#THE THREE YEAR AGE GAP IN COUPLES IS THE IDEAL FUCKING AGE GAP

[tallbisexualwantstobeloved]

kazuki being 28 years old and rei being 25 years old regularly pops up in my mind

#LISTEN NO LISTEN #THE THREE YEAR AGE GAP IN COUPLES IS THE IDEAL FUCKING AGE GAP #mine #buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #suwa rei

[sessakag]

Don't hate me but I want to know your answer to all these:

Get to know my Shipping Preferences & Ships!

Made an ask meme ^ ^

Send me a number!

1. List 3 shipping tropes you love

2. List 3 shipping tropes you don’t love

3. One emotional aspect of a ship that always gets you

4. One physical aspect of a ship that always gets you

5. Multiship or Monoship?

6. Rare pairs or Mainstream?

7. Polyamory or Monogamy?

8. If the ship is physical, reversible or not?

9. Do you always have romantic ships for fandoms?

10. How important is the sexual part (if any) of your ship?

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

12. List 3 ships you currently love

13. List 5 OTPs from past fandoms

14. Opinion on the importance of marriage?

15. Opinion on kids?

NOW, about ONE ship (ships I’ll answer for in the tags!):

16. One thing one character likes about their partner(s).

17. Now one thing that the other character(s) likes about the first chara.

18. Who confessed?

19. How long did they know each other before getting together?

20. Who’s the ship’s biggest in-universe supporter?

21. Any rivals for the ship?

22. Any mutual friends?

23. Have they met each other’s families?

24. What’s ONE conflict they’ve had.

25. What’s ONE way they’ve resolved a conflict?

26. What’s ONE location that’s important to them?

27. What’s ONE object that’s important to them?

28. What’s ONE food/beverage that’s important to them?

29. What’s ONE thing they do in their free time together?

30. What’s ONE thing they do in their free time APART?

31. What’s ONE thing character A might gift their partner?

32. What’s ONE thing character A’s partner(s) might gift back?

33. How would they react to long distance?

34. How would they react to an ex showing up?

35. Describe one date.

36. Describe one example of comforting after a bad day.

37. Describe one reunion after time apart.

38. Describe their ideal home.

39. Describe their first kiss (if any).

40. Describe their first time (if any).

41. Would they have any pets? If so, describe.

42. Would they get married? If so, describe their wedding.

43. Would they have any kids? If so, describe.

44. Give each character a color.

45. Give each character an element.

46. Give each character a Pokemon.

47. Give each character a Hogwarts house.

48. Give each character a super power.

49. Give each character an rpg class.

50. Imagine each character as an animal.

Obvs, some of these I already know your answer but just...please? 😁

Alright! Here we go! 😤

List 3 shipping tropes you love

Trope One: The one night stand that leads to: "oh no I'm pregnant now!". The chaos that follows, the angst and the crazy situation of having to get to know your baby daddy or baby mama a few months before the actual kid pops out is just soooo entertaining to me. Trope Two: Age gaps, preferably older man/younger woman. I am a sucker for an authoritative male, yes there can be younger man that have that Dom energy, but there's just something ridiculously sexy attractive about man a couple years older taking the reins 😤 Trope Three: Toxic relationships/Dark (that may or may not get better). I get tired of reading stories that are all sprinkles and rainbows all the time, sometimes I just want to read some fucked up, dysfunctional shit that can engage the darker emotions rather than one that's continuously reaching for sainthood. I love delicious emotional angst.

Trope One: Gender Bender. No thank you, kindly. Not my thing at all. I've tried them and its like putting my foot in the wrong shoe, lol. I can't immerse myself in the story. Trope Two: Idiots in Love. Now I have a love hate relationship with this, if done right, I enjoy it, but when it gets to the point where its dragging on and on and on, and they're dancing around to the point where I'm getting irritated, yeah, lol, I'm exiting the story. Unfortunately a lot of stories overemphasize the idiots part 😅and omg when it gets to the end and they get a paragraph of actually being together before the story ends 🤬Trope Three: Strong!(insert normally sweet character) This one falls heavily on the strong!Hinata trope. She is usually just turned into a clone Sakura(one of my least fav characters) or RTN Hinata(who I cannot stand!) omg this really irks my soul. For some reason many people think strength = violent, nasty tempers and attitude. That characters, especially female characters, can't be strong without being unnecessarily aggressive and mean. Literally you don't have to do all of that, and it turns me off so freaking quick its not even funny! If you want to develop Hinata's shinobi abilities, do that, you don't have to make her awful to accomplish it.

Angst! For example, confrontations in which one or both characters admit to some wrong doing in the relationship and they have this emotional scene where they either blow up or work through the situation. I live for that!

Usually I'm reading about NaruHina so the physical aspect for me would be Naruto finally getting to experience constant physical contact with another person(Hinata), hugs and kisses, caresses and lovemaking. That gets me every time since he was so deprived growing up. He's not used to that treatment and I love it when he gets absolutely spoiled with physical contact!

This is kind of hard, lol. My core has always been monoship of NaruHina, but that NaruHinaSasu just refuses to leave me be. So I'd say I'm a multiship but with very strict with it. Definitely not a 'anyone can get it' type shipper. Sasuke I can put him with a very select few ladies, but Naruto and Hinata, they get each other and Sasuke, there's no SasuHina only or NaruSasu only, if that makes sense, lol. And putting them with anyone but Sasuke is a hard no. NaruHina, NaruHinaSasu or I don't want it.

I lean more into the mainstream pairings I suppose, most of my ships usually come to fruition, luckily. Though I go hard for the rare pairs of NaruHinaSasu and SessKag.

Polyamory! NaruHinaSasu only. I love my three babies together. If I have to choose a monogamous pairing, it'll always be NaruHina though.

Not really sure what number 8 is asking to be honest 😅 can someone clarify and I'll answer later.

Yes! There is not a fandom that I don't have a romantic ship for. I get bored without romance.

Very! Sexuality is very important to me in general, its like a love language you can only hear through your body, and it reveals hidden away pieces of yourself that only your lover knows about and experiences(in regards to my interpretation of it, I know the world is different) so having them take that step means a lot to me!

They can be fun! I personally ship Hinata/Ino as platonic girlfriends! 🥰I ship NaruSasu as a couple and as platonic ride or die besties for life.

NaruHina. NaruHinaSasu. HinaIno (platonic).

SessKag, EdWin, IchHime, DomonRain, KenshinKarou

I love for my OTP to get married, it's like closing the chapter and starting a new one. Nothing religious or societal norm pressure, just genuinely love seeing a big ass celebration and the exchanging of last names 💞It's so cute seeing the Mrs and Mr. Whatever.

Lots! Fill the whole house up with those little buggers!!

Naruto likes Hinata's kindness! 🥰he really hasn't had anyone that just showered him with kindness until Hina (imo) I love that he has some that wouldn't beat on him, insult him, call him names or make him feel less than in anyway and I know he's got to love that!

Hinata likes Naruto's determination. That guy gets something in his head and he goes for it with everything he's got and then some! He pushes and pushes and moves mountains! Hard not to admire him!🥰

Hinata then Naruto.

Think it was around 15 years-ish? Think in the Last Naruto was 19 and they met when they were like 4 or 5 I think? It was before they went to the Academy, Hinata got lost during Hizashi's memorial and Naruto led her back home.

Sakura. In the Last she was encouraging Hinata a lot and helped talk Naruto through his feelings. That really kick started me tolerating Sakura better. She really was a nice person in the Last, and I liked her a bit during it.

Nope. Not even close.

Konoha 12.

No. Unfortunately. Minato and Kushina would have loved Hinata to pieces though!

Hinata got kidnapped by Toneri.

Naruto beat tf out Toneri for stealing his girl, and Hinata ripped his eyeballs out for messing with her lil sis🥰

Ichiraku Ramen Stand! It was one of the first places that accepted Naruto as a child and it's where he took Hinata on their first date! And though I LOATHE the Boruto series, I did catch a snippet on youtube of him reminissing about their first date happily while out with his brat son Boruto🥰

The Red Scarf! The scarf Hinata made for Naruto was incredibly important to both of them, Naruto especially, he wanted it even though it'd been blown to shreds.

Ramen.

Make beautiful babies 😂still waiting for that third redhead child.

Shippuden wise, they train. idk what Boruto got going on.

Something hand made. Hinata's pretty crafty and she's caring enough to make him something no matter how time consuming.

Flowers. Naruto's unpredictable, but him knowing she likes to press flowers, I can see him doing that.

Fine. They're shinobi after all, they understand that duty calls them away from time to time.

Naruto would act a damn fool 😂mean muggin, poutin and shit. Wrapping himself around Hinata like a damn boa constrictor. He would not be happy and everyone would know it. Jealous Naruto don't gaf. Hinata would probably feel a bit insecure. She's always had low self esteem thanks to daddy dearest, but I think as long as the ex didn't overstep she'd be fine and cordial.

#I exceeded character list lol #part 2 coming soon #ask

[juniorgman187]

Serpent of Eden (Part 1 - Reid Series)

Maybe he stole her innocence. Maybe she never had any . . .

Summary: Reader’s one night stand with Spencer turns into a year-long semester. (yes, for all you PLL fans, this is largely based off of Ezra and Aria don’t @ me)

A/N: Strongly suggest listening to “From Eden” by Hozier while reading 😌 Couple: Fem!Reader x Professer Spencer Reid  Category: Fluff, Angst, Series Content Warning: allusions to teacher/student relationship, age-gap, allusions to penetrative, public sex Word Count: 3k

BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU TO @andiebeaword​ @inkstainedwritergirl​ @thelovelyrose​ and @imagining-in-the-margins​ for their help with the title!! 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Babe

There's something tragic about you

I’d been absentmindedly humming the song as soon as I heard the opening tune, giving the song more attention than the impatient bartender in front of me who had to wave her hand in my face to bring me back to earth. 

“Hello?” She set her weight on one hip, clearly annoyed with me. “What do you want to drink?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Just a water please.” 

Mild humiliation manifested on my face, earning the concern of the stranger beside me. 

“You okay down there?”

I laughed softly to mask my shame. “I’m a bit jet-lagged. I just got back from Europe.”

I hadn’t noticed him sitting there before, probably because I practically slept-walked into this place by happenstance, but once I answered him, my eyes naturally drifted in his direction. Consequently, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. 

Something so magic about you

Don't you agree?

He was charming in the most peculiar way. His hair was a mess of curls, that I positively adored for a reason I couldn’t quite figure out; a stark contrast to his clean suit that targeted my insatiable desire for sharply dressed men. 

“Where in Europe?” He asked with genuine curiosity, sipping from a mug with steam floating out of it. 

“Iceland.”

He raised his eyebrows in earnest surprise. “I heard it’s beautiful there.” 

“It really is. The waterfall we visited was insane. Here, lemme show you a picture,” Pulling out my phone, I leaned over the seat between us to show him a photo I’d taken of the waterfall, not even realizing how close he was until I smelled his cologne. It was such a unique scent that I knew I could only ever associate it with him, even if I were to never smell it again.

There's something lonesome about you

Something so wholesome about you

Get closer to me

I brushed aside the nervousness I felt from his close proximity and slid back into my rightful spot a seat away. “You should definitely go if you’re considering it. I’m planning on going back this summer.” 

“Yeah, I’m, um, I’m definitely considering it.” He grinned, displaying a pair of dimples that made me weak. I let myself wonder if I was the reason he was considering going. 

Unconsciously, I turned my bar seat fully towards him, showing that he had my undivided attention, and asked, “So do you go to Hollis?” Referring to the college just nearby that I attended. 

“No, no. I graduated ages ago, but um, I work at Quantico.” 

“Quantico? Like FBI Quantico?”

“That’s right. I’m, uh, I’m a profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. We specialize -”

“In building profiles for unidentified criminals. No, yeah, I totally know what you do! At the law firm I work at, the prosecutors use profiles all the time. That’s so cool that you do that.” 

He wasn’t even mad that I’d interrupted him, no, he was glad. He smiled, looking almost proud of me. 

No tired sigh, no rolling eyes

No irony

“So you work at a law firm?” His mouth hidden behind the rim of his cup. 

Doing my best not to look at the way he licked the taste of coffee from his lips, I had to consciously keep my eyes steady on his as I answered. “Yeah, I do. There are like generations and generations of lawyers in my family, so I’m just continuing that tradition, I guess.” 

The conversation paused for a moment again, while his stare lingering on me too long for comfort that I had to look away. 

No "Who cares?", no vacant stare

No time for me

“I love this song.” I muttered under my breath, simply bringing it up to find a reprieve from his overwhelming gaze. From my peripheral, I caught him smirking, still staring.

“From Eden. B-32.”

Him simply knowing the jukebox number for the song felt like a sign.

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror years ago

Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword

“Hozier wrote it in a tongue-in-cheek way from the point of view of the devil looking at something innocent and seeing it as a missing part. The song tries to woo a woman while admitting that the relationship would be deeply flawed.” He informed me.

“Wow, that’s beautiful. Almost makes me want a forbidden kind of love.” 

Oh, had I only known the irony of my sentiment.

“He’s so good with his prose and poetry. It’s actually what inspired me to go to Iceland. I thought a change of scenery might be good for writing. Not much here in Virginia that’s quite like the beauty of Iceland,” I rambled, catching myself and consciously slowing down the rate of my words. “But um, I don’t write anything really good, just stuff that’s for me mostly.”

“I’m impressed.” 

“Why?”

With the utmost nonchalance, he stood from his chair, sliding his drink down the bar with him as he took the empty seat closest to me. I tried not to let my vision drift from his face to his actions, in the same way that he kept his gaze firm on him while he spoke. 

“Well, I tried writing, but I didn’t get very far. You’re lucky. If you’re writing for yourself, it’s true passion,” He paused to glance at his empty glass, like he was debilitating whether or not to say this next part. “Maybe you’d let me read some of it?”

"Yeah. Sure. If you really want to.” 

“Yeah, I’d love to,” He chuckled. “You’re smart, you’re well-traveled - great taste in music. I’d like to know more about you.” 

Innocence died screaming; honey, ask me, I should know

I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Maybe the flattery got to my head, but I couldn’t help the sudden surge of confidence bursting through my veins. 

“I’d like to know more about you, too.” I confessed. 

Needless to say, we didn’t waste another second getting to know each other. 

Well, as much as you can get to know someone after you fuck them in the bathroom of a bar. 

Babe

There's something wretched about this

Something so precious about this

Where to begin?

. . . 

“And where have you been, young lady?” Holly asked, acting more like my mother than my roommate upon my return to the dorm. 

“The Hollis Bar and Grill.” 

“Doing what exactly?” 

I would be remiss not to take up the opportunity for witty banter. 

“Spencer.” 

She rose from her seat at an ungodly speed to chase me down and force me to explain everything. 

“Who is he?”

“Some guy.” I blankly answered, not finding it in my jet-lagged heart to recount every last detail. 

“So is it just Spencer? No last name?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you usually ask your one night stands for their last name?” I shot her an accusatory stare. 

“Oh, is that what we’re calling this? A one night stand?” 

My agreeing nod was interrupted with the ear-splitting squeal of joy that erupted from Holly. 

“You had your first one-night stand!”

“Say it any louder, would you?” 

“Sorry, I’m just so proud of you! My baby’s growing up.” Pretending to wipe tears from her eyes, Holly pulled me in for a hug. The only way I could manage to get out of it was if I promised to tell her every little thing in the morning when I was well-rested, and fingers crossed, less jet-lagged. 

As promised, in the morning, I revealed to Holly all the details of the night before, including, but not limited to our thought-provoking discourse, his appearance, and his performance.

“At the end, he told me, ‘I will never forget you.’” I gushed to Holly. 

And he definitely meant it, because after tomorrow, he most certainly would not. 

. . . 

The first day back from Spring Break is typically the hottest day of the year, and today was no exception. It was breaching the three-digit-degree mark, which is how you know it’s hot, but we were still forced to endure the cruel and unusual punishment of wearing a uniform anyway. One that consisted of a white button-up, a plaid pleated skirt, and some type of University cardigan over it. 

Usually, this didn’t pose a problem, and I would comply, but we’d recently been hit by an ongoing heatwave that didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon. 

Even as I got ready in the morning, with my windows shut and the air conditioning blasting, I was sweating like a pig. I had a paranoid feeling that my makeup would melt and run down my face by the end of the day, so I sat in front of the fan to cool myself off. I struggled with my hair - not that I didn’t normally struggle to style my hair every day because my kinky curls weren’t exactly manageable. But I had no interest in straightening it because I knew the humidity would just return it to its naturally curly state anyway, so I settled for letting it run wild. I’d probably work up a sweat trying to style it at all, honestly. 

As I packed the last of my things into my backpack, I finally slipped on my Uni cardigan over the rest of my uniform to complete it. I’d been delaying this part for the better part of an hour because I knew exactly what would happen the second I put it on. And just as I anticipated - I felt faint. My cheeks grew pink the minute I stepped out of my dorm; exposing myself to the sun that was visibly beating down on everyone in the courtyard. 

“Y/N!” 

Behind me was Christina, who was jogging to catch up with me. To be considerate, I stopped walking, giving me the opportunity to look at her wholly. She was only wearing the skirt and the button up, with her cardigan wrapped around her waist. 

“Are you allowed to wear your cardigan like that?” I asked after she finally caught up to me. 

“No, but I’m going to do it anyway. Stick it to the man!” She threw up her fist into the air with a proud grin plastered on her face.

Ah, yes - stick it to the man. One of Christina’s favorite five-word mantras that she stuck by. The other being - we do what we want. 

But, see, it was easy for her to say that because she never once faced repercussions for her actions. Take her hemmed skirt, for example. She shortened it by an inch - not allowed, by the way - but here she was, donning her hemmed skirt and receiving no punishment for it, not even earning a second glance from the campus security we just passed. 

How she managed to get away with as much as she did was beyond me. The only way I could describe it was that she had this magical gift of invincibility - she could never get in trouble for breaking the rules, completely untouchable. But for me, I knew the second I acted out, I’d be sitting in front of the whole school board, begging them not to expel me. My luck was just that bad.

“You don’t always have to do what they say, you know?” Her words were tempting fate.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why do you always have to be such a goody-two-shoes? Why can’t you just let loose? You’ll have so much more fun.”

“But that’s just it - I’m not here to have fun, Christina! I can’t afford to mess around every day and break the rules. I’m not like you, okay? I actually had to work to get here.” My voice had taken on much more anger than the situation warranted, which I instantly regretted. 

Her head cocked to the side in shock. “You don’t think I had to work hard?” Christina’s voice now matched my previous level of rage.

“I’m sor-”

“It’s fine. I’ll see you after class.” 

Great. 

I watched in lamentation as she briskly walked away from me, clearly upset. 

As if today wasn’t bad enough. 

Though I knew she wanted me to chase after her and beg for her forgiveness, I had much more important things to attend to. Plus, I trusted her word - she’d see me after class and I could apologize after then, but as for right now, I was going to keep my priorities in order. 

As per usual, I was the first to arrive, and the following class, I was, too, and so on and so forth. Christina would’ve rolled her eyes at my timeliness, but I preferred being early than being late.

By lunch time, I hadn’t seen Christina since our minor altercation in the morning, but to my delight, when I reached our lunch spot in the grass, she was right there waiting for me, just like she always did. 

“Hey, Chris. About earlier -”

“No need to apologize. I shouldn’t have pushed you to break the rules. Come sit.” She patted a spot on the grass under the shady tree for me to sit on, but not even the voluminous leaves above could mask us from the sun. 

It was noon now, probably the peak of heat, and I felt like I was being baked alive. Even the wind that passed through was a hot breeze, merely amplifying the humidity. 

And perhaps I was compensating because I had a suspicion that Christina hadn’t truly forgiven me, but I started to peel my sweater off my body with the guise that I was doing it because I was burning up, and not because I was trying to get back on her good side.

She was speechless at first, but then she hit me with a cheerful, “Yeah!” While she clapped in approval, I took off my cardigan and unbuttoned the top few buttons. 

I was almost enjoying myself and how rebellious I was being. It was very unlike me, but it felt nice not to care so much, but then I heard a voice too distinct to misplace. 

“Ms. Y/L/N!” 

Mine and Christina’s head both whipped around hastily to see Mrs. Whitman, who looked furious. 

“That is against the dress code. You will report to room R-412 after school for detention. Do not be late.” 

Lest I forget to mention, Christina was breaking the dress code, too, but again - her power of invincibility protected her - a power which I did not possess.

My jaw hung low in shock. 

“Oh my god,” I turned to Christina, with my hand covering my mouth. 

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

I shot up from the grass, replacing my cardigan where it should be on my shoulders and buttoning the top few buttons of my shirt to regain some dignity. 

“Where are you going?” Christina called out after I abandoned her at the table.

I didn’t answer, out of pure rage, not that it was Christina’s fault, but that I’d actually foolishly broken the rules - and enjoyed it. 

The rest of the day was spoiled after that thanks to the impending doom of heading straight to detention after school was over. 

Christina texted and called repeatedly to apologize, but it would be no use. I wasn’t necessarily mad at her, although it wouldn’t have been completely untrue to say that I was, but I was madder at the situation. 

My humiliation was reinforced when after the final bell rang, I had to go against the grain of students, who were desperately filing out of the classes to return to their dorms, while I was headed for yet another “class.” I normally would’ve been one of those students, briskly shuffling out of a classroom with a million other people, trying to cram through a tiny door to leave, but now I was an outlaw, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it.

I found the room in no time, having studied the campus map until I knew it as well as the back of my hand. I even recognized the room number from when I asked my counselor for an application to audit Dr. Reid’s Criminology class, but I was declined acceptance, giving me all the more reason to hesitate to enter. I clutched onto the doorknob and lingered in the doorway, trying to find the nerve to walk in and commence my punishment. 

With one exasperated exhale, I swung the door open and marched in with my head down and my tail between my legs. Taking a cursory glance, I didn’t see a teacher anywhere.

“Hello? Dr. Reid?”

My small voice ricocheted off the high ceilings and reverberated back to me, instilling me with the chills of being alone in this large, empty classroom. 

I hadn’t yet taken a seat, mainly in case I needed to run for my life, I’d just need to pick up my feet instead of get up from a seat, but more so because I expected someone to be in here to instruct me on where to sit. I was more surprised that it was just me here and not anyone else, which made me reflect even harder on the idea that maybe I was the only one here because everyone else in this school had more discipline than me. But I also had to consider that the kids that were troublesome enough to land themselves in detention probably had no intention of suddenly abiding by the rules and showing up to detainment as they should. 

Out of nowhere, I heard the clunk and thump of shuffling footsteps. 

"Dr. Reid?”

From the stage I saw a figure emerge, briskly walking with a satchel crossed over their body and a coffee cup raised to their lips. 

Those lips. 

I’ve seen them before. 

Flashbacks of the night before began replaying in my head at a million miles per hour. 

“You okay down there?”

“Iceland.” 

“Quantico? Like FBI Quantico?”

“B-32.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Maybe you’d let me read some of it?”

“I’d like to know more about you.”

I felt the ground sway beneath me when the source of his familiarity became glaringly apparent. 

We simply stood there, gaping at each other like we couldn’t believe this was actually happening, totally, and completely speechless. 

“Spencer?” 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 2 HERE!

comment to be added to taglist!

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic

[seraphimguks]

smoke and mirrors (m).

>>>pairing: jungkook x reader

>>>word count: 1.4k

>>>genre: smut, angst

>>>disclaimer: nsfw content!

>>>a/n: This is my first attempt at writing bts smut! This is kind of unedited, now that I look at it again, but worry not, I’ll do the changes as soon as I can. I know its a tiny one shot, but if you guys like it enough, I’ll turn this into a series or a longer, completed one shot! :) 

                                                               ~❋~

It’s in a motel room that you see Jeong-guk lying on the bed in his stone washed jeans, shirtless, lighting up a cigarette as he pushes his long, wavy locks away from his eyes. The blinds are lowered, blocking out the sun setting over the horizon.

He eyes you dreamily through the strands that stick to his forehead, hot and sweaty. He looks so delectable, bare chest heaving up and down, jeans teasingly pushed a bit lower than his waistline.

He perks up an eyebrow at you, asking for permission to smoke. You, leg dangling on the other side of the bed, with messy hair and dazed eyes, smirk at him and nod to the direction of the small balcony. He chuckles, as if pleased, moving the Marlboro under his canines before shifting his position to kiss you softly. You taste bitter alcohol on his lips, sweet love.

Moaning into the kiss, his hand finds a way to cup your cheek, thumb gently rubbing in circles as an apparent sign of affection. It's romantic before he pulls away, copying your smirk. You brush his hair back, smoothening the mane he was keeping because you thought it suited him. He notices the red garlands he imprinted you with, traveling from the crook of your neck to the area above your breast.

He grins, evilly.

"What're you looking at, doll?" he says, tilting your chin to match your eyes to his, knowing you were ogling him intently. He just wants to hear you say it. Every now and then he liked an ego boost. 

"You, Jeong-guk." You liked the way you say his name, the way the syllables moved and rested on your tongue. He seemed to approve of that with a slight scoff.

He turns his back to you, before pulling up his jeans and heading out to the balcony. You stare at his toned back, almost tracing the muscles with your fingers as if it were a pattern you could memorise. Heat rising to your cheeks, you look away abashed, coming back to your senses. Squeezing your bare arms, it hit like cold ice that maybe the raven-haired man before you could never look beyond the longingness in your eyes that someday he might love you back.

He keeps the door ajar, and through that tiny slit you saw him standing, hands shoved inside his pockets, perhaps searching for his lighter. The sun had gone down, giving a dusk shade to his frame. Jeong-guk bent down, and you could tell that he was thinking – the way his elbows rested on the cool wrought iron bannister, him looking few years elder in the twilight.

You wished you knew what he was thinking. About you, about anything. He wasn’t one for many words, and all you really wanted was to know him better rather than glancing at him when he slept. You loved his soft exhales when he was asleep, how beautiful his parted lips looked when he breathed. He was like a forest whisper, filling the gap between you and him with thick, wordless silence.

You wanted to tell him, that every time your lips connect, the universe stops. Butterflies flutter as if lost in a crazy hurricane chase. That your adrenaline rushes like an exhilarating carnival ride, giggly smiles as if was he was some kind of sugar rush you were high on.

But whenever he moves away, you felt like a stranger in a home that was never yours to begin with. That the stars were always stars, never the ones that he promised to give you someday, and not even the ones he held in his chocolate brown orbs when he laughed.  

You knew what you wanted was love, but the walls in Jeong-guk’s heart were too high up in his self-doubt.

                                                              ~❋~

Jeong-guk inhaled the cigarette and seeped in the smoke, the familiar hot electricity buzzing through his body just the way he likes it.

Nothing like a cigarette after a good fuck, Jeong-guk thought as he watched life go by below him – the decaying three-storey buildings, the hum of nightclubs opening up for the evening, couples laughing, the whirr of taxis going by.

Run down, two-star motels were never really his thing. He was used to five-star hotels, expensive nightclubs with people that were too ostentatious for his own good. But he liked the tackiness that motels offered, the raw and unkept feeling that made him stay grounded when he’s usually got too much smoke in his lungs, dirt in his hands and women in his pants to deal with.

In his twenty-two years, Jeong-guk measured his life out by the lines of his coarse hands. His mother’s death at a young age, bullying in middle school, and hearing a profusely number of expletives escape his father’s mouth every night for never being the ‘ideal son’. He stared at his hands, his rough, scruffy hands, and pondered how much women loved how rugged he was.

He remembered Seul-gi, who loved taking it fast and aggressive; Mi-rae, who’s moans tasted like honey to his ears when he thrusted into her. Sure, he missed the one-night stands when he didn’t have to give a damn about the women he slept with, when they would just take and leave. But he liked you better, especially now that even thinking about you would make his body jolt up, his feelings hitting harder than a bullet train.

You, you were different.

Fuck, he was already sporting a semi through his pants already. Jeong-guk pressed over his bulge, but it wouldn’t subside, not when he clearly remembers pumping his seed into your very womanhood passionately, hearing his name escape your lips, the way you stretched your neck to have him pepper kisses onto you, the delicious curve of your breasts, how warm and tight you felt when he was inside of you, the birthmark nestled near your thigh that you were embarrassed of revealing at first, the way you broke into high-pitched laughter when Jeong-guk spoke in his low baritone cause you thought it was cute, the way you rubbed his cheek softly with the back of your hand when he slept (or more like, when he pretended to, that is) , the smile you gave when you snuggled near his arms – fuck, that smile. That smile got him every time.

Well, this is bad sign.

Combing through his jet-black blades, he let his locks cascade down his face as he lets out a heavy exhale at his realisation. Jeong-guk couldn’t tell you how much he felt for you no matter how much he wanted to. Jeong-guk was introverted, he felt more than he said. He’d cemented walls around his heart for a long time, but maybe it’s time that he let those walls fall apart for you. That’s when he decided to take a decision before he could even think it thoroughly.

He yanked the door open, but stopped midway. Your bra strap was hanging loosely by your arm, head lolling over the headboard. If Jeong-guk’s alpha instincts hadn't kicked in, he would have charged at you like a wolf and devoured you, stuffing into you all the way. He was clearly drinking in your appearance, from the way the lingering smoke from the room to you, his ravening dressed in honey-coloured skin.

“Let’s go out,” Jeong-guk proclaimed, getting his crumpled and buttoning his white button-down t-shirt. Something in him just wanted to do something out of his heart. He knew it was unusual, doing things that normal couples would do. He saw you perked up on your bed, visibly surprised.

His mind was working fast, like a tape recorder left on fast forward.

Wait, stop–

“Why? Can’t we–“

Jeong-guk didn’t like being questioned. He remembered how his father was like that. Dark, firm, indisputable to the very word. Looks like he was really his son after all. The very thought of having to share genes with that dirty man drove Jeong-guk insane.

“Just cause,” Jeong-guk didn’t want to answer. He couldn’t roll his tongue to say the very words. He could feel his uptight, heavy ego breaking into the soft corner of his heart that he held for you. It was turmoil inside him. “Can you just get ready already?” 

You were recollecting yourself, Jeong-guk saw how you tried to look for an answer in his eyes.

“Where are we going?” He knew this was coming. Jeong-guk seriously wanted to shut you up by smashing his lips roughly against yours, but looking at your softened features in the light and how delicate you looked, he stopped. 

The old Jeong-guk would have berated him for taking such a brash decision, but Jeong-guk was never his old, stupid, impetuous self when he was with you. Maybe that’s why he felt different when he was with you, a magnetic attraction that failed to manifest with his other encounters beyond a Four Seasons hotel room some place in Seoul he couldn’t bother to remember. 

“Guk?” You were holding his wrist now, tilting your head to match your eyes with his. Jeong-guk always noticed how your eyes always shone like glimmering pebbles in shallow waters whenever you spoke to him. 

Where did you get the courage to love someone as broken as him? And why were you wasting your unconditional love on someone like Jeong-guk, whose secrets would distance you from him in the most painful way possible? 

Defeatedly, the wolf-like man heaved a sigh, lungs swelling with the words that he was just about to say.

Jeong-guk, no.

“I’m taking you out on a date.”

#jungkook #jungkook smut #smoke and mirrors #btsghostie #bts #jeon jungkook smut #bts smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook one shot #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #bts scenarios #jeongguk #jeongguk smut #jeongguk fanfic #bts fanfic #bts one shot #jeon jeongguk

[summerinawinterdaylove-blog]

After Dark

Hi! This is my first fanfiction posting and I’m really really excited about it. If you read, please be sure to share what you think! I have no followers yet so, hopefully, this doesn’t flop 😂😅🤞

A quick 2.8k fic about secretly being friends with benefits with Shawn... and nothing more. Right?

Warnings: Smut, alcohol and drug use, vulgar language, non-vegan food.

The smell of the tender meat doused in red wine and garlic wafted throughout Shawn’s kitchen, a random playlist echoing through his Bluetooth speakers. He’d just gotten in from tour the morning before, taking a day to spend with his family… and now he was intent on seeing you. As soon as he had the chance he was texting you, asking you to come over for a late dinner and a movie, just to hang out.

You’d been friends for years, very close friends at that… who occasionally fucked. Maybe more than occasionally, but… technicalities, right?

He settled on making rib-eyes with the red wine sauce you really loved and a blueberry spinach salad with goat cheese medallions that he’d tried while on tour. As soon as he tasted it, he thought of you and how he had to make it for you. He always pretended that he hated cooking but he found every excuse he could to make a meal for the two of you.

The song turned to Pusher Love Girl by Justin Timberlake causing a smile to form on his face. He picked up his half-full bottle of Corona, taking a quick swig and then singing into it like it was his microphone and he was onstage. He danced around his kitchen, totally unaware of the fact that you’d helped yourself inside.

There you stood, leaned against the doorway, your arms crossed and an amused grin on your face, enjoying your concert for one. It was good to see him, you’d been to a couple of shows when he was nearby but that had been a couple of months ago and you’d never gone quite so long without seeing each other. Seeing him onstage was an experience all on its own but it was nothing compared to being alone with him.

He felt your eyes scanning over his body, admiring how he wore only a grey pair of sweats. His arms looked even more defined than usual and his ass just the slightest bit perkier. He’d definitely been working out. He grinned, checking you out just as openly.

“You look good, Mendes.”

He smiled, “You look pretty great yourself, honey. Now you just gonna stand there or are you gonna come give me a hug?”

Your stomach did somersaults at the mere thought of being close to him again. You missed how his skin felt against yours, his breath hot against your neck, him. Of course, you gave him what he wanted, walking over to where he was and wrapping your arms around his neck. He quickly placed his beer on the counter, wrapping his arms back around you, his hands resting at the spot just above your ass.

His eyes trailed down to your lips, covered in your favorite red lipstick, the perfect contrast to the comfortable clothes you were wearing. You opted for a simple pair of black leggings and one of his pink merch hoodies, nothing too extravagant, but you figured you wouldn’t be clothed for too long anyway. You left your vans at the door, your feet covered only in a silly pair of socks with his face all over them that he’d gifted to you before tour began.

“I really missed you,” his voice sounded raspy and soft as he spoke lowly as though there were other people in his condo that he didn’t want to hear him.

You ran your tongue over your bottom lip, biting it between your teeth, your eyes trailing down to his lips this time, “I missed you too, Shawn.”

He slid his hands down just enough to rest on the swell of your ass, pulling you closer against him, “Well we’re together now…”

You swallowed the lump in your throat down, nodding at him in response and then hearing the sizzle of the pan that brought you back to reality. You wanted him to take you right then and there but he’d worked hard on dinner for you and you didn’t want his efforts to go to waste.

“We’ll take advantage of that… as soon as we’re done with dinner, okay? Smells really good.”

He smiled softly, both of you a bit clearly disappointed but you had the rest of the night to love on each other, “Thank you, hun, hopefully it tastes just as good.”

He kissed the top of your head and reluctantly pulled away from your grasp, reaching into his cupboard for two plates, “What do you want to drink?”

“Corona’s fine,” you grinned, walking over to his refrigerator and helping yourself.

As you sat together to eat dinner you enjoyed some good laughs, hearing all about his best tour experiences… and the not so good ones.

“I really wish you could’ve been there to experience it too, you have to promise you’ll come to more shows next time,” he told you, taking the last bite of his steak, his lips wrapping around the fork as he did. “I don’t like going that long without seeing you.”

You chuckled, “Alright, fine, but you’re gonna have to talk some of our other friends into it too. It would look weird if I just showed up to a bunch of shows and we disappeared together randomly, everyone would start to catch on.”

“Well, yeah,” he started, gulping down the last of his Corona before standing to his feet and starting to clean his mess, “but fuck them.”

You laughed, sure that he was joking with you, “Fuck them?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged, “they might speculate but it’s not really their business if we’re fucking each other or not, is it?”

“Well, no, but-“

“So fuck them,” he grinned at you. “Tell me, Y/N, how did it feel for you? Going without me for three months?”

“Shawn,” you chuckled, “what the fuck are you getting at? Don’t beat around the bush with me.”

“I’m not getting at anything, I’m simply saying I didn’t like going that long so if they’re gonna speculate… I don’t really care.”

“Alright… you’re telling me you didn’t sleep with anyone else for those three months?” You finished your meal, getting up and cleaning your own mess, an eyebrow raised as you glanced at him.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” he finished washing the dishes and uncovered a dish of brownies, slicing into them with a nearby knife. “I got by merely with my hand and the thought of you.”

You weren’t expecting that.

“Oh…” You responded, finishing loading the dishwasher. “I didn’t know we were, like… exclusive.”

Shawn didn’t turn to face you, only continuing to slice into the brownies, but his movements did stall for a moment, “I mean, we don’t have to be… I just thought… it’s okay if you’re sleeping with other people…”

“No, no…” You leaned against the countertop, watching the movement of his hand, not comfortable enough to look in his eyes. “I’m not, I haven’t…”

“Oh,” he sighed involuntarily, “cool, okay.”

He carefully got himself a piece of brownie and extended one to you, “They’re the special brownies so one is more than enough, alright? Please don’t get seconds, I don’t think you’ll be able to move if you do.”

You snorted, taking the brownie and immediately biting into it. This was your typical night together: food, having a drink, getting high, maybe throwing a film on, fucking a time or three and then sleeping. He was never fond of the idea of you driving in a state like that or taking a random uber in the middle of the night and you only ever did this stuff after dark.

You finished your brownies, sharing a glass of strawberry mint infused water and then walking into his bedroom. He started fussing with the tv, putting his Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets dvd into the blu-ray player. You got yourself cozy on his bed, yawning quietly and stretching your tired legs out over his mattress.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this bed,” you poured. “I think I was having withdrawals.”

“You could’ve slept in it while I was gone but you refused to take the key,” he chuckled, finally getting the movie started and getting comfortable on the bed next to you.

You glanced over at him, the dim lighting of the bedroom wasn’t ideal to get in the mood but the mixture of missing him, the high and how good he looked you were already there. Your eyes slowly made their way over the broad expanse of his shoulders, the way his chest looked more defined than it had last time you’d seen him, his stomach tighter too. His hands were folded over his lap and although he wasn’t hard, the grey sweatpants left little to your imagination (even though you’d obviously seen his cock before.) One of his legs were stretched straight out, the other bent, his foot tucked under his knee. He looked at peace.

When your eyes worked their way back up to his face you realized that he’d been watching you just as closely, his lips parted just a hint, his eyes completely focused on yours.

“You’re too far away,” he commented.

“Then come closer.”

He needed no more persuasion, swiftly closing the gap between you. He gently placed his right hand on your jaw, his thumb lightly caressing your cheek as he slotted his lips over yours. The kiss was just what you needed, traces of hunger and need making themselves apparent without a single word necessary.

He delicately ran his tongue over your bottom lip and you immediately granted him the access he was longing for, opening your mouth enough to allow his tongue to fall into delicious rhythm with yours.

You smiled against his lips, the entire situation making you overwhelmingly happy. You’d spent so long missing him and wishing he was home, wanting to have a night in with him and spend ages making out with him… and now here you were, his lips against yours and no plans outside of each other for the next 24 hours.

He slid his left hand under your hip, gently guiding you to move onto his lap. You did so, never breaking the kiss, a knee on either side of his body. You could feel his hardening cock resting along the inside of your thigh and it only caused the ache in between your legs to increase.

You needed him so bad.

“Baby,” you moaned into the kiss, shifting just enough to rest your clothed heat on top of his length, rocking your hips desperately over him, needing the pressure. “I know we usually take our time but I just… can’t. Not tonight. It’s been too long.”

“Jesus,” he breathed, knowing you meant it whenever you let baby slip from between your lips,  “Okay, no wasting time tonight.”

You sat up enough to pull the hoodie off of your body and reach around to unclasp your bra, tossing them both onto the floor, not even a little worried about where they might land. You leaned back down, your lips pressing against his once more as you started grinding back on forth on his cock again, your patience wearing very thin.

You needed to cum like you needed to breathe.

“Y/N,” Shawn begged, “You’ve gotta… you’ve gotta fucking stop or I’m gonna cum.”

Sighing, you started to tug his sweatpants and boxer briefs down in one go, your mouth going dry at the sight of his cock leaking precum, his tip the most beautiful shade of raspberry you’d ever seen. If the circumstances were any different you would most likely be putting him in your mouth instead.

You carefully moved off him, plopping onto the bed on your back. Raising your hips, you began to pull your leggings and panties down your own body as he finished removing his. He glanced over just in time to see the crotch of your panties utterly soaked and he groaned, his cock twitching at the sight.

“Fuck me,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

He propped himself up with his left arm, positioning himself between your legs and sliding his right hand under your thigh, lifting your leg and showing you how he wanted you to wrap it around his waist.

You were breathing heavily at this point, the anticipation was almost too much to bear. You reached into his bedside drawer, grabbing one of the easily accessible condoms and hastily ripping the packaging open. You slid your right hand over his cock, giving him a light squeeze and eliciting the prettiest moan from his mouth in turn, and then rolling the condom over his length.

“Please,” you asked him, lining his tip up with your folds.

You were so wet at this point that even just sliding him through your slit made a noise. He knew he was fucked.

He leaned his face down, smashing his lips against yours as he positioned his own cock against your entrance, slowly beginning to push in. He knew if he went too quickly you’d be uncomfortable… and he’d cum straight-away.

Taking his right hand out from under your thigh, knowing that at this point you’d understand to keep it there, and reached his hand up to your right breast to lightly twist your nipples. You opened your mouth in a small gasp and he didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

His rhythm was flawless - slow and deep, hitting all of the places that you’d been craving him for three months. Your back arched every time that his tip slammed against your sweet spot, an almost whimper escaping from your own mouth into his in time with his thrusts.

He broke the kiss, touching his forehead against yours, his hot breath fanning over your face. His eyes were looking deeply into your own as your cunt throbbed around him, convincing him that you were teetering over the edge.

“I want you, fuck, I want you to cum for me,” he whispered, eyes not leaving yours, rhythm speeding up just a bit. “Can you do that for me?”

Your brows softly furrowed, your lips falling open as your legs started to shake. The pleasure was so intoxicating that you swore you could see stars and your eyes filled with tears. You nodded in response, holding true to your word instantly thereafter. He tucked his face into the crook of your neck as he worked to chase his own orgasm, desperately wanting to get there so he could hold you and talk some more.

You placed your hands on his face, gently guiding him back to your lips. You kissed him hard, expertly working your tongue against his, trying to make his orgasm one of the most powerful, wanting it to be worth the long wait. It was a messy kiss, your teeth colliding every once in a while as he began to thrust more vigorously inside of you.

You broke the kiss, stretching your neck enough to press your lips against the spot of his jaw directly under his ear. You knew it was a sensitive spot for him so you flattened your tongue against the area before gently sucking onto it, not letting up until you were sure it would purple.

His thrusts fell sloppier as he spurted stream after stream of his release into the condom, his body nearly collapsing on top of yours. There was a thin layer of sweat between the two of you, your skin hot and bodies exhausted.

“Missed that so much,” you quietly stated, not able to put the effort forth to speak at a normal decibel.

“Not as much as I did, I bet,” he chuckled weakly, forcing himself up to discard of the condom and clean you both up. “You should go pee, hun, then we can cuddle and finish the last half hour of this movie before bed.”

You nodded, getting up from the bed, a bit wobbly in the best way. You walked into the en-suite, taking a look in the mirror and grinning, taking a moment to breathe everything in. He was finally back.

Once you were done, you walked back into the bedroom and slid into one of his plain white t-shirts. Shawn was already back in bed in a pair of Calvin's, everything cleaned up and the blanket pulled back for you.

You crawled into the bed next to him, melting into his side and letting out a contented sigh. He wrapped his arm around you out of habit, leaning his head onto yours, his bright eyes glued on the last bit of Harry Potter. You, on the other hand, were absolutely exhausted and you doubted that you’d make it through the entire film.

“Goodnight Shawn,” you told him softly.

He smiled down at you, getting you both a little cozier so you could sleep more easily, “Goodnight honey, I’m really happy you’re here.”

It wasn’t long before you were asleep, your body not fighting rest in the slightest. He heard you softly hum and he looked down at you one more time, a wide smile stretched out over his face. He gently kissed your head and whispered, “I love you so much.”

If only he had the courage to tell you when you were awake.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes fluff #after dark #my first writing #mine

[mtchstick]

hello all, time to meet my latest nuisance, michelle ‘mitch’ novak, 34, investigative journalist, chaos magnet, megagalactic pain in the ass. full bio + hcs & wanted connections below the cut! 

“ alone in your car, the violence you imagine: it hurts so hard, a memory you can’t forget. wherever you are, why’d you ever concede it? as if, if a god would ever care, and if it did, then nothing unpure is ever complicated, and nothing undone is ever done or said by chance, and nothing unsure has ever resonated — i float through the walls. i float through the walls. ” .  

name : michela michelle maria novak. the last is a taken name: not her birth father’s (pasqualino “lee” ferrante) but the name of the man who married her mother after her divorce with lee. as much of a shithead as he was, sometimes mitch regrets the novak name (only keeps it as a token of her ties with her siblings). her pen name, however, is mitch lennox — a very male, very white name that she believed would help her articles get some credit in the world of journalism (and that helped her distance herself from her red ridge past). age : thirty-four (born october 20th, 1986). pronouns : she/her. gender : cis female. location : red ridge, nv.  occupation : investigative journalist.  sexual orientation : pansexual, demiromantic. religion : agnostic (mostly a non believer, though she tends to find comfort in the thought of a higher power in dire times, and keeps her grandmother’s crucifix in her car). affiliation : none, although she’s never shyed from asking favors to valencia or law enforcement alike (and has often owed favors to both, and more). _________

personality :perhaps in order to understand the full range of mitch’s character one would require a century, perhaps a degree in archaeology. the short version of it is, what you get is mostly an act. not a genuine character, but a persona crafted, layer by layer, for survival, for self-preservation. on the outside, mitch novak is close to a hurricane: can’t be predicted, will show up unannounced, spread havoc all around, disappear again when the sun has set. one might call her volatile, fleeting some, never sticking to a plan but shifting constantly, as if the very essence of staying still was a risk far too big for her to run. it might look like evidence of a poor character, material perhaps — it is instead the proof of her determination, which barely knows any obstacle, surely not one of a human kind. she’s resolute, far too proud of her own beliefs, pushing ever forward with barely any thought over consequences or just the general, common sense awareness of danger. reckless, one might call her, but not for lack of a will to live, rather an attitude she’s developed in being extremely resourceful, constantly finding ways to get out of the corners she’s backed in (so far: there’s no telling how long this will last). this ever changing, constantly moving nature reflects itself in her dynamics with others, too: do not count on her to stick around, whether tied to a familial, friendly or romantical relationship — it is far more likely for mitch to disappear and then return as rapidly as the moon changes. the outer side of her is a shifting tide, never too still, never calm enough for anyone to dive. beyond that layer, however, she is passionate — alive with burning ideals, nursing bravery with seldom any comparison, a protector of those who are defenseless, someone who’s devoted an entire life to the ideal of truth. and yet the choices she’s made, the paths she’s walked in order to get to where her ideals prompted her to be, they have all piled up inside of her: while she’ll appear to have little to no moral compass, little to no care as to the consequences of her own actions, deep within mitch is the harshest of her own critics. she keeps herself busy, constantly moving so that she won’t have to stop and think — reckon with her graveyards of mistakes, deal with her own, deep-seeded self loathing. she’ll much more easily crack a joke instead, defend herself with the use of irony and sarcasm, and at the same time put people to the test, give them the sharpest corners of herself so their allegiance will be proved. but all of this, all her shifting and sharpening nature, it has led to a deep, sometimes unbearable loneliness — it is ever present and still sneaks up on her sometimes, the endless void around her scorched earth, the inability to bridge that gap between her and the rest of the world. perhaps there lies her love for stories: within the distance from her and others, trying to understand them in order to shorten it. but it stays there, separating her from the world, and so self preservation must be the only principle leading her forward. at the end of the day, mitch is as unpredictable as stormy weather: even those who believe they know her, most of the time, only really know the persona she’s allowed them to meet. she can be manipulative, a skilled liar, an unparalleled improviser — perhaps one day she will finally stare in the mirror and ask herself who she really is. positive traits : headstrong, clever, resourceful, brave, protective, witty, open minded, passionate. negative traits : impulsive, proud, self-destructive, fleeting, mutable, unreliable, arrogant, reckless, annoying. ___________

BIOGRAPHY —

trigger warnings : disappearance, death, abuse, child abuse, cults, substance abuse.

red ridge, nv, 1988. pamela rizzo is done with her boyfriend’s antics: never able to hold a job for more than a couple weeks, constantly wasting his pay in booze and boobs and whatever shit he feels like shooting in his own body. her youngest, michela, is two years old; her oldest, tommy, is seven years old: old enough to understand what’s going on. for a while he becomes the man of the house, making sure his little sister is okay when mom comes late from work: for a while, this broken up family makes it work. pamela meets andy novak when mitch is four — four months later they’re married out of a casino’s chapel, and she looks at her kids, bright eyed, and said: see kids? you got a daddy again, now. everything’s gonna change for the better.

red ridge, nv, 1995. everything starts changing for the worse, but none of them can see it yet. there’s two new siblings, jericho and liv, the lovely offspring of the novaks. adjusting to this new family is hard, and mitch sticks around her older brother: he’s good, he’s protective, he watches her back. she picks up from him, her fight and her curiosity and her boyish recklessness — five years apart, yet sometimes they look like twins. she loves her younger siblings, yes, but sometimes she looks at andy’s eyes and remembers this is not my father, and this is not my family, and all i really have is tommy and by tommy i will stand. but over time he gets tired of playing babysitter, one day he simply grabs her and says c’mon mitch, get off my back. don’t you have any friends?

red ridge, nv, 1996. mitch grows restless and reckless, too many hours spent in detention and not enough befriending kids her age. she thinks something’s lacking, a specific code that will allow her to bridge the distance with the other kids: she searches for it in comic books, studying the behavior of characters wondering how a hero is made. she searches for it in other kids, and sometimes she stays out entire afternoons spying on her brother and her friends, wondering what it is that makes people friends, what it is that she’s lacking. that’s when she starts seeing them spending their afternoons in mr. carlow’s house; they say he lets them do some handiwork around the house in exchange for some money, money for tapes, money for gas. tommy comes home full of new stuff every day — one day he brings home a cassette for mitch, jagged little pill. three days later, he goes to carlow’s and never leaves.

red ridge, nv, 1998. thomas j. novak is declared missing on november 1st, 1998. search parties begin, national attention brought to the case. there are errors in the investigation, leads mistakenly pursued. mitch talks to pam, talks to andy, talks to anyone: go to mr. carlow’s, she says, i saw them there. but mr. carlow is an old wealthy man, he’s given more money to the church than the vatican itself: and he was so concerned when they asked him about tommy that he passed out. nobody listens, so tommy isn’t found. they listen to pamela, her face plastered on every news segment, begging for her boy to come home: at night mitch holds her younger siblings close, and fears something will be coming for all of them.

red ridge, nv, 1999. the body of thomas novak, 17 at the time of his disappearance, is found in a ditch three miles out of red ridge, exactly nine months after he was declared missing. the police say he must’ve been trying to leave town when he was robbed, or maybe assaulted, or maybe a coyote got him. nobody seems to have a clear answer, nobody really cares to look for one. pamela finds some comfort in speaking to the nation of her child: every night her face is on tv, until the story of the grieving mother is boring too, and pamela disappears in the background, perhaps like her child did. that’s about the time andy taps into his anger, begins lashing out with his kids, with mitch too. he’s loud, he smells, he comes home and takes it out on the three of them. mitch tries to keep her head up, keep the small ones safe. she keeps yelling, nobody listens. nobody ever fucking listens.

phoenix, az, 2004. she finds another voice. she has parts of tommy that have stayed with her. the curiosity, the bull-headed quest for knowledge. she holds them close to herself, puts them all in the art of the written word, and somehow it gives her a purpose. in her mind remains the need to find an answer, connect the dots around her brother’s disappearance, but they never match to any coherent drawing. still she keeps on, and the moment she becomes a licensed journalist she starts travelling the country chasing stories, chasing mysteries and, above all — chasing answers. 

montréal, canada, 2013. red ridge fades in the background, a dull nightmare unwilling to re-emerge to the surface. she finds new stories instead, she drowns in them. good stories, with martyrs and heroes who die for a  cause (those are the ones she stares at in admiration, wondering if a good spirit is transmittable via osmosis). she finds bad stories, the ways men will make themselves wolves and devour their young (those are the ones she gets deep in, like the bloody entrails of a carcass, turns them inside out until she can make every accurate comparison between them and herself and say it isn’t me, i have nothing to do with people like this). she builds herself a kingdom of sorts, kings and queens and pawns to turn to in her quest for truth. (she asks favors too, sometimes she finds herself under the thumb of criminals and shady characters who can help her quest along, but will ask things of her: her shining moral character begins darkening now, she begins to understand the battle between good and evil must be fought along the line in between). while investigating a dark, morbid story of murder and finance, she meets priscilla — clever, arrogant, bright. selfish enough to drag her out of her own head when mitch lets her investigations swallow her whole. the two get married in a small ceremony with mostly just colleagues from priscilla’s work at the university — for a while mitch toys with the idea of belonging to someone, of a happy life, of a family, of a home.

sam’s cedar, mo, 2017. it lasts exactly four years, though it began rotting right in the honeymoon phase. colliding characters turning to sparks, the fights far outweighing the good they’d found in each other’s company. the crippling blow comes when a story breaks out about an odd, peculiar cult spreading its venomous tendrils around the plains of missouri. an old friend, head of a mainstream newspaper, says it’s just the kind of report she’d be great at. she finds an odd fascination in the idea of entering the cult, seeing evil from the inside: priscilla, of course, thinks it’s foolish, it’s guerrilla journalism, it’s just the pop culture rendition of what a reporter’s work is supposed to look like. her protests echo in the background still, while mitch packs her car and leaves. five days later she is entering the premises of the cult’s church under the alias of rebecca jean wasserman, knowing that this will change things. never once, for her stories, has she gone this deep: there is a fear within her, as she dyes her hair blond and crafts a new identity, that there will not be a way out. 

phoenix, az, 2019. the way out is found by fighting teeth and nails. the way out is found through a dark, morbid journey that spits her out a paler self. her permanence in the cult amounts to eleven months, three weeks, four days: a long time to note down every creepy corner she steps in, every gruesome detail she collects. she sees minds reshaped, she sees crimes committed and barely keeps herself from giving in to the craze like the rest of them. being rebecca wears her out, being rebecca sometimes comes too easy: by the time she’s collected enough material that the point isn’t just an article anymore, but a criminal investigation, she feels herself slipping out of her own mind every night. her reports are so detailed they start a widespread investigation. somehow, she makes it out of the cult into one whole, rotten piece. her reportage gets mitch lennox (the pen name she’d chosen at the beginning, wanting to cut ties to whatever ties michelle novak had been living) two awards, good, it looks, has won over evil. but her mind is frayed, the shadows have come too close sometimes she wonders whether they haven’t gotten in somehow, become a part of her too. at night she lies awake and thinks of tommy: she’s found so many stories, so many villains have been given a name, but her brother’s is still just a ghost story.

red ridge, nv, 2020. sometimes she feels like a pawn on the board of a funny, twisted game. she gets a call one night, about a murder (one in a few) in the town she once badly tried to call a home. by then she’s tired, worn out, overly dependant on liquor and painkillers: but she’s lost herself so tragically she hasn’t thought to look for the pieces of herself back where everything started. she comes back to red ridge on a much too hot day of early may; she wears her identity like a costume, putting on a brave face because red ridge, she knows, has a tendency of swallowing people whole. and she’s been swallowed before, she’s been spat out too. what’s left is a half digested remain of a person. what’s left is someone who’s hungry for truth — and barely has anything to lose anymore. 

_____________________

HCS:

when not undercover for any reason, mitch drives a purplish red ‘83 alfa 6 alfa romeo. not the most inconspicuous car, but a piece of her heart nontheless (stolen from her father as a ‘payback for him being a shithead’, or so she says). she had it slightly altered to fit a music cassette player so she could keep listening to the tapes her best friend sent her.

her biological father, lee, is a rather well known drug dealer in red ridge. he’s also, coincidentally, her main drug dealer.

currently, mitch lives in a motel, refuses to go back to her mother’s house, would rather sleep in her car. 

she absolutely adores spicy food and has been known to have no chill when it comes to deadly spicy peppers, in fact she’s entered at least a couple competitions for pepper tasting and, though never winning, always managed to come up pretty high on the podium.

she’s almost constantly listening to music (mostly blues or grunge), although her heart belongs to alanis morissette, and evidence of that is her vast collection of concert t-shirts and the many cassettes in her car. 

she used to be on the school soccer team but got kicked out after an unfortunate accident with one cheryl d. (the accident being mitch purposefully kicked her in the shins after she called her a psycho bitch).

_____________________

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

below i’ve listed some connections i’d love to get for mitch — if you’re interested in picking any of these up, please don’t be afraid to message me!! 

priscilla — mitch’s ex wife was an academic she met while working on an article in montrèal in 2013. they got married a few months after they began dating each other, but it was short lived. their characters don’t match, they just fought constantly, and eventually mitch left to go undercover in a cult / pursue her career. overall their marriage lasted four years, and it’s safe to say they hate each other now, probably barely tolerate one another at best, and it’s unlikely they’ll ever be together again, but i’d love to explore their colliding, nerve-wrecking dynamic. suggested fcs: ruth negga, lupita nyong'o, leslie ann brandt.

jimmy — her best friend, the one person in red ridge who always knows when she’s coming around again. he used to be one of tommy’s closest friends, which brought him and mitch together once tommy was gone. they dated very briefly, eventually found they worked a lot better as friends. they went to college together for a bit there, he, however, eventually quit college around the time mitch graduated. he owns a record store and is the one who provides her with all the tapes she plays in her car. he’s mitch’s person and the one guy in the world she confides everything to (same goes for him, obviously). they’re kind of in a rough patch right now, considering she never told him about her undercover stint and he ended up not hearing from her for about a year. reconnecting with him is also one of the reasons she decided to come back to red ridge. suggested fcs: joshua jackson, jake johnson, john krasinski.

fwbs — clearly mitch isn’t made for stable relationships but she does have her fair share of one night stands and occasional flings. it would be great if it was something that has happened before, maybe while she was still in college and sometimes came home to red ridge.

fwbs from inside valencia — people she could sleep with that might provide information on valencia’s dealings and just generally be fruitful for her career (of course, they could ask favors of her too; it could be as casual or as tense as we want it to be).

affair (tw: cheating) — i’d love love love for her to have a painful sort of affair with someone who’s already in a relationship with someone. something sad, painful, that they both wish they could do without but can’t. gimme angst.

friends — either childhood friends from before she left red ridge or people she’s just meeting again, she needs someone she can have simple fun with, maybe even someone who can tell her to chill the fuck down sometimes.

enemies — there’s a lot of people who just can’t stand mitch at all, so gimme those. people who find her annoying, people from valencia who find her dangerous, old schoolmates who just never got her thing. give me also people who have stuff they can hold over her head, people who can threaten her and that she generally loathes. 

friends in low places — mitch makes frequent use of recreational drugs and painkillers, plus her job often needs her to find various sorts of illicit goods (be them heavier drugs, weapons, surveillance equipment, etc). she’d need someone who can provide her with these things, maybe even someone she can be friendly with or something.

#redridgeintro

[catnippp]

Shipping interview!

Multi, single, or fewship?:  Singleship!

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?: Anything a couple would do, really. I’d say nothing is off limits, since I’m fairly okay with delving into most all themes for relationships. I’m willing to explore things that are more problematic but it must be controlled. I’m not about to sit and dish out a whole toxic relationship, that’s just not my MO. Maybe arguments or whatever but with resolve and understanding. 

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?: Considering I’m rping in the Bleach fandom, where people are hundreds of years old, no age gap makes me more uncomfortable than one that’s super questionable. Like an adult (18+) getting with someone either just turning 18 or 17 and going on 18 soon. It makes me uncomfortable but if they’re relative in age, say maybe 1 or 2 years older, I’m chill. If someone is not a legal adult age by most standards and they’re dating someone like, 5-7+ years older? Fuck no.

Are you selective when shipping?: Kind of? I myself am a lesbian so I see my female characters always leaning more towards women, so while I know (in this case) Candice has slept with multiple soldats, I’d still probably only direct her towards women romantically. As far as who specifically? No one, really. I ship either based off a plausible ideal of a relationship (as in it can make sense and I can see why) or based of chemistry and interactions.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?: Probably once things go from being okay to see in public to “maybe you should do that in private”. I get French kissing with very handsy movements would be over the line of “necessity for privacy”.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?: Sure! I’m down to talk to even just speculate what a relationship with another character would be and even me and another are down? Sure! I’m willing to ship while there’s clear communication with another mun about it. Again, it just has to be plausible for me.

How often do you like to ship?: I’m a shipping bitch. I love to see my bitches happy as much as I love to see them angsty. But, again from my last point: plausibility. 

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?: Favorite ship is hard... Probably RangikuOrihime, RukiaOrihime, or UnohanaIsane. Hard to pick between the three.

Tagged by: None I stole it. ;* Tagging: Anyone who’s down!

#o. #ϟ ever moving ; never still (muse) #ϟ the story of a fierce woman (headcanons) #ϟ what a power so divine in it's control (memes)

[cutie-satori]

SnK Shipping Meme

I did a hetalia shipping meme a while back on my main blog and decided to follow the same guide for an attack on titan one cause I am extremely passionate about these ships :S

Six Ships I Like Love

1. EruRi

2. JeanKasa

3. Reiner/Historia

4. JeanMarco

5. JeArmin

6. BeruAni

Three Pairings I Have Abandoned

7. YumiKuri

8. Springles

9. EreHisu

Three Pairings I Have Never Liked

10. Eren/Levi

11. Armin/Annie

12. Zeke/Levi

Two Ships that have piqued my interest

13. LeviHan

14. Mikasa/Armin

1. Why do you dislike #11 so much?

I don’t hate the ship between Armin and Annie- it’s more like I never understood it? This is the only ship out of the three that doesn’t make my skin crawl.

2. Who do you know that ships #13?

Manga readers- and it makes perfect sense to me. Honestly, I’m hoping this becomes endgame, they deserve happiness.

3. What would be your ideal scenario for couple #3?

Honestly? Reiner’s dying breath is taken after Historia kisses him. Give. That. Depressed. Man. A. FUCKING. Break. He’s been pining after his gorgeous queen for years. Give him a kiss or something, idk! Historia needs a break too. Another scenario that won’t happen cause Reiner will be dead, but he becomes Historia’s kid’s step dad and he’s the best dad in the world.

4. What is your favorite moment for #1?

Hard question. EruRi is so beautiful. It makes me feel so much. My next tattoo is going to be based off of them, so... let’s see. The scene where Erwin is sitting on the crate and Levi kneels is the most powerful moment in anime history. I sob every time I rewatch/reread it. Oh, and every single damn time Levi remembers his promise to Erwin about Zeke- oh my god. OR. The scene where Levi and Erwin are talking and Levi reaches out his hand cause Erwin says he’s going on the mission to retake Wall Maria despite being one arm short. I have spilled more tears for this couple than any other one-

5. How long have you been following couple #6?

Mmm, since s2 aired? That’s when I took a greater interest in Bertholdt and realized he had a huge crush on Annie.

6. What’s the story with #8? What made you stop caring?

Canon happened, Sasha and Niccolo were made for each other ;-;

7. Which do you prefer- #2 or #4?

Tough question. JeanKasa, a ship that still could be endgame, or JeanMarco, a sunken ship that’s ripples are still affecting Jean? Can I say whichever makes Jean happier?

8. You have the power to make one ship nonexistent- #10 or #12?

Eren/Levi. It disgusts me that a ship between a 15 year old and 32 year old is the most popular ship in the fandom. “Oh but Eren is 19 now!” I was there when this fandom was fucking BUILT. Fujoshis frothed at the MOUTH for this ship in the beginning, don’t try to defend it now. Disgusting. Levi is Eren’s idol, not his boyfriend. Also- people started shipping them when Levi beat him to a pulp to prove a point? Not to mention, Levi has had a billion more heartfelt conversations with Erwin and Hanji than Eren. Stop it. Stop it now. Eren/Levi is a disgusting ship. It is the Reigen/Mob of the snk fandom- the Tanjiro/Gyuu. Disgusting. DISGUSTING FIGHT ME THE SHIP IS GROSS. Legal age gaps don’t bother me, but minors with adults? Different story.

9. What interests you about #14?

Eren is trash, and Mikasa and Armin need each other more than ever before right now.

10. When did you stop liking #7?

After I started reading the manga? People realize this ship isn’t canon, right? Ymir loved Historia but Historia’s feelings were never clarified. Not by Isayama. So... idk. Personally I think Mikasa/Annie is a way better wlw pair.

11. Did your waning interest in #9 kill your interest in the series?

Nah

12. What’s a song that reminds you of #5?

Pieces by Red

13. Which of these ships do you love right now?

*laughs in EruRi*

14. Which do you dislike the most?

*gags in Eren / Levi*

15. If you could have any of these pairings double date, who would they be?

Hm. Maybe JeanKasa and BeruAni? They would bend over backwards for their dates, and Bertoldt is super nervous at first but Jean is like, don’t worry I got this, but as soon as he sees Mikasa he nearly dies of shock because “I love her so much she’s so gorgeous I don’t deserve him”. Then they see Reiner and Marco and freak out even more because they are bi disasters

16. Have #2 kissed yet? If yes, elaborate.

No, but Jean daydreams about their family and I’m- still not over that-

17. Did #4 have a happy ending? Do you think #1 is likely?

*sobs like a bitch in canon*

18. What would make you start shipping #13?

I’m a few chapters behind in the manga so maybe it happened, but if Levi was able to fulfill his promise to Erwin about killing Zeke then I would ship them fully. Until then, I think Levi is still attached to his commander.

19. If only one could happen, which would it be? #2 or #6?

JeanKasa all the way!

20. You have the power to decide the fate of #10, what happens to them?

The ship burns in hell, and Levi tells the fujoshis he is happy in his healthy relationship with Erwin Smith, thank you and goodnight.

#snk

[jennycalendar]

2019 fic roundup

december was INSANE and i spent most of january dealing with the aftermath of Terrible Parents, but i am finally doing this! in nearly-february! good grief!

tagged by @catty-words​! always a delight, cori <3

Total 2019 Word Count: 541,906 Total 2019 Hits: 29,555 Other 2019 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 3,184; Comment threads: 787; Bookmarks: 509; Subscriptions: 223.

Total 2018 Word Count: 338,835 Total 2018 Hits: 22,374 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 2,192; Comment threads: 453; Bookmarks: 280; Subscriptions: 69.

links and titles to 2019 works (buckle up, folks.)

[btvs] imperfections (148,374 words) y’all know about the braveryverse already but i’ll bring up some good points: jenny and giles accidentally adopt the entire scooby gang. also faith gets some actual support and is actually eventually stable enough to date buffy. good times.

[btvs] deliberate obstruction (5,492 words) the one where jenny is petty as fuck and attempts to sabotage every single one of giles’s dates after their breakup. not her best look, but it was really fun to write jenny being Not Great. she deserves to have that option.

[btvs] arch-nemeses (2,171 words) who doesn’t love some of that good old-fashioned ripper au nonsense? particularly when it’s spike and ripper being confusing nemeses who sometimes drunkenly make out (jenny thinks this is very funny).

[btvs] sick day (3,097 words) written because someone should take care of giles, damnit! probably not jenny, tho. she’s not the best at it. lucky for her giles loves her so much.

[btvs] simpatico (10,096 words) sister fic to the grieving process! set circa btvs season six! jenny is connor’s awkward aunt! giles is a repressed disaster who’s still pining but refuses to admit it! 

[btvs] honesty’s the best policy (3,830 words) that one where giles and buffy are hit with a Truth Spell that means they say exactly what they’re thinking. is that all that bad for buffy? not too much. is it a little iffy when you’re a repressed watcher man who still haven’t told your girlfriend how much you love her? uh.

[btvs comics] i router, you giles (1,111 words) GOD this was written BEFORE i knew that giles and jenny were dating in the reboot comics and isn’t that a concept? a snarky-cute first meeting! ok not really that cute bc they just yell at each other a lot! but definitely snarky!

[btvs] transitional (3,152 words) good golly this is cute and i honestly forgot that i wrote it. which makes sense, bc there is a lot of stuff on this list. set in between season one and season two, in an attempt to bridge the giles/jenny gap between “awkwardly friendly coworkers” and “oh my god i think i like you”

[btvs] across the pond (5,323 words) FUN FACT this got nominated for a headline award and i’m SO PROUD OF THAT?! epistolary fic! giles leaves for england in s6 but without his wife! his wife is very mad and writes him VERY MANY LETTERS TO YELL AT HIM! perfect for those people who sometimes think “god, i wish jenny had been in s6 to yell at giles.” 

[btvs] very really married (66,987 words) giles and jenny got drunk-married in las vegas and are keeping the marriage going so they don’t look like terrible authority figures. giles does not want buffy to know about his fake wife. giles does not want his fake wife to know about his real slayer. giles has a lot of problems and it doesn’t help that he might be catching feelings. big mess.

[btvs] bad dreams (2,267 words) GILES/JENNY/ANYA IS BEST SHIP NEXT QUESTION

[btvs comics] an open mic enthusiast (2,250 words) yet another giles/jenny comic-reboot meet-cute written before i knew they were dating!!! this time: jenny gets to see giles playing guitar. repeatedly. because she keeps going back to watch him at the open mic.

[btvs comics] blindsided (2,024 words) my first (and definitely not last) giles/anya fic! a shorter version of a plot bunny i hope to chase down in 2020 (ahaha did i say that WHOOPS)

[btvs] uncharted (16,469 words) my jenny calendar day fic! also known as “jenny calendar has a guilt complex: a novella.” no prophecy dream outs jenny to the group -- but she tells them anyway. and blames herself. and breaks up with giles while she’s trying to Fix Things. absolute mess. (thank god there’s a happy ending, right?)

[btvs] on the mending of hearts (9,236 words) that giles/anya fic where giles shows up at anya’s failed wedding and sweeps her off her feet and they have sex in his hotel room! except uhhh there’s a lot more drama and crying and anya really just needs some cuddles, tbh.

[btvs] extracurricular activities (1,003 words) straight up this one BARELY counts as a 2019 fic. i wrote it back in 2016 and forgot about it and found it on my hard drive and wrote an ending to it. it’s tiny, but it’s cute! lots of early-relationship calendiles fluff, as is My Brand.

[btvs] cookie dough and boy talk (a remix) (3,976 words) dawn, but in the ripper au! she’s a precocious little bab and ripper babysits her and gets semi-adopted by joyce. it’s a thing.

[btvs] a history lesson (698 words) a brief ripper au interlude between jenny and dru. dru tries to point out that jenny and ripper are in love. jenny very unconvincingly denies it.

[btvs] faith, hope, and pancakes (3,236 words) ripper au, now with faith! and she gets to hang with college-age jenny! who is dating her idiot boyfriend ripper! the Most Fun of times.

[btvs] compromises (750 words) this....was supposed to be a three-sentence prompt but I Can’t Do That. giles and jenny discuss (read: jenny yells at giles about) giles attempting to attack angel on sight.

[btvs] valentine buzz (3,422 words) i wrote this in may lmao but i just REALLY WANTED to write fluffy braveryverse valentine’s day nonsense!!! lots of cuddles and kisses and softness abound in this fic.

[btvs] days in goodness spent (5,893 words) this fic's point was a little more abstract and a little less blunt than most of the rest of these, but i wanted to explore the concept of giles slowly going from idealizing jenny to genuinely loving her. i hope i did it justice.

[btvs] to have and to hold (7,861 words) giles and jenny get married in the braveryverse. that’s really all there is. also i posted this on my birthday (may 23rd) AND it is the 23rd fic on this list!!!! WILD!!!!!)

[btvs] saw her in the streetlight, making all the world bright (5,738 words) took me like a year and a half to write the first fic in the ripper au, lmao. in which jenny is a snarky eighteen-year-old, ripper is a snarky college dropout in a band, and neither of them are at ALL good at communicating. especially not ripper.

[btvs] perfect (1,465 words) ripper au: it’s revealed that jenny hasn’t had sex before. ripper handles this with his characteristic maturity and grace (just kidding lmao he FREAKS. but it’s bc he loves her.)

[btvs] respite (1,106 words) i wrote this after issue 5 of the reboot dropped bc i was very emotional about canon power couple giles and jenny. in retrospect, i gave giles’s emotional maturity WAY too much credit--esp. given what’s going on now--but it was still fun as heck to write.

[btvs] shouldn’t we be getting together (3,193 words) this fic’s existence is a combo of me reading a summer camp ya novel and liking the Aesthetic but not the Culture & me talking endlessly w/ @jackalopingintothevoid​ about ripper and jenny’s teenage dynamic. so many of these fics have her galaxy brain takes woven in and i KNOW she knows that. lov u, jack.

[btvs] fragmented (6,158 words) written because of that one time my brain was like “but what if jenny WAS haunting the school?” happy ending because it’s me and g/j deserve some kisses.

[btvs/hp crossover] buffy summers, muggle-born (22,070 words) i CAME BACK TO THIS in 2019 and wrote a few chapters and DROPPED IT LIKE A HOT POTATO. hopefully 2020 will bring me the courage to pick it up again!!!!!! who DOESN’T want a carelessly-mashed-together crossover where the scoobies and the golden trio are all going to hogwarts together for some reason????

[btvs] in bloom (8,452 words) this was SUPPOSED to be the end of the jenny-anya-tara trilogy. it was not. (more on that later.) this was also supposed to be a fic where giles and jenny get together. jenny and anya got together. writing things is wild sometimes.

[btvs] i still want to be your girl (35,165 words) straight up i am so proud of this fic! s7 au: jenny was chased out of town by angelus. giles does not know this. jenny has been working with angel in la, but left with faith to try and help defeat the first. giles is not the guy she remembers. (but jenny’s not exactly the lady giles remembers, either. so maybe things might work out.)

[btvs/leverage crossover] what’s in a name (4,421 words) sophie’s & jenny’s relationship to their names & identities always so totally fascinated me! this fic was my way of exploring that. (also i got to give giles and jenny a toddler. that was fun too.)

[btvs comics] live a little (6,700 words) i had so much fun coming up with a backstory for giles and jenny in the comics that i am kinda tempted to eventually try and do it again. this one was fun to write, tho.

[btvs] kind of like hydrogen peroxide (7,501 words) THIS was FUN. ripper au, but it explores both jenny’s longing for High School Normalcy AND ripper’s fucked-up relationship to magic. also senior prom is a thing.

[btvs] mending fences (6,093 words) sequel to the aforementioned epistolary fic! lots of first-person self-loathing from giles, but also a LOT of love for jenny and his kids. also the man really truly needs to stop repressing.

[btvs] her father’s daughter (1,982 words) 2020 will bring us another chapter of this fic i swear to GOD. literally there’s only one chapter up so i cannot even TALK about my plans for it but uhhh if you want giles and jenny and their three daughters pls feel free to go to that prologue and check it out.

[btvs] a thousand different ways we fell apart (4,888 words) the au fic to encompass all au fics! inspired by the comic reboot and me being like. christ. do they go through this ridiculous shit in EVERY universe? ....and then i wrote a fic where jenny was a space traveler looking through multiple universe to try and fix her marriage with giles. extra fun.

[btvs] no such roses (4,814 words) this one turned out a TINY bit rushed, but the concept of jenny bringing giles back from the dead is always something that i love exploring. i might come back and rewrite this, someday.

[btvs comics] no perfect choice (4,801 words) OOF. wrote this one after issue 8 dropped. a lot softer and more tender than what actually happened, tbh. maybe i will reread it again to make myself feel better about comic calendiles and their brutal split.

[btvs] family (3,545 words) wrote this one p early in the year and came up with an ending to it much later! ripper au: the story of how xander came to live with giles and leave his parents. angst-with-a-happy-ending abounds.

[btvs] a california january (2,206 words) jenny and giles attend a funeral together. that’s pretty much it. this is defs one of the best things i wrote this year, tho.

[btvs] how i survived my summer vacation (volume two) (25,027 words) swear to god this is gonna be the next thing i update. the braveryverse NEEDS to continue. it’s got married calendiles, for god’s sake.

[btvs] clear and impartial judgment (3,977 words) that fic i wrote when i got mad at a lack of resolution wrt helpless. like!!! giles drugged buffy!!! do we not get to talk about the psychological ramifications that would have on her???? (well. canon doesn’t. but i do.)

[btvs] sunshine ladies (10,188 words) THIS FIC WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN and i say that with incandescent love in my heart. i intended for the ‘verse to be giles/jenny, and then i intended it to be jenny/anya, and then i was like....jenny has two goddamn hands, and there’s foreshadowing here for endgame giles/jenny, and i wanna write some giles/anya. let’s fuckin go. (DEFINITELY writing another installment in 2020 about this iconic ot3 of mine.) 

[btvs] spirit-touched (4,769 words) the first smut i write and it’s calendiles ghost sex. i really think this is on brand for me, esp. considering that swath of asks in 2016ish where everyone wanted to know if ghosts could jack off. incredible.

[btvs] dear friend (28,865 words) this fic had such a rushed ending :( it’s a cute premise (you’ve got mail giles/jenny au!!!!!), but i lost interest halfway through, and as a writer i can rlly see that when i read it. another thing i might like to go back and rewrite at some point, tbh!

[btvs] familiar (2,034 words) AUGH i am SO proud of this fic. SO SO PROUD. it’s a concept i really can’t explain and the little twist at the end is something i really really like, so...just read it.

[miss fisher’s murder mysteries] unbearable (5,670 words) i need to write more mfmm in 2020 but the amount of good fic out there is deeply intimidating/delightful. this one was my little “what if it was phryne who thought jack was dead” and tbqh i had a lot of fun with it? bc pining phryne (who makes brief but extremely poignant appearances throughout the series) is an awkwardly, heart-meltingly sincere lady.

[ace attorney] man’s duty to society (544 words) wrote this as my first foray into aa fic while getting emo about miles edgeworth. would absolutely still die for that man.

[ace attorney] fancy running into you (5,887 words) lots of schmoopy narumitsu fluff! gregory edgeworth is alive! miles is trauma-free! phoenix is an artist! just!!! goodness!!!!!!!

[ace attorney] big sister (2,741 words) set in the same gregory-edgeworth-is-alive ‘verse: babey franziska comes to live with miles and his dad. she is a little impossible but miles kinda does love her.

[ace attorney] prince charming edgeworth and his incredible tux (8,042 words) this fic came from me being like “i want to write phoenix swooning over miles in a tuxedo and being like HE LOOKS LIKE A DISNEY PRINCE” and spiraled into something much longer!

[ace attorney] fate, choice, and everything in between (4,384 words) SOULMATE AU. nothing i love more than deconstructing soulmate aus. but like. in a romantic way. also phoenix and miles ARE soulmates and that is JUST facts.

Favorite Fic: I WROTE SO MUCH STUFF THO LIKE !?!??! how can one expect me to distill it to just one fic? i’ll make it my top threeL

a california january (I AM SO PROUD OF THIS FIC. it is soft and angsty and silly and devastating and tender. all the calendiles feels.)

i still want to be your girl (same mood!!! i’ve wanted to write this fic for literal years, and it’s one of those rare occasions where the picture in my head actually turned out BETTER when written out!)

sunshine ladies (this is like my giles/jenny/anya ship manifesto and it still makes me happy to think about them all co-running the magic box together and smooching a lot.)

Hardest Fic: OOF uh i went through a rocky period of writing when transitioning into college? no such roses and dear friend were hit the hardest by my insecurity & my desire to Finish Things rather than actually spend time on the craft. but i’m much more settled in now and my writing is DEFINITELY in an upward swing (as my newest fic -- as day follows night -- attests to quite nicely, imo)

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020? always always yes! (i’m bad at following through with them, but am ALWAYS accepting them.)

What was the best thing about 2019? there were almost too many good things to COUNT, but i think all of them were made possible by me working extremely hard to get myself the FUCK out of my abusive parents’ house and into my first choice college!! i’m thriving, y’all.

What was the worst thing about 2019? realizing that both of my parents are fundamentally terrible people. that part kinda sucked.

Any last thoughts for 2019? i finally understand what it’s like to fall asleep feeling safe, and to notice the way the leaves change color, and to get excited about self-indulgent things like food and cuddly stuffed animals and my own fic and art. 2019 brought a lot of happiness into my life, and oh yeah also i’m in love! lots of cool stuff going on.

Goals for 2020

finish the latest braveryverse installment!

MORE ART JUST IN GENERAL. i love drawing, but there’s not a lot of free time for artsy celia when they prioritize writing so often!

write one of the many incredible longfic ideas that’s floating around in my head. it’s honestly probably only like two or three big ones, but at least DECIDE which one i’m gonna focus my energy on.

more giles/anya this year!

more giles/jenny/anya this year!

diversify! still gonna be writing about jenny forever, but like. it might be fun to write about a few new things here and there.

maybe some more ace attorney fic? maybe even some mfmm fic again? phryne and jack are never far from my heart.

not tagging anyone bc this is....january. but if you wanna do it, feel free!

#fic #fic roundup #ngl i'm like really proud of this list #stayed up.....two hours....to complete it

[ltjlily17]

Oh, can we call it a night?

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I don’t iPod anymore these days, but theres a site that will aggregate your Spotify listening, and the song I’ve listened to the most all time on Spotify is In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who know what they want to do with themselves. What would you do with a million dollars? Invest it, maybe? Buy a new car. Start a non-profit that will save the world. Or just a small part of it. What’s your favorite song to dance to? All of them. What would your ideal birthday party be like?

No idea.This year I went to my favorite pizza place with a couple of friends, my mom and husband. Was pretty good.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I’m not sure I believe in any of that. What talent would you like to have? I wish I was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC at something. I’m good at most things, and can get by, but I’m not outstanding at any singular thing.  Are you ticklish? Nah. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 3 days or so. I basically had the flu and felt like I was dying. Not like the real flu either, theres this illness you get when your body hasn’t slept in too long. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? None. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and Bornand Raised by John Mayer. Someone else used these italics and I’m just running with it.

Who is the one person you miss the most? No one? What do you think of your parents? They are flawed people. I make the best out of my relationship with my mom, but I’m just not sure I want to bother with my dad. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? Instill a sense of community. People would be so much better off if we all gave a shit about the other people we are on this planet with. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? Hot, cheesy, some kind of sauce. Other than that, I’m flexible. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? I got a puppy 2 years ago and his name is Finn. We wanted a Star Wars name and Supreme Leader was the runner up name. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I can’t think of anything I’d wanna see. What people do behind closed doors is their business lol. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. I’m in pjs, but beyond that, I rarely use cash. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Humor or personality? Would more money make you happier? I don’t know. We have a comfortable amount now, minus paying for healthcare. Steve may have a job offer that would cover the healthcare, but would I be happy not working? Would I just turn into a loser slug? What is one of your favorite memories as a child? I really don’t know. My parents pretty much screamed and threw things all the time until my dad moved out. Then they played horrible games with me in the middle. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t even remember about being a child. I’d say the good stuff started happening when I was a teen and could seek refuge in my friends and their stable houses. I had one friend in particular, Andrew, whose mom and dad were super nice and he had a fun little sister- every time I was over there, which was VERY often, it was like a slice of the good life. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? This was on another survey and I didn’t know how to answer it. I think once it’s done I just move on, I’m really a dweller. How do you measure intelligence? Unsure. I guess you just get a feeling for someones intelligence as you’re interacting with them.

What cartoons do you watch? None at the moment. I did just get Disney+, so that may change, but there aren’t really any cartoons I’m planning on watching. Have you ever used drugs? Nope. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The purple one. Sleeper hit. How would you describe your style? Hmmm. Casual indie bohemian with a side of lazy fat person. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? The internet. Generally, my money goes to clothes or Halloween decorations. I really wanna buy some regular decor for the house though, so maybe that. What’s your favorite smell and why? I don’t have one. Something not flowery or overbearing. Something fresh and natural. Where do you buy your clothes? Anthropologie, ModCloth, Target, Gap, Old Navy, Loft. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Birthday cake? Funfetti? Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I have absolutely no idea. I used to think that it was just statistically impossible that there wasn’t, but fuck I don’t even know how any of this got here, so I no longer have an opinion. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? MilkBar birthday cake. Are you into tattoos? I guess so? I like the art of them, I follow a lot of tattoo people on instagram and keep up with their work. I just got my first tattoo a week ago and I’m 35, so it’s not like something I do a lot, ha ha. Do you like photography? I do. I have illusions that I’m a photographer sometimes. I should be currently editing a wedding right now, but here I am. I’m just not sure I’ll ever be the kind of photographer I’d like to be, so I don’t know what I wanna do with it going forward. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? Halloween 100% Do you have any siblings? Nope. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I just got one. It’s a bat pusheen. I really wanted a bat of some sort and pusheen is my favorite so I just went for it. I always thought my bat tattoo would be a little more dark, but it is what it is lol. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? I hid behind a dumpster when I was like 14 and 3 of the Backstreet Noys walked right by me, ha ha. I have some photos with me and the guys from Good Charlotte from when I was a wee teenybopper. How many pushups can you do? Absolutely zero. What person in history do you admire most? None? I don’t think I admire anyone. These surveys are quickly informing me that I don’t believe in anything or look up to anyone. Am I inert? Who is your favorite actor? I don’t have one. Ha ha, see above. I like most of the stuff Chris Pratt is in. Robery Downey Jr as Iron Man is iconic, but I’ve never seen any of his other movies. I like Adam Driver in Girls and Star Wars. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Spoke. Have you ever lied about your age? I don’t think I’ve ever had cause to. Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? For sure. Everything makes me tear up in my old age. Last movie was probably Endgame, though. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Not like huge, life changing fears, but I’m always afraid a bug will get caught in my hair and I can’t touch drains because they freak me out. Where do you see yourself five years from now? I’ve never been one to make plans. Hopefully happy with more direction. What is your favorite candy? Fun Dip, Nerds, Starburst. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Not someone suer close, but there are lots of auxillary people I know that have and do. Who do you look up to for your style? No one in particular. I see things on the internet I like and try to incorporate that, but its always varied sources. Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t follow sports. How often do you drink alcohol? Once every two weeks? Even then, its usually just one drink with dinner. I don’t much care about drinking. It seems like a lot of work to fill myself up with something I don’t really like the taste of just so I can potentially feel bad later.  What is your life in three words? Evolving yet bland. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? I knew that, I’d be working towards it. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Sure. Whatever color dragon is fine with me. What’s your favorite sport? The only one I even kind of pretend to care about is baseball. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? No.  If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? I’d always pick happy. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? Hmmm, I don’t know. I don’t have like any huge regret at the moment so probably just wish I’d have enjoyed myself more. If you were to invent something, what would it be? Hopefully something that makes the world better. Some kind of climate change related thing?  Who would you like to get to know better? This wholesaler real estate guy that has been selling us properties. Maybe if we knew him better, he would give us better deals, lol. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Near drowning when I was seven. Do you fear death? Yep.  What is the strangest food you ever ate? Hmmm. I like food with interesting combinations. Like smelly cheese or beet pesto or something, but I’m not on board with weird meat and I don’t eat seafood. Do you think you’re cool? Nah. What reality show would you like to be on? None. I don’t watch any of them. The only show like that I ever watched was the Osbournes, ah aha. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Whatever is gluten free. Ususally no choices for me at most chinese places. PF Changs has pad thai and general tsos I can have and another place nearby has general tsos too, but thats about it.

I loved lo mein and crab rangoon in my former life, though. Are you happy with your life? For the most part. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? I’d need some plantary details before coming up with a name. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? People learning that we need to work together. Would you rather be hot or cold? Well, I’m cold like 90% of the time and that sucks, but at least you can do something about it and layer up and get blankets and such- if you’re hot, you’re just stuck. How would you rate yourself? What am I rating here? I’m like a 0 at makeup skills, but like an 11 if you need someone to pick you up in an emergency. 10 at playlist making. 1 at doing the dishes. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Maybe not to “start over”, but I would definitely consider a dream job in another country if all the details worked out. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? No idea. I read a lot of Stephen King and none of those characters are alright.  Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I’d love to take a bath, but I’m a little big for the tub. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? Nope. I never ate happy meals even as a kid, so I never did. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? I drove two states over for a sandwich once. It was like a 15 hour round trip. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? People being willing to fuck over every one else if they think it will benefit them in any tiny, miniscule way. You are destroying everything by being an asshole and letting the people that really have all the money get away with it. Do you like dogs or cats better? I was 100% cat until I got a dog 2 years ago. I’m mostly dog at this point. Don’t tell my cat. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Hmm, I don’t know. I’m a lot better off than my parents were. I just kind of thought the constant worrying about the car breaking down or the bills being paid was grown up life, so its nice to get here and know that I worked hard to not have those problems. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I don’t think I would. I’ve been with Steven for a decade, so theres def nothing that needs to be said to anyone that far back. Do you have a favorite poet? I don’t. I really like some poems I’ve read randomly in my internet travels, but I’ve never really been able to sit down and read a book of poetry. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Eating too much food? Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? I’d rather go shopping. I might save it, though. What was the last rumor that you heard? No idea. I don’t really have rumors around me at this point in my life. My friends aren’t like that and I’m not working anywhere at the moment. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I don’t really know who any of them are. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. One of them happened when I was like 15 and it pinched a nerve in my neck and half of my left hand went numb. My mom didn’t believe me for a really long time that there was something wrong until she watched me try to pick up a glass of milk with my left hand and it just fell to the floor. Are you an organ donor? Yes! What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Unsure. I’m fairly adventurous, but I don’t do super dangerous things. I guess just trespassing in old abandoned buildings when I was younger could have been dangerous. What is the meaning of life? Moments of joy. For you and others. What word do you like the sound of? Nothing in particular jumps out to me. Isn’t Cellar Door supposed to be lovely? What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Hmmm. I don’t know. Its more about the brand I think. I usually get Jeni’s or the other fancy ice cream brand when I get the chance. 

I always get the cake flavored froyo, though.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. Are you an athlete? Ha ha, no. What did the last text message on your phone say? From my brother in law. He’s doing the work on the house we just bought, getting it ready for a renter. He wants more money, lol. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Man, I don’t know. I think maybe Grandma’s Boy was the funniest I had seen at the time. I usually don’t even like movies like that. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? I had this dream when I was a kid that I left the scissors out and they flew up and cut my moms fingers off and the whole dream was dark and black and white because it was night, but at the end, she picked up the phone (landline, because cell phones weren’t a thing then) and the only color was the green light coming from the phone that illuminated the numbers and she was trying to dial 911 with her fingers that weren’t there. 

I probably had that dream close to 30 years ago now and it’s still clear in my mind. 

What do you know how to cook? Lots of things. I’m especially good at carbonara or alfredo. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? I fell down the stairs and broke several bones, severely sprained both ankles and ended up getting surgery to fix the cartilage in one ankle. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Any that my fat ass can fit on. What do you wish you were doing right now? Well i’m doing this instead of things I should be doing. Who are your musical influences? I don’t play music, so I’m not really influenced? What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and the Back Street Boys, ha ha. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don’t think anyone has ever given me one. How many drinks can you handle? I don’t really know at this point. Getting older changes things. I know that if I have one drink and then stop, I get a headache, lol. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Hours and hours. Like 7 or 8 probably? Back in my day you could only talk to boys on the phone because we didn’t have cell phones or text messaging and you only had dial up internet. What’s your favorite candle scent? I got one from Anthropologie called Riviera that was my favorite candle scent ever. I bought two, but they are sold out now and I am very sad.

#soldier on #trash bags #flying bats #survey #dead roses

[qhostqizmo]

Questionnaire - Essie

I got bored and filled this out

- - - - - - - - - -

1) Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

No; Essätha is the eldest of four, and does not know her other siblings. The closest sibling in age range to her is in their early twenties, about a decade’s age gap. The closest sibling-like relations she has is with a Tiefling she grew up with back home, who is roughly 5(?) or more years older than her.

2) What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Hepsiba was supermom and idol to Essie. Essie adored, and still adores, her mom. Hepsiba displayed a constant generous, open-minded, warm attitude that helped to shape a lot of Essie’s values. They got along wonderfully, and even as a youngster Ess’ showed a lot of respect and willingness to listen to her mothers words of wisdom.

3) What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

The same as it was as a child as it is now: nonexistent. In Essätha’s heart however, there is a lot of bitterness towards a man who left her and her ailing mother behind, also leaving her to learn little to nothing about him save through stories.

4) Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Oh, plenty. The treatment of her and others like her (Solace, her mother, non-humans automatically defined as ‘evil’ races), the death of her mother, deaths in general (sometimes that she blames on herself), so on. I’m sure some party members have a vague understanding her distance and seclusion is branched off of bad treatment due to her race, for instance. Some folks; like Sol and Kraw, could probably identify quite a few of Essie’s ‘flaws’ and where they steam from. Amon is beginning to learn more and more about some of her ‘quirks’ too.

5) On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Lint, spare coins not put in her coin purse, a Green Bean, maybe something sharp and pointy that could be used for lock-picking or stabbing someone’s hand lol. Spare hair ribbon probably too.

6) Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

👀

7) Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Huehuehue… Pre-campaign I think Ess’ had more dreams centered around the loss of her mom and people hunting her and/or attacking her, belittling her, blaming her for all the wrong in the world. Some were personal, based off people she ‘failed’, killed, or feel she killed/wronged. Now I’m sure when she has a night terror it’s probably geared more towards the Raven Lord, Alexis’ and the wolves, the assassins breaking in, seeing her party members hurt/troubled, seeing the hurt and fear in Amon’s gaze, seeing him jailed, imagining all the things that could go wrong and losing m’lord… >:3c You know. Normal Nightmare Stuff nothing to be Concerned about.

8) Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

I’m going to change ‘gun’ to ‘bow’ becuz fantasy. Ess’ is trained in both a regular bow and a crossbow. Her first ever bow-related target outside of hitting a fucking tree was killing a deer, per Kraw’s orders. Lots of tears shed over the damn deer. Lots of tearshed over learning to hunt in general rip my baby.

9) Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Pretty much the same. Money is probably more readily available in Essätha’s life. Pre-campaign likely because of the occasional pick-pocketing. Now becuz she gets paid for kicking butt. Keep it up girl.

10) Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Situational based. Weirdly the less you know her, the more exposed Ess’ is willing to be, because, hey, when are you going to see her again? She might be nervous or edgy in crowds but otherwise w/e man. A lil more skin sometimes gets the gurl you know what I’m sayin’…. The more acquainted she is with someone, the more she fears ridicule, staring, judgment, and the more she wants to hide herself. Give her lots of time to gain confidence, and build trust, and she’d probably be okay being naked around you… so long as you aren’t obviously oogling her. Unless you’ve ahem, earned that level of faith from her where she wants your eyes on her.

11) In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

I would say there’s four instances that stand out the most. One, the first night alone as a toddler after her mother passed away. Two, her first murder, in which she thought she was going to die therefore killed in self-defense. Three, learning that the Raven Lord is probably some kind of god or demi-god being seeing how they killed the Master Arcanist. And four… ‘Not him. You can’t take him.’ …Use your imagination.

12) In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

As a babe, listening to mom sing her to sleep… and at night, in Amon’s arms, when all hope feels lost and then they snuggle up and it just… it’s okay. They can deal with it tomorrow, one step at a time.

13) Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

No. She’s a lady of course not asdjgakl -

14) Does your character remember names or faces easier?

I’m gonna say faces, she seems more ‘creative inclined’ than ‘analytic inclined’.

15) Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Yes! But less so then she thinks. Due to a life of lacking these things, Essätha thinks owning lots of fancy, expensive things will fill a void inside her. She also believes having money and a big house will give her a sign she’s ‘made it’; that she’s secure, that she’s above what everyone says about her… At the same time, fearing it, because of the additional ridicule it may bring (“ah, a Yuan-Ti Pureblood with riches and power?? Must be after Something.”)

16) Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Happiness. It’s quite literally her dream. Sadly as stated above, she grew up thinking happiness was linked to the things you own but mm… she may be learning differently…

17) What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Mr. Hiss!! It was a homemade stuffed snake toy; couldn’t be more than a couple inches made of spare materials her mom had, and button eyes. She played with that thing till it was limp of stuffing, soiled, and raggedy but sadly a bratty kid tossed it into the town’s river so… no more Mr. Hiss. :( She’d have kept that toy all her life otherwise because it was so precious to her.

18) Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition. Because you can be ambitious to do a lot of things; become wiser, become stronger, become kinder. Being wise is cool, but having the drive to become more is sexy.

19) What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

I’d say an inability to trust or commit. In terms of romantic relationships, she’s never held a significant one; mostly one-night stands or brief flings for a while before moving on; never wanted anything more than that. In terms of making friends, oh yeah. Being unwilling to open up or fully engage herself into the relationship has made people weary of her, her motives, and in turn close off from her. If you’re too scared to meet others half-way, eventually they give up on you.

20) In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

In every way; looks, intelligence, status, etc. Mostly she does this as a way to degrade herself. ‘Oh she’s beautiful, and no awkward scaly patches’. ‘I shouldn’t have bothered speaking up, they clearly knows more on this subject.’ ‘Whoop look at the poor girl in rags compared to these guys Yikes-’. When she’s feeling Snobby and Righteous she might do it for the sake of validating her stance; such as being Right and making someone look stupid so she can gloat and grin smugly at them. More often then not though, she compares herself to make herself feel Worse.

21) If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Essätha is the Absol pokemon. If bad things occur, it is she who brought the rain, the drought, the heartache, the doubt, the misery. She’s a magnet for bad things and bad omens. It’s somehow her fault; something she said, or did, or a past mistake came back to haunt her and she screwed up, again.

22) What does your character like in other people?

Ooof, lol, well kind, gentle souls. People who have the ability to grow. Natural nurturers. Those who can be strong for others. Those strong in general; solid, comforting, in the ways that matter. Non-prejudice. Physically she’s got varied tastes; from thick and juicy to lean and swift.

23) What does your character dislike in other people?

Cruelty, judgment, those who take advantage of others, aka ugly on the inside. Physically she’s not into unhygienic individuals, doesn’t typically go for super scrawny or so many muscles they look like they’re in a constant flex.

24) How quick is your character to trust someone else?

To put it simply, given the chance, no one in the Hand of Jubata/Noisy Bastards would have found out she’s a Yuan-Ti until a super-necessary moment; or years later, if ever. She’s always hesitant to put trust into others. But she wants to believe the best outta people so if it comes down to basic trust and not trusting someone with secrets about her, she might be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt (unless she gets a Bad Insight off them).

25) How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

Pre-campaign she was just edgy and distrustful. Now during campaign, anyone could be part of those Whispered Shadow cult, so she suspects 50% of this continent at least is out to murder them. If she’s close with the individual, she’s more likely to deny it depending on likability-level. For example, if we found out Barnabus was part of this deranged group, she’d outright be like, “this information is false that sweet man??? I do not think so. You are Wrong.”

26) How does your character behave around children?

Essie loves kids. How she acts depends on their personality; she’s always careful, and soft, and endearing but if they’re shy, she understands they might want more space. If they’re eager and active, she’s even more bubbly and willing to play with them. Mom Genes(TM).

27) How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

Time to talk her way out of this shit and either help this person learn to amend their lives or talk them down. If you’re clearly a bad person, or she can’t change you’re mind, she’s willing to whoop your ass. Rather avoid it if possible though unless you’re a truly bad person.

28) How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

*gestures @ the campaign* dis bitch has tried or talked the group out of so many fights so??? Pretty slow.

29) What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

I don’t think Essie had a ‘dream job’; she probably just wanted stability, some place to call her own, happiness, simplicity, life to be ‘normal’. That dream... really has not been achieved.

30) What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Lack of hygiene. Certain foods probs like liver and onions. Rotted corpses obviously. Chewing with mouth open. Idk, things normally others find gross?

31) Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

She’s laying in a large, soft bed with oversized pillows and a dense, warm comforter draped over her. There’s arms wrapped around her. The blanket smells familiar; like leather and pine and a hint of rosewater. She wiggles around in the sheets; can feel another body shift as well to get in a better spot. There’s warm breath on the back of her neck, and a solid shape to her back keeping her warm. It’s safe here. Goosebumps race up her arms. She thinks she’ll take a nap. She can feel the calluses on fingers tracing over the back of her hand, then her palm, until they find the spaces between her own. It’s amazing how beautiful and calm the world can be. Time seems to stop here. Everything will be okay.

32) Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

She is herself but not herself. She can pick up more acutely the ever; the scents, the vibrations in the air, it’s more intense. She can taste the fear in the air; the hate, the disgust. Her movements are jerky; slithering, the scales on her body a different texture moving over dirt and grass. They are judging her. They are sickened. She can see the look in their eyes, and she is exposed. She is a disgusting creature. The only thing to belittle herself more is to change back; naked, small. They know. They all know. She can’t imagine the way he’s looking at her; too scared to check and see. He would never look at her the same.

33) In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

I feel it really depends on what she’s being criticized for. I want to say in most cases she’s probably embarrassed and/or humiliated, but willing to listen. She may openly self-deprecate and still request they express how she can do better. I feel she mostly gets defensive around people she doesn’t respect and whose criticism then wouldn’t matter; or around topics she feels she knows more about (or definitely knows more about) and she’s offended they suggest she does not.

34) Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

If there’s no ‘time crunch’, she may try the same method a second time before moving on to a different tactic. If it’s a panicked or life-risked situation, and the first method doesn’t work, immediately move on to idea two.

35) How does your character behave around people they like?

Bubbly, excitable, warm and affectionate. She can be stubborn and grumpy still, but for the most part she tends to wear her heart more openly and be more wild and teasing.

36) How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Closed up, silent-treatment, narrowed eyes, huffy, clipped phrases, crude, hissy. Typically she’s a bit bitchy and waiting for an out to get away from you.

37) Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Considering she has little status at the moment, probably her honor.

38) Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Essätha removes problems/threats… even if that problem/threat is herself.

39) Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

This is such a were-creature questions HEH uhh, I would not doubt Essie has been bitten by an animal before. Largely she probably forgives the critter and its species. It’s probably her own fault she got bitten after all and she realizes that.

40) How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Respect! If she sees you treatin’ a service job employee like trash you’re garbage to her. Those are hard working people trying to make a living whomst the fuck are you?

41) Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Pardon my hyena laughter but, Essätha doesn’t feel like she deserves much of anything. She certainly hasn’t earned to have what she wants. Maybe in time she’ll grow up a bit and learn it’s okay to have things; material or abstract, without feeling guilty or burdened. I’m sure at that time she’d feel she must earn it first.

42) Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

*stares @ Kraw, Abernathy, Barnabus, etc* She seems to pick up plenty of Those.

43) Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Mmm, I’m sure she’s temporarily looked after a younger person or taught someone here or there, yeah. Not for a significant span of time (not to say she probably hasn’t left a positive impact on others that haven’t forgotten her though).

44) How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Oh ho ho ho~ I don’t think Ess’ has said that phrase to more than two people her whole life. It’s definitely not something she could say without meaning to. I can imagine her trying to say it to persuade someone to do something she wants but she just stands there, tongue-tied, unable to do so. It’s just three words, but it’s three very powerful words that can do a lot of good or evil. She wouldn’t want to abuse them or, make people lose faith in them (likeshehascoughs). She doesn’t want people to conceive her as a liar for misusing it before. She wants to be able to say it with heart, conviction, and certainty to someone she truly cares for… if she could ever work up the courage to do so.

45) What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

I’ll admit: the afterlife isn’t probably something Essie thinks of often. I’d have to say believes in a heavenly ream, and hopes it will welcome her. I do believe she’s scared though because of her race, or any blemishes in her life she’s caused, that she fears she’s already got a one way ticket to hell.

#Essatha Meduza

[brokebandwagon]

thoughts on eichel as captain?

Send us your Sabres questions!

Captain Jack!!! I think it might have gotten in his head a little bit Opening Night. He wasn’t playing particularly well but he also owned it after the game. Part of being captain is being able to weather through the losses not just bathing in the sunlight of wins. I also liked how after these past couple two wins he’s been proud of the team while also highlighting that they have room to improve instead of being overly excited or extremely down (like ROR often was after wins). I’m also glad that the Sabres waited until he was truly ready to have the C. It’s been a pleasure to watch him grow up these past three years into a good mature young man he is today –someone the Sabres feel exemplify everything they want this organization to be. I think great things are going to happen with him at the helm this year (no pun intended) and we can’t overlook the fact that he has the unwavering support of the team around him as well. Lastly, he can and will adopt all the rookies. Thank. He a bought a new house for this reason, don’t try to change my mind. ~Maia

I prefer him over Pommer being captain, that says something. Okay jk but I do think because Jack is younger and so is a good portion of the team, he can I guess “appeal” to them more and therefore helping them out instead of an old captain talking to players like they’re his children lmao. He also knows all the right things to say and he does follow through with what he says he will do to contribute to this team. There’s was no contest as to who would be captain this year. But I do miss Pommer as captain where the fuck is his A??? -Danica 

 I think this is the right move by the team. He has matured quite a bit since the first year in the league. He’s still cheeky, but more selective of when he does that. I get the feeling that he took media lessons from the team. With that being said, we would be remiss to not mention how Gionta basically mentored him and taught him how to be a captain. Without his guidance, I don’t think Jack would have matured the same way. -Cassie

Jumping off of what Danica said about Jack being the same age as his teammates, I think it’s a great idea. Because of the lack of an age gap, Jack (and his captaincy) will grow with the core, and instead of the core developing and growing and THEN one of them is named captain, the captain is growing with the core. Does that make sense? Idk, today was leg day so I’m not thinking straight. Point is, Jack is a good captain, and I love him. ~Meghan

I really love that jack is our captain because he’s the ideal age to grow with the team like meghan said. he’s got a great personality to deal with our insane buffalo media and he’s not afraid to be himself. my dad always comes back to this but where jack grew up is a lot like buffalo, a “blue collar town” and his parents both working really shaped him into this humble guy. I knew i wanted him to lead our team to the cup with the first “Buffalo i’m coming for ya” ~Olivia

Thank you for your question!

#buffalo sabres #jack eichel #tbb answers #Anonymous

[trellwords]

halo au chatlog, for later reference.

18:54 [trell]: so, law (of course) 18:58 [trell]: is part of the UNSC. specifically i think he is an orbital drop medic (and i haven’t decided whether this is conceptually realistic or not. surely even the specialest of the special forces and paratroopers must sometimes bring medical support, especially when somebody like an orbital drop shock trooper represents a massive investment by the military that employs them?) because i want the opening scene to be aboard in amber clad over delta halo, right after they hitch a ride through slipspace on the tail of the solemn penance when it jumps in-atmo over mombasa 19:01 [trell]: anyway: around 2548, luffy goes to reach 19:01 [gregory]: I AM INTENT 19:01 [gregory]: ALSO SPACE TRUCKIN 19:02 [trell]: perhaps specifically to take part in the AI program, as his personality is deemed particularly suitable to the development of a military AI 19:03 [trell]: since: anarchist streak aside: he’s extremely adaptable and just DOES NOT BACK DOWN, always picks a third option 19:03 [trell]: ideal traits when developing a supercomputer for MURDER 19:07 [trell]: law (who has been very close with luffy for a long time) successfully requests to be assigned to reach, despite the fact that UNSC high command is at that point already considering pulling the fuck out of reach and leaving it defenseless to secure a military victory over the covenant 19:08 [trell]: so: luffy’s brain is flash cloned and is one of the two that survives, the other being the one made off catherine halsey and turned into cortana 19:09 [trell]: and they develop the AI but don’t turn it on, perhaps because cortana is already active and AI this smart only have seven years before they go crazy, right, better to keep this one in reserve, especially if something happens to cortana mid-life span 19:09 [gregory]: fair 19:11 [trell]: meanwhile, in the three years between their arrival on reach and the fall of the planet in 2552, luffy finds out law is in love with him, ends up reciprocating, they wind up in an actual relationship rather than whatever the hell the thing that’s been between them for years and years qualifies as 19:14 [gregory]: does Luffy die in the fall 19:14 [trell]: bingo 19:14 [gregory]: Luffy dies in the fall doesn't he 19:16 [trell]: the covenant arrives, and luffy gets killed by a sangheili strike force in front of law’s eyes 19:16 [trell]: so, you know, not traumatic at all 19:17 [gregory]: Normal Couple Things 19:17 [trell]: specifically this is probably when the covenant has their first victory on reach at sword base 19:18 [trell]: law ends up hiding out in the underground lab with halsey and cortana, makes it to the pillar of autumn and escapes reach with them 19:19 [trell]: and of course the pillar of autumn follows the cole protocol but cortana secretly crams the covenant sequence into the navcom and they all end up jumping to the first halo 19:20 [trell]: WHICH, SIDENOTE, I THINK HALO MAY BE ONE OF THOSE SCI-FI UNIVERSES WHERE, LIKE ENDER’S GAME, FTL TRAVEL MEANS TIME IS SUPER FUCKED 19:20 [gregory]: or traveller tbh 19:21 [gregory]: "THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH INTERSTELLAR COMMUNICATIONS IS IT TAKES A GODDAMN WEEK TO GET FROM ONE SYSTEM TO ANOTHER" 19:21 [trell]: slipspace essentially allows ships to travel through our universe but crumpled up so there’s more dimensions, and this combined with the ebbs and flows of slipspace can mean that a jump to the ark outside the milky way takes very little time while getting from earth to reach takes for fucking ever even though they’re close together, right 19:21 [trell]: except. EXCEPT 19:21 [trell]: the games strongly imply that jumping is instantaneous for the people doing the jumping 19:23 [trell]: when in amber clad jumps in regret’s grav field over mombasa there’s clearly no lag at all between being thrown into slipspace and keyes being thrown forward in her command chair by the inertia as they come out the other side 19:23 [trell]: which to my mind suggests that if you jump somewhere and jump back you might still be age 26 but the people you left behind are gonna be 50 19:24 [gregory]: GOD 19:24 [trell]: ANYWAY. ENDER’S GAME-ESQUE DIGRESSION ASIDE 19:25 [trell]: they jump to installation 04, and UNSC decides that, okay, this is actually a pretty good time to activate that second AI they rescued off reach along with cortana 19:26 [trell]: and of course UNSC and commander keyes have absolutely no intention whatsoever of giving AI-luffy to law. who would give a military supercomputer to a medic, even a really good one 19:27 [trell]: except. (hang on going to go inside and wrestle off boots) 19:34 [trell]: EXCEPT, when they turn luffy on—luffy, who has all of luffy’s memories up until his brain was flash cloned, for whom those three years that never happened are superficially more akin to an amnesiac gap—and tell him what happened, that the person he’s based off is dead, realizes how devastated law would be 19:34 [trell]: and more importantly realizes that if he doesn’t do something first law is liable to do something catastrophically stupid, like try to steal him from UNSC 19:35 [gregory]: also fair 19:35 [trell]: and so REFUSES TO COOPERATE, UNLESS THEY GIVE HIM TO LAW 19:35 [gregory]: Law would do that 19:35 [trell]: i mean, he must have stolen that submarine from someone, right, and probably from the government, 19:36 [trell]: somewhere in the one piece canon there is a grand sub heist we never got to see 19:36 [trell]: grand theft u-boat 19:36 [trell]: anyway: idk if you remember from halo CE, but in halo people can have neural interfaces built into the back of their head 19:37 [trell]: all UNSC ship commanders have CNIs (command neural interfaces) linked to their ships, without which you can’t activate the auto-destruct sequence while the captain remains living 19:38 [trell]: obviously not everyone has these given that they’re literally attached TO YOUR BRAIN, FOREVER AND EVER, AND ARE EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT TO REMOVE SURGICALLY 19:40 [trell]: (i think john-117 probably also has one; we see him insert cortana into his helmet and you see her on the hud, but at one point she says “i KNOW what you’re thinking. i’m in your head,” which suggests she’s actually jacked into his brain stem as well) 19:42 [trell]: but anyway: i think it’s feasible that a specialist medic that runs around after ODSTs trying to keep them in one piece would have one. need your medic to suddenly know all there is to know about this one freak depressurization accident so he can save a million dollar investment shock trooper in a sort of similar situation? boom, shove it into his brain, done 19:43 [trell]: (so like. imagine a medic that carries around an entire medical research library worth of information on disks that can be matrix’d up at any time) 19:44 [trell]: EXTREME TL;DR, before they land on installation 04 and all the shit with the flood and thel ‘vadam goes down luffy gets UNSC to let him hitch a ride with law instead of wherever they would have preferred to put him because they need another AI operational and mobile and don’t have a whole lot of options 19:46 [trell]: which, at the very base level: leaves law sharing a brain with a version of his dead lover to whom reach never happened, and who, perforce, never...actually fell in love with him, and in fact doesn’t even know that happened between them 19:47 [trell]: and i think it’s reasonable to assume that when cortana can hear what john’s thinking it’s because he’s thinking it REAL LOUD 19:47 [trell]: in his internal monologue voice that has Made A Decision 19:48 [trell]: rather than assuming she can also hear things that are really vague and indefinite, like memories, which don’t occur in the same tangible way as internal monologue thinking 19:48 [gregory]: Tru 19:49 [trell]: which is to say, they put luffy in law’s brain, but all this shit’s going down on halo and anyway just then law’s real, real good at not thinking about those three years on reach 19:49 [trell]: given how they ended. 19:49 [gregory]: I honestly feel like Master Chiefs internal monologue is somewhere along the lines of 19:49 [gregory]: GODDAMNIT I HAVE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE. AGAIN. 19:50 [gregory]: IF I FLY THIS SHIP INTO THAT SHIP I WILL CAUSE 45 TRILLION DOLLARS IN DAMAGE 19:51 [trell]: HONESTLY, MAYBE HE TALKS SO INCREDIBLY LITTLE BECAUSE HIS RUN-ON INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS JUST 98% PROFANITY 19:51 [trell]: “THIS, AGAIN,” 19:51 [gregory]: I JUST FIXED YOU 19:51 [gregory]: WHY ARE YOU ALL FUCKED UP AGAIN 19:51 [gregory]: FUCKING GRUNTS. 19:51 [gregory]: CORTANA I NEED A FUCKING DRINK 19:52 [trell]: “FUCK THE COVENANT FUCK UNSC I’M OWED 90 YEARS OF PAID VACATION TIME BY NOW” 19:52 [gregory]: Internal monologue in Samuel L Jackson voice 19:52 [gregory]: "Say what again motherfucker" 19:52 [trell]: absolutely 19:53 [trell]: (talking to the prophet of regret) say WHAT AGAIN 19:53 [trell]: [i dare you i double dare you etc] 19:53 [trell]: the point is, law doesn’t TELL LUFFY, because honestly, who wants to get into something that emotionally complicated and awful, especially when space horror starts hardcore going down [[extended unrelated discussion of halo CE, multiplayer]] 20:07 [trell]: but, okay. (a) consider the fact that perhaps, if you hook a hyper-adaptable military AI into a doctor’s brain, you can probably get an AI that can scan and compute so quickly that it can project everything the doctor can’t actually see as overlays and predict all sorts of possible issues 20:08 [trell]: so you can have a surgeon actually see the inside of an organ they are cutting into, they never have to hope they got it right 20:08 [trell]: even in a shit triage situation 20:08 [gregory]: also consider that one would also be able to know EXACTLY WHERE TO SHOOT 20:08 [gregory]: to have the intended effect 20:08 [trell]: WOW. YES. 20:09 [gregory]: Imagine a surgically precisely placed sniper shot 20:09 [trell]: “i’m not MILITARY PERSONNEL! I’M NONCOMBAT!” “LEGOLAS SHOOT THAT MOTHERFUCKER ON THE OTHER ROOFTOP OR I SWEAR TO GOD” 20:09 [gregory]: "IT IS SEVEN MILES AWAY" 20:09 [trell]: i LIKE THAT. maybe this saves law on installation 04 20:09 [gregory]: "I DO NOT CARE, LOBOTOMIZE THAT MOTHERFUCKER BEFORE HE SHOOTS ME" 20:10 [gregory]: "THAT IS A HORRIFICALLY INVASIVE PROCEDURE" 20:10 [gregory]: "BULLETS ARE HORRIFICALLY INVASIVE" 20:10 [trell]: he’s trained, since he has to not be a dead weight to the ODSTs he jumps with, but he’s still not really a combatant, just trained to have functional self defense 20:10 [trell]: cornered by flood on 04, can see where the fuck the brain is located (NOT THE HEAD) 20:10 [trell]: HEADSHOT 20:11 [gregory]: oh jeez, can you imagine him with an energy sword 20:11 [trell]: THAT IS NOT A PRECISION MEDICAL INSTRUMENT 20:11 [gregory]: IT IS NOT 20:11 [gregory]: BUT IT IS COOL 20:11 [gregory]: HE WOULD COMPLAIN THE ENTIRE TIME 20:12 [trell]: two (2) things still give me the echo of a heart attack 10 years later and that’s (a) honor guard elites with fucking energy swords in the compound where regret is on delta halo and (b) DEALING WITH A PAIR OF HUNTERS IN A SMALL ENCLOSED SPACE ON HIGH CHARITY 20:12 [trell]: honestly. basically bones mccoy with an energy sword 20:12 [gregory]: fair 20:13 [trell]: i always got stuck in one of the double doorways that had a wall “island” in the middle with them 20:13 [gregory]: "THIS IS NOT PRECISION MEDICAL EQUIPMENT" 20:13 [gregory]: "NOPE" 20:13 [trell]: and whilst trying to ensure i didn’t get rushed from behind walked the fuck around a corner INTO ONE 20:13 [gregory]: "GUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER OR I WILL GUT YOU" 20:14 [trell]: BUT, (b) 20:14 [gregory]: god 20:14 [trell]: suppose hooking an AI into someone’s brain gives that AI, especially one that’s absorbed a library worth of medical data, the ability to manipulate brain chemistry to some degree 20:14 [gregory]: I can imagine Luffy's internal voice 20:15 [trell]: scream. so cheerful while, the flood, 20:15 [gregory]: "In your hands everything is a precision medical device" 20:16 [trell]: i feel like with luffy it’s be more like “with me EVERYTHING is a PRECISION WHATEVER” 20:16 [trell]: but that’s to say, it can (for example) suddenly reduce whatever chemical is making you angry or stressed 20:16 [trell]: luffy does this to law without asking, once 20:16 [trell]: ONCE. 20:17 [trell]: law probably nearly rips out his neural interface, love of his life and irreversible brain damage be damned 20:18 [trell]: after which time luffy never, EVER does that again, and it’s only because he’s based off someone law really would trust with his life that law gets himself to believe that luffy isn’t screwing with him 20:19 [trell]: but it is VERY useful when utilized with consent, since, like, you don’t even need pills or whatever, JITTERY BEFORE AN ORBITAL DROP? “do you want me to turn that shit down” 20:21 [trell]: actually in retrospect now that you’ve got me thinking about brainshare luffy’s combat applications maybe he does it not when law’s angry but when they’re in serious danger, to give the necessary jolt of adrenaline, etc? or once during combat and law doesn’t notice it the first time but notices it very sharply when it happens later when they have a fight 20:22 [trell]: (which, obviously, LOCAL MAN YELLS AT CLOUD, when there isn’t a projector available luffy’s image is only projected into law’s irises) 20:24 [trell]: and finally, (c) at some point between getting back to earth (maybe they also serve on station cairo, maybe not, ultimately they end up aboard in amber clad at mombasa) and mombasa law takes shore leave and just gets absolutely wasted because of course he’s still wracked with grief and hasn’t had time to process ANYTHING and is 100% primed for a breakdown 20:24 [trell]: you can guess the result, i’m sure 20:25 [gregory]: drunkenly confessing one's love to an AI 20:25 [trell]: NOT QUITE   20:25 [trell]: but compartmentalizing your memories of your dead lover doesn’t go so well when you’re getting wasted in honor of their memory 20:26 [trell]: so AI-luffy finds out, which is very problem, especially given that because reach never happened LUFFY NEVER FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, and, disaster.

#timeless lawlu dumpster fire #lawlu

[fmdxyoungjoo]

Jo Youngjoo : Idol Headcanon Edition (30 days character development)

+ Day Ten: Talk about your muse’s three closest friends. How did they meet? How long have they known each other? What do they love most about their friends?

there are more than three people that joo considers as her close friends, but if she had to pick and choose really, it would be @fmdminjung, @fmdsohee and @fmdhyeju . she grew up with minjung, even though they had a pretty large age gap. they lived in the same neighbourhood, and their families back then pretty much knew each other. so minjung’s been through a lot of things with her, and somehow, they ended up here in idol life together. sohee’s the biggest baby of silhouette--they met 6 months before silhouette debuted when joo first came into gold star? and hyeju...hyeju was someone joo knew as a trainee before she debuted as silhouette. they bumped into each other when joo was still a trainee under another company and working part time jobs. so in terms of who she knew the longest, minjung takes the card, then juju, before finally sohee. for minjung and sohee, joo loves the fact that they’re so blunt and straightforward. minjung rights her way when she doesn’t find the direction, and sohee gives her something to do because the latter is such a huge baby she can’t be left alone without some encouragements or so. as for hyeju, youngjoo loves how blur hyeju can be, because as much as that makes her frustrating at times, she finds it adorable of hyeju on how she maintains her clueless innocence about things.” 

+ Day Eleven: Has your muse had any scandals? How have these scandals affected your muse as an idol or as a person? If your muse has not had any scandals, talk about their views on scandals. Is all publicity good publicity?

once. it wasn’t really much as a scandal, but more of a rumour. back when silhouette first debuted, and both her and another member of silhouette started venturing out into the acting world, and with the slight rise of her own acting career came the rumours and hate that she was going to leave silhouette permanently for acting, because 1. of her age, 2. of her short time with the silhouette members. she didn’t have as deep as a bond with the other girls, as many of silhouette’s fans said back that day. that whole issue made joo pretty apprehensive about acting, which was why she only acted a little more after 2016, when silhouette was more stabilised with their career and all. 

+ Day Twelve: If your muse is in a group, what are the fun things about promoting with other members? What do they love about being in a group? What do they love about their members? If your muse is a solo artist, what are their thoughts on promoting alone? What do they love about being solo?

joo loves her members for just being who they are. even if they practically make bets on the size of her insoles, and practically raid her shoes off her feet just to see who wins the bet for it :) she still loves them. they’re her babies, and she’s made it a point that she has to take care of them. joo actually loves how loud and noisy they can be as a group and how well they do get along and support each other. when she started her solo promos, that was the first time that she felt a little empty without the presence of her other members being around.

+ Day Thirteen: For the muses in a group, what are the challenges of being one of several people in a group? Have there been any troubles that have come along with being in a group environment and times they wish they were alone? For the solo artist muses, have you ever felt lonely promoting alone? Do you ever wish that you were in a group instead?

joo would never exchange the fact that she’s in a group with having to be solo. they’ve no doubtedly had their own differences--partially because she’s the oldest and like an extra naggy hen. she’s never been too perceptive when it comes to the challenges of being in a group, because she’s just grateful that they’ve stuck by her even with her age and her strangeness. perhaps the only time that she wished that she was alone was when she was in a bad place with regards to her relationships in 2017, but thankfully her group members were there, because one way or another they helped her pick up herself.

+ Day Fourteen: If your muse is in a group, how do you think they would have fared had they had a solo career instead? What kind of concept would they have? If your muse is a solo artist, how do you think they would have fared if they were in an idol group? What position of the group do you think they would have? 

she’s just started with her solo career apart from silhouette most recently, and has been enjoying it. unlike silhouette where she’s had to change the way that she had to sing, she’s been singing however she likes it--the jazzy, vocal tone that she has, and the ballad and bluesy songs that she likes. she’s also ventured well into the area of producing and making her own music, and is keeping her fingers crossed that she’d always do well, with how well her first mini album had been received by the public so far.

+ Day Fifteen: Who does your muse look up to in the industry? Why do they look up to this person?

joo doesn’t have anyone in particular that she admires or looks up in the industry at the moment,  partially because she was never that intrigued with it, so in her youth there was never really anyone that she thought of as amazing in particular, especially since she was busy with her parents and their lofty ideals of marrying her off. plus, however, she does admire saetbyul for writing all of her own songs, especially and even more after she started producing her own music and songs and realising how difficult it truly is.

+ Day Sixteen: If your muse could do a special stage with another artist or idol group, who would it be and why? What song would they perform?

she would love to do a special stage with @fmdbyul, because she loves a couple of songs that byul put out. she’d love to sing a version of palette or through the night from saetbyul’s albums. another person she would do a special stage with but might just...completely fuck up her entire career would be :) @fmdtaeyong. because they’re both at the stage of....whatever they are, having a  special stage together would be amazing for the chemistry :) but after that....

+ Day Seventeen: How would your muse fare in a variety show? If your muse could appear on any variety show, which variety would it be and why? If you don’t have a lot of knowledge of variety shows, talk about what kind of variety show they would go on.

she’s appeared in a couple of variety shows in the past, especially that of law in the jungle alongside hyeju. she’s known pretty much for her body gags, all because she’s a huge klutz, despite not wanting or intentionally desiring to be one.

+ Day Eighteen: What entertainment agency is your muse a part of? What do they think of other groups and artists that are in the same agency as them? Which labelmates do they get along with the most, excluding group members?

youngjoo was previously signed with a small company that closed within two years due to her parent’s interferences. she’s currently signed with gold star entertainment, and she gets along the best with fellow gold star entertainment @fmdxsuji and of course @fmdminjung the best thus far, due to their cooperation over music and the other being her close childhood friend.

+ Day Nineteen: Is there anything besides idol activities that your muse would want to do? Would they want to take their hand at hosting a variety show or act in a television show or drama? Would they want to try out modeling or a musical? If they have done things such as these, talk about their thoughts toward these things.

youngjoo loves acting. if not for the fact that people were so adverse and against her acting in light of silhouette, she would have continued pursuing acting much more vigorously than how she does and goes about acting now. with her age there’s less and less roles that she likes to take up, though there are definitely still a fair amount of opportunities that she has her eye on.

+ Day Twenty: If your muse was able to be a part of a supergroup that comprised of current idols, who would they want to be in the same group and why? What kind of concept would this group have? How do you think the group would do in terms of popularity?

oh definitely. she would love to be in a supergroup that is consisted of rappers and singers that are well known lyricists and performers. imagine the kind of power and popularity that they would hold--it would be absolutely phenomenal. as for the concept...except for anything sexy she’d be perfectly fine with that. she’d rather they take the idea of them reinventing songs that have already been produced into entirely different and new songs of a different genre as their concept-with the idea of talent as their concept. how about that? 

+ Day Twenty-One: How does your muse feel about their fans? How do they feel about sasaeng fans? How would they handle a situation in which they were faced with obsessive fans that followed them or invaded their privacy? If they’ve had problems with sasaeng fans before, how did they feel about it?

there’s no doubt that youngjoo loves her fans, especially the shadows that support her completely since the beginning of their career. she makes an effort to remember most of them when they appear at fanmeetings. however she still remembers quite clearly the terrible moment when a fan that invaded her privacy by filming a fancam of just her thighs when she was given just a skimpy shirt dress to wear for her performance. she felt horrid when she knew that the fancam was circulated on the social media platform, but she doesn’t think that they can do much about it, especially since they’re idols, though a fair, solid warning should suffice in helping deter them from what they tend to do.

+ Day Twenty-Two: Talk about your muse’s goals that they have for their group or themselves if they are a solo artist. Where would they want to promote if given the chance? Do they want to do a solo album at one point? This can be any sort of professional goal.

she’s currently working towards putting out more of her original music in hand, dabbling into musical production, composing an lyricism for sometime. she put out her most recent mini album, and with its good reception, is intending on making more of such good music for both herself and others.

+ Day Twenty-Three: What is your muse’s thoughts on being an idol and dating? Are they against dating? Have they ever been in a relationship after debuting? If so, talk about the challenges that have come along with dating. If they aren’t dating, would they want to date?

she has been in a relationship after debuting! it was only one time that she had that particular relationship with another idol after debut. it had been brief but memorable, but it lead her to understand a lot of different things when it came to having relationships with another--for example, on how communicating with another or each other is highly vital and important. she doesn’t want to date at the moment, though she’s been wavering on it for a long while and long time, but then again its joo and with everything emotional when it comes to joo, its all complicated.

+ Day Twenty-Four: Who is your muse’s ideal type? Why is this person their ideal type? 

she actually never really put a detailed thought into who is her ideal type no its not ash pls  . she’s never had the time or felt it necessary as an effort to identify who is her ideal type amongst all the idols. when asked about this topic in variety, she’s done some exemplary dodging of the question during talk shows.

+ Day Twenty-Five: What does your muse want to be remembered for in the idol world? Do they want to be remembered for their vocal prowess? Their image? Their dancing skills? Their scandals?

she wants to be remember for both her voice and her music. that she’s as talented as everyone else around her, and that forging her own path in life and disobeying her parents was all worth it. it is--still and has been worth it, but leaving a possible mark in her own history has always been something that she wishes she could do significantly.

+ Day Twenty-Six: Does your muse ever regret becoming an idol? Do they ever think about what they would be doing instead if they lived a normal life? If they could go back in time, would they do everything all over again? Or would they end up doing something else?

no. absolutely not. she would rather become an idol , rather than having to continue doing what her parents asked of her. if she had a normal life, she would just be a mere trophy wife, having kids, sending kids to school and not doubtedly becoming a surgeon--but ultimately unhappy with her life and marriage.

+ Day Twenty-Seven: After working hard on promotions, your muse is given the chance to take a two week vacation anywhere in the world at any time they want, with nobody bothering them. Where would they go and when? Why would they want to take their vacation there? If they had the opportunity to bring three other people, who would they bring?

she’s going to jeonju, and she’s bringing minjung, ash and sohee and hyeju all along with her. or maybe not minjung, because she can already imagine the catastrophe. she’s bringing chaeyeon and sohee, both her group members with her. they’d go during september or october, where the weather is supposedly much cooler because she really doesn’t like hot weather.

+ Day Twenty-Eight: Talk about your muse’s low point in life. Why was this a low point in their life? What kind of challenges did they face and how did they feel about this? Were they able to overcome it? If it is still ongoing, are they working on overcoming these challenges? 

it had been a point way before she had even become a trainee at gold star, struggling desperately in a small no name company as one of their oldest trainees and suffering under a relationship she really didn’t want and desire. she worked from day to night, training and having part time work in the night ( her hands have roughened skin because of some of these part time work, that’s why she has hand cream with her almost at all times.) she overcame it as soon as the company closed down. in a way, the company going bankrupt was somewhat of an absolute blessing for her, because right after that, she got out of her low point and low funk in life.

+ Day Twenty-Nine: Talk about your muse’s most meaningful moment as an idol. This is what they feel so far is the highest point in their life and where they’ve never been happier. Recall the memory and describe it; what happened and how did they feel? 

there has been so many meaningful moments in her life, but youngjoo still loves the highest point in her life was when she was surprised by the silhouette members and her fans at a fanmeeting for a celebration of her birthday. it was the first time that she felt really treasured and needed by someone, and she had been feeling absolutely horrible before that because of her parents blatantly disowning her on her birthday. this was a strong memory and moment for her, and marked a huge moment where she decided that she was dedicating herself to silhouette and this career for life, repaying their love with every good part that she could sacrifice of herself.

+ Day Thirty: Think about your muse’s life down the road. Where would they be and what would they be doing? Would they still be in the entertainment industry? Would they settle down and have a family?

she would still be in the entertainment industry until the moment that they don’t want her. because of her own relationship issues and family issues, youngjoo mostly thinks in a self inflicting way that she doesn’t kinda deserve or have the capability of keeping a good relationship and maintaining it with another. but eventually along the road she wants to have a family, perhaps become a mother of her own, even though her age may not allow it since she’s already in her thirties. 

#||HEADCANONS**❆: the ice queen #((+7 points))

[lit--bitch]

Current-Reads (20/04/2020 - 26/04/2020) 🍓🐢

(Disclosure: I don’t know anybody I’ve been currently reading this week. 😊)

Adding the preface again here: every Sunday without fail I throw up the freshest literature and photography I’ve read over the week, sometimes it’s a book, sometimes it’s a piece I saw in a magazine or an online zine, sometimes it’s something I saw on social media, etc. Sometimes I add ‘RECOMMEND’ next to a few of the titles, but that’s not to say I don’t recommend all of them, I just love some pieces more than others. Not everything will be everybody’s cup of tea, yanno, c’est la vie. And any titles that you see in bold are hyperlinked so if you click or tap them they’ll direct you straight to the source… or shopping basket. 

This week I’m gonna throw in a red herring and tell you about something I’ve been watching as well as what I’ve been reading, because I think it’s really cool and definitely appropriate for the age we’re living in at the moment. 

So I’ve been reading: Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) which was edited by her son, David. I also read an interview on Granta from March between Rachel Long and Morgan Parker. I’ve also tucked into a couple pieces on Fence, Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’ and Anthony Michael Morena’s ‘The Whale’. I also saw Cecelia Knapp’s poem in Bath Magg Issue Three (but the whole issue is an absolute smacker, it’s great). Last but not least, I’m up to episode 5 of a brand new thing called The Midnight Gospel. It is crazy good. And it’s on Netflix right now. 

***

Cecilia Knapp, ‘I Used To Eat KFC Zingers Without Hating Myself’, Bath Magg Issue #3: I really loved the whole of Issue Three, I guess I was quite struck by this particular poem for its “staccato-ness”. This poem is buttered with present-day references. But they’re not necessarily about creating a familiar environment. Rather the object of familiarity is found within the assemblage of places, snacks and thoughts, all of which compound the grief ‘I’ is experiencing. The ‘I’ ruminates on life’s banality and their personal insecurities in living banality: ‘I need a thigh gap. I use emojis / to avoid conflict. Worry I’m a gentrifier. Watch docs about murdered women’. The vapidity is funny. The pain is not. The insecurities deepen. Your body, your life, continues the ache of day-to-day routine, and finds no resolution in the things which may or may not stand to comfort oneself when ravaged by loss. The poem feels quite loose, and disinterested. It’s a sore poem, but its array of references make it colourful. It sort of reminded me of Édouard Levé’s work a little bit? But if Édouard Levé had been a pop culture fanatic chewing HubbaBubba bubblegum on the London Overground.  Bath Magg is a pretty exciting new magazine, (been around just under a year I think?) and they’ve published a lot of great writers, many of whom are emerging and I’ve spotted some quite established peple in there too. Kudos to their rubber ducky logo. It’s run by Mariah Whelan and Joe Carrick-Varty. 

In Conversation with Morgan Parker and Rachel Long, Granta Magazine: I deeply love Morgan Parker’s work, she’s, in my opinion, the master of titles. I can’t think of anybody who titles their work as well as Morgan Parker does. And I love the depth of honesty and charisma in this interview. Like yeah, it appears to be a generic Q/A but, it genuinely feels like a conversation, and it’s welcoming and unpretentious. Rachel Long asks some penetrating questions, and Morgan’s answers are so detailed and self-aware. Most of the discussion revolves around the action of writing poetry in general and where does that impulse arise from, but they do discuss Morgan’s latest collection Magical Negro which came out February last year. It’s a narrative on black womanhood, on micro-aggressions and reoccuring violence, it’s about breaking down white perceptions of blackness, and dissolving those projections. What I love about Morgan Parker is she’s tackling this fucking idiot thing where (mostly) white people think she’s attempting to represent all black women in her writing, which is, by Morgan’s own admission, impossible. Her work is a duty to herself, to the background she’s lived and lives, and to unpack that discourse in her own way. And if it resonates, then great! I felt all this was inherent in the interview and only adds to my respect for her, and to Rachel for being such an attentive interviewer. BTW Rachel Long has a debut collection coming out this July, My Darling from the Lions.

Anthony Michael Morena, ‘The Whale’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): I can’t tell you how much I adored this beautiful mass of whale and word. It’s an essay which references the American Natural History Museum’s Blue Whale model. The writing is thick with feeling and fat with concern. It blends monologue, memoir. It’s non-fiction and documentary. It’s elusive, enigmatic, fragmented. It’s like broken biscuits and blubber. To me it felt like a note on the offences of climate change, the emotional response and grief as we bystand erosion and corrosion, the loss of life, and the urge to merge something back together as it dissolves and fragments before our eyes. It’s as personal as it is public. A gorgeous and complex piece.

Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) (RECOMMEND): I felt so afflicted reading Susan Sontag’s diaries, because y’know, it’s the equivalent of invading an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh’s tomb. Like, leave people alone. At the same like, this woman. These diaries are still shaping me, and each section leaves you with the weirdest aftertaste. Her personality permeates through every detail, every line-break, every reference and articulation of feeling. You learn so much, you gain so much from her perceptions and observations. How do I contain Susan Sontag? How do I describe these diaries? Not at all. Just buy it. 

Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): My eyes locked onto this piece and just didn’t really stop reading. Lexi’s voice is enamouring and hypnotic. It’s so violent too. You’re lunged into friction burns and sports injuries, time and progression, the tensions between collectivity and individuality, family and sexuality, or as Fence put it, ‘lesbian eros’. This piece felt acidic. At times you can’t tell if the ‘I’ is indifferent or hurting to the point of numbness. It straddles so many different thematics, and breaks down a lot of conventions pertaining to the “ideal experience” of family relationships and team work. The resolution seems to be that in spite of people, our collectivity is defined by our collective solitude. This essay kicked me around a football field. It takes a good few repeated reads to appreciate its kaleidoscopic shifting, but it’s definitely one of my favourites.

The Midnight Gospel, from Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell, Netflix: (RECOMMEND) So the other day my friend Ben linked this to me and I had seen the trailer ages back and thought “Oh yeah I really wanna watch that”, but just forgot. After his reminder, I started watching it and ever since I’ve been saying to loads of other friends “Have you watched ‘The Midnight Gospel’ on Netflix?” because I’m d y i n g  to talk about it with everybody. 

I literally can’t categorise this “TV show” to you. It’s like if animation had a baby with a philosophy podcast and then put that baby onto an IV drip of psychedelics. It’s this swarm of different stimuli which you kind have to zone in on and absorb individually and yet somehow collectively. 

So like, “Clancy” is a spacecaster who sets up “spacecasts” (podcasts) with creatures from other simulated worlds and he interviews them. But when Clancy transports himself into these worlds, it’s not like they’re sat down on some cream sofa with two glasses of water like it’s animated Oprah. No, his interviewees are like in the middle of fighting off a zombie apocalypse or meditating on a mountain or trying to find and save their lost lover. And Clancy just joins them on the journey and interviews them about their “specialism”. These are real people that are being interviewed like, the first episode is with Dr. Drew Pinker. And when you’re watching it, you think that the animation is totally separate to the conversation exchange the characters are having, but that’s not true. They have intersections, they have meaning. It only becomes obvious that it has meaning right at the end of each episode, but if you lock on you’ll see it’s all relevant throughout. 

One of my friends was like “Oh I might stick that on tonight and have a joint” and I was like, don’t fucking get high when you’re watching this because it’s already intense enough as it is, like you know that Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell have felt some real shit to create this absolute rare jewel. In my opinion, you don’t need cannabis to appreciate these discussions. But if you wanna do it, then hey it’s a “free country”. And it’s not as though there’s a serious, central core plot like there is with Rick & Morty, I mean there is a kind of overarching plot but it’s not always integral. Like ultimately we’re invested in Clancy’s story but also all the stories of all the other people that come his way. There’s multiple plots, there’s multiple dimensions and ways of seeing. It’s a programme which delivers on multiplicity, which manifests itself in everything and everyone we see and know and touch and hear, etc, etc. 

This production articulates some of the revelations that psychedelics can give you. Psychedelics don’t make you see the world literally like these animations do, but the sensations of the animation are reminiscent of an acid trip’s oscillating moods and sensitivities. It’s really cool, and it’s very poignant, and it’s my new favourite show to watch. And what’s so great about it is that, it requires multiple watches in order to really absorb everything in its entirety, so it’s a series you can just keep going back to even after you’ve seen them all. It’s re-watchable. Just fundamental goodness all round. Best way to indulge in it is with ice cream. 🍨

***

So that’s it for this week, next Friday’s review is Annie Ernaux’s A Girl’s Story translated by Alison L. Strayer, published with Fitzcarraldo Editions. 

Stay safe and well as always, my little caramels. 💁🏽

#currentreads #litbitch #reading #watching #fencebooks #bathmagg #susan sontag #anthonymichaelmorena #lexiwelch #ceciliaknapp #granta #morganparker #rachellong #poetry #essay #the midnight gospel #netflix #diaries #books #bookstagram

[acauguiran]

23 & Me

 I woke up this morning another year older, 23. A reminder that we all face, that time exists & it’s moving along. Growing up I use to measure my success alongside my age. Wanting to accomplish this by 16, 18 and so on. Always racing against this clock that I felt was representative of my life as a whole. Feeling as if the goals were either far out of reach or had passed me by & that my best years were behind me. I’ve since come to understand that it’s not at all true & while it’s good to have some sort of liability/deadlines behind your goals we are not limited by a date, age, or any other number. We are only limited by ourselves.  Reflecting on another year on this planet I wanted to consolidate twenty three lessons I’ve learned thus far. Lessons that don’t necessarily come based upon my age rather experience, interactions, and the world around me has taught me.

1. We can only control one aspect of life

How we react to things is the sole thing we can control in life. Not what happens to us, what others may think or perceive, only how we react to such situations. We can take them with stride or let them destroy us. The choice is ours.

2. Be Present

More often than not nostalgia is a deception of better times. The past cannot be changed & on that same token the future comes soon enough. Spend less time worrying about what will happen & focus on impacting the present which in turn equals your future.

3. Time is your most precious comodity

Beyond money, materials, and other worldly possessions it’s time that is your most valued asset. Once spent it’s gone, it can’t be regenerated, constantly moving. Time above everything. We share the same 24 hours it’s how we spend our time that defines our lives.

4.  Opportunity is taken not given

If you wait too long for things to magically align you’ll find they were within reach the whole time. We are what we demand out of life. It’s more than hoping or wishing it’s going out there & taking every advantage possible to get closer to your goals.

5. Make more time for yourself

Allow yourself to be bored, treat yourself, get out of your comfort zone now & again. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean putting everyone below you or cutting everyone off. It means prioritizing your needs so that you can better help others along the way. 

6. Shit Happens

 Sometimes life is going to hit you with a rude awakening. You get fucked over, you have a bad day, what have you. Sometimes there isn’t some larger meaning to anything, sometimes shit really just happens to you no rhyme or reason. Beyond karma or anything else. It’s how you recover that defines you.

7. We all need help sometimes

 I use to think independent meant being able to hold your own. That the strongest person was the one who could reserve there emotions. Going through things silently. On the contrary, in the last year alone I’ve learned the strongest most independent individuals recognize when they need help & aren’t afraid to ask for it. That our support structures in life are vital & everyone has their own battles. 

8.  Wealth is defined by numbers. Rich is defined by gratitude.

 Wealth is measured in money & assets. The number one rule of accruing wealth is to have your money make money, reduce losses, and maximize profits. However being rich starts with your appreciation & gratitude for what you have. When you truly understand that the wealth tends to follow.

9. Assume Responsibility

In my 23 years it wasn’t getting a license, paying my own rent, or turning 18 that defined being an adult. It was a lesson I learned in business & in life. It was when you truly learned to assume responsibility for your actions. Not blaming anyone or anything for your position in life & assuming responsibility for your choices or lack thereof.

10. Allow room for spontaneity

In line with being present you have to allow for the unknown. I spent so much of my life planning & plotting that I forgot to allow for the gaps. I felt loss when something didn’t align with the plan. However that’s what adds variety to life. The curve balls, last minute trips, and random decisions that off hand define us.

11. Keep an open mind

You never know what you never know. When I moved to the states a couple years back I had a mindset much more narrow than I do now. Maybe I was young & naive thinking I wouldn’t form new relationships that could parallel my past ones or that certain things weren’t possible. When you learn to keep an open mind & erase the notion of whats possible anything can happen.

12. Be unapologetically great

We seek permission a lot on what we’re capable of. Whether it’s a degree or grade, societies blessings, or what have you. We downplay our strengths & accomplishments. To hell with that. I say be loud, be proud, be the best fucking version of yourself. When I allowed myself to be great at what I do & didn’t apologize for it my mentality changed & greatness followed.

13.  Drink more water

Seriously I have to constantly remind myself of this one. There’s really no downside here.

14.  Fuck Motivation

Motivation is a reminder of something you were always capable of doing. The reality is you’ll never be 100% always inspired or motivated. Learning to do in spite of that is whats key. What makes the greats great is they did what they had to do even when everything mentally or physically told them not to.

15. Passion, Pursuits, Perception 

We often believe that we have to decide in life what’s the one thing we want to do. That we must have this one passion & pursuit it following the traditional system of education. The truth is we can be many things. The reality is even those who you look up to are figuring it out in some aspects. Finding your passion or purpose is different for everyone the only constant is you’ll know it when you find it.

16. Choose optimism

The easiest thing in the world is to choose the pessimistic view. To quit. To do nothing. It requires no effort or judgement. The hard thing is to persevere despite outside opinion & noise. To keep your spirits high in the face of uncertainty. When we are surrounded by so much negativity it’s easy to forget that the positive outweighs it & that there’s more good out there that goes unrecognized.

17. Life expands in proportion to the risk you take 

In all aspects the more your willing to put yourself out there or step outside your comfort zone you tend to learn something. Regardless of the outcome or result you become better because of it. I’ve built my life on risk & where I use to fear it I now welcome it.

18. We are what we put out in the universe

I’m not talking about karma or what have you. Rather we are what we believe to be. Before we can become anything we must speak it into existence. The work & effort is definitely required but a belief in oneself is where it begins. I’ve learned in my work if I don’t believe in myself & my capabilities then why should anyone else? My viewers, clients, employees. We are the energy we exert into the world & by doing so we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. 

19. Have Fun

As a 22 year old who skipped out on college & jumped into the world of work at 11 this is something I need to remind myself. That these years are only moving forward & its important to stop now again & enjoy it all. Get out, celebrate, make stupid decisions now & again. It’s apart of life & regardless of ones age youth or not. It’s a simple reminder in life to have fun with it.

20. You have the time

No one is too busy or void of time. No one. Not Bill Gates, me, and you reading this. As noted earlier we all share the same 24 hours, 365 days, 7 days a week. It’s about making time for those that matter & the things you want to do or accomplish. That can be anything to going out with friends for a couple hours to life goals or hobbies. The excuse “I don’t have the time...”  is just that... an excuse.

21. Don’t be afraid to think BIG

We often downplay big ideas & thinkers because we can’t process such things. We cut ourselves short of achieving greatness because we think it’s too far fetched. It’s that mentality that ironically makes such feats easier to achieve. Most won’t even start which already gives you an advantage. Don’t settle for good, go for great.

22. All things have their lifespan

Be it life itself or relationships. I had to come to terms that certain things just have their run. Some things can’t be mended but forgiven. Some things simply happen outside of our own control. The best we can do is treasure them in the moment & look back upon such things & cherish them for what they were. Some things need to be let go in order to find their way.

23. Life is a choice

At its simplest & most complex level life is a choice. What you want to be, how you want to get there, what you want out of it. A conscious decision to find out who you are & what you want. Once you find those answers is simply making a choice & putting everything behind it. Also realizing that there’ll be setbacks, missteps, and hardship. These are the very thing that wake us up to all the good things. It’s all apart of life. No matter the road you take & what may come along the way you ALWAYS have a choice.

 I’m 23 years young with (hopefully) a lifetime ahead of me. Many more lessons to be learned & views that’ll surely change. Life is a process in which all our results are different. I’ve now spent a majority of my life in pursuit of my passion & work. Taking the recent years to take a step back to really see the bigger picture. Pushing myself to leave everything I knew to be home to build a new. To reach higher, push my limits, and expand my worldview. If there’s one constant no matter the year or age it’s this. I’ll always be learning. Always be one step behind my most ideal self. Work has been a big part of my life & it’ll continue to serve as such. For when you find something so intoxicating you can’t help but pursue it with every ounce of you. I aim to as always make my current year on this earth better than my last. To always be making & doing things I love while making an impact. Till the day I die (hopefully very long from now) I’ll continue to do that. Continue to push the agenda. Here’s to what is purely the best & most important of things... being alive & all the possibilities that allows for.

Sincerely,

23 year old me

#personal #writeup #birthday #23 years old #text