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aria-ashryver · 1 month

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SAAM2024 - SA Awareness Month

TW: SA, discussions around rape and sexual violence

Listen, I’m going to talk about something it isn’t easy or fun to talk about. I’m going to try and get a point across, and hopefully have it amount to something legible, because I am already feeling my body physically reacting with symptoms of stress.

I want to talk about sexual assault.

Did you know that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month? And has been, for the last 23 years? Because I sure didn’t! Which is wild, considering I am a survivor of six separate incidents of sexual assault, two of which were penetrative rape.

I looked up the SAAM2024 hashtag and found crickets. Because who the hell wants to talk about sexual violence and rape on a random Thursday, right?

The thing is, we need to be having these conversations.

Of course, the onus isn’t on survivors to start the conversation — who would ask someone who is horrifically traumatised to open those scars again and talk about their trauma? I couldn’t even say the word “rape” for years.

[note: I have chosen not to censor the word rape here as a part of my own recovery process. Its just a word. I refuse to let it incite terror. Its just a word. ]

So who, then? If we could all talk about sex and sexual assault —if these were topics of conversation that weren’t so taboo to discuss— we could begin to take steps to make things safer for ourselves and for others.

So here I am, talking.

I feel it is important to destigmatise sex as this hush hush topic; it’s important to be able to discuss safe sex, consent, to differentiate what is just “bad sex” from what is assault. People are often quick to brush off encounters that give them the ick as just “bad sex”.

I was no different.

At sixteen, I didn’t have the terminology to describe what happened to me as rape. In a culture that glamorises illicit affairs and drunken hook-ups at parties, I didn’t have the comprehension to realise that what happened to me was not some sexy, drunken, desirable thing.

[trigger warning for more context around the first of my rapes]

I had been at a party, celebrating the wrap of my high school’s theatre production. I had been drinking underage and was extremely drunk*.

(*which in no way excuses what happened to me — it is important to take steps to dismantle rape culture and victim-blaming.)

There was a classmate I had been on a few dates with, and though we had been handsy during makeout sessions a few times, we had never discussed having sex. He offered to pick me up from the party, to give me a place to stay for the night. He had not been in attendance at the party, and was completely sober. By the time he drove us both home, I was already intermittently blacking out.

I have only a few memories of that night. One, crystal clear even to this day — a concerned classmate, grabbing my arm as I was heading out of the venue. The look of alarm on his face as he asked if I had a safe means of transport home. I lied to him. I have no idea why. I told him my mother was waiting in the vehicle that had just pulled up, and he let me go.

The next memory that I have is of his bedroom ceiling. A vague, blurred outline of his unclothed body over mine, as he was raping me.

Yes, we had been at that tentative, early stage of a potential relationship. Yes, I had taken him up on the offer to go to sleep at his house.

But, in the state I was in, there is no possible way I could have consented to sex.

I knew something was wrong, afterwards. I knew I spent the next night curled in a ball, sobbing in the shower for a reason. I knew there was a reason I froze up when a friend side-eyed me at school the following Monday, and said “you had sex with him, didn’t you?”. What I didn’t understand was that the reason was because I had been raped.

Because I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe my experience as such.

Because people don’t like to talk about sexual assault.

But we need to talk about sexual assault.

Conversations about sex can and should be removed from the concept of arousal. You can and should talk about sex without it being labelled as horny, or flirty, or suggestive — because it is just another topic to learn about.

Sex is an intricately nuanced thing that can mean so many different things to so many different people. There are elements of shame and embarrassment around sexual encounters sometimes; young and naive as I was, I was ready to take my crawling feelings of shame, self-blame, disgust, and put them down to “it was just bad sex”.

It wasn’t until long after the horror of my second, more violent rape, that I was able to pinpoint some of the trauma responses as being the same as that first time. There were patterns there, feelings that, had I been in a position of knowing more about safe sex and consent, I would have recognised sooner for what they were.

Its all well and good to go “hey! Don’t rape people!” and pat yourself on the back for your activism.

But the thing is, that kind of does sweet fuck all to actually help people who are at risk of experiencing sexual violence. What we really need is to take actionable steps toward improving people’s sexual safety and practises around consent and safe sex.

So what does that look like?

We talk about sex and consent without stigma.

We believe survivors and do not victim-blame

We practice respecting other people’s bodily autonomy in everyday scenarios, before it ever reaches a sexual context — if someone doesn’t want to hug you, respect their autonomy! If someone tells you to stop tickling them, even though they are laughing, hey, guess what? Respect their autonomy!

We remember what consent looks like, and take steps to inform others — consent is always clear, continuous, coercion-free, and conscious.

We make it second nature to take basic steps toward safety — never leave a drink unattended at a party! Stick to a buddy system to ensure people get home safe! Not because you suspect something will happen, it's just a default behaviour!

Be that classmate that tries to stop a drunk person walking out into the night alone.

The more we do these kinds of things, the less mystical and nebulous this whole “safe sex and healthy consent” thing becomes, and the safer we all are for it.

I’m gonna cut myself off here for my own wellbeing, as this has been extremely taxing, but let me provide a few links that I think are relevant. I hope this might be in some way helpful, and encourages others to continue the conversation offline. (or online, even -- reblogs are totally fine, and please feel free to add other stories or links if you have resources to share)

Be safe, and to any SA survivors who happen to be reading this, please know that you will always be yours, and what happened to you was not your fault. 💖

What is Consent (VeryWellMind)

History of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (NSVRC)

Sexual Violence Prevention: Beginning the Dialogue (NSVRC)

How to Support a Survivor (CRCC)

Finding Help If You’ve Been Sexually Abused (Crisis Text Line)

#tw sa #cw sa #cw sa mention #tw r*pe #SAAM #SAAM2024

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tired-reader-writer · 16 days

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Considering who to put in charge of safeguarding the northeastern border of Pars against Turan and Turk before Shapur becomes a marzban and... There aren't... that many, are there? Those younger than Shapur are automatically out of the picture (Kubard, Daryun, Kishward), Bahman has been stationed at Peshawar for a long time by canon era so ?????, Kharlan, is he even a marzban ten years before canon? Even if he was, I associate him much more with the western half of Pars, if only because it would make it easier for him to coordinate with Hilmes in Lusitania (assuming no switcheroos happened like it did with Kishward, he was originally stationed at the southwestern border of Pars against Misr, but was plunked into Peshawar some time before canon).

That leaves us with... Manuchurh, Garshasph, Saam, Khurup, Khayr, and Khshaēta.

We all know what Saam looks like, estimated to be in his 40s, but here's what the other 5 look like (well we also know what Garshasph looks like too but just as a reminder):

Manuchurh:

Garshasph:

Khurup:

Khayr:

Khshaēta:

I... don't feel like Saam is a good fit for the kind of emotional beat I want to portray for one of the two pre-canon Turanian invasions (foreshadowed in chapter 2). So that leaves me with the other three. Three complete and total strangers of whom we know absolutely fucking nothing about.

Which narrows the six options down to five.

I think Khshaēta looks a tad young to have been marzban for too long, so I'm booting him out of the candidate list to make my life easier.

This leaves me with four.

I got nothing for Khurup and Khayr, we know nothing of them, but as for the other two... We know what Garshasph is like, which is, uh, kinda unpleasant, he might be a good candidate for what I'd planned, but also... Manuchurh, Nasrīn's father, Kishward's father-in-law. He purportedly had a beautiful voice and Andragoras made him do the court announcements and stuff bc of his pretty voice.

So basically, among the four candidates left, we only really know two of them.

...which one shall I pick, now?

Oh, I forgot what the emotional beat I wanted to incorporate was, it was Shapur maybe realizing the marzban in charge of the northeastern border may have been responsible for the deaths of his friends and the destruction of their village after the marzban lets slip about some “bandits or potential rebels who kidnapped people and caused unrest” which Shapur knows from talking to the clan before that the abusers or tormentors who felt entitled to their victims might have painted them that way to justify trying to hunt them down or avoid having to confront the harm they themselves have caused to their victims, and Shapur feeling... quite nauseated. Remember how Isfan immediately jumped into trying to avenge his brother in the manga. Remember how rash Shapur was even by the Battle of Atropatene. He won't do anything here, he can't, because Eihon (debuting in chapter 3! I still don't know whether the invasion would be chapter 3 or 4) has made sure to hammer the point home that doing so will only bring them doom, there's no way he can demand justice for a commoner village in the middle of nowhere who were branded as criminals.

He has to swallow his bile and work to repel the invasion. Feeling like he's failed his friends for not being able to protect them, give them a funeral, or even avenge them.

I know with this context it'd be easy for some of you to immediately pick Garshasph considering how much of an asshole he was during the siege but. What if. The emotional whiplash of it being Manuchurh. But also I could just pick Khurup or Khayr to avoid the headache altogether—

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #heroic legend of arslan #wolfpack au #winds of wolfsong #shapur #Manuchurh #sam #saam #do I tag the other guys?#ah shucks here we go:#khayr #khurup #Khshaēta #garshasph

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jadeseadragon · 1 year

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Frederick Judd Waugh (American, 1861 - 1940), The Knight of the Holy Grail, ca. 1912, oil on canvas, Smithsonian American Art Museum (not on view).

Digitally enhanced. [2849 × 2285 px]

#frederick judd waugh #arthurian legend #holy grail #angels #saam #smithsonian

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caspontaneous · 1 month

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April 24th

Most people aren't aware that April is dedicated to sexual assault awareness. If you feel like you've gone through this please know that you absolutely did not deserve that, everyone deserves to feel as though they have the right to say no. COCSA, cyber flashing, indecent exposure, and csa are all types of sexual violence. SV and SA are things that affect numerous people well into adulthood. Please never put yourself in a dangerous situation and always remember that you have the right to say no.

On April 24th and all women (stay safe regardless of gender) should attempt to refrain from going anywhere

History of Sexual Assault Awareness Month | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) (nsvrc.org)

#april #april 24th #speak up #SAAM

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importantdestinydefendor · 3 months

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5, 6, 9, and 10 with Daryun and Saam for the ask game! 👀

Oh, what wonderful characters! (And so obviuse lmao but that is on me for talking about them so much) and what fun questions! I went a little on a rant here, sorry!

If anyone wants to partake here are the original questions/post!

WARING: Long post

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I usually am a person who listens to a song and is reminded of the character, rather than looking or thinking about a character and being reminded of a song. So I had to wade through my song list to find the perfect songs for my two special boys. And damn, was it HARD.

For Daryun - Lion by Saint Mesa: The whisperlike/calm singing combined with the overwhelming sound and powerful lyrics talking about somebody embracing their inner power (only a loose summary, do check out the entire meaning of the lyrics) remind me of him. He is a strong man and has many remarkable qualities. He is a courageous man who doesn’t shy away from challenges in his way nor from showing warmth to his friends/companions.

Lyric that remind me of him: “Gold are your fingers, leaving traces everywhere you go” “Sound of the water, deads dripping down your face” “Bring the lion out, bring the, bring the lion out”

For Sam - Warrior by Aurora: It reminds me of how he is trapped in his own mind and guilt of what happened in Ecbatana (as he tells Kishward in Chapter 124) and wishes for his own death. But he still fights on for what he believes in and to protect what he holds close and to keep people safe.

Lyric that remind me of him: “I can’t recall the last time I opened my eyes to see the world as beautiful.” “I’m trying to battle the night.” “Just reach out for the light, warrior, warrior.”

There are obviously more songs but for now, I chose these. For Daryun it was the hardest. Most of these songs will also probably be in my playlist for the AU as they both ALSO remind me of Azar.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Ok, be prepared for a little self-love/self-praise in this one (which is needed sometimes. Practice self-love, folks!).

I generally pride myself on being kind, friendly and (somewhat???) loyal as a friend and general human being. And who is quite literally the definition of loyalty?? Our famed knight in black, Daryun! (Sam as well, but that is not as noticeable under his other great characteristics (even though the recent chapters have proven me wrong)).

But most importantly, we three are the mom-friends. We care deeply for our friends and people we hold close to us. Daryun is the more protective mom-friend - always asking if you are okay and please, do send a text when your home safe and sound (I actually did that to a guy friend of mine. It was after a party of mine, it was after midnight and he wanted to head home for the night (he came by bike). I and another friend of ours didn't let him go until he promised us that he would send a text that he was home. I literally didn’t go to sleep UNTIl I had the text. It was like 2 or so in the morning! (I was also slightly tipsy), He only lived 20 minutes away from me, mind you).

Sam would be the mom-friend who would lend you a shoulder and an ear if you need it. He would hate it if an argument ensues between some of his friends and try to be the mediator. Probably has like random medical stuff (band-aid, painkillers, etc.) or other things one might need at hand. (I always have band-aids, at least two bottles of water, different types of pain medication, something against a cough or a small bite to eat (usually small chocolate bars) with me.) He (and Daryun, actually) would give you their jacket, scarf, etc. in a heartbeat. (I always have something to change into with me if it’s too warm/cold outside, be it a scarf, extra pair of gloves or a tshirt. If you even vaguely mention around me that you are cold, I will immediately offer you my jacket, pullover, etc.)

9.Could you be roommates with this character?

And while we talk about them being mom-friends, they would probably be wonderful roommates.

I would always have a clean and organized flat/home, probably a full fridge and no worries of a brake in (the burglar would run in fear jkashnscfluf). When stressed, they would probably hype me up and remind me to take regular breaks. While Sam would probably be the one cooking, etc, Daryun would repair things around the flat and move heavy stuff when asked. Look after things when I’m sick, take care of me, regular mental health checkup, etc. Fun late night talks and at least one regular thing we would all do together (like regular strolls, movie nights, going out to eat, that kind of stuff). Also weekly sit downs for discussing roles for housework, expenses for all of us, etc. A lot of my friends would say we have a cute family dynamic (Sam -the dad, Daryun the older brother, me- the youngest/the baby). A lot of compliments for achievements, my art, etc from them. My two personal trainers for working out (and also muscles to oogle at all day long consensually and politely of course (yes, there I said it!)). Always making sure that I’m safe and rush to help/save me from weirdos/situations I don’t feel safe in/ etc. Would have period products with them when we’re out and not squeamish to talk about normal woman anatomy/health, etc.

But as there are upsides there are also downsides in everything.

They would probably constantly be on my ass for doing things and reminding me of my deadlines (probably). Daryun would be up and early to go for a jog, the gym, his general workout, etc, while Sam would be already cleaning the apartment after one (1) coffee. Like imagine, it is a Saturday and I think, I can sleep in? Nope, 5 or 6 am, the men of the house are up and doing their routines. Probably trying to be quiet, but failing. Sam MUST have first cleaned the house before he can do ANYTHING else in his day (like my mom). Daryun would have a whole cabinet of protein powder/stuff for himself and oh my god, the many times I would send myself flying over his home-workout equipment? I would be a WALKING bruise. And when we are already talking about the work out, Sam and Daryun would both probably try to get me to work out more. Always pushing me to my limits (“You can do it!” or “One more.” “No, TWO more!” bro, no. I have pudding and noodles for arms. The only thing I will manage to do is for me to hurt myself the weirdest way possible and you have to patch me up AGAIN. I literally ripped a tendon in my ankle by TURNING AROUND IN MY ROOM! You have to put me in bubble wrap and I would STILL manage to hurt myself.). When I go out they would make me promise to text them when I arrive or am about to leave. When it is like a minute after agreed time (call, coming home, etc.) texts and calls would ensue. Out of fear and worry for my well being, of course. Like, you know how parents sometimes call several times and you would get annoyed? Yeah, that. Full on parent mode from the both of them. Sweet at first but a little overwhelming after a while. And since they are, ya know, men, the sink would look terrible after a shave! They would try to be clean, obviously, but sometimes they forget. So, deep cleaning it is!

But there are more pros than cons and most cons would be me being clumsy and them having to patch me again, sooo…

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

Sam

Probably not really. He is a lot older than me and it would probably be more of a casual friend than a full on best friend. Like the older coworker you slowly become friends with and have some casual meetings in a cafe with and sometimes invite for dinner or a party with some friends. But it would always be fun and you could probably get GREAT life and/or dating advice from him. Always a life hack or wisdom in store and a fun life story to tell. Easily could lighten up the entire party with stories when he has good energy. Later on would probably sit more alone or have a casual talk with somebody as his energy goes down. But still, fun to be around regardless

Daryun

Oh, Brother! Not to the extant as he and Narsus are, but still! It would be like watching a competition of who can take more care of the other (like the meme where two people constantly upstage each other so the other doesn’t get shot.). Regular hangouts, just sitting with each other and enjoying the others present, movie nights, etc. Basically very similar to what I have written down for the roommate one. Would help me in any need, have a few jokes up his sleeve for when I’m down and hype me up as much as he can. Does tell me when I made a blunder but as gently as possible (I’m sensitive as hell, I WILL cry and think about it to no end!). (WARNING: A little self indulgence in the next phrase. If you find this cringe, huh, SUCK IT.) Friends would either say we are siblings from another parent/brother and sister, OR we would make a great couple, are couple goals and if we aren’t married in the next few years, they won’t believe in true love anymore. No in between! Regardless of if we have feelings for each other or not. But he would be a very reliable best friend and I would do the same for him in a heartbeat! Lend him my ear, draw stuff for his birthday, etc. But Daryun better get ready for dem hugs as my love language is physical touch and I LOVE cuddling! (There is probably some gift giving and acts of services in there too). If he isn’t a fan of it, I would obviously respect his boundaries.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #daryun #saam #azar (oc)#important writing defender #ask game answers

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persistentvisionz · 2 months

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March 7, 2022

Electronic Superhighway: Continental U.S., Alaska, Hawaii - Nam June Paik - 1995

#smithsonian american art museum #saam #nam june paik

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sunnymusingsao3 · 1 year

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Hello comic fandom fanfic writers! PSA Time (SA/rape mention warning):

Stop using the "hero breaks up a shady alleyway almost-rape" trope as a device for plot or characterization, when the plot does not center around the victim, or when the character focused on is the hero, and once again not the victim.

The threat of sexual violence is not and should never be a throwaway plot device to give your hero something to do that shows off their abilities or heart.

In addition to that: it perpetuates the myth that most rapes are performed by a stranger in a shady back alley (note: the fact that it always happens in a "sketchy part of town" is classist, and the hero asking the victim why they were walking alone in that neighborhood is victim blaming, regardless of the tone of the question).

Look. I get it. Sexual violence is a real plague on our society, and it's extremely common. It makes sense that someone like Batman, for example, might come across it in his line of work. In fact, in canon, he has, though I admit I don't know exact issue numbers off the top of my head. I can also point to a more substantial instance, in that Green Arrow has most definitely encountered a survivor of CSA in his line of work, given his connection to Mia Dearden (a fantastic character, btw). We know this comes up.

I am not asking you to erase the topic altogether. In fact, I'd prefer we didn't ignore sexual violence on the whole, since it is something that needs to be given awareness, in order to create understanding and help aid in prevention.

What I am saying is that, if you decide to breach the subject in your works, do your research and address it in full. Do not use it as a throwaway plot. Do not leave it untagged. Do not give your hero angst feelings about it ("what if I hadn't been fast enough...") that overshadow the victim's feelings, and most importantly: do not leave the victim's voice out of it. In fact, the victim's voice should be the primary voice that we hear in reference to the event, to how they would like to seek justice and healing, and how the experience has made them feel. This is not to say that you can't write about it from the perspective of the hero who stopped it, but if you do that, then make sure that the hero gives up story space to the victim to listen to them speak.

Sexual assault should be discussed in stories. It is good to raise awareness and I, like many survivors, like having the option to read and write about this topic as a form of catharsis, release, or comfort. Telling these stories can be good, when done in such a way that lifts the voices of the survivors and centers them as the focal point or authority on the experiences that they faced.

When survivors are not centered in the story, we immediately face further harm and silencing. It hurts the entire community when rape, almost-rape, or any other type of sexual violence and assault, is treated like it's just a device to further someone else's narrative.

Stop discarding your almost-rape victims in the alleyway that they were attacked in.

#it's saam and i'm thinking about these things a lot so here's an essay #there's probably more coming too #i'll tag them accordingly #saam #sa #sa mention #tw: sa #tw: sa mention #// sa #// sa mention #not sure how many other tag styles there are for this so lemme know if you need this tagged in another style #rape mention #tw: rape mention #csa mention #tw: csa mention #batfamily

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