#Romanian isn't even studied *now*

[movietonight]

"do you by chance speak one of the Romance languages?"

Once again asking Charles to elaborate on which Romance language he speaks because it surely isn't French or Latin and he hates Italians too much for it to be Italian

#I don't think Spanish and Portuguese were widely studied back then especially by the upper class? #Romanian isn't even studied *now* #Did he get really into Rosalía de Castro and learned Galician??? #Catalan?? #Mash #m*a*s*h #Macks Musings #Maybe the few words French and Latin he seems to know count as speaking the language for him as an American #Sorry I'm in a mood for bullying anglophone people's tendencies to not learn languages

[fragiledewdrop]

Isn't it amazing how, when you are exposed to multiple languages, it changes the way you think about reality?

I don't even mean when you learn a language well and it starts merging with your native tongue. More like...

...there are so many words for "apple" in this world, but to me the apple's truest name will always be "alma", because my Hungarian grandmother used to make me say it over and over and was sad that I never got the pronunciation exactly right. She was my "nagymama".

The first time I fell in love, it was with a girl of Chinese heritage, which means that, deep in my soul, the sweetest way to say "I love you" is 我愛你, both in Cantonese and Mandarin.

I was around German speakers a lot as a child, and I thought it was very funny that "sorry" was "Entschuldigung", so that's what I think every time I bump into someone on the street. I had a seizure at a hospital once, and when I came to the nurse started asking questions to see if I was all there. She showed me a pen and asked me what it was, and my immediate answer was "Kugelschreiber". She was so confused, but it took me a while to remember the Italian word, because "Kugelschreiber" has always been much more satisfying to think and say than "penna".

My Polish friend says "kurva" every time she swears (which is quite often), and so I have started saying that too.

Although, since I began studying French, my instinctual swear word is a very classy "putain de merde". When I am really happy, I am "aux anges". How are you? "Ça va". There is a game of cards that can be called many things, but to me it's "bataille corse", because I used to play it a lot with a French coworker in Ireland.

When I was little, I played almost every day with a girl who came from Venezuela. We could understand each other just fine, but once she asked me to pass her the "pajaro" and I didn’ get what she was saying. Eventually I understood she meant our Barbie's little blue plastic bird, and not a sparrow, which is what the word sounded like to me. So when I see birds in the trees? "Pajaros en las ramas". I had another friend whose surname was a play on the Spanish word for sunrise, which she was very proud of, and one of my favourite verses by Garcia Lorca is about the "breaking cups of dawn". When I watch the sun rise, the first word that comes to mind is "madrugada".

As a teenager, I read "Poor Folk" by Dostoevsky and there was a letter in which the protagonist wrote to his lover and called her "golubchik". I still think that's the sweetest pet name- along with "honey" in English.

After coming back from Japan, my brother has started slipping idioms in his speech when he is distracted. I couldn't understand them at first, but I thought it endearing, and now "wait a moment" is "chotto matte". He is my "ototo", "little brother".

A Romanian lady helps take care of my grandfather. Ever since I have met her, known her, helped her pick out gifts for the kids that she can see so rarely, taught her recipes and learned recipes frome her, "thank you" to me has become "mulțumesc".

A person I don't know is "ξένος (xénos)", the Greek for "foreigner, stranger", but also "guest, host, friend".

There are many more. I am a mosaic of the voices of the people I have met, the people I have loved. My own language is beautiful and it's home, but even its ancient, melodious poetry is not enough to encompass the beauty and tragedy of this world. And if I dream in English, curse in French, think of my former Christian God with a Hebrew name and of holiness as the prayer in Arabic over my sick bed that fell from the lips of a Malian refugee who had become a family friend, maybe I can come closer to grasp it.

#languages #I have been thinking of this quite a lot #multilinguism

[alters-journal]

Let's Talk.

! I got permission to talk about this. His Pronouns are He/They/It so I'll be referring to him with these throughout the post. ! THIS IS NOT A CALL OUT POST TO ANY ONE SPECIFIC PERSON!

TWs: Nazi Mention, Ableism

Earlier, one of my partners made a post on his blog (shout out go follow he's a rascal). This is the post.

As you can tell from his post, he's source positive and fairly source connected. And if you aren't familiar with his source, Habit (the character he introjected from) is not often regarded fondly nor a very good person. And it recognizes this.

But this isn't a character study this is a PSA.

On that post someone commented (now deleted)

"Shut up nazi"

Now, I'm all for telling Nazis to shut the fuck up - but comments like these are entirely uncalled for.

Their blog is not a role play blog, fictional characters are not real, this is a real fucking person.

Don't call random fucking people "Nazis" unless they're OBVIOUSLY a nazi - Which Habit is not.

There are countless hours of progress from both him and I working through any leftover harmful ideologies and compulsions. Even if he *is* closely tied to his source, even if he *was* a persecutor, PEOPLE CHANGE.

You can't just leave comments like these towards people you DO NOT KNOW.

So, what is the point of this post anyway?

DO NOT TREAT INTROJECTS LIKE THEIR SOURCE! - Yes, Habit's source character was a nazi, let's get that out of the way. But you CANNOT expect all introjects of certain characters to be exactly as they were in source.

ALLOW PERSECUTORS TO HEAL! - Not allowing persecutors to change and grow as people is ableist! Do not hold persecutors the the standard you originally knew them as!

DON'T CALL PEOPLE NAZIS WITHOUT BACKING UP THAT CLAIM! - I am not Jewish and don't want to speak over Jewish people in this regard though, calling people Nazis without any backing or reasoning as to WHY you feel their ideologies align with that of the nazi party IS INSENSITIVE AND IGNORANT TO THE STRUGGLES OF JEWISH PEOPLE! (My family is Romanian on my father's side so this seriously pissed me off too as my family was also a target of The Holocasut and is still targeted by neo nazis.)

DON'T TALK TO INTROJECTS LIKE YOU KNOW THEM! - Even if you're source mates, unless you're friends with the system don't fucking talk to strangers like you're buddy buddy just because you shared a source. Just fucking stop. You don't know that person.

BE NORMAL ABOUT INTROJECTS! SYSTEMS CANNOT CONTROL WHO THEY INTROJECT! - Hate or love a person/character that person/character IS NOT the introject. DO NOT FUCKING TREAT INTROJECTS LIKE THEY ARE THEIR SOURCE!

Why not let Habit make this post? - His blog isn't centered to DID. It's his PERSONAL blog. He shouldn't have to explain this for one. And for two I care a hell of a lot more than it does. I'm fucking sick of my partnered system being a target of harassment!

Why do you care if they don't? - Because this type of b behavior doesn't just affect one person. It affects an entire community. People like this could affect you if you have introjects.

So the final point I'm trying to make is:

INTROJECTS ARE NOT THEIR SOURCE! DO NOT TREAT THEM THAT WAY!

Introjects are just normal fucking people. They are strangers to you. You do not know them. Even though Habit is fandom positive and doesn't mind interactions, I'm still just fucking sick of people treating alters like toys. You cannot claim to know a stranger on the internet so fucking stop that shit. I've seen it. My friends have been through it.

You have GOT to be normal about introjects. You have GOT to be normal about strangers. If you can't do that, maybe you're not ready for the internet.

TLDR; Treat Introjects like strangers; like people. Because that's what they are to you.

#nazi mention #ableism tw #syscourse tw #fictive #factive #introject #did system #endos dni #im just so fucking sick of this bs

[jessybarnes]

Lubirea Vieții Mele

Pairing: Chris Evans x Sebastian Stan 

Rating: 18+ Only!! Minors DNI!!

Tags: Angst, smut, fluff, panic attacks, drinking, crying, emotions, not feeling good enough, implied self-harm, puking, language, drunk dialing, drunk confessions, cuddling, yelling, making out, daddy kink, thigh riding, praise kink, hair pulling, biting, oral sex, deep throating, cum swallowing, anal fingering, anal sex, unprotected anal sex, cumming hands-free, and I think that's it.

Word Count: 5,843

Beta: T. Thompson 

Title Card: Yours Truly 

A/N: Lubirea Vieții Mele is Romanian and it translates to Love of my Life.

Movie premieres are nothing new to Sebastian. He's attended so many that he can pretty much map out exactly how the night will go.

First, he'll dress up in a fancy suit, primp his hair, cologne, you know, the whole nine yards. Next comes the red carpet. That's the fun part. To someone who's never been to a red carpet event, well, it can be a bit overwhelming. Hundreds of camera flashes, people yelling your name, crowds, and not to mention the interviews where they ask the same five questions over and over. After all of that is over, then he'll finally get to sit down, relax next to his co-stars, and watch what they've worked so hard to create. 

Those eyes. 

That's where he is, now. Sitting in a dark theater sharing a large bowl of popcorn with Chris Evans.

Sebastian has sat next to him plenty of times. Interviews, on set, car rides, you name it he's done it. This was different though. This is the premiere of Avengers Endgame.

They've worked for ten years to get to this moment and now that it's finally here, he's honestly miserable. Not because he isn't proud of what they've accomplished, but because he won't get to see those bright blue eyes every morning anymore. 

They always make his heart seize in his chest when they looked into his own.

He's imagined them in so many ways, so many carnal ways, that he's thankful no one can read his thoughts.

He shouldn't be thinking about Chris on his knees looking up at him through those perfectly long lashes as he takes his cock down his throat. He shouldn't picture himself laying on his back, knees pushed to his chest as Chris looks down at him with lust-blown pupils while he fucks him slow and deep. 

He's not even paying attention to the movie. How can he when the most beautiful person in the world is sitting right next to him?

Sebastian studies Chris, takes his time to memorize everything about him. The way the beautiful features of his face light up from the brightness of the movie screen, how his long eyelashes barely brush his cheeks every time he blinks, and the way his tongue flicks over his lips that glisten from the buttery popcorn.

Sebastian’s instantly thankful he's holding the bucket in his lap because the longer he looks at Chris the tighter his suit pants get. 

His resolve is slowly dwindling with every thought. It's too much, he's too much and also not enough.

He can kiss him right now if he wants to. Reach over, turn Chris’s face with his fingers, and close the short distance easily. It's dark enough and no one is seated behind them so they'll be unseen.

Except Chris isn't interested in him. Not like that anyway and that's when the thought of never being able to be with him intimately finally sinks in. 

Sebastian takes in a sharp,  shaky breath and closes his eyes to keep his tears at bay. He brings one of his hands to his lips, biting down on one of his knuckles to stifle the sound of a soft sob that escapes his mouth.

A hand on his knee makes him nearly jump out of his skin. Chris is staring at him now, concern in his eyes and the intensity of his gaze is his undoing. Sebastian has to leave. He has to get out of here or he's going to break down.

"Seb? Hey, man what's wrong?"

He grits his teeth and shakes his head, a string of tears slide down onto the lapel of his jacket.

"I-I-I gotta go…I’m sorry I-I can't…" 

He shoves the popcorn bucket into Chris’s lap and practically runs to the exit. He can barely see through his teary vision, but eventually, he makes it to the back alley of the building, surprisingly without being stopped by anyone.

His whole body shakes as he slides down the concrete wall. Every emotion, every feeling, every moment he's ever spent with Chris is hitting him all at once and it's suffocating. Sebastian finally lets the dam break, gasping for breath and loudly sobbing into his shaking hands. 

The sound of Chris’s voice calling his name only makes him cry louder because, of course, he came after him. The sound of his dress shoes on the asphalt gets closer and soon that smooth, deep voice speaks his name so softly it physically hurts.

"Sebastian?…", one of his large hands begins to rub his bicep in consolation. "Shh, hey… listen to me, okay? You're gonna hyperventilate if you keep breathin' like that."

Chris gently grabs one of Sebastian’s hands and places it over his heart, the action pulls another loud sob from his throat.

"Breathe with me ...c'mon …in, hold for two, and out. That's it. In, hold for two, and out. Match my breathing, Seb. Again...good job. You're doin' so good." 

He isn't sure how long they sit there, but eventually, Sebastian is able to calm down enough to open his eyes.

Chris still has his hand pressed to his chest, the steady beat of his heart keeping him grounded.

"You're okay. Shh...I've got you."

Sebastian looks up at him and shakes his head.

"You don't though…Not when I- you won't…fuck..."

Chris gives him a confused look. "Sebastian, you have to know by now that I'll always be here for you. I'll help you with anyt-" 

Sebastian doesn't let him finish, and instead pushes himself up to stand on wobbly legs.

"You can't h-help me with this, Chris." His voice is just above a whisper. "I wish, goddammit, I fuckin' wish you could, but you can't."

Chris takes a step towards him, and he takes a step back. "Don't…"

A look of hurt flashes in his eyes, and it kills Sebastian to see it. He never wants to be the cause of hurting him, but it's either this or a ruined friendship. He can't lose him so he goes with the lesser of the two evils.

"Sebastian, please. Talk to me."

"I can't, Chris." His voice is laced with sorrow and pain. "I can't because I'll ruin everything." 

He doesn't give Chris a chance to respond. If he looks at him for one more second the walls around his heart will crumble like a house of cards.

Sebastian hates leaving him like this, standing here with a helpless look on his face, but he has to go home. He needs alcohol, lots of alcohol, to numb him from this heartbreak.

Chris must have texted and called him a hundred times, but his efforts go unanswered. The attempts finally stop around eleven at night.

Sebastian, however, is working on his third bottle of wine. He wishes he had something stronger, but going to the liquor store drunk sounds like a terrible idea. 

About halfway through his fourth glass, the screen on his phone lights up. He types in his passcode and finally reads all the messages from Chris.

Sober him would have just deleted them, but that ship sailed about half a bottle ago. He scans the last few texts and swallows the lump in his throat. 

Sebastian chugs the rest of his glass and licks his lips. He really shouldn't do this. It's nearly midnight, he's shit-faced drunk, and emotional. All of which were the same reasons why he hits the call button.

It rings three times before a sleepy Chris answers, his gruff voice sending a jolt of arousal straight to his cock.

"M'hello?"

Sebastian takes another swig from the wine bottle.

"Chris? 'S um…'S me, Sebastian."

There's shuffling and the sound of Dodger shaking his head back and forth before he responds.

"It's good to finally hear from you, man. You okay?" 

Sebastian giggles, his arm accidentally knocking the bottle over. "Aw, fuck. W'gon drink that. Chris! D'you have wine? Should brin m'some"

Chris sighs. "Seb, I think you've had enough to drink. You should go lay down."

"No! Nuh-uh...s'not gon happen. Know why? 'Cause I always think 'bout you."

Chris is wide awake now. Did he hear that right?

"Me? You think about me? What do you mean?"

Sebastian huffs impatiently.

"S'always you, Chris. Mmm you're," He clears his throat. "'S'hot...so hot an I have been I'love with you for so long. S'hard not to touch an kiss you. I um… wanted t'kiss you in the theater t'night but ‘m scared you hate me."

Chris’s whole body freezes. He… Sebastian loves him? Realization hits him like a freight train. The intense looks, the lingering touches, the way Seb always goes out of his way to make him happy even if it doesn't benefit him. It all makes sense now.

He finally understands why Sebastian was so upset at the premiere, why he left him standing in a dark alleyway. 

Soft cries bring him back to the current moment and his heart clenches painfully in his chest.

"Sebastian, hey, no, no, no, don't do that. Please don't cry. I don't want you to cry over this, over me. You deserve someone better."

"'S'no one els'I want."

Chris swallows thickly. "Sebastian I-"

He cuts him off, beginning to cry louder. "You don' wan' me. M'not good enough…’m no fucking good enough!"

Chris jumps at the sound of glass breaking, his heart rate doubling in speed in fear of Seb hurting himself.

"Sebastian! Hey! Hey, listen to me, okay? I'm coming over. I'm coming to see you, alright? Don't move. Give me fifteen minutes." 

Chris quickly takes Dodger out to use the bathroom and feeds him before speeding across town to Sebastian’s apartment. He locks his car and runs upstairs to the third floor. He's instantly grateful he's been entrusted with the spare key.

Swinging open the door, he sees three empty bottles, one of which is shattered on the floor. Chris doesn't see any blood though and immediately breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of an unharmed Sebastian slumped against the wall of his kitchen.

He approaches him slowly like he's a scared animal about to flee.

"Hey, Seb. It's me. It's Chris. Come on, let's go get you cleaned up, yeah?" 

Sebastian gives him a lopsided smile, reaching up at him with grabby hands.

"S'you! M'so happy to see you an y'beautiful face!"

Chris pulls him up and steadies him on his feet.

"It's good to see you too, buddy. C'mon, let's get this suit off you."

He leads a very drunk Sebastian to his room, sits him on the edge of his bed, and kneels in front of him on the floor.

"Mmm, you gon' take m'clothes off?"

Chris lets out a breathy laugh. "I am. But no funny business, alright? We're gonna get you into some comfy clothes so you can get some sleep."

Sebastian pouts. "Tha's no fun! Wan' feel you an kiss you an," he whispers the next two words like he's trying to keep them a secret. "Have sex!" 

Chris cups Sebastian’s face between his large hands, a serious look in his eyes.

"Sebastian, listen to me, honey. You're drunk. Way too drunk to consent. I won't take advantage of you."

It's almost comical the way he crosses his arms and huffs.

"You jus' don' want me. M'ugly an' no' good enough."

Chris knows he won't get through to him like this. There's only one thing he can think of to do to make him listen.

"Sebastian, look at me. You are not ugly. The furthest from it."

He moves the pads of his thumbs underneath his puffy red eyes, the tear tracks make Chris’s heart ache. "You are," he brings his lips so close to Sebastian’s that he can feel his ragged breathing fanning against his own. "More than good enough for me."

As gently as he can, Chris presses their mouths together. Sebastian tastes like sangria and salty tears and all Chris wants to do is take him into his arms and kiss his pain away.

Sebastian whimpers and tries desperately to pull him closer, but Chris knows if he doesn't stop now the tether of his self-control will snap.

He reluctantly pulls away and smiles softly when Sebastian chases after his lips.

"You gonna let me take care of you now?"

Sebastian nods, "'s'nice of you."

Chris stands up and goes to Sebastian’s dresser, rummaging through his drawers before finding some sweats and a plain white tee.

"Alright, buddy, let's stand up so I can take off that suit jacket."

As soon as he brings Sebastian to his feet he can tell by the look on his face that he doesn't feel good.

He pushes Chris out of his way and stumbles to his ensuite bathroom barely making it to the toilet before spilling the contents of his stomach. 

Chris gets down on the floor next to him and begins smoothing a hand down his back to try and soothe him.

"It's okay, Sebastian...that's it, let it all out. There we go…shh…you're okay I've got you."

A few more minutes tick by before he physically has nothing else in his system to throw up. Sebastian groans and flushes the toilet with a shaky hand.

"’ M sorry."

Chris gently guides him to rest against the bathtub before wetting a nearby washcloth with cool water. He gingerly starts wiping it all over Sebastian’s head and neck.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Seb."

He discards the cloth in the tub and stands to fill the glass on his sink with some water.

"Hey," Chris runs his fingers through Sebastian’s sweaty hair to get his attention. "Can you drink a little water for me?"

The brunette nods and parts his lips slightly making Chris chuckle.

"Slow sips alright?" He tilts the glass against Sebastian’s partly opened mouth. "Don't chug it, okay? That's it…good." 

He helps Sebastian rinse his mouth out with some Listerine and even though it took a few minutes, he was finally able to get him in the clothes he laid out.

It's nearly one-thirty in the morning when he successfully tucks Sebastian into bed. Chris watches him breathe for a little bit. He looks so peaceful like this, like he has no pain.

Chris allows his brain to process everything that's happened over the last hour. His best friend is in love with him, no, not only is he in love with him, but he's also suppressed it for so long that it's taken a major toll on him.

Chris hates that Sebastian had to go through that. He even blames himself a little for not noticing sooner. 

Chris sighed, standing up from the edge of the bed to go and clean the mess in the kitchen. It was the least he could do.

He barely made it across the room before Sebastian’s voice made him stop in his tracks.

"No! Please…don' go."

He let out a broken sob and Chris’s expression softened.

"Shh, Sebastian…"

He walked back to him and crouched down to look into his eyes.

"Hey, no, no, no...don't cry, sweetheart. I'm not leavin' I'm just goin' to clean the mess in the kitchen, okay? I'll be right back, I promise."

Sebastian shook his head, his bottom lip quivering uncontrollably. "'S'not true. M'not worthy o'love…you'll leave me or find someone better. Jus' like ev'ryone else." 

Chris’s heart shattered. How could anyone hurt this man? Sebastian was this pure sweet soul who would do absolutely anything to make someone smile.

He wouldn't hesitate to give the shirt off his back just so someone else wouldn't have to go without. He was a beautiful, giving, passionate man who had, unfortunately, been taken advantage of one too many times.

Chris made a decision. He didn't have to think twice about it. He would do anything and everything in his power to make sure Sebastian’s heart never broke again. 

Ten minutes later, Sebastian was snoring softly nuzzled into the crook of Chris’s neck. 

"Sebastian, don't say that. Shh… I'm not goin' anywhere, okay? I'll stay. I'll clean the kitchen for you tomorrow, sweetheart. Please don't cry. You're too pretty to cry."

Chris stripped down to his boxers and slid beneath the covers, gently wrapping Sebastian in a comforting embrace. He swallowed the lump in his throat at the feeling of Sebastian’s arms clinging to him as if he'd disappear.

"Don' leave me…please don' let go…"

Chris pulled him flush against his body, resting his chin on top of his head as he softly hummed to try and comfort him.

"Shh, I'm right here, honey. Close those eyes and sleep for me, okay? I'll be right here when you wake up." 

He listened to his steady breathing, letting the feeling of his body against his lull him to sleep. 

Sebastian felt awful. His head was throbbing, his mouth was dry, and his eyes burned.

It took him a moment to realize where he was. He was definitely in his bed, there was no mistaking that, but he wasn't alone. Soft breaths fanned along the back of his neck and there was a pair of arms wrapped loosely around his torso.

He blinked a few times to adjust to the sun's rays peeking through the curtains and looked down.

He immediately stopped breathing, his eyes going wide with panic. He knew those hands, those were Chris’s hands.

Oh, god, oh no, oh no, what did he do?

Sebastian carefully freed himself from Chris’s arms and sat up. He ran through yesterday's events, piecing together everything as best as he could.

He remembered the movie premiere, how he got overwhelmed and had a panic attack in the back alley. Chris had comforted him, but he'd pushed him away.

Then what? C'mon Sebastian think!

Oh, yeah, he'd had a lot to drink and, oh god, he called Chris. Shit, did he confess that he loved him? God, he hoped not. He must have said something to get Chris to come over, but he couldn't remember.

He had clothes on, so they didn't fuck, right? He'd at least want to remember the first time they did that together if it ever happened. 

Chris began to stir and a new wave of panic shot through his body like a bullet. He scooted to the opposite end of the bed, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes.

"Seb? Hey," Chris's thick fingers gripped his thigh, "how ya feelin'?"

Sebastian let out a shaky sigh. "Like I fucked up."

Chris sat up and attempted to pull Sebastian back into his arms. "You didn't fuck up. Not at all. Come here."

His breathing was becoming erratic again and he could feel his throat beginning to tighten. Sebastian stood up, hands coming up to grab fistfuls of his hair.

"I-I don't remember what I...FUCK! What did I do?" 

Chris watched as he began to pace, finally getting up to calm him down. "Seb, you gotta stop. Just listen to m-"

Sebastian stopped pacing and faced away from him, his forehead resting against the white wall.

"M'so stupid...so fucking STUPID!"

Chris jumped at the sound of his fist hitting the hard surface.

"Sebastian! Stop! Just please listen to me."

He grabbed Sebastian’s arm and spun him around, trapping him with his body. Chris’s arms caged him in, his eyes finding a shocked expression on the other man's face.

"Listen to me, okay? Can you do that?"

Sebastian nodded.

"You are not stupid, you didn't do anything wrong, and nothing went further than first base, alright? I'll start from the beginning. You called me absolutely plastered and we talked for a little bit. You got upset and broke a wine bottle so I came over to make sure you were okay. I brought you in here and planned on getting you comfortable, but you got sick. I took care of you, helped you clean up, and got you into bed. I fully intended on taking the couch, but you were insistent on me staying. I hate seeing you cry, Sebastian. I couldn't leave you, even if it was just 'drunk you' talking. Now we're here, and I'm not mad or inconvenienced in any way, alright?" 

Sebastian’s mind reeled as he tried to comprehend everything Chris was telling him. He felt horrible that he'd got so carried away, even if he was glad the love of his life was practically holding him against the wall.

Then it hit him, Chris just said they hadn't gone further than first base. First base?!

"Wha- I… we… did I-?"

He couldn't form a coherent sentence, his brain becoming fuzzy all of a sudden. Chris moved his right hand to Sebastian’s cheek, his fingers slotting perfectly behind his ear. They were so close now, emotionally bare to one another, and it was the most intimate moment of his life.

Sebastian closed his eyes and let himself lean into the touch, he allowed his body to soak in everything Chris was giving him because he may never get another chance. 

"Sebastian, look at me."

He shook his head no and kept his eyes shut. He knew if he opened them, if he looked into those beautiful baby blues, he'd lose it.

"Sweetheart, please? I want you to look at me when I do this…I wanna see those eyes."

Sebastian took a slow shaky breath and finally looked at Chris. The emotions he saw made his breath hitch, the guilt, the pain, and was…was that lust? 

"You're so beautiful", he breathed.

Chris studied him, took his time to capture every detail of Sebastian’s face. The thin wrinkles in his forehead that only surfaced when he was anxious or angry, the tiny lines on either side of his eyes that became more defined when he laughed.

His laugh, the one thing Chris considered to be the most beautiful sound in the world. His cheeks were slightly flushed, his eyes wide and sparkling with unshed tears. A few stray teardrops collected on a couple of Sebastian’s eyelashes, and all he wanted to do was wipe them away.

Finally, his gaze settled on his lips. They were chapped, an almost rosy color, that made Chris realize he never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. Not when the most precious human being was right in front of him. 

Chris dipped his head and pulled him into another kiss. One of his hands threaded through Sebastian’s short brown locks, while the other slid under the hem of his shirt. The warm touch of Chris's fingers caused him to shiver and release a breathy moan. 

Chris closed the distance, pushing his nearly naked body against Sebastian’s in a heated kiss. He poured everything he had into this moment, all of his hopes, dreams, and love into his lips as he explored the brunette's mouth.

As much as he wanted to drown in Sebastian’s taste, completely lose himself in him, Chris knew he had to gauge his reaction. Reluctantly, he pulled back, but only far enough to see the questioning look in Sebastian’s eyes.

"Chris? A-Are you...are y-"

Another kiss silenced Sebastian before he could finish. "Do you want this, Seb? Do you want me?"

He looked at Chris like the answer was obvious.

"Yes, but you don-"

The third kiss to his lips made Sebastian’s mind go blank. "Don't worry about me, I know what I want."

Chris gave an experimental roll of his hips and Sebastian nearly came in his sweat pants at the feeling of Chris’s clothed cock against his own.

"Tell me to stop and I will, okay?"

"Okay", Sebastian whispered. 

Chris kicked his feet apart gently and slid his knee between Sebastian’s, giving his leaking cock some much-needed friction.

"Oh, fuck… Ch-Chris…"

The blonde nipped at the skin of his jaw playfully, swiping the short stubble with his tongue.

"Tell me what you need, sugar. Can feel you, baby…how hard you are for me. Bet your dick is so pretty. S'gotta be. All of you is gorgeous, Seb…so fuckin' perfect."

Sebastian couldn't think straight, let alone process all the filthy things Chris was saying to him. The fact he found pleasure in his body at all was a wet dream come true.

"Need you, oh shit, please!" 

"Mmm," Chris wrapped his hands around the back of Sebastian’s thighs, lifting him easily, and carried him back to his bed. He sat on the edge, bringing Sebastian down to straddle one of his thick thighs.

"Gonna have to be more specific, sweetheart. Use your words."

Chris was enamored by him, all flushed, practically panting with need, and he'd barely touched him.

"W-Wanna feel your mouth on me. Wanna cum down your throat, and feel you inside me. Want you to fill me up, Daddy." 

Chris’s eyes darkened, his whole demeanor changing over that one word. "Daddy, hm? Need me to be your Daddy, baby boy? Need me to take care of you?"

Sebastian whimpered. "Oh, god please!"

Chris grabbed the back of his neck and smashed their lips together in a possessive, needy kiss. Their teeth clashed as Chris licked into his mouth.

"Fuck Daddy's thigh, baby. Wanna see you come apart hands-free. Can you do that for me?"

Sebastian whined and licked his lips. "Y-Yes, Daddy."

"Good boy." 

Chris took Sebastian’s shirt off, tossing it somewhere on the other side of the room.

"You're so pretty, sugar. All smooth and toned. C'mon, stand up so Daddy can take your pants off."

He stood on shaky legs and let Chris strip the rest of his clothes off him.

"Oh, baby, you're a goddamn masterpiece. Knew you'd have a pretty cock. So long and thick."

Chris ran the pad of his index finger along the underside of his shaft, collecting a bead of pre-come leaking from his tip.

"Look at you, baby boy." Chris hummed as he licked his finger. " Already so wet for me. I don't even have to lube you up, do I, honey? C'mon, move those hips for me. Make yourself feel good."

Sebastian's eyes fluttered closed as he gripped Chris’s biceps, his nails leaving crescent indents as he began moving his hips back and forth. 

"That's it, sweetheart. So fuckin' sexy…watching you rub that pretty dick on my thigh."

"Daddy!,…feels - oh my goddd - s-so good."

Sebastian was embarrassingly close to cumming and they'd barely started. He couldn't help it, not when Chris was talking to him in that deep authoritative Boston accent, making his body come alive with want.

"Yeah, sugar? You're makin' such a mess, Sebastian. Open your eyes, look here baby," Chris took one of Sebastian’s hands, bringing it down to the large tent in his boxers.

"Feel that? You feel how fucking hard I am? Seein' you fuck yourself, gettin' my thigh all wet, s'takin' all my strength to keep from fuckin' you into your mattress." 

Sebastian made an obscene noise that was borderline pornographic, "Daddy… Daddy I… please can I… ‘m'close."

Chris began kissing him again, swallowing his filthy moans as he aided Sebastian in moving his hips.

"Sweetheart," He spoke against Sebastian’s parted lips. "You're such a good boy, askin' Daddy for permission. I think you deserve a reward, don't you?"

Sebastian dug his nails into Chris harder and shoved his tongue into his mouth for another desperate kiss. "I-If you'll let me have one, Daddy."

Chris kneaded his right pec with one big hand while the other rolled his left nipple.

"Oh, baby…Daddy's so lucky to have such a good boy. So obedient," he breathed as he took his bottom lip between his teeth. "I know I told you to make a mess on my thigh, but I think you deserve to finish in my mouth. Just like you wanted. You wanna see Daddy choke on that pretty cock?"

Sebastian nearly passed out at those words, his hips stuttering as he let out a choked moan.

"I'll take that as a yes, c'mere sweetheart." 

Chris moved him so he was laying on his back, his legs dangling off the foot of the bed.

"Fuck, Seb…you're a work of art. Just wanna taste every inch of your pretty skin. You ready, baby?"

Sebastian propped himself up on his elbows and nodded. "Yes, Daddy."

Chris peppered kisses up his left thigh and looked into Sebastian’s eyes as he pressed a delicate kiss to the swollen head of his cock.

"D-Daddy…"

Chris splayed his right palm over Sebastian’s abdomen to hold him in place. "Shh, Daddy's got you, sugar. Gonna make you feel real good."

Sebastian tried, he fuckin' tried, to watch Chris take all of his cock down his throat, but his eyes rolled back into his head on their own volition.

He was breathing rapidly, his hands fisting the sheets, and when Chris ran his tongue from root to tip he almost blacked out.

Sebastian watched his dick disappear into his mouth over and over, permanently storing the image in his mind. Chris was drooling and making the filthiest noises, making Sebastian’s legs shake.

"Daddy-daddy-daddy oh-my-god...sh- I… please. Feels so good….so good Daddy! M'close ‘m'gonna… oh fuck!"  

Chris pulled off him, a string of spit still connecting them. "Do it, sweetheart. Cum down Daddy's throat."

He took Sebastian to the hilt, his cock sliding past his gag reflex, and when Chris swallowed around him he cried out.

"Oh, god…DADDY!"

Chris hummed, swallowing everything Sebastian gave him making sure not to miss a drop. 

"Taste so fuckin' sweet, honey."

Chris lifted Sebastian’s hips and placed a pillow underneath them. "Daddy's gonna prep you, okay? Don't wanna hurt you when I fuck that tight little ass of yours."

Chris hovered over him, pushing two fingers into his mouth. "Suck."

Sebastian moaned around his digits, licking and sucking them like it was his last meal.

"That's a good boy. Alright, that's enough. Gonna open you up now. Tell me if it's too much, sweetheart."

Chris circled Sebastian’s rim, slowly pushing a spit-coated finger into him.

"Ohhh, Daddy…"

"Feels good, doesn't it, sugar? You're so tight and warm. Has anyone ever done this to you before? Have you played with this pretty little ass, baby?"

Sebastian shook his head. "N-No, Daddy. Fuck! Just you."

Chris bit his lip and moaned. "God, Seb…you're stunning." He added a second finger and began scissoring them, stretching him slowly.

"Daddy… please ‘m'ready! Please make me yours." 

Chris spit onto his hole and added a third digit. "Just a little more, sweetheart."

Soon, Sebastian was fucking himself on three thick fingers, saying Chris’s name like it was a prayer.

"Okay, baby. You ready for Daddy's thick cock?"

Sebastian whined as his legs were spread wide. "Yes, please, Daddy!"

Chris spit on his hand and pumped himself a few times before resting the head against Sebastian’s entrance.

"Remember to breathe, honey. This is gonna hurt a little."

Ever so slowly, he rolled his hips forward, his dick filling him up inch by inch.

"Ah! Daddy….Daddy, it hurts!"

Chris stopped and leaned down to kiss Sebastian’s lips. "Breathe baby boy…relax, and let the pain turn to pleasure. If it's too much, Daddy can stop."

Sebastian shook his head and wiped at the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. "No, Daddy. Please, please don't stop. ‘M'okay…you can move." 

A couple of minutes later he'd finally bottomed out. Chris hovered over Sebastian, his hands cradling his face while he kissed him passionately.

"You're perfect. Absolutely perfect, Sebastian," he whispered. "Daddy's got the best boy. You fit perfectly around me."

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Chris’s neck. "Please move, Daddy."

Chris nipped at his bottom lip and pulled almost all of the way out before slamming back in.

If Sebastian was loud before, then he was surely waking the dead now. He set a brutal pace, the obscene sound of their skin slapping together, echoing off the walls.

"Shit, sweetheart… God, the way you scream for me is music to my fuckin' ears. Louder, baby. Want everyone on this block to know who makes you feel this good.

"You do, Daddy! OH FUCK! Y-You do…harder please!"

Chris changed his position again. He wrapped a strong arm around his waist and maneuvered them so Sebastian was straddling him. Their bodies became flush against one another as Chris sat up on the foot of the bed.

"Oh, Daddy…'s'deep…’m'so full."

Chris leaned back a little and supported himself with his hands. "Ride me, sugar. Ride Daddy's cock." 

Sebastian whimpered, planting his feet on the comforter, and began moving up and down.

"Daddy! Oh, please… please let me cum again! Wanna feel you too. Want you to fill me up, Daddy…please, please, please!"

Chris sat back up, his fingers gripping Sebastian’s waist so tight he'd surely leave bruises.

"God, sweetheart… you look so beautiful bouncin' on Daddy's cock. ‘M'gonna fill this pretty little ass to the brim. You close too, baby? Gonna paint Daddy's chest with your cum?"

Sebastian nodded. At this point, he didn't even need Chris to touch him. Not when his cock was slamming into his prostate on every other pass.

"Yes, Daddy! Please ‘m'so close! Please can I cum?"

Chris brought their mouths together in a sloppy needy kiss. "Fuck! Sebastian! Oh, honey, Daddy's right there…Oh my g-...Cum with me! Right now, baby! Cum all over me! Oh, FUCK S-SEBASTIAN!"

Chris slammed his hips down holding Sebastian in place, thick ropes of cum shooting into him. Sebastian screamed against Chris’s shoulder as he bit down hard from the intensity of his second orgasm of the day. 

When Sebastian opens his eyes again he was cradled in Chris’s arms, his knuckles brushing his cheek.

"Hey, baby… you with me?"

Sebastian licked his lips and looked up at him with a blissed-out smile. "M'yeah."

Chris kissed him sweetly. "Did so good for me. M'so proud of you."

He gave him another chaste kiss before pulling away to give him a serious look. "Sebastian, last night you told me something and I want to know if you meant it. Do you really…love me?"

Sebastian stiffened, his eyes filled with fear, fear that he'd be rejected. Chris was holding him tight so he couldn't move, he had no choice now.

"Yes…I-I love you. Loved you since the first Cap movie."

Chris smiled and kissed him deeply, putting every ounce of love and affection he could into that one kiss.

"I love you too, ya know. Couldn't imagine myself loving anyone else." 

For the first time in his life, Sebastian had found true happiness. 

Sebastian felt relief wash over him like a tidal wave, tears of joy falling freely from his eyes.

"Thank you, Chris. Thank you for loving me for who I am and finally allowing me to be happy."

And he truly was. 

And he'd found it with Chris.

#j snow writes #sebastian stan #sebstan #chris evans #cevans #evanstan #sebastian stan x chris evans #chris evans x sebastian stan #sebastian x chris #sebastian stan smut #chris evans smut #sebastian stan angst #chris evans angst #sebastian stan fluff #chris evans fluff #real person fiction #rpf

[kamyru]

I want to see an intelligent Voltage Inc MC. I don't say that all of them are dumb. Yet, I want one that can easily compete with her love interest.

Okay, let me tell you something about myself.

From the very start of my school years, I have always gone to competitions, mainly math, physics, chemistry, and from time to time to biology, history, geography, and Romanian (for those who didn't know, that's my native language). Besides the day-to-day school, I have finished musical school. Theoretically, I can teach music to kindergarteners. I can play at least three instruments. I am fluent in three languages: Romanian (native), Russian (C2), English (C1), and studying German and Spanish. I used to horse ride, dance, paint, swim, etc. Now, I'm a med student. 

Still, I bet I am on the average level of intelligence among Voltage Inc players. There are people with Ph.D. that know languages from more than one language family, work, have a personal life, and so on. 

We don't know so much only to play for characters that are inferior to their male colleagues.

Meanwhile, most Voltage Inc girls are like: "Wow, he knows more than one language!"; "Wow, he can do mental math!"; "Wow, he knows who Nietzsche is!"; "Wow, he can do the job that he learned to do during his university!"

I want a Voltage Inc girl who can translate what foreign client says and is the only one in the company who knows their language. 

I want a Voltage Inc girl who is the only one to not faint during an autopsy, even if she isn't used to seeing dead people. (Fun fact: In med school, every time there's something like autopsies, blood, or anything disturbing, the girls tend to be less sensitive to this than boys. That's what all my colleagues and professors say.)

I want a Voltage Inc girl who teaches the love interest how to adapt to his new job. 

I want a Voltage Inc girl who is prized for her driving skills. 

I want a Voltage Inc girl whose hobbies are playing instruments or reading. And when her crush enters her home, to be mesmerized by the number of books she has in there.

I want a Voltage Inc girl who changes her boyfriend's sockets because he doesn't know how to do it and doesn't have time to call an expert. 

I want a Voltage Inc girl who guesses who's the killer in the horror movie she and her male colleague are watching. 

Girls are intelligent. Girls are fearless. Girls may know how to change a tire, even if they like to wear little black dresses with Louboutin shoes. Girls can win prizes of equal importance as boys. Girls can be geniuses, not only rising stars. Girls can work hard and be acknowledged for this. 

Voltage, let MC shine! Empower her! Make the boys run after her, not vice versa!

Girls can be and are cool!

#voltage inc

[ralucasalmostgone]

which gets me to my next point

who were the other three main male lecturers? and what did they actually do?

---

well, not much, that's what I'm saying... 🙄

this isn't Harvard, people!

---

so there was a chilidish one who almost gave the other two away - he noticed me too but not that much was he uniquely obsessed with my physical apperance! I was perceptive in a sort of - I have access to people's eyesight in a sense - so in his mind, see, he hadn't formed enough patterns for physical apperance that are diverse so he didn't calculate the symmetry of the face same as someone who had seen enough faces (probably a shut-in) same thing happened to local young people who didn't see enough faces - so he was pretty chill in that sense - more oblivious of my apperance; I think he gave me the highest mark for an essay I wrote 30 minutes before the deadline (+ references) and I was like doubting his intelligence at that point cause like, I was totally winging it...Like, I have no clue what I wrote honestly 😂

the other two saw my apperance from the beginning and this one had in mind more like exploitation of it cause of the photography thing he was doing. I think he had in mind some prospectus thing, like, you know how Andreea is like the face of her Uni stuff all the time; yeah, he was kinda circling me with intentions like that 24/7; he just really, really wanted attention; but I wanted to see what type of teacher he is; first of all he was totally irresponsible but he thought highly of himself anyway...so I do this random mesh mess and submit it anyway; and he's all like: I'll pass you! from the goodness of my heart! And I'm just like: oh, not one of these! 🙄 He basically let me slide, mistakes and all...even though I submitted the shittiest thing imaginable! I hated this teaching style...I mean, I'm used to OBJECTIVE teaching - for the last time: whatever is good deserves a high mark, whatever is bad - a bad mark. NO! I wasn't gonna get this here, either! I haven't received any objective studying tools and grades and marks for whole years in a row! This environment wasn't gonna provide what I need either! So...I think I just stop attending his lectures all together, like who gives a shit? I think he cares way too much about this too at that point to tell you the truth! 🙄 Like, a lot! Like I'm pretty sure he made it his life goal to understand WHY NOBODY LIKES HIM BOO HOO! 🙄 (to talk to him more) Perception-wise, he has this thing where he's hopeful things are gonna change, right? Soon as he gets the smallest sign of me talking to him politely, he thinks NOW something is gonna start between us: like an actual dialogue and communication! And I'm just like..."bye Felicia!" 🙄 Anyway...later on and later in the years when I don't really have him as a lecturer and I'm just like talking to the other students quite a lot, I think he had the nerve to nudge me...he'd say it was a mistake, but I think he violently pushed me a little, as though to say: I know what you're doing: you're ignoring me intentionally! (or something) Pardon my doubt, but I don't think that was a mistake! 🙄 How about: I don't give a shit about you? Your royal highness, again, much? 🙄 Still don't...

now this last one, you've probably noticed he's very strange behaviour-wise; yeah...this one was like kinda hit with what looks like limerence from the beginning; so I'm just like in the first lecture with him and one of the students sitting next to me is reading my texts in the native language and he's Romanian too so he totally captured my attention with his snooping around. his personality was great though - he wasn't awkward at all. the same can't be said about this lecturer you see... Now, perception-wise, he was saying weird stuff from day 1, that I'd want to see him or if people wanna ask him private questions - shit like that - he's available. And you know me by now: I don't give a shit about others - even if I can perceive everyone oh so clearly, to the point where most people were annoyed with me at that age if I said anything about what they're really doing. Most people too at that age were only interested in my apperance anyway, so I would mess with them (regardless of who they were) by agreeing on the surface with them that things are exactly as their beastial perception tells them so (of course I didn't know you could call it that then). BUT I never did what I was expected that way: I thought it would reveal the intentions of others around, if I pretended to agree on the surface that things are exactly as they expect them to be! So in the case of limerence (so what this lecturer had), the limerent individuals puts their limerent object on a pedestal and then takes them down (taking turns when it comes to this behaviour). This lecturer was a narcissist and when he didn't receive attention from day 1, he fell really badly in this cycle of madness that limerence represents: he really wanted to see me in a bad light on repeat but his...infatuation didn't let him at times, which was frustrating for someone who just wanted to see only himself in a good light (narcissists don't love people but they wanna be associated with them - and this lecturer in particular likes to be associated with the right individuals...sometimes the right thing isn't just a wikipedia page, it's also the right physical apperance!) And he fell badly into this high state in the beginning (the potential for a normal dynamic) - but with my usual apathetic, disinterested style of being - for being oh so knowing, but not very human emotionally-speaking or a narcissist - as you can tell from my other behaviour towards the other lecturers, I quickly just like, didn't give a shit; Which kinda hurt his little feelings. And then he was just depressed and probably coming up with self-defeatist thoughts about the meaningless of everything and so on and so forth. That's depression for you 🙄 And then some time later, I grow a little guilty so like I told you before, I drop by in his office to check up on his mental state (he won't even look at me btw, he has a tendency to hide his ugly face and shit. aww "poor him" 🙄 he must have lost a limb or something! really? depression is for people who haven't learned to do more thinking and read more books, honestly! 🙄) But then, I wasn't so direct about my opinions on that mental condition so instead I was all like empathetic..."hey [dude] I like you...[don't worry about it]" At that point he lost it in a state of euphoria without any control over his emotions...So I thought that was odd at the time (I had seen this before) 🤨. But I didn't quite see the source of this pattern before... And then afterwards, he went back to being a judgemental narcissist where I'm the bad guy for sure blah blah

[l-r-christian]

hi so this is my first ask and I was hoping (if it is okay) to see headcanons of the relationship between the old school dracula's daughter and the mikaelson (as well as nikolas if that is possible) thank you in advance if you do this :)

Yes and your welcome

Warnings: Fluff, Protective Mikaelsons

Parts one and two

Klaus is always watching Nikolas with Y/N to the point Elijah has to step in before the older vampires could notice

The witches are every careful around the children after seeing what just one of them are capable of

The Mikaelsons finding adorable and terrifying how protective both Y/N and Nikolas are of the family

Nikolas and Elijah get along a little too well both at times can be found reading in Elijah's study

If Y/N is angered everyone's go to is to getting Elijah, Finn or Nikolas to calm her before she shows her true colors

"I would give my life to Y/N, Miss Hayley." "Shut up you little Romeo."

Klaus and Kol gets protective seeing Nikolas declared his love for Y/N while Rebekah and Freya find it adorable

When the first Sired shows up both Nikolas and Y/N are short tempered and very protective of the family

"Tristan I am willing to show you how a true vampire acts if you try to harm my Elijah again."

Aurora made the mistake of mocking Y/N, Tristan losses half of the Strix that day and is even more scared of the 10 year old now

Both Y/N and Nikolas fear anything relating to Christianity or the Church as both remind them of the crusades, Camille's uncle is the only Priest that can be near them

Elijah keeps a stock of how much blood bags there are for the ancient vampires as them feeding on humans scares other vampires

Kol likes taking Nikolas and Y/N on road trips as the little awe faces are the best part of these trips, Rebekah as a whole album of pictures of their little awe faces

Nikolas gets Elijah to help him with buying gifts for Y/N as the boy just wants to express his love

Y/N enjoys baking with Finn as the Original had done research on baked goods of her homeland

"You guys realize how terrifying those kids are, right?" "Of course Marcellus."

Nikolas plays the violin for Y/N so the family will come home to the sounds of Nikolas playing as Y/N sleeps in front of the fire

Klaus enjoys painting with Y/N as both can sit for hours talking about everything art while painting

The Mikaelsons learned just how dangerous Nikolas can be as when Hayley was missing he helped Elijah with the hunters

The Mikaelsons going after Abraham Hellsing and his hunters after both Nikolas and Y/N are staked

Freya and Rebekah takes Y/N out shopping for cute dresses and make a whole day of it

Y/N and Nikolas has and will speak in old Romanian to each other when they are being mischievous and not wanting Elijah to know

"Nikolas Von Barron!" Cue Nikolas freezing trying to remember what he could have done to get his beloved's anger

Klaus has been known to draw Nikolas and Y/N as they sleep

When Y/N is sleepy the Mikaelsons find her adorable as she is extremely cuddly and clingy

Nikolas is in awe with magic so Freya likes showing him a few spells to watch his eyes light up

There are times that the Mikaelsons are reminded that the ancient vampires are children as one time when Klaus came back wounded and was greeted by a crying Y/N and Nikolas trying to comfort her

Elijah is so soft when Y/N hugs him as he knows she isn't open to affection much with how long she had been alive while Nikolas is very open to affection

Hayley is still unnerved by how brutal Y/N and Nikolas can be when protecting the family

Both Nikolas and Y/N share a coffin when Marcel takes them out first before going after the Mikaelsons

"They have aged?" "Freya I am just as surprised as you are."

"A virgin?" "We need the blood of a virgin to wake them or lamb's blood." Elijah tells Hayley watching Rebekah cleaning up the vampire's

Kol has brought the trickster out of Nikolas so no one is surprised to see them pulling tricks on Marcel

Y/N is surprisingly close to Vincent telling Elijah that witch reminds her of her older brother so if anyone needs to find her she is most likely with Vincent

Freya and Y/N likes to meditate together as they can be found in a quiet part of Abattoir sitting for hours

It takes awhile for Y/N to be comfortable in new places so she can be found with Nikolas or any of the siblings

Nikolas and Y/N can be found in Klaus's or Elijah's bed in the winter as they get cold easily and both Originals are like furnaces

Rebekah adores doing Y/N's hair as the vampire loves feeling Rebekah gently brush her hair while making beautiful braids

Kol likes taking naps with Y/N as she has a calming affect on the wildest Mikaelson which confuses the siblings as Nikolas joins in some times

Finn and Y/N can be found relaxing by the fire during winter as Y/N cuddles the vampire while he quietly reads to her

Freya and Rebekah likes to take Nikolas out so the boy can get away from the men for the day

Elijah and Nikolas cooks together as he tells Elijah about Y/N's favorite dishes of her homeland so the Original can make them for her

Klaus plays chess with Nikolas as both talk about different war strategies which worries Elijah seeing how well they bond over it

#L.R writes #elijah mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson imagine #kol mikaelson imagine #rebekah mikaelson imagine #mikaelson family x reader #mikaelson x reader

[piduai]

it's so interesting to me that you ACTUALLY learned japanese and moved to japan permanently. like i took formal italian classes for years and also lived in the country but i still do not speak it close to fluently. how long did it take you to learn japanese? and also english isn't your native language either but you use it in all your blogging?? just wild

yeah my native languages are romanian and russian but i don't use them at all so i've become SO stupid in them. tragic really. i've started learning japanese formally at age 15 and am 27 now, moved to japan at 20. i'm definitely fluent and competent but not even close to native level like i am in english (or maybe i'm not and my english sucks actually and i'm just being delusional about my abilities. a strong possibility but i'll never know). but i've never been overly diligent either, if i had a drop of sense i'd be studying more kanji and forcing myself to read in japanese more but alas born a lazy ass will die a lazy ass. but also i'm the kind of person for whom it's way easier to speak in a foreign language rather than write. and the thing about studying and moving - it's because i'm extremely stubborn and perseverant

#idk how long you lived in italy but i don't think you'd be able to become fluent in a few months #like you can learn a language formally for years and be jack shit at it and then move to the country and start improving at incredible #rates. so i'm sure you def have what it takes bestie it was just a lack of time #anon

[official-weasley]

The Extraordinary Dragon (Part 1/6)

After about a century of me being gone and not writing a new story, I am back with a mini-series! 💙

I didn't have a good idea for a new OC so I decided to write a cute and fluffy story about Charlie training a dragon with a sad and mysterious past.

I would like to thank @am-i-space @madelineorionswan & @the-al-chemist for giving me ideas for the names of the dragons mentioned in the story. You are the best 💙 Since some of the dragons are mentioned in the later chapters I will make sure to include which dragons you named in the Masterlist for the story 💙

If you'd like to be tagged in every part the dragon with your name is mentioned please tell me and I will gladly do so 🤗

Warnings: Charlie being excited and obsessed with dragons.

Word count: 2,869

A dragon's roar awakened me. It might sound terrifying to some, but it is a pure melody for my ears. I have been working in the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary for almost 10 years now. Come to think of it tomorrow's the anniversary.

My co-workers constantly tease me, telling me that I'm a workaholic. I always disagree with them. I just love dragons and working with them. Am I a bit obsessed with the creatures? Maybe. But who wouldn't be so excited about having their dream job?

There is something so soothing working with a beast that can swallow you whole, yet if you have the right energy and you treat them right they can be more obedient than a Crup.

When I first got the job I worked with a team of researchers. Since I have never seen a dragon in real life before starting working, my boss Matthew wanted me to learn about their behavior and study them to be better prepared to do other things.

They all thought I will be bored out of my mind – because I applied for the care of dragons position and not researching – but I loved every second of it. All I had to do was wake up every morning and go to the assigned habitat and observe the dragon there and take notes. It's like reading a book about the creatures – something I did almost every day of my 7 years at Hogwarts – but you get to be around them every single day.

My mother thinks I am insane for wanting to be around such dangerous creatures and I had to promise her before I left for Romania that I will write home every day otherwise she is coming to get me at once. I guess she needs to know daily that I wasn't eaten by a dragon. The thing is that being hurt by a dragon is less likely than falling off a broom, so I don't know what she is so worried about.

The only one of my family members that knows about all my injuries and all my scars is my big brother Bill. He understands that I don't mind getting hurt and he doesn't get a heart attack every time I end up in the infirmary. It's nice to talk to someone about these things outside my workspace. Even though being a Curse Breaker isn't the safest job in the world, Bill's number of scars can't even compare to mine.

We do have protective gear and gloves but sometimes the dragon's fire and teeth are just too strong. We are lucky that we have wonderful healers that take care of us and we have remedies that heal burns within minutes so it's mostly just an annoyance.

The year after my training I worked only with Common Welsh Greens. The year after that I tamed two Antipodean Opaleyes and it was the best feeling to see them get excited and welcome me with a friendly roar every morning. Even though they were both adults it felt like dealing with two kids and it was so much fun. The latter are such sweethearts and I even taught one how to roll over. They are like dogs but bigger, way bigger.

After that, I tried to convince my boss to let me work with a more dangerous breed. It's not that I didn't like what I did but I like a challenge. I needed 2 months to convince him to let me work with 2 Chinese Fireballs and by the smirk on his face I knew I was in for a treat. They were brought to our reserve so they could breed but no matter how much others tried nobody succeeded at mating them.

When Matthew finally gave in – not seeing any harm in letting me try before they send them back – I remember I danced around my hut for a solid half an hour being so excited to work with them the next day.

I was surprised that nobody thought of the strategy I choose. It was true that they brought the dragons to us together but they didn't know each other and since nobody thought of trying to acquaint them first, I gave it a go.

After 3 days they were best mates and I gave them 4 more days to fully feel comfortable with each other before taking them to the mating habitat. I am more than proud to say that since then they have been parents 2 times. I did some great things since I started working in the Sanctuary but you never forget your first big achievement.

Due to Matthew being absolutely in awe of me succeeding after a week he allowed me to work with a bunch of Swedish Short-Snouts even though usually only a dragonologist with 5+ years of experience can work with them alone.

I was amused when I saw the faces of some of my older co-workers when they found out – thinking they were going to get the job. I love working with them even though they are the ones responsible for most of my scars. Just after the first day, one burned my entire forearm and everyone thought I was going to back off because of it but it only made me want to work with them more.

Now, after almost 10 years I have worked with every single breed of dragon except my favorite – the Hebridean Black. They are one of the most dangerous and stubborn kind and only a dragonologist with a lot of experience gets to work with them.

I got the glimpse of one when I was working with the research team but no matter how sneaky I tried to be, Matthew wouldn't let me get anywhere close to them. I even got a chance to work with a team that took care of a sick Norwegian Ridgeback even though they are considered to be the most dangerous.

A year ago I got a chance to be part of an exchange program at the Swedish Dragon Reserve and I worked with a Peruvian Vipertooth and a Ukrainian Ironbelly. My boss wasn't happy about the latter one as he reckoned I was too inexperienced to be around and try to tame the largest breed of dragons but as you can probably tell from what I told you so far, I was over the roof about it!

The Ironbelly might be the largest but they are among the least vicious ones – none of my co-workers would agree with me as most of them are terrified of them but I think they are adorable thinking since they are the biggest they are also the scariest. It's the same as with dogs – sometimes the smaller ones are more dangerous.

I got out of bed with a grin on my face. Even though I don't like to admit it I like reminiscing on my biggest achievements.

I made myself some breakfast – eggs and bacon as usual – while blasting music on my wireless. Nothing like singing while cooking and reading the letters my family sent me.

Mum and dad were going to visit George and Ron for the weekend. Bill and Fleur decided to repaint their living room. Ginny invited me to one of her games next week and Percy got another promotion.

I walked to the wall where I had a calendar hanging to mark the date of Ginny's game. It was the perfect event to meet with most of my family members and I love supporting her. I am proud of all my siblings' achievements but Ginny being the only girl among 6 boys made us all have a soft spot for her - even Percy, even though he would probably deny it if someone asked him about it.

Since I was working with three different dragons at the moment – Peruvian Vipertooth named Hel and two Romanian Longhorns Lasair and Rocker – I double-checked my schedule to see which one I am supposed to visit today. As I thought, it was Lasair. I know my schedule by heart but always check it twice– I don't want any dragon to be jealous thinking one is getting more attention from me.

My routine with the dragons was simple. First, they get their breakfast which is usually a piece of their favorite meat, except if it's our Common Welsh Green Crystal – she is the only dragon I have ever met that is a vegetarian and she mostly doesn't want to eat anything else than apples. It took us the longest time to figure out why she doesn't want to eat – vomiting out all the meat we gave her – until we moved her to an habitant with a pumpkin patch and them mysteriously disappearing overnight.

After the feeding, I like to play with them. That usually includes large balls or levitating rocks after which they can jump and run. Then it's my favorite part of the day – the flying lessons. We transport them to the part of the reserve that is built like a large stadium in the middle of the forest surrounded by mountains and it has 10 obstacles that the dragons have to learn to overcome so they are cleared for free-flying sessions.

After flying it's time for a brief pause to get the dragon back to its habitat and calm it down before giving it dinner and tucking it in.

Flying is the most fun thing we can do at our job. When Matthew told me that I am finally allowed to fly with them, I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom because I felt like crying my eyes out. I wanted to fly on a dragon ever since I was a kid and even though I heard rumors about training them in that way, I always thought it was too good to be true.

The first time I flew on a dragon was with a dragonologist named Jim. He showed me how to properly prepare the dragon to be in the mood to have a person on its back and how to lift off and then safely land. Vulcan the Opaleye was just the loveliest when I trained with him to trust me to the point that he would allow me to fly. Even though my dream is to one day fly on a Hebridean Black, I wouldn't change my first flight for anything in the world.

Vulcan was more than obedient and so careful to make me feel comfortable and constantly made sure I was still on his back. He flew in a straight line and at an even pace making me feel so safe that I let go of his shiny scales and lifted my hands in the air. I wanted to shout from all the adrenaline and excitement that ran through me but I didn't want to startle the dragon.

It's safe to say that I didn't sleep at all that night. The second I laid in my bed I felt as if I was still in the air with Vulcan and I couldn't help but wish to do that every day.

"Good morning, Lasair. What do you want to eat this morning? Boar, deer, moose perhaps?"Lasair lifted her head sleepily at me. I teased her with the options, knowing full well that moose was her favorite. If she could speak she would ask me if I can't remember her favorite meal.

"Don't worry, you'll get what you want." I winked at her and put on my gloves before taking out my wand and levitating the big chunk of meat to her.

Lasair was one of the rare dragons that ate her food slowly, so I loved to sit down next to her and watched her chew. If Matthew saw me, he would probably murder me for sitting so close to a dragon but he doesn't know that Lasair and I have an agreement of her keeping me alive and I give her some extra meat for dinner in return.

"So, Lassy, I have some bad news." I cleared my throat as the dragon stopped chewing and tilted her head toward me. "We have to sharpen your claws today."

Lasair groaned and went back to her breakfast.

"I know, I know. Not your favorite thing to do. Trust me if it was up to me, we would rather do something more fun like play with your favorite tire or play fetch with your ball. But the boss said it was time."

Lasair didn't react to my words but laid on the ground once she finished her meal and wrapped her tail around me.

"You know that cuddling and being cute won't work on me." I chuckled. "Not this time, at least."

The dragon's nostrils started to smoke and I knew she was trying to negotiate.

"Between you and me," I whispered, "I'll throw in another piece of meat if you'll be a good girl like last time. How about some boar for dessert, huh?"

Lasair let out a gentle roar, giving me a sign that she agrees with my terms.

"That's my girl. I knew we'll find a common ground." I grinned at her and got up so we could start our day.

"Okay, Lassy. I will need you to step on this mat and do the burying motion. As if you were burying the bones of a deer." I explained when Lasair looked at the mat in confusion.

I mimicked the gesture and she copied it and walked to the mat with grace as if she was a princess.

"There you go! I am so proud of you, Lasair. You really want that extra piece of meat, huh?" I laughed to myself.

"So that is how you get all dragons to behave as if they're Crups?" I turned toward the voice and saw Matthew's amused face, observing my work with the Romanian Longhorn.

"You were never meant to find out," I said in a dramatic voice.

"Oh, it's fine." Matthew swung his hand. "You'll need all the skills."

"What do you mean?" I furrowed my brows at him as I stepped to Lasair to show her to step a bit forward so she could sharpen the claws on her back paws as well.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Matthew asked, observing my every move.

"No." I lied. I knew that tomorrow will be 10 years since I work in the reserve but I didn't want to boast about it.

"Come on, Charles. I know that you out of everyone here you’re the one who counts how long you are working here for." He smirked at me.

I couldn't believe it. He remembered that it's my 10th anniversary? I couldn't help but grin.

"What about it?" I tried acting casually.

"Well, the team was thinking about what to get you as a present..."

"Matt, you don't have to get me anything. You know I am just happy being surrounded by dragons." I smiled appreciatively.

"Well, how about you get surrounded by a new dragon?" He winked at me.

"What are you on about?" I narrowed my eyes at him. I was getting impatient, the excitement in me growing.

"We are getting a one-year-old Hebridean Black in a week from the MacFusty’s." Matthew started to explain. "And since you are so good at taming and being best mates with the three you’re taming now, I was thinking of assigning it to you."

"Did...did you just say a Hebridean Black?" I said in a voice that was barely a whisper. I couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth. He was going to let me work with my favorite breed?

"You heard correctly, Charles." Matthew's smirk was growing larger.

"But...but I don't have enough experience, you said so yourself. You...you should give the job to someone worthy, to someone who will know how to handle the breed." I knew that I should've just shut up and thank him for the opportunity. Working with a Hebridean Black has been my goal ever since I can remember, but I have to keep my head clear and think of what's best for the dragon.

"Thinking like this is exactly why I am giving the job to you even though I told you the last time you begged me that you need at least 7 more years before you can work with them." Something in his eyes shifted. He had the exact expression on his face as he did when he assigned me to breed those two Fireballs.

"You are up to something. What's wrong with the dragon?" I pursed my lips at him.

"Oh, the dragon is just fine. Lovely, actually. I bet you two will have a lot of fun." The sarcastic tone in his voice told me that he was hiding something from me but I didn't dare to ask him about it.

He deemed me ready to work with a Hebridean Black. To work with my favorite breed. I am not about to jeopardize that if he thinks I am the one for the job. In a week my biggest dream will come true and there was nothing in the world that could ruin that.

#charlie weasley #charlie weasley harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #the weasleys #dragon boy #charles weasley #hebridean black #dragons #a dragon story #charie weasley hphm #dragonologist

[havntednlost]

The main problem: my mother.

Her and my social life.

She's my fucking hell. Since I was born. She never allowed me to do anything along with my father (that was waaaaaay more possessive and jealous when I was a child while now with my little sister he's all like "do whatever you want it's fine").

She never respected my privacy. My spaces. My decisions. My opinions. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. I wasn't allowed to speak when she decided something. I wasn't allowed to choose my friends. I wasn't allowed to speak to some people I defined friends because they weren't okay for her. She'd always decided who I had to talk to and how I had to behave. She always shushed me when I wanted to say something that she thought could've been against her decision. I grew up with her ideas, with her ways of talking and acting. She was manipulating me, creating a copy of her. She wanted to see her in me. (You failed. Ops?🤭) And I was always alone. I never had friends. The only friends I could make were people with disabilities. Because others couldn't stand me. Others hated me or made fun of me. Since I was 6 (elementary school) to being 10 I only talked to people who had difficulties at school or were handicapped. I felt like they didn't judge me. And I felt like they were okay with me being their friend.

What does not having friends has to do with my mother?

Well easy: my social life was in her hands. And that's why I never had anyone by my side. Because no one was okay for her. Only one or maybe two people. And I never complained about it. Because she made me grow up like that. I had to shut up and just do what she said. In my childhood I remember disobeying just a couple of times to my mother. Consequences? Being hit. She slapped me in the face so hard she made me cry. Once she slapped me in front of my classmates in that way. My teacher told her it wasn't necessary and mum just used a polite way to say "fuck you I am her mother and I decide how she has to grow up". My teacher had to shut up while he was caressing me and making me calm down. In that moment I forgot I was in class. I must remember being in my teacher's arms and feeling safe, far from my mum's hands. I was 8 if I'm not wrong.

So, elementary school ended. Middle school started. First year. Me, still with the mentality of a child. Naive. Too innocent and silly to understand the world I was going to face. Middle school was the worst period of my life. I've been bullied all the three years.

First year: Afraid. Always defensive. But willing to be a perfect student just as I was at the previous school. It was just me and other four girls (way smarter than me because they didn't live like they were perfect dolls to keep in a house-cage) and then 15 boys. One of them had a crush on me. I rejected him. I got no will to talk about that embarrassing story. After that also this boy + all the girls made fun of me and bullied me and called me names like: horse, camel, annoying, stupid and stuff like that. I was absolutely not used to being talked to like that, consequently it was one of the first traumas I've experienced in first person, without having my mother "by my side" "to dEfENd me". First year ends and I made no friends.

My parents decide to move to another city. Caserta. Close to Naples. I spent two years there. It was a fucking hell. People there were like... the plastics of mean girls. We were 10 girls and 13 boys. Way better, I thought. Ugh, I was wrong. Boys were terrible, worse than the ones at the other school and girls? Damn, they were all Regina George. It was when my depression symptoms started, along with anxiety. They talked at my back, saying bad stuff about me. How I found out? My mother was going through my chats (without me knowing, of course) and she called me to tell me. I read the group chat. They started saying "Is Maria in this group? No? Are you sure? Yes". So after establishing that I wasn't there they started saying things like: Oh luckily she isn't. She's so annoying. Why the fuck did she came to our school? Couldn't she stay at her old one? She's so ugly and stupid. No one can stand her. No one wants her. And she thinks we're her friends! 😂😂😂 She thinks she's better than us! (totally untrue) She's no one. etc...

Now imagine me crying while reading everything because I didn't expect it.

My mother: Didn't you expect all of this? It was obvious.

Well sorry if I was too stupid because I grew up thinking people were good and I would've faced a world full of roses and love.

I just told her I didn't. Your fault, darling.

Day after. My mother goes to school and talks to my teacher about it. My teacher defends me and helps me with that and the thing is solved. But my classmates just hate me more and more. And they just keep bullying me but more subtly so that no one notices. But I was a bit smarter because I had my cousin (I will dedicate another post to this special person ❤️) that was helping me to go through all the shit and giving me advice.

Middle school ends.

I am not homophobic anymore (like my parents taught me to be). I start having doubts about my sexuality but ignore them. My depression gets worse and worse.

My mother gets worse and worse. Starting to prefer my two brothers and little sister over me for everything. I was needed just to clean the house and to be yelled at for wearing always black, being unsocial, always staying on my own in the dark, always with my phone, always listening to music, always being sad or angry, never smiling, staying up after 10pm for watching TV series or reading, not studying much etc...

(Want a hint my dear mother? I was/am depressed.)

In this period I start having suicidal thoughts. Still because of my parents. My cousin supporting me and telling me is silly and that there are other options.

We move back to Naples.

I am now 14.

Highschool starts. First year is shit because I get bullied again but I start making friends. A group of 7 people (me included). My mother says they're okay. Fucking finally.

Alessia, Gabriella, Chiara, Simona, Sara, Andreea (romanian). Fucking amazing friends. Disgustingly amazing.

My grades are low. My parents keep hating on me and yelling at me for that. But my friends support me.

In the meanwhile I get to know a girl on the Internet. We become close friends and that develops in feelings. We start a relationship. Let's be clear. It wasn't. It was just based on the fact that we had the same problems and she gave me a lot of affection, and I thought it was love.

One day my mother takes my phone, again, without me knowing, and reads all of my chats.

She finds out about this girl. I was terrified and so I confess. My first coming out. She says nothing. She goes to my dad and tells him. My dad yells "Go away! Go away from my sight!" and I go to the kitchen terrified. Crying and sobbing. We sit. Me, my mother and my dad. They start talking to me. A sum up:

I don't remember how my mother started talking. I removed it because it was traumatic, all I remember is her saying shit about that poor girl.

I say "Mum, what's wrong with gays? They're just like us"

Mum slaps me. Hard as fuck. I was shook. Scared. Hurt. Confused.

After that they start talking about how wrong is being gay, that God doesn't accept it, that it's not natural, that it's just a phase, that only animals have gay sex and that's why we humans are different from animals that must follow their instincts. They keep repeating the same things in different ways for 3 hours. I am not kidding. 3 hours. From 3pm to 6:30pm only talking about this. (Want to know what I've done all this time? I just nodded. I kept on nodding because I was afraid to talk.)

Mum deletes and blocks every number and friends from Internet and takes my SIM card and puts it in her phone so she can check all my chats from her phone. She throws my phone away breaking it.

Nighttime: No sleep. Everytime I fell asleep I had nightmares so I woke up. Sobbing. Crying. I can't fucking breathe. A fucking hell.

Morning: I wake up totally empty and with a dead face. My parents are in the kitchen. They warmly say "good morning" and ask me to sit. I sit on the couch. They ask me "how are you". My answer: HOW AM I?? HOW AM I YOU FUCKER?????!!!!! YOU'RE REALLY ASKING ME HOW ARE YOU WITH THIS NONCHALANCE???? FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. My actual answer:.... i'm tired.

I don't remember anything else after that. Trauma I guess.

I am not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up.

So after this happens I tell everything to my cousin. She doesn't believe that. She actually doesn't. She was too shocked to believe it. Haha, same sis. I don't either.

So, it takes a while for her to process everything and that's when our friendship starts for real. (We were good friends since I was 12. We grew up together, but there has never been an actual friendship because of how I was as a child. A pretty horrible child.) She starts helping me with my mother and all the stuff. We start getting closer and closer as time goes by and as my mother keeps being a bitch.

Second year of highschool.

My fucking favourite. It was such a good time. My grades weren't the best, my depression was fucking me up more than ever, my anxiety was kicking me out, but.. I had my friends. With a new entry. Simona. Yeah another one. Alessia changes school. So it's still 7 of us.

I swear if it wasn't for my friends that year and my cousin. I would've killed myself. Going back home from school everyday was basically going back to hell every fucking day.

dude: go to hell

me: awww where do you think i came from honey?

Then... that summer comes. Summer 2018.

I argue with my friends because of my parents, giving them the fault of everything. I keep them away from me. My mother gets even worse. She's against me like I am her enemy. She yells at me for everything. Every single thing.

me: *wakes up*

mother: WHY DID YOU WAKE UP GO BACK TO SLEEP AND SLEEP PROPERLY LIKE A LADY YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

She separates me from my cousin because she talked back at her (after she said bad things about my cousin's mother at her face) and here, another trauma. She calls me whore, liar, bitch because I didn't defend her like my cousin did with her mother (sorry but i hate you bitch). She says it's all my fault because I told my cousin everything about the bad things she did to me. That day goes away and my mother calms down and says it's not my fault but my cousin's because she's a bitch. I have no chance to talk to her for a month then we finally meet when my mother isn't at home. Since then we talk without no one of my family knowing. (It will be 3 years this summer, she never knew we do. How stupid can she be thinking I wouldn't talk to my favourite person ever because she said so).

September comes. Back to school. Third year. No friends. Low grades. No will to study. No will to live. But my cousin has my back. She keeps me alive, in fact I tried to kill myself multiple times. I failed. (Now I'm happy I didn't.) I pass that year. Not after another trauma. I seek for help at school. My teacher tells my mother about it and tells her that I am bisexual, atheist and I'm not okay in my family.

Thanks for ruining me, teacher. I expressively told her not to talk about it with my mother buuuut okay.

Quick sum up: I come back from school, my mother is crying. She starts saying things like "You don't want me as a mother? You don't like me? You hate me?" and I said no (not knowing that she knew what I said at school). Then the evening she walks to me and sits near me.

"Tell me the truth"

I was obviously confused. So she confesses what she knows. I was expecting the worst. It ended up with me talking to my uncles because my mother was "tOo hUrt" to talk to me.

"It's just a phase." "I hated my parents too." "You're too young to say these things." "You can't say you're bisexual if you never experienced anything."

It ended up with me faking a hug and "I'm sorry mum, I exaggerated." (obviously it was just to make everything stop).

bonus

me: *wants help to fight a difficult situation*

mum: *gets to know about it* YOU HURT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

also mum: *reproaches it to my face everytime she's mad at me*

Fourth year starts. This is my year. This year. 2019/2020. It started perfectly. Good grades, my friends are back.

We move again. Tivoli (Rome). I am fucking happy with that. Expect for the fact that I can't meet my cousin anymore. But of course we can chat. Secretly on Telegram. Because my mother doesn't know what it is. Also, she stopped checking my phone, finally.

So, now. I'm 17, fourth year of highschool. Here I have no friends because they all suck. I miss my friends from Naples. And I wish I was free from my parents.

Some parts are not detailed. This because I will dedicate to them other posts otherwise this one would've been waaaaaay longer. And it's already too long.

No one will read these long posts but in case you're doing it, thank you ❤.

#my mother is satan #i hate my mother #my parents are crazy #fuck my parents #fuck my family #depression #anxiety #no social life #i have no social life #i have no friends #it's all my mothers fault

[vandergelic-blog]

Can you do a RFA + Saeran with an MC who's a exchange student at college and Her Korean isn't that great yet

Of course anon! I’m actually in the process of learning Korean right now..

Zen:

His acting career does actually require him to speak some English.

Remember he didn’t do too well in school, so his grade in English probably wasn’t great.

But he knew enough to communicate with you and tell you how much he loves you!

A lot of times he would lean down to ear and just whisper to you in Korean, and say really sweet things, leaving you flustered since you somewhat couldn’t understand him.

When you’re studying Korean, he would often award you with pecks on the lips whenever you pronounced a word right or said a sentence well~

Yoosung:

His English is pretty good! (Omg I imagine his accent would be really hot..)

He found out you didn’t know Korean well when you guys first spoke on the phone hehe, it was very clear that you were struggling.

“I-I can help you study MC! Don’t worry..I’m not that great at English myself. We can help each other!”

Would be very encouraging of you.

You guys both go to SKY University so he would often translate what the professor is saying for you.

Did everything he could to help you, as always. He wasn’t going to let language barriers prevent him from being with you~

Jaehee:

This girl, was valedictorian and graduated early. She has such academic success, of course she knows English.

Couldn’t really relate to your struggle, but you know she’d be up late helping you study..translating your notes for you.

Would always make you practice by asking you questions whenever you guys go out (bAEHEE WHY?)

Like for example at the supermarket she would point at a fruit..

“What is that? In Korean?”

“밥..”

“And that?”

“오렌지”

“And that?”

“시럽..?”

“Wrong. It’s actually 고추장.”

T_T

It was a hard process..but she helped you every step of the way.

Jumin:

Would be kind of confused at first and question you why you didn’t learn before you came to Korea.

But it was short notice when you learned you were going to Korea as an exchange student, that he understood.

Of course Jumin knows English, coming from a rich background and going to very prestigious schools. I also feel like he knows French too..or Italian, lol.

Wouldn’t really have time during the day to help you with Korean, so he would hire a teacher to give you lessons.

When he was home though, he would talk to you in English, but mostly Korean to make sure you got used to it. He thought it was very important that you practiced, much like Jaehee.

Overall wouldn’t think much of your lacking in Korean..he would just assist you to the best of ability and make sure you were getting the best lessons from the best teachers. :)

Seven:

Ahahahh this didn’t show up on the background check..but could instantly tell because of the way you typed in the messenger lmao.

Would probably implement a translating feature without even telling you or anyone else for that matter.

“Seven, what is this? Why would we need a translator?” Yoosung would ask.

“Lololol..no reason. Just got bored.”

Sometimes on call he would speak Korean that only fluent speakers would be able to understand, just to tease you.

Sometimes wouldn’t even speak Korean, but one of the many other languages he knew. Like Arabic or Romanian. Just to mess with you and confuse you..that little shit.

You once asked him how to say “Where’s the bathroom?” when you guys went out to eat once, and he told you “남대문 열렸어요”  which literally means “your fly is open”. The server just looked at you then down at his crotch and frowned, leaving you flustered and Seven in a fit of laughter.

YOU LITTLE SHITDJJSSJ

BUT DON’T WORRY!! Amongst his teasing, he would give you lessons in Korean, and it would be kind of messy…and obnoxious, but hey you were learning!!

Saeran:

Okay so being stuck in a religious cult for most of his life and whatnot..he would not know any English.

So this is already a tragedy

Sometimes you guys would try to communicate just using body movements and facial expressions.

*cue saeyoung laughing in the background*

You would teach him some English and he would try to teach you some Korean!

Like you taught him how to say Hi, how are you (OMG HE WOULD HAVE SUCH A SHY BABY ACCENT DJJD)

And he would teach you “죽을래?” (do you want to die?)

Despite the language barriers you guys managed to make it work..somehow.

He’s not the best teacher, so you would have to seek out help elsewhere. But he would let you practice speaking with him, occasionally smirking whenever you said something stupid, hehe.

Vanderwood (added him cause he’s my guilty pleasure):

His English would be good for the most part :) Sometimes there would be some miscommunication though..

Like once he asked if you wanted anything when he went out to the store and you asked him in korean to bring back some tea, which sounds a lot similar to 차 which means car..

“I’m not bringing you back a fucking car MC I’m-”

“That’s not even what I said dipshit. I mean TEA.”

“THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEARNED THE KOREAN”

“learned the korean”

He wouldn’t say it, but he would find it so adorable when you guys were watching TV together and you literally did not understand anything so you have such a puzzled look on your face.

Would push you to learn more, and helped you with college sometimes. But honestly it bored him and he was such a sarcastic little shit, you couldn’t deal.

As long as you guys understood and were able to make fun of each other; your limited Korean wasn’t really a problem! He didn’t mind you not being completely fluent. As time passes, you’d reach that point and he would be there and be so very proud when you did!

Requests are open! So be sure to send one in~ 고마워 ^^

#mystic messenger hc #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger #mysme #mysme hc

[mannapolis]

9 August, 2019

I've never been convinced that talking about the rape was something that could do me any good. I mean, it surely would have done some good if I could have shared that terrible experience soon after it happened but there was absolutely nobody that I could trust to such a degree and my mother was and is the last person to whom I would like to talk about it. I don't remember how I managed to conceal from her my black eye and swollen nose that was probably broken (I never had an x-ray done to confirm that).

Recently, I came across a documentary about a Romanian woman who was kidnapped when she was eighteen, if I remember correctly. She was raped by a gang of men who kept her captive for a week or so and who then sold her to another gang; she was again raped by its members, taken abroad and forced to prostitute herself… She had no sexual experience before those things happened. It's absolutely impossible to imagine what she (and tens of thousands of other violated women around the world) has gone through. I know that even I can't imagine that although I was a victim of a brutal gang rape. But it wasn't my first sexual experience. I considered myself rather experienced when it happened, although I was only sixteen. And my ordeal lasted ”only” a few hours.

As I'm writing this I realise that there is a strong resistance in me against recalling that event. It's the most natural reaction and I keep wondering whether it's useful to dig up that grave. Perhaps, it is. That documentary made me realise something that I wasn't aware of. It isn't the rape itself that constitutes this tragic event. The rape itself was ”just” an unwanted sexual intercourse. I don’t want to belittle that part. It's a horrible thing to be forced to sexual act with three disgusting, stinking, aggressive, drunk, old men. This horrible memory is something I got and cannot, no matter what, get rid of.

But I forgot about the thing I have LOST, that I will not, no matter what, get back. The documentary about that girl made me realise it. She was talking about her experience with emotionless tone of voice that often shocks people (I remember that reaction from my group therapy where I mentioned the rape for the very first time). People can't understand how someone can talk about such horrible things showing absolutely no emotions. This is how we protect ourselves. I was caught by surprise when I started crying and couldn't stop sobbing as I was watching the documentary although I have never shed a tear for my own suffering.

What have I lost? Things that we take for granted (again). The sense of feeling secure in the world. Sure, I had known that evil existed but to know about evil and to be touched by it are two different things.

I've lost my innocence by being forced to perform sexual acts that perhaps I'd never have chosen to perform of my own will. I didn't lose my virginity but I lost my purity. Once you lose your purity, you can never be completely clean again. The touch of evil leaves a stinking stain on your soul and there is no such thing as soul cleaner.

I've lost a sense of personal boundaries. They had never been developed properly but an experience like this demolishes your boundaries to the ground. Some women having experienced sexual violence close themselves up completely. It's their way of re-establishing personal boundaries but such rigid and impermeable boundaries become a personal prison cell. Other women drop their boundaries completely and become sluts. I switch between both modes.

I lost the sense of being in control of my life. Again, it wasn't well developed to begin with but I definitely lost the possibility to develop it properly. Somehow the reins of my life keep sliding out of my hands as if they were covered with grease. I expect a catastrophe every single day and it's difficult to plan and implement while being in the state of constant threat.

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I thought I should elaborate on the peace of mind I wrote about a couple of days ago. I realise that this expression quite vaguely describes the state I was in.

What did I mean by the peace of mind? First of all, two days later I'm not experiencing it quite the same. Maybe I'm getting used to it or, more likely, I'm slipping back into old thinking habits.

Back then, before the final cut I lived in constant anticipation, anxiety, longing and heartache. My heart was like a skittish animal, always trembling, insecure, jumpy. My mind on the other hand was continuously analysing my status in relation to F. I was continuously trying to figure out if he cares about me, how much, why not, whether there was anything I could do to show I'm worthy of being cared about. These questions were mixed with self-provided answers which I used to torture myself. Let's have a look at the rich repertoire of torture tools:

He doesn't care about me. Of course he doesn't care about me. He would if I was actually talented, smart, successful, young, beautiful… He would if I wasn't such a pathetic lobster from the bottom of the social hierarchy. I don't deserve a loving man because I'm a terrible mother, a completely worthless human being with no right to live among people. I should try and do something useful and meaningful with my life to win his love but I can't. I'll never do anything useful and meaningful with my life. A sad forty-two year old woman is of no use for any decent man. All I can hope for is a dick in my mouth… Oh god, could someone just end this torture and thrust a dagger in my heart? No, of course not. I don't deserve a noble death. I should slowly rot alive. That's my future…

All I ever wanted was to find someone to love who would love me the same way, someone I could trust completely, someone to share my dreams and nightmares, joys and fears, pains and pleasures… But what do I know about love? Apparently nothing. I look around and see people enjoying the comfort of deep and committed relationships and I keep asking myself: what is wrong with me? I've always known that I'm not a typical desired wife material but I thought I could find a compatible puzzle piece to make a great team. I guess I'm a broken puzzle piece and there is no way I could pair up with anyone for life. I know that deep inside I still have some hope but I also know that I will never make it to the happy ending. My Groundhog Day will always be the same...

Farewell peace of mind. Hello darkness my old friend…

How naive it was to think that peace of mind would stay with me. The only thing that will always be there for me is my depression, my only true companion till death do us part.

4 September, my own reply:

Darling!

I'm SO sorry that you have felt that way. I know it was awful. You felt so terribly mistreated and you thought it was your fault because due to your childhood experiences you have learnt to blame yourself for other people's lack of respect for you.

You are not a broken puzzle piece! And there is nothing inherently wrong with you! You just need a lot of love! And I'm going to give it to You! I love You! I love you very much! I'm sorry I haven't told you that before. I… I was confused myself. But I think I finally caught the Ariadne's thread and now I can slowly guide us out of this maze. Please, be patient with me. I can still get a bit confused at times but it doesn't mean I stopped loving you. It only means that I need to come back to my senses.

Please, reach out for me any time you need me, any time you feel that you are falling back into old thinking habits. I'll hug you, and kiss you and reassure you of my love.

You wrote: ”Oh god, could someone just end this torture and thrust a dagger in my heart?” See, your request was granted. F thrust a dagger into your heart. A few conclusion on that:

Ask God, and he will listen and give you what you ask for if he decides that this is something that you need.

Don't ask God for stupid things (I know it's not always easy to know which things are stupid but you can learn to tell stupid from smart)

God decided you needed to have that dagger thrust into your heart because it was the only way to make you realize that you have to PROTECT your heart, instead of just throwing it at random people hoping they'll catch it. That's not the way to treat your HEART. I understand that nobody taught you how to take care of it but finally I am here to do that. Actually I don't know how to do that, either, but I'll be reading, studying, learning, meditating and, most importantly, LISTENING TO your/my heart attentively.

Ok, maybe it was a bit naive to think that peace of mind will stay with you. It's not a thing, not a person or an animal. It can't just stay with you. It's a state of body and mind that can be achieved through conscious effort (at least in the beginning). And don't expect it to be permanent. We'll find eternal peace after death but here, on this planet, we live in a constant flow of different emotions - it's called life 😊

”Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off.

They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.

My mom used to say, It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.”

https://www.thehopeline.com/24-is-there-a-cure-for-love-addiction/

”To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.

King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said:

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

”Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.

Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.”

”So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.”

”Love Addicts usually didn’t have enough appropriate bonding with their caregivers. Caring transmits the messages, ‘You’re important, you matter, and you are loved,’…when children do not get enough connection and nurture from a parent, they experience serious difficulty with self-esteem. Love Addicts usually experienced much deep pain and sadness and an acute sense of loss during childhood, because a part of themselves was denied the opportunity to grow properly when their caregivers failed to take care of them. This pain and sadness I call ‘the pain of the precious child.’ It goes very deep and back far beyond the earliest conscious memories. As children, Love Addicts experienced enormous fear because they were helpless to create a connection with their caregivers. In counseling they often describe that child-fear as a sense of having a loss of their own breath, as if their air supply had been cut off and they were literally dying [I write this a few months ago as I was trying to write my biography: The first memory I have which includes other people takes place at my grandparents’ house and my mother is there. I was very ill with pneumonia and I was suffocating!!] They also describe being empty because they weren’t filled with nurture by their caregivers. And because they weren’t nurtured for who they were, they had trouble being or liking their natural selves.”

”When you’re hungry, even what tastes bitter tastes good.”