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starlocked01 · 4 months

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Your Average Petty Sinner

AO3 link (pending)

Summary- Patton goes through an Emo phase and decides to hang out with the most notorious kids at school, going so far as to try to date their leader.

Relationships- Janus&Patton (Moceit), Remus/Virgil (Dukexiety)

Word Count- 5.4k

Content Warnings- swearing, mild description of injury, mild sexual innuendos

This is my @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift for @lily-janus 💛💙 I really hope you like it! Also a shout out to @infinitesimal-dna for beta reading and putting up with my shenanigans.

“I just don't get it!” Patton frantically paced the small patch of faded pale blue carpet that was visible in his cluttered room, “I literally caught them with cigarettes and lighters in the bathroom- how did they weasel out of detention this time?”

Roman barely looked up from the script in his hand as he lounged on Patton’s bed, “I don't know. Remus didn't say when Mom picked us up. They weren't going to hurt anyone but themselves.”

“Lighters start fires- they could have caused a fire alarm and some freshman could have been trampled in the ensuing panic while the science wing burned down-” Patton whipped back to face Roman who remained unperturbed.

“And none of that happened. You saved the day, Padre. Why can't you just be happy about that?”

“Because they didn't get in trouble!” Patton crossed his arms tight over his chest and resumed his pacing, “why turn in the bad kids if they're just going to be let go?”

“Sounds like you want to put my brother in jail,” Roman snickered and briefly looked up, “I don't know why. Why do you snitch on them?” Roman countered

Patton bit down hard on his lip before taking a measured breath, “I am not snitching. They just keep breaking the rules in front of me.”

“I think you just want Janus to notice you. Trust me, he does, sweetie. Remus won't stop complaining about how much the goodie two shoes need to fu- leave them alone,” Roman replies, remembering too late the household ban on swears.

“SHH! Don’t let Mom hear you.” Patton whispered tersely, “you’re wrong. I don’t care what any of them think about me– especially not Janus.”

Roman snorted, “Yeah, right. That’s why you’re constantly tattling on him. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that when a boy’s mean to you that means he likes you?”

Patton stopped in his tracks and turned back to face Roman, “That’s… completely untrue.”

Roman rolled his eyes, flipping a page lazily, “Just keep telling yourself that, Padre. I bet if you just asked he’d go out with you.”

“I’m not gay and I don’t want to go out with him,” Patton countered, “will you please just be quiet? My mom would kick you out in two seconds for being a quote ‘bad influence’ if she heard you right now.”

“Mmm fine. Alright. I won’t talk about your obvious crush on Mr. Tall, Dark and Mysterious.”

“I am not- Why don’t you understand that not everyone has to like guys?”

Roman sat up, “I’m not saying everyone. I just know you, Patt. You don’t like girls. You’ve turned down like twenty of them since homecoming last year. So if you don’t like girls, that just leaves guys. I know you don’t feel comfortable bringing a bf home because of the witch, but you’ve at least got to let yourself consider the possibility.”

“Maybe I just haven’t met the right girl,” Patton replied, not sounding as convincing as he should have to shut down the conversation.

Roman chuckled, “sure. Because she’s actually a boy named Janus and you’re looking in the wrong places.”

“Roman!”

“Just ask him!”

“He hates me. And I don’t like him.”

“You absolutely fucking do!”

“Roman!” Patton hissed, flinching as he could hear his mother’s footsteps coming down the hallway. “Now you’ve done it-” he muttered as the bedroom door clicked and swung open.

“Patton, sweetie. What’s our rule for having friends over?” his mother asked from the door, a falsely sweet and disarming voice cutting through the tension of the argument.

Patton turned, “they need to follow house rules and not distract from school work…”

“That’s right. If I’m not mistaken, I believe I heard Mr. Prince here swearing. That is no way to speak to others, is it?”

“No, ma’am,” Patton replied, head hung in defeat.

She turned towards Roman, “Exactly. I’m sorry dear, but you need to leave and reevaluate your vocabulary and manners if you want to spend time with my son.”

“Sorry, Patt,” Roman murmured as he grabbed his backpack and walked past to leave, “tomorrow. Just do it.”

Patton sighed with exasperation, “Please, Mom, let him stay? He didn’t mean to-”

“You know the rules, Patton. I think it’s about time you got started on your homework,” she brushed him off, escorting Roman out to the front door.

Patton waited until he heard the front door shutting before closing his bedroom door to get started on his work, trying to tune out his racing thoughts about school.

___ ___ ___

Janus slumped against the lockers, ignoring the dirty look from Susan next to him when he accidentally shut hers for her. It wasn’t his fault her locker was so close to Virgil’s. He gripped the head of his cane to keep it from sliding into the throng of students that would trample and crack it without a second thought. The polished wooden cane had cost a fortune, stained black with a yellow snake carved around the shaft up to the handle. He'd refused to adopt a medical-looking metal bully magnet and protected his aide fiercely. Janus silently watched Virgil picking out text books for the next class.

“What a bitch, right?” he asked once Virgil had noticed him.

Virgil nodded sagely, “Yeah. Who’re we talking about this time?”

Janus smirked, “Mrs. Hansen, of course. It’s like she doesn’t even care that I don’t give a fuck about Physics.”

“She held you after class again? That bitch!” Virgil gaped, closing his locker, “that is so messed up. You should tell the VP that she’s not respecting your accommodations, right?”

“Like he ever cared the twenty thousand other times someone tried to make life harder,” Janus scoffed, glancing at the disturbance coming down the hallway and opting not to warn Virgil.

With all the subtlety of a tornado, Janus watched as Remus pinned Virgil to the lockers, dropping his backpack at Janus’ feet in his hurry to get hands on the boy. Virgil grunted in surprise, pushing back against the attack until he recognized the lips pressed harshly into his neck.

“Rem-! Oh my god!” Virgil laughed breathlessly, “I told you not at school, motherfucker!”

Remus looked up with a devious grin, “and? Your mother said she loved it.”

“Gross,” Virgil chuckled and pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug, “I missed you.”

Janus rolled his eyes, pushing the discarded backpack away with the tip of his cane, “It’s been all of an hour since you two last molested each other in front of the entire school.”

“Jealous, Jannie?”

“Utterly green with envy,” Janus sighed, noticing the crowd in the hall thinning rapidly, “are you done playing tongue hockey yet?”

“Never,” Remus laughed and turned back to Virgil, cutting off his protests with a filthy kiss.

“I’m honestly surprised you haven’t figured out how to make gay love babies yet,” Janus replied, carefully readjusting his treasured suede gloves. The crowds of students dissipated and doors shut as the bell for the next period rang through the now empty halls.

Janus nudged the pair, “Biology will have to wait. Let's get going.”

“Oh come on!” Remus whined, “just tell Mr. Sawan you got held back and we're helping you-”

“It's not a lie for once,” Virgil added, leaning down to grab Remus' bag.

“And they say I'm the bad influence,” Janus scoffed, grabbing his cane to start towards class. Virgil and Remus reluctantly followed, careful to give him space to walk.

Janus wasn't actually eager to get to class. Everyone always stared when he walked in late, despite arriving late by necessity every day. The scrutiny felt absolutely miserable.

As they neared the stairs down to the mathematics wing, Janus paused to let the couple go first. The last thing he wanted was to slip all the way down into a concussion.

“Hey!” A voice called loudly from down the hall, “aren't you supposed to be in class?”

Janus glanced over and swore quietly at the sight of the world's most annoying goody two shoes coming towards them.

“Patton. Where do you think we're going?” He asked in a lazy drawl.

“Yeah, calm your tits,” Remus added less than helpfully.

Patton frowned, glancing down at his chest for a brief moment, “I don't have- the bell rang five minutes ago. You're supposed to be in class. I bet you're out here trying to smoke and ditch class.”

“How? You stole my lighter yesterday,” Virgil snarked back, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“It’s against school policy-” Patton started.

“What's against policy is a student trying to police other students. I literally cannot walk the halls when everyone else is running around,” Janus spoke up, standing up straighter. “We'd have made it by now if you hadn't interrupted us.”

“You liar. You're just messing around to get out of class,” Patton accused, stepping closer as if to intimidate Janus.

He laughed, “we have this discussion once a week! If I didn't know better, I would think you're going out of your way to flirt with me.”

An inscrutable look passed over Patton’s face, freckles melting into a soft flustered blush. “I am not!” Patton whispered hoarsely.

“Then we'll just be on our way,” Janus sneered, starting down the first step, cane first.

“Hey!” Patton gasped, reaching for Janus’s shoulder. Janus flinched at the unexpected touch, shifting to toss Patton as far from him as possible.

Unfortunately, this sent the boy careening down the flight of stairs.

“Shit!” Janus exclaimed, watching in horror and slight mesmerism as Patton came to a halt on the first landing.

“You killed him!” Remus cackled with glee at the possibility.

“Jan- what the fuck?” Virgil asked, not sure if he should move to help Patton or not.

Janus glanced down the hall, and seeing no one, made his decision.

“Virgil, help me get him to the nurse.” he instructed. “Remus, get to class and tell them Virgil and I cannot make it. Give as little context as possible, got it?”

Remus nodded and hurried to the class.

Janus hurried down the steps as fast as he could manage to the place Patton lay on the stairs.

“Wh- why?” Patton murmured, cradling his shoulder, “I- I wasn't-”

“Next time don't touch people without permission,” Janus snapped, reaching to pick Patton up, “can you walk?”

“I- I think so?” Patton winced, trying to sit up with both of the others pulling him up, “d-don't pull my arm, please.”

Janus nodded, “right, let's go, before you die or something.”

“Good going, Jan,” Virgil groaned as Patton leaned more heavily against him.

“Shut it, Vi. I didn't do anything.”

The walk down the rest of the stairs and to the nurse's office felt impossibly long and arduous, as Patton moved slower than even Janus. And he moaned in pain at each jostle to his arm.

“You're going to be okay,” Virgil chewed at his cheek, “it wasn't that bad of a fall.”

“I- I hope so,” Patton murmured, “why are the bad kids helping me?”

Janus rolled his eyes, “who said we're bad?”

“I- you always get in trouble,” Patton tried to explain.

“Yeah. Because you're always trying to get us in trouble,” Virgil scoffed.

“I don't expect you to understand, Patton,” Janus stopped as they reached the nurse’s office, “ but sometimes people just don't think like you.”

Patton nodded then tried to walk into the office, “thanks, I guess.”

Janus rolled his eyes, turning to head back to class, only to be confronted with the imposing figure of the school vice principal.

“What's this, then?”

“Oh- sir, I can explain,” Janus offered hastily.

“You will,” the man nodded, pointing towards his office, “If you please, Mr. Shephard.”

Virgil fiddled with his sleeves, “It was completely an accident. We were just helping Patton.”

“He fell down the stairs after slipping on a spilled water bottle,” Janus protested, already tired of walking, “I think he hit his head so we didn't want to leave him alone before he could get over here.”

“I see,” the man eyed the two, “is that so?”

“Yes. That's what happened.” Janus nodded emphatically. He watched the disciplinarian's face to see if he bought the story.

“Get to your class,” the vice principal barked, and the two wasted no time disappearing down the hallway.

___ ___ ___

Patton stirred and sat gingerly up in bed. A needle of pain shot through his shoulder at the weight pressed on it.

“Oh- f-”

“Patton!” His mother stood at the door to his room with a sour look on her face.

“I was going to say ‘fudge’,” Patton gritted his teeth.

“Honestly, when did I raise such a delinquent?” She shook her head and barged her way in, “bullying other students and now swearing? Certainly nothing I taught you.”

“Mom!”

“I won't hear it. Luckily, some of your classmates collected your homework assignments for you. Behave yourself with them,” she scolded.

“I'm not a bully,” Patton muttered, gazing up at the ceiling as though the stucco could offer him the strength to endure her accusations.

“For the record, no one said you were but her. I don’t know why she thinks that,” Patton looked back to the door sharply, finding his mother replaced with Virgil standing slouched against the frame, a book bag slung over one shoulder. “Hey- I hope it's okay I- let's not worry about how I knew your address. How… are.. you?”

“I've been better. The doctor poked and prodded me a lot yesterday.”

“Yikes…”

Patton nods, “I’ll be back in school by Monday. Unless I go completely loopy in the head. But I think the sprain in my shoulder is worse. Is Janus okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. He was tired from all the running around but like.. I don’t think he’s mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Virgil glanced back to the door before leaning closer to ask, “is she always like that?”

Patton nodded, “yeah… that’s my mom for you.”

Virgil swung his bag onto the bed, “alright, well, I’ve got your homework for the classes you missed.. And I thought you might like some music to pass the time? It’s the kind I listen to when I get really upset,” Virgil explained with a pointed look as he pulled a disk in a clear cover out of the bag with the school books, “just.. Let me know what you think if you do. I’m really sorry about what happened.”

“It’s not your fault, Virge-” Patton shook his head and then winced, “thank you, though.”

“No worries. I- uh.. Look forward to seeing you..? Yeah. Get better soon.”

Patton watched as Virgil exited his bedroom, confused why he of any of the kids at school brought him make up work. He examined the CD, turning it to read the sharpie writing, a list of songs with artists listed in incomprehensible initials. He turned the case over, noticing a small piece of paper tucked under the CD inside the case. Intrigued, he pried the case open and popped the CD out, laying it on the blanket. He retrieved the small folded paper from his lap, carefully picking it apart.

I didn’t push you down the stairs. I also did not try to help you after you tripped. If you tell anyone I did, I won’t hesitate to make you regret it. -J

Patton frowned, confused by the note. He tossed it aside and pulled out his portable CD player to listen to the mixtape without his mom listening in. He laid back, letting the beats and melodies wash over him. As he listened, an idea started to form, one of which he was barely conscious.

___ ___ ___

“Are you insane?” Roman stared far more openly than other students in the hall. Patton shrugged and pushed past his friend to his locker.

“I’m just trying something new,” Patton replied, hanging his backpack up and picking out books for the first class. He tried very hard to not express frustration when the bookbag caught on the spikes sticking out of one of his many new bracelets.

“You look ridiculous. You hate black! What is going on?”

“I can wear whatever I want, Ro. You sound like my mother right now.”

That shut Roman’s protests up quickly. Patton hummed to himself, reaching into the bag to pull out a brand new makeup pallet made of browns and blacks, picking the darkest shade to dab onto his eyelids.

“How hard did you hit your head?” Roman asked, staring in even more shock and disbelief.

“My head is fine, Roman. I told you I’m trying something new,” Patton explained.

“Oh Hey! When did you get hot, Pat-Pat?” Remus yelled, dragging Virgil behind him from down the hall.

“Woah- Patton, are you okay?” Virgil asked as they reached him and Roman at the lockers.

“Looks like Jannie knocked some sense into him. Hot damn!” Remus leered, earning a smack on the shoulder from Virgil and Roman.

“Guys, I am fine. I promise. I wanted to see how my mom would take it,” Patton offers, not so subtly searching the halls.

“Right. Suuuuuuure,” Remus giggled, “just remember that Virgie is mine,” he snaps playfully, “I don’t share and I certainly don’t do threesomes.” Remus winked, sending a shiver of disgust running down Patton’s spine. “Congrats, baby emo.”

“If you need to talk or something,” Virgil managed to offer before getting swept away by Remus.

Roman sighed, “Seriously, do you want to talk?”

“I’ll be fine, Ro. I’m still me. I just... I don’t know. It felt right this morning,” Patton offers as explanation.

“Well, you know where to find me. And if this is some ploy to get Janus to like you- it won’t work-”

“I don’t care if he likes me,” Patton protests, “this isn’t about him.”

“It’s not?” Janus asked in a smooth voice, standing behind Patton as if he appeared there from thin air.

“Janus!” Patton whipped around, “how- when did you- um, hi.” he stammered.

Roman laughed and clapped Patton on the shoulder, “good luck, Romeo. See you at lunch.” He walked away still laughing as Patton blushed and tried to shake the teasing off.

Janus watched curiously. He certainly would never have predicted that Patton would show up in an all black pretend-emo costume. Amazing really how people could still surprise him.

“I promise that Roman doesn’t know what he’s talking about-” Patton tried to recover his composure.

“He never does. Poor Remus got all the interesting and useful brains,” Janus sighed, examining his gloved hand nonchalantly. “Even if this were some ploy for my attention, I wouldn’t be interested just because you changed clothes and painted your nails.”

“That implies you would be interested in different circumstances,” Patton pointed out.

“Would I? I never said that. You understood my message, right?” Janus asked, changing topics quickly.

Patton nodded, “I- yes, I understood. You didn’t have to threaten me. Everyone thinks I broke my head and wouldn’t believe me saying either thing.”

“Correct. No use spreading rumors,” Janus smirked.

“Janus?”

“What?”

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Patton asked quietly.

Janus took a moment to think over the question, “Why are you asking me?”

“Because I think you’re probably the person I’ve hurt the most.”

Janus laughed, “Oh please. Like you could hurt me. Since when do you care about my opinions?”

“I don’t know- I’m really trying something new here, Janus.” Patton worried his lip between his teeth.

“I see. I notice,” Janus nodded and turned to head towards class.

“Janus? Do I… seem like I have a crush on you?”

Janus stopped in his tracks, turning back slowly, “Do you have one?”

Patton shrugged his one good shoulder, “Roman says I must have one. I’m not sure. How do I figure it out?”

Janus studied the black clad teen he would have sworn had it out for him just two days ago. Who was he to answer this kind of question? And why wouldn’t he just ask Roman, the prince of failed relationships?

“I don’t know. Go on a date with me?” Janus was just as surprised at the words leaving his lips as Patton looked hearing them.

“Wait- really?”

“Yes. We can go out tonight. No need to make it formal. Just black, not black tie.” Janus nodded. It surprised him just how calm and collected he felt, proposing a romantic time together.

Patton hummed, “um.. I assume Virgil… gave you my address,” he replied diplomatically, “would you be able to pick me up.”

“Yes. 9 o’clock?”

Patton nodded, “yeah, that works. I’ll see you then?”

Janus smiled just a bit mischievously, “yes, you will. Good luck in school today. Everyone is going to notice.”

“Notice what?” Patton asked.

“This.” Janus smirked and leaned forward, planting a lipstick stained kiss on Patton’s cheek, turning to leave just as the first bell rang out.

Patton stood frozen like a deer, slowing reaching up to touch his cheek, “oh, shit-”

___ ___ ___

“Uh, Jannie?”

“Yes, Remus?”

“Where the fuck are we going?” Remus asked, hanging on the back of Janus’ seat.

Janus inhaled slowly, “We’re picking up my date for tonight.”

“Since when do you date?” Virgil asked, lounging in the back seat and scrolling on his phone.

“Since this morning,” Janus answered, “You two just made it look so fun I had to give it a try.”

“Ooooooooh,” Remus absolutely beamed, “so who’s the lucky virgin?”

“Come on, Re. Don’t assume,” Virgil chided, trying to pull his boyfriend back to the back seat. “Wait- I recognize this street-”

“Just shut up,” Janus growled, “You’re the ones who wanted me to date. He’s harmless and might even like me.”

“So you’re trying to go out with the guy who made our lives hell for over a year?” Virgil asked.

“I’m not being some sort of saint, I’m just curious about what Patton’s going through.”

“I’ll cancel the wedding bells,” Remus cackled as they pulled up to the door. The headlights swept over the porch, revealing Patton sitting outside in the dark. He popped up, rushing over to the passenger side of the car.

“Hey Janus- and… Virgil and Remus? What?” Patton squinted at the couple in the back seat, “is this.. A double date?”

“Somewhat. Get in,” Janus commanded, ignoring the snickering from the back seat.

Patton climbed in and sat down, confused but not about to back out now. Not when Roman would roast him for failing to go on the first date he’s ever been asked out on. Janus pulled out of the driveway and continued on in relative quiet.

“So… where are we going?” Patton asked, a little too bright for his dark exterior.

“You’ll see,” Janus replied cryptically.

Patton nodded and fell silent, watching the road slip by as they drove along.

“Woof. The chemistry is just bubbling,” Remus snarked after a few minutes of quiet, sitting back to cuddle into Virgil.

Virgil laughed softly, “give them time. I’m sure it’s just first date awkwardness.” He wrapped his arms around Remus and held him close.

Janus turned down a residential street and flicked off the headlights, “Well, Patton, since you’re exploring new countercultures, I figured it would be a good idea to bring you along to a protest.”

“A protest? At night?” Patton asked, fear glinting in his eyes, “what kind of protest?”

“One against ableism in the education system,” Virgil grinned, grabbing cartons of eggs from the floor of the back seat.

“Yeah! We’re gonna show that bitch what it feels like!” Remus crowed, opening the door before Janus could put the car in park and banging impatiently on the trunk. Virgil piled out as well as Janus parked and grabbed the latch to open the trunk for them.

“This… is illegal, isn’t it?” Patton worried, glancing around the street to see if they had been spotted yet.

“Very.” Janus nodded, “but, lucky us that the Virus have the dirty work covered. We’re just lookouts tonight. Mrs. Hansen has been violating my disability accommodations. That makes my life harder when I end up missing the beginning of class because of the crowds in the hallway. So we’re making her morning a bit harder.”

“Oh.. that’s why you three were in the hallway during class time the other day?” Patton asked, voice softening at the realization.

“Yes. Sometimes we wait until after the bell anyway but she still shouldn’t be holding me back like that,” Janus explained.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t realize that,” Patton offered quietly, wincing as Remus started chucking raw eggs at the car in the driveway.

“Relax, Patton. They’re just letting off steam. I swear they would have burned the school down by now if I didn’t try to aim them at productive activities,” Janus chuckled, glancing down the road for any observers.

“Right. So… this is a date… why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Patton turned in his seat to face Janus.

Janus slowly turned his head, “what do you want to know?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I’ve never done this before,” Patton laughed nervously, “maybe… when did you know that you’re gay?”

Janus snorted at that, “I still don’t know. You’re the first boy I’ve tried to date. You’d think hanging out around the twins would make that sort of question easy, right?”

“Right! Like, I’ve known Roman really well for years and he sure seems to know… some of what he wants. But I just don’t know how he understands what a crush is versus wanting to be friends.”

“Those two make it seem like you meet someone and suddenly they’re the only thought in your head ever,” Janus nodded to the couple who were busy laying out toilet paper strips in the shape of a penis on the hood of the car, “I’ve never understood it.”

“Do you.. Feel that way about me?” Patton asks, “since you’re the one who asked me out.”

“Frankly, I find your change of aesthetic rather intriguing. And you seem willing to challenge some of your bullshit ideas right now, so why not?” Janus shrugs, “maybe I just want attention and don’t give a fuck about who you are. You can never know.”

Patton looked down towards his hands, folded neatly in his lap, “I think I’ve been jealous of you all.”

“How so? You seemed adamant about reporting us to the school like a narc for the past year,” Janus challenged.

“Because things like egging teacher’s houses and smoking in the hallways can cause problems for people! But, I do like how you all express yourselves.”

“Really?”

“Right. You just… get to be weird and stand out in classes. You get away with a disturbing amount of rule breaking. It seems really freeing,” Patton sighed softly, “Maybe I’m thinking about it wrong. I’ve just always felt terrified of disappointing people, and in just one day I’ve been able to disappoint almost everyone.”

“So, you’re just dressing emo to make people upset, not to express yourself?”

“I mean- maybe partially?” Patton shrugged, “I never knew you all were this criminal-”

“Patton-”

“And… I think it’s maybe hot that you all stand up for yourselves despite what people think of you?” Patton says shyly, more of a question than an opinion.

“I didn’t bring you along to impress you with like that-”

“No?”

“I thought giving Virgil and Remus a target would give us some time alone,” Janus explains.

“Time alone to do what?” Panton leaned a bit closer.

“What we’re doing now, talking.”

“That’s all you wanted to do with me?” Patton asked, head tilted a bit.

“Did you want to kiss me?”

“Patton-”

Patton leaned in even closer until the backdoor slammed open, sending him scrambling back to his seat, blushing bright red.

“Drive- Neighbor might be calling the cops.” Remus replied, out of breath.

Virgil nodded and Janus jumped into action to get away from the crime scene.

“Looked like a productive date,” Remus teased as Janus slowed back down to avoid suspicion.

“Wow what a rush!” Patton exclaimed.

“Adrenaline wasn’t the point,” Janus reminded him, “Are you two ready to head home?”

“Yeah, Remus’ please,” Virgil nods.

Remus spent the car ride back to his place giving the lookouts a play by play of the night, with Virgil interjecting with certain facts and figures.. Janus soon dropped the pair off and the silence settled between him and Patton.

“I just… you guys get away with bad behavior all the time. I wish I could do that the same as you,” Patton spoke up eventually.

Janus sighed and pulled the car over again, this time near a park, “Do you even care about why we do that stupid shit?”

“Well, tonight was about getting back at Mrs. Hansen, right? For treating you badly,” Patton recalled.

“And skipping class is because it’s too overwhelming to sit still learning useless crap with a bunch of jerks who know nothing about what it’s like to try and navigate when your feet don’t just take you to where you need to go. They don’t care that it hurts to walk and it’s just safer to take my time with friends by my side to catch me.”

“I-”

“You just see me as some bad boy to upset people with. You don’t care how I feel about it, do you?” Janus challenged.

“That’s not true-” Patton tried to protest.

“I’m not some average petty sinner to disappoint your family with at the holidays. I actually have feeling and wants and needs and I just- I-”

Patton reached over to take one of Janus’ hands, “It’s okay. I-I didn’t want to use you, Janus. Not in the long run. Sure, I wanted to experiment and see if Roman’s right about crushes, but I don’t want to trap you in a relationship you won’t enjoy. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Janus looked away, trying to pull his hand free.

“Just remember that you asked me out tonight. So, I thought that kisses were something you’re supposed to do on dates. Can we try again without interruptions this time? See if… well, if we’ll like that sort of thing?”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, yes I am. You are not a manic pixie dream boy or the dangerous rebel to scare my mom with. You’re Janus. And I don’t know you very well because I’ve never tried to get to know you. But we’re on a date. It’s past curfew. I think you at least deserve a chance at something properly romantic, since defacing property was just the distraction to keep Remus and Virgil busy. It’s too late to get food anywhere. So maybe we can try a kiss and start over again in the morning?”

Janus blinked, trying to process all of that at once. “Um… no.”

“No?” Patton sat back immediately, “did I do something wrong?”

“Not necessarily, I just… you asking makes it very clear to me that I don’t want to kiss you, Patton.” Janus tried to explain.

Patton nodded, “okay. I- actually, thank you? I- I was so scared…”

Janus chuckled softly, “I don’t think we’re crushing on each other. I’m not sure why not. But I’m glad you agree.”

Patton nodded emphatically this time, “I very much don’t want to be the awkward one. I think… it would feel wrong or empty to try. And that’s not your fault-”

“I get it. I agree. We tried. Dating just… isn’t in our cards,” Janus laughed a bit more at that, “let me take you home?”

“Yes please. Maybe at school… we can just say hi?”

“That would be much more pleasant.”

Patton sighed softly and leaned back in the passenger seat, “I won’t tell about the eggs and toilet paper, by the way. Maybe I should ask Mrs. Hansen why she’s not letting you leave for class on time?”

Janus smiled, “That could be helpful. Maybe she just needs to see one of the responsible students concerned on our behalf.”

“Would have been a lot less illegal if you just asked me to do that in the first place,” Patton giggled, “It makes more sense than vandalism.”

“But throwing trash at her house is fun,” Janus grins, starting the car again.

“It may be fun. But there are much better outlets for the anger, I would think.” Patton grinned.

“Maybe you’ll be a good acquaintance after all,” Janus mused, pulling back out onto the road to take his definitely-not-a-date back home.

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