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moongothic · 4 months

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The reason I ended that Crocodad AU where he finds Baby Robin-post where I did was because I actually just don't know what would happen next, where things would go from there. Let's talk about that.

Also apologies in advance, this post got obscenely long. Again. I don't know how this keeps on happening.

(If you wanted the minimum context without having to read the whole OG post, just scroll down to the Plot Section and read until the end from there)

But just to give a minor recap: They're in the tombs of Alubarna, Cobra's dead and the second the guards notice their king has gone missing they're going go searching for him. So there's no time to mess around, Crocodile and Robin need to leave as soon as possible before they're discovered, otherwise they'll risk getting reported to the World Government for assasinating Cobra and boy howdy Croc's not going to be a Shichibukai for long if that happens. The two are there to just get what they want. Crocodile wants Pluton. And the Poneglyph says its in Wano Country

What the hell are either of these two going to do? In this scenario?

'Cause on one hand, there's Robin, who could be scared shitless of Crocodile and unsure what to do next.

If Robin tells him, will Crocodile kill her because he doesn't need her anymore? Because he got what he wanted?

Or might he lash out at her and kill her because the weapon isn't in Alabasta as he had assumed?

But if she refuses to tell him, he'll kill her anyways, won't he?

She can't run away from him anyways, he'd catch her in seconds.

Should she lie and give him a fake location nearby in the hopes of creating an opportunity for her to escape?

But even if she managed to escape, she'd be back on the run from the Government all over again, fighting for her life, all alone.

(Minor note but it's worth pointing out that Robin probably wouldn't know about Wano's takeover, she might not know who Kaidou is, let alone what the Yonkou are, or where Wano even is. Like we know it's a bombshell of information, but Robin wouldn't know where on The Scale of Bad News it'd land, and that could also add to her fear of telling the truth)

Like I think those would be the kinds of thoughts that would run through Robin's mind, and even I can't tell what she'd do.

And on the other hook, we have Mr Murderdile. How the fuck would he even react to whatever Robin would do?

I mean I don't think he'd actually kill Robin if she told him the truth about what the Poneglyph says. I do think he would Fucking Furious and deeply hurt if she'd refuse to tell him, if she'd lie or tried to flee, as these would be acts of betrayal and we know Crocodile would not take that well. Would he kill her for betraying him? Possibly? Since he could see her as a threat to his son's life (the priority), I don't fucking know man. That could very much turn into like a "Doflamingo killing Rocinante" moment for Crocodile in this AU.

But what the fuck would he do if he found out Pluton was in Wano?

Mind you, by this point the country would've been freshly taken over by Kaidou, and it's only been 2-5 years since Crocodile would've had his ass kicked by Whitebeard in the New World. Like that trauma would be Quite Fresh in his mind. I don't think Crocodile would be stupid enough to try to go to Wano. It'd be stupid fucking dangerous, and surely he'd know that. And not just in the "he could get killed by Kaidou" kind of way, but because surely Crocodile would realize Kaidou was sitting on top of Pluton as they spoke. Even if he didn't know about it yet, if Kaidou found out about Pluton being directly beneath his gigantic ass, it would be Fucking Bad. And thus going to the island with the only person on the planet who could reveal the exact location of the weapon would be a stupid ass move. (Of course, without the heir of the Kozuki Clan Pluton can't be released and Momo has just been yeeted into the future, so even if they did go they wouldn't be able to open the borders of Wano, but unless the Alabastan Poneglyph explained that then neither Robin or Crocodile would understand that)

So if Crocodile's only goal in life at this moment had been obtaining an Ancient Weapon so he could nuke the World Government and then go be with his son (since nothing in the world could threaten his child anymore and force Crocodile to keep his distance to keep him safe)... And he found out he was far, far too weak to even obtain that weapon... What would Crocodile do? Knowing he wouldn't be able to do what he wanted, that he wouldn't get to be with his son ever again?

(Mind you. There is a whole discussion to be had about whether or not Crocodile was suicidal during Impel Down/Marineford and if his petty revenge against Whitebeard was a borderline suicide mission. Because unironically I think there's like a 40-50% chance that could be the case. And I'm pointing this out because if Crocodile was canonically suicidal after failing to take over Alabasta, how would this scenario in this AU be different? Aside from the obvious time commitment, and the way Crocodile's traumas would be much more fresh at this point compared to canon)

Like. What can he do anymore? What's there left for him to do?

Fall into absolute despair and give up? Allow the royal guards to find and capture him, and let the WG throw him in jail for assassinating King Cobra for no reason? Or just kill himself on the spot because what would it matter, he'd die eventually anyways? God knows, even if he wanted to keep on opposing the WG, between the Dragodile Divorce (and however the fuck that might've played out) and Crocodile probably not approving of Dragon's methods for revolution (too idealistic, soft, and slow), ditching his Warlord-status and fully joining the Revolutionary Army wouldn't suit Crocodile either. He's a pirate, not some hero of justice. And he's never going to be strong enough to defeat the WG himself, all alone. That's what the Ancient Weapon was for to begin with.

So, what would he do now, when his final option had been crossed out, labeled impossible. Would death be the easy way out, and at least give him the peace of mind knowing his son could never be linked back to him and put into danger because of him?

But what would happen to Robin?

If Crocodile allowed himself to become captured and go to jail, Robin would be doomed too. Between his hatred of the Government and Robin being an innocent child, surely he didn't want the Government to get their hands on her, they'd just put her to death. But what else could he do? Tell her to run? Leave her to fend for herself all over again? Alone? Would he have it in him to tell her that?

Or would Crocodile's anger and spite at the Government be more powerful than his despair? Would he rather flee with Robin for now and figure things out later, when they're not in some ancient tombs with the corpse of a king where they could be found out any second and be in far deeper shit than they're already in?

And I think this is where we circle back to what Robin would do, first. Because even if Robin told Crocodile the truth, there's still multiple ways she could do that, and depending on how Robin went about it, that could influence Crocodile's reaction too, couldn't it?

If the two hadn't become too fond of each other yet, and Robin very calmly told Crocodile Pluton was in Wano, I think he could just become kind of catatonic in shock and horror, falling into despair. Maybe without saying a word he'd just walk out of the tombs straight to the guards without ever looking back. Abandoning Robin and leaving her running for her life again, alone.

But Robin is at this point a 12 year old child***

The sheer intensity of this situation could become too much for her. And if she had become fond of Crocodile, if despite everything she still wanted to stay with him because he had been the only source of safety she had had in three years... what if she just burst into tears, and told Crocodile she was afraid of him and what he might do to her because he might not like what the Poneglyph said? What would Crocodile do then? How would Crocodile react to that? To this child being not just brutally honest, but emotionally vulnerable and showing him that she WANTED to trust him? If Crocodile had been emotionally flipflopping between trying to remain emotionally unavailable to Robin because he didn't trust her, and trying to be caring (partially because he was intentionally trying to manipulate her and partially because he genuinely felt bad for her)... Would this become the moment Crocodile himself realizes he has to decide if he's going to be a cruel pirate who only cares about his son's safety, or be Robin's guardian? Either demand her to just spit it out if she knows what's good for her, or comfort her and tell her he would never hurt her regardless of what the Poneglyph said? And... almost regardless of what Crocodile would choose, could Robin's outburst still like... both soften the blow of the bad news and emotionally ground Crocodile? So that he wouldn't fall into despair?

If so... Guess the two would just have to flee then. Leave their hostage (be it the (unconcious???) pregnant queen or baby Vivi) behind, and just leave Alabasta. There'd be nothing left in that country for them anyways, nothing but people who could catch Crocodile and report him to the World Government for assasinating their King (mainly Shaka who could probably tell their king was murdered by a heavy smoker thanks to his DF and then realize it was Crocodile if he ever gotten within sniffing distance from him), leading to his Shichibukai Status to being stripped from him. Escaping and never coming back would be their priority.

Whatever the fuck would happen next is a bloody mystery though

Like IDK maybe, after getting over whatever emotional turmoil he'd be going through, Crocodile could start building an organization of some kind?? But this time with the intent of wrecking Kaidou's ass and taking over Wano himself????? (Roccoco Works wouldn't nececarily have to be a secret organization either since if he wanted to take over a non-WG Affiliated country from some pirate... He could just do that. The WG shouldn't care. He would have to be extremely careful though to make sure nobody ever found out his sweet little assistant/secretary Miss Sunday was actually Nico Robin. Also if he was the Rev Army's Secret Sugar Daddy he'd have to be extremely careful who he would hire to work for him. Like the hiring process would be extremely selective still, if not more-so than with BW?) Also he could spend a fuck ton of time just working out to get as swole as humanly possible. Because god knows he'll need to if he wanted to actually fight Kaidou and survive with all his limbs still in-tact. Maybe try to get friendly with Moria too knowing Moria has some serious beef with Kaidou and could be down for getting revenge one day. But mind you, this would be A Whole Process which would no doubt take years if not decades.

All while looking after Robin. Because he was all she had and he couldn't possibly abandon her now. He's in too deep.

And this is where my brain finally hits a brick wall with this AU, I can't imagine how shit would go down from here on. Because IDK, this whole thing started out more as a thought experiment (of "how would things be different if they met earlier") and the further you go down the timeline it stops being wild what if-speculation and more just a fanfic lmao

***(Look if I'm not wrong, the year Luffy was born Robin should be going 11 turning 12, right? (And Croc 27 -> 28). But if enough time has passed that Vivi has been born, well, Robin's birthday is a few days after Vivi's, so she could've turned 13 by now. Or hell, this whole shitshow of a scenario could take place on her birthday if you wanted to be really evil) (But if I'm wrong and Robin was 10 -> 11 the year Luffy was born, then she'd be around turning 12 at this point) (This shit is so complicated aaaaa 😭)

One more note because I might as well put them in the same post

So in my mind, if Crocodad Real IN GENERAL then it would make perfect sense to me if Crocodile's reason for wanting his funny little military nation and to obtain Pluton was to nuke Marijoa and just delete the World Government so his baby boy would be safe. Because god knows if the Government found out Dragon had a son (or that he had been involved with the Revs/plotted against them and that he had a son), that baby boy would become a target for the WG. Thus he couldn't even take his child with him and raise him like Bege or Big Mom did with their kids. Like it wasn't even an option. And because that's like my default headcanon already, I'm obviously applying it to this silly Crocodad AU.

But it raises a fun question; what would Crocodile tell baby Robin about his motivations?

Like, I can perfectly imagine Crocodile explaining to Robin that he hates the WG and wants to destroy them, and that not only would Robin be safe with him (not just in the "I won't hurt you or turn you in to the Marines, we're on the same side", or the "I'm stronk and can protect you from danger" way, but also "the WG can't find you if you're under my wing" way), but also if she helped him find an Ancient Weapon, she could help him defeat her greatest enemy for once and for all and become free herself.

And that's not a bad deal, now is it.

But even if Crocodile explained that to Robin when they'd first meet, just to get her to agree to coming with him, surely it would take Robin some time to actually start trusting Crocodile, after spending the past three years on the run. 'Cause in her mind, either the Government Approved Pirate was lying to get her guard down (so it'd be easier to hand her over to the WG), or the Government Approved Pirate was explicitly admitting to being a backstabber and couldn't be trusted. But hey Papadile could maybe win her trust with some time, plenty of books and maybe a few plushies

However.

I'm sure Robin would wonder WHY Crocodile wanted to destroy the World Government. And Crocodile sure as fucking hell would never tell her it was because he had a son, god knows he would not trust her with that information. I'm not sure if Robin would ask about Crocodile's motivations, and even if she did, I'm sure he'd find a way to respond in a truthful way without telling her anything (Like arguably he isn't free from the WG either, he can either play and pretend to be on their side until they decide they have no more use for him, or try to eliminate them first and ensure his own safety. So he could tell Robin that as an excuse) (Kill-or-Be-Killed is not a great life lesson to be teaching Nico Robin Age 12) And you know, not knowing why this Scary Pirate wants a weapon of mass destruction would raise alarm bells in anyone's mind. Robin isn't stupid.

And now we circle right back to the begining of this post. Again. This post is a fucking timeloop, there is no escape. What would Robin do when Crocodile would ask her to read him the Poneglyph. Because there is that option that she could try to ask him Crocodile why he wanted to destroy the WG, then and there. Possibly defiantly, possibly calmly, possibly with tears running down her little face because she's scared out of her mind and wants to have faith in her guardian, but is unsure because the situation she's found herself in is a train wreck and Croc's on thin ice. And would she start with the question right away, or would she first tell the truth and then, after seeing Crocodile's reaction, ask him about it? And would Crocodile tell her? The TL:DR; of it? That he had a son whom the WG would want dead if they ever found out about it, a son he wanted to protect? That that's what this all was about?

And how would Robin feel about such a revelation?

Because on one hand, it could be calming for her, to understand that Crocodile wasn't out for world domination like a cartoon villian or anything, that his motivations were actually understandable. He just wanted to protect his family. But on the other hand... if Robin had been (conciously or subconciously) hoping to find a father figure in Crocodile... would finding out that Crocodile had his own son, his own family somewhere out there... Would that knowledge break Robin? Because in her mind, even if she hadn't wished for it conciously, Crocodile could never become a father for her? Because if/when Crocodile would get what he wanted, he'd just go be with his son?

Keep in mind. Robin's core fears and trauma come from not just betrayal, but also abandonment. A fear of being alone. Even if it was for Robin's own sake, her mother left her behind. She wasn't able to find friends or community in Ohara at all, even with the people of the library she felt left out because they wouldn't allow her to participate in the Poneglyph research (understandable on their part) And even when Robin's uncle and his family "adopted" her, she was treated as an other in the family. An unwanted burden, a servant. Not a real member of the family.

Finding out Crocodile had a family he wanted to return to could in her mind mean she was going to become abandoned again, left behind to fend for herself. Even if the WG wasn't out to get her, that would still be absolutely soul crushing for a child. And even if Crocodile did decide to adopt Robin, would she not be afraid of being treated as an other in that family too, because she wasn't his daughter? That he'd never love her the way he'd love his own son?

How would the truth behind Crocodile's motivations actually make Robin feel?

And one final gut punch before I go:

Would Crocodile struggle with some kind of guilt and shame over looking after Robin when he had his son somewhere out there? Would he be beating himself up inside because he couldn't stop himself for caring so damn much about this poor kid, but didn't want to treat Robin like some kind of a replacement for his own child? And would those feelings get even worse after finding out he couldn't even get Pluton because the bloody thing was hiding under Kaidou's ass? Would Crocodile feel horrible about how he had to abandon his son seemingly forever and then found himself looking after some other child instead?

Also. If the Dragodile Divorce was bad, especially in the "Dragon wasn't particularly accepting" kinda way, and if Crocodile had this deep fear inside of him about whether or not his son would ever accept him as his other dad and/or be upset about not having a mom (a fear that could get worse over time since he wouldn't have been with his baby from the begining, that he'd have to show up in his child's life later, praying for acceptance and forgiveness for having to leave him behind)... Would Robin potentially expressing that she saw Crocodile as a father-figure kind of break Crocodile (in a good way)? Not just because of the gender affirmation (for the recently transitioned guy mind you), but also because it'd mean that there was at least one person in the world who looked at him and thought they wanted him as their father? And could that happiness then like ADD ON to whatever guilt Crocodile could also be feeling?

These two are such broken people. I can not help but to wonder if they'd be able to navigate through their complicated emotions and find the healing and comfort they both so desperately need.

Anyway yeah that's the post, hope you enjoyed The Thoughts

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #Nico Robin #Crocodad #Not sure I can say ''back due to popular demand'' but close enough I guess #I am just Haunted by Thoughts #This really got obscenely fucking long jesus christ #Feels wrong to tag this with Crocodad but this is an AU based on it and it's like relevant so??? It's there for blacklisting if nothing els #Good god my Activity Feed has Not Been The Same since I posted that fanart on my main though oh my god #I'm glad y'all enjoy this AU concept as much as I do. We can suffer emotionally together lmao

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general-cyno · 7 months

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to add to the angst of thriller bark zolu, I keep thinking 1) of the parallel between zoro's words to luffy when he agrees to join him and his sacrifice 2) of sanji's words in the aftermath of TB and 3) the consequences of zoro's sacrifice bearing weight in sabaody.

1) while zoro choosing to pretend nothing happened at thriller bark makes sense, since he's not the type of character who'd go boasting about this sort of thing, it also makes even more sense when you think of this,

in the context of this other bit:

zoro, who believes and proclaims his dream of becoming the world's greatest swordsman is all he has, accepts to become part of luffy's crew on the sole condition that he'd never make zoro abandon that dream - otherwise, well, he says it. it's not gonna be pretty. luffy proved he understood the significance this held for zoro later at baratie, to the point he stopped johnny and yosaku from interfering in zoro's duel against mihawk, even though luffy himself was greatly upset abt mihawk hurting him.

overall, luffy is someone who places great importance in ppl's dreams and is willing to go through yet greater lengths to protect those he cherishes and befriends, especially his crew. this is an aspect of luffy's character that shines through in pretty much every arc of the story and something that zoro himself knows well since he's been with luffy the longest. which brings me to,

to say luffy wouldn't have reacted well to zoro's deal with kuma is an understatement. imagine if monkey d. "I won't lose a single member of my crew even if it kills me" "defies the world government itself to save his friend/crew member" luffy were to find out that zoro willingly cast aside his dream and life for him, putting luffy's own dream and safety above his. bc to zoro, as the story progresses, his own ambition means nothing if he can't protect/save luffy, his captain. just imagine.

worse, if we take into account that:

3) thriller bark is the reason why zoro was significantly vulnerable at sabaody. even back before they arrived at the archipelago, zoro was visibly exhausted and injured, which brook notices:

and while zoro fights to the most he can despite the circumstances, his injuries after absorbing luffy's pain eventually leave him open to both kuma and kizaru.

now considering this is how luffy reacts to the whole ordeal when zoro's life is in danger and gets sent away by kuma,

just imagine how luffy would feel if he knew it was zoro sacrificing himself for his sake, which is already painful in itself, that led him to be so much weaker and vulnerable here. oof.

#zolu #tp #long post #yes I'm still thinking abt it no I will never recover from thriller bark #on a less angsty note there's still more to find out abt what roger and ray's relationship was like but #the parallels between ray and zoro are kind of insane actually that was good #anyway back to suffering through impel down #jay reads op

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yellowocaballero · 8 months

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So fucking glad to see someone talk about SSS Class revival hunter 😭 I lived it so much and I feel like no one ever mentions it against more popular titles like ORV or even The Lout of the counts family, so I'm so glad to come here and see your amazing takes :>

Thank you for the ask which lets me talk about SSSCRH (the version I read was titled 'Suicide Hunter', which tbh I like more - no beating around the bush).

It's hard to draw an accurate comparison since I'm going off just the webtoon for SSSCRH, while I'm going off both the webtoon and the webnovel for ORV. And I love ORV, ORV is my media blorbo right now, it hydraulic presses my brain, I am writing ORV fanfic - it's, like, funner to enjoy. But SSSRH is just better. In the vast majority of ways it is is better. It's better than the holy trinity by a wide margin. TW talk of suicide obviously.

I can't believe I'm saying this but you need a basic understanding of Buddhism in order to understand SSSCRH. It's not about Gongja's suicides - he doesn't suicide from depression or lack of self-esteem. SSSCRH is about suffering in the Buddhist sense - dukkha. I don't want to make this an essay, so I might reblog this with more information, but extremely shortly:

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. You've heard that Buddhists say 'life is suffering'. To put it one way that doesn't require defining a lot of words: the cause of suffering is experiencing the world as we percieve it instead of how it truly is. Suffering isn't just being miserable and in pain, and life isn't suffering because life sucks and global warming exists and people voted for Trump. Life is suffering because we can experience beautiful and joyful moments in this world, but we do not exist in the moment of that happiness or place our ego/'self' between us and that happiness. Living in that moment, accepting the moment as it is unconditionally, is freedom from suffering. The Buddha tries to free people from suffering through teaching Buddhism.

"What does this have to do with the webnovel and manwha about a guy murdering himself thousands of times" it has everything to do with it. Because SSSCRH is about suffering, and it is about using suffering as a tool in order to experience a world unfiltered by ego and break down the artificial boundaries between human beings. Suffering in SSSCRH is not a bad thing. Gongja has the unique capability to (reincarnate.) experience a person's suffering in unity with them, which dissolves the delusion of separation between people and puts us in touch with the reality of oneness.

The Murim arc was fucking insane because Gongja pulls a Big Bodhisattva Move and walks through the suffering of the world in order to achieve full understanding of the human experience. He takes all of the suffering of the world into himself and is liberated. You can tell it's Buddhist because death was not presented as a bad thing - death was an aspect of a happy ending for the Heavenly Demon lady, because she was finishing her life according to her own joy, and because her teachings were passed on she did not truly die.

But the purpose of embracing suffering is to discover the ability to fully embrace life, and that's where Heavenly Demon's teachings were incomplete - as the ghost dude said, Gongja hasn't even experienced his own full life and the infinite capability for his own happiness. You can only feel the depths of sadness when you've felt the depths of happiness. Sadness deserves its place in the world and it can strengthen you, but so does happiness.

Gongja is attention-seeking, envious, and unbelievably petty. When he drills down into his own desires and why he wants the things he wants, you see that he has a very strong sense of justice and right and wrong - he realizes he doesn't want to be famous, he wants to be acknowledged, but on an even deeper level he is desperate for love and to be loved. Everything he does is to experience love, and as such he learns to love others. His love for the Flamey Asshole was purely parasocial and ego-filled, with no concern for who he was as a human. Throughout the manwha, he grows to care for people as they truly are and pierce through any delusions or misleading outward appearances. He has released all attachment to life and death, and as such does not fear death, and as such has taken a step on the road towards becoming a Boddhisatva who frees others from the cycle of samsara, and as a result has learned sick sword techniques and is sooo good at beating people up.

I think the only other thing I want to mention here because otherwise this is an essay: in almost every time loop/regression story, only the final regression matters. In stories with dungeon monsters and NPCs, only the humans matter. The regressor exists in a space where there are no consequences for their actions, so they act terribly and do whatever because none of it matters. In Groundhog Day Bill Murray acts like an asshole because he can. That's not the case here. Everything Gongja does matters. The NPCs are fake, but Gongja never treats them as anything less than real people who deserve life. Once he understands a person's life he never treats them as unimportant. No loop is thrown away and no person or life is disregarded. His choices matter, the way he treats others matters, and Gongja never treats anybody as if they don't matter except for himself.

That was not short. There is a lot more. The female characters are so good and so rich. From a craft perspective it is excellently paced and has a wonderful sense of set-up/payoff and balances tone and maintains a lot of momentum, which is really hard in a time loop story. You have to do a few very specific things to write OP characters well and SSSCRH does it very well. There's more to say from a craft perspective and it's hard to judge accurately from a webtoon but it's good. I was so strangely struck the entire time about how sincere and genuine it was, how it said what it said with no trace of irony of confusion, and I think that's what stuck with me the most.

TL;DR: SSS Class Revival Hunter is good for a lot of very normal reasons, such as excellent pacing and set-up/pay off and characters, but it's also so sincerely and genuinely Buddhist that it blew my tits clean off.

#sss class revival hunter #kim gongja #ssscrh #I s2g I rewrite these like three times to be as short as possible #I just knew I had to define some terms because if I say 'it's about suffering' and leave it at that #people aren't going to fully get it #its not intuitive from a western perspective #It's really hard to get the full meaning of SSSCRH if you have no familiarity with Buddhism #bc suffering (and delusion and nothingness and oneness) mean diff things in buddhism than in english #theres other buddhist stuff like responsibility to the whole and the community but this was long enough already #the few ppl talking about it have good takes but I think ppl miss how #kgj isnt depressed and he doesnt kill himself from self-sacrifice #he's not kdj or cale #he only truly commits suicide (throws his life away) once which was from part percieved worthlessness of his own life #and big part EXTREME FUCKING PETTINESS NEXT LVL PETTINESS INSANE PETTINESS #every other time he kills himself is from his EXTREME goal oriented behavior #as usual there seems to be a dialogue with the rest of its genre #specifically the extreme egocentrism and selfishness of its genre and other OP protags #(which cale has a hilarious relationship w/)#(ur doing amazing honey i know this upsets you)#my asks #and theres also a conversation with buddhism itself anyway #i love orv but this is so much better on so many levels and its being slept on smh #nobody is going to read this its way too long but you know. its not ABOUT you.

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rochenn · 2 months

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lets go with 4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person? for the violence ask game - your choice on if you name them or not

Absolutely not naming anyone but there used to be this person reblogging some of my Obi-Wan art. All the drawings they reblogged were on the horny side of things so ofc their tags were horny too (which is great, go hog wild etc) but they also ALWAYS involved fantasies featuring Anakin which. is definitely something to maybe keep to another post but go off I guess? They were clearly enjoying my work and they were just one person so who cares, right?

Anyway. Flash forward to them reblogging a drawing of TPM-era Obi-Wan and thirsting in the tags as is their God-given right to do except I wish it wasn't because the thirsting involved TPM-era Anakin this time. I have seen enough. And I think that person had also seen enough of my art lmao. Blockeéd 🗿

#ask #choose violence ask game #always remember that the long-suffering op of a post is subjected to all your words #choose them wisely #and maybe make your own E-rated post about your more questionable predilections so grandpa (me‚ age 21) doesnt have a fit <3

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lord-squiggletits · 2 months

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"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.

One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority

#it's wrong on so many levels both in terms of lore and as well as like what the general themes of idw1 are #it's just a validation contest using the matrix as some magical symbol to decide who's the most special #which is ironically something that was a plot point in exrid/OP. specifically how stupid of an idea that is ldskjflksd #ppl revealing that they havent read anything besides mtmte/ll as usual #like half the reason ppl think optimus is a bad prime and rodimus is a good prime is literally bc like #optimus was written by an author who was specifically trying to deconstruct him (sometimes to the point of absurdity)#and rodimus was written by an author who takes a more optimistic/idealistic approach. and is also better at writing #but also like am i seriously the only person who thinks that that argument is fucked up?????#like 'OP felt pain which means he's unworthy/not a real prime/not a true leader'#ok so you think that there's a hierarchy of moral goodness in which anyone who falls short of that Moral Ideal should suffer #as a sign of their unworthiness?? like does that not sound dystopian as hell to any of you?? why would you WANT the matrix to work like tha #even if the theory were true (which it isn't) why would you view the matrix as a good authoritative moral judge of character #if its idea of 'moral judgement' is to inflict pain on anyone who's supposedly not truly good/worthy #wasn't the entire point of the ending of LL (including rodimus being a good leader) that everyone is worth it?#like rodimus literally said 'you ARE damn well good enough' or something like that #so what? everyone else in the universe tries their best and that's enough but somehow when OP suffers it's like #a sign that he's not actually a good prime/leader?? we're really going with the punitive perspective purely for One Guy??#swear to god ppl are projecting their authority issues onto Optimus the way they shit on him for things they would excuse #if any other character did it #Optimus is uniquely deserving of pain/being marked as unworthy bc idk he was a cop once and that offends my delicate sensibilities #what's even funnier is how much harm was inflicted by rodimus as a captain sheerly due to his stupidity or ego but everyone forgives him #i guess bc as long as the matrix likes him that means he's valid no matter what he actually does as a person #WHICH IS SOMETHING IDW ITSELF ARGUED AGAINST BC A LOT OF THE PRIMES THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE MATRIX #WERE DICKS AND THE FACT THEY COULD WIELD THE MATRIX DIDN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE #like oh my god stop using the matrix as an arbiter of moral authority in idw1 it literally goes against the themes of the story #including the themes that are embodied in rodimus himself #idw op love

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mwagneto · 1 month

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The thing is that yes, 13 herself is good, but the show as a whole just wasn't great during her run. Something something there's a baby in this dumpster

yeah like i recognise that most ppl just disliked the show even if they liked her but that's like... almost worse to me? coz i rly love her seasons like i hate the big twist as do most ppl but like it's literally doctor who i'm used to bad decisions. but like the episodes themselves are fine? good even?? i mean there's some i think suck ass like rosa or kerblam but a lot of them are like really good??? and it literally just. makes me really sad that ppl put up with 6 seasons of moffat but literally immediately gave up on 13. like it was actually fucking insane to watch how hyped everyone (EVEN non dw fans) was about her turning into a woman and then the fandom just. disappeared. like idk obviously i cant fault anyone for liking/disliking whatever they want but it makes me so fucking sad.. i like her & her era so much and it seems like 99% of people are only willing to acknowledge it even exists when they wanna make a gender joke abt tennant or when it'd look weird to not include 13 so they include her even tho they know nothing about her or completely misinterpret her as a silly goofy friendly #girlie coz people are chronically incapable of engaging w text if it's a woman

#like again i cant. like. fault ppl for not liking it coz like ppl are gonna like what they like you cant force it #but it makes me so fucking sadddd she's everything to me....#we had a long ass convo abt this exact topic last night/this morning w 2 separate ppl so funny timing #but like tldr yeah i get that ppl dont like the episodes it just makes me really sad💔#especially since ppl are always willing to suffer through moffat but somehow not 13 ?? even ppl who hate the moffat era #and like at this point I'd rather ppl leave 13 out of things and say they hate women than see another one of #those character memes where op sorts every doctor into categories and somehow for some mysterious reason always #puts 13 as the fucking idiot dumbass who knows nothing #like it's just painful to me that's my girl and ppl are either unwilling to watch her or misinterpret her so much it becomes misogynistic #i got mail!#doctor who #13th doctor

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dreamlogic · 4 months

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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging

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arotechno · 1 year

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O. basilicum, part x

Whenever Frida was occupied with other business, it became Basil’s job to keep watch over Ace, one which he took rather seriously, if reluctantly. After all, it was one thing to miss a person. It was quite another to have him drop abruptly back into your life, bleeding and nearly-dead. It wasn’t exactly the ideal circumstances for a reunion.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Ace spent most of his time sleeping. When he wasn’t, he mostly just lay there quietly. He had always been the less outgoing of the two of them, always trailing behind and keeping everyone else in town at arm’s length. But around Basil, once they’d revealed their secret to each other, Ace had always opened up like a flower at the first sign of spring. Now, the silence felt oppressive. If Basil let it drag on long enough, his mind would drift back to all the things that frightened him. So he kept himself talking, even if Ace was barely keeping his eyes open.

“You would like the community garden,” he said. “I’ll show it to you soon. Maybe once you’re— you’re not listening at all, are you?”

“I am,” Ace insisted. He regarded Basil wearily from across the room, green eyes bloodshot and drooping. Basil wondered if he had looked that bad when he’d first arrived in Verdigris. Knowing how bruised and malnourished he’d been—and how small—he must have looked even worse.

What a terrible image.

Ace didn’t seem frightened, though. He never shied away from Frida or Basil. Instead, he only seemed to regard the situation with resignation. On a few occasions, Basil caught him staring straight ahead with a hardened expression, but he always dropped it the moment he noticed Basil enter the room.

Basil sighed.

“You really could have died, you know. It’s a miracle your lungs weren’t punctured.”

“I know.”

“Do you… want to talk about what happened?”

Ace slid his gaze away from Basil.

“No.”

Basil didn’t push him to talk. He briefly considered telling Ace everything, but then thought better of it.

“You’re lucky,” he said instead.

Ace barked out a laugh and then coughed weakly, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m serious. Most people wouldn’t survive a wound like that. We’re both lucky you did.”

“I don’t feel lucky,” Ace muttered.

Basil frowned. He stretched out his leg and the muscles twinged with the motion. Wincing, he rubbed at his knee.

“Well, whatever happened, you’ll be safe here,” he said. “I know Frida already told you that. But it’s nothing like Amistadia out here.”

Ace gave him an odd look. Then he turned away again, expression strangely wistful, laying a hand over his chest.

“You don’t know that,” he said softly.

Basil didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure what he should say. He wanted to grab Ace by the shoulders and shout at him, wished he could project eight years directly into his brain like a beam of heavenly light. He wanted to take his pale, clammy face between his palms and cry out, don’t you know we never deserved it? Don’t you know it was never true? Don’t you understand that this is what real acceptance and safety feels like?

But it didn’t seem proper. So, Basil said nothing.

“It’s not so bad,” Ace said. He shut his eyes and settled down into the blankets. “Amistadia.”

“What?” said Basil, but Ace had already drifted off. That tended to be the way their conversations went these last few days—he would stay awake for brief periods at a time, mostly listening to Basil run his mouth, only to fall asleep mid-way through a thought. Basil let out a sigh and rubbed at his eyes with the backs of his hands.

Sometimes, when he looked at Ace, all Basil could see was the child he’d once been, eyes blown wide with terror as he’d looked on from afar that day so many years ago. The boy that lay before him now was bigger and taller, with lean muscle that had to have come from years of archery practice. But though they were hardened now, those eyes were much the same. When Ace had opened them like a haunted corpse that first day, lying half-dead in a pool of his own blood, they had been unmistakable. Time and tide may have worn away much of their youthful innocence, but Basil would recognize those eyes anywhere.

He was ashamed to admit, even in the privacy of his own thoughts, that it frightened him.

Basil’s parents were dead.

This should not have been a surprise to him, and, in fact, it wasn’t. Basil had assumed them dead for years, because it had been easier than facing the alternative: that they had moved on without him.

However, when Ace revealed this fact to him, it reopened a jagged wound that had been left to fester for eight long years. Basil had never expected an answer. The reality of it—that they had been killed by the king’s royal guard, for the simple crime of letting Basil live—stung far more than he’d imagined it would. He’d assumed they were dead, yes, but he had never wanted it to be true.

It wasn’t the only thing Ace had told him. Once lucid, he had become somewhat of an open book, spilling to Basil with alarming desperation the path that had led him back home to Swallow’s Point. The path that had led him all the way to the castle, that distant towering spire that only seemed like a mirage to Basil now. The path that had led him to killing the king, avenging their parents’ deaths but sentencing himself to bleed out alone deep in the woods.

The whole thing made Basil’s head swim, made his blood run white-hot and his hands tremble. He wasn’t even certain what he was angry at, only that he’d tried so hard to run from this thing inside him, this guilt and shame he’d tried to escape from for years and years, with limited success, but could never truly shake. He didn’t even know what he was afraid of. That it was all his fault? That they’d come for him again? That this new life, the one he’d so carefully built, would crumble, leaving him with nothing once more?

After all that, Basil couldn’t find it within himself to tell Ace the truth: that the curse had never existed, and it didn’t matter.

He thought it best that Ace figure it out on his own. He felt guilty for the subterfuge anyway.

(As it turned out, Ace already knew, and had been struggling to keep it from Basil as well. They were, after all, both very well versed in keeping secrets. Just never from each other.)

The day Ace had his stitches removed, they set up a cot on the other side of Basil’s room for him, freeing up precious clinic space, should it be needed. Frida promised him a proper bed eventually, but Ace merely laughed awkwardly and waved the offer off.

Basil felt strangely embarrassed by the whole affair, surrounded by the humble array of possessions he’d amassed over eight years, while Ace occupied a corner of the room with his small cot and only a few hand-me-down shirts from the neighbors and a cloak to his name. He still had a quiver of arrows, but no bow. (Ann had offered to find him a replacement once he could shoot without ripping open a hole in his chest, but Ace had gone a little bit green at the suggestion. That made sense in retrospect, knowing what he’d done.)

The tension between them had eased substantially ever since they cleared the air regarding all that had transpired, but at times like this Basil still felt like Ace was the ghost he’d once assumed, passing through like a whisper until he was gone. If Basil so much as blinked, Ace would disappear again, fallen to some other sword, some other cruel twist of fate.

Basil was, by necessity, a stubborn optimist. But it didn’t stop the fear from strangling him from time to time, even still.

“Basil,” Ace said. “Basil. Hey.”

With a gasp, Basil jolted awake, hands wound tight around his quilt. The room was pitch black, the howling wind outside heralding the season’s first snowstorm. Basil blinked, willing his eyes to adjust to the darkness. His leg ached something fierce, and he curled in around himself with a stifled groan.

“Basil. Are you okay?”

Something touched Basil’s arm, and he flinched. The hand quickly withdrew.

“Sorry,” Ace said.

“Careful,” Basil coughed out. “I’ve been known to hit.”

(It was true—he had lashed out and smacked Frida once while coming out of a nightmare—but since he was twelve at the time and not particularly strong, he hadn’t left a mark.)

“Right, sorry,” Ace said again in a whisper. Basil couldn’t see him in the dark, but he could sense him there, just beside the bed. “Nightmare?”

“Hush,” Basil said. “Frida doesn’t know I still have them.”

“Why not?”

“She worries.” Basil shook out his hands. “You know how she gets.”

“Right.” Ace paused. “I have them too, you know. Always have, off and on.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Bertrand—the potion master I live with, you remember—I woke him more than once absolutely screaming.”

Basil took note of the use of present tense—live, he’d said—and breathed through a wave of nausea that passed over him.

“What— Can I ask— What are they about?”

“Well… You, mostly,” Ace confessed, the hint of a smile in his voice. “I never stopped wondering where you were, if you’d lived. What I could’ve done. Should’ve done.”

“You were ten years old, Ace.”

“So were you. You wanted me to run, I could tell. I shouldn’t have listened.”

“You couldn’t have done anything. I just didn’t want them to hurt you.”

Ace huffed. “You’re a better person than me, Basil. Always were.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Basil choked out, wrapping himself around his knees while the storm raged on outside.

“Why not? Basil, I killed a man.”

“He deserved it,” Basil shot back, briefly startled by the vitriol in his own voice.

“I don’t care,” Ace said, unfazed. “What good is petty revenge? I’ll bet you they’ve already crowned another. So what’s it matter?”

“I’m not what you think I am,” Basil said, blinking away tears. “I did this to us, Ace. None of this would have happened if I’d been a little more careful like I was told.”

“Scoot over.” The mattress dipped when Ace sat down, still unseen in the dark. “It’s not your fault. They were stupid kids just like us, cruel because they didn’t understand. That’s what you told me, remember? It was just a cruel lie. You didn’t deserve it. Neither of us did.”

“I know,” Basil whispered. A sob bubbled up out of his throat before he could squash it.

“Hey, you’re alright. It’s okay.”

“It’s just— Sometimes I get so angry, and it terrifies me. I don’t even know why I’m so mad. It’s like…”

“Like being strangled from the inside? By something you can’t control?”

“Yeah,” Basil said, sniffling. “Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

“C’mere,” Ace said softly, and before he could move, Basil launched forward in the direction of Ace’s voice. His arms found purchase around Ace’s back, and he clung tight, weeping, while Ace wrapped him in a hug in turn. He chose not to comment on the way Ace was trembling, just slightly, and if Ace noticed the same, he said nothing.

They stayed like that, in the dark while the wind rattled the windowpane, squeezing one another tight until all the pain was gone.

#*stumbles out of doc editor covered in blood* chapter's done #pain.#suffering even #aro #aromantic #aro writing #aro writers #writing #writeblr #o basilicum #the heartless #op #long post

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oldfashionedmorphine · 10 months

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i swear my mondays are always cursed

#my loupes battery didn’t work for my first patient #i know i need to replace it soon cause it’s not working like it should #but yeah it didn’t want to work so i suffered with the standard op light #only to try and charge the battery after the patient left and now suddenly it works #let’s see how long it lasts before it dies or something

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sleep-y-bones · 1 month

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it just feels like we're all living in some backwards unreal world, the way we're supposed to believe it's correct or normal to sit back and let genocide happen. over and over we're constantly seeing the cruelest things being done by israel to palestinians. then I walk in while my stepdad watches tv and the people on the news are like "the nypd was called to a college campus to save all of the poor little zionists who go there from reading signs saying genocide is wrong 🙏 thank god" and I just feel like I'm losing my fucking mind!!

#thankfully it seems like a lot of public opinion realizes this is all bullshit #but unfortunately it doesn't do much to stop biden from giving more money to israel #it feels so bleak but we can't lose the will to help fight for palestinians bc ultimately all that does is aid in the genocide against them #palestine will be free no matter how long it takes. I just wish it happened sooner so that there didn't have to be so much suffering #bug op #no reblogs on this one. I just had to get it out #and of course it's not just palestine that's facing cruelty or injustice. the congo and sudan. other places too I'm sure #it's just overwhelming. but again I can't give up on them or ignore it bc if it's hard to see how hard must it be to live through

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thescribblings · 2 months

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LONG POST AHEAD! All words and it's just about my lil au!

I've just gone through my tumblr blog and realised that i haven't actually posted about my theory (and au canon) about why nardo's ninpo was "broken" when he popped up in the present, so now I'm gonna infodump as much as i can remember about it!

How should i put this..

So, is his ninpo broken? No, but it is definitely damaged. I'll explain that in a sec, but first: what did he do to fuck himself up so bad?

He completely neglected his health, skipped meals, gave his rationed water to others, and completely ignored his need for rest and sleep. He didn't think this was a problem, especially when he started feeling less and less hungry, despite not eating properly. Less thirsty, even though he still wasn't drinking nearly enough. And less tired, despite staying up for days, at times.

Now, he didn't really notice this shift, and neither did anyone else with the uh, apocalypse going on. But what actually caused it?

His ninpo, of course! His ninpo started sustaining him, literally keeping him alive. It's kinda like his body switched to survival mode and just preserved itself with his little built-in life source!

Why is this so bad? Because it has severe consequences. One of the side effects of this is that during the decade where his body was forced to sustain itself, it got so used to him not eating, drinking and sleeping that when he got back to the present he couldn't eat proper food for weeks, and it took months before he could eat foods like pizza.

Hell, he couldn't eat a peach without throwing it back up 20 minutes later after being in recovery for two weeks, a peach.

But as i mentioned earlier, his ninpo dulled his hunger. So it even made him nauseous anytime he tried to eat more than once a day when he had access to food again, and it took a lot of trial and error to find the right routine for his recovery.

Now, it may have been sustaining him, but it was not doing more than the bare minimum, so he was, uh, severely underweight, to say the least.

But enough about that, his sleep. I've mentioned him basically not having a sleep schedule in previous posts, and here's why! He literally couldn't sleep due to his ninpo, he didn't feel tired until after long missions, and even then he couldn't sleep until he literally crashed, and went out like a light for the next day.

This let him handle a lot more work around the base, but it also made his insomnia absolute hell for him. Instead of your average insomnia, he, like i said, didn't feel tired whatsoever. And this didn't just magically go away when he was suddenly safe in the present. In fact, it still pops up in 'manic episodes' where he just.. stays up for a few days.

This is why he looks so chronically exhausted lmao, he's got some permanent eye bags for a reason

Little important info rq, in my au the brothers can boost each other! Physical contact is needed, so let's say donnie just used a lot of his ninpo energy creating a complex blueprint, and is now pretty drained. If leo reached out and pressed his finger on donnie's arm, he could actively send a flow of his own ninpo energy to replenish some of what donnie used up. In this scenario, after the boost, donnie's next few ninpo constructs would be Leo's electric blue instead of his pixelated purple! Until he's used up the boost leo gave him, that is. There is no limit as to how much they can boost each other, but they usually just use it as a pick me up during lengthy battles or in scenarios similar to the one i described here.

So, what does this whole situation mean for his portals and all that hamato stuff? Well, he couldn't talk to karai or communicate with his ancestors and fallen family members anymore whatsoever after his ninpo was drained for the first time, so he went about.. nine years without directly communicating with them before he had 'recovered' enough ninpo energy to speak with karai in the present (let's be real, he tried as soon as he had more than two grapes worth of energy stored up)

This impromptu (and secret) meeting with karai actually led to some rather plot heavy things happening as soon as he left the hamato minscape, but let's not talk about that yet.

What about his portals? So, he lost his ability to portal when he'd just turned thirty, and during those first 14 years of the apocalypse he gained experience and training, along with some rather impressive skills with his portals, and he greatly improved the size of his portals (this happened specifically when he lost raph) and the number of portals he can open at once, along with the precision of where and when they open and close.

He does regain his ability to portal when he's been given a boost by mikey, and he immediately tests it out by teleporting an apple around the kitchen in a showy manner. And i personally love the thought that his portals would mostly be mikey's fiery orange, with little swirls of electric blue throughout them when he does this

But! I've completely lost track of what i was typing, so let's get back on track.

One of the side effects is spazzy ninpo. long after he's recovered, if he uses up too much ninpo energy during a battle his ninpo will get spazzy for the next day or two, what this means is that it's basically switching between survival and rest every few minutes, making him crash over and over until his body and ninpo are both drained, and until his body remembers that it can just rest and replenish. A boost would help him recover faster, but usually, it's best to let his body figure it out on its own

Especially since nardo can be a bit of a workaholic at times, as you can probably tell if you've read this far. So if he's being forced to have a rest day or two by his fucked up ninpo after overusing it in battle.. i think he might need that rest.

Have nice day

Okay, so i can't remember what the exact reason for this post was, but hey, lore/infodump ig :]

Oh, and if he got cut off from his ninpo by the krang, he'd have died pretty early on in the apocalypse. Oh well, good thing that didn't happen, lmao

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