#Tellerites
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Welcome to the Zine O’Biology
A multi-fandom Star Trek Zine.
Do you have strong opinions on Vulcan fra’als, Cardassian tails, or how the heck Trill symbionts reproduce? We want to hear from you!
The Zine O’Biology is a fictional comparative xenobiology academic journal set in the Star Trek universe. If you’ve always wanted to wax eloquent for up to 3000 words about your theories on alien biology, welcome to your new home!
We want all your theories about all your favorite aliens! This is a friendly but competitive academic journal where the content of every paper is a little bit suspicious (is this paper based on rumor or fact? What is the methodology?) and some competing authors leave snarky comments on one another’s work. So just like a real academic journal, except ours features the Great Green Anthurium.
We welcome xenobiology articles on all Star Trek aliens from all series!
The final format will be a PDF that you can scroll at your leisure or print at home in order to have a physical copy of the Zine. (This way there is no money involved.)
--SEEKING SUBMISSIONS FOR--
Alien biology articles
Alien biology artwork
In-Universe advertisements
Letters to the editor
ALIEN BIOLOGY ARTICLES
How do Andorian genders work? Are Cardassians actually lizards? Why do Klingons have so many redundant organs? What’s the biological purpose of Bajoran nose ridges? What’s the best cement mix for emergency surgery on a Horta?
You’ve been pondering alien biology for years. This is your chance to infodump all your favorite theories to an eager audience of your fellow nerds!
Articles will be separated into two categories: reproductive biology or general biology. Yes, we also want all your theories on what every species is packing downstairs…and how they use it.
Journal articles should be fun and engaging, but also written in your interpretation of a pseudo-academic style, since this is a highly respected Federation xenobiology journal. If you want to keep things more lighthearted and less academic, check out the section on Letters to the Editor.
ALIEN BIOLOGY ARTWORK
If you have independent illustrations about alien biology we would love to see them! If you would like to provide illustrations for one of our journal articles, tell us what species you want to illustrate and we’ll do our best to match you up!
Art should be in a square, scaleable format, printable at high resolution at 4x4 inches.
JOURNAL ADVERTISEMENTS
Even in a post-need future, academic journals will need a little extra funding. Submit your ads for Ferengi Oomox Creme, Self Sealing Stem Bolts, Gently Used Federation Technology, and, of course, “reproductive aids.” The weirder the better! Have fun with it!
All art needs to be printable at high resolution
Ad Sizes:
1 column (vertical) 3.5 x 7
half page (horizontal) 8 x 5
banner (narrow horizontal) 8 x 2
in-text (square) 3.5 x 3.5 scaleable
in-text (half-square) 3.5 x 1.75
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Do you have a great idea, but it’s not enough to fill out a 3000 word article? Submit it as a “reaction” to a previous journal article. Feel free to lay into a mythical researcher who does NOT understand why their biological theory is wrong and yours is right!
Max length 800 words. Enjoy making these plenty frothy!
WE NEED SUB-EDITORS!
The creators of this Zine are all notorious Vulcan Fuckers. Since we want the Zine O’Biology to be open to all alien species, it is only logical that we seek your expertise.
We’re seeking fans from all over the Star Trek universe to spread the word that yes, it’s time for us to all come together in the spirit of explaining how our favorite aliens come together.
Sub-Editors will be in charge of helping us solicit articles and art for their specific race of aliens and editing those articles in order to fit into the Zine. If we don’t have a sub editor for a species, we’ll do our best, but the chapter on that species won’t be as good as it would be if folks with real fanon knowledge were involved.
WANT TO GET INVOLVED, BUT YOU’RE NOT A WRITER OR ARTIST?
WE NEED:
Graphic designers to help with Zine layout
Social media promoters
Alien art and article wranglers (ie: get your fannish friends involved!)
--HOW TO GET INVOLVED--
Fill out the Art or Writing Google Form letting us know your interests or reach out to the Editor in Chief at [email protected]
DEADLINES:
August 1, 2024: Last date for everyone seeking an art or writing partner to submit their request. We don’t guarantee you’ll be partnered up. It depends on how many people are interested and what aliens they want to draw/write.
August 18, 2024: Art/Writing partners notified. NOTE: it’s both fine and encouraged if you want to submit as a team from the start! This is for people who do not have a partner and would like us to find them one.
August 30, 2024: Final call for all journal authors, artists, and advertisers to let us know what species they’re working with, how many submissions they plan to send, and whether their submission will be general or reproductive biology.
October 20, 2024: All art, advertising, and journal submissions are due
We hope to have the Zine O’Biology ready for your enjoyment by New Year’s Eve 2024. We all have full time jobs and lives, so that date may change depending on the volume of submissions.
FAQ
What if my biological theories are totally different from another author’s?
Yes. Perfect. We love it.
We want to see everyone’s theories! Canon gave us scraps, but together we will make a meal! Expect to see many mutually contradictory articles. That’s part of the fun!
What about Smut?
Yes, we are accepting E rated submissions! The journal will be separated into two sections:
General Biology
Reproductive Biology
General Biology is everything but the genitals
Reproductive Biology should include actual descriptions of the mechanics and biology. Think of it as creating reference material for smut writers and artists.
#Star Trek#Zine#Multi-Fandom#Aliens#Alien Biology#Fake Ads#Letters to the Editor#Xenobiology#Fake Academic Journal#Fanfic#Fanart#Seeking Artists#Seeking Writers#Seeking Editors#Open to the public#Free Zine#Vulcans#Cardassians#Trill#Borg#Klingons#Bajorans#Romulans#Andorians#Tellerites#Star Trek TOS#star trek ds9#star trek discovery#star trek snw#star trek voyager
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Jankom gets it.
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WIP Wednesday
From an untitled WIP I began today. Thank you to @affixjoy for the prompt: stuck together and forced to discuss why Jim is always shirtless when Spock vidcoms him.
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“Out with it, Spock.” Jim leaned back in the shuttle’s passenger seat. His eyes narrowed as he carefully watched his first officer’s face in profile. “What have I done wrong now?”
Spock usually took full advantage of time alone in the shuttle to review crew schedules, update him on progress in the science labs, and studiously pretend he was ignorant of Uhura’s best gossip. Tonight, he boarded without so much as a glance at Kirk, then silently and efficiently piloted the shuttle into the bitterly cold winter of Ursa Minora IV’s southern continent.
“You are an effective and well respected commander.” Spock’s voice was as flat and featureless as the snow covered plains beneath them.
Jim sighed. “So I’m in real trouble, then.”
Spock didn’t turn from the viewscreen, but did concede a single raised eyebrow.
“The last time you were this pissed at me the Tellerite ambassador thought you were planning a mutiny,” said Jim.
“A reasonable assumption, based on my service record,” said Spock.
“So you are pissed?”
“My uniform is unblemished by urine,” said Spock.
“Oh no you don’t.” Jim leaned over his armrest, pushing into the thirty centimeters of space between their seats. “This is one Earth idiom I know damn well that you understand.”
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Episode 1 {SEASON TWO BABY!!}
SPOCK
"I expect you to be friends." -Sarek, oddest dad of the year.
Tilly yelling LMAO
yet again, being a transporter guy is awkward lmaoooo
Do not covet thy neighbor's star ship. LMAO
he's hilarious omg.
think of all the syllables that wasted their lives im dying.
his interaction with Tilly I'm dying
He's such a good Captain
poor paull
OH!! The engine room is the spore drive room but they moved it at the beginning of season two and they're converting the room back to a standard engineering room! Thanks Tilly for explaining! lmao.
poor paulll :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
that was sweet until the last thing he said and now im sad. poor tilly. They need to stop telling her to be quiet. :(
"I was expecting a red thing. Where's my damn red thing?" LMAO
Nhan's so pretty.
I feel like I should stop writing down every funny thing Pike says... I'm not trying to become a transcription lmao.
Also Connolly... dude. Just stop.
I wish there was a closed captions mode that only captioned dialogue, not sound. The sound captions can be rather annoying if you are hearing and don't need them, but you also can't delete them for the people who are hard of hearing or deaf.
Connolly you idiot. and he jeopardized everyone else's lives as well.
The "we have him, right ladies?" and Owo and Detmer looking at each other like ????? before saying "absolutely"
I love Nhan
The fact that Pike didn't die here is truly remarkable.
Poor Saru was so worried. oof.
Eww Tellerites have purple blood.
why did the main screen on the bridge crack when the asteroid hit it?? Are you telling me they made a bridge where a single pane of glass is all that protects from space.
OWWWW. i love that they let her scream at the pain and all of that. like points.
oh my gosh nerdssssssssssssssssssssssssss i love them alll
not them catching an asteroid. I love them.
yes pike :) i love him
I love a lot of these people, as I'm sure you can't tell lmao
I love Tilly <3
DID YOU SEE THAT {ofc ik you didn't im the one watching it but like ahh} The fortune cookie Pike was holding said "Not every cage is a prison, nor every loss eternal." They knew exactly what they were doing when they zoomed in on that. POINTS!
ahhh I love this episode.
How does she have clearance to be there???
And to listen to his personal log?????
the signals.
That's why it's called brother!
#discovery season2#discovery spoilers#star trek disco#star trek disco s2#discovery rewatch#Captain pike#spock#michael burnham#sylvia tilly#paul stamets#ambassador sarek#joann owosekun#keyla detmer#christopher pike#commander saru
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[tv review] tos 2x08-2x14 (1967)
no dessert until you eat your play-doh.
2x08 “i, mudd”
this is absolutely a much better mudd episode than “mudd’s women,” but mudd episodes are just… not great episodes? i’m glad that they was so much better in discovery, and i’m sure his episodes will be great in strange new worlds if he ever shows up there as well. which is funny because i actually like the way he’s portrayed in tos a lot better than the way he’s portrayed in discovery? like, conniving con man who gets under the captain’s skin is way more star trekky to me than just… “straight-up a murderer.” but the episodes around him in tos are just… ugh.
i loved all the silly stuff kirk & co did to try to confuse the androids, though. definitely the highlight of either of tos’s mudd episodes. c-rank
2x09 “metamorphosis”
i don’t have a lot to say about this one? it’s just… kinda boring and lonely. cool that they introduced zefram cochrane for later shows (even enterprise) to do a much better job with, i guess. d-rank
2x10 “journey to babel”
this would be a landmark episode if only for introducing spock’s parents and two founding members of the federation (the andorians and tellerites). but it’s also got some of the most plentiful and in-your-face play-doh food of the series, an absolutely bonkers star trek fight, a murder investigation, dr. mccoy doing bullshit star trek medicine, a space battle… there’s kind of a lot going on in this episode! it really is one i always look forward to. i really think this kind of stuff is tos at its best. a-rank
2x11 “friday’s child”
… and this is tos at its worst. seriously, this is so boring. it’s just 45 minutes of nothing! and oh yeah, my abusive ex “ironically” loved mccoy slapping that one lady across the face and then her following him around all doe-eyed for the rest of the episode. so, you know. not exactly an association it’s easy to get out of my head, and not a pleasant one in the first place.
i’m not just docking it because of that, though. it was already extremely bad all on its own. d-rank
2x12 “the deadly years”
the best part of this episode is when they reuse footage from “balance of terror” to make it look like the enterprise is under attack by the romulans. c-rank
2x13 “obsession”
hey. hey. what if we did “the man trap” again, but like, kinda worse? like, not bad bad, but just kinda… ever so slightly worse? and added a whole thing where the monster of the week was just super in captain kirk’s head. and he takes it out on some poor hapless security guy. wouldn’t that be fun!!
… would it not? where are you going? c-rank
2x14 “wolf in the fold”
yeah, okay, it’s bad, but it’s still a star trek murder mystery, so it’s at least watchable!! seriously, though, jack the ripper is a disembodied psychic force of evil? and he sounds like that? go fuck yourself lmao. c-rank
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Bajorans: So what is your people’s defining characteristic?
Vulcans: Logic
Klingons: Courage
Ferengi: Ambition
Borg: Order
Humans: Humanity
Vulcans: …
Cardassians: …
Tellerites: ….
Bajorans: Humans, your defining characteristic can’t just be being human. That’s a fucking cop out. What if the rest of us pulled that shit?
Humans: ….
Klingons: ….
Andorians: We’re blue
Bolians: Fuck my drag right?
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Sisters of Harmony
Beauty and truthsisters of harmonybalance, order“Pretty is as pretty does”our grandmothers use to say.Can true beauty existin disharmony?Can truth be toldwhen couched in lies?If you really want to walk the pathstart by vowingto always speak the truthfor even “white lies” are liesand truth knows only truth.Become a truth-tellerit will be one of the hardestthing you ever try.Beauty and truthsisters…
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Star Trek Aliens As Social Media Websites
Tumblr - The Federation, but not Kirk, Picard, Burnham, ETC. I'm talking the diverse, subjective, and mildly upsetting Federation encapsulated by Brad Boimler
4Chan - The Borg. Nobody has any identity here and it will destroy you as a person. If you use 4Chan, you become 4Chan.
Youtube - The Founders because the worse a Youtube algorithm gets, the more like content soup it becomes.
Facebook - The Klingons. From the Next Generation on, the Klingons are "the Old Man of the Alpha Quadrant" and are only outside of the Federation because of their pride. They are out of touch and desprately out-moded but don't know what else to do
Wikipedia - Romulans. HAVE YOU SEEN THE DRAMA? THE CUT THROAT WIKIDRAMA IS UNMATCHED.
LinkedIn - Vulcans. They literally have an ai on that thing to make you sound more professional. Like, who comes up with a social media site whose main goal is to get you a job? Vulcans, that's who.
Twitter - The Cardassians. They've taken a recent hard-right turn and is run by the least qualified people available. Leadership is despotic and apparently chosen at random
Craigslist - The Orions, because where else could you buy drugs, hookers, and a fully functional particle splitter?
Reddit - Ferengi. Rules of Aquisition-core. Hew-man-pilled. No one else says "Fee-male" quite like Redditors. And Ferengi.
Gab - The Bajorans. Nothing says religious fundamentalism and home-grown terrorism quite like a "...new parallel Christian society.”
Parler - Tholians. A lot of hype around them. They showed up for one episode and then vanished lmao!!!
Tinder - Betazoids. Canonically Horny. Canonically Bad At Relationships.
MySpace - Talosians. THE OG!!! THE FIRST!!!
BlueSky - Tellerites. Underdeveloped Website. Underdeveloped Aliens
Mastadon - Andorians. Underdeveloped Website. Underdeveloped Aliens. Now with racism
#star trek#aliens#social media#shitpost#big thanks to my fiancee for coming up with most of this#im merely a messenger
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Naming conventions on Lower Decks
I just found out that the Kzinti ensign's name is Taylor. So, we have a Kzinti named Taylor, a Trill named Barnes and a Tellerite named Young.
It's wonderfully amusing that Lower Decks gives aliens human surnames
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Interest so far!
We have had a few applications so far and here's what people are interested in:
Articles
Vulcan x5
Bajoran x1
Romulan x1
Andorian x1
Gorn x1
Multi Species x2
Open to anything x1
Art
Klingon x2
Vulcan x3
Cardassian x3
Andorian x1
Ferengi x1
Desired Species:
Klingon
Cardassian
Ferengi
Andorian
Caitian
Gorn
Borg
Andorian/ Aenar
Orion
Vulcan
Trill
Xindi
Betazed
Denobulan
Salt Vampires
Tellerites + your favorite under-represented species!
#zine o'biology#star trek#xenobiology#zine#alien biology#fake academic journal#fake ads#free zine#fanart#fanfic#fandom zine#fanzine#klingon#vulcan#cardassians#gorn#andorian#ferengi#bajoran#trill#betazoid#tribbles#denobulan#multi fandom#star trek zine#borg
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As a huge fan of the absurdity of something like Star Trek: The Animated Series (Kirk fights genies you guys), of course I didn't hate SNW's musical episode.
But, as is so often with SNW, the show is let down by really crummy camera work. Okay, SNW, you've got Trek first full-on musical episode, you need a great pair of hands, and so you pick as your director... the guy who played the bully in the original Escape to Witch Mountain and whose entire directorial CV is lousy CW shows?
As far as I can tell he's never touched a musical in his life and it shows: what little choreography there is is terrible, and—just to pick one example—Spock's big solo (a fun, punny breakup song about calculus) has him walk away from a console, stand at a rail, and walk back again. It's boring visually, utterly banal when the camera work needs to be lifting the material up (of course, like everything filmed against a LED-volume wall, the blocking is garbage, the lighting is bad, and the depth of field is visibly off).
I have some aesthetic complaints too but those are more subjective: I liked the big classic Broadway sounding numbers, and was less impressed by the poppy modern ones—reminds me too much of something you'd get Idina Menzel to shout-strain over a synth orchestra and, yes, for budget and time reasons the orchestra here sounded mostly synthetic. The budget was not infinite and I can forgive a cheaper sound (although that doesn't explain why the overdubbing is clearly not synced correctly in so many scenes - very distracting.)
There's a lot to love—it has an infectious joy, the actors are having a great time, and it's clear a lot of care went into pre-production. I am always happiest when SNW lives up to its title - when it really pushes itself into new and strange places and doesn't just rehash under-thought gorn bullcrap. A musical episode is a capital idea... so why didn't they get a director who understood how to film a musical?
As so often on finishing an SNW episode you're left going: that was okay, but it could have been good or even great had there just been a little more care.
(And while the Klingon joke was funny, I feel like the better, more subversive joke would be that the people who canonically sing while flying into battle should have loved finding themselves in a musical. Klingons and music go hand in hand: if anyone's going to do an anodyne boy band feat. number it should been Tellerites. Now that's comedy.)
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DENOBULANS!!
#AND tellerite love that#lwd#lwd s2#lwd spoilers#BUT THE DENOBULANS love themmmm#this ep was so fun idiot nerd boys unlimited#shut up cadet
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In case ye wanted to see each o' me Star Trek Online character accounts, here are me crews! - Human, 23rd Century Federation in the 24th - Klingon, Pirate, Orion-Liberator - Tellerite, Mirror Universe Terran Empire - Jem'hadar, Klingon Empire, Borg-Liberator - Romulan, Pirate (The Orion ex-slaves look like they're havin' a naked party on the Klingon ship but I modelled them after MMA fighters and decided to keep them as naked as the fighters are in MMA) Heh. #miccillian #captncillian #pirate #celtic #startrek #startrekonlinegame #starfleetcommand #klingon #tellerite #jemhadar #romulan #oriongirl https://www.instagram.com/p/BpHItySAyru/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14urlptvurboo
#miccillian#captncillian#pirate#celtic#startrek#startrekonlinegame#starfleetcommand#klingon#tellerite#jemhadar#romulan#oriongirl
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everyones like damn who killed the tellerite ambassador and zero prompting spock is just like i think my dad did it lock him up
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I did NOT expect the pilot of ST:PRO to focus on ‘escaping child slave labour’
Other notes: so many aliens!! new and old!!!!!! this is like everything I wanted from a st show - NO MORE HUMAN-CENTRISM
Also!!!! Tellerite main character yes baybeeeeee!!!!! In this house we already stan Jankom Pog!!
I am incredibly excited for the rest of this season, gonna watch e2 tomorrow :D
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Andoria is an icy moon of the gas giant Andor.
Although the Andorians generally have a mistrust of other species, they were one of the four founding members of the United Federation of Planets. They have an adversarial relation with Vulcans and Tellerites.
Andorians have blue skin, white hair, and antennae on the crown of the skull or at the temple. Their coloration may explain why they frequently refer to humans as “pink-skin”.
Source: “Star Trek - Journey to Babel" (1968).
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