#The Lash Outs

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person' #but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know? #and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bigfatbreak]

For the Viceroy AU, how does Tom figure out Gabriel was the one responsible?

#dad villain au #my art #charity ball arc #tom dupain cheng #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #kagami tsurugi #felix fathom #gabriel agreste #viceroy #all he had to do was gather the rich elite of paris and set a trap honestly #once he figured out Hawkmoth was rich it was a matter of luring the fuckhead out into a vulnerable position #and Gabriel with zero power; just a human man; would of course react violently to the images of his nemesis #he's got no leash left on anyone so he had to lash out lmao

[liimonadas]

im actually obsessed with 2-4 phoenix he is tired of all this bullshit. i love how he does not say a word for like 5 minutes after edgeworth enters the room

#hes on no hours of sleep running on anxiety barely processing what just happened #i think hes allowed to lash out a little #im trying to get more comfortable posting doodles here because ive been doodling a lot to cope w the stress lol #phoenix wright #miles edgworth #franziska von karma #farewell my turnabout #ace attorney #fanart #art

[ieidolon]

Insane to me that certain comic book creators who shall not be named dismissed Jonathan Harker as a "milk sop" and a boring character. White-haired avenger with ambiguously vampiric superstrength Jonathan Harker. Most violent and unhinged member of the vampire hunters Jonathan Harker. Ran at Dracula with a kukri knife without skipping a beat and then tried to climb out of a window to pursue him Jonathan Harker. "Like a living flame" Jonathan Harker. Calls his bond with his wife "the holiest love" and determines that if she becomes a vampire, even if Dracula calls her to his side, "she shall not go into that dark night alone" Jonathan Harker. You know. That one.

#dracula #dracula daily #Jonathan Harker is almost tailor-made to be hot to a certain audience demographic #he's traumatized and angry #but not at his wife #never at his wife #he has more reasons than anyone to hate/fear vampires #but if it's his wife #he trusts her implicitly #he has more reasons than anyone else to hate Dracula in particular #but if that's where his wife is going #you bet he's going to follow her #he is so extremely devoted to her #it's the exact contrast you see in so many bad boy romances #between traumatized lashing out and gentle tender protective love

[5mcsinatrenchcoat]

To whomever it may concern: Karlach without make up (and with scars). Bless the modders.

#bg3 #listen I can easily see Shadowheart spending an hour every morning to do her make up and Lae'zel's is arguably warpaint #but with Karlach? a soldier in survival mode who also can't sit still for five minutes? #yeah nah #also abscence of eyeshadow kinda makes her asian features even more obvious #let it be known I restricted myself to ten screenshots but actually I have a whole folder by now. #also I can't quite figure out if she still has eyeliner on or if her lashes are just that nice abdbtbtbtb #EDIT: MODS ARE NAMED IN THE REPLIES SECTION

[lotus-pear]

the fine people of bsd tumblr have asked for fem skk and i shall give it to them

#bsd one of the realest animes out there for having unisex outifits i didn't have to change anything (yes this probably defeats the point) #i normally hate feminized male characters bc nine times out of ten they become hypersexualized and/or lose their og outfit #bc ladies can't wear pants?? god forbid. no. give them a miniskirt or ridiculously skintight see through leggings/stockings #i was extremely normal drawing this tbh. i totally wasn't falling in love w my own sketch. god i love women <33 #also if any one of you points out that chuuya looks the same but w longer lashes i will cry😭 #i couldn't give him long hair he looked too different pls hear me out ik i robbed you guys but pls forgive me #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #fem soukoku #fem skk #(<- is that a tag???) #bsd #lotus draws

[shitpostingkats]

Oh to have the poetic symbiosis of a rogue who bites people when he’s stressed and a barbarian who becomes resistant to physical damage when he’s protecting his friends

#we learned something VERY IMPORTANT today and it is that riz is a BITER and gorgug LETS HIMSELF BE BITTEN #your honor I love their friendship #something something the poetry of being lashing out when ypur overwhelmed finding a friend in someone whos interest are taking hits #and fixing things #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #dimension 20 fhjy #dimension 20 fantasy high #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring

[latenightsundayblues]

And in the final stretch of time just when nobody thought they'd do it BLUES COMES IN LIKE LIGHTNING TO DELIVER THEIR YEARLY LEGALLY MANDATED HALLOWEEN DRAWING AND TAKE THEIR 3 FOLLOWERS BY STOOORMMMMM

Theyre all having a little costume party at a hideout and nobody's dead and strahm's there too and everything's fine and ok and dandy and peaceful and lively on planet earth

Also strahm being a fucking buzzkill lmfao

#oh my GOD the speed i picked up to finish this in time #i was so scared i couldnt make it man anxiety got my cheeks clenched up.......... #gordon went on bing searched for “horror movie doctors and randomly plucked herbert off the list #adam spends the next 30 minutes of the party hoarding lawrence to explain the lore of Evil Dead to him and its not particularly pleasant #nobody wants to sweep in to save gordon in case they get stuck in adam's quicksand of words as well tho lmfao #they just apologetically side-eye him and ignore the death stare he throws back #lashing out is a cornered dog's only line of defense after all........ #latenightsundayblues art tag #saw #saw fanart #saw movies #adam faulkner stanheight #adam faulkner #adam stanheight #lawrence gordon #peter strahm #mark hoffman #amanda young #john kramer #coffinshipping #hoffstrahm #chainshipping

[cemeterything]

i do think it's like a little bit hysterical that the #1 go-to way to emphasize sexual dimorphism between men and women in art is to be like "men don't have eyelashes"

#🐉 #if you transition from female to male in cartoon world your lashes fall out instantly

[ren-144p]

something about the first few episodes of the terror having so many numbers. the men, the provisions, the inventory; but also the tension of counting. the scene where goodsir takes a picture of john franklin and his men and he's counting down the seconds. the lashes being counted down during hickey's punishment. and something about how in later episodes, numbers get lost. dates get forgotten. counting just stops. all of it becomes insignificant. like it was a countdown at first but now the time is just running out instead

#the terror #the terror amc #just some thoughts #loved the tension this show managed to build with countdowns and numbers #especially the countdowns that happened in real time like the ones mentioned #i was stressed out of my mind counting down seconds along with mr. goodsir #and i was counting in sheer shock during hickey's lashing #technically i know not all numbers went away; they still count guns in the camp later on for example #but the way they talk about food for one. the way at some point it switches from every can being accounted for #to 'we're mostly down to biscuits‚ tea and chocolate' #because the numbers don't matter anymore; all that matters it's that it is not enough #i dunno man!! numbers! i love when numbers and countdowns are utilized well to bring more horror and tension to the situation! #ren.txt

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Daddy, don't go.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang fengmian #Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up. #I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children. #But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.' #You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time? #I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater. #And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe. #The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly. #The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic. #I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out. #This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.

[duckytree]

somehow i ended up on horrid henry twitter after years of forgetting it existed and i remembered how messed up his home life is. true british suburban horror

#horrid henry #art #fanart #rude ralph #duckytree #it’s like anti caillou #when i was a kid i thought he was the worst cause everyone in his life said so #and then i rewatch it as an adult and im like #oh #that kid has behavioural conditions and is gaslit into thinking he’s the worst #of course he’s going to lash out

[bamsara]

"you wrote this character lashing out/yelling at this other character over something i deem as unjustified, thats terrible" yes thats the point. that is conflict in storytelling. it's not supposed to make you feel good. if every character behaved perfectly at the start of every story then there's literally no character development or growth to be done and you have character that not a single soul can relate to.

#for context this is over the monty lashing out at yn scene #sara shush #vent

[jmtorres]

so a post wandered across my dash where someone had gotten a transphobic butthole commenting on their fic, and they were asking their followers go tell this person to kill themselves

and i said, have you considered telling people to kill themselves is an abusive tactic and maybe the proportionate response would be to delete the idiotic comment [alas blocking was not available as the coward hadn't logged in]

to their credit, this person blocked me rather than sending me abuse (though if they replied, I can't see it because they blocked, oh well)

but like. it kinda bothers me that someone i follow thought this was cool to reblog. i thought me and my mutuals were on the same page here. we don't tell people to kill themselves. we especially do not incite others to send someone a slew of such messages. we tell bigoted idiots off, block them when possible, report them if we can nail what they said to a hate speech or threat policy.

we do not tell people to kill themselves.

if you think it's acceptable to send someone a "kys" message for literally any reason please go ahead and block me, I don't want to know you.

#how to tumblr #fandom #discourse #i hope anyone who will be triggered by the phrase has it filtered in post text #how to behave online #i don't see how this is a difficult stance #yet apparently it's common for people to lash out this way

[felsicveins]

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, darling you give love a bad name

#trolls #jd ex husband #this is the day they broke up!!!!!! flash back #trolls 3 #trolls band together #john dory #trolls oc #trolls oc julien #jd trolls #john dory trolls #AHAHA wellllll..... #cursing #idk if i have to tag that but #it was time we saw julien get mean and nasty #he is very insecure and he lashes out very easily #marriage is about schemes and kicking each others tender flesh