#Spreading rumors to all the other kids because you had a disagreement and you want your mutual friends to choose your side

[ettaevie]

I know Chuuya x Shirase is unpopular for obvious reasons but if we think of their relationship as a middle school romance then their entire dynamic and everything that happens between them becomes par for the course

#The codependency #The guilt tripping #Spreading rumors to all the other kids because you had a disagreement and you want your mutual friends to choose your side #Feeling threatened because you guys are growing up and growing apart and you were supposed to be together forever #The fact that deep down no matter how everything played out you’ll always be childhood friends #We’ve all been there #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya #bsd shirase #bsd fifteen #bsd storm bringer #Welcome Back to me talking

[notchesandbullets]

House Hunting [Oneshot] Modern AU

Words: 3.5k

"Bat-Ears, hurry up, we're going to be late!!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming, just hold your horses."

"What is that, Hak?"

"Dunno, Princess. Extra cargo?"

"Hak, I wasn't talking about Jae-ha."

"Yeah, Hak. That's so mean."

"You'll live, Droopy-Eyes. Oy, Bat-Ears, what the heck are you doing?"

The troublemaker froze in place at Hak's deep baritone. They were all supposed to be heading over to the guys' dorm to meet up with Yoon and the others before carpooling to the houses their realtor was taking them to see.

Yona and Calista were busy getting ready, having accidentally overslept and missed their alarm. Jae-ha and Hak drove over, and insisted on driving them even though the latter had said his sister would probably be content walking.

He wasn't going to let her walk, it was several miles.

Hak was going to come alone, but Jae-ha had insisted. He was very tempted to kick the green-haired man out at the stoplights all the way over here, but resisted for both the girls' sakes, knowing Yona would most certainly not talk to him for the rest of the week and that he wouldn't be safe from his sister's rage.

The dark-haired man crossed his arms across his broad chest and raised an eyebrow pointedly.

"What?" Calista mumbled innocently.

"I haven't seen you in months and this is what you look like?" He shot back incredulously, stunned by her appearance. Despite how outrageous it was, it looked good.

She had just gotten back from a trip overseas.

Her black hair had been cut asymmetrically and tinted. The dark blue glinted as the sunlight hit it, and made it look like it was moving on its own. Her style had changed too, and he chalked it up to the readjustment period.

It always took each of them a bit to adapt back to the culture here, and his sister was no exception.

Her style was usually so casual and comfortable, but this time, she was sporting a tank top, leather jacket, a miniskirt, fishnet stockings and combat boots.

Calista flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Don't like it, don't look." She flaunted over to his car, a Koenigsegg Agera S, that the gang had recently bought him for his birthday.

He claimed it was too much, but by the way he was eyeing it as it sparkled in the sun, they all secretly high-fived in the background knowing that they had made the right choice.

"Let's go!!" She cheered, calling shotgun before Jae-ha could.

The four arrived at the guys' dorm, the rest of their friend group waiting in anticipation outside. Yoon sternly instructed them into the family van he had borrowed from his adopted dad, Ik-soo, that he had lent to them for the weekend. They often took road trips with their extended family in it, so they knew the best layout everyone was comfortable with.

Hak was the driver with Yoon as the navigator. In the first row, Yona sat next to Zeno and in the one behind was Jae-ha and Kija. That left Calista along with Shin-ah in the backseat, which was more cramped than the other rows.

Not that she minded, but she would never say that out loud. Though, she could've sworn she heard his breath hitch when he saw what she was wearing.

"Road trip!!" Zeno cheered.

"We aren't going anywhere, kid." Hak shot down, rolling his eyes humorously.

"Road trip!!" He still cheered, not put off in the slightest.

Yona giggled, joining in on the golden-haired boy's contagious excitement before he roped her into a game of, "Annoy-the-driver-until-he-gets-so-irritated-he-pulls-over-to-smack-them-but-sees-his-cute-girlfriend-and-decides-not-to."

Jae-ha and Kija were engaged in an intense conversation about martial arts styles and modern day use of concealed carry, though it was a bit one-sided, the intelligent portions only coming from Kija while the other basically made noises of agreement or disagreement.

The latter tended to be more frequent and louder.

"I just think it's a bit counter-intuitive." The white-haired man argued.

"Oooo, White Snake is using big words now." Hak mocked from the front seat.

"Will you beasts shut up?!" Yoon spat harshly. "And you, you're supposed to be focusing on the road."

Hak nodded calmly. "Yes, mother."

"I DON'T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO YOU!!!"

Calista hid her face in her hands, overwhelmed by all her friends. It had been so long since she had seen them. She was so worried that the ease would be gone when she returned, but to her surprise, they were ecstatic to see her.

She had been gone on a top-secret mission for the past couple months. They all worked for varying branches of the military, organizations kept under cover in case things went sideways, and needless to say, all of their work was done in the dark.

If everything went right, the world would never know what they prevented from happening.

Which brought them to their current situation. They needed a house to live in.

It was getting increasingly harder to live on the campus of the college they were all attending when they got called to work. By living together it would also allow them to relax a bit once they got back home, not to mention, they could fortify it any way they wanted.

Security cameras, laser sensors, the most high-tech gear that Zeno and Yoon could get their hands on would be rigged to expose any unfortunate soul who just tried to rob them.

Calista and Hak's grandpa had a lot of pull with the school board, since he was very high up in the government.

He was funding the whole thing.

Rumors had spread quick when they first started college, picking up from their last years of high school. Their band of friends were known as The Dragons all around the local area. Most people were under the delusion that they were a mafia and Calista never could contain her humor at the notion.

The most ridiculous one they had ever heard was that they were running an illegal drug operation. Only one of them had ever touched drugs before for recreation, since sometimes their covers needed them to use, and Jae-ha got clean pretty quickly when he saw how distressed Yona was.

It wasn't just her that was bothered, but everyone else did a better job of hiding it.

Truth be told, they were all gifted, academics coming easier to all of them ever since they started work for the government. Yoon was the youngest, only fifteen, but he was especially bright, even before everything happened.

He had earned his spot in college with them, getting the highest marks out of all of them, putting the rest of them to shame.

Hak pulled the van up to a huge mansion, not too flashy from the outside, but certainly big enough to hold the group of eight.

They all eagerly clambered out, and Calista tripped over her feet in her haste.

Shin-ah grabbed her arms and steadied her easily. She grinned up at him in thanks, throwing a cheeky wink over her shoulder as she sashayed over to Yona, linking their arms together.

She shared a look with the redhead, and they shot off, racing to the entrance.

They threw open the doors to the house, the others not far behind and began exploring every inch of the place eagerly. Yoon hung back, conversing with their realtor about the prices and amenities of this one in particular. It was lavish, with french doors, a sun room, several huge bedrooms and five bathrooms.

Hak wandered around, looking for his girlfriend. As he rounded around the corner, she jumped out, scaring him. He grabbed her, lifting her up with ease.

Hak placed Yona on the kitchen counter and she giggled, looping her arms around his neck as he stood between her parted legs. He tucked his face into the crook of his neck and she carded her fingers through his dark hair.

They had just recently become a couple, both ironically confessing at the same time and needless to say, their group of friends couldn't be happier for the two of them. It had happened when he had returned from his latest mission, which had nearly gotten him killed.

Yona had been beside herself with worry since she was the newest recruit of their elite squad, quite handy with a sniper. When she had heard the news of his condition, she had run down to headquarter's hospital, barreling through all the security.

Though, Calista had supposed that was because no one wanted to tell the boss the wrath they incurred from the lethal group of eight by preventing them from seeing him, so they opted to let her pass.

And the good news was, he was going to make a full recovery. He just had to take it easy for a bit and was not, under any circumstances, allowed to go on any more missions for the time being.

"Ewwwww, gross!!"

The two sprang apart, only to see the edgy girl flash them a grin, the blue-haired man behind her.

"Just kidding."

Hak shook his head at her, a smile creeping up on his features. It widened as he took in the sight of Shin-ah's arm causally slung around her shoulder.

"Okayyyy, we're leaving." Calista announced, swiftly turning on her heel. She recognized that look in her younger brother's eye, and it only meant trouble. "C'mon, Shin-ah, let's go!!"

Running up the marble stairs, he let go of her temporarily as she scrambled to the upper floor, darting in and out of all the bedrooms at lightning speed.

"They have a balcony?!" He chuckled under his breath as he heard her shriek. "Yoon, we're so getting this one!!"

Calista was leaning over the high railing as much as she could, the sight of empty land taking her breath away.

"Be careful..."

She turned around with a small smile as she saw the worry swirling in his golden eyes. Stretching out a hand to him, he took it without hesitation, weaving their fingers together. She tugged him to her and he automatically wrapped an arm around her waist so that she didn't fall.

Smacking his chest lightly, she teased. "I'm not that clumsy."

He gave her an amused look and she threw her head back, laughing.

"Okay, okay, maybe I am sometimes."

His expression didn't change and she poked his cheek.

"Admit it, I'm only like that sometimes." She insisted.

"All the time."

"Shin-ah!!" Calista admonished, raising a hand to playfully hit him again.

He caught her wrist easily, pinning it to the railing firm enough to keep her from moving, but not enough to hurt her. She smirked up at him challengingly, stretching on her toes to whisper, "Catch me if you can."

She broke out of his hold, ducking underneath his arm and racing back downstairs. Yoon was at the door with his hands on his hips.

"There you are!!" He followed her out as soon as she cleared the doorway. "We've got two more to see!!"

Shin-ah caught up easily with her, and Calista realized that they would be sitting in back together. He slid in after her, tapping her thigh lightly.

"Got you."

She shook her head furiously. "Nope, doesn't count."

His eyes flickered to the side purposefully as the next one came into view and the van slowed down.

"Inside?"

"Inside."

Once she was through the entrance, she shot off, Shin-ah immediately tearing after her. Calista could faintly hear Yoon's annoyed shout as they all broke off again in different directions.

She analyzed her surroundings quickly and sprinted down the corridor flooded with beams of sunlight streaming through the large windows.

This one had an older feel to it, and she was certain that Kija and even Jae-ha would love this one. The maple floorboards were worn with use, but it added to the charm. The house had a specific charm to it, one that resulted from the antiques and velvet curtains.

She heard Yoon calling for them to leave for the last one and she saw blue hair as she zipped around the corner. Reacting instantly, she slid between his legs, riding the spiral railing all the way down to the ground floor.

She hopped off, out of breath and made a break for the van.

Shin-ah was panting just as heavily as she was when he got it a second after she did, catching everyone else's attention.

"Bat-Ears, what the heck are you guys doing?" Hak questioned emotionlessly from the steering wheel, having a feeling this was another one of her spontaneous competitions.

"Nothing..." She drew out smugly.

"Is it a game? Please allow me to partake!" Kija exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air excitedly.

Yona turned around in her seat, eyes shining. "Can I play, too?"

"Yona, sit down." Yoon instructed sternly, not even having to look back at her to know what she was doing. The redhead pouted but did as she was told.

Zeno popped up. "What is Miss Notch and Seiryuu playing?"

He had a habit of nicknaming them when they were all young, and ever since then, it just kind of stuck.

"It's basically tag." Calista said simply. "Whoever gets tagged last, wins!!"

"Absolutely not," Yoon retorted. "We're supposed to be here to look for houses, remember? Not wreck them."

"We'll be careful, Yoon!!" Yona pleaded, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

He held out until they got to the last one, caving when a chorus of begging erupted upon their arrival.

"Alright, alright!! Just don't break anything!!"

"Wait, so who's it?"

"I don't know, but RUN!!!"

"HAK, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!"

"What are you gonna do about it, Princess?"

"Yah, Thunder Beast, keep the flirting to a minimum, you already got the girl." Yoon's eyes glinted mischievously.

"Shin-ah's it!!" Calista announced through the noise, coiling her body like a spring. "Ready, set, go!!!"

They took off, even Yoon, and spread out. It was a simple tactic.

Three on the ground floor, three more go to secure the basement and one scouts the upper level.

Calista called dibs on the upstairs, hiding in a wardrobe in the master bedroom. He would be expecting her to be running, so she pulled a different card. She heard the shouts of her friends getting caught downstairs and couldn't help giggling hysterically as Yoon's angry yell cut through the brief silence.

Shin-ah was incredibly fast, not as fast as her of course, but pretty darn close.

A gasp ripped from her lungs in surprise as the doors to the space was flung open, flooding it with light. She squealed as her wrist was grabbed and she was pulled out. Before she knew it, her back was bouncing on the king-sized mattress as her captor loomed over her.

"Gotcha." Shin-ah murmured, pecking her nose softly.

She blushed, biting her lip absentmindedly as her eyes roamed over his heaving chest and broad shoulders.

"... Don't look at me like that..." He mumbled shyly.

Calista raised an eyebrow. "You're the one who's looking like they want to devour me."

He nearly growled. "It's because of these..."

Elastic material snapped against her thigh and her jaw dropped.

"Don't tell me... you like these?"

He pulled back as she sat up.

Calista drew a leg up slyly, watching the way his eyes wouldn't leave her legs.

"You've..." His breathing got heavier the more she moved it up until she crossed them. "You've never worn them before."

She shrugged, smirking. "Never had a reason to."

He bit back a groan, leaning down to rest his forehead against hers. His chest rose and fell as he fought to keep himself in control, restraint slipping away from him by the second.

Calista's breath caught in her throat as his hands slid up over her fishnet-clad thighs, squeaking as he squeezed them gently.

"So soft..." He whispered quietly. "You're so soft."

She patted his shoulders, hearing Yona call for them. Shin-ah leaned back reluctantly, but didn't peel himself from her side.

Calista chuckled, snaking a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to her level. Whispering a promise in his ear, his eyes first went wide, then darkened.

Then, the pair walked hand in hand downstairs where everyone else had gathered. Their realtor was taking them on a tour of the house, listing off the various characteristics that made this one different from the others.

Now that they were done with their shenanigans, she finally took a minute to take in the house. It wasn't as big as the other two, but she actually liked it better. It felt more homey than the others, and she wondered if her friends felt the same about it.

It was furnished, but that made it easier for her to envision their own furniture in it, with their own creative spin on it.

It was still very lavish.

A large living, dining, and family room on the first floor. The foyer was exceptionally well done, a crystal chandelier hanging in the hall. Upstairs, there was a master suite and three huge bedrooms in addition. A loft made up the extra space on the second floor, and it had windows from floor to ceiling, filling the entire open-space concept home with brilliant light.

The house came with three and a half bathrooms, and a fully finished basement. The patio out in back overlooked the acres of land that came with the house, perfect for a training ground. The trees provided a natural fence and were spread out for miles.

Yona's eyes were shining and Hak braced himself against the door frame as their realtor asked them the big question. Jae-ha was busy admiring the trellis, which, in it of itself, spoke for him since he was disinterested in the other mansions. Calista could tell just by glancing at him that Kija was on board, that man wore his heart on his sleeve.

Zeno was content with all of them, but especially with this one judging by the speed he was bouncing at was nearly inhuman.

Shin-ah's normally shy gaze was filled with wonder and excitement and Calista nodded once in approval to Yoon. The pretty boy's face split into a wide grin, extending his hand out to the kind lady who had shown them around all day.

"We'll take it."

As they filed out of their future home, Calista hummed to herself until her fingers were intertwined with calloused, but gentle ones.

Shin-ah swung their hands back and forth and she beckoned him closer until only he could hear her.

"We agreed the last one tagged is the winner, right?"

He nodded, unsure of where she was going with this.

"Winners get a prize, don't they?" Calista's silver eyes gleamed knowingly and he nodded again, slower this time.

Pressing herself against him when he didn't make any move to push her away, her eyelashes fluttered shyly.

"Well then, since we've been dancing around this for so long, maybe my captor would be kind enough to give me a proper kiss. What do you think?"

Bonus Ending: Since they were out all day, and a considerable distance away from the city, the group opted to drive to the local town and grab dinner. Actually obtaining the food proved to be easier said than done.

"Jae-ha, stop pushing!!"

"Not my fault!!"

"Zeno wants food!!"

"Zeno will have to wait."

Wailing pierced through the air and Hak desperately tried to fix his mistake.

"Bat-Ears, stop laughing and help me!!"

"No way, you're on your own, Marshy."

"Oh, for goodness sake, Zeno, I didn't mean it!!"

The crying ceases immediately.

"Mister didn't?"

"No."

"Yay!!"

Yoon slapped a hand against his forehead. "You all give me a headache."

#akatsukinoyona #akatsukinoyonafanfic #oneshot #modernau #shinahxoc #jaeha #kija #hak #oc #yona #yoon #zeno #fluff #shenanigans

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Imagine Sasha and Max being friends tho.

(i’ll be real this whole thing took multiple hours to type please somebody actually read this or I might die tbh-)

Like I know they had one episode together but think about them a c t u a l l y being friends.

(below are a ton of headcanons for a friendship between them)

- Obviously they have a bit of respect for one another because of their alliance of convenience, but their friendship would probably be forged on laughing at someone else. Whether it's their friends fucking up or Pikeman's general incompetence or whatever else. I can imagine now their camps are competing or something but the stakes don't matter to them, so Sasha and Max just end up shit talking everyone else and watching the show.

- Since their friendship was forged on calling people out they'd kinda just start hanging out specifically to rant and gossip about the shit that goes down around camp. Like Max'll get fed up with how idiotic the campbell campers are and come to vent to Sasha and she'll be here for it, because of course she is or Sasha ends up getting ditched by Tabii and Erin again and just kinda goes to Max to talk about how annoyed she is.

-  Sasha keeps pointing out things like the circled under Max's eyes and other facial discrepancies and eventually he'll just be like "well how do you look perfect all the time?!?" because it's not fair. Sasha gasps super loud and immediately goes full makeover mode. She immediately shoves a ton of makeup onto him and prescribes him a skincare routine and Max isn't sure about it but he's actually kinda self-conscious and Sasha's like "do you wanna end up looking like Pikeman?" so Max follows her instructions to the letter and he looks amazing.

  - After that they kinda just end up doing each other's makeup all the time and stuff like that. Max usually just uses like concealer and stuff because he doesn't want it to look like he's trying, but occasionally Max'll give Sasha permission to put some eyeliner on him or something and he'll never admit it but he l o v e s the way it looks. They start hanging out even more of course because it's not like Max can go to anyone else about the whole skincare/makeup thing and honestly Sasha loves her other friends but it's relieving to hang out with someone more willing to gossip with her (even if she's slightly salty that Max doesn't have enough hair for her to mess with like Erin and Tabii do)

-  Sasha forces Max to watch a ton of shitty highschool movies and Max doesn't really like most of them but he'll put up with it because he (although he'll never admit it) cares about Sasha (and is a little intimidated by her when she's upset). He doesn't like them but occasionally Max can also coerce her into watching a horror movie with him so they're even in his books (even if the poor thing has to watch way more of her movies than he makes her watch)

- They actually end up being r e a l l y protective of each other. Like most of the time, they'll let people fuck with their friends (so long as no real harm is done), yknow? But if anyone says a word about Max and it gets back to Sasha they'll literally end up the laughing stock of Lake Lilac by the end of the day because Sasha's a bitch who can spread a rumor like wildfire. Alternatively, Max'll sick Nikki and Neil on anyone who fucks with Sasha (which won't end up pretty). And that's if they're lucky because that kid could do so much worse if he's got the right motivation. They try to hide the fact that they're acting in defense of one another and justify why they're screwing over whoever it is they're screwing over, but it's honestly just vengeance for their friend.

- All the gossiping makes the two more unstoppable than they were before tbh. Like Max always had other Camp Campbell camper's secrets tucked away for blackmail purposes and Sasha needs to know everything going on in her turf so of course she's got dirt on all the Flower Scouts. And it's not exactly hard to figure out the Woodscout's. So with their swapping info constantly both of them end up knowing everything about everyone and being able to screw them over in a heartbeat. Basically, hanging out together makes those two terrifying.

- They're also more confident as a duo than most other times. Like don't get me wrong, they're both pretty sure of their capabilities, and they trust their individual friend groups to have their back, but they know that the other person is competent in manipulation and incredibly cunning and they value each other's skillsets because they're super similar. When you're confident in yourself, having somebody who's like you around only makes you doubly confident. They feel super badass whenever they team up in something and it's great.

- Most of their arguments are probably petty tbh. Max calls one of Sasha's favorite movies dumb (she bases her life around highschool stereotypes and dumb cliche movies, of course, she gets pissed when he insults them) or Sasha makes one too many comments about Max's physical appearance (the girl is obsessed with looking good and as much as Max is willing to listen to her advice, it gets to him when she comments on his weight or how he needs to sleep more because the circles under his eyes are getting harder to cover up. Like, he has depression, do you not realize that weight changes and bad sleeping habits are a symptom of that?!?). A common source of disagreement is how used to being in charge they each are. Like yeah, they know they don't always have to take the lead, but it's so ingrained into them that they struggle with it. Max watches Sasha's dumb movies all the time and took her advice on skincare and stuff so she occasionally forgets that she's not his boss like she's in charge of her other friend's and of course he's willing to compromise on some things but he doesn't take well to being treated like a lackey and she's too stubborn to admit she's wrong half the time.

- Their fights get bad. Despite normally being over small things and the person who's in the wrong normally realizing they're the one who's wrong, both Max and Sasha are very stubborn people and they will die on this hill no matter how petty the whole thing is honestly. They'll scream and throw things and once or twice they've even wound up physically fighting. Usually, if it comes to an actual physical altercation they'll stop there because actually injuring your friend is super fucked up. Once Max threw a book at Sasha without thinking and it gave her a black eye. Another time Sasha literally slapped him and it left a bruise for like a week. They both felt like shit after. When Sasha gave Max a bruise she literally cried and he forgave her on the condition that she help him cover the bruise with makeup (He said he'd dealt with worse and something about the way he said it made her uneasy. She can't place why). The time that Max hit Sasha with a book he froze up completely and refused to even look at her for like an hour. Partially because he felt guilty and couldn't verbalize his regret but it was honestly more than that. You don't shut down and practically disassociate for an hour because you don't know what to say. There was absolutely something wrong with the way he shut down after the whole thing but she didn't push for answers and he apologized and they just decided to forget it ever happened. They never aim to actually hurt one another, they just don't have many ways to actually get out their frustrations. They never once actually physically hurt the other more than once each. It's just not something either of them wants to go through again, honestly. If their arguments don't end with one of them going too far and the two felt like shit and making up within seconds one of them will eventually storm off and they'll both get super petty. Making sarcastic remarks at one another whenever they see each other, pointedly ignoring the other, the occasional mean prank. Usually, they forget all about it within a week, though, because as stubborn as they are something dumb happens to one of them and they'll need to vent. None of their fights are ever serious, as nasty as they are, so it's easy to get over and never gets mentioned again.

- They had one serious fight that actually put their friendship in danger. Tabii had ended up crying to Sasha because she was devastated over being rejected by Neil. Like, she was super broken up about how he doesn't love her and it's probably because she's ugly even though Erin told her she wasn't. Sasha wasn't happy about it. At all. Like, she normally just rolls her eyes and brushes it off whenever she sees Tabii going after him, but she watched so many stupid cliche high school movies where the girl got the guy if he was good and anyone who rejects the protagonist is an asshole. So Sasha, going by movie logic, was pretty sure that Neil was insulting Tabii by rejecting her and was a terrible person. She also failed to realize that Tabii's whole attitude towards pursuing Neil was kinda creepy and stalkerish to begin with and she already had a low opinion of him since he's a nerd who called her a cunt and hangs out with Nikki, who she also hates. She did not like seeing one of her best friends in the world (who's basically like a sister to her tbh) cry. So Sasha, with a burning rage towards Neil, wound up spilling the whole thing to Max. And he wasn't happy with her for insulting his friend either. Max basically cussed Sasha out because Tabii's behavior was creepy and it was making Neil super uncomfortable, which he was not cool with. He told her she was a moron if she saw nothing wrong with how Tabii acted but thought that Neil was out of line for rejecting her. Sasha didn't take well to being called a moron or to her friend being accused of being creepy, and she said something along the lines of "It's not my fault you hang out with a retarded nerd and a girl who can't even be a girl properly". Max basically called her an ignorant bitch and told her to go fuck herself, then he left. Normally their arguments are long and wordy and even violent but this time he just cut it short and stormed out. Sasha still thought she was right, of course, because that boy who Max was friends with had made Tabii cry and he was a moron for not liking her! And yeah maybe the insults to Nikki weren't exactly called for but every word was true, right?  She just kinda expected Max to get over it eventually but a few weeks passed and he never really did. The fact that Max had called her ignorant kinda stuck out to her more than anything. That's the same thing Neil had called her, isn't it? Why would they both use the same insult? It's not like that was a go-to thing to call somebody. The whole thing drove her crazy and eventually when she confronted him about it she got a long lecture about how romantic relationships work, the fact that bullying a girl over dressing or acting slightly differently from her is a shitty thing to do, and that calling Neil 'retarded' is offensive because he's actually mentally ill and even if he weren't, the word's still terrible. She didn't quite understand all of it but she got enough to feel guilty and she apologized. Sasha still doesn't really like Nikki and Neil much and it's not like she's stopped shit-talking them, but she's eased up a bit because she doesn't want Max that angry at her again, and in a way she can see how she maybe...was a tiny bit wrong.

- They don't normally get super sad or deep on each other. Neither really likes to be emotional or open up so they wouldn't exactly initiate any sort of depressing dialogue. However, they are both observant people so they notice things anyway. Max notices how Sasha talks a little too much about her weight and thinks anything over one hundred pounds is horrifically obese to the point where she diets incessantly. He notices that she cares too much about looking young and pretty too. Damned highschool movies. Sasha, on the other hand, notices that Max doesn't trust adults at all and that he flinches when she gets too loud (even if he tries to cover it up) and that he either doesn't sleep at all or sleeps way too often...amoung other things of course. They don't talk about these things out loud but they've both deduced that the other isn't healthy.

- Max practically forces Sasha to eat every time they see each other and refuses to watch a single movie with her that even mentions dieting in a positive light because she is ten years old and shouldn't be counting calories and refusing absolutely all fat. He'll insist on doing her makeup and will make sure to do it lighter and lighter every time because as much as he himself appreciates makeup and uses it to cover parts of his skin he doesn't like, she needs to be more confident and he can't in good conscience let her go on the way she's been going on. Sasha, on the other hand, if she ever notices he's having a bad day and isn't functioning well, will let him hide out with her all day even if she has other things to do and he should be at camp. Occasionally she'll even let Nikki or Neil in her room if she or they feel Max really needs their support (he can't just stay at his own camp, he'd never be allowed out of activities all day). She doesn't exactly understand why he's sad and tired and angry and has a hard time with sleep but she won't ask. Sasha has some theories on why he doesn't trust any adult and flinches when she yells but she doesn't like thinking on that one too long (his comment when she slapped him 'i've had worse' comes to mind). They're not always great at it and they don't always understand but they try to help each other even if they have an unspoken rule not to ask questions.

- While they normally spend their hang-out time watching movies or doing each other's makeup/hair/nails or talking crap about other's behind their backs, they've occasionally had adventures of their own. They typically leave Lake Lilac for these, honestly. Sasha couldn't care less about anything going on at Camp Campbell and Max isn't about to get involved in Flower Scout politics so if they're ever inclined to go on an adventure it's in town or even the big city. And usually involves crime one way or another tbh. Once they accidentally managed to get Max elected mayor of the whole town and Sasha as treasurer. Money was embezzled, fires were set, and they're now banned from muffin tops for life. That's the kind of adventure those two have whenever they're compelled to do anything at all. Go big or go home, basically.

- They're actually super honest with each other. The general light-hearted nature of their friendship and the fact that they gossip and chatter about pretty much everything that pops into their heads means they don't exactly stress about getting judged or anything like that as long as they aren't confessing to horrific sins or anything.

- They love to fuck with Pikeman. Like they normally just sit around at the Flower Scout's camp or out in town or the city or something like that but occasionally they'll screw him over because they both can agree he's an incompetent asshole who deserves it.

- Sasha flipped her shit when she realized that Max knows how to bake, cook, sew, and knit (he definitely can knit and sew we’ve seen him do it in the show and I headcanon he’d have to learn to cook and stuff cause his parents don’t feel like doing it for him) She nearly died and made him sew/knit her a bunch of stuff for her and decided they had to bake together and she was just super happy about it. Once upon a time, she would've judged him for it because of gender roles and stuff and she wasn't used to guys doing any of those things, but after the whole incident where he called her an ignorant bitch she wasn't gonna push it and besides, she was happy to have her gossip and makeup buddy also be able to do those other things with her. Like she can do those things with Tabii and Erin too but Max kinda gets her and she needs a break from the two sometimes.

- Most people don't actually know they're friends. Nikki and Neil are vaguely aware they hang out but they don't see much besides the occasional banter when the Flower Scouts and Camp Campbell interact as a group. Max doesn't talk about Sasha much around them since he knows they don't exactly like her. Sasha doesn't dare mention their friendship around Tabii and Erin because they'd freak out completely and probably assume they're dating since those two don't realize guys and girls can actually have platonic friendships. She doesn't want that drama. Their friendship is kinda a secret, which is surprising since they may not talk about it but they visit each other and chat enough when they cross paths that you'd think people would realize. But they're kinda glad. Lake Lilac is a chaotic place and when they're hanging out it's one of the only times they even have the option of just relaxing.

(imma be real I literally came up with the idea of those two being really close friends because I watched the episode where Nikki hung out with Dolph and Nerris and I thought 'Max have other friend too? :0')

Literally, ANY input is welcome. I spent multiple hours on this so if you have anything to say you know I'm down for a conversation about it

#camp camp #cc sasha #cc max #sasha and max

[postpunkpontypandyphantomthief]

Negative memories

 “ As someone with Aspergers (now known as ASD) who has other issues with mental health, it’s hell. (note: I am not diagnosed with any other mental condition other than Aspergers but I have experienced the following) (Depressive thoughts, Anxiety (the emotion not the mental illness), panic attacks, strange mood swings, talking to myself, delusions, overthinking, various flashbacks of past negative events, feeling dazed and getting choking type feelings sometimes) 

(I haven’t seen a therapist before outside of unhelpful school counselors) .

if I’m having a panic attack I can’t tell the difference between if it’s a panic, anxiety or a “Meltdown”/”wobble”.

It’s just ever since I found out in my secondary school years about my ASD  I’ve never looked at myself the same way again.

when I was little I tried to interact with neurotypical children and I tried to follow the crowd with each popular trend mainly early 2000s celebrity trends.

I did see the school counselor a few times for “bullying” incidents but they weren’t helpful and I was a brat who couldn’t take criticism ’so while some of the bullying was real some of what young me would’ve called bullying wasn’t bullying at all.

as Year  11/12 approached I became more pessimistic, quiet and cynical than the chipper annoyance I used to be  I used to “entertain” for people I’d sing Disney songs in the playground and eventually anime songs when I got in my weeaboo phase. however when your audience is a bunch of years 8′s/year 9′s etc. they get demanding I felt like a real-life school celebrity or kids show presenter I liked entertaining them but soon they’d follow me almost EVERYWHERE.

like I’d be at the crowded canteen waiting to get food and there some boy would be with his mate asking for a song or “to be my friend” (which was fake because they would say be my friend as a joke) I would decline the offer and then months upon months would follow of me being chased around the playground by kids younger than me yet one of my first career goals was to be like the celebrities I saw on tv.

I had nobody to go to the school itself was already riddled with bullying incidents, two tragedies, homophobia, and other issues.

because of this and the recently learned diagnosis of Aspergers that I’ve had since I was a toddler I was unhealthy, I had asthma sometimes, certain classes and classmates, I dreaded going to,I’d skip lunch on a regular basis to avoid crowds, food and times where those kids would sit at the table I’d plan to sit at just to annoy me.

Anime and the Internet was my escapism but then I became an annoying weeaboo who was also a bit classist after messing on online quiz’s and finding the term “chav” I’d use to insult anyone online or offline whom I hated. (eventually stopped that though thankfully)

The Internet was my haven but it was also a prison. I’d talk to anyone regardless of if they were a fascist troll meme poster or not and that resulted in toxic friend circles, I got into polyamory dating anime roleplayers on Google+ that also ended badly with me at times not being able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I didn’t have access to “real life” boyfriends so my “online reverse harem” was my only source of romance.

I also was still discovering my sexuality and religion choices at that time. I still remember having rumors spread about me almost every day, religion was something that often changed for me despite being Christian I was an atheist for a short while before I discovered Satanism/Luciferianism which in my opinion was cool but when I told one of my friends at the time about it the popular girls had overheard and soon for months I could not go to class or the playground without people saying “Kelsey do you believe in satan/do you worship the devil, do you like Lucifer” another similar recurring incident involved the two anime terms “Hentai” and “Yaoi” I only knew the name of the first term I didn’t watch any of it but yaoi, on the other hand, I read a lot of  but these are secondary school students who barely know what anime is and when they hear it in an IT room this gets embarrassing “did you hear Kelsey likes Japanese gay porn” Ugh.

and when stupid me decided to tell some people about how I was “pansexual” (the identity I had called myself then) they fetishized it they asked stupid questions out of nowhere like “do you think we’re hot, sexy,etc.” or “do you think (insert male classmate) is hot”  and it was horrible

my friendship circle at the time often changed sometimes I’d have a couple of friends other times I was completely alone and sometimes a few of those ex-friends would have drama which I, unfortunately, got involved in.

and because of all of this, I’d often lash out or make small problems or disagreements I had with my parents worse than they really were and I’d, unfortunately, post those vents on my old Google+ which I  regret.

I had dark thoughts not just thoughts about death but the thoughts JD from Heathers would have due to life and due to a mix of loneliness and feeling manipulated by a very toxic ex-friend of mine who almost destroyed me emotionally (basically, almost columbine type thoughts but I never acted on them).

Eventually, I moved on,I did a Performing Arts course and I thought that would be a sign of life getting better. half of it was good the other not so much.

I was still struggling to recover from what the former ex-friend had done to me, sure there were more positive memories there than there was in secondary school but I had a habit of being a bit of a “Debby Downer” I’d bring up the past too much, sometimes I’d assume too many things were about me even if they weren’t and because of me being someone who would blindly follow I got manipulated again I had become toxic, politically I was an annoying centrist 

it didn’t help that one of my hobbies “dancing” was made to be a less fun activity by a discouraging dance instructor who would put me down..a lot.

luckily at the start of this year, I started realizing what was wrong, the person who manipulated me stopped appearing in class so that gave me more time to think about how I act towards others and how I shouldn’t blindly follow, I constructed some vents into poetry and tried to work on “recovery”.

Mentally things were improving a bit, I eventually managed to work on a production of West Side Story which will remain in my positive memories for years,I got more active on social media that wasn’t Google+ like Tumblr and Twitter which allowed me to get to know some new mutuals I had met, I still sometimes visit Google+ but only for the memes, aesthetics, and mutuals who I can only contact there.

Now I’m doing a new course (Creative Media) with some new people and reuniting with some old faces from before. and my health is quite better compared to then but I still get those times where I’m depressive when I get panic attacks when I get delusions or get negative flashbacks etc.

I wasted years of my life because of that...because of Aspergers because of how I used to act like, because of how I blindly followed people, who were clearly bad influences, because of the bullying because of my bad choices everything.

I wasted so much energy but now..I’m 17 I’ll be an adult next year and Asperger's wise I’m miles more independent than before, politically anarchist and I want to let every one of you know.

it’s ok 

mental health is still a widely misunderstood topic most people deal with 

you are not alone

we are here for you 

#mental health #aspergers #aspergers syndrome #asd #vent #personal #mental health awareness #childhood #secondary school years #flashbacks

[dxlanwrites]

"Always Be Us Three" (D.T)

A/N: This has been hidden in my drafts forever. Lengthy and prob some errors since I haven't read through this in awhile. Best friend vibes to the max. Enjoy.

WARNING: none just some fluff and nonsense

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Let’s just get right into my background alittle bit shall we. I was born and raised in New Jersey with a pretty much normal childhood. I was the only child so it got relatively boring fast until I met my new neighbors, two crazy boys that changed my life forever. 

You see, I used to have this little playground swingset type thing in my backyard that I didnt use much unless someone came over. Because swinging by yourself is kinda sad and boring. So here I was, my 4 year old self minding my own business drawing at our dining room table when I saw two small figures run across my backyard and go to my playground. Pushing myself off the chair and over to our glass door, sliding it open and I walked out onto our back porch. 

Two boys I have never seen before, sat on the swings and started swinging like it was their playground. The smaller one of the two, pulled out a thick string like thing out of his pocket and began to climb up the side of the playground followed my the other boy. Walking off the porch and onto the grass, I see them curiously. They both got to the top of the little roof and one held onto the stringy thing while the other one held onto the other end. Just as the smaller one was about to jump off, I yelled at them.

“What are you doing on my pkayground?” I said placing my hands on my hips. They both looked at eachother then back at me. 

“Nothing.” They said insynce. 

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” I sassed back. The bigger one that was higher up looked at the other one then turned to me and smiled. 

“We’re bungy jumping. Wanna join?” He asked while motioning towards the bungy cord in his hand. Looking between both of them I figured why not. Nodding my head and walking over, they offered both of their hands and pulled me up.

“Im Grayson. This is my twin brother Ethan. We didnt think anyone was home so we came over here to jump.” The larger brother said as they got into position. In a split second Ethan jumped off holding onto the other end of the bungy cord only to let it go and fall onto the ground. When he released it, it came shooting back up and hit Grayson right in the face. The little hook that was attached to it, ended up getting stuck and cutting his lip. Blood started to gush out of his lip as I stood there not knowing what to do. He started to cry but stopped as soon as he saw me looking at him. Ethan started freaking out from underneath us and told Grayson they need to go home so he can take it out. Grayson climbed down leaving a trail of blood following him and soon they ran off to the house next to mine. 

Running back into my house to find my mom and tell her what happened, she freaked out with all the blood that was on my shirt and pants. I told her about the boys and she immediately picked up the phone to call their mom. We found out that they were rushing towards the hospital after their mom found Grayson laying on their kitchen table bleeding out while Ethan tried to ‘operate’ on him.

A couple hours later my mom got a phone call from their dad letting her know how they made out. Interrupting her conversation, I asked if I could go over to see them. After talking to their father for a bit she said I could, soon later we made our way over with a bag of cookies.

The boys ended up getting in trouble and sent up to their rooms. Plus they weren’t allowed to watch TV for a week and were never allowed to play with bungy cords ever again. 

As I made my way towards Ethan’s room where they currently were, I walked in and sat next to them on the bed as if I lived there. Grayson’s lip was swollen and bandaged up. 

“That was a bad idea.” I said as I looked at his bandaged up face. Ethans nodded while Grayson stayed quiet. I gave them the bag of cookies I brought, Ethan ate them all since Grayson was told he had to let his lip heal alittle. They were both pretty quiet as we sat there, only nodding or saying yes or no to my questions. I was kinda getting annoyed with being the only one talking until one of them finally talked. 

“Why’d you come over?” Grayson asked.

“To check on you.” I said in a duh tone.

“Why?” Ethan asked looking at me.

“Because he got hurt. I wanted to make sure he was okay.” I replied. 

“No one has ever come over to check on me.” Grayson said.

“Or play with us.” Ethan added looking hurt. Staring at them confused I asked why.

“Mommy’s from school think were too crazy and don’t want their kids to play with us.” Ethan said 

“Or invite us to parties.” Grayson added. They looked so sad and I didn’t like that. So right then and there I made a promise to myself to always be their friend and be there for them so they would never feel like outsiders or alone again.

“Wanna be friends?” I bluntly asked. They both looked at me then at eachother before nodding and smiled at me.

“Good. Now we’re best friends.” I said just as I jumped on them pulling both of them into a hug. 

From then on we were inseparable. I went to a different preschool at the time so we only hung out afterwards, but as we got older we began to go to the same school in the same classes, which was a real struggle for our teachers. 

Growing up with them was like I had two brothers, instead of being the only child. I was always sleeping over or they were sleeping over my house. I also grew close to their older sister Cameron and saw her as my big sister. She’d help us film these ridiculous videos called Bob and Rob with Brob. 

Middle school came around and things kinda changed for us but not too much. Puberty was a thing so we struggled with that in our own ways. I ended up making new friends and joining a softball team while the boys got into 🤼 and football. We barely saw eachother in school except for lunch where we made a point to have together and sit together. Between our sports practices and school work we were pretty busy kids. I tried to go to every match and game they had and they would be at every game I had aswell. 

Our last year of middle school really changed the dynamic of our friendship when Grayson and Ethan became interested in girls and our parents didn’t really enjoy the idea of the three of us sleeping in the same bed together at sleepovers. 

Basically forgetting about me to chase after girls, I tried not to let it get to me by making myself busy with new hobbies and hanging out with friends. 

They only seemed to really notice me again when one of their teammates on their football team started asking about me since he knew I was their neighbor. They got protective in a sense and told him to back off and for me to stay away from him. But one thing led to another and he asked me out, much to the boys disagreement. 

We ended up dating for the rest of the year and into the summer. Since he was friends with the boys I saw them more often and was invited to the places they were invited to or I was already at someone’s house when either of them showed up. 

Freshman year started up and everything was going good until word got out about the boys having a vine account and that their videos were becoming somewhat popular. By this time we were pretty good friends again but not as close as we once were. I soon became aware of what people were sayin and the rumors they spreaded and hated how people treated them. I remembered the promise I made to myself to never allow them to feel different and to always be there friend so I did just that.

I made a point to start going to their games and matches again, to always say hi to them in the hall and talk to them on the way to class, go to their house to hangout even if it was to just sit in their garage doing homework while they worked out or practiced. I even helped them come up with some vine ideas and helped film them. 

When Grayson got a girlfriend, it put a small bump in our relationship because she didn’t like how much time I spent with them, more specifically Gray and then soon after my boyfriend was starting to say the same thing since I spent more time with them then him. 

We ended up fighting one night about that and he told me he was only going to keep dating me if I stopped being there friend. So I made it easier for him and broke up with him first. That resulted in me leaving my house at 1 a.m. and sneaking over to their house and cried in Grayson’s bed while they tried to cheer me up. 

Things finally began to settle and everything seemed to be perfect until I found out that the teasing and people messing with them was getting out of hand. I didnt know how bad it had gotten and how much it affected them until they stopped showing up to school. 

The talk we had when they finally told me what was really happening and that everyone decided it was a good idea for them to leave our school was filled with tears, hugs and soothing words. 

Things for them social media wise was really picking up and I was so proud of them because they were happy. But things at school were becoming difficult for me as the boys became more popular. Everyone knew I was really close to them and the taunting they used to do to the boys was aimed at me now. 

But I soon put everything to a stop when my ex, one of their so called friends, said some a real dick comment one day when I was walking to class about how I was probably fucking them both to get attention and that they were worthless and stupid. 

You see, you can come at me all you want but once you bring someone I care about into it is where I draw the line. 

I stopped walking and turned around to look him leaning against the lockers surrounded by his friends smirking. I walked straight up to him and put a fake smile. 

“What was that? I don’t think I hear you correctly.” I said innocently. His smirk fell alittle when he saw me infront of him but so stopped when he saw his friends looking at him to 👀 what he was going to say next.

“You heard me. We all know you just couldn’t keep your legs closed once those stupid piece’s of shit became famous. Attention whore much.” He said a little too loud while looking down at me. His friends started laughing and a few people stopped walking to see what was going on. 

My blood was boiling and my heart ached a little at his harsh words but I pushed it aside. Being a pitcher for my softball has its perks, like how I have a really strong arm so why not put it to some good use. 

Pulling my arm back and throwing my fist forward, I punched him square in the face. Blood poured out of his nose as he clutched it. Pushing him back into the lockers harshly then grabbing his chin rougly so he had to look at me. 

“If I was alittle bigger a bloody nose would be the least of your problems. If I ever hear their names come out of your big mouth again you’ll regret it. You aren’t even half the man they are and you will never be. The only worthless piece of shit here is you” I spat out at him. I was pulled away from a teacher and was escorted to the principles office as he went to the nurse. News traveled around fast that I punched him and rumors were being spread but the reason why I punched him got around faster then the rumors could. 

I ended up getting suspended for 4 months and was told to apologize which I said no to. I was grounded for a couple weeks but my parents werent too harsh on me when they found out the reason why I punched him in the first place. My dad was actually proud of me but I still got punished. When Grayson and Ethan found out what happened they felt guilty that I went through what I did because of them but started laughing hysterical knowing he got what he deserved. 

My first real heartbreak was in my sophomore year of highschool when Ethan and Grayson told me they were moving to California to help further their careers. I understood why but I was so unbelievably upset at the news that I yelled at them for leaving me and wouldn’t talk to them for a few days. They tried calling and coming over but my mom would tell them I still didnt want talk to them and when they would ignore my mom and run up to my room, I made sure to lock my door and wait for them to leave. A little dramatic I know but that’s how I felt was the best way to deal with it.

It wasn’t until 3 days before they were going to leave when I needed to sde them. I snuck over at night and found them both in Ethans bed sleeping, I crawled inbetween them and suggled up. I knew that they both woke up because Ethan hugged me closer to him and so did Grayson, plus Grays snoring stopped. No one said anything as we layed there just enjoying one of the last few moments left together. 

The day they left I cried my eyes out and refused to leave their side. I went to the airport with them and cried as I hugged them goodbye. Watching them walk away I felt like a piece of me left with them. 

The next weeks were hard but I soon got back into my routine trying to ignore the fact that they weren’t right nextdoor. We texted everyday in our groupchat, snapchatted almost every second, FaceTimed at night or when either of us were bored or even when I was in the shower and just wanted someone to talk to. 

Weeks soon turned into months and then it was summer. As soon as school was over, I was on the first flight to L.A. I spent a whole month with them and it was the best month of my life. LA was nothing like Jersey and the new sceniory was nice. They showed my their favorite places, we did the tourist thing mostly for me, and filmed videos for their YouTube channel in which I guest starred in one. Life was good.

Going home was bittersweet but I knew they would be back for the holidays. Time passed by and the boys became very popular on Youtube and we’re working with different company’s and businesses and meeting alot more social media based stars and making friends but they always seemed to make time for me as I did them. Winter came and went as did the boys, a familar pain pinned my heart as they left but I knew they would be back. I finished out my sophomore year and was excited for Junior year to come. Summer was fun as always, they came home this time and it was just like old times. As life went on and we both lived our separate lives everything went smoothly. News came out that they were going on a world tour and I was extremely excited. Their first show was at home in Jersey, which I went to of course. Backstage they were so fucking excited and happy and that made me me so incredibly proud and happy for them. I watched them travel around the world from snapchats and instagram pictures with the occasional FaceTimes inbetween sight seeing and shows. 6 months later they were back home and full of stories I couldn’t wait to hear. 

They stuck around for awhile, which kept me in the loop of there life along with the business side. I have always been kind of a organization freak so whenever they had meetings and important phone calls I was always in the room taking notes, reminding them of their schedule or basically scheduling everything for them, taking calls and proposing different ideas. 

There manager made a sly comment one day as to how I acted more like an assistant then their friend which made him think of hiring an assistant and my big mouth said something along the lines as 'why would they need someone else when they have me, I know them better than anyone and would put them first. Hell I could even be their manager’. The boys thought it was funny and that I made a good point since I literally already handled their business and social media side of life with ease plus they trusted me with everything. A few weeks later they basically made me their personal assistant. Pro of that was that I was around them alot more, con I did it for free. I was good at what I did and it was fairly easy for me. Yes there was stressful times and sometimes things didnt fall through but overall I think I do a pretty good. After working extremely hard in both school and helping out the boys I was able to graduate a semester early. 

After begging my parents for months and having the boys beg them, we finally convinced my parents to let me move out to LA. They talked to Lisa and Sean for hours and soon figured everything out. A month later I was all packed up and on my way to California. The plan was to stay with the boys for awhile until I was settled, found an apartment for myself and a part time job. 

Life was good and so much easier then I expected. Now that I was physically with them, my job was alot easier instead of having hours of phone calls with companies and skype calls with other potential collabs and FaceTimes with them figuring out where we were standing on things. I ended up helping them sign with H&M along with Awesomeness TV. Went to the Teen Choice Awards with them and watched them win with a huge smile on my face. Came up with the idea for the Warehouse and helped organize everything with Cameron. Got in contact with Odell Beckham and Laurie Hernandez’s people and got the boys to filmed videos with them for their YouTube channel. I gave them my honest opinion when it came to certain opportunities and looked out for their best interest at all times. 

Yah know, the game plan was originally for me to find my own apartment and get a real job but I never did any of that. Sorry mom and dad.

When we got kicked out of our first apartment, we ended up moving into our new one. The boys made sure it was bigger so I would have some space for myself, even though I still shared a bed with one of them every night. As for a job their team decide to make me permanent seeing as thought I wasnt leaving anytime soon and started paying me off the books for everything I did. After awhile we all feel into a routine that felt way too robotic and over done. I was starting to miss home alittle, regretted not going to college as I saw all my friends go off, not to mention my emotions were all over the place. 

My anxiety was more prominent in my life now and stress was getting to me. Things became difficult for the boys as they signed a contract with TRL and struggled with ideas for their YouTube channel. Excess drama that didn’t need to happen, happened. I had to become invisible when I went out in public with them because of the fans and how fast things escalate. Always having to be careful when they snapchatted or filmed so no one knew I was there. I had stress on stress but I never let the boys 👀 it. Sleepless nights became a regular thing and I was becoming sloppy when it came to my job as their assistant. We all came to a realization one day that none of us were in a good place mentally and before things get worse we decided to take a break from everything. The holidays were coming up, so as soon as Halloween was over we were on the first flight home. Being in Jersey was always the best feeling, but being home was better. We were happy again. Even though we still had responsibilities, I did my best to seperate them from our personal life like I should of in the first place. The boys started making videos they felt proud of, we spent more time with our familes and just enjoyed being home.

Currently sitting on the roof of their new house which was about 15 minutes from mine, I watched the sun go down behind the trees. A couple grunts were heard from below the curve of the roof just as 2 heads popped up. They crawled there way over to me and sat down. Grayson on my right and Ethan on my left, just like always. Resting my head on Grays shoulder and holding Ethans arm that was drapped over my lap, I sighed in content. 

“Moments like these were my absolute favorite.” I said breaking the silence.

“Yeah.” They said at the same time, making all three of us laugh. 

“I think now E.” Grayson said looking over at his twin. Sitting up and staring at them, I narrowed my eyes waiting for them to do something like push me off the roof but they didnt. Ethan unzipped his jacket and pulled out pulled out a medium sized box that was terribly wrapped. Giving it to me without saying anything, they patiently waited for me to open it. Ripping off the paper a small cardboard like box was underneath. Looking at them curiously I opened the box and couldn’t help but smile and let out a small laugh. 

It was a picture of us from when we had to be like 6. I was at their house when I came up with the idea to have a tea party. Being the best friends they were, they played along with me but changed somethings up along the way and pretended we were drinking a non poisonous beverage and that we were undercover spies keeping an eye on the bad guy at our table because wearing a dress was a big no. They both had my feathery boas wrapped around there necks from when it was actually a tea party while I changed into an old t-shirt of Ethans and Grays wripped jeans with my hair tossled everywhere pretending to be someone else. Their mom had came to check in on us because we were too quiet which was never a good sign and saw how we looked and went to get the camera. She took like a million pictures but this one was my favorite because we were all off guard laughing at something. 

“How’d you find this.” I asked not removing my eyes off the picture.

“We found it when we moved.” Ethan said. I smiled up at him and hugged him then turned to Gray and did the same. 

“I love it. Thank you.” I said. 

“No y/n, thank you. From the first time we met you, you have always looked out for us and had our backs no matter what. I can honestly say that I have no idea  where we would be without you.” Ethan said. I felt tears forming in my eyes. 

“You’ve been our rock for so long that sometimes we forget you go through things yourself and you do so much for us. We don’t know how to thank you for everything but I hope this somewhat helps.” Grayson added in. Grayson reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box.

“Proposing already Dolan. Did you even ask my father?” I joked. He laughed and shook his head while giving me the box. Opening it I gasped. 

“We know how much you loved that bracelet since you saw it from all your 'sudle’ hints. So for appreciation we decided to get it for you. Turn it over it we had something engraved in.” Ethan said. Turning over the silver band, tears started flowing down.

Famiglia per Sempre, G Y/I(your initial) E 

Wrapping my arms around their necks I pulled them into a hug, which they quickly returned. A few moments passed by and I still didnt let go, even when Ethan tried to pull away I only tightened my grip more and pulled him closer which earned me a laugh from him. Reluctantly letting them go, I eagerly put on the bracelet. 

“I love it so much. Thank you.” I said looking up at the 2 of them. We relaxed and settled back into our spots watching the sun finally set. Deciding to head down towards the fire pit to start a fire, I laughed to myself thinking about something they said.

“Yeah, you really do need me in your life.” I blurted out as we made our way down off the roof. Ethan caught me as I jumped down and Grayson wrapped his arm around my shoulder. 

“Always have.” Grayson said.

“Probably always will.” Ethan said as we made our way to the fire pit.

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #dolan twins #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan smut #ethan grant dolan #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan blurb #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fluff #dolan twin imagines #dolan twins smut #imagine dolan twins #imagine grayson dolan #imagines ethan dolan #grayson and ethan #best friends #love #dxlan writes

[litarockward]

FAKE

I hate confrontation. My face, red hot and my voice shaky. I can feel my body tense, my hands tremble, and my blood boil; all the while trying to collect my thoughts and not spew venom. Facts, logic, understanding and reason; I’d like to believe I’ve done my best to always maintain positive results in any disagreement I’ve had with someone. Find a common ground, sympathize with their emotions and try to see their side of things. No one argument is always 100% right or wrong, as a is no one persons opinion on the matter.

It’s so easy to get caught up in that juvenile world of whispers and fake smiles. To carry on with the day to day as if you hadn’t just shot daggers at their name before they stood before you; believing all is well and relationships solid. As I grow older I have come to realize how naive I have been to believe the sincerity of the people around me. Some call me jaded, but I prefer enlightened.

I know what they say about me; the scoffs, the eye rolling, their shaking heads. Conversations that fall silent when I arrive, the air thick with tension. I never asked, I was afraid of what would be said. It use to bother me; nights I lie awake wondering how I had become the enemy to so many. What can I do to turn this around? I want to be apart of it all, to laugh and carry on like one of the members of the team. So I’d over-compensate by working harder, being bubblier, striking up friendly banter and listening to their woes. Do extra work, come in early and stay late. Smile. All the while this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me, “you’re making it worse. Just stop trying so hard”. That tension still looms in the air, the whispers haven’t stopped.

Bitch. Over achiever. Mean. Unhappy. Bad attitude. Fake.

And its all true, I have been all these things.

I am far from perfect and I am fully aware of my shortcomings. I am hot headed, quick to judge and incredibly impatient. I have no tolerance for laziness, lack of punctuality, or disrespect. In anger, my words are poison and my darting glances are enough to pierce the heart. I can be cruel, unforgiving, and hurtful. I seek perfection and efficiency but am constantly disappointed in a lack of fulfillment. I’m foul mouthed, tend to dish on the gossip and drama and yes, even I show a lack of concern for anyone but myself as of late.

In the past I was often the one spreading rumors and lies. I enjoyed the stories and relished the opportunity to talk about someone else and their failures. But never to their faces, oh no, and I would certainly never admit to it if ever confronted. I don’t know when or how it happened, all I know is i suddenly had become someone I never thought I could be. To be the very thing I hated, to betray those close to me that called me friend, for the sake of gossip. To fit in. To be one of hose “cool kids”.

But one day I woke up. I took a step back and realized the impact of my negative behavior. I finally saw the things I had said and done and the people I hurt along the way.

I decided I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

So i kept my mouth shut. I put my head down and did the work. I made a few friends but mostly stayed alone whenever possible. When I had something to say, I said it right then and there to the individual. The boss wont be my middle man, any longer. And this time when I speak, it wont be to purposely cause hurt, but to bring the issue to light at the right moments. It’s hard work and I’m still doing my best to be better at it than the previous day. And I know Ive made enemies along the way. But the one thing I can say without hesitation is that I am real; not a bullshitter and not a backstabber. Its taken years, it was not an overnight achievement.

Through it all I always have and always will hate confrontation. It’s why I was never direct, why i turned to gossip, and why I tried so hard to be everyone’s friend.

But do you know what I detest more than confrontation? An imposter

Or worse yet, an entitled one.

Im faced with the same predicament I had put so many others in over the years. I try to relate and understand where its coming from, but for my own personal betterment I refuse to stand for the gossip, lies, and manipulation. So I confront them.

Them, who are so quick to remind others they aren’t to be trifled with. So often spewing their headstrong and hardworking ethics with anyone who will listen.

But I know the real truth, because I myself have lived it. It’s so much easier to wait for their backs to be turned, to whisper and text and have secret meetings in all corners of the building. All the while smiling in their face, attending social gatherings together and cracking little jokes.

So in the eyes of them all, Ive yet again become the enemy. The bitch. The mean one. The unhappy over achiever with a bad attitude.

And though it may be true, it doesn’t keep me up at night anymore. And although I know I’m hated, with it comes respect and sub conscience adoration. And that, is far better than being unauthentic.

[destroyedbybands]

I’ve kinda just been reflecting on my life a little today and realized that I went from this scared, shy, girl who was constantly harassed in school and only had 1-2 actual friends to this girl who, just yesterday, got to marry the person she’s been dating for 8 years and is expecting a baby. 

I spent so much of my younger years feeling alone and just wanting to blend in enough that people would leave me alone (I was quite harassed/bullied). I lost my first best friend at only 6 years when she died in a car accident. At 8 years old my dad left us and I spent most of my time trying to help my mom take care of my younger brother because the state government said she made too much to get any assistance even though she was only working 2 minimum wage jobs (which at the time was under $5 an hour). By 11-12 I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression which they believe part of it was due to how terribly my dad treated me as a kid. I spent most of my time alone either playing on a computer, listening to music, or writing. I was deemed the “weird” kid at school because I kept to myself and didn’t really talk much to anyone.

When I got into high school things started to get worse. I got harassed for coming out as bisexual at the time (I now identify as pansexual) so people were constantly spreading rumors about me on that front. High school was also the time where a pretty popular person threatened to stab me. I called the cops and by the next day everyone knew about it and of course nobody believed me. They all thought I was lying to get attention so I went through high school with about 2 friends and even then they struggle to be my friend sometimes because I was found out to be bipolar. 

I always assumed that was my life. The depressed, anxious, bipolar girl who nobody wanted anything to do with because she just wasn’t like-able. In my mind I convinced myself that I’d always be alone and just accepted that. Despite my flaws, I was lucky enough to eventually find someone that accepted me as I am and never tried to use any of it against me. We dated for just under 9 years and finally got married yesterday. We’ve had our low points such as all the times we thought I was pregnant and found out I wasn’t and it really got to me. We also have our disagreements from time to time as well, but we’ve never flat out yelled at each other. It took me several years, but I’m finally in a place where I feel pretty happy. The anxiety, depression, and bipolar will probably always be there, but I’ve learnt how to manage it for the most part and on days where it seems like I can’t, Brock is there to support and lift me up.

I just wanna say for those that are scared they’ll never find anyone or they’ll always be alone, I finally got married at freaking 27. Brock is 32. Just because you’re single or not married at 20-25 doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I have an aunt who didn’t really find her love until she was in her early 40′s. Lastly, be good to the true friends of yours that stick with you no matter how low you seem to fall. After all these years, even though I was down right terrible to some of them at times, the only 2 friends I had through school are the exact same 2 friends that are still so close to me today and idk where I’d be without them.

[takeenata]

The Scrapheap

October, 2001. Wife and I have been married for about a year, kids are just a year old. Pirella and I are moving state to state for work, and the current state we’re in is the “Show Me” state. The old fashioned state of Missouri, living near the Kansas City area. I was looking to work as some kind of construction worker, maybe help build homes and buildings for people. But, sadly, I found myself working nine-to-five as a garbageman. Not really all too bad, just an awful smell that lingers onto my clothes and skin, that I usually spend an hour trying to scrub off me. I was thankful to have the helping hands of my wife to get the stink off me.

I was told that I need to wear this bright yellow vest and a type of hat with a bill on it. So everyday I go to work wearing a light gray shirt, some worn jeans, black boots, thick work gloves, and a black baseball cap.

I worked with two other gentlemen on a daily basis. They were named Frank, and Louie. Frank was a irish-man with a set of red-haired mutton chops, who wasn’t all into drinking despite the stereotypes. Louie was canadian, bald, with a bit of a gut to him. My relationship with these two men was nothing past co-workers, but the two were friends way before I joined their daily routine of collecting people’s filth; they had been working together for about ten-years.

While we’re on a lunch break, the three of us eating some sub-sandwich in the front seats of our trash-filed truck, Louie says something that caught the attention of Frank and I. “Have you two heard ‘bout that monster in the junkyard?”

“Our junkyard?” Frank asked.

“Nah, not ours. The other guys, the one that drives around, taking the blue bins.” We collect the black colored trash bins, and drive around in a green trash truck. “There’s some kinda monster that put the other guys outta business.”

“How do you put an entire junkyard outta business?”

“When workers refuse to go there anymore ‘cause they’re afraid of this thing. Didn’t you hear that it killed a cop already?”

That caught my interest even more so. Louie was getting more and more irritated by the looks of it, saying “A cop, really?”

“Yeah!”

Louie shook his head in disagreement. “This is a bad rumor spreading ain’t it? I’m pretty sure if a cop was killed they’d go in and investigate.”

“What if the cops are scared of this thing, Louie?”

“Then why the hell are they cops? Get someone in there with some stones and figure out what the hell’s going on.”

Frank laughed, then said “Are you the one that’ll do it?”

“I’ll do it,” I said, interrupting their conversation. The two looked past their argument, and their lunch, and gazed confused at me. Most of the time I remained quiet and to myself, just doing my job and getting my paycheck. I’m pretty sure that this is the first time in awhile I said something to them.

Louie reassured that. “Don’t say a thing for months and you cowboy up for that?”

I shrug my shoulders and answered with “You’re both being kinda silly with this. I’ll go in, see what’s happening, and hopefully word will spread that there’s not a damn thing going on in that junkyard.”

“What if there is a monster though,” Frank questioned. “I don’t believe there’s a monster in there.” I was lying of course. I had suspicion that there’s something happening in that junk yard. The rumors were newer, and relevant. They had to have some kind of truth behind it, in some way.

“You’re an elf and you’re doubting another monster being real?” Louie coined in. He had a point to make, in this world a lot of strange oddities come and go. Which only lead me to believe that there is something to be found.

“Shut up. I’ll go after work.”

…

Five in the afternoon on this day. This is kind of early from my usual days. I take the bus home in hopes to save on gas and cash, which usually works. In the morning I also take the bus to work. I am usually the first man on the bus, and the last one off. Today however, I guess the driver forgot some stop somewhere and didn’t want to go correct themselves. Sad that someone might be late for something because of this operator, but I am happy at least to come home early.

My family resides inside a single bedroom, single kitchen, single bathroom, small living room, apartment.  A duplex actually. It’s enough room for the infant children to grow and play, and enough room, for now, for Pirella and I to do what’s needed and live on our lives. We don’t own much personal property between the four of us. I keep a bit of tools and spare clothes, my wife more tools and even more clothes, a crib for our children and blankets given to them by Frederick when they were born.

Moving on, I come home during the evening of this day, greeting my wife with both our kids in her arms. All three of which have fallen asleep on the couch; it must’ve been one hard day for her, but if they’re all three asleep together, then it’d be wrong of me to wake any of them up. I take a scrap piece of paper, scribble where I’ll be, what I’m doing, and what time I should be back home; in my head, no later than midnight. I didn’t bother to take a shower just yet, seeing how I was going to visit a junkyard there’d be no sense in ridding myself of an awful stench just so another would cling on to me. The only thing added to my wardrobe was the utility belt that held my pistol.

I had no garage. Only had a driveway that was shared with the connected neighbor. It was funny to see the difference between a traveler and a local, just by seeing what kind of car they had. My neighbor drove a 1992 Toyota Camry, two doors with a brown color to it, with a Missouri license plate. I drove a 1997 Dodge Durango, with a Michigan plate. If the plates didn’t tell the difference, the milage sure could’ve. This had been my second vehicle bought, the first one having been through a few troubled years of damage. This one was due for replacement too, the engine started to sound heinous. I’m not a repairman, or any sort of car fixer to know what’s wrong with it. I also didn’t have the right cash to take it to get repaired. I pull myself into the vehicle, start the engine as fast as I could, and drove away in hopes that it wouldn’t disturb or awake my wife and/or kids.

Give or take; twenty-minutes later I arrive at the abandoned junkyard. I could imagine that there’d be some kind of security here, kind of like how my job has somebody watching the piles of garbage to make sure no one gets in; there wasn’t a single guard or post in sight. Believe it or not, people want trash and state government won’t let people have it back. This has started to make me question if what I’m throwing away is something another man can use, or if I can find a way to reuse it.

The only security were two padlocks and a coil of chains. I had two obvious options: take my pistol and waste two bullets breaking the locks, possibly gain the attention of someone nearby that will call to complain about gunfire, which would send officers here, and get me in more trouble with the law; I could hop the fence. There was a third option that came to mind of using some hot flames from my hands to melt the locks off, but that seemed like overkill for me. So I climbed over the tall fence, pushed away at the barbed wire at the top so I wouldn’t get pricked too much, and landed on the flats of my feet with a grunt.

I’d scout the area for what seemed like an hour, and only found several football fields worth of junk. Just straight junk. At the same time, I could understand why people assumed this place had a monster. The wind knocked and moved unstable bits of trash. The noises of items being moved or adjusting to their new location was unsettling too; I understood why it was assumed there was a monster here, but I was still lost what made so many workers here run away in fear. Supposedly run away in fear. There had to have been more reason. Which meant I’m continuing my search.

...

Another hour later, I came across a terrible stench. It wasn’t the smell of trash either, or rusted items. It smelled of something dead, rotted. I could hear the sound of many flies buzzing from afar as well, which only furthered my theory that there was something deceased within this scrapyard; could it be the officer that Louie and Frank were talking about, or maybe just an animal that got into the wrong place? I followed the foul odor to what looked like a makeshift shack in the heart of this yard. I was kind of surprised something like this was made in the environment provided; was it possible the workers here built this place as some kind of joke, or maybe a place for them to relax? The smell could be food, flies attracted to it for whatever reason nature needs them for.

I step foot into the shack, and had immediately regretted doing such. It was like setting foot inside another world of horror; like looking into the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein, if he had set his castle and sinister workings in the heart of a trashyard. Loose wires are hanging from the ceiling. Televisions and computer monitors, both with broken and exploded screens, are scattered all across, some left on floors and others either bolted or taped onto the steel walls. Pieces of broken glass decorated the floors of this makeshift home. I know it was a home too; there was a disgusting-stained mattress with a sleeping bag on top of it. The very person who lived here was home too. Dead on the floor, with the strangest of helmets strapped around his head; devices all around this shed structure lead several hundred wires across the walls and attach themselves all around this helmet. Either this place is some kind of makeshift electric chair, or the man was trying to do something with his mind. Maybe install something into his brain, make himself super intelligent? I didn’t want to know.

I look around this place, trying to piece together some kind of story. What I have so far is this man must’ve built this machine, and it turned and fried his brain out. That’s about as simple as I could think of it. As I think, I hear movement outside. There was no way it was just the wind; the object I heard sounded like something heavier being moved. I drew my hand cannon and started to head outside to investigate, but when I opened up the door, I was blocked by a rusted car. Something managed to move an entire car to block my path, but it wasn’t clever enough to consider that I can crawl through the vehicle’s busted windows and get out the other side.

I scan the area, being outside now. All was quiet, which was just a terrible sign that danger was near. All things were making noises earlier, and now it was as quiet as a mouse. I stood still, waiting for some kind of movement, something to shift in the area. Sure enough, from behind the building I heard the shuffling of metal parts and the scratching of metal.

Fast as I could manage I found the source of the sound. It was something that was ten-feet-tall, covered with a burlap robe, and the way it was grunting and struggling, trying to climb up a giant mound of scrap metal but failing to do so; I knew it was panicing. It was afraid of me. I had wondered the reasons it was scared of me, and assumed it was just scared of the gun I had pointed on it. I wasn’t sure what instinct made me put away my magnum, but I did. I shouted out at this behemoth “Where do you think you’re going?”

It must’ve not heard me at all approaching it. After I asked the giant, it quickly turned around to face me. It wasn’t a giant at all; it was some kind of machine made out of spare parts. A living junk pile; a collective of broken things; a scrapheap. Two pieces of scratched glass stare at me with surprise, or what I could assume was surprise when I witnessed two dots shrink and shake. It stopped what it was doing, backing up to the furthest thing to be called a corner. A giant rusted arm and a proportionally sized arm covered up it’s odd shaped head, and it spoke out with voice that sounded emitted from a megaphone, if it was covered up. “No hurt! No bad!”

The broken english was a surprise for me. I raised my hands, gesturing I didn’t want to hurt him at all by waving them before me. “Not gonna hurt you, not unless you deserve it.”

“Did no bad!” It was still trying to fortify an escape. “Accident!”

The word accident caught my attention pretty well. I took careful steps towards the metallic ogre-like creature, hands out before me. “Take a breather, bud. I’m not accusing you of anything. What happened here?”

“B-bud? Friend?” The creature stopped it’s panicking, lumbering a few loud steps at me.

“Yeah, friend. So, tell me what happened?”

The hulking android would slam their bottom against the rough dirt, making an absurdly loud noise that lasted for a while. “See colors two weeks ago. Sleeping man on floor. See skin mountains all around, and wanted to see more. Try to leave but small pink scared by me. Cannot leave home.”

At first I couldn’t understand what all they meant. It only became clear to me later. They woke up two weeks ago to see a dead man on the floor. They looked around and seen they’re inside the heart of this scrapyard, seeing it was material it was made out of too. I could piece together that there was a chance that the man laying dead on the floor and the machine he was strapped to had something to do with the birth of this golem of garbage. Was it using his body to power it; a religious belief; deranged thoughts of a man living in a junkyard? The wicked science behind this metallic man brings only questions, and I grow worried of the answers.

I guess they ventured out at some point, wanting to see more than trash around them, but a child had seen them. Maybe not even a child; small is relevant to the sayer, to it I am small. To me, my children are small. To my kids, an ant is small. This could explain the rumors of the monster existing, and how it spread. Doesn’t exactly explain why workers left though. I decided to ask it what it knew about the garbage men that worked here, saying “Has anyone tried to enter your home?”

“Many have. Scared away! No mean to! I do wrong?”

“Not as far as I know, uh - what’s your name again?”

“No name. Never have.” It brought it’s giant rusted hand to scratch the top of it’s wired head. “Name is. Scrapheap!” Lights around it’s neck and head started to shine bright with blue. The way it’s voice sounded, it simulated joy.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Heard before. Bad?”

“It’s not bad. If Scrapheap is what you want to be called, then good to meet you, Scrapheap.”

“Good elf --” I heard the long pause that played with a buzzing sort of sound. I had guessed this was how Scrapheap was pensive.

“I am an elf, but call me Tak.”

“Good Tak.” I let out a laugh, in which the golem tilted their head and wires with an obvious sense of confusion.

“What noise?”

I looked back at Scrapheap with a same level of confusion they gave me. I questioned exactly how young-minded the giant was. “That’s laughter. What you said was funny?”

“What is ‘funny.’”

“I uh. I’m not sure how to explain it either. It’s just something that makes you happy and you express it by laughing.” “What is happy?”

I’d spend a while teaching Scrapheap everything I knew about emotions. Scrapheap could express emotions apparently; there was christmas lights adorned around his neck and chest with different colors, and they’d light up those individual colors based off his mood. They were blue for most of the duration I talked to him, which I was sure meant they were calm and at ease. Though when Scrap trying to dig away from me, they shimmered an orange, which probably meant fear of some kind.

By spending a while teaching. I meant a while. Not only for the remainder of the night, but the day after, the following weeks, and the remainder of the year. Even after my wife and I left Missouri, Scrapheap managed to keep contact with me, using some broken tech in their home to message my phone. I’d always talk to him, teaching him many things over the phone and with a cheap laptop.

Our relationship as friends goes as far as me considering Scrapheap as the far-away child of mine. I’ve taught them right from wrong, good morals and bad conduct. As much English as I could teach them, speaking wise; I let my wife teach him how to speak since she usually has better structure than I do. I haven’t figured out if she’s yet to consider Scrapheap like a third child; a distant one at that.

Though I guess most children don’t supply their fathers with tools to do their work. I had told Scrapheap that Pirella and I used to travel coast-to-coast looking for trouble anywhere we went, and dealt with problems that caused other innocent people problems. With that, he managed to make me certain tool that have long since helped me out in my career as a hunter-esq of whatever manner. I don’t question how he’s able to get them to my home, but I don’t bother to ask.

Scrapheap has been a great ally of mine for over a decade. In a world full of strange creatures and oddities, Scrapheap fits right into the quota of odd-jobs. But that’s alright; something new does not mean something bad, all the time.

#takeenata #scrapheap

[masala-and-thunderstorms]

multiples of 9!

Ummm I’ll assume you mean the long one since the truth or dare only has three multiples of nine? Though wow that ends up a lot of questions (I say with love and gratitude! Probably!)

Let’s see if I still remember how to do one of these…

9 - What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

To either have a full draft of Stealing the Sun that’s polished enough to send to sensitivity readers or to have a full draft of Zoha’s book at all (the former being a book I’ve been working on for a long time but need to start from scratch because I changed up a bunch of things; the latter being a fairly new idea where I haven’t even named most of the characters.)

18 - Do you have any tattoos?

Nope.

27 - Do you have any “rules” about food?

I don’t cook or order pig meat (I’ve been in many situations where it’s been more or less necessary to consume pig meat and I made peace with that a long time ago, but I’m not going to actively cause myself to be eating pork when I have the option not to, if that makes sense.) Outside of that I try not to have food rules.

36 - Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

Ish? I’ve had people tell other people unpleasant things about me that I don’t think of as true, but I’ve never been the subject of a nasty rumor of the high-school-movie variety.

45 - Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Two years ago I had just gotten back to the US and many things were incredibly different, but (to quote Modest Mouse) I’ve still got my words and I’ve got my friends.

54 - Things you like and dislike about yourself:

There are a whoooooooooooooole lot of the latter and not a ton of the former? A couple things I both like and dislike about myself is that I’m stubborn and I care really intensely about people.

63 - A quote you try to live by:

I’m sure I could go hunting and find quotes that portray the way I try to live, but there aren’t any specific quotes I try to live by.

72 - What’s your favorite band/singer?

Favorite band: Delta Rae followed very closely by Death Cab for Cutie, unless a cappella groups count as bands in which case Penn MasalaFavorite singer: this question is an impossible question and I refuse

81 - Dogs or cats?

Both are wonderful but I prefer cats.

90 - Favorite place to shop at?

Pike’s Place Market is my favorite place where one shops but it isn’t actually a place I shop with any frequency… the answer to this might honestly be Costco.

99 - Say 6 facts about your home town:

There are three different towns that could fit this description but I’m going to go ahead and pick the one I know the most facts about.

1) The rightful owners of the land, the Duwamish tribe, are still being denied federal recognition (they were very briefly granted it at the tail-end of the Clinton administration and then Bush took it away)2) For a long time we were just the town where white people in Seattle had their summer homes (which is hilarious now because we’re a ten minute drive from Seattle, but this was before cars were a thing.) There’s still great disagreement over whether we’re our own city or just part of Seattle.3) We’re the biggest majority-minority city in the state and 42% of people speak a language besides English at home4) Something like 20% of the white population of the town is of Irish descent, which is reflective of the region in general; for some reason there wasn’t the bias against Irish people that there was in the Northeast (possibly we were too busy being biased against Asians5) The city name is French even though almost every other town in the area has an indigenous name. We were named for how pretty the mountains are.6) People have started calling us the City of Glass, which cracks me up (people were already calling Seattle the Emerald City; it made listening to Wicked for the first time a hilarious experience.)

108 - Who is someone you never tire of?

I don’t know that there’s anyone I never tire of because sometimes I am tired of everyone at the same time, but @velociraptorwithaquillpen comes most immediately to mind.

117 - Story of your first kiss?

We watched Pirates of the Caribbean and ate Thai food and then she kissed me. It was less a single kiss more a series of shortish kisses interposed with us trying to figure out how to navigate the issue of noses + me jerking away when she tried to incorporate tongue, but it was still pretty great.

126 - Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:

I don’t believe in perfection, but I have a hard time coming up with an imaginary person who’s��better for me than the one I’m currently with.

135 - Say 1 fact about the person your like:

He’d probably be as pedantic about that typo as I am.

144 - Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

My friends hate most of the people I’ve liked.

153 - What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

As noted in a previous post, I’m terrible with superlatives like this because I’m much more effected by small sweetnesses than big dramatic ones.

162 - Can you commit to one person?

I’ve never even been able to have crushes on two people concurrently.

171 - Do you forgive betrayal?

As far as I can tell I forgive just about everything, but that doesn’t mean my fondness for someone’s going to carry on.

180 - Share a relationship story:

My stepsister and her husband like being goopy and affectionate in front of my nephew because he rolls his eyes and goes UGH dramatically.

189 - A book you want to read/have recently read:

I recently read a memoir called Get Me Out of Here. I don’t know that I recommend it, but I did stay up past 5 AM reading it, so clearly it was engaging.

207 - Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? Explain why.

The former; on one hand that sounds like a horrible mess of anxiety and frustration, on the other it’s so incredibly difficult for me to hate people that I’d have to be trapped with a rapist or a white supremacist. And at least my loved ones are introverts who will understand wanting to spend large chunks of time ignoring each other.

216 - Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?

The cup is pretty full life-wise, though I have a great deal of dread involving the state of the country.

225 - If you were the president, what would you do?

Basically the exact opposite of everything the current president is doing.

234 - Something that you’re proud of:

Honestly I’m pretty impressed with myself for answering this many questions.

252 - Do you hate anyone?

No one I know in person.

261 - How you hope your future will be like?

In a general sense, I hope my future will be interesting and varied and full of opportunities to learn new things and make a positive impact. More specifically, I hope to continue doing environmental work for the rest of my life and to actually be useful. I hope to write many books and publish a few and make readers cry and laugh and feel seen. I hope to be a good mom and good friend. I hope to travel a lot and live in a few more places but ultimately raise kids in the city I grew up in, or at least somewhere with the things I love about that city (and then continue to live in more places once said kids are out of the house.)

#answering asks #I don't expect anyone to read all of this #it is a BEAST #but it kept me entertained so #thanks anon!