark's crime family. Then it made sense why he didn't behave exactly like those vultures surrounding his boss as he most likely didn't grow up on the streets of New York.

Were you pitying the man who was holding you captive here? Yes, yes you were.

"Does it hurt?" He asked in quiet voice and touched your lower belly tenderly.

"A little. But not as much I thought it would."

He moved his hand up and cuddled you, kissing the top of your head. You hoped it was a good sign and you wouldn't end up in a ditch in the evening. Was Peter going to keep you here as his personal toy? It was humiliating to even think about that, but anything seemed better than dying to you now.

He let you stay. In fact, he had never considered letting you go after Mr. Stark bought you - you were Peter's girl now, right? So he did his best to accommodate you in that room where he lived, providing you with clothes, shoes, cosmetics and all the things you needed, a laptop included. Of course, there was no wi-fi or anything that could help you to connect to the outer world, but Peter recommended you strongly against it. You've already seen enough that made it impossible for you to leave - Mr. Stark would never take it kindly if you tried to run or, God forbids, go to the police. It wasn't just your life at stake, but the life of your family, too. It was embarrassingly easy to find out everything about them, including where they lived and worked, of course. Tony could kill them with a snap of his fingers.

Though you weren't allowed to leave the room, Peter promised he would do everything to give you more freedom a bit later. The guys needed to trust you before they would grant you permission to move freely around the building - not that you really wanted it. Who in the right mind would walk the Stark's Tower full of deranged criminals?

Anyway, the place where you were now was mostly comfortable - you could watch TV and play video games if you were bored; Peter also brought you a pile of books and magazines, and he was always providing you with nice food. Honestly, you expected something way worse than that.

It was the end of the third day when the boy returned with a box of pizza and a few bottles of Starbucks frappuccino, his usually cheerful expression turned all gloomy and tired. Something must had happened, but you were not sure if you were allowed to ask him that - you had never discussed the things he was doing outside of this room.

"Hi, Peter. How was your day?" You stood up from the bed and took a box and bottles from him, placing them on the side table close to the microwave. Before you could turn to him, you felt the boy kissing the back of your head.

"Tired." He mumbled and step back, taking off his bomber and sneakers before moving to bed and sitting down. "I've had a hell of a day."

"I'm so sorry. Do you want me to draw you a bath?"

When he looked at you, you saw him chuckling warmly as he motioned you to come closer. You lowered yourself on the bed, too, and Peter kissed your lips, then grinning and laughing like a kid.

"You don't know how happy I am to have you, Baby. You're sweet and smart and, uh, you don't want to run from me because you know there's no good in that."

Maybe his words were intended as a compliment, but you shivered and quickly placed a fake smile on your face. You had already figured out Peter was not even half as sweet as he seemed. What did you expect from him being Stark's favourite?

"Did something happen, Peter?" You knew you were going to regret asking that, yet you felt like you had to. You needed to pretend your relationship with him were genuine.

"Mr. Stark shot Amanda." The boy shooked his head sadly.

"Who?"

"His new girl. The one he bought at the same auction as you."

That immensely beautiful woman with her eyes deep as ocean and hair dark as night? She could easily be the world's next beauty queen, and he killed her? He killed an innocent woman who, besides that, was stunning, graceful and perfect and walking on air?!

"I mean, of course she brought it on herself when she whored with her guards to make them let her go, but, shit, I don't like it when Mr. Stark kills his girls." Peter covered his face with his rough palms and rubbed his eyes as you stared at him, terrified.

"Does he... does he kill them all?"

"Not all of them... but most."

You heard youself sobbing and clamped a hand against your mouth right away, tears pouring down your face. Your pathetic attempt to hide your fear failed as Peter leaned closer to you, taking your hand away and kissing your eyelids to shush you. He rubbed your back reassuringly and let you put your face against his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Baby." That was how he called you now. "You're not his girl, you're mine. This will never happen to you because I love you a lot and you're smart, right?"

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @msruchita @opheliadawnwalker3

#peter parker x reader #dark peter parker x reader #peter parker #dark peter parker #yandere #tom holland #spiderman

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ladylilithprime · 5 years

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Sastiel Creations Challenge | @ladylilithprime

↳ Theme: One More | Prompt: Day

Fluff Bingo Square: Movie Night

=I Did Not Live Until Today=

Read on AO3

MOVIE NIGHT IN the Bunker had been originally instituted by Dean, and the insistence of Sam that everyone in the Bunker, especially a stressed out and overworked teenaged Prophet of the Lord, needed to take regular breaks to relax and unwind before the constant "go, go, go" made them all go crazy. Hunts would occasionally interrupt the ritual, postpone it for a couple of days, but none of them were allowed more than ten days without a mandatory Movie Night. Dean had insisted that Castiel join these movie nights whenever he was around, intent on "educating" the Angel in what he termed the "classics" of cinema. Castiel had confided privately to Sam that, upon viewing these so-called classics, he was gaining more of an understanding of Dean than he was of why the movies were classical, which Sam had assured him was normal.

Movie Night had been weird after the Trials, because Sam would start out watching the movie with Dean and whoever else was there, but suddenly it would be hours later and he wouldn't remember actually watching any of it despite not having moved. In the wake of Crowley showing up in Sam's head with the brothers' code word tripping off his tongue to warn him that he had an angelic passenger who had taken over the driver's seat, Sam figured he knew what had happened and maybe he felt a little tiny flicker of gratitude for Gadreel sparing him having to watch the monkey movies again, but that was drowned out by the overall feelings of shock and betrayal and rage because how could Dean do this to him?!

It was Sam's decision to continue Movie Night even though it was just him and Castiel in the Bunker now. The original purpose of enforcing a break on overworked humans was still valid, even though now the overworked human was only Sam, and the secondary purpose of introducing Castiel to human entertainment was also still in effect, perhaps even more so after Metatron had downloaded a huge selection of American pop culture into Castiel's head without much in the way of context. Without Dean to steer the selection towards action films and neither of them particularly interested in watching mindless violence and gore, plus Sam's increased aversion to psychological horror films, the movies they watched tended to veer more towards musicals. If Castiel suspected that this, too, might be a bit of Sam's rebellion against Dean's stubborn adherence to mullet rock as the only valid music to listen to, well, he didn't call Sam on it and Sam didn't choose to admit anything.

Tonight was another designated Movie Night, not because it had been too long since the last, but because Sam knew that after the failure of the tracking spell with Gadreel's extracted Grace he, at least, needed something where the fate of the world was less dependant on the outcome. In hindsight, queueing up Les Miserábles was probably not the best idea given the overall setting of the movie and the themes of melancholy and grief that pervaded it, but he suspected Castiel would appreciate the other themes of faith and sacrifice and second chances.

He probably should have expected Castiel's analysis of the story's themes to extend to their lives, but somehow it didn't even occur to him until Castiel blindsided him with an abrupt declaration that Jean Valjean reminded him of Sam.

"I'm sorry?" Sam blurted, not sure he had heard the Angel correctly.

"He is a good man who committed criminal acts for a good cause and was harshly punished for it even after his incarceration ended," Castiel explained, gesturing to the screen where Valjean's pay was docked in front of the other workers, who were openly hostile. "It does not matter to these people that his intentions were noble - to feed his family - or that the crime was relatively minor, all they see is the criminal record and discount the good heart of the man who committed it and is stained by that record in the eyes of the society he serves."

"Cas, that's not... I started the Apocalypse!" Sam said, shaking his head. "That's a good bit worse than stealing a loaf of bread and running."

"You killed a demon," Castiel disagreed. "A demon you had been told by everyone around you was responsible for breaking Seals and that killing her would stop things. You were deliberately not told that she was the final Seal and that killing her would release Lucifer because enough angels, myself included, believed that if you knew the truth then you would not have killed her. Yet you do not blame me for lying to you, or for changing my mind and breaking through my conditioning too late to send Dean in time to stop you. Nor do you blame Dean for breaking under Alistair and being the one to break the first Seal which set things in motion. Instead, you continue to allow people, including Dean who should really know better, to cast the blame for things beyond your control onto your shoulders and even take on blame and responsibility where there should be none, forgetting that any penance required for playing a part long ago set out for you has been more than served."

Sam looked away from Castiel's placid, deeply knowing expression, but found he couldn't focus on the screen until a flash of silver catching light drew his attention. "Look, I don't... whatever redemption I might have earned with jumping has to be cancelled out by the things I did after getting out again, especially all the crap I pulled without my soul--"

"Do you think yourself responsible for your soulless self's actions, even though your soul was still in the Cage being subjected to Michael and Lucifer's torments?" Sam frowned a little at the low notes of guilt and sorrow in the Angel's voice and looked over, but Castiel wouldn't meet his eyes, staring instead at the screen as the old priest backed up Valjean's lie of gifted silver and gave over the candlesticks as well. "Hm. Heaven has not treated you nearly so kindly as this priest does..."

"Castiel," Sam started to reach out, but found his courage falter and lowered his hand with a sigh. "I know you didn't leave my soul behind on purpose. I knew it then, too, even with you keeping secrets and never having mentioned it before that moment... sorry, too, about the holy fire."

"There is no apology necessary," Castiel refuted, though Sam thought he looked moderately grateful for it anyway. "You were right to be suspicious of my actions and motives at the time, if not for that specific reason."

"Still..."

"Sam, I assure you, I hold no ill will over your suspicion of me, nor for your actions to try and stop me. If anything, I am deeply grateful for your continued faith in me even after I had gone off the reservation and done you considerable harm." Castiel shook his head. "We are getting away from the main subject, which is that you are not responsible for the actions your body committed without your soul present."

"It was still my body," Sam argued. "My... impulses or whatever, stripped of my inhibitions--"

"Not true," Castiel interrupted. "Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act. While that behavior likely seemed heartless or 'dickish' at times, this was in part because of the contrast to your usual compassion and kindness, but you weren't actively malicious or uncontrolled. Everything, including the decision to go to Dean with the suspicion that something was wrong and to ask him to be your moral compass, was meticulously and logically thought out and reasoned for the most optimal outcome. Recall that your soulless self felt that it was for the best that your soul be retrieved and rejoined with your body, and only rejected the plan when the possibility that doing so would kill you was presented."

"Whereupon I promptly tried to kill Bobby! Cas--"

"Sam," Castiel turned fully to face him and glared at him in a way that reminded Sam forcefully of the fact that this was an Angel of the Lord. "You. Are. Not. To. Blame. Your soulless self attempted to kill a man who showed every sign of being ready to kill you by forcefully reuniting your damaged soul with your body. A soul, I must add, which did not deserve the torment inflicted upon it and to which we owed the continued existence of the human race."

"I was just--"

"Cleaning up your mess, so you've said." Castiel was beginning to look frustrated. "But the Apocalypse was not just your mess. It was Dean's, and mine, and Lucifer's, and Michael's, and every angel and demon and human servant of either side who worked towards setting it off earlier than my Father planned. I would even venture to say that it was my Father's fault for refusing to step in when, despite Raphael's delusions, we had very clear evidence from Joshua that He is still alive and close enough to be aware of the situation." The Angel reached forward then and covered the shell-shocked human's nearest hand with his own. "Your soulless self recognized that, and recognized the unfair imbalance, and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices. Since regaining your soul, Dean's insistence on leaving past transgressions in the past except when it suits him to drag them out as evidence of culpability and questionable judgement has driven your self-confidence down to the point where you have even allowed Dean to make you believe yourself at fault for not looking for a brother and non-human friend whom you had every reason to believe were dead and at peace.

"No more," Castiel said with a fire in his vessel's blue eyes that had nothing to do with his borrowed Grace. "Sam Winchester, you will listen to me and believe this if nothing else: You. Deserve. Respect. And for my part in allowing others to be negligent in giving you that respect, you have my apologies."

For a long moment, Sam could do nothing more than stare at Castiel, stunned speechless and feeling more than a few echoes of the old awe and wonder with which he had first viewed this Angel of the Lord who had saved his big brother from Hell. It seemed impossible to believe, even with Castiel staring into him and all but demanding that he do so. For all he knew, he had fallen asleep on the couch next to Castiel and all of this was somehow some sort of incredibly vivid dream like the ones he tried to pretend he didn't have about the Angel, because if anything stood a chance at making their current arrangement far more awkward than it ever needed to be....

Castiel must have seen something of his thoughts in his expression, because the intensity faded into sadness and then, before Sam could gather his wits enough to try and reassure him, turned to resolve. "I will remind you of this conversation later, so as to establish better credibility."

"Um..." Sam blinked. That was unexpected. "Okay? Thanks? I'll... work on believing you, Cas, I will, I just...."

"Have several years of conditioning for expecting the worst to work around, as well as the more recent problems with maintained perception of reality," Castiel nodded. "I will remind you as often as is necessary of your worth and worthiness."

Sam nodded, more for the lack of any other way to acknowledge Castiel's words than out of agreement or understanding, jumping a little when the music from the television screen picked up in volume. He turned back to the movie, flushing darkly when he realized that they'd completely missed Fantine's entire arc and Valjean's crisis of conscience, and reached for the remote. "Oh, hey, let me--"

"No, it's--" Castiel's grip on Sam's hand tightened, then released with enough abruptness that Sam found himself stopping anyway, turning questioning eyes on Castiel. "I confess that I have been, ah, 'cheating' with this film, as it is one of the stories that Metatron saw fit to share, though not this particular version."

"Should we put on something else?"

"If that is what you prefer. I am enjoying watching it with you regardless."

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if that was because of Castiel's bizarre comparisons between Sam and Valjean, but he swallowed it back and instead forced himself to settle back into the couch beside Castiel to watch the introduction to the Thénardier family and Cosette. The silence stretched between them as the music played, until--

"Sam? Why is Thénardier's wife making that gesture when she sings that there is 'not much there'?"

Sam swallowed down the urge to choke or laugh, because of course Castiel would ask about that. He cut a sharp glance in the Angel's direction to check if he was being trolled, but Castiel's expression showed only genuine puzzlement. "Uh... Well, I mean, uh... some guys get kinda hung up on penis size, uh, taking the whole 'bigger is better' idea way too seriously and, uh, thinking that bigger size makes them better able to please their partners, which, uh, really isn't true across the board. And, uh, there are a lot of guys who think that having those, um, extra inches is all they need for it to be good for their partner, which also isn't true." He found himself looking at the screen in a gambit to not have to meet Castiel's eyes, and moments later he pointed. "See, she's saying the line again without the gesture. So, uh, the implication is Thénardier falls doubly short of the mark."

"I see," Castiel said, his tone meditative. With his eyes averted, Sam couldn't see the speculative look the Angel sent in his direction, though he definitely heard the pointedly dry tone when Castiel added, "Mrs Thénardier would do better to find a more skilled pizza man."

Sam jerked his head around to stare at Castiel again, but this time the Angel's expression was the same sort of bland that he used when trolling Dean, and so Sam managed to force out a chuckle for the joke before settling in to watch the dynamics between the Thénardiers and Cosette with its very Cinderella vibe. Castiel muttered something about "punching John Winchester again" that made no sense and Sam wasn't sure he wanted to know about anyway, and then made a brief comment about Cosette's dream being similar to many human interpretations of Heaven, but otherwise said nothing until Valjean told Cosette that he was now her father.

"Another parallel," he said. Sam, who had hoped Castiel had forgotten about his weird fixation by this point, blinked in confusion.

"Uh, Cas, I'm pretty sure I haven't gone and adopted any random kids," he pointed out. Really, that seemed more like something Dean would do than him, Dean actually really liked kids and liked the idea of being a dad while Sam... not so much.

"Random, no," Castiel agreed. "You are, however, extraordinarily compassionate. I suspect that, if presented with an orphaned child whose situation required more specialized guardianship than a more normal human fosterage system could provide, you would be an excellent parental figure." He was silent for a moment, pensive and troubled, and then said, softly, "I had never had Nephilim of my own, nor am I likely to do so in the future, but if I did and was unable to care for the child myself, I would ask you."

"Me?" Sam gaped at him. "I mean, why me? Why not Dean?"

"Dean has an unfortunate history of being less than tolerant of supernatural occurrences, of children with powers beyond most human capabilities," Castiel said, shooting an apologetic glance at Sam even before Sam was aware of wincing. "A Nephil would inevitably have powers, and I am a Seraph. Only an Archangel could overpower and suppress the Grace of a Nephil sired by me, and there are no more Archangels available to do so. You have powers of your own and training in using them, albeit with an enhancement method that I would not recommend using with a Nephil, and would be well suited to teaching."

"Cas, my powers--"

"Are yours and yours alone. Azazel may have forcefully activated them on his own schedule and attempted to corrupt them and, through them, you, but he - and Ruby - failed. Your soul is far too pure and good for their hooks to find permanent anchor."

"But... I mean, you... angels... you always warned me against using them...."

"Only because the method with which you were amplifying them - that is, drinking demon blood - was so dangerous to you and the people around you, and training them to full strength properly after first tearing down Azazel's blocks would have taken considerably more time and effort... and, I suspect, those of my superiors actively assisting in bringing about the Apocalypse did not want you learning to use your powers without the addictive crutch of demon blood that could be used to prime your rage and point you at Lilith when the time came."

"So why are you just now telling me this?"

"Well," Castiel glanced away, looking somewhat sheepish. "To be honest, I did not realize that you were unaware that your powers were innate and not actually demonic in origin until I overheard you speaking of them in past tense as if they no longer existed because you were no longer drinking demon blood rather than you simply not using them. Given my clumsy understanding of social nuances and the complex mix of negative emotions you associate with your powers, I erred on the side of caution and did not mention it until our current conversation provided an opening."

Well. That was fair. Even so, Sam couldn't help but stare at Castiel as he attempted to process everything he had learned in such a short amount of time. The fact that the majority of Angels hated him was not new, but the fact that Heaven had actively sabotaged his efforts to be better than the demon blood that tainted him was... also not new, exactly, but Sam had never expected to hear it put so bluntly in conjunction with reassurance that his powers - and, by extension, Sam himself - did not come from a source of evil.

Even more bewildering was the hypothetical child Castiel spoke of and his assertion that Sam, not Dean who had always longed to be a parent, but Sam who had barely ever had anything to do with children even when he had been one, was to be given custody of the hypothetical Nephil if Castiel was incapacitated. The way Castiel had talked about the subject made it clear that he had never had Nephilim himself, and Sam knew that the creation of Nephilim was outlawed, and yet the Angel was sitting there, calm as you please, declaring that if he did ever have a child with a human and needed another parent besides himself and, presumably, the mother, that he would pick Sam. Sam, who was uncomfortable around kids at the best of times, even if he could fake passable competence in an emergency. Sam, who wouldn't trust himself to look after a completely human baby, never mind one that had "phenomenal cosmic powers" at its disposal. Sam who, until earlier when Castiel had declared that "nothing is worth losing you", had thought that Castiel might possibly consider him a friend at best and tolerated him as a reasonably useful asset at worst. Mind-boggling just didn't cover it.

And that wasn't even touching the whole thing with Castiel sounding like he was defending the actions of his soulless self. The subject of Sam's time topside without his soul was something Dean had never hesitated shut down hard, but Castiel had sounded almost... complimentary. Which made no sense, Sam knew, because without his soul he had been a tactless jerk, not--

"Your soulless self recognized that... and quite rightly called us out on our lack of respect for you and your sacrifices."

Sam swallowed against the lump forming in his throat, and again when it refused to be dislodged. Everything he did to help people, to try and make up for the damage he had caused, it never felt like enough. All the centuries spent in the Cage with Michael and Lucifer systematically taking out their rage on him amounted to only a year and a half on Earth, and the tortures blurred together to the point where Sam had long since lost count of how many centuries it had really been, shoving it down and shoving it down, his shaky forays into meditation and reshuffling his mind only managing to build the flimsiest of fences between his conscious mind and that echoing chasm of memory and pain, bits and pieces escaping here and there to scratch along his dreams. Little reminders that he may be out, maybe, but he would never be truly free. It was a truth, cold and logical and inexorable, that Dean refused to acknowledge in either of them, touched by Hell as they both were in different ways, and neither of them coping nearly as well as they wanted the other to believe.

"Stripped of your higher empathic functions and natural moral compass that is your soul, your body behaved with logical precision not unlike how most Angels would act."

The irony of an Angel of the Lord comparing his soulless self to other Angels was not lost on Sam, nor was the way that comparison gave him mixed feelings. All the years of praying, of believing in God and His Angels, having faith that some higher power was watching out for Dean and his Dad when he couldn't, that there was real good in the world to counterbalance all the evil being shoved at him from all sides...

"Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood."

...no....

"Nothing is worth losing you."

...but why....

"Sam? Sam, did you hear me?"

"Hm?" Jolted from his contemplating, Sam shot a guilty look first at the screen - how had he missed that much of the movie?! - and then gave Castiel a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Cas. What were you saying?"

"I was asking about Marius's assertion that he is in love with Cosette, when he has only just met her and barely interacted with her at all," Castiel repeated himself after a moment of scrutiny for his friend. "It seems disingenuous, more like the 'love' of the pizza man and the babysitter."

"It's supposed to be love at first sight, Cas," Sam explained, scrubbing a hand down his face. "It's like... when two people who've never interacted before meet, and there's this... connection that forms between them, like they click on a level that is deeper than physical or emotional. A look, a touch of hands... you just know, looking at that person, that this is it. This is the one." He shrugged. "It's talked about in books and movies and stories and songs all the time as this big romantic ideal, a lot like soulmates... uh, cupid-type soulmates, not me and Dean type soulmates."

"Do you not believe in love at first sight?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side with that puzzled curiosity that Sam found endearingly familiar.

"I don't disbelieve in it," Sam said, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, being a hunter has taught me that every story has some root in a truth. I just don't necessarily think that it always happens the way the stories make it sound. Like maybe sometimes it's one-sided, or something gets in the way like they live too far apart or one is already married or..." Sam bit his lip before he could continue the thought with mention of angels and humans, because he knew from Castiel that most instances of humans and angels coupling were less about romance and love and more about lust and awkward power imbalances, and the last thing he wanted to bring up right now was the hypothetical Nephil again. "Besides, just because love usually happens more slowly than a couple of seconds doesn't make it any less deep or meaningful or special."

"I see," Castiel hummed, and then, "Sam? How do you know when you're in love?"

...Shit.

"Uh," Sam reached up to rub the back of his neck, only to force his hand back down again when he realised what he was doing. "It's different for everyone, Cas...."

"I am aware," and there was a definite note of impatience in the gravelled voice. "I am asking how you know when you are in love."

"Oh," Sam mumbled. He could feel his face heating up and very nearly prayed that the heat wasn't a visibly obvious blush before he stopped himself; Castiel would probably hear it if he did. "Uh, well... not to sound like a broken record, but it was different for everyone I was... I mean, I felt differently about different people, even though it's all still love."

Castiel made an encouraging noise, and when Sam chanced a look in his direction, the Angel was turned more towards him than the screen, clearly interested and wanting to hear more. Well, okay then. Sam leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, reaching back into the depths of his memory for the times he was in love or thought he was, shying away from some of the memories like Madison or Sarah or Amelia, and focusing on the deeper ones, the ones that got under his skin and stayed there across the years, even just as scars. There was a pattern there, a set of feelings that overlapped each instance.

"Happiness," he began, because that was the obvious place to start. "When you see the person, you feel happy. Being around them, sitting next to them, holding hands, hugging... full of happiness and joy and peace. You feel happy when they're happy, sad when they're sad, hurt when they're in pain... You want to protect them, even when you know they can protect themselves. You would fight, kill, even die for them, not because they would ever ask it of you, but because losing them is... unthinkable. It's agony. And all the pain is worth it, because seeing them smile is... it's better than Heaven."

"Oh," Castiel breathed. "Yes, that... that makes so much sense now."

There was a shuffling sound, and the couch cushions dipped beneath shifting weight, and then Sam felt one of his hands being enfolded in Castiel's, the skitter of that unfamiliar Grace held tightly leashed beneath his skin tingling just at the edge of Sam's awareness. He opened his eyes and looked at Castiel, who was beaming at him now from much closer than he had been. "Cas...?"

"Sam," Castiel was still smiling, but it was warmer, softer than the brilliant joy of before, more comfortable and... "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I was never able to explain myself adequately to my brothers, and so they frequently drew incorrect conclusions that I lacked the necessary frame of reference to refute or correct. Perhaps now I can make them understand."

"Understand?"

"That I am in love with you, Sam Winchester," Castiel squeezed Sam's hand gently. "My world started the day I took your hand. And I would not have it any other way."

"Cas... I...." He couldn't say it. He wanted to, God, did he ever want to say it back, but the words caught in his throat, too used to being choked back after so many years. "Cas...."

"I know. Sam? Will you hold me again? I enjoyed that quite a lot."

"Sure, Cas," Sam shifted, shoving the whirling of his thoughts back and away, and opened his arms. Castiel released his hand and moved closer, pressing the length of his body against Sam's. He let out a soft sigh as Sam brought his arms up to curl around Castiel, settling in a loose embrace that still managed to fully encompass the Angel's smaller physical frame. Together, they turned to watch the movie, wrapped up in each other and the mutual assurance that their feelings, spoken or not, were returned.

"Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in Heaven has in store...."

=End=

#sastiel #sastielcc #sastiel creations challenge #spn fluff bingo #supernatural fic

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Back in time? Jimmy: he ain't even back yet Jimmy: I'm fucked off beyond belief Janis: 'Course he ain't Janis: 😑 Jimmy: good thing I am 'cause there weren't nowt for Cass to make for tea but don't worry dad Janis: What a prick Janis: so little satisfaction in sorting it and being the perfect son when he's not even gonna be sorry/care Jimmy: least I can win big brother points Janis: 👍 Janis: What really counts tbh Jimmy: I've sent her for chips and whatever else she can get her grubbies on so 🥇 Jimmy: what you doing? Janis: Nice one Janis: Not a whole lot, still chilling down in the barn 'cos know I'll have to chat to someone about some irrelevant shit if I go in Jimmy: it is decent in there but it's shit that you aren't here Jimmy: 'cause you could be & that's what pisses me off Janis: I know, wish I was Janis: could go for some chips right now, like Jimmy: get a lift? Jimmy: your massive family gotta have some uses Janis: 😏 Not totally about the chips, babe Janis: am hungry though Jimmy: I'll get you different food if it's a dealbreaker Jimmy: you know you wanna watch a 12 & 6 year old fight over the remote Jimmy: like they ain't been inside all day Janis: Bless 'em Janis: Better than having to watch a 15 & 16 year old though like, go in a different room you privileged fucks, you really need the 'big' TV #exposed #thankslads Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna have to take 'em to the park or whatever tomorrow 'cause it's bollocks Jimmy: that's your invite Jimmy: help me milk my sickie Jimmy: fuck knows when I'll get a full day off again Janis: Sure, long as my lady love's got hers too, like Jimmy: she won't leave me alone so yeah Jimmy: must smell like you or summat Janis: 😍 Janis: least she weren't there to watch, she woulda defs gone for you #nohope Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the audience you really want Janis: nah, get enough of that with the cats lurking like creepy fucks Jimmy: if you noticed them hanging 'bout then 💔 'cause I was clearly shit at keeping your attention Jimmy: gutted Janis: I didn't Janis: You know you weren't Jimmy: I know you weren't Janis: 😳 Jimmy: think of somewhere you wanna go tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: fun shit Jimmy: even if it ain't #goals Janis: I'll think on Janis: What kinda shit are the kiddos about? Jimmy: whinging Jimmy: nah but for real Cass is into all kinds of shit as long as it ain't the kind of shit your sister likes Jimmy: easy pickings for you there Janis: What about Malahide? they've got the castle and all that but if that ain't up to scratch, day at the beach Janis: even I wouldn't complain, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: that's actually a really decent idea Jimmy: I should have enough money for the train knocking 'bout Janis: If you like, I can cadge a life from one of my not-as-shit siblings, literally quadruple the time on the train, which is alright if we gotta but if we don't, result Jimmy: I wouldn't complain Jimmy: the dog'll be enough of a nightmare as is Janis: Poor baby Janis: she can sit on my lap Jimmy: if you sit on mine she ain't Jimmy: not her fault she's never been nowhere though Janis: firstly 😍 Janis: secondly, it don't matter if she's badly behave, my brother will take us in his hippie van so she can walk about more Janis: hopefully the kids don't get a contact high like soz but it'll chill 'em out so 🤷 Jimmy: least he won't be a brother I have to worry about fighting me then Janis: 😂 God no Janis: none of my brothers are harder than me and that's that on that Janis: he might chat to you on some weird shit you have no interest in but that's about your lot, it'll be fine Jimmy: firstly 😍 & secondly also 😍😍 Jimmy: stop being hot & not here it's a bit rude Janis: I know, right? Janis: Take it up with your Dad tbh but don't 'cos bigger sins and 🖕 Jimmy: any chance your brother can also bring you here now? Janis: So Igs, I have a dick appointment... Janis: 😏 Jimmy: if he's chill he's chill, yeah Jimmy: don't make the rules Janis: If you want me DOA 'cos shame 😳 Jimmy: You won't remember it in a bit Janis: So tempting Jimmy: so be tempted Jimmy: go on Janis: You just left Janis: but I've not stopped thinking about you Jimmy: alright then come back Jimmy: I'm thinking about you right now Janis: Fuck...okay but I can fully hide in your room if your Dad comes back, yeah? Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: he don't matter Janis: I don't wanna get you in trouble though, actual trouble Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: if he wants to start shit that's him Janis: Okay, coming over Janis: track someone down to tell I'm still alive, like Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: I need to shower do you want me to wait for you so we can do it together? Janis: Wait Janis: I want that Jimmy: doing my bit for the water bill Jimmy: my dad can't say shit Janis: Definitely start your argument there, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't wanna talk to him but if I gotta Janis: Well he's the one that fucked up today so what's he gonna say really Jimmy: 🙄 loads probably Janis: 😒 Janis: I'm gonna distract you though Jimmy: you'll get through the door see the 🐶 and only have eyes for her Janis: I mean, she is pretty demanding but nah Janis: you got my full attention right now Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want it Janis: Thank fuck Janis: be awkward if you didn't now Jimmy: I did reckon that maybe I'd get it out of my system and be like Janet who? but Jimmy: I weren't ready to go yet Janis: 😑 Janis: Got a day or so left in us then you reckon? Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: if you don't take me somewhere shit tomorrow I'll give you another day, only fair Janis: 👍 oh tah Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: for real though, it made me want you more Jimmy: that's weird, isn't it? Janis: is it? Jimmy: I didn't reckon I could Jimmy: but you were just Janis: I'm glad I didn't disappoint Janis: 'cos I want more of you too Jimmy: piss off would you Jimmy: not to be all 😍 but 😍 Janis: 💪 Janis: 'course not Jimmy: You know what you were & it weren't disappointing Janis: You're cute Jimmy: alright shut up Janis: Nah Janis: gonna have to wait and make me cutie Jimmy: you're gonna make me 😳 Jimmy: stop Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: how long can I let my sister be out getting food before I reckon she's been snatched? asking for a friend Janis: I think you've got a while yet Janis: I'll let you know when you can worry Janis: got her phone, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: glued to it more than we are Janis: practically born with one these days Jimmy: can't blame her she had loads of mates back home Janis: yeah, must miss them loads Janis: least it ain't too hard to get back, when she's a bit older, like Jimmy: fuck knows where any of us will be this time next week the way my dad carries on Jimmy: he's gotta be with someone right now 'cause he ain't here Janis: true Janis: most likely, coulda at the literal least text Jimmy: I know he ain't got loads of mates Jimmy: must be busy, don't wanna think about it 'cause how ungoals Jimmy: what's the opposite of 😍 Janis: 🤢 Janis: Basically Janis: doesn't put me in the mood either don't worry Jimmy: I take back what I said before, that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me 💕 Jimmy: save me from the repeated history Janis: 😂 Janis: I can tell you all about how unattractive I find him if that works, easy Jimmy: don't think 'bout him if it's such a turn off, only gives me more work to do Janis: Don't be a slacker, babe 😏 Jimmy: never even faked it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: I felt it Jimmy: I still feel it Jimmy: you Janis: You're killing me Jimmy: I don't wanna make it weird but Janis: ? Jimmy: I don't know just Jimmy: it's not been like that for me before Jimmy: all the 'shade' to my ex maybe Janis: I feel it too Janis: so not weird, just us usual at this point Jimmy: I really can't stop thinking about you, I know I already said it Janis: I know, I seriously can't Janis: and like Janis: give a shit about judgment that ain't why I'm saying it Janis: but I don't do things like this, this quick, usually, you know but I just Janis: wanted to so bad Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me either, for all my chat Janis: Yeah? Janis: makes me feel better, like, it was happening regardless but I was a bit worried you'd notice Jimmy: there have been other girls, scattered about but I've only had the one girlfriend Jimmy: & you know how that went Janis: Yeah Janis: can't help being so youthful Jimmy: & we were mates first for ages it wasn't like this Janis: Makes sense Janis: I'm a casual billy no mates as well all know though so 🤷 Jimmy: me too Jimmy: we did try and be mates after but it never quite happened Jimmy: Barry's #influence Janis: Jealous type? Jimmy: not that simple but let's say it is Janis: Fair enough Jimmy: there was just a lot of shit happening & not Jimmy: for all of us Jimmy: how fucking cryptic, am I a paddy now or what? Janis: 🍀 getting so acclimatized babe Janis: but seriously, you don't owe me nothing if you don't wanna talk on shit, it's cool Jimmy: I know Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: easy to talk to? or I like it whatever Janis: I like talking to you and all Janis: I know I don't say loads (or do I? #chatty) but I barely talk to my own fam never mind anyone else so believe me like Janis: you're honoured, is what I'm saying Jimmy: can't get a word in, can you? Jimmy: I'm that dickhead Jimmy: I don't know it's like rule 1 of this new roof is there was no before & alright but Jimmy: there was Janis: Nah, if you were you'd be too much like my Sister and there's no way I'd have even fake kissed you never mind really fucked you Janis: sometimes you wanna talk about that shit Janis: it don't always stay before, good or bad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 like Jimmy: I'm shutting up now Jimmy: Take a turn, girl Janis: You don't have to but alright Janis: what you wanna know Jimmy: only what you wanna tell me Jimmy: I'm not here to dig Janis: hmm Janis: okay Janis: don't be weird, yeah, usual rules Jimmy: 👌 Janis: It's weird because I didn't want to tell anyone about it or talk about it before but now it's happened I kinda do but also, there's still no one I would wanna but you really so Janis: that was my first time, like, proper sex Jimmy: well now I'm glad I didn't disappoint Jimmy: shit Jimmy: I'd have never have reckoned that Janis: That was the plan Janis: to not let on, not 'cos I don't trust you or nothing but idk, why make it a big deal but Janis: there you go Jimmy: you could've told me Jimmy: I probably wouldn't do anything different 'cause you know Jimmy: but I don't know, I'm just saying, you can tell me shit from now on if you want Janis: I don't know, people get in your head about that shit, don't they, like everyone says first times are crap but if you didn't know then you wouldn't be different and it didn't have to be Janis: and it really weren't Janis: so, thanks, yeah? 😉 Jimmy: Goddamn it, Jillian, stop trying to make me fall in love with you Jimmy: how do you take your first time at anything and just fucking 🥇 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: You ain't mad about it Janis: team, remember Jimmy: I'm like in #awe Janis: Shh 😌 Jimmy: sort of wish I could tell everyone so I could big you up how you deserve Jimmy: won't though Janis: People reckon they know anyway 'cos obviously if some dickhead from School ain't bragging about swiping my Vs to everyone it couldn't have happened Janis: dunno how #goals everyone would rate that but I appreciate Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: it'd get twisted so like I said, I won't but 🥇 seriously Janis: 😍 Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: Under 10 minutes Jimmy: Cass is back, I'll fight her for your share of food Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: get a boyfriend who'd smack down a 12 year old girl he's related to for you Janis: 😂 Janis: My hero, truly Jimmy: I don't even know how you like your chips Jimmy: probably some weird way Janis: Lemme guess, gravy Jimmy: say something snide, you can't Jimmy: it's good Janis: 😏 just that you're an absolute stereotype Janis: but I seriously ain't fussy, when you've got a Dad who insists on doing needlessly fancy shit to everything, it's good to just have some straight up junk Jimmy: peas are good too Jimmy: there's loads of shit here anyway Jimmy: remind me not to give my sister money again Janis: 💸💸💸 Janis: I'll try it your way, impress me, boy Jimmy: if I don't with the food, I'll do it after Janis: You better Jimmy: have I been all chat even once? nah Janis: that's why I like you Janis: no bullshit Jimmy: so you can believe me when I say shit first time is a myth but it does get better the more you do it Janis: I will, even if that sounds like a ploy to get me to fuck you more Janis: not mad Jimmy: maybe it is Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but I still think we can make it true too Janis: 'course we can Janis: as long as I wasn't awful, hence I had to check before or you'd feel like you had to be nice, like Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: you got the right boy? Janis: If I ain't don't tell him Janis: you sound hot Jimmy: [sends selfie] I am Jimmy: you have kissed lads before though? you're not gonna tell me that you just smashed that 🥇 too, are you? Janis: DAMN Janis: better make that my phone background asap 'cos #boydonegood Janis: nah, I've kissed lads Janis: not loads and like I said, it sucked every time but Jimmy: thank feck for that Jimmy: not that it sucked but they exist Janis: Why? Janis: Can't deal with me being THAT good? 😏 Jimmy: nah I can't Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm glad I had though or I might not have agreed to our deal Janis: I felt nothing but I knew they liked it, so it'd be alright Jimmy: did they ALL fall for you or just me? Janis: One of them unlikely as he's a massive prick who's rode every girl in his School and most at ours Janis: then the other was a kid in Brazil because we always go back to where my Dad's fam is from so I saw him a lot when we used to go back more Janis: maybe but you know, years ago now Jimmy: he so did Jimmy: just thinking about kissing you Jimmy: you know what it makes me feel like Janis: Tell me though Jimmy: I don't even know how to Jimmy: it just sounds like bollocks but its not Janis: I believe you Jimmy: I wish we could stay in all day tomorrow Jimmy: but I can't be that dickhead Janis: We've got time Janis: however long we wanna Janis: not going anywhere yet Jimmy: I believe you Janis: Good Janis: You're making this holiday bearable, hell, this fucking town right now Jimmy: I don't have to say likewise Jimmy: even before when it was meant to be only fake bearable Janis: Yeah Janis: You're just better than everyone else here, that's facts regardlesss of what we're doing Janis: I should've found that out sooner but whatever Jimmy: like you said, we've got time Jimmy: when you get here stay outside for a bit, I know it's probably gonna piss down but I want Jimmy: I wanna just be alone without kids and fucking dogs & dads that might appear or not whenever Janis: Okay Janis: I want that too Janis: we're showering anyway Jimmy: & I'll keep your chips warm for you, I'm not an animal Janis: 💕 Jimmy: gimme a phone background Janis: [Cute selfie which we should defs find for each other 'cos yas] Jimmy: 👌 now I really wanna be alone Jimmy: so what you've just been walking around looking like that? bit rude Janis: Who do I think I am, honestly? Janis: Getting off the bus though, if you see me, don't let me go to the wrong house for a laugh, tah Jimmy: Hang on, what's your name again, Jasmine Canvas? summat like that Janis: 🙄 you wish, art hoe Jimmy: me? yeah alright Jimmy: you & your flair Janis: I won't apologise for being #inspired Janis: get you some concealer from gracie if CG gets mad about it Jimmy: I won't say soz for how much I've touched it since Jimmy: or cover it up for them dickheads Jimmy: what did you say before? Can't censor #art Janis: When it fades I'll give you another one Janis: so you remember just how much I want you Jimmy: I'm not gonna let myself forget Jimmy: or you Janis: I don't plan on letting you either Janis: but giving you one every time we screw might be a bit excessive Janis: don't wanna leave you that sore, poor boy Jimmy: just cover me tonight it's not gonna be topless weather at the beach even if I am that northern Janis: How can I refuse such an offer? 😍 Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: but I don't want you to Jimmy: I just want you until we have to crash Janis: Give me some too? Janis: I like them Jimmy: how can I refuse? not gonna Janis: You're fun Janis: and hot Janis: I really really like fucking with you Jimmy: 😳 Jimmy: it was fun that really got me Jimmy: fuck knows when I was last called that Janis: You are Janis: people are idiots Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: & I like you Janis: Backatcha Janis: See yours, come out and kiss me please Jimmy: I was about to ask where the fuck you were Janis: Shut up, I didn't get lost or nothing, you kept distracting me, as per Jimmy: you shut up, saying please when you know it kills me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: how do you look so Jimmy: who looks good in the rain? piss off Janis: 😏 and people reckon i'm unbearable now, keep giving me compliments imma be so bad Jimmy: Nah? I'm so mad at you Jimmy: Can't you tell Janis: 😞 Janis: can't you see this pout Jimmy: [kisses her by biting the pouty lip and pulling it in 'cause how dare she be so cute bye] Janis: [Makes noises 'cos gotta be quieter inside and also damn boy] Janis: still mad? Jimmy: Maybe Janis: Do what you gotta do 'til you ain't, I'm ready Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: [keeps kissing her 'cause they extra] Janis: am I staying the night? Jimmy: yeah Janis: Good Janis: reluctantly go in now then Jimmy: would you have come all this way just to kiss me? Janis: 😶😳 Jimmy: then we can't go in yet Jimmy: [more kisses 'cause he's swooning bitch] Janis: I want to kiss you all the fucking time Jimmy: go on Janis: [Kisses first to end him] Jimmy: [Gotta give her a loud reaction back 'cause she's earning it] Janis: Fucking hell baby Janis: that ws the best thing I've ever heard Jimmy: if you wanna hear it again you know what to do Jimmy: whenever Janis: I don't wanna hear anything else Jimmy: but I've gotta let you get a word or sound in sometimes Jimmy: if only for me Janis: only for you Janis: fuck I'm so wet can we eat later or is that so anti-social and rude Jimmy: we can Jimmy: Cass & Bobby eat the speed of light, they were basically done before you got here Janis: I promise to be good and social and everything we need to be later Jimmy: I'm not asking for nowt Jimmy: you're here, I got what I wanted Janis: not yet you didn't Jimmy: alright yeah Jimmy: so come on Janis: 😍 Jimmy: [Hand holding to go inside, making Winnie's dream's come true]

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unicornprincessinthetardis · 5 years

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My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against

#personal #personal post #my ramblings #my rambles #ramblings #rants #my rants #family #british politics #politics #rivers of blood #enoch powell #religion #anti-immigrant sentiment (not mine #i'm so done #and so alone #i just want a friend #and ideally an income of some description #but if i register for jobseekers' allowance/universal credit i will have to try all the time to get jobs of all kinds and i don't know what #i want to do/am qualified to do/can do bc potent cocktail of autism/anxiety/depression/no self-esteem/perfectionism/home situation #im just horribly stresssed and worried about everything and mum won't go to the doctors about her failing physical health to spite me #and dad has the cheek to say don't worry!! oh thanks i'd never thought of that before!#mum had an ovarian cyst when i was a kid & she didn't go to the dr till it was so bad she could hardly walk so she was in hospital for week #and it could've been dealt with so much more easily if she'd gone earlier so i'm so scared it'll happen again #i mean i'll be able to look after us if it does happen again which is good bc grandparents absolutely can't now #anger #very long post #long post #islamophobia tw #racism tw

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shinkookiefanfiction · 5 years

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SHE'S MY NOONA

Chapter 23

It was in the evening and Min ah was outside at the door waiting for Jungkook. When she saw the manager and director coming on their way in which she hid.

"So about my proposal did you tell your niece about It?" The director who was my uncle's childhood friend asked " Well she needed time." " but I thought that is what she wanted since she was young...isn't that her dream?" The woman asked " you know somethings just need time...I can give all the time in the world for her...if she needs time I guess she has her reasons."

Min ah's p.o.v

I managed to over hear what my uncle was talking with the director " Well i guess she changes her mind fast...you know she can't be here for long." The woman continued asking about the boy's progress.

" I'm glad you talked well about your boys, they are leading soon enough they'll be able to achieve their goal and dream of being known internationally...mostly that young boy Jungkook I can sense he really has the passion." " yah what are you saying both of them are really passionate they cannot live without eachother....teamwork." uncle cried

It was true my kookie was really passionate with his talent. I envied him so much just by recalling how he performed at the studio it was really charming, I guess this is what kept him alive. " but manager Park watch out for your boys..in order for that dream to come alive you know that they must not do anything stupid...such as dating, drugs and.." " yah! How can you say that? They are BANGTANG BOYS they always know what they want." Uncle laughed it off making me think of Jungkook.

" even though as the director, I need to be responsible you know what happened to the other disbanded boys...they were almost close to their goals...I'm just warning you because it seems your boys aren't themselves." She cried seriously leaving.

I stayed for a moment till Jungkook appeared wearing his mask and a heavy jacket since it was snowing and cold. I was happy to see him " did I make you wait long enough?" He nagged me cutely making me smile " aniyo it was just for a while...even if it was long for you I can wait even years." I cried.

Just when he held my hand it felt really cold " aish why do i feel cold?" I felt him pressing my hands tight " hey if we are dating you can hold my hands any time since I'm yours." I smiled at him also giving me a killer smile. " lets go home." He said dragging me to the van.

We drove till home and there we were each standing in his and her own door waiting for who to make a move. Then by suprise he got in first, I was really angry weren't we suppose to have our first date today? Now he's the one to leave first....I really hate it.

I sadly opened the door when his door suddenly bust open and he approached me with his hands from behind. " Jungkook." I muttered to myself removing some bouquet of white roses "For our first date...let our love for eachother be pure and a happy long lasting love just like this flowers." He handed them out as we lightly held hands with a cute smile.

He then took me covering my eyes and directed me somewhere I didn't know. I bet it was inside his home my cheeks blush thinking of something else.

After we reached somewhere he finally uncovered me and there stood a well decorated table with drinks and wine. It was a romantic candlelight dinner that no one has ever done for me, it was beautiful.

"What do you think?" He asked me which i was speachless but to hug him for what he did "wh..at's wrong is it bad?" He asked worried " kumaoh for being my boyfriend." I cried thinking the fact of what manager Park said earlier.

He then hugged me back as that night I felt the warm embrace from my sweet boyfriend who was my star among other stars " I'm the one who should thank you Min ah, for forgiving me where ever I made you cry and chose to be with me." He said

We then sat down and started our own date it was really awesome and nice " yah when did you get time to do this arrange everything?" I asked as he served some food on our table. " I asked someone for help she's a close friend of mine." He snapped

So he has many female friends and he's talking about her infront of his girlfriend. " Ooh so you have a female friend." " ne just like you and v my hyung." He said.

Is he jealous? Did he also realize that " yah v is just my friend just like you with your other hyungs." " I know that but I hate it when you treat him like his your boyfriend." Aish he's really cute when he frowns " don't worry Tae already gave up on me since we love eachother. " mwo! He confessed to you?" He got shocked " ne but that doesn't matter now since we are together." I smiled at him as he extended his hand and held mine as we interlocked our fingers together.

"You always find a way to make me smile...Min ah...will you be my girl?" He smiled. I didn't know what to do because I was trying so hard to fight back my tears as he continued whining holding my hand. " arasso!" I cried

By this he got up from his seat and came towards me, thinking of what he was gonna do. I felt really nervous " aren't we eating...you haven't finished you-" "aniyo!, I haven't finished you." He got close on my face and huskily saying it close to my ear.

Those words sent shivers all my body....what is he even planning, don't tell me he's thinking of it. I blushed to myself as i nervously smiled.

" Yah why do you keep smiling like an idiot?" I realized I was just fantasizing again " Ooh aniyo it's nothing." I said to him. " by the way....why did you do our date indoors?" I curiously asked " because it's perfect, unique and special since we'll just be the two of us." I decided to pray it was real closing my eyes staring at the roof.

Just then I could feel a hot burning sensation of his lips on mine, he was already kissing me making it even more deeper as he soon carried me bridal style with his well built body on his bed not pausing even for a second. He was so gentle towards me, his lips were really soft and I could smell the fragrance of his body which was really sweet just like him.

He then paused for a second " is this what you were fantasizing about?" He sweetly smiled at me making me more embarrassed. Everything about him made me crazy maybe I think I knew why fans went crazy over him. He may seem mature but he has a pure heart, I smiled back at him.

Jungkook's p.o.v

I pretended all the time not knowing what she was fantasizing because it was the same for me, which made me carry her to my room as i lay her on my bed. I managed to tease her which made her embarrassed.

Noona was really pretty, I've never seen her get so nervous about a question. She made me laugh....she looked young and pretty and acted very innocent. I liked everything about her mostly her beautiful smile and pretty eyes. "Kyeeopta." I muttered

She was too pure and cute for me to hold her....no matter how i thought of making love with her...I couldn't easily do that...she's too precious for me hence we lay there embracing eachother and holding hands.

" Min ah..." I called for her as she nods " saraghae...nomu saraghae." I smiled at her as i stroked her brown hair behind her ear.

" nado...sarangaeo." she was caressing my cheeks gently as i kissed them.

Shin min ah's p.o.v

He loves me and I love him but if i accept I'll have to leave for London just to fulfill my dream but if i also continue with this, his dreams will be shuttered which I can't risk it. I was in deep thoughts not realizing i how long kookie was staring at me dreamily.

" wae?!" I managed to cry teasingly hitting him as he just chuckled which made him very cute. " aniyo..." his face suddenly became serious " looking at you like this....I feel as if it's a dream...a beautiful dream that may...soon go away from me." He smiled lightly "I'm afraid to loose you...not now or forever."

I listen as the thought of me leaving to fulfill my dreams struck me...he never knew aside from cooking I love modelling and appearing on screen. " yah! who said I'm just a dream....if you wake up I'll always be right beside you arasso" I lied knowing the fact that this relationship wasn't going to last..........why?........

...Because you are my star with big dreams ahead of you and no one even I wasn't gonna stop it. I smiled as i tightly hug him and he hug back....wishing the night would never end.

Sarangaeo Kookie...I don't really know what to do. I closed my eyes as i lay on his muscular warm chest.

Jungkook's p.o.v

Min ah ran her arms around me tightly she was so soft like a cushion but better than that she was special to me and after just being apart for a year and some months I didn't want to loose her, I might seem selfish but I just couldn't

Mianhaeyo manager and everyone for breaking the law but I never thought I would meet you Min ah...but I feel that their is something wrong with you, you behave very strange....I wish you would trust and tell me so that i can be of help.

I caress her brown hair before I finally was lost in my sleep.

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existentialstatesofmind · 7 years

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Never A Dull Morning

Clare: didn't let boys see her undergarments. Even though she'd starting buying more interesting bras and panties last year, it was for herself not them. Of course Dakota hadn't actually done anything wrong. "It's just private." She explained. "Thank you for understanding." Her cheeks were still pink as she got dressed. Clare wasn't going to explain her weird logic in front of Emi. How she could go without wearing a bra in front of him but wasn't ready for him to see it. Clare was a little shocked after she succesfully beat up Bren. She'd learned how to do that after the whole Fitz threatening her and Eli with a knife incident because it was important to be able to defend herself. Had she gone too far? Bren hadn't actually touched her. Emi was here though and she needed to know it wasn't okay for boys to talk to girls like that even ones who weren't strangers. (Although to Clare, Bren was.) Bren didn't get a free pass. Especially after behaving like that in front of a five year old! He should be ashamed of himself! Besides Clare knew she couldn't hurt Bren badly, she didn't know how to do more than (hopefully) get him to leave her alone from now on. She stepped outside with Kota and slowly breathed in and out trying to calm down. "Is he always like that?" Clare asked. "No problem. I don't want to confuse her. Foreign languages aren't easy for me. I always want to pronounce words exactly how they are written. But in Spanish a J is prounced like an H, in Russian an I is pronounced like an E. So on and so forth. I guess that's why I like French, it's the same alaphabet as English so it's slightly less confusing for me. The difference is the French use diacritics." Clare shrugged. She didn't give up easily and at least she had been right about how to say sushi after all. She felt better by the time they went back inside. Clare smiled at Ash and Emi. "Emi did a good job. He's still down." She knew that wouldn't last much longer so she gladly escaped to the living room with Kota and Emi. Clare sat down on the couch. She bit her lip when Emi asked about purity rings. This was part of the reason why she felt like it was necessary to shut Bren up. Emi didn't need to hear about anything that pretained to sex. Of course she had questions now. Kota was lucky she only asked that one and didn't seem to care that he didn't give her a real answer. Clare winced soon as she heard the name Jenna. Maybe it was a different Jenna? No, soon as Kota got to the part about her trashy short shorts and her purposedly bending over (so everyone could see her buttcrack), Clare knew Dakota was referring to the her former friend. Who stole K.C from her using that exact tactic. He wasn't worth keeping and neither was Jenna's friendship. "I didn't know big mouth already told you all of that before we started hanging out." Clare said softly. "I guess she's still bragging about it. She's been trying to get with every guy since K.C got sick of her. Alli's brother, Sav, turned her down too. She's going to get the baby taken away from her because she won't stay home with him and there's no one else to watch him. I'd feel bad for Jenna but Owen threw my best friend Adam through a glass door for being transgender so...if that's who she wants to be with her baby deserves better." She squeezed Dakota's hand as he confessed to Kelly about his false reputation. Clare knew people might get the wrong idea when they found out she was dating Dakota especially if someone learned about their sleepover(s) but she didn't care. Anyone who mattered wouldn't believe a rumor over the truth. If Jesus Club did to her what they did to her sister, she didn't need to be part of it. However, she hoped they'd changed along with their name. Clare smiled back at him and chuckled because she'd always been able to take care of herself and now she could stand up for herself too. Well, by doing more than slapping boys and making a scene by yelling at them. The other girls at school needed to learn how too instead of relying on Kota to play superman. "I like you just the way you are even if you're reckless. There are some situations you can't get out of alone, she needed a friend." Clare reassurred him after Kelly left. "Just give them the card from now on. Kelly's right. Her dad could've killed you." She shuddered. Clare scooted closer to Dakota when Bren came in. "Do you even realize that was sexual harassment and if you keep doing it, someday a women will press charges against you and you'll go to jail." She said seriously. "You can't grope girls because you like the way we look, just like we can't do it to you. Or each other. Or a guy to another guy." She shook her head. Bren had Genesis all wrong. They were still living with the consequences of Adam and Eve's betrayal. The bible also said that outside of marriage sex was a sin. Even if you didn't believe that, there were other reasons to wait and she didn't plan to do something she'd regret. "Yeah! Let's go after breakfast before it gets too hot. Outside." She frowned. "The only problem is I don't have any exercise clothes here." Clare didn't want to wear her new outfit to the park. She supposed she could make do with what she'd worn over to Kota's in the first place.

Kota: nodded when Clare reassured him after Kelly left and kissed her cheek. "Thank you." he whispered and listened to her chide Bren. He knew that they've been there with him. "Yea, I know. That's why I ask to touch a girl's breasts. They taught me about sexual harassment in school and as long as I don't touch her without permission the most the girl will do is beat the crap out of me. So much easier in Bristol." Bren whined. "Yea, he's got a hard head. He went to Bristol and into a night club where he made a friend. She took a pill, made out with him for about ten minutes, then her boyfriend came and we got a call from the hospital. Bren had to get stitches and had a broken arm. We just sort of gave up after that." he explained to Clare. "The guy had a hard punch, once the girl realized he was beating me up, she called the cops, grabbed him and ran. I'm friends with her on facebook, she asked when I'm going back to Bristol." Bren explained to Clare. "And didn't her boyfriend threaten to kill you if you ever touched her a fourth time since you had to go find her after you go out of the hospital?" Kota asked looking at him. "Yea, but that's just a threat." Bren stated and Kota rolled his eyes. "I wish I could just beat the shit out of you right now, but it'll be futile. I only continued to help because I thought you were done with that girl and could actually change. She's fucking strung out on drugs. That night you were in the hospital she was too, an hour later she tried to kill herself because of the drugs she took. Does that really mean nothing to you, do you not see how much she's calling for help?" Kota asked. "So what she just needs to stop taking whatever drug made her want to die. If she were mine and came to me every night I'd be the happiest man alive regardless if she's strung out or not. They can help the suicide thing." Bren shrugged and Kota got up seeing the headphones still on Emi. "Bren, sex isn't worth your life nor is a girl. Who cares if she got strung out and made out with you, she's fuck-" "I don't care." Bren yelled back and Kota felt a hand on his shoulder to see his mom. "From the first time I held you, I knew you'd be trouble. You acted out more than any of your brothers and never wanted to stay. You were always trying to leave to go wherever, soon that changed and you started going after girls not caring about anyone, but you. I had these papers printed out and money put aside. They're emancipation papers, if you really want this I won't stop you anymore." She said holding his suitcase in hand and he took the papers. "I know you don't care what happens to you, but we do. I think you may need this, to go on your own for a bit and come home to us. Maybe this will help you be a better man." she said as she signed the papers after him and handed him his suitcase and passport. "There's money in there with an address book to friends I've made and keep in touch with in various countries." she said. "And I can be with Iona?" he asked curiously. "This was only an act to be with her?" Kota asked. "Well yea." Bren answered. "If that's what you want." His mom said and Bren took his things and left. "He never unpacked his things. I knew he didn't want to stay." his mom explained and he sat back down. "Maybe this will open his eyes." Kota breathed and laid his head on Clare's shoulder. After she mentioned going to the park after breakfast, he watched as Kelly bought out a plate of pancakes while Dallas carried the plates, Stacy carried sets of silverware wrapped in napkins and Ash and Dom carried sides. Without a word, Kota went to the kitchen and grabbed bottles of juice for everyone, then sat next to Clare and Emi. "Kelly, do you still have those yoga shorts that were too small?" he asked looking at her. "Yea." she answered. "I need them for Clare." He said honestly. "They're in the same place in my room. Also you're on wash duty later after Dallas does the basics. I have Victoria's Secret lingerie that needs to be washed and you're the only one who doesn't shrink them besides Stacy and she has to go home. I also have work." Kelly said and he nodded. "Ok, Stacy do you need your Victoria's Secret lingerie washed?" he asked looking at her. "Yea. Dallas will get them for you when you're ready to do the laundry. Dallas cut some of the tags off mine so that should help a bit. My bras and other items have tags." Stacy explained and he nodded as he ate. "Dom is helping me separate the Victoria's Secret from everything." Dallas stated. "Ash and I will do the dishes then." Stacy stated honestly. "Ok, that leaves Kota and Clare to the floors after dinner." Kelly said. "I wanna help." Emi stated. "We just pick up big items and leave the rest to the roomba." he informed Clare as he continued to eat. After breakfast was done, Kota went and got the shorts for Clare and one of his shirts too. "I'll go change in Dom's bathroom." he smiled at her as he handed her the clothing and kissed her chastely before going to change.

#nadm

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