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pucksandpower · 6 days

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Made with Love

Charles Leclerc x amateur baker!Reader

Summary: in which Charles would rather risk the entire paddock getting food poisoning (again) than break your heart by telling you that your baking is horrible

You hum to yourself as you pull a tray of freshly baked cupcakes out of the oven. The sweet, chocolaty aroma fills Charles’ kitchen, making your mouth water.

This batch is sure to be perfect! You’ve been practicing your baking skills for months now, determined to get it just right.

Charles wanders into the kitchen, drawn by the scent. “Mmm, something smells good in here!”

He peers over your shoulder at the tray of cupcakes. They’re a bit misshapen, with cracked tops that deflated the second they were taken out of the oven. The frosting is glopped on unevenly.

To you, they look absolutely mouthwatering. To Charles, they look … well, he loves you too much to say.

“Try one!” You urge, holding out a cupcake. Charles flashes you a hesitant smile before taking it. He peels back the liner and takes a bite. His eyes widen and he forces himself to chew and swallow.

“Well? How is it?” You ask eagerly.

Charles clears his throat. “It’s, uh, it’s great. Your best batch yet,” he lies. In truth, it’s dry and dense, with a strange bitter aftertaste. But the delight on your face makes the fib worth it.

You throw your arms around him in a hug. “Yay! I can’t wait to share them with the team this weekend.”

Charles’ stomach drops. The thought of the entire paddock pretending to enjoy your baking makes him cringe internally. But he plasters on a smile. “What a nice idea! I’m sure they’ll love them.”

The two of you arrive at the circuit and you can barely contain your excitement as you carry a large container of cupcakes into the paddock. Charles trails behind you, backpack slung over one shoulder, his other arm wrapped around your waist. He presses a quick kiss to your temple before you flit off to distribute your baked goods.

You first approach Max Verstappen, holding out a cupcake with rainbow sprinkles. “Here Max, have one!”

Max eyes the treat dubiously but accepts it with a polite smile. “Thanks Y/N, that’s really nice of you.”

You beam and turn to Charles, missing the look of apprehension on Max’s face. Charles catches Max’s eye and draws a finger across his throat in warning. Max’s eyes widen but he nods in understanding. Charles won’t let anything ruin your mood today.

You make your way through the paddock, handing cupcakes to mechanics, engineers, PR reps, reporters, team principals, and drivers. Charles hovers behind you, keeping a watchful eye on each recipient.

Daniel Ricciardo visibly gags on his first bite when you turn away. Charles glares and shakes his head sharply. Daniel rearranges his face into a smile and gives a thumbs up.

Lando Norris takes an overly large bite and Charles has to pound on his back as he chokes it down.

Esteban Ocon discreetly spits his cupcake into a napkin when you’re not looking. Charles lunges forward and grabs his arm, squeezing tightly until Esteban wheezes out “Delicious!”

You remain blissfully unaware of the chaos that falls over the paddock in your wake, oblivious to Charles’ desperate interventions. All you see are your friends and acquaintances enjoying your baking.

When you finally offer a cupcake to Charles, he takes it and eats the whole thing without hesitation. Because even if it tastes like sugary sawdust, the delight on your face makes it the best treat in the world.

“Wasn’t that fun?” You gush to Charles afterwards. “I can’t wait to try out a new recipe soon!”

Charles just kisses your frosting-smudged nose and says, “I can’t wait either, mon amour.” As long as you’re happy, he’ll choke down all the questionable cupcakes you offer. Because your smile is the only thing that matters.

***

The paddock is bustling with activity as you and Charles arrive for the next race weekend, yet another batch of fresh baked goods in hand. You’re eager to share your latest creations — classic chocolate chunk cookies. You spent hours carefully following the recipe, determined to get them just right.

As you make your rounds distributing cookies, the reactions are the usual mix of forced smiles and discreet spitting. Charles trails behind you, glaring at anyone who doesn’t immediately rave about how delicious they are. The drivers and mechanics quickly catch on, showering you with praise and shooting Charles grateful looks when he turns you away.

You finally offer a cookie to Graham, a mechanic from the Mercedes team. He takes it hesitantly, eyeing Charles standing behind you. But Graham is new to the paddock and unaware of the baked goods situation.

He takes a bite and immediately grimaces. “Ugh, these taste terrible!” He blurts out.

You gasp, stumbling back as if struck. Tears well up in your eyes. Charles is at your side in an instant, pulling you into a comforting hug. Over your shoulder, he shoots Graham a look of absolute rage.

Graham realizes his mistake too late, shame washing over his face. “I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean ...” he stammers. But you’re already pulling away from Charles and rushing off, sobbing.

Charles turns on Graham, eyes blazing. “How could you? All she ever wants to do is make others happy!” Graham cowers before him, other mechanics backing away nervously.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Graham says miserably.

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” Charles snarls. “You stay away from her, you hear me?” Graham nods shakily. Satisfied the message is received, Charles races after you.

He finds you behind the garage, face buried in your hands. “Oh mon ange,” Charles murmurs, wrapping you in his arms. “Don’t listen to him, your cookies are perfect.”

You cling to Charles, sniffling. “I just wanted to do something nice for everyone. But I’m so horrible at baking!”

Charles tilts your chin up. “You listen to me. You have the biggest, kindest heart. It doesn’t matter if the cookies are a little, er, overdone. What matters is you put love into making them. Don’t let someone like Graham get you down.”

You smile tremulously. “Have I told you lately that you’re the best boyfriend ever?”

Charles grins. “Hmm, I don’t mind hearing it again.” Laughing through your tears, you tell him again, punctuating it with a kiss.

After ensuring you’re okay, Charles seeks out Graham. “I trust you’ll be more considerate going forward?” Graham nods meekly. “Good. But just so we’re clear, if you upset her again, you’ll be out of this paddock for good.”

The next day, the news breaks that Graham has been dismissed from the Mercedes team for “attitude issues.” You feel a bit guilty, hoping your cookies didn’t cause him to lose his job. But Charles seems strangely satisfied, so you don’t dwell on it.

From then on, Charles redoubles his efforts to protect your feelings whenever you provide baked goods. The paddock falls in line, fawning over your overly salty pretzels and dry banana bread.

The brightness of your smile makes it all worth it to Charles. Because keeping that joy and kindness shining in you is what matters most to him.

***

You step out of Charles’ Ferrari, the engine purring as he puts it in park. Taking his hand, you smile excitedly — today is another fan meetup organized by the team, and you can’t wait to connect with Charles’ supporters again.

“Are you ready, mon cœur?” Charles asks, squeezing your hand gently. His green eyes crinkle at the corners as he looks at you adoringly.

“Absolutely!” You chirp, patting the large picnic basket hanging off your arm. “I made lots of treats to share today!”

Charles grins and leans in to kiss your forehead. “I’m sure they will love everything you made, as always.”

You beam, bolstered by his encouragement as you both make your way to the event. The meetup is being held in a local park, with tents and tables set up amongst the lush green grass and towering trees. You spot a long line of fans waiting eagerly for Charles’ arrival. Most are dressed in the familiar rosso corsa of Ferrari, holding posters and memorabilia for him to sign.

“Charles! Charles!” They chant excitedly when they see him. You hang back happily, letting him have his moment with his dedicated supporters. Charles takes selfies, signs autographs, and chats animatedly in Italian, French, and English. The fans are thrilled to interact with their racing idol.

After some time, Charles waves you over. “I would like you all to meet someone very special to me,” he announces, wrapping an arm around you. The fans erupt into cheers and applause. “This is Y/N, my love.”

You blush at the attention but manage to give a little wave. “Hi everyone! I’m so happy to be here today.”

Charles addresses the crowd again. “As some of you know, Y/N loves to bake and has brought some special treats to share with you all today.”

This is met with more enthusiastic cheers. Though none of them particularly enjoy your baked goods, the fans appreciate the effort and know Charles likes to reward them for humoring you.

You open up your large picnic basket, beaming with pride. “I made my favorite oatmeal raisin cookies, some lemon squares, and my famous rocky road fudge!”

The fans try not to visibly cringe, lining up politely with plates held out. You happily distribute your overly dry, burnt cookies and gooey, cloying fudge. The lemon squares are mushy and saccharine. But the fans accept it all with smiles and encouragement.

“Mmm, delicious!” One teenage girl forces out through a mouthful of your fudge.

An older man gives you a thumbs up as he chokes down a cookie, eyes watering. “So good!”

You beam, pleased that they enjoy your baking so much. As you chat with each person, you don’t notice Charles discreetly handing out autographed photos, caps, and other prized memorabilia to reward the fans for their efforts.

After you’ve handed out all your baked goods, Charles suggests a stroll through the park gardens. As you walk hand-in-hand admiring the flowers, he says softly, “You have such a big heart, Y/N. The way you care so much about connecting with the fans means the world to me.”

You squeeze his hand gratefully. “It’s the least I can do — they support you in everything, so I want to support them too.”

Charles stops and turns to you, his expression tender. “You are amazing, truly. I’m the luckiest man in the world.” He leans in and kisses you sweetly. Your heart flutters just like the first time your lips met.

When you return from your walk, the event is winding down. You say goodbye to the fans, who thank you profusely for the treats and making their day so special. You tell them you can’t wait to bake for them again soon!

After the last fan leaves, it’s just you and Charles. The late afternoon sun casts golden light on the empty picnic tables.

“Did you have fun, mon amour?” Charles asks, caressing your cheek.

“The best time!” You say enthusiastically. “I just love baking for your wonderful fans and seeing how it makes them smile.”

Charles’ eyes are full of love. He kisses the top of your head. “As long as it makes you happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

You snuggle into his chest happily. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

“I don’t think so,” Charles teases. “Why don’t you remind me again?”

You grin up at him. “I’ll tell you over dinner … I have a new donut recipe I want to try out.”

Charles fights down a grimace as he reminds himself that your love is more than worth suffering through another dreadful dessert. “I can’t wait!”

***

“Mate, you have to stop her before she poisons someone,” Max whispers urgently to Charles as you step out of the room.

Charles furrows his brow. “What are you talking about?”

“Your girlfriend. Her baking. It’s … it’s just terrible. I’m sorry, but it has to be said.”

Charles lets out a dismissive chuckle. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad?” Max raises his eyebrows incredulously. “I chipped a tooth on her brownie last week!”

Charles rubs the back of his neck awkwardly as he avoids making eye contact.

“Look, I get that you don’t want to upset her,” Max continues, his voice lowering conspiratorially. “But we can’t keep lying and pretending it’s good! One of these days, someone is going to end up in the hospital.”

Charles sighs deeply, running a hand through his tousled hair. “What do you want me to do? If I tell her the truth, she’ll be devastated.”

You return to the room then, a bright smile on your face as you carry a plate of freshly baked apple tarts. “Who wants one?”

Max cringes almost imperceptibly while Charles shoots him a warning look. “They look great, ma belle!” He says with forced enthusiasm, taking one and bringing it to his lips.

The apple filling is gelatinous and tastes faintly of soap. Charles forces himself to swallow it with a strained smile. Max quickly declines when you offer him one.

Later that evening, Charles finds Max alone outside his apartment building. “I need your help,” he admits defeatedly.

Max looks at him expectantly.

“With Y/N’s baking … how do I get her to stop without completely crushing her?”

His friend contemplates this for a moment. “Well … you could try convincing her to take up a new hobby instead?”

Charles shakes his head. “I’ve suggested that before, but she’s dead set on baking. It’s her biggest passion.”

“Okay, then you’ll have to take a different approach.” Max strokes his chin thoughtfully. “What if … you told her a bunch of us were going vegan or something, so she couldn’t bake for us anymore?”

Charles raises an eyebrow at the suggestion, but then slowly nods. “You know, that could actually work …”

The next day, you eagerly bring a fresh batch of blueberry muffins to the paddock to share with everyone. Charles takes a deep breath before pulling you aside gently.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” He starts, trying to keep his expression neutral.

You blink up at him curiously. “Of course. What’s up?”

“Well …” He clears his throat. “I was talking to the guys and … Lewis has actually convinced a bunch of them to go vegan. Lando, Max …”

He lists off a dozen more names, watching as realization dawns on your face. Your shoulders slump slightly.

“Oh … I see.” You glance down at the muffins in your hands. “I guess that means I can’t really bake for them anymore.”

Charles feels a pang of guilt at the disappointment in your eyes. But then, your expression brightens again.

“I’ll just have to start baking vegan treats instead!” You declare happily. “This is so exciting, I’ve been wanting to experiment with more plant-based ingredients!”

Charles’s shoulders tense as the plan epically backfires. Of course you’d take this as an opportunity to bake even more.

Over the next few weeks, you gleefully embrace the vegan baking lifestyle. Charles has to smother his laughter when Max nearly chokes biting into one of your “chewy” vegan brownies. Lando spits out a mouthful of your gritty vegan chocolate cake when you’re not looking.

You, however, remain blissfully unaware of how dreadful your creations are. No matter how many hints Charles tries to drop, the problem only seems to be getting worse.

One evening, you set a plate of fresh-from-the-oven vegan peanut butter cookies on the coffee table, plopping down on the couch next to Charles with a proud grin.

“Try one!” You insist, picking a cookie up and holding it in front of his lips.

Charles hesitates for just a second too long. Your face falls and he scrambles to take a bite, barely suppressing a wince as he chews on what feels like a solid lump of chalk mixed with peanut shavings. He forces himself to swallow it down with an enthusiastic grin.

“Wow, these are incredible!” He lies through his teeth. “You’ve really outdone yourself this time.”

You perk up immediately, the dejected look vanishing. “You really think so? I tried a new recipe I found online.”

“Definitely a winner,” Charles affirms, trying his best to sound convincing. “We should bring some to the paddock for everyone to try.”

Your eyes light up at the suggestion and guilt twists in Charles’s gut. The last thing he wants is for the other drivers to have to suffer through these … confections. But he could never be the one to shatter your baking dreams.

The next day at the track, you eagerly pass around the plate of peanut butter hockey pucks to the drivers and crew. Charles discreetly pulls Max aside with a pained look.

“Please, I’m begging you …” he murmurs under his breath. “Just smile and nod, no matter how bad they are.”

Max grimaces as he takes an experimental bite of one of the cookies, his expression doing little to mask his revulsion. But he meets Charles’s pleading gaze and forces out a strangled, “Mmm … great!”

One by one, the others follow suit — fake smiles and strained praises as they choke down your baked atrocities. You remain obliviously pleased, unaware of their suffering.

Over the next few weeks, the vegan baking experiments only seem to get worse and worse. The paddock has become a silent circle of culinary martyrs — all sworn to an unspoken code to preserve your feelings at all costs.

You proudly present a tray of charcoal-colored muffins that leave the entire garage coughing from the plume of burnt flour. “Tried a new recipe for dark chocolate avocado muffins!” You explain brightly.

“Can’t wait to dig in,” Lando is close to crying, his eyes already watering.

Charles has to bite back a laugh as Max takes a heroic bite, barely managing to keep it together. He pats the Dutchman on the back firmly as the poor guy fights back a gag reflex.

“Two more words about her baking and you’ll be racing with three wheels next season,” he warns Carlos in a low mutter after witnessing the Spaniard nearly vomit up a slice of your “moist” vegan zucchini bread.

The sheer willpower it takes for the entire crew to maintain the facade is almost impressive. Technique and strategy meetings have now become immense displays of unspoken fortitude — everyone driven by the simple goal of not letting you catch on that your baked goods are, in fact, completely inedible.

Charles has started bringing backup protein bars and shakes to every race just to make sure nobody accidentally lapses into baked good-induced delirium.

He really has no idea how much longer this can possibly be sustained. But he also has no idea how to safely extract the situation without demolishing your passion and self-confidence in the process.

For now, his main objective is to ensure your bright smile and cheerfulness remain unchanged — no matter how many mouths he has to personally silence to make that happen.

At the end of the day, having you by his side, radiating that infectious joy and following your heart’s desire, is worth enduring all the subpar vegan muffins in the world.

He’ll take a bite of your latest abomination with an adoring grin, because that’s what partners who truly love each other do — they support each other through the good, the bad, and the burnt-to-a-crisp.

***

It’s the start of a new season, and Charles has been racking his brain for a solution to the ongoing baking saga. As much as he loves indulging your passion, the charade is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain. The entire paddock is at their wits’ end trying to choke down your vegan torture devices week after week.

That’s when he has an idea — one he hopes will be a win-win for everyone involved.

“Surprise!” He says with an excited grin, presenting you with the envelopes. “I got us signed up for this baking course. I thought it could be fun for us to take some classes together!”

You’re beaming as you throw your arms around his neck. “That’s such a thoughtful idea! I would love nothing more.”

Of course, Charles being Charles is hardly fully forthright about his motivations. “To be honest, I’m the one who really needs the help,” he fibs sheepishly. “We all know I’m a disaster in the kitchen. But with your talents guiding me, maybe there’s hope!”

Over the next few weeks, you and Charles diligently show up for your baking classes. The instructor walks you through fundamentals like properly measuring ingredients, controlling oven temperatures, and mastering technical skills. Slowly but surely, your creations start emerging looking (and smelling) better and better.

One evening, you return home with a fresh tray of beautifully baked chocolate chip cookies — the first delicacy you’ve felt confident enough to bake since the lessons. You present them to Charles with bated breath.

He takes one tentative bite, his eyes widening in surprise. These are actually ... edible! More than edible — they are legitimately delicious! The dough-to-chip ratio is perfect, the texture is chewy but not dry or crumbly. He quickly stuffs two more into his mouth with an appreciative moan.

“Ma belle … these are incredible!” He gasps out between bites.

You clap your hands over your mouth, eyes shining with glee. “Oh my gosh, you really think so? I was so nervous!”

“Are you kidding? I could eat this entire tray all by myself!”

The two of you dissolve into celebratory laughter and hugs, the sweet taste of success quite literally on your tongues.

“I think it’s time for the real taste test,” you declare one day, rolling up your sleeves as you start prepping an array of fresh baked goods. “We’re taking these bad boys to the paddock!”

The next race weekend, you stride in carrying bakery boxes of your fresh chocolate chip cookies as well as some decadent fudge brownies.

“Fresh out of the oven!” You announce proudly, setting them down with a bright grin. “Who’s hungry?”

For a long beat, nobody moves. The drivers exchange wary glances, their self-preservation instincts kicking in as they recall the many baking debacles of the past. Lando bravely reaches for a brownie first, his face scrunched up preemptively-

Only to blink in surprise as the rich, fudgy flavor hits his taste buds. His eyes widen comically as he takes another bite. “Bloody hell ... this is actually good!”

The words seem to shatter the suspended tension. Soon the entire paddock is swarming the trays, devouring the fresh baked goods with delight. Charles watches on in disbelief, his own taste buds experiencing flavors he didn’t even know were possible from your former creations.

He sees Max take a bite of one of the cookies, freezing in place as his eyes slip closed with an expression of pure bliss. When they open again, Charles is alarmed to see they’re glistening with unshed tears.

The Dutchman wordlessly holds up the cookie, gazing at Charles reverently as a lone tear trails down his cheek. Then, to everyone’s astonishment, he brings the baked good to his lips and takes another sensual bite, savoring it like it’s the first good thing he’s ever tasted.

From then on, it’s like a switch has been flipped. The paddock that once dreaded your baking now seemingly can’t get enough of it. Every race weekend, they await your fresh creations with unrestrained enthusiasm, like kids on a sugar bender.

Charles has lost count of how many times he’s caught drivers and crew sneaking off to wherever you’re prepping the latest batch, nostrils flaring as they try to scout out that heavenly aroma.

It’s gotten to the point where Max’s performance coach has had to implement strict rules about his treat consumption to prevent indulgences from derailing his season.

“Easy there, Max!” Rupert calls in a booming tone, swooping in to physically restrain the Dutchman as he makes a mad dash toward where you’re unpacking that week’s fresh delivery. “You know you have a limit on those.”

Max strains against his performance coach’s grip, eyes zeroing in on the platter of goodies being unloaded with unrestrained longing. “I don’t care, she brought triple chocolate cookie dough brownies this time! Let me go!”

Rupert grunts in exertion, struggling to keep his driver in check. “This is for your own good! Think of your diet!”

“That’s irrelevant!” Max practically snarls, pupils blown wide like an addict suffering from withdrawals. “Do you have any idea how long I waited to have real baked goods again?”

It’s a battle of wills and metabolism that quickly becomes a weekly sight. Charles can’t help but chuckle fondly as he watches Max and Rupert’s familiar tug-of-war happen like clockwork every Sunday.

As much as he’d love to intervene, he knows better than to come between Max and your heavenly baked creations. He’s just thrilled that this baking journey took such a delicious turn — both for your invigorated culinary passion and for the safety of everyone’s tastebuds.

Honestly, he’ll take the sight of a feverish Max drooling over freshly baked goods any day over having to choke down burnt muffins and brittle biscuits. This is the sweet upgrade everyone had been dreaming about.

The true recipe for happiness was sticking by each other’s side through all those halfbaked stumbles.

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sspacegodd · 2 years

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Bloop!

#drip #drop #glurp #glop #bloop

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paraliveimaginesblog · 2 months

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Orchid with Nayuta, pls~♡

Nayuta Yatonokami:

Orchid - an innocent moment devolving into something that’s not.

Being alone is not something you generally got to be with Nayuta.

Dating a Cozmez twin meant accepting they were a package deal, and in the end, it didn’t really bother you. Once treated like an outsider by them both, you had proved yourself worthy of their time and consideration. You think it was a lucky shot that you were even given the time of day but with the revelation that Nayuta thought you were as cute as you were annoying, you realized even getting the chance to annoy them meant you had weaseled your way into their hearts from the very first meeting. You were part of their happy little family for better or worse and you intended to enjoy any privilege it gave you.

It was always fun to prepare for their birthday, as much as they didn’t seem to care about it. It wasn’t that they didn’t at least say it to each other, but they never had people around them to celebrate with. You promised to not go over the top but refused to not bake something, having to pull teeth to find a combination of icing and batter flavor they could agree on. As long as the conversation continued you enjoyed seeing the little differences in them, ones that didn’t amount to all that much but still displayed that they were people who had their own tastes.

You’re thinking about that as you’re making the icing, humming to yourself while Nayuta mixed batter for you. He had grumbled about being involved since it was for his birthday too, but Kanata had been busy and left the house without explanation of what he was doing. They could both be like that, perhaps their twin psychic connection allowing them to explain to each other with vibes alone what they were up to, but you minded your business on that front. You were just happy to be with Nayuta, and since you were going to be in the kitchen, it just made sense that he’d come hang out with you in there, right? And if he was already in the kitchen… he might as well get to work.

You hadn’t taken into consideration the lack of care he might be showing your lovingly crafted batter, or perhaps he wasn’t a person with fine motor control; either way, he was splashing little bits of batter all over the counter which meant a bigger mess for you to clean in the end. You had bumped his shoulder once to bring his attention to it but he seemingly ignored you, telling you not to criticize the way he was mixing because at least he was doing it. You had rolled your eyes and he rolled his right back, the two of you going back to your tasks with smiles on your faces.

“Nayuta!” You startled him, a glop of batter falling onto the counter. “We’re not gonna have enough batter left to make a cake at this rate! It’s gonna be all icing.”

“What’s wrong with that?” He huffed, putting the bowl down and looking for a cloth to start cleaning with. “You complain a lot.”

“Are you going through your rebellious stage? Just listen!”

“You listen!” Nayuta dragged two fingers through the batter, spreading the mess not just along the counter but along your cheeks as well as yet another act of rebellion. You stared at him with your jaw dropped, trying not to laugh as he grinned at you. “There, now you’re listening, right?”

“Absolutely not. But YOU listen and clean me up.”

“I won’t. It’s a good new look for you.”

“I’ll rub it all over your new jacket—It’s hanging on the back of the door, right?” You made a step as if to leave the kitchen and Nayuta reached out for you in a panic, the sanctity of his precious jacket at stake if he didn’t stop you. You stumbled back into him but now that he had you in his grip you weren’t going anywhere, Nayuta wrapping his arms tight around your middle and refusing to let you go. “It would be sooo much easier if you just cleaned me up!”

“Fine, since you can’t figure it out… Look at me.” You did so obediently, without question, not suspecting a thing despite his mischievousness being made apparent. The wet warmth of his tongue on your skin as your body reacting in a variety of different ways, letting out a whine because now your cheek was even stickier than before.

“Wh-what was that?” You managed to stutter out, thinking you might’ve briefly blacked out from that experience. You couldn’t see him properly but you could only imagine the look on his face now, an almost smug grin on his face as he saw the perfect way to distract you. “Okay, you can let me go now, we have to keep going or we’ll never finish.”

“But you have more batter on you still.” Again, his innocent tone betrayed the thoughts running through his head, his one arm unwinding itself; in reality, you could’ve escaped him in that moment, but you had a sense that Nayuta wasn’t done with you yet. “Here.”

You groaned as you felt him spread some of the batter on your neck, knowing there was no hope for you that night. You’d have to go shopping the next morning for more ingredients and hopefully, you’d have a wonderful dessert to present them after dinner. If you knew he’d be this much trouble you wouldn’t have asked him to help in the first place, though this outcome…

You sighed, nearly a moan, as Nayuta slowly ran his tongue across the side of your neck, adequately cleaning the batter that he had spread there himself. He seemed to be enjoying himself more than he was before, and with his birthday on the horizon, you felt like it wouldn’t be too bad to indulge him.

The cake would definitely have to wait until the day of, but the fresher the better, right?

#Paradox Live #Paralive #Paradox Live Imagines #Paralive Imagines #Paradox Live x Reader #Paralive x Reader #Nayuta Yatonokami #Yatonokami Nayuta #Nayuta Yatonokami x Reader #Flower Meme #Scenario

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acutiewithagun · 10 months

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If you want more prompts here's a headcannon request :3

So like, we all saw the amount of Oozesquitoes that escaped Draxums lab (I'd wager somewhere above 100). I'd also assume he made them much more long living then normal mosquitoes. But throughout the show, we only see a handful of people being mutated, and no news reports what so ever. This leads me to believe that just like normal mosquitoes, Oozesquitoes have some sort of preference to the person they bite, be it blood type or otherwise, so while some people might have 3 of them chasing them down at once, others might not have to worry about being bitten until they are one of the last options. (Sorry for the rambling, I'll get to the main point)

I want your (separate) headcannons for the boys (and April if you want) finding out from the reader that they've unknowingly been getting swarmed by Oozesquitoes as of late.

(As a bonus, here's a pic I made a few months back at 3 am, the background's not mine)

(Very interesting concept, I don't really do head cannons but I'll do short stories for each of them.)

Mosquito or maybe Ozzquito

The weird bugs that appeared years ago had left most people alone, including you. But within the last weeks these insects had been following you around. You decided talking to one of the turtles would probably help your situation... right?

Raph

You ran into the training room, completely out of breath. You glopped onto a mat as he looked at you with an odd expression. "Hey, are ya ok?" You shake your head as you pant for breath. "Chased... by... ozzquitos..." His eyes widen and he stops his training, opting to run to your side. He quickly hoisted you up and frantically examined you for bites.

"I managed to out run them, but they've been swarming me for weeks. Any advice?" Raph looked into your eyes with a big toothy grin. "Yeah, Donnie made some kinda repellent when we first had to fight off the ozzquitos. Raph can ask him for some." You give him a smile in return and hug him. "Thanks a ton."

He gave you a hug back with a chuckle. "Anything for my buddy."

Mikey

You spotted an oozquito and groaned. You immediately started running and bumped into Mikey. "Woah, slow down, whatcha running from?" He looked behind you and spotted the incoming swarm of the mutating insects. His eyes widened and he quickly picked you up and started running.

After ducking into a building Mikey finally put you down. "Why were there so many oozquitos!?" You rubbed the back of your neck and sigh. "I have no clue, they've been swarming me for weeks." With those words Mikey handed you lighter. Your eyes widened.

"Just burn them with fire if they bother you too much." He gave you a bright smile as he held out the destructive item.

Leo

You were sneaking around the sidewalk when you suddenly fell. Once you landed you saw Leo smiling at you as he held you. "Hi, you seem tense, and is that a frown I see?" You push on his face with your hand as you scowl. "I've been being swarmed by those darn oozquitos." He hummed and smirked. "Well that sounds like you just gotta stay inside until they leave you alone. You can stay here, I'll be that gracious."

The urge to hit him was strong with this one, but you bit it off. "Doesn't solve my problem, just prolongs it." He rolled his eyes and dropped you with a grin. "Suit yourself." Your desperation made you get up. "Hold on, I'll take you up on your offer."

He smirked at you and winked. "I knew you would, no one can resist my charms."

Donnie

You were swiveling on a chair as Donnie worked on whatever his next invention was. You accidentally let out a groan of dissatisfaction, which earned a pause from the soft shell turtle. "Mind telling me what troubles you so?" You smile as he continues working. "Just the stupid oozquitos have been swarming me recently. I can't go anywhere anymore."

This earned a hum from Donnie as he slid his chair to a shelf. He took a can of the shelf and examined it before throwing it behind him. You caught it and looked at him questionably. "What's this for?" He went back to his task and waved a hand.

"Oozquito repellent, this wonderful genius made it a few years ago. It should work to help your issues."

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt oc #rottmnt self insert #rottmnt platonic x reader #yandere rottmnt #a cutie with a gun writes

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nerdieforpedro · 2 months

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Wednesday WIP

I was tagged by @wannab-urs @for-a-longlongtime and @pedroshotwifey so let's see if I can figure this game out... 🥸

Step one: Post Snippets of the fics you're working on (can be a summary if there's no snippet)

I picked my top five (yes five, I switch around a lot and have random ideas. This is Nerdie. 👀). Some of them I have mentioned before, I came back to them because my smut fairy 🧚‍♀️ came back thanks to @magpiepills and her Javier Pena being a whore (affectionately and very interested what happened with the pantyhose)

1. Two Hearts on the Ocean - Javi G x (Abigail) OFC

Abigail and Javier sipped their tea while chatting about the last movie and how both of them had fallen asleep. Expressing his displeasure at falling asleep during a Nicolas Cage movie, Abby confessed that she had fallen asleep during ‘Ghost Rider’ before and this was the first time she’d been awake through the whole movie so he shouldn’t feel bad. Javier told her that it was because he was here with her to keep her awake. She agreed that he was likely right. They planned to re-watch ‘The Sorcerer's Apprentice’ another day and Javi walked her to her room after stopping off in the kitchen on the way to drop off the mugs. It felt like earlier in the day when he’d walked her to her hotel room though he wouldn’t be so far away this time. She gave him a peck on the cheek and said goodnight as Javier did the same.

2. Roc & Doc - Tim Rockford x (Doc) OFC

“I think you should send Tim a picture of yourself in your outfit. Show him what he’s missing out on by sitting at home in his boxers or sleeping in his office gazing lovingly at his murder board.” This elicited you to choke on your punch and put a hand to your chest.

“I-I- who is that fun for exactly?! What is wrong with everyone this week?!” Knocking back the rest of your drink and pouring yourself more, you’re holding onto the table to keep yourself upright. “First the damn notebook, a bone song, now I find out and meet…”

3. Diddle your Dieter to Disco - Dieter Bravo x plus size female reader

“There’s my Kit Kat. I was trying to entertain myself while waiting for you. I wanted to surprise you.” His face laid against your stomach, giving it a soft kiss as his hands roamed. You took the glitter and poured two quarter sized glops on his back to which he hissed at the sudden cold from your hands spread along his shoulder blades and down his spine, spreading the silver glitter slinging it onto his skin. Now in the different lights, the sparkles danced across his skin, Dieter moaned from your touch, digging his hands into your thighs as you continued to massage his back. “Fuck…yes baby. What are you putting back there?” He asked as one hand snaked under your skirt and squeezed one of your ass cheeks, he enjoyed his hand sinking into your plush skin.

(Smut below the break - FYI)

4. Foul Play - Javier Pena x Aria Davis (plus size OFC)

Aria headed straight home after meeting Javier. It needed to be while his memory was fresh in her mind: His voice telling her he wants her, to grab her, hold her, bend her, mold her, mark her, whispering to her as he’s deep inside of her. His grin as he told her to undress. Maybe as she stood before him as he laid back on the bed, waiting for her to come to him. His moan from his first bites of his food. Could he make that same sound with her? His hands messy with the grease from the empanada. He had wiped them off but she could picture him licking them. His pink shirt and jeans clinging to his slim body from the humidity.

5. Florida Heat - Dave York x Santiago Garcia

Dave is aware that his moan is too loud. He should not be feeling it this much, he hated it and was trying to plan how to turn the tables of Santiago. To see him break apart before him as he was doing right now, in his hand were both of their throbbing shafts. He was certain if he could hold out a bit longer, Garcia would climax first. He could then use his recovery to overstimulate him. Pull his curls, toward him as he fingers Santi’s ass with lube, stretching him so he can prod his entrance with his cock and slowly…Dave felt it on his face first, a small splatter before the ropes landed on his chest and stomach. He was panting from the picture in his head of Santiago Garcia whining for him to fuck his round and full ass. One of them had climaxed. One of them relaxed. One of them was laughing.

Step two: put them in a poll and let people vote on which one you should work on

Step three: Every vote is one minute you put on a timer to work on that fic (ex. 15 votes =. 15 minutes of writing)

Also if you want to ask questions about any of my fics, myself comments and asks are wide open, like the thots. 😘

NPT: @maggiemayhemnj @lady-bess @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @undercoverpena @goodwithcheese @trulybetty @rhoorl @musings-of-a-rose @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @saturn-rings-writes @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @perotovar @agentjackdaniels @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @alltheglitterandtheroar @tinytinymenace @survivingandenduring @immarocketman @draculasfavoritewife @joelslegalwhre @anoverwhelmingdin @frenchiereading @javierpena-inatacvest @inept-the-magnificent @secretelephanttattoo @iamskyereads @connectioneverywhere @yourcoolauntie @alltheotps @pamasaur @fhatbhabie @heareball @laurfilijames @chronically-ghosted

#wip wednesday #wip games #pedro pascal characters #fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #dieter bravo #javier pena smut #tim rockford #javier gutierrez #Dave york #Santiago garcia

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cottonraincoat · 4 months

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making of monday: the stressed student's guide to binge writing a one-shot

(not that I'm a very good writer, but I loved seeing these on the dash, and decided to join. all this is only a little tongue-in-cheek.)

step one: try to work on an irl assignment*

(* not fandom related at all. preferably an intellectually challenging task that is also time-sensitive and reasonably important.)

There's nothing like the looming dread of deadline that stimulates the mind! Combine the perfectionist's fear of beginning, the procrastinator's tendency to distraction, and the pressure on the brain to produce something— for the most bizarre results. Namely, mildly unhinged fic ideas. Just sit down (curl up into a ball in the corner of the room), relax (stress), and wait for inspiration to come!

step two: "just, uh, just to note this down for later"

You never know when the idea would come, but it does. Now, you've got a seed, that your brain has instantly latched onto. It's growing and blooming and taking over every thought. "damn it," you think, "this is a fun idea. I can't write it before I finish the assignment though!" But the idea doesn't let you go, it's like a haunting, which is in all honesty very rude. Well, what can you do.

You open a doc.

Within half an hour, you realize that you should have known better than believing the idea (tm) would leave you alone.

step three: give in. you're writing the fic instead.

Congratulations! Your brain has once again chosen the path of least resistance instead of what you should be doing. But there's no time for guilt when you have to finish the fic (and finish the assignment after that). So you're writing the fic like your life depends on it, and the words come surprisingly easy because given the baseline stress, you aren't overthinking every single word or ridiculously lines of narrative. It's been hours, your mind's afloat, and you (unfortunately) forget approximately every duty to your body. But it's fun and you swear you've never written like this in your life.

From time to time you swap back to the page where your assignment stares helplessly back at you. You blink. You drop it back under the metaphorical rock.

step four: "fuck, the deadline is in [x] hours. I can't do this anymore"

By now, the first draft is probably sitting there in a messy, wonderful glop. And depending on the circumstance, it's either [start editing now, future rain can deal with this shit] or [despite all evidence to the contrary I actually do not want to fail this degree. time to pull myself by the hair into doing the Thing]. Either way, you've maybe slept for 6 of the last 40 hours, and you're contemplating the strange quality of your vision and why you can hear the inside of a conch at the back of your head, etc etc.

step five: sleep, and spare a moment to pause and wonder what the fuck is your life

when the assignment is done, it's like someone's poked a hole in your sand balloon and your entire being sags. it's a nice feeling, kind of. the fic stops you from spending too much time wondering why the hell are you doing the degree at all.

time to turn the glop into coherence! this is the most time consuming part, and could take up to days after the initial burst of [stuff].

step six: edit until your eyeballs fall out

what it says ^

step seven: when you finally cannot stand another minute of re-reading and editing, throw it onto ao3, and hopefully never think about the fic ever again.

that's a lie. you'll be checking the ao3 stats approximately every two hours for the next two days at least.

fics that actually happened like this:

Infinite Joy (the one that started it all)

Designation (in which I forgot Plo Koon had a mask)

on not sleeping with your students

(the first chapter of) the prophecies spoke of you and I

family line

#making of monday #shitposting

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alienaiver · 1 year

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Hihihihhihi can I please join with Deku and prompt 56? Have fun!!

lunaaa!!! <3333 of course you can!

with number 56 you got: “You owe me a kiss.” which just gives infinite scenarios, doesn't it? very fluffy for my very own fluff-specialist <!!!33333 it's 818 words and no real warnings!

send me an ask with a random number between 1-210 and a character and i’ll write you a little story!

When you get home from work, you’re exhausted to the bones. It’s been some rough weeks, the office demanding more and more menial tasks that doesn’t require much effort per say, but when they pile up, they drain the will out of you.

You don’t expect Midoriya to be home when you toe off your shoes by the entrance, so when you hear something being dropped on the floor from the kitchen, your breath instantly hitches and you freeze for a few seconds, straining your ears to hear if there really is someone there or not. You hear steps and something being placed back on the kitchen counter. You mentally go through the exercises that Midoriya has taught you. Dating the number one hero comes with dangerous side-effects and while your address is hidden, you’d never underestimate the cunning of villains. You silently reach for your purse you placed by the dresser, reaching for the pepper spray lodged in there somewhere before you toe your way through the hallway and into the kitchen, more tense than you’ve been in a while.

So when you turn the corner and see none other than your boyfriend whipping something in a bowl, you groan out loud to release the tension. He whips around with one of his bright smiles plastered to his face – together with flour and something sticky. You bend down with your arms resting on your legs, trying to laugh out the fear.

He worries instantly, “what’s wrong?” he asks as he hurries to put the bowl on the counter and come to you. You shake your head and lift your right arm to show him the spray, “I thought we had an intruder. I thought you’d be at work until midnight.”

He coos at you as he runs a hand through your hair, massaging your scalp, “I’m sorry for startling you. I must’ve forgotten to send you a text.”

He goes back to the batter on the counter and you follow, “what are you doing?”

“I’m making some chocolate-chip cookies. Kacchan showed me this really easy recipe!” he’s beaming proudly but the kitchen is a big mess and the batter in his arms doesn’t seem to entirely cooperate with him. You laugh, “did you pre-heat the oven?”

It’s something he always forgets. A mumbled “shit” lets you know he did it again and you laugh as you reach over to turn it on, taking out the tray so he can prepare the cookies on that. Silently, you start helping him, tidying up as you go around, handing him the ingredients he asks for and preparing a big pot of coffee.

“So,” you begin and out of your peripheral vision you see him freeze by the tray, a glop of batter dripping haphazardly between his hands and the baking paper. “What made you come home early to make cookies?”

He winces, “is it really that out of character for me?” he counters you and you laugh at him, resting your hip against the counter, crossing your arms, “Izuku, you didn’t become the number one hero because of your interest in baking, so… out with it.”

He leans back up, his full height and bulk seeming so big in the tiny kitchen of yours. He scratches the back of his neck but you see the regret in his eyes the instant he feels the dough catch in his nape hairs. You snort at him but await his explanation.

“I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Your expression softens at his confession but you can’t help but raise your eyebrow with a teasing glint, “making me help you clean up here is nice?”

He knows you’re making a lighthearted joke and that you technically don’t mind organizing after his tornado of a mess (he also argues in his mind that he’d happily have done it himself before you got home, but this is actually the third batch he’s been trying to make so time ran from him) but it still sits badly with him that he wants to help you feel better and unload some stress but instead makes you work. You near him and let your hands travel over his arms up to his shoulders, “I like seeing my strong hero in the kitchen though. My apron suits you, Handsome.”

He blushes at your flirting banter. It’s amazing, how you’ve been together for almost seven years but he still can’t look you in the eye when you compliment him.

“But this help doesn’t come free, you know.” You argue and he looks at you with confusion written all over him. You smile triumphantly, “you owe me a kiss.”

He chuckles at your request before he wraps his arms around you, careful not to let his hands touch and ruin your clothes with batter, “how about two?”

You smile and lean up closer, squeezing his shoulders, “we can do that.”

#AKJDKA THIS WAS SUCH A CUTE PROMPT THO. WANTED TO WORK ON IT FOREVER #i feel like i just KNOW that as well meaning as midoriya is in a kitchen hes not...... the Best #but hes SO kind about it and will share doing the dishes!!!! plus hes always grateful and cute and just. oh my gosh he gives me tooth ache #from the cuteness of him!!! thank you for sending this in i hope u have a good weekend my love <3333333 #bnha x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader #writing game #nohr.writing #nohr.bnha

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boxingcleverrr · 9 months

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So with the mind-boggling hilarity of people feeling the need to defend taking care of their skin, I wanted to do an update of my original skincare post. That I of course can't find, presently, as the search function on this site is still useless!

First of all, come to terms with the fact that you are walking around with a giant organ on the outside of your body (ahurhurhur).

Yes, preventing skin cancer is priority one when it comes to your dermis. Sunscreen isn't the only defense, having skin with a healthy moisture barrier is part of that prevention as well. ALSO, one thing a lot of those posts desperately yelping "It'S nOt BeAuTy StAnDaRdS!" leave out is, uh, the scary shit that can happen to your skin when you're elderly. Your skin WILL get thinner, that's just aging. Taking care of it now (keeping it stretchy and moisturized) gives it a better chance of not being paper-thin, to the point that the person taking care of you has to be mindful not to freaking tear it off of you just helping you get dressed.

If you have a strong stomach, go ahead and read some stories from hospice and other types of elder care workers. There's a whole contraption for lowering people down slowly if they're about to fall, all to prevent skin splitting or sloughing off.

Age spots are beautiful. Care-worn wrinkles and laugh lines are beautiful. Your arm skin sloughing off like a glove is not.

Fucking moisturize.

Is a side effect of that care often fewer of those lines? Sure, MAYBE, sometimes. It also doesn't at ALL require 18 expensive steps. Even before I left my job I was mainly using the best I could find for the least amount of money. Almost everything listed I've been using for over a year at least! Aldi-brand skincare is amazingly quality, as you'll see.

Washing:

Lacura Foaming Gel Cleanser: Super gentle and nice for a daily face wash. When I want to use it as a makeup-remover, I'll pump it into a super-soft sea sponge so I can scrub a bit more, albeit gently.

I don't get big breakouts much at this point (regular cleansing and moisturizing will usually chill your skin out eventually re: feeling the need to over-produce oil). But I do keep some Neutrogena Face Wash around for when I get breakouts anywhere, maybe a handful of times a month.

I don't know how much benefit I REALLY see from toner, as far as my pores. They seem fine! Mostly I just loooove the feeling of swiping it on fresh from the fridge, and the coolness does calm down the skin and sooth any puffiness. I still make my own Rosewater Toner with wilting discount grocery store roses and a few drops of lavender oil.

Goops:

Lacura Day And/Or Night Creams: These are SO AFFORDABLE (I'm using Amazon links for ease of reference, they are WAY cheaper directly from Aldi) and make your skin feel like butter. After washing and toning one or the other is what I glop on next, and a little goes a long way. Night cream is important because the skin under your eyes especially is so super thin, it needs that protection as we get older. But eye creams tend to be STUPID EXPENSIVE. Lacura is around $4 at Aldi and I legit see very little difference between it and the unsustainably expensive ones I've tried in the past.

Ponds Dry Skin Cream: The old reliable. I have used it since I was 19 and Oprah said it was good, lol. If you use nothing else on your face, use this (but also sunscreeen, dear gods). After Day or Night cream, this comes next.

A good rule of thumb for all moisturizers is that you don't want it to disappear into your skin immediately OR stay too greasy. As I've gotten older, this one sits on my skin longer, so I tend to only use it at night in the summer. Once it gets cold and dry out, though, morning and night baby.

Vaseline Cocoa Radiant: For the all-over-rest-of-me, you really can't beat it. After every shower or bath, all over everything, damnit. LUBE YOUR DERM.

Oil:

Olive Oil Squalane: My last step of the night is topping my face with a good Squalane before bed. My old job discontinued the one I swear by, pictured above, which, I have no idea why? It feels soooo nice and I saw such good results in the winter especially. I bought up a bunch of bottles from work before it disappeared, haha but there are soooo many options out there for a lot of different prices. Basically you want the main ingredients to be Olive Oil & Herbs, usually Rosemary.

Treat Yourself Tier:

Innersense Harmonic Treatment Oil: I was given a gift card to them for my birthday last year, and yeah they're reeeeeally wom-wom and a little insufferable in their marketing, and they're expensive. HOWEVER, this stuff is infuriatingly great? Nothing was helping my dry scalp until this. I use it instead of the Squalane maybe once a week on my face as well, and it definitely clears up any redness or irritation right away. How dare it be good and also $25 an ounce. But if you can treat yourself, why not!

Dead Sea Mud Masks: Masks are FUN, damnit. If you can ignore all the annoying "detoxing" claims and blah blah, it is a fact that mud masks can really flush out those pores. And they feel nice!

General Habits:

Wash Your Pillowcases: They're full of your face goo, skin cells, and slobber. Not only good for your skin, but just nice. Wash your sheets/bedding more regularly in general, if you're like me then I know you're not doing it enough. Make the change to fragrance-free detergent now if you haven't already, that shit could start bothering your skin at ANY time. My mother never had a problem with good ol' Tide, until she turned 60 and suddenly ANY fragranced soaps made her skin explode.

Wash Your Makeup Tools: Same as above, I regularly gross myself out watching all the GUNK that's stored in the pretty pink makeup brushes.

Wash Hats, Headbands, Etc: Hopefully the pattern is sinking in. If it touches your skin regularly? It should be washed regularly. It's easy to remember that your clothes do, of course, but there's so many other things as well that are fulla your skin cells, various products, pollution, and sebum. Scientists could probably clone you with access to the inner band of your favorite hat alone.

SUN SCREEN: EVERY TIME YOU GO OUT IN VIEW OF THE FIRE ORB. Sensitive face/skin? Baby sunscreen. I know texture is a big thing for people, but there are lots of different brands out there that have lots of different textures, ingredients, scents, etc. Don't give up on it just because Coppertone makes you break out, you owe it to yourself to find the thing that works for you. Skin cancer is a bitch that spares no one, not even Hugh Nicest Man Ever Jackman.

Drink Water: You know it, I know it, same as above, find the way to get regular hydration in that works for you. I personally like making my own fruity flavored syrups to dash in things. Hydrated skin begins from within, blah blah blah.

Vitamins: Take a multi-vitamin, get your vitamin D. The sun is not BEAMING VITAMINS INTO YOUR PORES, it synthesis it. A quick google will tell you that 8-10 minutes in the sun A DAY is all you need. So don't let anyone tell you BUT YOUR VITAMIN D!!!!!!! when you're layering on your sun screen. Take your vitamins, get a teaspoon of sun regularly, and then GOOP UP.

I'm no expert, just someone with a mother & grandmother who greatly regret/regretted their lack of skin care as younger women. My mom is 75 and she has lines and spots, and she's beautiful! But her skin can tear after a clumsy trip into a door frame. She's listening to her dermatologist now to the letter, and I too would like to avoid that as much as possible! We all deserve to like how our spongy flesh prisons feel.

#blathering #still get skincare asks #still get annoyed when people think all you need is sunscreen to avoid cancer and psoriasis #skinnnnnnn

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bdslab · 4 months

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INSTEAD OF GIVING THE GIFT OF A GRIP TOP SOCK THEY SHOULDVE GONE WITH DADAISTS DO DADS dadaist dads do dadaist doodads

[in reference to this gaston gag & its english translation which just used a poem by Seuuss]

Couldn't find the panels quick enough but the tongue twister they used in english was this:

Give me the gift of a grip-top sock, A clip drape shipshape tip top sock. Not your spinslick slapstick slip slop stock; But a plastic, elastic, grip-top sock. None of your fantastic slack swap slop From a slap-dash, flash-cash, haberdash shop. Not a knick knack, knitlock knockkneed, knickerbocker sock With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock. Not a supersheet seersucker ruck sack sock, Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik's sock Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block. Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.

#twitter archive

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jakey-beefed-it · 9 months

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Jake's Relatively Low-Spoons Burrito Recipe

AKA "Burrito Glop" but I promise it's tasty

You're gonna have to eyeball quantities for your own needs- if you're only cooking for yourself you might wanna make like a can of beans and a cup of rice. If you're cooking for an army, you know, more than that. The whole thing takes like 10 minutes of actual cook time, maybe 5-20 minutes or prep time depending on if you do the 'fancier' method.

You will need:

rice, and a means of cooking rice

a pot

a pan

tortillas (the bigger the better)

beef (stir-fry strips ideal)

refried pinto beans (can sub with black beans if you're feeling more authentic)

shredded cheese ('mexican style' or 'tex-mex' mixes prefered, otherwise some combo of cheddar and monterey jack and mozzerella is fine)

seasonings of your choice

You're gonna scoop out your refried pinto bean glop into the pot, setting the heat to medium and stirring occasionally until it gets hot throughout. Then you're gonna add the cheese and any seasoning you like to the beans, stirring it all in until it's uniformly distributed and the cheese is melted in. This will be an unholy mess of cheesy beans, and if you're not used to it, it might not LOOK appetizing, but it's good. For seasoning, I personally like to use a hefty amount of garlic (powder or flaked for ease), a hefty amount of hot sauce called Cholula (specifically chipotle flavor; it's not hot so much as it is flavorful imo), and a good squirt of lime juice (fake is fine).

Alternately you can just do this entire step in the microwave. Takes like 3 minutes to heat up the beans. Mix in the cheese and seasoning. It's not as good but the difference is negligible and I'm all about cutting corners.

You're gonna make your rice. I recommend you mix in roughly one tablespoon of caldo de tomate/tomato bullion per cup of rice, so it's more 'spanish rice' than just plain old rice, but you do you. Minute rice or equivalent for the microwave works great, but use whatever rice you've got. Personally I like basmati and we've usually got some lying around, and while it's a slightly nontraditional choice for Mexican food, I have looked upon the Throne of Heaven and found it empty. So the good news is, there is no one to judge me.

You're gonna heat up your tortillas. If you've got a gas stove, you can do this directly on the range if you've got calloused fingers like a proper abuelita. If you've got an electric stove, you're gonna want to do this in the pan.

You're gonna drop a bit of butter into the hot pan, let it coat the whole thing, then drop in your beef. I like to buy the strips of stir-fry beef and cut them into like, half-inch/1.5 centimeter long strips. Stir the beef around a bit. If you're like me, drop in some lemon pepper seasoning, some more lime juice, maybe some chilli powder if you want a bit of kick. Once you've flipped the beef so that most of it's been more or less cooked on both sides, you're gonna want to cover the pan to finish it off. Then drop the beef into the cheesy beans glop and stir it around.

I drop the juice from the beef in, too- butter, melted fat, lime juice, and all. Just stir it into the beans until no more liquid is visible. But that's optional.

Don't have the spoons for cooking beef? Throw some pre-cooked canned beef into the beans while they're hot. Stir it around a while. Boom. Or sub with pork or chicken or goat or whatever.

Man, goat is delicious, I miss living in southern California where I could get goat somewhat regularly.

You glop your bean/cheese/meat mixture onto the tortillas, then layer them over with rice. Alternately, you can mix the rice in first and then lay it all out at once. The rice helps absorb some of the saltiness from most cheeses, and it helps a good amount with the burrito's structural integrity.

I can't tell you how to fold a burrito very well via text, if you don't already know. Worst case scenario I guess you can eat it with a fork.

I like to make a heaping amount, serve everybody two big burritos minimum, and then put the rest in the fridge to be reheated for leftover burritos the next day, but you do whatever you like, I'm not your mother.

You can store the bean/cheese/meat glop and the rice in two separate containers if you are wrong my sister, or you can dump it all in one bowl for easier serving the next day. You sexy no-spoon genius.

If you wanted a vegetarian option you could just leave out the beef. If you wanted a vegan option I'm not sure how you'd help the beans stick together without cheese but maybe you have an idea.

Enjoy! And if you don't actually enjoy it... well, you're weird, but I still love you. Go eat something you do enjoy.

#Jake cooks a thing #low-spoons cooking #advice for my fellow exhausted disabled folks

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hazeltailofficial · 10 months

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THROWBACK THURSDAY

Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation in 0.5 Revlon PhotoReady Concealer in 001 Fair Revlon ColorStay Pressed Powder in Fair CoverGirl Clean Pressed Powder in 150 Creamy Beige bareMinerals Well-Rested Under Eye Brightener Too Faced Shadow Insurance 24-Hour Eyeshadow Primer Urban Decay Naked Basics Palette (W.O.S. + Naked 2 + Faint) Revlon ColorStay Liquid Liner in Blackest Black Ardell Double Up Lashes in 202 Black Ardell LashGrip Lash Adhesive Rimmel London Scandal Eyes Kohl Pencil in 005 Nude Clinique Lash Doubling Mascara eos Lemon Drop Lip Balm Revlon Just Bitten Lip Stain in Twilight Bed Head Hard Head Hard Hold Hairspray Glop & Glam Banana Spike Molding Putty

Getting Ready- Everyday Big Teased Hair & Winged Eyeliner

hazeltailofficial on ig / hazeltail on youtube / hazeltailofficial on tiktok

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clarks-letterman · 4 months

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Wally anon: No, it MUST be said that Hooper needed to stay dead. I know he was an important character & all, but the e n t i r e Russian plotline dragged S4 down when we damn well know Joyce could've been doing more important shit elsewhere. So, I'm right there with you on only wanting her to make it from the adults. Winona is the primary reason I started watching the show & they need to stop. sidelining her with the Russians & Hopper & w/e other nonsense they can think up when she was in the thick of shit in 1/2. As for S3, I controversially think the whole goopy, blobby ~consumes everything it touches~ concept is the show's best/scariest monster design & they REALLY dropped the ball not having it cause infinite more damage instead of just using it as an excuse to fully make Billy a villain & kill him off (& still be inconsistent about it cause we get his backstory and. him sacrificing himself, so it's like what do y'all want us to take from him djdgdb). The picking & choosing with characters is just too much to deal with sometimes. 💀

Ya'know, I had not even thought to consider what his full name is so that's a good thing to wonder lollll.

Yupyupyup. It's nice to have that security, but he knows it's very conditional on how well he performs & that's not what he actually wants to do, so it leads to this lonely limbo of kinda sorta contentment. I hope he's able to get a happier outcome as the series goes on (after he finds out more of who he is first) & if not, well, that's what fix-it fics are for. ❤️

In more ways than one, huh? @ inches. 🤫 It's not quite as pronounced for me (I'm 5'10), but 6'+ guys are still huge that it's impossible to not be into the difference on principle.

You're absolutely right about the detention. I feel his thoughts would be even more out of control than the norm cause there'd be nothing else to distract him. So he really lucked out being so charming fr. 👍

Oh, I can completely. visualize the finishing/moving to shake with the same hand djfbdb (spot on Wally headcanon). And you know he'd get even more excited by realizing you aren't a ghost & what that even means & trying to understand how it even happened. And, if you can actually touch him, how that would change things completely for his regular routine. Meanwhile, the entire time, you're still trying to wrap your head around the entire thing (double entendre for the situation itself & ~another thing~ cause the size).

I think what they give her to do in 3 and 4 lines up with her character but it really struggles to be tonally consistent. Season 3 in general is much more comedic and bright (which is why I think the Billy and big gloppy glop falls flat cause it’s in a season with more lighthearted themes). It’s just crazy that she was ready to throw hands with the demogorgon and go into the upside down to retrieve her son (which season 1 has the worst upside down, worst in the best sense because i mean it in violent, unknown, and scary.) But in Season 3 and 4 it’s russians, and terminator homages, and just stuff that’s so unserious. I hate it sm. At least the teens got a better story in s4 than the adults (minus Eddie.)

I wonder if it’s sewn into his underwear ugh that’s such a good way to find out what Wally is short for. (lmao it’s just kinda hot to see the name embroidered in there, because you know they’re his)

I hope he gets to be with Maddy but I can see that season 2 is leading into his downfall because if she gets her body back… she’s gonna get with Simon (no hate to him but Wally clears the floor.)

Dayum five ten is still taller than me by a mile😭 my best friend is 5’9” and he towers over me. But yeah, anyone taller than six feet deserved to be classified as a stratospherical disturbance

The ticking clock and the fact that he’s mere feet away from a teacher who would only have to give his attention to him. Wally would be having a field day in his head about it.

Oh totally, you’re trying to understand that ghosts are real and that you can talk to one of them and this ghost is packing some heat. There would definitely be long silences as you tried to pay attention in class, but he’s filling the empty seat next to you (but it still looks empty to everyone else.) If you can touch him, you can guarantee that he’s got you taking a “bathroom break” every class to sneak off and… well, I’ll let you decide the rest on that. Lunch periods are dine and dash type of events where you eat and hurry off with him elsewhere.

If you guys haven’t gotten to a physical relationship yet, it’s probably best to keep an eye out for him after phys. ed in the changing rooms, because he just might be there… (not in a creepy way, just hormonal teen way yk)

#wally clark x male reader #wally clark x you #wally clark

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beardedmrbean · 2 years

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I haven’t looked much into the whole “teens going to children’s movies in formal attire” thing, but as someone who worked at a movie theater for a few years (pre-pandemic thankfully), normally big groups of unattended teenagers meant trouble. We would have big movies but kids movies were normally the messiest to clean up (can’t tell you how many times I watched a parent hand their young child one of those kid combo trays only for the kid to just immediately drop it). Even before the pandemic, most theaters would try to keep a bare minimum staff (can’t tell you how many nights I would run between box office, concessions, and then help ushers clean theaters), and I can only imagine it’s even worse now.

ya that's one of those really really strange industries when it comes to employment, does not take a huge number of people to run the place, labor cost is a tiny fraction compared to what it is in many other places.

As for the Minions thing,

Such was the response to the GentleMinions meme over the July 4th weekend that UK theater chain Odeon reportedly refused entry to groups arriving in formal dress, citing disruptive incidents. While these incidents aren't elaborated on in detail, the viral videos show groups of teenagers moshing in front of the screen during the movie, and also throwing bananas, in reference to the Minions' snack of choice. While it's mostly a harmless laugh to some, this more disruptive behavior is likely to upset families who have paid to enjoy Rise of Gru in cinemas and have no idea or interest in this bizarre new GentleMinion craze that has seemingly sprung up overnight. Here's what viewers need to know about GentleMinions.

____________

Other articles and such I saw from when this was going down went into more detail, with things like banana glop that had been chucked at the screen leaving a trail of banana goo all the way down (screens ain't cheap and nobody on shift is going to be authorized to get up there and clean it even if they do have the cherry picker handy)

Just insane amounts of mess and as mentioned above a huge disruption for families who had come to see the movie unironically.

Think people that were trying to defend the kids for this believed they were just hurting the rich theatre owners when instead it made the underpaid employees lives hell.

So kids got to learn about collective punishment

#anonymous

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bartmobile · 1 year

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the lonely stoner seems to accidentally drop a glop of macaroni out of the macaroni pot and somewhere on the floor at night the lonely stoner cannot find the glop of macaroni and i swear to god he’s barely even high it actually just disappeared for real

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mizufae · 2 years

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@brofisting in makeup news, I have been splurging on some stuff and have some thoughts and conclusions!

I think that your conclusion from before, that everybody notices way less about skin texture than we do on ourselves, is totally true. But ALSO, that a lot of makeup, specifically foundation and adjacent, are intended to change the apparent texture of the skin. That looking like you are wearing makeup is, in fact, intentional. I think the conclusion is that skin is not in and of itself a desirable base for “looks” and it interferes with, yknow, capitalism. It seems like getting a true skin-but-better appearance is one of the hardest and most idiosyncratic things a makeup utilizing person can aim for.

Like, I have watched many videos and read many articles now on how to apply foundation when you have peach fuzz and stubble and that shit involves like, numerous layers of smooshing silicone all over and very fussy brush movements and presumably like, not moving your face until everything sets and then wtf I guess like, not moving for the rest of the day either??

I have also investigated how to apply foundation for older skin, skin with fine lines, skin with uneven base tones, etc. And a ton of it is either like, get those pores out of here, we can’t let them know we osmose! or like, now that you are a gaunt corpse with saggy fat lumps you have to rub this magic stone on your face every day for no reason I can explain!

So this all seems like bullshit and there is only one strain of advice I’ve come across that in any way seems legit for people who are not doing a 4K HD photoshoot in the next twenty minutes and/or a drag show, and that is: just don’t use foundation at all, because it creates a problem to be solved. Instead, use carefully chosen and applied concealer and tinted moisturizers in judiciously chosen zones, and focus on skin health. This seems to be the tack that k-beauty takes, or at least it used to, and it seems to be the best way for old people to look old and still have fun with makeup without looking like they forgot to put on half their face.

So like, things I’ve bought and have messed around with:

Fenty Beauty Eaze Drop Blurring Skin Tint - this shit is definitely top tier. Unlike other tinted moisturizers I’ve tried it doesn’t cake up in creases and really does seem to blur discoloration and spots. But it doesn’t interfere with skin texture and in areas where I have stubble or hair it doesn’t cling to it either. I was able to buff it out with my fingers without seeing prints, and I was able to layer on more for more coverage on a spot with a tiny cut and it didn’t get shiny.

Bare Minerals tinted moisturizer - this stuff cakes up on my dry skin BUT is a much higher coverage than the fenty stuff and is a better match for my weirdly neutral skin undertone, and it has spf. I think if I were oily it would be better. I like their powder products more but I’m not mad about this one because I can use it in combination with other products to cover stuff like a healing zit.

Bare minerals liquid concealer - definitely the best match for my skin tone. It’s ever so slightly lighter but doesn’t have any color correction and it doesn’t settle much into fine lines like other thicker concealers do. I can put some on the inner corner of my eyes, some on the redness around my nose and some on the corners of my mouth and trust that it won’t look like I have huge blobs of concealer dotted around but that it will cover any redness that I get over the day, and helps me control stuff like my resting bitch face through careful use of lipstick and eyeliner. I have also used a tiny bit as an eyeshadow base since it’s such a close match.

Elf camo concealer - damn this shit thicc. It is definitely lighter and more warm toned than my skin and mad opaque. I used way too much of it when I first tried it, not cuz I was doing guru triangles but because it just like glopped on there. If I take a teeny tiny brush and load it from the doe foot applicator, and then use it to kind of… outline my eye bags, and pop it on juuuuust a couple places where I have some dark spots, and then very very carefully bounce a damp sponge along those lines to feather it out, but not too much!! I can get some color correction and very subtle contouring (is it reverse contouring?? If it’s only highlight??) that is totally not gonna go anywhere until I wash it off. Putting it on UNDER tinted moisturizer seems to help, it’s like doing an overlay layer so it makes things more harmonious. Face, photoshop, what’s the difference honestly.

Neutrogena oil cleanser: oil cleansing is REAL. I have been doing this a few times a week for a few weeks now and my skin is way less flaky and my under eye puffiness is a bit less (I think cuz of the massage aspect, so just do lymphatic massage if you don’t want to do oil cleansing) and some of my hormonal zits went through their cycle MUCH faster. Also I seem to have less visibly oxidized sebaceous filaments on my nose and chin, hurrah! Like, they are still there, but they aren’t clogged or bumpy feeling. I tried a couple other oil cleansers and this one is cheap and not smelly and washes clean, like, it really does turn a milky texture when you get it wet and lifts off the skin easily, unlike a certain bee-themed brand which was sticky for like two days after.

Just straight up jojoba oil: I have been slapping this onto my dry flaky eczema patches and it doesn’t mitigate the itch but my skin is SO MUCH faster at being not horribly red and inflamed when I leave this on there. It absorbs really well and doesn’t leave residue and I assume if I am ever actually sufficiently moisturized that won’t be the case but as it is I appear to be a sponge for this. It is helping my chronically chapped lips! It doesn’t taste like ass like a lot of other intense moisturizers, and isn’t an exfoliant or anything, but it seems to be helping the wrinkly parts of my lips be less wrinkly. Which leads to better lipstick application and so-on.

I did indeed shave my face with one of those little face razors. I am now stubbly and the texture is NOT desirable. The moment I did it I played around with makeup and it was okay, but maybe not like… better than when I’d done it pre-shave. And like, later that night I had shadow, so… fuck that. I think I’m gonna mess around with sugaring my stache and chin hair, and definitely leaving my cheek fuzz to be free and flowing. I think that not using a foundation at ALL on areas where I have dark hair is actually better than trying to cover it up.

Let me know how your quest to be the hottest boy band boy is going!

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