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hydrobunny · 1 year

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sweet nothing

tags: songfic, established relationship, no dialogue (kinda? its italics not quotes), taylor swift songs

wc: 2.2k

i spy with my little tired eye, tiny as a firefly, a pebble that we picked up last july.

the beach has always been you and sae itoshi’s safe place. there are no prying eyes, no bloodthirsty paparazzi, no nothing.

its quiet. the way it should be, you think. it takes you back to simpler times, times when sae stood a chance against the overwhelming tide of devoted fans.

you two had been here before. actually, the two of you had been to dozens of beaches before. but this one is special.

this particular beach lies barely an hour away from sae’s hometown, barely an hour away from junior high football fields filled with overgrown grass and memories. if you two wanted, you could visit sae’s parents this very day.

but you two don’t want to. and that’s not the only reason that makes this beach significant. some ways down the shoreline, past the well-populated sands and discarded sandcastles, there’s an outcropping of rocks.

by themselves, the rocks aren’t necessarily anything to gawk at. but they’re where sae told you he loved you; where you heard sae laugh for the first time. you lean into his solid form as you reminisce. his arm gently wraps around your shoulders.

it had been a hot, almost scorching day in july. the two of you had somehow escaped sae’s overbearing manager, sprinting down the burning sand holding nothing but each other’s hands.

you were the first to need to stop, of course. sae could have likely ran down the entire beach if he wanted to, but you weren’t even close to that stamina level. you had doubled over right by those rocks, clutching your side like you would never breathe again. (you did.)

while you recovered, he collected an assortment of pebbles, kicking some an outrageous distance away and skipping the rest into the water. it was glaringly juvenile, the way he narrowed his eyes and felt each rock for that perfect shape.

you had watched him until he told you to stop. with a smile, you joined him in the endeavor to skip one rock five separate times before it could sink into the dark blue waves. (neither of you could do it in the end.)

when the sky began to bleed into pinks and reds, you climbed onto the largest rock there, sae watching your movements warily. you told him to come on, get up here and he did, rolling his eyes all the way. the two of you watched that sun set, dipping below the horizon until all that was left of it was the rainbow of colors left in the sky.

you looked at sae and told him you loved him.

you never even gave him a chance to respond, immediately diving into the cooling sea in a whirl. you’re still not sure why you did it, why you had seen his mouth open and decided you couldn’t bear to hear his answer and would prefer getting your clothes wet.

he had jumped in after you with barely any hesitation. he didnt need to - you were surprisingly quite the swimmer - but he did, arms wrapping around you, legs kicking toward the surface.

you opened your eyes through the hazy and stinging film of saltwater and saw sae laughing. you doubt if anyone (well, maybe rin years and years ago) had ever seen him like that before. his laugh was just as beautiful as him, and it had gotten you to laugh as well.

when all traces of laughter had ebbed away, he met your eyes and told you you were an absolute idiot. and then he told you but i love you and then you two were kissing in the sea, tasting the salty tang of seawater on each others’ lips. (he tells you later the salt came from your tears. you refuse to believe him.)

his manager almost killed you when you both returned dripping wet.

his manager might still kill you today, you think. you’re pretty sure sae was supposed to be in some tv interview twenty minutes ago. but he doesn’t mention it, and you don’t want to break this peace anyway.

the seagulls swoop over your heads, and you whisper another i love you into the world.

they said the end is coming, everyone’s up to something. i find myself running home to your sweet nothings.

sae itoshi knows he’s talented. he knows that there are millions of people that would kill to be who he is currently: a football genius with clubs throwing money at his feet in hopes he’ll bless them with his skills.

but he doesn’t need all the fucking bootlicking. he has one goal after all: to be the number one. there's nothing he can gain from the interviews his manager pushes him into, the photo shoots they make him stand for.

sae wonders what would happen if he were to suffer some career ending injury. would japan still love him? or would they tell him it was his own fault, his failed responsibility of becoming the best?

despite anything and everything that could happen to him, despite the way the money grabbing ceo’s want to milk every last drop out of him, there exists one certainty in sae’s life.

you love him.

you tell him so just about every day, in person, a phone call, or even a hasty three letter text message.

and he loves you.

it's the one thing that will forever stay constant in his life. it's more predictable than shidou asking him for just one chance, more predictable than rin being able to flawlessly score a goal using sae’s passes.

he doesn't have to think about it anymore. he calls you right after practice ends and right before it starts. he presses a kiss onto your lips every morning before his run and another when he comes back home.

you greet him with nothing but a smile and a missed you. you ask him about his day, and he actually enjoys doing the same to you. you answer him happily as you run your fingers soothingly over the knots in his back. he lets you talk and talk, words barely ever leaving his lips.

neither of you hold any expectations from the other. there’s no criticism, no frustrating questions that leave him irritated and snippy.

its just a relationship. an exchange of mutual trust and affection. its the promise of forever, the assurance that nothing will ever change.

so when you laugh near him with a flush in your cheeks, sae thinks that's all he could ever need.

on the way home, i wrote a poem; you say “what a mind.” (this happens all the time.)

the car is silent. you stare out the window, watching the trees blur by. it's been a while since you've felt so…melancholy. something about the way the scenery leaves as fast it appears makes you sad.

sae asks if you're feeling okay from the driver's seat. its not often you get the chance to drive together, but you're glad for every extra minute. even if it means he can tell when you're feeling off.

you're honestly not sure what to respond with. you shrug, a quiet just thinking leaving your parted lips.

he slows the car down, shooting you a look that tells you you better find a better response. you look at him helplessly in turn. it's just so strange to think about, isn't it? the trees they blink by in a matter of seconds will continue to grow for centuries, while you and sae will be gone from the world. you and him will never get to see the beauty that blooms on earth after your lives.

sae looks at you in disbelief. he’s never heard you be so cynical before, and it’s quite uncharacteristic. you give him a smile and turn back to the window with an exhale.

four turns later, he tells you that you’re unbelievably idiotic and shouldn’t be so negative. everyone knows they’re doomed to die from the start, so why get so moody about it? you’re both in the prime of your lives; at least give him another fifty years to show you the entire world before you start complaining about being in the wrong generation.

you laugh and tell him that it’s a promise, that he’ll let you drain his bank account if it means you get to see some architectural miracle.

he grumbles that you’re already taking all his money, but gives his agreement anyway. (it’s not like he would ever actually have financial problems in this lifetime anyway. all those sponsorships and games won makes sure of that.)

thirteen minutes away from your home, you murmur out a thank you and sae squeezes your hand three times in reply.

outside they’re push and shoving; you’re in the kitchen humming. all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.

when sae asks you to marry him, he does it in your shared apartment before you've even had your morning coffee.

there’s no fanfare, no obnoxious cheering and photography. he just looks at you from the bedroom door- looks at your messy bedhead, the way you sway from side to side as you insert one of those coffee pods- and gets down on one knee. he doesn’t even have a ring yet, for god’s sake. it’s still in his nightstand drawer besides a photo album.

it takes you much longer than it should to process. you blink at him with wide wide eyes and the cofeemaker starts pouring behind you but you just stand and stare. sae doesn’t get nervous often, but this might be one of those times.

finally, after what feels like hours, you ask if he couldn’t have at least waited until you brushed your teeth, if he was going to even get you a ring, and takes his hand.

he shrugs and admits that it’s in the bedroom, and you push him away with a screech of do it again.

so sae begrudgingly shuffles back into the bedroom, smiling at how you frantically pat down like your hair like people are watching.

a minute later, he kneels down before you for the second time that morning with a velvet box in his hand. he opens it slowly, revealing the much too expensive ring in it.

you gasp with enough surprise that it really does feel like a first proposal, but he can see the laughter twinkling in your eyes.

sae slides the ring onto your finger carefully. it’s a perfect match (he made sure of that), and sits snugly next to your knuckle.

you stare at it- and him- with stars in your eyes, and coffee overflows past the cup and onto their kitchen floor with a tap, tap, tap.

and the voices that implore, “you should be doing more,” -to you, i can admit that im just too soft for all of it.

the public doesn't like it. when do they ever like anything? but they especially don't like how he refuses to let a single reporter on the church grounds, how he almost cancels the whole thing and flies you to vegas instead.

it's rin that convinces him to stick with the goddamn proper wedding, surprisingly. because you deserve it, the younger itoshi hisses out into sae’s ear.

and sae knows he’s right. rin has the tendency to be right.

so even though he knows you wouldn't care where or how they exchange those rings, he stands at that altar, the smell of roses soothing his nerves.

when you walk down that aisle, you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. all other senses are drowned out by the sight of you, all rosy cheeks and long lashes.

he swallows, hard, when you finally reach your place at the altar. the officiant announces the exchange of vows, and sae braces himself.

the first sound out of his mouth is a hoarse whisper of nothing. he coughs immediately to clear his throat, and your lips twitch upward.

sae stands up straighter (his spine is already ramrod straight), and starts again.

he’s spent the last month and a half poring over these words. he wants- needs you to know how deep his feelings for you are. he needs you to know he would never hurt you, how he would fall from grace just to feel your touch.

so when sae concludes his vows with a dedication of all his future wins to you, he’s almost proud to see tears glimmering in the corner of your eyes.

and then you begin your vows, and he thinks he's been sorely outdone. every one of your words go straight to his heart like an arrow, and he can feel himself bleeding out.

but you revive him over and over again with each confession of love, each tiny moment shared, and he somehow falls even deeper in love with you.

when you finish, sae itoshi realizes it's hopeless. for the rest of his life, it will always be you. no other person will ever hold his heart in the palm of their hand like you do. even football pales

in comparison to the thought of forever with you.

and you two kiss, husband and wife, and he realizes that’s perfectly fine with him.

a/n: happy 50 followers !?!?! this is a songfic so its a diff writing style than my usual stuff, but this kind of writing will only be for songfics.

reblogs and feedback appreciated!

#blue lock x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock #hydrobunny #songfic #my magnum opus fr

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trentcrimmisgay · 6 months

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if you’re an our flag means death fan pissed over the finale i’m gonna direct you to ted lasso season 2 episode 5, rainbow, 4 min & 26 seconds in

go listen to the definition of romcommunism.

bc. if i see one more post about how “unfair” this “ending” is to con im gonna lose it !!!!!! if they have their way- we’re getting another season. i have to hope and believe we’re getting one.

there is no way he doesn’t have something planned about how to resurrect or at LEAST include izzy. but everyone commenting on “he should’ve been buried at sea” or that it’s “tonally different from the show” like GIRL!!!!!!!! i AGREE WITH YOU!!!!!!! like EXACTLY it’s a ROM COM so for now, can’t we just believe that we’re gonna get a season 3 where we see the reasoning behind that?

lucius was okay. ed found his leathers at a random spot at the bottom of the goddamn ocean. buttons turned into a motherfucking SEAGULL that they used to SIGNAL TO US AT THE END OF THE FINALE!!!!!!!! have hope my love. please

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dragonthunders01 · 9 months

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Spec Evo Vault, Rainbow Squid

Among the largest organism of "The Future is Wild" timeline, as well the largest squid and animal on the planet in 200 M.y. in the future, the Rainbow Squid is one of the extraordinary representatives of how far cephalopods achieved in terms of evolutionary adaptations on color change

Morphologically speaking it still maintains the average squid shape with a large mantle and equally sized arms, although these not longer serve purpose on hunting and seem to be only relying on their main tentacles under the flattened horizontal row of arms that placidly undulate.

Anatomically and behaviorally, however, there were some remarkable changes, including the now longer lifespans that extend up to a century. With such long life, they were able to develop their intelligence further in a way that is capable to control their chromatophores extraordinarily.

This animal is capable of mimicking its surrounding environment to the point it can turn invisible in any direction, imitating the upper light of the surface or the dark bottom of the ocean, as well is capable of produce varied flashing multi color patterns tht works out for warning of any minor intruder swimming towards them.

This trick also helps them to hunt down the local Ocean Flishes, this thanks that their flat arms can imitate the school of Silverswimmers, and when one of these gets into the range, the flish is caught off guard with one of their tentacles.

Normally they wander across the ocean solitary with no boundaries but once a year in the full moon in autum equinox, they reunite in the south region facing the supercontinent in order to mate, and like giant oversized birds of paradise with LED screens for ornamental organs, the males to court a female display a spectacle of colors and lights.

Although with their size, and with the ecological vacuum left of the last mass extinction eliminated a chunk of possible competitors and dangers, they are still vulnerable to the few predators around, specially to the attack of large groups of sharkopaths, derived fasts sharks characterized by their coordinated method of hunting that is guided by electroreceptors and flashlights patterns across their bodies that allow them to communicate the location of a prey (they will have their space in an spec vault entry).

If one of those is capable of locate and attract enough individuals, a Rainbow squid only hope is to remain hidden with their camouflage, and even with that, panic can eventually end up causing it to lose their veil and leave them as the dinner of the far future sharks.

Notes

-There is something bugging about the hunting behavior of the Rainbow Squid that seems to be so inefficient regarding the nutrient value would offer just to hunt few flishes in a single day, for an animal that their size is as big as a whale which ingest a single animal of the size of a seagull, there should more suitable or preferable prey, and we are talking about an animal with one of the largest brains on 200 million years, is like a guy hunting bees and just ate them one at the time.

-I would have liked the body plan of this animal was more varied than just bein a big squid with large flat tentacles, something on that size as well living far in the future likely would change further and considering how diverse are squids and octopuses it could offer even more possible shapes apart of the streamlined surface coleoids, considering the rainbow squid is mostly an ambush predator and probably is a descendant of deep water species.

#speculative evolution #future evolution #squid #the future is wild #cephalopod

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foxes-that-run · 5 months

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Adore You

Or rather, let him adore who he wants.

The Adore You video is about how his fans treat Harry's partners. To Rolling Stone Harry said:

“This time I really felt so much less afraid to write fun pop songs. It had to do with the whole thing of being on tour and feeling accepted [...] It came late in the sessions: “Lights Up,” “Treat People with Kindness,” and “Adore You” were written in the final week this spring, in a burst of inspiration.

TPWK, Lights up and Adore You each have a message to fans:

Adore You's video asks fans to not make it impossible for him to date his partner(s) of his choosing

Lights up, Harry said it is about "stepping out on his own" the lyrics include "I'm not ever going back" (I infer to 1D)

TPWK is asking his fans to do just that, including him and the people he chooses to date.

Music Video

When asked by Capital FM (4:33) if Harry was the boy in the video, Harry first said it was a metaphor and he acted the part, then when followed up he said "it's a music video everyone!" The start of the video tells of superstitions and silly ideas. Everyone frowns, Harry has a brilliant smile. He is peculiar, the voiceover says:

No one ever meant to be mean towards him, but in a town grown used to how things were, no one knew what to do with something different.

Harry bottles up his rage, is depressed and goes to drown himself. He sees a fish and saving it saves Harry.

Who is the fish? When asked on SiriusFM, (3:00) Harry said, “Is the fish even a fish? Is the fish a metaphor? Who is the fish?” an Olivia is an emotion style answer to say the fish is a metaphor. The fish is interesting, it's an image more than one fandom will engage with:

Taylor Swift has a famous Koi Guitar, called the Koi Living Jewel. the artwork reflects Taylor's guitar and the TVs refer to the fish as a Jewel Coat (Junior Jewel), However

The fish is grey like the salmon in a 1980 Children's book Louis the Fish. The book is about a vegetarian butcher who is turned into a fish. The book has an anti-vegetarian message.

Harry is making a comment his fans make it hard for him to date. He is asking is fans to help and not attack the very real people he dates.

The fish constantly get's bigger, Harry does everything but the fish literally doesn't fit in his life. In the end he has to let the fish go and be alone because it is too hard for it to be with him.

The fish starts thrashing when the fisherman chops another fish. To me this is a metaphor for how the music industry and fans treats them. Harry repeats this in Music for a Sushi Restaurant where the shop only keeps him while is singing brings customers.

Seaview Cottage at 88 Seagull Lane is an easter egg for Harry's House (H= 8th letter) and Keep Driving: 'Choke her with a Seaview'. Seagull lane is a reference to Taylors shirt on the cover of 1989. And a townsperson receives a Message in a Bottle.

Harry eventually sails off alone powered by his screams. :(

When was it written

Harry said to Zane Lowe he played Liam Gallagher Fine Line in March 2019 but that Lights Up, Adore You and Treat People were all written later, in the last week. It was written with Amy Allen, who is based in LA. That places it after the Met Gala around 20 May 2019. He was in the studio on 15 May 2019.

Lyrics

Walk in your rainbow paradise (paradise) Strawberry lipstick state of mind (state of mind) I get so lost inside your eyes Would you believe it?

'Walk in your rainbow paradise' responds to Me!'s "Like a rainbow with all of the colors". Both refer to Out of the Woods "The rest of the world was black and white / But we were in screaming color.” Harry and Taylor refer to each other as all the colours. Me was released 4 weeks before Harry wrote Adore You.

Strawberry lipstick state of mind refers to Taylor's signature lip colour, referred to in Style 'Red Lip Classic thing you like' and Two Ghosts 'Same lips red, same eyes blue'.

You don't have to say you love me You don't have to say nothing You don't have to say you're mine

In Little Freak Harry expressed a similar idea of caring but not in a possessive way or asking for anything from her "I'm not worried about where you are / Or who you will go home to". This makes is clear they are not in a relationship.

Honey (ah) I'd walk through fire for you Just let me adore you Oh, honey (ah) I'd walk through fire for you Just let me adore you Like it's the only thing I'll ever do Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

Walk through fire means he is willing to go through the difficulty of fans not liking his relationships, he will lose fans, if his partner will just let him love them. In If I could Fly Harry said he would give up fame to be with his muse "I think I might give up everything, just ask me to"

Taylor sung about this difficulty dating Harry in:

Slut! "If they call me a slut / You know it might be worth it for once", and

Gold Rush "I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch / Everybody wants you / Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you"

They also described this as guns or bullets in I know places and Sign of the Times.

You're wonder under summer skies (summer skies) Brown skin and lemon over ice Would you believe it?

This verse is describing a summer romance, (Brown skin, Lemonade, Summer Skies) which Taylor also did in this period in Cruel Summer.

Harry talks about his muse as summertime and butterflies in Olivia. He also said he would brown his skin while they waited for him in the Sky in Golden.

You don't have to say you love me I just wanna tell you somethin' Lately you've been on my mind

A similar line is in Little Freak: " I'm not worried about where you are / Or who you will go home to, I'm Just thinkin' about you"

#haylor #adore you #harry styles #fine line album

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thealmightyemprex · 8 months

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Muppet Movies Ranked

I've recently marathoned all 8 theatrical Muppet movies ,and these are my rankings.Keep in mind I think all 8 are good movies,I just prefer some to others

8.The Muppets

I like the nostalgic look back stuff.....But the peoblem is I dont like Walter or the human characters .This film is the most meh to me

7.Muppets From Space

ITs diffrent,being the only non musical in the series ,and I do like that the film focuses on my favorite Muppet Gonzo and doesnt showcase just the Muppet Show guys but the Muppets Tonght guys as well but the story isnt all there,I dont think Jeffrey Tambours villain has the right ending and it is painfully 90's

6.Great Muppet Caper

Oooooh for putting this so low I might get some hate,but I shall explain .This is the most irreverant ,silly and funniest Mupppet movie,if you just want to laugh this is great .THis film is pure Henson wackyness,the film is not taking itself seriously at all.....And while I enjoy that.....I prefer a Muppet movie to have a bit more heart and story to go with the silly FOr me the characters,story and songs are a bit lacking .Again jokes are brillaint,performances are good (Charles Grodin looks like he is in LOVE with Miss Piggy and it is amazing) and it may have my favorite cameo in any Muppet movie .I do like the movie,I just like 5 others better

5.Muppets Most Wanted

This film is VERY similar to Great Muppet Caper ,and while not funnier,I think its more solid .I adore the songs,especially the Big House ,I think the story is really good ,I love Sam and Ty Burrels chemistry ,the cameos are top notch ,Tina Fey as the Russian warden Nadya delivers one of the best human characters in all the Muppet movies and the film has possibly the best villain in all the Muppet movies in Constantine who is good mix of hilarious and threatening .Not all the effects worked and....I really wish someone else other then Ricky Gervais played the secondary villain Dominic Badguy.Overall though its an enjoyable film

4.Muppets Take Manhatten

The one that surprised me .Of the orignal three its the one people dont talk about but ....I love it,its a bit more of a low key Muppet film ,ITs a much more character focused film. .The Dabney Coleman scene cracks me up,Saying Goodbye is tearjerking and the finale is spectacular

3.Muppet Christmas Carol

A legit really good take on a Christmas Carol,possibly one of the best takes .The first film without Jim Henson ,and I think it showed the Muppets could survive .Less about the jokes and more about the heart and artistry while still having fun and humor . the Muppet performers are on top form,especially Gonzo and Rizzo as the narrators ,but the highlight of the film is honestly the phenomenal performance of Michael Caine as the coldhearted Scrooge ,giving off a legit good dramtic performance while talking to Puppets .Also the songs by Pqaul Williams are just top notch

2.The Muppet Movie

The one that started it all,a heartwarming story about a bunch of weirdos coming together in pursuit of a dream,its sweet,its funny ,Paul Williams songs are great (Especially Im Going to Go Back There Some Day and Rainbow Connection),theres some fun cameos (Mel Brooks steals the show ) and Charles Durning gives an underrated performance as a psychotic fast food mogul

1.Muppet Treasure Island

This....WAs one of the first movies I ever saw,and I have never stopped loving it .The muppet mayhem is funny(DEad Toms Dead always gets me ),its exciting ,the songs are all top notch ,and it has the best human cast with Kevin Bishop as the adventurous young Jim .Jennifer Saunders asa bombastic Inn owner,Billy Connolly as old drunkn pirate Billy Bones and the legend himself Tim Curry hamming it up as the villainous Long John Silver in perhaps his greatest performance ,cause he is equally great with the comedy as he is at delivering tender softer moments with Jim as a sort of surrogate father

@amalthea9 @angelixgutz @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @ariel-seagull-wings @themousefromfantasyland @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa @greektragedydaddy @filmcityworld1

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adeadlyobsession · 1 year

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heyy! Seeing a disabled character in hogwarts legacy got me emotional, so i was wondering if you could do a tom x wheelchair user fem ?

Hello! It took me a few days to think about how to write this character in a way that would feel satisfying, and I hope that I succeeded here. Much like the previous Anon, I got so invested with her that this is merely part 1 of an unknown amount. I really hope this pleases you Anon, and I hope you'll come back for the next installments of this Y/N's adventures! I sure am looking forward to writing more of it!

You knew him from afar, much like everyone else at Hogwarts. There was an aura to him that made everyone think he would end up Minister for Magic, or something equally prestigious. So seeing him that day, climbing the stairs up the flat two stories above yours, you couldn’t help but call his name in astonishment.

“Tom Riddle?”

He stopped his ascent and turned around, looking harried. You wondered where he ended up working to look this tired. His eyes narrowed before they widened in recognition.

“Y/L/N, right? Y/N? You were in Hufflepuff.”

You smiled and nodded, pleased that he would recognize you, even though it wasn’t that hard to do so. You were, after all, the only student to attend Hogwarts in a wheelchair in the seven years you had been there. As far as you knew, you were the only one since your aunt attended thirty years ago.

“You have a good memory, as always. I didn’t know we were neighbours,” you said, pushing your chair forward with a wave of your hand.

“So it seems,” he replied, remaining in place. He narrowed his eyes again, as if asserting you. “What’s a Hufflepuff doing here? Can’t say I’ve seen any of the sunshine crew in a place like this.”

“Can’t all be sunshine and rainbows” you deadpanned. Then, shrugging, “It’s quiet, and people don’t ask questions. I like it here.”

He hummed, turning fully towards you now, going down one step.

“Interesting,” he said, almost to himself. “We should meet up for some tea soon, as good neighbours do,” he finished with a charming smile.

“Sure, let me know when, I’m often here anyway,” you chuckled before waving your chair around and leveling the stairs going to the basement with a few flicks of your wrist.

“Have a good evening, Miss Y/L/N,” he saluted.

You waved back at him with a smile and disappeared in your apartment.

You were greeted by the vision of a beautiful sunset on a Grecian beach you once visited with your family, back when they were still trying to find a cure for you and your aunt. It had taken you a few months to figure out how to create sceneries out of memories, but you succeeded with the help of a few books on Ancient Runes and Charms. Those had been for the creation of a pensieve, but you did not become a Master in Charms and Transfiguration with your look alone. Now, despite living underground, the place never felt somber nor cramped like it was when you first signed the lease. Instead, you had managed to summon a delicate breeze whenever you opened the windows you created, and the smell of the sea would reach your nostrils, tickling you with souvenirs of delicious meals, and a sense of wonder at discovering the world beyond what you had always known. With a wave of your hand, you opened the french doors leading to the balcony and rolled your chair out, intent on admiring the pinks and golds of the sunset. Two seagulls passed overhead, their cries echoing against faraway cliffs. You released a sigh, relaxed, at the sound of the waves rolling on the beach.

“Remy,” you called your house elf gently.

He popped right next to you with a small bow.

“Yes Miss Y/N?”

“Bring me some tea, please.”

He bowed again.

“Yes, Miss Y/N. Any particular blend you would like today?”

You thought about it for a second.

“Surprise me,” you said at last with a smile.

“Yes, Miss Y/N.”

He disappeared with a small pop. The house-elf had been a gift from your grandparents. They had offered the same to your aunt when she was born, just as a great aunt before her had too. This blood curse still had no remedy, but until magic figured out a way to deal with it, you all made do.

Remy had been more busy once upon a time when you didn’t have magic yourself, helping you navigate the house’s stairs and obstacles with a clack of his bony fingers, then only during summer until the trace disappeared, but nowadays, you only needed him for cooking, a task you disliked doing yourself. But, more than his delicious concoctions, it was his company you appreciated the most. Life as a disabled witch tended to get lonely at times, especially now that you had left Hogwarts and worked your way up the echelons of the Department of Mysteries.

Remy reappeared with a steaming cup of what you could smell as jasmine oolong, a blend your parents brought back from Taiwan, and you smiled.

“Thank you Remy, you knew exactly what I wanted, as always.”

Remy preened at the compliment and bowed. You called him before he popped away.

“Get yourself a cup and stay with me. I want to hear about your day.”

He did just so as you summoned a chair for him, and then spent the next hour regaling you with tales of capturing the mice family that ran through the entire building, and how he brought the whole lot to the animal emporium for their feed. He also had gossip to share. Lots of them.

“Remy,” you asked him, “what do you know about Tom Riddle?”

Part 2

I really hope I wrote something that gave you what you were craving Anon! Let me know what you think!

Readers Tag: @shibble

Send me your requests!

Masterpost

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First half of 'We're All Doomed' stage show, transcribed

Spoiler alert!

[source]

Warning, if you accidentally clicked this: FULL SPOILERS for Dan's We're All Doomed tour! This is your chance to back out now.

Thank you to Jane for providing audio and to Cal and Keelin for help transcribing!

[Dan over speaker] hello and welcome to doomed radio. I’m your host DJ Dan here bringing you the soundtrack to the apocalypse here at the end of the world tour. I’m here with a very important message that photography, video, and audio recording is strictly prohibited so if you’ve got your phones out during the show someone that works at the theater will dropkick you and rob your device. We kindly ask for your cooperation. Now it’s time to drop some bangers. See you soon.

[plays dan’s diss track] [plays tour playlist]

Dan singing: Everything's fine, totally fine I hop out of bed and brush my teeth Make some toast or maybe muesli Fine, everything's fine [doorbell] Oh, who's that? It's my neighbor Valerie - I love people! Lookin' out the window while the tea is brewin' The bees are a'buzzin and the pigeons are a'cooin It must be a sign that nothing's out of line Because everything is fine... For you and you and you and you and you And you and you and you and you- [Dan. Daniel. Are you having another breakdown?] Everything's fine, everything's fine! La la la la la la la [He's lost it.] I love to sing- [You're spiraling. How long has it been since you've spoke to your therapist?] I'm fine. [You have clinical depression.] I'm going online! Hello, internet. [Really?] So much respect and intersectionality [Bullshit] All I see is rainbows- [It's time to stop pretending. You're clearly in denial. The world is literally ending] Yes, everything is swell, it's going terribly well [There’s drought, there’s war,??? self destruct, the ocean's on fire, we are literally fuc-] FINE, yes everything is fine For you and you [Dan, you have social anxiety and hate people.] It's fine. [Tigers are going extinct. Seagulls dying in oil on the beach.] It's fine. [Alexa is listening, plotting to kill you in your sleep. What are you going to do about the climate emergency?] SHUT UP! Everything's fine, totally fine Everything's in perfect harmony [*something*] DANCE BREAK It's fine, it's fine, it's fine fine fine It's fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine

[Dan. Come on. The world has got problems. You have got problems. Everyone here can see that. *something* deal with issues. It might be uncomfortable, like that time you pretend to love boobs for twenty-eight years. The truth is always here in the back of your mind. Dan, you need to be honest. What do you really think?]

WE'RE ALL DOOMED.

Are you happy? We're totally screwed. We are facing the destruction of our planet. Society is being ripped apart, if we do not kill each other first we're going to get nuked or a giant meteor is going to obliterate us while we sleep. What is the point in making it through our pointless little lives if anything we do has any meaning? When there is no point, no reason, no bloody hope at all.

[Well, that was a bit dramatic.] Seriously. [When I said be honest, I didn’t mean go all the way in the other direction and have a total melt.] You know what? I hate you. [Well, I don't particularly like you either.] I AM YOU. [And that's why we're in therapy.]

It's okay. It's okay. Bring it back. Start small. Just be a normal guy, doing a normal show. Look - there's your audience. Why don't you say something to them? Ask how they're doing? Crack off some regional banter? Joke about the weather! No, not the weather, actually. It’s burning us all to death. Just say hello.

INTRO HELLO, IPSWICH! Yes, I am Dan, I am doing a show. That’s why I’m here, that is what is happening. People of Ipswich, how are you tonight? [happy screams] Liars. Ooh, happy screaming. You can’t try that shit with me. I’ve got xray goggles for fear and anxiety, okay. That’s alright. I’m happy to go along with the lies. That’s why you’re all here, yeah? To leave our problems at the back of the doors and hope that at no point I leave a long enough silence for the intrusive thoughts in the back of your head to pop up and remind you of the one thing you’re trying not to think about right now.

I wouldn’t do that to you guys! Come on, really. I’ll distract your mind, it’s fine. Fill the voice with noise. Blah blah blah, blah blah. Look, we’ve got some lights. Here’s a funky sound! Ooh, it’s a picture of a dog. Wow, listen. I’m making jokes. Airplane food, am I right? Clean up in aisle two. That’s what she said. There we go, all your problems are gone, death isn’t inevitable, and we are gonna have one good night!

Okay guys - this is serious. This is an affirmation. All of you here are just gonna have one good night. [audience screams] Hell yeah. Now I’m sure what you’re wondering is - if we’re here to have a good night, why am I doing a show called We’re All Doomed? Valid. Mainly I just thought it would be really funny to scare the shit out of people walking past the theater when they see this. *something*, Mamma Mia, Mary Poppins, We’re All Doomed?! [screams]

We have a poster. It’s very tacky and pleasant. That’s just a jump scare for people at the bus stop isn’t it? Who is this very extremely tall child wearing a sandwich board looking like a creepy preacher from a town central/extra in a Kanye music video. Hi, it me. The branding is mainly black, obviously, because I’m a fucking emo. I’m one of those people that only wears black. So philosophical and fashionable, yeah. More like a performative acceptance of the darkness in me, so I can procrastinate any kind of emotional feeling that might be required *something* you know what I’m saying. But I look cool, yeah?!

But to be fair. There is a pop of color in there, the accent of orange just for contrast. As so many of you so helpfully pointed out, it’s literally the Pornhub logo. [audience cheers] *something* But it is too late, okay. We’ve printed the merch, the posters are up, get over it, okay. Get over it. To be fair I think we could have had the tour sponsored by Grindr, that’s a missed opportunity. Could have had a themed segment where I react to strangely toxic men telling me that my facial structure is too effeminate. Reporting me for not sending him feet pics. Or reporting me for catfishing as Dan Howell - which has happened, by the way. People have tried to catfish using my pictures. Don’t know what they’re thinking, should I be Timothy Chalamet, Troye Sivan… no, no. I need someone believably sad, lonely, and horny: Dan Howell. They gotta be careful. I don’t know who they’re gonna get nibbling on that line, but some of these fuckers are crazy.

We’re All Doomed is not just for the memes on the screens, though. This is a tour that I felt I had to go on to get out of the house and out of my head. It’s a show about the thoughts that are lurking and swirling in my mind. I want to be honest with you guys, do that uncomfortable oversharing thing. I am not just here to talk about having a weird crush on Tony the Tiger, okay. What, you don’t see it? He could throw you across the room with those arms. And cover you in frosting, rwar.

If I did a show about all the reasons why I’m stressed at humanity’s doom, then all of my problems become your problems. You know how they say a problem shared is a problem halved? Well there’s like a thousand people here right now. Forget halving, I am decimating this bitch. Literally and now a tiny piece of my problem is inside all you. [audience reacts] Don’t act like that.

Now, the problem when all the world is such a dystopian nightmare is where to begin. But our mission for tonight, therefore, is to look at all the ways in which humanity might be irrevocably fucked. And who knows, maybe you will find something to be hopeful for the future. And if not, at least we will have had one good night before we all go up in flames!

Now where to start… hmm. Nature is dying, robot rebellion is coming, our phones are secretly filming us shit. You seem surprised by this. They’ve got you in 4k popping a squat and they don’t give a shit about it. Why don’t we start there? Let's talk about the screens.

SCREENS Social media is 100% the downfall of humanity, and I say that as someone whose entire life relies on three apps. Not youtube, instagram, and facebook - onlyfans, facetuner, and *something.* While I heat my toast in the morning.

Every day when I wake up, I am terrified to reach over to my phone and see what things have been happening in the world. And thus… the doom scrolling begins. You know what doom scrolling is right? You sit back just a moment to look at your phone - then it’s FOURTEEN DAYS LATER. You lost your job, you smell like shit. All of your houseplants are dead. You go to scratch your leg, it’s not there. The cat ate it to avoid starvation. Our phones are literal black holes full of the worst things we can find. Terrible natural disasters and awful news about your favorite celebrity. Or the worst thing at all - that really annoying friend asking if you want to go for a coffee some time.

Yeah, that’s the worst thing. I would rather lose a hundred hectares of rainforest than spend an hour in Cafe Nero making small talk, staring into a latte wishing it would jump out of my cup and drown me. No - come up with an excuse. I’ll just say my grandma died. It works for everything, that’s a great excuse. The only problem is you can only use it once. Or twice for the other side of the family. Or more if you have a polyamorous lesbian grandma. Anyone here plan on becoming a polyamorous lesbian grandma? [audience cheers] Alright!

But for real, *something* we can’t look away from it. As humans we are naturally drawn toward the doom and gloom. It’s an evolutionary need to perceive every possible threat. Flight or fight, yeah? Or flight or curl up in a ball and *something* to death. *something* Social media companies know this. They know we want to see things that are terrible, so they feed us with an endless stream of bite-sized tragedy that are like anxiety hit tracks.

[something happening on the screen] Doom! Doom! Doom! Aww. Doom! Doom!

See what I’m talking about? It’s that easy. But it’s not just the bad things. I think it’s also the good things that make you feel terrible when you see status updates from your popular attractive friends living their best lives, ugh. Truly nothing is as insufferable as other people’s joy. They got engaged, they got promoted, they went on holiday and touched an elephant. They ran a marathon and they raised loads of money for charity. What a twat. Has anyone here run a marathon before? [audience laughs] Fuck. I found my people, okay.

You done exercise before? [No.] What was that - oh, you’re saying ‘um’ because you’re in a wheelchair, you have an excuse. I love the extremely confident ‘um’ from you there. We’re all desperately trying to turn our lives into content. I think instagram is just a horrible place filled with fake people trying to present these perfect lives. Some of us are just more secure in the knowledge of how insecure we are, and I think we should get credit for being honest with ourselves. Yeah - *something* No. Not in this house. Guys, we need a word for this.

But *sensually?* experiencing life around us has definitely taken a backseat to capturing it on camera. Even live events like this - the key word being live. I get it. You obviously want to take some kind of memory for posterity, but we’ve all been at a gig where there’s some guy in the front row holding up a fucking second generation ipad air *something* - GREG! Drop the fucking tablets *something* so I can see Dan outline his fashion statements.

Okay. But I get it, the urge is strong. That is why I asked you kindly to try and connect with me in this room tonight. Not physically, *something* obviously. I want you to connect with each other. Find each other after the show. Talk about the good time you had slash *something.* But if you don’t publicly post spoilers about the show just for the Australians that have to wait for 2023 for this shit *something* there’s not gonna be an Australian in 2023. It’s gonna be me doing this to a koala in a fallout shelter. However, just in case someone is secretly filming this on a spycam or perhaps streaming this to a contraband twitter space from a phone in their pocket now.

I have an announcement. Hi, and welcome to the *something* I’m your host Dan Howell and I’d like to confirm for the record, I’m a Tory. I’m actually straight. I have a six pack, a sixteen inch penis, and a tattoo of *Armie Hammer?* on my left butt cheek. Oh yeah. Armie Hammier. *something* The reverse Call Me By Your Name. That’s when you take a bite out of the peach then come in it. [audience boos] I thought I was allowed to express myself! Are you trying to bully me back into the closet? I see how it is.

Look. I think the internet is fucking amazing. It is a place where people can come together and find communities, they can share information, get representation that they wouldn’t get in real life. It saves lives. It saved mine. If I didn’t escape the bubble of my homophobic childhood I might not be here today. It’s the reason why we are all together in this room right now, and I think that that is awesome.

[audience cheers]

But on the other hand we’ve got guys filming themselves throwing milk on the floor in a shop - wow. And I hear fascism’s back in style, oh well. Play some Muse(?). Did you see what happened to Gabbie Hanna the other day? Girl potentially having a breakdown on TikTok and some guy turns up at her house to secretly film her because, I don’t know, banging content? Is this where we’re heading? Is this the future? This is what I’m afraid of, right? The internet just gives us all this power to make our lives amazing but it’s also drawing us toward doom and desperation and I’m afraid that if things keep going the way they are, we’re going to crash and burn.

[visual element]

Now perhaps the biggest danger of our social media addiction… Can you guess? Is data harvesting, okay! Because every single thing you do is being monitored. The likes, the dislikes, the friends, the transactions, the incognito tab - they know all of it okay. I want to give a shoutout to the FBI agent assigned to my internet. That guy has seen some shit. He needs therapy. But our privacy is all up for grabs, and to demonstrate this I am now going to grab a member of the audience and force them to show us their camera roll. [drumroll sound effects]

Why would I do that? Hell. What! No. But for real, l that is what every app is doing to all of us right now. [audience screams] Bunch of exhibitionists. When we think about privacy, we only really care about two things - our browser history being exposed and our nudes being leaked. But the truth is unless your password is the name of your dog, you’re probably fine. Anyone here have the name of their dog as their password? What’s your dog’s name? Percy? That is a short fucking password, okay. Oh, dear.

Privacy is really an issue for all of us, thinking about it. But the truth is that our news or searches for Sonic the Hedgehog mpreg gore are not very interesting. No offense. What they wanna know is every single boring thing you do. The posts you like, the ads you click on, the images you scroll by just for a second and think ‘hmm, I would.’ Don’t shame me, okay. You want to fight, don’t you. Okay, I see how it goes. But what is the evil end goal for all this data harvesting, you’re wondering? It’s just adverts. They just want to give us more personal adverts, how nice of them. It’s like digging through someone’s trash and then turning up at their front door like, ‘Hey, want some of this?’

I swear to god I only get adverts for things I literally just bought. I’ll be, I don’t know, buying some oranges so I don’t get scurvy because I don’t ever leave the house, and instagram will be like… hath thou considered this citrus? Bit late, mate. Why don’t you give me something that I need, like toilet roll. Ideally before I run out and have to start tearing pages out of my promo copy of Tom Daly’s autobiography. Do not make me put Tom Daly in my ass! Again. Legend.

In 2020, it was leaked that Facebook had a secret operation called Operation (?). That sounds nice, doesn’t it? They want to find out if their algorithm had learned to exploit our attraction to devices by deliberately putting (?) and political views together, and it absolutely was. And you know what they did when they found out facebook was doing it? NOTHING. Because when society is being ripped apart, you scroll past loads of ads. It’s great for business! And that might be scary, right. Because if the apps can control the content we see, they can control how we feel. Facebook makes you angry. Instagram makes you sad. Duolingo makes you horny. No? You might say… hornay. You don’t like that? Can anyone say horny in another language?

[audience interaction about saying horny]

This is scary, right? Thinking that the phones have this much control over our lives? WRONG. I think it’s a great thing. I would love for my life to be controlled by a machine. Or maybe I just crave domination, I don’t know. Life is hard. I don’t want to make these decisions. What t-shirt am I going to wear today, what bus do I have to catch to be on time, which pornhub category will I dive into and then feel deep shame about for several months? I do not want to make these decisions, okay. I just want an ad to be like Dan, wear a blue t-shirt for once. Get the 12 local bus and stop being (?). Dive into DILF tag for a good time.

Now, we’re not quite there yet. But one thing's for sure - we will all be replaced by robots one day. I have a couple of friends that are already halfway there. [Phil on screen] THey can do anything we can do. They can build cars, harvest crops, keep you on the phone to the bank for half an hour before I realize I’m just realize stupid. But surely there are some things that these AI programs can’t do? Mm, you’d be shocked. They’re replacing our pets with indestructible metal dogs. Have you seen that? What the fuuuuuck! Oh, don’t worry, they’re just for delivering items across terrain. Definitely not hunting down (?) in 2032 (?) with their metal snouts. If that dog humped your leg, you’d end up with third degree burns.

But what is safe? Human consciousness, art, love. No, none of those things! Love isn’t real. Love is just a toxic manipulative relationship where you need something from someone so you give them affection and the occasional disappointing orgasm. Unless it’s the love you have for your mother. Hopefully. But what about art? The creative reflection on life that separates us from the beats and the binary code? Are there any artists here? [audience cheers] ART IS ALREADY DEAD. A computer can do anything way better than you! Some of these AI art programs are a bit shit and you’re not quite redundant yet. I’m sure you all still have PTSD from that time I asked one to show Dan Howell experiencing happiness for the first time. Yes, (?). They say that the eyes are the window to the soul and my soul is an asshole.

I got access to the big boy Dall-E and I made this AI visualize my fantasies.

[section of AI images appearing on screen]

But hey - so maybe they’re taking our jobs, they’re taking our art. Perhaps this is the last bastion right here. Human communication. We want to have connections with real people. We want to share stories, move each other emotionally, make jokes about depression and penises. And surely a robot could never replace this, right?

Well. I’d like to introduce you to someone.

[deep fake of Dan appears on screen]

Hi, Dan.

[deep fake: Hi, Dan.]

I’m so turned on right now. I commissioned a deep fake of myself to prove definitively that even I could be replaced or even subversed by a machine. He’s also running my onlyfans.

[If you want feet pics, that’s extra.]

This computer generated me can do all kinds of things I can’t do. He does exercise. You could juice an orange with those biceps. He can juggle. He’s really good at (?).

[I hate my job and my audience terrifies me.]

He’s also heterosexual.

[I am attracted to the form of breasts.]

He has an easier life than me. He’s everything I’m not. Outdoorsy. Active. Brave. Look at that. So realistic. I don't know how many of you noticed, but he actually did all the programming for this tour.

[I am so excited to go back on the road. I love living on a bus sharing one toilet between nine people.]

Hell, I could even be a deep fake right now. If (?). It’s a fucking joke. (?)

He can sound like me. He can look exactly like me. But he cannot replicate my mind, because I am a complex human consciousness made of real experiences and emotions.

[But Dan, your consciousness follows a simple formula.]

Sorry, what?

[Your writing is a simple formula, too. I might even say predictable.]

Okay, rude.

[Popular topic plus personal experience divided self-depricating relatability minus obvious sexual innuendo equals Dan’s content.]

It’s not that simple. I’m speaking from the heart, here.

[Did you know I’m socially awkward? Just kidding, it’s depression. Also, do you know I’m gay? I like penis.]

Okay, anyone can do an impression.

[Dan, I can even predict where the show is going and how it will end.]

Spoilers.

[I can even make the point of the show in a much more entertaining and profound way.]

No, no you can’t.

[At the end of the day, maybe all you can do is-]

*Dan speaks over the recording and ends it*

CONSPIRACY THEORIES Now I'm sure you're thinking this is all sounding a bit tinfoil hats. "Ooh, Dan, the apps are controlling our minds. Alexa is secretly keeping a list of everybody that doesn't say thank you so she can ?? Dan! Aren't these just conspiracies?" Hell yes! And I love a conspiracy! Do you?

Well, I lied, I used to love conspiracies because, I don't know, conspiracies used to be funny. You'd hear about some bloke named Barry down the pub who knew the earth was flat and he had a mate that sailed to the edge and spill off the edge. And look he was obviously batshit and smelled like a salami but he wasn't hurting anyone! Apart from his liver and strange family. But! [laughs] I think all good conspiracies are simply stupid, epically unintelligent pieces of fun fiction that everybody can enjoy. Do you want to hear my favorite conspiracies? Here are my top three classic favorites.

Go.

Number one: Avril Lavigne ?? Classic. The story goes in 2006 Avril Lavigne died, presumably hit by a runaway skateboard or something, and her record label, desperate to keep making money from her touring, replaced her with a clone called Melissa! Now! You may think this is stupid, but can you tell the difference? Is this Avril or Melissa?

[shows something on screen] Ooh, what d'you think? [audience response] I like how you're like "I don't - fuck it - Melissa." This one? Oh, see now ?? What about this one?

[Liz Truss shows up on screen; audience laughs]

That's not Avril Lavigne, that's a fucking idiotic shell puppet that is an embarrassment to the country! [audience cheers]

Next conspiracy: chem trails! Yes, that's right, the naturally occurring streaks of water vapor that do come out of the back of every single plane. ?? it's piss tanks so we're all ?? are actually a cocktail of secret chemicals that are released to make the population stupid. Now, the only problem with this one is implying that the people that lose our luggage are being trusted with secret chemicals. You think RyanAir could successfully execute a bio-terrorist conspiracy? They can't execute a fucking frozen tikka masala. There you go, airplane food joke.

Next! It is: every TV game show is rigged. Obviously!? They can't be giving out max prize every single time, they have to save it for one episode a season. Who Wants To Be a Millionaire going a bit too well? How many atoms are there in all of space? Hmm! Oh what, you wanna ask the audience? Good luck, we've been pumping chem trails into the studio all day! We all know they get too close to 52k, secret hatch under the podium, swap out the card, go home with 50p. Well, The Chase ?? When they're looking for contestants they find thick people.

And those are my favorite conspiracies. They're great, right? The problem is that nowadays conspiracies are no longer being discussed in secret. Now teen tinfoilers are hitting the streets and taking action. I wanna know: whyyy are they so obsessed with the 5G towers? I need 5G, okay? I like fast Internet. I am not going back to 2006 watching porn on dial-up, sat in the kitchen, as the shaft of a penis slowly loads up the monitor of my mum's work PC, okay? No. We didn't need edging back then ?? Leave the 5G alone!

And these conspiracies they're not fun, they're dangerous. 'Cause yeah, 5G causes ?? And the freaking microchips in the vaccines. The queers are secretly going to overthrow society. And they're stupid, these conspiracies, they're like Trump toddlers knocked over a bowl of alphabet soup. I genuinely think that the people of Ipswich and not that came to the show just because it's the first one could come up with a better conspiracy theory that's more believable right now... It's time to play conspiracy theory madlibs!

CONSPIRACY THEORY MAD LIBS (**audience participation*) Popstar- Harry Styles Politician- Boris Johnson Verb- cumming Body Part- nipple Household Object- whisk Vegetable- eggplant

“Did you know that Harry Styles and Boris Johnson are secretly married? They consummated their marriage by coming on each other’s nipples and now they have two children called whisk and eggplant”

Song- bring me to life by evanescence Adjective- moist Animal- rat Group of people- furries “How are you feeling right now?”- horny

“If you listen to Bring Me To Life backwards there is a secret hidden message that the government is putting moist rat hormones in the furries in order to make them horny”

Make a noise- *fart noise* Influencer- Phil Lester Store- Primark Zoo Animal- zebra Children’s fictional character- Harry Potter

“There is a secret society called the *fart noise* and it’s run by Phil Lester. They meet every week in the basement of Primark. They meet to sacrifice zebras in order to appease their violent god, Harry Potter.”

Well, it's that easy to come up with a compelling conspiracy these days. And because of that it just feels like a lot of people that we know are - maybe not in a funny way, maybe in a concerning way - starting to go down the big conspiracy hole. And I think it is tempting to laugh at these people for just being stupid or label them as crazy, but I don't think that's fair, right? I don't think that they are necessarily evil. When people turn to conspiracies like this I think it's probably because they're depressed. Because society is fucked. People want something to hope for. They want to believe there's something more to life than just what we see every single day, so when they find out that there is a secret and now that they know the secret they are special and their help is needed to save the world, they just go all the way down then. Even if saving the world is screaming at confused ?? slipping hormones into the ?? turning teenagers queer. Ugh!

But the truth is there is no great conspiracy. There is no illuminati. There's no lizard people or secret government. It is just capitalism, working as intended. [dramatic choir music plays]

CAPITALISM Anyhow, concept: Perhaps literal billionaires could pay just a bit more tax and some people wouldn't have to be homeless? [audience cheers] Crazy commie thinking! If you wanna think like that you are gonna be licking raw concrete off the floor of a freezing Gulag whilst polishing a giant golden statue of Jeremy Corbyn! Okay? Oh god, no. That is what my granddad says to me every single Christmas, and this is a stupid thing, right? Not a hard thing but ?? [audience laughs] Oh dear. ??

The thing is when you look at any mainstream political party in the first world, no one is proposing a revolution. You've got all these crazy billionaire defense squads that are so scared to change anything when in reality no one is trying to turn this into Soviet Russia - just Denmark, okay? Same shit, same problems, just ever so slightly less horrifically evil, but nooo this is a crazy radical plot to give people marginally better public transport. [sound effect]

I personally, no matter what might happen to my crazy (plan or) career, will ever not feel financially stressed, because I have somehow ended up financially supporting my own family. Even if they haven’t always emotionally supported me. I once came home from school crying and told my mum that someone called me gay. She misheard me, thought I said "fat" and suggested I might cycle to youth theater on Saturdays. Yikes!

So I cannot look to anyone to bail me out if I fuck up. If I am on the stage like this where I say something horrible and I get sued - have I done that so far? [audience responds] What was it, was it the granddad thing? ?? I might be forced to move back to my homophobic hometown and that is not an option for me, okay?

Now, millennials, if you want some advice ?? That if you want to pay off your student loans, you just have to cancel your Netflix subscription, guys. If you want to pay off the average student loan of about 46,000 pounds you only need to cancel Netflix for 416 years. Which as it happens was the exact length of the latest Stranger Things season. Those episodes were thicc as fuck. ??

It is hard to visualize the scale of ?? the world when it is just these big numbers, so I have come up with an inappropriately whimsical metaphor: bubbles. But for this I’m going to need some help so welcome to the stage my unpaid intern, Bubbly Ben.

[something happening on stage]

Alright, you ready for this shit? Here we go. I will blow one bubble to represent the average UK salary. Do you know what it is? Any guesses? Depressing fact: 24,600 pounds. Here we go.

Fuck! ?? Whoops.

What about doctors, huh? How many bubbles do they deserve to get comparatively, do you know what their salary is? I like that you actually went quiet there. Well done, smartypants. It’s their job to literally keep us alive even if we swallow superglue, Phil Lester.

What was the UK’s most desired profession - you’re fucking right! Being a youtuber. Depressing. Now, your mileage might vary depending on success and shamelessly. But according to Forbes in 2020, Logan Paul made 18 million pounds. [audience reacts] Yay, Youtube! Filming dead bodies! Wow. What the fuck am I doing on an eighty day world tour talking about depression? I could just get punched by KSI and ??.

The big dog himself - Mr. Jeffery Bezos, the richest man on Earth. Now Jeff has frequently paid zero on annual federal income tax. In fact on his taxes in 2011 he claimed tax credits of $4,000 for his kids. I’m sure he needed it. But now after a few tough years for everybody, Jeff’s net worth is a cool 160b dollars. Release the bubbles!

Don’t worry, they don’t stain. Probably. We’ll find out.

The reality is that going by this shit bubble analogy, I’d have to release over 530,000 bubbles to accurately represent the amount of Smaug-like hoarding taking place here. So we are all told to be angry about that guy taking our bubble or that guy taking five while Jeff here is sat on a fucking bubble bath of warehouse workers tears, scrubbing his back with the spines of books that are suspiciously cheaper than ??

You may be thinking - Amazon’s convenient, they have everything! True. But you don’t get to number one just by being good. You need some smart business decisions like making your delivery drivers piss in bottles so they keep working longer. Did you like my bubble gun by the way? Got it off Amazon. Oh sorry I didn’t find any organic farm to shop local suppliers of bubble guns in my local area, no. And this is it guys - we live in a society! And until the government forces businesses to play nice, nothing is gonna change. So hey, if you’re an elderly political that isn’t gonna live long enough to see the suffering, starvation, and inevitable revolution, who gives a fuck, right? Keep your foot on the pedal and with a little luck you’ll leave it to your fucked up kids to inherit your empire of a desolate planet.

[sound effects]

CLIMATE CRISIS Of all the problems in our human society - the doom scrolling, the inequality, there is something truly terrifying on the horizon: climate change.

Yes, the boss level of all pain and misery, and it is truly the ultimate existential threat and yet our problem is half the people just don’t think it’s real or simply don’t give a shit. And yeah, I get it, change is scary, okay. I totally lost my shit when they changed the font on the twitter app.

This is arguably almost as serious as that. But some of these climate deniers, they have spent their whole lives driving land rovers, eating twelve steaks a day, just throwing beer cans out the window and now some short Swedish girl pops up on the tv and calls them evil? This is a violent paradigm shift. It’s like when people tell me to stop sexualizing cereal mascots - I will not do it. No, no. The Sugar Puffs monster can demolish my bussy. I’m revealing myself.

Now, I’m pretty green, personally. Maybe because I don’t go outside. Turns out ?? use of heat occasionally. I’m basically vegan which means sometimes when I’m sad I have a milk chocolate and then cry thinking about the cows. Which makes me sad so I have another chocolate. It’s a vicious cycle. A delicious, vicious cycle. Also I might have had sushi once but it was on my birthday. I didn’t eat the sushi, I thought about it, okay!

Yet again I am literally on a global tour right now. My mission to save my soul and give you all one good night might as well be flying a burnt out car into Greta’s driveway, and yet the rub is just one hundred companies are responsible for seventy one percent of all global emissions. And that just means our individual actions pale in comparison to a handful of corporations and their shareholders. We’ve got all the guilt about this stuff while they’re just a bunch of comic book villains demolishing rain forests and setting the ocean on fire and embedding immortal microplastics in every single living being.

Some people are gonna be in for a shock when the system comes crashing down. And hey, where are we even gonna live when half the earth is a scorched desert? If only we knew who to call.

[sound effects, something on screen introducing next section]

DENIAL My name is Dean Niall, realtor to the dying stars and today I am here to let you in on the secret up side of the current ecological collapse which is - serious savings! Are you a young person that’s afraid to get a property line because the boomers are a bunch of money grubbing bastards? Booo! Well, feast your eyes on what they left behind.

[visual heavy segment where he advertises property during the apocalypse]

So is this it? Is this our fate, hmm? I think it is kinda terrifying to feel like we have no control over our future, so maybe I can lift the mood of the room by reminding you all that at literally any moment the sun could burn and in seven minutes all life on earth would go up in a blazing ball of molting plasma, yay!

Alright! Now you feel better, don’t you? Your problems seem so insignificant because they are insignificant. It could be anything! A fuck off rock coming from outer space, alien inviasion (although lets be honest, I’d probably like a cheeky probe), the bees having colony collapse disorder. If the bees disappear we’ve got four years until all life on earth shrivels and dies. Now that’s a stinger. It could be anything. A black hole could just get shit out of space from the solar system and we would instantly turn to string! At any moment. Like now! Are you ready? Have you got your affairs in order? Have you cleaned your browsing history so your family doesn’t find your smut stash. Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter! Have you prepared? Prepared to be string? Cool. In the face of such unimaginable cosmic horror, there is truly no hope at all.

You know I thought that talking about these problems would make me feel better, that’s kind of the point. But I’ve got to be honest, we are boned. I thought that doing this tour would uh, be a kind of ??, give me something to look forward to.?? But there is nothing to look forward to but the inevitable end. What’s the point of even trying? You know what, I should just have just eaten the goddamn sushi. I should just post feet pics and get more followers. I should have sold all of your data to china, cryptocurrency. I should have bought the deep fake for meet and greet. I could have posted every conspiracy I have on facebook. I should have done this tour on a private jet, crashed Harry Styles house, put the whole thing on a fucking ?? ipad. [words get increasibly buried under a heavy bass]

BREAK FOR INTERMISSION

#wad spoilers

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sciatu · 1 year

Video

Quanto vivea la felicità?

Come i bambini, quando si chiedono chi spegne il sole la sera, o dove finisce il mare, come loro quando chiedono dove si nascondono le foglie in inverno o dove corre l’acqua dei fiumi, come sognano i bambini, quando giocano le loro battaglie senza morti o inseguono felici un pallone di plastica, come loro chiediti anche tu: quanto vive la felicità? Se vive più di una stella cometa, più a lungo di un natale o quanto il volo di un gabbiano che plana sull’acqua. Chiedi se è grande quanto un vassoio di dolci colorati, o piccolo quanto una coccinella, se è alta più di una giraffa, o bassa quanto un porcino.

Chiedi se dura come il primo fiocco di neve sulla strada gelata o più di un arcobaleno dopo la pioggia e meno di quanto corre un onda sulla lunga spiaggia? Se è eterna quanto un bacio o come le margherite a primavera, se è lunga come la danza dei fenicotteri in un lago salmastro, o il volo delle rondini nell’azzurro primaverile. Chiedi se la felicità è come una colata di lava infinita o come un sogno prima dell’alba, se è veloce come un temporale ad agosto, o lenta come il suono di una fisarmonica, corta come un bicchiere di vino, o grande come un gelato al sole, inquieta come una nube nera che tuona o serena come l’ondeggiare delle spighe in un campo di grano. Chiedi se rimane nell’aria come il canto ossessivo e monotono delle cicale, o scappa via nella luce pallida delle lucciole di notte, se è viva come il battito di un cuore o è un sogno come un raggio di sole che entrando dalla finestra attraversa una stanza buia. Come si risponde ai bambini che fanno domande semplici ma incredibili, banali, ma rivoluzionarie così, a chi chiederai quanto dura la felicità, ti risponderà che nessuno lo sa, tutti però sanno che tutte le cose belle, durano quanto la felicità.

Like children, when they wonder who turns off the sun in the evening, or where the sea ends, like them when they ask where leaves are hidden in winter or where the water flows from rivers, like children dream, when they play their battles without deaths or happily chasing a plastic ball, like them ask yourself: how long does happiness live? If it lives longer than a comet, longer than a Christmas or as long as the flight of a seagull gliding over the water. Ask if it's as big as a tray of colorful sweets, or as small as a ladybug, if it's taller than a giraffe, or as short as a porcini mushroom. Ask if it lasts like the first snowflake on the frozen road or more than a rainbow after the rain and less than a wave runs on the long beach? If it's as eternal as a kiss or like daisies in spring, if it's long like the dance of flamingos in a brackish lake, or the flight of swallows in the spring blue. Ask if happiness is like an endless lava flow or like a dream before dawn, if it's fast like a storm in August, or slow like the sound of an accordion, short like a glass of wine, or big like an ice cream in the sun, restless like a black cloud that thunders or serene like the swaying of ears in a wheat field. Ask if it stays in the air like the obsessive and monotonous song of the cicadas, or runs away in the pale light of the fireflies at night, if it's alive like the beating of a heart or is it a dream like a ray of sunshine entering through the window and crossing a dark room. How do you respond to children who ask simple but incredible, trivial but revolutionary questions like this, whoever you ask how long happiness lasts will answer that no one knows, but everyone knows that all beautiful things last as long as happiness.

#Sicilia #Sciatu #Sweets #dolci #felicità #happiness

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spider-xan · 21 days

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So very annoyingly, the sun came out and the clouds dispersed an hour after the eclipse ended, so we got perfect weather in the afternoon that would have been much better for the eclipse, especially the totality!

However, that also meant there was a rainbow over the falls later in the day, and I think it was very cool to get to see a total eclipse and rainbow on the same day in the same location! It was a full arc where you could see both ends in the water too.

The first photograph above is the much larger part of the rainbow over the Horseshoe Falls on the so-called Canadian side.

And this is the smaller half of the rainbow near the so-called American falls, where the end of the arc is visible in the water; also, all those white dots near the shore are actually birds, presumably mostly seagulls.

Another shot of the rainbow over the Horseshoe Falls taken further up the Niagara River where the water falls over the cliff; I think the danger sign is a nice touch.

#xan's eclipse 2024

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lady-lycany · 11 months

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I AM SO HAPPY IT WORKED! I WAS SWIMMING FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS IN THE LAKE AND HAD IT ALMOST COMPLETELY FOR MYSELF 😭❤

I didn't wanna leave the water at all man, but at the end I found a way that basically forced me to do so lol

First when I arrived I was like oh no, on one side are so many people, but the further I went around the lake, the more free spots were there. and so I found the best spot of all <3 with the best view

I later found a perfect stick that probably had many other creatures already in their mouth but I didn't care lmao. I always threw ot far out, dived to it, grabbed it with my muzz- I mean mouth and paddled back to land. and that a hundred times lmao

I also loved the sound of shaking myself in the water cuz it really sounded like wet fur <3

It also rained a little, and there was even a little rainbow for a short time. Now I'm sittin here, and listen to the thunder in the far distance ❤ (I even saw Storks & Seagulls <3)

and now the reason why I quickly left the water again: correct. skinnydipping 😭🤣 Yes I did it and as soon as I was naked I regretted my life decisions lmfao. First of all: the feeling's not as special as I imagined it to be, secondly putting the shirt back on in the water took me wayyy too long 😭🤣 that wasn't worth the panic man. I shouldn't have tried xD

((OH YEA, THERE WAS A SHIBA INU SWIMMING NEXT TO ME, I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD))

now the thunder is getting closer so I'll go back home now ❤

#werewolfkin #lycanthrope #caninekin #alterhuman #therian #otherkin #wolfkin #wolf therian #dogkin #dog therian

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stardewremixed · 1 year

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Stardewies as kids... Abigail

Glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. Fairy lights in her windows. And posters of Pokémon on her walls.

Butterfly clips in her hair. Bunny slippers on her feet. Borrowing mom's jewelery is always a treat.

Playing in the fields until dusk. Catching fireflies in a jar. Watching the moonlight jellies float home every summer's end.

Carving pumpkins every Halloween. Imagining her school uniform is infused with magical powers... like flight or super speed or... yes, she was caught daydreaming in class again.

Sleeping under the Christmas tree to catch Santa leaving presents. Peppermint nail polish for the holidays. Bows on presents. Shiny paper.

Christmas caroling in the square. Red mittens. Purple knitted cap. Red wool coat. Jingle bells. Handbells. Church choir. Pockets full of stars. Hair full of sunshine. Learning to whistle through her teeth.

Crocus - the first flower of spring and the last flower of winter. Shiny silver spoons and finding marshmallow charms in her cereal. Bubble baths and yellow submarines and rubber duckies dancing on waves.

Trying beading. Losing every one. Coveting the blue ribbon at the egg hunt. Vowing to win every year forward. Dyeing eggs all sorts of colors. Snorting a jelly belly on a dare.

Embellishing sneakers with sequins. Drawing animals with chalk on the sidewalk. Chasing rainbows. Chasing seagulls. Chasing the horizon.

Building castles made of sand. Rolling pie dough with mom by hand. Fruit scented markers. Lip smacked necklaces. Honeysuckle lotion.

Building pillow forts. Conquering playground equipment. Begging Sebastian's mom to build a tree house. Up a tree, down the slides, across the harbor in a rowboat made of driftwood. Digging in the sand for treasure. Pretending she's a Mermaid in the ocean riding a seahorse (really seaweed).

Playing pretend. Writing stories. Making up games. Pirates. Cops and Robbers. Fair lads and maidens. Princesses and frogs. Girl heroes. Singing the theme song to Kimpossible, standing on the back of the couch every Saturday into a hairbrush.

Watching every episode of Wishbone. What's the story? Giggling with books in the back of the library. Reading about adventures of kids in faraway lands doing brave things with their animal companions.

Swinging from the roof on the garden hose. Pretending she can fly. Ending up in the ER. Making all the nurses laugh with her funny faces. Covering her arm cast with colorful stickers. Calling it her battle scar.

Balloon animals. Face paints. Finger paints. Decoupage. Ceramics that are a little bit lopsided. Making pinecone crafts. Building a birdhouse. Popsicle stick towers.

Believing she can be anyone. Do anything. Go anywhere. Braving staring down the school bully, monsters under the bed, or broccoli on her plate with the same intensity. She will be the hero of her own story. Who needs Prince Charming?

#stardew valley thoughts #stardew valley #sdv headcanon #sdv abigail

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mollykeaneyviscom · 1 year

Photo

Penguin Brief - James and the Giant Peach Research & Cover History

James and the Giant Peach was written by Roald Dahl in 1961.

It is a children's, fantasy novel.

The book is now famously illustrated by Quentin Blake as are all of Dahl’s books, but earlier editions have included illustrations by various artist over time (which is something I didn’t know) such as: Nancy Ekholm Burkert, Michael Simeon, Emma Chichester Clark, and Lane Smith.

Plot Summary:

James Henry Trotter is a boy who lives happily with his parents in a house by the sea. Unfortunately, when he is four years old, an oddly carnivorous rhinoceros escapes from the zoo and eats James' parents. He ends up with his two cruel aunts, Spiker and Sponge.

After James has been living with his aunts for three years, he meets a mysterious man who gives him a bag of magical crystals, instructing James to use them in a potion that would change his life for the better. While returning home, James stumbles and spills the bag on the ground, losing the crystals as they dig themselves underground. A nearby peach tree, in turn, produces a single peach which soon grows to the size of a house. Spiker and Sponge build a fence around it and earn money by selling viewing tickets to tourists; James is locked in the house, only able to see the peach through the bars of his bedroom window.

After the tourists have gone, James is assigned to clean the rubbish around the peach and finds a tunnel inside it. He enters it and meets Centipede, Miss Spider, Old Green Grasshopper, Earthworm, Ladybug, Glowworm, and Silkworm who become his friends.

The next day, Centipede cuts the stem of the peach, causing it to roll away and crush James' aunts. It reaches the sea and is surrounded by ravenous sharks. James uses Miss Spider and Silkworm to make threads, while Earthworm is used as bait and draws 502 seagulls to the peach, whereupon the threads are tied on their necks. The peach is lifted off the water. High above the clouds, the peach encounters the Cloud-Men who are portrayed as responsible for weather phenomena like hailstorms and rainbows. Centipede mocks the Cloud-Men, who throw things at the group until they get clear.

Later, James realizes that the group has reached New York City. The wing of a passing plane severs the strings, and the falling peach lands on the spire of the Empire State Building. It is mistaken for a bomb at first, resulting in the arrival of police and firemen. Calming the crowd, James tells his story, and becomes friends with many children in New York, they eat the peach and James and his friends get their own jobs.

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pyrethorns · 2 years

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Cat Under Crimson Waters

Summary: Red seas lap along the side of a decaying vessel, and here a witch comes seeking not only the owner of the ship, but her precious familiar as well. And as she takes her first steps aboard the faded deck, the ambassador of the Dead Sea has already pulled his snare. Warning: There are non consensual themes in this fic, coercion and corruption among them. Please be aware.

A ship bobbed along the horizon of an ocean stained in hues of stale red and kissed by a deep orange sun hanging overhead. It floated aimlessly along the waters, occasionally stopping on a rock before the currents took it ambling in another direction. Rust and lichen grew along the faded blue rails around the boat. Red water lapped along the sides, a spray of salt and ocean taking a few barnacles leaving the rest to their business on the decaying ship. The wind in this ocean barely could count as a breath, the birds passing by remaining silent as they rushed on through in the hopes to be anywhere but here. A shrill baying came from several seagulls as their silent formation was interrupted by a floating shape coated in black. As the shape lowered itself further, a witch on a broomstick could be made out wearing a black dress covered in belts. Water seemed to billow from underneath her, but she avoided both the ocean’s grasp and the resulting rainbow. She hovered over the prow of the ship before dropping onto the deck, boots hitting the wooden boards with a solid noise that somehow echoed in the empty air. Her eyes peered around, both of them white dots encased by midnight. The witch wandered the perimeter of the deck, checking one end and then heading back to the other while gloved digits grasped at her chin. From beneath the dress flicked a black-furred tail that passed from side to side, her head tilting with a small frown as she stopped by a door. She reached out toward it, pausing just inches separating her fingers from the wooden frame before sighing. Turning tail, she walked over to the rail and placed her hands flat on the faded blue while looking out toward the horizon. The sun hung just over the water as if in a perpetual state of falling, as if the churning ocean below could reach out to swallow it. For a few minutes, the witch stared at the stagnant water before she finally sighed and turned away. As she returned to her broom and grasped it, she ran a thumb along the surface, eyes closed until one peered open as she heard a door creaking open. The witch turned immediately with her hand raised crackling with powerl, but she held her spell as she heard a familiar voice, and saw his bastard face stepping out of the darkness.

“Now, now, that’s no way to greet a friend after so long, is it?”

The chipper voice belonged to a smiling fellow with pale skin wearing a white suit and black gloves. One of his eyes was shut in a wink, but the other was a bright and shiny ruby peering at the witch. Sal had come to this old boat with a hunch that he might see something interesting. Of course, it was more than a hunch that led him to this conclusion. This little witch used to be good friends with the owner of this boat, and Sal was always happy to greet Wadanohar’s friends. The timing as well was perfect considering Sal had a good idea of why she had finally decided to visit her old friend’s waters. She wanted something, and he knew exactly what that thing was. That being said, nothing could be discussed with such violence buzzing between them. That hand still poised in the air didn’t inspire much confidence in a peaceful outcome, and yet, the ship hadn’t caught fire just yet and her expression remained a neutral line. Sal contained a snicker, mouth curving up at the corners in a sharp moon. Of course, she wouldn’t attack him. She had questions, right?

Crossing her arms, the black-clad witch breathed out and tilted her head, “I don’t ever remember being your friend, but I do remember you hanging around Wada a bunch. Haven't heard from her in a long time so I figured I'd come around to check up on her, that and I have an important question to ask.” She then grimaced while looking toward the door that he had stepped out of, “What happened to this place?”

Sal shrugged while retaining his jovial tone, “Wada moved on. She lives at the palace with our dear Princess providing counsel and company. Of course, she has her own place under and above the waves, but it's always better to have her interacting with the denizens of this fine sea.”

The witch sniffed, “That right?”

He opened his mouth to continue this fun little conversation, but paused as he felt pressure in the air rising. Sal took a good look at her eyes and found that the gaze might as well have been cutting into him, digging in searching for the right spot to prod before pulling out to bleed him dry. Such a beautiful stare. It wasn’t just the gaze either, she was radiating a hunger, a primal desire to kill that reminded him of an orca or a blood-crazed shark. He could almost reach out and risk being bitten by it, or melted to slag. Ah well, perhaps she wasn’t in the mood for games, but he did have to admire the predatory pressure she oozed. It was something that would even shake the Princess to her core if she saw it. As much as he wanted to tease and coax those little feelings full of gnashing fangs and daggers, it was better for him to perform as a diplomat and actually do his job.

With a breath, he shook his head, “Chlomaki, was it? Wada’s happy here. True, everything is different, but she’s smiling all the same and I’m keeping that smile nice and safe, but that’s not the only reason you’re here, right?” He prodded the air with a sharp digit, leaning forward as he brought his lip to his finger, “Whatever question you had for Wada, I’m sure I’ll be able to answer.”

Chlomaki grabbed his finger and squeezed, much harder than he was expecting, “Fine. Let’s cut to the chase. Where is Lobco? My familiar.”

For a witch, she had quite the grip! Ah, Wadanohara always had the most interesting friends. It would be wonderful to have Chlomaki stay here for Wada’s sake. First, he had to make sure that she wouldn’t crush his finger, or his face, and so he beamed at her without showing a hint of pain and said, “If you let go, I’d be glad to tell you. After all, as an ambassador of this fine sea, I know all about our lovely denizens, one and all along with visitors.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she puffed out, “Oh, fine, but drop the act already. It makes me want to strangle you more than I already do. I’m not in the mood to play with you.”

The pressure eased from his aching finger slowly and Sal leaned back to adjust his gloves. He allowed a wince to slip in the hopes to look rightfully hurt as he answered a bit more dryly, "Perfectly understandable, but I'm not playing. It’s just the way I have to be. Wada and the Princess tell me to be nicer to guests so I can actually do my job.” He then straightened the collar of his suit while sighing, “I swear, Wada has been a bad influence on the Princess. Too bright and cheery for a witch of these seas, but then again, that’s what makes her my precious gem." Again her gaze seemed poised to kill as he continued to the matter at hand, "Now then, Lobco, right? You wanted to know where she is?” When the witch nodded, Sal clapped his hands together, “That’s a very simple question to answer! Lucky for you, I happen to know exactly where she is. She’s safe and sound under these red waters of ours spending time with friends getting to really adjust to the way things are now.”

Her arms came undone, one hand grasped in a fist, “Adjust? You mean you’re trying to break her like you broke Wada? I know about what you did here, I know about what this sea is. If it weren’t for the Witch Queen telling me not to get involved then I would have—” She hissed a breath, the pressure in the air growing again before she simply blew out, “Just lead me to her already. At least give me Lobco. She’s my familiar.”

Sal hummed and tilted his head back and forth, “Last time I remembered, you referred to her as a pet and kept on making jokes about having her as a meal? Maybe I’m just imagining things, but it seems like you really care about her, right?” When all the kitty did was stare at him, Sal snapped and turned from her, white shark tail slapping the floor, “Got it! If that’s the case then I don’t see why I can’t arrange a little visit. I am a rather gracious host after all.”

Chlomaki’s eyes widened for a moment before returning to normal, her shoulders relaxing until she suddenly tensed again, “That's it? You’ll take me to her? Didn’t I say to stop your games and stop being such a fake? I don’t care what this Wada has told you to do, I just want things straight from you for once.”

He clucked his tongue and shook his head, hands to the air as he sighed, “I guess if that’s what you really want, then let’s cut to the chase.” His gaze sharpened, eyes peering toward her over his shoulder with mischief and something else swimming from beneath. The tone of his voice remained joyful, but with a similar cut as his gaze, “All right. Lobco made the mistake of coming here to try and take Wada away, but I forgave her because she was one of Wada’s precious friends. I’d rather not let her go, but I could if you were diplomatic about it. C’mon, think with your head a little, what is it that someone like me would want?” He then placed a digit to his lips and chuckled, “I know you told me to not play games, but this is more honest than all that sweet talk, right?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. I do prefer you like this. “ Said the witch before sniffing, “Still want to punch you in the face, but whatever. Either way, you have no right to keep Lobco here and no right to keep Wada either! In fact, now that I know for sure that they’re under the water, I could just get rid of you and take what I want, right? So here’s what deal you can take. We’ll go on a walk under the ocean and you’ll lead me to Lobco and Wada. Do that for me, and I might not turn you into a roast shark dinner.”

It might have been more prudent to trick the witch, but why bother? She seemed to not realize where she was, and who she was speaking to, and so Sal’s expression shrunk into a bored line as he looked away while rubbing the back of his neck, “Well, guess you’ll have yourself a shark dinner then.” He then looked up with a small smile, “But you know, if I die, who keeps Lobco alive?”

Chlomaki stepped forward with her mouth opening in a near snarl before she paused. Slits appeared in the air, opening slowly making sounds like wet bones popping into place to reveal eyes watching over their conversation. However, when the feline witch turned toward them, the eyes were gone leaving nothing but the empty sky over the dead sea. When she looked back at Sal, he had turned toward her while holding the same expression, the same small smile underlining two eyes full of half-mooned boredom. It wasn’t so much that he was disappointed that she hadn’t negotiated, but simply put, he had won too quickly. A boring outcome for a boring if not cute witch.

Even still, there was always room for theatrics and so he stepped back and up onto the rail while waving, “I’d better get running. Violence is such a scary thing, and once you attack me I’ll have to rush off to keep Lobco from getting pulled apart. I can’t imagine how sad Wada will be having to heal whatever happens to her, if she can even pull it off. Anyway, bye-bye!”

He fell backward, the sight of the amber and crimson skies filling his vision like a growing fire painted with white cloudy smoke until a shadow appeared with a voice, hand grasping his wrist, the witch’s confident tone shattered, “Wait!” Sal looked toward her with a raised brow, his body remaining limp in her grasp as she said quietly, “Please, don’t hurt her.”

Sal’s smile grew as he grasped her hand and pulled himself back upright, “Oh? You just said you’d kill me? You didn’t even want to negotiate for her safe return?” He then leaned down, his head hovering just over the brim of her hat so he couldn’t see her expression, “So, what is it that you are willing to do to get her back?”

Chlomaki muttered something quietly, far too quietly for him to hear and so Sal tilted his head and hummed. In response, she looked up at him so that he could see her eyes misting at the edges, her mouth held in an angered grimace as she uttered with a hiss, “Anything!”

He let go of her hand and sat on the rail, one leg swinging back and forth while he took a good look at her expression. Her eyes still held that sharp contempt, but he could see them trembling just a bit more with each passing moment. What was he going to do with this one? Part of him wanted to just give her what she wanted. It might make Wadanohara proud of him, after all, but mischief continued to tempt him as her expression continued to grow more varied. He laid his cheek in a hand, tilting his head to look at her crooked frown twitching at the edges. To him, she looked desperate, and yet utterly determined. Kind of like when Wadanohara was in these types of pinches. No matter how abrasive this witch was, she still had her cute side it seemed, and that expression of hers only served to urge the mischief within him to rise. Wada would be upset if he hurt her too badly, but wouldn’t she be happier with another friend? There was, as well, the matter of his own feelings. The more he looked at her, the more he found this growing desperation on her face attractive. One of those belts would make a lovely collar around her neck. Of course, for now, all he would do is toy with her.

With a chuckle, he leaned back with one leg crossed over the other, and finally, he spoke, “You’re cuter than I thought. Usually, you’re so indifferent, but in these moments I can see something so innocent, so pure. You’re really worried about your precious familiar, worried that she might be suffering a fate similar to your past.” She seemed about to argue until his final few words, her mouth clamping shut as he reached over to drag a digit along her chin, “Not to worry. We don't have to talk about those little things. So here’s the deal. All you have to do is pleasure me with your mouth, maybe show a bit of skin and I’ll take you to Lobco.”

The little witch had to gawk at that, right? She had to give him a good response from that type of request. For a moment, it seemed like she would do exactly that as her cheeks burned pink and her eyes narrowed, her lips trembling. Was it going to be anger? Or perhaps shock and disgust? If he could take bets with anyone then he’d gladly put down money for the fun of it, but instead, he had to settle with watching and waiting for whatever reaction would come from her. Sal settled his hands on his knees as she took hold of the brim of her pointed hat. She pulled it over her eyes obscuring her expression for a seconds before she tossed the hat to the side. Black hair colored like ink splashed into the air falling over her shoulders before stopping due to a black ribbon tying it together. Feline ears were held back in contempt and irritation as she began undoing the belts wrapping around her dress. They fell to the deck along with her gloves, slender digits grasping the neck of her dress.

Oh? Was she going to strip all the way? A little skin was what he had said. Perhaps her chest, or maybe even her dress lifted just a bit to see her legs, but all the way was nice too. Either way, Sal figured he should prepare too. He leaned back as much as he could on the rail, a set of digits sliding down to pop the button from his trousers off. He would have continued if not for the fact that Chlomaki’s expression changed. Her fingers were locked in place, her eyes growing wide as she looked at where his digits were. Oh? Did she not expect this? Maybe she thought that with only a little look it would be enough, or that he would say that he was joking. Honestly, part of him had wanted to play that little teasing game, but with how pathetic she was looking Sal couldn’t help but get hungry. How could he not? Such a confident witch fractured mentally in so many places that he could simply reach out and touch her and expect her to shatter. Smile widening, his fingers continued their work unzipping his trousers, thumb hooking through the waist of his boxers to tug them down and let his shaft out into the air. Limp, not yet hard, not yet too impressive, but it twitched in reaction to her reactions. Her ears jolted upward, her eyes shaking for just a few seconds before she hardened her stare. He stuck his tongue out at her and tugged his underwear down just a bit more to let his balls out into the air.

“Waiting for something?” Muttered Sal.

Chlomaki breathed in before stepping toward him, her hand grasping his cock while her words came out in a huff, “Let’s just get this over with.”

Her indifference did nothing to still the beating progress of his erection. Those trembling digits on his cock only aided the steady rise, each throb producing a few more inches. The witch’s gaze remained locked on his shaft so intensely that he couldn’t help but hum, “That impressive? Wada took a bit to get used to it, but she can handle it in all sorts of places now.”

Indifference burned out into something like rage in her eyes, her mouth turning to a hard line, her grip tightening just a bit as the pressure in the air increased. For a moment, he thought she might actually do something, but instead, he turned her attention toward his shaft, her hand moving slowly to start stroking while she muttered, “Whatever. Say whatever you want so long as you take me to them.”

If not for the leverage brought on Lobco’s life, he absolutely would have been dead. That being said, he did have that leverage and he did not have an ounce of fear. It was only because she radiated that same desperation that Wadanohara had about her loved ones that made him realize that she would do nothing to jeopardize her friends. It meant that she could make as many bluffs as she wanted, but he would not flinch. Her little outbursts were most likely nothing more than attempts to assert that she could do something if she had the freedom to. If she really wanted to stop playing games then he would be glad to oblige, of course, it also meant that he would have to put a stop to her little false pretenses. Seeing someone struggle in vain could be so sad, after all.

He brushed a digit along her cheek, ignoring the sharp stare he incurred as he brought his hand up and behind her head to grasp her ponytail by the base. The mess of hair felt soft beneath his gloved digits; a delicate swathe of crow feathers that would normally be pressed and preserved, but ruffled feathers were cuter to him. He tugged her hair back firmly causing her to winced, her hand at his cock tightening, but not enough to hurt. She would never risk that. He could drag her down now, make her choke and sputter, but there was something about her that grew more and more beautiful as he looked at her. Sal’s eyes appraised her up and down taking in the little details of her face, the small fluster on her cheeks appearing most likely due to some sort of shame, one of her eyes shut leaving the other staring shakily at him. It was not for own life and wellbeing she feared, but for the wellbeing of her companion, and that made her a precious gem to him. He kept her head locked in place with a hand at her hair, squeezing while his other hand brushed along her cheek. A hum spilled from his lips as he leaned in, her eyes both opening wide as their mouths met for a loving kiss.

A smile lined his lips against her own, a sharp frown on her face dueling his expression. His mouth pushed along her own, his lips parting to let teeth pinch her bottom lip ever so gently. She growled but soon began to dip into the kiss properly, mouths melding together now in a lover’s embrace that brought the heat to his body to a boil. The hand at his cock move with shaky digits, nice and slow while he dipped his tongue into her maw. This certainly wasn’t part of the deal, but she did what he wanted either way. Her tongue passed along his own, the warmth of her drool mixing with his as the kiss continued. He couldn’t help but chuckle at every little whine and hiss she made between their lips, his mouth pulling away just a bit to toy with her.

“C’mon, keep your lips moving. Treat me as if I were one of your lovers. Give chase, make it really seem like you want your hubby here.” He said with a wink.

Her cheeks brightened with what he assumed was anger, but as he loosened his grip on her hair, she leaned in to continue the kiss. Their mouths parted and melded, tongues dancing while her body trembled at his touch. One of his hands moved down to cup her chest, gripping ever so gently just to feel the prize that he had secured. All he was doing was getting a little pleasure before showing the kitty to her friend. There had been a part of him that genuinely wanted to follow through with the deal, but the more he felt those lips on his own, the more he found that this little kitty was more than a grumpy witch. She was something precious meant to be kept and preserved. When their lips pulled away, a clear line still connected their lips. Her mouth was open, breathing steam out into the air between them as he tugged her hair just a bit to start urging her downward, but he stopped for just a second just to spit into her mouth. Chlomaki knew how the game went, knew that whatever he did she had to take, and so instead of spitting it out, she simply allowed it to mix with her own while her cheeks further flared, anger clear in the pits of those darkened eyes.

The heat of her lips had been a divine treat, something straight from the sea god himself, but he wanted more than that. That twitching arousal between his legs had grown almost sore from the neglect, throbbing as he wondered how the wet warmth of her lips would feel around his cock. More than just that, he wanted to see her mouth sticky and clinging to his shaft, her expression broken after her throat was fucked. He had to be careful or else his desire would lead him to something regretful, and he wouldn't want to make dear Wadanohara sad. Even still, the grip he had on her chest and hair tightened just a bit. It felt as if his claws would rip from the gloves to clutch that soft skin, the inside of his body feeling as if he were shaking, as if a wild pressure were pushing against his chest ready to rip free, but instead, he removed his hand from her tit and instead satisfied his violent hunger by toying with her hair while lowering her.

“Now.” Sal started, “Get to using those lips of yours. Bottom to top. Of course, I don’t need to explain to you how to pleasure a man.”

Again he could feel her gaze boring into him, but the movements she took betrayed her anger. Her lips pressed against his sack, her eyes shut as her hand began to get into a steady rhythm. The threats and bile spilling from her expression soon left, leaving behind something much sweeter hidden behind those shut eyes; resignation. He let himself sink into the rising feelings within him. Her soft touch at his shaft dragging warmth up and down, slowly working its way into aroused heat. She would stop at the tip of his shaft to squeeze gingerly before coming back down, her movements quick and yet precise. Exactly as he figured; she knew how to pleasure a man. There was something sweeter behind the movements of her hand, something much more interesting to him. Every now and then he felt the twitch of her digits as she stopped halfway, a slight trembling from underneath that betrayed her hardened exterior. Even the breaths she took that flowed against the skin of his balls seemed to carry that very same feeling. To him, these little signs, these little cracks in the witch’s exterior were as lovely as the red sun warming his head. Of course, he couldn’t be entirely mean. That violent attraction he felt tempered itself with an odd longing for this little witch here between his legs. Wadanohara was the only one that he would give his heart to, and yet, he had never met someone else with reactions as good, with a heart as sweet as Wadanohara. At the same time, Chlomaki was getting dangerously close to earning his love.

“You’re getting prettier and prettier like this. Almost as pretty as Wada.” He muttered in a lustful haze, “I wonder if I should extend an invite for you to join our little kingdom here.”

No response. Only the wet sound of her lips working his balls could be heard. He shouldn’t push it, shouldn’t try and force her into it. No sense in doing something so mean when it would upset Wadanohara, except, she would get over it if her friend remained at her side. Not yet. He wasn’t willing to give in just yet. The digits holding her hair loosened just a bit, enough that she could move without feeling the tug of his grip. Be nice. Be good. He could hear Wada’s little words in his head telling him that he had to be a proper diplomat, that he should act sweeter. However, he couldn’t help but notice that another part of this deal was a bit too half-hearted. Her lips were planting little pecks on his sack, from left to right before her breaths rested along the base. It was a nice effort, but not as good as when he had pushed her for a lover’s kiss. He wanted more from her, and he had asked for more. As a good diplomat, he should teach her how to honor her deals properly. He hummed and gripped firmly as he grew bored, tugging her head forward just a bit hoping that she would get what he wanted. A quiet hiss served as his answer, but her tongue slipped from her mouth to finally pass along his balls. With a small smile, he sighed to the air and drank in the feeling of warm wetness sliding along sensitive flesh. Every lick left a cool line, the sensations adding to the heat pulsing in his shaft aided by her quickening hand.

Waves lapped along the ship, but that sound seemed like a gentle purr compared to the song of the unwilling kitten’s work. Her breaths came out in little warm huffs, her sticky tongue adding something wet to what he felt like was music to his ears. Sal even heard her curse on occasion, to which he answered by yanking on her hair. He wasn’t going to break her yet, but there was no reason to let her sass go free. The more he tugged on her hair, the less she complained through those cute little ways. It was almost a shame, but it was also telling that she had been trained before. Maybe breaking her wouldn’t be so difficult after all. Ah, but he wasn’t supposed to break her, and at the same time, he had done many things that he really shouldn’t have done.

Ambitions blossomed as the warmth flowed to the back of his head. If she had been trained before then it would be a simple thing to awaken those instructions. All he had to do was find the right cracks to push, or apply pressure in every little corner all at once. He looked down at the witch and saw that her eyes were still closed, her ears were folded back, but her mouth moved ever-so dutifully now. Tongue across the balls before sliding up the base of the shaft earning a shiver from him. Her hand was moving in small circles, tugging him faster and faster with a thumb pushing along the tip. This was a pet worth having and he found himself not wanting to hold back. He didn’t want to be nice to her like Wada would have wanted. So long as the witch lived, Wada would forgive him, but would she forgive this odd betrayal in his heart? He stared at Chlomaki, really looked at her expression. She went from desperate and angry, to resigned and dutiful with an air of sadness about her. That little shift in emotion made her look even more like Wadanohara in the middle of being broken. They were both witches, both such cute girls. Who said that he couldn’t have two lovers? Who said that he couldn’t pine after another gem?

The hand grasping Chlomaki’s hair tightened and yanked her head up. She yelped in response, eyes opened wide as her lips were brought to the head of his shaft. Her mouth opened as if she were about to say something, but as she looked up she peered into his glare and for some reason, something melted within her. The witch’s shoulders fell, her expression drooping and her lips wrapping around the tip of his cock. If she had resisted a little bit more, perhaps he would have honored his deal without too many alterations. He would have even given her a chance to get away, but now he had other plans. Sal had found that he had fallen for her. He wanted nothing more now than to hold her in his arms and make sure that she would stay among these reddened waters as a witch of this fine kingdom. Part of him scolded himself for falling so easily, but how could he not fall for her? There were little tears at the corners of her eyes that seemed to try and hide from his sight. Her body shivering with such fear and concern for her friends rather than herself. He knew that he could make her do whatever he wanted, push her into any little thing so long as he had the leverage, and all of those things and more made her nearly addictive to him. Sal allowed her to get adjusted first, lips suckling on the head of his cock, the warm wetness of her mouth enveloping him as her tongue pushed along the base. Her hands moved away from his shaft, drifting to her sides as she relaxed and prepared to service him properly.

“Ah, what a good girl. The way you act, the way you look at me. I just want to keep you now since you remind me of Wada so much.” Sal sighed as he dragged her head all the way down before she had time to react.

Chlomaki gagged as her nose struck his crotch, as her lips became rooted to the base of his shaft. Her hands grasped his thighs searching for purchase, her eyes wide with such sweet shock. The tightening of her mouth and throat around his shaft alongside the stickiness of her drool flowing free was almost enough to send him over the edge. He snickered and looked over her, ignoring her flailing to peer up at the lovely sky. Red and orange flames, sugar-sweet white mixing among the corrupted shades of the sky. His hand moved slowly, but his grip remained iron as he brought her back as if he were going to give her mercy. The witch seemed to relax at this, the tightness of her mouth fading until her nose met his crotch again. Again she gagged, whimpering following as he got into a steady rhythm of pulling her back, just to bring her toward him again. Sal found such bliss in the ease at which the little cat broke down. Her struggles were half-hearted as if she couldn’t decide whether or not she should break free. Those tiny half-hearted attempts whispered that she didn’t want her precious friend to die, and in that he found himself cherishing her determination and desperation.

He looked down to see that one of her eyes had shut, teardrops forming at the edges as her head moved by his firm grip at the back of her head. Did she believe that he would give her a break? That he would let her breathe? Was that why her fingers only gripped at his lap instead of pushing away? Was it that instead of her desperation to complete this task? Either way, he did not let her breathe, did not stop yanking her, did not stop using her. The fire in his body began to become a pressure as he held himself back, his own digits and form shuddering, fangs gnashed together in a grin as his pace quickened. His other hand moved to grasp her left ear and he began to pull on her head harder. Her gags grew a bit louder, the thick pooling of drool around his dick slipping from her lips and falling to the floor. He kept on using her like a sex toy, dragging her down even harder while the intensity of the sensations crashing within him grew louder.

It was at this point that her hands began to push against his hips, her nails digging in just a bit when he didn’t stop. Sal had been planning for this, but right now he couldn’t remember what he had wanted to do. All his thoughts were smoke and incense flowing freely into the air while his instincts took over. His hunger drove him to change the rhythm, holding her face to his crotch for a few choice seconds before pulling her away. Her struggling had doubled, her hands pushing away, but she still didn’t do anything drastic and Sal continued on using her mouth. To him it felt like the first time plunging into Wada, the first time seeing her make such a shocked expression as he took everything from her, and just the same, the struggling soon stopped. It stopped with little taps on his thighs before open hands slid away. Sal himself still moved her head with the same intensity, loving every second of having that warm mouth around his cock.

By now the grin on his face had grown, a line of drool falling from his maw as he buried himself in his desires. It still elated him to no end to indulge in these things that he had needed to hide for so long. Pleasure trembling up his spine, pressure at his crotch waiting to be let out to play with the pre-spilling freely inside of her mouth. Just one more time, one more push, and heat began to lance through his shaft and out the tip. He sighed aloud, eyes shut as he held her nose to his crotch, pressing just a bit harder as he let loose load after load. The drool collected with the cum creating a heated blend that warmed his shaft. He wondered how long it would take for her to swallow, but as he looked down he noticed that her eyes were shut and she wasn’t moving.

Sal took his time with pulling her away, enjoying the feeling of those soft lips dragging across his member. When she finally came free of his cock with a wet pop, she did not gasp, she did not cough. Only a steady line of his seed dripping from her mouth appeared. Passed out? Had he been that rough? Reaching that sweet orgasm had given him a moment of clarity. He had almost even felt grateful for the service, but the witch did not wake. Sal hummed and brought her up so they were face to face. He tilted his head and leaned in, smiling as he noted that she still drew breath. Good, it wouldn’t do to make Wada sad.

His smile slowly faded as pressed his clawed digits against her cheek, squeezing just a bit as he considered his own interest. She looked so frail with her eyes closed. Did she dream of her friends, or perhaps she was stuck in a nightmare? Either way, he wanted to see more of her expressions breaking for him, and in this, he found the urge to plant his mouth against hers again. Warmth pulsed from the kiss, his tongue dipping into her mouth to taste the bitter mixture of spit and seed. The red of his eyes glowed as he dipped further into the kiss, both of his hands moving to hre neck to squeeze. Here was someone that wanted to rob everything from him. She wanted to take his love away, she wanted to steal Wadanohara away after he had worked so damn hard. Her eyes strained as he continued the kiss, digits squeezing until bruises began to form while their carnal kiss continued. Despite his sudden anger, his grip loosened for one simple fact. He loved her. Even after blowing his load he found that he was madly in love with this little witch. He stroked the spots where he had squeezed her neck, her breaths normalizing against his kiss. When he pulled away from the kiss, a clear line connected their lips again. He got up and off the rails with the feline witch tugged up into his arms. What a rare occurrence. He wanted this little witch for himself. Hopefully, Wada would be happy instead of jealous. His good-natured smile returned to him, his lips curved up into a bright smile. He turned and hopped over the rail with the feline witch in his arms. The ocean remained quiet even as he broke through the surface of the water, and on the decaying ship remained the witch’s hat

The witch awoke sometime later, eyes peeling open to peer up into the darkness. She sat up on her rear with her back against a cool wall. Feline ears twitched as she caught the sound of chains rattling above and around her. Chlomaki’s eyes peered from left to right as she perhaps realized the trouble she was in. A dungeon cell was where she found herself roosting, her arms chained to the wall by shackles clamped around her wrists. Her eyes grew wide, her teeth clenching, but nothing happened. If the witch were to try magic, then she would find that no such thing would work in this little cage. Again, her ears twitched as she heard the sound of rattling coming from a different source than the shackles at her wrist. Her bare chest rose and fell as she looked toward the sound to see the source with eyes shivering in shock and fright. Sal had brought Chlomaki exactly where he had promised to bring her. A cell with a wooden gate, a window at the far corner too high for anyone to climb, and too small for anyone to fit through. Chlomaki had been bound to one side of the wall where she watched Sal with her expressions shifting by the second. At first, there had been joy, but it was such a short-lived thing as she realized what was going on. Sal had delivered her to Lobco exactly as promised, but perhaps not as she desired. He himself sat at the far wall where her eyes met his, an arm around the shoulders of a pale-skinned girl with bright red hair and crimson eyes swimming in a murky darkness. One of his hands clutched her sizable chest, and the other had a set of fingers dipping in and out between her legs slowly. The shackles locked on her wrists had long ago been broken from the wall, her arms wrapped around him as her open mouth uttered such adorable squeaks. Sal satisfied himself by pretending to focus on the lobster-tailed woman before him, his mouth held up in a sharp smirk. He continued to ignore her until the mewling began.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Echoed the kitten’s voice through the black-tatami-clad cell.

Sal waited a moment, his fangs pressing down on the spot between Lobco’s shoulder and neck to enjoy her little reactions for just a bit longer. He allowed the lack of his answer to linger in the air until he heard Chlomaki’s chains rattle. When he brought his head up, he breathed out, “I’m just enjoying the newest edition to our kingdom. Y’know, it took a while before she could recognize friend from foe.” He then grabbed Lobco’s chin while turning his attention to Chlomaki, “But I’m sure you won’t take as long, will you?”

The feline witch had gotten up onto her knees, tugging rather violently against the restraints before stopping suddenly as he got up. Oh, did she already fear him? Or perhaps it was the lack of her magic? Regardless, he began walking toward her step by step while Lobco slumped against the wall. When he was just a few steps away from Chlomaki, he leaned down and beamed, “Isn’t this nice? You’ll be able to spend your time here with your friends. Wadanohara was so excited to hear that you’d be joining us. She even said she wanted to have you all to herself tomorrow, so I’ve decided to play with you all night to make sure you’re right in the head.”

Chlomaki’s ears and tail frizzed at the edges, her eyes sharpening as she hissed aloud, “What did you do to both of them? You think that I’d just let you do something like this?” Goodness. It seemed as if her healthy fear had been replaced by a bit of anger and bravado, a bit that continued on as she spat, “Bring yourself anywhere near me and I’ll bite—”

A crack echoed through the cell, the sound of his hand striking her cheek booming before silence took hold again. Sal then grabbed her chin and leaned down to meet her gaze as he redirected her reddened face, “Let’s get this right, shall we? You’re mine. You belong to this kingdom, and to Wadanohara if she’ll have you. Whoever you were above the water is now gone. I thought of keeping you as another lover, but with such an attitude I might have to demote you to a pet for now. You’ve already got a lovely collar on.”

Her gaze followed his digits to the leather he had placed around her neck, a sigil glowing at the center that caused her eyes to burn with red as she cried out, “Stop!”

Sal chuckled and ran a thumb along the rune, her body trembling, toes curling inward as he toyed with the enchantment placed on her, “You see. Any little thing I want from you, I can have, but I think that’s boring. Before I let you have the peace of losing control, I want you to beg for it. I want you to tell me that you love every second of it and you want to be mine. Now, spread your legs.”

She held her mouth shut in a tight line, her eyes looking down at his fingers and further below at the pulsing heat poised toward her. He could see that thoughts of struggling were still coursing through her mind, and he took his hand off of the sigil. With magic, anything could be possible. There would be no point in it, however, if the belief was only skin-deep. He grabbed her knee, digits pressing in just a bit as he pushed her leg to the side and down causing her to gasp. Chlomaki tried to bring her legs in, but the chains and the collar kept her nice and weak. At the very least, he was thankful for that. It made training so much easier. Even still, she made a weak attempt at kicking out at him. He grabbed her ankle with his free hand to catch her kick, smiling as he let go of her knee to drive a fist into her side. Pain sparked and registered in her eyes, one of them closing as she drew in a hissed squeak. Sal found himself drooling as he leaned in to press his head against hers to get a better look, his mouth brushing against her lips daring her to try something.

“You’re weak like this. You don’t have any magic. You don’t have any strength. So spread your legs and we can make this a game. If you don’t cum by the time I blow, then not only will I pull out, I’ll let you go with your little friend.” Sal whispered in a near purr.

Chlomaki looked at him through shaking eyes, her words tripping a bit before she managed to mutter, “How can I trust you?”

Sal snickered, “Firstly? What choice do you have? And second, I can just add a different incentive.” When Chlomaki quirked her brow, Sal’s mask dropped for a second revealing bloodthirst in the form of a wide grin, his voice hissing with that desire, “I can just fuck your friend until tomorrow and make you watch as I knock her up. I’ve been nice enough to pull out because I didn’t want that weak thing having one of my kids, but if it motivates you, why not? And oh goodness, I wouldn’t be able to hold back these teeth of mine with you watching.” Her legs drew in tight, her eyes wide while she clasped her hands and leaned away as if he would bite her. Quietly he added, “You wanted me to stop pretending, right?

The witch’s eyes turned away and shut, her chest rising and falling slowly as her body relaxed and her legs began to open bit by bit. Sal ran a few digits along her calves, stopping at the knees before letting his claws fall to her thighs. She continued to spread her legs for him until he saw her lovely heat presented for him. A light tuft of fluff at the crotch, an unopened crest waiting for him to peel it apart and enter. All illuminated and crossed by shadows thanks to a lantern hanging just outside of the cell’s confines. His gaze moved to her eyes that opened as he got in place, which widened as he leaned down further until he could not see her expression. He planted kisses along her crotch, his tongue coming out to move along her inner thigh. He grasped onto one foot, a digit trailing over a curled toe to make note of the action, to enjoy the fact that she seemed so distraught in every little bodily expression.

“Get on with it!” She barked. When he looked up toward her with a quirked brow she added just a bit quieter, “Don’t toy with me. Don’t sample me. That wasn’t part of the deal. It isn’t fair.”

Sal ran a tongue along her slit, his hand pressed at her thigh able to note the tensing of her muscles. Languidly, he leaned a cheek against one of those strong thighs and sighed, “And here I was looking forward to romancing you, but if you want to be ravaged and raped, want to be clawed and broken, then who am I to judge? Of course, you could just shut up and let me have my way.”

Chlomaki met his gaze with a glare before surprisingly enough, her shoulders sagged and she breathed out, “Fine. Get on with it.”

So aggressive, so terribly rude, but he could forgive her for now. The love he had felt for her seemed to be waning just a bit, if anything because the differences between her and Wadanohara were becoming rather obvious. Even still, he wanted to enjoy his new treat and so he began licking again. His tongue moved along her inner thigh while heading toward her crotch. He circled around and then down to the warmth of her mound, her body shivering against his sudden intrusion. A thumb of his pressed down over the crotch, sliding down just a bit to start rolling circles to search for that particular spot that would win him the game. She grunted, and growled, hissed and drew her legs in just a bit with her knees locked over his head. Such actions did not befit a witch that he would love and cherish, and they barely fit a kitten that he would treat well as a pet. While entertaining, it felt more and more as if his heart wasn’t into what he was doing.

One last lap along her heat and he hummed before biting down onto her inner thigh. She cried out, the chains rattling as she tried to move her hands, “Hey! Careful! I’m letting you do what you want, aren’t I?”

Sal pressed his fangs in just a little bit harder, but pulled away before he could make a lasting impression, a sigh rolling off his tongue as he leaned his cheek against the spot, “That’s true, but you’re just not as cute as you were before, y’know? You were so desperate to help your friend that you just went with whatever and with gusto. Now you’re just so upset it reminds me that maybe I don’t want to keep you.”

As he got up onto his knees and lined his cock up with her cunt, the witch rattled her chains and squirmed, “W-wait. You’ll still let me go if I win our game, right?”

He smiled while wondering what would be the best way to toy with this kitten before he simply hummed, “I don’t know, but if I get bored enough I could always shift my attention. So do your best.”

She clenched her jaw hard and Sal found himself prepared to fuck a sex toy, nothing more, nothing less. If she had become like this, then she needed to learn there were consequences for being boring and overall annoying. Eventually, she’d become a sweet little thing in his care, but it would take time and in that time he would grow bored of her. Already his heart was wandering toward other things. Perhaps that cute lobster in the corner would make a better pet. She hadn’t taken too long to break, hadn’t even needed much motivation to start working, but goodness did she cry.

“Wait!” Chlomaki shrieked.

The sudden intensity in her exclamation caught him off guard for a moment, the masked expression on his face growing bored with a frown underlining his half-lidded eyes, “Hm? What is it? Last requests?”

He leaned back a bit as her legs began to spread bit by bit, her ankles drawn up and a crooked smile curling across her features as she spoke, “I’ll do anything you want. Just leave Lobco out of it, and just honor your word. Please.”

Hah! What a little faker. His smile stretched across his features enough that it hurt just a bit as he brought a hand up. Her shoulders drew in and she winced just as he placed a hand on top of her head, “You need to work on your lying, but keep that pretty smile while I fill you, and we’ll see.”

“Fill me?” She gulped, the smile remaining even as she hissed through her teeth, “You said you’d pull out, right?”

Sal blinked as he took hold of his cock, “Oh? I guess I did, and I guess I will if I remember to.”

He touched the tip of his cock to her heat just as she opened her mouth to say something, but her words cut into a yelp as he eased himself into her shallows and then slammed deep inside. At least half of his shaft found itself engulfed in her tightening heat, the chains rattling as she strained against them, her expression remaining a crooked smile even as her eyes seemingly reflected such anger. Of course, she couldn’t express much of anything right now that was in her heart considering he had the collar at his beck and call, that, and her precious familiar. Part of her must have kept some sort of hope that he would keep his word. Maybe it was the fact that Wadanohara was still around, or maybe some sick and twisted part of herself was hoping beyond all else that he was honest somewhere beneath the mask. However, she would learn better very soon.

Another shove and he found himself rooted inside of her balls deep, the warmth and pleasure almost enough to make him want to take it nice and easy. Of course, that sweetness inside of him was only one part of what he felt. His digits looped through her hair to grab and yank, both his gaze and hers level as he made sure she kept on smiling while he jerked his hips forward. How many thrusts would it take until she genuinely enjoyed it? How many times would he hear those chains rattling before her smile would break into a moan? He brought his mouth closed to hers to seal a kiss, her eyes growing wide for a second before she parted her lips to let it happen. Tongue met tongue, a few misty drops falling from her eyes as he kept on pounding into her loving tightness. The witch jerked her head back on occasion as best as she could, but her lips continued to surrender to the kiss.

He tore his mouth away as he brushed a thumb along the collar on her neck, his cock twitching inside of her as she gasped aloud, “What are you doing?!”

The sigil on the collar began to glow, her eyes sparking with that lovely shade of red as her body shook. Now, he didn’t say he wouldn’t use the collar. Sal answered her by rolling his hips forward, burying himself deep inside of her while his thumb continued to toy with the sigil on her neck. Her back arched violently, her smile finally breaking as she groaned aloud. She cursed and cried out, her moans interrupting her sudden bursts of anger as he kept on pounding inside of her. At the same time, since that pretty smile of hers broke, his grip on her hair tightened and he began using more of his strength to pound inside of her.

“Do you feel that?” He near purred as that lovely heat tightened further around his cock, “That’s a little taste of what you’ll be feeling every day. So just give up.”

Chlomaki breathed out, “I shouldn’t have trusted you. I should have just—”

He yanked on her hair hard enough to jerk her head up. The witch cried out in response, her yelp turning into a sweetened yell as he clamped down onto her shoulder with his fangs. He bit down while listening to her whimpering. Part of him had expected her to be more resistant to pain, but perhaps this would be far easier than he thought. As he kept on thrusting, he wondered just how far she would go for her friends, just how much she would handle until she would pawn off the debt.

Pulling his mouth from her shoulder, he breathed out against her skin, “You know, I could put this pain on that little familiar of yours instead. Just think, with a little touch of my finger all of this could be over for you. You’re not getting out of this anyway, right?”

Her eyes seemed to focus for a moment again, her mouth drawing into a hard line as she spat at his face, “No.”

And there it was. Such a devastatingly terrible answer, such lack of grace, and yet, it displayed that unending kindness that he had fallen in love with that Wadanohara had displayed. Such a precious thing. He grinned and grasped her hips, his own moving rapidly with new gusto as she gasped out, her legs kicking with her heels digging into his sides as if she could pull him away. That was the reason he had brought her here. This stupid devotion to her loved ones that would get her killed or worse, but it was something much less refined than his true love, something that needed to be tempered and hammered into place. Each thrust produced a pleasant slap. Each push produced a pleasant feeling. His heart began pumping just a bit faster, the boredom he had been trying to gnash at finally coming away with a tear as he looked into her eyes. She still had that hard line on her face, but it broke apart every so often as the mechanism on her neck forced her into pleasure with every grind of his cock on her inner walls. A thumb pressed against the collar and she jolted, her eyes widening as her thoughts came alive on full display. Would he dare do something like this?

He chuckled and allowed his thumb to fall away. Of course, he was just toying with her, but as he thought to voice his game, he felt a set of knuckles tap on his head, “Sal, are you being mean?”

His shoulders eased, his body relaxing as he pulled out slowly and looked up and back toward the love of his life. Wadanohara was a witch with bright red eyes and brown hair. She wore a dress of red tied at the chest with a ribbon where buttons of gold like a sailor’s outfit had been stained in crimson. Her wide-brimmed hat contained bright eyes underneath that watched him with the same sort of giggling madness that infected his lover’s own gaze.

With a small smile, Sal opened a hand toward her and sighed, “Of course not. I’m just making sure she’ll get used to her new way of living.”

She pressed a finger against his lips, her smile growing as she hummed, “But I gave you that collar to make it quick and easy. Lobco suffered a lot because of your half-hearted attempts. If you’d give it your all like you did with me at Wada's ship then maybe you’d be able to do something, but instead, you’re just toying with these poor girls.”

Sal took her gloved hand and kissed the top, chuckling as he did so, “Ah Wada, you’re so sweet. I know what you gave me the collar for, but I thought this would be so much better. You know that if that enchantment ever broke then she’d just go back to suffering.”

Wadanohara tilted her head and sighed, “And you know that conditioning can come afterward to prevent that. I really wish you’d be sweeter.” She then giggled and grasped his cheeks, leaning in to plant a peck on his lips before muttering, “Then again, you’ve already done such a good job by sparing her life and bringing her here.”

“Ah Wada, you’re too kind.” He said with a joyful hum.

Chlomaki’s voice came crashing through the scene, “Wada? What the hell are you doing? Are you seriously making lovey eyes with this guy while I’m here tied up getting violated? Get me out of here and we can go back to the witch queen together to fix whatever it was he did to you.”

A sharp frown crossed his features as his moment with his beloved was interrupted, a violent gaze passing over the feline causing her ears to bolt down. Sal would have done more, but a gentle hand on his head urged him to calm down as Wadanohara got on her knees in front of Chlomaki. Wadanohara then simply began with the same frozen smile, “Whatever he did to me, can be done to you, and it’ll be much better that way. This is a beautiful place that I call my home, and I am who I am no matter what happens now. The witch queen, you, Lobco; no one can change that now.” She then giggled, “But you can do me a favor.”

He could see the feline’s heart sinking as Chlomaki asked quietly, “And what would that be.”

“Give up.” Said Wadanohara while grasping her cheeks.

Chlomaki’s eyes glowed bright red, the rune on her color blazing to life. The feline tried to cry out, but Wadanohara leaned in to capture her lips with her own. The trapped witch kicked out, her toes curling in before splaying out, the chains rattling violently while the spell crackled into place. Her struggling weakened further and further. Sal watched in pure wonder. To him, he saw his lover treating another with the very same kindness that he had fallen in love with. He had wanted to take his time with the kitty, but this was fine too. If his lover wanted it, then he would do anything for her.

When their lips parted, a slick line marked their connection that broke apart as Wadanohara sighed, “Isn’t that better? Now then, you had something you wanted to tell Sal?”

The red-eyed witch once known as Chlomaki spread her legs apart and breathed out with a fractured smile, “Please, cum inside of me. Use me to your heart’s content.”

Wadanohara looked toward him with a big smile, and he returned it just the same. Hearing those gentle words had been enough to convince him that maybe there was some sort of merit in Wadanohara’s overly kind ways. What convinced him more was her gentle touch at his shaft urging the head to press inside of the broken witch’s pussy, his hips moving slowly while his and Wadanohara’s lips met for a loving kiss. Eyes shut, hips moving slowly, Sal found himself sailing on a blissful trail toward an orgasm. He kept some of his cock outside of Chlomaki just to feel those gentle gloved digits urging him ever onward. When the pressure began to mount, she slowly pulled her hand away from the base of his shaft to grasp his hips and ease him forward to press inside all of the way.

Hot cum poured inside the broken witch. Her eyes opening wide as little tears began to stream down her smiling face. She took every drop without complaint, without concern. She had become part of this lovely kingdom thanks to Sal’s diplomacy, and Sea of Death’s very own witch. Anyone who dared entered its waters would meet the same blissful fate beneath the waters should they draw those fated eyes full of sanguine sweetness.

#wadanohara and the great blue sea #chlomaki #Sal #bully #smut #m/f #fanfiction #nocon #mind manipulation #Chlomaki/Sal #lobco #wadanohara

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