#The very next day he finds Abel there because he's a little shit

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Testing: Phase Two

O5 wants to see firsthand how I'd handle myself in a legitimate breach. Lucky for them, and unlucky for me... Big Brother woke up and chose violence. He trashed his quarters, is chasing the guards around, classic Abel on a rampage. All because Agent Dimitriov had to take a few days to say good bye to his dying mother. So, into the Semetic dragon's den go I. Honestly... I have a bad feeling about this, kids.

Great. He was doing so well. Then, sadly, Dimi lost his mom. Thus, Abel is now tearing apart the killing corridor piece by piece. Just in time for O5 to see just how much I learned from Big Brother. So, it's just me going in. Clef is livid. He's trailing behind myself and the O5, shouting at them.

"You can't be serious, sending Rabbit in alone. And unarmed? She's not ready. You're not throwing her into the deep end, you're throwing her to a very angry shark." At this, O5-12 spins on his heel.

"Do you have a better idea on determining if our Rabbit can swim? Besides, this line of reasoning is almost comical coming from you, Dr. Clef. Are you, or are you not, known for "simulating" type Green attacks in your classes?"

"Yeah, but-"

"This is no different. Rabbit can do this. We have faith in her. Now, stop coddling her and let her get on with it. Proceed with testing, Dr. Snow." I swallow my nerves and approach the doors. Just before I go in, Clef stops me.

"Be careful, Snowbunny. I'd hate to have to find a new assistant, you're a tough act to follow." I force myself to smile before I answer.

"No worries, I'll be fine. But... if I survive I think I earned takeout."

"Done. Try not to die, Snowbunny." A quick hug, a passing kiss on the cheek, and... into the mouth of hell I go. I try not to wince when the doors close behind me.

I reach the killing corridor proper, and don't even get to wince before Big Brother is swinging at my head with a kopesh. I teleport behind him, kick him down. Then, he gets up and tackles me. He punches my head, but finds only the steel plating where I was. I stab him in his left leg with an ice shard. Bad call. He just yanks it out, flings it back at my head. I duck, it shatters. Before I can recover, I'm dodging a flurry of punches while trying to hit him back. This... is going to get me killed. But... if I can pull this off, it might take some of the fight out of Abel. While I'm trying to fight off his attacks, he's managed to not only expose a very handy piece of steel plumbing pipe, he's also thoughtfully disconnected a large segment of it, about two meters. Bit heavy, but... I manage to levitate it and swing it as hard as I can. Abel tumbles off me, holding his head. Before long, he recovers. He's slower, so at least I concussed him. I take my chance to see if I can snap him out of it.

"SCP 076-2, WHAT IN THE KENTUCKY FRIED FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?"

Shit. Forgot my voice also got power upgrades. He looks like I just flash-banged him point blank. His dagger clatters to the floor. Awareness dawns on him like a sunrise.

"You... screamed at me. Did... oh, (untranslatable), I might have made a mistake."

"Yeah, but it's fixable. No worries. Sorry." I grab Abel's shoulder, give it a gentle squeeze. "Hey, Dimi will be back in two days. That's 48 hours. You made it twice that before today. I know you miss him, this just isn't how to handle it."

"You are, as always right, Little Sister. This is all new to me."

"It's okay. Just... maybe ask to use the Rage Cage next time?"

The intercom crackles by the door.

"Wait... when did we get a Rage Cage? Oh, you mean the Room of Self Replicating Porcelain Plates? How do you know about that? That's Level 4 clearance, Dr. Snow." There's quiet murmuring behind O5-2. "Dr. Clef's assistant, in charge of Anomalous Enrichment Protocol? Oh,.. yeah. Fine. We will authorize 076-2 for the Rage Cage. But! No more rampages, understood?"

"Understood."

"Good."

"O5-2, sir? Request permission to escort 076-2 to the Rage Cage to... calm down, give the E-Class a chance to straighten up in here. I'll keep a very sharp eye on him."

"See that you do, Dr. Snow." Abel consents to being strapped down for transport. As this is happening, and can take a bit due to multiple multiple straps, I step into the hall. O5-11 is talking to Clef, waiting.

"I knew you'd handle things, Dr. Snow. And, Dr. Clef? Fire her and the Red Right Hand will shoot you."

"Wouldn't dream of it, sir. In a way... I think I owe O5-6 some whiskey for hiring her." This had me smiling despite the pain creeping in from where Abel hit me. Ugh. Thank 343 it was mostly fists on his end. Even still, I'm going to be black and blue all over by nightfall. But... no, I didn't die. Sure, no amount of makeup will cover the huge bruise I'm sure is forming on my left jawline, but I survived, somehow.

#scp foundation #tales from site redacted #dr snow #scp 076 2 #dr clef #scp o5

[casimania]

Cain doesn't die in season 3 nightmare scenario: not only is he alive to see his mother come down from Heaven to fuck around with Lucifer, Maze and random humans all looking 10 years younger than him. But after his stint on Earth Abel somehow lets go of his guilt in Hell, is the first soul to come free of his loop ascend to Heaven, realizes time runs slower than on Earth and is mighty boring and discovers his mother thought the same and took a trip down to Earth so he does the same. So now there's Abel too alive and well and also doing nothing but party, fuck around and find himself.

#Talking Tag #Luciblogging #He tells them the precinct is off limits #The very next day he finds Abel there because he's a little shit #And then also Eve cause she's curious #The first person who call his mom hot or Abel funny and he's locked himself in his office #He's one step away from changing identity and just disappearing somewhere #Slightly terrified he'll wake up to his dad also on Earth or something

[rebelwrites]

Restoration

Jax Teller x Daughter Reader

“You gonna actually behave for your father this week?” You mum asked as you packed your bag.

“Maybe, depends if he pisses me off or not” you shrugged.

The thing was your mum and dad split about 4 years ago, a year after Abel was born. They had you at a young age, at 15 to be precise, you was now 18 and had seen their relationship completely fall apart, you saw how he treated your mum towards the end of the relationship and you hated it, you hated how he made your mum feel, how you saw the whole thing. However you were grateful Abel was still too young to understand what was going on.

“Y/N please, I know you don’t get along with him but he is your dad at the end of the day” mum sighed.

“Not gonna change my opinion on him” you laughed.

Even though your parents weren’t together anymore they never actually filed for a divorce.

“Just try” mum said placing her hand on your shoulder “for Abel at least, it’s hard enough on him as it is”

“And it’s not hard for me mum” you spat “try going through school where everyone is obsessed with the sons, constantly badgering me about them, about dad, asking if the fucking rumours are true”

You knew that your mum wasn’t completely innocent in the whole relationship break down. So you had an attitude with them both.

The drive to Teller-Morrow was silent, neither you or your mum spoke because you were your father’s daughter at the end of day, your mum always said it was like having a female Jax in the house, the way you held yourself, your attitude, your temper. So no words were spoken just for Abel’s sake, he didn’t need to see his sister and mum biting each other’s heads off.

Climbing out of the car, you grabbed your bag from the boot, before wandering off to find your uncles, at least you had a good relationship with them, it was just the relationship with your dad that was rocky.

You didn’t get it, he was such a good father to Abel, but with you it was a different story, one of his biggest regrets was you seeing the breakdown happen, all the arguments that happened when you were younger. Since then you saw the man that you once saw as your hero as the bad guy.

“Hey kiddo” Jax grinned, opening his arms to you.

“Whatever dad” you huffed walking by him, dumping your bag on the picnic bench before placing a cigarette in your mouth.

“She’s in a mood, sorry Jax” you heard mum say, making you roll your eyes. “Give her a couple of days and she should calm down”

“She’s so much like me it’s scary” he sighed as he watched you laugh with Tig and Happy.

“If you’re gonna talk about me can you at least go somewhere where I can’t bloody hear you” you snapped not looking at them.

Jax knew that with both his kids being here with him for the week, he was going to try his hardest to mend the bridges that had once been burnt. He wanted nothing more than getting his little girl back.

“I will speak with her” Jax nodded as he took Abel into his arms, who was grinning at the sight of his daddy.

At least one of his kids didn’t hate him.

However he had a plan, he knew you loved bikes, so he had one sat in the garage waiting to be restored and he was hoping it was something you could do together and then he could teach you to ride. He knew it wouldn’t magically fix the relationship but at least it would give you a memory that wasn’t bad.

Your mum had now left, which meant you were stuck with your dad for the next week, no doubt it would be a week of you looking after Abel, it always was when you were here, the club came before you. It always had and always would.

“Table in 5” Jax shouted as he walked into the club, he didn’t miss the eye roll that came from you, he knew what you thought, you had only been here 10 minutes and he was putting the club before you. But this time would be different.

“Okay so everyone knows my relationship with Y/N is very much on the rocks right now” Jax sighed running his hand over his face. “And I know it’s my fault and I want to fix that, so this week I only want to be involved in club business if the shit has hit the fan. Anything else speak to Chibs, I need to fix things with my little girl before it is too late”

Everyone nodded, they knew how much Jax loved you, you was his first born at the end of the day and it killed him knowing that you hated him.

“Anything we can do to help we are here” Happy nodded.

“Thanks Hap but this is something I need to do on my own, I created this mess so I need to fix it” Jax sighed “If it can be fixed”

It was now Wednesday and Jax still hadn’t made any progress, the bike lay untouched in the garage, and you hadn’t spoken more than a few words a day to him.

“Uncle Hap am I being a bitch?” You sighed looking up at him as you lit a smoke.

“Honestly kiddo, I know where you are coming from but he is the only dad you are gonna get” Happy said placing his hand on yours. “I know the reasons you have for hating Jax but he misses his little girl, I’m not saying forgive him straight away but stop shutting him out”

“I miss my dad” you sighed “but you didn’t hear me say that”

“My lips are sealed” Happy nodded “you know he took a step back from the club this week to spend time with you and Abel”

“I didn’t know” you sighed running your hand over your face.

“I think he wants to restore a bike or something with you” Hap smiled kissing your head “he’s in the garage”

Trudging into the garage with your head hung low, you felt guilty about how you went off at dad this morning.

“I’m sorry” you mumbled, not looking up.

You heard him sigh and his footsteps getting closer to you.

Talk about irony, the radio had started playing bad husband, scoffing as dad placed his hand on your shoulder.

You can be a liar and a good father A good dad, but a bad husband

“Guess the song is 90% right” you sighed “you are a good father to Abel at least”

“Hey look at me kiddo” Dad said lifting your chin. “My biggest regret in life was letting you see all the fights between me and your mum. I know that has done so much damage to our relationship but I never stopped loving your or your mum okay”

You stayed silent, you didn’t know what to say.

Forever be a hero in my eyes, But there’s always another side. To a good father. A great dad, but a bad husband

“Look me and your mum still love each other and we probably always will” he sighed “we just don’t work well together okay but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you”

All I want is for us not to hurt. And it’s been an exhaustive search to find the words

The song was basically saying everything you couldn’t.

But I’m not so sure how to close this. I just don’t know how some people can be so good At one thing and so fucked at a whole ‘nother, shit, it’s no wonder

You both just stood there not saying a word as Jax pulled you into his arms holding you tight.

“I’m not saying we have to go back to being as close as we once were but I want a chance, a chance to mend the bridges I burnt, I want to be in your life and not as someone you hate” Jax whispered.

Nodding your head, you sniffed as a tear fell down your cheek, this was the most you had talked in a year. All you wanted to hear over the past year was that your dad still loved you.

“You don’t have to say anything yet sweetheart” dad whispered kissing your head “now what do you say to helping your old man fix this bike up and then I would like it if you let your old man teach you how to ride”

“I’d like that” you mumbled.

The next few days flew by and your mum had arrived to pick you and Abel up. Pushing yourself off the bench you walked over to her with a slight smile on your face.

“Come on, let’s get you home” mum said.

Glancing over to your dad you smiled softly before turning back to your mum.

“Actually mum, I think I’m gonna stick around here a bit longer” you nodded feeling Jax place his hand on your shoulder squeezing it softly. “I wanna stay with dad, we still have a bike to finish”

-

Your mum stood staring at you, confusion spread all over her face.

“You want to willingly stay?” She questioned

“Yup” you nodded.

“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?” She laughed before turning to Jax “you okay with her staying?”

“Course I am” he beamed at the fact you wanted to stay with him longer.

As soon as you said bye to your mum, you headed back into the garage leaving Jax stood there in his own world.

“Come on dad the bike isn’t gonna fix its self” you laughed rolling your sleeves up.

The hours flew by and you was both covered in grease, Chibs walked outside hearing all the laughter coming from the garage, a smile formed on his face as he snapped a photo of the two of you before walking back into the club house.

“Okay a know normally a would bring this ta table but no one is to disturb Jackie Boy, a don’t care wha it is, if it’s club business, Ye arms fallen off or Ye are on fire, ye come ta me” Chibs smiled leaning against the bar. “Tha is until further notice, this is wha they both need”

Everyone nodded in agreement, it was nice to see you and Jax not at each other’s throats and they knew that the fact you wanted to stay here meant you really wanted to rebuild the relationship

Standing back from the bike something clicked.

“Why does this bike look so familiar?” You asked.

“Well princess it was your grandads” Jax grinned draping his arm around your shoulder.

“JT’s” you said looking up and he nodded. “Wait and you are just letting me have once we have fixed her up?”

“That’s the plan” Jax laughed “he would have wanted you to have it and it’s better than it sitting gathering dust”

You were in awe, you knew how much this bike meant to him. Wrapping your arms around him you gave him a tight hug.  

Neither of you talked about much other than the bike, outside of the garage you were slowly building things back up, you both knew it would take longer than a week but it was a start.

“So your mum says you’ve been getting into trouble at college?” He asked as you were packing the tools up.

“Meh” you shrugged “someone said something, I didn’t like it so I fucking punched them and broke there nose. No biggie”

Jax couldn’t help but smirk, you were exactly like him, in so many ways.

“You can’t say anything dad you taught me talking was boring when you can fight it out” just as you said it an idea popped into your head. Spinning round on the balls of your feet you grinned at your dad.

“No, nope happening” He laughed when he realised what you was thinking “me and you aren’t going at it in the ring” he chuckled.

“Why do you think you will lose old man” you taunted.

“Nope it’s not that” he said looking up “I am not boxing with my daughter”

“You’re just scared because you know I’m gonna beat your ass” you giggled squaring up to him.

He knew you weren’t gonna back down. You was a Teller at the end of the day.

“Fine but if you get hurt you are telling your mum it was your idea” Jax sighed in defeat.

And with that you ran off into the clubhouse to tell everyone.

It was now 7pm and Tig was wrapping your fists.

“You sure about fighting your dad kiddo?” He asked.

“Uncle Tiggy I’m sure” you nodded “we need this, well I need this. If I’m gonna let go of the past I need to do this”

“Okay then” he smiled kissing your fist “beat the shit out of your old man”

You were now standing face to face with your dad in the ring. He knew what was happening, and he wasn’t going to fight back, he had overheard what you said to Tig. So if beating the shit out of him was what you needed to forgive him then that is what he was going to let you do.

Punch after punch, you felt the anger flow through your fists, you were fuelled by every bad memory, everything he did and he just let the punches keep coming.

Your emotions got the better of you as you scream, pounding your fists against his chest as you burst into tears. As soon as this happened Jax wrapped his arms around you, dropping to his knees holding you tight.

“That’s it princess let it all out, all the anger, all the pain” he whispered rubbing your back. “I’m never gonna leave you okay, no matter what happens with me and your mum, you will always have your old man in your corner. My biggest regret is you saw everything happen, I never wanted you to feel like I loved Abel more than you, you are my little girl, my princess and I love you”

Once you had calmed down, you felt a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, you no longer felt an immense hatred towards your dad.

It had been a couple of days after the ‘fight’ and you had actually started to open up. The bike was finished and you were just putting the tools away.

“I want to drop out of college” you said “it’s really not for me, I struggle with the exams and coursework”

“You know whatever you decide I will support you” Jax smiled softly at you, hee knew where you was coming from, he was exactly the same when it came to tests and the theory behind things. “If you did drop out what would you do?”

“Actually I wanna be a mechanic” you said looking up. “Maybe I could work here”

“Why don’t you sleep on the idea and if you really want to drop out then we will get it all sorted” he said kissing your head. “Now what do you say we take her for a spin?”

“You think I’m ready for the roads” you laughed.

“You are a natural” he grinned tossing you your helmet “it’s in your blood”

The rest of the day was spent riding round the streets charming, a smile on your face and your relationship with your dad well on the road to being what it once was. Never in a million years you would have thought that restoring JT’s bike would actually restore your relationship as well.

#Jax Teller #jax teller x reader #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy x reader

[drabbles-mc]

Say Cheese

Juice Ortiz x OFC (Chris Teller)

Inspired by Day Five of the July Prompts: camera

Warnings: none, this is just slice of life fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: My brain has been going in a million different directions as far as WIPs go these days but I think about this pairing on a daily basis I love them so much

SOA Taglist: @garbinge​ @adela-topaz-caelon​ @masterlistforimagines​ @mijop​ @chibsytelford​ @xladymacbethx​ @i-just-read-stuff​ @kkim120​ @toni9​ @unicornucopia-fuckers​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @punkgoddess-98​ @paintballkid711​ @black-repunzel99​ @jitterbugs927​ @mrsstevenbuchananstark​ (If you want to be added to the taglist just let me know!)

Chris was throwing sunscreen and her beach towel into her bag when she looked over and saw Juice very carefully packing his camera bag. She smiled, walking over and resting her hands on his shoulders before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his temple. He let out a hum of approval as he zipped up the bag.

“Bringing the camera to the beach?”

He looked up at her and nodded, “Yea, that okay?”

She shrugged, “Yea, of course. I just, you trust it at the ocean with all the guys?”

He laughed, “It’ll be fine.

Chris couldn’t remember the last time that they all went together somewhere and none of the guys took their bikes. Everyone brought cars and coolers and things to hide their alcohol in. Gemma, as per usual, had brought enough food to feed an army. She brought enough sunscreen to bathe each of the guys a few times over, knowing that none of them would think to get any for themselves.

The laughter that was erupting from where the waves met the shore was the greatest sound she’d ever heard—Thomas and Abel getting their first real taste of the beach and the ocean. It was good to see kids just being kids. She looked on with a smile as she laid out on her towel, content to just catch a tan and read her book. A little farther down the stretch of beach, a few of the guys were locked into a very competitive game of volleyball. She could hear the smack-talk over the music from the speakers and the waves.

Juice had been quiet for a while, and she honestly thought that he had passed out on his beach towel. With his sunglasses on it was really anyone’s guess. She looked over to make sure that he wasn’t starting to burn, though, and that’s when she realized that he was awake and digging into his camera bag.

“Gonna get some action shots of Tig diving face-first into the sand over there?” she laughed as she nodded towards the volleyball net.

Juice chuckled, shaking his head as he got his camera set up, “Nah, not yet anyway,” he held the camera up and pointed it in her direction, “Say cheese!”

Chris turned away with a laugh, shaking her head, “No way, Juan.”

He lowered the camera, a pout on his face, “Why not?”

“I’ve seen what you do to the photos you take with that camera. My face and body aren’t going anywhere near your photoshop equipment.”

“C’mon,” he laughed, “I’m not going to photoshop you. I promise.”

She didn’t know how much she actually believed him, but regardless she figured that indulging him just this once wouldn’t really hurt. With a sigh she turned back to him, lowering her sunglasses slightly and flashing him a smile. He was practically vibrating with excitement as he lifted the camera back up and snapped a shot.

Scooting closer, he turned the camera so she could see how it came out, “See? Now I can make posters out of you for my dorm at the clubhouse.”

She laughed, leaning onto his shoulder, “God, I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I love you too,” he stood up, stretching out for a minute, “Now I’m gonna go get a shot of Tig face-planting.”

“Try to get one of Jax, too!” she called after him with a laugh.

Later on in the afternoon, she tagged in to give Tara some time to just sit, and she took over running around with the toddlers on the shore. She was glad that she brought an extra bag, because every single shell that Abel got his hands on, he wanted to keep. So the three of them were locked in a very intense scavenger hunt when low tide came around, too busy looking for the next great thing to notice that Juice was lurking around to get candid shots of the three of them together.

The only thing that clued her into it at all, was Abel calling out his name as he ran to show him his latest find, “Juice, look!” he held out his tiny hand that held a shell, “It’s a cone!”

He made a big show of inspecting the shell that Abel had just handed to him, “Sure is, buddy. That’s so cool! You gonna keep it?”

“Duh!” Abel turned and ran back towards Chris, who had the bag in one hand and Thomas’s hand in the other.

She spotted the camera and knew exactly what Juice had been doing. She shook your head with a smile, “I’d splash you if that thing wasn’t so expensive,” she walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the lips, “Better not have any of me making weird faces.”

“Define weird.”

She gave him a playful shove, “Shut up. Here,” she handed the bag of shells over to him, “Your turn to do the heavy lifting.”

He rolled his eyes, thinking that you were exaggerating. But once she draped the bag onto his arm his eyes grew wide, “Holy shit,” he laughed, rebalancing himself, “that’s actually heavy.”

“Yea,” she laughed, scooping Thomas up into her arms, “I know,” she looked over at her nephew, “Let’s go get some fruit and water, lil man.”

Juice and Abel trailed behind the two of them, Chris’s oldest nephew chattering on and on about all the different shells and colors of sea glass that they’d found that day. The four of them made quite the little crew as they made their way back to the towels and coolers.

“You don’t look half bad with a baby on your hip, sweetheart,” Gemma piped up from her chair.

“Look way better with a baby off of it, though,” Chris quipped right back as she handed Thomas to Tara.

Gemma ignored the comment, watching as Juice carefully took the camera and set it on top of its bag before walking over and placing a quick kiss on Chris’s cheek. For all her comments and opinions, she couldn’t deny that Chris had been so much less restless since she started dating Juice. She seemed so much more content.

“Got any pictures of yourself on that thing?” Gemma nodded towards the camera.

Juice laughed, shaking his head, “No, no.”

“Here,” she motioned for him to hand it to her, “Let me get a picture of the happy couple, hm?”

Chris rolled her eyes, “Mom.”

“It’s fine,” Juice cut in before the two of them started going tit for tat over it, “C’mere,” he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

She laughed, knowing that she wasn’t going to win this one. She could feel the smug grin of victory on Gemma’s face and chose to ignore it, letting her mom take the win this time around. The heat from Juice’s chest seeped into her back as she leaned into him. Just as Gemma was about to take the picture, he turned and pressed a kiss to the side of her head, causing her to break out in laughter.

The satisfaction on Gemma’s face was genuine as she handed the camera back over to Juice, “Thank you for indulging me.”

He smiled as he took it back and clicked back to find the picture. The grin on his face grew as he showed it to Chris, “Not bad.”

She looked, and couldn’t deny that she was immediately a little obsessed with the photo, “That’s the one that should be a poster in your dorm.”

“I could do both,” he chuckled, leaning in and kissing her on the lips.

“Gotta make two copies of this one,” she lightly tapped the camera screen.

#soa #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #soa imagine #juice ortiz #juice ortiz imagine #juice ortiz x oc #juan carlos ortiz #juan carlos #oc chris #oc chris teller #oc christine teller #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc #july prompts

[curvynerdfan]

Danny Zuko would never

Hey y’all! I am so sorry I haven’t posted in so long. Life drug me down into a routine of chaos to be quite honest. I can’t remember if this was inspired by a request or not so I apologize if I have forgotten to tag you. 

Jax x Reader 

Friends to Lovers, Sandy level makeover 

Warnings: cursing, mentions of addiction

Y/N was having a blast! Her and Gemma decided to drive into San Jose to shop for new clothes. Y/N worked with a non-profit medical assistance center in the pediatrics wing. She was off for the next four days and tomorrow was the Charming Fall Festival. Gemma had been really struggling lately, with her and Clay’s breakup and worrying about Jax now that he was President. 

Y/N was so happy Gemma asked her to join in on the shopping trip. The club mom had a habit of pushing the young nurse out of her comfort zone. Y/N was almost always in scrubs, jeans and oversized clothes. Not that it was a bad wardrobe, it worked for her purposes. But Y/N wanted to be daring and dress up a bit. Honestly she just wanted to catch Jax’s eye. Maybe even have a Sandra Dee at the Summer Carnival moment. 

Gemma said that Jax and Y/N were a pair of idiots, perfect for each other. Neither one realized they were interested in each other. No matter how much the people around them pointed it out the two remained oblivious. So when Y/N told Gemma that she was ready to do something bold, Gemma was over the moon with excitement. 

Y/N had never been the one to go over the top. Especially with her looks, but at this point she didn’t know what else to do to get Jax’s attention. She had money to burn and was ready to up her wardrobe. Gemma said if she wanted to get the title of Old Lady that they were gonna go all out. 

Y/N was suddenly very grateful that Jax insisted on sending Tig and Happy with them because she was not going to want to drive after the day Gemma planned out. Tig as Gemma’s go-to bodyguard and Happy as Y/N’s, all piled up into a Teller-Morrow rental. 

Gemma said that meant Jax already thought of her as his Old Lady, “Sending an enforcer, only happens for the President’s girl.” 

“Then why doesn’t he ask me out or claim me as his, huh? If he really thought that way then he’d do something!” Y/N protested 

“He cares for you and sent Happy! Make him step up and prove himself.” Gemma lectured.

Tig chimed in, “Sorry hun, Gem is right. Sgt. at Arms never gets sent with a random chick for a girls day, no matter how good a friend she is.” 

Happy let out a resounding hum in affirmation. Y/N gawked at the first shop they pulled up to at Gemma’s demand. It was a very nice vintage clothing and accessory store.

“I’ll buy you the first ten pieces of jewelry you find that fit a president’s Old Lady.” Gemma paused to laugh at Y/N’s shocked expression, “Move it or lose it sweet cheeks, offer ends in thirty minutes!” 

Y/N squealed and grabbed Happy’s arm tugging him along. While he was a man of few words, Y/N had a knack for deciphering his gruff responses and gestures. She knew he’d be great at helping her pick out some goodies. She’d hold a pair of earrings up to her face or model a chunky bracelet and depending on Happy’s response she’d add it to her basket or throw it away. 

By the time she met Gemma and Tig at the register she had collected a skull ring, a chain belt, crow studded earrings, a crescent moon necklace, a crow skull ring, an obsidian oval faced ring, a snake necklace, a pair of silver hoops, diamond stud earrings, and black dangle earrings. Gemma pried over the basket in judgement before giving a sharp nod and motioning Y/N to hand the items to the cashier. 

Y/N was happy to see that Gemma had found a few items to purchase for herself as well. While they were checking out Y/N saw several studded belts, a new mirror for her vanity, some vintage ashtrays and a gorgeous green glass vase. Gemma demanded that the boys load the car with her new purchases and locked arms with Y/N before strutting out of the shop. 

Next was a gigantic department store. Gemma dragged her through the store and repeatedly threw clothes at Happy and Tig to carry to a dressing room. By the time Gemma was done each woman had fifty or so items to try on and there were even a few things for the men to try on as well. 

They would all try on a complete outfit, step outside of the room, do a little spin or strut(stand and pout in Happy’s case), receive critiques or hype and then repeat. The boys ran out quickly and ended up lounging on a couch and offering opinions when asked. Gemma told Y/N that the goal was sophisticated grunge. She still wasn’t sure she understood, but she did feel very hot in everything they decided to buy. 

Next was shoes.Y/N decided to only buy four pairs and let everyone have a say.  Happy found Y/N the best pair of riding boots for women, Tig picked out some dagger-like heels, Gemma picked a pair of knee high heeled boots and Y/N picked white sneakers that matched the ones she bought Jax a few years ago. 

Last stop was a nail salon. Gemma sent Y/N straight to the back room to get waxed. When Y/N gave her a look and squawked at her, Gemma just twirled her finger and said to “do what needs to be done”. When Y/N stumbled back out of the room, Gemma had a mimosa waiting for her. 

Y/N couldn’t commit to long nails or a dark color due to her job but it was still nice to be pampered after such a long and challenging day. While getting their nails done, the girls talked through what Y/N should wear the next night for the carnival. The three pros of MC life gave Y/N a few pointers on how to own being an old lady. This still made Y/N scoff and worry that everyone was wrong. 

----------------------- 

The carnival was finally here and Jax was excited for some much needed time off with his family and friends. Gemma wanted to watch Abel for the night. This meant he could really relax and let loose tonight. No worries about staying out too late for his little man or limiting his alcohol or weed. It was gonna be great. 

At least, til he saw Y/N walking up, “What the hell are you wearing?” 

Y/N looked different, that’s for sure. She knew she didn’t look bad though. She had on a tight black wrap-around long-sleeve crop top, ripped jeans with fishnets underneath and the white sneakers she picked out. She even threw on some of the goodies that Gemma bought her. She cinched her waist in with the chain belt, the crow studs and skull ring added to the alure. Her hair was curled and she did her makeup, highlighting her sparkling eyes with black eyeliner and her plump lips with a deep red lipstick. 

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, holding back remorse for dressing up. 

“You look like a, shit, who are you dressed up for?” Jax questioned. 

“Why does it have to be for someone? Can’t I look hot without it being for someone,” Y/N put a hand on her hip, beginning to get pissed. 

“You look like you’re trying to lock a member down! Got your eyes set on one of the guys huh? You’ve been hanging around Happy a lot lately, trying to be his old lady?” He prodded. 

“Dammit Jax! I had my eyes set on you but I guess I can’t be your old lady unless I am pining desperately for you to rescue me! Maybe I need a stalker or some form of addiction for you to realize I like you” Y/N screamed, stomping off. 

Y/N knew that was uncalled for but her anger got the better of her but not even Danny Zuko would pull this kind of douche move. It definitely wasn’t going the way she thought it would. While she didn’t necessarily believe the others when they said Jax was interested, it hurt that he was so offended by her looks. Her eyes began to sting as she pondered why she even considered making a move. 

Jax lost his breath when Y/N yelled at him. He quickly got it back when a ringed had slammed into the back of his head. When he whipped his head around he saw a pissed off Gemma staring him down. 

“Remember how you sent Happy and Tig with us yesterday? She spent the entire buying stuff because she wanted to look like an old lady. She did that for you. We all encouraged her because everyone here sees how y’all feel about each other except the two of you. If you don’t wanna be with her, cut it off now and stay at the table. But if you want her to be your old lady like we know you do, you better chase after her.”, his mom said, matter-of-factly. 

Jax stared at her with his mouth open. He was still in shock. He always saw Y/N as his but didn’t think she would want to be with him. When she left for college, he thought he lost his chance. She came back and he was with Wendy. She dated some uppity guys here and there, he assumed that was her type and she was ready to settle down. So when Tara decided to stay in Charming and he saw Y/N out on another date, he chose to go back to Tara. 

To think that he and Y/N could have been together for years now was making his head run circles around his heart. The fact that she did all of this to be with him permanently seemed ridiculous to him. She could have just told him, but looking back she must have been trying for years. The dedication to him and the club wasn’t out of friendship but love. 

“Fuck”, Jax let slip from his lips as he hopped off of the table he was sitting on. 

He marched off on a mission, searching for Y/N. He stomped through the happy crowd and scanned the flashing neon lights with his eyes. He was pissed at himself. He knew his mom was right too, if he didn’t show his feelings now he and Y/N didn’t have a chance in hell. He just hoped he could find her. 

Y/N stopped at the ferris wheel. Her eyes were still stinging but she refused to cry, especially in front of all these people. She would either get up in the air and cry or calm down. She was losing it on the inside. Every single person she talked to said Jax felt the same way, but Jackson’s reaction was the opposite of what was expected. 

Y/N was at the front of the line when Jax finally tracked her down. Jax picked up his pace and managed to get to the ticketer as she got in on her own. Jax shoved a handful of cash into the operators hands when he protested and hopped in with her and shut the door behind him. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing Jackson?” Y/N huffed

Jax flinched at the use of his full name, “I fucked up. Can we talk?” 

“It doesn’t matter, you trapped me with you. You got one loop to convince me to stay on the ride with you”, she demanded. 

Y/N was pissed. First, Jax insulted her and asked her if she was trying to nail one of his guys and now he wouldn’t even let her cry it out on her own. She was waiting for him to pull the “let her down easy” lines she knew the man had memorized. Except with Y/N it was going to be… 

“We have been friends for as long as I remember. I didn’t realize that you felt that way about me.” 

Y/N cut Jax off, “Look, we don’t have to do this. I’m trying to keep my shit together but I’d rather not do this right now.” 

Confusion graced Jax’s face, “No, I, I’m trying to explain. It’s not what you think.” 

“I’m pretty sure it is, Jax. You made your point earlier, if I want to be an old lady I should look to Happy and or another member.”, Y/N ranted, this last thing she wanted was to dig into why Jax didn’t want to be with her. 

“Dammit Y/N! I am trying to tell you that I love you, too!” Jax shouted, losing it for a moment. 

He pulled Y/N in for a kiss, one had cupped her face and the other pulled Y/N onto his lap. Y/N was shocked at Jax’s announcement and even more so at his lips on hers. 

By the time Jax and Y/N had finished a loop, she was happy to stay on the ferris wheel with him. By the time the ride had ended they had become a couple and managed to mark their claims on each other. By the time the duo made it back to the crew’s table, the group began to hoop and holler. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and ducked her head into Jax’s arm while he received high fives and slaps on the back in congratulations. 

“Let me know when to expect another grandbaby!”, Gemma said with glee as she walked past the happy couple with a sleepy Abel in her arms. 

To say the least, Momma Gemma is the best

Taglist: @justahopelessssromantic

#Jackson Teller #Jax Teller #jax x reader #jax oneshot #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy request #soa #soa imagine #jackson teller x reader #jax teller imagine #my work

[razrbladekiss]

Tyrants | Chapter Five - Consolation

WORD COUNT: 5.8k

WARNINGS: Mentions of murder, grief, the aftermath of that death...all that Jazz! Plus a lil moment I’ve been fucking itching to include.

Chibs's breath was stuck in the middle of his throat, jutting thickly the more he thought about Opie cradling Donna's sallow cheeks as she bled out onto the gravel.

It'd cut deep, this one.

So many bodies he had bared witness to over the years. So many lives lost and souls snatched and whatever else right before his undaunted eyes--but nothing really hurt as much as that.

Because he knew what it was like. How it maimed a man. How it felt like his world was hurtling toward the chasms of hell during the moments after arriving at the scene and seeing his wife there. Dead.

Cold and dead and lonely. And completely gone.

Guilt resided, too. It was true tangible remorse for the simple proficiency of; that should've been me.

It happened with Diane--it happened to Chibs's wife, the mother of his kid, and the one true light in his life right after Isla. And it should've been him.

It was brutal, the way it happened tonight. It was fierce and heartless and Chibs knew in a flash that those bullets struck the wrong skull.

He couldn't bear the reverberation anymore, the gutturals from Piney's son who'd just lost his wife for no good reason during a drive-by in their quaint little town. The town that'd swelled wickedly with corruption these last few weeks.

Stahl was at the scene before he left. Looking pensive, actually. She looked guilty.

Chibs's basic instinct had landed the blame at her door--put the blood on her hands--but he kept his mouth shut for fear of what'd happen next. He didn't think that SAMCRO could handle this.

Because this wasn't a product of Mayan or Niner rivalry. He wasn't stupid--he knew that his President had something to do with this.

This was cultivated from the seeds sown by June Stahl, the pips planted so very deeply into the mind of Clay Morrow which forced him to believe that Opie Winston was a rat.

And he wasn't. He'd never sell his club out--no matter the damage, the pain inflicted upon him--and he'd never dream of pinning the fault on his brothers.

But he had to look a little bit closer to home if he wanted those answers. If he wanted to know just who sniped Donna--a completely innocent woman caught in the most ferocious of crossfires--he had to turn to someone that he knew was culpable of such activity.

Chibs's heart ached. It impaired him so very deeply that the only thing he could visualize on the ride back to Jax's house was her face.

Her face that dripped blood. Saturated crimson plagued his thoughts and forced his stomach to churn vociferously. He felt sick now.

He felt sick because Opie had lost his wife, Piney had lost a crucial member of his small family, and her kids had lost their mother. The woman that had worked so tirelessly to provide a life for them, to love and care for them unconditionally no matter what.

Opie was strong, he knew that--but he didn't know if he was strong enough to handle this. This crippling weight, this hurt and the idea of what could've been done differently.

Because so much could've happened to prevent this.

His tongue had become inoculated with bile, acrimonious ire for whoever the fuck was to blame for such unnecessary brutality--and, really, Chibs knew that he didn't have to look much further than Isla's favorite blue-eyed heathen this time.

And that broke his heart because of the pedestal she held that man upon. The pedestal she'd always held him atop, so fucking highly, too.

She knew that he was bad--an inherently bad human being--but he was just Tig. Her buddy. Clay's right hand that, really, he'd always count on. No matter what. And he'd always deliver the king's request, too.

Tig was the one that Isla called when her car broke down on the freeway and she needed to get home in time for Gemma's dinner.

The one she turned to for cheering up because he always knew how to crack a smile and get through to her.

The one that she strangely respected the most. Nobody really recognized what it was about that man that had Isla overjoyed when in his presence, she just was. And that was part of his charm.

But her father was anxious, now. Worried that she would take this news--if it came to light--badly. Because it was going to break her heart, regardless.

It was how she would handle it, which was the true hardship.

"Christ." Chibs's voice struggled to materialize, gesturing to his daughter passed out on Jax's couch. "How long's she been sleepin'?"

Mascara and eyeliner and whatever the fuck else she'd painted onto her face had started to melt away, trails of black and grey faintly running her cheeks.

"'Bout an hour." Gemma responded, sniffling back the putrid emotion she'd so obviously let flood the moments leading up to their arrival.

Jax's stomach was doing backflips at the thought of Isla crying herself to sleep in his living room--after everything that he'd put her through, too.

He feared that this was going to be the tip of the iceberg. That this was going to pulverize her sanity and compromise everything she had sought to fight off these last few days.

And he couldn't help but harbor those same suspicions as her father, either. Jax wanted to keep his mouth shut until he was certain that this was an inside job, but he was teetering toward that conclusion regardless.

It was the only viable explanation.

He, too, worried about what this would do to her. That finding out Tig was the potential culprit and reason why Opie's children were officially motherless.

"How's Ope?" She continued, already knowing the answer but asking anyway. Jax's head shook. "Oh."

"Not good, ma. But he's home now."

"And you're sure of that?"

"Yeah--I followed him back to make sure he got there in one piece. He wanted to leave the second the fuckin' ATF stormed in."

"Oh." Gem repeated herself, running her fingers through Isla's hair as she rested in her lap. "What about Clay? Where'd he get to?"

Chibs took a seat at one of the wooden chairs that'd been positioned around the coffee table, and Jax sank into the couch opposite the girls.

It was pitiful. Darkness enveloped them as Isla slept, innocently resting as the world shattered around her.

She wasn't oblivious to the happenings. She hadn't slept through it all, but she was done. Isla had been distant for days, had been fretting over the unimaginable and Gemma was worried that she was going to make herself sick if she continued the way that she was.

So she twisted her fingers and nails through the flowing waves of golden blonde, and soothed her the same way that she always did.

The same way that she found comfort as a kid.

He sighed. Exhausted. "Dunno. Last I saw he was with Tig."

"Aye." The Scot agreed with a nod, too. Hating the thought of Trager being responsible for something like this.

But it was merely a suspicion that Chibs hoped and prayed would get debunked sooner or later.

"Did he say anything?"

"Nah. He talked a little to Unser--seems to think it was a hit on Ope gone wrong--so, I guess they're gonna be lookin' into the Niners."

"Aye." Chibs spoke again, gesturing to Isla. "Did she say much when we left?"

"Not really--she just busied herself and cleaned up with Wendy. Seems like they're getting along now."

Jax smiled a bit, happy that his best friend and the mother of his child were starting to accept the presence of one another in Abel's life.

Truly, that's all he really wanted. That and his mother finally being able to turn the other cheek, and quit castigating his kid's mom.

"Did Clay leave before you?" Gemma asked, antsy. She was itching to get home, itching to see and comfort her husband because she knew that he was going to be fretting over this.

"I told you, the last I saw, he was with Tig. Dunno if he left after us, or if he's still there."

She looked away, smoothing her thumb over Isla's cheek.

"He'll be home soon--I should take off."

"Not on your own." Jax upheld, simply terrified of what could've happened to his mother had she left alone.

As far as Jax wanted her to know, this was bad blood between clubs. This was a hit put out on an innocent bystander because they knew it'd jolt SAMCRO--and it did.

It shook them to the very fucking core, jutting them repeatedly--mere moments away from crumbling and completely disintegrating into Harley Davidson dust.

And he really didn't want to admit that this was the work of his step-father and Alexander Trager. But he feared that was the only viable explanation.

"I'll--eh--I'll take her back." Chibs offered, getting up to ghost a hand over Isla's blushed cheek. "I was gonna take her home with me tonight, but I think she's better off stayin' put."

Jax agreed with a nod, smiling weakly at his mother. Though, she knew it was a coverup. A not-so-brilliant facade and attempt at showing that he was okay during this barbarous time.

"I don't wanna wake her." She mused, pushing strands of hair from her face. "She looks so damn peaceful."

Gemma hadn't a cozy moment with Isla for a while--not since she was recovering from a broken heart four summers ago.

The last time that she turned to Gemma--the same way she would as a child--for that motherly comfort.

"I know." The older man crouched to the ground, tracing faintly along her arm. Isla grumbled, slowly rousing. "C'mon petal, it's gettin' late."

He kept a hand against her, running this thumb over the freckled skin softly. Diane's crucifix caught his eye as she shifted, impairing him that little bit more tonight.

"What time is it?" She asked roughly, feeling a sting in her throat. Isla lifted herself off of Gemma's lap, rubbing at her eyes. "Is it late?"

"It's about one o'clock."

"Shit." Her hiss was sharp, galled that she'd been allowed to rest for so long whilst there was a literal wildfire sweeping its way through the club. "Ope--oh my god--Opie. Is he okay?"

Isla knew the answer. She knew what Jax was about to say before he even opened his mouth, and so tears ensued. Crystalline hues weeped and watered, and he was unsettled.

Unsettled because she was so strong in the face of such tragedy, rarely shedding any tears before an audience.

Unsettled because, up until the Kohn incident, Jax hadn't seen her cry since she was shot in the knee after three Mayans decidedly stormed the T M lot and strived to gun down each and every person on the premises.

He never forgave himself for that, actually. Because those bullets--though completely un-fatal and leaving a simple mark that, really, Isla referred to as her battle scars--should've been for him.

"He went home. To be with the kids." Jax cleared his throat, kneeling in front of her when Chibs got to his feet and gestured for Gemma. "He's--uh--he's in a bad way."

"Understandably." She mumbled. "Any ideas on who did this?"

Your favorite son.

"No. Clay thinks it might've been the Niners--shits been off since they decided to pull their fucking guns on us after the warehouse was raided."

"That was their rationale?"

"I guess so." He added. "It'd make sense. We lost their guns, so we lost a life--"

"But Donna." Isla argued, sitting upright. "Donna was innocent."

"We know that, love, but Laroy was probably under the impression that Ope was the one behind the wheel." Her father spoke over Jax, heeding his uncertainty. "It wasn't meant to be her."

Chibs had to blow his theory out of the water, firstly.

"A life is a life. To them, so long as they've got one of ours--someone close to us--they've succeeded with somethin'--"

"All they've succeeded with is leaving two kids without a fucking mother." Isla spat, throwing away the small blanket that Gemma had draped over her as she stood up. "And you've gotta stop being so fucking insensitive."

Jax stumbled backwards, watching her storm out of the room in her pretty little summer dress. He couldn't surmise whether following behind or leaving the woman to simmer alone, was the best idea.

It was a touchy subject, the loss of a parent. It was prickly and raw and it never ceased to strike Isla's heart. Because she understood.

She understood how much it hurt. The uncertainty of it all. Not knowing what to do next. How life changes more than what anyone ever prepares you for and, really, how nothing is ever the same again.

Isla knew it all too well. She'd been there, done that, and refused to go back. But with Chibs's life, his line of work, she was never granted that security.

And it wasn't particularly the security that she wanted, more so the knowledge of what--god forbid anything--would happen to her father. Because that's what bothered her the most about Diane.

She never knew anything about her mother's passing.

Jax got a pretty tight grip on the concept, too. But it was different with Isla--it was something she never quite grasped.

"A life is a life," Gemma mocked the insensitivity from the baffled Scotsman, shaking her head. "That wasn't just any life, Chibs. That was Opie's woman, the mother of his children, and one of Isla's oldest friends--she was family. She wasn't just a life."

His lips twitched before he exhaled sharply, knowing that she was right.

Knowing that his response was much too unsympathetic and heartless and, really, he was an idiot to forget how upset she got whenever something that pertained to the death of her mother was brought up.

"Your kid is grieving. She's grieving for Ope, for Piney, for Kenny and Ellie--for herself because this--" she gestured to nothing in particular, but he understood, "--is something she knows all too well, ain't it? Diane?"

"I know." Tersely, he responded. He pulled a hand through his hair. "I fuckin' know how she feels, but I didn't think she'd storm out when I said it!"

"Well, she's always been unpredictable."

"I know." His riposte was braided with anger, pure fury.

"Then why'd you say it?" Gemma jabbed. "Isla has been about six thousand miles away from us these last few days, and you thought that saying such a stupid thing wouldn't tip her over the edge?"

She was defensive of the blonde--always had been.

And Jax was sick of it.

Sick of the back-and-forth between the two. Sick of that holier than thou bullshit from Gemma--pretending that she wasn't thinking the same fucking thing--and sick of the way Chibs cared more to argue than to go after his daughter.

"Make sure Wendy stays if you two leave--I'm going."

"Where?" Chibs demanded.

But Jax just glared at him, stuffed his hands in both pockets, and walked straight out of the house.

It was cooler, now. The breeze had hit him square in the face the second he stepped over the threshold, and it was nice. To feel a little breeze that'd inevitably take the edge off of the lament sizzling away inside of him, was nice.

It was short lived, though. The second he realized that he couldn't see Isla--that she was completely out of sight--dragged him straight back down to earth, and the panic had set in.

He trusted her, of course he knew that she wasn't going to do anything stupid because she valued her life too much, and she wanted to do great things. So many great things.

But Jax also knew her too well. Well enough to know that the first place she would've thought about storming toward was the Clubhouse--the place that she'd find Tig.

And under any other circumstances, he wouldn't have rushed to get to her before she had a chance to get to T M. But the possibility of walking in and discerning Trager's inconsolable fury--his resentment and self-loathing--was much too great a risk for Jax to take.

He had to intercept.

He had to save her before she got the chance to set foot onto the property.

But, realistically, Jax was more than aware that Isla was probably already halfway there by now, and weaving through the unusual bustle of traffic in his small town just wasn't worth it.

"Shit." He growled, hopping onto his bike regardless. Saving a sliver of hope that he'd find her tonight.

He wasn't exactly optimistic, though. Because she'd already stormed four blocks.

Isla wrapped her cardigan tightly around her body--feeling the cold a bit more than what Jax had earlier--and hastily made her way downtown.

Surprisingly enough, she didn't fear the short walk toward the garage, but it was chilling. The thought of Donna's killer roaming freely, parading around that neighborhood, was daunting.

But she wasn't scared.

Or, at least, Isla wasn't scared until she heeded the red and blue flashing lights right in the middle of the intersection. The apparent murder scene.

Her heart sank, actually. The organ dropped to her stomach, pulsating slowly--barely--at the sight of Charming PD, CSI, and her. The group scattered, conversing, and speculating.

It was horrible. Sick.

She'd seen this before. She'd seen deaths and murders, and whatever came during the moments following. But she hasn't felt this way before.

The incapacitating throb. The discomfort and grief for such a horrendous--albeit freak--accident. And she wasn't stupid. She was as cognizant as her father and as empathetic as Jax, and she knew just as well as those two that this was not a purposeful attack.

Whether it was a consequence of Mayan or Niner misconduct, it was a wrongful onslaught that was about to cull an entire family. An entire charter.

If it hadn't already, that was.

She choked around the swell in her throat, padding along the sidewalk. She took her time, but she wasn't slow by any means. She had a place to be, and a specific person that she had to see--to talk to because she didn't know how to cope with this.

And it wasn't exactly her place to mourn for Donna. She hadn't been involved with her for some five years and she felt bad about the pair unable to rekindle their friendship. She felt bad about grieving the loss of Opie's wife--about taking the focus away from him.

But it hurt. It hurt so much--it sliced deeply, through flesh and tendon and bone--and she knew that Tig wouldn't judge her for this inveterate sorrow. He wouldn't see her as selfish or stupid for wanting to project her sincerities, her emotions.

Her heels clicked across the yard and she smiled a little bit when she passed Juice and Tig's bikes beside one another, letting her know that she wasn't going to be alone in there.

She was scared now, though. Because she hadn't talked about this yet. Hadn't talked about how she felt and how she was going to approach Opie the next time she saw him.

"Juice?" Isla squeaked from the doorway, waiting for him to turn around and run to her, or something. But he didn't move, didn't lift his head.

It was dreary inside. The lights had been dimmed, the men surrounding the tables and bar were downtrodden, and Isla felt as though she'd just walked through the gates of hell.

The vibrancy and boisterous nature of SAMCRO had come to a complete standstill, and she was actually yearning for the sleaze that usually enveloped the space.

Her sigh was defeated, forlorn. She sniffed as her nose ran, making her way to the bathroom to go and clean herself up--because she knew that she looked dreadful, and didn't want anybody to really see her that way.

"Is anyone in here?" She asked softly against the locked door, knowing that the answer was yes and that Tig was the occupant--but she persisted, anyway.

The mellifluous rhythm bled through the oak, jolting him still as blood poured from the gash in his head, and shattered glass surrounded his frame and the sink.

He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, glaring monotonously at himself in front of the mirror. Glaring at the fucking monster that was about to welcome Isla into open arms, comforting her because he knew that she'd need it.

"Yeah," He opened up, smiling down at her. "But I'm done, if you wanna--"

"What happened to you?" She put a hand against his chest, pushing him back into the room. Her brow furrowed when he didn't respond. "Tiggy?"

His entire body winced at Isla's soft touch. At the way her pink nails traced over the patch of skin on his chest, uncovered by his shirt--the shirt he was going to burn after tonight.

She gently gripped at his chin, turning his face to the right to get a better look at the incision on his left. Her eyes filled again, lips turned downward.

"Let me clean you up."

"You don't gotta--"

"I do." Isla cut him off, blinking away her tears. "If it doesn't get treated, it might get infected."

Like father, like daughter--always the first person to tend to an injury. She was so loving, so benevolent. Nothing like him, he thought.

Tig watched her maneuver around the tiny bathroom, admiring her desire to patch him up. To care for him and help make him feel better.

Not much would've helped at that moment, but she was trying her best.

"How'd you get over here?" He asked, leaning against the sink.

"I walked--"

"You walked?" Pissed, Tig spat. "Jesus fuck, Isla, you can't walk these parts alone, anymore."

She looked up at him from the spot she was crouched at, sifting through a small first-aid kit in the cabinet. "Who said I was alone?"

"Were you?" His eyes narrowed. She got to her feet, putting the small plastic box beside him, looking his face over a few times.

Her head shook. "Nope. Never alone with these thoughts."

Tig couldn't not chuckle at her response, but he was still worried about her. He didn't worry often--he was too selfish for that--but anything to do with his favorite blonde saw him panic like a madman.

"And the voices, too." She mused, breaking out into a genuine smile the first time all evening. "They always keep me real good company."

"Yeah?" Isla's head bobbed, cupping his chin again. "Me too--me 'n you don't seem to be too different after all, baby."

"Never said that we weren't." She poked her tongue out a little bit, surveying the damage. "Never said that we were the same, either."

"We're not the same." He confirmed, curling his hand around her wrist as she held an alcohol pad above his cut. "We are not the same, Isla."

Her head tilted, trying to discern what he meant. But she couldn't, and it caused an uncomfortable shiver to flicker down her spine.

"This might hurt." She whispered in an attempt to dissipate the small tension, gently running her thumb over his chin.

The other was--alongside her pointer finger--tapping the small antiseptic against the wound. She frowned the more he winced, though Tig's smile and hold on her wrist was still present.

"I like the pain."

"I know you do, Tiger." Isla joked. But she couldn't help wondering how the fuck he managed to do this to himself tonight.

Why he would do this to himself tonight.

"I don't wanna have to stitch your pretty face up," she pursed her lips and got him to hold the cotton in place.

"You think I got a pretty face?"

"The prettiest." Her retort was instantaneous, missing that usual glint of something resembling a joke.

She was serious--she wasn't engaging in that usual banter with him today. She was too run down for it, actually.

"Gonna have to give you a couple of butterfly stitches, if that's okay?" Isla looked up at him, holding out the small bandages with a smile. "It won't hurt. And they'll probably dissolve in, like, a week or so."

"Go for it. I love when you play nurse."

She lightly whacked at his chest, laughing as she got him to sit on the closed toilet lid to get a better reach. He wasn't tall, but neither was she. Isla needed him to lower his height if she wanted to successfully repair him.

The comfort, the aid and assistance had him forgetting about tonight--had her forgetting the real reason for her impromptu arrival to the clubhouse--but not forgetting about the newfound misery that encircled SAMCRO.

"You alright?" He asked when she hadn't made a movement, when her eyes seemed to focus on the shelves above the tank of the toilet. "I can do it myself, if you don't wanna--"

"I wanna." The smile she produced was fake--uncomfortable as tears rolled down perfectly blushed cheeks.

It broke his heart. Everything she was doing and saying--and even feeling because her pain was palpable--was breaking his heart and Tig felt like hell for doing this.

"I'm sorry," she stuck the first stitch to his forehead carefully, getting him to rip off the back of the second because her fingers were too shaky to get a solid grip.

"Don't be." He handed it to her. "It's been a tough night."

Her laugh was humorless, dull. "You can say that again, Tiggy."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." She sent him an apologetic look, but he got it.

Isla trusted him with her life--for some reason--but she found it hard to open up sometimes. In regards to something this serious, she struggled to get a solid handle on her emotions and how to express them.

He understood her, though. Understood her well enough, her mannerisms and thought processes, and he just wondered if she felt like divulging her pain tonight.

She didn't, though. And Tig didn't particularly mind that. He didn't want to feel that twisted pang of regret, the vehement churn of his stomach whenever she said Donna's name--which she was yet to do, and she probably wouldn't at this point, either.

"I just wanna cry." She stated plainly, not even reluctantly anymore.

Like Gemma, he hadn't seen her cry for a long time. And it wasn't a nice visual, actually.

But he was supportive, and just wanted her to do anything that'd make her feel somewhat better--so he encouraged it.

Isla put everything down, gave his face the once over for the last time, and set herself on the tile with her back to the door.

"You wanna cry? Do it, baby. If it'll help, just do it." He assured, getting to the ground beside her. "I know you don't like doin' it in front of me, but I won't tell anyone, if that's what you want."

"You make me seem like a battle ax." Isla quipped, sniffling. "I don't care if anyone sees me cry--everyone knows that I do. It's just..."

"Showing vulnerability ain't a nice thought. I know."

God. She hated how well he understood her. How he knew what she was going to fucking say. All the time.

Tig wound an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Instinctively, she rested her head against his shoulder.

"I get it." He stated mindlessly, pushing tousled blonde strands from her forehead. "But y'know you can always trust me, kid. I'll never tell anyone that you feel emotions--"

"I'm literally the most emotional person you all know." Isla protested weakly, hoping he didn't mind the feeling of her tears bleeding through his shirt.

He didn't.

"I just don't really like crying. It's not a true testament to my character--I'm supposed to be the happy one around these parts. The sickeningly optimistic Irish girl--"

"You can still be a crier, too."

"I know." She finally wrapped her arms around his middle as they sat together. "But people just don't take girls seriously when they cry. And I don't want my position here to be compromised, I guess. I don't want my dad, or Gemma, or Clay to think I can't handle being around the club anymore--because I can. And I always will."

"They wouldn't think different of you for that." He promised, rubbing circles over her shoulder the more he felt the navy cotton dampen. "This is a real tough thing, Isla, nobody is gonna chastise you for shedding a tear. They'd probably think different of you if you didn't cry."

"You think?"

He nodded.

"Crying shows that you got empathy and a heart. We all know your heart is bigger than..." Thick eyebrows crumpled together before he let out a little chuckle. "Bigger than Clay's ego. It's huge, your heart."

"Well, it's gotta be. If I wanna love all of you--warts 'n all--my heart has gotta be huge."

"Exactly," he drew out his response, earning a laugh and something reminiscent of an optimistic smile from her.

Trager never saw himself as the kind of man to make a girl smile or laugh after a little pep talk--after or before incredible sex, perhaps, but never as a result of his unusually comforting nature.

But he just had that effect on Isla--something she wasn't able to extrapolate verbally. Something she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to comprehend, either.

"You've just gotta try not to make yourself too vulnerable, that's all, 'cuz people will get used to coddling you. And I know that's now what you want."

"That's what I mean." She frowned, pulling herself away a bit. "I don't wanna be seen as inferior for being able to cry about the things that you, or Gem, or dad, are able to keep a poker face over. I'm just...I'm just thin-skinned sometimes, and I'm yet to be desensitized to this stuff, I guess."

"You're not thin-skinned for crying tonight." He scolded, knowing that she didn't want to elucidate her thoughts about the happening, but he just couldn't help himself.

"Desensitization don't mean shit when you've lost someone you care about--it's always gonna hurt, sweetheart. Always. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop that."

He was the one with misty eyes, now. He was the one trying to bite back tears, trying to conceal the spread of his sadness--the uncomfortable soreness in his chest. In his heart that wasn't anywhere near as big and full as hers.

"You're never gonna grow immune to grief--I promise you'll always feel that. Whether you show it--how you show it--is another thing, though."

"You feel it?"

"Tonight?"

"In general."

She couldn't seem to recall the last time that she saw him cry--if she'd ever seen it, actually. Aside from this moment, of course.

Tears fell to the apples of his cheeks and she, without any reluctance, used the pad of her thumb to brush them away.

And he got it, now. The idea of showing vulnerability being a fucking liability. Because the pity washing over her soft, beautiful features made him feel fragile.

"All the time. All the fuckin' time."

"It really never goes away?"

"No." Tig sniffed harshly, forcing a smile. "But you learn to cope. You learn that it ain't the end of the world and that life just goes on after death."

"Profound." She chuckled once again. "That's some deep, deep shit, Tigger. Almost made me forget about how much I wanna hysterically break down."

"Do it. That'll make me feel better about my injury."

"Your self-inflicted injury." Isla stated knowingly, but she didn't clarify just what she meant.

Because it could've been an array of things, but he liked to think that she was just referring to his little forehead aperture.

"I like it. It makes you look badass." Isla held a hand out to Tig when he pulled himself upward, and she wanted to follow suit.

"Does it make me look hot, too?"

"Absolutely." Again, it wasn't laced in a tease. It was honest, and the small smile she produced was sincere. "Be careful with it, though. Try not to get it wet or anything, because it'll dissolve too soon--"

"I've had them before, y'know?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Isla rolled her eyes. "You're a super scary, malicious, calculating guy when you've gotta be. But I know that you're accident prone."

He curled his eyebrow upward. "Scary?"

"Totally. I've seen you hold a gun to a guy's head." A chill impaired her, frightening her. "Shits terrifying, Tig. Remind me to never get on your bad side."

"You couldn't even if you tried."

"You think?" Her qualm was unexpected, almost challenging him as she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped into the hallway. "I think I could."

What's she playing at? She was sobbing two minutes ago.

Oh, I get it. This is her facade--actin' all care free, and shit.

Tig followed behind--every step--as she clicked along the wooden floor of the clubhouse.

"You couldn't. Trust me." He stated lowly, reaching for her hand when she stuttered a little.

Isla noticed her father next time Juice, drinking at the bar with their backs to the duo. She didn't want to see him, right now.

Talking to Chibs would've ignited whatever fucking fire inside of her that'd started to blaze out of control earlier tonight, and she'd worked hard to contain this inferno.

"What you can do, though, is turn your pretty little ass back around, and go get some rest in the dorm. It's been a long night."

She didn't refute, she didn't try to get out of it because she didn't want to. Isla couldn't bear the thought of waltzing past her father, talking to him about her tiny outburst, and resuming as normal.

Because she couldn't do that. Not tonight, anyway.

"Tig?"

"Uh huh." He responded, his eyes glued to the back of Juice's cut as he slammed yet another shot back.

Probably wondering what the fuck had gone down tonight.

"Can you stay with me?" Her retort forced his focus to land on her, and the defenselessness--sheer exposure--in her attitude.

It wasn't the simple fact of wanting to be alone.

She couldn't be alone. Not anymore.

Ringed fingers squeezed her hand reassuringly, guiding her into the back room, holding her close. Because that's what she really, truly wanted.

"'Course I can. Anything for you, Isla."

#tig trager #tig trager x oc #tig trager fic #tig trager fanfiction #sons of anarchy fic #jax teller #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller x oc #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fandom #sons of anarchy fanfiction

[midnxghtsunwrites]

SMOKESTACKS | 12, SIT WITH ME

previous post

NADINE SHOULD'VE KNOWN better than to actually come when Gemma called. Especially the day before Thanksgiving. School was closed for the week so Nadine spent most of her first half of the week trying to catch up on her shows and go shopping for her Thanksgiving night in.

Based on the fact that Gemma invited her to her house the night before, she can tell that her plans — both for Thanksgiving and distancing herself from the group — are going straight to the trash.

She enters the house to be met with a bunch of girls running around with bags of groceries and whatever else Gemma gave them to do. This must be their preparation for Thanksgiving, Nadine thinks to herself.

Pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head, Nadine steps further into the house, sending small smiles to the women. Having a sense of where Gemma is, Nadine enters what she assumes is the kitchen and sees her and another blonde woman talking over a raw turkey that was being thawed in the sink.

"Yeah, Ope hasn't been home in a few days," The blonde woman sighs, disappointment clear in her tone, "He says it's club business but it feels like he's distancing himself from me."

Gemma shakes her head and rests a hand on the blonde woman's cheek in sympathy, "Give him time, baby. He'll come around."

Seeing as the conversation seemed to end, Nadine steps closer, her shoes notifying the other women of her arrival.

"Hi," She tucks her hands into her back pockets, awkwardly. Even though the conversation was over, she still felt like she was impeding on a moment, "Sorry for interrupting."

"You're fine," Gemma turns to the teacher with a small smile, "Didn't think you'd come around with how long it took me to convince you."

Nadine sends her a sarcastic smile, "I almost wasn't going to."

The blonde woman steps forward, her hand extended in greeting, "Lyla Winston. You must be Nadine." The teacher shakes her hand, a little confused on how she knows her name. Lyla, expecting the question, continues, "The boys talk about you. You're Abel's teacher, right?"

Nadine sends a smile her way, and nods, "Yeah, I am. You must be Opie's wife." She connects the last names and the fact that she was talking about him not even a minute ago. Lyla nods, "It's nice to meet you — you're very pretty, by the way."

Lyla blushes at the compliment, kind of taken aback. Nobody ever really compliments her right off the bat, especially when they know how she makes money. Even Tara when they first met was an absolute bitch towards her.

"Thank you," Lyla tilts her head in awe, "You're absolutely gorgeous."

If Nadine was lighter, her cheeks would've been red as hell. But luckily, she's not. The conversation is carried over to the sink where Gemma is lighting a cigarette away from the food.

"So, why'd you call me, Gem?" Nadine questions, crossing her arms over her chest.

The woman in question tosses the cigarette after three drags and begins to pull cans of pineapples and maraschino cherries out of one of the brown bags with groceries, "We're cooking Thanksgiving dinner, why do you think I called you?"

Nadine rolls her eyes as she leans against the counter, her ass acting as her cushion, "Gemma, you know I have plans —"

"What? Munching on donuts and microwavable dinners for Thanksgiving? Hell no, sweetheart, you're a part of the family. You eat with us."

For a moment, Nadine wishes she could just disappear — how the hell is she a part of the family already? She's only been here for four months and known the club for three. Maybe she should be happy for it. Right now, she can't even think about that possibility.

Hours pass with the women, who Nadine learned are called 'croweaters', prepping the food for tomorrow. Some foods are sitting overnight for flavor and Nadine had gotten the chance to make one of the meals her mom taught her way back when — a carrot cake that causes taste bud explosions.

After some advice from Gemma, she made about three trays, knowing the boys would not go gentle with the food put in front of them.

By the time everything that could be done was done, the croweaters had left and Nadine was in the kitchen washing dishes — she finds it soothing. Just being in her own corner of the house, the only sound is the water rushing out of the tap.

Gemma left to pick up Abel and Thomas from the clubhouse while Lyla had gone home to relieve the babysitter for her kids. She and Nadine had gotten closer in the hours they were working together — Nadine learning that Lyla is a pornstar for a living and not judging her for it.

That made Lyla's night more than she thought.

Nadine is so into her chore that she doesn't hear the front door open and close. She's only knocked out of her reverie by a familiar voice calling into the house.

"Ma?" Jax's voice cuts through the silence as he follows his way to the sound of the tap. Nadine props the last dish on the drying rack and turns, wiping her hands with a kitchen towel. When he walks into the kitchen, Nadine sees that he has a lit cigarette between his fingers and a clenched jaw.

She furrows her eyebrows at the visible anger on his face, "She's picking up your boys from the clubhouse." She steps closer to him and watches as he takes a draw, "Wanna talk about it?"

He sits at the head of the dining table and taps the cigarette into the ashtray in the center of it, "Can't."

Nadine tries not to look offended as she throws the towel down on the counter, "Club business. Right." Part of her knows that he's choppy with her because he can't tell her what's going on, the other part tricks her into thinking his choppiness is because of what went down the last time they saw each other. She pulled away from him. Overthinking leads her to her next statement, "You wanted to kiss me last week."

"Hmm," The man hums, nonchalantly.

Nadine rolls her eyes, "Stop with the macho act, Jax. You're allowed to be annoyed with me."

He blows the smoke out of his nose and glances up at her. He scans her defensive stance along with her curvy body. The sight of her waist on display makes him furrow his eyebrows — he had no idea she has a tattoo peeking out from under her pants.

He shakes his head and looks away, earning furrowed eyebrows in return, "I'm not annoyed, Nay. I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

She searches his face for a moment, seeing the exhaustion in his azure pools. Realizing how insensitive she's being, she nods slowly, approaches him and lowers herself into the seat adjacent to him. She gingerly rests a hand on his flannel covered forearm and leans forward.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Shifting his gaze to her, he tilts his head, searching her beautiful brown eyes for comfort which he receives. The day had been long — he lost one of his brothers to a minefield and more shit had gone down with the cartel — shit that's getting out of hand.

With that in mind, he stumps the cigarette and takes a hold of the hand resting on his forearm. He lifts it to his lips and kisses it sweetly before allowing his next words to leave his mouth.

"Just sit with me for a little bit."

With her free hand, she pulls her chair closer to his and nods, "Yeah, of course."

TAGLIST

@bettergetusetoit @complacentviawattpad @gwenspacy @rosenoirwrites @dollyhoess

#charlie hunnam imagine #charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam fanfiction #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller imagine #jax teller x black reader #series: smokestacks

[rebel-without-cause-x]

Restoration

Jax Teller x Daughter Reader

This wasn’t requested but had an idea when “Bad Husband” by eminem came on my playlist the other day, there will be a part 2 to this as well. 

Part two

SOA Tag List:  @chibsytelford​ @talicat713​ @corebore123​ @nothingeverdies​ @teapartydreams​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @khyharah​ @itmejado​ @woahitslucyylu​ @beth-winchester21​ @minnicelli​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @trulysuccubus​

“You gonna actually behave for your father this week?” You mum asked as you packed your bag.

“Maybe, depends if he pisses me off or not” you shrugged.

The thing was your mum and dad split about 4 years ago, a year after Abel was born. They had you at a young age, at 15 to be precise, you was now 18 and had seen their relationship completely fall apart, you saw how he treated your mum towards the end of the relationship and you hated it, you hated how he made your mum feel, how you saw the whole thing. However you were grateful Abel was still too young to understand what was going on.

“Y/N please, I know you don’t get along with him but he is your dad at the end of the day” mum sighed.

“Not gonna change my opinion on him” you laughed.

Even though your parents weren’t together anymore they never actually filed for a divorce.

“Just try” mum said placing her hand on your shoulder “for Abel at least, it’s hard enough on him as it is”

“And it’s not hard for me mum” you spat “try going through school where everyone is obsessed with the sons, constantly badgering me about them, about dad, asking if the fucking rumours are true”

You knew that your mum wasn’t completely innocent in the whole relationship break down. So you had an attitude with them both.

The drive to Teller-Morrow was silent, neither you or your mum spoke because you were your father's daughter at the end of day, your mum always said it was like having a female Jax in the house, the way you held yourself, your attitude, your temper. So no words were spoken just for Abel’s sake, he didn’t need to see his sister and mum biting each other’s heads off.

Climbing out of the car, you grabbed your bag from the boot, before wandering off to find your uncles, at least you had a good relationship with them, it was just the relationship with your dad that was rocky.

You didn’t get it, he was such a good father to Abel, but with you it was a different story, one of his biggest regrets was you seeing the breakdown happen, all the arguments that happened when you were younger. Since then you saw the man that you once saw as your hero as the bad guy.

“Hey kiddo” Jax grinned, opening his arms to you.

“Whatever dad” you huffed walking by him, dumping your bag on the picnic bench before placing a cigarette in your mouth.

“She’s in a mood, sorry Jax” you heard mum say, making you roll your eyes. “Give her a couple of days and she should calm down”

“She’s so much like me it’s scary” he sighed as he watched you laugh with Tig and Happy.

“If you're gonna talk about me can you at least go somewhere where I can’t bloody hear you” you snapped not looking at them.

Jax knew that with both his kids being here with him for the week, he was going to try his hardest to mend the bridges that had once been burnt. He wanted nothing more than getting his little girl back.

“I will speak with her” Jax nodded as he took Abel into his arms, who was grinning at the sight of his daddy.

At least one of his kids didn’t hate him.

However he had a plan, he knew you loved bikes, so he had one sat in the garage waiting to be restored and he was hoping it was something you could do together and then he could teach you to ride. He knew it wouldn’t magically fix the relationship but at least it would give you a memory that wasn’t bad.

Your mum had now left, which meant you were stuck with your dad for the next week, no doubt it would be a week of you looking after Abel, it always was when you were here, the club came before you. It always had and always would.

“Table in 5” Jax shouted as he walked into the club, he didn’t miss the eye roll that came from you, he knew what you thought, you had only been here 10 minutes and he was putting the club before you. But this time would be different.

“Okay so everyone knows my relationship with Y/N is very much on the rocks right now” Jax sighed running his hand over his face. “And I know it’s my fault and I want to fix that, so this week I only want to be involved in club business if the shit has hit the fan. Anything else speak to Chibs, I need to fix things with my little girl before it is too late”

Everyone nodded, they knew how much Jax loved you, you was his first born at the end of the day and it killed him knowing that you hated him.

“Anything we can do to help we are here” Happy nodded.

“Thanks Hap but this is something I need to do on my own, I created this mess so I need to fix it” Jax sighed “If it can be fixed”

It was now Wednesday and Jax still hadn’t made any progress, the bike lay untouched in the garage, and you hadn’t spoken more than a few words a day to him.

“Uncle Hap am I being a bitch?” You sighed looking up at him as you lit a smoke.

“Honestly kiddo, I know where you are coming from but he is the only dad you are gonna get” Happy said placing his hand on yours. “I know the reasons you have for hating Jax but he misses his little girl, I’m not saying forgive him straight away but stop shutting him out”

“I miss my dad” you sighed “but you didn’t hear me say that”

“My lips are sealed” Happy nodded “you know he took a step back from the club this week to spend time with you and Abel”

“I didn’t know” you sighed running your hand over your face.

“I think he wants to restore a bike or something with you” Hap smiled kissing your head “he’s in the garage”

Trudging into the garage with your head hung low, you felt guilty about how you went off at dad this morning.

“I’m sorry” you mumbled, not looking up.

You heard him sigh and his footsteps getting closer to you.

Talk about irony, the radio had started playing bad husband, scoffing as dad placed his hand on your shoulder.

You can be a liar and a good father A good dad, but a bad husband

“Guess the song is 90% right” you sighed “you are a good father to Abel at least”

“Hey look at me kiddo” Dad said lifting your chin. “My biggest regret in life was letting you see all the fights between me and your mum. I know that has done so much damage to our relationship but I never stopped loving your or your mum okay”

You stayed silent, you didn’t know what to say.

Forever be a hero in my eyes, But there's always another side. To a good father. A great dad, but a bad husband

“Look me and your mum still love each other and we probably always will” he sighed “we just don’t work well together okay but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you”

All I want is for us not to hurt. And it's been an exhaustive search to find the words

The song was basically saying everything you couldn’t.

But I'm not so sure how to close this. I just don't know how some people can be so good At one thing and so fucked at a whole 'nother, shit, it's no wonder

You both just stood there not saying a word as Jax pulled you into his arms holding you tight.

“I’m not saying we have to go back to being as close as we once were but I want a chance, a chance to mend the bridges I burnt, I want to be in your life and not as someone you hate” Jax whispered.

Nodding your head, you sniffed as a tear fell down your cheek, this was the most you had talked in a year. All you wanted to hear over the past year was that your dad still loved you.

“You don’t have to say anything yet sweetheart” dad whispered kissing your head “now what do you say to helping your old man fix this bike up and then I would like it if you let your old man teach you how to ride”

“I’d like that” you mumbled.

The next few days flew by and your mum had arrived to pick you and Abel up. Pushing yourself off the bench you walked over to her with a slight smile on your face.

“Come on, let's get you home” mum said.

Glancing over to your dad you smiled softly before turning back to your mum.

“Actually mum, I think I’m gonna stick around here a bit longer” you nodded feeling Jax place his hand on your shoulder squeezing it softly. “I wanna stay with dad, we still have a bike to finish”

#jax teller fanfiction #jax teller one shot #jax teller imagine #jax teller x reader #jax teller #sons of anarchy one shot #sons of anarchy x reader #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy

[aion-rsa]

How Malignant’s Monster Calls Back to Stephen King

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This Malignant article contains spoilers.

Malignant has a twist so wild you need to see it to believe it. Seriously, stop reading right now if you have even the faintest interest in watching James Wan‘s latest horror offering. You really don’t want to spoil this for yourself. Sure, you’ll either really love or absolutely hate the movie’s batshit third act, but the experience of watching the twist for the first time is worth the price of admission.

If you have watched the movie, maybe you left as astonished as I did. After all, the first two thirds of the movie play like a standard giallo-inspired slasher film before things go completely off the rails. You might say that some of the clues were there all along — indeed they are, maybe you saw this coming from a mile away — but when you thought you’d put it all together, did you really expect Wan to go through with something so ridiculous? I certainly said, “No, that can’t be it” to myself midway through the movie when the clues started adding up. It’s a new direction for Wan to be sure…

But Wan’s first trip into a new sub-genre of horror isn’t necessarily without outside influence. There’s a bit of David Cronenberg mixed with hints of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but for the most obvious inspiration you have to look to the King of Horror himself.

Before we talk about Stephen King, you might be wondering what the hell was going on with Gabriel in the first place.

Gabriel Origin Explained

Safari Riot’s cover of the classic Pixies song “Where Is My Mind” seems so out of place when it first blasts through a scene in the movie, an over-the-top accompaniment to what seems like your standard slasher flick, but it’s actually incredibly appropriate — not just for the massive tone shift but the plot itself. (“Where Is My Mind” is also the iconic tune that accompanies the final scene of Fight Club, another tale of split personalities.) Madison’s (Annabelle Wallis) mind has been playing tricks on her (and the audience) the entire time. She thinks her creepy childhood imaginary friend Gabriel has somehow taken corporeal form and started murdering everyone who had a hand in “separating” him from her. But little does Madison know that the separation was much more literal than her simply forgetting a figment of her imagination when her baby sister Syndey (Maddie Hasson) was born.

It’s Sydney who discovers the truth when she goes back to the institution where Madison spent her early childhood before being adopted by their mother Jeanne (Susanna Thompson). In the basement of the abandoned Simion Research Hospital, Sydney finds the harrowing tapes that reveal Madison’s past with her “imaginary friend.”

Madison was born Emily May to a 15-year-old girl named Serena (Jean Louise Kelly as an adult, Madison Wolfe as a teen) who is forced to give her away to the institution by her mother due to Emily’s…medical condition. In a stunningly gruesome sequence of body horror, we learn that Emily was born with a parasitic twin attached to her head and spinal cord, which allows it to control her movements and thoughts. The doctors at Simion at first diagnose Gabriel as a “massive teratoma,” a malignant tumor that can grow with fully developed organs and tissue, but as we see in the movie’s opening sequence, they soon learn that this is something much worse and decide to cut him out off of Emily for good.

But they can’t get rid of Gabriel completely. Because the siblings attached at the brain, the doctors are forced to remove as much of Gabriel as they can, hiding what’s left inside her skull. Of course that means that Gabriel never truly goes away. He continues to speak to Emily, now Madison, from inside her head, at one point almost convincing her to kill Jeanne while pregnant with Sydney.

While Madison eventually forgets her “imaginary friend” as an adult, Gabriel returns after Madison’s piece of shit husband Derek (Jake Abel) brutally slams her head against a wall during an altercation. (Let’s just say I’m glad he’s dead.) The injury reawakens what’s left of Gabriel, who can reemerge through her head wound to control and contort Madison’s body and go on his killing spree. Madison experiences these murders as visions, as she watches her sibling slash his way through all the doctors that tried to destroy him as well as the mother who gave him away in the first place. Madison’s only able to stop him after he’s already massacred a police station full of cops and prisoners and made his way to the hospital to kill Sydney and Serena. Using the mental link she has with Gabriel, Madison manages to lock her sibling away, promising that next time he reemerges, she’ll “be ready for him,” setting up an inevitable sequel and a new horror franchise for Wan.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Gabriel and the Dark Half

Constant Readers will undoubtedly spend the weekend pointing out that Gabriel’s plot to control his sister in order to go on a murder spree is very reminiscent of one of Stephen King’s most famous books and movies, The Dark Half. The book and the movie directed by the late, great George A. Romero tells the story of Thad Beaumont (played by Timothy Hutton in the film), a writer of literary fiction in a bit of a slump by day. But he has a far more successful career by night as the author of dark crime novels under the pen name “George Stark.” Yet, the success of his Stark books feels like a curse to Thad, who is driven to heavy drinking and other vices when “the spell” of Stark’s prose. Now, a recovering alcoholic, Thad wishes to leave Stark behind and just write the literary fiction his agent and editor deem “boring.”

When the truth about Thad’s pen name comes out, the writer sees the perfect way to bury his career as George Stark once and for all — by throwing his pseudonym an actual funeral at the local cemetery. But Mr. Stark doesn’t like that very much. Thad’s pen name inexplicably “rises from the grave” to kill everyone he blames for his death — Thad’s editor, agent, and more.

You’re probably thinking it was Thad all along, but this is more than just another case of split personalities. Like in Wan’s latest, Stark was once actually very real, the sibling Thad absorbed in utero…except for a couple of teeth and an eye living inside of Thad’s brain. The “tumor” is removed from Thad’s head as a child, but he’s somehow unknowingly kept the spirit of his sibling alive through the books he writers, undoubtedly under Stark’s dark influence. It’s the kind of gory, supernatural twist King is best known for, and Wan sets out to celebrate the book with style. Mind you, this obviously isn’t a direct adaptation of King’s work but more like a spiritual successor to the book that pushes the plot much further into the ridiculous than even the writer did in 1989. Leave it to Wan to dream up an action sequence where a backwards (literally), contorting serial killer stabs his way through a building full of people to the sound of shredding guitars.

Even if you think Malignant‘s third act twist is an absolute mess, I’d argue it’s at least an interesting mess, a daring experiment in a corner of the horror genre we’ve not seen enough of in the past few years. Will this experiment lead to a new movement in body horror movies just as Saw for better or worse inspired years of “torture porn” movies and The Conjuring brought us the horror expanded universe? That remains to be seen. At the very least, Malignant is the kind of movie you’ll want to debate about with your friends as you exit the theater, even if it’s just to say you absolutely hated the twist. Aren’t you at least glad you saw it for yourself? The twist just isn’t as good on paper.

Malignant is out now in theaters and streaming on HBO Max.

The post How Malignant’s Monster Calls Back to Stephen King appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[vegalocity]

Starrosefics, asking for 23/42 for Spicynoodleshipping and 72 for Mabifica, please? (All are from the 76 Kisses.)

Prompt meme || @starfics

Shorter Mabifica because longer spicynoodles Both under cut because i respect your dashboards

72. When One Person’s Face Is Scrunched Up, And The Other One Kisses Their Lips/Nose/Forehead 

The epic highs and lows of competeitive gaming

--

“WHAT?! OH COME ON!”

“Oh wow I won? Interesting. I thought you were the Gravity Falls Smash bros champ!”

“Rrrrrr Best two out of three!”

-

“NONONONONONOOOOOOOO”

“Oh! Win to Northwest again! Do you maybe want to switch characters? I know the princess is an intimdating foe. I can play the little pink blob if you'd like.”

“Don't mock me Paz.”

-

“OKAY HOW DO YOU KEEP BEATING ME?! YOU DON'T PLAY SMASH!”

“Maybe you're losing your touch.”

“RAAAAGGGHHH”

-

“....You've been training with Dipper in those discord calls you guys don't let me crash so I don't 'derail the conversation with lovey dovey talk' haven't you?”

“He plays different than you, but if you've beaten Mario you can beat Princes Peach.”

Mabel moaned in agony, sliding down in her seat until the majority of her legs were hanging off the couch and her head was the only thing on the backrest. “You hustled me! You hustled me just to humiliate me. And Dipper helped you! I am betrayed, I am bereft. None shall get past my stone wall again. I'll never love another again.”

Pacifica began to laugh because really, how could she not? Mabel treating a video game like a deeply important telenovela event that had things riding on it beyond pride was too good.

“Oh come on, I've been practicing basically since last summer, if anything it shows how good you are!” Mabel scrunched her face up into a pout. And Pacifica laughed again.

She watched Mabel's out wobble, no doubt she wanted  to find the humor in this too, but wasn't done pouting yet. So Pacifica leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose. She finally smiled back up at her.

“I guess I'll see you in the next Gravity Falls Tourney in a couple of weeks huh? May the best player win.”

“Oh, I will.”

Mabel squawked in outrage.

--

23. Exhausted Parents kiss // 42. Sated Kiss  

I still don’t have a name for this kid so you’re just gonna have to bear with me (Content warning for more internalized abelism)

--

It wasn't exactly a secret that Red Son was a doting father, if he were the type to carry one of those 'picture laminate' wallets he'd have filled it to the brim with pictures of their little girl from age six hours to current day and would take them out to gush about her regularly, possibly even to their enemies. But thankfully he kept all of THOSE on his phone and that would inevitably save their baby girl some grief when she grew up a little more and entered her teens.

Honestly, it was literally one of the best things about him because Xiaotian could NOT get enough of watching how his husband—whom had entered his life shreiking with fury and intent on nothing but destruction and his own untimely death—would happily sing along to the cartoon opening theme songs with their little rascal or blow raspberries into her belly as she squealed with laughter.

Neither of them really got stuff like that in their childhoods, so it was rather important to both of them that that sweet little bundle of energy and crayons got as much affection as they could possibly give her without smothering her with it entirely.

There were some hiccups of course, how could there not be? She couldn't stand anyone touching her from her shoulders up, so her hair was oftentimes messy as she could only sit through one hairbrushing in the morning and one at night. Though her arms were too short to be able to brush her own hair yet she kept asking.

She'd only recently started speaking actually, apparently she'd decided she didn't want to talk until she could spew out full sentences, which was certainly something when it happened. Heavens knew when she was three and hadn't spoken a word, everyone had been trying to coax her to talk. Usually just trying to prompt simple words, but everyone had been taken aback when Tang was slowly pronouncing the name of the hero of the story he was telling her, and she responded with her first word “Why” followed quickly with “-are you talking so slow?”

Most problematic was that she had very sensitive hearing. Which could be a problem not only in this city, but also in this household, granted Red Son could go from talking at a normal volume to borderline shouting without being aware of the volume shift at all, and he was always extremely distressed when he thought everything was normal, didn't see Xiaotian trying to catch his eye to tell him to tone down, and get blindsided by his darling baby cry out and clap her hands over her ears and curl up as though she were in physical pain. Xiaotian ended up taking a pair of headphones that had gone dead in an ear, yanking out the wire and adjusting them to her little head. It didn't get rid of the days where their baby would curl up in the far corner of her bedroom, hands clasped over her ears because everything was too loud for her, and those days were always guaranteed to end with Red Son spiraling into the idea that he was a terrible father and wasn't meant to take care of people, but they were less frequent.

And then there came today. Red Son was sitting in the chair he favored most, scribbling into a notebook about some project or another, and their daughter was sitting on the floor, happily coloring one of the characters in a cartoon she loved. And as she concentrated on the crayon drawing, she began to rock back and forth. It was adorable, and Xiaotian didn't want to interrupt his two favorite people while they were both in the zone by announcing dinner time—though Dinner was ready—so he was planning on just lingering in the doorway for a few moments longer. But Something about it had caught Red Son's eye.

“Sweetie? What are you doing?”  

She yelped and stopped, both drawing and rocking.

“Nothin' just drawin'.”

“I see that, You were also rocking in place, did you know that?” She seemed to shrink and Xiaotian probably should have cut in now, but something held him back. Let it play out.

“s'okay I'm just weird.” She didn't see Red Son flinch, but he did.

“Who... who told you something like that?”

“They say it on Alice's Adventures. Weird is when you do something that other people don't do and it makes you stick out. Right? And I never seen nobody do it. So I'm weird.”

Red Son took a moment, long enough for their daughter to turn back to her drawing, and stood up from  the chair, striding over to sit across from her on the floor, notebook propped up on the coffee table. And as she started to rock in place again, he joined her.

Xiaotian almost wanted to cry.

He gave them a couple more moments. “Okay gremlins, dinner's ready!”

Thier daughter leaped to her feet and made a small happy squeaky noise as she raced to the dining table. “Dinner! Dinner! Dinner!”

Red Son was slower to join, realization hitting him and reflexively he began to fluster. “How much of that did you see?”

Xiaotian met him halfway across the room and tried not to look too giddy. “Enough that you are getting so laid tonight once she's in bed.” for now he settled for a quick kiss. “But only if you stop calling yourself weird and acknowledge the real word for it so that shit doesn't rub off before we can get her tested.”

“Fine.” Red Son looked away, gaze now fixated on the little girl already happily rocking back and forth at her space at the dinner table. “She's probably Autistic and she probably got it from me.”

“Which means...?”

“Don't push it Noodle Boy.”

Red Son stopped rocking only when he was alone, and it was great to see, the stim was doing more to reign in his temper than even Xiaotian had thought, and of course, it was an unequivocal delight to watch him and their baby side by side sitting on the floor, either of their projects laid out on the coffee table, and rocking back and forth in rhythm with eachother.

--

Send me stuff!

#Mabifica #Spicynoodleshipping #Vega writes stories too #Letters to vega #Starsfic #Anonymous #no beta we die like men

[blindrapture]

oh my god I fucking found it.

I wanted to find an easy way of reading Dante’s Inferno New Game Plus without having to boot up Frog Fractions 2 and go digging for it, so I opened up the game’s files and starting opening shit in notepad, and the first file I tried did indeed have it. All of it.

Some highlights:

‘You cannot hide or run from the Nacho Man, My arm is long and my eyes see into space; There is no nation that is not the Nacho Nation; Of all the world I am the savior, Pedal to the metal!  Everybody knows it! Oh yeah, let me tell you what I'll do; Through every city shall I will hunt her down, Until I have driven her back to Hell, Where some weaksauce demon let her loose. I know what's best and what is MACHO! Follow me buddy, and I will be your guide, We're going to have a real adventure. You're going to see some pretty gnarly stuff Some ancient ghosts and boogums that go woo, Maybe you'll be sad if you're a wuss; You'll also see some pretty happy folks They're happy mostly because I visit them, Everybody treasures a visit from the Nacho; If you want to go to heaven afterwords, To meet your ladyfriend or whatever; That's where we'll part ways I guess; Because that rightious dude who rules heaven, Has tasked me with bringing macho madness To those less fortunate, so I remain. Heaven is the most macho city of all; And until all are macho I must wait; This is my holy task, a righteous one.'

'Tell me, my Master, tell me, thou my Lord,' Began I, with desire of being certain Of that Faith which o'ercometh every error, 'Came any one by his own merit hence, Or by another's, who was blessed thereafter?' And he, who understood my covert speech, Replied: 'When I first got here, When from the sky a long-haired dude appeared, Almost as glorious as the Nacho Man himself. He grabbed some Bible dudes, I  think they were Abe and Abel and Noah's Ark but not Noah, I think Moses was there too?  It was rad. There were a bunch of others but honestly I can't be bothered to remember right now It really isn't important Past, present, future, It's the best there is. Ohhhh yeah. And then that guy left and never came back.’

I was bent downward, but my living eyes Could not attain the bottom, for the dark; Wherefore I: 'Master, see that thou arrive At the next round, and let us descend the wall; For as from hence I hear and understand not, So I look down and nothing I distinguish.' 'Don't talk,' he said, 'for a while, Seriously.  You fill the air with noise And not the type of madness that I love.'

Wherefore I said: 'Master, these torments here, Will they increase after the mighty sentence, Or lesser be, or will they be as burning?' And he to me: 'Man do I look like a prohpet? Whatever is gonig to happen is going to happen, And I have no way of knowing which is which. These folks are trapped here forever They can't get into heaven, so who cares? It's harsh, but that's how the chips fall.'

'Pape Satan, Pape Satan, Aleppe!' Thus Plutus with his clucking voice began; And that benignant Sage, who all things knew, Said, to encourage me: 'Don't wig out, We are too macho for this jive turkey, He can't stop us entering the danger zone.' Then he turned round unto that bloated lip, And said: 'Shut up you freakshow; Why not eat yourself for a change? We got a divine purpose, higher than Nachos; The big man upstairs sent us so beat it, We're soaring eagles, you are a slithering snake.'

Dante’s Inferno featuring Randy Savage, below the break.

I N F E R N O N E W  G A M E  P L U S >By Dante Alighieri !CANTO I. Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say What was this forest savage, rough, and stern, Which in the very thought renews the fear. So bitter is it, death is little more; But of the good to treat, which there I found, Speak will I of the other things I saw there. 10/I cannot well repeat how there I entered, So full was I of slumber at the moment In which I had abandoned the true way. But after I had reached a mountain's foot, At that point where the valley terminated, Which had with consternation pierced my heart, Upward I looked, and I beheld its shoulders, Vested already with that planet's rays Which leadeth others right by every road. Then was the fear a little quieted 20/That in my heart's lake had endured throughout The night, which I had passed so piteously. And even as he, who, with distressful breath, Forth issued from the sea upon the shore, Turns to the water perilous and gazes; So did my soul, that still was fleeing onward, Turn itself back to re-behold the pass Which never yet a living person left. After my weary body I had rested, The way resumed I on the desert slope, 30/So that the firm foot ever was the lower. And lo! almost where the ascent began, A panther light and swift exceedingly, Which with a spotted skin was covered o'er! And never moved she from before my face, Nay, rather did impede so much my way, That many times I to return had turned. The time was the beginning of the morning, And up the sun was mounting with those stars That with him were, what time the Love Divine 40/At first in motion set those beauteous things; So were to me occasion of good hope, The variegated skin of that wild beast, The hour of time, and the delicious season; But not so much, that did not give me fear A lion's aspect which appeared to me. He seemed as if against me he were coming With head uplifted, and with ravenous hunger, So that it seemed the air was afraid of him; And a she-wolf, that with all hungerings 50/Seemed to be laden in her meagreness, And many folk has caused to live forlorn! She brought upon me so much heaviness, With the affright that from her aspect came, That I the hope relinquished of the height. And as he is who willingly acquires, And the time comes that causes him to lose, Who weeps in all his thoughts and is despondent, E'en such made me that beast withouten peace, Which, coming on against me by degrees 60/Thrust me back thither where the sun is silent. While I was rushing downward to the lowland, Before mine eyes did one present himself, Who seemed from long-continued silence hoarse. When I beheld him in the desert vast, 'Have pity on me,' unto him I cried, 'Whiche'er thou art, or shade or real man!' He answered me: A man;  a macho man I am, And both my parents were of Ohio, And American by country both of them. 70/'Randy Poffo' was I born, though it was late, And lived at Columbus under the good Eisenhower, During the time of the war in Vietnam. An athlete was I, and I batted in the minors those red birds of Saint Louis, Cardinals, Before the Macho Man took to combat. But brother, why are you going back to such annoyance? Why aren't you heading up to heaven instead, Where all the good people always go?' 'Now, art thou that Macho Man and that fighter 80/To whom there is no limit but the sky?' I made response to him with bashful forehead. 'O, of the other wrestlers honour and light, Avail me the long study and great love That have impelled me to explore thy technique! Thou art my master, and my author thou, Thou art alone the one from whom I took The beautiful style that has done honour to me. Behold the beast, for which I have turned back; Do thou protect me from her, famous Sage, 90/For she doth make my veins and pulses tremble.' 'You should head to somewhere less grody,' Responded he, when he beheld me weeping, 'Unlike me, you cannot afford to look ridiculous; Because this beast, at which you are raging, Doesn't ever let anybody past her, She'll mess you up something wicked; She, like me, is a tower of power She is funky like a monkey and hungry too, And after food is hungrier than before. 100/Let me tell you something buddy, She may be strong but compared to her I'm stronger! She better watch out because I'm coming for her. You cannot hide or run from the Nacho Man, My arm is long and my eyes see into space; There is no nation that is not the Nacho Nation; Of all the world I am the savior, Pedal to the metal!  Everybody knows it! Oh yeah, let me tell you what I'll do; Through every city shall I will hunt her down, 110/Until I have driven her back to Hell, Where some weaksauce demon let her loose. I know what's best and what is MACHO! Follow me buddy, and I will be your guide, We're going to have a real adventure. You're going to see some pretty gnarly stuff Some ancient ghosts and boogums that go woo, Maybe you'll be sad if you're a wuss; You'll also see some pretty happy folks They're happy mostly because I visit them, 120/Everybody treasures a visit from the Nacho; If you want to go to heaven afterwords, To meet your ladyfriend or whatever; That's where we'll part ways I guess; Because that rightious dude who rules heaven, Has tasked me with bringing macho madness To those less fortunate, so I remain. Heaven is the most macho city of all; And until all are macho I must wait; This is my holy task, a righteous one.' 130/And I to him: 'Sir, I thee entreat, By that same God whom thou didst never know, So that I may escape this woe and worse, Thou wouldst conduct me there where thou hast said, That I may see the portal of Saint Peter, And those thou makest so disconsolate.' Then he moved on, and I behind him followed. !CANTO II. Day was departing, and the embrowned air Released the animals that are on earth From their fatigues; and I the only one Made myself ready to sustain the war, Both of the way and likewise of the woe, Which memory that errs not shall retrace. O Muses, O high genius, now assist me! O memory, that didst write down what I saw, Here thy nobility shall be manifest! 10/And I began: 'Poet, who guidest me, Regard my manhood, if it be sufficient, Ere to the arduous pass thou dost confide me. Thou sayest, that of Silvius the parent, While yet corruptible, unto the world Immortal went, and was there bodily. But if the adversary of all evil Was courteous, thinking of the high effect That issue would from him, and who, and what, To men of intellect unmeet it seems not; 20/For he was of great Rome, and of her empire In the empyreal heaven as father chosen; The which and what, wishing to speak the truth, Were stablished as the holy place, wherein Sits the successor of the greatest Peter. Upon this journey, whence thou givest him vaunt, Things did he hear, which the occasion were Both of his victory and the papal mantle. Thither went afterwards the Chosen Vessel, To bring back comfort thence unto that Faith, 30/Which of salvation's way is the beginning. But I, why thither come, or who concedes it? I not Aeneas am, I am not Paul, Nor I, nor others, think me worthy of it. Therefore, if I resign myself to come, I fear the coming may be ill-advised; Thou'rt wise, and knowest better than I speak.' And as he is, who unwills what he willed, And by new thoughts doth his intention change, So that from his design he quite withdraws, 40/Such I became, upon that dark hillside, Because, in thinking, I consumed the emprise, Which was so very prompt in the beginning. 'If the Macho Man catches your drift,' Replied that shade of the Champion, 'You're a giant coward baby whiner, And your lameness drags you down awful fierce, It makes you shake like a sad puppydog, Like some sort of weird lame animal thing. Nevertheless stick with the Macho Man 50/And I'll tell you why I'm here right now And why a champ like me would help you. I was pumping iron at the gym one day, When a hot lady ghost came up to me I cannot refuse a pretty lady. She had these killer eyes like wow; And her voice really revved my engine, Here's the madness that she spoke: 'O spirit courteous of Mantua, Of whom the fame still in the world endures, 60/And shall endure, long-lasting as the world; A friend of mine, and not the friend of fortune, Upon the desert slope is so impeded Upon his way, that he has turned through terror, And may, I fear, already be so lost, That I too late have risen to his succour, From that which I have heard of him in Heaven. Bestir thee now, and with thy speech ornate, And with what needful is for his release, Assist him so, that I may be consoled. 70/Beatrice am I, who do bid thee go; I come from there, where I would fain return; Love moved me, which compelleth me to speak. When I shall be in presence of my Lord, Full often will I praise thee unto him.' Then paused she, and thereafter I began: Beatrice, you're super hot I cannot resist. I'll do whatever you say. Nobody else in heaven is as rad as you. I'll happily do whatever you want 80/It's a pleasure to please a lady like you Consider your every desire fulfilled But could you do the Macho one favor It's a lot of work you've asked me to do, So if you could snap into a Slim Jim that'd be rad.' 'Since thou wouldst fain so inwardly discern, Briefly will I relate,' she answered me, 'Why I am not afraid to enter here. Of those things only should one be afraid Which have the power of doing others harm; 90/Of the rest, no; because they are not fearful. God in his mercy such created me That misery of yours attains me not, Nor any flame assails me of this burning. A gentle Lady is in Heaven, who grieves At this impediment, to which I send thee, So that stern judgment there above is broken. In her entreaty she besought Lucia, And said, 'Thy faithful one now stands in need Of thee, and unto thee I recommend him.' 100/Lucia, foe of all that cruel is, Hastened away, and came unto the place Where I was sitting with the ancient Rachel. 'Beatrice' said she, 'the true praise of God, Why succourest thou not him, who loved thee so, For thee he issued from the vulgar herd? Dost thou not hear the pity of his plaint? Dost thou not see the death that combats him Beside that flood, where ocean has no vaunt?' Never were persons in the world so swift 110/To work their weal and to escape their woe, As I, after such words as these were uttered, Came hither downward from my blessed seat, Confiding in thy dignified discourse, Which honours thee, and those who've listened to it.' After she said all that stuff, She was crying, my pecs left her in awe; So I left before I could further blow her mind; And so I found you like she wanted; I totally rocked that wild monster, 120/That was blocking your climb up the mountain. So why is it you're being so lame? What is holding back your Macho Spirit? Why aren't you as cool as I am? Given that three hot chicks are waiting They're in Heaven right now watching the clock, You can trust my word on that my friend.' Even as the flowerets, by nocturnal chill, Bowed down and closed, when the sun whitens them, Uplift themselves all open on their stems; 130/Such I became with my exhausted strength, And such good courage to my heart there coursed, That I began, like an intrepid person: 'O she compassionate, who succoured me, And courteous thou, who hast obeyed so soon The words of truth which she addressed to thee! Thou hast my heart so with desire disposed To the adventure, with these words of thine, That to my first intent I have returned. Now go, for one sole will is in us both, 140/Thou Leader, and thou Lord, and Master thou.' Thus said I to him; and when he had moved, I entered on the deep and savage way. !CANTO III. Through me the way is to the city dolent; Through me the way is to eternal dole; Through me the way among the people lost. Justice incited my sublime Creator; Created me divine Omnipotence, The highest Wisdom and the primal Love. Before me there were no created things, Only eterne, and I eternal last. All hope abandon, ye who enter in!' 10/These words in sombre colour I beheld Written upon the summit of a gate; Whence I: 'Their sense is, Master, hard to me!' And he to me, as one experienced: 'Just don't be suspicious, lil' macho, If you're scared then you'll never make it. We're coming up to a lame-ass place Full of bummed-out sad people Who honestly are not the smartest.' And after he had laid his hand on mine 20/With joyful mien, whence I was comforted, He led me in among the secret things. There sighs, complaints, and ululations loud Resounded through the air without a star, Whence I, at the beginning, wept thereat. Languages diverse, horrible dialects, Accents of anger, words of agony, And voices high and hoarse, with sound of hands, Made up a tumult that goes whirling on For ever in that air for ever black, 30/Even as the sand doth, when the whirlwind breathes. And I, who had my head with horror bound, Said:'Master, what is this which now I hear? What folk is this, which seems by pain so vanquished?' And he to me: 'The way they whine And complain about being in pain Teminds them that they're in pain.  It's weird. They're basically just Angels who were selfish I dunno, they didn't go for God or Satan Mostly they just cared about themselves. 40/They got kicked out of heaven But Hell sure as hell won't take them, So really they're like angel hobos.' And I: 'O Master, what so grievous is To these, that maketh them lament so sore?' He answered: 'Alright, well in a nutshell. They can't evr hope to die, Their life as is ain't funky enough, So they just envy everybody else. They have no reputation at all; 50/Good folks and bad both hate them. So gawk if you want, but lets keep rolling.' And I, who looked again, beheld a banner, Which, whirling round, ran on so rapidly, That of all pause it seemed to me indignant; And after it there came so long a train Of people, that I ne'er would have believed That ever Death so many had undone. When some among them I had recognised. I looked, and I beheld the shade of him 60/Who made through cowardice the great refusal. Forthwith I comprehended, and was certain, That this the sect was of the caitiff wretches Hateful to God and to his enemies. These miscreants, who never were alive, Were naked, and were stung exceedingly By gadflies and by hornets that were there. These did their faces irrigate with blood, Which, with their tears commingled, at their feet By the disgusting worms was gathered up. 70/And when to gazing farther I betook me. People I saw on a great river's bank; Whence said I: ' Master, now vouchsafe to me, That I may know who these are, and what law Makes them appear so ready to pass over, As I discern athwart the dusky light.' And he to me: 'Jesus Christ dude You ask so many, TOO many questions Once we get to the river you'll see.' Then with mine eyes ashamed and downward cast, 80/Fearing my words might irksome be to him, From speech refrained I till we reached the river. And lo! towards us coming in a boat An old man, hoary with the hair of eld, Crying: ' Woe unto you, ye souls depraved Hope nevermore to look upon the heavens; I come to lead you to the other shore, To the eternal shades in heat and frost. And thou, that yonder standest, living soul, Withdraw thee from these people, who are dead- 90/But when he saw that I did not withdraw, He said:'By other ways, by other ports Thou to the shore shalt come, not here, for,passage; A lighter vessel needs must carry thee.' And unto him the Guide:'Vex thee not, Charon; It is so willed there where is power to do That which is willed; and farther question not.' There at were quieted the fleecy cheeks Of him the ferryman of the livid fen, Who round about his eyes had wheels of flame. 100/But all those souls who weary were and naked Their colour changed and gnashed their teeth together, As soon as they had heard those cruel words. God they blasphemed and their progenitors, The human race, the place, the time, the seed Of their engendering and of their birth! Thereafter all together they drew back, Bitterly weeping, to the accursed shore, Which waiteth every man who fears not God. Charon the demon, with the eyes of glede, 110/Beckoning to them, collects them all together, Beats with his oar whoever lags behind. As in the autumn-time the leaves fall off, First one and then another, till the branch Unto the earth surrenders all its spoils; In similar wise the evil seed of Adam Throw themselves from that margin one by one, At signals, as a bird unto its lure. So they depart across the dusky wave, And ere upon the other side they land, 120/Again on this side a new troop assembles. 'My son,'the courteous Master said to me, 'All those who perish in the wrath of God Here meet together out of every land; And ready are they to pass o'er the river, Because celestial Justice spurs them on, So that their fear is turned into desire. This way there never passes a good soul; And hence if Charon doth complain of thee Well mayst thou know now what his speech imports.' 130/This being finished, all the dusk champaign Trembled so violently, that of that terror The recollection bathes me still with sweat. The land of tears gave forth a blast of wind, And fulminated a vermilion light, 'Which overmastered in me every sense, And as a man whom sleep hath seized I fell. !CANTO IV. Broke the deep lethargy within my head A heavy thunder, so that I upstarted, Like to a person who by force is wakened; And round about I moved my rested eyes, Uprisen erect, and steadfastly I gazed, To recognise the place wherein I was. True is it, that upon the verge I found me Of the abysmal valley dolorous, That gathers thunder of infinite ululations. 10/Obscure, profound it was, and nebulous, So that by fixing on its depths my sight Nothing whatever I discerned therein. 'We're in space, and space is the place,' Began the Champ, pallid utterly; 'The madness is running wild, and so shall you.' And I, who of his colour was aware, Said: 'How shall I come, if thou art afraid, Who'rt wont to be a comfort to my fears?' And he to me: 'Let me tell you now a man 20/of my position can afford to look ridiculous at any time. Now let's go, follow the Nacho Man.' Thus he went in, and thus he made me enter The foremost circle that surrounds the abyss. There, as it seemed to me from listening, Were lamentations none, but only sighs, That tremble made the everlasting air. And this arose from sorrow without torment, Which the crowds had, that many were and great, 30/Of infants and of women and of men. To me the Master good: 'Why don't you ask Who these dead dudes you're looking at are? Let me tell you about these chumps, They didn't do anything really wrong, But they could not snap into a Slim Jim Because the Slim Jim had not yet been discovered; And if they were before Sim Jims, In the right manner they adored not jerkey; They never knew the breakfast of champions. 40/As a result, they can't go to heaven, I am here as well, mostly to mock them For I did not share my Slim Jims.' Great grief seized on my heart when this I heard, Because some people of much worthiness I knew, who in that Limbo were suspended. 'Tell me, my Master, tell me, thou my Lord,' Began I, with desire of being certain Of that Faith which o'ercometh every error, 'Came any one by his own merit hence, 50/Or by another's, who was blessed thereafter?' And he, who understood my covert speech, Replied: 'When I first got here, When from the sky a long-haired dude appeared, Almost as glorious as the Nacho Man himself. He grabbed some Bible dudes, I  think they were Abe and Abel and Noah's Ark but not Noah, I think Moses was there too?  It was rad. There were a bunch of others but honestly I can't be bothered to remember right now 60/It really isn't important Past, present, future, It's the best there is. Ohhhh yeah. And then that guy left and never came back.’ We ceased not to advance because he spake, But still were passing onward through the forest, The forest, say I, of thick-crowded ghosts. Not very far as yet our way had gone This side the summit, when I saw a fire That overcame a hemisphere of darkness. 70/We were a little distant from it still, But not so far that I in part discerned not That honourable people held that place. 'O thou who honourest every art and science, Who may these be, which such great honour have, That from the fashion of the rest it parts them?' And he to me: 'The honourable name, That sounds of them above there in thy life, Wins grace in Heaven, that so advances them.' In the mean time a voice was heard by me: 80/'All honour be to the pre-eminent Poet; His shade returns again, that was departed.' After the voice had ceased and quiet was, Four mighty shades I saw approaching us; Semblance had they nor sorrowful nor glad. To say to me began my gracious Champion: 'This is a Dude named Dante, and you know me, The one for whom the sky is the limit. That one is Andre, Wrestler sovereign; Next to him is Bubba Rogers, the satirist; 90/The third is Roddy, and the last is Albano. I knew these guys when I was alive We fought and laughed and ate delicious nachos, And now we chill for all eternity' Thus I beheld assemble the fair school Of that lord of the song pre-eminent, Who o'er the others like an eagle soars. When they together had discoursed somewhat, They turned to me with signs of salutation, And on beholding this, my Master smiled; 100/And more of honour still, much more, they did me, In that they made me one of their own band; So that the sixth was I, 'mid so much wit. Thus we went on as far as to the light, Things saying 'tis becoming to keep silent, As was the saying of them where I was. We came unto a noble castle's foot, Seven times encompassed with lofty walls, Defended round by a fair rivulet; This we passed over even as firm ground; 110/Through portals seven I entered with these Sages; We came into a meadow of fresh verdure. People were there with solemn eyes and slow, Of great authority in their countenance; They spake but seldom, and with gentle voices. Thus we withdrew ourselves upon one side Into an opening luminous and lofty, So that they all of them were visible. There opposite, upon the green enamel, Were pointed out to me the mighty spirits, 120/Whom to have seen I feel myself exalted. I saw Sid Vicious with companions many, 'Mongst whom I knew both Nash and Wright, Rodman in armour with gerfalcon eyes; I saw Miss Madness and Madusa On the other side, and saw Bret Hart, Who with Pillman his buddy sat; I saw that The Butcher who drove Sting forth, And many others who I did not know, And saw alone, apart, The Repo Man. 130/When I had lifted up my brows a little, The Master I beheld of those who know, Sit with his slamtastic family. All gaze upon him, and all do him honour. There I beheld both Doink and Crush, Who nearer him before the others stand; Diesel, who puts the world on chance, Bart Gunn, Shawn Michaels, and Lex Luger, Razor Ramon, Mr. Perfect, and Albano; Of qualities I saw the good collector, 140/The Valiant Brothers; and Steele saw I, Bobo Brazil and Ladd, and The Famous Moolah, Snuka, Arnold Skaaland, and Rodz, Kowalski, Patterson, and Morales, Gorilla Monsoon, who the worst announcer made. I cannot all of them pourtray in full, Because so drives me onward the long theme, That many times the word comes short of fact. The sixfold company in two divides; Another way my sapient Guide conducts me 150/Forth from the quiet to the air that trembles; And to a place I come where nothing shines. !CANTO V. Thus I descended out of the first circle Down to the second, that less space begirds, And so much greater dole, that goads to wailing. There standeth Minos horribly, and snarls; Examines the transgressions at the entrance; Judges, and sends according as he girds him. I say, that when the spirit evil-born Cometh before him, wholly it confesses; And this discriminator of transgressions 10/Seeth what place in Hell is meet for it; Girds himself with his tail as many times As grades he wishes it should be thrust down. Always before him many of them stand; They go by turns each one unto the judgment; They speak, and hear, and then are downward hurled. 'O thou, that to this dolorous hostelry Comest,' said Minos to me, when he saw me, Leaving the practice of so great an office, 'Look how thou enterest, and in whom thou trustest; 20/Let not the portal's amplitude deceive thee.' And unto him my Guide: 'Why criest thou too? Do not impede his journey fate-ordained; It is so willed there where is power to do That which is willed; and ask no further question.' And now begin the dolesome notes to grow Audible unto me; now am I come There where much lamentation strikes upon me. I came into a place mute of all light, Which bellows as the sea does in a tempest, 30/If by opposing winds 't is combated. The infernal hurricane that never rests Hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine; Whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. When they arrive before the precipice, There are the shrieks, the plaints, and the laments, There they blaspheme the puissance divine. I understood that unto such a torment The carnal malefactors were condemned, Who reason subjugate to appetite. 40/And as the wings of starlings bear them on In the cold season in large band and full, So doth that blast the spirits maledict; It hither, thither, downward, upward, drives them; No hope doth comfort them for evermore, Not of repose, but even of lesser pain. And as the cranes go chanting forth their lays, Making in air a long line of themselves, So saw I coming, uttering lamentations, Shadows borne onward by the aforesaid stress. 50/Whereupon said I: 'Master, who are those People, whom the black air so castigates?' 'Eh, you wouldn't know them really, They were not macho or rad,' then said he unto me, 'That lady was a real piece of work. She liked the men if you know what I mean She made all sex legal all the time, That way she could have all she liked. Her name is Semiramis, of Assyria And I'd like to _Syria_ her _Ass_ one day; 60/She was married to Ninus, a macho fellow. Over there is one you may know, She's hardcore, strapped asps to her tits; aka Cleopatra the voluptuous.' Helen I saw, for whom so many ruthless Seasons revolved; and saw the great Achilles, Who at the last hour combated with Love. Paris I saw, Tristan; and more than a thousand Shades did he name and point out with his finger, Whom Love had separated from our life. 70/After that I had listened to my Teacher, Naming the dames of eld and cavaliers, Pity prevailed, and I was nigh bewildered. And I began: 'O Poet, willingly Speak would I to those two, who go together, And seem upon the wind to be so light.' And, he to me: 'Cool your jets bro You can speak to them soon enough, soon enough They'll come to us looking for love.' Soon as the wind in our direction sways them, 80/My voice uplift I: 'O ye weary souls! Come speak to us, if no one interdicts it.' As turtle-doves, called onward by desire, With open and steady wings to the sweet nest Fly through the air by their volition borne, So came they from the band where Dido is, Approaching us athwart the air malign, So strong was the affectionate appeal. 'O living creature gracious and benignant, Who visiting goest through the purple air 90/Us, who have stained the world incarnadine, If were the King of the Universe our friend, We would pray unto him to give thee peace, Since thou hast pity on our woe perverse. Of what it pleases thee to hear and speak, That will we hear, and we will speak to you, While silent is the wind, as it is now. Sitteth the city, wherein I was born, Upon the sea-shore where the Po descends To rest in peace with all his retinue. 100/Love, that on gentle heart doth swiftly seize, Seized this man for the person beautiful That was ta'en from me, and still the mode offends me. Love, that exempts no one beloved from loving, Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly, That, as thou seest, it doth not yet desert me; Love has conducted us unto one death; Caina waiteth him who quenched our life!' These words were borne along from them to us. As soon as I had heard those souls tormented, 110/I bowed my face, and so long held it down Until the Poet said to me: 'Whaddaya think?' When I made answer, I began: 'Alas! How many pleasant thoughts, how much desire, Conducted these unto the dolorous pass!' Then unto them I turned me, and I spake, And I began: 'Thine agonies, Francesca, Sad and compassionate to weeping make me. But tell me, at the time of those sweet sighs, By what and in what manner Love conceded, 120/That you should know your dubious desires?' And she to me: 'There is no greater sorrow Than to be mindful of the happy time In misery, and that thy Teacher knows. But, if to recognise the earliest root Of love in us thou hast so great desire, I will do even as he who weeps and speaks. One day we reading were for our delight Of Launcelot, how Love did him enthral. Alone we were and without any fear. 130/Full many a time our eyes together drew That reading, and drove the colour from our faces; But one point only was it that o'ercame us. When as we read of the much-longed-for smile Being by such a noble lover kissed, This one, who ne'er from me shall be divided, Kissed me upon the mouth all palpitating. Galeotto was the book and he who wrote it. That day no farther did we read therein.' And all the while one spirit uttered this, 140/The other one did weep so, that, for pity, I swooned away as if I had been dying, And fell, even as a dead body falls. !CANTO VI. At the return of consciousness, that closed Before the pity of those two relations, Which utterly with sadness had confused me, New torments I behold, and new tormented Around me, whichsoever way I move, And whichsoever way I turn, and gaze. In the third circle am I of the rain Eternal, maledict, and cold, and heavy; Its law and quality are never new. 10/Huge hail, and water sombre-hued, and snow, Athwart the tenebrous air pour down amain; Noisome the earth is, that receiveth this. Cerberus, monster cruel and uncouth, With his three gullets like a dog is barking Over the people that are there submerged. Red eyes he has, and unctuous beard and black, And belly large, and armed with claws his hands; He rends the spirits, flays, and quarters them. Howl the rain maketh them like unto dogs; 20/One side they make a shelter for the other; Oft turn themselves the wretched reprobates. When Cerberus perceived us, the great worm! His mouths he opened, and displayed his tusks; Not a limb had he that was motionless. And my Conductor, with his spans extended, Took of the earth, and with his fists well filled, He threw it into those rapacious gullets. Such as that dog is, who by barking craves, And quiet grows soon as his food he gnaws, 30/For to devour it he but thinks and struggles, The like became those muzzles filth-begrimed Of Cerberus the demon, who so thunders Over the souls that they would fain be deaf. We passed across the shadows, which subdues The heavy rain-storm, and we placed our feet Upon their vanity that person seems. They all were lying prone upon the earth, Excepting one, who sat upright as soon As he beheld us passing on before him. 40/'O thou that art conducted through this Hell,' He said to me, 'recall me, if thou canst; Thyself wast made before I was unmade.' And I to him: 'The anguish which thou hast Perhaps doth draw thee out of my remembrance, So that it seems not I have ever seen thee. But tell me who thou art, that in so doleful A place art put, and in such punishment, If some are greater, none is so displeasing.' And he to me: 'Thy city, which is full 50/Of envy so that now the sack runs over, Held me within it in the life serene. You citizens were wont to call me Ciacco; For the pernicious sin of gluttony I, as thou seest, am battered by this rain. And I, sad soul, am not the only one, For all these suffer the like penalty For the like sin;' and word no more spake he. I answered him: 'Ciacco, thy wretchedness Weighs on me so that it to weep invites me; 60/But tell me, if thou knowest, to what shall come The citizens of the divided city; If any there be just; and the occasion Tell me why so much discord has assailed it.' And he to me: 'They, after long contention, Will come to bloodshed; and the rustic party Will drive the other out with much offence. Then afterwards behoves it this one fall Within three suns, and rise again the other By force of him who now is on the coast. 70/High will it hold its forehead a long while, Keeping the other under heavy burdens, Howe'er it weeps thereat and is indignant. The just are two, and are not understood there; Envy and Arrogance and Avarice Are the three sparks that have all hearts enkindled.' Here ended he his tearful utterance; And I to him: 'I wish thee still to teach me, And make a gift to me of further speech. Farinata and Tegghiaio, once so worthy, 80/Jacopo Rusticucci, Arrigo, and Mosca, And others who on good deeds set their thoughts, Say where they are, and cause that I may know them; For great desire constraineth me to learn If Heaven doth sweeten them, or Hell envenom.' And he: 'They are among the blacker souls; A different sin downweighs them to the bottom; If thou so far descendest, thou canst see them. But when thou art again in the sweet world, I pray thee to the mind of others bring me; 90/No more I tell thee and no more I answer.' Then his straightforward eyes he turned askance, Eyed me a little, and then bowed his head; He fell therewith prone like the other blind. And the Guide said to me: 'He ain't getting up, Though apparently the bible says something about the end of days, so maybe then, I was never really much of a scholar, but I think it mentioned the dead rising, Or maybe that was just in Ghostbusters.' 100/So we passed onward o'er the filthy mixture Of shadows and of rain with footsteps slow, Touching a little on the future life. Wherefore I said: 'Master, these torments here, Will they increase after the mighty sentence, Or lesser be, or will they be as burning?' And he to me: 'Man do I look like a prohpet? Whatever is gonig to happen is going to happen, And I have no way of knowing which is which. These folks are trapped here forever 110/They can't get into heaven, so who cares? It's harsh, but that's how the chips fall.' Round in a circle by that road we went, Speaking much more, which I do not repeat; We came unto the point where the descent is; There we found Plutus the great enemy. !CANTO VII. 'Pape Satan, Pape Satan, Aleppe!' Thus Plutus with his clucking voice began; And that benignant Sage, who all things knew, Said, to encourage me: 'Don't wig out, We are too macho for this jive turkey, He can't stop us entering the danger zone.' Then he turned round unto that bloated lip, And said: 'Shut up you freakshow; Why not eat yourself for a change? 10/We got a divine purpose, higher than Nachos; The big man upstairs sent us so beat it, We're soaring eagles, you are a slithering snake.' Even as the sails inflated by the wind Involved together fall when snaps the mast, So fell the cruel monster to the earth. Thus we descended into the fourth chasm, Gaining still farther on the dolesome shore Which all the woe of the universe insacks. Justice of God, ah! who heaps up so many 20/New toils and sufferings as I beheld? And why doth our transgression waste us so? As doth the billow there upon Charybdis, That breaks itself on that which it encounters, So here the folk must dance their roundelay. Here saw I people, more than elsewhere, many, On one side and the other, with great howls, Rolling weights forward by main force of chest. They clashed together, and then at that point Each one turned backward, rolling retrograde, 30/Crying, 'Why keepest?' and, 'Why squanderest thou?' Thus they returned along the lurid circle On either hand unto the opposite point, Shouting their shameful metre evermore. Then each, when he arrived there, wheeled about Through his half-circle to another joust; And I, who had my heart pierced as it were, Exclaimed: 'My Master, now declare to me What people these are, and if all were clerks, These shaven crowns upon the left of us.' 40/And he to me: 'I'll be frank with you dog, These were the dudes who loved money And let's be clear, I love money too. But these guys loved money too much, And like, not so much in a kinky way either, But instead they would hurt people to get money. You might see some churchy folks here Maybe even a pope or two, and learn: Even a priest can be a huge dick.' And I: 'My Master, among such as these 50/I ought forsooth to recognise some few, Who were infected with these maladies.' And he to me: 'I dunno man, it's sort of dark; And their dim view of compassion while alive Makes their forms sort of blurry.  It's weird. So now they're stuck here forever; Or until Electronic Arts publishes Dante's Inferno And they get some cameos in World 4. I really have no sympathy, neither should you, They took from others so now their souls are taken; 60/There's not much else to say on that matter. Let me ask you a question buddy, What do you do with your money? Your wealth? Are you stingy with it, or do you help others? Just remember these guys, or maybe Jacob Marley, Yeah that's right, I know some Dickens Even literature can be Macho at times.' 'Master,' I said to him, 'now tell me also What is this Fortune which thou speakest of, That has the world's goods so within its clutches?' 70/And he to me: 'Look idiot, Are you not listening or just being dense? Let me tell you from the beginning, then. God made everything, obviously, He made the sky, and the sun, and the stars, He made the Macho Man and tasty Nachos, And distributed these Nachos to all creation; Like a generous dude at a soup kitchen Where instead of soup they serve Nachos, But then people wanted MORE NACHOS, 80/And would fight over their cheesy goodness, Warm globes dripping from chips. So people would fight wars over these things And that is greed, my macho-in-training, I was trying to be poetical, it's a metaphor. And you can't fight greed, because it's nature; Greed controls the government and church Money is what drives corruption. But hey, this is super depressing; Did you like films by a guy named Herzog? 90/I just the other day watched one. I'm not one in general for art flicks, They're just not my speed, but let me say, I learned an astounding amount about rubber. Also, are you hot?  It's pretty hot; I get that this is part of the eternal torment thing But you'd think that greed's domain would be cooler. Like, coins are made of metal, and cool to touch; But now I'm rambling, let us press forward I... I just was getting a little bored.' 100/We crossed the circle to the other bank, Near to a fount that boils, and pours itself Along a gully that runs out of it. The water was more sombre far than perse; And we, in company with the dusky waves, Made entrance downward by a path uncouth. A marsh it makes, which has the name of Styx, This tristful brooklet, when it has descended Down to the foot of the malign gray shores. And I, who stood intent upon beholding, 110/Saw people mud-besprent in that lagoon, All of them naked and with angry look. They smote each other not alone with hands, But with the head and with the breast and feet, Tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth. Said the good Master: 'What you're looking at Is those folks who were consumed with anger; REAL anger, not like we pretend in the ring Their anger is so blazing hot that even now It makes the very water down there bubble. 120/They writhe and spin and boil themselves. In this jacuzzi, they whine about their lot They can't take the heat, and unfortunately, They are not allowed to get out of the kitchen; So they sing a sad song. I don't know all the words, but it boils down to, 'Boy it's hot and we are sad, so sad, so sad.'' Thus we went circling round the filthy fen A great arc 'twixt the dry bank and the swamp, With eyes turned unto those who gorge the mire; 130/Unto the foot of a tower we came at last. !CANTO VIII. I say, continuing, that long before We to the foot of that high tower had come, Our eyes went upward to the summit of it, By reason of two flamelets we saw placed there, And from afar another answer them, So far, that hardly could the eye attain it. And, to the sea of all discernment turned, I said: 'What sayeth this, and what respondeth That other fire? and who are they that made it?' 10/And he to me: 'If you look out over the waves I figure you'll see what's going on If the view is clear, in any case.' Cord never shot an arrow from itself That sped away athwart the air so swift, As I beheld a very little boat Come o'er the water tow'rds us at that moment, Under the guidance of a single pilot, Who shouted, 'Now art thou arrived, fell soul?' 'Phlegyas, Phlegyas, thou criest out in vain 20/For this once,' said my Lord; 'thou shalt not have us Longer than in the passing of the slough.' As he who listens to some great deceit That has been done to him, and then resents it, Such became Phlegyas, in his gathered wrath. My Guide descended down into the boat, And then he made me enter after him, And only when I entered seemed it laden. Soon as the Guide and I were in the boat, The antique prow goes on its way, dividing 30/More of the water than 'tis wont with others. While we were running through the dead canal, Uprose in front of me one full of mire, And said, 'Who 'rt thou that comest ere the hour?' And I to him: 'Although I come, I stay not; But who art thou that hast become so squalid?' 'Thou seest that I am one who weeps,' he answered. And I to him: 'With weeping and with wailing, Thou spirit maledict, do thou remain; For thee I know, though thou art all defiled.' 40/Then stretched he both his hands unto the boat; Whereat my wary Master thrust him back, Saying, 'You stay in your place or I will end you.' Thereafter with his arms he clasped my neck; He kissed my face, and said: 'Disdainful soul, Blessed be she who bore thee in her bosom. That was an arrogant person in the world; Goodness is none, that decks his memory; So likewise here his shade is furious. How many are esteemed great kings up there, 50/Who here shall be like unto swine in mire, Leaving behind them horrible dispraises!' And I: 'My Master, much should I be pleased, If I could see him soused into this broth, Before we issue forth out of the lake.' And he to me: 'Just be patient man, We'll get there soon enough, you're like a child; Asking 'are we there yet' from the backseat.' A little after that, I saw such havoc Made of him by the people of the mire, 60/That still I praise and thank my God for it. They all were shouting, 'At Philippo Argenti!' And that exasperate spirit Florentine Turned round upon himself with his own teeth. We left him there, and more of him I tell not; But on mine ears there smote a lamentation, Whence forward I intent unbar mine eyes. And the good Master said: 'See that place? Dis city here is called Dis, get me? The people who live there are not macho.' 70/And I: 'Its mosques already, Master, clearly Within there in the valley I discern Vermilion, as if issuing from the fire They were.'  And he to me: 'You're in Hell, And given that Hell is both full of and on fire, That red stuff you see is... fire, idiot.' Then we arrived within the moats profound, That circumvallate that disconsolate city; The walls appeared to me to be of iron. Not without making first a circuit wide, 80/We came unto a place where loud the pilot Cried out to us, 'Debark, here is the entrance.' More than a thousand at the gates I saw Out of the Heavens rained down, who angrily Were saying, 'Who is this that without death Goes through the kingdom of the people dead?' And my sagacious Master made a sign Of wishing secretly to speak with them. A little then they quelled their great disdain, And said: 'Come thou alone, and he begone 90/Who has so boldly entered these dominions. Let him return alone by his mad road; Try, if he can; for thou shalt here remain, Who hast escorted him through such dark regions.' Think, Reader, if I was discomforted At utterance of the accursed words; For never to return here I believed. 'O my dear Guide, who more than seven times Hast rendered me security, and drawn me From imminent peril that before me stood, 100/Do not desert me,' said I, 'thus undone; And if the going farther be denied us, Let us retrace our steps together swiftly.' And that Lord, who had led me thitherward, Said unto me: 'Don't worry, I got you. God sent us so they can't refuse us. So just sit tight, watch the Macho Magic, Take a load off those barking dogs; I won't abandon you even if you're annoying.' So onward goes and there abandons me 110/My Father sweet, and I remain in doubt, For No and Yes within my head contend. I could not hear what he proposed to them; But with them there he did not linger long, Ere each within in rivalry ran back. They closed the portals, those our adversaries, On my Lord's breast, who had remained without And turned to me with footsteps far between. His eyes cast down, his forehead shorn had he Of all its boldness, and he said, with sighs, 120/'Who is it that has refused to let us in?' And unto me: 'I'm really angry now, But don't worry, I can still handle this, Their defenses are basically worthless. They're just acting tough, but it's no use; There's more than one way to skin a cat, And more than one way to enter into Dis. Look around for a stick, or maybe a bomb; We're going to knock these walls down, And march over the corpses of these demons, 130/That is how the city shall be opened.' !CANTO IX. That hue which cowardice brought out on me, Beholding my Conductor backward turn, Sooner repressed within him his new colour. He stopped attentive, like a man who listens, Because the eye could not conduct him far Through the black air, and through the heavy fog. 'We probably should win this fight,' Began he; 'or else, uh. . . Let's just not think about that!' 10/Well I perceived, as soon as the beginning He covered up with what came afterward, That they were words quite different from the first; But none the less his saying gave me fear, Because I carried out the broken phrase, Perhaps to a worse meaning than he had. 'Into this bottom of the doleful conch Doth any e'er descend from the first grade, Which for its pain has only hope cut off?' This question put I; and he answered me: 20/'Nobody really comes this way, So honestly it's really hard to say. A while back I was summoned here By some shitty wizard named Eric, Who necromancy'd me against my will. Though I hadn't been dead for very long, He sent me on a bogus quest for nachos, literal nachos, not some catchphrase joke; Down there into the lowest circle of all, The furthest from heaven you can get. 30/Anyway, that's where we're going. The swamp that we're in now, Is entirely surrounding the city, Remember, the one we can't get into.' And more he said, but not in mind I have it; Because mine eye had altogether drawn me Tow'rds the high tower with the red-flaming summit, Where in a moment saw I swift uprisen The three infernal Furies stained with blood, Who had the limbs of women and their mien, 40/And with the greenest hydras were begirt; Small serpents and cerastes were their tresses, Wherewith their horrid temples were entwined. And he who well the handmaids of the Queen Of everlasting lamentation knew, Said unto me: 'Check out those bird-ladies. On the left is one named Ozzy; On the right we have one named Flea; And in the middle Slash;' and then was silent. Each one her breast was rending with her nails; 50/They beat them with their palms, and cried so loud, That I for dread pressed close unto the Poet. 'Medusa come, so we to stone will change him!' All shouted looking down; 'in evil hour Avenged we not on Theseus his assault!' 'Oh yeah, you know about Medusa right? Just close your eyes, bumble around blindly, Because if you see her it's game over, man.' Thus said the Master; and he turned me round Himself, and trusted not unto my hands 60/So far as not to blind me with his own. O ye who have undistempered intellects, Observe the doctrine that conceals itself Beneath the veil of the mysterious verses! And now there came across the turbid waves The clangour of a sound with terror fraught, Because of which both of the margins trembled; Not otherwise it was than of a wind Impetuous on account of adverse heats, That smites the forest, and, without restraint, 70/The branches rends, beats down, and bears away; Right onward, laden with dust, it goes superb, And puts to flight the wild beasts and the shepherds. Mine eyes he loosed, and said: 'Yo, look over there that foamy bit down the river can you see? Over there where it's super smokey.' Even as the frogs before the hostile serpent Across the water scatter all abroad, Until each one is huddled in the earth. More than a thousand ruined souls I saw, 80/Thus fleeing from before one who on foot Was passing o'er the Styx with soles unwet. From off his face he fanned that unctuous air, Waving his left hand oft in front of him, And only with that anguish seemed he weary. Well I perceived one sent from Heaven was he, And to the Master turned; and he made sign That I should quiet stand, and bow before him. Ah! how disdainful he appeared to me! He reached the gate, and with a little rod 90/He opened it, for there was no resistance. 'Hey all you hated people who couldn't get into heaven!' Thus he began upon the horrid threshold; 'What makes you act so arrogant? Don't you know you should be humble, Isn't bad behavior what placed you here? Don't you ever learn that being bad is bad? You know that struggling is pointless right? It's literally impossible to escape from Hell, So why not chill, shoot some hoops or something?' 100/Then he returned along the miry road, And spake no word to us, but had the look Of one whom other care constrains and goads Than that of him who in his presence is; And we our feet directed tow'rds the city, After those holy words all confident. Within we entered without any contest; And I, who inclination had to see What the condition such a fortress holds, Soon as I was within, cast round mine eye, 110/And see on every hand an ample plain, Full of distress and torment terrible. Even as at Arles, where stagnant grows the Rhone, Even as at Pola near to the Quarnaro, That shuts in Italy and bathes its borders, The sepulchres make all the place uneven; So likewise did they there on every side, Saving that there the manner was more bitter; For flames between the sepulchres were scattered, By which they so intensely heated were, 120/That iron more so asks not any art. All of their coverings uplifted were, And from them issued forth such dire laments, Sooth seemed they of the wretched and tormented. And I: 'My Master, what are all those people Who, having sepulture within those tombs, Make themselves audible by doleful sighs?' And he to me: 'Those are the Heresiarchs, And their disciples, dressed in pink. A bunch more are napping in the crypts. 130/A lot of folks here spent their time sleeping; It's awfully hot and it helps to pass the time.' And when he to the right had turned, we passed Between the torments and high parapets. !CANTO X. Now onward goes, along a narrow path Between the torments and the city wall, My Master, and I follow at his back. 'O power supreme, that through these impious circles Turnest me,' I began, 'as pleases thee, Speak to me, and my longings satisfy; The people who are lying in these tombs, Might they be seen? already are uplifted The covers all, and no one keepeth guard.' 10/And he to me: 'Everything will close. Remember the Book of Revelations? The dead are going to rise someday. The seas will churn, and turn to blood Like some heavy metal album cover, There's a dragon too, it's awesome; But as for your question right now, You'll see the answer soon enough, And wish you hadn't asked at all.' And I: 'Good Leader, I but keep concealed 20/From thee my heart, that I may speak the less, Nor only now hast thou thereto disposed me.' 'Buddy, we went through a flaming city. You made it through alive, no mean feat. So chill a bit, and see what is coming up. I can tell by the way that you talk That you and I share a fatherland, and maybe I've razzed you a bit too much.' Upon a sudden issued forth this sound From out one of the tombs; wherefore I pressed, 30/Fearing, a little nearer to my Leader. And unto me he said: 'What are you doing? Look over there at Farinata the zombie; Sticking out from the waist up.' I had already fixed mine eyes on his, And he uprose erect with breast and front E'en as if Hell he had in great despite. And with courageous hands and prompt my Leader Thrust me between the sepulchres towards him, Exclaiming, 'Go talk to him dude!' 40/As soon as I was at the foot of his tomb Somewhat he eyed me, and, as if disdainful, Then asked of me, 'Who were thine ancestors?' I, who desirous of obeying was, Concealed it not, but all revealed to him; Whereat he raised his brows a little upward. Then said he: 'Fiercely adverse have they been To me, and to my fathers, and my party; So that two several times I scattered them.' 'If they were banished, they returned on all sides,' 50/I answered him, 'the first time and the second; But yours have not acquired that art aright.' Then there uprose upon the sight, uncovered Down to the chin, a shadow at his side; I think that he had risen on his knees. Round me he gazed, as if solicitude He had to see if some one else were with me, But after his suspicion was all spent, Weeping, he said to me: 'If through this blind Prison thou goest by loftiness of genius, 60/Where is my son? and why is he not with thee?' And I to him: 'I come not of myself; He who is waiting yonder leads me here, Whom in disdain perhaps your Guido had.' His language and the mode of punishment Already unto me had read his name; On that account my answer was so full. Up starting suddenly, he cried out: 'How Saidst thou,--he had?  Is he not still alive? Does not the sweet light strike upon his eyes?' 70/When he became aware of some delay, Which I before my answer made, supine He fell again, and forth appeared no more. But the other, magnanimous, at whose desire I had remained, did not his aspect change, Neither his neck he moved, nor bent his side. 'And if,' continuing his first discourse, 'They have that art,' he said, 'not learned aright, That more tormenteth me, than doth this bed. But fifty times shall not rekindled be 80/The countenance of the Lady who reigns here, Ere thou shalt know how heavy is that art; And as thou wouldst to the sweet world return, Say why that people is so pitiless Against my race in each one of its laws?' Whence I to him: 'The slaughter and great carnage Which have with crimson stained the Arbia, cause Such orisons in our temple to be made.' After his head he with a sigh had shaken, 'There I was not alone,' he said, 'nor surely 90/Without a cause had with the others moved. But there I was alone, where every one Consented to the laying waste of Florence, He who defended her with open face.' 'Ah! so hereafter may your seed repose,' I him entreated, 'solve for me that knot, Which has entangled my conceptions here. It seems that you can see, if I hear rightly, Beforehand whatsoe'er time brings with it, And in the present have another mode.' 100/'We see, like those who have imperfect sight, The things,' he said, 'that distant are from us; So much still shines on us the Sovereign Ruler. When they draw near, or are, is wholly vain Our intellect, and if none brings it to us, Not anything know we of your human state. Hence thou canst understand, that wholly dead Will be our knowledge from the moment when The portal of the future shall be closed.' Then I, as if compunctious for my fault, 110/Said: 'Now, then, you will tell that fallen one, That still his son is with the living joined. And if just now, in answering, I was dumb, Tell him I did it because I was thinking Already of the error you have solved me.' And now my Master was recalling me, Wherefore more eagerly I prayed the spirit That he would tell me who was with him there. He said: 'With more than a thousand here I lie; Within here is the second Frederick, 120/And the Cardinal, and of the rest I speak not.' Thereon he hid himself; and I towards The ancient poet turned my steps, reflecting Upon that saying, which seemed hostile to me. He moved along; and afterward thus going, He said to me, 'Why are you confused?' And I in his inquiry satisfied him. 'Let your experience here help you, against yourself,' that Sage commanded me, 'And now listen up;' and he raised his finger. 130/'When we finally reach your hot mama That lady so fine that the angels swoon, From her you'll learn all about your own life.' Unto the left hand then he turned his feet; We left the wall, and went towards the middle, Along a path that strikes into a valley, Which even up there unpleasant made its stench. !CANTO XI. Upon the margin of a lofty bank Which great rocks broken in a circle made, We came upon a still more cruel throng; And there, by reason of the horrible Excess of stench the deep abyss throws out, We drew ourselves aside behind the cover Of a great tomb, whereon I saw a writing, Which said: 'Pope Anastasius I hold, Whom out of the right way Photinus drew.' 10/'Now's the time to take it slow, It's not very macho, but so it goes Otherwise we may fall and look silly.' The Master thus; and unto him I said, 'Some compensation find, that the time pass not Idly;' and he: 'You really know nothing. Check out these rocks here, they're gnarly,' Began he then to say, 'inside are three small circles, Sort of like the circles that we're leaving now. They're full of damned souls of course; 20/And soon enough you'll see for youself, And hear their super annoying LAME-O whining. They've done basically every bad thing, You name it and they've done it probably, They lie and cheat and steal and sing. The ones up here in particular are the liars, Only humans lie so God hates liars the most, It's one of the least macho things you can do. The first circle was the violent of course; But lots of creatures can hit a dude, 30/Heck even I, the Nacho Man, have done so. And God himself uses force on stuff, Smiting a particularly sinful tree, Hurling a lightning bolt and a crab. You can die by violence, or kill, Or do all sorts of gnarly things to a guy Ruin, and arson, and straight-up punching; Homicide, patricide, fratricide, and so forth, Marauders, and freebooters, everything, They're all condemned to one circle or another. 40/Heck you can even inflict violence on yourself In more ways than one if you know what I mean And that might get you punished as well Basically never lay a hand on anybody Without their consent, or permission, Otherwise maybe you'll burn forever. Violence can even be done to God, Saying rude stuff about him, calling names, Littering or messing up nature. In fact, by some measure it can be said 50/Literally any action is violent to somebody, But liars do violence with words alone. That is why those who commit fraud, Those who decieve and hoodwink others, Are probably folks you should not trust. They have cut themselves off from the macho, Nature abhors their cunning ways. The second circle is similar of course, Hypocrisy, flattery, and sweet wizards, Falsification, theft, and puppyhaters, 60/Panders, and barrators, and the like filth. They've forgotten things to love in life, Nature's bounty, a plate of nachos, All good things from which rad feelings flow. But it is in this circle, the smallest part Of the Universe, where Dis is located, That the betrayers and backstabbers are.' And I: 'My Master, clear enough proceeds Thy reasoning, and full well distinguishes This cavern and the people who possess it. 70/But tell me, those within the fat lagoon, Whom the wind drives, and whom the rain doth beat, And who encounter with such bitter tongues, Wherefore are they inside of the red city Not punished, if God has them in his wrath, And if he has not, wherefore in such fashion?' And unto me he said: 'Come on bro, Why do you keep asking these things? Were you not listening to me at all? Don't you have any memory whatsoever 80/Of all the unethical things that exist and which heaven itself hold as uncool?-- Incontinence, and Malice, and insane Bestiality? and how Incontinence Makes you smell bad, and makes a big mess? If you think about it for a second, And remember who are trapped in this place Those doing penance for their misdeeds, Surely you'll understand why they're apart Why their sentences are slightly less painful 90/How Justice has seen to show a bit of mercy.' 'Praise the sun!  For it shines upon those, Whom you claim to be confused by, no doubt Having not even bothered to look behind us! Once more a little backward turn thee,' said I, 'There where thou sayest that usury offends Goodness divine, and disengage the knot.' 'Think about it,' he said, 'Use your head, Consider the ways in which one might sin, And how Nature might deal with you, 100/There are a few types of sins; Did you ever have physics in school, And looking through a lame-o textbook, Determine that everything you knew Was total bogus, entirely worthless; Such that you just dropped the class? Try and stir up that feeling Only think about, I dunno, Eden, The sort of sins that were commited; And whether or not blame is assigned, 110/Or maybe like, read Paradise Lost? It's written a few centuries after you die. Anyway, we don't have all day, We don't need to move slowly anymore, So let's pick up the pace a bit, yes? Let's do a sweet trick off this crag here.' !CANTO XII. The place where to descend the bank we came Was alpine, and from what was there, moreover, Of such a kind that every eye would shun it. Such as that ruin is which in the flank Smote, on this side of Trent, the Adige, Either by earthquake or by failing stay, For from the mountain's top, from which it moved, Unto the plain the cliff is shattered so, Some path 'twould give to him who was above; 10/Even such was the descent of that ravine, And on the border of the broken chasm The infamy of Crete was stretched along, Who was conceived in the fictitious cow; And when he us beheld, he bit himself, Even as one whom anger racks within. My Sage towards him shouted: 'Is it possible That you think the Duke of Athens is here, Who killed you right good long ago? Get your ugly self out of here, loser. 20/Else I say something rude about your sister And then I'll point and laugh at you.' As is that bull who breaks loose at the moment In which he has received the mortal blow, Who cannot walk, but staggers here and there, The Minotaur beheld I do the like; And he, the wary, cried: 'Run to the passage; While he wroth, 'tis well thou shouldst descend.' Thus down we took our way o'er that discharge Of stones, which oftentimes did move themselves 30/Beneath my feet, from the unwonted burden. Thoughtful I went; and he said: 'You're thinking About how I totally owned that stupid bullman And how he ran crying before my machoness. Let me tell you this: the last time I came through this part of Hell, This bit hadn't collapsed yet. And I saw the minotaur dressed up nicely Leaving his day job in Dis, coming home Ready to spend the evening with his family, 40/And I thought maybe he's just like us Just doing his day job being an evil demon And comes home to a loving household at night But then I realize no that's stupid; He's a crazy bullman with doofy cow horns And basically nothing makes that not awful. Anyway, look at that sweet river down there, It's a river of blood! Super macho! The folks swimming in it hurt other people.' O blind cupidity, O wrath insane, 50/That spurs us onward so in our short life, And in the eternal then so badly steeps us! I saw an ample moat bent like a bow, As one which all the plain encompasses, Conformable to what my Guide had said. And between this and the embankment's foot Centaurs in file were running, armed with arrows, As in the world they used the chase to follow. Beholding us descend, each one stood still, And from the squadron three detached themselves, 60/With bows and arrows in advance selected; And from afar one cried: 'Unto what torment Come ye, who down the hillside are descending? Tell us from there; if not, I draw the bow.' My Master said: 'We ain't telling you nothin' We talk to Chrion and nobody but him. Cry about if if you can't handle it.' Then touched he me, and said: 'That guy is Nessus, Who died for the lovely Dejanira, And took some really gnarly revenge. 70/And over there through the blood-mist, You can see Chiron; who trained Achilles And Pholus who is known for his bad temper. Thousands of demons stand around the river Any time a soul tries to escape the blood They plug him full of arrows! Ka-pow! Wham!' Near we approached unto those monsters fleet; Chiron an arrow took, and with the notch Backward upon his jaws he put his beard. After he had uncovered his great mouth, 80/He said to his companions: 'Are you ware That he behind moveth whate'er he touches? Thus are not wont to do the feet of dead men.' And my good Guide, who now was at his breast, Where the two natures are together joined, Replied: 'He's alive, it is true And it is my job to take him through Hell. This is no pleasure cruise let me tell you. We're on a mission from God, as it were, I've got this task direct rom upstairs; 90/So we're just going to keep on rolling. But while I have your attention, let me ask Given the macho nature of our mission, And the fact that we have to get through, Could you lend us one of your centaurs, Who can let us ride on his back; This guy isn't a ghost and can't float.' Upon his right breast Chiron wheeled about, And said to Nessus: 'Turn and do thou guide them, And warn aside, if other band may meet you.' 100/We with our faithful escort onward moved Along the brink of the vermilion boiling, Wherein the boiled were uttering loud laments. People I saw within up to the eyebrows, And the great Centaur said: 'Tyrants are these, Who dealt in bloodshed and in pillaging. Here they lament their pitiless mischiefs; here Is Alexander, and fierce Dionysius Who upon Sicily brought dolorous years. That forehead there which has the hair so black 110/Is Azzolin; and the other who is blond, Obizzo is of Esti, who, in truth, Up in the world was by his stepson slain.' Then turned I to the Poet; and he said, 'I have no idea what any of that meant.' A little farther on the Centaur stopped Above a folk, who far down as the throat Seemed from that boiling stream to issue forth. A shade he showed us on one side alone, Saying: 'He cleft asunder in God's bosom 120/The heart that still upon the Thames is honoured.' Then people saw I, who from out the river Lifted their heads and also all the chest; And many among these I recognised. Thus ever more and more grew shallower That blood, so that the feet alone it covered; And there across the moat our passage was. 'Even as thou here upon this side beholdest The boiling stream, that aye diminishes,' The Centaur said, 'I wish thee to believe 130/That on this other more and more declines Its bed, until it reunites itself Where it behoveth tyranny to groan. Justice divine, upon this side, is goading That Attila, who was a scourge on earth, And Pyrrhus, and Sextus; and for ever milks The tears which with the boiling it unseals In Rinier da Corneto and Rinier Pazzo, Who made upon the highways so much war.' Then back he turned, and passed again the ford. !CANTO XIII. Not yet had Nessus reached the other side, When we had put ourselves within a wood, That was not marked by any path whatever. Not foliage green, but of a dusky colour, Not branches smooth, but gnarled and intertangled, Not apple-trees were there, but thorns with poison. Such tangled thickets have not, nor so dense, Those savage wild beasts, that in hatred hold 'Twixt Cecina and Corneto the tilled places. 10/There do the hideous Harpies make their nests, Who chased the Trojans from the Strophades, With sad announcement of impending doom; Broad wings have they, and necks and faces human, And feet with claws, and their great bellies fledged; They make laments upon the wondrous trees. And the good Master: 'Before we go further, I want to let you know we're in the second round,' Thus he began to say, 'and will be, until We get to the Beach of Gross Sand Crud; 20/As we go, look to your sides and you'll see The proof, if you doubt my macho words.' I heard on all sides lamentations uttered, And person none beheld I who might make them, Whence, utterly bewildered, I stood still. I think he thought that I perhaps might think So many voices issued through those trunks From people who concealed themselves from us; Therefore the Master said: 'Why not break off A little bit of a tree to satisfy yourself? 30/Plants don't feel pain, right?  Probably.' Then stretched I forth my hand a little forward, And plucked a branchlet off from a great thorn; And the trunk cried, 'Why dost thou mangle me?' After it had become embrowned with blood, It recommenced its cry: 'Why dost thou rend me? Hast thou no spirit of pity whatsoever? Men once we were, and now are changed to trees; Indeed, thy hand should be more pitiful, Even if the souls of serpents we had been.' 40/As out of a green brand, that is on fire At one of the ends, and from the other drips And hisses with the wind that is escaping; So from that splinter issued forth together Both words and blood; whereat I let the tip Fall, and stood like a man who is afraid. 'Oh man, you fell for it, what a dope!' My Sage made answer, 'Hey tree buddy, This joker has no idea where he is, And so I decided to prank him at your expense; 50/Sorry 'bout that, but it was SO MACHO! Why don't you tell him who you are? That way when he leaves for the living world, Maybe he can tell your ex-wife or something That he saw you here, and she'll laugh.' And the trunk said: 'So thy sweet words allure me, I cannot silent be; and you be vexed not, That I a little to discourse am tempted. I am the one who both keys had in keeping Of Frederick's heart, and turned them to and fro 60/So softly in unlocking and in locking, That from his secrets most men I withheld; Fidelity I bore the glorious office So great, I lost thereby my sleep and pulses. The courtesan who never from the dwelling Of Caesar turned aside her strumpet eyes, Death universal and the vice of courts, Inflamed against me all the other minds, And they, inflamed, did so inflame Augustus, That my glad honours turned to dismal mournings. 70/My spirit, in disdainful exultation, Thinking by dying to escape disdain, Made me unjust against myself, the just. I, by the roots unwonted of this wood, Do swear to you that never broke I faith Unto my lord, who was so worthy of honour; And to the world if one of you return, Let him my memory comfort, which is lying Still prostrate from the blow that envy dealt it.' Waited awhile, and then: 'If you want to know more,' 80/The Poet said to me, 'don't waste time, We don't have all day so ask him now.' Whence I to him: 'Do thou again inquire Concerning what thou thinks't will satisfy me; For I cannot, such pity is in my heart.' Therefore he recommenced: 'So may the man Do for thee freely what thy speech implores, Spirit incarcerate, again be pleased To tell us in what way the soul is bound Within these knots; and tell us, if thou canst, 90/If any from such members e'er is freed.' Then blew the trunk amain, and afterward The wind was into such a voice converted: 'With brevity shall be replied to you. When the exasperated soul abandons The body whence it rent itself away, Minos consigns it to the seventh abyss. It falls into the forest, and no part Is chosen for it; but where Fortune hurls it, There like a grain of spelt it germinates. 100/It springs a sapling, and a forest tree; The Harpies, feeding then upon its leaves, Do pain create, and for the pain an outlet. Like others for our spoils shall we return; But not that any one may them revest, For 'tis not just to have what one casts off. Here we shall drag them, and along the dismal Forest our bodies shall suspended be, Each to the thorn of his molested shade.' We were attentive still unto the trunk, 110/Thinking that more it yet might wish to tell us, When by a tumult we were overtaken, In the same way as he is who perceives The boar and chase approaching to his stand, Who hears the crashing of the beasts and branches; And two behold! upon our left-hand side, Naked and scratched, fleeing so furiously, That of the forest, every fan they broke. He who was in advance: 'Now help, Death, help!' And the other one, who seemed to lag too much, 120/Was shouting: 'Lano, were not so alert Those legs of thine at joustings of the Toppo!' And then, perchance because his breath was failing, He grouped himself together with a bush. Behind them was the forest full of black She-mastiffs, ravenous, and swift of foot As greyhounds, who are issuing from the chain. On him who had crouched down they set their teeth, And him they lacerated piece by piece, Thereafter bore away those aching members. 130/Thereat my Escort took me by the hand, And led me to the bush, that all in vain Was weeping from its bloody lacerations. 'O Jacopo,' it said, 'of Sant' Andrea, What helped it thee of me to make a screen? What blame have I in thy nefarious life?' When near him had the Master stayed his steps, He said: 'Hey Bush Buddy, tell us a story What was your life like?  We're curious.' And he to us: 'O souls, that hither come 140/To look upon the shameful massacre That has so rent away from me my leaves, Gather them up beneath the dismal bush; I of that city was which to the Baptist Changed its first patron, wherefore he for this Forever with his art will make it sad. And were it not that on the pass of Arno Some glimpses of him are remaining still, Those citizens, who afterwards rebuilt it Upon the ashes left by Attila, 150/In vain had caused their labour to be done. Of my own house I made myself a gibbet.' !CANTO XIV. Because the charity of my native place Constrained me, gathered I the scattered leaves, And gave them back to him, who now was hoarse. Then came we to the confine, where disparted The second round is from the third, and where A horrible form of Justice is beheld. Clearly to manifest these novel things, I say that we arrived upon a plain, Which from its bed rejecteth every plant; 10/The dolorous forest is a garland to it All round about, as the sad moat to that; There close upon the edge we stayed our feet. The soil was of an arid and thick sand, Not of another fashion made than that Which by the feet of Cato once was pressed. Vengeance of God, O how much oughtest thou By each one to be dreaded, who doth read That which was manifest unto mine eyes! Of naked souls beheld I many herds, 20/Who all were weeping very miserably, And over them seemed set a law diverse. Supine upon the ground some folk were lying; And some were sitting all drawn up together, And others went about continually. Those who were going round were far the more, And those were less who lay down to their torment, But had their tongues more loosed to lamentation. O'er all the sand-waste, with a gradual fall, Were raining down dilated flakes of fire, 30/As of the snow on Alp without a wind. As Alexander, in those torrid parts Of India, beheld upon his host Flames fall unbroken till they reached the ground. Whence he provided with his phalanxes To trample down the soil, because the vapour Better extinguished was while it was single; Thus was descending the eternal heat, Whereby the sand was set on fire, like tinder Beneath the steel, for doubling of the dole. 40/Without repose forever was the dance Of miserable hands, now there, now here, Shaking away from off them the fresh gleeds. 'Master,' began I, 'thou who overcomest All things except the demons dire, that issued Against us at the entrance of the gate, Who is that mighty one who seems to heed not The fire, and lieth lowering and disdainful, So that the rain seems not to ripen him?' And he himself, who had become aware 50/That I was questioning my Guide about him, Cried: 'Such as I was living, am I, dead. If Jove should weary out his smith, from whom He seized in anger the sharp thunderbolt, Wherewith upon the last day I was smitten, And if he wearied out by turns the others In Mongibello at the swarthy forge, Vociferating, 'Help, good Vulcan, help!' Even as he did there at the fight of Phlegra, And shot his bolts at me with all his might, 60/He would not have thereby a joyous vengeance.' Then did my Leader speak with such great force, That I had never heard him speak so loud: 'Yo Capaneus, aren't you aware that Your arrogance increases your punishment;? The only thing making you miserable, Is yourself.  Chill out bro!' Then he turned round to me with better lip, Saying: 'This un-macho rage man here Was one of seven kings who beseged Thebes 70/And also he seems to hate God for some reason; The only reason he's here is his doing If he calmed down he could walk on out. Now follow me, but step lightly here Don't let your feet touch the grody sand, Stay close to the woods, understand?' Speaking no word, we came to where there gushes Forth from the wood a little rivulet, Whose redness makes my hair still stand on end. As from the Bulicame springs the brooklet, 80/The sinful women later share among them, So downward through the sand it went its way. The bottom of it, and both sloping banks, Were made of stone, and the margins at the side; Whence I perceived that there the passage was. 'Out of everything we've seen so far Since we began this hellish vacation Has been pretty gnarly, you'll agree But feast your eyes on this fire-water Nothing is as rad as this here river, 90/With the flames dancing on the surface.' These words were of my Leader; whence I prayed him That he would give me largess of the food, For which he had given me largess of desire. 'Back on Earth there is this island,' Said he thereafterward, 'It's called Crete, And the king there kept his world boring. On Crete there's this huge old mountain There are streams and forests and nature stuff. Nobody lives there, but it's pretty okay. 100/The Greeks believed that a goddess gave birth And hid her son on that island, which I guess Makes sense because babies are loud and all. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this It doesn't have very much to do with the river, But it somehow seemed like the right thing. Say, did you know that some guy back on Earth, Made a video game where I'm a dragon? It's awesome!  I can breath fire and fly. Did you bring any food with you at all? 110/Ghosts can't really eat you understand, But it's been so long since I snapped Into a Slim Jim that I kinda was hoping Maybe you had one in your pocket somewhere, And could just pass it through me a bit So that I can absorb some of the essence. That's how ghosts eat, like this you see; Watch 1995's 'Casper', it's in there. Anyway, this river flows down through Hell. Eventually it will go to the very bottom 120/But you'll see where, we're going there.' And I to him: 'If so the present runnel Doth take its rise in this way from our world, Why only on this verge appears it to us?' And he to me: 'You know that Hell is circular, We've come a long way but not long enough, There's still a long way yet to go, We haven't made it quite to the end yet. So if you've been surprised by the sights, Let me say: You ain't seen nothing yet.' 130/And I again: 'Master, where shall be found Lethe and Phlegethon, for of one thou'rt silent, And sayest the other of this rain is made?' 'I said nothing of the sort, you buffoon!' Replied he; 'but to answer your question, If you look at the water you might know. See the water there? That's the Lethe, Sometimes the souls of the punished bathe And forget why they're here.  It sucks.' Then said he: 'Alright that's enough for now 140/Tourism time is over, we have a schedule; Let's go this way, follow me across, I want to get out of this stupid forest.' !CANTO XV. Now bears us onward one of the hard margins, And so the brooklet's mist o'ershadows it, From fire it saves the water and the dikes. Even as the Flemings, 'twixt Cadsand and Bruges, Fearing the flood that tow'rds them hurls itself, Their bulwarks build to put the sea to flight; And as the Paduans along the Brenta, To guard their villas and their villages, Or ever Chiarentana feel the heat; 10/In such similitude had those been made, Albeit not so lofty nor so thick, Whoever he might be, the master made them. Now were we from the forest so remote, I could not have discovered where it was, Even if backward I had turned myself, When we a company of souls encountered, Who came beside the dike, and every one Gazed at us, as at evening we are wont To eye each other under a new moon, 20/And so towards us sharpened they their brows As an old tailor at the needle's eye. Thus scrutinised by such a family, By some one I was recognised, who seized My garment's hem, and cried out, 'What a marvel!' And I, when he stretched forth his arm to me, On his baked aspect fastened so mine eyes, That the scorched countenance prevented not His recognition by my intellect; And bowing down my face unto his own, 30/I made reply, 'Are you here, Ser Brunetto?' And he: 'May't not displease thee, O my son, If a brief space with thee Brunetto Latini Backward return and let the trail go on.' I said to him: 'With all my power I ask it; And if you wish me to sit down with you, I will, if he please, for I go with him.' 'O son,' he said, 'whoever of this herd A moment stops, lies then a hundred years, Nor fans himself when smiteth him the fire. 40/Therefore go on; I at thy skirts will come, And afterward will I rejoin my band, Which goes lamenting its eternal doom.' I did not dare to go down from the road Level to walk with him; but my head bowed I held as one who goeth reverently. And he began: 'What fortune or what fate Before the last day leadeth thee down here? And who is this that showeth thee the way?' 'Up there above us in the life serene,' 50/I answered him, 'I lost me in a valley, Or ever yet my age had been completed. But yestermorn I turned my back upon it; This one appeared to me, returning thither, And homeward leadeth me along this road.' And he to me: 'If thou thy star do follow, Thou canst not fail thee of a glorious port, If well I judged in the life beautiful. And if I had not died so prematurely, Seeing Heaven thus benignant unto thee, 60/I would have given thee comfort in the work. But that ungrateful and malignant people, Which of old time from Fesole descended, And smacks still of the mountain and the granite, Will make itself, for thy good deeds, thy foe; And it is right; for among crabbed sorbs It ill befits the sweet fig to bear fruit. Old rumour in the world proclaims them blind; A people avaricious, envious, proud; Take heed that of their customs thou do cleanse thee. 70/Thy fortune so much honour doth reserve thee, One party and the other shall be hungry For thee; but far from goat shall be the grass. Their litter let the beasts of Fesole Make of themselves, nor let them touch the plant, If any still upon their dunghill rise, In which may yet revive the consecrated Seed of those Romans, who remained there when The nest of such great malice it became.' 'If my entreaty wholly were fulfilled,' 80/Replied I to him, 'not yet would you be In banishment from human nature placed; For in my mind is fixed, and touches now My heart the dear and good paternal image Of you, when in the world from hour to hour You taught me how a man becomes eternal; And how much I am grateful, while I live Behoves that in my language be discerned. What you narrate of my career I write, And keep it to be glossed with other text 90/By a Lady who can do it, if I reach her. This much will I have manifest to you; Provided that my conscience do not chide me, For whatsoever Fortune I am ready. Such handsel is not new unto mine ears; Therefore let Fortune turn her wheel around As it may please her, and the churl his mattock.' My Master thereupon on his right cheek Did backward turn himself, and looked at me; Then said: 'Man, what a downer!' 100/Nor speaking less on that account, I go With Ser Brunetto, and I ask who are His most known and most eminent companions. And he to me: 'To know of some is well; Of others it were laudable to be silent, For short would be the time for so much speech. Know them in sum, that all of them were clerks, And men of letters great and of great fame, In the world tainted with the selfsame sin. Priscian goes yonder with that wretched crowd, 110/And Francis of Accorso; and thou hadst seen there If thou hadst had a hankering for such scurf, That one, who by the Servant of the Servants From Arno was transferred to Bacchiglione, Where he has left his sin-excited nerves. More would I say, but coming and discoursing Can be no longer; for that I behold New smoke uprising yonder from the sand. A people comes with whom I may not be; Commended unto thee be my Tesoro, 120/In which I still live, and no more I ask.' Then he turned round, and seemed to be of those Who at Verona run for the Green Mantle Across the plain; and seemed to be among them The one who wins, and not the one who loses. !CANTO XVI. Now was I where was heard the reverberation Of water falling into the next round, Like to that humming which the beehives make, When shadows three together started forth, Running, from out a company that passed Beneath the rain of the sharp martyrdom. Towards us came they, and each one cried out: 'Stop, thou; for by thy garb to us thou seemest To be some one of our depraved city.' 10/Ah me! what wounds I saw upon their limbs, Recent and ancient by the flames burnt in! It pains me still but to remember it. Unto their cries my Teacher paused attentive; He turned his face towards me, and 'Now wait,' He said; 'We need to be nice to these guys. If it weren't for the fact that we're in Hell Which is inherently a bad place to be I'd say that they're swell dudes really.' As soon as we stood still, they recommenced 20/The old refrain, and when they overtook us, Formed of themselves a wheel, all three of them. As champions stripped and oiled are wont to do, Watching for their advantage and their hold, Before they come to blows and thrusts between them, Thus, wheeling round, did every one his visage Direct to me, so that in opposite wise His neck and feet continual journey made. And, 'If the misery of this soft place Bring in disdain ourselves and our entreaties,' 30/Began one, 'and our aspect black and blistered, Let the renown of us thy mind incline To tell us who thou art, who thus securely Thy living feet dost move along through Hell. He in whose footprints thou dost see me treading, Naked and skinless though he now may go, Was of a greater rank than thou dost think; He was the grandson of the good Gualdrada; His name was Guidoguerra, and in life Much did he with his wisdom and his sword. 40/The other, who close by me treads the sand, Tegghiaio Aldobrandi is, whose fame Above there in the world should welcome be. And I, who with them on the cross am placed, Jacopo Rusticucci was; and truly My savage wife, more than aught else, doth harm me.' Could I have been protected from the fire, Below I should have thrown myself among them, And think the Teacher would have suffered it; But as I should have burned and baked myself, 50/My terror overmastered my good will, Which made me greedy of embracing them. Then I began: 'Sorrow and not disdain Did your condition fix within me so, That tardily it wholly is stripped off, As soon as this my Lord said unto me Words, on account of which I thought within me That people such as you are were approaching. I of your city am; and evermore Your labours and your honourable names 60/I with affection have retraced and heard. I leave the gall, and go for the sweet fruits Promised to me by the veracious Leader; But to the centre first I needs must plunge.' 'So may the soul for a long while conduct Those limbs of thine,' did he make answer then, 'And so may thy renown shine after thee, Valour and courtesy, say if they dwell Within our city, as they used to do, Or if they wholly have gone out of it; 70/For Guglielmo Borsier, who is in torment With us of late, and goes there with his comrades, Doth greatly mortify us with his words.' 'The new inhabitants and the sudden gains, Pride and extravagance have in thee engendered, Florence, so that thou weep'st thereat already!' In this wise I exclaimed with face uplifted; And the three, taking that for my reply, Looked at each other, as one looks at truth. 'If other times so little it doth cost thee,' 80/Replied they all, 'to satisfy another, Happy art thou, thus speaking at thy will! Therefore, if thou escape from these dark places, And come to rebehold the beauteous stars, When it shall pleasure thee to say, 'I was,' See that thou speak of us unto the people.' Then they broke up the wheel, and in their flight It seemed as if their agile legs were wings. Not an Amen could possibly be said So rapidly as they had disappeared; 90/Wherefore the Master deemed best to depart. I followed him, and little had we gone, Before the sound of water was so near us, That speaking we should hardly have been heard. Even as that stream which holdeth its own course The first from Monte Veso tow'rds the East, Upon the left-hand slope of Apennine, Which is above called Acquacheta, ere It down descendeth into its low bed, And at Forli is vacant of that name, 100/Reverberates there above San Benedetto From Alps, by falling at a single leap, Where for a thousand there were room enough; Thus downward from a bank precipitate, We found resounding that dark-tinted water, So that it soon the ear would have offended. I had a cord around about me girt, And therewithal I whilom had designed To take the panther with the painted skin. After I this had all from me unloosed, 110/As my Conductor had commanded me, I reached it to him, gathered up and coiled, Whereat he turned himself to the right side, And at a little distance from the verge, He cast it down into that deep abyss. 'It must needs be some novelty respond,' I said within myself, 'to the new signal The Master with his eye is following so.' Ah me! how very cautious men should be With those who not alone behold the act, 120/But with their wisdom look into the thoughts! He said to me: 'Soon what I'm waiting for Will show up here, and your curiosity Might be satisfied, for a while.' Aye to that truth which has the face of falsehood, A man should close his lips as far as may be, Because without his fault it causes shame; But here I cannot; and, Reader, by the notes Of this my Comedy to thee I swear, So may they not be void of lasting favour, 130/Athwart that dense and darksome atmosphere I saw a figure swimming upward come, Marvellous unto every steadfast heart, Even as he returns who goeth down Sometimes to clear an anchor, which has grappled Reef, or aught else that in the sea is hidden, Who upward stretches, and draws in his feet. !CANTO XVII. 'Look at that super macho monster down there! He shatters mountains and breaks city walls! Check out his power, and be awed!' Thus unto me my Guide began to say, And beckoned him that he should come to shore, Near to the confine of the trodden marble; And that uncleanly image of deceit Came up and thrust ashore its head and bust, But on the border did not drag its tail. 10/The face was as the face of a just man, Its semblance outwardly was so benign, And of a serpent all the trunk beside. Two paws it had, hairy unto the armpits; The back, and breast, and both the sides it had Depicted o'er with nooses and with shields. With colours more, groundwork or broidery Never in cloth did Tartars make nor Turks, Nor were such tissues by Arachne laid. As sometimes wherries lie upon the shore, 20/That part are in the water, part on land; And as among the guzzling Germans there, The beaver plants himself to wage his war; So that vile monster lay upon the border, Which is of stone, and shutteth in the sand. His tail was wholly quivering in the void, Contorting upwards the envenomed fork, That in the guise of scorpion armed its point. The Guide said: 'We should avoid it. Despite my macho strength and nacho power 30/He is one dude that I don't want to fight.' We therefore on the right side descended, And made ten steps upon the outer verge, Completely to avoid the sand and flame; And after we are come to him, I see A little farther off upon the sand A people sitting near the hollow place. Then said to me the Master: 'It'll improve Your experience of Hell immensely, If you go ask them what their deal is. 40/This is not space, but for them, it's the place; While you do that I'm going to sunbathe, In this Sahara that is Macho Madness.' Thus farther still upon the outermost Head of that seventh circle all alone I went, where sat the melancholy folk. Out of their eyes was gushing forth their woe; This way, that way, they helped them with their hands Now from the flames and now from the hot soil. Not otherwise in summer do the dogs, 50/Now with the foot, now with the muzzle, when By fleas, or flies, or gadflies, they are bitten. When I had turned mine eyes upon the faces Of some, on whom the dolorous fire is falling, Not one of them I knew; but I perceived That from the neck of each there hung a pouch, Which certain colour had, and certain blazon; And thereupon it seems their eyes are feeding. And as I gazing round me come among them, Upon a yellow pouch I azure saw 60/That had the face and posture of a lion. Proceeding then the current of my sight, Another of them saw I, red as blood, Display a goose more white than butter is. And one, who with an azure sow and gravid Emblazoned had his little pouch of white, Said unto me: 'What dost thou in this moat? Now get thee gone; and since thou'rt still alive, Know that a neighbour of mine, Vitaliano, Will have his seat here on my left-hand side. 70/A Paduan am I with these Florentines; Full many a time they thunder in mine ears, Exclaiming, 'Come the sovereign cavalier, He who shall bring the satchel with three goats;'' Then twisted he his mouth, and forth he thrust His tongue, like to an ox that licks its nose. And fearing lest my longer stay might vex Him who had warned me not to tarry long, Backward I turned me from those weary souls. I found my Guide, who had already mounted 80/Upon the back of that wild animal, And said to me: 'Now don't be a wuss. It's time to descend some stairs, get hype! You ride up front and me in back, So that you don't get hurt by the tail.' Such as he is who has so near the ague Of quartan that his nails are blue already, And trembles all, but looking at the shade; Even such became I at those proffered words; But shame in me his menaces produced, 90/Which maketh servant strong before good master. I seated me upon those monstrous shoulders; I wished to say, and yet the voice came not As I believed, 'Take heed that thou embrace me.' But he, who other times had rescued me In other peril, soon as I had mounted, Within his arms encircled and sustained me, And said: 'Giddyup hoss! Go forth; It's not every day you carry the Macho Man; Think of the story you can tell your friends.' 100/Even as the little vessel shoves from shore, Backward, still backward, so he thence withdrew; And when he wholly felt himself afloat, There where his breast had been he turned his tail, And that extended like an eel he moved, And with his paws drew to himself the air. A greater fear I do not think there was What time abandoned Phaeton the reins, Whereby the heavens, as still appears, were scorched; Nor when the wretched Icarus his flanks 110/Felt stripped of feathers by the melting wax, His father crying, 'An ill way thou takest!' Than was my own, when I perceived myself On all sides in the air, and saw extinguished The sight of everything but of the monster. Onward he goeth, swimming slowly, slowly; Wheels and descends, but I perceive it only By wind upon my face and from below. I heard already on the right the whirlpool Making a horrible crashing under us; 120/Whence I thrust out my head with eyes cast downward. Then was I still more fearful of the abyss; Because I fires beheld, and heard laments, Whereat I, trembling, all the closer cling. I saw then, for before I had not seen it, The turning and descending, by great horrors That were approaching upon divers sides. As falcon who has long been on the wing, Who, without seeing either lure or bird, Maketh the falconer say, 'Ah me, thou stoopest,' 130/Descendeth weary, whence he started swiftly, Thorough a hundred circles, and alights Far from his master, sullen and disdainful; Even thus did Geryon place us on the bottom, Close to the bases of the rough-hewn rock, And being disencumbered of our persons, He sped away as arrow from the string. !CANTO XVIII. There is a place in Hell called Malebolge, Wholly of stone and of an iron colour, As is the circle that around it turns. Right in the middle of the field malign There yawns a well exceeding wide and deep, Of which its place the structure will recount. Round, then, is that enclosure which remains Between the well and foot of the high, hard bank, And has distinct in valleys ten its bottom. 10/As where for the protection of the walls Many and many moats surround the castles, The part in which they are a figure forms, Just such an image those presented there; And as about such strongholds from their gates Unto the outer bank are little bridges, So from the precipice's base did crags Project, which intersected dikes and moats, Unto the well that truncates and collects them. Within this place, down shaken from the back 20/Of Geryon, we found us; and the Poet Held to the left, and I moved on behind. Upon my right hand I beheld new anguish, New torments, and new wielders of the lash, Wherewith the foremost Bolgia was replete. Down at the bottom were the sinners naked; This side the middle came they facing us, Beyond it, with us, but with greater steps; Even as the Romans, for the mighty host, The year of Jubilee, upon the bridge, 30/Have chosen a mode to pass the people over; For all upon one side towards the Castle Their faces have, and go unto St. Peter's; On the other side they go towards the Mountain. This side and that, along the livid stone Beheld I horned demons with great scourges, Who cruelly were beating them behind. Ah me! how they did make them lift their legs At the first blows! and sooth not any one The second waited for, nor for the third. 40/While I was going on, mine eyes by one Encountered were; and straight I said: 'Already With sight of this one I am not unfed.' Therefore I stayed my feet to make him out, And with me the sweet Guide came to a stand, And to my going somewhat back assented; And he, the scourged one, thought to hide himself, Lowering his face, but little it availed him; For said I: 'Thou that castest down thine eyes, If false are not the features which thou bearest, 50/Thou art Venedico Caccianimico; But what doth bring thee to such pungent sauces?' And he to me: 'Unwillingly I tell it; But forces me thine utterance distinct, Which makes me recollect the ancient world. I was the one who the fair Ghisola Induced to grant the wishes of the Marquis, Howe'er the shameless story may be told. Not the sole Bolognese am I who weeps here; Nay, rather is this place so full of them, 60/That not so many tongues to-day are taught 'Twixt Reno and Savena to say 'sipa;' And if thereof thou wishest pledge or proof, Bring to thy mind our avaricious heart.' While speaking in this manner, with his scourge A demon smote him, and said: 'Get thee gone Pander, there are no women here for coin.' I joined myself again unto mine Escort; Thereafterward with footsteps few we came To where a crag projected from the bank. 70/This very easily did we ascend, And turning to the right along its ridge, From those eternal circles we departed. When we were there, where it is hollowed out Beneath, to give a passage to the scourged, The Guide said: 'Wait and look at them, Those unhip cats who are born evil, Those whom we have not seen as of yet, Because they've been following us.' From the old bridge we looked upon the train 80/Which tow'rds us came upon the other border, And which the scourges in like manner smite. And the good Master, without my inquiring, Said to me: 'Look at the tall one there, Despite his pain he's standing up tall; See how macho he remains in its face! That's Jason, whom you've heard of maybe? He did some pretty despicable stuff. I honestly never read Greek myths So I'm sort of in the dark about this. 90/You'll have to do the reading yourself. Instead, why don't you go bother him? Ask him about his wife and kids, And if he ever was a liar to them. I do know he had a cool boat called the Argo; I heard he went searching for some mutton, But then discovered gold was inedible. Seems like you could learn a lot from him; About how to be a jerk to women and kids You know, if you weren't already.' 100/We were already where the narrow path Crosses athwart the second dike, and forms Of that a buttress for another arch. Thence we heard people, who are making moan In the next Bolgia, snorting with their muzzles, And with their palms beating upon themselves The margins were incrusted with a mould By exhalation from below, that sticks there, And with the eyes and nostrils wages war. The bottom is so deep, no place suffices 110/To give us sight of it, without ascending The arch's back, where most the crag impends. Thither we came, and thence down in the moat I saw a people smothered in a filth That out of human privies seemed to flow; And whilst below there with mine eye I search, I saw one with his head so foul with ordure, It was not clear if he were clerk or layman. He screamed to me: 'Wherefore art thou so eager To look at me more than the other foul ones?' 120/And I to him: 'Because, if I remember, I have already seen thee with dry hair, And thou'rt Alessio Interminei of Lucca; Therefore I eye thee more than all the others.' And he thereon, belabouring his pumpkin: 'The flatteries have submerged me here below, Wherewith my tongue was never surfeited.' Then said to me the Guide: 'See that thou thrust Thy visage somewhat farther in advance, That with thine eyes thou well the face attain 130/Of that uncleanly and dishevelled drab, Who there doth scratch herself with filthy nails, And crouches now, and now on foot is standing. Thais the harlot is it, who replied Unto her paramour, when he said, 'Have I Great gratitude from thee?'--'Nay, marvellous;' And herewith let our sight be satisfied.' !CANTO XIX. O Simon Magus, O forlorn disciples, Ye who the things of God, which ought to be The brides of holiness, rapaciously For silver and for gold do prostitute, Now it behoves for you the trumpet sound, Because in this third Bolgia ye abide. We had already on the following tomb Ascended to that portion of the crag Which o'er the middle of the moat hangs plumb. 10/Wisdom supreme, O how great art thou showest In heaven, in earth, and in the evil world, And with what justice doth thy power distribute! I saw upon the sides and on the bottom The livid stone with perforations filled, All of one size, and every one was round. To me less ample seemed they not, nor greater Than those that in my beautiful Saint John Are fashioned for the place of the baptisers, And one of which, not many years ago, 20/I broke for some one, who was drowning in it; Be this a seal all men to undeceive. Out of the mouth of each one there protruded The feet of a transgressor, and the legs Up to the calf, the rest within remained. In all of them the soles were both on fire; Wherefore the joints so violently quivered, They would have snapped asunder withes and bands. Even as the flame of unctuous things is wont To move upon the outer surface only, 30/So likewise was it there from heel to point. 'Master, who is that one who writhes himself, More than his other comrades quivering,' I said, 'and whom a redder flame is sucking?' And he to me: 'If you follow me a little bit, Down this bank to where that cat is sitting, He will tell you himself his sorry story.' And I: 'What pleases thee, to me is pleasing; Thou art my Lord, and knowest that I depart not From thy desire, and knowest what is not spoken.' 40/Straightway upon the fourth dike we arrived; We turned, and on the left-hand side descended Down to the bottom full of holes and narrow. And the good Master yet from off his haunch Deposed me not, till to the hole he brought me Of him who so lamented with his shanks. 'Whoe'er thou art, that standest upside down, O doleful soul, implanted like a stake,' To say began I, 'if thou canst, speak out.' I stood even as the friar who is confessing 50/The false assassin, who, when he is fixed, Recalls him, so that death may be delayed. And he cried out: 'Dost thou stand there already, Dost thou stand there already, Boniface? By many years the record lied to me. Art thou so early satiate with that wealth, For which thou didst not fear to take by fraud The beautiful Lady, and then work her woe?' Such I became, as people are who stand, Not comprehending what is answered them, 60/As if bemocked, and know not how to answer. Then said Macho Man: 'Quick-like, tell him 'That's not me, I'm a different guy!'' And I replied as was imposed on me. Whereat the spirit writhed with both his feet, Then, sighing, with a voice of lamentation Said to me: 'Then what wantest thou of me? If who I am thou carest so much to know, That thou on that account hast crossed the bank, Know that I vested was with the great mantle; 70/And truly was I son of the She-bear, So eager to advance the cubs, that wealth Above, and here myself, I pocketed. Beneath my head the others are dragged down Who have preceded me in simony, Flattened along the fissure of the rock. Below there I shall likewise fall, whenever That one shall come who I believed thou wast, What time the sudden question I proposed. But longer I my feet already toast, 80/And here have been in this way upside down, Than he will planted stay with reddened feet; For after him shall come of fouler deed From tow'rds the west a Pastor without law, Such as befits to cover him and me. New Jason will he be, of whom we read In Maccabees; and as his king was pliant, So he who governs France shall be to this one.' I do not know if I were here too bold, That him I answered only in this metre: 90/'I pray thee tell me now how great a treasure Our Lord demanded of Saint Peter first, Before he put the keys into his keeping? Truly he nothing asked but 'Follow me.' Nor Peter nor the rest asked of Matthias Silver or gold, when he by lot was chosen Unto the place the guilty soul had lost. Therefore stay here, for thou art justly punished, And keep safe guard o'er the ill-gotten money, Which caused thee to be valiant against Charles. 100/And were it not that still forbids it me The reverence for the keys superlative Thou hadst in keeping in the gladsome life, I would make use of words more grievous still; Because your avarice afflicts the world, Trampling the good and lifting the depraved. The Evangelist you Pastors had in mind, When she who sitteth upon many waters To fornicate with kings by him was seen; The same who with the seven heads was born, 110/And power and strength from the ten horns received, So long as virtue to her spouse was pleasing. Ye have made yourselves a god of gold and silver; And from the idolater how differ ye, Save that he one, and ye a hundred worship? Ah, Constantine! of how much ill was mother, Not thy conversion, but that marriage dower Which the first wealthy Father took from thee!' And while I sang to him such notes as these, Either that anger or that conscience stung him, 120/He struggled violently with both his feet. I think in sooth that it my Leader pleased, With such contented lip he listened ever Unto the sound of the true words expressed. Therefore with both his arms he took me up, And when he had me all upon his breast, Remounted by the way where he descended. Nor did he tire to have me clasped to him; But bore me to the summit of the arch Which from the fourth dike to the fifth is passage. 130/There tenderly he laid his burden down, Tenderly on the crag uneven and steep, That would have been hard passage for the goats: Thence was unveiled to me another valley. !CANTO XX. Of a new pain behoves me to make verses And give material to the twentieth canto Of the first song, which is of the submerged. I was already thoroughly disposed To peer down into the uncovered depth, Which bathed itself with tears of agony; And people saw I through the circular valley, Silent and weeping, coming at the pace Which in this world the Litanies assume. 10/As lower down my sight descended on them, Wondrously each one seemed to be distorted From chin to the beginning of the chest; For tow'rds the reins the countenance was turned, And backward it behoved them to advance, As to look forward had been taken from them. Perchance indeed by violence of palsy Some one has been thus wholly turned awry; But I ne'er saw it, nor believe it can be. As God may let thee, Reader, gather fruit 20/From this thy reading, think now for thyself How I could ever keep my face unmoistened, When our own image near me I beheld Distorted so, the weeping of the eyes Along the fissure bathed the hinder parts. Truly I wept, leaning upon a peak Of the hard crag, so that my Escort said To me: 'What are you crying for? Are you tired?  Is it your bedtime? It's been a big day for you I know. 30/You must be tired and not even know it. Let me tell you a bedtime story then To pass the time while we stride forward; Our macho hair swirling in the breeze. Once upon a time there was a warrior Sarnath was his name, from Monqurt He was a true knight, macho even as me. When he was young he traveled far Seeking the best challengers and champions Besting them all in one-on-one rumbles. 40/Eventually he came to the land of the Church, That great cathedral of Amour Lardo, Where the Cellulite Pope held his court. Sarnath did not know about religion In his land there was no church at all, And of course this world was not our own. This Nacho Man of old was truly wowed, The music of the priests blew him away And the pontiff himself was noble and kind. For a long time he lived at the court 50/Aiding young paladins in their training Serving as armsmaster for the holy army. Until finally he took oaths himself, Not those to be a clergyman, oh no, But to serve as the shield of the church. At this time an evil nation to the north, Wicked and envious of the church's wealth; Invaded and tried to stamp out the faith. It was Sarnath who held the line, Alongside his four most promising pupils, 60/Who ever after bore the title 'Hounds'. Their names are famous today They were Gleeok and Ragnasaurth Ilthor and strongest of all Thorgan. With their master they stemmed the tide, These five alone against a legion of foes Sheer numbers could not overcome their might. Yet as the battle appeared to be won, A single arrow struck Sarnath in the thigh Fast-acting poison turned his blood cold. 70/Gasping for air in his final minutes, Sarnath passed his title on to Thorgan, Appointing him leader of the Church's army. Thus ended the story of the hero Sarnath And where his spirit went I cannot say, In that world things aren't as simple. If you don't understand this story, Don't sweat it, I'm just killing time. It's actually not that great a story. And sorry if my speech has become formal 80/During the telling of this particular tale, I'm just trying to relate it I heard it. Some guy named Pablo told it to me When we were lifting at the gym last week, And I guess it has kind of stuck with me. Anyway, hopefully this happy tale Has gotten you to stop crying, or at least made you fall asleep; Either way it's the same to me, after all, We're going to have to keep going eventually 90/Unlike you I have all the time in the world. Say, have I ever tell you the cheese joke? You know, the one with the goat and the spoon? Where they end up at the sanitation plant? Well it's too long to tell now, There aren't many lines left in this Canto, But remind me in Canto XXXIV, it's great. A real knee-slapper let me tell you, The sort of joke you'll tell your grandkids Years from now as you munch on a Slim Jim. 100/And I: 'My Master, thy discourses are To me so certain, and so take my faith, That unto me the rest would be spent coals. But tell me of the people who are passing, If any one note-worthy thou beholdest, For only unto that my mind reverts.' Then said he to me: 'Normally I'd tell you But I've just spent a lot of time talking And even ghosts get sore throats, you know. I know that here there's like six more stanzas 110/And that if I stuck on-script I'd give them all But honestly I'm just not feeling it right now. So I'm going to take matters into my own hands My MACHO hands; my NACHO hands, as they were. And end this particular canto early. I hope you don't hold it against me, The next one is more interesting anyway So let's just hurry along to it shall we? Thus spake he to me, and we walked the while. !CANTO XXI. From bridge to bridge thus, speaking other things Of which my Comedy cares not to sing, We came along, and held the summit, when We halted to behold another fissure Of Malebolge and other vain laments; And I beheld it marvellously dark. As in the Arsenal of the Venetians Boils in the winter the tenacious pitch To smear their unsound vessels o'er again, 10/For sail they cannot; and instead thereof One makes his vessel new, and one recaulks The ribs of that which many a voyage has made; One hammers at the prow, one at the stern, This one makes oars, and that one cordage twists, Another mends the mainsail and the mizzen; Thus, not by fire, but by the art divine, Was boiling down below there a dense pitch Which upon every side the bank belimed. I saw it, but I did not see within it 20/Aught but the bubbles that the boiling raised, And all swell up and resubside compressed. The while below there fixedly I gazed, My Leader, crying out: 'Watch out!' Drew me unto himself from where I stood. Then I turned round, as one who is impatient To see what it behoves him to escape, And whom a sudden terror doth unman, Who, while he looks, delays not his departure; And I beheld behind us a black devil, 30/Running along upon the crag, approach. Ah, how ferocious was he in his aspect! And how he seemed to me in action ruthless, With open wings and light upon his feet! His shoulders, which sharp-pointed were and high, A sinner did encumber with both haunches, And he held clutched the sinews of the feet. From off our bridge, he said: 'O Malebranche, Behold one of the elders of Saint Zita; Plunge him beneath, for I return for others 40/Unto that town, which is well furnished with them. All there are barrators, except Bonturo; No into Yes for money there is changed.' He hurled him down, and over the hard crag Turned round, and never was a mastiff loosened In so much hurry to pursue a thief. The other sank, and rose again face downward; But the demons, under cover of the bridge, Cried: 'Here the Santo Volto has no place! Here swims one otherwise than in the Serchio; 50/Therefore, if for our gaffs thou wishest not, Do not uplift thyself above the pitch.' They seized him then with more than a hundred rakes; They said: 'It here behoves thee to dance covered, That, if thou canst, thou secretly mayest pilfer.' Not otherwise the cooks their scullions make Immerse into the middle of the caldron The meat with hooks, so that it may not float. Said the good Master to me: 'You gotta hide, So duck down behind this rock face 60/And they will not be able to see you; Don't worry about what happesn to me, None may withstand the Macho Man unleashed, I've handled these demons many times.' Then he passed on beyond the bridge's head, And as upon the sixth bank he arrived, Need was for him to have a steadfast front. With the same fury, and the same uproar, As dogs leap out upon a mendicant, Who on a sudden begs, where'er he stops, 70/They issued from beneath the little bridge, And turned against him all their grappling-irons; But he cried out: 'Step back idiots! Do you remember what happened last time, When I was strolling through on vacation, And you tried to grab me and paid the price?' They all cried out: 'Let Malacoda go;' Whereat one started, and the rest stood still, And he came to him, saying: 'What avails it?' 'How now, Malacoda? Up for another round? 80/I hope your tail is healed.' my Master said, 'There's a reason your name is evil tail, But what evil can you do if it breaks again? Why not let me pass, and spare your body Unless you're crusing for a bruising.' Then was his arrogance so humbled in him, That he let fall his grapnel at his feet, And to the others said: 'Now strike him not.' And unto me my Guide: 'O thou, who sittest Among the splinters of the bridge crouched down, 90/Securely now return to me again.' Wherefore I started and came swiftly to him; And all the devils forward thrust themselves, So that I feared they would not keep their compact. And thus beheld I once afraid the soldiers Who issued under safeguard from Caprona, Seeing themselves among so many foes. Close did I press myself with all my person Beside my Leader, and turned not mine eyes From off their countenance, which was not good. 100/They lowered their rakes, and 'Wilt thou have me hit him,' They said to one another, 'on the rump?' And answered: 'Yes; see that thou nick him with it.' But the same demon who was holding parley With my Conductor turned him very quickly, And said: 'Be quiet, be quiet, Scarmiglione;' Then said to us: 'You can no farther go Forward upon this crag, because is lying All shattered, at the bottom, the sixth arch. And if it still doth please you to go onward, 110/Pursue your way along upon this rock; Near is another crag that yields a path. Yesterday, five hours later than this hour, One thousand and two hundred sixty-six Years were complete, that here the way was broken. I send in that direction some of mine To see if any one doth air himself; Go ye with them; for they will not be vicious. Step forward, Alichino and Calcabrina,' Began he to cry out, 'and thou, Cagnazzo; 120/And Barbariccia, do thou guide the ten. Come forward, Libicocco and Draghignazzo, And tusked Ciriatto and Graffiacane, And Farfarello and mad Rubicante; Search ye all round about the boiling pitch; Let these be safe as far as the next crag, That all unbroken passes o'er the dens.' 'O me! what is it, Master, that I see? Pray let us go,' I said, 'without an escort, If thou knowest how, since for myself I ask none. 130/If thou art as observant as thy wont is, Dost thou not see that they do gnash their teeth, And with their brows are threatening woe to us?' And he to me: 'There's no need to fear now; They just want to regain their lost pride, Gnashing their teeth to shore up their image.' Along the left-hand dike they wheeled about; But first had each one thrust his tongue between His teeth towards their leader for a signal; And he had made a trumpet of his rump. !CANTO XXII. I have erewhile seen horsemen moving camp, Begin the storming, and their muster make, And sometimes starting off for their escape; Vaunt-couriers have I seen upon your land, O Aretines, and foragers go forth, Tournaments stricken, and the joustings run, Sometimes with trumpets and sometimes with bells, With kettle-drums, and signals of the castles, And with our own, and with outlandish things, 10/But never yet with bagpipe so uncouth Did I see horsemen move, nor infantry, Nor ship by any sign of land or star. We went upon our way with the ten demons; Ah, savage company! but in the church With saints, and in the tavern with the gluttons! Ever upon the pitch was my intent, To see the whole condition of that Bolgia, And of the people who therein were burned. Even as the dolphins, when they make a sign 20/To mariners by arching of the back, That they should counsel take to save their vessel, Thus sometimes, to alleviate his pain, One of the sinners would display his back, And in less time conceal it than it lightens. As on the brink of water in a ditch The frogs stand only with their muzzles out, So that they hide their feet and other bulk, So upon every side the sinners stood; But ever as Barbariccia near them came, 30/Thus underneath the boiling they withdrew. I saw, and still my heart doth shudder at it, One waiting thus, even as it comes to pass One frog remains, and down another dives; And Graffiacan, who most confronted him, Grappled him by his tresses smeared with pitch, And drew him up, so that he seemed an otter. I knew, before, the names of all of them, So had I noted them when they were chosen, And when they called each other, listened how. 40/'O Rubicante, see that thou do lay Thy claws upon him, so that thou mayst flay him,' Cried all together the accursed ones. And I: 'My Master, see to it, if thou canst, That thou mayst know who is the luckless wight, Thus come into his adversaries' hands.' Near to the side of him my Leader drew, Asked of him whence he was; and he replied: 'I in the kingdom of Navarre was born; My mother placed me servant to a lord, 50/For she had borne me to a ribald knave, Destroyer of himself and of his things. Then I domestic was of good King Thibault; I set me there to practise barratry, For which I pay the reckoning in this heat.' And Ciriatto, from whose mouth projected, On either side, a tusk, as in a boar, Caused him to feel how one of them could rip. Among malicious cats the mouse had come; But Barbariccia clasped him in his arms, 60/And said: 'Stand ye aside, while I enfork him.' And to my Master he turned round his head; 'Ask him again,' he said, 'and just maybe You've noticed I always tell you that.' The Guide: 'Now tell us of the others here; Are there any who are worthing hearing about? Best gnarly story?'  And he: 'I separated Lately from one who was a neighbour to it; Would that I still were covered up with him, For I should fear not either claw nor hook!' 70/And Libicocco: 'We have borne too much;' And with his grapnel seized him by the arm, So that, by rending, he tore off a tendon. Eke Draghignazzo wished to pounce upon him Down at the legs; whence their Decurion Turned round and round about with evil look. When they again somewhat were pacified, Of him, who still was looking at his wound, Demanded my Conductor without stay: 'Wow who was that guy?  I don't know him. 80/Also you might want to get that looked at.' And he replied: 'It was the Friar Gomita, He of Gallura, vessel of all fraud, Who had the enemies of his Lord in hand, And dealt so with them each exults thereat; Money he took, and let them smoothly off, As he says; and in other offices A barrator was he, not mean but sovereign. Foregathers with him one Don Michael Zanche Of Logodoro; and of Sardinia 90/To gossip never do their tongues feel tired. O me! see that one, how he grinds his teeth; Still farther would I speak, but am afraid Lest he to scratch my itch be making ready.' And the grand Provost, turned to Farfarello, Who rolled his eyes about as if to strike, Said: 'Stand aside there, thou malicious bird.' 'If you desire either to see or hear,' The terror-stricken recommenced thereon, 'Tuscans or Lombards, I will make them come. 100/But let the Malebranche cease a little, So that these may not their revenges fear, And I, down sitting in this very place, For one that I am will make seven come, When I shall whistle, as our custom is To do whenever one of us comes out.' Cagnazzo at these words his muzzle lifted, Shaking his head, and said: 'Just hear the trick Which he has thought of, down to throw himself!' Whence he, who snares in great abundance had, 110/Responded: 'I by far too cunning am, When I procure for mine a greater sadness.' Alichin held not in, but running counter Unto the rest, said to him: 'If thou dive, I will not follow thee upon the gallop, But I will beat my wings above the pitch; The height be left, and be the bank a shield To see if thou alone dost countervail us.' O thou who readest, thou shalt hear new sport! Each to the other side his eyes averted; 120/He first, who most reluctant was to do it. The Navarrese selected well his time; Planted his feet on land, and in a moment Leaped, and released himself from their design. Whereat each one was suddenly stung with shame, But he most who was cause of the defeat; Therefore he moved, and cried: 'Thou art o'ertakern.' But little it availed, for wings could not Outstrip the fear; the other one went under, And, flying, upward he his breast directed; 130/Not otherwise the duck upon a sudden Dives under, when the falcon is approaching, And upward he returneth cross and weary. Infuriate at the mockery, Calcabrina Flying behind him followed close, desirous The other should escape, to have a quarrel. And when the barrator had disappeared, He turned his talons upon his companion, And grappled with him right above the moat. But sooth the other was a doughty sparhawk 140/To clapperclaw him well; and both of them Fell in the middle of the boiling pond. A sudden intercessor was the heat; But ne'ertheless of rising there was naught, To such degree they had their wings belimed. Lamenting with the others, Barbariccia Made four of them fly to the other side With all their gaffs, and very speedily This side and that they to their posts descended; They stretched their hooks towards the pitch-ensnared, 150/Who were already baked within the crust, And in this manner busied did we leave them. !CANTO XXIII. Silent, alone, and without company We went, the one in front, the other after, As go the Minor Friars along their way. Upon the fable of Aesop was directed My thought, by reason of the present quarrel, Where he has spoken of the frog and mouse; For 'mo' and 'issa' are not more alike Than this one is to that, if well we couple End and beginning with a steadfast mind. 10/And even as one thought from another springs, So afterward from that was born another, Which the first fear within me double made. Thus did I ponder: 'These on our account Are laughed to scorn, with injury and scoff So great, that much I think it must annoy them. If anger be engrafted on ill-will, They will come after us more merciless Than dog upon the leveret which he seizes,' I felt my hair stand all on end already 20/With terror, and stood backwardly intent, When said I: 'Master, if thou hidest not Thyself and me forthwith, of Malebranche I am in dread; we have them now behind us; I so imagine them, I already feel them.' And he: 'Sometimes when I hear you speak, I have no idea what you're saying at all And so I imagine it's a hilarious joke. Now, for example, you just said gibberish, Which I interpreted as a very funny bit 30/About a rooster and a tractor-trailer. Let's take this downward slope here Step lively, macho men don't lose balance, Nothing shall catch us on this path.' Not yet he finished rendering such opinion, When I beheld them come with outstretched wings, Not far remote, with will to seize upon us. My Leader on a sudden seized me up, Even as a mother who by noise is wakened, And close beside her sees the enkindled flames, 40/Who takes her son, and flies, and does not stop, Having more care of him than of herself, So that she clothes her only with a shift; And downward from the top of the hard bank Supine he gave him to the pendent rock, That one side of the other Bolgia walls. Ne'er ran so swiftly water through a sluice To turn the wheel of any land-built mill, When nearest to the paddles it approaches, As did my Master down along that border, 50/Bearing me with him on his breast away, As his own son, and not as a companion. Hardly the bed of the ravine below His feet had reached, ere they had reached the hill Right over us; but he was not afraid; For the high Providence, which had ordained To place them ministers of the fifth moat, The power of thence departing took from all. A painted people there below we found, Who went about with footsteps very slow, 60/Weeping and in their semblance tired and vanquished. They had on mantles with the hoods low down Before their eyes, and fashioned of the cut That in Cologne they for the monks are made. Without, they gilded are so that it dazzles; But inwardly all leaden and so heavy That Frederick used to put them on of straw. O everlastingly fatiguing mantle! Again we turned us, still to the left hand Along with them, intent on their sad plaint; 70/But owing to the weight, that weary folk Came on so tardily, that we were new In company at each motion of the haunch. Whence I unto my Leader: 'See thou find Some one who may by deed or name be known, And thus in going move thine eye about.' And one, who understood the Tuscan speech, Cried to us from behind: 'Stay ye your feet, Ye, who so run athwart the dusky air! Perhaps thou'lt have from me what thou demandest.' 80/Whereat the Leader turned him, and said: 'Wait, And walk towards this weird duck slowly.' I stopped, and two beheld I show great haste Of spirit, in their faces, to be with me; But the burden and the narrow way delayed them. When they came up, long with an eye askance They scanned me without uttering a word. Then to each other turned, and said together: 'He by the action of his throat seems living; And if they dead are, by what privilege 90/Go they uncovered by the heavy stole?' Then said to me: 'Tuscan, who to the college Of miserable hypocrites art come, Do not disdain to tell us who thou art.' And I to them: 'Born was I, and grew up In the great town on the fair river of Arno, And with the body am I've always had. But who are ye, in whom there trickles down Along your cheeks such grief as I behold? And what pain is upon you, that so sparkles?' 100/And one replied to me: 'These orange cloaks Are made of lead so heavy, that the weights Cause in this way their balances to creak. Frati Gaudenti were we, and Bolognese; I Catalano, and he Loderingo Named, and together taken by thy city, As the wont is to take one man alone, For maintenance of its peace; and we were such That still it is apparent round Gardingo.' 'O Friars,' began I, 'your iniquitous. . .' 110/But said no more; for to mine eyes there rushed One crucified with three stakes on the ground. When me he saw, he writhed himself all over, Blowing into his beard with suspirations; And the Friar Catalan, who noticed this, Said to me: 'This transfixed one, whom thou seest, Counselled the Pharisees that it was meet To put one man to torture for the people. Crosswise and naked is he on the path, As thou perceivest; and he needs must feel, 120/Whoever passes, first how much he weighs; And in like mode his father-in-law is punished Within this moat, and the others of the council, Which for the Jews was a malignant seed.' And thereupon I saw the Macho Man marvel O'er him who was extended on the cross So vilely in eternal banishment. Then he directed to the Friar this voice: 'We're not lost, but if we were, Would you tell us if we were going wrong? 130/We're heading down this slope and it seems good, And the nacho man needs no directions, No map, but still, you'd let us know, right?' Then he made answer: 'Nearer than thou hopest There is a rock, that forth from the great circle Proceeds, and crosses all the cruel valleys, Save that at this 'tis broken, and does not bridge it; You will be able to mount up the ruin, That sidelong slopes and at the bottom rises.' The Leader stood awhile with head held high; 140/Then said: 'That guy's breath is the worst I think he ate too many salt and vinegar chips.' And the Friar: 'Many of the Devil's vices Once heard I at Bologna, and among them, That he's a liar and the father of lies.' Thereat my Leader with great strides went on, Somewhat disturbed with anger in his looks; Whence from the heavy-laden I departed After the prints of his beloved feet. !CANTO XXIV. In that part of the youthful year wherein The Sun his locks beneath Aquarius tempers, And now the nights draw near to half the day, What time the hoar-frost copies on the ground The outward semblance of her sister white, But little lasts the temper of her pen, The husbandman, whose forage faileth him, Rises, and looks, and seeth the champaign All gleaming white, whereat he beats his flank, 10/Returns in doors, and up and down laments, Like a poor wretch, who knows not what to do; Then he returns and hope revives again, Seeing the world has changed its countenance In little time, and takes his shepherd's crook, And forth the little lambs to pasture drives. Thus did the Master fill me with alarm, When I beheld his forehead so disturbed, And to the ailment came as soon the plaster. For as we came unto the ruined bridge, 20/The Leader turned to me with that sweet look Which at the mountain's foot I first beheld. His arms he opened, after some advisement Within himself elected, looking first Well at the ruin, and laid hold of me. And even as he who acts and meditates, For aye it seems that he provides beforehand, So upward lifting me towards the summit Of a huge rock, he scanned another crag, Saying: 'We've got to climb up there, 30/You first, see if it can hold our weight.' This was no way for one clothed with a cloak; For hardly we, he light, and I pushed upward, Were able to ascend from jag to jag. And had it not been, that upon that precinct Shorter was the ascent than on the other, He I know not, but I had been dead beat. But because Malebolge tow'rds the mouth Of the profoundest well is all inclining, The structure of each valley doth import 40/That one bank rises and the other sinks. Still we arrived at length upon the point Wherefrom the last stone breaks itself asunder. The breath was from my lungs so milked away, When I was up, that I could go no farther, Nay, I sat down upon my first arrival. 'Don't you fade on me now, pretty boy.' My Master said; 'Don't you know that Rest and relaxation makes you soft? As the kids say today, do you even lift? 50/You need to pump iron and run miles, Build your body up to a MACHO state. So get up off of the ground, slacker! Raise your spirits, act tough! Don't be a spineless slug, man! You're going to have to climb more stairs; This is just the beginning, let me tell you; If you hear me, then you'll prepare yourself.' Then I uprose, showing myself provided Better with breath than I did feel myself, 60/And said: 'Go on, for I am strong and bold.' Upward we took our way along the crag, Which jagged was, and narrow, and difficult, And more precipitous far than that before. Speaking I went, not to appear exhausted; Whereat a voice from the next moat came forth, Not well adapted to articulate words. I know not what it said, though o'er the back I now was of the arch that passes there; But he seemed moved to anger who was speaking. 70/I was bent downward, but my living eyes Could not attain the bottom, for the dark; Wherefore I: 'Master, see that thou arrive At the next round, and let us descend the wall; For as from hence I hear and understand not, So I look down and nothing I distinguish.' 'Don't talk,' he said, 'for a while, Seriously.  You fill the air with nose And not the type of madness that I love.' We from the bridge descended at its head, 80/Where it connects itself with the eighth bank, And then was manifest to me the Bolgia; And I beheld therein a terrible throng Of serpents, and of such a monstrous kind, That the remembrance still congeals my blood Let Libya boast no longer with her sand; For if Chelydri, Jaculi, and Phareae She breeds, with Cenchri and with Amphisbaena, Neither so many plagues nor so malignant E'er showed she with all Ethiopia, 90/Nor with whatever on the Red Sea is! Among this cruel and most dismal throng People were running naked and affrighted. Without the hope of hole or heliotrope. They had their hands with serpents bound behind them; These riveted upon their reins the tail And head, and were in front of them entwined. And lo! at one who was upon our side There darted forth a serpent, which transfixed him There where the neck is knotted to the shoulders. 100/Nor 'O' so quickly e'er, nor 'I' was written, As he took fire, and burned; and ashes wholly Behoved it that in falling he became. And when he on the ground was thus destroyed, The ashes drew together, and of themselves Into himself they instantly returned. Even thus by the great sages 'tis confessed The phoenix dies, and then is born again, When it approaches its five-hundredth year; On herb or grain it feeds not in its life, 110/But only on tears of incense and amomum, And nard and myrrh are its last winding-sheet. And as he is who falls, and knows not how, By force of demons who to earth down drag him, Or other oppilation that binds man, When he arises and around him looks, Wholly bewildered by the mighty anguish Which he has suffered, and in looking sighs; Such was that sinner after he had risen. Justice of God! O how severe it is, 120/That blows like these in vengeance poureth down! The Guide thereafter asked him who he was; Whence he replied: 'I rained from Tuscany A short time since into this cruel gorge. A bestial life, and not a human, pleased me, Even as the mule I was; I'm Vanni Fucci, Beast, and Pistoia was my worthy den.' And I unto the Guide: 'Tell him to stir not, And ask what crime has thrust him here below, For once a man of blood and wrath I saw him.' 130/And the sinner, who had heard, dissembled not, But unto me directed mind and face, And with a melancholy shame was painted. Then said: 'It pains me more that thou hast caught me Amid this misery where thou seest me, Than when I from the other life was taken. What thou demandest I cannot deny; So low am I put down because I robbed The sacristy of the fair ornaments, And falsely once 'twas laid upon another; 140/But that thou mayst not such a sight enjoy, If thou shalt e'er be out of the dark places, Thine ears to my announcement ope and hear: Pistoia first of Neri groweth meagre; Then Florence doth renew her men and manners; Mars draws a vapour up from Val di Magra, Which is with turbid clouds enveloped round, And with impetuous and bitter tempest Over Campo Picen shall be the battle; When it shall suddenly rend the mist asunder, 150/So that each Bianco shall thereby be smitten. And this I've said that it may give thee pain.' !CANTO XXV. At the conclusion of his words, the thief Lifted his hands aloft with both the figs, Crying: 'Take that, God, for at thee I aim them.' From that time forth the serpents were my friends; For one entwined itself about his neck As if it said: 'I will not thou speak more;' And round his arms another, and rebound him, Clinching itself together so in front, That with them he could not a motion make. 10/Pistoia, ah, Pistoia! why resolve not To burn thyself to ashes and so perish, Since in ill-doing thou thy seed excellest? Through all the sombre circles of this Hell, Spirit I saw not against God so proud, Not he who fell at Thebes down from the walls! He fled away, and spake no further word; And I beheld a Centaur full of rage Come crying out: 'Where is, where is the scoffer?' I do not think Maremma has so many 20/Serpents as he had all along his back, As far as where our countenance begins. Upon the shoulders, just behind the nape, With wings wide open was a dragon lying, And he sets fire to all that he encounters. My Master said: 'That guy is Cacus. It's said that when he was alive He created a lake of blood. METAL! He and his brothers are all here together Because they were thieves and brigands, 30/They stole some cows or sheep or something; They messed with the wrong guy it seems, Hercules beat them to death with a mace, It was pretty gnarly if I may say so.' While he was speaking thus, he had passed by, And spirits three had underneath us come, Of which nor I aware was, nor my Leader, Until what time they shouted: 'Who are you?' On which account our story made a halt, And then we were intent on them alone. 40/I did not know them; but it came to pass, As it is wont to happen by some chance, That one to name the other was compelled, Exclaiming: 'Where can Cianfa have remained?' Whence I, so that the Leader might attend, Upward from chin to nose my finger laid. If thou art, Reader, slow now to believe What I shall say, it will no marvel be, For I who saw it hardly can admit it. As I was holding raised on them my brows, 50/Behold! a serpent with six feet darts forth In front of one, and fastens wholly on him. With middle feet it bound him round the paunch, And with the forward ones his arms it seized; Then thrust its teeth through one cheek and the other; The hindermost it stretched upon his thighs, And put its tail through in between the two, And up behind along the reins outspread it. Ivy was never fastened by its barbs Unto a tree so, as this horrible reptile 60/Upon the other's limbs entwined its own. Then they stuck close, as if of heated wax They had been made, and intermixed their colour; Nor one nor other seemed now what he was; E'en as proceedeth on before the flame Upward along the paper a brown colour, Which is not black as yet, and the white dies. The other two looked on, and each of them Cried out: 'O me, Agnello, how thou changest! Behold, thou now art neither two nor one.' 70/Already the two heads had one become, When there appeared to us two figures mingled Into one face, wherein the two were lost. Of the four lists were fashioned the two arms, The thighs and legs, the belly and the chest Members became that never yet were seen. Every original aspect there was cancelled; Two and yet none did the perverted image Appear, and such departed with slow pace. Even as a lizard, under the great scourge 80/Of days canicular, exchanging hedge, Lightning appeareth if the road it cross; Thus did appear, coming towards the bellies Of the two others, a small fiery serpent, Livid and black as is a peppercorn. And in that part whereat is first received Our aliment, it one of them transfixed; Then downward fell in front of him extended. The one transfixed looked at it, but said naught; Nay, rather with feet motionless he yawned, 90/Just as if sleep or fever had assailed him. He at the serpent gazed, and it at him; One through the wound, the other through the mouth Smoked violently, and the smoke commingled. Henceforth be silent Lucan, where he mentions Wretched Sabellus and Nassidius, And wait to hear what now shall be shot forth. Be silent Ovid, of Cadmus and Arethusa; For if him to a snake, her to fountain, Converts he fabling, that I grudge him not; 100/Because two natures never front to front Has he transmuted, so that both the forms To interchange their matter ready were. Together they responded in such wise, That to a fork the serpent cleft his tail, And eke the wounded drew his feet together. The legs together with the thighs themselves Adhered so, that in little time the juncture No sign whatever made that was apparent. He with the cloven tail assumed the figure 110/The other one was losing, and his skin Became elastic, and the other's hard. I saw the arms draw inward at the armpits, And both feet of the reptile, that were short, Lengthen as much as those contracted were. Thereafter the hind feet, together twisted, Became the member that a man conceals, And of his own the wretch had two created. While both of them the exhalation veils With a new colour, and engenders hair 120/On one of them and depilates the other, The one uprose and down the other fell, Though turning not away their impious lamps, Underneath which each one his muzzle changed. He who was standing drew it tow'rds the temples, And from excess of matter, which came thither, Issued the ears from out the hollow cheeks; What did not backward run and was retained Of that excess made to the face a nose, And the lips thickened far as was befitting. 130/He who lay prostrate thrusts his muzzle forward, And backward draws the ears into his head, In the same manner as the snail its horns; And so the tongue, which was entire and apt For speech before, is cleft, and the bi-forked In the other closes up, and the smoke ceases. The soul, which to a reptile had been changed, Along the valley hissing takes to flight, And after him the other speaking sputters. Then did he turn upon him his new shoulders, 140/And said to the other: 'I'll have Buoso run, Crawling as I have done, along this road.' In this way I beheld the seventh ballast Shift and reshift, and here be my excuse The novelty, if aught my pen transgress. And notwithstanding that mine eyes might be Somewhat bewildered, and my mind dismayed, They could not flee away so secretly But that I plainly saw Puccio Sciancato; And he it was who sole of three companions, 150/Which came in the beginning, was not changed; The other was he whom thou, Gaville, weepest. !CANTO XXVI. Rejoice, O Florence, since thou art so great, That over sea and land thou beatest thy wings, And throughout Hell thy name is spread abroad! Among the thieves five citizens of thine Like these I found, whence shame comes unto me, And thou thereby to no great honour risest. But if when morn is near our dreams are true, Feel shalt thou in a little time from now What Prato, if none other, craves for thee. 10/And if it now were, it were not too soon; Would that it were, seeing it needs must be, For 'twill aggrieve me more the more I age. We went our way, and up along the stairs The bourns had made us to descend before, Remounted my Conductor and drew me. And following the solitary path Among the rocks and ridges of the crag, The foot without the hand sped not at all. Then sorrowed I, and sorrow now again, 20/When I direct my mind to what I saw, And more my genius curb than I am wont, That it may run not unless virtue guide it; So that if some good star, or better thing, Have given me good, I may myself not grudge it. As many as the hind (who on the hill Rests at the time when he who lights the world His countenance keeps least concealed from us, While as the fly gives place unto the gnat) Seeth the glow-worms down along the valley, 30/Perchance there where he ploughs and makes his vintage; With flames as manifold resplendent all Was the eighth Bolgia, as I grew aware As soon as I was where the depth appeared. And such as he who with the bears avenged him Beheld Elijah's chariot at departing, What time the steeds to heaven erect uprose, For with his eye he could not follow it So as to see aught else than flame alone, Even as a little cloud ascending upward, 40/Thus each along the gorge of the intrenchment Was moving; for not one reveals the theft, And every flame a sinner steals away. I stood upon the bridge uprisen to see, So that, if I had seized not on a rock, Down had I fallen without being pushed. And the Leader, who beheld me so attent, Exclaimed: 'They're all in the fire there; They bathe in the fire even though it burns.' 'My Master,' I replied, 'by hearing thee 50/I am more sure; but I surmised already It might be so, and already wished to ask thee Who is within that fire, which comes so cleft At top, it seems uprising from the pyre Where was Eteocles with his brother placed.' He answered me: 'Some pretty famous guys: Ulysses and Diomed, the Greek heroes You probably read about them in high school. It turns out that making the Trojan Horse Was weirdly interpreted as a sort of lie 60/And so they get to burn in Hell. Oops. I suspect this plot point has to do With the fact that Dante was Italian, So he felt bad about Troy getting sacked.' 'If they within those sparks possess the power To speak,' I said, 'thee, Master, much I pray, And re-pray, that the prayer be worth a thousand, That thou make no denial of awaiting Until the horned flame shall hither come; Thou seest that with desire I lean towards it.' 70/And he to me: 'Hey, now you're getting it, Good on you kid, that's the spirit now; But hold your tongue for one macho minute. Let me talk for a bit, because I think I know What you want to hear about, and why that is. I've been around long enough to guess.' When now the flame had come unto that point, Where to my Leader it seemed time and place, After this fashion did I hear him speak: 'Wubba wubba, magical fire!  Tell me! 80/I, the Macho Man, demand of you! Reveal your secrets!  Tell us stories! Wumbo wumbo, magical fire!  Tell me! If you don't help me out right now I will dump water on you! Beware!' Then of the antique flame the greater horn, Murmuring, began to wave itself about Even as a flame doth which the wind fatigues. Thereafterward, the summit to and fro Moving as if it were the tongue that spake, 90/It uttered forth a voice, and said: 'When I From Circe had departed, who concealed me More than a year there near unto Gaeta, Or ever yet Aeneas named it so, Nor fondness for my son, nor reverence For my old father, nor the due affection Which joyous should have made Penelope, Could overcome within me the desire I had to be experienced of the world, And of the vice and virtue of mankind; 100/But I put forth on the high open sea With one sole ship, and that small company By which I never had deserted been. Both of the shores I saw as far as Spain, Far as Morocco, and the isle of Sardes, And the others which that sea bathes round about. I and my company were old and slow When at that narrow passage we arrived Where Hercules his landmarks set as signals, That man no farther onward should adventure. 110/On the right hand behind me left I Seville, And on the other already had left Ceuta. 'O brothers, who amid a hundred thousand Perils,' I said, 'have come unto the West, To this so inconsiderable vigil Which is remaining of your senses still Be ye unwilling to deny the knowledge, Following the sun, of the unpeopled world. Consider ye the seed from which ye sprang; Ye were not made to live like unto brutes, 120/But for pursuit of virtue and of knowledge.' So eager did I render my companions, With this brief exhortation, for the voyage, That then I hardly could have held them back. And having turned our stern unto the morning, We of the oars made wings for our mad flight, Evermore gaining on the larboard side. Already all the stars of the other pole The night beheld, and ours so very low It did not rise above the ocean floor. 130/Five times rekindled and as many quenched Had been the splendour underneath the moon, Since we had entered into the deep pass, When there appeared to us a mountain, dim From distance, and it seemed to me so high As I had never any one beheld. Joyful were we, and soon it turned to weeping; For out of the new land a whirlwind rose, And smote upon the fore part of the ship. Three times it made her whirl with all the waters, 140/At the fourth time it made the stern uplift, And the prow downward go, as pleased Another, Until the sea above us closed again.' !CANTO XXVII. Already was the flame erect and quiet, To speak no more, and now departed from us With the permission of the gentle Poet; When yet another, which behind it came, Caused us to turn our eyes upon its top By a confused sound that issued from it. As the Sicilian bull (that bellowed first With the lament of him, and that was right, Who with his file had modulated it) 10/Bellowed so with the voice of the afflicted, That, notwithstanding it was made of brass, Still it appeared with agony transfixed; Thus, by not having any way or issue At first from out the fire, to its own language Converted were the melancholy words. But afterwards, when they had gathered way Up through the point, giving it that vibration The tongue had given them in their passage out, We heard it said: 'O thou, at whom I aim 20/My voice, and who but now wast speaking Lombard, Saying, 'Now go thy way, no more I urge thee,' Because I come perchance a little late, To stay and speak with me let it not irk thee; Thou seest it irks not me, and I am burning. If thou but lately into this blind world Hast fallen down from that sweet Latian land, Wherefrom I bring the whole of my transgression, Say, if the Romagnuols have peace or war, For I was from the mountains there between 30/Urbino and the yoke whence Tiber bursts.' I still was downward bent and listening, When my Conductor touched me on the side, Saying: 'This one is Italian like you.' And I, who had beforehand my reply In readiness, forthwith began to speak: 'O soul, that down below there art concealed, Romagna thine is not and never has been Without war in the bosom of its tyrants; But open war I none have left there now. 40/Ravenna stands as it long years has stood; The Eagle of Polenta there is brooding, So that she covers Cervia with her vans. The city which once made the long resistance, And of the French a sanguinary heap, Beneath the Green Paws finds itself again; Verrucchio's ancient Mastiff and the new, Who made such bad disposal of Montagna, Where they are wont make wimbles of their teeth. The cities of Lamone and Santerno 50/Governs the Lioncel of the white lair, Who changes sides 'twixt summer-time and winter; And that of which the Savio bathes the flank, Even as it lies between the plain and mountain, Lives between tyranny and a free state. Now I entreat thee tell us who thou art; Be not more stubborn than the rest have been, So may thy name hold front there in the world.' After the fire a little more had roared In its own fashion, the sharp point it moved 60/This way and that, and then gave forth such breath: 'If I believed that my reply were made To one who to the world would e'er return, This flame without more flickering would stand still; But inasmuch as never from this depth Did any one return, if I hear true, Without the fear of infamy I answer, I was a man of arms, then Cordelier, Believing thus begirt to make amends; And truly my belief had been fulfilled 70/But for the High Priest, whom may ill betide, Who put me back into my former sins; And how and wherefore I will have thee hear. While I was still the form of bone and pulp My mother gave to me, the deeds I did Were not those of a lion, but a fox. The machinations and the covert ways I knew them all, and practised so their craft, That to the ends of earth the sound went forth. When now unto that portion of mine age 80/I saw myself arrived, when each one ought To lower the sails, and coil away the ropes, That which before had pleased me then displeased me; And penitent and confessing I surrendered, Ah woe is me! and it would have bestead me; The Leader of the modern Pharisees Having a war near unto Lateran, And not with Saracens nor with the Jews, For each one of his enemies was Christian, And none of them had been to conquer Acre, 90/Nor merchandising in the Sultan's land, Nor the high office, nor the sacred orders, In him regarded, nor in me that cord Which used to make those girt with it more meagre; But even as Constantine sought out Sylvester To cure his leprosy, within Soracte, So this one sought me out as an adept To cure him of the fever of his pride. Counsel he asked of me, and I was silent, Because his words appeared inebriate. 100/And then he said: 'Be not thy heart afraid; Henceforth I thee absolve; and thou instruct me How to raze Palestrina to the ground. Heaven have I power to lock and to unlock, As thou dost know; therefore the keys are two, The which my predecessor held not dear.' Then urged me on his weighty arguments There, where my silence was the worst advice; And said I: 'Father, since thou washest me Of that sin into which I now must fall, 110/The promise long with the fulfilment short Will make thee triumph in thy lofty seat.' Francis came afterward, when I was dead, For me; but one of the black Cherubim Said to him: 'Take him not; do me no wrong; He must come down among my servitors, Because he gave the fraudulent advice From which time forth I have been at his hair; For who repents not cannot be absolved, Nor can one both repent and will at once, 120/Because of the contradiction which consents not.' O miserable me! how I did shudder When he seized on me, saying: 'Peradventure Thou didst not think that I was a logician!' He bore me unto Minos, who entwined Eight times his tail about his stubborn back, And after he had bitten it in great rage, Said: 'Of the thievish fire a culprit this;' Wherefore, here where thou seest, am I lost, And vested thus in going I bemoan me.' 130/When it had thus completed its recital, The flame departed uttering lamentations, Writhing and flapping its sharp-pointed horn. Onward we passed, both I and my Conductor, Up o'er the crag above another arch, Which the moat covers, where is paid the fee By those who, sowing discord, win their burden. !CANTO XXVIII. Who ever could, e'en with untrammelled words, Tell of the blood and of the wounds in full Which now I saw, by many times narrating? Each tongue would for a certainty fall short By reason of our speech and memory, That have small room to comprehend so much. If were again assembled all the people Which formerly upon the fateful land Of Puglia were lamenting for their blood 10/Shed by the Romans and the lingering war That of the rings made such illustrious spoils, As Livy has recorded, who errs not, With those who felt the agony of blows By making counterstand to Robert Guiscard, And all the rest, whose bones are gathered still At Ceperano, where a renegade Was each Apulian, and at Tagliacozzo, Where without arms the old Alardo conquered, And one his limb transpierced, and one lopped off, 20/Should show, it would be nothing to compare With the disgusting mode of the ninth Bolgia. A cask by losing centre-piece or cant Was never shattered so, as I saw one Rent from the chin to where one breaketh wind. Between his legs were hanging down his entrails; His heart was visible, and the dismal sack That maketh excrement of what is eaten. While I was all absorbed in seeing him, He looked at me, and opened with his hands 30/His bosom, saying: 'See now how I rend me; How mutilated, see, is Mahomet; In front of me doth Ali weeping go, Cleft in the face from forelock unto chin; And all the others whom thou here beholdest, Disseminators of scandal and of schism While living were, and therefore are cleft thus. A devil is behind here, who doth cleave us Thus cruelly, unto the falchion's edge Putting again each one of all this ream, 40/When we have gone around the doleful road; By reason that our wounds are closed again Ere any one in front of him repass. But who art thou, that musest on the crag, Perchance to postpone going to the pain That is adjudged upon thine accusations?' 'He's not dead yet, and he's not a sinner,' My Master made reply, 'here for punishment; He's just here for the sightseeing. I, on the other hand, am dead, his guide. 50/I'm showing him the ropes of the place; Because God asked me to do this favor.' More than a hundred were there when they heard him, Who in the moat stood still to look at me, Through wonderment oblivious of their torture. 'Now say to Fra Dolcino, then, to arm him, Thou, who perhaps wilt shortly see the sun, If soon he wish not here to follow me, So with provisions, that no stress of snow May give the victory to the Novarese, 60/Which otherwise to gain would not be easy.' After one foot to go away he lifted, This word did Mahomet say unto me, Then to depart upon the ground he stretched it. Another one, who had his throat pierced through, And nose cut off close underneath the brows, And had no longer but a single ear, Staying to look in wonder with the others, Before the others did his gullet open, Which outwardly was red in every part, 70/And said: 'O thou, whom guilt doth not condemn, And whom I once saw up in Latian land, Unless too great similitude deceive me, Call to remembrance Pier da Medicina, If e'er thou see again the lovely plain That from Vercelli slopes to Marcabo, And make it known to the best two of Fano, To Messer Guido and Angiolello likewise, That if foreseeing here be not in vain, Cast over from their vessel shall they be, 80/And drowned near unto the Cattolica, By the betrayal of a tyrant fell. Between the isles of Cyprus and Majorca Neptune ne'er yet beheld so great a crime, Neither of pirates nor Argolic people. That traitor, who sees only with one eye, And holds the land, which some one here with me Would fain be fasting from the vision of, Will make them come unto a parley with him; Then will do so, that to Focara's wind 90/They will not stand in need of vow or prayer.' And I to him: 'Show to me and declare, If thou wouldst have me bear up news of thee, Who is this person of the bitter vision.' Then did he lay his hand upon the jaw Of one of his companions, and his mouth Oped, crying: 'This is he, and he speaks not. This one, being banished, every doubt submerged In Caesar by affirming the forearmed Always with detriment allowed delay.' 100/O how bewildered unto me appeared, With tongue asunder in his windpipe slit, Curio, who in speaking was so bold! And one, who both his hands dissevered had, The stumps uplifting through the murky air, So that the blood made horrible his face, Cried out: 'Thou shalt remember Mosca also, Who said, alas! 'A thing done has an end!' Which was an ill seed for the Tuscan people.' 'And death unto thy race,' thereto I added; 110/Whence he, accumulating woe on woe, Departed, like a person sad and crazed. But I remained to look upon the crowd; And saw a thing which I should be afraid, Without some further proof, even to recount, If it were not that conscience reassures me, That good companion which emboldens man Beneath the hauberk of its feeling pure. I truly saw, and still I seem to see it, A trunk without a head walk in like manner 120/As walked the others of the mournful herd. And by the hair it held the head dissevered, Hung from the hand in fashion of a lantern, And that upon us gazed and said: 'O me!' It of itself made to itself a lamp, And they were two in one, and one in two; How that can be, He knows who so ordains it. When it was come close to the bridge's foot, It lifted high its arm with all the head, To bring more closely unto us its words, 130/Which were: 'Behold now the sore penalty, Thou, who dost breathing go the dead beholding; Behold if any be as great as this. And so that thou may carry news of me, Know that Bertram de Born am I, the same Who gave to the Young King the evil comfort. I made the father and the son rebellious; Achitophel not more with Absalom And David did with his accursed goadings. Because I parted persons so united, 140/Parted do I now bear my brain, alas! From its beginning, which is in this trunk. Thus is observed in me the counterpoise.' !CANTO XXIX. The many people and the divers wounds These eyes of mine had so inebriated, That they were wishful to stand still and weep; But said Randius: 'What are you still looking at? What is there possibly of interest Down in the writhing ghost-men? You never stared like this before now; We still have a long road to walk, Twenty-two miles yet to go! Hurry! 10/It's already past midnright! See the moon? We have only a short amount of time left, So come on buckaroo, we gotta jet.' 'If thou hadst,' I made answer thereupon, 'Attended to the cause for which I looked, Perhaps a longer stay thou wouldst have pardoned.' Meanwhile my Guide departed, and behind him I went, already making my reply, And superadding: 'In that cavern where I held mine eyes with such attention fixed, 20/I think a spirit of my blood laments The sin which down below there costs so much.' Then said the Master: 'Don't think about it. Keep your eyes on the prize and move on; He isn't going anywhere, and you are; That is one of the advantages of being alive, You get to go to other places than this one And don't have to be stuck in one location. Just think of the places you could go! Albania, Morocco, Thailand, Space. Space! 30/You could go to Space!  Space is the place.' 'O my Conductor, his own violent death, Which is not yet avenged for him,' I said, 'By any who is sharer in the shame, Made him disdainful; whence he went away, As I imagine, without speaking to me, And thereby made me pity him the more.' Thus did we speak as far as the first place Upon the crag, which the next valley shows Down to the bottom, if there were more light. 40/When we were now right over the last cloister Of Malebolge, so that its lay-brothers Could manifest themselves unto our sight, Divers lamentings pierced me through and through, Which with compassion had their arrows barbed, Whereat mine ears I covered with my hands. What pain would be, if from the hospitals Of Valdichiana, 'twixt July and September, And of Maremma and Sardinia All the diseases in one moat were gathered, 50/Such was it here, and such a stench came from it As from putrescent limbs is wont to issue. We had descended on the furthest bank From the long crag, upon the left hand still, And then more vivid was my power of sight Down tow'rds the bottom, where the ministress Of the high Lord, Justice infallible, Punishes forgers, which she here records. I do not think a sadder sight to see Was in Aegina the whole people sick, 60/(When was the air so full of pestilence, The animals, down to the little worm, All fell, and afterwards the ancient people, According as the poets have affirmed, Were from the seed of ants restored again,) Than was it to behold through that dark valley The spirits languishing in divers heaps. This on the belly, that upon the back One of the other lay, and others crawling Shifted themselves along the dismal road. 70/We step by step went onward without speech, Gazing upon and listening to the sick Who had not strength enough to lift their bodies. I saw two sitting leaned against each other, As leans in heating platter against platter, From head to foot bespotted o'er with scabs; And never saw I plied a currycomb By stable-boy for whom his master waits, Or him who keeps awake unwillingly, As every one was plying fast the bite 80/Of nails upon himself, for the great rage Of itching which no other succour had. And the nails downward with them dragged the scab, In fashion as a knife the scales of bream, Or any other fish that has them largest. 'Hey you!  Yeah, yous with the fingers,' Began my Leader unto one of them, 'The finger-guys who pinch sometimes, Are any of you Italians by chance? My buddy here likes talking to Italians, 90/Not that he's racist or anything.' 'Latians are we, whom thou so wasted seest, Both of us here,' one weeping made reply; 'But who art thou, that questionest about us?' And said the Guide: 'I am the Macho Man! With boldness I leap from cliff to cliff, And I intend to show Hell to this guy.' Then broken was their mutual support, And trembling each one turned himself to me, With others who had heard him by rebound. 100/Wholly to me did the good Master gather, Saying: 'Now you can talk to them.' And I began, since he would have it so: 'So may your memory not steal away In the first world from out the minds of men, But so may it survive 'neath many suns, Say to me who ye are, and of what people; Let not your foul and loathsome punishment Make you afraid to show yourselves to me.' 'I of Arezzo was,' one made reply, 110/'And Albert of Siena had me burned; But what I died for does not bring me here. 'Tis true I said to him, speaking in jest, That I could rise by flight into the air, And he who had conceit, but little wit, Would have me show to him the art; and only Because no Daedalus I made him, made me Be burned by one who held him as his son. But unto the last Bolgia of the ten, For alchemy, which in the world I practised, 120/Minos, who cannot err, has me condemned.' And to the Poet said I: 'Now was ever So vain a people as the Sienese? Not for a certainty the French by far.' Whereat the other leper, who had heard me, Replied unto my speech: 'Taking out Stricca, Who knew the art of moderate expenses, And Niccolo, who the luxurious use Of cloves discovered earliest of all Within that garden where such seed takes root; 130/And taking out the band, among whom squandered Caccia d'Ascian his vineyards and vast woods, And where his wit the Abbagliato proffered! But, that thou know who thus doth second thee Against the Sienese, make sharp thine eye Tow'rds me, so that my face well answer thee, And thou shalt see I am Capocchio's shade, Who metals falsified by alchemy; Thou must remember, if I well descry thee, How I a skilful ape of nature was.' !CANTO XXX. 'Twas at the time when Juno was enraged, For Semele, against the Theban blood, As she already more than once had shown, So reft of reason Athamas became, That, seeing his own wife with children twain Walking encumbered upon either hand, He cried: 'Spread out the nets, that I may take The lioness and her whelps upon the passage;' And then extended his unpitying claws, 10/Seizing the first, who had the name Learchus, And whirled him round, and dashed him on a rock; And she, with the other burthen, drowned herself;-- And at the time when fortune downward hurled The Trojan's arrogance, that all things dared, So that the king was with his kingdom crushed, Hecuba sad, disconsolate, and captive, When lifeless she beheld Polyxena, And of her Polydorus on the shore Of ocean was the dolorous one aware, 20/Out of her senses like a dog she barked, So much the anguish had her mind distorted; But not of Thebes the furies nor the Trojan Were ever seen in any one so cruel In goading beasts, and much more human members, As I beheld two shadows pale and naked, Who, biting, in the manner ran along That a boar does, when from the sty turned loose. One to Capocchio came, and by the nape Seized with its teeth his neck, so that in dragging 30/It made his belly grate the solid bottom. And the Aretine, who trembling had remained, Said to me: 'That mad sprite is Gianni Schicchi, And raving goes thus harrying other people.' 'O,' said I to him, 'so may not the other Set teeth on thee, let it not weary thee To tell us who it is, ere it dart hence.' And he to me: 'That is the ancient ghost Of the nefarious Myrrha, who became Beyond all rightful love her father's lover. 40/She came to sin with him after this manner, By counterfeiting of another's form; As he who goeth yonder undertook, That he might gain the lady of the herd, To counterfeit in himself Buoso Donati, Making a will and giving it due form.' And after the two maniacs had passed On whom I held mine eye, I turned it back To look upon the other evil-born. I saw one made in fashion of a lute, 50/If he had only had the groin cut off Just at the point at which a man is forked. The heavy dropsy, that so disproportions The limbs with humours, which it ill concocts, That the face corresponds not to the belly, Compelled him so to hold his lips apart As does the hectic, who because of thirst One tow'rds the chin, the other upward turns. 'O ye, who without any torment are, And why I know not, in the world of woe,' 60/He said to us, 'behold, and be attentive Unto the misery of Master Adam; I had while living much of what I wished, And now, alas! a drop of water crave. The rivulets, that from the verdant hills Of Cassentin descend down into Arno, Making their channels to be cold and moist, Ever before me stand, and not in vain; For far more doth their image dry me up Than the disease which strips my face of flesh. 70/The rigid justice that chastises me Draweth occasion from the place in which I sinned, to put the more my sighs in flight. There is Romena, where I counterfeited The currency imprinted with the Baptist, For which I left my body burned above. But if I here could see the tristful soul Of Guido, or Alessandro, or their brother, For Branda's fount I would not give the sight. One is within already, if the raving 80/Shades that are going round about speak truth; But what avails it me, whose limbs are tied? If I were only still so light, that in A hundred years I could advance one inch, I had already started on the way, Seeking him out among this squalid folk, Although the circuit be eleven miles, And be not less than half a mile across. For them am I in such a family; They did induce me into coining florins, 90/Which had three carats of impurity.' And I to him: 'Who are the two poor wretches That smoke like unto a wet hand in winter, Lying there close upon thy right-hand confines?' 'I found them here,' replied he, 'when I rained Into this chasm, and since they have not turned, Nor do I think they will for evermore. One the false woman is who accused Joseph, The other the false Sinon, Greek of Troy; From acute fever they send forth such reek.' 100/And one of them, who felt himself annoyed At being, peradventure, named so darkly, Smote with the fist upon his hardened paunch. It gave a sound, as if it were a drum; And Master Adam smote him in the face, With arm that did not seem to be less hard, Saying to him: 'Although be taken from me All motion, for my limbs that heavy are, I have an arm unfettered for such need.' Whereat he answer made: 'When thou didst go 110/Unto the fire, thou hadst it not so ready: But hadst it so and more when thou wast coining.' The dropsical: 'Thou sayest true in that; But thou wast not so true a witness there, Where thou wast questioned of the truth at Troy.' 'If I spake false, thou falsifiedst the coin,' Said Sinon; 'and for one fault I am here, And thou for more than any other demon.' 'Remember, perjurer, about the horse,' He made reply who had the swollen belly, 120/'And rueful be it thee the whole world knows it.' 'Rueful to thee the thirst be wherewith cracks Thy tongue,' the Greek said, 'and the putrid water That hedges so thy paunch before thine eyes.' Then the false-coiner: 'So is gaping wide Thy mouth for speaking evil, as 'tis wont; Because if I have thirst, and humour stuff me Thou hast the burning and the head that aches, And to lick up the mirror of Narcissus Thou wouldst not want words many to invite thee.' 130/In listening to them was I wholly fixed, When said the Master to me: 'Just look, Don't speak, or I'll get mad at you.' When him I heard in anger speak to me, I turned me round towards him with such shame That still it eddies through my memory. And as he is who dreams of his own harm, Who dreaming wishes it may be a dream, So that he craves what is, as if it were not; Such I became, not having power to speak, 140/For to excuse myself I wished, and still Excused myself, and did not think I did it. 'People have felt less bad over worse sins,' The Master said, 'than you have committed; So don't beat yourself up about it, Remember that the Macho Man is beside you, And that while we are together all is well Take this knowledge and with it be secure; And in the future ignore boring gossipheads.' !CANTO XXXI. One and the selfsame tongue first wounded me, So that it tinged the one cheek and the other, And then held out to me the medicine; Thus do I hear that once Achilles' spear, His and his father's, used to be the cause First of a sad and then a gracious boon. We turned our backs upon the wretched valley, Upon the bank that girds it round about, Going across it without any speech. 10/There it was less than night, and less than day, So that my sight went little in advance; But I could hear the blare of a loud horn, So loud it would have made each thunder faint, Which, counter to it following its way, Mine eyes directed wholly to one place. After the dolorous discomfiture When Charlemagne the holy emprise lost, So terribly Orlando sounded not. Short while my head turned thitherward I held 20/When many lofty towers I seemed to see, Whereat I: 'Master, say, what town is this?' And he to me: 'You're looking far ahead Into what is deep and black darkness, I think you don't know what you see. When we get there you will find out, How wrong you are about what you see; So I'll say yet again: keep moving.' Then tenderly he took me by the hand, And said: 'Before we go any further, 30/To prep you for what is coming up, I'm going to tell you right now what to expect, Those things are giants yo, not towers. They're huge.  Don't mess with them.' As, when the fog is vanishing away, Little by little doth the sight refigure Whate'er the mist that crowds the air conceals, So, piercing through the dense and darksome air, More and more near approaching tow'rd the verge, My error fled, and fear came over me; 40/Because as on its circular parapets Montereggione crowns itself with towers, E'en thus the margin which surrounds the well With one half of their bodies turreted The horrible giants, whom Jove menaces E'en now from out the heavens when he thunders. And I of one already saw the face, Shoulders, and breast, and great part of the belly, And down along his sides both of the arms. Certainly Nature, when she left the making 50/Of animals like these, did well indeed, By taking such executors from Mars; And if of elephants and whales she doth not Repent her, whosoever looketh subtly More just and more discreet will hold her for it; For where the argument of intellect Is added unto evil will and power, No rampart can the people make against it. His face appeared to me as long and large As is at Rome the pine-cone of Saint Peter's, 60/And in proportion were the other bones; So that the margin, which an apron was Down from the middle, showed so much of him Above it, that to reach up to his hair Three Frieslanders in vain had vaunted them; For I beheld thirty great palms of him Down from the place where man his mantle buckles. 'Raphael mai amech izabi almi,' Began to clamour the ferocious mouth, To which were not befitting sweeter psalms. 70/And unto him my Guide: 'Idiot soul, Get away from us and blow your horn, Whenever you are feeling out of sorts. It's hanging around your neck, you fool I know you're too stupid to remember this, But if you look down you'll surely find it.' Then said to me: 'This guy is The Worst; His name is Nimrod and he lives up to it. He barely is able to understand words. Don't bother talking to him, it's pointless; 80/He will probably just get mad and confused That's what always happens. I would know.' Therefore a longer journey did we make, Turned to the left, and a crossbow-shot oft We found another far more fierce and large. In binding him, who might the master be I cannot say; but he had pinioned close Behind the right arm, and in front the other, With chains, that held him so begirt about From the neck down, that on the part uncovered 90/It wound itself as far as the fifth gyre. 'This cocky fellow decided to pick a fight And pit his own strength against Jupiter,' My Leader said, 'the God, not the planet. Ephialtes is his name; and he was strong. But not strong enough to defeat Zeus; So now he's chained here like a sucker.' And I to him: 'If possible, I should wish That of the measureless Briareus These eyes of mine might have experience.' 100/Whence he replied: 'You'll get to see Antaeus He's close by and free to speak with us, Lucky for him he never was chained up. Further past him is the one you mentioned, He is bound, much like Ephialtes here, Except Briareus is way more fearsome.' There never was an earthquake of such might That it could shake a tower so violently, As Ephialtes suddenly shook himself. Then was I more afraid of death than ever, 110/For nothing more was needful than the fear, If I had not beheld the manacles. Then we proceeded farther in advance, And to Antaeus came, who, full five ells Without the head, forth issued from the cavern. 'Hey Antaeus buddy, long time no see! How's it going down here?  Still sucky? That's a shame. Look, this here is Dante. I'm guiding his sorry rear through Hell, And we need a little bit of help from you. 120/Do you think you could lend us a hand? It would take us a long time of traveling Whereas if you could grap and pick us up, We could make some really excellent time. Don't forget that you owe me Antaeus, I never collected on last month's poker game; And if you do this for us I'll call us square. Plus there's something in it for you as well; This guy is alive; when he goes back to Earth, He'll totally tell everybody how cool you are.' 130/So said the Master; and in haste the other His hands extended and took up my Guide,-- Hands whose great pressure Hercules once felt. Virgilius, when he felt himself embraced, Said unto me: 'Come on buddy, grab my hand;' Then of himself and me one bundle made. As seems the Carisenda, to behold Beneath the leaning side, when goes a cloud Above it so that opposite it hangs; Such did Antaeus seem to me, who stood 140/Watching to see him stoop, and then it was I could have wished to go some other way. But lightly in the abyss, which swallows up Judas with Lucifer, he put us down; Nor thus bowed downward made he there delay, But, as a mast does in a ship, uprose. !CANTO XXXII. If I had rhymes both rough and stridulous, As were appropriate to the dismal hole Down upon which thrust all the other rocks, I would press out the juice of my conception More fully; but because I have them not, Not without fear I bring myself to speak; For 'tis no enterprise to take in jest, To sketch the bottom of all the universe, Nor for a tongue that cries Mamma and Babbo. 10/But may those Ladies help this verse of mine, Who helped Amphion in enclosing Thebes, That from the fact the word be not diverse. O rabble ill-begotten above all, Who're in the place to speak of which is hard, 'Twere better ye had here been sheep or goats! When we were down within the darksome well, Beneath the giant's feet, but lower far, And I was scanning still the lofty wall, I heard it said to me: 'Look how thou steppest! 20/Take heed thou do not trample with thy feet The heads of the tired, miserable brothers!' Whereat I turned me round, and saw before me And underfoot a lake, that from the frost The semblance had of glass, and not of water. So thick a veil ne'er made upon its current In winter-time Danube in Austria, Nor there beneath the frigid sky the Don, As there was here; so that if Tambernich Had fallen upon it, or Pietrapana, 30/E'en at the edge 'twould not have given a creak. And as to croak the frog doth place himself With muzzle out of water,--when is dreaming Of gleaning oftentimes the peasant-girl,-- Livid, as far down as where shame appears, Were the disconsolate shades within the ice, Setting their teeth unto the note of storks. Each one his countenance held downward bent; From mouth the cold, from eyes the doleful heart Among them witness of itself procures. 40/When round about me somewhat I had looked, I downward turned me, and saw two so close, The hair upon their heads together mingled. 'Ye who so strain your breasts together, tell me,' I said, 'who are you;' and they bent their necks, And when to me their faces they had lifted, Their eyes, which first were only moist within, Gushed o'er the eyelids, and the frost congealed The tears between, and locked them up again. Clamp never bound together wood with wood 50/So strongly; whereat they, like two he-goats, Butted together, so much wrath o'ercame them. And one, who had by reason of the cold Lost both his ears, still with his visage downward, Said: 'Why dost thou so mirror thyself in us? If thou desire to know who these two are, The valley whence Bisenzio descends Belonged to them and to their father Albert. They from one body came, and all Caina Thou shalt search through, and shalt not find a shade 60/More worthy to be fixed in gelatine; Not he in whom were broken breast and shadow At one and the same blow by Arthur's hand; Focaccia not; not he who me encumbers So with his head I see no farther forward, And bore the name of Sassol Mascheroni; Well knowest thou who he was, if thou art Tuscan. And that thou put me not to further speech, Know that I Camicion de' Pazzi was, And wait Carlino to exonerate me.' 70/Then I beheld a thousand faces, made Purple with cold; whence o'er me comes a shudder, And evermore will come, at frozen ponds. And while we were advancing tow'rds the middle, Where everything of weight unites together, And I was shivering in the eternal shade, Whether 'twere will, or destiny, or chance, I know not; but in walking 'mong the heads I struck my foot hard in the face of one. Weeping he growled: 'Why dost thou trample me? 80/Unless thou comest to increase the vengeance of Montaperti, why dost thou molest me?' And I: 'My Master, now wait here for me, That I through him may issue from a doubt; Then thou mayst hurry me, as thou shalt wish.' The Leader stopped; and to that one I said Who was blaspheming vehemently still: 'Who art thou, that thus reprehendest others?' 'Now who art thou, that goest through Antenora Smiting,' replied he, 'other people's cheeks, 90/So that, if thou wert living, 'twere too much?' 'Living I am, and dear to thee it may be,' Was my response, 'if thou demandest fame, That 'mid the other notes thy name I place.' And he to me: 'For the reverse I long; Take thyself hence, and give me no more trouble; For ill thou knowest to flatter in this hollow.' Then by the scalp behind I seized upon him, And said: 'It must needs be thou name thyself, Or not a hair remain upon thee here.' 100/Whence he to me: 'Though thou strip off my hair, I will not tell thee who I am, nor show thee, If on my head a thousand times thou fall.' I had his hair in hand already twisted, And more than one shock of it had pulled out, He barking, with his eyes held firmly down, When cried another: 'What doth ail thee, Bocca? Is't not enough to clatter with thy jaws, But thou must bark? what devil touches thee?' 'Now,' said I, 'I care not to have thee speak, 110/Accursed traitor; for unto thy shame I will report of thee veracious news.' 'Begone,' replied he, 'and tell what thou wilt, But be not silent, if thou issue hence, Of him who had just now his tongue so prompt; He weepeth here the silver of the French; 'I saw,' thus canst thou phrase it, 'him of Duera There where the sinners stand out in the cold.' If thou shouldst questioned be who else was there, Thou hast beside thee him of Beccaria, 120/Of whom the gorget Florence slit asunder; Gianni del Soldanier, I think, may be Yonder with Ganellon, and Tebaldello Who oped Faenza when the people slep.' Already we had gone away from him, When I beheld two frozen in one hole, So that one head a hood was to the other; And even as bread through hunger is devoured, The uppermost on the other set his teeth, There where the brain is to the nape united. 130/Not in another fashion Tydeus gnawed The temples of Menalippus in disdain, Than that one did the skull and the other things. 'O thou, who showest by such bestial sign Thy hatred against him whom thou art eating, Tell me the wherefore,' said I, 'with this compact, That if thou rightfully of him complain, In knowing who ye are, and his transgression, I in the world above repay thee for it, If that wherewith I speak be not dried up.' !CANTO XXXIII. His mouth uplifted from his grim repast, That sinner, wiping it upon the hair Of the same head that he behind had wasted. Then he began: 'Thou wilt that I renew The desperate grief, which wrings my heart already To think of only, ere I speak of it; But if my words be seed that may bear fruit Of infamy to the traitor whom I gnaw, Speaking and weeping shalt thou see together. 10/I know not who thou art, nor by what mode Thou hast come down here; but a Florentine Thou seemest to me truly, when I hear thee. Thou hast to know I was Count Ugolino, And this one was Ruggieri the Archbishop; Now I will tell thee why I am such a neighbour. That, by effect of his malicious thoughts, Trusting in him I was made prisoner, And after put to death, I need not say; But ne'ertheless what thou canst not have heard, 20/That is to say, how cruel was my death, Hear shalt thou, and shalt know if he has wronged me. A narrow perforation in the mew, Which bears because of me the title of Famine, And in which others still must be locked up, Had shown me through its opening many moons Already, when I dreamed the evil dream Which of the future rent for me the veil. This one appeared to me as lord and master, Hunting the wolf and whelps upon the mountain 30/For which the Pisans cannot Lucca see. With sleuth-hounds gaunt, and eager, and well trained, Gualandi with Sismondi and Lanfianchi He had sent out before him to the front. After brief course seemed unto me forespent The father and the sons, and with sharp tushes It seemed to me I saw their flanks ripped open. When I before the morrow was awake, Moaning amid their sleep I heard my sons Who with me were, and asking after bread. 40/Cruel indeed art thou, if yet thou grieve not, Thinking of what my heart foreboded me, And weep'st thou not, what art thou wont to weep at? They were awake now, and the hour drew nigh At which our food used to be brought to us, And through his dream was each one apprehensive; And I heard locking up the under door Of the horrible tower; whereat without a word I gazed into the faces of my sons. I wept not, I within so turned to stone; 50/They wept; and darling little Anselm mine Said: 'Thou dost gaze so, father, what doth ail thee?' Still not a tear I shed, nor answer made All of that day, nor yet the night thereafter, Until another sun rose on the world. As now a little glimmer made its way Into the dolorous prison, and I saw Upon four faces my own very aspect, Both of my hands in agony I bit; And, thinking that I did it from desire 60/Of eating, on a sudden they uprose, And said they: 'Father, much less pain 'twill give us If thou do eat of us; thyself didst clothe us With this poor flesh, and do thou strip it off.' I calmed me then, not to make them more sad. That day we all were silent, and the next. Ah! obdurate earth, wherefore didst thou not open? When we had come unto the fourth day, Gaddo Threw himself down outstretched before my feet, Saying, 'My father, why dost thou not help me?' 70/And there he died; and, as thou seest me, I saw the three fall, one by one, between The fifth day and the sixth; whence I betook me, Already blind, to groping over each, And three days called them after they were dead; Then hunger did what sorrow could not do.' When he had said this, with his eyes distorted, The wretched skull resumed he with his teeth, Which, as a dog's, upon the bone were strong. Ah! Pisa, thou opprobrium of the people 80/Of the fair land there where the 'Si' doth sound, Since slow to punish thee thy neighbours are, Let the Capraia and Gorgona move, And make a hedge across the mouth of Arno That every person in thee it may drown! For if Count Ugolino had the fame Of having in thy castles thee betrayed, Thou shouldst not on such cross have put his sons. Guiltless of any crime, thou modern Thebes! Their youth made Uguccione and Brigata, 90/And the other two my song doth name above! We passed still farther onward, where the ice Another people ruggedly enswathes, Not downward turned, but all of them reversed. Weeping itself there does not let them weep, And grief that finds a barrier in the eyes Turns itself inward to increase the anguish; Because the earliest tears a cluster form, And, in the manner of a crystal visor, Fill all the cup beneath the eyebrow full. 100/And notwithstanding that, as in a callus, Because of cold all sensibility Its station had abandoned in my face, Still it appeared to me I felt some wind; Whence I: 'My Master, who sets this in motion? Is not below here every vapour quenched?' Whence he to me: 'Very soon you'll know. You will see with your own eyes the answer, And know the source of the frigid winds.' And one of the wretches of the frozen crust 110/Cried out to us: 'O souls so merciless That the last post is given unto you, Lift from mine eyes the rigid veils, that I May vent the sorrow which impregns my heart A little, e'er the weeping recongeal.' Whence I to him: 'If thou wouldst have me help thee Say who thou wast; and if I free thee not, May I go to the bottom of the ice.' Then he replied: 'I am Friar Alberigo; He am I of the fruit of the bad garden, 120/Who here a date am getting for my fig.' 'O,' said I to him, 'now art thou, too, dead?' And he to me: 'How may my body fare Up in the world, no knowledge I possess. Such an advantage has this Ptolomaea, That oftentimes the soul descendeth here Sooner than Atropos in motion sets it. And, that thou mayest more willingly remove From off my countenance these glassy tears, Know that as soon as any soul betrays 130/As I have done, his body by a demon Is taken from him, who thereafter rules it, Until his time has wholly been revolved. Itself down rushes into such a cistern; And still perchance above appears the body Of yonder shade, that winters here behind me. This thou shouldst know, if thou hast just come down; It is Ser Branca d' Oria, and many years Have passed away since he was thus locked up.' 'I think,' said I to him, 'thou dost deceive me; 140/For Branca d' Oria is not dead as yet, And eats, and drinks, and sleeps, and puts on clothes.' 'In moat above,' said he, 'of Malebranche, There where is boiling the tenacious pitch, As yet had Michel Zanche not arrived, When this one left a devil in his stead In his own body and one near of kin, Who made together with him the betrayal. But hitherward stretch out thy hand forthwith, Open mine eyes;'--and open them I did not, 150/And to be rude to him was courtesy. Ah, Genoese! ye men at variance With every virtue, full of every vice Wherefore are ye not scattered from the world? For with the vilest spirit of Romagna I found of you one such, who for his deeds In soul already in Cocytus bathes, And still above in body seems alive! !CANTO XXXIV. 'Now we are in the pit of Hell, Now look at what lies at the core,' My Master said, 'if you can see him.' As, when there breathes a heavy fog, or when Our hemisphere is darkening into night, Appears far off a mill the wind is turning, Methought that such a building then I saw; And, for the wind, I drew myself behind My Guide, because there was no other shelter. 10/Now was I, and with fear in verse I put it, There where the shades were wholly covered up, And glimmered through like unto straws in glass. Some prone are lying, others stand erect, This with the head, and that one with the soles; Another, bow-like, face to feet inverts. When in advance so far we had proceeded, That it my Master pleased to show to me The creature who once had the beauteous semblance, He from before me moved and made me stop, 20/Saying: 'Look upon the core of Hell, And summon your most Macho of spirits!' How frozen I became and powerless then, Ask it not, Reader, for I write it not, Because all language would be insufficient. I did not die, and I alive remained not; Think for thyself now, hast thou aught of wit, What I became, being of both deprived. The Emperor of the kingdom dolorous From his mid-breast forth issued from the ice; 30/And better with a giant I compare Than do the giants with those arms of his; Consider now how great must be that whole, Which unto such a part conforms itself. Were he as fair once, as he now is foul, And lifted up his brow against his Maker, Well may proceed from him all tribulation. O, what a marvel it appeared to me, When I beheld three faces on his head! The one in front, and that vermilion was; 40/Two were the others, that were joined with this Above the middle part of either shoulder, And they were joined together at the crest; And the right-hand one seemed 'twixt white and yellow; The left was such to look upon as those Who come from where the Nile falls valley-ward. Underneath each came forth two mighty wings, Such as befitting were so great a bird; Sails of the sea I never saw so large. No feathers had they, but as of a bat 50/Their fashion was; and he was waving them, So that three winds proceeded forth therefrom. Thereby Cocytus wholly was congealed. With six eyes did he weep, and down three chins Trickled the tear-drops and the bloody drivel. At every mouth he with his teeth was crunching A sinner, in the manner of a brake, So that he three of them tormented thus. To him in front the biting was as naught Unto the clawing, for sometimes the spine 60/Utterly stripped of all the skin remained. 'That soul up there which has the greatest pain,' The Master said, 'is Judas Iscariot; You cna probably figure out why. If you look a little lower in the mouth, You can see a fellow hanging; that's Brutus. The way he writhes shows he must be in pain. The third one there is Cassius. See him? But the night is almost over now, yes? We need to press on. You've seen it all.' 70/As seemed him good, I clasped him round the neck, And he the vantage seized of time and place, And when the wings were opened wide apart, He laid fast hold upon the shaggy sides; From fell to fell descended downward then Between the thick hair and the frozen crust. When we were come to where the thigh revolves Exactly on the thickness of the haunch, The Guide, with labour and with hard-drawn breath, Turned round his head where he had had his legs, 80/And grappled to the hair, as one who mounts, So that to Hell I thought we were returning. 'Hold on tight and make sure not to slip,' The Master said, panting as one fatigued, 'We are leaving the center of evil behind.' Then through the opening of a rock he issued, And down upon the margin seated me; Then tow'rds me he outstretched his wary step. I lifted up mine eyes and thought to see Lucifer in the same way I had left him; 90/And I beheld him upward hold his legs. And if I then became disquieted, Let stolid people think who do not see What the point is beyond which I had passed. 'Rise up,' the Master said, 'on your feet; The way is long, and the road is hard, And the sun is now rising in the sky.' It was not any palace corridor There where we were, but dungeon natural, With floor uneven and unease of light. 100/'Ere from the abyss I tear myself away, My Master,' said I when I had arisen, 'To draw me from an error speak a little; Where is the ice? and how is this one fixed Thus upside down? and how in such short time From eve to morn has the sun made his transit?' And he to me: 'A wizard did it.' A place there is below, from Beelzebub As far receding as the tomb extends, Which not by sight is known, but by the sound 110/Of a small rivulet, that there descendeth Through chasm within the stone, which it has gnawed With course that winds about and slightly falls. The Guide and I into that hidden road Now entered, to return to the bright world; And without care of having any rest We mounted up, he first and I the second, Till I beheld through a round aperture Some of the beauteous things that Heaven doth bear; Thence we came forth to rebehold the stars.

#frog fractions 2

[hippyexd]

Daniel Blackwood - Day 0.

Ah shit. Here we go again. My alternative Five gets his soul crushing day 0 experience. Let's go.

It starts off pretty similarly to my main Five’s day0. Dan is out and about when chaos starts to take over the streets. He runs back to the dorms, barely managing to hold himself together. He shuts the door on himself and after calming down, he calls Max, but he doesn’t pick up.

It makes him feel even more uneasy, and he closes himself in the room, and tries to forget about what just happened. He manages to pull it off until late in the afternoon, when he hears screaming coming from down the hallway. He goes outside (he is not a smart protagonist okay) to check it out, and witnesses someone being munched by a zombie. He freezes and panics, and doesn’t have enough time to get out of the way, and he gets grabbed by a zombie. They fall over, and he barely manages to push it off of himself (it being a guy from the dorm who he knew) and run away, closing himseld into the room again.

After getting through his panic attack, he realizes he fucked up bad. He is closed in his room, the only escape is through the door and it’s blocked by a zombie. He looks around and thinks up the best solution he has - the window. Despite being pretty high, he thinks he can make it. So after grabbing a potential weapon for self defense and telling himself for half an hour that he can do this, this is just a dream and he will wake up soon, he makes a rope out of whatever he can find and starts descending.

Obviously the rope snaps halfway and he falls on his already pretty bad spine. But the adrenaline is keeping him moving, he gets up and runs for safety.

It continues for a few days, and the realization sets in that this is, in fact, happening for real. He managed to grab himself a pretty trusty weapon for self defense, but his food supplies are very low. He occasionally ran into survivors but since he couldn’t talk to them, or rather didn’t want to, he never exposed himself. But he heard them talk about the military trying their best, and making camps for survivors.

On the 4th or so day he gets trapped by zombies. He sees no way out, but in the last minute he gets saved by a group of survivors, and against all odds, Max is in the group. They take him to their camp, but that night one of the girls in the team turns. Apparently she was bit earlier but she was doing everything to hide it. So their group scatters. Max and Dan get separated again, and Max shouts “just go! Get to the base! I’ll find you!” and with those words Dan heads for the Mullins base.

Once at the base, it’s pretty much the same again. He gets a shelter if he does what he’s told. It’s mostly cleaning and building stuff, but he once finds himseld eavesdropping on a clasified mission briefing. He gets found out, but he doesn’t get punished. Since they know this mission is most likely a suicide mission, they make him join in.

When the helicopter gets shot down and crashes, he barely escapes. Once again he struggles with his panic attack a lot, until he hears Sam’s voice coming in on the headset. It’s soft and comforting, and it gives him something to hold onto. 

Also I wanna include the Voice in the Dark mission because angst is life. Basically, Dan again is panicking. He fears the dark, he fears the zombies, he fears dying out there, and he can barely breathe, when Sam comes in over the comms. Then he sees the light getting switched on and it gives him hope. He now has a direction to go, a reason to get up and go back. And Sam’s constant talking helps him through the constantly rising fear in him. Once back in Abel, they spend a good twenty minutes hugging it out, and poor Dan breaking down in tears again, stress getting to him now that the adrenaline’s gone. The next day Sam talks with Maxine who tells him about Dan’s panic attacks, and he makes a little lucky charm that Dan can hold onto whenever he feels the need for it, as a reminder that he might not be able to always talk to him, but he’ll always do everything to keep him safe.

#zombies run #runner 5 #alternative runner five #Male!Five #yes I am packing more angst into this than needed #come at me I'll fight you #he gets to be the mess he was meant to be #my feral five would never be this soft so I need this #zombie apocalypse #backstory

[bcrtonarrcws]

Meta: Claire's relationship with Barney

              HELLO, HI, YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED AN ESSAY THAT IS PROBABLY JUST A LITTLE TOO LONG, if I do say so myself and given that I wrote it, I would say you should listen.

 Anyway, the Bartons are actually my favorite comic siblings to ever exist – probably actually my two favorite comic characters ever ever. Their relationship is so dysfunctional and a little broken, yet held together by shitty guardians and a rough childhood. It’s kinda beautiful, how after everything that happened to each other, they’re still close?? Like they trust each other, tease each other, they have each other’s back?? The relationship between Clint and Barney is truly one of my favorite representations of a pair of siblings who didn’t have the easiest life, mainly because, like without the superhero nonsense, their relationship is actually very similar to my own relationship with my siblings – a severely messed up ride or die that might end with one of us killing each other.

Yet, this question is what does Barney’s and Claire’s relationship look like, not Barney’s and Clint, which despite how little it would change, does change some things. To figure out what it changes though, I’d like to head to what their relationship is like, in canon, for me. I know that the fandom has it’s own view of Barney Barton – I don’t agree with it nor particularly like it, so it’s probably best if I explain how I look at their relationship.

So Barney Barton, born Charles Bernard Barton, is the eldest of the two – no ages because this is the comics and characters can’t have canon ages ?? I guess it’ll break the suspension of disbelief but like shrugs – and he showed up in the comics in 1969, before this, he never existed. Of course this is during the age of the 60’s so most superheros didn’t really like have a life outside of the comics they were in so it’s not that big of a deal, but like still, Marvel just creates this character to be Clint’s brother, tells us he’s a racketeer that’s been on the Avenger’s radar for a while, and then kills him in the same issue, only revealing at the end that he was an undercover FBI agent.

(yeah, they gave Clint a family and then killed said family right away, sounds so similar, y’know kinda like the movie-verse which gave clint a family with very little characterization and then snapped them – no wonder I love Laura so much)

Anyway, later issues of Clint’s will explain that their parents were abusive, they died and Clint and Barney ran away from the orphanage they were in when they were like teenagers – this would be retconned to young teenagers, then implied to be younger as of the Hawkeye (2012) series, which puts Clint sleeping under the tents at age 9 (src), which could or could not imply them being their already - it’s whatever, like it’s just gonna get retconned again. Running away to the circus always puts strain on their relationship no matter what age they are though, mainly due to Clint receiving training from their mutual “father figure” Jacques DuQuesne and Barney becoming jealous; a completely and natural thing according to all child psych I’ve read, it creates an environment that allows one kid to be the “golden child” and the other to be the “scapegoat” – now of course, we don’t know much about the dynamics of their full childhood, Marvel hates sharing any information like that, but we can extrapolate a fair amount.

(also, just so everyone knows, this jealousy did not pave the way for their relationship in later comics, namely Blindspot. In that it’s very clearly stated that Barney was found by Egghead to still be slightly alive. He was then held onto, for nefarious reasons, in a healing chamber, until he was found by Baron Zemo years later who then manipulated Barney against his brother so that Baron Zemo could get his revenge against Clint Barton. I’ll say it again, Barney was used against his own brother by an evil guy who hated Clint because Clint slept with Zemo’s wife; that is where the “Cain and Abel” dynamic comes from – not childhood)

Back on the tangentially related topic I was writing about. This jealousy grows until Jacques DuQuesne leaves after Clint finds out about his illegal dealings ( though the all new hawkeye actually kinda, maybe, a little, I’m unsure, retcons this with Clint finding out about it much earlier, when he finds out about Jacques having Barney stealing from people and places and finds the hidden cache of a gun, money and some other things under Jacques’ bed??? I don’t know, I’m now a little confused if Jacques still fucks off thanks to that comic ) - of course, this is after Jacques chases Clint through the circus, cutting the high wire Clint tried to hide on. Barney tells Clint, while his brother is in the hospital (and in literally a comic that got retconned basically) that he should’ve kept his mouth shut and stuck by Jacques no matter what (can we say that that sounds like trauma?? because guess what, psych 101 says that that’s kinda sounding like trauma since Jacques was trash to these kids, like literally, fuck Jacques DuQuesne – all my friends hate him – he’s an interesting villain but fuck the whitewashing of his bullshit).

This doesn’t sour their relationship at all – no seriously, it doesn’t which uh shows that neither of them really take each other at face value anymore – and they go back to the circus, Clint heals up, starts working with Buck (a man currently being written out of the comics world which is a shame because he’s kinda important but kinda not) and then Barney decides he wants out. With Barney in the army, Clint continues down the crime street and well, now that we’ve got a bit of background (over 800 words of background), let’s get onto what their relationship is really like for Claire and Barney.

Simply put, like in the comic relationship with Clint and Barney, Barney is a protective older brother, he taught Claire how to fight and aim, how to patch up simple bruises and cuts, taught her to drink her first shot (at like age fourteen, but like what do you expect when that boy was drinking much younger???). He was her first teacher, her best teacher – yes their relationship got complicated; it’s Claire when isn’t her relationships complicated – but at the end of the day, he helped shape her into who she was.

Less simply put…

He is her everything—in all the P L A T O N I C (I’m emphasizing platonic because please don’t take this in the romantic sense, they’re fucked up but not like that; I am not Marvel, I don’t ship siblings and pretend that shit is fine.) sense of the word—he was her guardian when all the guardians around her failed to properly take care of her; he was her brother who teased her and made fun of her; he was her best friend who understood what she went through, the only other person who did; he taught her as much schooling as she would sit down and listen to, he taught her how to cook herself some basic food.

He was a father, a mother, a brother, a best friend, a moral compass – which is why when he went off to the Army, Claire found it a betrayal. She hated him for the time that he was gone, though she forgave him not long before she first shot him because she could understand that to him  (the little purple box in the third panel: Carnival of Death, of course this is how Barney would remember things) the circus was never a home, just another temporary place to stay. 

(btw this is “shooting barney” thing that is part of my main verse, is canon. Clint shot his brother, who was working undercover as a bodyguard, while Clint was breaking into a mansion with the aforementioned soon-to-be-retconned-I’m-sure-of-it Buck Chisholm, which led to Buck shooting Clint in the shoulder when he refused to leave his brother’s body and pinning him to a tree – I don’t quite recall how Clint got out of getting arrested, I’m pretty sure it never explained, but I’m rusty and not really up for pulling out some old comics to read up on) 

(I lied, here’s the comic strip: 1. 2. Clint “somehow” managed to get free, take his brother to the hospital and then leave??? yeah sure. )

Anyway, let’s get on with it. So if that was their relationship when they were younger, what is it like now?? Now that Claire has found a place – a sturdy, yet unsteady, comfortable, yet spartan, to call her own –

( and yes, this sounds angsty, but Clint has issues accepting that he is where he wants to be – Clint is always running, even when standing completely still. It’s a trauma response to his shitty childhood where they never stayed in one place for too long; even when their parents were alive, they moved from above the family butcher shop to the Barton farm. Barney had it too, but apparently a relationship helped with that (and okay, look I love Simone and Barney, but that part in All New Hawkeye rubbed me wrong as a fellow wandering child turned rootless adult; the guy needs therapy, not just a relationship – but then again, Barney Barton does not get agency or a personality outside of Clint Barton; his life must revolve around Clint Barton, even when he was on the Dark Avengers, it was about Clint – and yeah, they’re brothers, “two sides of the same coin”, and all that jazz but like I’ve got three sisters and a brother, I’m my own person at the end of the day – something Barney Barton cannot say, which means ending his story on the note of retirement and falling in love is just the best thing so they don’t have to keep finding a reason to try to remember that Clint has a brother   I’ll stop with the rant, I’m sorry.) )

   where does a man who no longer has to be a father, mother, brother, best friend, and moral compass stand when his sister has all that? Well, for the most part, he stands next to her – in my main verse at least. After he has come back wrong (Buffy much?), he finds his place standing beside his sister, no longer solely protecting her from the world (as he had always done because the world is not kind to lost little girls or boys), because he’s learned that she can, for the most part, protect herself, and Claire finds herself less on a lower standing (less of a burden in her eyes, less of a child in need of comfort) with her brother, but more like an equal, something that’s a bit of a new situation for the both of them.

In truth, Claire’s relationship with Barney is complicated and messy but it’s hers, and when you have something that’s complicated and messy, you have to figure it out, and that’s what, in my canon, she’s doing. Sure Barney isn’t around a lot - he’s got his own shit to figure out - but he’s her brother, and she loves him, and he loves her and they’re trying to get to a place where they don’t accidentally poke the trauma they’ve got and ruin a good thing. 

......

Okay, so like did any of this make sense??? I don’t know. I guess, to sum it up really quick, in my main verse - and most of my canon - I’d say Claire’s relationship with Barney is slightly yet not really awkward – it’s awkward because once upon a time, it was simple. Yet at the same time, it’s a really important relationship because Claire was shaped by her brother (and of course all those shitty adults because there are no good mentors in the Marvel world, not for kids at least).

Idk, this is really just me rambling. Like I should just state that tis is just Mun taking all the retcons that Marvel stuck her babies through and trying to make sense of them along with a healthy dose of a smattering of psychology shoved all about because unlike Marvel, I have no desire to ignore the C-PTSD/PTSD that seems to follow both boys around thanks to their childhood – of course this crazy amount of words actually kinda ignores all the trauma they have as adults, but that’s a whole nother post for some other day

I also know that I carry some ~controversial ~ barney barton views - ie. he’s not a villain and that him and clint share a close relationship, that he isn’t dumb muscle (bitch got a 1350 SAT score with like minimal schooling, i’d like to see you do that) and that he wasn’t a shit older brother when they were kids - i’m not apologizing for them. not at all. i will never apologize for them. characters are more than one dimensional and if i gotta be the one to wade through all this vague ass bullshit to get those other two dimensions then i’m going to do just that, which i have done. 

plus it doesn’t even matter because through all the retcons clint and barney has gone through, this is what their relationship is; a fucked up dysfunctional sibling relationship gone off the rails when Barney was brought back from the dead and manipulated/brainwashed into hating his brother. it eventually got better, how? we’ve got none of that, but it did and and at the end of the day, as clint said:

#murder-popsicle #/ i am so sorry this is so long #it's over 2000 words cause i couldn't shut up #long post #general trauma tw #child abuse tw #⤗ your friendly neighborhood wine aunt : bubbles speaks ❛ ooc ❜ #⤗ the past is only a story : headcanons ❛ meta ❜ #⤗ i am a leaf on the queue : queue ❛ claire barton ❜ #⤗ sometimes your moral compass gets fucked up a little : barney barton ❛ brother barton❜

[painforcain]

ℭ𝔞𝔦𝔫, 𝔉𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔬𝔣 𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔰

!!!READ AT LEAST THE RULES BEFORE INTERACTING, PLEASE!!!

Laptop navigation here

RULES

This is a place for 21+ only. Take it seriously. If I find out you’re a minor, you will be blocked, no exceptions.

I am Rune Crow and I am 30+. My preferred pronoun is they/them. I work with Norse gods and I consider myself a polytheist heathen. I respect the religion I pulled Cain out of, but I do not follow it.

Warnings: usage of alcohol/drugs, sadism, masochism, blood, injury, gore, mutilation, emotional-physical abuse, dubcon.

This isn't my happy place.

I don't come here to play nice. I will talk you through what Cain will do next and if you agree, only if you give consent, he's going to do what he wishes and I won't water him down. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're free of course to drop the thread.

But there's a very important thing I need to address:

Cain isn't a good character. He's a sadist. He's abusive. Towards himself and others as well. He's destructive and self-destructive. If this makes you uncomfortable PLEASE do not interact, I don't want to trigger you. I want you to have fun with me; this blog and character was born because life isn't always happy, bad things happen. I'm in a bad place right now which called for such a character but it doesn't mean I want to make you feel bad with it. I need to let out shit.

Please remember this. This is where I come to blow off steam. I don't want to hurt you with it.

If you agree to all I've stated above, and you still want to roleplay with Cain, here's a starter call.

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Mains

Roleplayers listed below would get a reply faster and more often. This does not mean I won't reply to everyone else I have threads with. It just means I'll be slightly slower with those.

@the-raven-dhampir

@lxnleybatbxy and side blogs, respectively

@lxnelysxul and side blogs, respectively

@foxytonic and side blogs, respectively

@obscurebelief and side blogs, respectively

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About Cain

(I will come back to this part and add additional information about Cain as I go.)

[Name] Cain

[Age] 156,000+

[Birthday] 28. February

[Height] 185 cm

[Weight] 79 kg

[Build] Athletic

[Family] Adam (father, deceased), Eve (mother, deceased), Abel (brother, deceased)

Cain was the first human to be born to Adam and Eve. He was just as devoted to God as his brother, Abel, and offered the best he could find to God. Still, God preferred Abel’s sacrifices. Cain didn’t like that. As he wandered in the wilderness to somehow offer something better to God, he met a snake. But not an ordinary snake: one which spoke.

[Sexual preferences] Pansexual, switch, BDSM, hardcore masochist, sadist

[Face claim] Remington Leith

“Do you want to be greater than Abel?” It hissed.

“Yes!” Cain replied greedily. “Make me better than Abel!”

The snake, as an answer, bit him. He was sick for days afterwards and his body became cold, he started to shun the sun and didn’t eat food anymore. He was faster, stronger and better, but God still didn’t like him as much as He liked Abel.

Cain felt burning thirst which built and built over time. Nothing he ate and drank eased it. One night he got into an argument with Abel about their offerings to God, and Cain shoved Abel against a tree. Abel scraped his arm and bled a little. As soon as Cain felt the smell of blood, he was upon his brother in a second, tore his neck open and drained him dry.

This was the first death, caused by Cain on Earth, but far from the last.

God condemned him to a life of wandering. His family chased him away and he wanders the Earth ever since then.

He’d killed billions throughout his years as Earth’s first vampire, and fathered thousands of bloodsuckers as well. Generations come and go and he remained, unable to die unlike lesser vampires, but craving pain in any and all form - both due to a punishment cited out by God. His favourite times were the middle ages when he purposefully got himself caught to get tortured, but he doesn’t shy away from torturing others, either.

Nowadays, he works in retail - he is a masochist, after all -, and won’t hesitate to charm and kill people… or bed them before he kills them.

Tread carefully: Cain is not a good character.

As the centuries passed by, Cain created thousands of vampires. He thinks of them as his children, and guides them as he sees fit. With the selected few, he started working with them very early, creating underground facilities all across the globe. Nowadays these facilities are for housing newborn vampires - created by Cain or his children -, to help them get used to their power and enhanced senses, for training, meetings and other gatherings. These places have enough blood to keep the vampire population in the city fed.

These facilities are also safe havens for any vampires looking for aid. Cain's power is vast in the modern age, and he has endless resources. He builds his vampiric empire even now, and perhaps one day, when he sees a fitting candidate to lead his children, he'd allow them to go against humanity.

In this new Dark Age, he would be the mind behind the vampires' leader.

Cain's bite is strong enough to turn mortals into vampires. This also applies to those he created. There's no need for blooding mortals, unless the vampire is far off from Cain's original bloodline. The turning only happens if he wants it, he's the only one who can control that.

Cain has several mansions across the globe, each big enough for hundreds of people.

The house has a security system which can lock the entire place down with stainless steel shields. Getting out is out of question unless he allows it. There're so many rooms anyone would get lost in there, many of them locked.

Some secluded mansions also have a garden. The garden itself is usually an impossibly big labyrinth... and at some mansions, there's also a vast graveyard nearby. Those graveyards hold the remains of his countless spouses.

Humans there feel like the place is cursed. They're probably right.

Cain has some moral code. He doesn't hurt children or animals. And he particularly hates people who hurt children or animals.

Cain works in a shop he owns, the Fanged Legion. This shop sells rock and metal bands' merchandise, and in general, dark/goth goods. Sometimes he goes there to meet new people... who might end up as his next victims.

___________________________________

Cain has countless supporters and protectors. I'll list those your muse might encounter in my roleplays.

[Name] Camille de La Fayette

[Age] 626, born in 1396

[Height] 168 cm

[Weight] 67 kg

[Build] Mesomorph

[Family] Gilbert Motier de La Fayette (father, deceased), unknown (mother, deceased)

[Sexual preferences] Bisexual

[Face claim] Odette Annable

Camille was born as an illegitimate daughter to Gilbert Motier de La Fayette. Given the fact Gilbert was too young, the court tried to keep this quiet, and they paid a handsome amount of money to ditch the child after she was born.

Cain found the baby. He found out her origin and raised her as his own. Camille grew up to be loyal and thankful to Cain, and when he offered her his curse, she did not hesitate to accept it. She's serving Cain with all she has acquired to repay him for not leaving her out in the cold to die.

___________________________________

Cain has a servant in one of his mansions.

She’s Drusilla Featherwill, an old OC I haven’t used in ages.

In this verse she is an assassin who’s task was, obviously, to kill Cain. Ending up as his servant, collar with a padlock and ankle cuffs with a chain, you can imagine how well that went.

I’ll discuss with all of you first if you want to interact with her, and you’re welcome to address her through our roleplays here.

___________________________________

Cursed Cain

Provocative

Stalks

Flirts

Tries to pick fights

Loves to cause pain

Kills people

Can behave if not bored

Gets off on extreme pain

Enjoys and craves to be restrained and tortured

Feels fulfilled and satisfied if he's beaten up a lot

'Zoned out', 'clear minded' Cain [comes out very rarely]

Comes out after Cursed Cain had been knocked out with pain

Stays until he's healed completely

Won't remember this 'clear' period

Needs aftercare

Very clingy

Apologizes a lot

Can't hurt a fly

Terrified of pain

Terrified of confined spaces

Terrified of being held down

Terrified of being left alone in this vulnerable state

Both Cains

Fidgety

Restless

Bouncy legs

Moves like a cat

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#curse of cain [musings] #about; cain #must read before interacting #Updated: #2023.03.02.

[incarnateirony]

Oh! You have my attention now. Can you elaborate on your spec about Midam? I’m a little confused about all the vessel sharing (I‘m bad at remembering things and I forget the details, it’s why I love your meta, it jogs my memory ☺️) but I admit I’m a bit confused. Who is Jack sharing with? How do they defeat Lucifer? How do Cas and Dean merge?

Jack’s wasn’t literally vessel sharing, but there’s been a particular emphasis in *someone else wanders around inside someone’s head* when “Lucifer” (who I ironically suspect to have been Chuck, actually) was wandering around prodding Jack. I’m not here to get into a whole breakdown of why I think it was Chuck in this ask, so I’ll move on from that unless I get another ask:

I have a feeling Lucifer and Michael are going to face each other. We’ve seen from “leaks”, or more on the spot trashed call sheets, tells us Lucifer is going to be teaming up with Chuck. I dunno if it’s trying to earn daddy’s “love” back, or what have you-- but they’re working together. Michael, having learned about daddy’s lies and history and been completely forlorn may actually stand (or go out standing for) the Winchesters, maybe even defeats Lucifer, maybe even gets killed by Chuck. The fact that Jake Abel posted a “vs” of Michael and Lucifer’s names on trailers with little video game battle avatars says a lot to be honest. What says more is that now I can’t find it a few days later so I wonder if he deleted it. Or I just suck at searching.

Bear in mind the “joint vessel” thing is a shot in the dark speculation. I know a lot of people put a lot of faith in my spec and there are a LOT of things that I speak very, very confidently in because I do see as near-certainties, but this is more of an earmark on a page I see potential written out on. While I expect base story beats to remain the same (eg, the general intent of the story with minor covid-flexible tweaks), the potential for change in the details between leaves room for me to poke and turn over miscellaneous ideas. This is one of them. 

All year I’ve been banging on about sacred marriage symbolism, be it 15.03, 15.09 or 15.13 and the inevitable “potential” of Dean and Cas’ recurring imagery making them join in a solution together. The passing of a philosopher’s stone--be it the Mark sphere in 15.09 or the occultum in 15.13--from the role of Emperor, to Empress, to AeonChild (in the shadow of Joseph, Mary and Jesus in 15.13 to land with Jack as the next generation; but also the promethean era of Sam in 15.09, with Jack and Sam maintaining their flanking roles and parallelism)--has a lot of potential.

I could prattle on about alchemy and tarot for ages, but I don’t think that’s the real point of your ask as much as, I’ve been trying to sort out where the sacred union is going to pan out and how. Was the Haxan Ring mentioned in 15.03 a general reminder of powered rings with Dean’s history with Death’s Ring, after Cas “took the decoder ring out of the box”? We know the key to Death’s library is in the bunker. Is Dean going to figuratively supplant Death (we can’t trust her plan is truly A-OK if the Shadow will be able to “go to sleep” afterward and has no place for Cas--ergo, Cas isn’t what’s keeping it awake--ergo, what makes it sleep again?) just as Sam is standing as the heroic mirror against Chuck and Cas is framed as Amara again and again through history, but especially 15.2/3? Is Dean going to bust into Death’s library and grab her shit to go try to drag Cas out of the empty? Is HE going to follow the Death is an Infinite Vessel I’ve considered in Cas’ court, even if I see it as Cas doing the Rowena-mirror unbirthing to tether him to heaven? Maybe they end up quite literally conjoined in the process of pulling him out of the Empty if he doesn’t have a vessel to go back to. Who knows! There’s a lot of ways this could pan out within the SPN verse.

Again, that’s the part I’m hazy and less than 100% certain on: I’m not saying “dual vessel” or a far more literal “Cas, get in my head” (14.03) in mirror of 12.12, 14.19, 15.08 et al is a certain thing, but it’s just something I’ve been sort of earmarking potential hints for over and over. It’s not the only way it could be illustrated.

I’ve essentially been meditating on this for a long time, parts of it show in my Destiny’s Reflection video after 7:40, even if not the dual vessel idea in particular,

#supernatural #spn #pagan life #meta #my meta #speculation

[exalok]

whaddup my dudes!!!

i am tired and wired and this means brain no writey but brain VERY focused on absolutely all the fic i have going on at once that aren’t prompts (prompts will be incoming, no worries dissociation anon)

and THAT means y’all get to hear about my many. many. MANY projects, or at least the ones that make my heart go pitter patter when i think of them

a few examples: demon!corvo and priest!daud with extra worldbuilding ; the naptime cuddles AU ; corvo doesn’t come to dunwall so jess and daud end up arranged-married for profit (more info..... under the readmore..... i’m gonna get rambly)

also feel free to ask questions, i love questions and they get me thinking even more in depth about the world and specific instances of characters and that is the entire POINT

LIKE OKAY SO MY BRAIN PRETTY MUCH CONTINUOUSLY THROWS IDEAS AT THE WALL AND ABOUT 95% OF THEM STICK BECAUSE I’M A HOARDING RAT BASTARD i love my ideas they are my precioussss

i might have about. 25 fic more or less active at the moment? which sounds like a reasonable number but those are the ones i have an actual plot for as well as the will to get them out into the world

let’s put aside the ones i have actually posted on tumblr or ao3 (teen!daud, domestic zombie apocalypse, bondageverse, knife!corvo) in favor of those you have either no or little idea exist. begin:

I MEAN OBVIOUSLY I MADE FANFIC OF MY OWN FANFIC or as i call it parallel/companion fic, because at some point in the past a prompter inspired me and i was deep in the prince!daud fic at the time and i thought what if high chaos. what if void monster corvo? what if horrifying yet human creature of the depths!!! what if EVERYTHING was TERRIBLE and daud killed corvo as a last ditch and vain attempt to get his people out of burrows’ clutches, and it all went to shit from there??? also they’re bound by marriage contract and the vagaries of magical intention and daud becomes corvo’s life battery, in essence, which you can imagine leads to a very unhealthy relationship i think it’s not spoilering much to tell you it does NOT end well, and i’ll be writing it as a sort of foil to low chaos prince!daud

i have quite a few high chaos fics actually. high chaos is depressing to play but the story outcomes are DELICIOUS and the degrading world and character motivations are a lot of fun to play around in

weirdly enough another one of these high chaos fics is the naptime cuddles AU!!! i won’t lie it’s the one i am currently on and i want to talk about it to everyone so bad constantly. in short, corvo doesn’t kill daud and the whalers because he’s trying to get out and currently too fucked up to fight, and when he doesn’t manage to save emily despite his best efforts he comes back to daud for some kind of symbolic execution. meanwhile thomas convinced daud to take a goddamn nap with him there because daud, despite his paranoia, does sleep better with people around, and this is entirely an excuse for semi-platonic daudthomascorvo cuddles in bed followed by whaler puppypiles when the gang catches on that this is a thing they can do now I LOVE PUPPYPILE WHALERS I LOVE NAPS I LOVE REDEMPTION THROUGH THE POWER OF RESTORATIVE SLEEP please i’m so tired and i can’t actually fall asleep next to people let me live my dream vicariously additionally: this will be my contribution to the absolutely wonderful whaler vineyard of old fanon

there is also what i feel should be a classic and ISN’T though a couple of fics were written around the concept and one in particular is /chef kiss, and the concept is: high chaos corvo meets low chaos corvo!!!!! i made it a threesome with daud because no one can stop me and i fucking LOVE the idea of daud ending up capable of telling them apart through tiny details even when high chaos corvo, bastard that he is, tries to impersonate low chaos corvo, who is a bastard in much more subtle ways and would probably be better at impersonating hc!c than the other way around but finds it distasteful; also i added intense body horror because that’s how i roll and there are eventual magical CONSEQUENCES to hc!c being in the low chaos world and regularly in contact with what is essentially his narrative double when he doesn’t belong there, probably ends in a tragically bittersweet way, i’m not completely clear on it yet though i do have ideas

and oh man......... the time travel corvo fic.... the one where high chaos corvo ends up in his own seven-year-old body........... fuck i hashed out so much of the general worldbuilding for that one and ended up going way too far and imagining a sequel like i always do where corvo learns how to walk universes and gathers people he cares about from places where he can actually save them from their eventual tragic futures and the dissolution of their timelines once the outsider is ousted from the void and a new void avatar is made and SHENANIGANS YO!!! SHENANIGANS AND CAMPING!!!! SELF-CROSSOVERS!!!!!!! I COULD HAVE HIM MEET HIMSELF IF HE HADN’T TRAVELED BACK I’M CRYING I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS

the one where corvo is a fae child is probably a lil bit high chaos though it isn’t determined yet, and he has all of these instincts with regards to possessing and exchange and deals, and assumptions as to how other people must work approximately the same, and he is so wrong. then there’s the really creepy bad touch possible sequel that i won’t get into unless someone specifically asks because it’s a lil bit much really

oh MAN oh SHIT speaking of bad touch there’s another dead dove do not eat one where i grabbed an entire handful of granny rags’ apparent fucking around with magical arrays and rune creation and general spellery and threw it at corvo post-interregnum and he sees “ghosts” and doesn’t understand what the FUCK is going on and things go really badly for him, and one ghost, soon the only ghost, is daud, and corvo doesn’t know if he’s real, if he’s seeing things, if he’s NOT seeing things but daud is some kind of void demon, if he is and also having psychotic breaks he doesn’t remember because he ends up with some hellish bruises, but the real daud is actually still out there just hiding out and corvo will eventually meet up with him and real daud will meet fake daud and even more shit will happen

god, the demon!corvo AU gets pretty fucked up as well if i remember right; corvo is both some dude with a wife and kid and the demon that inhabits him, jess is his wife and the demon that inhabits her (to be clear, separate characters but both based on either jess or corvo oh my GOD what if i switched the demons that would be amazing but no, calm down, maybe for a short what-if scenario that will inevitably turn into its own thing), daud is the overseer with the really good exorcism record trying to get the demons to fuck off except he thinks there’s only one of them and the other takes him by surprise; cue daud being hunted by that demon, furious that daud shattered his favorite pupil, and some revelations about what exactly lives inside the abbey and also under it

on a somewhat lighter note, the one where corvo never comes to dunwall (i think his mom gets sick and he doesn’t win the blade verbena at sixteen?) is also where jess keeps losing her royal protectors to assassination attempts because the first one was decent and died protecting her and the second one was decent and had an accident and people start believing there’s a curse on the position or a curse on her, and she’s like okay so how do i make sure i don’t die now that no one is willing to become my protector since it’s pretty much a death sentence, and she arranges a meeting with the best assassin in the city and suggests an alliance -- protection and some commission overview, all secret, versus funding and housing -- in the form of a marriage and daud ends up agreeing; then later duke abele visits and corvo is among his personal guard and he gets to meet the empress, and the assassin, and there are ot3 shenanigans

oh my GOD also the kids in karnaca AU. obviously. fuck you may have seen the (dis)armingly charmed notefic but this would be them meeting as actual kids, in karnaca, just tiny babies, daud recently kidnapped and corvo doing his best to make this cool older kid into his friend and also maybe hiding him from the people who want to train him to do Illegal Things, and there are dumb childish arguments and daud goes on the run to avoid capture and there is an exchange of letters that at one point stops and corvo is Devastated and there is a REUNION and they are ADORABLE but also INCREDIBLY STUPID, AS IS RIGHT AND CORRECT, and i don’t know what happens later but it gives me warm fuzzies okay

then i have a NUMBER of oneshots that are more or less plotted out, like the one where jess has a kind of groundhog day because Heart reasons but over months and starts out not quite remembering what happened in past attempts and OF COURSE it ends with royal ot3; and there’s the one where Daud becomes the Outsider and is very temporally confused and OF COURSE it ends with corvodaud who do you take me for (including Very Perplexing arguments where daud doesn’t know at what point in this relationship’s development he is and corvo is angry or very patient depending on where he accidentally time travels to, and i make some assumptions about the non-linearity of the void avatar’s existence); and there’s the one where corvo catches the plague and gets through kingsparrow to get emily out then to people he trusts, ie the curnows and sam beechworth, then crawls away to die, but daud finds him and sighs and rolls up his sleeves and sends whalers to the Tower and emily thinks the Tower is haunted then, when it becomes very clear the Tower is not, demands one of these assassins teach her how to stab a bitch; AND THERE’S THE ONE WHERE CORVO AND JESS ARE GHOSTS AND DAUD IS A REAL ESTATE AGENT AND THE WHALERS ARE THE KIDS HE TRIED TO HELP OUT AS A SOCIAL WORKER and yes it’s ot3 and yes he buys the ghost house and ends up being filmed by the whalers to do cooking videos and fancy knife tricks and asmr because his voice is insanely soothing when he’s not being ornery; oh fuck and there’s the one where i wrote an unrequited corvodaud prompt and my brain grabbed it, smelled it, and decided that corvo very reluctantly falling for daud was necessary to the health of my feelings, and there is at least one (1) sleeping beauty coma while corvo yells at the outsider about the Heart; also there’s the one where in D2 billie was evasive about the old guy living with her on her boat and em finds daud rather than sokolov in jindosh’s basement and they have long, emotional discussions; and for the character building hell of it one that would span the outsider’s beginnings and growth and how the void tries to welcome him in

okay........................ i think i’m done rambling now

i love fanfic y’all

#dishonored #writins #so many writins #gonna have me a nap now