#There is no ship cannon in this franchise just accept it now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

speaking-from-the-abyss · 4 years

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Hey uh, in all seriousness, can we talk about the implications of the most recent Pokémon ship? (bear with me this is a LONG post)

I'm talking about this two:

Ok so, to put in context:

A few weeks ago the most recent Pokémon season started -called only Pokémon (2019) but we all know is Pokémon Sword and Shield-. And since episode 2 internet has exploded with people shipping Ash with the new co-protagonist, Go. I've seen this specially on Twitter, but also here in Tumblr and there's no doubt in other sites the ship is also present.

Now, I'm not a super big fan of Pokémon, but I've been around quite enough time to know that two or so seasons ago there was this girl called Serena who was supposed to be the "real" couple for Ash, like, the "cannonical partner" or something, because she was the first girl co-protagonist who actually had a crush on him and they kissed and whatnot.

Because of this a lot of people have been wondering why we never see nor hear anything about her and her relationship with Ash again (I didn't watch Sun and Moon so maybe I'm wrong). And now we have Go, and their interactions have been good enough to make people ship them so hard and so fast that it surprised even me - literally after episode 2 came out.

But not only that. At least from what I know, Go is a non binary kid (they were described as agender) so even if the translation subtitles uses the pronouns he/his with them, that's inaccurate, because they're not a boy (I could be wrong because I've seen people and websites calling them both agender and male, but for the sake of this post I'll refer to them as NB. Does anyone has the canon facts?). And that gives the opportunity for the ship to actually become canon without the assumption that's a gay ship because tecnically one of them is not a boy. It sounds as a stretch, but... y'know, it could totally happen.

Let's be honest: we all se the chemistry between the two. And we all know, deep down inside our hearts, that the series is probably not gonna go in romantic direction with them. They're most likely to develop a friends/rivals relationship with admiration for each other, because romance has never been a genre/topic we associate with Pokémon. But for just a second, for just a tiiiny little second, let's believe the confirmation of the ship as canon totally happens in the future. Can you imagine it? That'd be amazing.

First off, because we're talking about the confirmation that the protagonist of a series as iconic as Pokémon is LGBTQA (we can later discuss if this would make Ash bi or pan or gay or whatever). We have to remember that, despite the large demography in ages of people who watch Pokémon, it's still a show mostly directed towards kids. With this, we're giving kids someone in an anime who they can identify with, which is super important for the whole process of realization, understanding and acceptance they could be going trhough. But this doesn't aply only for kids, because this process is not something everyone experiences during childhood: the teens, the young adults and even the adults could find a situation they can feel close to. And it's beign represented not in an underground series that nobody knows about, but in fricking Pokémon. And they're not characters who are extras and don't even appear that much: they're the fricking protagonists.

Of fricking Pokémon. Pokémon. We're talking about a 20+ years long series, with tons of fans all around the globe and an impressive influence in pop culture. I dunno about other people, but at least for me it would mean so much to know that the protagonist of this incredible huge franchise, good ol' Ash, was a LGBTQA character.

But of course, ONLY IF they develop this topic in a sensible and serious way that's natural instead of forcing it just to go with the trend.

Second, because if they really wanna go down that path, they can address really important things, like the slowly realization of the both about liking the other as more as a friend. And this is important because we have to remember that both Ash and Go are still kids, so this whole process is new to them: to discover love, to have a person you like, to experiment all the insecurities, fears and distress it can cause, as well as all the joy and happiness. Love by itself it's pretty complex, specially the first one because you have no idea what to do or what you're even feeling, but if we add to the mix the fact that you're falling for someone you're not supposed to by the terms of society, then things are even more complicated.

But you know what? All of this is extremely normal. Thinking "why am I feeling like this?" is normal. Thinking "why do I feel like this if he's a boy?" is normal. Just asking "Why?" and not knowing what to do is extremely normal. And they're kids, so it's even more normal for them to not know what to do next or how to manage those emotions. For people that are discovering their sexuality it's also really normal to ask these questions. Realization is never easy or pleasant, and it requires a lot of time, but it's crucial for acceptance. So if they actually go in a romantic way with those two, it'd be awesome if they talk about these kinds of things in a sensitive way.

And third, because we're talking about representation here. Ash could be gay or bi or pan (again, we'll discuss that later, depending on the development of the series) but Go is -for what I know- non binary. We have a non binary child as a co-protagonist in fricking heckin' Pokémon.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but i believe this is the first time in the history of the Pokémon anime this happens. Heck, even in the history of the whole franchise. And I'm just. So happy for that. I'm cis, but I have heard and read a bunch about NB people, and we can all agree is one of the identities that has less representation than almost any other, just because is so hard for us as a society to understand that not everyone has to be a boy or a girl. They don't have to "pick a side" and stay there forever. I guess it resonates with me since i'm bi, so beign told that "it's just a phase" or "sooner or later you're gonna pick one" really pisses me.

But anyways, back to the point, which is I'm so happy to see more representation of NB people. Good job guys, let's keep it up.

Now, we have to understand that, right now, the ship it's really not a big deal. Sure we have fun and we ship them and we all see how well they relationship would go, but because this is Pokémon, it's really unlikely to happen. But if it does happen, if, against everything, we get to live in a timeline where Ash and Go end up as a couple in canon, well oh boy oh boy,

hell's gonna break loose.

In all ways posibles. There would be people who love it and people who hate it, and the controversy would be extremely high, with people defending and other damning this development. And there'd be also the ones who would just enjoy the chaos with popcorn like me. But, honestly, it's a risky move for the franchise: it could go extremely well or extremely bad. I guess it will all depend in what kind of story they want to tell this time because, as far as I know, we're not having the usual "Ash enters the league and tries to win it" thing.

Only time will tell.

#thank you for coming to my TED talk #and for reading this essay #pokemon #pokeani #pokemon anime #pokemon 2019 #pokemons swsh #pokemon sword and shield #Ash #Go #lgbtqa #lgbtq #lgbt #firstfriendshipping #gou x ash #ash x gou

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disneyplusfan · 4 years

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Revisiting our first viewing of The Mandalorian S01E01

A look back at our reactions to Season 1 episodes as the new season of The Mandalorian begins.

November 24, 2019

The Mandalorian: Chapter 1 recap by K (includes detailed spoilers)

A Mandalorian bounty hunter tracks a target for a well-paying client.

Directed by Dave Filoni

Written by Jon Favreau

Music by Ludwig Gӧransson

Airdate: Nov 12, 2019

As I write this, I have watched the first three episodes of The Mandalorian three times now. I’m hooked. I did not expect to be. I expected to like it well enough — but not to love it.

I’m a Star Wars fan for *cough* many years, since childhood. Adore the original trilogy, intrigued yet annoyed by the prequels, less than wow’ed by the final trilogy. I like Rogue One. I also liked Solo, although I get that I’m one of maybe three people in that camp. I have not watched Clone Wars. So this is my frame of reference.

Boba Fett is perhaps my favorite character. He is one of the best characters in the franchise, and I will die on that hill. You know next to nothing about him, and that adds to his mystique. I read Tales of the Bounty Hunters and Tales of Jabba’s Palace back in the day, and “Last Man Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett” and his showdown with Han Solo will always be the quintessential Boba Fett/Mandalorian story for me, canon or not. I was enraged when they changed his voice in the original trilogy to Jango’s (like he couldn’t just be disguising his voice??).

For me, Boba Fett is the original Mandalorian against whom all others will be measured. I have spoken.

All this to say, my standards were high. My expectations for The Mandalorian in particular would have been even higher, if I wasn’t somewhat disappointed by the final trilogy of films. And this was the first live action Star Wars television series, so it’s uncharted territory.

I also managed not to be spoiled at all for this show going in, which was how I like it. Everything came to me fresh as I watched.

From the establishing shot, the cinematography is like the original series movies. Check. You feel immediately immersed in the Star Wars universe. Check. It’s a snowy ice world, like Hoth but greyer and flatter in terrain.

The titular Mandalorian, who is all but certainly not Boba Fett, as he looks a bit different in his armor (and the show is set 5 years or so after Return of the Jedi, which you don’t know yet in the show itself but meaning Boba Fett should be dead by now, or at least dying in the Sarlacc’s belly), looks good. Same imposing figure, same mysterious-yet-badass immediate impression in his imposing armor and weaponry. Can he pull it off? I mean that for the actor as much as the character. I know nothing about which actor is playing him (Pedro Pascal, from Game of Thrones, I learn later). I’ve remained completely unspoiled.

He’s holding a tracking device. So, also a bounty hunter. Check.

He’s heading for an establishment, a darkened bar, or saloon, or cantina. Inwardly I eyeroll a little. Another cantina?

From inside the bar we see the round spiral blast door opens from the middle outward and the Mandalorian is darkly silhouetted against the icy white exterior landscape.

Nice, iconic character-establishing shot. I am interested.

Simultaneously, the music starts. A soft, repetitive, lulling theme of eight wind notes vaguely Native American in tone that we will come to know quite well. For now, it adds a touch of mystery and suspense. The lulling, almost hypnotic aspect of the music gives the sense this is all just routine, and the Mandalorian’s short, almost imperceptible shake of the head as an insult is hurled at him seems to add to this effect.

Two patrons of the bar, a couple of aliens, have been roughing up a meek, chubby merman guy, some kind of aquatic creature. He’s a new species so that’s interesting. They are bullies, who threatened to cut off his glands, so the violent type, and it feels like Mos Eisley or worse. Inwardly I eyeroll again because we’ve seen this before in the original Star Wars film, A New Hope. Don’t they have any new ideas?

The Star Wars universe has at least one entire galaxy to play with. Yes, establish place as the Star Wars universe with familiar things. But within that we don’t need to keep seeing so many of the same things we have seen before. Give us some easter eggs because we’re fans, but give us new things to love, too. It’s a balance, and I personally want more new than repeat. One of my main gripes with the final trilogy is that it’s too much of the same, just with new characters who aren’t fleshed out and developed enough for me to care about them. But that’s another review.

So it’s a cantina, and they want Star Wars fans who are perhaps not as well versed as me (like say, my sister) to be oriented. Fine, I’ll be patient. I don’t doubt a bounty hunter will frequently find himself in such places.

All the patrons’ eyes are on the Mandalorian as he enters and stands at the bar counter. If you haven’t started to feel vaguely Western elements yet, they start to come now. He’s got his back to the rest of the bar, waiting. Almost baiting. The bullies immediately shift focus leaving the merman alone to go pick on him instead. It’s a mistake and everyone knows it. But they must test our hero. And I too, as if just another patron at this cantina, want to see them test him. I’m curious.

The loud one calls him “Mando!” and we have something of a name to call him for now. But it might be an insult and I’m not quite sure yet.

They seem interested in his armor — Beskar Steel — and this is something I personally have not heard of before. I’m interested.

A bit of Mandalorian taunting and a quick fight later, one of the bullies who tried to escape the bar is pulled into the blast door entryway as the Mandalorian’s grappling hook yanks him halfway back inside, and closes it, severing him in half. I let out a bitter laugh. It wouldn’t be Star Wars without some bully losing a body part in a bar fight, right? Check. And the Mandalorian proved himself badass, so far.

He goes over to the merman, who first just tries to thank him, then bribe him with credits and a drink. The stoic, imposing Mandalorian simply places a disc on the table in front of him, and immediately a holographic image pops up showing his face and name in Basic.

“Is that a bounty puck?” the merman asks. A device that’s new to me, perhaps not to others. Further interested. The weak man tries bargaining some more.

The Mandalorian brings a hand to his blaster and speaks for the first time.

“I can bring you in hot, or I can bring you in cold.”

Cut to opening title credits.

Perfect first line.

The voice itself doesn’t immediately wow me. It’s not as grizzled as Fett’s, it’s younger and somehow... unseasoned? I’m not sure. But it’s not Jango’s voice, so I’m willing to accept it. And again I think, why couldn’t Boba Fett have kept his original Jeremy Bulloch voice?

Title credits. Nice font. The drum beat theme music that also sounds vaguely Western. I like it.

Then we are back outside on the ice world, walking back up the path where we first saw the Mandalorian. He’s got the merman in handcuffs.

“I need passage, to the yards.”

An Ortollan, a species from the original series, plays a little flute and a land speeder comes up piloted by a droid.

“No droids.”

I find it interesting that our Mandalorian would prefer a living creature to a machine as a programmed droid should be more reliable but perhaps machines can be remote controlled, or else there’s a story there that I really want to hear.

The Ortolan plays his flute again and the next speeder comes up, a red one. It's considerably more broken down than the previous one, driven by an older guy in a hooded coat. “Where to?”

They pull up to a silver-colored ship of some kind, bigger than the Slave IV I think. Kind of clunky, really, more like a C-130 cargo transport than an F-16 fighter jet — not what you’d expect to be necessary for a bounty hunter to make quick getaways. Merman agrees with me.

“You’re kidding me, right? I’ll hire us a Livery Cruiser. I’ll pay for it. Just trying to make it pleasant.”

The speeder pilot meanwhile is scanning the horizon anxiously and demands payment. The Mando pays him. “I’d stay off the ice if I were you.” Something’s gonna attack, and probably from beneath the ice. Can’t wait.

Merman is worried and watches the speeder depart into the distance as the Mando readies the ship.

Something launches up from under the ice and consumes the speeder, and a snakelike body with dragon-like spinal plates disappears beneath it again. Merman freaks out and demands they hurry as the ice cracks in their direction.

The Mando yanks him out of the way just in time for a giant walrus-tusked creature with a long body launches out next to the ship. It catches part of the ship’s landing gear in its mouth as they try to take off and there’s a familiar sound effect like the Falcon losing power.

The Mandalorian grabs his tuning-fork weapon from outside the cabin doors (where it stays when it’s not on his back) and heads out to fight. The creature has one of the landing gear legs in its mouth as the music swells very tribal. One zap from the tuning fork weapon and the creature is electrified, immediately lets go, and they escape.

The ship is more impressive in air than on the ground as two enormous jets fire. It seems heavy though. I don’t see any weapons except two forward cannons of some kind, but of course there is probably ample hidden weaponry. Can’t wait.

Once in space the merman starts bargaining and conversing but the Mandalorian is silent, having none of it.

“I like your ship,” the merman says, now trying to butter him up. “She’s classic. Razor Crest, am I right? Pre-Empire?”

So it’s an older ship. The cockpit, entryway and ramp, halls and hull are quite wide and roomy. It makes sense that a bounty hunter needs room to carry cargo. I suppose some quarry may be quite large depending on species. I’d like to see him have to capture something large. I wonder if he has a larger ship because he’s young, and can’t yet afford something speedier. Or perhaps he loves it, despite being old and possibly rickety, like Han loved the Falcon. It doesn’t look like it’s been through the wars, though, so that’s a mystery. Can’t wait to learn more about the ship.

Merman goes below on the pretense of having to use the evacuation tube. There’s some funny toilet humor here. There’s no restroom, the evac tube is in the middle of the floor against a wall--kind of like a New York City basement apartment I viewed once. To the right of the evac tube is a wall with what looks like a palette inside -- I guess that’s where the Mandalorian sleeps? It’s hard to tell.

Merman keeps exploring as he talks. Finds a cache of weapons but surprisingly just closes it again. And then he finds the other bounties.

This actually pissed me off on first viewing. The Mandalorian has several other quarry below deck--all encased in carbonite. I did a massive eyeroll here. Boba Fett (really, Vader) encased Han in carbonite as a matter of convenience at the location they were at in Cloud City. It was a test to see if he could transport Luke that way to the Emperor--IF he survived. But it’s NOT like it was the preferred mode of choice for bounty hunters to transport their quarry. So why would this Mandalorian just happen to have not just bounties in carbon freeze on his ship but has a carbon freezing /chamber/ on the ship, as he shoves the merman into it.

This really annoyed me until a friend suggested maybe the other hunters heard about Fett and Han at Jabba’s Palace and it became a thing once they knew it wouldn’t kill the bounty. After some thought I have accepted this idea, even though it seems quick if this is only set 5 years after Jedi. Still, the other Mandalorians would have been among the first to know, and it’s a more practical mode of transport allowing low risk of escape and not having to address your quarry’s various biological needs. Also easily stackable while protecting them. So okay, I’ve come to accept it.

Mando arrives at a spaceport in a semi-large desert city, that actually looks a lot like Tatooine--both what we’ve seen from the original trilogy and the prequels. They never actually state where we are at any of these locations, but this is my theory. There’s a droid like Red, there are people walking around dressed like Tatooine inhabitants. More evidence comes later in the series.

He enters another drinking establishment that seems to be the meeting place for his contact. The feel is very much like the bar where Han shot Greedo, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was even the same one years later. Aliens of all types, again, watching him closely.

He meets his contact and returns the fobs. Payment is arranged. The Mandalorian says the Empire is gone, and he accepts Calamari flan at half than Imperial credits at full payment.

The question of the next job comes up. Guild rates are high. The Mando wants the highest. 5,000 doesn’t cover fuel these days.

The contact says “Well, there is one job.” No puck. Face to face, direct commission. Pays well. “Underworld?” No codes. The Mandalorian accepts the chip.

More of the city. Goes to a back-alley establishment. Arrives at a door with a TT-8L/Y7 gatekeeper droid, like at Jabba’s Palace. Inside is a walking garbage-can droid like in the Jawa’s ship. I take this as more evidence we are on Tatooine, though of course these items could be sold throughout the galaxy.

Inside there are four Stormtroopers. An older man with an Imperial pendant who is clearly the leader and client. “Greef Carga said you were coming.” So that’s the Mando’s contact back at the bar. “He said you were the best in the parsec.” Haha, at least we are using parsec correctly now.

A side door opens, which startles the Mandalorian and he draws his tuning fork weapon (a modified amban phase-pulse blaster rifle). The four Stormtroopers draw also. A younger man with glasses comes in, shielding his face, apologizing profusely. The client introduces him as Doctor Pershing. A scientist. The Mandalorian still has weapons drawn in both hands, facing off with the Stormtroopers. “We have you four to one.” “I like those odds,” he responds. “He also said you were expensive. Very expensive.”

All calms down and the client invites him to sit. He unfolds a block of beskar steel as down payment. He has more upon delivery of the asset -- alive. Proof of termination is also acceptable for a lower fee. The Doctor protests.

No puck. Tracking fob, age, and last known positional data only. The quarry is 50 years old.

“It is good to return the beskar back to the Mandalorians. It is good to restore the natural order of things after so much disarray, don’t you agree?”

The Mandalorian pauses here and almost imperceptibly again cocks his head. He touched a nerve. Amazing how an actor can still convey so much behind a helmet. I still don’t know this actor but he’s pulling it off.

More of the city. Whatever that laughing thing was at Jabba’s feet, two of his species are roasting on a spit. One more is in a cage. (It’s a Kowakian monkey-lizard like Salacious Crumb. I had to look that up.)

The Mandalorian ducks in behind a curtain. Down some steps. Strings here that sound very Star Wars. A long hall with other Mandalorians about. Some have the helmet antenna like Fett. Some are small, running. Children.

At the end of the hall over the archway is a Mandalorian skull emblem. Within is a person working at a forge, hammering metal and heating it over a ring of open gas flames like Bunsen burners. The blacksmith, which IMDB tells me is Armorer, comes forward and sits down with our Mandalorian. There is fur around the collar, the helmet is different, golden with two small horns, and looks more like a gladiator helmet. From the way she moves, and especially once she speaks, this is a woman. I am intrigued, since I have not seen a female Mandalorian before. They nod respectfully to one another. The Mando produces his payment: the Calamari flan--and then, the bar of Beskar steel, marked with an Imperial insignia at one corner. She is visibly surprised and impressed.

“This was gathered in the Great Purge. It is good it is back with the tribe. A pauldron is in order. Has your signet been revealed?”

“Not yet.”

“Soon.”

A pause here to discuss armor. Any show about Mandalorians was going to have certain elements. Ships, weapons, lore, armor.

Mandalorian armor is famous in the Star Wars universe. Beskar steel, the material it is made of, is strong, and can withstand almost anything, yet very light, rather like mithril in the Lord of the Rings universe. It would seem the Great Purge by the Empire included not just Jedi but Mandalorians, and their armor was melted into bars, as currency or for transport. (This is speculation on my part.) And that a goal of the Mandalorians is to reclaim as much beskar as possible, and reforge it back into Mandalorian armor.

The blacksmith does just this and makes him a pauldron, or shoulder cover, from the bar of beskar. She tells him this is extremely generous and the excess will sponsor many foundlings.

“That’s good,” he responds. “I was once a foundling.”

“I know.”

A bit more of our hero’s background.

Her forge is a combination of computerized part designs and heavy iron machinery, like a 3-D printer on steroids. And as it bangs out the new pauldron each loud clang of metal on metal shows us a brief flashback of our Mandalorian’s memories. A battle with fire and sparks all around. A woman in dark red robe carrying a boy also in dark red robe. He is terrified. Presumably this is our hero. She is carrying him, he’s maybe 8-10 years old. A man is with her, her husband? People getting shot--massacred--all around them as they run. Explosions. She opens an underground container of some sort, deposits the boy. He has brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. He reaches for her as the doors close. And then the pauldron is completed; the flashbacks stop.

Having viewed 3 episodes already, this becomes a pattern and I love this device. You get a little more of his backstory with each piece of armor, with each clang of the forge. It’s perfect. It makes sense that in these moments as he waits in this safe place, he might slip into memories. Or perhaps they come unbidden at this time for some reason. There’s also a nice theme of memories being buried beneath his armor, along with his emotions. And only when there’s a chink in the armor, does it show through.

The pauldron goes on, shiny and new, and for the first time I notice the wipes. A center point wipe expanding outward, with fuzzy borders, and so very Star Wars that it makes you smile.

He heads to another planet that looks from space like Tatooine. If we weren’t on Tatooine before, we might be now. We are at least in the vicinity. It’s a desert planet with jagged sandstone cliffs all around. He lands his shiny ship, and gets out with the fob. He looks through his turning-fork weapon’s scope, and spots two distant creatures I can only describe as land grouper with legs and long tails. Suddenly he is attacked by one, sinking its teeth into his arm before he can get a shot off, and then a second, and though he fights with flamethrower and even fists, it looks like we will lose our hero until someone shoots them with taser darts.

It appears our hero is not wounded, but his arm pieces are damaged.

A small man with a piglike face and a kind, wise voice and goggles on his head. An ugnaught. Remember them from the original trilogy? IMDB tells me his name is Kuill, although this is never actually said in the episode, so I will refer to him as the ugnaught.

I suspect anonymity is a running theme in this show, as part of the Western genre. So far we’ve heard almost no character names (which makes writing reviews a little difficult). I’m wondering if there’s any significance to the ones we do know, vs. the ones we don’t.

“You are a bounty hunter. I will help you. I have spoken.” This last part is his trademark line, as we’ll see. I love it.

We go to what looks like a wind or moisture farm. There is, from what I can see, only one sun.

The ugnaught tells the Mandalorian that others have come looking and died. He will show him the way for half of the blurg they caught. Mando will have to learn how to ride them to pass to the compound.

On the first few attempts the blurg throws him. Apparently it’s a female; the males are all eaten during mating. (Thanks for that tidbit, Kuiil.) He gets thrown again and loses patience, asking for a speeder.

The ugnaught challenges him.

“You are a Mandalorian. Your ancestors rode the great mythosaur. Surely you can ride this young blurg.”

Our hero is challenged; the words touched him. He approaches the blurg like a wild horse that needs breaking in, and the Western theme is back, even in the music. Eventually he succeeds, a triumphant moment that impresses the ugnaught, and they’re off across the landscape full of ravines that only the blurg can jump, apparently. The theme music swells until they arrive at a cliff where they can spy on the encampment. This is where the bounty hunter’s quarry is.

Mando tries to pay him off. Ugnaught reveals his motive: it’s been an endless stream of warriors trying to get this quarry, breaking the peace. He’s read the stories about Mandalorians and believes ours can make quick work of it and bring peace back to his land.

Our boy does some recon with a hand telescope and the place is swarming. Then he spots a bounty droid, and groans. The droid is just walking right in, and demands the asset be produced.

The bounty droid looks like IG-88 from The Empire Strikes Back and again, for a moment, I almost eye rolled because really, can’t we see something new? All bounty droids look the same? But whereas IG-88 just stood there, this one moves, and the way he moves is COOL. Although humanoid in appearance like 3PO (head, two arms, two legs), unlike 3PO he appears to operate around a central pole or spine, allowing his parts to rotate 360 degrees. This includes his head, his eyes, his arms and therefore weapons, and his waist/hips. It gives him an amazing advantage as he can just keep spinning and shooting. The way he steps over a body is awesome. He’s also really skinny and thus hard to hit. Whole new respect for the IG series.

This IG unit is also funny, and his repartee with our Mandalorian is instant comedic chemistry. There’s a fantastic shootout, where they team up, and as they are outnumbered, the bounty droid seeing no way out, keeps trying to self-destruct. “Do not self destruct!” our Mando keeps shouting at him, and after a very badass moment with an [ion machine gun], by the end they win, and everyone in the yard lies dead. Mando helps him up, saying “You’re not so bad for a droid,” and the droid replies likewise. I saw a sidekick in the making. They shoot their way inside, kill a few more people until there’s no one left, and determine the quarry is just before them in the corner.

Except there is no one there, just a white ball looking thing with a net over it that the fobs indicate is the target.

They remove the net, and open the ball, which is really more egg-shaped.

And then it opens, it looks more like a bassinet with a blanket inside.

“Wait--” says Mando. “They said 50 years old.”

“Species age differently,” replies the IG unit. And we get our first glimpse over the top of the blanket as he says “Perhaps it could live many centuries. Sadly, we’ll never know.” And as he’s speaking, a little head peeks over the blanket.

Oh. My. God. And in this one moment, I am glued to this show forever.

It’s a baby Yoda.

Except it isn’t Yoda, because Yoda’s dead. But we don’t know Yoda’s species name, and we don’t know the baby’s given name, so we will call it what the internet has dubbed it in the meantime: Baby Yoda.

And this moment, above all, is the biggest reason I am so glad I wasn’t spoiled.

Baby Yoda is the most adorable, most precious, most endearing thing you have ever seen. And in a franchise that has at times been criticized for its more saccharine “cute” creatures that appeal to young children (Ewoks, anyone?), this is one we can all get behind.

Baby Yoda is CUTE. <3

Baby Yoda is everything.

Remember my aversion to anything we’ve seen already? I NO LONGER CARE. Looking at those huge brown eyes and long floppy ears, this doesn’t even cross my mind.

I would give my life for Baby Yoda. I know this all in one second.

And the IG unit is about to kill it.

Apparently our Mando feels something similar.

“Wait,” he says, and reaching out he lowers the IG unit’s weapon. “We’ll bring it in alive.”

“The commission was quite specific. The asset was to be terminated.” The IG unit raises his blaster again, aimed squarely at the crib.

The camera closes in on the Mandalorian’s helmet, fixed on the bassinet, and there is a red blaster flash from his right, reflected in the helmet. The Mando’s head never moves.

But the IG unit falls to the floor, shot in the head. Sizzling. He’s toast.

Our guy shot him without even looking. He’s fixated on Baby Yoda, as we all are. He puts his own blaster away, and tilts his head.

The camera cuts to a gorgeous profile, backlit from a doorway. The Mandalorian stands before the crib, which is now floating in the air at waist height. He raises a finger towards the crib, as a tiny finger comes up from inside it. They don’t quite meet.

End credits.

End credits for this show are a series of beautiful concept drawings and if you know Star Wars at all, these are some stunning art. The whole theme also plays over the end credits and it is hauntingly beautiful. Ludwig Gӧransson’s score is perfect.

Thoughts.

Themes: Space western. Anonymity. (Even the ship still has no name, just a model.) Foundlings. Characters that seem to have no family, but instead bond in other social ways (covert/religion, bounty hunter guild/profession). Remnants. Loss.

I LOVE the concept art at the end. Fans love this concept art, and I have a couple of books of it myself. Nice way to incorporate it into the series. You can see how the original concept and final product differ (very little, in most cases) and a few intriguing pieces that were either filmed but cut from the final edit or never filmed. I love how they add the 3-D effect to some of the drawings, and I still don’t know how Hollywood achieves that.

Concept art round-up:

Mando and Baby Yoda’s ET moment

Some intriguing glow-dice game between two Mandalorians? I need to know more about this.

Mando firing a blaster

Mando entering a cantina

Mando and Kuiil on Blurrback

Mando and IG-11 taking cover during battle

Mando and Kuiil entering Kuiil’s home

Mando walking on the icescape with his back facing the camera

Mando battling the ice creature while hanging out of the Razor Crest

Mando and IG-11 standing shoulder to shoulder

Mando on Blurrgback

Taika Waititi is amazing as the IG unit bounty droid. Never would have guessed it was him.

Werner Herzog is perfect as The Client, I love his voice, and the article/video about him crying over Baby Yoda.

This show is going to get me writing fanfic again, dammit.

*****

The Mandalorian: Chapter 1 recap by K (includes detailed spoilers)

A Mandalorian bounty hunter tracks a target for a well-paying client.

Directed by Dave Filoni

Written by Jon Favreau

Music by Ludwig Gӧransson Airdate: Nov 12, 2019

Run Time: 40m

Greef Karga (Carl Weathers)

The Client (Werner Herzog)

Dr. Pershing (Omid Abtahi)

Kuiil (Nick Nolte, voice)

IG-11 (Taika Waititi, voice; Rio Hackford, performance artist)

Mythrol (Horatio Sanz)

Alpha Trawler (Tait Fletcher)

Beta Trawler (Ryan Watson)

Quarren Trawler (Dmitrious Bistrevsky)

Armorer (Emily Swallow)

#the mandalorian #the mandalorion season 1 recap #disneyplusfan #tha mandalorion s01e01 #star wars

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thanksjro · 4 years

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Eugenesis Part Two, Scene Five: (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight feat. Prowl’s Lack of Empathy

You know that super intense battle we were reading about last part? Where Grimlock got killed and Bumblebee was stabbed onto the front of a wrecked ship while the last line of Earthen defense was fighting one of the greatest threats in the galaxy?

Fuck you, it’s time for more OC-based pseudo-romantic tension.

As promised, Quark is going to see Rev-Tone again. He brought boardgames. He peeks into the specialized isolation room they’ve got Rodimus.

Fuck, it’s Throwback. Why are you still here? You’ve served your purpose, go away.

Throwback just got back from his pan-dimensional testing- Perceptor wants to make sure he wasn’t going to cause some sort of rift in space-time just by existing. Can’t say I blame Percy for that one, seeing how the entirety of the Marvel comic run went in that regard.

Some nurses take Throwback back to bed, where he immediately and fortunately falls asleep. Quark goes over to Rev-Tone and starts setting up a game of full-stasis (space chess). They chat about what’s happened, Rev-Tone whining about how bored he is being stuck in the medi-bay. Quark says that Rev-Tone could just leave if he wanted to seeing as he’s nearly back to his old self, both he and Roberts seeming to forget that his legs are still off.

The two’s conversation dies off, as they see Red Alert, fresh from being un-exploded, being walked to a bed by First Aid. They, and everyone else in the ward, start clapping, showering the poor man with applause. This probably isn’t the best thing to be doing, guys, seeing as he- in his eyes, at least- just failed to keep the Prime safe from harm. This was the biggest job of his entire career and he blew it. This all probably just reads as sarcastic to him, and makes you all look like a bunch of jerks.

In a brief aside back on Earth, Bluestreak’s spotted a dozen troop-ships full of Quintesson cannon-fodder. They all land and Sharkticons start pouring onto the scene.

Meanwhile, Nightbeat’s ready to show the High Council what he’s sussed out from the security footage. Most of High Command isn’t even there, but he still puts on his game face, breaking out the footage and going through it beat by beat. It’s revealed what’s happened to Thunderclash; in the aftermath of the explosion, a mysterious stranger teleported onto the scene and whisked him away.

Then Chromedome walks in carrying a corpse.

Actually no, Emyrissus isn’t dead just yet, which is honestly kind of bullshit, seeing as we just got an incredibly poignant death scene out of him. I know he’s got important information to give the Autobots, but it still feels a bit cheap to let him live at this point.

Prowl, you can’t just deny someone medical attention like this.

The last thing Emyrissus does is finally reveal what he saw at Darkmount- Quintessons. Then he passes out. Chromedome’s a little shell-shocked, seeing as he’s still covered in the guy’s blood, but nobody cares about that right now. Prowl tells him to get to work communicating with everyone to be on the lookout for Quintessons, and Chromedome leaves, presumably to do his job and also maybe cry a bit.

War is hell, y’all.

Nightbeat brings up the point that maybe they should tell the Decepticons about what’s going on, just so they aren’t trying to fight two enemies at once. They probably don’t even have the troops to handle just one threat right now. Prowl disagrees, saying that the ‘Cons wouldn’t believe them, and also giving them a call would be the equivalent of rolling out the welcome mat and setting off fireworks.

Chromedome calls to tell Prowl know that he’s done what was asked of him, though he can’t actually reach Autobot City. He’s not sure why.

…Holy shit, Prowl. Are you sure you’re supposed to be a good guy? No wonder IDW Chromedome hates him so much.

Prowl and Perceptor come back after a moment, having decided that now is the ideal time to tell Nightbeat why he was transferred to Iacon.

Wow, what a brutal few pages we’ve just been subjected to. It feels like Part Two really ramped things up, doesn’t it? That good ol’ rising action. Speaking of action, let’s get back to the battle on Earth.

Up in his warship, General Rodern is pissed. He really wants to see the titan, but it just isn’t happening. He orders half of the fleet to perform a ram-raid on the city. Now, I looked up what a ram-raid is exactly, and well:

Yeah, that might work.

Down below, Ultra Magnus is fighting off Sharkticons with Death’s Head and Wheeljack. They still can’t get in touch with Cybertron, but Wheeljack’s got an idea- use the space bridge.

And down below that, Mindwipe’s feeling hella aftershocks from the battle above. The city’s on its way to collapsing, and he can’t get in touch with Magnus. Well, that’s just great.

OH-KAY, back to Nightbeat’s plot-thread; Apparently his mission, should he choose to accept it, is quite the doozy. After fumbling around with their words for a bit, Prowl and Perceptor just decide to show him the footage.

Hey, so this is a wormhole. A wormhole that was made when Throwback came back to this universe, and can traverse space and time based on you just wishing really hard about where you want to go.

Goddammit, Throwback’s plot-relevant. I’m so mad. Rodimus is going to be mad too, if he doesn’t die, because this is basically a time-machine, and he spent pretty much all of 2009 destroying those.

Originally- y’know, back before Rodimus was one foot in the grave and Thunderclash was still around- Nightbeat’s mission was going to be a simple data-collection trip, and then he would shut it down. Now, things are a bit more complicated.

ARE YOU F U C K I N G KIDDING ME

THIS SHIT AGAIN

ROBERTS YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THIS

LET SPACE JESUS REST

Sweet baby Jesus, this is infinitely worse than how I was expecting this section to go. I was thinking we’d finally gotten to the mechpreg portion of this little romp, but instead it’s more of Optimus Prime’s friggin’ undead body shambling through the franchise. Let his soul rest, for god’s sake.

#transformers #jro #eugenesis #part two #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #prose writing

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screwloosestudios · 6 years

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I wasn't sure at what point to actually call this finished, but I couldn't hold onto it forever!

LOTS AND LOTS OF TEXT BELOW

(Shucks, I don’t know how Tumblr works, you might have to go directly to the post to see it at full resolution???)

Unlike my other recent Smash pictures, this one wasn't planned for ten months to finally be realised now - in fact, it was only after the latest Direct that I realised I hadn't appended the SMASH 150 with another appeal for my most wanted character. It's become a bit of a tradition since I've investigated Captain Syrup not once: fav.me/d4cigck but twice: fav.me/d8ri2ag before! Now, after those first two prefaces, let me preface this by saying: I do not expect Captain Syrup to be playable in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I do not expect Captain Syrup to even appear in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I do not expect Captain Syrup to even be referenced in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I do not expect Wario Land itself to be referenced in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I do not expect another Wario Land game for at least ten years. But if Daisy, Ridley and K. Rool have taught us anything, it's that shouting and complaining is exactly the right way to get your favourite character into the game. Now, I kind of feel like Captain Syrup simultaneously has really good and really bad chances to become a playable character. On one hand, she is fairly obscure and has only appeared in three games but on the other hand, if there's ever going to be another Wario representative, aside from a handful of WarioWare characters Syrup is probably the most prominent character to pick. So this time I decided to go all out - not only is everything fully coloured but I've offered several options for various attacks covering all my bases! ADVENTURE SCHEME For this set I attempted to stick as closely as possible to attacks and abilities only used in Wario Land games that Syrup appears in and - as far as I could - by Syrup herself. Counterfeit Coin - Wario Land In the first Wario Land game the exit door in each level needs to be unlocked by dropping a coin into a slot. Often this has already been done for you but sometimes Wario actually needs to pony up the cash and pay his own way through. This coin throwing ability is a pretty overlooked one, but it can actually be used as an attack! Of course, there's no good reason for Captain Syrup to throw away perfectly good money so here she uses a fake token. Escape Bomb - Wario Land 2 I've used this basis before, but it functions a bit differently here. The bombs that Syrup drops in one of her fights in Wario Land 2 send a column of fire along the ground which will catch Wario and throw him out of the room. Here it produces a wave of flame that travels along the ground. Charging it up will produce a huge bomb (like the one she uses to escape the castle in the first Wario Land game) which, naturally, produces a larger, stronger flame. Wish - Wario Land In the final fight against Syrup in Wario Land, the captain commands a huge genie who is too high up for Wario to stomp on. The key to this battle is for Wario to throw the magic lamp around until it lands the right way up, at which point a puff of smoke pops out and can be used as a platform up to the genie's head. The smoke then turns into a miniature genie who floats around blasting magic onto the ground. That concept manifests here with Syrup producing a magic cloud from her lamp and riding it upwards then, at its peak, it bursts into a lightning bolt. Alarm Clock - Wario Land 2 I struggled for something to put here but it kind of works. The beginning of Wario Land 2 shows Syrup's pirate gang breaking into Wario's castle, stealing his treasure, turning the taps on and leaving a big alarm clock in a back room somewhere. For this attack Captain Syrup pulls out the alarm clock which, after a certain amount of time, will go off, sending out shockwaves. Final Wish Naturally the Final Smash should be a big genie summon. I think was can all agree on that. Smash Attacks Options I had a couple of ideas for how smash attacks could work. The first is to swing the anchor (an item from Wario Land 2) which is appropriately nautical but kind of suggests that Syrup is very physically strong, but the fact that she has never been fought hand-to-hand would suggest otherwise. The other idea - and my favourite one - is for her to use her magic lamp to summon big genie fists. Granted, it's a bit Bayonetta-ish but with seventy characters, I don't think a little bit of overlap will ruin anyone's day. TREASURE SCHEME In fact, I've always associated Captain Syrup with the magic lamp, even though she only used it once. I think it's one of the reasons I liked her so much. She's a pirate, but instead of using standard pirate fare like cannons and cutlasses, or incongruous robotics like other final bosses (though she did that exact thing the very next game) she used a piece of treasure against you. I loved the notion that she steals so much treasure that the occasional magical artefact would show up and would become part of her defensive arsenal. I tried to integrate the lamp fully into her design above, but here I explored that a bit further - using only treasure that originated in Wario Land games, of course. Merfle Syrup A throwable item, this little jar will smash on impact and either create a puddle of sticky syrup on the ground, slowing down anybody who walks through it, or land on an opponents head whereby their motion is hindered until it shakes off. (Technically this doesn't have the be the "treasure" Merfle brand, it could just be Syrup syrup and used in any other moveset!) Magic Carpet From the ending of Virtual Boy Wario Land, this can either be a dashing side special or a recovery. Glass Slippers From Wario Land Shake, the joke in that game was that there is only one and it is therefore useless, but I've added a second one here so that the pair can function as either a recovery or some sort of magical spin kick. CONCEPT SCHEME The other possibility, though probably far less likely, is to come up with a brand new way for Captain Syrup to fight. It has happened for a few Smashers so I thought I'd at least offer a possibility. Once again I wanted to shy away from classic pirate imagery so instead continued the theme from the very first Wario Land. Captain Syrup's base of operations in on Kitchen Island, a place whose regions are all based on mealtime - Mt. Teapot, Stove Canyon etc, even Captain Syrup's pirate ship is the SS Teacup. So I gave her a big knife and fork to use as weapons! Functionally similar to a sword but different enough to be noteworthy, I think. ECHO FIGHTER: MONA Since Ultimate is getting a lot of mileage out of Echo Fighters (a practice I definitely endorse) I wondered how the trend might fight into this proposal. I actually think it's just about possible to squeeze a Syrup Echo out of Zelda by replacing the glow of Zelda's magic with colourful puffs of smoke (from the lamp) and replacing the Phantom with the Mechagoom but I wasn't prepared to draw of that, I'm afraid! However, if I was pitching Captain Syrup as a character, I feel like offering an accompanying Echo and thereby getting two characters for the price of one (in a manner of speaking) might give her a better chance of being accepted. And, since we know Ashley isn't playable and Mona has the most similar size and build, I thought she'd be a good fit. I've shown how the Adventure Scheme could be altered to make Mona representative of the WarioWare series in general, using a Diamond City coin, the iconic Wario Bomb, the Wario Watch and Orbulon's Oinker. WORST CASE SCENARIO Not necessarily a bad scenario, but it would certainly deflate me a little if this ended up being the case. But I do think that a Captain Syrup costume would be suitable for any type of Mii Fighter! ********** Whew! And there you have it! Once again, I don't hold any hope of this actually happening but I would be happy for any type of playable Syrup. If they want to just give her a cutlass and make her a boring pirate, I'd still be over the moon with that. I'm lucky that my other favourite characters are already playable (King Dedede and the Koopalings) so I don't want to sound petulant but this would be the last thing I ever ask for. If they make Captain Syrup playable I wouldn't complain about anything else in the game. They could make Bandanna Waddle Dee playable, they could make Dark Metaknight, my most loathed character, playable and I wouldn't complain, but I really don't think it will happen, and I'll still be very happy with Ultimate even if the entire Wario Land franchise only exists as a forgotten dream.

#Super Smash Bros #Super Smash Bros Ultimate #Captain Syrup #Wario Land #Mona #WarioWare

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Star Wars: Will Boba Fett’s Slave I Get a New Name?

https://ift.tt/360hc0F

“Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold—of my, uh…starship?”

Boba’s Fett’s signature Slave I ship has apparently lost its name in the official Star Wars canon, as indicated by Disney’s alleged recent request to the LEGO company regarding a new toy rendition of the ship. Intriguingly, with the direction of merchandising—specifically toys—sometimes proving to be a leading indicator for imminent onscreen developments, it’s quite feasible that the revocation of the ship’s name might be certified onscreen on the bounty hunter’s upcoming Disney+ series, The Book of Boba Fett.

“Boba Fett’s Starship” is the generic name that will adorn the box of an upcoming LEGO set (contrasting with previous releases,) inspired by the hitherto Slave I’s exciting appearance on the second season of The Mandalorian. Indeed, LEGO Star Wars team members Jens Kronvold Frederiksen and Michael Lee Stockwell recently let slip in a LEGO Fan Media Day Q&A that “everybody is” dropping the Slave I name. “It’s probably not something which has been announced publicly but it is just something that Disney doesn’t want to use any more,” explained Frederiksen. While Disney has not issued an official statement on the ship’s name change, LEGO’s promotional photos for the set packaging clearly reflects an erasure of the Slave I name. Consequently, this leaves one to wonder if this change will somehow be reflected plot-wise on The Book of Boba Fett. What, then, will the Sarlacc-surviving bounty hunter call his famous ride?

LEGO

That question is more layered than it seems. While the Slave I is an iconic vehicle in the Star Wars franchise, its name has never been uttered onscreen—at least for its prominent live-action appearances, anyway. Indeed, we first saw it in all its sleek, toy-spawning glory in 1980’s The Empire Strikes Back, in which Boba is seen instructing Cloud City personnel to load the Carbonite-frozen Han Solo into his ship’s cargo hold. However, the ship was more prominently showcased in 2002 prequel Attack of the Clones, in which it was piloted by Boba’s genetic template father, Jango Fett, who used its cannons to try and blast Obi-Wan Kenobi off a rain-soaked landing pad of the Kamino cloning facility, and subsequently flew it in an exciting asteroid field dogfight against the Jedi’s starfighter. Notably, after Boba recently reemerged on television series The Mandalorian—mostly unscathed from his Return of the Jedi Sarlacc experience—the moment in which the Slave I showed up onscreen was met with raucous delight by the fandom. Despite all of that, the ship never had a “You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon?” type expositional movie moment that canonically solidified its name.

Disney+

The ship itself is a Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft, a stolen and repurposed patrol ship from prison moon Oovo 4, manufactured on the planet Kuat. Yet, akin to the stoic Boba himself, the Slave I’s unconventionally ominous, prawn-shaped aesthetics managed to become the stuff of Star Wars legends even before its capabilities were first demonstrated onscreen in Attack of the Clones, notably with the devastating seismic charges used against Obi-Wan’s pursuing ship; a weapon that would see successful use on The Mandalorian. However, the name Slave I was never really given a full explanation in any iteration of the canon, and just seemed generally evocative of Boba’s status as an amoral space pirate of sorts. Thus, the essence of the ship itself—and the 40+ years’ worth of legend it spawned in live-action offerings and on Star Wars: The Clone Wars—is not intrinsically attached to the now-nixed name. However, “Boba Fett’s Starship” is clearly not a feasible thing to call such a celebrated vessel, especially as it is set to enjoy what will likely become its most prominent presence yet on The Book of Boba Fett.

Star Wars: The Book of Boba Fett Teased as “The Mandalorian Season 2.5”

By John Saavedra

Movies

How Boba Fett Actor Jeremy Bulloch Set the Template for The Mandalorian

By Joseph Baxter

Accordingly, the LEGO set is likely brandishing a placeholder title so as to not spoil upcoming plans. Naturally, the name-nixing has already perturbed purists, since angry reactions (and angry push-backs to those reactions,) to alterations—often to things considered sacrosanct by the fandom—in response to changing social or political tides is par for the course of the contemporary news cycle. Even a former portrayer of Boba Fett, Mark Anthony Austin, who briefly played the character in the retroactively-inserted Mos Eisley cameo in the 1997 Special Edition of A New Hope, tweeted his displeasure, stating, “My ship will forever be Slave1.” However, Disney’s move in this particular instance was proactive, since it was not so much a response to any specific blowback against the ship’s long-running name as it was likely designed to get ahead of the prospectively problematic notion of having to refer to Boba’s famous ride as Slave I on The Book of Boba Fett, on which the actual name of the eponymous character’s ship will have to leave the lips of someone occasionally, breaking live-action precedence.

That said, the task of trying to guess what—if anything—Boba Fett’s Slave I will ultimately be renamed is a fool’s errand, since we know next to nothing right now. While it’s possible that Disney could simply engage in the brute-force retcon strategy of just giving the ship a different name without any explanation, The Book of Boba Fett does provide an opportunity to compromise on this front. Indeed, since the series—having been spun off from The Mandalorian—takes place over five years after Return of the Jedi, it’s in an advantageously undeveloped position on the canonical Star Wars timeline for a poignant, plot-driven explanation in which Boba simply renames his ship. It’s a development—especially if said explanation is believable—that just might become acceptable to both sides of the Slave I issue.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

We’ll likely have to wait for The Book of Boba Fett to see how the Slave I controversy fully pans out. The series, starring Temuera Morrison’s Boba Fett and Ming-Na Wen’s Fennec Shan, is currently scheduled to premiere on Disney+ this December.

The post Star Wars: Will Boba Fett’s Slave I Get a New Name? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3qwCDju

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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cookinguptales · 6 years

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more passive-aggressive posts about tlj on my dash and on twitter! more of them!

so fine have an ill-advised middle-of-the-night rant.

Legit my favorite part of the new movie was the Finn/Rose subplot and it makes me so frustrated when people are like UGH THEY GAVE FINN SOME UNIMPORTANT ADVENTURE AND PUT HIM ON A BUS because I feel like that storyline is emblematic of the entire ethos of the new films. The franchise is literally only now addressing my biggest criticism of the first films, which is that the depiction of war was like…embarrassingly shallow and treats extras like absolute cannon fodder. Like in the first trilogy especially, if you aren’t a Skywalker or somehow propping one up, your life and death means nothing! Entire planets are blown up and never talked about again! Exploding rebel ships everywhere that are basically used as set dressing! Stormtroopers are treated as nameless, faceless baddies so you don’t have to think about the fact that all those cool explosions are killing people!

I think the pacing was kind of : / during…well, most of the movie, probably, I got just as annoyed about Luke’s whiny, self-involved brooding in this film as I did during the bridge film in the first trilogy… But the ideas at work in the Finn & Rose story are interesting. You’ve got a foot soldier and a mechanic, two people whose lives would have been beyond disposable in the first trilogy, who go on this crazy adventure and end up getting tangled up in the public and private politics of real people who survived the war — but weren’t Skywalkers. You see that there are real and lasting effects of the war, even for people who didn’t fight in it. There are rich war profiteers and new classes of slavery that erupted as a result. Once you step back from the Sith and the Jedi and the Resistance, these are the people who remain. The people who, like Rose and Finn, were caught up in a struggle that is somehow simultaneously greater and pettier than them.

Rey has no lineage. Finn was an anonymous stormtrooper. Rogue One humanized those who purposefully sacrificed their lives for the movement. Rose was a mechanic whose motivation wasn’t fighting the whole galaxy; it was just loving other “extras” and wanting to protect and honor them. Poe’s entire storyline was about what leadership means — and what are acceptable sacrifices in battle. Poe went about fighting the same way the dumbshits in the first trilogy did, with this idea that it didn’t matter how many people died so long as they got one big victory against the baddies, and the storyline overtly criticized that approach. The very first thing you see is the desperate struggle of Paige Tico, a character who wouldn’t even have been freaking named in the original movies, and you see the lingering effects of losing just one extra (beloved as any of the extras must have been) on someone who becomes an ascended extra.

I feel like there’s such an overarching message of “no one is disposable and everyone is affected by war” in these movies and it’s beyond frustrating to see all that thrown aside by people who get upset that these characters don’t fit into the same archetypes as there were in the first trilogy — or, like Poe, have to learn that those archetypes are really fucking shitty for real battles.

I HAVE BECOME SO PROTECTIVE OVER THAT STORYLINE. I think they should’ve tightened it up, streamlined it, went a bit harder on the whole war profiteering thing, but I am at the point where I will just throw down when people say it was useless. This movie was clearly a bridge film and I hope that they go harder on these ideas in the third film. (But frankly, I’m unimpressed with the way that they keep changing who’s in charge and Star Wars has a habit of only accidentally being deep, so I’m not real positive about the likelihood.)

…and I guess if you’ve read this far and haven’t unfollowed me, Luke has always been completely, frustratingly inconsistently written and these movies aren’t more or less OOC than any of the other shit with Luke. He was always a cobbled-together mess of monomyth tropes and [scene missing here] character growth, and he was always self-involved. THERE I SAID IT.

#NONE OF THE STAR WARS MOVIES HAVE BEEN WRITTEN WELL they literally never have #and hell I guess if I'm torpedoing my follower count #han solo was a fucking creep an ABSOLUTE FUCKING CREEP #the only member of the original trilogy I liked was Leia and she deserved better than a man who touched her without her consent #and who repeatedly insisted he knew what she wanted more than she did #again putting those tags at the end lmao I don't want to get involved with these people #tlj spoilers #star wars

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decadang · 6 years

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The Last Jedi: Past, Present, and Failure [SPOILERS]

How’s that for a title? I don’t get paid enough for this. In fact, I don’t get paid at all, but TLJ is the exact kind of movie that prompts me to gather my thoughts and talk about it, so that’s what I’m going to do now. The last time I did this was with Justice League, though for wildly different reasons...little weird, but it’s been an interesting year.

I do want to try to structure this a bit more so I can cover everything, cause there’s a lot. If I go on some tangents here or there, forgive me, as when I do this it’s never a script or something that goes through drafts, just a stream of my thoughts. Let’s get started.

The major underlying theme and the crux of the story is that the past, for as fondly it can be remembered, was never a perfect time and that it’s worth looking back and learning from the good as well as the bad. It’d be nice to ignore the bad stuff and say that the good will guide us through the future, but the movie doesn’t do that, and based on the major characters’ actions, we, the audience, see how the story plays out and comes together.

Offshoots and other themes include growing up/adulthood, growing old and the differences between it and growing up, taking things for granted and why we shouldn’t, loss and rebirth of idols, the middle of extremes, leadership, and the unpredictability, challenges, and process of life as well as how it changes.

The main characters that drive these themes and learn from it are: Rey/Luke, Finn, Poe, and Kylo.

The main characters that guide the first group into these and how they deal with the consequences are: Rey/Luke, Yoda/R2, Rose, Leia, and Snoke. No, that’s not a typo - I’ll get to it, but you’ve seen the movie.

“But Mark, what about every other character?” Secondary or not nearly as important to the main themes, for the most part. Sorry to break your hearts, Porg-lovers.

Before I really begin with thematic elements, I want to address that yes, characters I didn’t mention are involved in the plot and they’re fun. But in a franchise as huge and sweeping as Star Wars, I feel like the plot ultimately is a throughline for the themes and characters. To me, a movie doesn’t elicit an emotional reaction because the plot is threaded and twisty, and I would bet that it’s the same for most of you - we’re not robots. Plus, we’ve already seen what happens when character is sacrificed for plot threads in Star Wars and I’m sure not going back there. Point is, if anyone I didn’t mention is your favorite, great! There’s just more going on with the true focal points that I’d rather not have to try and find a reason why BB-9E is an integral part of this.

So, from the beginning. The First Order is right on the Resistance and they’ve brought a Dreadnought, ship with massive power and threatening the last of the Resistance ships. Poe takes out the main cannons, paves the way for bombers to take it down, and gets out of there alive and well while pulling off some damn cool moves. In the end, a lot ends up being lost, including Rose’s sister.

But that’s okay, yeah? The ship is gone, and a Star Wars movie began with a space battle, just like it always does. There’s always a character that dies by themselves on a ship, too, so that’s pretty normal. The moment where Poe drifts and outfoxes the fighters is great, and we can celebrate now.

Here’s the divergence. Where any of the other movies probably would have just wiped immediately to the next new moment, we instead see Leia looking at the lost ships and feeling the pressure of what’s to come. That’s why she tries to stop Poe from going forward with the bombing, even though it feels good to him and the audience to see it happen as it’s initially presented. I think that this scene with Leia at the desk and the fallout are the most important parts of this initial space battle, as well as how it serves both Leia and Poe as characters within the framework of their experience and of course, the themes.

From the very beginning, TLJ takes something we’ve always accepted and taken for granted as part of Star Wars and takes it somewhere new, showing a confidence in the story it wants to tell as well as a respect for its audience in a way that Star Wars hasn’t really done before. Since we’re on the subject of Poe and his journey, I think it’s fair to continue with him so we see where else he fits.

Even though the entire cast of characters is split apart for so long, it’s the thematic elements that keeps them all closer than they appear. Poe’s growth and arc I think isn’t so much becoming an inspiring leader, at least not yet. He’s still the flyboy, and it’d be easy to say he’s supposed to mirror Han, but I think that isn’t where he’s gone or is going at all, and that’s very heavily on purpose. Han meets Leia and they clash and banter, and they fall in love. Poe meets Leia and they clash and oppose each other, and they end up respecting each other to a degree where Leia trusts Poe to lead the Resistance.

For this new trilogy to set itself apart and become the new chapters in Star Wars that make us care about them, it’s very important that the main four NOT be like the main four of the original trilogy - Luke/Leia/Han/Vader and Rey/Finn/Poe/Kylo, in case it needs to be spelled out.

This is why I think TFA is unfairly chastised for being like ANH. Sure, the story beats and callbacks are familiar, but it’s a true new take because the characters are new. and exciting They are not expies and that’s especially true after TLJ. More with this when we get to Rey and Luke.

As for Finn, he’s actually pretty selfish at the beginning of the story. Now that I think about it, the more I like that this entire movie follows pretty much right after TFA, because seeing the development on-screen instead of timeskipping ties into the main topic and point of this essay, a lot.

Anyway, Finn is all but ready to leave and find Rey because he basically only cares about her and if she is safe from harm. It’s a sweet sentiment if you look at it from his point of view, but this is The Last Jedi, and challenge is the name of the game. That’s why Rose is so important to both Finn and their story tying into the main theme. In spite of how small the Resistance is, Finn still would rather save himself and Rey, and I’m so glad Rose is there to call him out.

Maybe the framing of Canto Bight could have been better, in terms of cinematography and humor, etc, but the most important part of this sequence is the theme and the conversations the two have. No, not the obvious societal messages, important as they are. When DJ shows Finn that the Resistance and the First Order both benefit from people outside the conflict, he sees both sides and even though the Resistance is ultimately fighting for good, the bad should be addressed. This is something the original trilogy never did and maybe never wanted to do. Does that make this new take wrong? Hardly. Johnson and his story and direction add so many layers and depth to Star Wars that the originals maybe would never touch on, and it’s done with such confidence that I can’t help but admire it. Plus, it’s a good thing to do - reflect on your side, on your self, and see the bad for what it is so you can make yourself better.

After Finn learns a real, valuable lesson, he’s actually ready to fight for more than just himself and Rey, he’s ready to fight for real, for the Resistance. That’s why his willingness to sacrifice himself, that fight with Phasma, that moment where you think he might die, they’re all powerful. Try not to focus on that Phasma is a bit left out of the main story, focus on what it means for Finn. It’s the same thing as Boba Fett - sure, he looks awesome, but he doesn’t make the movies he’s in great.

I am slightly disappointed that he didn’t die, and the romance with him and Rose is kind of sloppy, but I’m also glad he’s still around because John Boyega brings some real great stuff to both the character and the movies.

Now...the big one. The movie’s not called The Last Jedi for nothing. We’re going to be talking a lot of characters here so hopefully it’s not too much of a read. Rey as both a character and an audience surrogate works so well that I think the only people who don’t like her character may not really have more than superficial reasons to dislike her.

When you are a child and see Star Wars, experience the story, the legends of Luke Skywalker, do you want to be him? To learn from him? To see him succeed, no matter the odds? Of course! And guess what? Rey does too. She is the true main character of this trilogy - at least, one half of them, and that’s why it’s important to bring her down and have her deal with these feelings and consequences, because it’s important for us, as people, to do the same things.

Why is it that the darkness underneath the island is a mirror? And why would Luke be so scared of it? I mean, it doesn’t harm Rey when she finds it and looks into it, right? Huh...

Why’s this important? Rey does idolize Luke, yes, but he does the exact same thing. When you save the galaxy and are immortalized as this living legend, someone who might be able to do no wrong? That would get into your head. You are THE successful one, the one who people look up to for generations - not only in the story, but in life. Why else do we hold the originals in such regard if not for Luke the absolute most?

Let’s go back to an earlier point, that these new characters not be like the old ones. Rey wants so desperately for Luke to save the day, or train her so that she can do it, just like he did. When he says no, she persists, and he does train her, but not to fight. The entire scene where she really feels what the Force is, the true balance of the world, that’s powerful. But it’s not the end for her arc, not by a long shot.

Luke is so afraid of failure that he won’t face the mirror below...but Rey pushes to understand it, head-on. Not just because she’s a bit impulsive and childlike, but because she’s trying to conquer her fear. Even though her fear becomes true, that the hero worship isn’t the most important that about Luke, and that her parents aren’t anything more than nobodies, she still, at the end of the film, finds new resolve and in that way becomes a true successor to Luke. Not by being him, but being her own person.

And no, I don’t think that Rey’s parents might be actually important. The scene where it’s revealed they aren’t - that line comes from her, not Kylo. He just presents the question.

Before we get to Kylo, I need to touch on Luke some more. THE legend. Untouchable, infallible, even. But what does he do in this movie? He failed. And so the audience and Rey, who had spent so much time believing he couldn’t, also feel like they failed. Tough pill to swallow, huh?

We never like to think about it with these heroes or ourselves, but no one is ever perfect. It seems so obvious that other peoples’ problems are out there, and I don’t have those problems, so I must be better than them, right? I hate to break it to you, but life isn’t wired that way. It’s not a switch you turn on when you go out in public and turn off when you go to bed.

A reality check on this level probably would rattle a lot of heads if you’d never experienced that before. Poe goes through one, Finn, Rey, and now Luke is about to. It’s this theme that really lifts the scenes with Luke meeting Yoda and R2 again to a height that transcends the original trilogy. Luke, for all his training, his learning, his now age and wisdom, still had so much to learn in this movie - as Yoda says, failure is our greatest teacher.

Age does not make you better, not on its own, and neither does knowledge. It’s how you handle it and your perspective that defines who you are. Yes, Luke’s perspective when it came to Kylo was wrong, and the weight of that choice is why he severed his Force connection and wanted to live out his days dying. But that inherent heroism I think is still present in Luke in this movie, otherwise he could have easily offed himself. Would that have been unceremonious? Uh, yeah. That’s why it didn’t happen that way in the story and why I think some who say Luke’s heart and true character were lost maybe might want to take a breath to look at his journey in this movie.

Why does Luke face Kylo in the final confrontation and not Rey? Why isn’t he the battling, heroic legend? Because, well...he’s not that any more. The entire movie establishes that point. His projection at the end isn’t just his image, but his newfound resolve against what Kylo has become, his renewed faith in Rey and the idea of hope, and the love he feels for Leia, even after being gone for so long.

Okay, now Kylo. Oh my goodness. Alongside Rey, he might be the most developed character in Starr Wars, at least on-screen. So Kylo actually embraces the theme of letting the past go the most in the movie, and not just because he says the line that most echoes that statement.

It’s his reasoning for killing Han in TFA, his reasoning for killing Snoke, and his reasoning for nearly killing Luke and Leia. For Leia, well, that exchange between them, without any dialogue, said so much that I don’t think my words could do it justice.

The true opposite balance with him and Rey serves their characters to such a great degree. Let’s take a lesson from their circumstances. Kylo came from royal blood, Jedi blood, love and care, and still he is the villain. Rey came from basically nothing, just some unknown power that dwells within her, and she’s the hero.

Just because you have everything doesn’t mean you are whole.

Just because you have nothing doesn’t mean you’ll never find anything worthwhile about yourself.

I imagine Snoke is killed by Kylo because Snoke represents what he might resent most about authority figures in his life, and their need to cultivate him into something great. Han and Leia entrust his youth to Luke, to make him a great Jedi. It should have been easy, but it wasn’t. But even when he goes to Snoke, he’s conflicted. Not because he wants to be with the light, as we learn, but because he doesn’t want to be with either. He just wants to be. While that’s something we could all strive to be, Kylo does it with such passionate anger and hatred that it leads him to believe his way must be the only right way, and that’s why he’s an incredible villain, a perfect foil to Rey.

There’s so many more things I could talk about here, but this is getting pretty long and I think the major points I wanted to make are all present.

The Force Awakens reminds me of why I like Star Wars.

The Last Jedi solidifies why I love Star Wars and indeed, a lot of my favorite stories.

It’s real, it’s not easy, it’s unforgettable, and it’s Star Wars, really maturing and growing up.

Maybe it’s time we do the same.

#star wars #star wars: the last jedi #spoilers #tlj spoilers

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waywardravenmedia · 7 years

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Star Wars myths and musings. Episode II: Who are Rey and Snoke?

Episode II: Who are Rey and Snoke?

In Episode I, we mused upon the Force and certain relationships, which were pretty evident.

Now we get into speculation about-- Who is Rey? Who is Snoke? And what about Finn?

Remember, nothing is definitive until the series reveals such, but we can get an understanding of parallels from mythology that has been notably admitted to being an underlying construct.

So on to Rey…

Look at the name. It means king in Spanish and is derived from Rex in Latin. The other mythology that influences Star Wars most prominent to me are the King Arthur legends from Geoffrey of Monmoth to Cretin De Troyes, which are built out of Celtic mythology and the fall of the Roman hold in Britain. Rey=King. So look at King Arthur first.

King Arthur was born of a magical coupling, a creepy one at that, and then whisked away to live in obscurity with no knowledge of his origin or past. When the time came, after a few trials and training by Merlin (mentor and old wizard who lives in the wild. Sound familiar Obi-Wan Kenobi), he encounters a mystical object, by accident in a way, and pulls the sword from the stone to restore prosperity to the land. Lightsaber at Maz Kanata’s castle anyone?

This would all be so easy if… Luke Skywalker did not do the Arthur thing first. Like I said, none of this follows a linear path or follows the previous narratives. It takes pieces and jots them together in novel forms from the familiar story. Parallels to parallels. Elements do tend to be recycled and modified.

However, this got me thinking about Lancelot, the greatest of the knights of Camelot. The one told to be invincible. Maybe Anakin was Lancelot-type merged with Arthhur as Arthur did have some dark times. Then, the Jedi Council would reflected the Knights of the Round Table, just look at the council chamber, and the Republic representing Camelot and Arthur.

Lancelot couldn’t help himself. Even with such skill he lusted and had a secret affair with the queen. Uh queen, who else was a queen? Oh yeah, Padme. Then, in some stories, Lancelot is enchanted, seduced, and has an illegitimate child who is raised in obscurity, doesn’t know who his parents are, and then comes on the scene as greater knight than Lancelot.

That would be Galahad, the dude who survived the siege perilous. Not the one in the Marvel comics and cartoons. Siege perilous just means the perilous seat. True, it did kill people if they weren’t the person who found the Holy Grail, but that’s beside the point. So, again, the Galahad thing could be Luke, but it could be Rey if Rey is a Skywalker in some way. Or Rey is the actual King Arthur and Luke was the Galahad. Maybe Rey is an Organa? Leia’s cousin? Organa sounds like Morgana. Huh?

Leia was adopted by this royal family and their planet was blown to bits, so perhaps a refugee royal family who had to drop off Rey on Jakku to protect her from the old Alderaan families fighting for the remaining power left from the Alderaan royals, and that’s why Leia recognized her. Alderaan did help with the Rebel Alliance and perhaps the First Order wants to hunt down all the remaining members of that lineage to quell influence. So given the name and the mythology behind it, Rey could the actual King Arthur of the story and the Skywalker family was a Lancelot offshoot. Or she could be a modified Galahad construct.

Funny thing. Galahad is in some people’s estimations to be a remake of Fion from Celtic myths. You might know him by his more popular name, the one and only Finn McCool. Yup. Finn. Finn. Finn.

Who is Finn?

In the Celtic myth, Finn McCool (Fion mac Cumhaill) avenges his dad’s murder by Goll mac Morna after he is swept off to obscurity, trained by the fighting woman Liath Luachra [Captain Phasma perhaps?], got a magical gift by a salmon (I know, weird), defeated magical beings, and killed the dude who killed his father and became the greatest warrior. Some said he slept in cave and never died awaiting revival. In the Star Wars franchise, however, I suspect they are just using the name Finn to allude to the Arthurian and Celtic myths and not have the character named Finn follow the course since Rey is the one with the focus. But, daddy issues are common in this franchise along with awaiting destiny to be revealed.

But as a wilder speculation, maybe the team at Disney decided to say screw it. Let’s make Han Solo the Lancelot and he had an illegitimate kid when separated with Leia and Kylo Ren is Rey’s half-brother. Then, the Finn McCool myth can be used so Rey avenges her father’s death. But all of this leaves out Arthur and Mordred concept unless you use Luke as Arthur and Mordred as Kylo Ren because in some tales Mordred is not Arthur’s son but Morgause’s (sometimes merged with Morgan Le Fay in modern tales) and her husband King Lot. In that version Gawain is Mordred’s brother or half-brother and Gawain is Arthur’s nephew. He is, of course, famous for the Green Knight tale that involves trickery, seduction and magical testing of valor.

Perhaps the Gawain tale will be used in the Kylo-Ren backstory. The Green Knight who tests Gawain is a giant. Snoke is a giant as a hologram. The Green Knight’s appearance is due to magic and not his real self, which could hold true for the Snoke hologram. The Green Knight is in reality Bertilak De Hautdesert (High Desert) who was transformed by the sorceress Morgan le Fay who intended to tests Arthur’s knights and frighten Guinevere to death. The leads to an interesting note from J.J Abrams. They did not know who Snoke was and said the character might possible be a woman right up until shooting the Star Wars: Force Awakens, at least according to the Wookiepedia entry on Snoke. Does that mean Snoke is really a version of Morgan le Fay?

Morgan le Fay was one of Merlin’s students, so Snoke would have been a Jedi. Morgan was not an evil being, but was corrupted, who then reconciles with Arthur and gets back her role as one of the sorceresses queens who takes Arthur, after his death, to Avalon (the good old magical island of apples, seriously, apples, look it up).

As an aside, sometimes I just think Sifo-Dyas is Snoke since original Sifo-Dyas was just a cover name for Sidious called Sido-Dyas and not a new character. But, Sifo-Dyas was a Jedi and after his ship crashed, as ordered by Count Dooku, they only found his lightsaber. Perhaps, Sifo-Dyas lived, was mutilated by his crash, thought he was betrayed by the Jedi and went into hiding. During which, he fell to the Dark Side or formulated a "corrupt a strong Light-Sider" plan like ol’Sheev Palpatine did with Anakin. Snoke seduced Kylo-Ren because he was a perfect blend of Light and Dark, a material to be sculpted if you will as one of the novels said. Maybe a powerful but corrupted Light-Side user will have more abilities than just Dark-Side practitioner alone. But I don’t know. Where just keeping to cannon materials here kids even though the Expanded Universe/legends had huge influence on the new movies and tv shows.

Okay, back to Morgan le Fay. She was also Arthur’s half-sister. His mom had a child with her husband Gorlois and not Uther Pendragon, Arthur’s dad. Funny how there are so many TH and UR/ER sounds. Sounds sort of like Darth and Darth Vader. Darth Arthur. Darth Uther.

Sort of irrelevant now since Lucas no longer tells the tales and most accept Darth Vader as a modified portmanteau of Dark Invader.

Other weird stuff is that Morgan and Morgause were sisters and both enchantresses. So who knows, in keeping with Snoke being Morgan le Fey, maybe Snoke is Sheev’s younger brother or twin, who Sheev Palpatine tried to kill or keep imprisoned. A sort of a "Man in the Iron Mask" homage. Also, according to the Star Wars wiki on Snoke, they considered making Snoke female. But if you made Morgause into Sheev and then Morgan would be Snoke. Perhaps the legend influenced the backstory in that manner.

Why not flip the script on Luke and Leia and do it for Sheev and Snoke. Makes sense. Both have names that start with the same letter and here’s another element. Sheev is from Naboo. Just like Padme Amidala Naberrie. Perhaps Naboo is Britain. Hell, the capital city is named Theed, sound British. This might connect the Palpatines and the Naberries. Perhaps they are related. Making this whole thing a crazy family drama/opera, which it is already, but even more so.

And if the whole Trimurti concept is true, the gods Shiva and Vishnu are siblings and you got your cosmic conflict between two great forces. This must then play out on a human level/scope so the story can be related to by the audience with more common myths about family and power struggles. The power struggles are both internal and external; hence, Anakin Skywalker being the encapsulation of the story. Sorry for the trapped/encapsulated in the cybernetic armor pun.

Oh, and who do I think Rey is? If you combine the idea that King Arthur died and went to Avalon, waiting to return to restore Britain when he was needed and the avatar idea of Vishnu, then it would appear she is Anakin Skywalker reborn or a completion of this "Choosen One" Force cycle where to go forward, we must go back. Sort of like the cartoon The Last Airbender. Though the special circumstance of birth, Anakin not having a father and was conceived by the Force like the Christian story that follows many special birth stories from Greek mythology and even Buddhism (Siddartha was born able to speak and walk and where he walked lotus flowers came from the earth. Lotus flowers, huh? Padma/Padme means lotus), is not present yet.

And Finn, perhaps they do keep the Celtic myth straightforward and have him be the son of a king/leader who becomes a great warrior, discovers his heritage and kills the person who killed his father. That would make him unrelated to the rest of the family drama but still bind him to the mythic relationships that the Star Wars cycle is based.

In conclusion, I would not be surprised if Snoke and Sheev Palpatine were bros and maybe Rey is a royal as her name signifies. Maybe even a royal from Naboo, which means…??

That's for you to suss out. Perhaps all of this is a ruse and misinformation to lead us down the path of the plot twist and none of the characters, now, have a basis in myths, which would be too bad since George Lucas did all that research into the subject. Just find his interviews with Joseph Campbell.

So ends the drunken rambling on the new characters but in Episode III we will get to how the House of Atreus (Greek mythology), and Dune might have influenced the series.

May the Force be with you!!

~JLAJ

BTW, I have spoken to some people about Japanese influences and considered the myths of Izanagi and Izanami as the divine twins as reflected in Luke and Leia, or the Dark Side and the Light Side of the Force but their offspring Amaterasu, Susanoo, and Tsukuyomi don’t follow a pattern that fits with Star Wars. But that doesn’t mean they are not added to the new characters. And yes, Jidaigeki is a genre that has samurai flicks and from where Lucas got the term Jedi, which was originally Jedi Bendu. Perhaps Bendu is from the term in Sanskrit that mean point or center and this tends to be lent credence in the Star Wars Rebels cartoon with the Bendu who proclaims he is the middle, the point in between the Light and Dark Sides. Or it could be a reference to Buddhism, which is a philosophy of the “means in between the extremes.” Or as previously stated in Episode I it could be Brahma.

#star wars #mythology

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davidegbert · 7 years

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App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

Byline

Chris Kerr

App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

It'd be an understatement to say that the Apple App Store is a big place - there are thousands of new titles hitting its digital shelves each and every week.

It's an unprecedented situation that often results in great games being overlooked, buried under a mountain of soulless endless runners, tepid Candy Crush clones, and uninspired MMOs.

With that in mind, we want to shine a spotlight on those games fighting the good fight. Here are this month's most interesting new releases.

These are the newly released games that'll keep your tablet or smartphone 'appy this April

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

April 2017

Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed (£Free + IAP)

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My friend. You have been chosen. Only you can unite the three kingdoms and fulfil the vision of your ancestors. If you fail… blah, blah, blah. Look, I won't bore you with the story details, because we both know that isn't why you're here.

You're here because this is Dynasty Warriors - the frantic hack and slash franchise that arms you to the teeth, chucks you into enormous battles, and whispers "go nuts" softly in your ear. And that's exactly what you'll be getting with Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed, which manages to bring the long- running series to mobile without losing any of that maniacal, spear-twirling, button-mashing magic.

Well, actually the buttons didn't make the cut. But you know what I mean.

Download Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed here for iOS

KAMI 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Remember KAMI? The breezy puzzler from State of Play Games that massaged the mind with its colourful conundrums. Well, it got a sequel!

The aptly titled KAMI 2 is just as much fun as its predecessor, but packs an even bigger punch thanks to the inclusion of more than 100 hand-crafted puzzles and thousands of daily challenges.

But wait, there's more. Because this time around you can create your own gorgeous papercraft riddles and share them with the world. Just try not to make them obscenely difficult. It's meant to be relaxing, y'know?

Download KAMI 2 for iOS here

Spotify Vs Tidal Vs Apple Music

The Frostrune (£4.99)

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Hey, did you say you're a huge fan of classic point-and- click puzzlers? And you also happen to enjoy digital dishes inspired by Viking folklore and wider Norse mythology? Well boy oh boy, isn't this your lucky day.

That just so happens to be precisely what Snow Cannon Games' moody puzzler The Frostrune is all about. And there isn't even a catch, because The Frostrune is a superb slice of vintage point-and-click gaming that tells a well-crafted, compact tale that intrigues from the first second to the very last.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, then sip away my friend, sip away.

Download The Frostrune for iOS here

The Elder Scrolls: Legends (£Free + IAP)

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Fus-ro- dah! Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat. Now, where were we? Oh right: The Elder Scrolls: Legends.

First of all, put away that axe. You won't need it in this corner of Tamriel. In these parts we let our cards do the talking. That's right, in The Elder Scrolls: Legends, Bethesda has traded-in the steel and spells in favour of (digital) cardboard. Because, much like Hearthstone, Legends asks players to build a deck of cards - based on the world and lore of the titular franchise - and duke it out with players around the world in pursuit of those all-important bragging rights.

There's also a solo story mode that'll teach you the ropes and get you started, but the real draw here is the multiplayer. So grab your best deck and get yourself down to the arena. You don't want to keep your adoring fans waiting.

Download The Elder Scrolls: Legends for iOS here

Oxenfree (£4.99)

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A group of troubled yet inquisitive teenagers make their way to a strange island for some coming-of-age shenanigans. Everything goes exactly according to plan and they get the first boat home after a night of sensible pop-drinking and PG-13 storytelling. The end.

In a world without '80s horror movies, maybe that's how Oxenfree plays out. But this isn't that place. This is a world that thought up the likes of Jason, Mike Myers, and Freddy Krueger. A world where teenagers should know better than to go exploring strange places, and doing silly things like "splitting up" and "throwing parties" and "opening supernatural rifts."

Will those kids ever learn? Probably not. But it makes for one hell of a video game, so we're not too cut up about it.

Download Oxenfree for iOS here

15 tech sounds you just don't hear any more

Ticket to Earth (£6.99)

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So your mining colony is going bust and you need to get on the last ship back to Earth, pronto. But there's a catch: there aren't enough tickets for everyone, and you aren't part of the one percent that gets to go back home.

What do you do in the face of such brash, political lunacy? Lay down and accept your fate, or stand up and fight for what's right? That's the Orwellian premise propping up Robot Circus' episodic puzzle-RPG, and that's not even the half of it.

Peel back the layers and you'll find a rewarding, tactical combat system, deep character progression, and psychedelic visuals that prove dystopian fiction doesn't always have to be drenched in drab grey.

Download Ticket to Earth for iOS here

How many of these classic pre-smartphones did you own?

TypeShift (£Free + IAP)

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TypeShift is the latest word game from SpellTower creator Zach Cage, who's become something of a linguistical legend in these here parts. Once again, Cage implores players to manipulate those crazy little things we call letters to solve puzzles by putting words back together.

According to Cage himself, TypeShift is best described as "anagrams meets wordsearch, with a sprinkle of crosswords." We'll be honest, that sounds a little complex for our taste.

Fear not, though, because Cage also happens to be something of a game design whizz, and what he's done is take that mouthful of a concept and turn it into a well-oiled, super-smooth puzzler that's a masterclass in every sense of the word.

Download TypeShift for iOS here

iCheapskate: The 40 best free games on iPhone and iPad

Virexian (£Free + IAP)

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Virexian is an '80s disco on steroids. An eclectic trip of a game that shares more in common with a herd of stampeding wildebeest making a beeline through a Jackson Pollock painting than it does a video game. If that hasn't' already sold you on First Mutant's on-the-go, all-action roguelike then I don't know what will.

Except maybe if I told you that Virexian is basically the lovechild of Geometry Wars and a fully-automatic paintball gun. Yes, I have no idea how those two things would mate, but that's besides the point.

The point is that if you like chiptunes, neon-splattered visuals, and watching giant pixels go 'boom,' then Virexian might just be the love of your life. So, let's get you two acquainted.

Download Virexian for iOS here

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

March 2017

Turmoil (£5.99)

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Dig, dig and dig some more - because that's the only way you're going to hit the big time in the land of the free, where oil is worth more than its weight in, well, gold. Business is hard and times are tough, but if you're savvy and willing to bet it all on a big payout, you might just be able to ride the 19th-century oil rush all the way to the top.

Whether you want to play by the rules or bend them is up to you — after all, in this industry it's not honesty that matters, only power.

Download Turmoil for iOS here

Archer Dash 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Dubbed an "endless shooter" by developer Gray Giant Games, Archer Dash 2 takes some vintage tap-to-dodge infinite sprinter essence and throws it in the blender with a healthy portion of Robin Hood shtick and some hearty retro visuals.

Peel back the pixel art curtain, though, and you'll see there's an awful lot going on behind the scenes. In fact, Archer Dash 2's smorgasbord of mechanics can feel a little overwhelming at first, but stick with it and you'll soon realise the reward of a good old-fashioned challenge.

Download Archer Dash 2 for iOS here

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Narcissus (£Free + IAP)

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Think you're a dab hand at multitasking? Good, then Narcissus is the game for you. But be warned, this little blighter is going to put you through your paces.

That's because in this finite runner, you've got the unenviable task of guiding not one, but two versions of the titular egotist to the end goal. The thing is, the levels aren't as perfectly reflected as Narcissus' lovely mug, so you'll have to keep your eyes on two alternating sides of the same coin if you want to save him from certain death.

Download Narcissus for iOS here

The Warlock of Firetop Mountain (£4.99)

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Remember those Fighting Fantasy gamebooks from days gone by? Well, the good folks at Tin Man Games have taken one of the very first, The Warlock of Firetop Mountain, and given it a 21st-century lick of paint.

Instead of plain ol' paper adorned with archaic letters, Firetop Mountain now takes place on a fully 3D digital playing board, making for an experience that's as gorgeous as it is engrossing. That winning aesthetic is joined by a revised grid-based combat system that forces players to think more strategically about how they take down their foes.

Oh, and if you're worried the digital switch will have sapped the old-school adventure of its soul, put those fears to bed. If anything, it feels more alive than ever.

Download The Warlock of Firetop Mountain for iOS here

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Gravity Galaxy (£Free + IAP)

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One-touch, planet-hopping puzzler Gravity Galaxy casts you as an intergalactic explorer with a simple mission: see the stars - and collect a few along the way.

As you hurtle through the cosmos, slingshotting around planets, nabbing power-ups and outrunning the odd supernova, you'll have to think fast and act even faster if you want to return to Earth in one piece.

Download Gravity Galaxy for iOS here

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Causality (£1.99)

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Cause and effect. They're the things that make the world tick over, with every action resulting in a subsequent reaction. But those words take on new meaning when you can control time - and that's exactly what you'll be doing in Causality.

As a venerable time lord, you'll need to rewrite the history books to help a band of stranded astronauts reach safety. By working with your past selves, you should be able to alter the world around you to guide each intrepid explorer back home. Of course, I say 'should' because it's never really that simple, is it?

Download Causality for iOS here

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Tavern Guardians (£2.99)

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Take a well-polished hack-and-slash and mash it together with an addictive match-3 experience and you'll have something that tastes… I mean looks a little bit like Tavern Guardians.

In this premium hybrid, swathes of monsters advance through tiles on the game board, and the only way to stop them (and their dastardly plans) is by slashing them to ribbons using some quick-fire matching skills. It's not just you against the world, though.

And, with four different adventurers to choose from, each with their own unique hero abilities, I'm sure you'll win the day in no time. Well, sort of sure.

Download Tavern Guardians for iOS here

Glitchskier (£1.99)

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Pitched by developer Shelly Alon as a "nervewired" action shooter, Glitchskier is the stuff of retro dreams — a sensory thrill-ride soaked in synthetic, saccharine neon charm.

While most of you will be pulled in by the shooter's evocative visuals and splendid electronic soundtrack, you'll be staying for the gameplay, which riffs on the likes of Asteroids and Geometry Wars while adding a few neat ideas of its own.

Download Glitchskier for iOS here

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February 2017

Splitter Critters (£2.99)

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Splitter Critters does exactly what it says on the tin. See, there are these critters, and you've got to guide them back to their spaceship by literally splitting the world around them.

It's more than a little bit similar to Lemmings. But there's nothing wrong with that because, hey, Lemmings was terrific. The difference here is that instead of trying to navigate around dangerous obstacles, you can remove them from the equation entirely by slicing up and tearing levels with a flick of your finger.

Unfortunately, just like those pesky lemmings, these critters are as hapless as they are cute, so you'll need to do all of the legwork. Typical.

Download Splitter Critters here

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A Normal Lost Phone (£2.99)

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There's a phone in your hand and it doesn't belong to you. But it's owner is long gone, so you'll need to have a quick nosey if you want to track them down.

That's the general gist of A Normal Lost Phone, an intimate narrative adventure game that morphs the decidedly mundane occurrence of stumbling upon a lost mobile into something preposterously compelling.

As you sift through the life of a complete stranger, poring over their private pictures, emails, and text messages, you'll begin to unravel a mystery that's guaranteed to tug on your heartstrings.

Download A Normal Lost Phone here

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Sky Dancer (£Free+IAP)

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Not at all based on the Elton John song of similar name, Sky Dancer is an endless runner that doesn't care about high-scores and collectibles. I mean sure, there are scores to beat and coins to collect, but this one is all about the journey, not the destination.

That's because the devs over at Pine Entertainment want to take players on a zen-inducing trip through the skies. As you soar through the air, leaping between floating islands like an expert trapeze artist, you'll feel a sense of calm wash over your body.

Indeed, It's rare for a high-score chaser to feel so gloriously liberating. So hold me closer Sky Dancer. Count the headlights on the highway.

Download Sky Dancer here

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Star Wars: Force Arena (£Free+IAP)

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The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet. Now you can prove old man Vader wrong by jumping into Star Wars: Force Arena and taking on other players from around the world in fast-paced real-time battles.

Like a cross between Clash Royale and every MOBA under the sun, Force Arena asks players to bring together a team of iconic Star Wars heroes or villains before throwing them into quick-fire skirmishes where the objective is to take your opponents base without surrendering yours.

It's hardly a novel concept, but Force Arena is a tight, well-oiled offering that makes good use of the Star Wars license. Now we've got that out of the way, tell me, did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?

Download Star Wars: Force Arena here

Bubble Witch Saga 3 (£Free+IAP)

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Bubble Witch Saga 3 is everything you'd expect, and that's no bad thing. Especially if you're a fan of well-rounded, super slick puzzlers from the best in the business.

After all, it's no secret that developer King — you know, the studio behind a little game called Candy Crush Saga — knows how to make compelling match-3 score chasers, so it won't come as a shock when I tell you that this threequel is one of the best on the App Store.

It doesn't reinvent the wheel by any stretch of the imagination, but a few tweaks here and there, like the inclusion of new game modes and characters, help keep things interesting. Sure, it's not going to blow your mind, but it's another solid entry in an exceptional series.

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (£14.99)

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The definitive edition of Edmund McMillen's critically acclaimed roguelike has finally arrived on the App Store. If you already got your mitts on this one before it made the leap to mobile, you don't need me to tell you why it's a big deal.

But what if your mitts were predisposed at the time? Well, allow me to explain. The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth is a tale of sorrow and all-out- action. Poor Isaac has been locked up in a basement by his overzealous religious parents. The only way to escape? Fight your way though hordes of monsters and demonic creatures.

Randomised dungeons and permadeath means finding a way out won't be easy, but Rebirth's rapid-fire, fleet-footed gameplay turns what could be a frustrating slog into a thrill-a- minute rollercoaster ride.

Download The Blinding of Isaac: Rebirth here

Drop Flip Seasons (£Free+IAP)

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Look, just put the ball in the bucket and we can all go home for supper. It's easy. You just need to open a few gates and let your spherical companion drop to the…wait. What's that triangle doing there? Okay, just move it out of the way. Flip that isosceles. Oh, and slide over that equilateral.

That's Drop Flip in a nutshell. Like a DIY project for gravity-addicted, shape loving maniacs, BorderLeap's physic's based puzzler asks players to manipulate contraptions of all shapes and sizes with one not-so- simple aim in mind. Think putting a round object in a bucket is easy? Think again, hombre.

Download Drop Flip Seasons here

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Red's Kingdom (£1.99)

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Mad King Mac has kidnapped your dad and pinched your prized golden nut - c'mon, he called himself the "Mad King," are you really surprised? - and now it's down to you to save the day.

To do that, you'll need to step into the shoes of Red, a spritely fox with heaps of courage. Actually foxes don't wear shoes, but you get the picture.

Your quest will take your through strange lands, littered with dangerous foes, shiny collectables, and head-scratching puzzles. Can you save the day, or will you be outfoxed? Muster your courage, because it's time you found out.

Download Red's Kingdom here

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January 2017

Super Mario Run (£Free+IAP)

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It's-a-him, Mario! And he's on your smartphone for the first time ever. That's right, Nintendo made its full-fledged mobile debut (Pokemon Go was Niantic's baby) in December with the launch of Super Mario Run, but was it worth the wait?

The simple answer is, "yes." Super Mario Run is a supremely polished one-touch platformer that manages to streamline the classic Mario experience you know and love without sacrificing any of its charm. Terrific level design, compelling challenges, and uber-responsive controls ensure Nintendo's mobile transition is a call for celebration, rather than frustration.

Download Super Mario Run for iOS

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Dawn of Titans (£Free+IAP)

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You might think Dawn of Titans' biggest draws are its stunning visuals and dedication to letting giants smash things up. Okay, I'll admit, those are the cherries on top, but the real hero here is Dawn's remarkable control scheme.

All too often are mobile RTS' bogged down by dodgy controls, with most devs struggling to find a scheme that can cope with the complexity of large-scale conflicts. Dawn of Titans clears that hurdle with eye-rolling ease. Here, your units can be sent to their deaths with simple taps and swipes, and while things do get a little more complex as skirmishes wear on, generally speaking, it's a joy to behold.

If you think tactically, you'll be able to set traps and dictate the flow of battles without ever breaking a sweat, meaning you can stop worrying about finicky controls and start worrying about that titan tearing your troops limb from limb. Poor little guys.

Download Dawn of Titans

The Walking Dead: A New Frontier (£3.99)

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The third season of Telltale's critically acclaimed take on The Walking Dead has finally arrived, and while the studio has gone on to tackle a number of big name franchises like Game of Thrones and Batman in the meantime, this is the one fans have really been waiting for.

Times though, haven't changed. And as most of you will remember, when you're trying to survive the zombie apocalypse every single choice matters. Life and death are in your hands, but it's not a question of good vs. evil. It's simply a matter of how much you're willing to sacrifice to see out the day.

Buy The Walking Dead: A New Frontier for iOS

Don't Starve: Shipwrecked (£3.99)

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Just when he'd finally mastered the art of surviving in the grassy wilderness, Wilson has gone and gotten himself shipwrecked on a desert island. Will that lad ever learn? Well actually, he'd better learn fast if he's going to get out of this one.

Unlike that famous volleyball, our Wilson doesn't have a certain Tom Hanks to rely on. That means you'll need to use every ounce of wit at your disposal to keep him alive. Don't be fooled into thinking this is a tropical paradise, because behind those palm trees is a whole world of danger where everything (yes, literally everything) is trying to kill you. New seasons, new creatures, and new biomes might be the talk of the town, but it's still the same old story: do or die.

Buy Don't Starve: Shipwrecked for iOS

Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore (£Free+IAP)

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Galaxy on Fire quickly established itself as one mobile gaming's most important standard bearers. Each entry has raised the bar, delivering experiences that some have even dared to call "console quality."

Now while I wouldn't go quite that far, there's no denying that Galaxy on Fire 3 is edging nearer to that holy grail. For starters, the game looks phenomenal. Each vast stage is filled edge-to-edge with colour and intricate detail, imbuing the universe with a genuine sense of grandiose scale. Combat is fast, responsive, and fluid. And if you're finding things a little too easy, don't forget to turn off auto-aim. Because jetting through space shouldn't be as simple as dusting crops.

Download Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore for iOS

ShapeMe (£Free+IAP)

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ShapeMe is a balmy match-em-up from Umbrella Games that packs a surprising punch. At its core, the game is a simple geometric puzzler that asks players to merge shapes in super-quick time to blast through levels and save the dreams of a kingdom.

The story takes a backseat here, but lets face it, that's not what you're here for. What you're after is a puzzler with bite, and despite it's fluffy trappings, that's what you're going to get. It's time to shape up, or ship out.

Download ShapeMe for iOS

Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney (£Free+IAP)

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Fancy yourself as something of a legal eagle? Well, you might always win those dinner table arguments, but how'd you fare in a real courtroom? Find out by slipping on the well-polished shoes of Apollo Justice, a rookie defence attorney who's about to hit the big time.

You won't just be strutting your stuff in front of the judge, though. No, there's more to being a lawyer than fancy words and killer suits. There are crime scenes to visit, evidence to collect, and witnesses to interrogate before you even think about putting together a case. Any objections? I thought not.

Download Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney for iOS

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Bully: Anniversary Edition (£4.99)

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To celebrate the 10th anniversary of its tongue-in-cheek, schoolyard shenanigans simulator, Rockstar has given Bully a new lick of paint and slapped it on smartphones.

The Anniversary Edition features all the extra content from Bully: Scholarship Edition, improved lighting and textures, enhanced graphics, high-res support, and new multiplayer challenges. So, if you and your friends have ever wanted to find out who can dissect a frog the fastest, or take control of a flying squirrel (wait, that's not on the curriculum), now you can.

Buy Bully: Anniversary Edition for iOS

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December 2016

Don't Grind (£free + IAP)

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Picture the scene. There's a cute banana hovering above two giant buzzsaws. Its fearful, wide-eyed stare pierces your very soul. You have the power to save it. But the question is; do you?

If you're me, the answer is no. I let that banana tumble straight on down into saw town, mainly because I just wanted to see what'd happen. Following that admittedly sadistic incident, you'll be pleased to hear I did my best to save every sentient critter I came across - be it banana, pumpkin, or chicken leg.

I'd like to say my motivations were selfless. But, honestly, I was in it for the high-scores. That's right, if there's one thing I love more than animated fruit being turned to mush, it's topping leaderboards.

And the only way to get to the top in Don't Grind is by doing exactly that; saving your terrified companions from the toothy blades below. You won't always succeed, so try not to take it too hard when your digital friends get ground to a pulp. They probably had it coming.

Download Don't Grind for iOS

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Flip King (£free + IAP)

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Once Christmas has passed and New Year has left you hanging, there's not much else in the way of festive commemorations to look forward to. That's until you remember that Pancake Tuesday, more commonly (and wrongly) referred to as Shrove Tuesday is right around the corner.

And what better way to get into the Pancake spirt than by honing your flipping skills in Qwiboo's one-touch score chaser, Flip King? As simple as the name suggests, your aim is to flip, flip, and then flip some more until you become the undisputed master of the flip.

No, not the Master Flipper, but the Flip King. A title steeped in history and renown - or, at least, that's what I tell myself.

Download Flip King for iOS

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Yankai's Triangle (£2.29)

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Every triangle has three sides. So you can slap three triangles onto one triangle to get four triangles. Then you just need to, erm, take three more triangles and stick them…

Look, the more you think about Yankai's Triangle, the more confusing it gets. So I'll just say that the vibrant puzzler is a confounding and altogether mesmerising concoction pulled from the remarkable psyche of Circa Infinity creator, Kenny Sun.

The game was pitched by Sun as a love letter to those equilateral enigmas, but if that's the case, I have no idea what language it's written in. Still, just because I don't speak Triangle, it doesn't mean I can't appreciate Sun's work. And make no mistake, there's a lot to appreciate here.

In fact, I'd go as far as to suggest that Sun is quickly establishing himself as one of the App Store's master craftsmen. One glance at Yankai's Triangle should tell you that much, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. So go get yours.

Download Yankai's Triangle for iOS

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Icarus (£free + IAP)

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Tell me, do you recall the tale of Icarus? The young boy who attempted to escape from his island prison with wings made of feathers and wax, only to meet his fiery doom?

Ah, you do? Well I wish I hadn't mentioned it now, because it has absolutely nothing to do with PlaySide's game of the same name. But you have to admit it was a sweet intro.

In fact, serene puzzler Icarus - A Star's Journey turns the Greek myth on its head by challenging players to catapult a fallen star back to the heaven with the help of your trusty fingers. Easy, you say? Funny. That's what Icarus said.

Download Icarus for iOS

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Football Manager Mobile 2017 (£free + IAP)

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The App Store has made a new signing. Someone called F. Manager. Heard of 'em? If you have, then you don't need me to tell you that it's a name worth remembering, and that Football Manager is one of the most addictive, all-consuming games in existence.

If you've not heard the name in a while, or ever (where have you been), then allow me to briefly introduce you. Football Manager Mobile 2017 is the portable version of Sports Interactive's long-running footy management sim.

It's a detailed, deep, and rewarding title that lets you take charge of (almost) any team you can think of and guide them to the very pinnacle of world football. Fancy taking a League 2 team to the Champions League final? You can do it. Want to sign a handful of young stars for your local side and tear up the league? You can do it? Want to take charge of Leeds and get sacked in weeks? You. Can. Do. It.

Download Football Manager Mobile 2017 for iOS

Party Hard Go (£4.99)

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Have you ever been to one of those parties? You know, the one where you weren't actually invited, but you could overhear it from your bedroom so you decided to hop on over and maim every single person in attendance?

Oh yeah, me neither. But that's about to change, because butchering revellers is precisely what you'll be doing in Party Hard Go. Erm… hurray? Just make sure you don't get caught, because what you're doing isn't strictly speaking legal. In fact, it's not legal in any sense of the word.

Download Party Hard Go for iOS

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SteamWorld Heist (£7.99)

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Turn-based shoot 'em up SteamWorld Heist is a melting pot of ideas that somehow manages to strike the right balance.

You'll bump into everything from robo-pirates to starships, but at SteamWorld's core is a trickshot mechanic that imbues the game with its own unique sense of identity. What? You didn't think traipsing halfway across the universe would be easy, did you? No, you're bound to get into a scrape or two.

It's at times like that when you'll need to think outside of the box, bouncing bullets and bombs off of walls to pull off impossible, live-saving shots. And what better reward for being an upstanding pirate Captain than the respect and admiration of your clanking crew? Only kidding. There's loot. Lots and lots of loot.

Download SteamWorld Heist for iOS

F1 2016 (£7.99)

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"…and Lewis Hamilton has won the Driver's Championship for the second year in a row! Can anyone stop him?"

That's what the (former) defending champion might've heard in his dreams last week, or perhaps it was what you heard when you rewrote the history books in F1 2016.

On the surface, that's the big selling point of F1 2016: the chance to sit behind the wheel and live out your own Formula 1 fantasies. And a fleshed out career mode featuring 22 drivers, 11 teams, and the full Formula 1 circuit, means you can do exactly that.

But you'll also be doing it in style, because F1 2016 really does feel the part. Every aspect of the game has been polished to perfection, and at times I was left wondering how Codemasters managed to cram so much into a mobile game.

Download F1 2016 for iOS

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November 2016

PinOut! (£free + IAP)

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You're a mobile gamer, so you're no stranger to endless runners. But what about endless, er, pinballers?

It's not exactly a phrase that rolls of the tongue, but that's exactly what PinOut is: an never-ending journey through a neon flavoured pinball machine of seismic proportions.

Much like your classic game of pinball, the aim is simple: use a pair of paddles to keep the ball in play and amass points. The only difference here is that PinOut's digital tabletop is infinite, so you'll have to beat the clock as well as the board if you want to rack up a world-class score.

Download PinOut! for iPad and iPhone

Masky (£free + IAP)

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Guess what? You're going to the ball. And not just any ball, but the annual grand costume ball! We knew you'd be thrilled.

Actually, we should probably warn you, because there is one catch. People like to dance at this ball. At least, we assume they're people. We haven't actually seen behind their masks.

They've also got atrocious balance, which means you've been put in charge of leading the lively shindig. All you need to do is help your fellow revellers stay on their feet and everything should turn out fine. Don't worry too much about the magic masks, either. We're sure they're quite harmless…

Download Masky for iPhone and iPad

Epic Orchestra (£free + IAP)

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The golden age of rhythm gaming might've ended when the likes of Guitar Hero and Rock Band lost their star power, but there's still some life in the old dog yet.

Epic Orchestra is proof enough of that. One of the simplest rhythm games you'll ever play, the streamlined one-touch title uses four basic commands to put you in control of a charming, retro orchestra. Even on the hardest difficulty setting it's hardly taxing, but that feels like that point.

See, Epic Orchestra doesn't try and baffle you with an endless stream of overly complex instructions. Quite the contrary. It's a relaxing, zen-like experience that's more concerned with serving up tiny slices of musical escapism, and that's exactly why we love it.

Download Epic Orchestra for iPhone and iPad

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Mini Metro (£3.99)

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Anyone who's forced to catch the tube on a regular basis will know how much of a nightmare it can be. That's why there's a 100 percent chance you won't believe me when I say that a tube simulator can be…fun.

You heard me right. Mini Metro proves that the rigours of underground transport management can provide warm, fuzzy entertainment. It also proves you can create a game about inner-city infrastructure that looks and sounds stunningly beautiful.

Download Mini Metro for iPhone and iPad

Eggggg - The Platform Puker (£1.49)

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The bizarrely titled Eggggg - The Platform Puker is one of the strangest morsels I've come across in quite some time. Why? Well, as the name suggests, the game is a platformer centred around one odd mechanic: puke.

Look, I was sceptical at first. But once you get past the undeniably peculiar concept, you'll find a rewarding two-touch platformer that puts most of its competitors to shame.

As for the puke, there's a simple explanation. Gilbert - the star of this show - has a pretty visceral egg allergy. The poor guy just can't keep them down. Alas, it just so happens they give him the power he needs to survive in a world populated with angry cyborg chickens. Swings and roundabouts, really.

Download Eggggg - The Platform Puker for iPhone and iPad

Vikings: An Archer's Journey (£2.29)

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If you like your platformers with a little bit of bite, then Viking: an Archer's Journey might just be for you.

What initially looks to be a by-the-books endless runner is elevated thanks to some slick projectile combat, power-ups, and elementary platforming. It's a formula that works well, and although it's hardly overflowing with originality, it's one that's undeniably compelling.

What makes Viking's a must have is the procedural world around it, with each of its randomly generated levels sporting a gorgeous, wintery coat steeped in minimalist beauty.

Download Vikings: An Archer's Journey for iPhone and iPad

Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator (£1.49)

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If verbal sparring and interplay, by which we mean expertly forged insults at fellow humans, is your jam, then Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator is the game you've been waiting for.

A delightfully kooky experience that challenges players to get one over on their opponent by stringing together a series of inspired insults, Oh…Sir! truly is a game unlike any other. In fact, I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. How terribly ironic.

Download Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator for iPhone and iPad

Level With Me (£free + IAP)

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As we all know, life is a balancing act. But it's nothing compared to the perplexing challenges found in Unept's tilting puzzler, Level With Me.

Seriously. Have you ever tried balancing bowling balls, motorcycles, dynamite, and even people using nothing but bubbles. It's pretty difficult, you know, especially when you're trying to stop a whole gaggle of humans from being blown to smithereens.

Think you're up to the task? Yeah, so did I.

Download Level With Me for iPhone and iPad

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